#238 – The Australian Dollar

20 07 2011

The Australian dollar is the only currency that the bogan believes in. It’s the currency that last year’s designer drug can be purchased in, it’s the currency that Centrelink can be defrauded in, and it’s the currency that can be acquired in wholesale volumes when one goes and works in the mines. While Australia’s economy was doing very well through the middle of last decade, there was a problem. Other nations were also doing well, and the exchange rate of the Australian dollar was not high. This weighed heavily on the bogan’s heart whenever it proposed to venture to Thailand, Bali, Thailand, or Bali.

Having a moderately valued currency was like getting beaten at cricket by Bangladesh. Bogans were unhappy. Unable to afford yet another Contiki Tour, a meeting of bogans was convened at the local glassing barn. The first idea raised was that everyone should join the army, and go and f**k up other countries in order to cripple their economies. This suggestion was received positively, but due to the fact that bogans mainly just talk about joining the army, it was not practical. The second idea raised seemed irrelevant, but turned out to be inadvertently genius. “Bugger this, I’m going to go work in the mines”, uttered one bogan from underneath its Von Dutch trucker cap. And so it was, even more bogans moved northwards and westwards to dig holes for their Chinese overlords.

Soon after came the subprime mortgage crisis in the United States, which subsequently became a debt-crisis that engulfed the developed world. But not Australia; it even avoided a recession due to the ongoing Chinese demand for Australian holes. Miraculously, the Aussie battler dollar began to rise from the canvas. Unsteady at first, it lurched past 90 US cents in October 2009, falling back again in mid-2010 due to the deferral of interest rate rises. While deferring interest rate rises pleases the bogan, deferring the inflation of the Aussie dollar displease the bogan very nearly as much. Hence, like the little ANZAC that it is, it came again. Mind you, much of this was due to the US Federal Reserve was desperately trying to devalue its currency in order to revive its own uncompetitive and/or obsolete export industries.

On Monday, 31st January 2011, the bogan woke to find the lemon-coloured morning sunlight playing whimsically on the folds of its Ultimate Fighting Championship bedspread. On this glorious day, the Australian dollar had surpassed the US dollar for the first time since its float in 1983. The bogan reclined in its bed, entertaining pleasant fantasies of Thai ladyboys throwing themselves at bogans in exchange for one Australian dollar, and monstrous bright pink Hummers costing just a week’s salary. The bogan was king of the world, right where it belonged. Chants of “Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi” could be heard rattling up the McMansion-lined avenues of suburbia.

Sensing its patriotic duty, and with the “stuff is cheap online” mantra of people who dared to disagree with Gerry Harvey rattling in its ears, the bogan jumped on its computer, and bought things from overseas websites, wielding its Australian-denominated credit card like a samurai sword. To complete the forgiveness process of Tiger Woods, it purchased a $2,000 Tiger Woods Tag Heuer golfing watch. It would have cost heaps more a few months previously, and this purchase would be the perfect way to breathe life back into the abandoned “get my golf handicap below 10” new year’s resolution from 2004.

Unwittingly, the bogan’s acquisition of foreign products was limiting the dollar’s capacity to rise further, but the bogan did not care, because more holes were getting sold to China, and if Western Australia endures Queensland-esque flooding, those holes will become completely sick places to do some maxtreme jet-skiing. While Australia’s non-mining export industries (like… um… Keith Urban…) are suffering due to the value of the dollar, Keith’s problems do not register on the bogan’s radar unless expressed in song form, preferably in a duet with Bernard Fanning.

So for now, the bogan strides along the glittering promenades of its local Westfield with a spring in its step. Its Aussie dollar is totally sticking it to the yanks, its Aussie dollar is totally enabling boganism to ascend to the next level of consumption, and its Aussie dollar is currently driving BHP Billiton to develop an Olympic-standard hole in South Australia that brings with it the hope that the Australian dollar will supplant gold as the one true store of value. Unless China decides that it prefers Mongolian or Brazilian holes, but that won’t happen, because the bogan knows that Australian holes are the best in the world.

 


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245 responses

20 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

To be fair, having made two OS trips in the past 9 months I’m fully with the bogans on this one.

20 07 2011
Brimstone

Wait, we’re not supposed to use the strong Aussie dollar to buy cheap stuff online? The non-bogan thing to do would be to… pay through the nose for stuff that’s half the price in America? WTF?

20 07 2011
martin

Do what you want. F$ck the retailers.

I just bought some nice shoes, as in they’re made properly with leather on the top and a good amount of rubber on the bottom for half or less of the price I would have got them from here, including shipping, from shoes.com. They came all the way from Ohio. I’ve got sick interwebs skills.

The oligarchial/fuedalistic bogans would be the only ones worried about DJs and Harvey Norman.

20 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

yep, and once you’ve used your sick interwebs skills, you can spend the savings on two hours of free drinks…and then vomit on dolphins.

http://brisbanetimes.livingsocial.com/deals/80403-two-hour-cruise-with-bbq-and-unlimited-drinks?temp_skip_roadblock=1

20 07 2011
martin

I need at least 6-8 hours of drinks before I vomit. I’ll keep my eye on these new groupon.com cheap arse deals for it. Unless they serve up Galliano or some sort of gross spirits.

22 07 2011
Tone

Rubber soled shoes? That’s a bit bogan, isn’t it? Goodyear welted leather soles is where it’s at.

21 07 2011
p'bee

no, the non-bogan thing is to recognise a high dollar has good and bad impacts. buying stuff online from overseas is nice and cheap, but exports and tourism go down because other countries can’t afford to buy our stuff or visit us.

21 07 2011
devil's advocate

So that’s a double bonus, because bogans don’t like people from overseas coming to visit us. (refer to “fsk off we’re full” etc)

21 07 2011
p'bee

but what happens if the kardashians and paris hilton and whichever twit is the next bogan celeb pinup decide not to come here because it costs too much? what if p!nk decides not to return?

21 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

The world as we know it ends.

21 07 2011
James Hunter

“It’s a world Captain”
“But not as we know it”

22 07 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, anywhere outside Dogpatch (Lower) is otherworldly to you, pops.

23 07 2011
23 07 2011
moar caek

hurrah!

21 07 2011
Welcome to ypur Bogan nightmare

don’t worry Barnsey and the boys are doing a tour

22 07 2011
Paul Attics

Expect more tours from Pink. She will still charge the same $100au or so for a ticket, but it is now worth more when she goes back home.

The benefit is that smaller international bands for whom it was previously financially unfeasible to tour Australia might now make some money from touring.

22 07 2011
martin

The shitty tickets for the Roger Waters tour are $179. In a football stadium. Acer Arena, capacity 21000. So not taking into account the more expensive seats, up to nearly $500, he’s making about 4 million per show, before costs, but he must be walking away with at least a million.

All so the bogan can pretend that it’s eclectic and deep for a night. Sitting in a cold, plastic seat a mile away from their hero.

Madness.

I say Pink Floyd is now bogan. They probably always were. In fact I say all big time concerts are bogan.

22 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

F#CK you Martin. I’ve always loved Pink Floyd.

