#8 – Contiki Tours

23 10 2009

In the 21st century, the bogan is no longer only interested in his town, the nearest beach, and the occasional trip to Queensland. While they remain suspicious of other cultures, they want to see the world, hold different beers in their hand, and sleep with more foreigners (white) than ever before. Enter the Contiki tour.

ContikiContiki, and the companies like it, package up overseas experiences so that the bogan can satisfy all of these needs. Up to 60 bogans are loaded into a bus at the airport, and are then whisked around for the next fortnight, vomiting in a different part of a continent each day. The bogan is able to physically witness many landmarks it has seen on television, and participate in hilarious “holding up the leaning tower” style photos, over and over and over again. All without the dreaded need to problem solve, learn, or communicate with locals.

The tour company, meanwhile, organises every meal, bed, transfer, and drinking location, while supervising and micro-managing every moment. This leaves the bogan to do what it does best – create a boorish, ignorant vortex that ruins the location for anyone else who happens to be there, and make clumsy attempts to fornicate with other members of the tour group. With rarely more than 24 hours spent in one city, Contiki ably caters to the short attention span and one-dimensional needs of the new bogan.

Now that Contiki has recently commenced offering all-inclusive tours through Southeast Asia, the bogan is now able to visit a whole array of countries in the region that were previously too hard. Hence, the male bogan can now be seen in his home town with a wider array of foreign beer-branded singlets than ever before, impressing the female bogan with his new sense of cosmopolitanism and worldliness. The female is also now more worldly, thanks to the purchase of an oriental home furnishing item after haggling and berating a peasant street stall for 10 minutes to save 40 cents.



67 responses

27 10 2009

might also be worth mentioning that a drunken bogan Contiki tour creates a ‘perfect storm’ for sexually transmitted infections.

30 10 2009

and ruin perfectly good Australian resorts too…

1 11 2009

I love how bogans think are other bogans who have been on Contiki tours are worldly. I also love how some bogan girls choose Contiki tours because they are safe.

2 11 2009

Yes, because a 20 year old female travelling by herself for the first time should of course do the backpacking thing.

If they want to, good for them but Contiki tours are somewhat safer. I’d never do one again, but its a great way to sample Europe (I wanted to do do Breakaway’s tours, but you had to be 21)

4 11 2009

How do you know they are somewhat safer? Doesn’t it all just depend on time and place? I think so.

Couldn’t do the planned thing, it’d be like being back at school, too much “you have to be back here at this time” – I’d rather relax, make my own fun and figure it out myself.

9 03 2010

I don’t know that I’d call them ‘safer’ – the number of rapes/assaults/STIs amongst the members of the tour group is supposed to be up to 3 times higher than travelling alone in most countries.
(Will find the article I got that from at some point and update).

21 04 2010

I backpacked. When I was 23. Alone. And I’m a girl. Most travel destinations follow the same logic, AS LONG AS YOU ARE SENSIBLE AND AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS, you’ll be fine, in most cases. Simple as that.

I also booked a three week Contiki tour about 5 weeks into my solo travel just in case travelling alone proved to be lonely. The day before my tour started, I wished I hadn’t booked it, but being a poor bogan traveller, I thought “why the hell not? it can’t be that bad, and I won’t get my cash back anyway.”

Cut to three weeks of Aussie flag draped alcos who roared the first verse of the national anthem every morning at brekkie and sites that had curfews with the only thing inside the building being a bed and a bar. Never again.

2 06 2010

I’m sorry but the encouraged promiscuity that exists on any Contiki tour far endangers any 20 y/o female travelling alone for the first time than actually backpacking on their own and using their own common sense.

I backpacked alone as a female for over 7 months throughout all of western and eastern Europe when only 18 and I survived. It was the most incredible experience of my life to date.

9 11 2010

Lauren, a 20 year old female can easily travel on her own, even if it is the first time she has been overseas – Europe is like the ABC when it comes to travelling on your own… the easiest place to travel!

