#251 – Gates

7 03 2012

The bogan has spent the last decade or so browsing for pornography via Microsoft operating systems, and the best part of five years lowering the general utility of social media via the very same platform. Its enthusiasm for Bill Gates’ recent endeavours to end Polio and AIDS has been far more muted, meaning that this is not the Gates that bogans love most. Bogan outrage towards the possible entry of non-bogans into Australia has often prompted the bogan to express desire for a gated fence to be installed 50km off the coast, but not even this is the bogan’s favourite gate. In those countless, fleeting moments where bogans are at their most agitated, they require a different gate altogether.

Your average, garden variety bogan knows and cares very little for the events that occurred in an American hotel in the early 1970s, which effectively caused the only resignation of a US President. Indeed, its first mental association towards the name “Deep Throat” came courtesy of aforementioned Gates’ operating system, and the bogan’s white-knuckled forays into digital adult entertainment. The other legacy of this American political scandal that did impact profoundly on the bogan’s lexicon was the realisation by journalists that things sound more notable when suffixed with “gate”.

Last week’s ill-advised but unremarkable babble about a soldier on daytime television was notable to the rest of us because it drew our attention to the fact that George Negus needs to sack whoever told him that this was the next leap forward in his career. But for the bogan, it became an exciting saga called Yumi-gate, where its initial rage at the sayer of inane rubbish spiraled into a week-long serial of drama, hatred, and eventual benevolent forgiveness.

Unsurprisingly for such a repetitious creature, this is not the first time that journalists have slammed the gate on an otherwise uninteresting story for the bogan. Countless other half-stories in years gone by have been made into complete stories by an ambitious journalist managing to paper over yawning chasms of relevance, significance, or rigour by stapling on this shithouse suffix. The fact that we can’t even list any of them is testament to how forgettable and tenuous this maneuvre truly is.

Ok, here’s one. In round 5 of the 2006 AFL season, a match went for 20 seconds too long because the siren wasn’t loud enough for the umpires to hear it. A goal was kicked during those 20 seconds, causing SIRENGATE, which journalists, football and non-football alike, trilled about giddily for the following 96 hours. No heads of state handed in their resignation, but for the bogan, Sirengate changed their lives forever. For a week.

One more. During the half time entertainment for the 2004 Super Bowl, Justin Timberlake tore off part of Janet Jackson’s costume, revealing parts of her breasts that had been seen before, along with a circular shield covering the part that was less well known. This created a furore known variously as Nipplegate, and Boobgate. Journalists couldn’t agree on what to call it, but knew that it had to end in gate. While uninterested in the Super Bowl, the bogan spent much time reviewing the footage online, as well as speculating in food courts, lunchrooms, and Irish-themed pubs nationwide about what “what this all means”, a phrase it borrowed from an earlier, more credible George Negus.

Do not show this entry to a bogan. It will trigger gategate, gategategate, gategategategate, and so on, a feedback loop that will exponentially gain enough idiotic mass to suck the universe into itself.


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566 responses

7 03 2012
Blueballs

Bogans are in a bind over this, after all, Yumi is a hot asian chick….

7 03 2012
Chris

Are you blind? She is butt ugly. She looks like that pickachu blood thing.

7 03 2012
Blueballs

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ….I like big foreheads, its a Klingon fetish

7 03 2012
Indignant Rant

Let us not forget the usage, and lampooning of Yumi’s name by inferring that it is actually pronounced “Yummy-gate”.

Probably caused all manner additional food court discussions.

7 03 2012
James Hunter

Well firstly I am glad to see you gentlemen “shutting the gate” on the rumour,greatly exagerated, that you had all passed beyond the “Pearly gates” . That you are here in the supposedly real world surely means that at least “entry gates” , “drafting gates” and “exit” gates should all be included in the “Maslows” Pyramid of Bogan Needs. The drafting gates are an established need in the various football leagues as much or more so then they are a necissity in the sheep and cattle yards of the nation.

The country as a whole could do with a drafting gate at Parliament house. polititians to the left honourable persons to the right. or should that be some honourable person to the right, if there is one.

The portals of entry to the nations houses of media could do with a similar one. destraate journalists to the left and again, an honourable one, dependent upon supply , to the right.

Gentle men you have stumbled upon , or should I say have discovered by diligent research and tiresome experiment, a way by which we may solve the social, fiscal, religious and political ills of Australia.

Thank. you.

Two of us are now living in the same apartment in suburban Ghana, recreating a little bit of the vibe of 2009, when all six of us were under-productive in a Melbourne office tower. It’s pleasing to be back! TBL

7 03 2012
Gary

I would hav thought the bogan forgave her because she was hot and (half) asain. But shes (sort of) successful and bogans hate women bieng better off than them so who knows. And the soldier protects them from non bogans

8 03 2012
p'bee

but she actually says stuff, and we all know a true hot asian chick is submissive and only speaks when spoken to.

7 03 2012
Cameron

Hmmm. Not the best to come back with after such a long time.

It’s ok, we figured out pretty early on that it’s not possible to please all of the people all of the time. TBL

8 03 2012
urbanreverie

Until this happened, I had never even heard of The Circle. Though from the sounds of it, there should be another word at the end of the title, four letters, begins with “j” and ends with “k”.

11 03 2012
Werdna

Jock?

8 03 2012
fghtme

The Circle. No extra comment needed.

8 03 2012
lheydon

Just noticed a brilliant bogan reference when reading the Wikipedia entry on Sirengate:

“…It later emerged that the time keeper had believed that the first siren had been acknowledged when he saw the Fremantle players celebrating the win and the umpire calling for the ball. He then began to do paperwork, paying no attention to the continuing match, and was not made aware that play was continuing until a spectator got his attention by striking his window with an empty beer can. He then sounded the siren a second time…”

(REF: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sirengate#Final_minute_controversy)

8 03 2012
martin

The libtards are crying sexism and racism because the bogans didn’t like Yumi’s sexist and racist comments. Everyone may as well just call each other a carnt and try and ruin each other’s livelihood for thought crimes instead of getting caught up in any sort of debate, it’s a waste of perfectly good brainpower that probably wouldn’t be used anyway.

I’d still do her though.

8 03 2012
martin

Welcome back TBL, hope you’re enjoying Ghana.

8 03 2012
Pandabater

New Top Gear & new TBL, all in 1 week.
Now I know how long “soon” is. ;-)

8 03 2012
James Hunter

panda…..long song sooon every body knows one.. !!…

8 03 2012
James Hunter

neil diamond.

9 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Bogans also like leaks. Remember dickileaks when a photo of a boofheads wang had bogans dribbling in their Nutrigrain. I’m told the most remarkable thing was he had a buzzolion.

Has George Negus gone senile?

9 03 2012
martin

What’s a buzzolion? I don’t think I want to know.

He’s not senile just in baby boomer bogan denial. Thinks he’s still a hard hitting journo even though his stories are the same old bogan crap you get on ACA and TT.

9 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It’s a Brazillian ya farkin idiot. Have a good weekend Martin, don’t get wet.

9 03 2012
martin

I’m going to try some G&Ts, I figure I should become less bogan with my drinking habits. But I’m not going to become a wine p00f like you.

9 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Hipsters love G&T’s.

9 03 2012
James Hunter

Simon, “buzzolion” you got me there. is that some new sort of electric guitar ?

9 03 2012
urbanreverie

It should be “Buzzilian”, which is how some bogans pronounce “Brazilian”. I agree with James, “Buzzolion” sounds like some ghastly early 20th century musical instrument which makes a noise something like a hybrid bagpipe-harmonica-accordion. “Ahh yes, my great uncle Clive used to play the buzzolion in the Newcastle Tramways Band during the Depression.”

9 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I’m blaming the iPhone for teh spelling.

9 03 2012
The Beef

I’ve either missed something, or George Negus’ relevance pre-dates my shallow, Gen-Y lifetime.

Welcome back TBL.

By the way, if Yumi is ugly, then I’m Quasimodo. And if you think her looks are relevant in this debate (or indeed relevant in any forum), then get a life!

The other thing to consider here is Yumi-gate seems to indicate that the merging of two vacuums (the Circle and it’s audient) can have positive mass. Weird I know.

11 03 2012
James Hunter

The Beef,
If you accelerated her piece of vacuum up to the speed of light it still would not have mass !! Just immagine, Yumi and the Circle visit The Large Hadron Collider !!!!

9 03 2012
Loftie

KONY-GATE??

Hey anyone else that’s been following this story pick up a strange link…

The Kony posterize day (April 20th) where they want everyone to paint the town in posters stickers and other paperbased rubbish… Is also a significant date…

Any guesses??

(It’s Hitler’s Birthday)…

9 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

*clueless to Kony-gate*

9 03 2012
James Hunter

cony island’s in new york? dont know if it has a gate ? maybe a turnstyle.

So to turn a style at coney gate may suffice ?

9 03 2012
Loftie

KONY 2012 – another thing BOGANS will LIKE….

9 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Loftie ya carnt, use your authorship skills and enlighten us.

9 03 2012
clipper

KONY 2012 – something to get the slacktivists all worked up – expect to see a petition in your in box soon.

9 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

As Germaine Greer once said ” no one is putting anything in my box”.

9 03 2012
James Hunter

Simon, let alone a partition in the box !! Now that could be divisive !!
Boom Tish !

Hmmm, Now I rember why I had my tounge split !!!!!

9 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Still got it JH.

9 03 2012
James Hunter

Ohhhh Yeh !!!!!

9 03 2012
martin

Only if they can get more facebook friends out of it and don’t have to spend any money. Only the libtards and hipsters will give money, maybe 5 bucks each. Then when they nail Kony some other tyrant will take power.

Maybe Geldof will do another concert. That’s what gen y bands need, more do-gooder cred.

10 03 2012
p'bee

noticed that immediately. one of the many really dodgy things about the kony 2012 campaign.

11 03 2012
moar caek

what the hell is kony?
srsly?

“don’t ask questions; go and find answers.”

11 03 2012
James Hunter

Moar,
Maybe it is some kind of quizz ? mid you you’d have to ask someone who gives a toss.

11 03 2012
moar caek

turns out KONY’s a very successful warlord from Uganda.
the campaign is intended at making people who were not sufficiently motivated to find time in their lives for a a decent news source up until this point aware that Most of Africa is a vicious, mediaeval rubbish dump.

let me just check what the top stories on news.com are right now…

MOST READ
1. Why I forgive the man who left me for dead
2. Mystery explosion caught on live TV
3. The swimsuit model, the boxer and the sex tape
4. News reader’s private conversation goes live to air
5. ‘Super lice’ leave parents scratching their heads
6. KONY 2012: the campaign that stopped the world

and something about someone getting caught wankng or something.
kony2012 = clearly pointless.

the rest of us knew about this shit as far back as Idi Amin and Cecil Fu#king Rhodes.
and we did nothing either because what the fu ck can you do?
Send in the UN and establish an international administration to oversee a socialised collective economy establishing primary infrastructure and basic social justice before transitioning to a free economy in twenty or thirty years?

somehow that would be wrong. apparently.

I’ve been sticking up posters saying “Free the Weed” for nearly thirty years, and whilst it’s garnered a lot of support, not much has really changed. the conclusion must be that it is of greater economic benefit to our society that the Weed remain unFree,
because that’s how we roll.
if there was a buck in it we’d be there. old mate even says so in his viral video.
the US will only get involved to protect it’s own economic interests.

Here’s some stats for a dynasty of warlords from another country: The Georges.

“results provide strong evidence that the Gulf war and trade sanctions caused a threefold increase in mortality among Iraqi children under five years of age. We estimate that an excess of more than 46,900 children died between January and August 1991.” (New England Journal of Medicine 1992;327:931–6.) http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/nejm199209243271306
emphasis is mine

a sample of george Jr’s work:

“The studies used a wide range of
methodologies, varying from sentinel-data collection to population-based surveys. Studies assessed
as the highest quality, those using population-based methods, yielded the highest estimates.
Average deaths per day ranged from 48 to 759. The cause-specific mortality rates attributable to
violence ranged from 0.64 to 10.25 per 1,000 per year.” (Iraq War mortality estimates: A systematic review
Christine Tapp et al ) http://www.biomedcentral.com/content/pdf/1752-1505-2-1.pdf

48 deaths per day (the most conservative figure) would put civilian casualties in excess of 80,000. up to 2008.

American War and Military Operations Casualties: Lists and Statistics
Congressional Research Service
Table 9. Persian Gulf War: Casualty Summary Desert Shield/Desert Storm
(as of January 29, 2010)

Total Deaths 1,948

Table 14. Operation Iraqi Freedom: Military Deaths,
March 19, 2003, Through February 6, 2010

Total 4,365

all pretty much just for the advancement of Bush Family and Assoc. interests.

Joseph Kony is an amateur. Joseph Kony is just anothercustomer. history will not remember Joseph Kony

here’s the truth:
“Deaths by Mass Unpleasantness: Estimated Totals for the Entire 20th Century … the 203 million multicides I’ve counted in the 20th Century would account for 3.7% of all deaths, or 1 out of every 27…”

http://users.erols.com/mwhite28/warstat8.htm#Total

you’re still more likely to be run over by the sleek luxurious new Honda Accord Euro Classic and have your face ground off on the bitumen in Geelong.

Don’t worry about joseph kony, he’s saving a whole generation of children from growing old enough to get cancer. click “like” and keep shopping.

11 03 2012
James Hunter

How much for the Meal Deal ?

11 03 2012
Mick

Chubby, it’s the new internet-information world.

The side with the best media management/hypocrisy always wins.

12 03 2012
p'bee

all true, a few more things about kony the campaign conveniently downplays/ignores:

he’s no longer in uganda and hasn’t been for years.
the lra hasn’t been active in uganda since 2006.
the ugandan military has done the exact same things as kony.
local ugandan’s don’t like this campaign.

still people will feel all self-righteous for posting a facebook status and (maybe) buying a wristband.

13 03 2012
moar caek

well, I’d still get a wristband…
you can’t be too cynical.

9 03 2012
Blueballs

Kony needs to get an new schtick , Angelina Jolie has been pinching African kids for the last 15 years

10 03 2012
Shirley M.

Absolutely hate the ‘gate’. Lazy, lazy, journalism. Remember ‘utegate’ during the Kevin07 campaign? Do they do this in other countries, or just Australia?

10 03 2012
martin

I didn’t pay much attention because it was about some piece of shit 20 year old ute if I remember right. Also because Kev was gonna be cool, but then he wasn’t.

17 03 2012
Jimmy

It’s fairly big where it started in America, zippergate, nipplegate, etc.

10 03 2012
martin

I saw the guy with the “F#ck up” tatt on the back of his neck again. God hates me.

Some c#nt is practicing drums near by. Anyone younger than me should not be able to be an annoying little prick like I was. At least I could play a f#cken song. He/she is just bashing them, hold a beat you bogan.

Sydney traffic is so shit, but at least the drivers are civilised, waves traded for courtesy about 5 times today. Apart from the c#nt who barged in front of me with no indicator and had a smokey exhaust, so I had to put the windows up and put up with the p00fy sterile air con. He was probably from Adelaide.

Salami is so bogan but f#ck it tastes good, I don’t know where the w0gs get their energy from eating so much crap.

This is like a Twitter post. Twitter is bogan but at least I can pretend I am Ricky Gervais’ friend.

10 03 2012
urbanreverie

And, better late than never, it’s time for this week’s episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/episode-57-out/

(Warning: Strong adult themes.)

10 03 2012
James Hunter

Urban, where the hell you been ?
hope your hanging well !
will have to read your post tommorrow.
cheers

11 03 2012
urbanreverie

G’day James,

I’ve been here all along! The Bogue & Boguette Show has been chugging along with a new episode every week, except for a break over Xmas & New Year. Things are generally hanging OK. I’m back at uni for my final year.

How’s things with you? Still entertaining the cheering hordes at the circus?

11 03 2012
moar caek

I recall the erstwhile princess diana of wales being involved in a few ‘gates back when she was a hapless lolcow and coathanger.
not many people remember her now, but a few years ago she choked to death on an egyptian man’s penis and was subsequently canonised by some miliners and Fleet Street.
I dont think we have that here…
anyway,
she had one called Squidgygate I think. Remember the time her husband was recorded bleating about felching whatever peri-menopausal sludge was lurking up that old horsey woman’s dessicated baby hole?
Or was that prince phillip?
didn’t he call a stockbroker a ‘coon’ or something?
Royls are always good for some manufactured outrage.

y’know, I know the original ‘gate happened at the Eponymous Hotel in washington, I know who lost his job over it and I even know that some long-haired freak called Bob Woodward was one of the cats who broke the story, but I have no idea what actually happened there.
and I have never felt like even looking it up.
amazing huh?

