#263 – Saying So Themselves

30 03 2015

The bogan is a leading authority in many fields. If this is difficult to believe, please refer to the bogan’s job title of Executive Consultant Account Coordination Manager. See, authority. In fact by the time this article is published, the bogan will likely have floated listlessly on the currents of job title inflation to have been meaninglessly ordained Lead Executive Consultant Account Coordination Manager. More-thority!

This is a job ad

 

Advanced trend modelling carried out here at TBL headquarters suggests that, should the bogan manage to avoid a repeat of last year’s office Christmas party ‘unpleasantness’ and rein in its habit of chucking sickies on days following major sporting events, another ‘promotion’/buzzword is likely by the end of the fiscal year. PHWOAR-THORITY!!!1!

Irregardless, the bogan as it currently stands has more than enough corporate-sounding words on its email signature to be able to confidently issue summary adjudications on the virtues of just about anything. And when it does so, something curious happens. The bogan appears to make a rare attempt at humility by adding the phrase: ‘if I do say so myself.’

“Your new Affliction fight-branded t-shirt really accentuates your vascularity, if I do say so myself.”

“I was at that new club, Platinum Lounge, last night. Pretty bangin’ if I do say so myself.”

“That new Nikki Minaj video is hawwwwt, if I do say so myself.”

But wait. Did the bogan design the tourniquet t-shirt? Did it have creative input into Platinum Lounge? Surely the bogan did not direct the new Nikki Minaj video!? How could there be time for any of this, what with all the leading, executing, consulting, coordinating and managing???

No, the bogan did none of this. Which means that the addition of ‘if I do say so myself’ is not humility at all. It’s, like, the opposite. By ‘saying so itself,’ the bogan is elevating its shitty opinion to seem as if it carries some sort of authority. It doesn’t.


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13 responses

31 03 2015
Shirley

‘Just quietly’.

31 03 2015
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

As long as you respect their authoritah!

31 03 2015
Mark

I love the word – More-thority.

7 04 2015
martin

If you have no skill you can rely on your “people skillz”. Tell others what to do and be nasty.

18 04 2015
Craig

Guys ss “irregardless” a word? I think not.

Yeeeeeeees. TBL

19 06 2015
Jesse Cohen

Believe me, even segway is now a word.

It’s spelled ‘segue’ and was always pronounced ‘seg’ until about 15-20 years ago when people who didn’t know that segue was pronounced ‘seg’ decided ‘seg-way’ was as good a pronunciation as any.

And the word camaraderie is now being pronounced as if its first syllable is com not cam.

So what? Language changes. The nouns used to be ‘expenditure’, ‘assistance’ and ‘invitation’ and now we have “maximum spends’, ‘roadside assist’ and sending someone an ‘invite’ in lieu of an invitation.

In my lifetime, the weirdest grammatical change is that the sign I used to call a stroke when I was a little boy (/) is now called a slash.

20 06 2015
Craig

It’s actually called a forward slash because there is a backslash (or probably a “backstroke” for you Jesse. Hey TBL is “Yeeeeeeees” a word?

27 08 2015
Pandabater

In other bogan related um things, I’ve got a part time job driving a truck around Sydney. Going by the number of VIP lounges every important person on the planet must live in a 10km radius of Belmore oval.

18 03 2016
Grasshopper

The other bogan pronouncement so as to confirm its worldly perspicacity is the visceral, and un-reflective, phrase “We think…” and the related “You know what I think..”

24 03 2016
Grasshopper

“You need to know…” is another one and often deployed by bogan lawyers. At first blush bogan lawyer does seem to be an oxymoron but examination and experience will show it is not.

26 08 2016
Nick

Checking it out

31 08 2016
Amy

🙂

31 08 2016
Amy

How do I delete a comment?

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