#242 – Playing the Market

19 08 2011

The bogan’s love of making a quick buck is well noted, so it was only a matter of time before it turned it’s liliputian attention span to the sharemarket and its promise of easy, maxtreme wealth. But the bogan isn’t interested in investing. In doesn’t care for fundamental analysis, P/E ratios or portfolio diversification. Even the shortest investment horizon is too long by half. The bogan wants a quick fix, a super expressway to leviathan plasmas, hot asian escorts and solid gold houses.

Taking Koshie’s advice on Sunrise, the bogan puts $5000 in a managed fund. But after a year, the bogan is shocked to learn the fund has only made a paltry 12% (despite outperforming the market by 4%). It expected to turn to that $5000 into at least $100000 by now!

The exasperated bogan then accompanies its entrepreneurial mate Troy to a seminar that promises retirement by 40. The bogan loves being in on a secret, and the seminar seems to offer an exclusive avenue to intense max millions. Two hours later, however, the bogan exits the seminar hungry, confused and dissatisfied: the free sushi had weird seafood in it, it doesn’t understand what a CFD is, and the only time it had ever been exposed to a stop order in the past was when it attempted to enter its partner’s back door without prior permission. Besides, the promised 25% per annum return is still grossly inadequate.

Its plans of becoming the next Warren Buffett buffeted, the bogan considers doubling its money at the dogs when the conversation at Thursday night poker turns to the market. “Boys,” the bogan’s business mate Troy says to the attentive crowd, “a mate of mine gave me a hot tip…” Scrambling outside in between Coronas, the bogan jumps on the iPhone to his wife. “Jade, we’re gonna be rich,” he exhorts excitedly. “Can you free up some money…”

The next day, the bogan puts the children’s education fund in Yam Aha Ltd, a highly leveraged agricultural investment scheme, growing yams in Papua New Guinea with revolutionary farming techniques. Not content with the promised 150% return, the bogan then takes out a margin loan, boosting his surefire, guaranteed return to a whopping 300%.

Initially the stock does well, prompting the bogan to gloat to his friends about ‘playing the market’ and purchase a new jetski and 3D plasma. One month later the stock has turned south as tropical cyclone Wilson leaves the summer yam harvest in ruins, and the bogan yammering. Initially, the bogan slogs it out like an ANZAC, taking solace in Troy’s sage forecast that the world price of yams is about to rocket as the Chinese government produces ethanol from yam extract. The next month, however, the stock plummets before going into a trading halt as ASIC announces Yam Aha is really a front for endangered parrot smugglers.

Forced to sell the McMansion to meet the margin call, the bogan vows to be wiser with his money in future. Until Troy tells him about the octagon scheme….


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231 responses

19 08 2011
shakPower

haha brilliant as usual! an occasional bogan like Troy does get lucky breaks though and makes a few quids ,, that’s what keeps the bogan circle going at it

9 11 2011
Sven

What about the investment properties on the Goldcoast, you didn’t mention those. How you invest in an overpriced ‘resort’ style apartment, where the market is already flooded by the same kind of dwellings, then unexpectidly pay thousands in property agent and strata fees. That’s one of my favourites I like hearing about when bogans lose out big with investments. “But Paul Clitheroe can do it”

19 08 2011
Flyer

I thought Cyclone Wilson devastated PNG a few years ago…

19 08 2011
urbanreverie

“…and the only time it had ever been exposed to a stop order in the past was when it attempted to enter its partner’s back door without prior permission.”

Pfffffffffffffft! Gold, gold, farkin’ gold!

19 08 2011
urbanreverie

And in an amazing co-incidence, only a few minutes apart from each other, we have an all-new post from TBL and another episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

This week, Bogue and his unruly clan venture into that uncharted territory known as “the inner city” and pay a visit to the kids’ grandfather!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/08/19/episode-31-from-failing-hands/

19 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Ah, some foreshadowing for the future of Bogue?

And I had no idea he had a brother – a spiv at that. Any chance we’ll get to meet him?

19 08 2011
martin

An IT guy is a spiv?

19 08 2011
martin

I know of a guy who lost one million dollars on some dodgy shit. It was his families money, like his and his siblings that was handed down from their grandparents being involved in #85. And I learned the other day that someone I know has a margin loan. There’s going to be lots more feral bogans out there if and when our economy crashes. All demanding to be bailed out I suppose and blaming it on the carbon tax and anyone and anything but themselves. Fun.

I might call the cops to see if they need any help so I can bash some bogans if there’s any mass protests.

19 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Fark the cops. Go vigilante. That’s what I’m gonna do.

20 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Get yourself a .243 with a 6X scope and do your house cleaning from a safe distance.

23 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

Nice idea, JH, but I was really thinking of joining the bogan hordes and sneaky glassing the carnts.

19 08 2011
JDM

O C T A G O N ! Get in on the ground floor!!

19 08 2011
Ahlyeezshkah

This sounds like the storm financial *ahem* “victims”…

19 08 2011
Mick

Yes, “victims”.

I’ve had a rant here somewhere before about these “victims”. I know quite a few of them. Trust me, they were warned about the good people of Storm Financial. Did they listen? No, greed won the day. And more conservative types like myself were called names.

Still getting called names. But that’s probably because I still own my house.

19 08 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
You still own your own house? you did not get sucked in?
You are an ingrate, no wonder bogan acquaintences call you names !

19 08 2011
p'bee

i have no sympathies for people who fall for those obviously fraudulent schemes.like that firepower fuel tablet thing – i can’t even drive and know nothing at all about cars or engines but i could have seen that was a scam when i was 10 years old. morons getting parted from their money by these things is just poetic justice.

20 08 2011
James Hunter

Peter Brock and the fuel magnitiser thing ?

21 08 2011
p'bee

yep, the pill for your engine. only an idiot would believe that.

23 08 2011
devil's advocate

p’bee (14:05:56) : said: “yep, the pill for your engine. only an idiot would believe that.”

Well as someone who knows a thing or two about building engines, colour me an idiot.

The napthalene tablets (yes, that’s mothballs) actually do increase octane in the fuel. Old trick from drag racing days gone by.

The problem is it also puts a coating on engine components including the ignitors (sparkplugs). Certainly not an issue if you’re driving a top-fueler down a dragway for 8 seconds then overhauling the motor.

Less optimal if you’re running it in a roadcar.

So technically firepower et al does work, but only for a short period of time, then it probably reduces performance. This was why fair trading agencies etc had difficulties stopping it (it was one of the first consumer cases under the then Trade PRactices Act, now the Competition and Consumer Act).

25 08 2011
BB

Without saying you’re an idiot, that’s not accurate.
Napthalene increased octane ratings back in the 1940s back when octane ratings were ~ 40-60. Pure Napthalene has an Research Octane
Number (RON) of ~90 so adding it to today’s fuels would actually reduce the RON.

Furthermore Firepower pills were claimed to increase power and fuel efficiency, which are different goals to increasing RON. Increased RON does not mean more octane which iteself is not the same as more power; nor is it the same as “more fuel efficiency”.

Increased RON means you can run higher compression ratios without blowing your head off via spontaneous auto-ignition (aka knocking/pinging) which is why more powerful cars need high RON fuel. But premium fuel won’t turn your stock Falcodore into a firebreathing 1/4 mile demon.

And neither will any little pills. Independent experiments showed Firepower pills didn’t do either – they weren’t even as effective as mothballs to 1940s fuel.

19 08 2011
martin

These people wish to pervert the standard and very fair system in our country where reward is based on skill and hard work, usually. If they had won they would be rubbing it in our faces with lavish doses of schadenfraude and the abuse of the power that comes with wealth. They deserve nothing but contempt and purposely built favela(s) in the hottest parts of the country, surrounded by barbed wire and guards with bogan hatred and a murderous bloodlust.

Swap them with the refugees? Ha ha.

20 08 2011
James Hunter

Brazillian “Guard Dog” signs Signs almost universally have a drawing of a snarling shepheard with the widest mouth and the longest canine teeth ever They adorn gates evrywhere in the vacinity of the Favelas and would be realy cool on a bogans shack.

19 08 2011
James Hunter

The concept of heuristics and biases is very simple but obviously beyond a bogans comprenhension for even a basic application of it to their “investment opertunity” would shed some light.
Most people suffer from the capacity to learn not from observation and prediction ,largely I believe because we are socialised to accept Gaussian Statistics as being meaningful, but from reflection on bitter experience.
( If only our schooling paid more attention to Mandelbrot. Sigh.)
However the basic greed of humanity comes to a seldom attained peak in the bogan which seams to over-ride any remnants of intellectually engendered caution
The inevitable discomfiture must wreck many a happy bogan nest.

I feel no sorrow at all. How nice.

19 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, it’s normal practice to credit the source when you paraphrase another’s words. The alternative is plagiarism, or simply cutting pasting or rather, stealing, you loathsome criminal.