11 03 2012
Mick

Prince Philip eh? I like him.

Things Mick Likes #1 – Farts.

http://jokes.squirrelgate.com/Royals/index.html

13 03 2012
moar caek

farts are hysterical. funniest thing ever. one of the best things about having a baby is all the farting. I can’t wait until she’s old enough to pull my finger.

14 03 2012
moar caek

research from the field Mick…
I’ve got Bub on my lap as I type, I just let rip with a mighty morning meaty guff: the baby throws a little startle reflex and then starts giggling.
Conclusion.
Farts are instinctively and innately funny. The ability to find humour in flatulence is a defining characteristic of high functioning organisms.
Q.E.D.

11 03 2012
martin

I think they stole some documents from the Democrats. Hard core. That Frost-Nixon movie was pretty cool, but I couldn’t get into the Dustin Hoffman/Robert Redford movie.

I like the Royals, because they’re just bogans but are smart enough to know it. However I want to shove a Big Mac or ten down Kate’s throat.

12 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I reserve a special loathing for Princess Di and the creative industry behind her, then and now. Even more than I hate old horseface Sarah Jessica Parker

13 03 2012
moar caek

hey Si, I keep forgetting to tell you, I think I saw your training partner in town on a black fuji about a month ago. If you ask her she might remember – I was the guy in the black land rover who pulled up next to her at the lights bellowing “CHUBBY BLOODFART!” and pointing at myself. Although she was in a bit of a hurry so maybe she didn’t notice – she took off without even waiting for the lights to change.

13 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://www.bicycles.net.au/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=22013&start=1425

I assume you mean this one in the link, pink top a few posts down. She did mention being startled and something about farting blood, foam around the mouth, it was all a bit confused really.

I keep my eye out for the angora lone wolf kit, but no luck so far, are you coming racing soon?

13 03 2012
moar caek

what girl in the pink top?
I couldn’t see her. Just a stack of logs.
and people talking about gary niewand.
do you train with gary niewand?
sooooo busy Simon.
I’m a Yooni Schoodent now.
plus bringing home the bacon full time.
after sexing the cannabis and getting the dogs waxed, the rest of my free time is spent staring at Ch’i’ese CyuppehhX and thinking that christians are idiots.
I rode to work for a while but it was really hard to keep the ladders balanced. Plus it wore out all the little wheels on my tool box and Nutty was just losing too much weight. So the Shogun is looking a little rusty.
plus I have to get new razors and this sort of weather is not good for angora, really low humidity like this could make the gusset pill.
a lot of people don’t realise that.

13 03 2012
James Hunter

Moar, you are so right,
There is nothing like a
Pilled Gusset
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14 03 2012
moar caek

jesus James I thought you would have lost all sensitivity down there years ago…
It’d be like like 12ounce leather by now wouldn’t it?

13 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Ladders? Are you building a pyramid scheme Chubs?

14 03 2012
moar caek

nah, I’m a Social Climber.

11 03 2012
Mick
11 03 2012
martin

TBL #2123452 – Productivity.

Which to the yogans means paying people less and working them harder so they can have even more money, or, save themselves from the abyss of any GFC2 that might occur.

I hope the bogans don’t swallow it, shoot themselves in the foot and vote for Abbott.

11 03 2012
Mick

It is an appalling truth that Australia really doesn’t understand what productivity is. That’s because we’re bogans. We want to see everybody working hard except for ourselves, ’cause everyone else is a bludger. No point in making it easier to do a job. That’s for p00fs.

Speaking of productivity, I’m going on a Porsche factory tour in Stuttgart in September. The Germans are good at productivity. I’m very excited. Not about productivity. The Porsche thing.

I’m bragging about it like only a bogan can.

11 03 2012
martin

Sounds good. Did you see Foreign Correspondant covering Germany the other night?

They just do it, then when they’ve done it they don’t get caught up in greed and corruption they just keep on doing it. Amazing concept. I don’t think Machy wrote about it so the yogans have no idea. Nor did Marx so it’s lost on the bogans too.

12 03 2012
Mick

That the one about Bavarian companies? Yeah, I did.

Germans are smart. How did they manage to lose so many wars?

12 03 2012
martin

Pretty crap place to be if you want to dominate the world. Marxists on one side, greaseballs on the other and underneath you.

They lost ww1 because America looked like losing it’s money it lent the poms and the others.

13 03 2012
urbanreverie

I just watched it then, Martin. Not a bad story.

Though it should be kept in mind that while Bavaria and other southern states are prosperous, other parts of Germany (eastern Germany, Bremen, the North Rhine industrial heartland, etc.) are less so. Unemployment is a massive problem in some northern and eastern areas.

Still, it’s nice to know that there’s still a culture on this planet in which thrift, discipline and foresight are valued.

And Bavaria doesn’t have much in the way of natural resources either. Heaven forfend the day when Australians will have to earn their keep through wits and ingenuity like the Bavarians, Danes, or South Koreans.

12 03 2012
Mick

Shit, no I’m not…it’s the museum. The factory thing is still relying on numbers.

Damn.

13 03 2012
moar caek

I hope the Tele keep up with this one, I’m fascinated to see if having that much Fat is enough to make wimmin overlook the fact that you have a head like a busted arse and use buckets for furniture.

11 03 2012
Mick

Popped collars. Check.
Hat back to front. Check.
The Living End and Hilltop Hoods. Check.
‘…onslaught of pumping acts…’ Check.
Huge sunglasses. Check.
Lashings of blond hair and bright teeth. Check.
Powerband. Not sure but I’ll give it a check. Check.
MaxXxtreme pic of maxXxtreme fun. Check.
Pandora bracelet. Not sure but check. Check.

I’m calling it.

http://www.themercury.com.au/article/2012/03/11/308461_entertainment.html

11 03 2012
urbanreverie

What are you doing reading a Tasmanian newspaper, Mick? Everybody knows that not much happens in Tasmania. ;)

11 03 2012
Mick

Urban, I’m a huge fan of Tasmania. Think I might live there one day. Now that I’m passing middle age I realise that nothing happening is good. And they’re mostly OSB down there. I feel at home there. Plus I’m teaching myself to play the harmonica. It just feels right to play the blues in Tasmania.

What I was interwebbing Tassie about was a bike ride. I think I would like to take a few weeks to pedal around the island. The festival caught my eye and I couldn’t resist.

11 03 2012
urbanreverie

Yeah, it’s sad that not even the Apple Isle is safe from those bogan-ruined music festivals.

BTW, if you want to ride a bike in Tassie, you might be interested in this!

http://www.evandalevillagefair.com/

11 03 2012
Mick

Oh wow! That’s about the time I’m planning.

Gertie the Clown and face-painting as well! I’m in!

11 03 2012
martin

Things bogans don’t like:

http://fairgoforbillionaires.com.au/fairgo/

Cool ads.

13 03 2012
moar caek

stop the presses
*yawn*
kyle sandilands threatens biography

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/sydney-confidential/day-fm-and-australias-got-talent-judge-kyle-sandilands-memoir-to-burn-everyone/story-e6frewz0-1226297529942

he’s gonna tip the dirt on his “parent’s fighting” apparently.
sounds epic.
I think it will be good for Kyle to watch the entire first print run being pulped after only managing to sell three copies.

13 03 2012
moar caek

wait!
skip that liink and check this one instead.
a picture is truly worth a thousand words.
Party at Kyle’s Pad.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/insider/gallery-e6frewt9-1226089733356?page=1

13 03 2012
moar caek

Kyle is clearly the supermassive black hole at the centre of the boganoverse.

13 03 2012
p'bee

what has been seen cannot be unseen.

13 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’ve seen that before, f*ck me what a bunch of tools. I’m sending the the link to Hot Chicks with Douchebags!

Someone needs to glass the carnt.

14 03 2012
moar caek

am I reading this wrong or was that a sort of portable pole dancing pole? some sort of demountable apparatus? Did Kyle Sandilands hire a pole dancing pole for the night/week/whatever?
I can’t think which is more crass; hiring a pole dancing pole or actually having one installed in gilt and velvet rococo with turned louis quinze lion’s feet to match the rest of your hollow, gaudy pastiche pad.
Part of me wishes I had been there just to secretly shit in a drawer somewhere. Or maybe under a rug.

14 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I thought the pole was a permanent feature. Coz Kyle is that kind of guy to think that is all sheilas are good for.

Maybe lay a quiet grogan under his satin sheets. You just know he has satin huh.

14 03 2012
moar caek

lol
I haven’t heard the word grogan for far too long.
I challenge everyone to use the word grogan today.
It’s onomatopoeic isn’t it?
“Grrooogaaaan… *splash* ”

and satin…
it’s tarted up nylon isnt it? I can’t think of a more inappropriate manchester fabric. pure clarse.
I’d make myself a summer satin speed suit Simon, but I suspect it would slip off the seat.

14 03 2012
James Hunter

Simon,
Terry toweling sheets. They are the way to go.
Pleanty of traction
Pleanty absorbant.
Need I spell it out ?

14 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

No JH, no you don’t.

14 03 2012
martin

That’s probably all the girls who like Kyle *are* good for.

I remember back in the 80s when grogans were all over the street. It was a sign of manliness to hoik up a golly. Lots of dog shit on lawns too.

14 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

F*ck you Martin, you’re probably right. You would need to be a true dishlicker to want to spend time with Kyle.

Could drop a duke into his pantry.

14 03 2012
moar caek

…back one out in the garage

14 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Snap off a turtlehead in the sauna………

14 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Drop a Chud down the laundry chute..

14 03 2012
moar caek

leave a steamer on the stove.

14 03 2012
moar caek

poo in his portico

14 03 2012
Whistling Nixie

…Give birth to a blind mullet…

14 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Lay a log in the Living Room

14 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Choke off a Chockito in the Cellar.

14 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Birth an Arse Burner on the Bureau.

16 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Chop out a crap in the cabinetry.

14 03 2012
moar caek

lay a cable in a cupboard

14 03 2012
moar caek

back when I was an angry young man I shit on someone’s windscreen once. it’s ok, I knew the guy. pure 24kt Tool. not even a tool really, more of just a broken handle. a stick.
and a friend of mine was evicted from a backpacker’s hostel in Spain once so he laid a classic healthy fat turd on a plate and put it in the microwave and dialled up the maximum time on it. It was a working place in the wine country or something, so the place was deserted at midday when he did the deed. Two other mates who were with him but weren’t evicted checked out the next day they said the stench was so bad and that pervasive. Apparently once the source was located it had shrivelled to a tiny grey peanut shell size. I’m cracking up laughing just remembering being told the tale.
I would have put the evidence on a necklace.

Martin we seem to be at cross purposes on the definition of grogan…

14 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Martin is usually at cross purposes.

*see U2 vs Nickleback argument*

14 03 2012
martin

Wot? One band is as good as The Beatles, and any of the other greats like Led Zep, the other is f#cken gay as.

You can’t just hide behind the Pixies your whole life and pretend to know what good music is.

F#ck you!

I never really knew the Pixies, I suspect they’re a band a lot of bogans like so they can make out like they’ve got awesome taste.

15 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

TBL#5374-TheBeatles

16 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

This is why you’re not getting any Martin.

“One in eight music fans will decide not to sleep with you if they discover you like Nickelback, suggests a survey.

And they’d actually be LESS turned off if you were into Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga or Katy Perry.

The arena pop-rockers have been named the number-one passion killers in music, ahead of Coldplay, U2 and Creed plus a stack of chart-fodder outfits.

The information was revealed by users of Tastebuds.fm, a website which matches single people according to their musical preferences. “

16 03 2012
martin

Blah. 4%. They’re probably libtards, I can always get along with libtards by stirring them up, or getting myself a pair of thick glasses.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/news/general_music_news/nickelback_no_1_passion-killers.html

The reason I’m not getting any is because I’ve still yet to sell out and buy me a boguette. I probably never will, I quite like being bitter. Hot chix who aren’t bogans are as rare as hens teeth and they be yogans anyway so I can’t afford one.

16 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
16 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Opps, I didn’t realise it was THAT kind of site, just thought the slogan was funny.

16 03 2012
martin

I could just become a Muslim. Libtards LOVE Muslims.

I could be a Muslim U2 listener, I could have multiple libtard wives like in that TV show that’s on one of the libtard channels. Rad.

16 03 2012
martin

See this is the sort of thing you get to bang if you are banging a libtard, but I still think you can’t beat yogan puss. You just have to sell your soul to get it. Blessed are those who never had one.

14 03 2012
martin

That is f$cken hilarious. Very bogan, but hilarious.

Um, I thought a grogan and a golly were the same thing, just a big gob of phlegm.

14 03 2012
James Hunter

Martin,
That was a very Phlegmatic comment ?

14 03 2012
martin

It almost makes me wish I had a chest infection.

14 03 2012
martin

Ok, you’re right Chubs, it’s poo. But we used the term to describe particularly sizable and fleshy gobs of mucous and phlegm that had been dejected from it’s creator. A golly would just be a standard and insignificant size.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=grogan

15 03 2012
moar caek

aaah…
TBL once again has embiggened us all.
one of those delightful little interstate cultural differences.

14 03 2012
urbanreverie

And the grumpy old c#$ts in one’s neighbourhood fighting a never-ending battle against dog turds by using recycled 1.25 litre bottles of No Name soda water filled with tap water strewn across their front lawns in strategic places. Don’t forget those bottles, Martin! Truly a great souvenir of suburban life in the 1980s.

I haven’t seen soft drink bottles filled with water in front yards since the mid-90s. And I haven’t seen many dog turds since then either. Perhaps the bottles worked and natural selection has forced poopy dogs to stay in their kennels cowering in fear, whimpering away with forepaws over their eyes, for two decades. Or maybe people really ARE becoming more civilised and picking up after their pooches. By the way, why DID those nuggets on front lawns turn powdery white all the time?

14 03 2012
martin

Yes, thank you for that. That would have made a good album cover. A dog turd and a bottle on the lawn.

Whenever I walked my dog whenever he started sniffing around too long I just pulled him along. I ain’t picken up no shit.

Alas clean lawns came too late for me as I got plenty of dog turds squished between my toes and on the bottom of sneakers as a kid.

Funny how now we have clean lawns you never see kids playing tip and shit anymore. They just seem to potter around. Pussies. They should be getting into fights and starting bonfires.

15 03 2012
moar caek

perhaps dogs don’t shit on lawns because there’s no-one to step in them anymore. dogs just think it’s pointless now.

15 03 2012
moar caek

the nuggets go white so they explode when you hit them with the mower. well, they used to.

is it a phosphate thing? dog guano?

16 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You remind me of a favrit childhood game. Accumulating dog poo and putting it on the lawn of said grumpy neighbour, hide and laugh at the head scratching and ranting against this enormous pack of dogs who don’t respect the bottle barrier.

22 03 2012
Brain Fart

White dog poop on nature strips and footpaths, were called “Barker’s Eggs” in my day. Woooof…

22 03 2012
Brain Fart

And beware boys and girls confuse “Barker’s Eggs” with Easter Eggs at your… own peril

16 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

…Life isn’t fair.

14 03 2012
Twiggy Forrest

This reporter suggested ‘waitergate’ but was shouted down at the press club

15 03 2012
James

It would be hard to go past Ms Stynes as the complete bogan princess. This particular sub-set of boganry has infested the screens for eons, initially as “weather girls”, and later as morning or afternoon “presenters”.

The prime requisite is to be one of the sub-set pack; an innate ability to latch onto any ratbaggery, as in Cpl Roberts-Smith’s ( VC) case, particularly if its encouraged by some old peasant Leftie who compares his own bravery with the VC awardee.
A vacuous and inane personality lends itself well to being manipulated by other bogans, until you have the spectacle of who can ramp up the denigration more quickly. What fun..

If the unfortunate Ms Stynes is still employed by TV, it must be a matter of short time before she’s doing infommercials for the House of Chanelllle Hair Removal.

16 03 2012
Big Panda
16 03 2012
p

‘sentimental meaning’…ha!

16 03 2012
martin

It’s a tactic against overpopulation. Nobody wants to be anywhere near anybody with a rats tail. You need at least a 50km buffer to not feel bad.

16 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

And its name is Harley too. Jesus.

18 03 2012
daffodilsareyellow

“We pay a fortune already in school fees. A lot of people can’t afford leather shoes – only the normal sneakers,” he said.

“I’d understand if it was a private school, but it’s not.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t the fees in public schools voluntary? Surely he can’t pull the “we pay a fortune” card? What would the fees be anyway?

