#124 – Anal

12 04 2010

In your private moments with your significant other, casual nocturnal acquaintance, or even with a random you met at the pub, you may explore the fullness of your sexuality. It’s a modern world, and taboos are dropping. ‘Anything between consenting anybodies’ as Marvin Gaye so eloquently put it.

Not for the bogan male. He believes it exists purely to bust taboos, if not hymens. He goes straight up the date.

Seasoned by years of cramp-inducing porn consumption, the bogan male no longer has a concept of a healthy sexual relationship. It must now dominate sluts. It must place its engorged member in as many inappropriate holes as it can conceive of (two) while shouting ‘Take it, bitch!’ and slapping her on the backflaps.  The bogan wants to put the xxx in x-treme.

The women’s movement of the 60s transformed the world’s ideas of how to do the deed. Pleasuring women became equally important to pleasuring the man. If the standard – missionary – position fails to achieve orgasm for the woman, it would no longer be standard. Creativity and sensitivity are required. Unfortunately, because of the debilitating effect of porn on the bogan male’s reality, and its butter-smeared grasp on human intimacy, meaningful relationships and women generally, the bogan has a fierce desire only for maxtreme fucking. X-treme max double-penetrative sex is the only sex. The bogan wishes to live out the narratives presented on its computer screen by Randy Cockburger.

The bogan will approach sexual encounters initially as an opportunity to live out the dream promised to it in Slutwoman II, whereby he merely nods his head, draws his pork sword (just like he did on the footy trip), and proceeds to slap a woman around the head with it. “Here it is, get at it, ho”, proclaims the bogan male, embodying a glorious hybrid of Ron Jeremy and Charlie Sheen. When this approach fails, he adopts the James Bond model, assuming that his suave exterior and debonair behaviour (quips derived from last week’s edition of Zoo Weekly) will simply result in an acquiescent corporate lawyer-come-lingerie model falling blindly into bed with him. “Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants”.

Finally, he falls back on the tried and true bogan combination of eight vodka cruisers, half an hour of intense begging, and the promise of three extra charms for her Pandora bracelet.  The bogan female, meanwhile, has had the concept of x-treme anal normalised in her social group ever since Tiarnee said that her boyfriend promised her a Tiffany’s bracelet after she let him have a go at her arse. The bracelet has never been sighted.

While the heterosexual bogan male loves to absolutely jackhammer the crap out of every ‘forbidden’ female hole he can find, it goes without saying the bogan’s own anus is, to use engineering parlance, a bridge too far. This is because the bogan is terrified of the concept that there are some men who prefer to share their parlour of pleasure with other men. The bogan, whose repertoire of witty insults is made up entirely of tired synonyms for ‘homosexual’, considers homosexuality strange and unnatural, yet is perfectly happy to rub one out whilst watching videos of girls fisting each other.

In the moments directly after his maxx orgasm, the Jeremy/Sheen bogan is perplexed – is she asleep, or has she merely fallen into a coma of intense ecstasy? Or has his gentle donkey punch completely rendered her unconscious?


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357 responses

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. OUCH! Your beloved Fiona would not dream of letting a tradesman use the tradesman’s entrance.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

But will you let a thespian enter stage left?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Only a highly skilled one. I’d expect an Academy Award (c) winning performance.

12 04 2010
Sten

I just had to laugh… Tradesman’s Entrace… how apt.

12 04 2010
Robbie

I thought the stage left comment was better 🙂

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Me too, Robbie. 😉

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I didn’t. 😐

1 05 2010
ohnobogan

you really contribute nothing to the commentary on these pages, other than your own LOLing of plague like proportions..

1 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. If I didn’t exist, neither would you. All you have is me. LOL.

1 05 2010
ohnobogan

whatever,

clearly your life is so bereft of excitement, happenings or hobbies that you spend all day on TBL waiting for someone to respond to your continual quibblings.

1 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I perform it as a charitable service. To give people like you get to voice your petty concerns.

1 05 2010
ohnobogan

sure, and you don’t use it at all to voice your bogan-esque, self important opinions that everyone, absolutely must listen to .. all. the. time.

1 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Who is holding the gun to your head making you browse here?

1 05 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
Onobog(sic) holds the gun to his own head
lets hope he also plays russian roulette with a pistol and one bullet,come to think that might be irish roulette

1 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Doubtless he’d use an automatic pistol.

12 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

“Your beloved Fiona would not dream of …”

No maybe not that one, but what about the other Fiona? The one who has that insatiable curiosity about how the other half lives and what the poor people are doing. Are you really expecting us to believe your rectum hasn’t multi-tasked?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Whilst “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” is a classic piece of literature, I did not study it as part of my higher degree in the Classics and have no intention of following Lady Chatterley’s predilections.

12 04 2010
common man

oh chaffeur please another ride

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
Do you realy ,rely on the “up her” class? Bet some of the tradies do a workman like job ?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. *shudder* I don’t want a “workman like job” done. I want a virtuoso performance – every time.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi anything that makes you shudder works for me !

12 04 2010
brad

my tools of trade have always been “too big” ,for entry into through the back alley!

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Trans “j’avez un pip miniscule!”

13 04 2010
brad

quais bebe

27 12 2010
hel

Brad, in the context of the afore spewed arguement, awesome comment!

13 04 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

May I also point out that excessive use of porn makes the male bogan have a slightly creepy love of porno schoolgirls and finds hair anywhere other than on the femme bogues head akin to a crime against humanity?

Even though said bogan will loudly proclaim to all how he’d love to “glass” a “fackin caaaant peado”… after all, he saw all about these evil monsters on TT and ACA…

24 05 2010
TheMon

Come on Fiona! We all know you’d love a bit of back door action. You are just a wee bit uptight.. (pardon the expression). A true bogan sheila would not only do it up the butt for a Pandora bracelet, but they’d let Brett’s mate Shane join in as well. Maybe a bit of ‘DP’ would be fun?

9 08 2010
jon truth

LOL fucking LOL…….

7 12 2010
rilla

hey fiona, everytime you invocate (LOL) you are opening your own stargate and don’t realise it. Butt sex isn’t very far from that.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

You weren’t joking TBL. I started laughing as soon as I saw the title in my inbox.

A friend of mine find a package in his mailbox one morning which had been hand delivered. There was a note that said ‘Thanks for the lend, mate. Sorry I kept it so long’. He opened it to find a pornographic film inside entitled ‘Weapons of Ass Destruction’. Apt.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Indeed, I did not expect this in my Inbox – today or ever!! haha

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. So long as you didn’t find it in your outbox, all is well.

12 04 2010
Mezz

Nice TBL – I was wondering if you would eventually stray down this path.

“Not for the bogan male. He believes it exists purely to bust taboos, if not hymens. He goes straight up the date”

Love your work TBL but doesn’t the male bogan prefer to glass these said taboos?

12 04 2010
pinky has a brain

“…because of the debilitating effect of porn on the bogan male’s reality, and its butter-smeared grasp on human intimacy…”

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA butter-smeared grasp….hahahahaha

Thanks TBL!!

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Butter ? is so yesterday, unless your doing it like clockwork.

12 04 2010
Benjamin

Good Lord!

12 04 2010
VG

Gold!!!

