#48 – The Corbys

15 12 2009

In 2004, Schapelle Corby was a blue eyed, moderately attractive Gold Coast TAFE student. A 20-something girl with a remixed name, dodgy family, and a tendency to go to Bali for holidays. An exemplary new bogan. Things went badly wrong for her when she was convicted by Indonesian authorities for smuggling 4.2kg of cannabis into Bali. Bogans back in Australia were outraged, and Today Tonight/ACA realised that a major meal ticket had arrived. The other thing that arrived was a white Mercedes with an oversized front grill and a high pitched screech emanating from its throat.

The bogan is a fiercely tribal creature, neatly tucking its selective disregard for truth into the pseudo-noble Australiana slogan of “standing by your mates”. This egocentric “us versus them” mentality permits the bogan to violate the laws of other jurisdictions whenever and however it wants, declaring foreign countries “un-Australian” whenever problems occur.

At these times, the Australian Government is supposed to spring into diplomatic overdrive to extricate the sullen bogan from the consequences of its willfully ignorant alleged actions. An opportunistic celebrity lawyer will work pro bono to coach the bogan on crying, temporarily converting to Islam, or other methods with a chance of perverting justice. The fortunate bogan eventually comes home to a hero’s welcome and a lucrative “tell all” ACA interview, having not learned a single thing (aside from the crying). All of this overrides the simple fact that the bogan in question in all likelihood traveled to a foreign country with draconian anti-drug laws while importing or taking illicit drugs.

The bogan regularly gains self-esteem from loudly declaring a stance on topics that it knows little about, and the idea of a healthy bogan female of reproductive age being imprisoned on a drug-related charge in an Islamic country represented the convergence of a number of its fears. It demanded that the Australian Government “do something” to bring Schapelle home.

The fact that her father and two of her half-brothers all had prior drug convictions was deemed by the bogan to be unrelated to Schapelle’s certain innocence, along with piles of other information. It just knew. Meanwhile, Schapelle’s sister Mercedes used her new fame to pop up and net $50,000 for stripping down for bogan bible Ralph magazine, airbrushed and spray tanned to within an inch of her life. This allowed the bogan readers to remark that “I’d take that Mercedes for a spin”, to the laughter of their similarly braindead mates.

While there are thousands of people imprisoned on drug-smuggling charges around the world, and hundreds of medical and social problems that cost the lives of Australians every year, the bogan saw no inconsistency in ignoring them all, save for Schapelle. It proudly participated in newspaper and television polls to “confirm” Schapelle’s innocence, vehemently maintaining to this day that a great injustice has been done.


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112 responses

15 12 2009
Jasper

Bogan Royalty

15 12 2009
Simon

Remember that after Shapelle, airport check-in queues were distinguished by Bogan’s with their luggage wrapped up so no one could “plant drugs” in their luggage. Poor Shapelle (sob,sob) she was so innocent, all she wanted to do was party at the pool-side bar, get her hair plaited, and ride a motor-bike without a helmet, BUT those terrible people planted drugs on her…. don’t get me started on the reality TV hit that is “the bali nine”

15 12 2009
Indi

The Bali Nine and the death penalty will play out in an explosion of conflicted bogan sentiment.

Many people quite like the idea of the death penalty, especially for drug trafficking crimes, but its not going to happen here. Others take the chauvinistic view that the Indonesian justice system is crooked, and the AFP should have let the nine onto the flights to be arrested in Australia. It’s a tabloid journalist’s heaven.

19 04 2010
Dangerous Dave

Mate the Indonesian justice system is crooked. It’s crookeder than a dog’s hind leg. There’s nothing chauvinistic about acknowledging that — every Indonesian acknowledges it, including Pres. Yudhoyono, and so do all human rights and legal NGOs.

15 12 2009
Alice

It really is a shame that Ralph didn’t Photoshop her mouth shut. Jesus Christ.

15 12 2009
Kaiks

That’s how we know it’s her, the rest is unrecognisable.

15 12 2009
Dee

Schapelle and Bec Cartwright keep the weekly chick mags running.

15 12 2009
Muz

That’s Mercedes Corby on the front of Ralph? I thought it was a horse!