18 03 2012
p'bee

They’re both voluntary and generally pretty low. This family has a strange definition of what a ‘fortune’ is.

16 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

There is one “Gate” bogans can’t stand – gates in airports.

I was in Bangkok in January on the way back from India and I had Mama and Papa Ash with me. (I had flown out myself a few days after them). Naturally, at this time of year the Bangkok/Sydney flight was full of bogans. The amount of bitching the carnts do in gates is unbelievable.

Just for the record, I got fired from my job two days before I went to India (the IT nerds found out that I had pornographic images of myself on the internet and that was against company code of conduct or shit) and was spending an extra night in Thailand with my last paycheck and a redundancy payout sloshing around in my plastic cards.

Therefore yes, everything you can imagine Your Ash doing in Bangkok for a night was done to the point where I was in a booze-fueled coma for the entire flight to India and had some explaining to do when I got there. And I gotta say, those Kathoey ladies know how to give good head.

16 03 2012
martin

Welcome back Ash ya carnt. I woz wondering where you woz.

Were you uploading to redtube from work?

18 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Nope, but they were on my Twitter page which I had accessed at work.

I’d forgotten but the IT nerds never miss anything. Carnts.

And I’ve just been being Ash full time.

16 03 2012
urbanreverie

And it’s time for this week’s episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

And this week – we delve deep into Bogue & Boguette’s very insightful and perspicacious approach to financial planning, household budgeting and debt management!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/03/16/episode-58-sugar-and-spice/

16 03 2012
martin

Things bogans (who have investment properties and or are in the development industry), yogans (who have investment properties and or are rusted on Liberal Party f#cktards) and far left libtards like – population growth.

Economic benefits debunked:

http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/3889118.html

18 03 2012
martin

Have youse seen the Bondi Hipsters?

Sick.

18 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Are they mates of Ash? He lives at the beach.

18 03 2012
martin

Nah I think Ash hates hipsters.

This would be more like one of Ash’s mates

18 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Naaaah Simon, I glass carnts like them.

My mates will be coming to a TV screen near you soon.

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/the-shire-tens-new-tv-reality-show-20120318-1vd7v.html

I’m a bit appalled, but mostly ready to PMSL.

18 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I couldn’t watch it Ash, even for Lol’s. That stuff just makes me angry, life’s too short to spend on giving those c#nts oxygen. I’m serious when I say I would glass em, and I’m the most passive bloke you will meet. ( Don’t tell anyone, you’ll ruin my street cred).

18 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

If there were TBL shirts, I would be going all out to wear one and get my sexy face on camera. As it is I’ll probably just settle for my #NBHNC one. If you don’t know, trust me when I say not to Google or ask questions.

(This is in no way an attempt to get a Things Bogans Like T-shirt).

19 03 2012
p'bee

I was on my way here to suggest you try out for it – you are a Shire boy, after all.

19 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Nah p’bee, I lack the proper orange hue. My tan is a product of genetics rather than excess sun exposure. Plus I live in Brighton these days, which is pure wogan. And I’m developing some tendencies of theirs myself (paying for everything in cash, calling shit hektic and fully sick even more)

Too bad Ten took down the promo video before I could post it here. If anyone’s seen it you know it’s going to be great. There’s a girl who used to go out with a guy I played footy with who claims that she aspires to be a porn star. According to old mate her head-giving skills are not quite what are required for this profession.

Seriously, does anyone discuss smut and perversion quite as eloquently as me?

19 03 2012
daffodilsareyellow

One thing really jumped out at me in that video and that was the whole gluten free issue. I have just been diagnosed with fructose malabsorption and had to go through a colonoscopy/gastroscopy and multitude of blood tests to rule out celiacs and other more sinister findings. Along the way, I could not believe the amount of self diagnosed celiacs, lactose intolerants, fructose intolerants and all manner of other intolerants I ran into. It is impossible to self diagnose these things of course and it is not any healthier to eat gluten free unless you are a celiac or have fructose malabsorption.

The worst and most irritating was Miranda Kerr spouting off about feeding baby Kerr a gluten free birthday cake for his 1st birthday. I am pretty certain that this baby is not a celiac, so there was absolutely no reason for her to feed him a gluten free cake as it is no healthier than a regular cake for a normal child. It annoys the shit out of me because they see it as trendy!

19 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

My favourite vegetarian Chinese restaurant uses gluten as a meat substitute. I like it. Fark them coeliac carnts.

19 03 2012
daffodilsareyellow

http://celebritybabyscoop.com/2012/01/13/miranda-kerr-on-flynns-happy–healthy-1st-birthday

Just read the comments that follow the article. TBL could do “gluten free” as a header. Mind you, the whole food intolerance thing is probably more bogan than the “gluten free” thing. The hipsters and trendies are more into the gluten free thing.

I work with children and it is interesting how a child will have an allergy or intolerance, but if we then have to exclude the poor mite from participating in having some cake or lolly when a child has a birthday, their parents seem to “forget” and get upset that their child was unable to have it. We always make sure to give out the goodies when the children are going home so that the children are not eating it in front of them. The genuinely allergic children’s parent’s never make a fuss and are always grateful for the extra effort. I work in a kindergarten rather than a daycare centre, so I pity those poor workers who have to put up with it day in and day out.

19 03 2012
p'bee

I’m with you on that, daffodils. I’m diagnosed coeliac, went through the whole fun of gastroscopy, colonoscopy and intestinal biopsy, to now spend $7 per loaf of bread and never get to eat another Tim Tam in my life. And these people adopt it as a short-term bandwagon, except they’ll keep drinking beer, and wouldn’t bother reading the labels of chips/lollies/chocolate/icecream or other not so obvious things that can contain gluten. I have a special hate for people who do the gluten-free-as-a-trend thing.

19 03 2012
daffodilsareyellow

Hats off to you p’bee. I was relieved to find out that I didn’t have coeliacs. However fructose malabsorption has its own fun issues.

I had a funny conversation with a woman in Safeway recently. I was with my son who is one of those people who very much relies on scientific based proof. He is doing a Bachelor of Science at Uni. Anyway, we were looking at the Macro products as it was all new to me and trying to work out a cake mix that would be OK. Mind you, most things are OK for fructose intolerance. This woman recommends a cake mix and I ask her whether she is a coeliac. She tells me that she self diagnosed a couple of years ago and has never felt better since giving up lactose, gluten and something else. I can’t remember the last thing because my 18 year old son started making this strange noise he makes when he is trying not to laugh and I nearly lose the plot myself. I just cannot handle these self diagnosed coeliacs anymore. They drive me nuts!

19 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Daf, read entry 93 – Spurious Allergies.

19 03 2012
daffodilsareyellow

Thank you. I do not know how I missed it! Some of the comments got me to thinking about my other pet peeve – ADHD!!!!!!! In my line of work, this one is a beauty! Anyway, I wont get started on that one because I could go on all day. Needless to say, I often wonder how that little epidemic started and why it is more common in bogan suburbs.

19 03 2012
James Hunter

Daffy,
In Bogan suburbs everything is much more “Common”
!

19 03 2012
James Hunter

Simon,
The Idiots that buy a foot long Sub and wash it down with 1,25 Ltr of coke.
Way to go!

19 03 2012
daffodilsareyellow

Ah yes, Subway! Didn’t they do a marvellous campaign convincing people that their food was actually healthy! Remember Jared who supposedly lost all that weight by eating Subway? Somebody forgot to tell the bogans that it was only a tiny proportion of the subs that you can actually eat – you know, the ones without the fat and the dressings. I laugh my tits off when people tell me they are going to eat Subway “because it’s healthier”

22 03 2012
Brain Fart

Wot about the super fat carnts, who scoff down two big mac’s with large fries and then order a diet coke at 8am in the morning????????????

22 03 2012
martin

Yeah those carnts are g@y. Lite this low fat that, still a fat carnt. Just because you have lite milk in the fridge doesn’t mean you can eat 10 kilograms of food a day! Bogan as hell.

22 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Sugar makes you fat, not fat. Tis just a marketing ploy to make boombahs feel like they are doing something..

22 03 2012
martin

So fat doesn’t make you fat? So I can go and eat fried chips all day? Idiot.

22 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

It’s not quite that simple dude but try this. With what you are eating now, go low fat for a month. Measure weight loss. Then bring back the fat and cut out sugar for a month. Measure again. I guarantee then no sugar diet will give you the higher weight loss.

Of what we eat sugar calories are easiest for the body to store, as fat. So f*CK you Martin. I know this sh$t. That’s why I weigh 69kg at 180 cm and never have low fat anything. Moron.

22 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

How do you like them Apples!

22 03 2012
James Hunter

Simon, I think you said it realy well and with a lot of restraint.
The high sugar diets , yes it is easy to store as fat, it is used almost unchanged for energy, it causes massive insulin reaction that over a period of an hour or so will push the body into a low blood sugar position that makes you feel hungry so you go have another great gulp of sugar.
When combined with caffine in coffee of coala or mother or whatever you get a double effect. the caffine makes the liver dump sugar into the blood agravating the situation . Or compounding it or potentiating it . whichever terminology suits the occasion.

22 03 2012
martin

69kg? Lol. You’re a featherweight, f#ck you! I hope you enjoy living until you’re 120.

Fat still makes you fat though doesn’t it. So you’re still an idiot.

Don’t call me dude.

22 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Sorry dude, simplistically fat can make you fat, but the main reason for the current obesity epidemic is not fat, it’s sugar. Plus everyone being lazy dropkicks. JH is right too, eat a sugary thing and there is no long term saity, you are hungry again pretty quick. Fat at least helps fill you up.

Here’s a song for you.

22 03 2012
James Hunter

No long term saity. Hmmm
you nearly had me there. first read i read that as
No long term sanity.
I immediately went Yea, Simon is realy on the ball !!!!

22 03 2012
moar caek

Lets not forget Teh Piss Simon. If I’m feeling a little portly I can be certain I’m drinking too much. Have you considered the Idea that having more fat might make you lighter Simon? Fat floats on water so is clearly not very heavy, however if I take these long bones from the forearm and thigh of a 35 year old cyclist (which we prepared earlier) and put them into the same body of water they are clearly not floating…
there really needs to be a lot moar science in cycling Simon.

so you don’t really have a BMI as such do you?

23 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeh moar grog makes you fat, and it does not contain fat, how does that work Martin?

I’m trying to get rid of my BMI, it’s a pain in the arse to haul up those hills you know.

23 03 2012
martin

Coz it’s got calories which give you energy so instead of using your fat stores you use the calories it’s giving you and the alchohol rapes your body of nutrients and shit so you it makes you want big heavy fatty meals the next day.

23 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And it makes your farts stink.

19 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Daf, you spelt that wrong,

It’s helfier.

22 03 2012
James Hunter

what the girls eat is Hefier
!!!! Moooooooooooo.

19 03 2012
p'bee

19 03 2012
p'bee

Damnit evil bastard YouTube why do you hate me so?
Anyway. That’s a video from the makers of Kony 2012. Back in 2006, they were going to end war in Uganda by doing a really really really bad ripoff of High School Musical.

19 03 2012
p'bee

I’ll try again and probably fail again:

19 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

19 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

HaHa, I have the power of teh tube!

19 03 2012
p'bee

I bow before your mastery, Simon.

19 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

*Evil cackle*

22 03 2012
Brain Fart

Naaaaah latest update….It’s called Bony 2012 He got caught on film, having a “naked meltdown and wanking in public”….Oh the stress of it all…Poor Bony 2012

22 03 2012
p'bee

Yes I’ve seen that, it’s…a unique approach to promoting charity.

22 03 2012
moar caek

PCP.
I always thought it was mythology, but I’ve seen quite a bit of complete lose-your-shit stuff on video now. It must be a full psychotic break.
Would I do PCP? well, of course. But I’d do it waaaay out of town with some wise chums and a helmet. maybe a blanket. I saw footage of some nude guy being pulled off a jukebox in a dive bar in Jersey once. I can’t help wondering exactly what it feels like to be that temporarily batshit.
Isn’t it cool how when people totally lose their faculties for whatever reason, the first thing they wanna do is get their kit off?
“well, the voices say I wont be needing thæse…”

19 03 2012
p'bee

TBL, I just noticed your new slogan and had to check that it was factually correct. I guess seeing as two results were from the same website, you are the number three bogan website.

19 03 2012
Blueballs

Seen while watching mad Max the other night. Bogans are going to lose their collective shit over this…

19 03 2012
p'bee

I think I caught something just seeing the video’s name.

19 03 2012
martin

I’m somewhat looking forward to it. Better than our bogan “actors” making another cop show or drama or some shit. It’s more genuine this way. More in line with how the people really are. Maybe.

19 03 2012
martin

Oops. That was about The Shire.

Hipsters reckon you can watch reality tv because it’s ironic.

The libtard queen Germaine Greer is on Q&A tonight, I might watch it in case she says something retarded like suggesting we abolish the defence force like she did a year or two ago.

19 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

That’s my excuse for watching it. plus it feeds my superiority complex.

19 03 2012
martin

Yogan smashes wogan in road rage punch up:

http://aca.ninemsn.com.au/article/8437760/road-rage-punch-up

20 03 2012
daffodilsareyellow

What sort of life do you lead when you consider this appropriate behaviour? How do people like this get through life at all?

20 03 2012
martin

Who knows maybe he deserved it? I think they get through life just fine, being human is often a disadvantage.

20 03 2012
Awil

Speaking of putting ‘gate’ on the end of things. What’s with the growing spread of putting ‘Vegas’ on the end of the first four or five letters of every Australian city you happen to be flying to? It used to be a mildly curious thing, but now it’s troubling. I think even a channel 9 newsreader said it during the idle banter part of the program once (don’t ask me why I was watching 9). Also, casinos are terrible things outside of actual Las Vegas.

22 03 2012
moar caek

you mean Vegasgate?
I think it’s still just in the conspiracy stage.

22 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Fark me life. Following on from The Shire pornstar wannabe, I discovered that a couple of women I know from my school days have similar ambitions. Both these chicks come from nice middle class families and have healthy relationships with their fathers. And one of them in particular was particularly fond of throwing the term “slut” around.

What happened to the good old days when porn chicks were out to get back at Daddy for not loving them enough? Now it’s just another shortcut to fame, which as we all know is all that farkin matters these days.

22 03 2012
p'bee

That’s The Shire for you. And that’s why most people I know who grew up their have left or are looking to leave.

22 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I’ve never been there, and I’m not going anytime soon. Apart from Paris Hilton what other porn stars are famous outside the industry?

22 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Hey Ash, you should be a porn star, you may get your long desired #124, gay for pay remember!

24 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I wish I could lie to you when I say that I would really want to do porn.

Then again, I have legit mummy issues and a tendency towards exhibitionism.

24 03 2012
James Hunter

Well,
Ash,
We are having a promotion and relaunch later this year if you want to audition . just go to my web site and go to contacts and remember the “u” that goes on the end og my email address !!!!

24 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Do I need to hang things off my scrotum or cook snags with my nipple rings (Which I don’t have)? Cause I really don’t wanna do either.

22 03 2012
James Hunter

Tony Abbott ?

22 03 2012
martin

Sasha Grey. She got a part on one of the Entourage seasons and a movie by a pretty famous director. Steven Soderberg.

She was also in Ass Eaters Unanimous 19, Tony Abbott’s favourite film.

She’s not a half bad actress imo, not that you have to be very good.

I’ve only ever known two people from The Shire, one of them was a libtard feminazi carnt funnily enough.

24 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I’d give her #124.

25 03 2012
martin

Me too. Although I’d rather Silvia Saint or Traci Lords.

27 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Ah, a fan of the old school.

30 03 2012
martin

Yes we’re getting somewhat crusty. Still hotter than most of the tattooed skanks on US porn.

Them bitches are such a waste of my download allocation.

22 03 2012
moar caek

ciccolina, madonna, traci lords…
the list goes on simon.

Maroubra is nice.
or was that Malabar?
it was a long time ago.
I remember a really fat left off a breakwall or something?
I hate going left.
you could get dinner for a buck and play bingo at the Seals Club and wander up to the Maroubra [Sands?] Hotel for some eight-ball and a punch on with the Maori boys. My mate Pete crash tackled a six foot ’round Holly topiary in maroubra one night. Face first.
Chicks dig scars.
Selinas was good too. What was the big pub? They had a big open pool table bar… But that was all pre-Howard. I bet the place is a fụСҜ׀иg cess-pitt these days.

24 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

One of them isn’t even Shire born and bred. She only moved here in year 10. She was from Castle Hill or some shit before.