12 04 2010
Glass 'em all

Better in the inbox than the outbox…

If you can’t glass ’em, ass ’em.

12 04 2010
Jo

yes!!! I thought I was a prude for not liking/allowing anal, but I’m not! I’m just not a bogan! thank you TBL! I love the way you make me feel better about myself

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Nah. You’re still a prude. 😉

12 04 2010
Samuel

Well, as a bogan once said to me: “subtlety is for fags”.

Thanks for ensuring my day starts on a high note :>

12 04 2010
Tubesteak

No point playing in the dump when Wonderland is right next door

12 04 2010
Sten Mk II

here here.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

with a monica like tubesteak i can see where your comming from

12 04 2010
Angry In Brunswick

i’d love to see your link referrals after this one, lads.

Google analytics will be the real laugh for you today, i expect.

12 04 2010
king ding dong

dip, baby dip….there aint nothing wrong with sime double dippin’ the nuts in butts

12 04 2010
Arkie

My gratitude runs deep on so many levels. 1) That degradation of any sort wasn’t part of my formative years 2) That I was able to run a mile from the odd mysogynist encountered along the path to sexual maturity 3) That my husband embodies none of the above.
The mere thought of having your anus torn for a couple of Pandora charms is just too depressing…

12 04 2010
James Hunter

but for a $20,000 one from Tiffany’s ?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, she might do it for something expensive though.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi you are on the money there.
Once we determin what she is we can renegotiate the price !

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s worth noting that the original text this morning said “Pandora charms”, not a “Tiffany’s bracelet”.

TBL may choose to enlighten us as to why they changed it, but I suspect it’s because any girl willing to take up the offer is the sort who’d do it for free anyway.

12 04 2010
Miss Librarian

I like anal. I am female. Does this make me a bogan?

12 04 2010
wigwam

yes, whats your number

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Not necessarily. But it probably makes you a slut. 😉

12 04 2010
Sten Mk II

i’m down with sluts. at least they know what they want.

12 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

Let’s rework that sentence. It might not be that sluts know what they want, it might be that knowing what you want makes you a slut, in the eyes of some.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Yes, very true. An actual “slut” often doesn’t know what she (or he!) wants and is looking for love in all the wrong places!

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

That is a good comment Alyssa.
Some people think sex is love.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

It’s pretty easy to be confused these days…

14 04 2010
Sten Mk II

or just misinterpret the original message.
send 3 and 4 pence, we’re going to a dance….

24 05 2010
TheMon

I heard that a ‘slut’ is any woman who won’t have sex with YOU.

24 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, that’s a lesbian.

24 05 2010
TheMon

No it isn’t Fiona! It is the woman at the bar who refuses a drink from Johnno, then goes home with his best mate. She is a slut. You must get out more..

24 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, no one called “Johnno” has ever offered me a drink. Nor I hope, shall it ever happen.

27 12 2010
hel

No, that’s just Fiona.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

No, human.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Wow TBL!!!
This is so very true. It is both funny and disturbing at the same time.

Seasoned by years of cramp-inducing porn consumption, the bogan male no longer has a concept of a healthy sexual relationship

This reminds me of a story of an old male friend told me about his brother. Spending years as a teenager watching a huge amount of p*rn and no doubt performing a donkey punch, teabag, taxi or a hot Karl on any unsuspecting “slut” when he had the chance. He eventually settled down with a woman and got married. Their sex life was not what he had seen on these movies and he was feeling unfulfilled. So, he bought a “sex doll”. At that time I think it was $500.

He felt happy in the knowledge that he could perform unspeakable acts on this doll, change positions every 30seconds, just like in the movies he was watching. It is pretty sad that he actually believed the only way to have sex was what he saw in these p*rnographic movies. The marriage broke down and I think he got rid of the doll.
He is now remarried and his wife tells me that he spends the evenings up watching p*rn while she is asleep in bed. She says it is ok because she knows he loves her.
True story.
Sad story.

12 04 2010
Tubesteak

Sounds more like neither woman could satisfy him.

I know women who think marriage is about fairyrales and true love and romance and happily ever after.

They are sorely disappointed, too.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “Sorely” being the operative word.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

nuh Fi, ‘operative ‘being the ‘operative’ word !

12 04 2010
common man

jealous much? LOL

12 04 2010
Jo

yes everyone is miserable and dsisatisfied and disillusioned

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Hey Tubesteak, I don’t think marriage included being f&cked with bottles and all sorts of objects, unless you are into that.
This guy had/has serious issues with intimacy and sex due largely, in part, to pornography.

12 04 2010
Adam

I like f*cking using inanimate objects – interesting take on someone elses relationships… maybe the dude just shouldn’t have married a boring dud root…

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

a boring dud root is someone who doesn’t like being penetrated with inanimate objects?
Or have I misunderstood?
you sound like the sort of idiot she’s talking about. doing a doll up the arse with a dildo.
red hot

fuck *ff idiot.

24 04 2010
Kei

dude, you might have DSM-IV diagnosable paraphilia…Fetishism, heard of it?

12 04 2010
MONSTER MATT

ha!

9 07 2010
Fingers

My uncle’s girlfriend is a psychotherapist she told me the other day whilst talking about porn she is dealing with male clients who are so addicted to porn that they are loosing their sexual urge to have sex with their girlfriends/wives in other words they are now having problems getting it up for them because they are too exhausted from watching too much porn.
Ever since she told me which had me thinking I have decided to quit watching porn all together okay not completely I do watch lesbian porn once a while like once a fortnight to get rid of my cravings and withdrawl symptoms and a stepping stone to quit the habbit for good

12 04 2010
Shirley M

I’m shocked. I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex, but I had to go to trusty wikipedia to find out what a donkey punch was. I liked this bit especially “…there is no medical evidence that it works, or for that matter any reason that it would”.

Thank you for furthering my carnal education, lads.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

There’s a movie to go with that education, Shirley
http://au.rottentomatoes.com/m/donkey_punch/
It’s suitably bad!

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Excellent. I’ll assume that it is not fit viewing for a 2 year old and watch it at an appropriate moment.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Ah yes, preferably late at night after a bottle of wine (each) and you may make it through the whole movie.
🙂

27 04 2010
Sheriffstruggle

OMG. I just looked it up too. What is the world coming to (or cumming to)?

12 04 2010
wigwam

LOL “parlour of pleasure”

12 04 2010
anon

thank you, thank you, thank you. It’s like you took the words directly from my mouth. I used to live with a text book bogan who loudly try and strike up conversations with me about how he wanted to try anal with his girlfriend. Apparently they tried it but it hurt her too much so they had to stop. However, this hasn’t deterred him as he is still on a mission to get his “brown wings.” when she’s not around he also tells me he loves watching all the porn he has purchased from bali. He has watched so much (and this is probably what has happened with a lot of other bogans) that everything he said was sexual and creepy and i certainly never asked to hear about his sexual habits. Yuck!

12 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

“but it hurt her too much so they had to stop.”

I did hear one bogan femme say “it hurts like buggery”

12 04 2010
Angry In Brunswick

*does Cleveland Steamer on entire comments thread*

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Is that the same as a Boston steamer?

