#120 – Forgiving Celebrities

6 04 2010

Regular readers of this blog would be excused for thinking that the bogan lacks a central nervous system, and is utterly incapable of remorse or forgiveness. While that assumption is fundamentally correct, there have been a few sightings of bogan compassion. One of the most intriguing among these is the bogan’s ability to forgive misbehaving celebrities.

The bogan wants desperately to be a celebrity with no particular skillset. The unfortunate truth in this is that 99.9% of them are not celebrities, nor are they, despite their lack of any particular talents, “celebrities waiting to be discovered”. In the meantime, many among this 99.9% will dedicate significant amounts of time and money to celebrities, ranging from buying magazines which gossip about celebrities, to watching shows which gossip about celebrities, to gossiping about celebrities with other bogans.

The bogan has convinced itself that the worth of a celebrity is entirely dependent on what they, the bogan think of them at any given time. As such, the bogan has developed detailed (if nonsensical) insights and monologues on dozens of celebrities that it can rattle off at a moment’s notice. From time to time, a celebrity does something that will meet with the fearsome wrath of the bogan. The offences can include cheating on a spouse, calling a linesman a ‘spastic’, lying down on a rowing boat, entering politics, subjecting children to polygraph tests, or wearing a bogan-reviled garment to a red carpet event.

For a period of weeks or months, this celebrity will have gushing torrents of bogan hate pouring down upon it. It will come in the form of spittle-soaked talkback radio rants, fact-orexic magazine exposés, and foodcourt conversations with the capacity to strip bystanders of their will to live. Fortunately for the maligned celebrity in question, there are three ways out.

Firstly, the bogan’s Lilliputian attention span means that the grave celeb crime is likely to be forgotten by the time its next movie or album comes out. Second, the celebrity may publicly apologise to the bogan. To all the bogans. Because that’s who the celebrity truly wronged, here. Not the cuckolded wife, not the estranged political movement, but the bogans.

Finally, in the wake of this apology, the bogan can prove to itself that it is a wonderful human being. By mentally extending the olive branch to Tiger Woods when he eventually walks up to a tee, the bogan will feel warm and compassionate. In this moment, the bogan is basically Tiger’s best mate, deeply connected to his soul. As Tiger collects the trophy at tournament’s end, the bogan can reflect on the roller coaster relationship they had with Tiger, and decide that it’s OK. That Tiger, despite his foibles, despite the pain he caused the bogan, is OK.


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187 responses

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I guess it should also be pointed out that the standard Celebrity-Act-Of-Contrition should also involve (if only temporarily) finding God.

6 04 2010
Muz

FOF!

Most American sports (and actors) celebrities have already found God and thank Him profusely after winning any event.

Makes you wonder how God chooses which celebrity out of the many that is praying for the win is deemed the most worthy.

FOF!

6 04 2010
common man

muz you cant forgive the wannabe celebrity that is fiona of toorak but you can laugh at her blatant persona rip off from ms penelope “thunderbirds are go”

6 04 2010
Muz

FOF!

Don’t worry, there is no forgiveness.

You are correct about the persona rip-off except that ‘Fiona of Toorak’ is a man and not a woman.

Come to think of it Ms Penelope was a puppet/marionette also.

FOF!

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

“…arily) finding God.”

he was in the cupboard under the stairs!

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The Fray found Him on the corner of First and Amistad.

6 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

And tears, Fiona. Don’t forget the tears, whether they be all over the sweaty batting gloves, all over the chipped and fingerprint-smeared cellphone, the ceiling panels of the SUV or the ministerial portfolio, tears are a must.

6 04 2010
Benjamin

Given how so many high profile “representatives of God” have misbehaved…

I wonder who will be the first to complete a full cycle… I’m not aware of any who have done this yet.

6 04 2010
Simon

They will stick with Jesus because he makes it all ok. No mater how heinous their self absorbtion Jesus will support and forgive them and then they can do it again. It all comes back to not accepting responsability for your own actions and their impact.

6 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Jesus. Or someone…

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/easter2.png

haha! He sings like a God!

6 04 2010
Benjamin

Or that’s what they believe.

However, forgiveness requires repentance; it isn’t unconditional. I think this is (or should be) true in general, religious considerations aside.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

my view entirely ,the caflicks esp sin all week and go to confession so they can start over. what a wank

6 04 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
My sweet little cabbage, One either finds god or one does not. The thing that is usually tempory is the following of gods ways?