Yeah, big shows are totally bogan.

22 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Only if they’re OTT. I saw Pearl Jam a couple years back at Acer, and I’ve seen Foo Fighters many times in big venues (and, yes, I’m going to see them this year at the SFS and maybe even in Brisbane) and I wouldn’t say that they were bogan, even if a large portion of the crowd were. Even Metallica last year wasn’t much (and I got to watch some bogans get theirs by some big metalhead dude).

22 07 2011
martin

Foo Fighters are massively bogan. They’re like a slightly lesser version of Nickelback.

Pearl Jam haven’t done anything good since the album with the sheep on it.

22 07 2011
martin

Foo Fighters are just some tenuous attempt for gen x’ers to hold on to the grunge days. To assert some sort of identity. A charade that absolves them from admitting that they’ve become what they hate. Skanky corporate whores.

23 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

*glasses Martin*

22 07 2011
martin

Well I’ve declared them bogan now so eat shit.

Ahhhhh…ahh I’ve become…comfortably bogan.

You’ll have to dig into the Syd Barrett years now and take acid.

22 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Going to a Floyd big time concert could well be bogan.

Sitting at home listening to them with the headphones on, seven cones down, is not.

I say probably not bogan.

23 07 2011
moar caek

I still watch The Wall at least once a year.

24 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

If you can dig Ummagumma or Meddle, you’ll frighten away the boganic hordes.

All the Pink Floyd fans who are into the earlier stuff (often absorbing the sounds with the aforementioned headcones on), the Syd Barrett solo albums and have done the “Dark Side Of the Rainbow” experience (watching The Wizard Of Oz in sync with Dark Side Of The Moon and revel in the seeming coincidences with a head full of heads or acid) are usually the hardcore amongst them, who are a decidedly non-bogan coterie, who will occasionally argue that their music is based on architecturally-sound principles (a few of the group were students of that particular discipline) ’til the cow of Atom Heart Mother has come home.

22 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Careful with that Axe Eugene!

Fooies are bogan but their first two albums were good. I saw them tour the first album so I am allowed to like them without being bogan. I went to the Pixies last year and there was not a bogan to be seen in a pretty big crowd.

24 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

I was too young to see them for either of the first two album tours, but The Colour And The Shape is my favourite.

And no bogans at Pixies, but enough hipsters to make me wish there were some bogans there to help with my glassin’ duties.

24 07 2011
daffodilsareyellow

We celebrate?

23 07 2011
moar caek

buy stuff?

20 07 2011
James Hunter

Brim,
Maybe the way out of financial trouble for the USA would be for them to sell Australian Holes to the Chinese just like we do..
We know from various USA Fleet visits to Australia that USA men like Buying Australian Holes so they are already familiar with the product.
Australia gets a Royalty on is’t holes and everyone wins.

20 07 2011
martin

The Americans have to use up everyone else’s holes before they use their own. Assuming they have any left.

20 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Nothing wrong with Brazillian holes.

20 07 2011
James Hunter

Chinese holes are very pretty too .
make you wonder why they want ours so much
Brazillian ones cost more to ship and you can’t send them h air mail !

20 07 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, again you hound us with another tiresome and time-consuming sexual analogy. You remind me of the man who stood on the busy street corner for a day propositioning every woman who came past; he received a lot of knock-backs and some minor personal injuries and was the subject of several police reports, but he also got laid! But that’s a just a story, pops, as hollow and meaningless as the poor excuse for written English in your posts. Wake up to yourself.

20 07 2011
Fucktard

Yep, Australian holes rule. We’ll bend over for anyone!

20 07 2011
argy

hey dude,
your bernard fanning link’s shit!

20 07 2011
the beef

A nice little montage of recent TBL works. The familiarity was heart-warming.

20 07 2011
Pandabater

I felt twinges myself.
Thanks for that.

20 07 2011
Phillus

Is this a repost?

20 07 2011
The Quote Train

I was also wondering this

20 07 2011
discobisc

It’s also the best currency to do lines with cos its plastic. Go the Aussie!

23 07 2011
moar caek

word.
I think they’re selling the polymer Brazil.

21 07 2011
Edward

It’s like deja vu all over again….

(Friday Boganomics of the 20th May 2011 ?)

21 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

Busy lads. Suspected I’d read that Keith Urban gag before. Even better the second time. Still, I find myself sleeping well knowing the Aussie’s gunnin’ it at around US$1.07 again. Brings me back to simpler times, more innocent times; those carefree days before the maxtreme Japapanese earthquake. Gave nuclear power a bad name, that. Shame. You guys like coal seam gas? I reckon it’s rad. Rare earths? Rad. Green energy? …Yeah nah, not cost-effective.

So (most tenuous segue of all time coming up), speaking of Aussies and inefficient Green energy, just got home from the pub and the big Danny “The Machine” Green v Antonio “Magic” Tarver fight.

Bogans like Danny Green… They like him loudly…

His corner threw in the towel between rounds after The Machine took a hefty dose of Rage Against for the minute-or-so before the bell. And let me farken tell you, at that moment the bogues were more crestfallen than they were when Qatar heroes picked up the 2022 soccerteamball World Cup.

Suspected after the initial dejection that famous bogue rage would kick in, so decided to hightail it. More than a few half-empty Coronas there, and doubtless a couple of insipid, lemony bottlings to come.

Bogans like Danny Green… They like him loudly…

And they’re waiting with bated breath for him to announce his retirement from boxing… and his decision to try out for UFC.

21 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Bogans don’t like Danny Green. They love him. Especially WA bogans, the most bogan of all.

I remember expressing doubts about a fight he had set up against a bloke called Paul Briggs. Briggs had retired from boxing years earlier because of brain damage. But he was the only bloke in Oz that “The Green Machine” could roll. Greatest sham in Oz boxing history. Nearly got glassed over that one. And for suggesting that the IBO belt was meaningless.

The bogues all went along anyway, cheered “The Machine”, and booed the brain damaged chap. I will say that again. The bogans booed a brain damaged chap.

That’s how much they love Danny Green.

21 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Agreed, bogans LOVE Danny Green. He bashes carnts for a living (which bogans wish they can do), he talks about footy in every other interview and he’s not Anthony Mundine. (To be fair, having met Mundine myself as a kid even I knew he was a carnt).

I know people who’ve met him who say he’s a really nice bloke IRL, but they’re bogans (and scared) so I’m not sure how far to believe them.

21 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

Yikes. Taking your love for The Machine a bit too far when you’re booing a brain-damaged chap. A bit like booing that unarmed Aboriginal bloke as he was being tasered a dozen times by Perth’s finest in their own cop shop. In a strong move from Western Australia Police, the offending CCTV camera has been removed, so incidents like this will never happen again.

And wouldn’t go so far as to call the IBO cruiserweight belt meaningless. It’s arguably the sixth most meaningful cruiserwieght title out of five. Ref turned up late to one of the undercards too, leaving the fighters to roll their shoulders and shadowbox in their corners for a few minutes. He wasn’t in any hurry when he finally made it ringside either, taking more time than the fighters to put on his gloves. One class act, that fella. Wouldn’t be rushed. Should get a gubmint job.