12 04 2010
Mark

What about dirty sanchez?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. A, um, “gentleman caller” did offer to treat me to a lovely dessert after we performed the dance of the beast with two backs once. He gave me a strawberry shortcake. 😦

12 04 2010
James Hunter

did he put the short in your cake?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Perhaps you’d best visit Urban Dictionary. 😦

12 04 2010
Sten

What a brute. I take it he was never again granted admission to the ancestral manse?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You may take that as red, er, read.

12 04 2010
Sten

Not much ever gets by you, eh Fiona? 😉

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Of course not. A higher degree in the Classics is not for nought!

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

can you imagine an classical antecedent perhaps?
In which the peasantry and proletariat were so wont to rut in the streets?
or is this purely a modern phenomenon.
proletarian proclivities (the alliteration is not deliberate, I assure you) meeting borgeois means? In the time of the merchant class?

seriously?
vulgar times madam.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Prithee sir, thou hast made me quite faint with such debauched thoughts as one might only find in a bawdy house.

12 04 2010
common man

not since google was invented

12 04 2010
Hamish

“considers homosexuality strange and unnatural, yet is perfectly happy to rub one out whilst watching videos of girls fisting each other”

SO true. Loads of my friends watch loads of lesbian porn, but are horiffied by gay men. I think it’s part of our society to be more accepting of women’s homosexuality than male homosexuality, at least from a mans point of view.

Dates back to the good ol’ ancient greek days, when a noblewoman would have her maids pleasure her in a similar way to men and their male slaves or students.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

It’s not really about acceptance of homosexual women Hamish. Men see 2 or more women having sex and can easily imagine themselves being a part of that scene.

Actual lesbians, who are often hairy and fiercely feminist, are mocked just as loudly by bogan men as are their male homosexual counterparts.

12 04 2010
Hamish

Not quite sure about that, Shirley. I’ve never once heard a bogan MAN call a lesbian woman homphobic slurs. I’ve heard bogan women go off at them, but generally it’s not the men.

But you’re right that bogans hate feminists, and “fags” in general. But they’d feel less threatened by a lesbian than a gay man.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

You’ve never heard a man call lesbians who make no effort to look attractive to the opposite sex ‘f*cking dykes’?

I’m just pointing out the difference between real lesbians, and the women who fist each other on camera for the bogan’s viewing pleasure.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Definitely happens.
It’s even funnier when they write off a woman who shows no interest in them as a ‘f*cking dyke’ for rejecting them, then go home and watch lesbian porn, imagining themselves with the ‘dykes’ f*cking on the screen!

12 04 2010
vivisection

Hamish,two words, Hate Rape.

12 04 2010
Sten Mk II

i miss slavery.

12 04 2010
vivisection

we all do

12 04 2010
James Hunter

there be lots of girls willing to make you a slave

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I’m not sure about “often hairy and fiercely feminist
but always sociology professors.
and frequently corduroy.

flame on

12 04 2010
SD

Judging by Gawker’s blind items more than 50% of the actresses in business are having girlie flings. No doubt they wear corduroy when doing so.

Saw the Ab Cicle Pro ad this morning . Then read this post. Awfully the two have collided in my head. Then again it perfectly combines the bogue’s love of expensive and useless gym gadgets and maxx sexx.

12 04 2010
BB

The “lesbians” in porn are not lesbians ! They are acting for pay. Men can be so gullible !

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Really? Are you sure?? Thanks for the tip!

10 12 2010
beeb

Completely sure.

11 12 2010
AlyssaKT

haha Beeb, I was being sarcastic 🙂

13 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

yay greeks!

25 10 2010
deck

I’m all for gay marriage, as long as both chicks are hot

12 04 2010
Persephone

“jackhammer the crap out of every…hole he can find” – figuratively and literally?

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

but seriously folks,
whether or not you enjoy a trip up the old dirt track is not the point here.
I would really like to be an apologist for pornography.
I would really like to believe that informed consenting adults could enjoy some mild erotica as part of their entertainment regime.
But shit just aint like that.
The evidence is in. As so eruditely elucidated by our Guri here. It appears to be like smack or rather, crack (smack is too good for these mouth breathers.) the progression from upskirt to coprophagy is swift. doesn’t the same thing happen with serial killers?
The porn phenom illuminates the worst and most base in human nature.
and sorry to go all ACA here, but think of the kiddies.
Have you any idea what your 14 year old has seen on her friends iPhones? I’ll give you a hint – it’s not upskirt.
I shudder to think what a tender first engagement is like for (barely) consenting sixteen year old girls these days.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

I know a psychologist who has done a study into the sexual norms of Gen Y. Anal sex is considered an absolutely normal part of sex. Readily available porn on the internet is of course the reason why.

Takes all the fun out it, I think.

12 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

“Anal sex is considered an absolutely normal part of sex”

Not surprising, since it has always been a normal part of sex.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

For 17 year olds? I think not.

Yes, people have been having anal sex since the dawn of time, but it was once considered a taboo. Young people today don’t see it this way.

12 04 2010
loftie

I think its like everything Shirley M…

If the young think that they’re not supposed to be doing it… you can pretty much guarantee that they will try it…

Same goes for smoking, drinking, drugs, driving stupidly, unprotected sex, etc etc etc

If they knew that ‘everyone is doing it’ then it would surely slow down!

12 04 2010
vivisection

Shirley, all sex was taboo for unmarried couples once upon a time, didn’t mean it didn’t happen though.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Perhaps I didn’t make my point clear.

The young men of today expect that anal sex will naturally be a part of their sexual encounters. I’m not saying that having anal sex is a new phenomenon. Once upon a time, not too long ago, a young gallant would have to work hard to achieve this end. This does not appear to be the case today, as research into the matter would suggest.

12 04 2010
Jo

yes! it annoys me that its expected, sometimes they don’t even bother asking!

12 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

Shirl, this is 2010. Bjs are given in exchange for help with homework, or in exchange for a ride home from school. In some circles it’s the accepted form of introduction among new acquaintances. I’ll let your mind take you where it will about the rest.

12 04 2010
Jo

what kind of people are doing this?

12 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

Teenaged people, say, 12-16 y.o.

12 04 2010
12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. That has all the hallmarks of a moral panic. Remember rainbow parties? Of course not, because they never happened…

12 04 2010
fishmouse

I’m concerned by the number of men I’ve met who belive that they can just stick thier dick into an ass and go for it, no condoms, preliminary streatching or lube required.

Don’t they learn in school that the arse doesn’t self-lubricate or stretch like a vagina does?

27 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

Why was this not happening when I was a teenager less than a year ago?

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Yeah. I get it. And I don’t care.

12 04 2010
Sibyl Ince

Did I see you mention earlier that you’re a parent? If so you bloody well should care.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I think she has a son, so there’s no need really.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

It’s unclear to me what point, if any, you are trying to make.

13 04 2010
Julia

Unfortunately, it’s almost close to the truth. People my age and younger are so… cavalier about such things. I would normally agree with “anything between consenting anybodies” but, based on what I’ve heard, there’s normally one anybody who is not fully informed about what they’re doing and the ramifications. I’ve seen so many girls who have put out only to be publicly humiliated in the school yard the next day. Hell, even if you don’t there’s no getting away from it. Some clown had the nerve to post a page on his piczo site (all the rage back in ’06) that called me a “fridget (sic) bitch”, amongst other things. My crime? Refusing to suck his miniscule phallus. I was 13. As was he.
I tend not to discuss my sex life with anyone but most people know I have not had sex yet (I hate the word virgin, it makes me sound like a religious nutjob) because at school everyone knows everything about everyone else. Intriguingly. it’s always the rather bogueish girls who make occasional snide remarks about it. Never boys.