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You have no idea how painful it is for me to say this, but… “I stand corrected”.

*shudder*

6 04 2010
James Hunter

Oh Fi,
I just lurrrrve it when you shudder. thinks ……

6 04 2010
Muz

FOF!

“My sweet little cabbage” ! ! !

More gold James?

Quote – James Hunter ‘lots of us who still have some intellect left…etc’ – End quote.

I sure am glad there’s intellectual heavyweights like you around to keep us plebs in check.

FOF!

6 04 2010
James Hunter

Muz(zel)
all you dudes flashing french round lately should recall. “My little cabbage” is a term of endearment ,in french.

6 04 2010
brad

tengo radio de jamon

6 04 2010
Sam

Can’t you find God and then lose God again 5 minutes after accepting the trophy, i.e. once you jump into the stretched Hummer full of coke and hos?

7 04 2010
Paddington

I recall a tear-stained Paris Hilton banging on about finding God after her release from jail. Make of that what you will.

6 04 2010
Nelson Esq

TBL,
You hurt us with that horrible #119 April Fools Day joke, but we promise to forgive you if you publicly say sorry and at least sound like you mean it. You’ll also have to go on being a champion at writing stuff about bogans and that, even if you might be black like Toiger.

Yours Sincerely
M.E. Nelson Esq

6 04 2010
Sam

Bogans love toigers.

“Easy toiger”

“Like a toiger!”

They used to love Austin Powers too, that was where the “Like a tiger” line was made famous wasn’t it?

6 04 2010
Cookie Monster

I will never forgive Charlie Sheen for his crimes against humanity.

6 04 2010
Tone

Not to mention his crimes against television.

6 04 2010
Tubesteak

Charlie Sheen is a legend. Banging hot chicks, doing drugs and getting drunk a lot is legendary.

To turn that into a tv show and being one of the highest paid tv stars is genius.

Pity that, like Tiger, he went and did the stupid thing and bought the cow. He should have stayed true to himself and his manhood and not given in.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

And crimes against humility

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Right on TBL!
I believe the bogan is willing to forgive such indiscretions by a celebrity because it instantly makes their foibles ok.
‘If Tiger can sleep with 19 different women other than his wife then apologise and have it be ok, then so can I”.

(Hey, Go Tiger! Right fellas?)

These poor celebrities with their ‘Sex Addictions’.
TBL I believe this should be a post on its own.
It’s horrible that the terrible affliction of Sex Addiction seems to be so very concentrated amongst uber rich celebrities.
Affluenza at its most Bogue!

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You might enjoy this then: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1442133/ HI-LARIOUS!

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Gold!
I’m gonna download it!

Ssalacilicioussss…

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The best bit is the “graduation ceremony” (I kid you not) at the end where each contestant, er, sex addict opens a wicker basket to release a…

Go on, have a guess.

6 04 2010
Simon

Bible?
Antonio Banderas blow up love doll?

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Not even close.

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

please tell me it’s a mirror and a loaded gun?

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Sadly, no.

White doves. :-|

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

ugh!

Words fail…

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Dr Drew’s folksy charm fails him in this and his smarmy sidekick appears to be good for not much more than a glassing.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

pity it was not a razor blade and a free ticket to the hot springs bath

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

all part of the process of ‘normalising’ what was once ridiculous beahviour.
see also: plastic surgery, lap dancing/strippers etc. etc.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

Sexual,affluenza,causes swineish behaviour ?

6 04 2010
brad

arnt we all very presbyterian today?, the sad truth is given the power and money most men will indulge in this sought of shenanigans if given the oppurtunity tiger just took it too the xtreme cause he is xtreme i betting 19 could be multiplied by one hundred,the poor old bogue schmuck can only dream of such a scorecard if only he was ‘coined up”.(Tiger at a Las Vegas bar-“i want her ,bring her too me now”)

6 04 2010
Shirley M

Fact-orexic. Hehehehe.

Slightly off topic, but I am always astounded at the amount of money bogans are willing to spend on celebrity perfumes, aftershaves and the like.

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Tige-wah. The new fragrance by Tiger Woods.

6 04 2010
Shirley M

I would imagine it would be called Eu de 2 under par-fum.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

pay that, shirley.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

under “paw” “fume” ??

6 04 2010
Simon

Tige-wah – When you need to score a hole in one.

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Wasn’t that Tiger’s problem? He just wasn’t happy with a hole in one…

6 04 2010
Simon

Tige-wah – Gets you through 18 holes Easy!

