#231 – Shock Jocks

14 06 2011

The bogan clings to its habits like a mollusc to a shipwreck’s hull. It will only holiday in places with familiar franchised retailers, it will only drink green beer on St Patrick’s Day, and it will trust only Richard Wilkins via satellite from Los Angeles. But sometimes the bogan grows tired of this predictability. It wonders if the highs and lows of life outside of its cocoon are worth experiencing. It craves xtreme emotion. At this point, the bogan will sometimes purchase a non-Jetstar international airfare, watch SBS News, or try something in wholemeal. Alarmed and confused by the ordeal, it concludes that it can have its desire for new horizons ably met in radio form by a myopic shock jock. Kyle Sandilands not only discovered the fickleness of bogan rage when he ran the rape lie detector skit on Sydney radio, but also the graciousness of bogan forgiveness.

The bipolar bogan was quick to pardon Sandilands, as its dwindling outrage was usurped by its growing need to be outraged again. Channel 7 soon restored Kyle to his rightful position of luring bogans onto talkback radio. The Melbournian bogan, for years denied the true Sydney-style talkback radio experience, now has Talk Radio 1377. On AM, no less – the original bastion of bogan-baiting hate-mongers – this network features the crème de la crème of bogan baiting hate-mongers. Here, among the company of Sammy Newman, Andrew Bolt and alcoholic ex-A Current Affair hatewright Chris Smith, the bogan can find rare refuge from the Political Correctness Gone Mad which is rampant throughout the latte-sipping media. The middle-aged and elderly bogans have been feeling as though they’ve been missing out, with the younger bogans enjoying their Ed Hardy clothes, Australian Idol and anal sex. There has for years been a simmering rage, laying dormant, and waiting to be activated by some old-fashioned mad hating skills.

Talk radio has the requisite skills to appeals directly to the bogan’s hate gland. Where A Current Affair can only hint that Asians are invading the country, Andrew Bolt can say that multiculturalism “rewards most those who integrate least”. Perhaps in good time, he will be able to fan the flames of a race riot, much as Alan Jones in Cronulla. To the bogan, calling into talkback radio for a pause-poor skewed rant is the beginning, middle, and end of “doing something”. From there, it is perfectly positioned to blame everything on the government.


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104 responses

14 06 2011
moar caek

oh. thankyou.
thank you so, so, much.

14 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Moar, do you listen to Bob Francis?

He has madskillzzz

14 06 2011
moar caek

I have only seen him on telly.
what a goose. I dont think anyone takes him seriously. just a joke.
a graet example but. none of them ever have any actual skillzz beyond being a talking head. Witness J. Laws. once australias most influential man, I don’t think he did his Matriculation.

14 06 2011
Bag O'Turnips

What a sad, sad descent from the giddy heights of being a pop DJ during the 1960s, touring with The Beatles’ Down Under entourage in 1964 and spinning the latest tunes to a receptive and youthful audiences in the midst of what would’ve been quite a heady time for those who’d just begun to glimpse the promises of an emergent new age of liberal thought (relatively stifled in Australia in the 1960s—some commentators have mused that this country had an extended 1950s, being flung headlong directly into the very liberating 1970s—but for those who were there embracing these new ideas and living out the opportunities presented, it was a great time to be alive, the threat of Vietnam War conscription notwithstanding).

Instead of being inspired to go further forward from being amongst the movers ‘n’ shakers in a time of immense social change, he has seemingly recessed into the mentality of decades less enlightened prior.

Pity he’s become just another sad, embittered old curmudgeon, not so much lost in a attempting to relive a happy hippy trip of yore, but going to a past that was not so much before him, but a “black-and white, straight-up-and-down” past that not even really was.

17 06 2011
Cuppa

It is no coincidence that ALL Australian shock jocks are right-wingers.

Right wingis and boganism go together like flies and muck.

18 06 2013
The Jester

What about Kyle Sandilands?

14 06 2011
Olaf

Bob Francis used to broadcast live. Oh the fun we had with that! Was simple enough to get on air just agree with whatever BS he was pushing or else just complain about young people today. Once on air it usually took them a few seconds to cut you off. Oh the frivolity!

14 06 2011
moar caek

Some nights I walk outside to examine the eternal and endless stars and try to imagine a future where we have spread sentience to a lifeless universe and found a benevolent regard for our commonality as humans and a profound respect for the miracle that is our tiny planet.
I know it will never be.
Sadly it is men like these who stand in the way. Bolt and Jones most especially. Despicable anti-humans. Haters and knowing disseminators of lies and misinformation.
Sandilands and Bolt walk repectfully in the shadow of Jones. Jones is Satan himself. Devoid of conscience, his heart replaced by a black cold stone that morning in 1989 in a London Magistrate’s Court when he knew all his dreams had just died, he has set out to smash the peaceful libertarian dreams of all humanity. To spread the hate which ruined him.
Bolt and Sandilands are just hacks looking for a hook to hang a paycheck on by comparison, but they hold sway over their own legions of dullards of subsequent generations.
we are doomed while these idiots are permitted to flourish.