15 12 2009
Kaiks

How can you confuse her for a horse?
Horses are beautiful, majestic, graceful and quite intelligent creatures.

15 12 2009
Jasper

Horses work hard and are quite useful too

17 12 2009
Matt

Horses aren’t “quite intelligent”. They’re as stupid as cows.
Of course, a horse probably would still know better than to smuggle 4kg of weed into Indonesia…

17 12 2009
Indi

But they have more natural dignity than any of the Corbys

17 12 2009
Kaiks

I heard they can be intelligent, relatively speaking. I will stand corrected as I don’t know much about them.
I still think a horse is intelligent enough to be offended about being compared to Mercedes Corby.

4 02 2010
liam

Horses are still smarter than mules.

29 01 2011
Louise

LOL!! That’s gold!!

24 12 2009
Some Canadian expat

You seem to neglect the fact that 0<people turned on by horse. (For reasons unknown.) For Mercedes, the figure is in the exact realm of =0.

11 10 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

Nah, the bogans seem to get a rush for her. Not sure why myself.

15 12 2009
Harold Holt's Floaties

Some of the funnier parts of the highly entertaining bogan circus that was the Corby saga, were the demonstrations that were supposed to take place not long after her arrest. Plugged as something along the lines of ‘The Schapelle is Innocent Rally’, these demonstrations were to take place in Sydney and Brisbane. However on the big day only half a dozen lonely fawning men with placards turned up at either location, completely outnumbered by laughing members of the media. The organiser complained that more people would have turned out if they knew about it. You can see the organiser’s clumsily titled website at http://www.dontshootschapelle.com/

Note the beautiful grammar in Rosleigh Rose’s personal thankyou letter – clearly her first crack at typing a word document, bless her.

15 12 2009
dazz

Hi Harold that letter is classic funny very insightful and did anyone notice there is no punctuation as well as rAndom use of Capitals
(PS the comma is next to the letter ‘m’ on the keyboard Rosie)

15 12 2009
Indi

But, if Schapelle’s nose had been an inch longer and her clothes that bit less revealing, would anyone have cared?

I can’t help but see a similarity to the career of Pauline Hansen- thousands of people have the same narrow views, and go into politics, but the particularly bogan charms of the erstwhile Member for Oxley gave the whole affair a charge and life it would not have otherwise had.

Confirming, yet again, SE QLD as the Bogan Capital of Australia. Is it inherent to the region or do all those Victorian migrants raise the levels of some mysterious combination of nature and nurture to new heights?

15 12 2009
Alice

Agreed, Indi. I’m not sure why they all flock here.

If anyone wants to see a Bogan on Parade™, check out my ex-neighbour’s Facebook profile. Facebook recently updated their privacy settings but she’s too stupid to figure them out, so her wall, which is teeming with poor spelling and grammar, is there for all to see.

http://www.facebook.com/#/Holly09?v=wall&ref=search

My personal favourite is:

“Haha Haha formal going well so far there holding the kids inside cause the police are Here cause parents are fighting punching each other and fighting with bouncers Haha classic”

15 12 2009
Shandarleeer

awwwwwwwwwwwwww. The bogan’s fav response on facebook. woot woot

15 12 2009
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

Andrea Duke: “Rest in peace my little Hunter carnt believe its been a year since you past away and went to be an angel , mummy loves you so much precious ………..rest in peace Hunter born 13.08.08 died 02.12.08 aged 15 weeks”

PLEASE tell me she’s NOT talking about a human child…

15 12 2009
Shandarleer

She sure is ,woot woot !!

15 12 2009
Shandarleer

Her facebook is like a car crash, I can’t turn away, I’m becoming obsessed. It’s high time I stopped living in the gay ghetto and face it out there! Get me some cruisers and and a bottle of Jack and dye my roots . Woot woot!!

16 12 2009
Peter of Kensington

Congratulations guys, you hit a new low.

Thanks! – TBL

16 12 2009
Peter of Kensington

@ TBL. Sorry if I wasn’t clear, I was referring to the people taking enjoyment from the writings of a grieving mother.

Ah…no worries then.

