#116 – Doing Their Back In

30 03 2010

The bogan loves doing things to itself. To the xtreme. And without any prior knowledge of how to actually do them. This ambitious incompetence runs the gamut of most bogan activities, ranging from killing things to lifting things, with it ultimately and inevitably, doing its back in. And then pulling a sickie. While the non-bogan populace is content with accepting the limitations of its vertebrae and employing ergonomically sound lifting techniques, the bogan is infallible to pain. Or logic. In the same vein as it defiantly wears thongs in winter as a display of its unerring machismo, the bogan never needs any help. Be it lifting a 150 kg fridge onto a mate’s trailer using only its lumbar muscle and not bending its knees or merrily wrestling its friend after a slab of Slate cans. Either way, its lower back will experience unprecedented pain, giving it plenty of ammunition to call in sick the following day.

Of course, the bogan’s injuries have to necessarily be acquired while doing something incredibly extreme, like having sex in a toilet cubicle or asphalting the driveway on a 40 degree day. The fact that it may have haemorrhaged a few spinal cord discs means nothing to the bogan. As long as it can loudly brag about how Tarnee went off and nearly cracked her skull against the toilet bowl or how amazing its new X-T-R-E-M-E D-I-Y decking project turned out, it is painfully happy. Suddenly, Trevor the overfed staffie, lunges at the bogan with all its overwalked canine might, thus resulting in maxxtreme displacement of its back.

Nothing satisfies the bogan’s sadistic appetite like acquiring an injury at work. And then claiming insulting amounts of money through workers compensation. Because knows its rights. Even though the bogan back came undone while proving to a co-worker that a Snickers bars may be extracted from the vending machine by simply tilting it at a slight angle. After kicking up a fuss about workplace safety and securing 3 months of paid leave, it will proceed to plan a family vacation to the closest and largest river basin. For 3 days of petrol consuming activities that require a fully functional back. However, the mercurial bogan mind failed to account for the fact that it’s running the risk of being accosted by the mavericks from Today Tonight/A Current Affair, only to be ridiculed by their bogan peers nationwide.


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263 responses

30 03 2010
fishmouse

At long last, mentions of that bogan grail, compo.

Thankyou, another great entry.

30 03 2010
JimC

Yeah, ‘Compo’ could be its own entry.

But this article perfectly illustrates the bogan’s utter disregard for common sense or consideration for its weights, age or physical fitness. Especially when there are mates to impress and heavy objects to move.

Very funny entry, TBL.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

I think this is a “compo” entry…

I am guilty of all of the above. (Gimme a break I spent my tender youth in the military.) except the compo of course.

Why, just yesterday I got a nasty sunburn and belted my thumb with a hammer building a shade house for Nanna Rose.

It really smarts.

30 03 2010
Jo

Indeed, I knew a bogan who had “The Just Group” (company that owns Just Jeans, Jay Jay’s, Dotti, and various other shitty bogan clothing stores) paying him compo for about 6 months until they finally decided they would risk it and fire him. His claim was that working in Just Jeans gave him “panic attacks”, and he found some quack to confirm this even though his metal problems were glaringly obvious way before he even began working for the company, of course the Just Group didn’t know that, poor schmucks. What a douche.

30 03 2010
pinky has a brain

That’s so shit. It makes me really pissed.

30 03 2010
Laura

Compo is bogan, yep. 😛 (Particularly when the boguesters go cry to Naomi and co. on TT or ACA seeking it…)

Trevor, the overfed staffie — mm-hmm, yep. Bogues overdo everything, they sure do. And, is it just northern ‘burb bogues, or a general bogue thing, to bestow their pets with people names? I’ve always hated that, always seen it as insulting to the animal, unless, perhaps, it’s a plain old “Harry” or “Bob”. I know so many bogans in my neck of the woods with human-moniker animals. “Jasmine”, “Taylor”…(or, more likely, “Taylah”, I suppose), “Kurt”, and “Hannah” and myriad other people names are not worthy, in my honest opinion. At the risk of sounding a li’l misanthropic, even us non-bogues are compleeetely inferior to our animal friends, and, call me nit-picky, but I so despise these bogans insisting on the anthropomorphism of their pets.

Excuse the mini-rant, but I’ve dealt with bogans all frigging day long, and, as one of those animal lib nutters, have dealt with some heinous animal cruelty cases courtesy of fucking BOGUES.

Gah, they all needa be glassed. The c*nts!

Top article, TBL.

30 03 2010
Shirley M

I think Trevor is an awesome name for a dog. Particularly for a staffie.

30 03 2010
Simon

Given that Bogans no longer use real names for people then I think they are fine for dogs. My dog however is called Richo.

30 03 2010
Shirley M

My (female) dog is called George. My mother in law has a budgie that she named ‘budgie’. We often look after it when she is away so I have renamed it ‘Gavin’.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

I see your Gavin, and I raise you.
Friends of mine had cats named Helicopter and Dennis.