Also, ‘playing the market’ isn’t being a barrow boy at Paddy’s…

19 08 2011
James Hunter

Herpes,
I recomend you re read your own biography ;
“The Mask Of Sanity”
by Hervy Cleckley

19 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, while you consistently produce hilarious moments, you’re completely clueless as to the true status of your mind. Everybody else knows exactly what’s going on with it. That being nothing… There couldn’t be anything less intriguing than reading your long-winded tales. They have all the intimate fascination of sitting around a campfire listening to how you lost your virginity. Sorry to hear about it. Also Sorry that my genes are far superior to yours!

19 08 2011
James Hunter

” Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet .”
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

20 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter,
let’s break it down:
if I needed an endless stream of naff quotes to inspire, advise or otherwise caption my life then I wouldn’t be me; I’d be you. Furthermore, if I was you I’d more than likely be drinking schooies of Fruity Lexia poured from a bag-in-a-box. Perhaps that’s why you’re a neurotic fatty boom-ba. Or perhaps it’s your dialysis schedule… who can tell? What is obvious is that you’re as mentally stimulating as a brick wall.

20 08 2011
James Hunter

“The world is tragic for those who feel and comic for those who think”. (Robert Walpole)
Maybe this explains why you can not see humour in anything. ?
How sad
wipes tear from eye.

20 08 2011
James Hunter

“There is more Stupidity then Hydrogen in the Universe, and it has a longer shelf life.” ( Frank Zappa )
So now we all know why you are so persistant.

19 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

My parents have tried to get me interested in the stock market, but I always say no se. I’m like an old person with my money. I’ll only spend what I have and don’t trust spivvy financial speculators.

19 08 2011
Mick

The sharemarket isn’t that scary. Well, maybe at the moment it is, but not usually if you do the research.

TBL is right. Bogans think patience and research is for nerds and should be discounted. It’s the get-rich-quick way for them. Minimal effort is what it is all about.

Running up to 2008, many mining bogans had made a killing on shares. It was easy. Too easy. “A monkey could make money on the market” was the cry. Monkeys had. They were going to retire and become day traders. Money for jam. Then came the crash. Caused a few eyebrows to lift. The rules changed…for the bogan anyhow. it wasn’t easy anymore. Did they put more effort in to continue their new career? No. They gave up and decided to work a few more years. Those that had left came back.

Greed will kill you every time.

19 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

It just seems like a waste of money to me. I’d rather piss my hard-earned against a wall, gamble it away on sports or in poker games.

19 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Your missing a great emotive issue here.
Doing the things you describe does not need any ,well very little, self delusion and surely self delusion in whichever guise is a defining characteristic of the bogan.
Of course you are thus forever set apart from boganity.

19 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I’m completely self-aware. That sets me apart from bogans who have no idea how much of carnts they are/can be.

20 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash, furthwere to your poker game , It is worth remembering that the stock market is like a poker game.
At the beginning of the night everyone brings ,lets say,$100 to the table.
At the end of the night the3re will still be exactly the same amount of money except that one person will have it all.
It is impossible for them all to be winners.especially at the same time.!!

24 08 2011
devil's advocate

This is true in so far as speculative share market gambling goes. However the original purpose of shares was to provide capital to businesses which then created value for shareholders through dividend payments, and to the extent this still happens, yes everybody can win if they are investing rather than speculating.

Just because a few specufestors get burned doesn’t make it a bad idea per se.

24 08 2011
James Hunter

DA,
I think it does matter ,when the speculators,if you like, are countries and the poker game is world free trade.
As we are seeing now in a world growth economy model growth is fueled by debt or the exploitation of weaker economies and the poor people of the world.

19 08 2011
martin

The All Ordinaries was at around 4800 at the start of the year and it’s about 4100-4200 at the moment.

You’d sure want to know what you’re doing now. The easy money is well and truly over.

20 08 2011
Mick

Two years ago it was 3200. That was when you needed to know what you were doing.

That was when the bogan was selling in a panic. Margin calls are bad. Go Storm!

24 08 2011
moar caek

Go Broncos!

24 08 2011
James Hunter

Go Manly

23 08 2011
devil's advocate

“Well, maybe at the moment it is…”

LOL. That amounts to “the sharemarket is a great way to make money, except when it isn’t.”

28 08 2011
DingoDave

“not usually if you do your research” Gee Mick like you know something that the market doesn’t? Dream on!

28 08 2011
James Hunter

DingoDave,
I keep telling anyone who will listen
“At the very least Read and understand “The Black Swan” before you think you understand what is going on.”
None of the share market crashs of historyright up to today were foreseen by market analysysts and yet they all seem anxious to explain them after the event. Great lot of use that.

28 08 2011
Mick

As a matter of fact they were all foreseen, it’s just which analysysts you decide to listen to that makes the difference.

I thought this site was full of contrarian thinkers but it seems in some cases it is not to be.

28 08 2011
Mick

Meh, there’s times to get in and times to get out. I got out a while ago.

I’m happy with my results.

19 08 2011
Pandabater

I’d buy shares in that computer that tells the market what to do each morning.

19 08 2011
Pandabater

Sorry, predicts what the market will do. How silly of me.

19 08 2011
Mick

Glad you corrected that…I was thinking some sort of conspiracy was going on.

19 08 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
You are still wrong, Im sorry Panda but it is all the little ,minature Japanese /Korean and Chinese men inside the computer that are the source of all wisdom. I thought everyone knew that. ?

19 08 2011
Pandabater

And these days the money as well James.

20 08 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
It is a good thing that their computers are full of Australian Minerals ?

19 08 2011
James Hunter

Panda, To both comprehend and to then manipulate for our advantage,the vast amounts of actual information and the opinions generated by it we have to compress in order to remove randomness and yet it is actually tyhe randomness in which we are interested. The “Kolmogorov complexity” I believe.
The problem with life is that esentially all major events that shape our physical and financial and personal lives are events that are concidered to be outside of statistical probability and yet we still cling to Gaussian Bell curves for guidence.
None of the great financial crashes , none of the big wars none of the disease epademics nore any of the realy big earthquakes were predicted nore are they predictable by conventional statistics.
The bogan ,in common with lots of other lemmings goes to a three day or three hour course on standard portfolio management theory and think they controll their destiny.
Then they get run over by a bus on the way home.So,s to speake.

20 08 2011
Davo

A bogan with a stock portfolio is a Queensland scamers wet dream.

20 08 2011
Mick

Doesn’t even have to be scammers, Davo. Just having a profile makes a risky investment look like rolled gold.

There was a bloke from where I live. Owned a pub and a couple of racehorses. Had already been bankrupt a couple of times. Notorious for not paying his bills. Anyhow, he borrowed big at the start of the building boom and made out like a bandit. Bought more pubs…bogans trust people who own pubs. They’re the lifeblood of the bogan community.

He got so big he decided to list on the ASX. The bogans rushed at it because they knew who he was. He owned pubs, after all. No amount of warning could stop ‘em. The shares went to the moon. Children, can you guess what happened next?

Yep, the company collapsed under the weight of debt and unpaid bills. Whoever would have thought? Bogans everywhere lost their hard-earned. Old mate kept his original pub. The bogans would have been better off throwing their money at him over the bar.

At least then they would have had cirrhosis of the liver to show for their troubles.

20 08 2011
Welcome to your Bogan nightmare

The multi–unit complexes also build by Mick’s mate are being trickle fed onto the market. To do otherwise would collapse the market and drive down the price of not only these bogan built monstrosities but also the bevy of grey tinned-roofed mcmansions that spoil the country side. Most are “owned” by “investors” who probably bought them after a two week holiday 4 winters ago.

20 08 2011
Mick

“mcmansions that spoil the countryside”

I hear you brother/sister. When I first moved to Cairns, one of my great joys was driving to work early in the morning. I live at the beach so i would see the morning sun on the sand and water…then drive through the cane fields with the sun shining on the mountains. Glorious.

Then I noticed it. McMansions starting to be built on the hillsides. More and more of them. My God, they’re ugly. And the worst part? It was the bogans I worked with who lived there. At first they used to think I was jealous of their homes. When they realised i hated what they had done to the place, it got quite odd. The bogan does not handle criticism well.

21 08 2011
Davo

Pubs are one of the hardest buisneses to predict, unless you ‘ve got pokies, a TAB and a bistro which still have high costs. Most pubs are seasonal and rely on locals. One fu*k up, the word gets out and you have a bad month can be the end. Just look at Bar 20. been around for years, made a sh!t load of cash. But bad publicity has made everyone think it’s shut.

22 08 2011
rach

Hey Mick, is the bogan you are talking about Mr T.H? He certainly did piss away some bogan savings! You have to credit the guy though, he really did transform Cairns into a bogan haven.

23 08 2011
Mick

Rach, yep, you’re on the money…same as our bogan nightmare friend above. It’s not hard to work out. I don’t consider him to be a bogan though . He was to smart for that. He’s a bogan whisperer.

A lot of my tradie friends have lost their livelihood because of him. Another mate of mine who used to sign his cheques has left town. But the man in question will rise again.