6 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

Yes.

Tiger Woods.

Often.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi he was not happy with one in the hole ?

6 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Yes, “fact-orexic” was my favourite part too!

Surely an entire post about those magazines would be worthy?

6 04 2010
Simon

I am considering using Eu de Usher, should be able to attract some scanky hoes with that!

6 04 2010
Tone

Or maybe Chris Brown’s new aftershave. It’s strong enough to knock out Rhianna …

6 04 2010
6 04 2010
Shirley M

hahaha!

A friend of mine once described Rhianna as as leather clad dolphin.

6 04 2010
Fiona

I’ve never been more offended than when my uncle gave me a Britney perfume for my birthday.

Then again this is a man who my father (his brother) even admits “If he had any self-awareness his head would implode”

6 04 2010
Tone

So what does Britney perfume smell like? I’m guessing it smells like a cross between skank and Cheetos.

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. With just a hint of dirty ashtray.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

and baby sick.

6 04 2010
Nick

Bourbon and yeast infection.

6 04 2010
sten mkII

i’ve always been a fan of the impulse body spray covering the stench of cigarette smoke. skankalicious.

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It could be marketed as eau-de-boganne.

6 04 2010
Tombarina

Excellent post, TBL.

For proof, look no further than The Bogfather, Shane Warne.

* Repeatedly cheats on wife (despite the slim odds of him finding even ONE woman willing to sleep with him)
* Runs foul of drugs-in-sport rules (blames Mum)
* Trades inside info to Indian bookies (doesn’t think he did anything wrong)
* Foul-mouth sledger (wears this like a badge of honour)
* Appears dimwitted (see previous comment)
* Acts like a goose in public (Exhibit A: ridiculous wicket-dancing displays)
* Prone to wildly fluctuating weight (hence, fad dieting), hair loss (well, hello, Ashley and Martin), smoking (despite endorsing an anti-smoking product at the time) and a very thin skin (chased and abused kids who photographed him indulging in a sly durrie).

In short, he’s the sort of loud-mouthed, know-it-all spanker you wouldn’t invite to dinner in a fit. But nope: the man’s a LEGEND.

The final straw was flicking on ABC News Radio on Sunday morning to hear an extended BBC interview with Our Warnie, who has been appointed to a semi-official role in smoothing race relations between Australia and India. His cutting-edge solution? Indian students should get involved in local cricket clubs. The man’s a thinker!

6 04 2010
Shirley M

No need for the ‘appears’ to precede the ‘dimwitted’, Tombarina.

6 04 2010
Tombarina

Sorry Shirl. I thought that might make it legal and stuff.

But you’re correct – it’s utterly superfluous and serves absolutely no useful purpose. Just like Warnie…

6 04 2010
T-ra

I had the unfortunate experience of meeting Warney once….many years ago before all of the drama and when he was still an ‘up and coming’ star. He approached me and a group of my girlfriends outside of a Club. He proceeded to ask what we all did and when we responded that we were all students at university he went off and said words to the effect of ‘uni…only losers go to uni…look at me, I never went to uni and I am more successful and going to be richer than any of you’ and proceeded to storm off.
God bless him for showing us the error of our ways ;-P

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. My favorite Warney tale involves him, a journalist and the considerable period of time Warney kept the journalist waiting. Whilst waiting, the journo. turned his attentions to the weighty literary tome he’d brought with him in the event of such a circumstance happening. After a few hours, Warney “rocked up” to meet the interviewer, only to espy the book. As a way of breaking the ice, Warney asked what it was and who wrote it and then said “ah, I’ve read that before” – much to the journos shock. Upon further questioning, the truth was revealed – Warney was referring to the fact that he had read A book before, not that one. It was a book on UFOs.

6 04 2010
Shirley M

I witnessed Warney dining in a restaurant many years ago. The man actually smoked and ate at the same time.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

ugh!

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

now…
here’s the thing.
Agree with all you have to say there. Warnie is the supreme god emperor of Tools. (and in spite of myself I like it like that. humans understand things in contrast, and as long as there are Warnies I feel that much better about myself. and seriously, hearing what this uber goose has done lately always gives me a chuckle… heh heh. f*ckwit.)
but that’s not the point.
warnie is freakishly gifted at chucking a ball a particular way. and ditto tiger with a golf stick. I just w*ish to fuck that’s all we heard of them. I think the bogue becomes so engaged with celebrity through mass multi media it feels obliged to “care”. witness the passing of steve irwin.
I knew grown adults who wept…
there is a statue of him in Mooloolaba. on the sunshine coast (which is the boganest place in the known multiverse)
wtf?