15 12 2009
Beck

As much as I love a good bogan trashing, I think this response is a little below the belt. Pointing the finger at a person’s grief is poor form, my friend.

16 12 2009
Lee

That’s a bit low.

20 12 2009
big_fat_floppy_juloppies

You are disgustiing……..

some things you simply dont mock….lest they happen to you one day

20 12 2009
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. That will never happen to me, because I am Fiona of Toorak, not some bogan from one of the lesser suburbs.

20 12 2009
big_fat_floppy_juloppies

oh, its just “Fiona of toorak” the walking excrement bucket

20 12 2009
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Oh, it’s just, um, whoever you are. A lesser person from a lesser suburb.

22 12 2009
Beck

One thing everyone needs in life is perspective. It’s debatable whether all the old money living high on the hog in Manhattan (New York), Hunterdon County (New Jersey), and Richmond-upon-Thames (London) are simply gasping to live in Toorak … Being easily impressed by money is quite vulgar.

27 09 2011
Paul Vidler

Fiona I can see by this post you may have I’ll feeling towards Andrea Duke or whatever Scam artist name she is going by these days. I have been trying to gather information on Andrea as I was scamed out of my Money and have been struggling to Move on after Hunter passed away.
Andrea Duke makes outrageous claims such as being a Fedral Police Officer, Claims multiple fathers for her children and Has stolen Personal Items my myself of great value.
I should like to hear from you.
Paul Vidler

27 09 2011
Paul Vidler

Please contact me Fiona !
I need your help

27 09 2011
Paul Vidler

Fiona Please conatct me ! I would like to discuss some things regarding Andrea Duke.
I lost alot of money, time, personal posesions that were stolen from me by Andrea. I have had to come to terrms with the loss of Hunter but this proccess has been difficult when combined with the lies and deception this dispicable human being being dishes out.
Did you know she posed as a Federal police officer to me and my family ?
I have have so much dirt on this scam artist you would not beleive.

16 12 2009
DentShop

Surely this is a joke? Even a real bogans profile cant be that trashed. This is more ammo than this site needs. It is like every single post came straight from the Bogan Manifesto. So horrible…

16 12 2009
Beck

I think Alice should post up the address of her Facebook wall (make sure you make it public, Alice!) so anyone and everyone can really have a good go over it. Poorly done, Alice.

19 12 2009
Alice

I agree about not making fun of a grieving mother, however, I think the rest is fair game. It was public.

And no Beck I won’t be doing that – it’s not as if my profile is public anyway, as was that one!

19 12 2009
Beck

I understand your point, but would just assert that public by accident doesn’t equal fair game – because it would seem it doesn’t take much of an open gate for some horses to bolt right through and trample over somebody.

27 09 2011
Paul Vidler

Alice I need your help !

6 01 2010
hel

Oh what a shame! She seems to have worked out the new privacy settings!

27 09 2011
Paul Vidler

Alice please contact me asap Reg Andrea Duke

15 12 2009
JimC

How many sugar daddies had to cough up cash to get Michelle Leslie out of jail?

That’s what I want to know?

15 12 2009
Kaiks

Is that what you want to know? Only you can answer that question. :-P

I get the feeling that Leslie would have been given the chance to bribe when she was arrested and payed a hefty price for not taking that opportunity. I also think only her father, no sugar daddy, had to cough up cash for her case/cause. Pure speculation on my part.

15 12 2009
BG

Just like the bar-mat mum who got arrested in Thailand earlier this year. Probably could have got out of that one for less than 1000 baht (30-odd dollars), but instead created a media storm.

15 12 2009
Andy

Didn’t the story go that she tried to bribe the police (bcoz all dem azn coppers r crooked roight) after she was arrested but they were having none of it? Silly bitch.

15 12 2009
Lee

Only one, her boyfriend at the time was Laurie Sutton’s son. Sutton owns the chain of Suttons Holden dealerships in sydney.
Plenty of money there to throw around.

15 12 2009
Kaiks

Could the Australian and Indonesian governments come to some sort of agreement. We will trade a boat load of prospective immigrants/refuges for each bogan they lock in jail for 10 years. Fair trade?