TBL…how does libel insurance work? I would like to say a few more words about what actually happened.

Meh, what does it matter? Rach is right, Cairns became a bogan Valhalla because of this knob and a couple of others. They went broke too. That would be pleasing except we remember the way they f#cked this place up.

When the uprising comes I know which old wooden pub is burning first.

24 08 2011
rach

Yes Mick, you are right, he is a very smart business man, not a bogan.

My dad used to be good mates with him (sold him one of his first pubs), and they did business for years and years together. Stupidly, my dad put all his life savings into TH, who then lost them.

Yes, my dad is an idiot for putting all his eggs in one basket, but as I said, they were good mates and business partners for years. Dad approached TH to see if he was going to sell any property or race-horses etc to repay people, and nope, the guy didn’t give a sh*t. Over 15 years of friendship and business together, and TH wouldn’t even return my dad’s calls. Now that’s scum.

There are so many other people TH has screwed over, it’s a wonder the guy is still showing his head in that place.

24 08 2011
martin

It’s sad that there’s so many of these maxxtreme bogans who want to be the next Alan Bond. Sounds like he’s not smart at all and it’s just another debt fuelled assett acquisition ‘business’ ala Bond and Skase and about a million other ‘businesses’ around the world. Massively bogan.

20 08 2011
Edward

Damnit, and I just purchased my first bundle of shares this week. Now I wonder if I’m actually a bogan. :(

20 08 2011
Edward

Dammit, now I have to change my screen-name.

20 08 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

The poster formerly known as Edward (with the fanged, blue spectacled oblique square avatar) will henceforth be posting as the new bestower of something or other, Fiona of Mount Lawley (with a pink hexagonal avatar).

24 08 2011
moar caek

mount lawley is nice.
I used to live in the part of maylands which calls itself mt lawley.
just sayin’

26 08 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

I know that part. 6051, quelle domage, LOL.

20 08 2011
Mick

Or buy a hat and pipe..

20 08 2011
Mick

I’m old and need glasses…it’s not a pipe.

Just a hat shall do.

20 08 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

I have a hat, several in fact. I’m known for having hats. The new Edward (long may he post) bears too close a resemblance to my actual appearance. I liked my monster head with glasses, because I wear glasses. With me, that would be an umbrella, rather than a cane. And the gloves would be Italian lambswool, rather than leather.

I find myself wondering two things. First, could this have been some kind of conspiracy. And secondly and more importantly, how did Edward manage to upload that thumb-nail picture, it looks too dense to meet the byte limit.

I also notice that my new avi is too similar to Urban’s. If I can upload a photograph, then that removes the objection which had stopped me from doing so, until now.

21 08 2011
Edward

The avatar is provided by Gravatar @ gravatar.com. Most blogs will recognise it automagically. There is no conspiracy – at least, not one that I’m personally involved in.

21 08 2011
Pandabater

Mine is a photo as well.
I need to go outside.

21 08 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

LOL, welcome then.

20 08 2011
Pandabater

Overheard at the pubtab college of uniformed gambling today;

We paid off the Jetta eh, I’d told the missus not to do it ’cause we might need the money for the margin loan, but she rung me up while I was down the snow this week & told me then.

*snigger*

20 08 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
The bogan investing(sic) is like the old philosophers tale of the turkey.
Everyday the turkey gets feds ,feels sated and grows fatter; every day the turkey gets closer to the day when its head gets chopped of ,but it never sees that comming.
??

20 08 2011
daffodilsareyellow

This post leads me to another thing that never ceases to amaze me amongst bogans. They all seem to win big at the pokies. Has anyone else noticed that? No doubt they are full of shit, but they “only put $10 bucks in the machine and came home with $1000 bucks”! The amount of times I have heard that story! I actually question them now. Especially if they tell me it was a friend of a friend. Or they win big at the horses, dogs, name your poison – they will place a tiny wager and win big! They never have anything to show for it though!

23 08 2011
James, anti-anti intellectual

That particular session they only put $10 dollars in. They always neglect to mention that they have also put the last 15 dole payments into said machine.

I did win a few hundred betting on a hung parliament last year. Is it bogan to bet on federal elections? I contend that it is, but only if you somehow manage to lose…

23 08 2011
moar caek

it would be bogan to bet on elections if you also bet on football.
I’d imagine.

23 08 2011
devil's advocate

When it comes to federal parliament, these days: regardless of the outcome, we all lose.

Gambling can’t make you win, it’s hedging at best.

23 08 2011
moar caek

I won $30 on a whim dollar drop once and walked out immediately.
consequently, to this day I remain ahead of the pokies.
cop that statisticians!

(should I have a comma after “cop that”?)

20 08 2011
James Hunter

Daffy,
They never never spruk when they come home after putting say $100 through a machime nor do they ever ever stop and consider the number of times they put in their “few” dollars.
Just more statistically meaningless shit.
Even if we stick with Gaussian Statistics (which if applied to gambeling is as meaningfull as reading tea leaves ) if they dont understand the difference between Average ,Mode and Median then they are Fuckaaaaed.Thgey should keep their lips Zipf(ed) !!
Mandelbrot has more to offer then fractals.

20 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, dream on, fattie, although it’s nice to see your spelling is comming (sic) along…

20 08 2011
James Hunter

“If you think everything here is so strange it is because you are on the wrong planet.” (Corruption of work of Sigbjorn Obstfelder)

21 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, generally, what the world needs now is far less of your rubbish borrowed campfire quotes, while specifically, it needs considerably fewer of all your posts, all of which, mark you, James Hunter, reek of inbreeding. I mean, that’s a start! And for practical considerations, although it’s my refined ascetic sense that prompts this suggestion, you could also tell your missus not to wear that corduroy skirt down to the Dogpatch Arms on Saturday nights.

21 08 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb,
As an outsider , what do you think of the human race ?

21 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, a few days ago mention was made of a bus trip. Capital idea! I’m almost certain that somewhere, strewn across that unmaintained block of dirt on which a builder cronies cobbled together a crib from used pallets, you’ve an old bus. A garish gas guzzling oil burner with hand-painted rainbows and the somewhat confusing “Magic Bus” in place of the destination display. There it sits as testimony to the deluded detritus of both your grandiose plans and your dirty ashtray of a mind, littering the landscape, a landscape which in the case of that provincial rat’s nest Lower Dogpatch, needs no further disarray. So I suggest you crank it over and see if it starts. It could be the ideal passenger carrying vehicle for an outing to the bright lights and fast pace of the district. Even if it doesn’t start, surely you could transfer the starter motor from that old Morrie 1100 you’ve been meaning to painstakingly restore to concourse condition, only haven’t
Get onto it, pops.

21 08 2011
James Hunter

“It is only the intellectually lost who ever argue”
(The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde)

20 08 2011
urbanreverie

OK …. so one of the left-wing blogs I read, Left Flank, has put Things Bogans Like (and anti-bogan sentiment in general) firmly in its firing line. You can check it out here:

http://left-flank.blogspot.com/2011/08/maliciousness-in-memes-boganmovies-and.html

For the last bloody time, what will it take for these people to understand that being a bogan has nothing to do with class or income, and everything to do with attitude and intellect. Jesus wept!

Not only that, but the Left Flank authors are socialists. And make no mistake – if push ever comes to shove, you can bet your bottom dollar that the bogan will be there on the barricades, defending bourgeois values, sticking up for their rights to get into maxtreme levels of debt to fund even more acquisitions of consumer chattels, to live in huge energy-guzzling McMansions and drive around in huge energy-guzzling cars, and fighting for their God-given rights to be a bunch of racist, homophobic, misogynystic pigs.

So why Left Flank and others on the left feel the need to stick up for bogans, I don’t know.

20 08 2011
p'bee

lots of avowed socialists have had a humour bypass during their passage from apathetic middle class to pious seriousperson.

20 08 2011
Mick

She seems to be very sensitive about her upbringing. The bogan background was mentioned more than once.

I reckon she wears tights as well.

20 08 2011
James Hunter

If she is a real capitalist she will auction her used ones

23 08 2011
moar caek

ugh.
and tartan.
and a red beret.
for the ’cause’
I’ve given up on socialism (broadly), sadly.

alas. It has become apparent that humans are by and large, ignorant and indolent. most of them are content to sit on their arse and wait for someone to tell them what to think and do until they choke in their own fat or expire because they forgot what comes after “breathe out”.
you don’t think so?
take a trawl across some commercial media. or have a look at the “top ten most popular” anythings anywhere. it will be hollow shit and drivel. humans are fukt. we are repeating the same mistakes of egypt and rome and angkor wat and will continue to until we finally go extinct. so fück the masses. humans aren’t worth saving
I don’t even believe in Keynes anymore. I once thought the market needed regulation because it had no conscience and would just consume everything and fück the consequences. Now I just don’t care. If our leaders and “captains of industry” can’t even comprehend the whole shit/nest allegory it just further reinforces the point.
sure we have saints and astronauts too, but they’re insignificant in number and effect. so go get a burger and a six pack and see what’s on the telly. go and add your opinion to the gossip economy and pray for spectacular fireworks at the end.