30 03 2010
Shirley M

Ha! Fantastic names.

However, if I can teach Gavin to say his name that will be hilarious.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Very true.
We didn’t have much luck with Helicopter.

30 03 2010
Sten

My friends have a cat called Maggie… short for Magnesium. Needless to say, she was adopted.

Oh, and my friends are definitely NOT Bogan.

30 03 2010
James

My daughter has a goldfish called Fluffy.

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

I wish to call my future dog Mr Squiggle. Squiggy for all non-formal occasions. When I pat his belly I’ll say “upside-down, upside-down”

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

“Upside down Miss Jane!”

31 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

aaaww!

31 03 2010
Kate

I have a kitten called Trevor. And he has as much terror as a staffie.

2 05 2010
Chloe

I once owned a cat I called Gary. WINNER

30 03 2010
pinky has a brain

i have 4 cats motech, Custard, Rhubarb, and Oscar. 😀

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

My late cat was Joey – because he was a brown Burmese who loved to hop around.
His formal breeding name was Chi-Lang Armani Brown (the breeder have me the choice between Armani and Samson – seemed as easy choice) but he was never given the breeding option…

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

A mate had a goat called Goater and a dog called Dogger.

30 03 2010
ant

Goater is an excellent name for a Goat. There’s a goat in our road, lives on the roadside, and I call him Goaty but I bet his name is really Goater.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Names Goats Give Themselves:

“I am Goater! the Chewer of many Things and Watcher of The Roadside.”

nod to Gary Larsen

16 01 2011
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx and Self-Titled Assistant Glasser at Arms

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

hahaha simon!
My FemBully is called Nuts.

dogs are the best people.
no matter what anyone else thinks she is always happy to see me.
…and I can be pretty hard work.

😀

30 03 2010
Simon

That reminds me the Slap Chop ad is back on TV with the classic line “You’re gonna love my nuts”. Done by the same bloke who does Shamwow.

30 03 2010
Sten

His name is Vince Offer. He used the Shamwow and Slap Chop to fund what is possibly the worst movie of all time (yes, that includes Plan 9 from Outer Space and The Giant Claw)… it’s called The Underground Comedy Movie.

30 03 2010
Simon

Is that a stage name?

30 03 2010
Sten

I think so. The bloke’s originally from Israel, if memory serves me correctly.

30 03 2010
Kate

His real name is Vince Schlomo. Born and bred in the states, actually raised a Scientologist until he came out and publicly “defamed” them. He was arrested a few years ago for aassaulting a prostitute in LA…
The more you know…

30 03 2010
Simon

I love how scientologists get to “come out”.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

oh that’s just,
oh,
That’s Hilarious!!!

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

and when they do come out I just want to give them some big Jarvis Cocker fingers!!!

Fuck Yez!

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

my god.
the whole vince thing.
that was beautiful! I was really on side with him for a minute and then the big let down. Heady stuff.

slap chop indeed

30 03 2010
Muzz

Animals are people too? Or would be, if people were delicious and provided handy sexual relief to lonely farmers.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Fucking funny Muzz!!!

30 03 2010
brad

i need a voltaren now

30 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

“Because knows its rights”

Aaah yes, the old “I have rights but no one else does” clause.
[Nods sagely]

30 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Not quite, Sibyl. The bogan does know its rights AND knows that everyone else has rights. This is due to its belief in and/or affiliation with Unionism…and because its Dad voted Labor all his life (the NaB has voted Liberal in the recent past, only because ‘John Howard stopped the boat people gettin’ in and that’)

However the bogan has MORE rights than others. These rights extend beyond the right to a safe work place and access to work compensation under current law as pointed out in this blog. The rights extend into such areas as the right to be above the law; by exceeding the speed limit/drive like a hoon and to disobey court orders and injunctions. There is also the right under free speech to speak loudly on public transport. The right to be a general public nuisance and make everyone around them cringe and feel uncomfortable is also very bogan.

There are plenty of other rights that bogans have which are denied to other people within society. Please feel free to add!

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

shouldn’t there be an it in there?

30 03 2010
vivisection

Of course, for many Bogans, having done ones back in, once, justifies a lifetime of obesity thereafter.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Definitely viv.

The bogan may now feel overpowered with the need to consume constantly as it takes advantage of the Disabled parking spot, that it suddenly feel entitled to.
Which is so conveniently place at the entrance to its favourite shopping malls.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

*feels
*placed

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

…or perhaps “insensate” to pain

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

or impervious
or ignorant of
throw me a fucking b*ne here.

30 03 2010
ant

Impervious to pain is what they were looking for, you’re right, entirely the wrong word used in original article.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

thank you!
it’s been a long fucking d*y!

30 03 2010
JimC

‘Suddenly, Trevor the overfed staffie, lunges at the bogan with all its overwalked canine might, thus resulting in maxxtreme displacement of its back.’