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Damn Spankers!
hohoho

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

What a beautiful turn of phrase you guys share.

Who said “great minds discuss ideas, mediocre minds discuss events and small minds discuss people.”? or was it me?
Beyond advertising, I can only imagine one use for celebrity cult.
succinctly; “Neighbours is better than jihad.” (not to single out any particular branch of the children of abraham – they are all equally despicable imo.)
maybe distracting the masses from ancient folk tales is a positive step…
using nastiness for niceness…

6 04 2010
sten mkII

Islam is not an Abrahamic religion. they worshit the moon god(Allah) and the Blackstone, which was a meteorite.

6 04 2010
Sten

Beg to differ, sten mkII. Christians, Jews and Muslims alike revere Abraham (except he’s usually called Ibrahim in Islam) as a prophet. Islam in fact regards Abraham/Ibrahim as an ancestor of Mohamed.

Therefore Islam can definitely be considered an Abrahamic religion.

6 04 2010
Sten Mk II

Well i was born on Thors Day – 6th december – and have blue eyes and blonde hair. Am i Thors distant relative? only if i make it up and threaten to kill anyone who says otherwise.

The Koran was “inspired” by an illiterate kiddie fiddler. 99% of the stuff in it is pure bullshit. It is the work of a conman, and the fact that 1.4 billion people are dumb enough to believe lies, contradictions and blatant untruths goes along way to demonstrate the non validity of Islam as a religion. Think more along the lines of Nazi cult koolaid drinking types, and you’re close.

the thing to remember with any religion is this: if the ‘word’ is the ‘truth’ then ANYTHING i say that counters the ‘word’ of ‘truth’ will be obvious in its shortcomings, and my arguement will fade to nothing. of course, this is not true, and so blasphemy was created.

here endeth the lesson.

7 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

bravo.
My point was: all mono-theism is rooted in folk tales.
your reasoning holds true for christendom too. All modern christianity is a derivation of catholocism. catholicism is the political arm of the holy roman empire (read “the one time known universe for the western world”), was instituted and maintained as a control tool. the crimes of christianity are manifest. A succinct contrast; china had no dark ages. “Christian” societies may claim some moral high ground now, but their hand is in every moral outrage on the face of civilisation.
Muslims are just a few centuries behind the game.
Maybe if jerusalem was turned into a stinking radioactive hole for 100,000 years.
Maybe if they were all forced to watch 24 hours of discovery channel science.
Maybe if interstellar space monsters arrived to remind us we’re all human.

amen.

7 04 2010
Sten Mk II

i elect to not comment on catholicism, as a) i’d be here forever, and b) i elect to not annoy my horde of swooning tartan skirt wearing private schoolgirls.

My most recent amusing tale of Islam is the decision that Mermaids are Halal. So next time you catch one in the ol’ driftnet, invite hammad and asif around for a halal dinner of roast mermaid. tasty.

a jihad on you all.

7 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohoho

6 04 2010
loftie

Happy Easter TBL (and readers)

Bogan Favourites are sports stars that have screwed up…
Particularly AFL…
Wayne Carey?
Ben Cousins?
Brendan Fevola?

The list goes on… … …

6 04 2010
T-ra

Matthew Johns – definite case in point. I still cannot believe the man not only has his ‘tv career’ back – but his own tv show! Now Wayne Carey is supposidly getting a spot on a sports show…when will it end? The Gary Ablett Variety Hour? Greg Bird’s Guide to the Life, Universe and Everything? The John Hopoate Action Figure with extendable finger for bogan children everywhere?
Just madness!

6 04 2010
Sten

Also, no doubt, The Good Life, with Barry Hall… an appreciation of arts, literature, fine food and drink, travel to non-SE Asian countries, and of course, decking people in blind fits of rage.

6 04 2010
Tombarina

T-ra’s Hopoate reference reminded me of an unfortunate piece of public art at a prime commercial location in the Brisbane CBD.

The entrance of the Macquarie-owned Credit Union Australia building at 175 Eagle Street is graced by a huge striking sculpture by Sebastian di Mauro, entitled ‘Chat’.

Since 2001, however, this prestigious address and the artwork have been collectively referred to as “the Hopper”.