23 08 2011
James Hunter

moar,
That you no longer believe in Keynes any moar is a dam good start to intellectual liberation!
Two books you realy would enjoy (or must read)
are”The Black Swan” and”Fooled By Randomness” both by “Nassim Nicholas Taleb”
You will never believe in The stock markets,Stockbrokers or MBA’s again if you read them !
Interesting
Day after BHP announce the closure of Blueskope Steel mill at Pt Kembla and the Hot sheet mill at Melbourne they announce a Draconian list of rules for all staff.
Including:
No post it notes on monitor or keyboard after the end of the day’No notices on doors of workplace walls’no smelly food’no eating at the work place.
Lots more but that is indicative.
They obviously dont realise that workers eat at their desks because they are working during lunch break.
BHPs Personel department must be run by a MBA from the Liberal Partys reject list.

23 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Aah, Mr Taleb…

The rock-star economist.

Enjoy his work. But those two books are, like, totally the same. Then there’s the elongated second edition of The Black Swan he just released. Bloody director’s cuts. Bloody George Lucas. We’ve been fleeced!

Reckon Taleb might be at risk of becoming a one-trick pony, flash-in-the-pan, fifteen-minutes-‘o-fame-type guy… Although he’d probably find a completely rational, market-based explanation for why I say that…

But markets are irrational… the Austrians are right… we’re all doooooomed… 99% of traders ain’t shit… and governments and mainstream economists’re clowns out of their fricken depth with interests more vested than a matador’s midsection…

Word is our man’s planning yet another book along the same lines:

“The Wayne Swan: The Impact of the Highly Incompetent”…

Or, should the Libs be granted their wish for an early election:

“Tonsil Hockey: The Bloated Bleating of a Bacon-fed Blimp”…

Apologies for what could be construed as ‘Fatism’, former Victoria Police Chief, Christine Nixon. I also enjoy devouring a fine chicken parmigiana at the pub over a nice game of footy with my phone turned off… ‘Specially if it’s a tight game on a delayed telecast.

23 08 2011
James Hunter

2S2S,
I am disapointed.
You did not cast Foney Rabbit.Maybe with rooly good luck he wont be round long enough to get clear of make up ?

24 08 2011
moar caek

totally.
I mean, how good is footy?
right?
How good is Pale?
that’s right.
very good. very good indeed.

y’know, you right a lot like Kevin Kaspersky Klansman.
and he was very good too.

I came late to economics. Like most things, my understanding is pretty vague and romantic.
and cynical.

I’m surprised that markets are unpredictable. I expect that depends on which end of the market you are on. To wit: I imagine there are about a couple of hundred people whose wealth has increased exponentially as a result of all the recent economic durm and strang, and that is just how they intended it should be. They could probably just give it all back and make everything OK again, but instead there will now be a desperate frantic struggle on the part of the rest of the hive to make MOAR wealth. which will also be harvested in due course.

I’m at a crossroads. Should I read Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Dogen Zenji or The Anarchist’s Cookbook next?

flowers die though we love them, and weeds flourish, though we love them not

every drop of water reflects the same moon

I’m certain that if we could build a wealthy Zen utopia we’d probably all reach the same conclusion at the same time and murder each other.

So I guess we need jobs to keep us busy. and colour and movement to keep us distracted. and titillation and gossip to keep our minds working. Enlightenment has to remain the province of the dedicated few. Like wealth.

24 08 2011
James Hunter

MC,
Nicholas Taleb followed by The Anarchists Cook Book
That way you will know why and how to.
In the mean time Pale would be a war winning weapon is SA ever want to invade NSW

24 08 2011
moar caek

we keep it secret here and only ship out the Red.
shhh.

other Adelaide secrets: Millipedes!

24 08 2011
moar caek

also: FUIC

I’m addicted to the shit. it’s pathetic.

24 08 2011
James Hunter

Millipedes,God yes they eat you out of house and home but the smell …devine is no word for it !
Send a gunny sack of em to Pete for Christmas.
Stobie’s too are great Still remember the first time I saw one bent like a pretzel bu an old valiant.

24 08 2011
James Hunter

Moar, what is FUIC

24 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Lapsed Klansman, moar…

Well, the Grand Wizard kicked me out after he caught me in a wet ‘n wild threesome mit Natalie Hershlag (screen name Portman) and Bob Katter’s gay half-brother. Almost talked my way outta trouble but had no defense for James Brown’s ‘Soul Power’ blasting from the stereo.

And yup, gimme Coopers (either shade of socialist will do), gimme footy, gimme good tunes, Gimme Some Lovin’, Gimme Shelter, Gimme Danger, Gimme Some Truth, Gimme Gimme Gimme (not the ABBA one… they should be f#cked and burned), gimme some semblance of wealth, and she’ll be right mate.

Gold US$1,900-ish, baby.

I’m no expert, but my understanding is the gold price tends to rise “in times of economic uncertainty” and rocket when “investors sh!t themselves and dump stocks.”

This time last year it was around US$1,250.

A decade ago it was US$250.

My libertarian ex-employers are jizzing their slacks. Sure, mainstream economists bellow their banal catchcries, “It’s a bubble!” and “You can’t eat gold!” but fark ‘em. They jus jealous they didn’t get in earlier.

Had to Google FUIC though. A strange addiction, t’be sure, but to each his own. Being a Melbourne snob, I’m addicted to quality coffee by the pint… an’ if it don’t come on time, the jitters set in.

*glass*

24 08 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
Silver at AUD40.09 is looking pretty good too. if you look at the longer terms like 10 0r 20 years look almost exponential.even five year trend looks sharpish.

24 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Yup James,

Silver never looking too shabby either… though its rise to power’s been a tad more sporadic than the yella metal…

But with a vocal collection of influential free-market enthusiasts calling for a return to the gold standard (including the Tea Party; reasonable GOP Congressman Ron Paul; Anders Breivik admirer and prominent Fox News albino Glenn Beck; and a certain right-wing nutter who shot, amongst others, a certain US congresswoman in the head in Tucson earlier this year), reckon gold’s a purty solid preserver of wealth In These Troubling Times*.

Hm. Although looking back at that parenthesised roll call of whackjobs – Dr Paul excepted of course – I ask you, who’s causing the most Trouble In These Troubling Times?

*phrase copyrighted by Today Tonight during Naomi Robson era

24 08 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
Hmmmm I would think the Tea Party as the most destructive.
on metals though if you got money to invest I sugest the Rare Earths as a goer.
Couple of Australian sources in a very scarce world market. China is getting to be wanting what its got for china. Supprise.? Duh !

25 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, you master of the universe…

25 08 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb,
Sigh, we all have our limits.

25 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, I know that. How? Why? Easy, it’s a wise person who knows their limitations. But it’s a genius who knows the limitations of other. I am that genius. You, most likely have some sort of sort of real and diagnosable but untreated psychiatric disorder, be it OCD/ADD/manic depression/anxiety/ Bottom line, pops, you’re generally nuts.

25 08 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb,
So you have finally spat it out. You are a “Genius.”
What this tells us is that you have a non-bizarre,mood-incongruent,grandiose delusional disorder.
If you can determine wheather the origins of this problem are medical,neurological or a mental disorder then it is highly probable that a regime of treatment may be possible.
Good luck and be sure to keep us all posted.

25 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, this reads like you took a wacko you beaut Counsellor’s course at Lower Dogpatch TAFE. Good for you! Perhaps, in your effort to put a label on why you think and act the way you do, you failed to remember that making the same mistake and expecting a different result is a basic definition of insanity. Repeatedly drinking yourself into a coma, over “medicating” yourself with prescription pills or food or, in your case, both, declaring your exit strategy from the workforce “retirement” rather than bog standard laziness are just a few examples. While it isn’t your low self-esteem, your massive inferiority complex, your preposterous arrogance that are behind the thought patterns constantly replaying in your mind – and as an aside, James Hunter, let me tell you they aren’t helping – it’s really a case of you thinking about yourself too often. Not merely thinking that you’re too superior, nor regularly thinking that you’re too inferior. Simply thinking too often about yourself. Yet the funny, though typically obvious thing about your thinking is you imagine yourself a somewhat altruistic dude, don’t you, pops? In fact, as Damon Runyon would’ve put it, since you’re so fond of quotes… “slightly more than somewhat…”
Learn from it, fatty! Also, sorry to hear about it.

25 08 2011
Death to Thornton

Oh Peter Thornton, So you have spent the last 2 hours composing this mindless rant, all for the glorification of your fragile ego. Well done sir, your contribution to society fills us all with relief & thanks that there are people, sorry, genius’s such as yourself to guide & nurture us. I hope you get cancer of the anus.

25 08 2011
James Hunter

@Death to Thornton
Hear,Hear.
Opps , in this case maybe Thear Thearmight be better ?