24 03 2012
urbanreverie

Oooh, maybe she’s rebelling against her strict Hillsong upbringing? Maybe she wants to get back at her daddy for making her attend Youth Bible Study three nights a week while living in some shitty 1980s cul-de-sac surrounded by kentia palms and bottlebrushes? Perhaps she dreamed of escape to more vibrant climes, but she couldn’t because there’s no train line out there? :)

25 03 2012
martin

From what I’ve heard Christian groups are just pick up joints for people who want to get married straight away. In my experience they’re also for people who want to look down on others for not believing in the sky fairy and voting Liberal. They’re also for people who are incredibly g@y. They’re for people who say frig instead of f#ck. Or kiss off instead of piss off.

I could see myself becoming a ho if I was subjected to that.

27 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Nah she’s not a Hillsong-y type.

24 03 2012
Brain Fart

Naaaaaaaaaaah, you’se are all Fuctards.
Get a Life………
Nothing wrong with girls selling themselves to make a living.
Too much money is not enough!!!!
Live by the Sword and die by the Sword.
Pay extra for No Condoms
= AIDS and other S.T.D’s
Oh My, My, how my heart feels for you.
Not……………….Eat shit/dust and die dullards
Females are..
Wait for it……………….
REAL PEOPLE,
WITH REAL FEELINGS
Oh my, my are women really people???????????????

23 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The Bingle is filming her reality TV show in Teh Shire. I’m embarrased I know that. Is it too early to open a Shiraz?

19 04 2012
moar caek

…too early???
it’s almost May Simon!

29 03 2012
P. Ness

Wait, I don’t get it… They become porn stars because Daddy didn’t love them enough? So what you are saying is they really wanted an incestuous relationship with their father? “Hey dad look at me! I’m banging a dude on video because you didn’t love me enough”. Seems legit.

2 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

Nah, it’s cause they want to get back at Daddy for working so much and loving their brothers more and never really paying attention to them.

22 03 2012
martin

TV sucks. Why has the ABC given us Underbelly for libtards with “The Straits”? At least that one with the young lawyers had a semblance of originality, like having a really hot young blonde in it that looked like she was 12 and not even remotely old enough to be practicing law.

22 03 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Lol, The Straits, bad actors saying f*ck.

That’s why I watch sport. Except the new channel FX is showing Justified and Walking Dead, both excellent.

22 03 2012
James Hunter

You watch cable tv ? shame !

22 03 2012
martin

That’s why I play soccer on my Xbox. But that’s getting old now.

Justified I couldn’t get into, too inbred, Walking Dead was good for a while but I got sick of the lead actor’s wife, f#cken whiny self entitled conceited judgemental libtard feminazi over emotional bitch who acts like she’s way better looking than she is. I’ve been watching Breaking Bad which is watchable but significantly overated imo.

I wish Larry would hurry up with the next Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Californication and The Office is still good but only fills an hour a week.

F3ck watching it on cable, I acquire it.

23 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeah, she is a bit annoying, but I love a good splatter. I’m hoping she gets a screwdriver through the eyeball eventually.

Has anyone seen Luck?

Foxtel is good, bogans love it. I get all the cycling on Eurosport which make it worth it.

22 03 2012
moar caek

22 03 2012
moar caek

22 03 2012
moar caek

best slice of television evar.

10 04 2012
Ash

Crownies was an excellent show, but, er, equating a really hot blonde with a 12yr old, did I miss the pun there.

11 04 2012
martin

A pun? She’s very girly looking and very young. When you get to your mid 30s Ash a lot of people your age start looking like what 12 year olds look like to you.

She’s so fine, I’d love to give her some #124. But she’s at that age where she probably likes douches. You might have a shot at her Ash. Put on your wigger gear and act like you live in the hood, or in your case, cigger.

23 03 2012
urbanreverie

And in this week’s episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

Uncle Ryan’s efforts to help his nephew with his maths homework isn’t appreciated by everyone … and we see white-collar pitted against blue-collar with predictable results!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/episode-59-the-battle-of-the-collars/

24 03 2012
martin

Cool man. That was a good one.

25 03 2012
martin

TBL #12495493 – Google

You know they record your ip address and what you searched? I think I’m going to change to duckduckgo.com now. You can change the settings on it so it has Australian sites as a preference.

25 03 2012
30 03 2012
martin

F#cken write another post TBL. You could write something about the lynch mob mentality the bogue has towards Labor.

30 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The backlash from Shire residents has been hilarious. The Mayor suggested they put up boom gates to keep the TV show out. I sent in a comment on that article suggesting perhaps the boom gates would be better used keeping the Shire residents in lest they infect the rest of the population. My comment remains unpublished by The Scum strangely.

2 04 2012
daffodilsareyellow

It’s a spoof. TBL removed my earlier post today for some reason. The makers of the show are trying to get it removed from Youtube. Apparently they are unable to because all of the content is original. Makes you wonder what the actual show will look like!

30 03 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

That’s a funny video, fully sik even, did the TBL boys have a hand in it? And where was Ash, didn’t spot a curry coconut roaming around?

30 03 2012
martin

Ash is up a bit further north with all the wogs.

I’m pretty keen to see The Shire now. Should be a good laugh. I wish they were doing it on the northern beaches, I’m not sure maybe people in the shire really are a bunch of mongs and make the beaches bogans look sophisticated.

I think maybe the douchebag northern beaches bogans I grew up with have moved up to QLD because of the housing boom. I haven’t been perturbed by some retarded maggot for ages. I’m almost missing it and I’m looking for things to complain about.

31 03 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

There’s very little difference between the two. Don’t get too excited now. Youse are just as big of carnts as us.

Simon – I got invited on Facebook to a “Petition to stop The Shire filming” by an acquaintance (who is not a Shire bogan but is a fundie Christian freak). A lot of my mates were on there as well. I posted, “why the fuck would I try stopping this even if it is a waste of time? I can’t wait for this show.”

And it’s true. I want to see how many people I know on there. I doubt they’d let me near cameras though. They gotta keep the stereotype that there are no immigrants in the Shire up. Still, if I’m having a beer at Northies and there’s cameras there I will be exposing myself for them.

I also applied to get on Big Brother. Just purely for teh lulz. Plus I figure I’ll get to fuck at least one of the hot skanks off there.

2 04 2012
martin

It would be hard to top the levels of carntery up here Ash. So I believe you.

True they won’t want any non-whites in there. This show should be an exercise in displaying white doucheness in all it’s wretchedness, any lovy dovy PC will just tone it down too much.

I don’t see the problem with it either, everything is shit on TV, if it wasn’t for The Shire it’d just be more repeats of those nogans in The Big Bang Theory or something g@y like that.

Everything is shit except for Q&A so I can laugh at libtards or be sick from yogans, Media Watch, and the occassional episode of Four Corners, Dateline or Foreign Correspondant when they aren’t too libtard. Which is about 5 times a year.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And now My Kitchen Rules is finished you have quite a gap in the calendar Martin. At least footy season has started so gives me plenty to watch. You are stuck with League up there, sucked in, that’s the penalty NSW pays for fostering such vile locations as the Shire. Baby Jebus will punish the wicked.

2 04 2012
martin

NRL & ARL are bogan. At least I don’t have to put up with Eddie Macguire too often, or Frankie J Holden, or Trevor Marmalade.

I think both bogans and libtards are responsible for the calamity of Sydney. The libtards opened the doors up, then the bogans starting making a mint by tearing down houses and sticking up units. They’re both carnts.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I have foxtel so don’t have to watch The Footy Show, mob of f*ckwits. Not sure where Frankie J comes into it. We have some good shows with Mark Robinson, Gerald Whatley etc who show signs of inteligence. I can’t name a single League luminary who has an IQ over 10. I know AFL has it’s fair share of bogans but the Leaguers are just meatheads and that pervades Sydney and Brisbane culture.

AFL has Straughnie, the most unfunny character ever so that is marks off. You have the Johns boys!! and fatty………..and sterlo…………and rabs……….

2 04 2012
martin

Yeah it’s c#nty. I couldn’t give a f@ck about league, my mum knows more than I do about what’s going on.

Who’s rabs? I don’t care.

I remember years ago some Souths players smeared shit all over some hotel walls. Beat that.

Maybe that’s why AFL was invented, for the other states to seperate themselves from the convict mongs and the yogans who play union.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

League players are facinated by poo, one got caught dropping a duke in a hallway last year if I remember right.

Monkeys also like to fling dung.

Anyway f*ck commercial TV, I never watch it now, even for Top Gear coz nein have totally screwed it.

2 04 2012
martin

This should reduce their arrogance a bit:

http://www.smh.com.au/national/us-workers-to-fill-shortages-in-australia-20120402-1w7pp.html#comments

“The federal government will allow workers from the United States, such as electricians and plumbers, to get their licence to work in Australia on arrival.”

Mwhahahaha. Finally we get some sensible immigration policy instead of just flooding the place with nerdy Asians.

Eat shit bogans.

2 04 2012
martin

Yeah. League seems to want to make the bogue really sink into the gutter. I don’t understand why people still watch and respect these people.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

So we are going to import rednecks to replace the bogans……………..

2 04 2012
martin

The US bogan knows and is comfortable with its station in life. Unlike the Australian bogue who expects $150k for pissing away school, leaving in year 10 and being barely literate.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

They will all want to watch Basketball, and that is the worst sport in the world, worse than baseball even.

2 04 2012
James Hunter

Simon,
Import redknecks ?, But dont they all follow the Broncos ?
Alternative, inport KKK from Alabama and give our groups of foreigmn headware wearing ethniciticities a run for their money ?

2 04 2012
martin

Basketball is sick. It would be better if it wasn’t so intrinsically racist and favoured blacks so much.

The only people who don’t like Basketball are uncoordinated people like you Simon.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Basketball is just a game of keepy off, at best it would amuse a 4 year old for 5 minutes.

I’m not touching JH’s comment!

2 04 2012
martin

They could be Latinos. Lebs won’t be able to bash Latinos as easy as they could the peace loving nerdy Indians.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Oh god, they will bring more Corona with them.

2 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

I like league and basketball. F*ck you carnts.

As long as we get black or Latino dudes in I’m cool. White Americans piss me off and make me wanna start glassin them.

2 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

InfairnessAsh,youarefairlybogan.it’scozyou’reyoung.

2 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

You love AFL and you’re old. AFL is way more bogan. They play it in Tasmania and WA and they’re the most bogan states in the country.

Even if I wasn’t a Shire kid I’d still be a drunk and a junkie. Just coz I’m a carnt.

3 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You’ll probably grow out of it Ash, we all do, unless you are an incurable bogan then I’m afraid you’re farked for life.

By the time you reach early 30’s you decide hangovers are no longer worth it. Then you want to be in bed early, then you start eating healthy and exercising.

I’ll be taking nanna naps soon.

3 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

I have my doubts I will. I take things far more maxxtreme than my bogan mates. They drink a bit much with the boys at times and may pop a pill or two but I abuse myself in other ways.

4 04 2012
martin

When you have kids and get a mortgage you have to put up with shit like The Wiggles. That’s enough for me to never have kids. Also all those kids shows on cable drive me nuts.

Back in my day kids shows were nice and modest like Sesame Street, Playschool and good old Noddy, Fat Cat and Humphrey that the libtards killed. F#ck you libtards for that.

4 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

And Bananas in Pyjamas. And Winnie the Pooh.

4 04 2012
James Hunter

Ash,
That is Not Winie the Pooh
and
That is Not a bananna in your Pyjamas

4 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Don’t abuse yourself to much Ash, you will get tennis elbow.

2 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

Said it before, will say it again – if the riots had happened on Manly or Narrabeen beach all the Shire jokes would be getting made about youse.

And me and Urban were taking guesses at what you looked like on Facebook. He thinks Seth Rogen. I’m thinking more a fat, bald Hunter S. Thompson. Who’s closer?

2 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

1 vote for Hunter.

2 04 2012
martin

This is why we need more trains. So ethnic westies can roam more freely and we can have more riots so then the other sections of Sydney won’t be able to look down on The Shire.

Yeah Hunter is it. Maybe a bit of Seth, because I have a little bit of Yid in me.

2 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

Yep. Oi o’Farrell ya carnt – fark the North West Link and build a farkin Northern Beaches one.

2 04 2012
martin

I predict O’Farrell won’t do shit and just import another bazillion more immigrants into Sydney. He stated he wanted to do that the other day and nothing has been built. He’s just another farken useless yogan.

I want to be involved in a coup.

A northern beaches train line would be awesome but the precious baby boomer nimby bitches wouldn’t want it. Boomers need to die asap.

2 04 2012
p'bee

I’ve had friends send me an invite to that petition, too.

2 04 2012
daffodilsareyellow

It has just come out that this is a spoof. The producers of the “real” show are trying to get this removed from Youtube, but aren’t having any luck because it is all original material. It was in the news on the weekend.

3 04 2012
p'bee

It was very obviously a spoof, but a largely accurate one. Apart from the Ben Cousens bit, the idea that Shire bogans care about AFL players is wrong.

4 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I’m well aware it’s a spoof. I know one of the creators personally.

4 04 2012
p'bee

Why is the response I wrote to this post in moderation 36 hours later?

2 04 2012
urbanreverie

Blah, Martin. Who needs The Shire when you have …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

And this week – everybody’s favourite Pube Plucker and his missus tell their Singapore story on national television – and Bogue doesn’t like what he sees!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/04/01/episode-60-on-ones-sleeve/

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/more-news/child-obesity-treated-in-the-womb/story-e6frf7lf-1226316419389

Fat mums are to be given drugs so their baby is not obese and dies!! I sent the following comment.

“If you can’t take care of your own body you certainly should not be allowed to produce another one.”

I’m betting I remain unpublished!

2 04 2012
martin

Ew. Who’d be a gyno hey. Or is it obstecrician. Whatever. F#cken c#nt doctor.

Hey Ash is your dad a c#nt doctor?

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ash will need a good Gyno later in life. He is likely to be a wonder of modern science.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

He will probably need a rebore and new injector pump.

2 04 2012
martin

Ash’s kids will be fluoro and have an iq of 180, then they will spend 10 years partying and reducing their iq level to about 150. Then go on to create a dynasty in The Shire.

2 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Lol, Ash’s daughter would resemble Snooki!

2 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

My mates all have bets on which of my body parts says “f*ck you I quit” and gives up first. It’s a race between my liver, heart, nasal cavity and genitals. Liver is probably your safest bet if youse carnts wanna ignore your hatred of gambling. (The fact that a bunch of bogans are making these bets should tell you something…still, skunx for life).

Martin – in other words they turn out just like their dad.

Simon – given that I have a preference for wog chicks and short genes myself that’s a scary but possible possibility. My kids ain’t tanning though. Fuck that. Moment one of them comes home orange I’ll smack them in the face.

4 04 2012
martin

At least you won’t get skin cancer. Because you know, you’re a curry. Something tells me I’m gonna live til I’m pretty old, because I’m a cantankerous, misanthropic prick and I have little to no respect or fear of the health experts.

I prefer em smallish too Ash, makes your dick look bigger. But I dont want small kids, napolean complex is hideously bogan.

9 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I’m well endowed enough that this is never a concern of mine. I just prefer them smaller and younger.

11 04 2012
martin

I’d like proof of that but that means looking at your dong. So I’ll just live with vague envy and a strong suspician that you are lying or embellishing.

11 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I suspect Ash thinks 6 inches is ample.

11 04 2012
martin

It is if it’s thick.

11 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It’s not the size, it’s how you use it!

11 04 2012
James Hunter

“its not the size it’s how you use it”
That is one way to look at it(sic)
other is
“Its not the size it’s IF You Use It ”
?

11 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

My Twitter page has pictorial evidence. I’m happy to link to the pix here.

3 04 2012
miningbogan

The bogans are upset.

It would seem that the good people of Qantas have had enough of bogan behavior in their lounge in Perth. The looks of outrage when the nice ladies ask the bogans to stop the swearing and to stop moving furniture around is comical. How dare someone not earning six figures tell them what to do!

Rumour has it that Qantas are supplying employers with details of who has had too much to drink and misbehaved on flights as well. This is seen by the bogan as an invasion of privacy, even though their employer has paid for the seat and therefore bogan is representing the company.

Lots of ‘it’s a free country’ and ‘I’ll do what I want’ statements being thrown around.

Maybe…just maybe…we may all enjoy air travel in the future without the irritants.

Maybe.