I don’t know why but that line has had me giggling for about half an hour.

30 03 2010
Robbie

I wonder if their bad back restricts their partaking in the ‘sport’ of glassing, especially where cunts are concerned??

30 03 2010
pb

of course not – you can always overcome pain at times of real need, and there’s no more real need than a glassing.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

And, like so many of the bogan’s preferred activities, it’s all in the wrist.

30 03 2010
James Hunter

You mean ,like darts? snigger,snigger

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Oh, James. Naturally!

30 03 2010
Andrew

speaking of glassing, did people see this on the weekend?

http://www.perthnow.com.au/lifestyle/welcome-to-was-wildest-wedding-day/story-e6frg3pl-1225846341940

A glassing between family members at a bogan wedding… you couldn’t make this stuff up people wouldn’t believe you

30 03 2010
Tombarina

I once knew a chap who wouldn’t warm up prior to non-extreme physical exercise on the grounds that it was “gay”.

Not as gay, as it turn out, as spending several weeks laid up in bed, utterly reliant upon a male carer (all that the home nursing agency had available) dispensing sponge baths to a patient who had herniated a couple of discs.

Oh, how we laughed…..

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

hahaha!
I’ve done that too!
I always feel like a mook stretching.

30 03 2010
devil's advocate

…aaaaaaaand we’re back to caviar.

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

your “‘preferred’ caviar”, D’s A

30 03 2010
T-ra

Oh so true, so true! Although there was no mention of the job on the side (paid in cash) which requires lifting or engaging in activities the bogan has been deemed unable to perform due to the injury in its main line of employment nor the fact that the disgruntled bogan next door, pissed off at having to still go to work every day, will ring up WorkCover and dob the first bogan in!

Another great post TBL!

30 03 2010
Andrew

AH yes, never underestimate the bogan’s ability to do cash in hand work. With or without a bad back a bogan will always have capacity to do cash in hand jobs as it provides the bogan with extra drinking money for that night.

30 03 2010
Jo

yes under-the-table operations are fine when the bogan benefits from it, but outrageous when Today Tonight’s latest villain is doing it.

30 03 2010
loftie

Oh So many potential new posts for TBL:

Workers Comp (Workcover, milking the cash cow)
Long Weekends (linking petrol use, killing things, glassings)
Pitbulls & Staffies (large dogs in general)
Andrew Bogut
Homophobia
The ‘Sickie’ (Or – Chucking a Sickie)
Smoko breaks (or the right to have one – even if it takes 25mins from each hour of work)

So much more that TBL can provide us… Here I was thinking that after 100 quality gems we’d be grasping at thin air – running out of things that bogans like…

But now – I believe that this blog could be infinite…

30 03 2010
Sten

Indeed, loftie, it amazes me just how in tune the TBL staff are with the Bogue psyche… however, there has been a glaring omission, namely Karaoke. It’s a heady cocktail, comprised of loud commercial music, exotic plumage (OK, so it’s Ed Hardy – sue me!) and the closest proximity to actual celebrity the Bogues will ever achieve (unless they manage to snag an appearance on TT or ACA, of course).

30 03 2010
Mezz

Karaoke is a certainty.. It’s got to be!

30 03 2010
Andrew

do people still do karaoke?? I thought that died out back in the ’90s????

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

“people” don’t… 😉

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

karaoke is cool if you’re in japan.
only.

31 03 2010
Glass 'em all

“karaoke is cool if you’re in japan”

and I’m somewhere else.

2 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

hahahaha!

30 03 2010
Shirley M

I see your point, although I am a huge fan of Karaoke. And the boganity of the activity is exponential to the venue it is held in.

Brisbanians will be aware of The Jubilee who hold/held? a karaoke extravaganza on friday nights. Lots of bogans intermingled with various other sub-groups such as goths, lesbians, goth lesbians and so on. I entertained the masses with a stellar performance of ‘Money for Nothing’ and hours afterwards was treated as if I were an actual celebrity by a clot of bogan gallants.

‘Clot’. That’s a good one.

30 03 2010
reparty

Not forgetting the Brunswick Hotel on a Thurday night….nothing like the unmedicated dancing to along to the Grease Megamix and transvestites belting out Life on Mars.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

OMG
did you guys see Ru-Paul’s Drag Race?
go trannies.

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Haha, Shirley, is that the one that burnt down? Oh wait, I’m thinking of The Vicco (Victory)? I’ve been happy to partake in the boganity of karaoke there (when up from the Gold Coast).
If Karaoke is to be included, it must be misspelt!

30 03 2010
Shirley M

‘The Jube’ is the one near the RNA showgrounds.

Please don’t do karaoke, TBL. xxx

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

When surrounded by them, it’s neither here nor there!

30 03 2010
Somewhat Bogan

I’ve got a few more;
The sun – mowing the lawn with no shirt on so everyone can see their mad tats and huge guns. No regard for skin cancer, sunscreen’s for faggets.