29 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, you’re hardly the Wolf of Wall Street so ease up on the financial advice. As with most things – well, all things really – your opinions, suggestions, thoughts and ideas indicate just one thing: do the exact opposite. Sorry, pops, but you’re he derro of Dogpatch (Lower).

20 08 2011
urbanreverie

PB,

I have firm socialist convictions yet I feel absolutely no compunction about being anti-bogan. I see no conflict between being pro-working class and being anti-bogan.

That whole Left Flank post is based on this erroneous line of thought:

bogan = working-class
∴ being anti-bogan = being anti-working-class

Hell, I don’t dislike the bogan because they wear Ed Hardy or show off their muffin tops while walking down the Queen Street Mall at 0.3 kilometres per hour. I’m a complete dag, like I care what people wear.

I dislike the bogan because of their bloody-minded prejudice, ignorance, compulsive consumerism and their pathological lack of empathy for people who need a hand up in life.

Like I said, I don’t get why socialists would defend bogans. Bogans stand for everything socialists have struggled against for over a century.

21 08 2011
Mick

Don’t sweat it urban…when the bogan uprising happens, the latte-sipping, inner-city socialists will be the first glassing victims.

At first, the socialists will be very excited at seeing the Ed-Hardy-clad hordes. They will probably stand with great self-importance to introduce themselves as the ones who fought for their right to be bogan. *BANG* Socialists on the ground everywhere with corona bottles sticking out of their ears.

Finding nothing worth looting, the poorly-tattooed horde will move on. The socialists will pick themselves, remove the glass and debate for hours about what they did to upset the bogans so.

They’ll blame us again. “One cannot really blame those bogans for their anger, can one? What with all those psuedo-intellectuals out there attacking them. They are confused about who they are.”

F#ck it! I pass for bogan. I’m gonna join the bundy-rum-and-diet-coke-swilling horde.

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Welcome to the club, Mick. We got Ed Hardy jackets.

And yes, if there’s ever a bogan glassing horde against Newtown socialists I’ll be leading the Shire Strike Force.

21 08 2011
Mick

Done.

Can we go watch the Jets play when we are done? They still play at Henson Park?

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Only if I have permission to go West Side Story on any carnt who looks at me funny.

And yeah, they actually do play NSW Cup and stuff there still. I had a mate who was signed by the Roosters and played for them.

23 08 2011
moar caek

why were the Jets not ressurrected in all the “sydney” kerfuffle years ago? amalgamate easts and canterbury with souths and call it the Jets. thAt would have been cool.

or even better: the Blue Bags.
lol

23 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

Haha…the latte sipper Easts fans, the Doggieeez crowd and the last three non-hipster libtards who follow the Jets?

24 08 2011
moar caek

I kinda liked the idea of jumping ship to easts just so I could do that ROOStahs! thing…
but nah.
fukk easts. and manly.

and the sharks…
fukk sydney…

c’mon!

I haven’t been to newtown for about 20 years. I bet it’s just unbearable. right?

24 08 2011
James Hunter

MC,
Chronical unbearable

24 08 2011
martin

Yeah. Whenever I go to the city, after about an hour I can’t wait to get the f#ck out of there. There’s just something about it that rips your soul out and makes you feel sick and makes me want to set off a nuke.

24 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

I feel the same way.

21 08 2011
urbanreverie

Yeah Mick, the libtard-type socialists (including the Left Flank mob) were very excited about the London riots too, much in the same way as you described their reactions to a potential bogan uprising.

I don’t get it. As I said on Twitter at the time, I’d like to say the riots were a blow against injustice, but they weren’t. A furniture shop in Croydon is hardly a symbol of repression.

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

They still are. I’m seeing all the Socialist Alliance pricks putting their posters up around uni right now calling the riots a product of racism or David Cameron or chronic masturbation or some shit.

21 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
David Cameron is a chronic masturbator and that is no shit !

22 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

JH, I never claimed otherwise. Although I imagine an upper class twit like Mr C would have the butler jack him off for him.

22 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Maybe in a scene like one would expect from “Little Britten” ?
Come think of it it is on tonight !
“”I’m the only Gay in the Village”!

22 08 2011
Mick

Potential? Look at the comments on the News Ltd websites.The bogans are already saying that it is going to happen over the carbon tax thingy. It’s a done deal. Just a matter of when.

The most over-indulged, hard-done-by section of society is over it. It’s time to rise up and claim what is rightfully theres.

If you own a furniture shop, I would suggest armed guards. And a pitbull. The man has conspired long enough to keep everyone from owning a Jason Recliner. It’s time this appalling act of treachery stopped.

22 08 2011
Mick

Theirs…dammit.

22 08 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
“They” are getting to you.

24 08 2011
moar caek

watts theres is hours!

24 08 2011
James Hunter

MC you’ll get no resistance there

24 08 2011
moar caek

ohm y god james!

24 08 2011
James Hunter

Boom Tish

21 08 2011
martin

Bogans don’t have a social conscience or not much of one. Or they’ll be the first to drop it if there’s a dollar or something to be gained from it. Then they’ll cry out for government help when the world turns to shit. Ie the recent bailouts.

But yeah you really have to keep in mind what a bogan is, I too usually think of the Ed Hardy donning, Ute driving meathead, but then I also think of some other nerds I used to know who are bogans as well, mainly because of as you say their pathological lack of empathy, not only for people who need a hand up, but empathy period, they’re narcissistic psychos.

20 08 2011
urbanreverie

PB, you were right about the “humour bypass”. I just posted my thoughts on Left Flank, and got my backside chewed out by the co-creator of the blog.

Man I love a good shitstir :) At least he didn’t accuse me of being a “fascist”, the default sobriquet used by those Marxist libtard types whenever they encounter someone they disagree with.

21 08 2011
p'bee

yes, there a definite difference between just being socialist in your views and being seriousbusiness socialist, which is what that post was.
i thought about posting a response myself – asking whether by criticising those who mock bogans they are doing exactly what they accuse us of and showing some sort of haughty superiority – but i decided i probably couldn’t be bothered dealing with the expected very long admonitions i’d receive.
your response was really good. their responses…well i’m still trying to see how attacks on indian students has any connection to anything else there.
yo

21 08 2011
p'bee

not sure why it says yo – i swear i didn’t write that.

23 08 2011
moar caek

yo Peebie.
maybe you tried a smilie?
I tried to do an eight with a parenthesis (is that the singular for parentheses) as a “dot point” once and it came out like this: 8)

weak.
emoticons are exXxtra bogan

23 08 2011
moar caek

;)

and why the hell does a computer have a Caps Lock?
it made sense on a mechanical typewriter, but now it’s just for morons to make emphasis about TEH LIES !!1! and THE GOVVERMENT and OUR TAX DOLLERS!!1!!one!!

shits me.
‘cos i CAN”T TOUCH TYPE SO I JUST KEEP BANGING ON HEAD DOWN ON ON SOME IRRELLERVENT POINT MOSTLY JUST BECAUSE i THUINK i AMN HILARIOUS AND THEN i LOOK UP AND MY SCREEN IS FULL OF SHIT IN CAMEL FONT

24 08 2011
martin

Caps are maxtreeme facist bogan.

The one that shits me most is the use of not.

“Something is NOT true”. Ergh.

However I’m prone to use it when I play computer games and I come across some poxy nerd with a born to rule attitude and I abuse the f#ck out of them.

24 08 2011
moar caek

…which is appropriate. I am of the school that caps is shouting on the intarwebs. reeally irritating. I can’t help mentally “hearing” it that way when I read it.

stop bellowing at me, dickhead.

24 08 2011
moar caek

not you!
martin.
I’m not calling you a dickhead…

just in case.
y’know?

24 08 2011
martin

Yeah I knew, thanks anyway.

21 08 2011
urbanreverie

Yo, P’Bee! ;)

You’re not kidding about the “very long admonitions” – I just checked the thread and now Liz_Beths (the article’s author) has written a whole bloody thesis in rebuttal!

Damn, I thought I was verbose. But the Left Flank crew make me look like brevity personified.

I wouldn’t mind such a long, circumloquacois response if there were carefully thought out arguments within an overarching coherent structure.

But this is just a collection of non-sequiturs and cut-and-pastes, complete with a bit of personal abuse to get things rolling (“snobbey, reactionary horse-shit” … LOL!)

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Don’t forget ad hominem arguments. Libtards love that shit. I’ve been called a racist against Indians before with no sarcasm whatsoever as a way of pointing out the flaws in my points.

Me. Racist against my own people.

21 08 2011
James Hunter

Hmmmm Ash, Why is that ? Maybe you are now fully pasturised?

22 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I assimilated, JH. But I’m still aware of who I am through my skin and my name.

22 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
there is absolutely no doubt that you are a 100% genuine Aussie !
Oh.
That was a compliment.!!

24 08 2011
moar caek

you seem surprised, but you don’t seem to be new to this. I’m confused. Isn’t bellowing at each other over split hairs and shades of red whilst labelling any detractors as fascists just what socialist intelligentsia have always done?
consider;
engels,
trotsky,
Rik Mayall.
I mean it’s mostly why verbose gits like us got attracted to the whole bznz in the first place..
…if we’re being honest.