14 04 2012
daffodilsareyellow

Getting back to “it’s a free country and I can do what I want” reminded me of an interesting conversation on morning radio a couple of days ago. The Salvation Army have a problem that is unique to Australia and does not occur anywhere else in the world where they have their charities. The problem is the dumping of pure rubbish in bags outside their stores and bins knowing full well that it will cost the Salvation Army (a charity), big money to remove it. When questioned about whether or not the contents of the bags has any value at all, the answer was quite blunt. The dumpers know exactly what they are doing as the contents are things like soiled nappies, kitchen scraps, pure rubbish, etc…. Things that they would have to pay money at the tip. Now I know tip fees are getting outrageous, but to put the cost on to a charity has to be the most bogan thing I can think of.

4 04 2012
The Beef

Anyone looking for a new house? (buyers market…).
Great address. Shame it’s not a two storey, neo-Georgian!

http://www.realestate.com.au/property-house-vic-clifton+springs-109545411

4 04 2012
martin

There’s 41 Bogans in the white pages. Poor things.

4 04 2012
martin

Aw man. They’re thinking about releasing Corby early. I comforted myself in the fact that I would be well and truly middle aged when this happened. But now it may happen whilst I’m still young and sensitive.

http://www.smh.com.au/world/corby-closer-to-release-as-report-recommends-clemency-20120404-1wcdb.html

5 04 2012
martin

TBL – #9382394

Calling people a communist if they’re against any corruption or greed in the capitalist world.

5 04 2012
James Hunter

Martin,
most of them are very confused and equate communism with marxism or socialism.
the ones I like are the redneck rightwing religious nutters who are always dead set against commie pinkos..
Try this quick windup next time you come across one.
Explain that Carl Marx said” from each according to his capacity and to each according to his need”
aslo “The golden rule” found in all the great religions says(in the christian [king james] bible) “do unto others as you would have then do unto you”

Now are not Marx and the Bible essentially in agreement?
I am sure you can take it from there !

5 04 2012
martin

Lol. I was watching a video of that comedian, I’ve forgotten his name, he’s dead now. He was saying how those religious nutters are against abortion and want the baby in question to be born, but when it is born, it’s on it’s own and can go f#ck itself and is there to be exploited!

I mentioned the commie thing because of this:

http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/3933538.html

He was talking about the mining tax and how the casinos in VIC have made it so they don’t lose if they have a hand of 22 as opposed to 21 where it should be but the player still loses at 22.

Then the comment section starts talking about socialism/communism!

I hope there is a god, even though there isn’t, just to see the looks on certain “Christians” faces when they are told they will be sent to hell or are reborn in India in a slum.

5 04 2012
urbanreverie

Was the comedian George Carlin, by any chance Martin? He’s ace.

BTW Martin … a few weeks ago, it was First Week at my uni. The campus Liberals had a stall, with their posters displayed on a sandwich board. One of the posters was based on that “Keep Calm and …” meme; it said “Keep Calm and Crush Socialism”.

The Labor Party has completely abandoned its historic commitment to socialism, and has joined the cheerleaders for capitalism. The Greens aren’t particularly socialist either. Trade union membership in Australia is the lowest in history. Governments both Labor and Liberal are doing their damnedest to privatise everything which isn’t bolted down, and many things which are. The welfare state is under constant attack with no party willing to defend it.

And these right-wing Liberal wankers still haven’t lost their 1950s Cold War paranoia about the reds taking over and turning Australia into a Stalinist gulag? Puh-leeze!

5 04 2012
martin

Yeah George Carlin.

Liberals are good hey, they hate socialism except when the banks need to bailed out or they need gst added to retail purchases or interest rate cuts to help boost retail which in turn boosts the exhorbitant rents they charge on their commerical properties which in turn employs people to pay massive mortgages on overpriced residential property which boosts their bank shares.

I think they still use it because it’s so effective. It just seems to shut people down so easily. Just calll them a commie.

6 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Yep, 60 years down the track and there is no comeback to being called a commie. They don’t even celebrate Easter fer f*cks sake.

6 04 2012
p'bee

There is a response – I know you are, but what am I? It’s the ultimate response to everything.

6 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

You’re a dirty commie, that’s what………

6 04 2012
p'bee

I know you are, but what am I?

7 04 2012
urbanreverie

I find a more effective response to be: “Yeah, I am. What are ya gonna do about it?” Anything else is taken as defensive and shifty and puts you well on the back foot and gives your detractors the upper hand.

It works for just about everything. Well, maybe not accusations of being a puppy-killer or a war criminal. But most other things, yeah.

5 04 2012
5 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Pandamater!

6 04 2012
urbanreverie

Hey, kids! Are YOU looking for something to do over the Easter break? Yes? Well, why not try your hand at …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE EASTER HUNT!!!

Check it out here:

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/quiz-easter-egg-hunt/

7 04 2012
martin

TBL – #459492 – Yappy dogs.

SHUT THE F#CK UP!

Anyone who gets a small yappy dog should be bashed. By me. Even if they are an old woman. This is where libtard neighbourhoods would shit all over the rest of the bogan suburbs I reckon. What say you Urbz? Do you live in a libtard area?

7 04 2012
p'bee

I know you’re on the Northern Beaches, but you could easily be my neighbour. One of the houses behind us has one of those yappy fluffy things. They don’t care about it at all, it’s almost always locked out in the backyard with no attention and nothing to do but bark. I don’t blame the dog for being so annoying, nobody pays it any attention so it has to entertain itself somehow, but I have often thought about letting it out to run away and find owners who actually give a damn.

7 04 2012
martin

I’ve got them in 3 out of 6 places around me. Thankfully one of the neighbours is moving soon and I think Asians are moving in. So I’m pretty sure they won’t have a retarded dog.

8 04 2012
Brain Fart

martin, count your blessings… my “gorgeous” most special adopted son (23) says doggies are a delicacy where he comes (Vietnam) we laugh about that a lot. If you get really lucky??? Your new neighbours may do a quick clandestine shopping trip around the neighbourhood and all yappy, barking bastard, turd dropping doggies may just turn out to be Sunday’s roast. Problem solved. Would you like fries with that?

8 04 2012
urbanreverie

I live in a greenish, vaguely leftish, very affluent upper-class area. Not many libtards (as I imagine them) around here … … mostly professional people wearing Country Road driving BMW X5s and Audi A4s and living in detached houses on large lots. There aren’t very many dogs around here at all.

Though there is this one dog a couple of streets away, a big mean snow-white husky kind of thing which I go past on one of my regular walking routes, in the yard of a timber Edwardian mansion. It goes crazy whenever I walk past … barks, snarls, sticks its head through the very tall swimming pool-like fence which surrounds the property while baring its teeth, follows me along the fence from boundary peg to boundary peg. I just smile at the dog and go “nur-nurny-nur-nur, you can’t get me, suck s#$t, loser!” Sometimes its middle-aged female owner is in the front yard doing some gardening, and she’s always very apologetic to me and I tell her it’s OK.

The dog problem was far, far worse where I grew up in old-school bogan southwestern Sydney. My family’s dogs barked, as did the neighbours’ dogs either side of us. There were a lot of staffies, rotties and bullies too, sometimes poorly secured. My brother was severely mauled once and ended up in the childrens’ ward of the local hospital. And I’ve talked before about the soft drink bottles filled with water before which the grumpy old c#$ts in the neighbourhood would place on their front lawns, like barrage balloons against a blitzkrieg of powdery poo.

8 04 2012
James Hunter

Urban,
Sounds like you need to urgently moove to a new neighbourwood with real people with real dogs.
You will find it much friendlier.
AND you can trade you car down by about $50,000 and feel right at home.

7 04 2012
James Hunter

Martin, I am all in favour of small yappy dogs.
They make great snacks for real dogs !

7 04 2012
martin

Good idea, I’d love to feed them these dogs.

11 04 2012
martin

TBL – #405932123404882435643 – Lynching people who have already well and truly humilated themselves.

ie Samantha Brick.

11 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

She’s vaguely attractive at best, but she is right, other women hate attractive women, and especially slim ones.

There is always the assumption that because you are slim you are lucky. Nothing to do with the fact you don’t eat 5 donuts for lunch and actually get some exersize, can’t possibly be that.

I got told I look gaunt the other day and I had had enough of this you’re so lucky to be slim bullsh*t so I replied “I’m not gaunt, just everyone else is fat so someone of a healthy weight looks wrong”. Kind of ended that conversation, f*ck em.

11 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I’d do her.

On topic, I can’t argue with the basis of her argument either. Women do hate other hot women. It’s biological. Simon has put it more eloquently than I could so I’ll leave it at b!tches gonna b!tch.

11 04 2012
p'bee

Her argument’s crap. Morons – both male and female – judge people based on their appearance, but the key thing there is the people are morons, not the genitalia between their legs. And her line that every woman is jealous it there’s a prettier woman in the room was insulting and baseless.

11 04 2012
p'bee

Serious rather than humorous response here, but the ‘women are just programmed to be bitches and shallow and obsessed only with appearance and it’s evolutionary biology and it just is’ argument is a persistent lie that has been shown to be false over and over again.

11 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I didn’t say women are only programmed to be obsessed with appearance. That’s like saying men are programmed only to rape.

But it’s impossible to deny that there is some truth to it. I’ve known many women of many different backgrounds, jobs, educational background, social class, whatever – but one ting I’ve learnt is that they all act differently when a hot woman is in the area, especially if she can be seen to be “Drawing attention to herself” in any possible way. (This can be anything as simple as wearing a tighter top). I don’t claim to understand it – I’ve just seen it.

12 04 2012
martin

It would be interesting to know the truth. One of the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known had some butt ugly friends. But she was more of a goth, maybe it’s these prom queen types that other women hate.

Man I wouldn’t touch her. She’s ugly imo. She looks inbred and her husband looks like Ivan Milat.

12 04 2012
daffodilsareyellow

The whole Samantha Brick saga only came about because of previous articles she has written along similar lines. In the case of the current article, she was caught out lying when she admitted that it was only about half a dozen cases of men giving her flowers or wine spontaneously. The very first paragraph of the article has her saying that “recently” she was sent a bottle of wine from a pilot when she boarded an aircraft to welcome her aboard and she said it is not unusual for this to happen to her. She later admitted that this happened years ago and was part of the half dozen incidents over her life.

Now she is currently 41 years old and is five feet eleven inches tall. I can imagine when she was younger that her height and hair colour alone would have made her stand out, but 6 incidents in a lifetime is not a lot! Combined with the fact that she is average looking at best (now), it really upset the readers of the Daily Mail because it was a woman saying “don’t hate because I’m beautiful” when most people wouldn’t give her a passing glance. It is also really unbecoming for anyone (male or female) to be so arrogant as to think they are the most beautiful person in the room which she is clearly not!

12 04 2012
p'bee

It’s a cultural thing, though, not a biological or innate gender thing. And it doesn’t hold up for everyone – I’m female, I went to an all girls high school, so I’ve had rather a lot of exposure to girls and women, and I can tell you that what she says and what you’ve said about how women act does not hold up for the vast majority of women I’ve known in my life. And some of the bitchiest put-downs and mockeries of women and their looks has come from men.

12 04 2012
martin

Game Of Thrones season 2 is such a nudy ranga fest. Simon would wet himself. But Simon doesn’t know how to acquire because he’s a sogan so he’s left to the mercy of Foxtel.

12 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

F*CK you Martin, I have it on my IQ box thingy. What’s a sogan?

12 04 2012
martin

Someone who is excessively into sports.

12 04 2012
urbanreverie

“Sports bogan”, I believe.

So far from Martin, we have:

yogan = yuppie bogan
nogan = nerd bogan
cogan = Christian bogan
sogan = sports bogan

Come on, Martin. Only another 21 letters of the alphabet to go. You can do it. :P

12 04 2012
martin

Minus what I’ve done and b is already taken. Don’t think I can sorry. :)

There’s one that I already came across in the media, techno bogan, the kind of guys who were good at maths at school and liked hard rock and maybe a bit of heavy metal and became engineers and half arsed IT guys like me. :D

Togan. Half nogan half bogan.

12 04 2012
martin

Fogans. Guys who are into fantasy books, sci fi and are quite often buffs on things like WW2. But are otherwise quite stupid and are usually virgins or very close to it.

12 04 2012
martin

Hogans. Wannabe hipster bogans. They’re Apple fanboys, they like fonts and rounded corners. They work in advertising or as salesmen for music companies. They try and give off a hipster/libtard exterior and see themselves as eclectic for having been to a Presets concert and maybe wearing a wrist band or growing their hair a bit longer or growing some sort of beard. They mistake pretentiousness for grace and class. They fancy themselves as being ladies men but the best they’ve done is a 5 to a 7. They’ll spend a long period of time hanging out for a ten but will eventually settle for the 5-7 or an Asian who is a 7+.

A bit like Ryan from the US version of The Office. The Fogan is like Dwight.

12 04 2012
martin

Logan. Lesbian who hates all men and is constantly seething with spite. Probably had a very bad experience with men at a young age.

Probably needs Ash to root them.

12 04 2012
martin

Mogan. Likes music too much, frustrated rock star or pop star, lives in denial of what a complete waste of time it’s pathetic endeavours with music is and was and what a complete load of shit music is and how it hasn’t had any substantial effects on society since the 60s and 70s.

Likes to whip out the guitar in social situations so people can say “wow man, you should be in a band”. Or sings along to shitty pop music in their shitty mariah carey voice to today fm. I worked with a girl like that, I still want to slap her.

12 04 2012
martin

Kogan. Anyone who has bought something from the Kogan online electronics retailer.

12 04 2012
martin

Vogan. Anyone who drinks VB.

12 04 2012
martin

Xogan and Pogan, people who play Playstation or XBox 360 past the age of about 25.

12 04 2012
martin

Zogan. People who like animals too much and dream of a job or have a job working at a Zoo. They often have a sanctimonious air about them which is why they suck and are annoying. Fancy themselves as environmentalists even though they don’t do anything environmentally besides maybe having smoked a bong once and listened to Janes Addiction and pretended to like them on the whole instead of just liking the song ‘Been Caught Stealing’.

12 04 2012
martin

Or a job as a Ranger.

12 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Dogan, into drugs and at the drop of a hat will brag about how wasted they are/were/will be. Very boring form of boganism

12 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Ogan, obsessedby one two four, for further info refer to Ash.

13 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Oi carnt. I’m not obsessed by #124. I’m obsessed with sex in general. #124 is just one aspect of that.

19 04 2012
moar caek

12 04 2012
martin

Rogan. Someone from a rural area who has come to live in the city and tries to act like they’re all salt of the earth, fair players and not up themselves. They hold on to this belief regardless of whether they live up to it or not.

12 04 2012
urbanreverie

Gogan. Greens-voting wealthy baby-boomer bogans who think that just because they’re into zen and zumba and live in an eight hundred thousand-dollar architect-designed glass-and-corrugated iron “lifestyle home” on top of the cliffs in places like Stanwell Park or Coolum Beach and bodyboard at five-thirty every morning and wear a shark’s tooth amulet and hang crystals on their back deck that all this makes them really deep and spiritual and in tune with Mother Earth and stuff and better than all the non-spiritual common people who don’t have a personal astrologer.

12 04 2012
martin

Boomers are bogans with a capital B. ACA watching, “conservative” voting greedy knob ends who left school at 14, did dumb arse jobs during their life and bought houses for like two bucks.

Except for James.

12 04 2012
martin

I need the same letters for different things, like foodie bogans. I’ve already used f for Dwight Shrute people.

F#cken write a new post TBL ya carnts.

Q is for quixotic bogans, like charity carnts. Like people who gave a fark about all that Kony shit.

13 04 2012
p'bee

Eogans? As in epicurean bogans?

13 04 2012
martin

I’m not sure that being epicurean makes one a bogan –

“Epicurus believed that pleasure is the greatest good. But the way to attain pleasure was to live modestly and to gain knowledge of the workings of the world and the limits of one’s desires.”

Thomas Jefferson was one, and he had an iq of about one thousand, so was Christopher Hitchens, but whether or not he was a bogan is arguable given his support for the Iraq war.

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Where does Jamie Oliver fit in Martin?

13 04 2012
martin

I dunno, he’s alright, he was one of the originals, he’s my favourite foodie. Same with Nigella, I’d do her big time.

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You will have to fight off JH for that.

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

#274622 – Boy Bands

All teenage girls are pretty bogan, copied the below coz it says it better than I can.

DEAR Teenage Girls,
For those of you who’ve been sighted at airports and outside TV studios sobbing, swooning and brandishing signs offering to carry a baby for any one of five young men in a visiting British “music” ensemble, it’s time for a chat.

No, not the sex chat. Plainly, it’s too late for that.