21 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

IBO. There is worse.

Me and a mate used to train and spar a bit. Both of us maybe light heavyweight ot thereabouts. Not big men. Mate was really good with his hands though. Quick.

Anyhow, there was this one dude who used to big note himself and thought he was going places. Well he did. He won, if I recall correctly, an IBC world heavyweight title. My mate had towelled him plenty of times. Going on this, my mate should of been at least a world champ, and I should have been a top ten contender.

The downside of this is that I would have had to fight blokes like Tyson, Holyfield and Klitschko.

That would be bad.

22 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

Impressive. But best keep your brain, face and ear intact. Take on that man-mountain Klitschko and you’ll be seeing double. Four Klitschkos!

22 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

I tried boxing once. Didn’t have the strength to be that good. So I took up karate, but I didn’t have the patience to go much past a green belt. So if I ever am in a situation where I need to fight my out of trouble, I just hit dirty and use my speed.

Oh, and glass the carnts if the option is available.

22 07 2011
Edward

Bogans like Danny Green, because if they attend a fight (rather than watching it on SKY in the Sportsmans Bar at their local barn) they might find themselves standing next to real, no-kidding outlaw motorcycle club members.

The proximity somehow imparts some credibility later when they engage in racontage to non-bikies. This works so long the bikie doesn’t ask them “Who the fuck are you ?”, or ask another of the bikies “Who’s this dickhead ?”.

Even if this does happen, the bogan can pretend that it didn’t, and tell his fellows “He was just an ordinary bloke, we got along alright”.

The bogan neglects to mention his carefully selected escape route over the shoulders of spectators behind if the guys who looked like Bandidos over there, started shooting at the Rock Machine guys over here. That would spoil things.

The moral of this story ?; play in the park, not on the freeway. Having once owned a modified Berlina with a Bad Boy Club or No Fear sticker is one thing: flipping off traffic policemen in place of any verbal response while they are asking you why aren’t wearing a helmet and then going back to their place for tea and telephone books is quite another.

21 07 2011
daniel green

I feel like I have read this article before.

21 07 2011
James Barnes

Nice cut and paste job, a tad lazy.

Not that many of our readers get to our Boganomics posts, so we felt that this particular one bore repeating to the rest of the audience. Thanks for reading MacroBusiness! TBL

24 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Can we have more instalments of “Friday Boganomics”, pretty please, TBL? I really hung out for those weekly missives of the bogan in relation to matters financial and fiscal.

I too had a sense of déjà vu when reading that post…glad I wasn’t the only one.

24 07 2011
moar caek

agreed!
getting a bit lax on that front boys.
is it exams now?

21 07 2011
maus

I bought a pair of trakkie dacks from Cotton On yesterday (this melb winter is dragging on…). They were AUS$20. The price tag also had the US and NZ price on it. The US price was $12.90. I’m no maths teacher or international hedge fund person, but I estimate that to be about ten of our Australian dollars.

This really pissed me off. I am not being ironic. Maybe I should go and tell ‘the punch’.

21 07 2011
Blueballs

Canadian Dollar is worth more than ours… could it be the frisky Chinese are sniffing around other nations holes too?

21 07 2011
Johnny Crack

Canadian Dollar is not worth more than AUD. They’ve been flirting with each other on parity but the Aussie dollar has remained stronger for the past few months.

“On Monday, 31st January 2011, the bogan woke to find the lemon-coloured morning sunlight playing whimsically on the folds of its Ultimate Fighting Championship bedspread. On this glorious day, the Australian dollar had surpassed the US dollar for the first time since its float in 1983.”

Post float AUD/USD parity first occurred in October last year for a few seconds. The AUD also surpassed USD for sustained periods in November and December.

21 07 2011
James Hunter

Canada has heap pleanty Tar Sands, not exactly an oily hole but all the same smell vellly niceeee

24 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Unless you live in Fort McMurray in Alberta, Canada…this is the hub where these tar sands are extracted. The amount of energy used in oil sand extraction are up to four times as intensive than convention well extraction, using a lot of natural gas to heat up the solid and semi-solid oil into liquid for refining, not to mention the water used in the washing process, which gets held in tailings ponds, creating another pollution issue beyond increased greenhouse gas emissions in its production. Though fresh water is relatively plentiful in Canada, this could evolve into a serious problem whenever the effects of climate change become better understood as they become manifest.

The only reason that these tar deposits are now viable is due to the high price of crude oil…whenever the price of crude drops below a certain level (of which I’m not sure of off the top of my head), it no longer becomes viable. Even if the market rate of crude oil continues to climb (as would likely be the case), it is still not that lucrative and is really a marker of how desperate the world demand is for Texas tea. Quite possibly the filthy corollary of these activities (i.e. the resultant industrial pollution) will catch up and render oil sand extraction as cost-negative proposition should demands for remediation and compensation, or reallocation of the natural gas reserves for other more useful purposes, come to pass.

That scenario is a perfectly good reason why we need to wean ourselves of the drip feed of petroleum sooner rather than later, to use the existing reserves to fuel the necessary energy demands to facilitate the construction of a renewable energy grid, as well as saving it for uses where alternative sources of energy aren’t likely to be viable, such as aviation and machine lubrication.

26 07 2011
Blueballs

Bad news if the Bogan wants to order on-line Ice Hockey equipment for his latest ill fated sporting venture

21 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m taking my mucho Aussie $ to Italy and France next month. Should be able to get some good value holes there. They are practically broke.

21 07 2011
Pandabater

Bring me back something Simon,
like, I don’t know, Naples.
Yeah,Naples, that’ll do.

23 07 2011
moar caek

naples
pfft.

how are you gonna feed it?
and don’t expect us to walk it!

this will be another bloody Rejkjavik I bet.

21 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Enjoy, Simon. Wish I could be back in Italy right now. It’s gotta be better than the fukn Sydney rain.

22 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’m not going for 4 weeks, maybe able to buy even more holes. Done on Naples Panda, anyone want Rome, I could have it as carry on.

22 07 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Rome is a large hole so maybe try packing the other ones in it. Like Naples next then maybe Milan and so on to the smallest hole ?

22 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Rome is awesome, I might just bring it back for myself and put it in the backyard.

Did you see the Tour de France last night JH? I’m going over to ride those mountains. I must be f*ckin mad!

22 07 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Rome certainly is something to see particularrly the old Rome.Well I guess the new rome is like any big Europesn city .
Except the traffic. Never ride your pushy in Rome We do not want to have reports from an Italian Hospital.!
The French Alps . Awsome is right.
Hey what about their hugemongous Roundabouts ?
Make Dequetiville Terrace look like shit.
Hope you enjoy but yes Crazy You must be fit as.. Reminds me of crazy things Iv done like Gorge Climbing in the New England..
Just make me dizzy now thinking about it.

22 07 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, I’d delight to read your description of ‘the old Rome.’ Paging the good folk at the Man Booker award!