Public urination – extra points if they’re wearing footy shorts

Trivia nights – my “local” has weekly trivia nights hosted by a drag queen and all the questions are about local sporting events and farnsy. I’ve never played but I was unlucky enough to go there for a cheap steak on the wrong night.

CityRail – this goes hand in hand with compo and doing their backs in. It’s a cashcow for lazy bogans.

30 03 2010
Home of the Gunt

Dog ownership, with a few exceptions, is for bogans

30 03 2010
Shirley M

So all dog owners are bogan, except for the dog owners who aren’t bogans?

31 03 2010
Home of the Gunt

That’s right. The exceptions primarily being the blind and others requiring canine assistance.

31 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

have at you Sir!

I will consider myself excepted.

30 03 2010
Benjamin

What about Swarovski Crystal? It seems they’re shoving those things on everything. Mobile phones, laptops, and worse:

http://www.nypost.com/p/blogs/popwrap/jennifer_love_hewitt_has_sparkly_HiQIbPYCm9uPWxXgCKT5nN

Choice quote:

“After a break up, a friend of mine Swarovski crystalled my ‘precious lady’ and it shined like a disco ball. So I have a whole chapter in there about how women should va-jazzled their va-jay-jays,” she told George Lopez.

I think that meets the bar for inclusion on our list. If it isn’t popular yet, it will be soon.

30 03 2010
sven

if bogans did anything other than 600 biceps curls at the gym, their backs wouldn’t be as weak as jelly.

30 03 2010
Simon

Spineless!

30 03 2010
James Hunter

like a hybread lemon, tart and spinless ?

30 03 2010
Andrew

The average bogan goes to the gym for one reason and one reason only… So it’s biceps \ triceps look larger than the other cunt’s when it gets into a fight and there are no glasses around…

30 03 2010
Jo

and “chicks dig it” and it makes their tribal tats look even more badass

30 03 2010
Somewhat Bogan

Has anyone noticed that they love to build up their necks to the point where they no longer have a neck, I don’t understand it..

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Shock Absorbtion!

30 03 2010
Simon

HAHAHA,

I was going to say coz thats what NRL players look like and they want to emulate their idols.

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

have you seen the ones who can’t put their arms besides their bodies or even touch their own backs?!

30 03 2010
Tubesteak

The bogan doesn’t consider itself a blusher if the ‘injury’ occurred at work and it now receives compo.

The bogan still hates those dole bludgers and would glass them if its back wasn’t crook.

30 03 2010
vivisection

The clinic I work at doesn’t direct invoice Workcover to employers / insurers ,the patient pays upfront and then claims the rebate back themselves. You should see the uproar at that. The majority of sensible people understand why a small business can’t spend all day chasing up the payments for their “compo” claims which are often rejected and never paid. The bogans on the other hand “Know Their Rights” which apparently include a lifetime of free health-care for injuries their employers and insurers wont pay for. They then ask for the consult to be bulk billed and look affronted when I explain that taxpayers aren’t responsible for paying for their workplace injuries.

16 04 2010
Anon

I got the same treatment when requiring people on provisional medicare cards to pay up front and claim medicare later. They were producing the cards for me to bulk bill, but had already had their permanent residency denied but this was not on the card. So I would get the claims rejected. And they would get free medical care. Hence the upfront fee. I made all compo people have their case workers fax over how many (psychological) sessions they were eligible for before they got an appt. The most I ever saw was two approved at once. Didnt stop people calling in all day requesting appointments and ‘can’t you charge workcover’ No no and NO

30 03 2010
Tubesteak

* bludger

30 03 2010
Paul Attics

All this talk about bogans showing off in front of their mates made me think. What is the collective noun for a group of bogans?

A glassing of bogans?
An X of bogans?

30 03 2010
Shirley M

ooohhh good question.

30 03 2010
Simon

I like the first one Paul.

Or A Gunt of Bogans.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Agree.
It certainly couldn’t be a “classing”. Although the bogan hordes may dissent.

30 03 2010
Shirley M

I like the idea of using a term that the bogan would not typically understand. Just to piss it off. A foreign word would also be awesome.

A cataclysm of bogans?
A philandros of bogans?

30 03 2010
Shirley M

Or, to make a literary reference, a confederacy of bogans.

30 03 2010
Shirley M

Or we could make a geographical reference and get a rhyme out of it. A Logan of Bogans.

This is fun, innit?

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

a tautology

30 03 2010
Shirley M

True. The same could be said of mob of bogans and a few of the other suggestions.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

indeed.
surely someone was aware of the near homophonic irony when they named Logan.

30 03 2010
vivisection

A Valve of Bogans

30 03 2010
James Hunter

Shirley,
In our case maybe a commonwealth of bogans ?

30 03 2010
berihebi

It would have to just be herd or flock wouldn’t it?