No, the conversation to which we refer is more awkward. It involves the concept of music.

There is no easy way to approach this. Let’s say it straight out. You have poor taste in music. No, let’s rephrase that. You have no taste in music.

This needs explaining.

“The young men you court aren’t musicians. They’re products. And you, good ladies-in-the making, aren’t fans. You’re sheep
”Consider your parents. Imagine they have friends over on a Friday night and drink too much wine. They start karaoke singing to Bruce Springsteen and Whitney Houston. Dad announces The Boss is the greatest – ever. Mum falls off the coffee table midway through Whitney’s I Will Always Love You – again.

At such times, you wish your parents were someone’s else’s parents.

Go on, tell us – what do you love about One Direction?

Your parents, here, are dorks. Yet they still have better musical taste than you. For the arrival of One Dimension, sorry, One Direction has turned up nothing new. Even their hairstyles appear to be borrowed – at a guess, from Ellen DeGeneres and Alice, the housekeeper from The Brady Bunch.

You may consider them revolutionary. Yet it has all happened before. And most of the fans involved would probably prefer it hadn’t.

Some of them may have been your now dorky mothers. They may have salivated and offered themselves to the likes of Backstreet Boys. Your grandmothers may have tried it on with the Beatles. At least Nana could claim a critical point of difference.

For, technically, what you’re willing to surrender your dignity for, in the pursuit of, isn’t music.

The young men you court aren’t musicians. They’re products. And you, good ladies-in-the making, aren’t fans. You’re sheep.

You are very partial to good looks and hip haircuts. If peers think something is cool, you tend to think it’s cool, too. So your “tastes” are herded by producers, who know just how to bend the beasts of Facebook, Twitter and Google. This is the sole difference between One Dimension, sorry, One Direction, and past boy bands.

The boys seem like decent people. They may create wonderful music. It just won’t be any time soon.

Your parents would generally welcome a band with a name that sounds like a Christian youth group, features music clips like a Country Road catalogue and recycles lyrics that read like a letter from a bank.

It’s all so, well, safe. Worse, throwing yourself at a boy band may be more embarrassing than anything your parents do to you. Think about your 21st. Your 40th. Your wedding day. You’ll be reminded of your lame love for One Dimension, sorry, One Direction, at every one.

To borrow a line from the band’s hit, Gotta Be You: “And no woman in the world deserves this.”

13 04 2012
martin

In my day the hot chicks were into Guns & Roses and Nirvana and the like. They were still pretty bogan and f#cked douches, at least all this pop tart shit doesn’t lead to alchohol, pot and ciggies. At least if you’re a father you could throw these pop tart douches across the room and glass them even if you’re 75.

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

GnR always were and always will be the most bogan band ever. Never before did 1 band go so far on so little. How the hell did they get away with it? And still do.

13 04 2012
martin

Coz they were sick. Even douches can write songs that are sick.

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

As in fully sik? You farkin idiot. GnR are a mob of pretty boy spankers. They don’t have the slightest hint of sikness. My Aunty is siker than them.

They wrote 1 sort of desent song, and no it wasn’t Sweet Child.

3 day old salami is badder then GnR.

13 04 2012
martin

Bullf#ck. They had about 5 good songs. They could play their instruments well and didn’t have some pissy 3 chord boring strumming like they do these days. They had zero respect for everything, which I say is non-bogan. Because most things bogan are born out of hypocrisy.

They didn’t get tatts just to be posers they got tatts because they banged heroin and 10 girls a night.

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cr@p, they were as packaged and marketed as your average boy band, just for different people. Look at the film clips, it’s all posed chicks, blow wave hair, casually held fag and booze somewhere close at hand. Don’t even get me started on the designer clothing. They were an over produced, over hyped marketers wet dream and millions of morons fell for it. Bon Jovi with tatts at best.

I will go with you that todays music is generally awful.

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cr@p, they were as packaged and marketed as your average boy band, just for different people. Look at the film clips, it’s all posed chicks, blow wave hair, casually held durrie and booze somewhere close at hand. Don’t even get me started on the designer clothing. They were an over produced, over hyped marketers wet dream and millions of morons fell for it. Bon Jovi with tatts at best.

I will go with you that todays music is generally awful.

13 04 2012
Pandabater

Gunners Rock!

The biggest garage band in the world.

13 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

FFS, I thought I was dealing with people of taste here. Garage band? more like worlds dirtiest boy band.

13 04 2012
martin

Boy bands have no skill other than being able to sing clinically and looking good.

I think you need a bit of Marx in you Simon. If you hate the gunners then you probably hate Led Zep and that’s just sacrilege.

13 04 2012
p'bee

My embedding skills will probably fail me again, but anyone with sense can agree that Patti Smith pisses all over those GnR pansies.

13 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

BravoP’bee

14 04 2012
martin

She certainly knows what she’s doing.

14 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

Sorry Simon – I’m with Martin and Panda here. Axl Rose is a carnt but Guns were hektic. Appetite for Destruction doesn’t have a single weak song. And even the Use Your Illusion albums were solid, just OTT.

At least theyw ere for realz.

14 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

And just so everyone knows – I also like Mötley Crüe. Flame, bitches, flame.

14 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

This is dirty nasty rock. Axl would crawl up in a ball and cry if he ever met Steve Albini. Appetite was a stinking pile of sh*t. I should know, it was played at enough parties back in the day. The only thing real about GnR was their ability to suck the punters in.

14 04 2012
martin

That’s it. Simon thinks they were a manufactured band and put together by suits like farken Boyzone or some shit. Not so. They cut their teeth playing in shitty pubs and in garages like all other real bands.

F#ck you Simon.

14 04 2012
martin

Motley Crue, I have some residual respect for them, having been a part of the 80s rock/metal thing, but what did they do besides “kick start your heart”, which was fairly gay?

I’d also like to have wotisnames dick, it’s like 8-9 inches or something, what a carnt. I saw it in the Pamela video.

Although if one’s dick was that big, would you have to slide it down the leg of your pants?

14 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I own and love Songs About F*cking, so don’t quote Big Black at me.

You probably like soft sh*t like the Smiths or crap like that. Fark Morrissey. Now that’s a carnt who needs a glassing.

Martin – damn right on Guns. The Crüe did Dr Feelgood, Same Ol’ Situation, several other sick hits. Most of that hair rock stuff was meh except for these two but.

I’m gonna listen to some Agnostic Front now. Now that’s music.

14 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

And yeah, I saw Pamela and Tommy Lee’s video. I can guarantee he’s 8 inches max.

15 04 2012
Pandabater

I only said GnR rock.
I didn’t say they were any good. ;-)

15 04 2012
p'bee

The Smiths are brilliant. Much better than macho rock.

15 04 2012
martin

I like 80s hits. Like 99 luftballoons, flock of seagulls and Blondie and shit.

Is that bogan? Probably, a bit, I don’t care.

16 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Not bogan, but still shameful.

p’bee – whether it’s made by men, women or trannies, I like my music to have some balls to it.

I wish i could go back to the 80s and have a celebrity death match between Morrissey and Lita Ford.

16 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You can’t glass Morrisey Ash, I already have!

16 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Oh, and Martin, Nickleback and U2 also started in garages and pubs, doesn’t make it right.

16 04 2012
martin

Nickelback were a part of a shameful semi manufactured set of bands that sprang up around the mid-late 90s and early noughties. Like Live, Counting Crows and that stupid Christian band. Their beginnings were honourable enough but the only reason we know about them is because record companies promoted them to cash in on every last cent of the grunge era.

I know this, because they were f#cken shit, and anyone who wasn’t a robot lemming moron saw through them in a second.

But I bet you liked Counting Crows Simon.

And U2 are sick. The real deal.

16 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Can I glass him again? Just cause?

And Thom Yorke. Farkin whiny carnt.

16 04 2012
James Hunter

Ash, I be more care full. word is you have a “Glass Jaw”
!!

16 04 2012
p'bee

The funny thing is though, Ash, that all your macho posturing ‘balls’ guys are so much more boring and cookie cutter. Morrissey turned all the negative unrock traits into his persona – Awkward, introspective, introverted, fey, twee, literate and bespectacled. There’s no challenge to being the Triple M tough guy poser like Axl Rose, but Morrissey? Thom Yorke? They did something original.

16 04 2012
p'bee

And I’m currently watching Radiohead’s Coachella set and it’s amazing. So much for whiny.

16 04 2012
martin

How much of a libtard do you wanna be P’bee? Giving merit to someone for simply having bad eyesight, or even worse, not having bad eyesight and wearing glasses anyway.

I don’t know much about Radiohead, all I can say is I can relate to Creep, having yearned for princessy yogan women out of my league who were more interested in Orlando Bloom type douchebags.

16 04 2012
p'bee

I’m sure you’d describe me as a libtard, Martin, especially for my music tastes, although they aren’t really hipster. And Morrissey predated the let’s wear glasses when we don’t need to twits. But he wore his glasses and awkwardness unashamedly and made them part of his persona, and that’s much more interesting than being a hair metal guy.

16 04 2012
martin

Radiohead seems to be like The Cure, like what Coldplay is to U2. A terrible rip off that only survives because there’s nothing better.

But I wouldn’t know for sure.

16 04 2012
martin

I don’t mind The Smiths, how could anyone not like “How Soon Is Now?”?

16 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Radiohead are cool for following their own muse, not what is expected of them. And Ok Computer is a masterpiece. Sorry on Morrisey P’bee, I hate his I’m so tender and introverted act, and that voice, horrible. Still I like Bjork and will probably get glassed for it.

I don’t know how Coldplay survive, a copy of a facsimile of a rip off.

Wereallyneedanewpost.

And I know you’re trolling me Martin. No one really likes GnR. Not even Axl rates them, he declined to be inducted into the Rock n Roll hall of fame this year (along with Red Hot Chilli Peppers) because it would be embarrasing based on one popular but ordinary album and then 25 years of p00.

16 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Funnily enough I was given the Counting Crows tape by my Grandma for my birthday. I think I listened to it once out of obligation. It may or may not have gone in the bin…………. sorry Grandma

16 04 2012
p'bee

Haven’t listened to Bjork much, but I have a lot of respect for her.
I like my fey falsetto types, not just Morrissey and Thom Yorke, but Bon Iver too. That probably makes me triply glass-worthy.

Coldplay are evil.

16 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I suspect I have previously glassed Bon Iver. Not my taste.

16 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Actually I’m a punk rock guy first and foremost. My appreciation for the Crüe and GnR comes from the fact that they had the same attitude that the great punks did, they just chose to use it to bang tons of chicks rather than for political purposes. But whatever floats your boat. The lesser hair metal bands were just pretty boys playing dress up with their sister/girlfriends’ makeup and trying to be GnR or the Crüe. Just like most modern hipster libtard Triple J shite is dude/chicks trying to be Morrissey. Only difference is their reference point sucks.

I’m going to go listen to Society’s Parasites now. That’s music with balls.

17 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I will give you that Axl is a poser tough guy though. There’s a well documented story that he offered to fight Vince Neil several times but never showed up.

17 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m just gunna say Cornrows right here.

14 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

I was born 15 years too late.

14 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Nah, you still would have been a karnt.

14 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Yep, but I’d’ve fit in better. And I’d have more chicks wanting me to give them #124.

16 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

#124 was not invented until 2010.

We were innocents…………

16 04 2012
James Hunter

Simon,
a case of “Babes in the woods”
or
“In the woods with babes”
or
“in the babes woods”
?

16 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Best not to go near babes with wood or into woods with babes. Likely to get arrested for that JH.

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2012/04/mogootoo-says-gloooooo/

This one’s for you Ash, big man , little woman……………………..

14 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

Hahahahahaha fark off carnt.

I run from gyms and I think tribal tattoos should be punishable by firing squad.

14 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Agreed, nice juxtaposition though huh.

13 04 2012
urbanreverie

And we’re back to normal programming here at The Bogue & Boguette Show. And this week – an (un)happy surprise visits the B&B household!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/episode-61-stork/

13 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Urban, meant to say congrats on the 20,000 visits. I could not do the quiz, I can’t remember what I read last week let alone a year ago.

13 04 2012
urbanreverie

Thanks Simon. :) Yeah the quiz was a bit of a flop. I thought it would be like the Where Am I quiz which got a massive response. Maybe future quizzes will be a bit smaller?

13 04 2012
martin

TBL – #233948372728293333494933221111938454858383834304530

Having too many kids. Or just having kids at all is bogan, They do it so they can go “awwwwww isn’t it cute”, and say things like “having kids is my greatest achievement”.

“I work as a PCA 3. I have no rights, have to take abuse from residents, relatives and management while doing the work of 2 people. I’m trying to bring up 3 kids on $19.31 an hour.”

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/executive-style/luxury/the-curse-of-the-lottery-why-winners-are-not-as-happy-as-you-might-think-20120413-1wxn7.html#ixzz1rtH1QKEX

What’s a PCA 3? I googled it and all I got was some prostate cancer drug.

13 04 2012
urbanreverie

PCA3 is a Personal Care Assistant, pay grade 3. So she’d most likely be working in a nursing home or disability hostel.

I agree with her, aged care workers are exploited and grossly underpaid considering the onerous duties. And if having kids is bogan … Does that make your parents bogans, Martin? Sometimes I think you cast your net too wide and generalise too much.

Definitely agree about the “my kids are my greatest achievement” stuff though. For crying out loud, even amoebae reproduce!!! Go and do a PhD or write a symphony or run 100 metres in under ten seconds or find s cure for cancer or make the Brisbane buses run on time. I’ll be impressed then.

13 04 2012
martin

Yeah I’m sorry I was way too harsh. Those people are as underpaid as hell. They should probably get about $35 an hour.

One of my parents is definitely a bogan. :D Albeit a mild and inoffensive one.

16 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

In Martin’s world every human, dog, cat and probably goldfish is a bogan of some kind.

16 04 2012
martin

Pretty much, humans that is, it’s not in “my world”, it’s fact motherf#cker.

That’s why this site is so good, gone are the days when you can just shut someone down by calling them a bogan and associating them with OSBs or NABs.

Dogs are old school bogan, cats are not. Except when they kill native birds.

16 04 2012
urbanreverie

Yeah, Ash, and in Martin’s world anybody to the left of Fred Nile is a libtard.

Actually, no. In Martin’s world, even Fred Nile is a libtard. :)

16 04 2012
martin

I’m not comfortable with that. I am extremely meritocratic, I believe in oppressing bogans. I find it seriously offensive that a carpenter makes more than say, a scientist, which is the reality these days. The Liberal party believe in taking them on side and furthering their own short term goals. The bean counter Liberals and the tradies are both on the same team at the moment. They’re both selling debt, debt that is spent on real estate. Debt that saw the GFC in America and Ireland other places and their economic woes.

16 04 2012
martin

This is why they all hate the carbon tax so much, because the whole country is so indebted up the arse, we have a private debt of about 1.5 trillion, our gdp is about 1 trillion, people have so much debt that they have little to no leeway for a carbon tax.

Yeah I guess that does make me pretty right wing, but in a good way, not in some cowardly oligarchial way which is how the right operates at the moment and probably always did.

17 04 2012
urbanreverie

Settle down Martin, I was only picking on the way you use the epithet “libtard” frequently and indiscriminately!

I agree with the rest of what you say. Australia. The only country in the world where morons are better off than the intelligent. Also one of only two First World countries (the other being the United States) where morons exercise such a huge influence on political discourse.

Agree about the carbon tax too. I’m not particularly for or against the carbon tax – it seems to me to be an ineffective and convoluted way of reducing emissions. Apparently price signals are going to save the planet. Yeah right. And the yuppies at Macquarie Bank are just licking their lips at the prospect of making billions in arbitrage and brokerage fees when the tax morphs into an emissions trading scheme in a few years.

Anyway, I have my electricity and gas bills sitting in front of me. For my power, I used 0.259 tonnes of carbon emissions for the quarter. For the gas, I used 0.117 tonnes.

At a carbon tax of $23 a tonne, my energy bills will go up by $8.65 a quarter. Be still my beating heart.

I’m a student on a limited income and even I’m not worried about the carbon tax. But then again, most people are morons who don’t know how to manage their own finances and, as you say, are too bloody stupid to realise that consumer debt is a bad thing, and their ignorance and gullibility plays right into the hands of irresponsible Tory wingnuts like Tony Abbott and the loathsome talkback hosts and the News Limited sloganeers.

18 04 2012
martin

I was listening to a bit of talkback yesterday and some old c#nt was on there talking about Afghanistan and what a waste it was, more or less saying the exact same thing that libtards would have been saying 10 years ago, but the way he was carrying on and his tone was very much suggesting that it was Julia’s fault.