13 04 2010
Julia

oh, and that was supposed to have paragraph breaks in it, but they’re not showing up.

13 04 2010
Julia

oh and so sorry to reply again but this is showing up as a reply to a completely different post. this formatting is fooked.

13 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

everyone operates from self-interest. the snide remarks are just to validate their own behaviour.

beautifully put BTW 🙂
now go and do your homework!

13 04 2010
solange

Julia your beautiful post made me cry one tiny diamond tear of joy for the future.
May you grow up to be an Empress.

16 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

That is poetry.

25 10 2010
deck

a frigid one though

13 04 2010
AlyssaKT

You don’t sound like you need any encouragement from me, but I’m going to give it anyway. You should never feel ashamed of the title ‘virgin’ even though I remember what it was to own that label at school. I didn’t have sex until after I graduated, and even then it was to the wrong person.
Wait for as long as you want/need/have to. You’ll be happy you did.

Funny you should say that about the girls giving you a hard time. They probably secretly wish they could take back half/all the things they’ve done.
As for the boys, they’re probably either keeping in good favour with you, just in case… and/or are virgins themselves.

You sound like a very intelligent and confident young woman. Keep it up. As Solange touched on, you give us hope for the future 😀

10 12 2010
rilla

Shirley M – you are the ONLY person on this whole blog – who has intelligence 🙂 – peace to you sister 🙂 I can’t believe I actually found another synchronistic in this blog… Gen Y have been programmed this way to lose their spirit.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

onya sibyl,
at least the Egyptians, the Greeks and the Romans thought so thousands of years ago.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

‘Normal’ compared to what??

Sure, the adventurous may wish to try it. Some women (and men) may even enjoy it.
I’ve often heard that religious (?!) girls have had anal only before marriage, or girls fearful of pregnancy.

But surely it’s not ‘normal’.

If anal was better none of us would be here.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Hey Shirley, I was just wondering if your friend would have any information through their studies, on an increase in aggravated sex crimes among youths?
It would be interesting to find out if there has been a rise.

Or anyone else, if they have any information.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Not sure, Edna, but next time I see him I’ll find out.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Sorry Shirley, I should have thanked you earlier for responding so promptly.
So, Thank you.
🙂

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I’ve just been reading this today – http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/features/teenage-kicks-is-internet-porn-creating-a-damaged-generation-1938238.html
“There is every reason to condemn pornography as an industry when it coerces, drugs or enslaves its workers, but over a period of years, in many different regions, links between pornography users and sex crimes as well as negative attitudes towards women have been investigated, and at no time, in no region, have such links been found. Ann blanches with surprise when I tell her that research shows no causal link in adults between the use of pornography – even violent pornography – and sexual criminality; indeed, in some regions, increased access to pornography has been shown to be correlated with reduced incidences of sex crimes. Such findings are counter-intuitive, and few parents accept their validity.”

Perhaps there aren’t an increase in sex crimes because girls are being told this is normal and what she’s expected to do.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Thanks for that Alyssa.
I am too slack to bother to do any research of my own so I appreciate it.

It is encouraging to read.
What you say could well be true though.
Quite a complex issue really.

12 04 2010
Simon

Alyssa,

Very perceptive comment, as societies standards change where are the barriers, what is acceptable and what should be reported?

I think with this too much is being made acceptable that ladies may not be comfortable with but may feel obliged to allow.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yes I agree Simon.

The issues become more complex when pornography enters mainstream culture and joins forces with embedded stereotypes of female compliance and desirability as well as of adult male authority and sexual domination

I think it is this point in the article that worries me the most.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I think it’s always been that boys growing up have an insatiable desire to start having sex.
So too, girls are discovering what pleases them…

In times long past, there would only be a couple of teenage girls willing to indulge the boys (and a few more secretly doing so)…

Boys will always try, it’s always been up to the girl to decide (or bloody well should be).

Fast-forward 50 years and the sexualisation of girls has gotten to a point where 8 year olds are wearing padded bras and dancing in sexually provocative ways.
It’s now expected for girls to start having sex earlier and earlier – not the exception.

Girls should certainly be able to make their own decisions, free of sexist shackles of name-calling (e.g. sluts) controlling us.

But are our teens (and children) losing the innocent discovery of their sexualities? When teens are so desensitised to so many sex acts, is regular “making love” now becoming too “lame”???

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yes, beautifully put AlyssaKT.
I think discovering yourself should be a process.
There must be something lost in this xXxtreme exposure.

Somewhere a butterfly is burning.

12 04 2010
loftie

Chubby:”I shudder to think what a tender first engagement is like for (barely) consenting sixteen year old girls these days.”

16??? You give way too much credit…

Things are happening WAY younger than that…
I remember when my niece came to chat to my wife about things that were happening at parties etc that she wasn’t sure about (and she wouldn’t talk to her mother about)… and she had JUST gone 14 years old…

I needed a crane to lift my JAW from the floor…

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

just keeping it legal loftie

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I’m pretty sure anal isn’t legal until you’re over 18.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

There’s laws governing anal sex? (outside of Tasmania?)

What was that you were saying about the nanny state, TBL?

12 04 2010
martin

Meh. All the hot girls were banging by the time they were 13-14 at my school. I’m in my 30s. They turned out fine and aren’t whoring themselves, well, not in the full sense of the world anyway. He he. 🙂

12 04 2010
martin

Oops. I must be a bogan, I said world instead of word.

12 04 2010
Jo

yeah I thought that everyone my age began being sexually active at a lot younger age than generations before us, but then I read puberty blues…so your right, things haven’t really changed all that much.
I think its that a lot of television shows depicting teenagers very rarely accurately represents their sex lives, unlike “Skins” for example which was much more honest about what teenagers actually get up to

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Probably because they were knocked up by the time they were 18.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. With their 4th.

12 04 2010
martin

No. They weren’t knocked up by the time they were 18! From what I’ve seen on facebook they’re living like faux lesbian/hippies/sex-and-the-city-types or are a part of this new baby boom from the young gen x’ers.

They’re still fairly hot from what I’ve seen on facebook.

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Well if they’re “living like faux lesbian/hippies/sex-and-the-city-types”, It’s a safe bet they’re whoring themselves around after all. Just not for money.

12 04 2010
martin

Well I was more talking about the socially acceptable kind of whoring that most women do. Bogan or not.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I’m pretty certain. That’s also why it’s illegal for males under 18 to have homosexual sex…

12 04 2010
12 04 2010
big_fat_floppy_juloppies

I think it is sad to consider what “first time” must mean for teenagers these days.
I know that 13 year old boys at highschool are swapping hard core porn and not of the 1980’s variety.The porn makers took a healthy enough idea and have made it quite sick.

12 04 2010
anon

I know what a tender first encounter is for sixteen year olds and it’s not pretty. Where i come from a young girl is often shared between two guys or sometimes more (they get the idea from porn no doubt) . Poor girl has no idea and is just trying to fit in.

12 04 2010
loftie

Oh wow!

