#117 – Pandora Bracelets

31 03 2010

In Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman, whom each God helped create by giving a unique gift. Unaware of this, millennia later, the female bogan strives to match her uniqueness, constantly on the hunt for new ways to express her individuality… of course it could never do anything that would make it stand out too much from the crowd…

Enter Pandora. Launched in Denmark in 1982 by some clever Danish guy, Pandora jewellery appeals to the female bogan’s love of shiny things, addictive consumption habits and ongoing quest for homogenous distinctiveness. For the uninitiated, Pandora sells relatively simple, affordable bracelets, which are fitted with ‘charms,’ little hoopy things coming in various shapes, sizes and materials.

The Pandora bracelet is perfect for the modern female bogan. Everyone has one, but they’re all ‘totally unique’ and representative of the bogan’s deepest inner desires. Like getting another lamewad charm. Even better, it is now associated with the bogan’s FAVOURITE FILM EVER, Avatar. A non-bogan understands subtlety and restraint, but the female bogan will always take things to the x-treme. It purchases charm after charm for its bracelet, adding a new one any time its credit card is accepted. The gold bracelet ($1700) is too expensive, so a silver one ($90) is selected.

A silver heart to show its passion, a silver Aquarius because of its love of horoscopes, a flower, a lucky horse shoe, a little froggy, a crucifix, a Buddha, an owl, a letter M, an angel, a baby pram, a teddy, a special gold heart, a high heel shoe, a “best friends”, another flower, another flower, another flower, a swirly thing, a puzzle piece, a peace sign, a car, and a round thing with a dangly ball. The femme-bogue’s quest is aided by her friends, family and other half, with Pandora charms a convenient, affordable ($30+) and relatively thoughtless gift for her birthday, 21st birthday or anniversary.

A year later, the female bogan pauses to view the purchased DNA that is no longer in fashion, blissfully oblivious to the fact that the tacky piece of jewellery dangling from her wrist cost approximately $1900 to assemble. But every bogan agrees that this is a smaller price to pay than not being x-tremely unique and glamorous.


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690 responses

21 09 2010
Fence sitter

Correcting simple grammar is bogan as anything. It is the intellectual throne of the simpleton. This act has justified many government workers’ pay cheques for years.

21 09 2010
James Hunter

Fence sitter,
I admire your position.

4 10 2010
Silverback

The bogans rut like horny stags at the thought of Pandora.
“I seen it at Highpoint”

21 03 2011
CatherineM

I have always hated Pandora bracelets/charms with a passion, much to the amusement of my husband. Now it has been made clear, I understand succinctly.

5 01 2012
Pandora charms

Well, looks like I am a tipical modern female bogan, because I just looove Pandora bracelets! 🙂

7 01 2012
James Hunter

Everyone is good for something !

1 01 2013
E. DYE

Everyone may be good for something, but, Pandora bracelets are certainly bad for us all. Just the jingle of those over priced pieces of crap makes me cringe. There was a reason Pandora was told to stay away from the box.

25 01 2015
jimmy626

I have to disagree on this one myself. You can own a Pandora bracelet and yet not be a bogan, my mum owns one and she only adds a charm that is tasteful and if she can fit the cost into the monthly budget.

10 03 2016
Lili

Brilliantly written! This Pandora crap drives me crazy!

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