14 06 2011
PT Ryan

It’s. So. True.

14 06 2011
Eamonn

They still have radio?

I must admit I haven’t listened to radio in 2 years+.

From what I can remember it’s all about fear mongering (anyone who isn’t straight, white or religious surely gets a going over!) or outrage about this weeks issue.

When the populace has the attention span of a gold fish (that’s being disrespectful to gold fishes) is it any wonder I’ve moved on?

14 06 2011
moar caek

the true luminaries make it on to the colour and movement too.
Bolt had his own show. he might still.
Jones had a spot on one of the morning shows.

15 06 2011
Edward

He did as of two weeks ago. I had some work to do, and put the television on in the background, because it was the type of task which occupied the hands but not the mind. I regarded it with a wary curiosity for a short while and then changed the station to the ABC, settling in.

16 06 2011
ShoulderChip

i thought you meant porn when you mentioned a task that occupies the hands and not the mind

14 06 2011
Blueballs

Uni holidays working in shearing sheds full of 50 year olds that only wanted to listen to 3YB and John Laws cured me of Talk Radio. At the time I would’ve loved to have stuck his Golden Microphone where the sun didn’t shine.

Speaking of 882 3YB “across the great South-West” A big bogan shout out to my boys in the ‘Bool… global warming and rising sea levels wouldn’t be an entirely bad thing in that case!

14 06 2011
Vviv2

*GASP!*
How can you say that BB? Everyone over 60 KNOWS that the sun only shines when John Laws condescends to bend over! :-P

14 06 2011
Blueballs

It gets worse, when the Golden Tonsils needed a rest they piped in some other Sydney talk radio jock that talked exclusively about rugby league and Pauline Hanson. And the dullards still listened to it… Mind you, due to the comprehensive buy out of all western Victorian radio stations by the ACE radio network and lack of FM coverage, there was no alternative except for Triple J (and that was before ‘The Js’ became a platform for C-list comics tap dancing for a commericial radio contract )

16 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant Source of Randomness

Balls, like the comic crack.

11 01 2012
Trashy Media

“and that was before ‘The Js’ became a platform for C-list comics tap dancing for a commericial radio contract ”

Let me guess, pre 2003-04 perhaps?

14 06 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Allow me to indulge in a little ad hominem re the Golden Microphone: if Lawsey doesn’t want his Golden Microphone rammed fair up his Jackson Pollock, then Teh Parrot will gladly receive said microphone, complete with 48 volt phantom power…I’ll gladly furnish the K-Y too: what’s eructed from that end would more likely more sense than if it were sprouted from where eructations normally emanate.

Oh, yeah BB: 3YB? More like 3YOB, from your accounts; that same frequency in Perth is the very home of our own nest of hatefulness, 6PR.

With several of its hosts—particularly Howard “Prattler” Sattler (which lends to the station nicknamed “6PRatller”) and former WorstWest editor Paul “Mooner” Murray—known for their less-than-savoury, dogwhistling, reactionary styles, we have our very own Radio 6YOB, which older folk with downward envy hang on to each and every word these craven and shrill shucksters spurt (or spruut) forth, frothing at the cheeks.

While still on 6PR, many taxis around Perth have the stickers for this station plastered on their rear windows, which seems to be a badge of the owners, as most of the drivers (as employees) are recent migrants, of which are often scapegoated by those aforementioned bellend shockjocks; no wonder amongst us (self-confessed) libtards believe the initials stand for “6 Perth Raçists”.

14 06 2011
holdensrule

I like Alen Jonz coz he tell me wot to fink an he looks afta th battla an hates p0eeples from ova contriez an that.

14 06 2011
urbanreverie

Congratulations! With spelling and syntax like that, you would fit right in over at TBL’s Facebook page! ;)

14 06 2011
Ash - Glassin' 2 Carnts For Every VB Drunk

My mother and I used to have endless arguments about talkback radio. I would always lose.

14 06 2011
moar caek

is it true victoria has a leftie shock jock?
Neil Mitchell?
there needs to be much more public baiting of Conservitards

3 09 2011
LordBromley

Neil Mitchell doesn’t have an overarching philosophy. He is a lightweight who is focused on trivial stuff like speed cameras and what’s on TV. He has had segments with the Premier of the day- both parties. He tends to go light on politicians. Unlike Sydney radio the guy is quite boring. I think he has a slight bias to Liberals but nothing overt.