24 08 2011
James Hunter

MC
There seems to be more intelligence and less socialism then is good for us. The capitalist model is in the throws of collaspe but the socialists don’t seam to realise it. Pity
Pity too that most institutionalised Socialism falls prey to the very same fault lines as capitalism, namely quests for power and money and ultimately they end up like Gaddafi killing there own because they are shit scared of the consequences of loosing ..like Musolini and Stalin or Mubarak.
Give Tony Abbott enough power for long enough and with his crakpot religious past hed be the same.
Madness based on a mistaken belief of personal infallibnility helps.

21 08 2011
The Sparse and the Spurious

Interestink…

So yer use of the word ‘gaudy’ gives you away as some sort of hipster mit illusory superiority? Fark, that’s tough. And perhaps a tad judgmental to dismiss yer opinion based on yer use of one innocuous five-letter word.

Bloody fascists.

And yup, I gained maxxposure to the stone-faced, humourectomised, funotomised personalities of socialist hardliners in my uni years… Far better advertisement for maxxtreme capitalism than Donald Trump, they is… Stomping on semantic eggshells wasn’t difficult to do in their company either, even for a leftard like myself. There are degrees of political correctness, and I reckon it’s invariably in the eye of the beholder, but the PC mercury rises to farken bursting point around those folks – Goes Mad, if you will. Can’t even have a civil discussion about the virtues of hardcore pornography without causing some kind of offense. Yeah, some angry, reactionary mahfarkers there. Bloody celibates.

Now that, good sir, is judgmental.

And maybe I’m wrong on this one, but comparing the impact and implications of the word ‘bogan’ to that of words like ‘faggot’ and ‘nigger’ seems like an enormous wank. No bogan I know of ever got lynched in Mississippi or beaten to death by religious zealots… but I reckon a few might’ve dished out their share of lynchin’ ‘n beatin’.

Bullshit victim complex, this one. I constantly get called bogan for my loutish fashion sense, fanatical love of beer, tendency to pre-roll Coopers stubbies, ‘The Telemovies of Rebecca Gibney’ box set, and irrational defense of the oft-dubious actions of every single bloke to’ve ever pulled on a Collingwood guernsey. *whew* But do I take offense? Yeah nah, mate. Just play to type ‘n tell ‘em all t’get faarked, cunce.

Oh, the Rebecca Gibney thing? That’s a damn stinking lie. Though I’m partial to the work of Amanda Keller… and Lisa McCune, when she hosted that true Aussie crime show a few years back.

There is no delusion. The bogan is real. And right now is watching The Block… then Underbelly Razor… whose title could be confused for a show about shaved genitalia… but I guess we’ll see.

Excuse the essay… and incessant ellipses…

21 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Underbelly Razor update: 90 seconds in and titties out…

But the same pair have been seen on Rake.

Man, that constant bloody narration. Lazy writing dat. Distinct lack o’ subtlety here. Bloody awful cockney(?) accent too, blondewoman. What is this, Australia’s pissweak answer to Scorsese flicks? Might have to switch to, uh, Two and a Half Men on Go!

That Charlie and his hilarious cargo shorts…

22 08 2011
martin

I quite liked this one actually, the acting isn’t half bad imo.

23 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Admittedly, nice to see Squizzy Taylor get a guernsey but I cannae stand the dialogue! Some trite shite dat. Not exactly Power Without Glory.

Coupla series ago, maybe, the young Aussie ladies of the night in the show were uttering Americanisms like “goddammit” and stuff. A bit agitating in my opinion, but what the fark do I know? Last hooker I walked past in St Kilda called me a farken poofter. Nice use of psychology on her part though… My manhood was on the line and just to prove a point to her and her similarly smug pimp, I whisked her away to a seedy hotel and promptly took care o’ bidniss…

$300 and a nasty bout of the clap later, my maxxtreme manhood was restored. That showed ‘er. Who’s the poof now, eh? Not me. I have vaginally transmitted gonorrhoea. Still, should’ve kept the receipt. Now I know what A Current Affair’s talkin’ ’bout… Those ladies are a menace… Coitus buzzards, even.

23 08 2011
James Hunter

2S2S,
The St Kilda tarts are not as numerous as the Kings Cross tarts but just as prone to use of American slang.Mind you some of them realy know the mooves! As do the Cross girls of course.

Maybe it is the USA Sailors ?See a USA ship come in in Sydney and the number of Hookers from all round the country is amazing. Out number the friends and relatives at the warf by at least 2 to 1

Personally I abhore USA slang and consider it just another form of USA Cultural and Intellectual Imperialism.

23 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Hm. The sailor influence. Point taken.

Maybe it was just the actress’ delivery of the “goddammits” that sounded disingenuous…

Personally, the Oz-pervading culture of the (once) mighty US doesn’t bother me so much. Can’t have Aussie hookers, albeit fictional ones, adopting a more monarchist influence, shouting “poppycock,” “freshen yer dick, guv-nah,” and such… What a boner eradicator…

On the other hand, “motherfucker” rolls right off the tongue, and there ain’t a lot more powerful that a quadrisyllabic insult…

It pays to use the word expeditiously though…

One careless utterance and yer likely to cop an almighty glassing.

*wraps wet towel around head*

*calls ambulance*

*doesn’t go to the European Bier Cafe on Exhibition St ever again*

23 08 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
Your right, motherfucker has better mouthfeel
I would recomend though a dry towel, not a wet bar mat though and if you are fit enough to call the ambos your self you probably don’t need them !
When last doing the Melbourne Fringe we used to drink at a little place called “The Pig and Whistle” at Swann St Richmond.
Real friendly non bogan crowd there. well then at least.

24 08 2011
moar caek

I think a well executed Dickhead can give a Motherfucker a run for its money.
In the right company

24 08 2011
Peter Thornton

`1Oh, James Hunter, as far as you’re USA opinions are concerned, it’s simply a case of that fine nation’s Cultural and Intellectual Imperialism (alleged, by you, but congratulations anyway for pulling off what for you must have been the spelling feat of the year – psst! really, you C’n’P’d it, didn’t you?) Versus James Hunter’s Uncouth and Lowbrowed Insularity. Not unsurprisingly, pops, it’s a no brainer.
(‘no brainer’ may also be another way of describing things).

24 08 2011
martin

Yeah I noticed they used some American terms like “I’m gonna kick your ass” or something.

But I reckon that guy playing Norman Bruhn is alright and those two Kelly brothers do the job of acting like really old fashioned hard men. I think they’re a bit better than the usual Home & Away ‘actor’ bogans.

24 08 2011
moar caek

FASCIST!!!

24 08 2011
James Hunter

Lots of em around.

22 08 2011
martin

I’ve known closely 3 libtards and they can be quite terrifying. You’ve got to be really careful what you say otherwise they’ll start some sort of bitch campaign against you. Scratch a lefty and you’ll find a facist. Worked with one dickhead who wore a skirt, had chopsticks in his hair like a Japanese type thing and insisted we listen to JJJ.

They don’t seem to cry racist every two seconds like they used to during the Howard years. I think they may have finally woken up to the fact that mass immigration can really suck given the appalling state of Sydney and I guess they’ve woken up to the fact that immigrants aren’t these lovely angelic people that they can pat on the head to make themselves feel all warm and fuzzy. Maybe they’ve woken up to the fact that the immigrant wants what everyone wants, the good job, the nice suburb and they’re not going to hang out west like good little subservient half broken english speaking coffee coloured people and a lot of them will break their back and work 12 hours a day and live like shit to make sure they get it, there by putting pressure on the libtards support of worker’s rights.

23 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Dearie me… Chopsticks? Skirt? Triple J?

That’s the trifecta.

And here I thought the height of libtard wankstainery was the venerable black turtleneck ‘n beret combo… with the exception of my man Mick Malthouse of course. He can wear whatever he wants so long as Collingwood’s structures, forward press and, like, other ingenious football eccentricities hold up into October.

23 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

Martin – I suggest a visit to a university campus if you actually believe that libtards have woken up to the reality of immigration yet.

In fact, I suggest you make said visit with a gun of some kind.

23 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
.22 Browning pistol is good. Not too bulky, long enough barrel and not the noise of a 9mm.
pleanty to stop no body armour civilians. in capable hands easy accurate enough for a head shot at 25/30 mtr.
above information is not to be construed as a suggestion for you to actually take action !

23 08 2011
martin

Maybe they just like the fashion and want to wear shitty clothes and tea cosies on their head. The politics is the price to pay for entry to the little club.

23 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

If so, they still consider it srs bzns.

20 08 2011
Mick

Does this mean I’m a hipster?

Well, I’ll be damned!

20 08 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
See ! arnt you glad it has nothing to do with how you wear your pants ?
Mind you dont relax in case they fall down !