22 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cheers JH, I have spent almost 12 months working on my fitness so should be ok. I may have mentioned before driving in Rome is one of the most exciting things you can do in life. They have mad skilzz those Italian drivers. Make Dwayne in his Monaro look sane. One thing the Catflicks did well is the Vatican, fascinating huh.

22 07 2011
James Hunter

I suspect that Smart 2 and Fiat Panda’s come with graduated cross hairs on the inside of the windscreen.
Have a great time and give my regards to the Pope.
Dunno why but this went up as two posts ?

22 07 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
seems first part didnt go up at all

Ones I realy admire are the pedestrians trying to force right of way at pedestrian crossings !

22 07 2011
James Hunter

Simon, Re vatican, The girl that I took to Guinness Italy stopped a priest in St Pauls Cathederal to bless a set of Rosemary beeds she bought for a religious relly of hers and bugger me if he wasn’t from Mildura ! Apparently Priests from round the world do a sort of residency there to get saturated with the holy spirit.
probably grappa but yeh interesting place historically.

22 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Double-pluggers under the cassock?

23 07 2011
moar caek

italians have mad skillz because they all start out riding in traffic on Vespas at fifteen.

24 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I recall being stuck in a Rome traffic jam years ago when I visited relatives in Italy (thankfully from the sanctuary of a coach en route to Fiumicino airport). I have never complained about Perth peak hour since, except that incident in May 2005 when a water main burst near the Kwinana Freeway in South Perth, which threw the city into gridlock, of which I was caught in along Stirling Highway on the way home near Fremantle. That sucked arse big time and showed me how fragile the road network in our heavily car-dependent city really is.

22 07 2011
martin

That’s so unAustrayan. As soon as you get there you’re supposed to look for the nearest ex pat pub and maccas.

22 07 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, ease up on all those places you’re resentful about. God knows why you are. Perhaps they failed to respond in a favourable manner to you pathetic pitch for Circus Buzzard… You’re a joke. And a joker.

22 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

I call Rome! I call Rome!

After Naples, my favourite city in the world. Screw Panda for taking Napoli first, garbage and all.

22 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Actually I’m not going to either. Anyone want Bellagio? I will throw in George Clooney if it helps.

23 07 2011
moar caek

I’ll have any Nimes you’re not using…

23 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

‘K.

After I ride up it I’m going to fold up the Stelvio pass, put it in my pocket and bring it home. Then I will lay the sucker out on Mt Lofty so we can all buy Radioactive frogshit green V8’s and practice our mad skillzzz. Cool huh.

23 07 2011
moar caek

Stelvio Pass. is that what it was? the 21 switchbacks thing?
(sweet baby) Jesus!
I said in another thread “after how many switchbacks do you start asking whose stupid idea was this?”
and if I understand it correctly, after getting to the top everyone just stops.
surely the fun part is going “Wheeeee!” all the way down the other side.
So is it finished now? Did we win? Did we at least beat New Zealand? Is that a real chin?
I know I could go and google it, but I like hearing it from you.

we all do.

23 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Last night was Alpe de Huez. Stelvio has 48 switchbacks! Tonight is the time trial, we can still win, maybe. NZ got distracted by a paddock of mutton and pulled up.

I note you posted music without notifying me. Isn’t that against the rules? How’s the baking coming along?

23 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Oh, and down?

Yes, essential.
After the crowd leaves. Did you post some Floyd? I would post Vera from The Wall, Roger’s phrasing is genius on those lyrics.

23 07 2011
moar caek

October 21st, they’re saying

23 07 2011
moar caek

oh, if you do bring it back could you put it up the Onkaparinga somewhere and rent access to it like the Nurburgring for people to tonk up on their pushies. have races and that.

Giro d’Onkaparingaring.
it would be nice to have a bicycle event in Adelaide.
I reckon #Adelaide could manage a world class event.
we’re just like that. eh?
up around the hills and that.
for the bicycle fans

23 07 2011
Pandabater

Just don’t call it tour downunder or something really hokey like that.

23 07 2011
moar caek

ppffft.
derivative.
we’re better than that.
Adelaide International Pushie Races and Wine Tasting Festival

as long as it says festival

23 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Everyone should ride unicycles and carry those little horns that go “bubble, bubble”.

23 07 2011
moar caek

I had this heaps tops idea for a game with mountain bikes and golf.

you play golf on a mountain bike, right.
you have to wear plus-fours so your pants don’t catch in the chain,
you Must carry a full set of clubs including at least one oversized driver and a full set of wedges,
you have to remain in physical contact with the bike at all times,
and you can’t put your feet down on the greens.
extra points for the fastest one around.

23 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Who carries the wine?

23 07 2011
Pandabater

Wear one of those helmet-with-the-2-bottles-strapped-to-it things.
And a blindfold.

24 07 2011
Pandabater

OK start running, that’s it a little faster,
here it comes, jump!

GO KADEL!!!!!!!

23 07 2011
moar caek

you could come to Adelaide…
it’s sunny and freezing.

23 07 2011
Pandabater

This is your problem.
If this works.

Pandabater (15:52:35) :
Adelaide is the problem due to it
being exactly half way between the
sun & Antarctica. You need to move
slightly to one side so that you can
avoid copping from both directions.

Reply

23 07 2011
moar caek

Ugg boots and a parasol.
I’m a solutions man.

23 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Uhh boots and a parasol?

Solutions man or Pamela Anderson?

23 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Ugg for chrissakes…

23 07 2011
moar caek

are you watching two in the top end mick?

23 07 2011
moar caek

wow. imagining myself as Pamela Anderson is kinda hot.
kinda…

23 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Young Pam yep. Older Pam, crickey.

21 07 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Greece holes very cheap maybe get greece nipple to suit?

21 07 2011
culturalarmament

Oh, James Hunter, welfare blasts an infinitely large hole in the Australian economy. You’d starve without it I suppose.

23 07 2011
moar caek

ok.
my wife (Baeks Caek) deserves the credit for this one.
lament, culture, alarm, mature, alert, cult, cent, cultural, central, talcum, camel, meant, mame (an acronym for multiple arcade machine emulator), talent, mural, mental, canter, clutter, mantle, turtle, antler, rectum, caramel, mutter, allure, mutant, actual, renal, rectal, rant, cant, real, meal, male, cream, curl, care, carer, tame, tact, tract, later, latter, trance, mace, clam, race, mull, cruel, cull, tart, tent, tell, calm, call, cell, mute, cute, tall, curl, tale, rate, rare, rental, nutter, came…
there’s more, but I’m sick of typing.
all from the letters c u l t u r a l a r m a m e n and t
clever eh?

21 07 2011
Davo

Soon bogans will discover offshore residential property invesment. It’s OK if they buy up Thailand but not OK for the chinese to buy here.

24 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I saw last week at the local mall (The [Morley] Galleria, which I affectionately nickname “The Gonorrhoea”, as I’m sure it’s about as pleasant as that said STI, of which I’ve never had due to my decidedly un-bogan proclivity for always keeping safe sexual practices) a temporary information stall, of which was shilling for “Invest[ing] in Foreclosed American Homes”.