“The bogan female, meanwhile, has had the concept of x-treme anal normalised in her social group ever since Tiarnee said that her boyfriend promised her a Tiffany’s bracelet after she let him have a go at her arse. The bracelet has never been sighted.”

I can see this discussion around the half-44gallon drum at bogan parties every weekend…
And now every time I do see a Pandora bracelet… I’m gonna think that she gave in an took it ‘Greek Style’…

Or as Fiona put it… Tradesmans Entry from the Cashed-Up-Bogan Tradie!!

hahahah
ahahha

12 04 2010
Robbie

I LOL’d so loud in the office when reading this I drew the attention of half the company haha….very well written.

It’s so funny that once upon a time, if a straight male even hinted at ‘doing it up the arse’, they’d be labeled a fag yet now it seems every bogan and his bogue mate are talking about ‘pounding that sweet arse’.
btw…I hear these comments from other patrons at clubs…I don’t mix with them 😛

12 04 2010
dickhunter

So does this mean if you enjoy anal then you are considered a bogue now?

Is there anything left that bogans don’t like? Is drinking a can of coke a bogan thing as well? How about enjoying a simple walk..is that what bogans do?

I have thoroughly enjoyed most of your posts TBL – up until today, which i really think you are clutching at straws and it makes you and your readers come across as boring prudes.

Porn is enjoyed by almost everyone, those who scoff at pron are massive hipocrites. Yes i don’t just like anal sex, i love it and love rimming – judge me a bogan.

Where to start? First, soft drinks and anal sex are probably a fair few degrees apart, but that’s neither here nor there. If you choose to read the opening sentence, we make it quite clear that people can do whatever the hell they want with another consenting adult. We also suggest in our Hugh Hefner post that anyone – ourselves included – are partial to a bit of porn, and that’s OK. It’s when you start embracing the pornification of sex as the norm, and in the pursuit of the maxtreme experience, your default setting is effectively try to subject women to a spit roast because that’s what makes you feel extreme, that’s pretty fucked up. That said, anything between consenting anybodies. TBL

12 04 2010
common man

yes dickhunter tbl,s author,s ran out of idea,s some 50 post,s ago now it has become THINGS HIPPSTER,S THINK bogan,s like,, just to keep an audience anyone could find this subject in the kamasutra

12 04 2010
Will S

Everyone loves TBL – until it touches a raw nerve for them 😀

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “Touches a raw nerve”.

12 04 2010
BB
12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Stop linking that stupid book. it was clearly written to outrage the bogan horde.

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

always the ones who don’t understand it’s ‘things bogans like’ and not ‘if you do this you are bogan’.

12 04 2010
Sten

Indeed, cbf. It’s a matter of reading between the lines, but of late, I have noticed an influx of numbskulls who probably can barely read, let alone “between the lines”. They seem to come here expecting a “piss-take”, but are instead flummoxed by satire.

12 04 2010
Will S

When it comes to bogans, reality imitates satire!

12 04 2010
Sten

It does around here, at any rate, Will S.

12 04 2010
common man

well deer cbf an sten if that is satire im jerry springer

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

you are a springer guest though? right?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Of the most toothless sort.

12 04 2010
Sten

Well sure, they don’t come much more common than Springer. Tell me something I don’t know.

12 04 2010
common man

no will just the lame/bored nerve

12 04 2010
common man

so tbl,s future post on public servants failing the commuity an blogging all day will be outragous

13 04 2010
Robbie

maybe #125 could be ‘Common Man’….at least the bogue can understand his mindless jimberish!

12 04 2010
David Heslin

This is one of my favourite posts yet. Well done TBL!

12 04 2010
martin

So does this mean gay men are bogans?

12 04 2010
Jo

uhh…did you read the article?

12 04 2010
vivisection

You assume all gay have anal sex? Not so, recent studies show a decline in young gay men having anal sex. Like all groups of people, some gay men do, some gay men don’t have anal sex. Sexuality is as much about attraction as it is to the physical activities undertaken.

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

but I’ll bet the Den is chocka with (nominally ‘straight’) Bogues who do on any saturday night.

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

not to mention the beat scene.

“Just taking the dog for a walk Honey…”

12 04 2010
vivisection

But not all gay men use beats and sex on premises venues. to say they do is an assumption, like all swinging straight couples loll about in hot tubs at key swap parties… I’m not denying that many gay men have anal sex, but not all do.

If you look at the research results on gay mens sexual behaviour the results indicate that most younger gay men don’t do anal – most likely because of the change in culture from the 70’s bath houses and advent of HIV in the 80’s. (I work in a sexual health clinic and have access to such research)

Homophobes like to pigeon hole all gay men as butt-fuckers as it is an easy way to deride and torment, when the reality is that anal sex is probably more prevalent in the “straight” community these days.

That said, everyone know the quickest way to get a staright guy to cum is a well placed pinky in the stinky. Any tranny hooker will tell you that 🙂

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Viv. sorry. I meant no offense of any kind.
Go Team Rainbow!

*grin*

oh fuck…
that was so lame..
*shuffling away*

20 04 2010
CT

If a male is getting pleasured by ‘tranny hookers’ he is not a straight man.

CT

12 04 2010
vivisection

Straight to bed and straight on top of a cock kinda straight?

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I think when people hear that they presume the men who aren’t are the givers, rather than the takers. But yes, I know what you’re saying to be true as I know gay guys who have done neither (and others who do both).

12 04 2010
Andrew

as a female friend once told me, if there is blood on the highway, take the dirt track.

12 04 2010
Muz

FOF!

Andrew, I’ll beat that.

Here’s a good story for a wedding telegram. Though Eddie is a bit dated for the younger folk.

‘Here’s a wedding telegram from Eddie Charlton….If the red is obstructing the pink, pot the brown.’

Heard it once at a wedding. Stunned silence for half a second ’til everyone realised what had just been said and then an absolute uproar of laughter.

GOLD!

May not get away with that sort of thing any more in these PC times.

FOF!

12 04 2010
Mezz

That’s great!!

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

“May not get away with that sort of thing any more in these PC times.”
…unless at a bogan wedding, of course

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Hanging out here is much like being in a Psychology 101 lecture surrounded by self-diagnosers.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Psyc101 is just a fill in for people that dont know what they realy want to do. approx 70% failure rate/drop out rate. and the pass mark to get some through is so low it is meani8ngless.

12 04 2010
Robbie

oh Andrew…your comment is fucken hillarious LOL!!!

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

“An Intellectual is someone who has discovered something more interesting than sex.” Aldous Huxley.

12 04 2010
Steve

So all women are intellectuals? 🙂

12 04 2010
James Hunter

No Steve,
about the same ratio of intellectuals to assholes as there are with men.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Steve is confused now because he hasn’t found any women who like to have sex (with him).

12 04 2010
Steve

No, I was making a joke referencing that generally speaking men think about sex much more than women.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

I believe your joke was perpetuating the idea that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men (or at all). When really, it’s often just the men they’re with annoying them, not listening or contributing and generally being dickheads that puts the woman off.
🙂

12 04 2010
Steve

Those things put men off too, but that doesn’t stop us wanting to have sex with you. Which comes back to the original point of women having sex on the brain less, not about enjoying it less.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
and the counter offer is:
“Oscar Wilde”
“Any preoccupation with ideas of what is right or wrong in conduct shows an arrested intellectual development.”