30 03 2010
Mezz

I think “a plague of bogans” fits rather nicely.. Has a certain ring to it.

30 03 2010
Benjamin

Sold!

30 03 2010
Gorey

Being from Sydney, I like a “glenmore”.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Or, from a Qld perspective, a Caboolture/Woodridge/Thuringowa/Ipswich/Kippa-Ring of bogans?

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Plague is my vote

30 03 2010
Robbie

oh, I like Gunt 😛

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I’m with A Gunt of Bogans.

GUNTOXEN!!!

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Guntoxen!
Gold!
Anybody???

30 03 2010
Simon

Don’t you hate that. Either no one gets it or it’s not gold? The sound of one hand clapping Edna.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Simon, don’t be evil.
Edna, I’ve got your back. It’s actually quite goldy.
If nothing else, ‘guntoxen’ is a fun word to say.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Thank you Tombarina!

… at last

*shower of lillies*

tumbleweeds

30 03 2010
Simon

Sorry, I go with gold personally as Edna backed my suggestion originally, sometimes I just can’t help myself.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

*crickets*

30 03 2010
Simon

*shuffles feet*

30 03 2010
Tombarina

That’s better.
I hate to see you pair tearing yourselves apart.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

oh simon you are so concilliatory

30 03 2010
Stinkfly

An ‘Ignorance’ of bogans?

30 03 2010
ant

That’s got my vote. Or a Stupidity of Bogans.

30 03 2010
Sten

It could only be a Clowder, as in a “Clowder of feral cats”. They’re pests, like feral cats, they fight like feral cats and they multiply like feral cats.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Sten, Shirley, excellent suggestions!

May I suggest an Eddie of bogans? A Lara?

How about a Jaxxzyhn of bogans?

30 03 2010
Sten

Clowder also has the added benefit of irony, as Bogans are renowned for their general contempt for felines (unless they’re the sort which appear on gaudy, overpriced t-shirts by a French designer who shall remain anonymous).

30 03 2010
vivisection

A Bingle of bogans?

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Ha!
(snorts loudly at desk; colleagues look around in concerned/suspicious fashion)

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

HaHa!

30 03 2010
Bill

A lleyton of bogans

30 03 2010
Benjamin

A “mob” of bogans unfortunately sums them up concisely.

Yeah, it’s boring, but accurate.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

a “What?!”.

y’know… a “What?!” of bogans.
all walking in little semi-circles.
going
wot wot wot wot wot.

…yeah.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

maybe just a clod of bogans

30 03 2010
Tubesteak

A boganX

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

A MaXxX of Bogans

30 03 2010
Tone

A slab of bogans.

Although I like the ‘gunt’ theme. I think ‘guntload of bogans’ would be good, as it’s more x-treme than just a gunt.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Guntoxen!!!
dammit!

30 03 2010
Home of the Gunt

A holden of bogans

7 08 2010
grimbles

A belligerence of bogans.

30 03 2010
Simon

An obturation of Bogans.

30 03 2010
Simon

An Ikea of Bogans.

Coz its foreign and classy an shit.

30 03 2010
Robbie

How about a ‘Clan’ of Bogans..or the Bogan Clan?
They would have their own coat of arms…a male bogue and fem bogue facing each other – he in an Ed Hardy shirt with 30 inch guns blazing, she in a D & G beddazzled top with 6 inch nails. They’re holding a poster of Eddie McGuire drapped in the Southern Cross flag……classy

30 03 2010
Sten

Well then, why not a Klan of Bogans? After all, it combines poor spelling with racist connotations.

30 03 2010
Robbie

I agree Sten, Klan does sound better….especially with it’s XXX-treme KKK connotations

30 03 2010
Shirley M

A rash of bogans.

30 03 2010
Pete

Rash, yes I like it.

in a similar fashion ie. linked to the concept of an irritant – how about an infestation of bogans?

30 03 2010
john

An (Aussie) Pride Of Bogans ?

30 03 2010
Shirley M

an OiOiOi of bogans, perhaps. We don’t want to associate them with such a divine and valuable species.

30 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Aussie Pride of Bogans is the best so far.

However I was thinking of ‘A set of bogans’. The rational for this comes through association. .. ‘set’ comes from a set of badgers, badgers live in a brock, bogans worshipped Peter Brock..therefore a Set of Bogans.

30 03 2010
Simon

Nelson, you think to much.

30 03 2010
Nelson Esq

I know…I really must cut down the time I spend in the shower and on the toilet…it’s where I come up with these things…

30 03 2010
Tombarina

I do, however, applaud your line of reasoning.

30 03 2010
James Hunter

You spend all that time in the shower and toilet and that trhe best you can come up with ? dear me what a worry

30 03 2010
Nelson Esq

At least I can say I shower, which is probably more than what you could say…

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

like a ‘set’ of sick rims eh?

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I like that Shirley.