Has it come to this? I know mainstream Aussies are still very much enamoured of property investment despite a relatively flat current market, but are we really that stupid? when one sees this at their local mega-mall, shouldn’t one have alarm bells ringing in their heads, wondering when (not if) the bubble bursts here like it has in the USA, rather than gloating about our presently strong AUD and rubbing their hands with glee with entertaining the prospect of buying into that land of such (now faded and deluded) romantic notions that still has the Aussie bogan verily in its thrall, where the reality is that they are investing in a dubiously rickety McMansion spec home in an outer suburb? After all, who can now afford to rent them? Certainly not the evictees. No wonder whole streets of recent tract developments have become deserted…watch these videos below, for it is truly disturbing about “trash outs” on foreclosed homes in Southern California. It is a sad indictment on the whole NINJA loan and consumption-on-credit culture that is similarly mirrored by our outer suburban bogans. One might wonder if Bogue and Boguette had such an enforced level of leaving behind many trinkets of consumerism before moving to St Marys (I know they did have one removalist van laden with such possessions, so it wouldn’t have been so bad, but I do imagine there’s not enough space to fit all of Aiden, Braiden, Jaiden and Kaiden’s
gizmos).

Watch and weep.

21 07 2011
Potashio

Still waiting for the Hamish and Andy post (unless I’ve already missed it).

Bogans seem to go nuts for them.

22 07 2011
Andrew Q

I’m afraid I have to agree with the bogans here too. I spent a month in northern Europe and the UK in August 2008, just before the financial turd hit the global twirly thing. There I was paying $12 for a pint in Reykjavik and no sooner had I landed than Iceland became the Phuket of the North Atlantic with the Australian dollar buying 115 Icelandic pesos instead of 70…

22 07 2011
Boort

Of course the bogan will start considering Contiki Tours to places not Thailand/Bali – instead to USA – This causes conflct… they spend so much time rubbishing the yanks – but can now finally afford a holiday there… Perhaps they can visit them and bad-mouth the yanks (in person)

Ever notice how Sydney Airport is really just a ‘Bogan Assembly Point’ – you can spot a return fligth from Thailand or Bali instantly… the arrogant persona of the Bogan complete with tribal tatts, board shorts, braided hair complaing about the time it takes to get thru customs (but hoping to spot Border Patrol filming some foreigner).

22 07 2011
urbanreverie

Off topic, but has anybody seen the latest television commercial from Aldi?

Aldi, a decidedly non-aspirational brand, has found a very clever way to appeal to the “aspirantiful” bogans in Australia’s outer-suburban hellholes.

Check it out here:

22 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Doesn’t that just sum it all up?

Who was the first to think of turning the bogan into a consuming cesspit? Turning the competitive urge away from kicking a footy into unleashing spring-loaded credit cards?

Bloody genuis!

22 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Well Mick I’m saying Coke. You know, consume their drink and suddenly your up to your knackers in bikini clads. Been doing it for years.

23 07 2011
moar caek

Aldi was allright. we used to shop there a bit when we were road tripping. they had these chicken kebab things in some toxic sauce. they were awesome. and cheap.

but that’s not important Simon. I’m watching the bicycle race, just for you. And I worked until ten and I need to unwind. I need to Know some things.
a) Which one is Cadel?
ii) The French alps?
7) Should I really be considering getting into cycling whilst I’m trying to get off drugs?
8) Did you know a bomb went off in Oslo?

23 07 2011
moar caek

where did the futchking smiley come from?
i didn’t dp that…

23 07 2011
moar caek

aaah…
i see: a 8 and a parenthesi makes that stupid thing.
should have said ix)

23 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

a) The one in red and black with the cleft chin.
ii) Yep
7) Endorphins!!

23 07 2011
moar caek

have you ever thought of watching this on an exercise bike?

I bet the guy on the motorbike could win if he wanted.
I bet heaps of people already said that.

23 07 2011
moar caek

well that was just a farce.
somewhere near the top of the hill, some blokes in cars came out on the track and the whole thing just fell apart and everyone stopped riding.
caught the network out, they had to go to a slo-mo highlights package of the last fifteen minutes.
you should have seen it.

23 07 2011
martin

I say it was the 4WD and investment properties. Take all of your insecurities, which the bogan rightly has, murder children in the 4WD and f#ck people over financially with the ips.

That’s why the bogan hates the carbon tax so bad. Because it’s on the precipice of f#cking itself over in it’s attempt to f#ck others over and is fully extended. I hope they go under, suck f#cken shit to them.

23 07 2011
ripa

Fuckin’ A.

24 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Stupid Coke ads lied to me. Carnts. Should glass ’em all.

22 07 2011
urbanreverie

First there was sex, then there was drugs, and after that came rock and roll, and now there’s …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

And in this week’s episode … Bogue meets his new next door neighbour! Who will it be? Check it out here:

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/07/22/episode-27-love-thy-neighbour/

22 07 2011
Pandabater

Once again Urban, Gold Star!

22 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

So true to life it’s almost painful to read. I give it two years before best mate is crying on my shoulder about how farked his life is.

22 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Great work Urban, nice to see Bogues softer side. That wife needs a glassin, carnt.

23 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

*glasses Boguette*

I agree, quite existential. *glasses self for being a wanker*

24 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I meant Jason’s wife ya dope.
*glasses Ash for not paying attention*

24 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

My apologies. *glasses Jason’s missus*.

22 07 2011
Pandabater

The bogan believes in the Aussie dollar,
but dreams of the beer economy.

22 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

I dream of this more than any bogan. Although I would make Coopers and Dos Equis the official currency of the beer economy, not farkin Tooheys.

22 07 2011
urbanreverie

And what would the exchange rates be between the various currencies, Ash? May I suggest the following rates, to be prominently displayed on the LED screens at all Travelex outlets across Australia:

1 Erdinger Pikantus
= 1.07 Radeberger Pilsner
= 1.20 Mildura Mallee Bull
= 1.45 Monteith’s Black Beer
= 1.50 Mac’s Sassy Red
= 1.60 Cooper’s Pale Ale
= 1.75 Carlsberg
= 1.82 Moosehead Lager
= 1.85 Little Creatures Bright Ale
= 2.00 Toohey’s Old
= 2.93 Bitburger Pilsner
= 4.50 James Squire India Pale Ale
= 7.50 Tiger
= 37 Sapporo
= 84.50 Laobeer
= 250 Toohey’s New
= 400 Kingfisher Premium
= 12,000 Carlton Draught
= 50,000 Budweiser
= 200,000 Hite
= 10,000,000 XXXX Heavy

22 07 2011
lolplates

I’d put coopers double stout and the hat-lifter stout up there too!

Although having finished a bottle of duriff of… duriff>beer.

But port>duriff.

  ▲
▲ ▲ Duriff>beer 🙂

22 07 2011
lolplates

hmmm seems like it is having an effect…
  ▲
▲ ▲ port>beer

23 07 2011
moar caek

you forgot
qµ0Ð 3r47 Ð3m0n$7r47µm.

8)

23 07 2011
moar caek

I’m in.
can’t really argue.
(mostly ‘cos I’ve only tried about four of them)
good call on the Pale
I wish Old didn’t give me such a headache, it’s the only black I like.
lol @ kingfisher

no witbier? my wife loves it. when she hasn’t got a gutful of arms and legs, that is.

you do realise you are proposing that Kirin become the IMF?