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

“do what thou wilt shalt be the whole of the Law” Aleister Crowley.

freestyle!
yeah. straight off my dome… Boyeee!!!

I don’t even gots to look that shit UP!

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

The Great Beast MotherF@ckas!

12 04 2010
Heh

1 Man 1 Jar, that is all. 😀

12 04 2010
uberalles

Anal sex is wunderbar and most here have missed the point.

There is a big difference between doing it WITH someone and doing it TO someone. And yeah the reference to a woman doing anal for a pandora bracelet is spot on: Mrs. Uberalles has told me one of her friends has told her man: “Once you give me a ring, I’ll give you my ring.” *shudder*

Problem is just because me and Mrs. Uberalles have anal on occasion and we both enjoy it, I don’t want to be labeled as some misogynist. After all, the biggest turn for a straight man should be a woman who wants you – something the vast majority of male bogans have never had (a woman who can tolerate a man doesn’t count) and so have no idea about.

12 04 2010
uberalles

Hmm, thinking about it a little more actually, and could it be because little bogan Daryn remembers how Mum and her boyfriend would always be fighting, with Mum calling “Danny” an arsehole flat out. Now as a grown man Daryn just has a hatred of arseholes?

12 04 2010
HappyFriend

Judging by the amount of bogans who feel insulted by this and other posts, I would say TBL is consistantly ‘spot on’ in its identification of what is ‘bogan’. Keep up the good work. Brilliant post.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Exactly 😀

12 04 2010
common man

insulted an disgusted are two different statements

12 04 2010
Shirley M

So are you bored, or are you disgusted?

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. If he knew what it meant, he’d got for “titillated” I suspect.

12 04 2010
SD

I am missing Tombarina’s erudite comments.

12 04 2010
Tombarina

Tombarina wasn’t game to contribute to this sticky (ch-boom) debate at work!

12 04 2010
SD

Welcome back! Ah well hopefully tomorrow’s post is more SFW and we get to read you again!

12 04 2010
Bam

If the river runs red, take the dirt track instead.

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

we’re also missing the “tell your mates” angle on this too. In my day, a decent tea bagging had to be photographed. Or what was the point? Ditto a well executed hot Karl. For a “rodeo” your mates had to be present These days of MMS make sex tricks a breeze! We would have to wait two days to get the photo’s back.

(I’ll point out here that I actually learnt these things in the military about 20 years ago, and the funny thing was they were all tricks played on men. The original donkey punch joke circa 1985 was ‘you’re fucking your mate up the arse and you say his name, when he turns back to look at you…’ Hey! don’t judge me Pal. When the air turns to lead and any moment could be your last You might wanna get a last shot off too. shitting on your mates back was a given if he passed out drunk and face down.
There was nothing remotely sexual about it.
apart from the obvious homo-erotic angle.
where this stuff crossed over into common parlance I don’t know. a donkey punch is so absolutely outrageous it should be IOTTMCO that it’s not meant to be taken seriously. Like Rape Wig or Bloodfart. I was staggered to watch a movie and see some wacky teens enacting the fucking thing! And on a woman apparently!!!
I mean WTF???

where is the common d*g fuck common sense in this?

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

oh chubby!

you just crack me up with your wacky anecdotes and zany styles!

12 04 2010
Sammie

Bogan friend of mine bought his wife a ‘butt plug’ for her birthday so she could ‘practice’ before HIS birthday. LOL. That was too much information!

On another note though, you guys have to stop calling women who enjoy sex ‘sluts’. Aren’t we all of a high enough intelligence to discriminate on that level? Yes we hate bogans. We hate them because they are a growing minority who are ruining our country. But women who enjoy sex for please should not be discriminated against. After all there is no male equivalent. I am female, I absolutely love sex, I’ve tried anal (all this with my husband) so does this make me slutty?

12 04 2010
Simon

Sammie, bogans have ceased being a minority, sad to say.

12 04 2010
Sammie

But bogans display a lot of characteristics of minority groups. Like always feeling that they are discriminated against, not getting a fair go, not enough opportunities (to make them the celebrities they so desire to be) and then they retaliate in anger using mob tactics. I admit they are a fast growing minority group but Australia’s not being over-run by them yet (Brisbane maybe, but not the whole county)

10 12 2010
rilla

exactly, w.suburbs/ ‘nulla bogans, st. kilda bogans,vic CBD + toorak bogans & qld country CUB’s have infested this place. I’m going to work in the states for a few until China fails & the CUB’s (but really most of you) are deleveraged. Back to the suburbs/hills/caves/holes (Toorak)/swamps they emerged from. In fact stick ’em all in VIC, no-one who matters much, ever came from there or gives a shit about it. Fiona can be the literal queen of the bogues instead of the figurative.

12 04 2010
common man

sammies on drugs or pmsing bogans dont have powerfull jobs or money to influence much at all an as for picking on a useless lesser group for fun thats another story im sure you can figure the rest out

12 04 2010
Sammie

I find your bad spelling and grammar extremely offensive despite the fact everyone else here seems to love you for it. A true non-bogan learns to write properly…

12 04 2010
Shirley M

I don’t know who has led you to believe that we all love common man’s atrocious writing skills.

We don’t.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I don’t love him for it.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Are you quite mad? He’s the most despised thing around here.

12 04 2010
common man

love or hate your still fans lol geez i love being dr house of this sick ward

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The likeness doesn’t totally hold. House is a physical cripple.

12 04 2010
common man

yes my slow DEAR but his shock jock tactics still brings in the fans LOL

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
you see we do have common ground one may say.
‘Though if we grind common man i know not to what purpose the grounds may be put ?

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

All we loved was laughing at his jibberish. And that is most definitely past tense.

12 04 2010
Will S

We should probably call Ward 7 and get them to take him home now…

12 04 2010
James Hunter

I think Electro Convulsive Therapy would be the go.
Just keep turning the voltage up until the noise stops.?

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I condemn him also!

12 04 2010
common man

cbf you shoundt take your emoction,s answer to heart as fi did its called satire just your the victim instead of the unfortunate bogan

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I don’t know…
suomi?

is it?
eerrr….

12 04 2010
Sten

I actually find it very hard to put him back in his place, as I obviously don’t speak whatever variety of pidgin he seems to use as a native language. I’m sure if I understood what he was saying (or even had the patience to understand), I’d be firing with ease the broadsides Fi and the others do.

12 04 2010
Sten

Agreed. It’s not really anyone else’s business how many partners an individual (male or female) has/had. As long as nobody gets hurt, what’s the problem?

12 04 2010
Will S

To quote Roy Zimmerman: “If you’re two consenting adults, (and which of us isn’t), it’s nobody’s business who you love, where you love, what equipment you might use. It’s interesting, but it’s nobody’s business… Actually, the equipment is somebody’s business.”

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Like it Will.
I like it a lot!!!

12 04 2010
Shirley M

Yes, it does make you slutty.

What’s wrong with being a slut, though? Embrace it, I say.

12 04 2010
AlyssaKT

next you’ll be asking us if this makes you a bogan.

Nothing you described makes you a slut.

12 04 2010
Sammie

*for pleasure…. ah so sorry guys!

