“Indie Rock?” I hear you ask…”surely not!” But alas, the bogan, or at least a small subset of the bogan – the same subset that brings Kings of Leon to the top of the Hottest 100, no doubt – are broadening their musical reach. These trendsetting bogans are on a mission, a mission to appear cool to bogans everywhere by unveiling to those bogans new music that has been publicly available for at least six months.
This year, sometime around November, these bogans will seek out, say, LCD Soundsystem, or perhaps Vampire Weekend. They will regale their less enlightened compatriots with the sheer awesomeness of this new band that has four full length albums and countless production credits. To build their credibility beyond all doubt, they will attend the gig when the band comes out over summer. And they will sing along heartily.
But only to the choruses.
The bogan, lacking sufficient attention span, or genuine desire, to listen to a song more than five times, will decide that it will suffice to learn the words to the chorus or main hook of the band’s lead single, and rehearse a rousing rendition. This rendition will be offered, pro bono, to other fans at the band’s gig. Come the first line of the second verse of ‘One Crowded Hour’, however, the bogan trails off in pool of mumbling incoherence. Bored now with the verse-y bits it does not know, it turns to its less-cool friend it brought and begins a conversation about how wasted it is, with little regard for those who may enjoy the verse-y bits.
When the band has exhausted the three songs JJJ has played, the bogan’s boredom reaches the threshold where going to the bar is the only option. In its clueless and blustering shove-through to the bar, the bogan bumps into some hapless hipster, who’s busy trying to look as if he’s only there because he was on the door. The hipster drops his Leffe Blonde, and tries to look annoyed, bored and non-threatening at the same time. Unfortunately, he cannot avoid rolling his eyes, and that’s enough for the bogan, who takes a swing and is consequently turfed out by security and barred for life. By morning, this story has transformed itself into an epic tale where the bogan took on five Maori security guards and won, then went home with a corporate lawyer-cum-lingerie model. Oh, after he saw an awesome, cred-inducing gig of indie rock.