23 07 2011
Pandabater

I’m sorry but the best beer in the world
is a FREE beer.
The best tasting beer is the one
you have after getting out if the surf.
Mmmmmm, salty.

23 07 2011
moar caek

Free beer?
COMMUNIST!!!
and
yes. absolutely.

24 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Yay! I’m rich in Queensland!

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

You’ll need some white shoes then.

I see Moosehead have undervalued their currency. Might be time to buy up big.

24 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Well…I have an old pair of Chucks that were black once upon a time but they’re pretty much white now. Good enough?

These were also shoes where I let a guy urinate in them for $30. So that sounds like the sort of things QLDers do.

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

That would be a Gold Coast thing. Up north shoes are optional.

24 07 2011
moar caek

double plugger – the cane farmer’s work boot.

24 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

I’m rich on the Goldie! Who wants shots?

23 07 2011
p'bee

anyone else seen the latest chain status doing the rounds on facebook?:

The government announced today that it’s changing it’s emblem to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re being screwed. It just doesn’t get more accurate than that! Repost if you agree

i’m kinda ashamed that one of my friends (who is otherwise reasonable and intelligent and not bogan) posted this.

23 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

I’m glad you posted this. It will be on the wall at work for sure. They’re all addicted to facebook. This gives me time to come up with a controversial comment to throw out amongst them.

I love it when they lose their rag and call me a commie. Or a leftie. Pinko. PoOf. Ratbag. UnAustralian. Etc.

23 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

oops…bloody moderation…hit the wrong button…how embarrassing.

23 07 2011
moar caek

facebook erodes my sense Universal Human Compassion.
politics is like the footy or something. you just pick a team and see what’s in the papers on monday.
apparently
it prolly originated with some genius young libs wannabe.
anti intellectualism.
hur hur hur

23 07 2011
p'bee

a young lib who thinks it’s really edgy to mention condoms because lol sex!!!

25 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Also may not such a bad thing to have a franger on the coat of arms, given that it also may serve as a prophylactic against some of the rampant poxes upon the elements of society that representative of their loose morals. I also like to try to keep myself skinned up against those very things, as well as matters pertaining to condoms in a more literal sense.

Get that vending machine without credit required to mine pronto, Julia 🙂

24 07 2011
moar caek

Yay Aussies (Cadel, Casey & Mark)

poor Amy. I will be sad when Pete Doherty dies too.

poor Scandies.
where is the fun in brassing up a bunch of unarmed teens? yeah no shit he got 80 odd. how about with someone shooting back at you you piece of shit? why don’t these wankers have a go at a police station or army barracks. Thank god he’s not dead. at least now there’s an outside chance he might live out his life in daily abject painful misery and fear. If Norwegian crims have any self respect he should.

24 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Now she has entered the hallowed halls of the “27” club of rock stars, such as Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Gram Parsons, Pete Ham, etc.

24 07 2011
moar caek

it’s a curious phenomenon innit?
it might just be the “critical mass” point.
if you start in your late teens, and come into sufficient fundage to push the boundaries, 27 is where it all comes together.
there, but for the constrictions of the free market economy, go I

drug addiction is like war – it’s the survivors who perpetuate the myth.
The secret of the grave is that the dead envy the living.

25 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

One wonders how Keef Richards escaped the Reaper in 1970-71, given that he was rather settled into his horse-booze-coke lifestyle at the time…and I forgot to mention their fallen comrade, Brian Jones, who also was out for 27 as well.

25 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Keef did die.

He just never got the memo.

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

How the hell did Keith Moon get through to 32?

24 07 2011
moar caek

Mama Cass?
I think…
how old was Bon?

24 07 2011
Edward

Cass Elliot, born Ellen Cohen lived to the age of 32 years, 211 days. Bon Scott lived to the age of 33 years, 219 days.

24 07 2011
Edward

Born Ronald Belford Scott, in Forfar, County Fife, Scotland.

24 07 2011
Edward

Sorry, Mama Cass lived 32 years, 311 days, I mis-typed. Jeff Buckley lived to 30 years, 168 days.

24 07 2011
moar caek

we need to establish some sort of “mean age of death” for popular musicians. how old was buddy holly. This 27 thing is looking a bit bollocky.

24 07 2011
Edward

At the risk of a failure of taste, there used to be mean causes of death of popular musicians; either plane crashes or drug-related. Buddy Holly, born Charles Hardin Holley lived to the age of 22 years, 150 days.
Aaliyah, born Aaliyah Dana Houghton, who also died in a plane crash aged 22, lived to an age of 22 years, 221 days.

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

How about a list of the drug-f#cked who should have died at 27 but somehow survived? Those who now preach the clean life and continue to torture us with their wailings. I’ll start.

Robbie Williams.

24 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Robbie. Things repressed bogans like.

Oh and bring Robbie into it is going to far Mick, to farkin far.

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

if Robbie and Bono were in the same room, up which arse would they disappear?

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Prbly Stings!! My god Robbie sucks though. I will grudgingly admit Bono has talent but Robbie is simply an arse.

25 07 2011
moar caek

technically and arse-half, I believe…
but I don’t want to quibble.

25 07 2011
moar caek

technically an…

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ah Moar, I have posted you a song in Conspiracy Theories as thanks for your good work.

24 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Don’t you dare, Turnips. Wino wishes she could have had a catalogue that compared to them. She had one good album if you like that kind of music.

Even Kurt Cobain had three and a half brilliant albums (if, like me, you count Insecticide as an album).

24 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeh *Glasses Bag’O for blasphemy*

How dare you mention that useless drug hag in the same breath?

25 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Not my cup o’ tea at all. But there’s plenty of others who’ll eulogise her two album career and perpetuate a myth for generations about her shenanigans and unfulfilled “promise”…just sayin’, y’know 🙂

I otherwise wouldn’t compare her to the other aforementioned musicians and vocalists for their estimable and enduring legacies too the canon of popular music (actually, that Nirvana album was called “Incesticide”…did you count Bleach or MTV Unplugged, as the former was their ’89 debut, the latter a record of their notable unplugged performance; counting both equals 4½, with the bonafide Nevermind and In Utero):
• Hendrix took the electric guitar into hitherto uncharted territory
• Janis was one of the first women in rock to make a stand, as well as possessing an emotive blues wail
• Cobain perfected the art of blending raw grittiness and melodic sensibility into an affecting and arresting form
• Jimbo took Jagger’s Swagger further still and coupled it to an elevated poetic stream-of-consciousness
• Gram was able to synthesise the elements of West Coast folk and country that defined a certain sound (later Byrds, Flying Burrito Brothers) that was exploited later by Stephen Still’s Manassas (great), Poco (fine) and Eagles (not-so-fine)
• Pete (who few of you possibly knew about) was heir-apperent to continuing and evolving the circa-Revolver era Beatle sound (his band, Badfinger, was discovered by the Beatles’ roadie Mal Evans and given that imprimatur by being labelmates on Apple Records), of which was defined as Power Pop (Big Star and Raspberries were their fellow genre pioneers); his band would have to be the only one anywhere where the two prime movers (he and Tom Evans) had taken their own lives in the same manner by hanging, both driven to suicide by chronic mismanagement and inability to extricate themselves from this
• Casa di Vino? Umm, lotsa tats, hubby in the clink and a song about not wanting to recover from drugfückedness?