12 04 2010
Simon

I just heard a song on the radio (3D radio) by Colostomy Bag Woman called Don’t Touch Me There, strangely appropriate really. But the real question everyone wants to ask is

Did Fev to this to Bingle?

Me, I’m just happy my wife wants to make love with me. No interest in the chocolate highway.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You are right to “just be happy” your wife wants to make love with you Simon. Anything more for you would just be reaching.

12 04 2010
Simon

Harsh Fi Harsh.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. But fair. 🙂

12 04 2010
Simon

Ouch.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. That’s what she said… 😐

12 04 2010
Simon

Only the first time!

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Did she treat you good afterwards?

12 04 2010
Simon

Like the god of love that I am.

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Oh, I’m so sorry. A boys first time should be special. Have to walk home did you?

12 04 2010
Simon

Ok, I give up, you win Fi. Me strong like Bull!

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
was it a case of
“opps darling. I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?
You moved!!”

12 04 2010
Simon

Pleasure and Pain Jimmie.

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

fev? of course he did!
prob’ly on the first night.
prob’ly in the dunnies at the restaurant
or wherever they met..
carpark?

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

“Colostomy Bag Woman”?
“Don’t Touch Me There”

Surely not!
It’s a fuckin’ joke right?

14 04 2010
Simon

Nope Edna, true story (hand on heart).

14 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Dang!

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

colostomy bag woman!

ROFL:ROFL:LOL:ROFL:ROFL
______|_____
L / \
LOL=== []\
L \______________\
| |
————-/

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

aaah fuck!
my roflcopter crashed!

14 04 2010
Simon

Chub, Chub, you alright buddy?

12 04 2010
John Egan

For the love of god Fiona, stop saying LOL!!!!!

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No.

12 04 2010
Tim

My worst bogan friends on Facebook end everything with LOL. You’d think someone who has studied the Classics would have a better command of language!

12 04 2010
common man

FOF.Mr/ms penelope

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

it’s a well trialled literary device John.

12 04 2010
Peter

Semi-LOL…

12 04 2010
hel

Does all this anal mean soon Bylinda, Tiarnna, Kirstee and Mikaylliah will be sitting about discussing the new Ed Hardy anal leakage pads? On an interesting side note, I just yesterday saw an advert for Ed Hardy “tattoo tights” for the femme bogue who wants the thrill of heavily tattooed legs without the pain of the needle. Lord help us.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

ugh!
anal leakage pads?
That just made my anal sphincter pucker

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. In that case, you don’t need them.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Hoorah!!!

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Edna, you do realise that you have two anal sphincters? external and approx 30/40 mm further in the internal one.
thought that if you were going to use strange impliments and bondage to further your research the knowledge would be useful.

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Yes James, I do realise.
Now I would prefer to not discuss my anal sphincters anymore.

12 04 2010
Mark

asphinctersayswhat?

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

nice try Mark

: )

14 04 2010
Simon

Pffftttt

12 04 2010
Tombarina

Amongst the carnage that was today’s post, someone finally HAD to go too far.

Yes, Hel. I’m talking to you…and you know why.

Tattoo tights. I could cope with all the botty hijinks earlier up the page, but tattoo tights REALLY is a bridge too far. Especially when further investigation reveals they’re also available as sleeves: http://www.fcbd.com/catalog/images/tights_tattoo_arms.gif

It makes me a very sad panda.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
You sweet lady ,do not know the half of it !
Not only can you have the tattoo tights and the tattoo sleeves but the matching tattoo tee shirt.
Maybe not your style? doubt if Fiona would go for it either though thinks,thinks, it may make her shudder !!he he.
but how about we fit out common man in the full set ??

12 04 2010
common man

jh leave your obsession for fi i loathe you both an taatoo,s

12 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I assure you madam that the feeling is more than mutual.

12 04 2010
common man

LOL.no an no because this is the 2nd time you have missed my john laws persona

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Hey common man,
are you an illiterate Bukowski?

13 04 2010
Shirley M

Don’t go bringing Bukowski into this now, Edna.

13 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes, that really WOULD be a “bridge too far”.

13 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

My apologies ladies.

I was channeling Bukowski myself at the time.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

commonman ,
you have a persona?
who did you steal it from?

12 04 2010
common man

shame,shame,shame jh stick to loving dwayne from frankstonLOL.

12 04 2010
Sten

James, can’t we just fit him for concrete overshoes and heave him into Botany Bay? It’d be cheaper than the Ed Hardy Tattoo Gimp Suit.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Sten,
Great Idea except, what the fuck has Botany Bay done? my god Fi would be proud of me, I just wrote that and only smiled just a tiny bit !!

12 04 2010
common man

sorry sten but wordpress does need radical help to lift their sad ratings up from 17th hence why it needs bogues an nan,s new age nerds to help the hipsters gain napster like popularity

13 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

Hey Common man, I asked you a question dude!

12 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Can you imagine it?
Getting all hot and heavy, hand reaches down.
“ah, what’s that?”
“Oh, that’s just my Ed Hardy Anal leakage Pad”

HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

12 04 2010
MattB

Jeeeee-zus. So horrible, yet, one would assume, right on the money. Does no-one stop to think, these days, that to do someone with force up the khyber is an inherently violent act? Our porn soaked, bogan infested society gives me the shivers.

12 04 2010
common man

pull your head out we cant see the sun?

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

y’know, I always think your avatar looks a bit like a sort of two headed dude. on a blue sky. y’know?

12 04 2010
common man

no i dont i come here for my sci-fi fix

12 04 2010
Sten

Who said anything about sci-fi?

Oh, the poor thing. This must be what happens when conjoined twins share a brain.

12 04 2010
James Hunter

Sten,
Oh NO,
that would make him an uncommon man !
Thinks, thinks again, Hmmm yes good point.

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

yees…
that’s it!

conjoined. thankyou.
there’s something about ‘cousins’ here, but I can’t quite articulate it.

12 04 2010
Sten

Yes indeed, cbf! I think we now have a workable hypothesis to explain common man’s origins! His parents were obviously cousins! Ah, it all becomes so clear!

12 04 2010
Tone

I have to say that the only time I ever went out with a femme bogue (I was young, foolish and incredibly horny) suggested that we do anal. I politely declined.

That relationship lasted 6 weeks, but we did it 46 times. For the maths fans, that an average of 1.095 times a day. I qualify this by saying I was 17 at the time and I was kind tired of taking target practice into a sock, so I just hopped on the first bike I could find and gave it a ride until I decided that I’d had enough.

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

well bravo Sir.

well.
I think you should get some sort of prize.

yes.
very good.

12 04 2010
brad

your a machine i says, a machine,sounds like it was better than your first blow job,where-upon you just gargled.

12 04 2010
Peter

I’ll tell you one thing, Tone, if i ever went out with the fair Fiona we’d raise your average to 2.75 (times a day).

12 04 2010
Topcrumpet

Ever get the feeling that the regular commenters on this page are lower rung public servants?

Ever get the feeling that some commenters on this page are high school English teachers with an inexorable resentment of their lack of influence on the other side of the school gate? TBL

12 04 2010
Sten

Speaking for myself, no. I don’t get paid nearly that well.