For some reason, bogans see the Australian way of life that our forebears fought for as being above the laws/customs of the countries they visit.

15 12 2009
Indi

You have the germ of a reality television show there. But run it so that bogans stuck in Indonesia have to get to Australia on a boat without a passport.

15 12 2009
Kaiks

It would be like a cross between Survivor, Border Control and Sylvania Waters.

15 12 2009
Indi

Do you want shared executive producer credits? I think we’re ready to pitch.

15 12 2009
Kaiks

You can have it, I’d feel ashamed to put my name to it.

16 12 2009
Indi

Perhaps we need to get Catriona and Dermie to pitch in our stead.

15 12 2009
Shandarleeer

Yet they love Border Security!! Actually so do I, only to see the bogan staff harass the geriatric migrants and foreigners over boiled sweets. Turn ‘em back!!

15 12 2009
Kylie

My favourite thing about Border Security is the bogans getting all upset when they get searched on return from some place of interest to customs and saying words to the effect of “Why are you searching us? We’re Australians, white Australians. Go search the suitcases of some brown people.”

15 12 2009
berihebi

She’s really hit rock bottom. Bring her home, bring her home!

15 12 2009
Kaiks

You just gave me a great idea, maybe I’m copying Chaser. A tally of phrases that ACA/TT broadcast on a weekly/monthly/annual basis.
Eg. ‘hit rock bottom’, ‘aussie battler’ etc.

15 12 2009
Jasper

Working family/ies

15 12 2009
Frazer

don’t forget the ‘good’ and the ‘hard’ prefix, good hard working aussie families!!!….ya knaaaooow, I didn’t realise how much these sayings piss me off.

15 12 2009
jay

‘every parent’s nightmare’ and ‘can you and your family afford to miss [insert wowserism]?’

15 12 2009
Shandarleeer

Neighbors / tenants from hell

15 12 2009
Dee

THE RESULTS WILL SHOCK YOU.

15 12 2009
Shandarleer

or “Could it be one of their own?” – they love “one of their own” on tv promos for bogan shows – usually whispered in a low voice

16 12 2009
Lee

“in a ground breaking first we reveal…………….”

16 12 2009
Indi

As opposed to describing the social fact of child abuse and pedophilia being a familiy phenomenon? Now that we’re having the next round of stranger danger hysteria.

16 12 2009
Kris

GREAT IDEA KIAKS!

Here’s a few more to add to the mix… “cyber bullying” / “workplace bullying” / the “mean streets of” (insert suburb name in here)…

17 12 2009
Kaiks

The list does seen endless, but it isn’t due to the limited vocabulary of bogans.

18 12 2009
Indi

“Burying one of their own” Instead of snatching some other random corpse and bunging that in the ground.

15 12 2009
Toddo

It appears that when Roseleigh Rose named her daughter’s ‘Schapelle’ and ‘Mercedes’ (are there any others?) She was was way ahead of her time.
This is Bogna genius in its purest form.
What are the grand[arents names? Royalty is correct. This is Bogan illuminati.

15 12 2009
Indi

Ur-bogan and Uber-bogan.

Perhaps she’s descended from that great explorer Comte Louis-Antoine de Bougainville? Or maybe her family come from Bougainville, France, in the beautiful Department of Alsace (where the dogs come from) .

19 12 2009
Alice

If you’ve read Schapelle’s book (I did, but it wasn’t the highly entertaining fodder I was expecting), it’s explained that Roseleigh Rose named her second daughter “Schapelle” because a French mother in the same maternity ward was shouting it (“Schapelle! Schapelle!”) when in labour. I’m NOT joking.

19 12 2009
Alice

I jsut realised how ridiculous it sounds that in one breath I say the book wasn’t entertaining, and in the next I’m sharing that (very entertaining) tidbit. But the rest of it wasn’t as good. It was all about how Schapelle is innocent, and blah blah blah.

21 12 2009
Indi

I always thought she must have seed it on some map of like Paris, S.Chapelle. It was the royal chapel in the middle ages, and very famously restored in the nineteenth century. It has some astounding wall bling – glass ‘jewels’ – reminding us that the Normans really were the bikies of their day.