All she needs is a little street wisdom… the rest will follow. It ends up being a much more worthwhile experience (and believe me, she still has plenty of opportunities to do the stuff you do on Contiki Tours).

“Somewhat safer” – not sure where you get that. It’s only safer if the traveller is under the age of 10. Otherwise, she would be much better doing her own thing.

“Sample Europe” – what do they say… see everything, remember nothing. What an awesome experience!

28 01 2013
franz chong

Sadly Trafalgar got rid of the Breakaway Tours not so long ago which is kind of sad.I am now over 35 but under 38 and should I want to do Europe again It’s either a Top Deck Tour depending on the time of year I choose to go or having to put up with families with kids and an open aged lot at other companies.

18 03 2014
Phill hanna

Hey Lauren it’s phill that bogan u meet on contiki.. If this is u would be nice to catch up .. If u ever see this..

23 09 2015
franz chong

Trafalgar don’t do those anymore but a regular one of those tours if you don’t mind families and being around an older lot would be a better option than any Contiki.

1 11 2009

Shame that this site is sullied by a subtle “anti white” current.You obviously havent seen the bogans who go to Asia to have sex with foreigners (asian)

1 11 2009

errrrrr most of the AUssies I saw in Thailand were bogans and doing asian girls wtf is this bs

1 11 2009

Don’t forget Jetstar. They are complicit in ferrying large troops of bogans to many destinations in SEA. Phuket and Bangkok are the new Bali for bogans.

1 11 2009

Bogans usually put their anti-asian sentiments on hiatus when travelling to Bali and/or Thailand (two favourite bogan destinations) but once they’re back in ‘Straya it’s back to “fuck off home ya gook”.

10 11 2009

Nice one Jai’syn. Funny because it is so true

1 11 2009

What about PnO Cruises ?

2 11 2009

Yes, I actually wouldn’t mind taking a cruise somewhere but I can’t afford something like the Queen Mary and the P & O things all seem to attract Bogans. One girl told me that it’s ok because all the Bogans are sleeping during the day and basically only come out late at night for a quick all you can eat before they hit the on board night clubs to get but I’m not so sure….

5 02 2017
franz chong

Give someone like Royal Caribbean International a go for cruises.I have done two with them and it’s amazing.the people you meet are a world away from the P&O ones I used to do before that.so many activities and most of the time you when not having rest breaks between things you are doing you’ll be around an older generation for the most part.call me a gentleman but I LIKE THE CRUISES to meet new people and form new friendships,no getting it on with women for me though.

2 11 2009

I don’t know if I agree with this. It must only be the Eastern Subs bogans because no bogan I’ve ever seen around Sunshine or similar would ever gain enough funding to take one of these tours, nor would they be interested in doing so.

2 11 2009

Remember that Redgum song: “I’ve Been to Bali Too”?
When was that? 1980s? This is not a new phenomenon.

3 11 2009

I would no more think of going on a tour of this type than flying to the moon.
Maybe Bogans are more suited.

4 11 2009

i can verify.. all true. shame on me… i was a tour leader on these trips. i didn’t last long. i was a very unpopular person because i actually wanted to talk about history and … things like that.
actually wanted my passengers to appreciate the colloseum. once, when we were standing outside the colloseum, my passengers asked me , ‘how much longer do we have to stay here? when can we go back to the hotel?’
they paid thousands of dollars to sit by the pool in another country, and drink.

21 04 2010

oooh! and the shopping!”But we’re in ITALY!!! I go check out the David statue later, I want a leather jacket!”

3 11 2018
franz chong

i am doing their 21’s and over u by uniworld river cruises of europe as a one off due to not coping with big crowds on a royal caribbean cruise of the south pacific last year does that mean i have no class.i might do a little shopping but not a lot.the sights can wait i might get me a t shirt that says vienna for instance.