And here’s why:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/brewbooks/2135194215/

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Ha!
fool deserves to take that to the grave.
what a goose.
(pun intended)

6 04 2010
T-ra

:-) I have always heard it referred to as ‘Hopoate House’!

6 04 2010
Tombarina

Yep, Hopper House; the Hopoate Building; Hopper Tower, etc.

Or, in the interests of uncluttered elegance and simplicity: The Hopper.

I’ll bet CUA are just tickled pink to have paid squillions for the naming rights to the building. Thrilled to bitsies…..

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

beautiful.
aah brissie.
I was a sunny coast boy.
luckily I managed to escape.
yes, I crawled out over broken glass and lemon juice.
glad too.

6 04 2010
Glass 'em all

“spittle-soaked talkback radio rants” Sheer poetry.

I’d like to forgive you for the April 1 unease, but…

6 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

I’m sorry, but until such time as TBL cries actual tears, forgivenness is not only inadvisable but downright rash.

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “Firstly, the bogan’s Lilliputian attention span means that the grave celeb crime is likely to be forgotten by the time its next Bliog Entry comes out…”

Really, after reading that, we really CAN’T forgive TBL…

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Thank god for ACA and New Idea for keeping the Bogues in the inner circle.
Reinforces the semantic hyper-reality (thanks john), “I can buy what kate moss buys and wear what kate moss wears and blow what kate moss blows *giggle*, poison my feti (by which I mean advanced zygotage) like kate moss does. ‘cos she’s my friend… I know everything about her.”

6 04 2010
6 04 2010
Simon

Bogues friggin love twitter Jaiydein. Coz they can interact with celebrities and be part of their circle.

6 04 2010
Shirley M

Here is his Twitter bio:

x international cricketer,capt of 888 poker,19 corp partners,capt/coach of royals in ipl,cricket commentary ch 9 and sky,motto be true to yourself

6 04 2010
Shirley M

And here is Miss Delta’s bio:

I’m Fascinated by life the universe and everything so i write songs about it, then sing them for you to connect too Love & Light, D x

140 characters of pure, hate inciting garbage.

6 04 2010
Simon

Douglas Adams just shot himself.

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or would have, if he was alive.

6 04 2010
Simon

Yeah I know but I reckon he would have done it anyway when his ghost heard this.

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Indeed. The gun would have hovered next to his temple in exactly the same way that bricks don’t.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

nice one.
Vale Dirk Gently.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

always in this place I think we’ve hit the nadir and then little factoids like that come up

6 04 2010
Jaiydein

“………..19 corp partners!!!”

6 04 2010
Benjamin

Did he lose a finger or something?

6 04 2010
Glass 'em all

No, that was John Hopoate.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

that was not corpse partners?

6 04 2010
Alex Read

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/04/05/2864435.htm?site=thedrum
A similar comment on the bogan tendency to forgive idiotic celebrities, especially sports stars. Interestingly, published only a day before this one.

Marieke is ok. We wrote today’s one a number of weeks ago, with the intention of posting it whenever Woods played his first tournament. TBL

6 04 2010
pb

i thought you might do such a post for an auspicious day like today.

6 04 2010
Going Bogue

Marieke Hardy “is OK”?! She ruined JJJ mornings for me.

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

thank you.
I agree entirely.
and that is all I have to say about that.

6 04 2010
pb

don’t forget the obligatory checking in to an addiction clinic of some sort – no matter what the celebrities’ transgressions, they’re always because of an addiction, which means once they admit that and get some treatment they must be a-ok again.

6 04 2010
Ian

For me, the worst thing about Tiger coming back to golf is that we’re once again going to be subjected to a lot of loud-mouthed bogans screaming ‘GET IN THE HOOOOOOLLLLLEEEEEEEE’ every time Tiger putts the ball, regardless of whether he’s 2cm or 10m away from the hole.

7 04 2010
Sam

Horrible isn’t it?

Not as bad as “YOU’RE THE MAAANN” though. That really gives me the shudders. Apparently the louder the US bogan yells, the more he contributes to Tiger’s victories.

Luckily this is Masters’ week so the crowd will be a lot more high brow and restrained.

6 04 2010
SD

This is hardly a things bogans like post – notwithstanding the gushers above citing their own examples. Almost everyone I know here manages to hold the opinion that Shane Warne is a dickhead and a great cricketer. This transcends any kind of divide, the most intelligent of people are apologists for sports stars and in fact the whole sports-industrial complex. No conversation in fact may be had without referring to sport and One HD and Fox Sports (shudder).