15 12 2009
JimC

I’d love a list the sugar-daddies that Michelle Leslie called upon to get her whore ass out of jail.

And the entire Corby clan are the epitome of the CUBs who got caught out.

15 12 2009
wino

hahahahahahahaha….did anyone watch the Channel 9 special? The brother was so high he didn’t know what to say half the time….at least he can blame da weed, unlike Mamma Rose. Has anyone seen the footage of her trying to get her camera back? The wail of a thousand boganshee’s. I live on the Gold Coast, I should send you photo’s of the Sunday Sesh the people accross the road like to host, tramp stamps, southern cross tattoos, woodies and cruisers plus the now bogan appropriated Pure Blonde and Hahn Super Dry. I also sell piss for a job…if you want tales of boagn woe (they seem to like everyone to know their private lives) just ask! 4218 4 Life!

15 12 2009
Frazer

yes they are quite adept at telling their life story, before any greetings they have an overwhelming urge to tell you that they just got back from the MINESSSAAA!!!!(Mines spoken extra loud so people in the corner can hear), before you try and hide or walk to the back of house, they’ve already enlightened you with their financial situation $190 000per year and fly in fly out roster which consists of 2 on 25 off….then you might get a hello or a grunt.

15 12 2009
wino

Funnily enough a friend of mine who’s a metallurgical engineer out in the mines was really embarassed and awkward when someone started asking him how much he earnt. Reminds me of my mum telling me that Rolex’s are what “drillers and miners” wear.

16 12 2009
Indi

New post – Mining Boom Bling. I’m sure Shazza will tell us that phrase describes most of Perth.

15 12 2009
Beck

I love that word: boganshee!

15 12 2009
Lee

She’s from “The Goldy”. Enough said.
The Corbys are the goldy’s modern day version of the Paxtons, remember them?

15 12 2009
toony

Paxtons? Comparing them to the Corby family might be wide of the mark….
Even Uncle Ray says so;

http://televisedrevolution.com/tv/commentary/2009/11/21/televised-revolution-podcast-94/

15 12 2009
toony

Oh, you need to wait until at least 16.28

16 12 2009
Lee

You missed the point loony

15 12 2009
ThePinappele

This blog and it’s entries are so accurate and remind me of why i don’t miss australia at all. I cannot fathom how such a huge mass of morons can be so proud at being so stupid?

It’s like they have out did the americans when it comes to white trash. Baffling.

So glad i escaped the cultural backwash that is ostraaaaylia moite.

15 12 2009
Beck

Umm … nah; too easy.

15 12 2009
berihebi

Don’t kid yourself, being overseas and complaining about how things are ‘in Oz’ is pretty bogan in itself.

15 12 2009
Beck

Not to mention the bleeding obvious …

17 12 2009
Matt

Do you mean the possessive “its” that includes an apostrophe?? ;-)

17 12 2009
Beck

It’s a sensitive issue for a pedant, but only one of a few in the post …

15 12 2009
Jonathan

On the issue of travel, I think its time for a budget airline thread. Not to say im not a fan of them as they are great for trips around Australia, but for those who expect world class treatment only to winge, complain and run to the nearest media outlet with “im never flying (insert airline name) again” when the flight is an hour late.

15 12 2009
ThePineapple

hahah thats like people who fly tiger and then do nothing but whine when the airline is delayed and there are massive cues at the checkout.

But Australians en masse like to whinge about everything.

16 12 2009
Beck

Unfortunately it’s not just an Australian or a bogan thing. To whinge, that is. Poor spelling and grammar is also a global phenomenon.

16 12 2009
Beck

Perhaps it’s the revolting heat of the Australian summer that makes us all so persnickety?

16 12 2009
Robbie

“bureaucratic bungle” is always a TT/ACA favourite…and to hear a bogan say it in conversation as if to imply they have some knowledge of the Australian political system is a laugh.

17 12 2009
Indi

It’s all fat cats manufacturing red tape on the gravy train and politicians spouting so much hot air they could stop global warming, if they shut their mouths. What more do you need to know?

But why should I have to produce 100 points of ID at Centrelink to get my Family Allowance?