5 11 2009

I have to agree P&O cruises are the most bogan holiday possible (Woy Woy caravan park or something similar would be an obvious choice also but i’m referring to the new cashed up bogan). i was lucky enough to have 10 days of bogan bliss on a family trip when i was 16. i probably didn’t fully realise at the time, but looking back it was ridiculously bogan.
here’s how the trip pans out for the token bogan male… the bogan male is renown for hooking up with a slightly overweight bogan chick (with bleach blonde hair, visible re growth and a bad fake tan) on the first night and then end up having an awkward 10 day holiday girl friend, who he ‘roots’ (some what reluctantly by the 3rd or 4th time as he wants to find some one new) for the remainder of the trip. They get off the boat at Noumea, buy an overpriced wood carving and some duty free alcohol and cigarettes and make note of one uniquely cultural event they witness in their 4 and half hrs on the island (more often then not – the paid performing dancers at the ships mooring point.) Upon returning to Australia they arrange to meet several weeks later on a date in the ‘city’ (usually george st cinema’s, maybe even fox studios)

1 12 2009
Right and proud

HAHAHAHA Woy Woy Caravan Park!

5 02 2017
franz chong

I agree and as such only cruise with ROYAL CARIBBEAN THESE DAYS.I get help from both the government for having a disability and my aunt twice yearly plus work 120 hours a month but the pay is pretty awful so have to be careful on spending to do the cruises.The Bogan Males I have seen with P&O in the past mention what you have described and it’s disgusting.I WITH MY RCI CRUISES did have a holiday girlfriend who I am rather slowly keeping in contact with but lovely people none the less.they are scattered all over the country and the world.one of them has caused me a few problems with someone I WORK WITH.

9 11 2009

What is more bogan than Contiki? The Fanatics. Damn they are embarrassing

12 11 2009

they’re solely responsible for giving foreigners the idea that anyone in Australia actually likes Lleyton Hewitt, and ruining the ceremony at Gallipoli on Anzac Day

14 02 2014
franz chong

I am thankful for not qualifying anymore.I was looking through my pictures recently from my first visit to Vietnam which was a Contiki and I couldn’t help how embarrassing some of these people were.Recently went back but did a Geckos Tour and found it more authentic but was shocked at how expensive the place had got since 2009.Got a great group

22 04 2018
franz chong

i agree.have not qualified for what will be six years as of december but found out about their u by uniworld river cruises in europe so went to book one.it would be different from normal contiki in some aspects.contiki is how i did vietnam first time around in 2009,the stories i could tell my old high school teacher if she was still around in adelaide about how i took what she taught me in class but got to see in person.i was one of the only students all those years ago who did that.

12 11 2009

and at Oktoberfest, and getting bemused looks from Germans when they chant “Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi” in the Hofbrau Tent (they don’t know any other tents), “Ossie” means East German

14 11 2009

thats why you should do a Topdeck it is the ‘Classier’ version of Contiki!

28 01 2013
franz chong

I totally agree with you Sarah.I am doing my first Top Deck Soon to Tasmania Easter this Year tracing back the steps to where my first cousin was born and the apple isle where my Aunt and the Ex Husband lived for their first few years in Australia as a sign of respect to mark the forty something years they have been here(The Cousin was born in what is now a Hotel in Launceston).

17 11 2009

Nothing like getting a root and a big mac in every country…..And I would rather lose my legs than go back to Bangkok

8 01 2010
Daniel Brady

I did a 14 day Contiki trip in New Zealand, out of 50 people there was at most 5 to 10 bogans, and they were fine to holiday with. Overall everybody on the tour was great and my holiday was very enjoyable.

Contiki does tours rather than holidays, which mean that you are always doing a local activity, traveling, or partying – not relaxing, but that is fine with me.

I am no bogan, but I’d do another Contiki tour and also recommend the company to others. The main reasons being meeting 50 awesome people and not having to organize the tour myself.

5 02 2017
franz chong

you are one of the lucky ones then.I sadly for New Zealand am now relegated to a Royal Caribbean cruise if I want some young people on there due to no longer qualifying for TOP DECK OR CONTIKI.the only other way I could do it but the price might work out identical but am not happy about being lumped with families with kids or over 40’s is someone like KIRRA TOURS OR TRAVELMARVEL.