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

…Urban, give me one reason to not go rip those farkin latte-sipping, beret-wearing, Bon Iver-listening, Alanis-ironic dressing chardonnay hipster carnts a new one. One reason. You have 12 hours.

Bogans are an irritation, but that particular brand of socialist, as far as I’m concerned, validates everything they think about higher education. Newtown socialists (and I mean the new gentrified Newtown, not the old one) are nothing but scum. Send the bastards to a real socialist country and see how they react when their rights to have a shitty haircut, rights to piss Mummy and Daddy’s money away on failed art projects with near zero artistic value and right to bitch are all taken away.

/Libertarian and proud.

And if anyone thinks libertarianism is bogan, let’s see how the Glemnore Park breeder filth survive without their baby bonuses, family tax credits, negative gearing-purchased McMansions and a world where, shock farkin horror, their decisions are THEIR sole responsibility and they can’t expect the government to bail them out every time they borrow too much, their investment fails or the immigrant family next door talks in Asindianese and they think they’re being insulted.

Fark the world right now. With a special butt-farking to NRL referees.

21 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Just make sure the Bogans understand that Libertairian has nothing to do with the Liberal Party who have lost their roots and are mostly neofacists.

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Fark it, JH. Bogans go on about freedom and the nanny state but the reality of the alternative scares the shit out of them. No benefits or safety nets? Limiting boatpeople while opening the borders to skilled migrants? Developing a sense of personal and collective responsibility instead of delegating it to others? “Nah mate, fark that.”

And I’m a supporter and member of the Liberal Democratic Party of Australia.

Agreed on the Libs though. Long as Foney Rabbit (using yr appropriate name for him) is the big kahuna of that party that’s how it’s gonna be. I find myself actively cheering every time Malcolm Turnbull says/does something to upset him, and Turnbull isn’t that great of an alternative.

21 08 2011
urbanreverie

Ash,

Rip away! You don’t need my permission :P

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Fark it. At this stage, I’ve moved past anger and am now at depression. I will be there until the Oakland-San Francisco game tomorrow morning. If my Raiders win, then it’ll be acceptance. If they lose, the five stages of grief will repeat themselves only on steroids.

And fark those carnts.

21 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Dont go nuts…It is only boys playing with their balls !

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

I try and rationalise it by pointing out that I played with and against a couple of the current Sharkies when I was a young pup. But really I just need something to cling to in my life.

21 08 2011
martin

Newtown libtards love immigrants. As long as they don’t move to Newtown and reduce the prices of their now very expensive houses or there is lots of apartment blocks built within reasonable distance to the city to house the perpetually increasing population.

Libtards like to focus on inane feel good politics like banning Israeli products from the Inner West.

But that said I’d rather libtards in power than those greedy, snotty motherf#ckers from the Liberal party. I swear they and their c#nt, primarily bogan baby boomer followers have dickensian wet dreams. Can I have some more please?

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Newtown libtards are the ultimate NIMBYs. They love immigrants, just not around them.

21 08 2011
urbanreverie

Not quite, Ash. They love immigrants to come to Newtown, but only between the hours of 2pm and 10pm when they will work as kitchenhands in that nice little Tibetan-Bulgarian fusion restaurant on King Street. As soon as they knock off, they can catch the 422 back to Central and a train back to their overcrowded apartment in Lidcombe.

21 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

OK, rephrase – they want them to do their dirty work, but they don’t want them around them. And if they do encounter one they are thoroughly disappointed when they don’t meet one who fits all their expectations.

(That comes from past experience when I and my Leb mate went bar-hopping on King St earlier this year).

21 08 2011
James Hunter

Carramar,Cabramatta,Canley Vale are the latest Gettos I understand
Mrs hanibal and I bought our first home in Villawood off Miller Rd near wherte the Bass Hill Drive in and the Red Cedars Motel used to be. Then,in the late 70s it was 50% NSW HousingCommission and 50% ex Housing Commission homes that were privately owned.
It was a quiet working class/middle class sort of area with good ammenities and good community spirit.
Drove by the old home when up in Sydney a coupole of years ago and the homes seem to be all new immigrants and lebanese/Vietnamese .
The Yagoona shopping centre so full of towel heads youd think it was a chinese laundry. Vieled women(I suppose) trailing 3 mtres behing the smartly dressed middel eastern yobbo in training.
It is all so terribly FOREIGN.
And yes these are the people that fill the Tangaras to bursting and clog the Hume “Highway”
Sadley they are off to do the jobs our lazy youn sods dont want.
Mrs hanibal went by St Georges High School where she went to school and there was hardly a round eye to be seen and that was one of the highest preforming selected entry high schools in the state. still is but they are all asian students now.
Ayn way off the track a bit but there are not enough good socialists left. bugger.

24 08 2011
moar caek

huh.
I always thought it was “Bon Hiver” with an aitch, like “good winter”
or something.
well. there y’ go.

21 08 2011
martin

I just read the article properly and I think it has a fair point. The word ‘bogan’ is still primarily used to demonise the white working class. They deserve it to a large extent. But, so does pretty much every other type of people, including yuppies and libtards but there isn’t any real avenue for this. I think that’s more the problem than people abusing the word bogan.

Wearing Ed Hardy and driving Maloos is a great sin, and it will take a long time for redemption to occur. If ever it happens, even just going back to wearing flannos and dirty 5 year old sneakers from Best & Less would be good enough.

24 10 2011
Jesse

The invention of the category ‘bogan’ has everything to do with class. ‘Bogan’ is a class that this website is trying to invent and uphold!!

21 08 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
Turnbull at least mostly says what he means and is even known to agree with ALP statements.
Fioney though would make Menzies turn in his gfrave. .Foney is so ingenuous and changeable that no one even his “mates” can ever say they knows what he means or what he believes. He should be running a Catholic boys home. At least all the poison would be kept out of site for 40 years.

21 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, further to the proposed bus trip, doubtless there’ll be numerous photo ops throughout the day to document the hi-jinx; now on that subj. only a complete moron wouldn’t get that you’re so the type that always ends up being photographed while standing at the end of the group. Always. The end, pops, as in: not in the middle aka the desirable place [to be photographed]. While many may consider this natural selection, myself included, there are several (other) practical reasons for it: first, there’s nothing worse than listening to some hayseed bend your ear with their annoying and insignificant issues, especially ones that are clearly not important to you, not in your control, and/or not worth your valuable time. And, James Hunter, being placed on the end reduces ear exposure by 50%. Gotta go with the odds, pops. Also, you’re like that pesky dude at business meeting’n’greets who constantly give out their business card. Hate that! Total red flag. Like, what do you expect? I’m calling directly after this schmooze and booking Coitus Buzzard for a month-long corporate (read, highly paid) engagement? Wake up! Like even if you had a proper (read, actual) job, if it was anything worth anything else you wouldn’t be bustin a cheeseball move like that in a month of Sundays – which is what watching a performance of Coitus Buzzard must totally feel like.
Learn from it, pops!

22 08 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb,
So many words to say so little. Says a lot !

22 08 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb
I just realised what a service you and your family do for society.Your inbreeding protects the rest of us. Thank you so much

24 08 2011
moar caek

some people have made allusions to Doctor Smith, but I totally got Max Headroom off that one.

22 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, I realise that everyone has their own place in a fair and balanced society. For me, being on top means that my only real concerns are making money, staying in control, maintaining a finely honed body and dating cute girls. I don’t blindly hate because I know that not everyone can be me, but this doesn’t mean that everyone else doesn’t serve their own specialised purpose. I need (relatively) smart people to make me look even better, fat people to stand next to me to make me look even fitter, and hayseeds to wash my car and clean my home’n’stuff.
But, James Hunter, let’s talk about the people on the bottom of the food chain – the people who have a bone to pick, the people who have a giant chip on their shoulder, fat ugly people… In short, you. You are a true hater. No matter how many arch nemeses I have to deal with in business on an almost daily basis there’s nothing more irritating than someone who judges just because, when compared to their sorry looking arse, I’m perfect.
It’s time to make an important distinction: Hating is about stereotypically criticizing entire groups of people, not for their personal qualities, but out of resentment. Haters like you are hypocrites because usually, you would be me if you could. Instead, you’re you, and that sucks. Naturally I feel bad, but again, just as the antelope is eaten by the lion, there are certain people in society who have to suck. Once again, pops, sorry to hear about it.

22 08 2011
Pandabater

No we are the ones that are sorry Mr Thornton.
You can spew all the shit you want mate.
You are one in a million in an audience of one.
Yourself. Fuck You. Goodbye.

22 08 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
Anyone who considers themself to be perfect has a major problem..That combined with zero self awareness is potentially dangerous.
But as I have said to Drunky (below) what is tha best approach ?

23 08 2011
Peter Thornton

You’re not from Sydney are you? You see historically in Australia there’s always been two types: the term ‘Sydney or the bush’ sums up my point. But in Sydney there are also two types. The blow-ins or those who were born here. The later group represent the apex of the Australian elite. The former are merely grouped into the general category of hayseed. That is to say, uncultured, uneducated pretentious rubes: The Great unwashed – and quite often very dirty and rather smelly. Sorry to hear about it.