OK Simon, you glassed me, ya carnt, but I forgives yer for a slight misunderstanding…let’s have a drink together after the ambulance has come and say cheers to Cadel before the bogues call him “Our Cadel” tomorrow.

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cheers Bag’O.

How good is Cadel! Looking forward to getting some sleep after a long 3 weeks of Le Tour.

25 07 2011
moar caek

I saw Cadel riding and sipping a champagne flute.
champion
I didn’t realise he was a South Aussie.

or is he plugging the Giro d’ Onkaparingaring?

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yep, he’s coming Caek. And Lahnce. I’m on it. Only Shiraz in the drink bottle. Last man still on bike wins.

25 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

I counted Bleach. Unplugged was basically a live album, as great as it was.

And yr too late on “Our” Cadel. I know a guy who works in a bike shop who says he expects record sales for the next week or so, which means that there’s gonna be a lot of bikes left out in the rain/sold to pawn shops/eBayed in six months.

25 07 2011
p'bee

i can afford one when they make it to pawn shops.

i also expect lots of cadels (and cadelles for a girl) to be born in the next few months.

25 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Yes. And Kadel, Chadel, C’adell, Kaddell…it’s a kinda bogan name on it’s own, so imagine how they could make it more so.

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cahhdellgh?

25 07 2011
p'bee

c’delle

25 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

I think Khadel might be a no-no, given that it sounds vaguely Leb ‘n shit. Anything else is open.

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thats good. Ebay soon “As new BMC, regretfull sale due to back injury” Cheap bike for us that know.

25 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Makes me wish I hadn’t bought mine earlier. I didn’t forsee this.

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Upgrade dude. The sign of a true bike rider is being afflicted with upgradeitis.

25 07 2011
25 07 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
Exceptionaly fast marketing response !
Tell me is Cadell and relation to
Evans Almighty

25 07 2011
moar caek

like the Sun rim I found on hard rubbish?
it wasn’t even buckled!
lucky I live in a nice suburb.
if I’m going to get upgradeitis.

25 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

I have that problem for guitars and cars. I can’t afford another expensive habit.

25 07 2011
moar caek

me too.
I got some K-Mart bike at cashies.
knew I shoulda waited. should be a lot of cheap snowboards around soon too.

Hey Simon, I tore off all the southern star decals and stencilled “cheap bicycle”
and “heavy” on it.
I can’t believe how bloody funny I am

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It’s good that you can crack yourself up. I have posted you a song in conspiracy Theories, enjoy.

30 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

Love Nirvana, even romanticise the band if you ask my stoner-rock/metal mates, but if Winehouse was a useless drug hag, then so was Cobain. They tried to make him go to rehab. He responded in the negatory. More than once.

Fark, not to mention that consummate jizzwit Jim Morrison. Let’s get serious, people.

Robert Johnson died @ 27. Not much of a catalogue, but he made a deal with the devil, baby.

23 08 2011
moar caek

at the crossroads.

24 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

Poor Amy. Why couldn’t the good Lord, in His infinite wisdom, decide to take Lady Gaga off our hands instead?

Poor Scandies. The dude actually looks evil. And not just News Ltd evil; y’know like Germaine Greer or the Greens’ economic policy. I’m talkin’ evil for real. Bad-foreign-guy-in-’80s-Hollywood-action-movie evil. I’ll never look at watermelon farmers in the same way again.

24 07 2011
moar caek

“So, when it’s a Muslim, it’s terrorism, and all Muslims are culpable. When it’s a white guy, it’s extremism, and he’s a lone wolf. Got it. ”

I can’t remember where I read that….
but it’s pretty spot on.

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Indeed.

The Andrew Bolt column(see TBL twitter) pretty much said that. Mucho back-pedalling going on there. It was a lovely little laugh.

24 07 2011
moar caek

it’s a TBL tweet.
I was beeing faseeshus.

This is for james:
http://chubbybloodfart.wordpress.com/2011/07/24/dogs-bogans-like/

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Um…yes, well…*cough*…

Don’t mind me, I’ve just opened my second Dos Equis. Ozzies are dumb, drunk and racist so I’m just trying to fit in.

http://www.couriermail.com.au/business/indian-call-centre-staff-told-australians-are-dumb-drunken-racists/story-e6freqmx-1226100445960

24 07 2011
moar caek

gold.
this would be because australians are dumb drunken racists.

check the comments thread for proof.

“Why can not they ban Australian companies from sending our jobs overseas ???? Come on Gillard give us an answer”
(contrast http://forums.whirlpool.net.au/archive/418566 from 2005!)

” Australians are not racist, just realists! ”

” They might think they are speaking english but not the proper way.”

” They can’t translate our lingo, just like we find it hard to comprehend their language. Yes, its just un-Australian.”

“I note what company they are supposaly calling from and make sure I dont use that companies products.”

” they could at least speak my language. There is simply no way I’ll even listen to an untrained, virtually illiterate and untelligible speaker of gobbledegook”
(a classic boganism – they don’t acknowledge/can’t comprehend these foreigners are native english speakers)

“And they call us dumb, who only gets a couple of dollars an hour in a call centre, not the Aussies thats for sure, at least we get proper chairs and workstations.”

and the winner is –

Kristina Posted at 11:42 PM July 23, 2011
“LOL who give a X on what indian think?”
Comment 18 of 171

i could go on, but I shitposted all yesterdae

24 07 2011
moar caek

just one…

“Australia is the world’s “dumbest continent” <<<<<<<<<< they most probally come to this conclusion after hearing our politition's." (sic)

that made my day Mick. thanks.

24 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

That reminds me Mick…

Who those bloody Injins think they is? They tehkker jehrrbs!! Tryna enforce Shania law on us ‘n that door-to-door. Farken Gillard.

Coupla corkers in the Top Comments too.

24 07 2011
moar caek

not smart enough to even comprehend how stupid they are

24 07 2011
James Hunter

MC
Self awareness is a scarce commodity

24 07 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, self-absorbed is your naturally occurring commodity.

24 07 2011
James Hunter

Dweeb,
Better to use what I have then to have nothing at all !

24 07 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, you’re no cipher for our collective doubt. From the inherent class rage in your posts to the slow descent that makes practically anyone a higher intelligence, you signify nothing but your dull arse life. You’re not interesting and you haven’t became the world’s perverse Dorian Grey. The more horrific the images of you that’s made public, the more inane your self-obsessed banter becomes and the further from reality you get. I may delight in my own merry-go-round of consumption but make no mistake, pops we are very different. You cry at the lack of intelligent discourse. I am surprised when it appears.
Some minds briefly benefit from drug abuse, yours, James Hunter, did not.