PS: I am not Australian and come from a culture where being a writer/intellectual is a revered occupation – so I am kind of qualified to speak on this subject :-)

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

noted. and with respect.
I for one, can’t ignore the thrill of skillfully executed sporting endeavour. more especially in the realm of team sports. most specifically the variants of Rugby.
Sport is better than war…
?
it’s hard to be an apologist in the face of such massed boganity. I wish we could just blanket out all the ‘celebrity’ of it and retain the admiration for human endeavour and co-operation. Strictly in the context that sport is merely a recreation and all that implies vis a vis the validity of said endeavours.
Ibid earlier comments re: neighbours and jihad.
If only they could just play soccer for the middle east.

6 04 2010
SD

Agree with all you say, chubbybloodfart. I just meant that sports celebs occupy a different space from your average celeb and everyone is OK with their stratospheric earnings and associated bad behaviour, not just bogans.

6 04 2010
Shirley M

I’m not.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

aaah..
as opposed to say ‘pop’ stars.
Yes, the ‘testosterone and cash defence’.

“weeell, he’s just a fit young bloke…”
so
If Peter Garret got a skinful and did a wet helicopter at the press club lunch before being caught with a pocketful of ecstasy, banging a scullery maid on his desk…

6 04 2010
Glass 'em all

“If Peter Garret got a skinful and did a wet helicopter at the press club lunch before being caught with a pocketful of ecstasy, banging a scullery maid on his desk…”

That would buy him a lot more cred than he has right now. Probably in line for PM too.

6 04 2010
SD

Shirley, I stand corrected. I don’t mean “everyone” but a substantial part of the population.

Chubbybloodfart, Peter Garrett needs to at least bang the maid simply to assure us that he is not entirely bleached of any kind of life!

Has TBL still not adjusted for DST? Everything except this site seems to show the adjusted time.

Fixed. It seems WordPress wanted to be told manually. TBL

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

just chubby is fine.
the rest is, frankly, distasteful.

Peter did show a pulse with his passionate endorsement of “Cloudstreet” on Jennifer Byrne’s book show.

although at that point in time he probably had a full squad of spin doctors feeding him his every word through an earpiece.

6 04 2010
Shirley M

Surely Cloudstreet would genuinely appeal to Peter?

I was convinced of the authenticity of his statements, at any rate.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

yeah. me too.
I love Pete. He actually brought the book along I think.

6 04 2010
SD

Chubby it shall be.

I love Cloudstreet, it’s the book I buy as an e.g. of Australian literature for friends (happily Aust Lit is not an oxymoron). Though mind you it’s about the bogans of the past and the bohemian in it is bad.

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

yeah, but cute bogans!
native fauna.

6 04 2010
r.jett

…pales in comparisons with CEO’S.

7 04 2010
Sam

What country are you from where sports stars don’t have “stratospheric earnings” and “where being a writer/intellectual is a revered occupation”?

Sounds like a wounderful and enlightened place.

Do you all live in the “mother tree”?

6 04 2010
brad

vous etes francais peut-etre?

6 04 2010
Simon

Ah, you’re from the USA.

6 04 2010
SD

Ah Simon – always to be counted on for your incisive insights.

6 04 2010
Simon

Touche.

6 04 2010
john

I asked God to forgive me for my sordid betrayal of my family, and for my pathetic attempts at a cover-up.
He refused to forgive me & afflicted me with painful boils all over my body. And the loss of all my product-endorsement contracts.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

and put a dirty big slice on my swing.

6 04 2010
Benjamin

I’m going to try and find something positive in this, as it depresses me.

Is it now possible for these folks like Matty Johns who have been forgiven to be a positive influence on society? As people who have made mistakes and have learned from them, and then moved on to have bettered themselves and generally being a better person and role model? Being seen not as someone who got away scot free, but rather someone who hit rock bottom and has changed their life?

I’m not sure.

The world could use a few more positive role models. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not seeing a whole bunch of them lauded in mainstream culture.

6 04 2010
Simon

Ben,

Great point. Sadly either the celebrity relapses or if they do change their life then they are no longer seen as interesting and get zero publicity for their good work. (tried and failed to think of an example)

6 04 2010
pb

definitely possible in theory, benjamin. but good luck finding a bogue-approved celebrity who actually does learn from their idiocy and changes to become a better person. tricky to find someone who’s done that, and then they’ve got to keep the somehow keep the bogan love – unfortunately the bogan is more likely to deride them for going soft, becoming a wanker or a poofta.