23 08 2011
martin

“Elite” usually meaning poxy gutless slimy spiv. Peter is a yuppy bogan by the sounds of things. This blog used to be quite jovial and entertaining, I think we need to get TBL to block his ip(s).

24 08 2011
moar caek

I heard you came out Panda.
Congratulations.
you’ll have to buy me faaaar too many beers one weekend and I’ll pretend I can’t remember on Monday. ;)

24 08 2011
Pandabater

Sorry Chubby,
It used to be fun,
but now its not.

26 08 2011
moar caek

oh.
sorry

22 08 2011
Graeme

Pretty good TBL. Was disappointed that Jade wasn’t spelt ‘Jjaydde’ though.

Speaking of the Rebecca Gibney references in the responses, may I suggest ‘Packed To The Rafters’ (or, slavishly following commercial television’s bidding to make it just that bit more personal/lovable ….’Rafters’) as a potential topic? It seems the bogan gets its history from Underbelly, and it’s warm, home-spun idyllic latter-day Brady Bunch from this drivel. And it sells maxtreme hamburgers with the ads too.

Can we have an end to bagging Mr Hunter by Mr Other-fella? Tedious. Different strokes for different folks, but to me it’s a blog about bogans and pig-ignorance, not a personal abuse hijacking opportunity.

Amen to the Newtown responses. I live there, and you are so right. Between that and thinking performers on Rockwiz are actually talented it’s all the same lip-service responses as bogans – only to the ‘left’.

22 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Aah yes, “Rafters”… How cuddly…

Then there’s “Dancing” (with the Stars)… (Talkin’ ‘Bout) “Your Gen” (-eration)… “Deal” (or No Deal)… “Better Homes” (and Gardens)… all prefaced w/ “Coming up, an All-New” when appropriate…

Then there’s “The 1001 Funniest Jokes of All Time” (by David Koch)… “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do Dat)”… “Don’t Call Me Nigger, Whitey (Don’t Call Me Whitey, Nigger)”… “A Little Less Conversation – Elvis Presley (featuring, uh, what was it, Jason Nevins?)”… “We Threw Gasoline on the Fire (and Now We Have Stumps for Arms and No Eyebrows)”… Pearl Jam’s “(Elderly) Woman (Behind the Counter in a Small Town)”, not to be confused with John Lennon’s “Woman”…

M’kay, straying a bit off-point here…

22 08 2011
Drunky

The Thornton changing his icon meant that I didn’t automatically skip his drivel. At least if it is always the same, you can develop the habit of skipping over it.

22 08 2011
James Hunter

Drunky,
What do you suggest?
I have tried :
Not responding at all\
Giving long and intelligent critism
Giving small polite remarks
What I have resorted to recently, Giviing a Personal attaqck but with some humour ( I hope)
However what ever; even periods of not responding in any way,
Every post I make on anytrhing gets the same gutter draging potty mouth personal attack / response.
With all the best will in the world I must admit to fighting back more then I should. So for that I am sorry ,to those others (asside from me) ,who end up ofended.

22 08 2011
clipper

Are you sure he’s not some kind of alter ego in a twisted Jekyll and Hyde scenario?

22 08 2011
James Hunter

Clipper,
More then likely. Sociopaths often are skitzo.
I wonder who/whitch the other person/entities may be.?
Maybe its Tony Abbott? He seems to have enough personas to more then go around ?

23 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, or rather Dr Hunter… You’re basing your diagnosis on what the shrink told you, no doubt. Sorry, pops, but if you spot it you’ve got it. You’re such a schmendrik. Get a job, lose that flab, make some money, get off Centrelink and learn how to write basic English. It’s not hard, James Hunter. Who knows, perhaps even Dogpatch will benefit.

23 08 2011
moar caek

it worked for me!

seriously though Peter, I love your entries. You are obviously a man of culture and sophistication and
your acerbic wit and turn of phrase are frequently just delightful. I understand that james is merely a hook for you to hang your literary skills on. Our greatest troll since fiona. I wonder if there might be other Fora where I can view your work?
I am baffled as to why james continues to take the bate in the face of your obvious mastery.

23 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

I’ve figured that JH just finds it amusing and a bit flattering. I would be if a troll latched himself onto me.

23 08 2011
Drunky

Sorry James, I’ve got nothin’.

I am slightly intrigued as to why he has this obsessed with you (umm … lovely and all as I’m sure you are – I didn’t mean to sound so bitchy, sorry) but I’m sure trying to find out would only end in tears.

I’m going to have to learn to skip his posts, based on more than the icon. All this extra work … god, who’d be me?

23 08 2011
James Hunter

Drunky,
No Problems,
I find him slightly amusing in a black caberet style More of the Salon Kitty style then Lisa Minelli’s “Cabete” style.
Tyring to understand his emotional and intellectual drivers is a bit like looking for life on Mars.
Your sure it is there or at least once was, just can’t find the evidence. Still like NASA no great harm in looking.
again like NASA one needs be cafefull not to pollute the evironment with known lifeforms as it would confuse the issue.

23 08 2011
daffodilsareyellow

Hi Graeme. Amen to your comment about the ongoing fued between Peter and James. It has become tired and not in the least bit funny or clever.

22 08 2011
AFR

After being forced to watch The Block last night by my parents (who complained about the contestants the whole way through), I think its time TBL did a piece on the true bogan heroes, Scott Cam and that Shelley bird from Funniest Home Videos. They are the Posh n Becks of Channel Nein

22 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts During Intermission.

Just emailing Urban and I revealed one of my great bogan memories – washing Lara Bingle’s Aston Martin last summer. She liked the job I did enough to offer a tip, but I asked if I could get a photo instead and she complied. That photo is still getting me free beer at various venues around the Sutherland Shire and eastern suburbs.

23 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Impressive. If it’s anything like Brendan Fevola’s photo of her I’ll buy you several beers. Better yet, did she hold the squeegee in a suggestive manner and pout fer ya?

Word is she’s looking to resurrect her advertising career with a straight 180-degree turn, as spokesmodel for the fledgling anti-immigration lobby’s controversial “Where the Bloody Hell Are You From, C#nt?” campaign.

23 08 2011
James Hunter

2s2s
Is that campaign being funded by Andrew Payne and Bob Katter or is it Tony Abbott and Joe Hiccky ?

23 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, ease up on the racialist comments! If it wasn’t for migration – legal or otherwise – the lives of many would be markedly different. Example: now for someone like me, migrant sex workers elicit a yawning ‘whatevs’ (and just the rec. James Hunter, all sex workers do; vulgarly common). However to you it means (eventually) getting (actually) laid. Of course the proviso, expressed here with the word ‘eventually’, means saving the gravy from couple of C’Link payments. Also, I find smelly food ghastly, but judging by your rather expanded girth and what I reckon must be a hideous body odour, you love Indian food. Good for you. We’re all different, pops, but it makes no difference. Learn from it!

23 08 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb,
I did not realise that you were a sex worker.
Good to see your doing something that you at least think your good for.

23 08 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, if you were a sex worker you’d go broke. Even Bob Katter’s gay half-brother would struggle talking you up.
(‘talking you up’ might also be a euphemism).

23 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

I got a pout, but no squeegee. If I got that I’d be drinking for free for the rest of my life.

And sadly, nothing like the Fev’s photo.

24 08 2011
moar caek

ten

24 08 2011
24 08 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

Awww…bogan love. So cute.

I give it three months.

24 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Fark, where are your standards woman? That fella’s gone from pink piggy to leather reptile in a matter of months. Y’can’t trust that kind of cosmetic impulsiveness in a grown man. Fine bowling average though, and y’can’t fault his influence on the game. Still, should’ve stayed with Austin Powers, Elizabeth. As fer you, Hugh Grant, you fluffy-haired, clumsy, adorably luckless so-and-so, you should’ve stayed with Jemima Khan, or at least Divine Brown…

But don’t get any ideas about Fatima Bhutto. She got class.

Perez out.

24 08 2011
martin

Convoy of incontinence bogan ( i thought that was pretty funny ) spends $10k driving to Canberra to join the other 50 people who were there.

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/why-i-spent-10k-trucking-from-perth-to-parly-house/

11 kids. I guess I’d be worried about the carbon tax if I felt the need to breed so much, to mark my territory like a dog pissing on a tree.

24 08 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Comments-section convoy quickly veers off into familiar “silent majority” lane. Causes pileup.

24 08 2011
James Hunter

the philosophy of the dog;
I you cant eat it of fuck it then piss on it,because you may want to eat it or fuck it later.

24 10 2011
Jesse

This whole web site consists of five or six men who are all flirting with each other or trying to seduce each other.

I don’t understand. Is this secretly a dating website masquerading as a bogan-baiting website.

24 10 2011
Jesse

Actually, I don’t know for sure that 2s2s or Ash are male. But I’m guessing…

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