1 02 2010

I feel better than Contiki people because I chose TopDeck instead. It’s like Contiki, except we spend just a tiny bit longer in the places we visit, and had time to explore things on our own and attempt a little “una limona granita per favor” with the locals.

Still, there was still a little of that Contiki Cough going round, even if the vast majority of people were already in some sort of relationship.

11 03 2010

topdeck isnt that much better than contiki (what i hear from friends who have done both). i did a kumuka tour, way more chill and a lot of fun.

28 01 2013
franz chong

This Year I am trying a Gecko’s Tour to Vietnam.I chose it based on the Agent’s Recommendation and after having a read through the brochure It’s a better and much cheaper way to go,You Interact with the locals,Travel around using local transport or their own coaches and for someone like me open aged.Contiki are too rushed in how they do their tours.

25 04 2010

I am pretty sure that my cousin is in this photo – I find this hillarious, but I’m also going to have to leave the country and change my identity (oh, and sell my Pandora Bracelet on Ebay)

22 10 2010

So true.. Dishonorable mention to those “cultured” southern types who wear AFL jerseys overseas, congregate in safe clusters, usually bars and tourist hotspots, all clinging to a life raft of hope that someone less inbred may give a toss.

27 10 2010
J'Ames T'Orville-D'eene

Mainly because we didn’t know any better and didn’t do enough research, we had our *honeymoon* on a Contiki tour of Western Europe. Our guide was this Canadian girl who was pretty cool and knowledgeable about everything around us, so she knew what to do when some of the guys got picked up by the cops in Venice. Got into a bit of strife with my wife because she didn’t know what the Venus de Milo was and why was I spending so much time taking pictures of statues? (she’s a bit of an Asian bogan) It wasn’t as bogan-packed as this post makes it out to be. Probably just a third of em. Made some acquaintances, some of whom we’d actually want to meet again in real life.

Does anyone remember their Contiki bus theme song? Our was “I believe in thing called love” by The Darkness. Every time I hear those opening chords it just brings to mind all those dodgy hotels with no lifts, stolen fruit from continental breakfasts, and clueless teenagers getting shitfaced every single night.

31 05 2011

Ours was “Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me)” by Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel. That song is packed with memories. There are obviously a few Contiki tours that weren’t spewy, pooey, rooty, bogan-fests…

22 04 2018
franz chong

i remember my very first contiki song.dr jones by aqua in 1999 around new zealand.i was a medical receptionist at the time and that song made me think of a place known as doctor jones and partners.

2 11 2010
franz chong

I did briefly consider a Contiki Tour of Egypt before I booked my Insight Tour to Egypt recently and the Travel Agent told me to go for the latter for good reasons.You are paying good money for what is a Once in a lifetime experience and I would be a lot happier being with a group that actually wants to see the sights and the culture plus all the history and have no complaints.I am not a bogan and have a genuine hatred for them.I will probably do one or two more but then after December 2012 I no longer qualify so goodbye but will like to find a nice one to see the years out.

2 11 2010
Sydney Fi

I travelled for 10 years, to over 70 countries, most of it as a solo, female.
I never had one bit of hassle. I believe this was due to: being looked over ; )), being street smart and not carrying on like an ignorant bogan! Simple really.

27 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

When I was in Paris recently I had stopped in an Australian theme pub just in the hope that I could find out what was happening with the cricket and I came across a Contiki tour group. Bogan Central.

12 05 2011
franz chong

I am 18 months away from turning 35 but do feel superior for choosing to do my very first Insight Tour.You would be surprised how many parents actually bring their adult children along on their tours and none of these people are Bogan.I am doing a Tour of Britain with them and wanted memories to last a lifetime.there is nothing worse than having to get on a coach smelling of spew and drunkness from the tour group.EWWWW.Sorry Gang Mind is now made up Won’t ever do a Contiki Again.