A garn get f*cked ya c@nt of bogans

30 03 2010
Simon

I think a challenge to TBL is in order. Work into the next entry your favorite(s) group description of Bogans.

30 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

They’re all missing the obvious. Should it not be a Compo of bogans? Compo being short for both composition and compensation.

30 03 2010
jay

a brawl of bogans, perhaps?

30 03 2010
Olly

A commodore of bogans?

30 03 2010
Mezz

A Chevrodore of bogans.

30 03 2010
pb

what about an excuse of bogans? or an accusation of bogans? both things they are wont to do.

15 12 2010
Phil

A Falcodore of Bogans?
A Murder of Bogans?
A Spleen of Bogans?
A Bellowing of Bogans?

15 12 2010
James Hunter

Phil, How about a Bog of Bogans?

30 03 2010
Nelson Esq

And if they’re cashed up, is it an HSV of CUB’s?

30 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Or should I say a ‘Clubsport of CUBs’

30 03 2010
HappyFriend

How accurate. The only people in my town who have a bad back are the idiots!
(Their dogs are called Roger, Stanley and Fedor)

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

hahahahaha

30 03 2010
berihebi

Is Defa still popular as in “d for dog”

30 03 2010
Simon

Yep, there are still plenty of Defas out there and every bogan thinks they invented it.

30 03 2010
berihebi

I knew a bogan with a rabbit called Arfa. I’m not sure if it was a play on the Defa thing or if he just couldn’t pronounce Arthur properly.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

*good giggle*

30 03 2010
Ryu

Love it TBL.

I pissed myself just reading the title.

30 03 2010
Mezz

A “Hardy” of bogans

30 03 2010
Shirley M

By no means should the collective noun of Bogans reflect something that they like.

30 03 2010
jay

a ballet of bogans? a symphony? a book (without pictures)?

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Oooh! In that case, a Mosque’o’Bogues.

30 03 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina, That is the most beautifully politically incorrect thing I’v seen for ages. Appaluse everyone

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Thank you TBL.
Another cringe worthy post

30 03 2010
berihebi

This collective noun issue should be passed onto Kevin Rudd so that he can seek support for the new term across a broad spectrum of bogan and non-bogan society.

30 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Must I do everything around here?

It’s a “compensation of bogans”, people!

30 03 2010
Simon

Fiona, sorry but you are second in on that one.

30 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Really? Where? I refuse to believe it!

30 03 2010
Simon

Sybill at 11.20am.

They’re all missing the obvious. Should it not be a Compo of bogans? Compo being short for both composition and compensation

30 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ah, I see. Well, in that case, I vote for “compensation”. Case closed.

30 03 2010
James Hunter

Careful everyone, Fi is about to shudder

30 03 2010
Simon

Quick, someone get Loftie a towel.

30 03 2010
Bill

Sorry to be anal, but; “The fact that it may have haemorrhaged a few spinal cord discs”, should be “The fact that it may have prolapsed (or herniated) a few intervertebral discs”. Spinal cords don’t have discs, the spinal column has intervertebral discs, which don’t haemorrhage, therefore, not fact.

30 03 2010
Simon

Don’t be sorry Bil, desist. It is writing for effect not accuracy dude.

30 03 2010
Bill

Accuracy adds to the effect. Especially when the word ‘prolapse’ is involved.

30 03 2010
James Hunter

prolapse ,as in rectum?

5 04 2010
Bill

Prolapse means to fall out of place. So yes, rectal prolapse is one example (A graphic example of this happening to a weightlifter can be found somewhere on the interweb). Uterine prolapse is fairly common after child birth, and spinal disc prolapse commonly occurs after being lunged at by an overfed staffie named trevor.

And that was “spinal disc”, not “spinal cord disc”. Just like its “eye lashes”, not “eye socket lashes”, “steering wheel”, not “steering dashboard wheel”, “rectal prolapse” not “rectal arse prolapse” etc.

5 04 2010
Sam

or “wanker” not “small penis wanker”.

1 04 2010
caracal1788

I’m with you, Bill. It’s a rather bogan trait to justify all errors, with “Yeah, big deal, you know what I mean”.

If one uses technical terms (in this case, medical) in preference to the colloquial terms (in this case, “slipped”) they should at least be correct. Which is why I will never write about cars or the football.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

gazumped!

🙂

30 03 2010
Dean

working in a restaurant in perth about 8 years ago, this shit would fly off the shelves
http://www.brownbrothers.com.au/ourwine/product.aspx?vintageid=868
“KRAOW-CHEN RISE-LING!!”
tastes like piss mixed with sugar syrup

30 03 2010
Shirley M

My mother in law drinks that stuff and regularly gifts it to me for birthdays and so on. Needless to say, I stash it away and bring it out to serve her when she comes to call.