12 04 2010
common man

shhhh the truth hurts

12 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

more the idle riche,
I’d always assumed.

right gang?
*yay*

13 04 2010
Bec

Hey, TBL, I resemble that remark!

12 04 2010
Nigel

“The women’s movement of the 60s transformed the world’s ideas of how to do the deed. Pleasuring women became equally important to pleasuring the man.”

Doesn’t this smack of cultural imperialism from the author? There are other societies on this planet that placed value on a female orgasm before we the well educated Western overlords.

13 04 2010
AlyssaKT

And others who sought to eradicate it altogether with female circumcision/genital mutilation. And who still do.

13 04 2010
brad

not too forget the barbaric act of male circumcision that some cultures still practice as part of their religious tradition.

13 04 2010
AlyssaKT

Yes. Male circumcision doesn’t stop the man from experiencing any pleasure and orgasm though.

13 04 2010
brad

i know this AlyssaKT,it is apples and oranges,but the shame of having 2 millimeters taken off said length can be devastating!

13 04 2010
AlyssaKT

It’s apples and orangutans.
It’s done to males for (misguided?) reasons about cleanliness and religion.
It’s done to females to ensure they never feel sexual pleasure (hence are less likely to stray from their husbands), in unsanitory environments by other women who have no medical training. It often kills.

“Female genital mutilation comprises all procedures involving partial or total removal of the external female genitalia or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons. It has no health benefits and harms girls and women in many ways.
It involves removing and damaging healthy and normal female genital tissue, and hence interferes with the natural function of girls’ and women’s bodies. The practice causes severe pain and has several immediate and long-term health consequences, including difficulties in childbirth.”
http://www.who.int/topics/female_genital_mutilation/en/

14 04 2010
Laura

I spoke too soon in just commenting below….there IS something more sickening than hypocritical, homophobic bogan twats, and it’s this hideous practice. UGH ALREADY.

10 12 2010
rilla

sorry but you are really dumb. FGM does not exist! it’s the same as simply trimming the labia (something you probably did under plastic surgery). But you must decry those foul brown demons and their foul brown practices – from that place you saw on ACA/TT last night. Contrastingly male circumcision removes a part of the male pleasure organ, reduces width (pleasure for female) and creates extreme fear and torment in the newly born child [and is unnatural]. But since, bogans like you deem it OK for men to be traumatized from birth, it will continue unabated.

10 12 2010
beeb

Are you JOKING ?
Is this some sort of spouting of what a typical bogan would think ?

10 12 2010
AlyssaKT

Excuse me?

I don’t agree with either male or female circumcision.

Don’t dare to begin to believe that I would base any opinion on something I saw on ACA or T/T – or even have an opinion without researching it first.

You’re a moron for not believing FGM exists. They often CUT OUT their clitoris you silly twat.

You shouldn’t comment on blogs when you’re drunk.

And I doubt Shirley will be pleased that you find her “synchronistic” with you.

10 12 2010
James Hunter

AlyssaKT,
Me I am male circumcised and agree with it but rilla gorilla is most profoundly misinformed on both male and especially female circumcision.I have seen examples of female circumcision in malaysia and in any form it is abhorant and in the more extreme leves girls incontinent and subject to comstant infections. That is with out mentioning the pain.Not just the agong of having it done but the continuing pain cause by exposed nerves, unyielding scar tissue causes painful intercourseas well. .
people like rilla should go educate themselves. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

13 04 2010
right and proud

This guy some mates of mine know is a heartless sex-hound, and on his computer he (apparently) had all these porn pics of him fucking his girlfriend saved in iPhoto under the discreet title of ‘SEX PICS’ (capital letters too!). There was one folder titled ‘First time anal’ and according to my mate it had pics taken from this blokes’ p.o.v during the act, and a picture of her, ummmm, gaping hole after the act.

All I can say is that if you are a young woman who lives in Sydney and you meet a half-Jamaican guy named Steve who drives a Falcon XR6 turbo and he invites you back to his crib, you should run. Run far away! You REALLY don’t want to hit that up!

13 04 2010
brad

Thanks for the tip homme

14 04 2010
Laura

I live in Melbourne, and am now glad for it!

13 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

I, for one, I hope we can crawl back out of the gutter today.
We can go back to laughing at how bogans don’t know how to say Van Gogh and stuff.

14 04 2010
Laura

Haha, this is mint.

There’s one thing that’s more maddening and sickening than a homophobic bogan twat, and that’s a hypocritical homophobic bogan twat.

14 04 2010
Od1um

It’s bad enough that bogans are illiterate, sub-moronic apes with a vicious streak as long as the Great Dividing Range. Now they’re also perverse, borderline-rapists. Anal sex truly is a sickening practice, unsanitary and violatory, that only ever flowers in a decadent society. Gay men at least have the excuse of fewer options. Hets have nothing. Time to put an end to this particular playtime.

14 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Didn’t enjoy your time in prison, Od1um?

14 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
Maybe he was odd man out?

14 04 2010
Laura

LOL indeed, Fi!

Od1um, that’s your opinion. You shouldn’t declare it as if it were fact; that would be bogue.

While it’s not my cup of tea, I certainly don’t think there’s anything wrong with anal, especially for gay men who are indeed more limited with their orifice options.

I’m with TBL, though, re. their premise concerning the repugnance of the bogue’s misogynistic, maxtreme, porntastic “here it is, get at it, ho”, “gays aren’t allowed to, but I’m xtreme and can” attitudes towards sex.

14 04 2010
AlyssaKT

We don’t hear from you enough, Laura 🙂

14 04 2010
Tombarina

Agree, AKT.
Laura, post more!

15 04 2010
Laura

Hehe, will try, m’dears! 🙂

I always thoroughly enjoy your respective posts. In fact, Tombarina, earlier today a comment of yours (which escapes me now) made me giggle out loud, drawing looks from people around me, hehe. I think TBL seriously need to recruit you as a writer! 🙂

14 04 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Odd man out… of soap, mayhaps?

14 04 2010
James Hunter

Fi, I think your on the money there.
You may just be making a clean sweep as well.

1 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi ,re,
onobog(sic)
he holds gun to his own head,
he playsRussian roulette with one bullet in a pistol. Thinks, Or is that Irish roulette ?

10 01 2011
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I found myself thinking about my greatest accomplishments this morning.

No matter what I think of, I can’t get past #3 as being “having #124 on the back of my mate’s old ute with my boguette ex girlfriend.”

I don’t know whether to feel ashamed of the act or ashamed that I consider this my third greatest achievement. (The first two are quite bogan as well, but this is the most).

27 04 2011
JD

I have a semi-bogan friend who bragged about sticking his thumb up the butt of a girl he picked up one night.

When he settled down with his now wife, he was asked (jokingly of course) if he’d performed said action on her as it had become such an overused tale.

His response? ‘you don’t do that sort of thing to your wife, only to some cheap slut you pick up and don’t care about’

2 10 2011
Flockoff

What a load of crap! While the nature and use of porn these days is no doubt negative/damaging – anal is a perfectly normal and pleasurable sexual act between consenting adults and has been practised since humans were humans – ie long before pornography let alone ‘anal destruction IV’ was around. If you don’t like it, don’t do it- but accept that you are probably a prude or simply not adventurous rather than branding those who do enjoy a bit of bum loving.

27 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

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