31 05 2011

I never wanted to choose Contiki but it was the cheapest option for me and my wife and having sat at home while our friends in Europe who chose backpacking ran out of money after a month, this was the way we decided to do it. Apparently I got lucky. The group was 50 people, approximately 8 of which I would classify as bogans. The tour guide was English and gave hour-long history and cultural lectures in the bus on the way to cities and then walking tours when we got there. There was plenty of drinking going on but there was never any accidents on the bus and everyone seemed more interested in the travel than the bar. Yes, it was whirlwind but if you’ve never traveled before, you’re hard up for cash and want to ensure you see what you want to see and have everything paid for upfront, this is an option! Now that we’re a little more cashed up and travel savvy we’ve done UK, Japan, Canada, the US, UAE, etc. on our own.

22 07 2011
franz chong

Next Year in December is the final time I qualify for a Contiki Tour so to round it out in Style I have chosen to go to New Zealand Northern Highlights Tour July 2012.I never got around to attending Schoolies Week 1996 for age related reasons and having no other choice but to enter the workforce the minute I left school.Compensating for that with a Singapore Trip just over a year later did not work(You don’t bring along your auntie,cousin or uncle for starters as substitution for the lack of young people and parties you were supposed to have the year before)which led me at the age of 21 to do my first Contiki Tour Ironically also to New Zealand.Wish me luck on my final mission as of January 1 2013 I have to with much happiness do an Insight Tour from there on in.

28 07 2011

Hmmm I did a contiki tour and I’m not a bogan at all. I simply wanted to see as much of America as I could in the short time I had and the tour certainly helped me decide which cities I will visit next time when I plan on spending more money.
While my fellow contikians were drinking I was at a museum or a baseball game or the civil rights museum.
I left America with even more knowledge of American history and culture than I had before- not an STD and I thank contiki for that 🙂

5 10 2015

Contiki is no different to Topdeck, I regret travelling with a tour group. An expensive mistake also, I did a coast to coast tour with topdeck which went for 3 weeks, I was crammed on a bus full of bogans and kiwis who had the only intention of getting wasted and fornicate with as much people as possible.

The tour guide was a jerk and a creep. He was always hitting on the ladies planning on getting it on with them. He hardly talked about the places we were visiting and only mentioned pubs they were going to, The info he did hand out such as maps was wrong and outdated. When i confronted him about his lack of motivation he got very snappy quick.

Worst bit is when the air conditioning broke on the bus whilst going through the Arizona desert, Than having to put up with the filthy stench coming out of the drunken bogan’s pores. Tour groups never again!

12 08 2011
franz chong

I am not Bogan at all and did a Contiki Tour of Vietnam in 2009 as it was the easiest way to see that country that I had seen in Movies and Studied about in High School History Class in a short time.
I was lucky to have a good group who were there to see the sights and learn about the places visited There was some drinking involved but not much and given the early starts on some days it wasn’t totally possible.I learnt more from that visit there in 10 days than I ever did in the Classroom all those years ago.
I am doing Top deck in 2012 most likely to GREECE

31 08 2011

Franz chong
You sound completely bogan to me – lazy and unable to work out a ten day trip to Vietnam (for christ’s sake the country has a rail line running from south to north through it).
I know – school was hard.

31 08 2011

Franz chong –
By the way….your earlier post does not give an example of irony.
Don’t confuse the lyrics of Alanis Morrisette with actual knowledge.

Definately bogan.

5 08 2012
franz chong

Just Finished my very last Contiki this week EVER New Zealand Northern Highlights.Great Holiday but half the antics that went on almost drive one mad.I become a Trafalgar/Insight Customer from here on in

13 08 2012
franz chong

But there’s some even better news.My Old Contiki Rebate gets transferred automatically should I choose to go Trafalgar by the end of 2014 somewhere.I did an Insight Tour of the UK last year age 33 and had a much better time(don’t take it personally but I related a lot better to the people on my tour there to see the sights and have a good time without being silly about it So what If we were the group that started and finished our days by 10pm most nights and never hit the night clubs due to there bring some families with teenagers on board I didn’t miss that.It was a once in a lifetime experience I will have happy memories of for a long time).