30 03 2010
Dean

you have my sympathy.
my mother in law drinks Laphroaig, my mum drink Baileys or JD.
LOL

30 03 2010
Simon

The compensation is they do not drink your good stuff. My family all have good taste in wine and it is always a race to get a second glass.

30 03 2010
Shirley M

I enjoy the regifting immensely.

30 03 2010
reparty

Yep….my ex-wife had friends who loved to come over knowing I couldn’t drink bad wine….one memorable evening was Cape Mentelle, Clover Hill, and Clos Clare followed by their offering of Rosemount Traminer Riesling. At that point I felt too drunk to remain at the table and went for a nap on the couch.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

all style Reparty.
not crazy for the Marg rivers myself.
(SA parochial)
saved by the nap.
“well fellows I seem to have over indulged, excuse me whilst I F*ck Right Off will you?”

30 03 2010
Simon

I’m a red man myself, last family roast was a 2002 St Hallett Basket Press and a Leconfield. Hows that for showing off.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

nice!
St Hallet is right near Rochford.
That’s a kick arse road (Krondorf?)
With Charle Melton at the end.
I spent that tax bonus thing at Charles Melton.

30 03 2010
Simon

Chubby, no plasma and 22′ rims, you are a disgrace.

30 03 2010
Benjamin

Do you mean Rockford?

Lovely sparkling red if you can get your hands on it (managed to grab a bottle a few years ago when we visited). Yum. I think it is cellar door only or some such.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

oops.
*blush*
outponced!

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

yes basket press is a rockford.

30 03 2010
Benjamin

Outwanked is a probably a more accurate term, but thanks for the accolade.

31 03 2010
Simon

Yes Ben,

The Black Shiraz, awesome drop only available by pre order and you are only allowed 3 each I think.

31 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Love Charles Melton wines…money well spent Chubby!

2 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

They do some spectacular single vineyard shiraz- Voices of Angels, Grains of Paradise etc. Only avail @ cellar door or prob’ly by mail order. It will be a loooong ten years waiting on those babies to peak.
And of course the Rose of Virginia. the only thing which makes me pine for hot weather.

(when I also like to enjoy a gin and moscato!)

30 03 2010
James Hunter

Simon ,
do st hallets still do that Pedro Ximine Port? Marvelous drop

31 03 2010
Simon

James, I don’t know but if you are a port man check this out

http://www.honeymoonvineyard.com.au/

Some friends of mine who make an awesome vintage port old school. Actually all their stuff is exceptional especially the Shiraz and ther Pinot.

2 04 2010
chubbybloodfart

nice one Si!
I’ll check it out.
hills pinots are waaaay under rated IMO.
check out Ashton Hills and Barrat Wines for contrast.

If you like fortifieds you MUST get up to seppeltsfield.
A new consortium (apparently involving Ms J. Holmes a Court and one of the gentlemen from Killikanoon) has bought the site along with all their old stocks of fortified wines… dating back a hundred years and more.
Historical tour and tasting is a pineapple well spent! Tip: bring a designated driver!

30 03 2010
Benjamin

Hey! What’s wrong with Laphroaig?

It’s not my favourite, but it’s a fine single malt nonetheless. ’tain’t nothing wrong with it.

Perhaps I missed your point.

30 03 2010
Simon

Perhaps Ben, perhaps.

30 03 2010
Benjamin

Sorry – I just worry about these things. I’m a bit removed from many bogans these days and this site tells me what they are getting into. It would appear that there is nothing the bogans won’t sully.

And if bogans are sullying decent scotch that’s well, tragic.

30 03 2010
Simon

There is very little they wont get their grubby mitts on and you can be sure they put coke or redbull with their fine single malt.

30 03 2010
Benjamin

In Scotland, they glass folk for that.

BTW – I think the Scots may have actually invented the glassing (Stitch that Jimmy!).

I smell some research.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

hahahaha

stitch that!
gold

30 03 2010
ant

They use razor blades, often hidden in their hats or other garments.

31 03 2010
Sam

We like to embrace foreign culture.

31 03 2010
Glass 'em all

Worse. It’s glass warfare.

30 03 2010
Jo

I know someone who attended bogan wedding that had Riccadonna on every table for serving

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Can’t top that. But I have heard it referred to as “Italian champagne”.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

at that same wedding no doubt…

30 03 2010
ant

Maybe it was a table decoration…

30 03 2010
Toddo

TBL as someone who deals with this sort of thing for a living, I would have have to say that Its not always the case …..Owwwwww Ahhhhhhh Cramp! Cramp! Ahhhhhh! Ive got RSI! Ive got RSI!

30 03 2010
bjesus

The bad back thing is so very bogan. All the while they’re doing renos around the house and earning cash in hand doing odd jobs helping their tradie mates.
Another good topic would be the bogan propensity for buying things new, aka new nursery items (never have Jayden wearing another baby’s clothing or sleeping in a used cot), new car (that $14K Kia is far better value than the $15K Corolla with 40kms on the clock). They never enter second hand stores and have no idea about the true value of what they’re buying. They don’t want anything old looking (possibly valuable) and prefer to shop at places like Freedom where everything looks shiny, new and foreign made.