6 04 2010
Shirley M

Did Matthew Johns actually hit rock bottom? I don’t think so.

I tend to think that ‘positive role model’ and ‘mainstream culture’ are mutually exclusive.

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

for about an hour.

Mickey Rourke on the other hand…
something more to admire.
Aronofsky made something beautiful out of it.

6 04 2010
Simon

Good call on Mickey. Not sure he is beloved of Bogues though. We may struggle on this one people.

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I think he could definitely be loved by the Bogues.

He was a boxer, banged heaps of chicks, did lots of drugs and had plastic surgery.
Then after a spectacular exit, he made an even more spectacular comeback with mad chops. He’s still got it.

I don’t care what anyone says because

I f&cking love Mickey!!!

Even with his strangely reconstructed face.

6 04 2010
Tombarina

Mickey’s orange.

Ergo, eminently bogue-belovable.

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

That’s bogue DNA right there!

6 04 2010
Cookie Monster

Mickey was orange for the role. Is he orange in real life? I did not think this would be a Bogue movie so he would be off their radar although he did feature at the oscars.

6 04 2010
Tombarina

He was tres orange for the movie, but a robust tangerine hue both before, and since.

So orange, PLUS it was about WWF, PLUS there was boobage – I’d say it was quite popular with bogues. Although I daresay they fast-forwarded through the dull talky bits…..

6 04 2010
Simon

The ending would have confused the sh*t out of the Bogues.

6 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I’ll give you that one Simon.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

in the bogan’s mind it still hasn’t ended.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
I think you may have hit on “it”
Bring back Silent Movies.
?

6 04 2010
Benjamin

So, Mickey Rourke.

That’s it?

Oh the humanity :-(

6 04 2010
Simon

Well OJ Simpson certainly does not qualify.

6 04 2010
Benjamin

Neither do I. Doesn’t help me much.

6 04 2010
Simon

Sorry dude. I just can’t think of one, sad really.

6 04 2010
Benjamin

It gets worse. I’ve just taken a look at his bio, and while there is a lot that he should be applauded for…

…he likes Megan Fox.

Back to zero then.

6 04 2010
Simon

Yeah, she is boganic.

We are going to need Deep Thought.

6 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Deep Thought indeed.
we have the answer – Glass.
but we have forgotten the ultimate question of bogue the universe and nothing.

6 04 2010
Simon

What do c*nts need?

6 04 2010
Tombarina

….glassin’?

6 04 2010
Benny Hill

I’ve had a good hard think about Megan, several times.

7 04 2010
Simon

Ben, after a long night I have got one. Bill Clinton.

He had extra marital sex, apologised and cried, has gone on to do good work and I would think still has Bogue approval.

Hows that?

8 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

That’s a great one Simon!
Works on so many levels

6 04 2010
r.jett

fact-orexic.
fantastic!

6 04 2010
reparty

Off topic here, but observed the following on Sunday. A nice little (no doubt expensive) boat, chock full of blondes in bikinis cruising around the marina at Southport. The bogan response? 4 of them circling the thing on jetskis….and I mean circling and getting close, yelling shit out, then showing off.

6 04 2010
Pete

I must admit that while I haven’t researched this theory myself I suspect (ie. hope) that the personal water craft would’ve featured numerous times as a demise accessory within the Darwin Awards archives..

7 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

LOL@ darwin awards.
some sort of internal combustion engined apparatus is sure to get you a top five.
almost mandatory now.
ah the march of progress.

6 04 2010
Audrey

So true.
The bogans from this town I used to live in have rallied behind, made supportive facebook groups, become abusive to anyone who disagrees etc for this drug dealing (former) Knights player who came from the town- believing the police/authorities/everyone else is to blame for his predicament. He didn’t even have to apologise to gain everyone’s forgiveness haha.

6 04 2010
James

Can someone do something to get rid of this parasite “Fiona of Toorak”. She is seriously ruining TBL

6 04 2010
Peter

You Idiotic excrescence, James. Shut it! Fiona is a true lady.