I think we should, at least temporarily, prevent anyone above 65 from voting.

18 04 2012
martin

I don’t know anything about climate change or the carbon tax, other than it’s going to cost about $600 a year for those “rich” people on $120k or so.

That’s one thing I don’t like Labor’s simplistic way of defining rich. I think some boomer with 2+ properties ( they own something like 50% of properties by the way) is one hell of a lot richer than anyone on $120k.

But anyway who am I do argue with thousands of scientists who think it’s good? As far as I’m concerned if you’re not extremely well educated in science then you have no business arguing.

Meh.

18 04 2012
p'bee

Actually, I don’t think most scientists think it’s all that good. It’s a start, and we’ll take it, but there are too many subsidies and handouts attached to it. I don’t think there should be any compensation, but of course it’d be political suicide to tell people they should use less power or get used to paying for it properly.

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

We’re all going to end up on bicycles soon, best the rest of you start getting some practise as well.

16 04 2012
martin

Yeah, f#cken write a new post TBL, I’m sick of looking at Yumi Stynes’ head.

Before Simon used the letter D I was going to describe a dogan as someone with dark skin, a non white person, who is so full of political correctness that they think they’re such king shit and white people owe them or something. They like to use the word racist as often as possible. I believe Yumi is one such person.

THe sort of people who say “herp derp, aboriginals were the first Australians so we should overpopulated the f#ck out of it with people from the third world, herp derp”

16 04 2012
martin

I was at a pub once and some maori/islander person came and asked me if I was a celtic c#nt, yeah, I’m a celtic c#nt, c#nt, so he wasn’t obviously Tongan or Maori or Samoan, he didn’t have tatts on his face like a Maori, he wasn’t built like a Mack Truck like a Tongan, so I asked him if he was a Maori and he gets all offended. F#cken Dogan.

17 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://blog.tastebuds.fm/worst-album-covers-of-all-time/

Hey Martin, are these from your record collection?

17 04 2012
martin

I bet Ken is what your dad looked like. I love the 4th one. Back when women were more feminine and didn’t have so much bogan feminism in them.

That’s what Ash would look like it if it was 1980.

I think I’ve still got the Rick Astley album on LP, it’s a collectors item now, you can have it for a thousand bucks.

17 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I haven’t seen legs this hairy on a woman since evah

This is Ash’s latest conquest.

17 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

F*ck you Martin. I have my doubts y’all could pick me out of a lineup. (well except for Urban cause he knows what I look like).

17 04 2012
urbanreverie

Hahaha. Ash looks like, well, a part-Islander part-Indian. :)

Ash and I have speculated on what you guys all look like. I reckon Martin looks like Seth Rogen but Ash reckons he looks like Hunter S. Thompson.

I reckon Simon is a skinny, mousy-haired, well-groomed guy with muscular, shaved calves. P’Bee, a younger, more intellectual version of Jamie Lee Curtis. Mick looks like Allan Border complete with bushy mo. Pandabater looks furry and white with black patches around his eyes.

And we all know what James Hunter looks like. ALL of him. ;)

18 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Oi Martin ya kyurnt, I created one for you that’s one I know well.

Pogans – poser bogans. The kids who were too skinny to play football (either code) so they dress all metro and claim to play hardcore but really it’s just screaming shite with a few breakdowns. Think Parkway Drive and A Day To Remember are the ultimate in “hardcore” and go blank when you mention Cro-Mags, Agnostic Front, Black Flag to name but a few. Like to act tough but couldn’t fight their way out of a paper bag.

I don’t know how common they are in other cities but they’re a plague in what you could call the hardcore scene in Sydney.

18 04 2012
martin

I’m so crusty. I know none of those bands, and I don’t want to, I’ll stick to what I know and just pretend it’s gen y shit even if it may not be.

Those pogans sound like hogans to me.

18 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

They have definite hogan tendencies, just they dress differently (like metro p00fs instead of hipster p00fs) and prefer rich boy hardcore to indie.

18 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

And the first two are Gen Y shit. The last three bands are from your time.

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Black Flag was Henry Rollins band Martin. Are you going to tell us you don’t know who he is?

18 04 2012
martin

Oh yeah I’ve heard of Black Flag and I know Henry Rollins but I didn’t know he was in them. Way too punk for me.

Although I am partial to the Beasts of Bourbon. Tex is the man. The Cruel Sea was cool.

18 04 2012
p'bee

sounds like a friend of mine, who’s into punk, but when i mentioned the clash and the sex pistols he drew a blank.

29 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Jesus. Lemme guess, Green Day fan.

I don’t care much for the Clash but I won’t deny their influence. Rancid are my favourite band – no Clash, no Rancid.

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

We know what Ash looks like, and P’bee when she posted some photos of her fashion. Not bad on me, I prefer lean but yeah I don’t build muscle. No shaved legs, it’s a pain in the arse and also not doing it annoys the guys I race with coz it’s so unpro! And brown hair.

Martin we know is bald, tall, and 100kg I think he said. I reckon a bit Nick Nolte with no hair. Good call on Mick but he is also tall. Panda has me totally stumped. You Urbz, 5’10, 74kg, fairish hair, well groomed but probably a bit stylish to go with it but not hipster. Possibly a skinny Matt Damonish type?

18 04 2012
martin

F#ck you Simon, it’s mostly muscle, I’m tough and I’m good.

This is what you look like

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Lol, not bad.

Here is you before you went bald.

18 04 2012
martin

You used to do this in the street when you were a kid.

18 04 2012
martin

You as a teen:

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Martins wedding photo.

18 04 2012
18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Martin in old age.

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://texastailwind.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/contador-alpe-duez.jpg?w=500&h=333

Here is a proper picture of me. Riding my bike on Alpe d Huez.

18 04 2012
urbanreverie

Hey Simon, are you sure this wasn’t you when you were in Europe last year? ;)

18 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

That’s hilarious.

18 04 2012
urbanreverie

Wow, I never saw P’Bee’s fashion photos.

As for what you think I look like … Hahaha! Waaaaay off the mark.

I’m only 5’7″, and people have told me that I look like Harry Potter, Andrew Denton and Mark Latham. I’m basically a short, fat, fair-skinned version of Andrew Denton with glasses and a goatee.

As for my style of dress … jeans, Cons, t-shirts, black or navy blue jackets. Always impeccably groomed when out of house. Not quite hipster but not bogan either. Though I am proud of my Wests Tigers polo shirt, which I call “my bogan shirt”.

I also do a hell of a lot of walking (even more nowadays, now that public transport fares in Brisbane are the second most expensive in the world and I’m on a successful weight-loss regime) so you’ll often see me in a pair of very well-worn hiking boots instead of Cons, whose soles are too thin for prolonged pavement pounding.

18 04 2012
James Hunter

Urban, I am 175cm and 135Kg so undrstand inpact damage when walking.
I have never looked back since getting into “Instride” Walking shoes. Black leather upper look pleanty good enough for office work and the range of sizes is what does it especially the very roomy “Toe Box”
Available for sure at “The Athleats Foot” maybe else where as well.

18 04 2012
martin

I’ve been doing a little bit of walking, I got me some sick Nikes from eastbay.com, only cost me $70. Eat shit bogan retailers. :D

I have some cons too but find them pretty uncomfortable and find them to be a bit of tinea factory so I don’t wear them. They sure look cool though.

You should get them on endless.com or some place like that James. You’ll save heaps and stick it to our bogan oligarchs.

18 04 2012
martin

I’ve seen you Ash in that picture with the woman who was the wife of a sports star or something.

18 04 2012
Pandabater

The Avatar is actually a photo of me.
I really need to get some sun.

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Like this?

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Jason the Zombie Panda

Or this?

18 04 2012
Pandabater

This is me & one of my co-workers.
About to do some ‘baten.

18 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Pandadraining

18 04 2012
James Hunter

Martin, Your not getting confused with some episode from “Little Britain” ?

18 04 2012
martin

Although Ash would be appropriate on LB, I must say I wouldn’t be too out of place either!

18 04 2012
James Hunter

Runs equal first for me as a comedy show with Faulty towers.
Closely followed by “Question Time” on ABC Federal Parliament. !

18 04 2012
martin

Have you seen The IT Crowd? Pretty good brit comedy imo. You might like it because you’re a bit nerdy.

19 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Little Britain is shit. Only libtards get all excited over Pommy comedy cause it’s somehow smarter and shit. Fuck that. Only good Brit comedy show I’ve ever seen is The Inbetweeners and that’s uber bogan.

Coming to America. Now that’s comedy.

20 04 2012
James Hunter

Ash,
American Comedy?
Oxymoron !

20 04 2012
martin

I didn’t get into Little Britain but there’s:

The Young Ones
Bottom
The Office
The Inbetweeners (which was pretty smartly done for the most part imo, it was much like my high school years)
The Good Life
Yes Prime Minister
George & Mildred
The Office
Extras
Open all Hours
The Two Ronnies

And about 10-20 others I can’t remember.

That’s the problem with you gen y, you didn’t grow up with shitty brit comedies on TV that were so shit they were awesome. That’s why you’re all so cheesy.

Coming to America was great, it was also pretty much the last time Eddie Murphy was funny.

Brit comedies are a great relief from cheesedick US comedies and bogan Australian TV.

Oh yeah, Black Books, that is indisputedly good. Even you’d like that Ash. F#cken watch it.

19 04 2012
Pandabater

Bloke today had all 3 bases covered.
Holden Commodore
Chevy badges
GTO numberplates.

19 04 2012
James Hunter

amazing what Schizophrenia will do to the suckers

20 04 2012
urbanreverie

Cue outraged, tattooed, wrap-around sunnie-wearing bogans at Brisbane Airport storming the Virgin check-in desk shouting “I want me money back! Jest wait ’till we call the Department of Fair Trading, then youse’ll be farked!”

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/virgin-flight-to-bali-forced-back/story-e6freoof-1226334449757

20 04 2012
urbanreverie

My eyes, my beautiful eyes. The orange, it hurts.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/whos-who-in-latest-series-of-the-amazing-race/story-e6frewyr-1226334645563

I’m The Amazing Race’s no. 1 fanboi, but I don’t think I’ll be able to watch the next series of The Amazing Race Australia. Or I’ll have to figure out a way of following the series while listening to my telly from the next room. Oh, and Martin, they’re from the northern beaches too …

20 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Fark, nuh I think they are CGI or something. Humans don’t look like that.

20 04 2012
urbanreverie

CGI = Chemical Genetic Interference? Carrots Gluttonously Ingested?

New Bogue & Boguette Show episode up, BTW. Here it is …

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/episode-62-but-their-chains-part-1/

20 04 2012
martin

We sure add more than our share to the skank idiot population here. It’s shameful.

Oh well, they’re good for cheap sex. I’d do the one on the left, I’d just need some sunnies.

20 04 2012
urbanreverie

But they’re identical twins, Martin. Y’know, the one on the left could slip out of bed, say that she just needs to duck down to the dunny; the one on the right could sneak into the bedroom while she’s away – and you’d never notice the switcheroo!

21 04 2012
martin

No worries, I’ll just call Ash and we can have an MMFF orgy.

29 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Long as you provide the earplugs and the glass implement for post-coital glassing.

20 04 2012
p'bee

I guess the upside of hair that bleached is it’d provide a light at night so you’d never be scared of the dark.

20 04 2012
James Hunter

Never be scared in the dark /
I would tyhink more like
” How to stop being scared in the dark”
?

21 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

And they’re St George fans.

I’d do them, but I’d glass them after.

21 04 2012
martin

Who’s going to Creamfields? A bit of a pornographic name isn’t it?

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/music/david-guetta-reveals-what-really-makes-him-suffer/story-e6frfn09-1226334386146

Techno is so bogan.

21 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

That’s what I thought when I saw the posters as well. I suspect the name is based on what the promoters hope the punters will leave behind after the festival.

And no, you couldn’t pay me enough to go to a dance music festival with a bunch of roid-and-ecky fueled bogans. My mates don’t even ask if I wanna come anymore. Even if there were free blowjobs on the dance floor.

21 04 2012
James Hunter

“if i wanna come anymore”
That phase just CANNOT be accidental
!!!!!

21 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Techno is just for farkwits.

21 04 2012
martin

I really liked this girl once until she came in listening to her ipod and I said “what are you listening to”? So she gave me the ear buds and all I got was this “doof doof” hard core shit.

It’s a cruel world.

21 04 2012
martin

Techno killed music. Rap crap did a good job too but techno was the psychotic genocidal force.

Bogans like it because they’re so f#cked that they could never learn an instrument, so they can imagine themselves being the dj star because all you have to be able to do to make techno is to be able to switch on a computer and point and click.

21 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

They like the repetitive nature of it. Comforting to the bogan brain.

I agree it is killing music. I hope it’s a fad but I fear not. Like reality tv, here to stay. If one more person asks me what I think of The Voice the carnt gets glassed. How could they possibly think I would watch sh^t like that.

21 04 2012
martin

It *has* killed music. Everything is shit now because I say so, because I’m old and over it and noise gives me a headache and irritates me. Stfu.

I have been treasonous. I quite enjoyed The Voice last Sunday. It’s because they turn their backs to them so the wannabes have to go on conviction and soul and shit like artists used to. There was a couple of talented people.

But I bet once the judges have their teams set up, and the judges are facing them, it’ll just turn to shit and just be another Idol, X-Factor and all that.

You should audition Simon, dress up in your lycra and sing a Rick Astley song.

21 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I’d prbly win. Srlsly. Don’t watch that show Martin. It just encourages them.

21 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Can someone explain to me how the Voice is different from any other pseudo-talent reality show?

I could have gotten into the X factor if it had had a couple more Xs.

22 04 2012
martin

When the contestant come on and auditions, the judges turn around so they can’t see them. Each judge has to make up a team of people that they will supposedly mentor, so if a judge likes what they hear they will press the button on their chairs and turn around and ask the person auditioning to be in their team. So instead of being some poser fake arse TOO G@Y FM ala Guy Sebastian they have to sing with soul and conviction in order to get the judges’ attention. They are still making up the teams at the moment.

For the most part the fake arse posers have failed and the people with a modicum of talent have succeeded. But as I said after the auditioning everyone will know who the singers are and so then it will probably descend into fake arsery and showmanship rather than talent.

22 04 2012
martin

The bogan is like herpes, if you’ve got herpes not looking at it isn’t going to make a difference.

21 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

I’ll defend rap here. Most of the stuff that gets played on the radio is shit, however the stuff that you don’t hear because it’s too scary for white people is hektic.

Martin – listen to Immortal Technique before you tell me rap is shit. Best part is he’s too deep for bogans and too scary for most libtards.

22 04 2012
martin

If it’s like Ludacris and their song which goes “move bitch get out the way”, or like JayZ, then I still say it’s shit, although occasionally vaguely entertaining.

22 04 2012
James Hunter

Martin,
Doesn’t matter which way you slice it ;it is still shit.

22 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Nah man, the subject matter is different. Immortal Tech’s lyrics are, shall we say, a little deeper than “move bitch, get out the way.”

Last I heard Ludacris was rapping on Justin Bieber songs. Teh g@yz.

22 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I love their videos. Take pimped car, 50 skanks in bikini’s, and 50 home boys, edit quickly and make sure they all do the patented DJ arm pump.

Next interchangeable artist, repeat process.

23 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

The Roots (one of the more intelligent, socially conscious hip hop groups out there) made a video parodying these kind of videos.

I think you might like them Simon. They’re very libtard.

23 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Post it up Ash.

23 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Youtube are too soft to post the video with the subtitles (which is the whole point) so I had to use one on Dailymotion.

I’m not a huge Roots fan but they’re alright.

22 04 2012
martin

They’re not all the same. There’s a Snoop Dog video with #124 in it.

22 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

True, I saw a video without the car once.

23 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Here’s a video for you Ash. Enjoy.

24 04 2012
Immanuel Karnt

Damn. Sexy.

24 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I just knew women with mo’s would turn you on.

24 04 2012
martin

It’s amazing how much more attractive a lot of women are when their faces are hidden.

24 04 2012
martin

So you can’t see the dumb arse bogan look in their eye.

23 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
23 04 2012
martin

I’d hit it. Then I’d run like the wind before I was seen in public with her.

23 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

You really want to test me Simon?

Nah you’re right. It’s bullshit. I can go like a porn star (not my words – I’ve f*cked porn stars before although I paid for the privilege) and I’m much younger and more virile than Cowell and there’s no way in hell I could go 11 times in one night.