17 12 2009
Beck

A good “fat cat” always makes me laugh. Couple that with a “gravy train” and I’m in hysterics. Brown onion gravy, I hope?

18 12 2009
Indi

All delivered with resentment because one of the worst things a bogan could ever admit is that someone is smarter than them, works harder, and does a job which they couldn’t begin to conceive which delivers services a bogan knows are necessary. Or admitting that the job a politician does is a difficult one because it involves argument,, ideas (I’m being idealistic) and compromise. Because bogans are always right, and nobody else knows anything, so having to argue your point is just a fucken’ waste of time.

18 12 2009
BogansBegone

Wot I fink is that our Schapelle must be like , innocent cos she’s totally bauetiful and the one who looks like a lezzy whose name nobody remembers cos she’s fugly , well you don’t need a judge to tell that she’s guilty do you now ?

23 12 2009
Big Jamie

One of my stoner friends recently went to Bali. He said you could buy local pot which was shitty, low THC kiff for next to nothing. Strong hydroponic ( smuggled from queensland by boat mostly ) went for $50 Australian a gram. Can you see the potential to make big moolah when your’e carrying 4.2kg’s of the stuff?

9 01 2010
Tim

The same bogans who went nuts over Schapelle are now accusing India of hysteria over an actual murder of an Indian in Straya!

http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/stories/s2787287.htm?WT.mc_id=newsmail

15 01 2010
Paul Keating

I thought it was hilarious that just recently, in an article I read about Chapelle in prison, that they had the idiocy to point out that she’s reading Long Road To Freedom by Nelson Mandela at the moment, and it ‘gives her strength’. Implying that there’s some kind of similarity between a political activist prisoner held by a repressive, racist regime and some bogan scrubber who got busted with dope in her boogie board.

Yay! We wondered where you’d got to. TBL

16 01 2010
Kylie

Indeed, TBL. I’d been wondering that same thing. Good to see you, PJK.

Dear God, “Long Walk to Freedom” and Schapelle = Mandela. Give me strength. I’ll ask a rhetorical question: do these people have any shame? The Mandela analogy reminds me, didn’t Pauline Hanson pull a similar line when she was locked up?

3 02 2010
DK

those of you who are fans of TT and ACA will just love this……I especially like the “Dowdy Kitchen Man” opening letters – a staple of the ACA and TT as they whinge about “The Aussie Battlers who are doing it tough”……this would then normally end another favourite topic of the Bogan – Greedy Banks making millions….

11 02 2010
Paul

“My name’s Schapelle
My sister’s Mercedes”
That’s what happens
When bogans have babies
POC

5 04 2010
Shadi

hi ppl I’m new
I’m a muslim leb n just say what right
I dont agree with the indonesians because wat they are doing is wrong
i feel bad for Schapelle because shez been locked up for a long time
Notice that the Indonesians are racist to us, like da movie RED CORNER
I always hated the torrist n they are da wrong muslim

9 11 2011
jackie

THIS is what the newspapers ought to be printing!
Funny article, love the references to bogans throughout..
It’s so true, Australian governments are tơo protective of their people when it comes to them breaking another nations’ law. And to aggravate things, the media appeals to the pities of bogans abroad and the whole thing just turns into a crazy bogan circus.

23 05 2012
ShoulderChip

Bogans rejoice. Shapelle is getting out. What a shame Ralph magazine is no more. Maybe Zoo Weekly can do a bikini shot of her and she can talk about her great prison fitness regime.

1 04 2013
Dex

Ralph is the best name for a magazine that shows such stuff.

It’s no coincidence that the word also means “To Vomit”.

7 02 2014
tom

Nobody would put pot in her bag for fun. Either she knew about it or her sister did. Whoever put it in there had every intention of taking it out at the other end so it couldnt have been a stranger. There is to much of a history with that family. I would hate to think her sister put it in there with out telling her and never owned up. I dont think she deserves any money for her story, i dont think she has a story, for some reason the media decided to make one out of it.

12 02 2014
franz chong

The only Mercedes I would like to take for a Spin is maybe one of them New A Classes other than that.NO THANKS.Mercedes the car company should sue for Ralph Magazine destroying their classy image.

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