Also, I think it’s about time for a post highlighting the virtues of Mel Gibson’s home>church>homestyle Malibu-based religion.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

Peter,Thank you and i concur.
James, what gives you the right to stand in judgment?
Looking at some of your posts i would have suspected that cherry picking the bins outside Maccas would have extended your intellect.
Fiona certainly does not make everyone happy with her comments but I am sure she does not try to do so.
None of us,and certyainly myself willl make comments liked by every one or even anyone.
That is the way of an open forum.
If the heat is too hot get out of the kitchen.
Maybe i might send you off to be Ednas latest subject? Hmmm now thats an idea and i would call by to give her a hand with the zap,zap,zap, and the correct bugs to put in the ear.

6 04 2010
Benny Hill

A tad hypocritical there James Hunter.

6 04 2010
Lad Litter

Tattooes on their own should be worth about ten posts. Get to it.

6 04 2010
Benjamin

Been done.

They were worth two – see the full list.

6 04 2010
Peta

Lets swap racism with classism, anti intellectualism with bigotry, and fight crassness with more crassness and we’ll be so much more enlightened than the bogans. Damn those working class people!

I think the saying ‘the things we often hate the most about other people, in truth, remind us of ourselves’ applies here…..

6 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “Damn those working class people!” Well said!

6 04 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter! Sorry… Like, if the glass (of Old Crow Bourbon “style” whiskey) is ‘too full’, empty it, and rather than down your gullet as per usual, try tossing it down the sink for once.

6 04 2010
James Hunter

Peter, you did manage to get your vb soaked brain round the fact that it was James that i was critising and you that I was applauding? God know why

6 04 2010
Snag

Another great post. Just ran into a massive coincidence too. I just walked down to grab my dinner after reading this and ran into a story on the ABC news about Tiger and interviewing people, all of whom had forgiven Tiger.

6 04 2010
bill

Does anyone know which celeb called a linesman a ‘spastic’?
I’m guessing it’s our lil’ lleyton but I only remember the incident where he suggested the linesman was cheating because he had the same skin colour as his opponent.

7 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

smells a little bit like vintage McEnroe…

7 04 2010
Sam

The one and only.

7 04 2010
Tombarina

It was Our Lley-Lley. A nation clutched at its collective bosom in pride….

7 04 2010
James

Hahahaha. People defending Fiona of Toorak. You’re all filthy bogans

11 04 2010
martin

I don’t watch sport because it pisses me off because of how much they get paid.

Anyway I think bogans think that these sports stars didn’t even need to be forgiven in the first place. After all their wives are most likely just gold diggers so it’s their right to go rooting around.

It’s kind of ironic how lefties are so in love with muslims, seems as though they have a subconscious atttraction to misogynistic people.

I think we need a counter website called “What libtards like”.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=libtard&defid=1454864

I’d do it but I can’t compete with the literary prowess of these arts degree types. Plus there wouldn’t be as many entries because bogans are far more repulsive and retarded.

11 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I, sir, am an electrician.*
I prefer left wing greenie intelligentsia to Libtard.
David Oldfield coined it back in the day (and the ‘tard’ part is just, y’know… icky. Still. yeah, I mean you can’t actually call them retards anymore, so ergo it shouldn’t be offensive. maybe. but still… polite people avoid it).
I didn’t see any muslim love here. equivocal condemnation of all religions, yes. but you see what you want to see, eh sport?
So. Thanks for your comments, and feel free to drop in anytime.
cya.

12 04 2010
martin

Oh come one if you haven’t seen any muslim love from the libtards on channel 2 and so on you must be blind.

Left wing greenie intelligentsia is too polite imo. Libtard might be a bit too much, and it might confuse those who think of the Liberal Party when the word liberal is used. But there definitely needs to be something derogatory and humiliating in a name for them.

16 04 2010
Glass 'em all
2 06 2010
Will S

Tonight on TT: “Lots of celebrities say sorry! Also, here’s an excuse to drag up the David Campbell thing again”.

These entries keep getitng more right :O

5 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

How long before bogans start forgiving Joel Monaghan?

5 11 2010
Mick

Depends on if they’re dog lovers or not.

15 01 2011
DuxLux

Can we all now love Warnie again? Please…someone…?

Why does he remind me of a corgi that humps your leg whenever you retrieve your tennis ball over the fence?

Hey, I never looked Twitter until that bloke started cyber-canoodling to Arun Nayer’s missus. What’s wrong with you Shane, Liz Hurley isn’t even blonde.

Bad form champion!!

Now go chase some more blondes. No wait…no hang on, we see you’ve already redeemed yourself with some married mother of two.

We forgive you mate.

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