23 04 2012
martin

I say the proliferation of nutrionists is like the rise of HR, a bogan feminism initiative designed to keep women employed.

We have nutritionists and dieticians but we are fatter than ever, we have a lot of HR and I say people hate their jobs and dream of being rich and doing f#ck all more than ever. I know I do.

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Wanna-get-skinny-might-be-time-to-ditch-your-fat-friends/

23 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Good article. The comments from the defensive fatties are great.

27 04 2012
moar caek

‘A proclivity for precise statements is normally an advantage for scientists. That same positive trait can be a liability when communicating with non-specialists. An approach for communication with the general public was provided (elsewhere) recently by professional communicators, who indicate that this approach works in nearly all circumstances. It can be summarized like this.

Keep the messages short.
Keep the number of items as close to three as possible, consider five as a maximum.
Repeat the messages frequently.

Elsewhere someone recommended this as a candidate set of memes when explaining climate science.

Climate change: It’s happening.
Climate change: We’re doing it.
Climate change: We can change it.

These three points are important. First, there is no significant doubt within the climate science community that these changes are happening. Second, human contributions to climate change are driving the speed of the changes. And finally, it is not hopeless, there are things we can do about what’s happening.

If we can unify our messages to this level, keep explanations tied to the core messages, and attempt to avoid providing detail and conditionals that create confusion, we might stand a chance at clearly communicating vital information to the public.’

in comments

@ http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v481/n7379/full/481005a.html
(since 1869)

I have some smug corpulent, ignorant, arrogant catholic bishop on my #QandA this week and then a bunch of lolcock morons who don’t give a tinker’s stertorous fucĸing cuss if the whole planet only becomes habitable by sulphur based life forms, because baby Jesus is comin’ back any day now to burn it all to the ground and send all the filthy fucĸing foreigners to hell anyway, and in the meantime they just wanna keep everybody stupid and obese and frightened while they collect up all the gold to pave the streets of the heavenly new America or whatever TEH FÜĊĶ these puckering sphincter pastiche of a poor excuse for humans beings are up to.
CÜNTS !!!

I have had enough of giving oxygen to these corporate shills on the pretense of “balance”. Your “Balance” is BIAS. THERE IS NO BALANCE!! There is nothing TO balance!!! STOP IT STOP IT!!!

auuggh!

27 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ah Moar, there you are. Been off training for the Giro I assume.

Went to Charles Melton the other day, outstanding!! There is a nice little box tucked in the cellar for down the track.

How can you not like wine Martin?

27 04 2012
martin

Probably never had any good stuff. When I’ve had it it makes my teeth all red like I’ve been eating shit.

I’m still a quantity over quality guy, getting maggot rules.

F#ck you.

27 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

That’s pretty bogan right there.

27 04 2012
martin

I know. I’ve admitted several times to being a togan. More fun than being a sogan like you.

Have fun with your G@yFL on the weekend.

27 04 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I will, we play Richmond at Etihad. I am sure you will agree with me that our twin ruck attack, backed up by a well credentialed midfield will slice through the Tigers press and lead to a resounding victory.

To round out my Soganness I have a bike race Sunday morning, hoping to back up my last start win!

27 04 2012
martin

“We”? You mean the team you barrack for.

I’m going to have a look at a javascript framework, maybe work on a domain model, maybe play some soccer on my xbox360, I’ve promoted Scunthorpe United to the Champions League, and have a masti over some nudy women.

27 04 2012
martin

We”? You mean the team you barrack for.

I’m going to have a look at a javascript framework, maybe work on a domain model, maybe play some soccer on my xbox360, I’ve promoted Sc#nthorpe United to the Champions League, and have a masti over some nudy women.

Haha, Sc#nthorpe has c#nt in it.

28 04 2012
moar caek

Scunthorpe has heaps of cunts in it.

27 04 2012
James Hunter

Simon,
Just a hint for you
You will find it easier to win if you do try not to start “last”, !

27 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I like a challengeJH!

28 04 2012
moar caek

Sweet. we love you charlie. and lunch at the Stonewaller’s on the way out? that’s a treat. the food was excellent but it’s served up with rockford’s museum wines, like a ten year old ‘Rifle Range’? Hello! I think it was only a hundred buck’s a head or something too…

27 04 2012
urbanreverie

Oh FML, Moar Caek has done it again – made everything bold and italic. Ewwwww.

Oh, and Simon, Martin’s right, wine sucks. Give me a decent Kiwi ale or German pilsner instead. Then again you’re from Adelaide so I’ll forgive you for being a wine buff because the tap water and West End Draught are undrinkable.

And a new Bogue & Boguette is up, BTW. This week – is the revolution about to begin?

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/episode-63-but-their-chains-part-2/

27 04 2012
martin

Yeah. F#ck you and your fuedalistic romanesque grapes, I drink from the grains bitch, the peoples’ shit.

I like Steinlager. The sheep rooters know how to make a beer. Also Whale Ale from the Nelson Bay area. Don’t mind a Tennent’s too. Even though they’re from Scotland.

Grapes are f#ken G@Y.

I also support g@y marriage and the right to use the word g@y for things I think are g@y.

27 04 2012
James Hunter

Come on Urban, fair suck of the sav.
Coopers Pale ale and Sparkling are from Adelaide and they can hold their ” heads up” any where !

28 04 2012
urbanreverie

Yeah, Coopers is pretty good. The reason why there’s so much sediment in it though is because they use Adelaide tap water!

27 04 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

F*CK you Urban, you East Coasters have no class!

29 04 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

F*ck you Simon. Wine is sh!t.

29 04 2012
urbanreverie

Interesting article in the Brisbane Times …

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/can-logan-ditch-its-bogan-tag-20120427-1xq2f.html

For those not familiar with Queensland, Logan is a large suburban city south of Brisbane. It contains some of the most disadvantaged postcodes in Australia, and all of Logan (despite containing many middle-class areas) gets tarred with the same brush in the public imagination.

I agree with the thrust of the article, there’s nothing shameful in being low-income, and being disadvantaged does not make one a bogan. If TBL has taught us anything, it’s that a distinguishing feature of the modern bogan is a complete lack of tolerance for people who don’t have much luck in life. If you want to pick on a real bogan area, mock North Lakes or Eatons Hill.

Your thoughts?

29 04 2012
martin

Yeah it’s a shame, it’s a meme that has been repeated so much, I often still fall for it and immediately assume most blue collar types or poorer types are bogans.

Even though a lot of yogans and a lot of middle class people and are some of the biggest crooks and dead shits of all time.

4 05 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

http://www.vidvir.com/watch/Y2i#.T6Gq_tnpzf0

Here is a funny video. Enjoy.

4 05 2012
urbanreverie

Proof that moronic boganism transcends the Tasman, Simon!

4 05 2012
martin

I was bored so I put in c#nt the other day into youtube and found this:

Mildly entertaining, from some annoying libtard c#nt.

4 05 2012
urbanreverie

OK guys, I’ve got a quick question …

I had dinner with Ash last night. He is so cool, and much milder than he seems on TBL. He only threatened to glass me once! ;)

Anyway, we had a discussion about #124. To my surprise, he pronounces it “one-twenty-four”, while I’ve always said “one-two-four”.

So how do you guys say it? Which way is correct?

And there’s a new Bogue & Boguette Show episode up, BTW. Here’s the link:

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/episode-64-but-their-chains-part-3/

4 05 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

As you do Urban.

4 05 2012
martin

Ash is wrong. I say one two four.

4 05 2012
James Hunter

Urban,
one , two four does it for me (figuratively speaking )
Asside from the pun, a one tyenty four should realy be a one twenty fourth ?
Dare I say “keep your end up ” ?

4 05 2012
5 05 2012
Immanuel Karnt

Yeah youse carnts are all wrong.

I did threaten to glass a couple of hipsters as well. But the rest of my night (I had gone to Brisbane for a concert) ended up with me getting booted out for a little #1 (stealing a hoodie) and arguing with the merch Nazi who got me evicted (I offered to return it and pay also). I ended up sucker punching the guy as he left.

Then I just went to the Valley and did the same things I always do when I wind up there or the Cross alone. Find the dodgiest bar (the one bogans avoid cause it’s actually scary and they may actually get stabbed), go to strip joint, then brothen and eventually pass out in an alley and wake up and midday, three hours after you were supposed to leave.

5 05 2012
urbanreverie

Let me guess, Ash – the Step Inn?

5 05 2012
Immanuel Karnt

I think that was it. Details are a tad hazy.

5 05 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

I didn’t know One Direction were playing in Brisbane Ash. Did you follow them all around our wide brown land?

5 05 2012
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124

Yep. Although I wasn’t so interested in the music itself but finding teeny bopper sluts at their shows to give #124 in their wide brown eyes.

5 05 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

Any luck?

6 05 2012
Immanuel Karnt

I’m Ash. Do you really think I would not succeed at getting me some #124?

Teenyboppers these days are insane.

6 05 2012
Immanuel Karnt

And Bogue wasted his time crossing the picket line as the Panfers were massacred, (Clearly he didn’t realise next week is the time the Storm will lose. Go the Sharkies).

8 05 2012
urbanreverie

So, tonight is Budget night. You can ignore the dozens of square miles of newsprint covered with the drivel of the pundits guessing what will be in store tonight, and instead just remember these three things which will certainly be in the Budget:

(1) There will be yet another bribe for the McMansion-mortgaged bogan “working families” in key outer-suburban marginal seats. Never mind that the fiscal climate is rather straitened due to the GFC, or that throwing cash at people who don’t need it has nearly zero marginal utility. The outer-suburban bogan marginals will not be forgotten.

(2) Meanwhile, the genuinely disadvantaged – the disabled, the unemployed, the mentally ill, indigenous people – will either be (a) totally ignored, or (b) have their lives made even more miserable through even more punitive Centrelink requirements. But this is OK. These people don’t decide elections in marginal seats. And bogans don’t very much like the disabled, the unemployed, the mentally ill or indigenous people and revel in any opportunity to kick people while they’re down. So win-win.

(3) Yet another “efficiency dividend” will be imposed on all government departments, which will see the quality of public services continue to deteriorate while exhausted staff are given even bigger workloads and retiring and resigning staff are not replaced. But this is OK. Every bogan knows that public servants are just a bunch of bludgers who sit around all day doing nuffint.

As for me, I’m not even going to watch the Budget speech this year. I end up screaming at my telly and throwing things at it.

8 05 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Pretty much spot on Urban. Prbly more tax on fags (not the inner city types).

8 05 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Pretty much spot on Urban. Prbly more tax on f@gs (not the inner city types

8 05 2012
martin

Too true Urbz.

I love it how Liberal spruikers/voters hated the government for spending so much over the last few years and now that we’re getting a little surplus they’re saying the government should have spent more to provide a stimulus. Obviously because their parasitic property ponzi scheme has finally come down a tiny bit. Retail has come down too, but they blame wages, the massive amounts retail workers supposedly get, not the f@cking massive amount it costs to rent a commerical premises!

Yeah what’s with punishing teachers, I went to a public school and 95% of the teachers were good.

8 05 2012
p'bee

Point 2 was the cut to foreign aid. Becuase giving Clive Palmer more money is more important than saving people from starvation.

8 05 2012
urbanreverie

And also making sole parents go back to work when their youngest child turns eight instead of sixteen. Sounds great in theory … but it would only work in a society with ubiquitous, 24/7 and affordable child care located on school grounds. Which Australia doesn’t have. But hey, it’s all OK, because we all know that single mums are just a bunch of slappers who got preggers at the age of 15 just to live the high life on social security the rest of their lives.

Anyway, it’s so nice to know that singles once again get shafted in the latest federal Budget. Families families families families bloody families! Oops. That’s right. Not many single people live in the outer-suburban marginal electorates full of breeder-box McMansions with snotty-nosed brats high as a kite on Ritalin. Who wants to join me in forming the Australian Singles Union? :P

9 05 2012
martin

For the ones that are slappers I can see lots of Jaydens, Kaydens and Braidens 8 years apart in the future.

I guess us singles don’t provide any future moiners Urbz. However imo we’re doing the planet a favour and should be rewarded. We should pay people to be sterilised or give them a reward at about 65 when it’s too late.

8 05 2012
James Hunter

Urban Simon Martin, go read article by Marty Kaplan in todays Huffington Post.
They got tea party we got Foney Rabbit and Joe Hickey.
They fundamentally just soooo sore they didnt get to form the borderling government . Also obsesed with giving money and tax breaks to the business and wealthy slobs that dont need it. Banks that dont pass on cuts whiler returning Record Quater Profits.
Unfortunately we will probably end up with conservatives(rightwing religious zealots) in power soon. Clive and Twiggy and so on will cheer, the rest might say thank god julias gone. BUT watch how soon they winge when the truth starts to bight. That is when I will roll round laffing.

8 05 2012
martin

Me too James, I don’t think the bogue will like it when they start importing a whole heap of immigrants to drive down their pay at the moines or if we get 2 weeks holidays like the US. It’s so easily swayed with the dumbest of propaganda like using terms like “free market” and “supply and demand”. It doesn’t occur to the bogue that these things can be tampered with rendering those terms almost redundant.

I find the whole bank thing massively pot kettle. The bogue loves it when it’s investment property or even it’s main property goes up and lands the bogue a huge unearned windfall but then they declare that it’s only the banks that are greedy. It demands almost zero percent interest rates and savers or retirees can go f#ck themselves.

11 05 2012
urbanreverie

I stumbled upon this gem the other day:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/it's-not-really-funny-because-this-is-dangerously-close-to-happening-one-day.

All I can say is … it’s obviously plaigarised from the comments threads on news.com.au! :)

BTW, check out the blog that Tumblr is from. If you love TBL and Bogue & Boguette, I reckon you’d also have a pretty good chance of loving some of what this guy has to say:

http://citizen-cam.tumblr.com/

BTW, a new B&B ep is up. And this week … Everybody’s favourite Pube Plucker is finding it difficult to adjust to daytime television now that he’s unemployed … but at least he finds out what it really means to have mates you can count on!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/episode-65-love-on-the-dole/

13 05 2012
Immanuel Karnt

The TBL boys may have gone away, but I am now officially a fully maxxtreme celebrity. I was in the papers and everyfint.

13 05 2012
James Hunter

What was it you were arrested for ? I am sure you were innocent of course.
Should we send food parcels ?

13 05 2012
martin

You were either hooning around the beach side at Sans Souci or you managed to sneak in to one of those parties the narcissistic trust fund kiddy yogans go to and are photographed by the Telegraph.

14 05 2012
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

We need details Karnt.

14 05 2012
Immanuel Karnt

JH – No, this time I wasn’t in arrested. I joked about it with my workmates last night – this is the first time I’ve been in the papers without the opening line “A Sydney male/youth has been…”

Martin – those parties don’t allow brown people, and I downgraded to a Suzuki Alto as my ride. How the mighty have fallen…but petrol prices are hurting everyone.

Simon (and the rest) -http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/whats-the-buzz-australias-best-sporting-gossip-with-phil-rothfield/story-e6freye0-1226353857517 Scroll down to the sub-heading “Burgess: Let’s take it outside.” That’s my Twitter handle mentioned. And here’s a photo. http://instagr.am/p/KjWIv2FhkB/

I bought a copy of the Telecrap for the first time in my life.

14 05 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

That’s pretty funny Ash, good work.

Idon’tknow whosamburgessis!

14 05 2012
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I googled him, looks like a tool, but then dont all Rugby playas.

14 05 2012
Immanuel Karnt

He is a tool. And he’s a Pom. Even worse.

14 05 2012
martin

An Alto? Shit man. Well you are a student.

No, the curries haven’t worked their way up the social ladder yet. I thought you might have made it. Because most curries have got that “yeah we breed like flies but I am classy and educated” thing going on, which is kind of boring and pathetic, where as you have a “f@ck you I’m a curry get f@cked” thing going on. Which is more tolerable and genuine.

Go Manly! Not that I give a shit.

Hating Manly is bogan. I don’t know why we get lumped with the silvertails tag, costs a shit load to live pretty much anywhere in Sydney.

14 05 2012
Immanuel Karnt

It’s the Islander in me that brings the “f*ck you I’m a curry go f*ck yourself coz I still have a bigger d*ck than you.” out.

And my dad loves Manly so I hate them.

30 05 2012
CaarntBeGlassed
18 07 2012
Hulk Bogan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7ClUrEuhCY i cant believe how bogan this video is. Couldnt stop LoLing

9 10 2012
Froshow

FINALLY! Thank you for bringing this ridiculous trend to attention. It really is the domain of simpletons and an unoriginal, unimaginative mind to end every single scandal in GATE!

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