14 06 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts Every Tuesday On 2GB

I’m going with changing my name for every new topic.

16 06 2011
Pandabater

Ash – Making Planes Crash Since 1993

14 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Shock Jocks are like Cyborg Men, they have zero empathy for their targets.

15 06 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
They are all aliens

14 06 2011
martin

Libtards reserve their shock jocking for Q&A. Where they can routinely express their favourite outrages about racism, refugees and climate change.

This only happens once a week during the ratings period. The bogan has more stamina for outrage as it can indulge in it 5 days a week, all throughout the day on radio, in the mornings or lunch time over the telegraph, then for another half hour on TT or ACA.

14 06 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts Every Tuesday On 2GB

True this, Martin. Insight as well. Twice a week.

Libtards can’t amass the kind of outrage over a time period the way bogans can.

14 06 2011
albert

I have listened the fair and balanced editorialising that is Andrew Bolt and Steve Price on MTR. The constant themes – Labor is shit, Greens are crazy, carbon tax bad, refugees are scum – these are really great – they allow me to listen to what the common bogan student thinks (I am a teacher), and formulate effective counterarguements that even the bogans ‘just cos it’s shit’ arguement cannot breach.

Not that I expect I could ever change a mini bogans mind – something about trying to discuss rationality with an irrational person – but it is an attempt to try to reduce the collateral damage that bogan groupthink can cause.

14 06 2011
Pandabater

The radio shock jock is a one-stop shop for bogans.
He gets told what to think as well as what to buy,
where to go, which car to drive there & what to
shovel into its guts once it has arrived.
You know what I mean.

14 06 2011
Bag O'Turnips

If you’re onto a good thing, stick to it.

Until a better offer comes along, then you shill for that with total amnesia for your previous sponsor…

14 06 2011
Vviv2

So true!! It’s as if TBL have gone inside my head (NOT for the faint hearted!), & plucked out my latest pet peeve…..
Bless you TBL!

14 06 2011
dave koresh

I was wondering what TISM were up to.. were they even still alive? Now i know.

14 06 2011
Robert

lying dormant

14 06 2011
the beef

there was a saying going around a while back, ‘if you’re not paying for it, your the product being sold’. Shit saying, but it makes a point. Listening to maxtreme shock jocks is only an introduction to maxtreme marketing. I turned off commercial radio for good when triple m started inserting ads into what it considered to be a news bulletin. You know, that three minute grab of stuff Eddie McGuire thinks. Dont get me started on the traffic reports that are 30 second ads for whatever crap they’re trying to flog that week and that the westgate is backed up to Point Cook. There’s a surprise.

Melbournes best morning presenter is easily Emma Ayres on Classic FM… although Classic FM is shit if you’re after an update on Joel Selwood’s three week suspension.

I used to listen to triple j a bit but the afternoon of the Doctor, Hack and rosie are all just dreadful.

fortunately I have an ipod and excellent taste in music…

14 06 2011
the beef

(excuse me… “you’re”, not “your”)

14 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You must have the same music as me on your iPod Beef, I gave sensational taste.

14 06 2011
jaydyn jaspur jamyson

RRR subscriber!

14 06 2011
DuxLux

You can hate boat people and buy valvoline all in one hit. Awesome!

14 06 2011
Millsie

Love the article but unfortunately not even bogans care about MTR if the ratings are anything to go by. The average amount of people listening to MTR at any one time is around 6000 – 8000 people. Their main rival 3AW averages around 50,000 listeners at any one time.

We probably weren’t clear enough about this…we meant it was a Victorian initiative to milk the bogan teat as effectively as 2GB et al managed north o’ the border. TBL

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks for the Zara link, note below the “VIP’S” in attendence. These ones don’t even make the D list!

“Last-minute preparations delayed last night’s media launch from 5pm until 5.30pm. Among the 700 VIPs strolling through the three floors were Ann Peacock, Judy Romano, Amber Petty, Livinia Nixon, Paris Wells, Brodie Harper and Heath Meldrum.”

And no Shock Jocks attended. Shame they could have done some serious bogan baiting at this one.

15 06 2011
p'bee

i know livinia nixon, who are the rest?

15 06 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts Every Tuesday on 2GB

I have the same question.

15 06 2011
Pandabater

Be careful, don’t ask the question unless you want to hear the answer.

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I googled them and google told me to f*ck off. Guess that answers the question. Could one perhaps be Molly’s brother?