24 12 2012

all of you are such judgemental snobs, contiki is a good option for those of us that have to work for a living, we cant all spend 18 months backpacking around the world on our parents money then come back to do a fuckin arts degree bitch about that for awhile then get shouted overseas again you are all fuckin cockroaches

Contiki is generally more expensive than using the internet to sort out your own itinerary. TBL

22 04 2018
franz chong

true and they are the first to bring out a younger persons version of a river cruise.u by uniworld which is for 21-45’s in europe.i booked one after coming home from a royal caribbean south pacific cruise that went badly for the most part,i will never get any compensation for the damages a bunch of mostly either indian or middle eastern dickheads did to my holiday or a letter of apology from the company but have reassurance this new cruse i am on will work out better.

22 01 2013
franz chong

It’s a great way to go for the Under 35’s but it’s with Regret I have to look at other companies for group tours as I turned 35 December 20 2012.Doing my very first Top Deck to Tasmania in March to mark Forty Three Years to the day my eldest cousin was born in the Apple Isle.And from there on in For Domestic/New Zealand using the same company to age 39,For Asia it’s either Peregrine or Geckos.And Europe over Christmas Either Insight,Cosmos or Trafalgar.

6 02 2013

I don’t understand the need to go on a tour at all. I cringe seeing the bus loads of sheep arrive at tourist destinations. It is not hard to travel yourself. It is not hard to organise travelling yourself and you actually get to see and do what you want, meet locals, immerse yourself in another culture and experience a country when you travel by yourself. Why are you all so afraid to do it? To think your tour company is better just because its not contiki is pathetic. All bus tours and el cheapo cruises are just plain lazy and completly bogan.

4 06 2013

@Catherine, some people simply lack the confidence to travel alone. Yes it can be done and it is very liberating and rewarding, but if you’ve never travelled before a tour can be just as rewarding and enjoyable. Everyday I meet fantastic people (and a few not-so-fantastic) who may never have had the guts to travel if they had to do everything for themselves…a tour is a great introduction to the wonder of travelling the globe, something everyone should have the opportunity to experience.

I, myself, would never choose a Contiki tour, however, even though I am quite capable of travelling independently, I do sometimes book tours as I want that in-depth knowledge that a good tour guide can give. I’m rather selective as to what I choose but truly believe that in many places a guided tour is actually a better option that going it alone.

I run tours which are primarily aimed at a younger market (NOT Contiki) and every traveller that gets on my tour walks away much more knowledgeable about Australia than when they arrive, so my job is a success! Not sure that Contiki passengers/tour leaders can say that!

15 03 2013
franz chong

It depends on where you are headed Catherine.Some Places It’s easier to do on a Tour while others can easily be done on your own.I have nothing against Contiki but on the advice of a Consultant I booked my Vietnam Tour for this year with They advised me against that given due to being a year too old at time of departure I won’t get on or depending on confirmation from the company It will be a wait and see decision on if there is space to get on.They weren’t willing to let me pay mates rates for willing to share amongst other things.I ended up after seeing another consultant elsewhere at Peregrine Travel Adelaide to book with Geckos Instead on their advice.i did that and am getting a much cheaper holiday to boot.

15 10 2017
franz chong

I am rather thankful to be too old for their New Zealand Tours now so the only way I can visit that part of the world again is on a Royal Caribbean Cruise.We get to see a few extra places in a much shorter duration than the Contiki lot.I studied the Itinerary and mine takes in Dunedin,Picton,Tauranga,Auckland and the Bay of Islands plus we get to see up close Milford,Doubtful and Dusky Sounds.No having to rush about and no airports or coaches to deal with other than when sightseeing at the destinations visited.If that’s not my idea of heaven I don’t know what planet I have been living on.

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