24 07 2011
James Hunter

scratch a sewer and find shit

24 07 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, your pseudo-intellectualism rapidly descends into abuse. Unsurprisingly. oh, the ironing…
Listen, pops, you left-wing lackey, the last thing i’d want to do is share the blinkered ‘world through the internet’ perspective that you have. Basing your opinion on a particular individual’s experience, your own no less, is hardly thinking laterally. But i’m not here to abuse you, James Hunter. You do that yourself when you abuse me… You’re good at it too!

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

John Wayne would never have copped that shit.

24 07 2011
moar caek

“John” Wayne Parr?

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Why not?

Never question a man who can kick your head off.

24 07 2011
moar caek

legend
but not a racist.
(try not to hate me)

24 07 2011
James Hunter

They need to relax with a drink at the local bar the
“Morehammered”

24 07 2011
Ash - Paying My Carnt Glassin' Bail Money In Aussie Dollars

Fark that Shania law. Next thing you know all them chicks will be saying how they feel like women and shit.

26 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

Freedom lovers, behold the new face of terrorism… not to mention the body…

Okay, so you can hide a bomb somewhere inside that tasty leopardskin leotard?

That don’t impressa me much…

Okay, so this song predates 9/11 and its consequences far more devastating and widespread?

That don’t impressa me much…

Okay, so I’m embarrassing myself by making Shania Twain jokes?

Fark that. Think about how embarrassed her great-great-grandfather Mark would be if he knew his literary legacy had been marginalised by his sexy, sassy, boot-scootin’ descendant.

But don’t get me wrong, yeah I think she’s alright…

24 07 2011
p'bee

still no apology from bolt for his little whoopsie-doodle blaming muslims. instead he’s somehow managed to turn this into an anti-abc thing. the comments are truly terrifying.

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Comments in his blog are always terrifying.

24 07 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
Maybe an anti Bolt campaign?
“Screw Bolt he’s Nuts and all Washer(ed) up ” ?

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Bugger that JH.

Right-wingers like Bolt are violent types. They demand action. Where do you think the bogans pick it up from?

24 07 2011
James Hunter

Maybe give him a all expenses paid holiday to Israel and include a free Iranian Passport .
Could be sneaky, just pou vrious Iranian Immigration and Customs entry exit stamps in his own passport? Along with an aluminium precission tube catalouge from Alcan ?

24 07 2011
moar caek

comments are the best thing on the internets.
srsly
nothing else is worth reading.

24 07 2011
p'bee

well i’d prefer not to spiral into suicidal depression, and bolt comments push me that direction.

24 07 2011
James Hunter

peebee,
Study Peter Thornton and you will be over the edge !

24 07 2011
moar caek

yeah.
News.con generally eh?
i do wander past bolt now and then, mostly via @purepoison. my gast never fails to be flabbered.
thank the gods Jones doesn’t have a blog.

25 07 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I wonder how he maintains his weekly gig on Insiders, consistently biting one of the hands that feeds him.

Either that Aunty is gracious in allowing his, uh, “unique” perspective on that platform, or the Howard Culure Warriors have demanded his presence in the name of “balance”…what an egregious toad and convenient hypocrite Bolter is.

25 07 2011
Drunky

He hasn’t been on Insiders for ages – I think there was some sort of “I have to go on to better things” when he got his own … forum for speaking truth to power.

24 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

Just on Anders Behring Breivik, his likes, dislikes, turn-ons, turn-offs; interesting how far-righties and far-lefties alike seem to have an affinity for the work of George Orwell. Doesn’t happen often, that sorta thing. Like both sides of political proclivity sharing that unconditional love for uh, like, fark, I dunno… Scarlett Johansson?

She goes alright.

24 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

I think our Scarlett is single again.

She hasn’t called yet.

24 07 2011
urbanreverie

The nutters who like Orwell invariably have only read one book, Nineteen Eighty-Four.

I can see why lone wolf terrorists and extremists would like that book, seeing as the book is about a lone wolf rebelling against a totalitarian state. People like Breivik, operating under the delusion that Norway is some sort of neo-Bolshevik multicultural dictatorship under which white Christian males like him are repressed, would easily identify with Winston Smith.

But there’s so much more to George Orwell than Big Brother and Winston Smith. There are his 1930s novels from his social realist period, his insightful and often provocative newspaper columns in the Tribune during the war, his literary criticism, his essays on everything from cricket to Dickens.

But yeah, it is kinda sad that one of the greatest satirists of the 20th century has to have lunatics in his fan base!

24 07 2011
p'bee

and they certainly don’t know yevgeny zamyatin’s novel we, which orwell completely ripped off to write 1984.

24 07 2011
moar caek

was it Brazil?

24 07 2011
moar caek

oh
we
right

25 07 2011
clipper

Orwell says that Huxley ripped off We, and Vonnegut says he ripped off Brave New World, which ripped off We. Although all were dipping into the same area, Yevgeny had the advantage, if it can be called an advantage, of being in the middle of it all.
Wonder how many people who quote 1984 have actually read it?

25 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Let alone seen the movie.

23 08 2011
moar caek

I didn’t get past the soundtrack.

sexcrime

urgh

25 07 2011
James Hunter

Clipper'”Once upon a time,when I was a boy”
Everyone I knew at high school had read ;1984 and Brave New World,The Day Of The Triffids,Time Machine Of Mice And Men and The Graps Of Wrath.
These balanced out the large chunks of Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde that were required reading and the Carter Browns and Ian Flemmings that weree pure entertainment..

I figure as many of us became bogans as not so to me it would be drawing a long bow to equate one with the other.

24 07 2011
James Hunter

Urban,
Surely Orwell read more then one book ?

25 07 2011
Kelly Kapowski Klansman

Can’t choose yer fans.

I’m sure if Orwell could comment on the massacre, he’d lament The Decline of the Norwegian Murder. Back in my day, young Norwegian men stabbed members of Norway’s black metal community to death, and I don’t recall anyone complainin’.

25 07 2011
urbanreverie

ROTFL!!! I forgot about Orwell’s essay (or maybe it was one of his “As I Please” columns from The Tribune) about the decline of the Great English Murder. Thanks for the reminder! 🙂

24 07 2011
moar caek

Go you Double Blues!

24 07 2011
moar caek

oh.
bye week.

Rest you Double Blues!!!

24 07 2011
moar caek

politition’s

24 07 2011
moar caek

another variant:

“Vic of QLD of lizardm1@bigpond.com Posted at 5:45 AM Today
They have been listening to our polititians at question time obviosly
Comment 66 of 171″

breathtaking.
this idiot even managed to post his email.

THE WORD IS POLLATISHUN IDIORTS 1!!!

ok I’ll stop

2 08 2011
Trevor (FitzTreva) Fitzgerald

the OZZIE dollar is SMASHING all the other looser curencies

you latte sipping snobs who whinge about it should get a job in a REAL INDUSTRY or should all piss off back to england

Australia is for REAL MEN and those who cant hack it should get stuffed

any fitter and turner can get a job in Australia now same with any diesel mechanic

the only ones i here whinging are useless ivory tower paper shufflers

FitzTreva

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