15 06 2011
p'bee

sounds like google were wise.

15 06 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts Every Tuesday on 2GB

I can handle it.

16 06 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
Do not wish for something or you may get it ?
and don’t forget If you tell the truth you are bound sooner or later to be found out.

28 06 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, the wise sage of Lower Dogpatch.

15 06 2011
Vviv2

Off topic I know, but I can’t be bothered looking up the discussion on planking. It seems the craze is dying out….
A friend sent me this earlier.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nan-planking-on-the-fan-yelling-TAKE-the-Picture-Cunt/218845201476363

We can only hope the terminally stupid will find another way of removing themselves from the gene-pool without too much delay.

15 06 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts Every Tuesday on 2GB

It was always just a fad.

On another note, I’m busy writing articles and realised that I have a couple of pearls that my TBL bretheren and sisters would love. One in particular on asking celebrities for their advice on doing up campus (I get high with Snoop Dogg and mobile-d by Our Russ).

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

We look forward to reading them Ash.

15 06 2011
urbanreverie

Hi there, it seems that you’ve been causing a bit of mischief lately.

The ABC keeps talking about how Ash is responsible for stranding thousands of airline passengers all across the southern hemisphere.

15 06 2011
Vviv2

I hope you’re going to share them Ash?
I’m just googling them to listen….

15 06 2011
Vviv2

Still trying to find mobile-d…..
WHO is our russ Ash?

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Big Russ Crowe V’Viv2.

15 06 2011
Vviv2

‘S KK, I thought so, but I was typing 20 Odd Foot Of Grunts, not 30.
I’m not firing on all cylinders today….
got it now :-P

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Did your computer try to glass you?

15 06 2011
James Hunter

Viv,
We all know what an SKK is !

15 06 2011
Vviv2

We do James?
Oh, ok….. :-P

16 06 2011
moar caek

skk has the fixed mag, from memory.
the sks had the detachable one

16 06 2011
Vviv2

Whereas I just have a detachable memory….. :-P

16 06 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, as always your dreamlike vision transcends the mere mortals. Come to think of it, isn’t that how L. Ron Hubbard started? I see you now as a superhuman figure. A new Messiah with a new standard of understanding.

17 06 2011
$hruglife

And spaceships that look a lot like DC-8s?

15 06 2011
p'bee

and its the ordinary fear of god now, no longer 30 odd foot of grunt. somehow he managed to come up with an even dumber name second time around.

15 06 2011
Vviv2

Thanks P’bee, I must admit I’m quite happy to take your word for it.
For some reason I can’t abide the man, though he IS a good actor. :-P

15 06 2011
Vviv2

No Simon, but it IS in shock! It’s used to bands like Detroit Voodoo * Mushroomhead*
I’m sure it thought it was being hacked….

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I googled Lady GaGa once when original Viv was trying to convince us she had talent. My computer just got up and walked out the room shaking it’s head with smoke coming out. It was days until I could coax it back online. I had to promise it some Tom Waits.

15 06 2011
Vviv2

That worked? Or did it stun the computer long enough for you to sneak in….. :-P

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Here V’viv2 try this as an antidote to Russ. Trust me.

15 06 2011
p'bee

has to be in the top 5 creepiest songs ever.

15 06 2011
Vviv2

Why thank you Simon!
I’ll return the favour, here’s an antidote for Tom Waits

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant Source of Randomness

Cheers V’Viv2, I’m not a real metal head but Max is cool. Tom Waits singing metal, now that I could really go for. He has the gravel voice!

15 06 2011
Vviv2

He does, doesn’t he? That would indeed be worth hearing!
I’m buggered if I remember HOW I used to be able to post those video clips on here, but it doesn’t work for me now… :-(

15 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It’s random. Some days the embed works. Today I just copy and pasted the web address and it worked. Stuffed if I know…..

I take it you mean creepy in good way P’bee as opposed to the creepiness of that Rebecca Black you inflicted on us a while ago?.

16 06 2011
moar caek

16 06 2011
p'bee

yes, good creepy not bad creepy. and i apologise for rebecca black, that was truly terrifying (although the ‘bob dylan’ version is hilarious).

16 06 2011
moar caek

u have a little extra [youtube tacked on the front.
maybe the link needs to be in its own line… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSCQvsVardw

16 06 2011
moar caek

which that link isn’t.
and this link is:

16 06 2011
moar caek

yup.
paste link in new line on its own to embed yutoob.

16 06 2011
Vviv2

Good musical taste is universal it seems….

16 06 2011
Vviv2

AARRGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Trying your method Moar

16 06 2011
moar caek

kick ass track

16 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant Source of Randomness

Jesus built my Hotrod!

16 06 2011
James Hunter

It flys …..on a wing and a prayer ?

16 06 2011
Vviv2

Definitely one of their best tracks, along with Super Manic Soul & Lava

16 06 2011
16 06 2011
Mick

I spent several uears in a town that listened to Lawsie religiously. A wonderful, ethnically diverse place that was racist down to the soles of its KT26s.

I couldn’t work out why there was so much hatred until I turned on 4KZ. Lawsie was a pig, no doubt. And people loved the pig. Yet I don’t think he believed in all of what he said. Sometimes he would let something slip and I would wonder if there was a person inside him. He undoubtedly knew his audience wanted to hear the most basic argument, not caring if it made sense or not. I always felt he was playing a role.

Not that Jones fella. He’s filth. He honestly believes that he’s the most intelligent man in Oz and everyone should heed his cries. There’s evil inside him. He’s an undead.

16 06 2011
Kwanzaa Kake Klansman

Read Chris Masters’ Jonestown and I guarantee you’ll feel sorry for the bastard… Unless you switch on the radio afterward and happen to catch him talking… Then you’ll forget why you felt sorry for him half a minute before… Then you’ll read the book again to find out. A vicious, viscous cycle, t’be sure.

Perhaps some leftard Melburnian journo of note can do a similar painfully investigated, phonebook-thick exposé of the deep, dark secrets and far-out fetishes of our own Mr Bolt…

Robert Manne, looking in your direction mate. Get on it. And don’t spare the filth. Wait, you’re busy going through Julian Assange’s garbage? Damn. Who else we got? Martin Flanagan, I understand you’re primarily an earthy, grassrootsy sportswriter, but you’re all we have Left. Break out that earthy, grassrootsy pen of yours, bearded one, and make us laugh and cry. Wait, you’re busy sipping a tinnie and chatting to the locals at the big Tooleybuc-Manangatang versus Koondrook-Barham game? Damn. Your beard’s getting all frothy.

16 06 2011
James Hunter

Masters and Johnson is better !

16 06 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, pipe down with the archaic sex manual references.

17 06 2011
Will S

I don’t feel sorry for him at all… as “Chopper” (the real one) once said, I never got arrested in a public toilet in London!

17 06 2011
Mick

We all know that story, Will. That isn’t why he’s a knob. He can be as gay as he likes. Doesn’t excuse him from being a tool.

Did not many here realise he was gay before Jonestown was released? I grew up in Toowoomba and older family members went to Grammer. It was never hidden…okay, maybe it was but I knew insiders. It was only when Jones became a public figure that it was ignored. He never denied it, but speculation wasn’t encouraged.

Did I just agree with Will?

I’ll start again. He’s not a knob because he’s gay. He’s a knob because he’s an unfeeling, hypocritical arsehole. Stand up for minorities? Bugger off.

He’s an undead.

17 06 2011
Kwanzaa Kake Klansman

From memory didn’t Masters accuse Jones of having a strange, angry, fetishistic way of punishing the young boys at his first primary-school teaching gig in Queensland?

The man’s complex. An enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a sweaty white shirt with a tight collar below the bulging, pulsating, clammy head of a borderline child molester.

Can’t hate him too much because don’t hear him much down here. Worst we have is Steve Price, who’s been handballed from Melbourne to Sydney back to Melbourne. Now he’s part of a four-pronged audio attack that includes such luminaries as Bolt, Sam Newman and Jason Akermanis at Melbourne radio station MTR. Its ratings are delightfully laughable. Diverse guests have included T Abbott, Tony A, and Anthony John Abbott.

16 06 2011
Edward

I am a little afflicted with seasonal affective disorder, and have been surprised to find myself feeling nostalgic for Brit-Pop (considering that I was first exposed to Brit-Pop in between of the 1980’s nostalgia tracks, at The Loft nightclub in Perth.

This lifted my spirits, as I hope it will yours.

16 06 2011
p'bee

well if we’re posting performances on jools holland…

16 06 2011
p'bee

let’s try again

16 06 2011
p'bee

i hate you stupid non embedding youtube.

16 06 2011
Vviv2

I rest my case…..
Bloody embedding is sexist! :-P

26 06 2011
Lord Charos

I love the metaphors that you do at the start.

30 11 2012
ritch

How do you explain julia gillard then? And if that were true there would no electon due to the over whelming majority of bogans voting right wing.

21 04 2014
durmese

Say what you will about The Hon A J Abbott he might be a tiresome
fool and a knob but at least he NEVER LIES as did J Gillard

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