30 03 2010
reparty

Looking at furniture right now, I always thought Freedom was a lower budget option to fill up a room. Fuck no.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Nup. I think Supa-A-Mart are your cheap room-stuffers, gauging by their nasty shouty ads.

Freedom are a little big for their own boots, although not in the pretension league of some of the upmarket furniture chain stores (Domayne, King).

Feel free to glass me, but I quite like Ikea for basic, everyday homewares. As they’re generally located in Bogan Central suburbs, Ikeas are often quite full of genuine lil’ Aussie (and Kiwi) battlers. However, they’re mercifully free of CUBs, who are too busy blowing their lolly on “buy now, hock a kidney in two years’ time” crap-they-don’t-need packages at Hardly Normal.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

and ikea don’t do nasty shouty ads.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Could that be a future topic – retailers with shouty ads?

Tyre barns, taverns with drive-through bottle-shops, rug
warehouses, A-Mart (both furniture and sporting goods),
camping/fishing outlets, krazy-with-a-k designer selldowns
at places like the Brisbane Convention Centre – they’re all
shouty. And bogalicious.

30 03 2010
Shirley M

I don’t think anyone ‘likes’ shouty ads. Those of weak minds are eventually worn down by the shouting and will do whatever the shouter tells them to.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

hey look, marketing works because bogans buy.
if you follow?
so the way to bring a bogue around to your point of view is to bellow at him in short bursts accompanied by bells and flashing lights/colour and movement. repetitively.
apparently.

HEY! WE’RE ALL JUST PPL!!! HURRY LAST DAYS! ALL HUMAN! HURRY HURRY! THIS OFFER WILL NOT LAST!!!

ding ding ding

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

just like Pokies…

30 03 2010
Will S

I like the ads for a particular Boating, Camping and Fishing store, not naming names (oh shi…) that works by making fun of stereotypes of other peoples’ lifestyles.

30 03 2010
Shirley M

I like to make up new words to fit the acronym of the store I can only assume you are talking about.

My favourites:
Big Cock F*ckers.
Bum C*nt Faggots.

30 03 2010
elroncho

I like to swap the letters around and call it cbf.

30 03 2010
Tombarina

Is it “Sword Of Justice” Josh, to whom you refer???

(Because that really is pretty funny…)

30 03 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
? Sword of Damocles?

30 03 2010
Toddo

Will, I am fond of the those BCF ads also.
“This is Trent, Trent thinks living is sitting on an internet blog all day and making humorous jibes at those who he feels mentally superior to, all under the guise of a limp pseudonym, THAT AINT LIVIN’ TRENT! THIS IS LIVIN! (screen shows extreme outdoor pursuits)
70% loves those ads, but the other 30% remembers any previous attempt I’ve had at ‘gettin out there’ and the drunken boofheads, smashed glass, and gross use of wealth that I had to put up with, hence the vicious cycle that is my life.

30 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

hahahahahahaha!

chin up Toddo.
we love youse.

30 03 2010
ant

I’m sorry, but I do love Ikea. It’s definitely not Bogan. I drive to Sydney to worship at it. So does most of SE NSW! it’s so clever, so surprising, and so nice.

Bogans like Fantastic Furniture, Freedom, Harvey Norman, Frisco. Not Ikea. They just don’t get Ikea.

30 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Oh dear! You’ve got to be havin’ a laugh?!

I – and I quote – said to my mother when I was 19 and visiting an Ikea for the first time, “Get me out of here, any longer and I’ll be pregnant with 3 kids.”

You may not believe it’s a place only bogans like but it’s definitely a place bogans like!

31 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

check out the catalogue.
smooth as a bogan babie’s bottom.
how do they make DIY flatpack MDF so “aspiratonal”

but seriously… it’s not “things only Bogans like…”
right?
oh…
It’s like walking through disneyland or something… led on and on through one glittering dream after another…
and then all the flatpack at the end. I always felt like such a man when I got it all together.
glory days

I haven’t been for years, but someone told me they had meatballs.

31 03 2010
Tombarina

Yep…and nope.

I maintain that it’s the person who wants something functional and who couldn’t give a rat’s about brand names, and your ‘Aussie battler’, rather than the NAB who worships at Ikea. CUBs/NABs don’t DO flat-pack – with only an Allan key to work with, it’s insufficiently maXXXtreme. The bogan cannot manfully claim to have “done me back” building the Schnaaaargenthrop footstool.

Ikea also specialises in storage. The CUB doesn’t do storage – it would rather convert part of the 4-Hummer garage into a “study”, and then throw $hit into a cupboard in the corner. Either that, or dump it on the footpath.

Two quick thumbs-up to Ikea – the product names are pi$$-funny to say and even more amusing to use at home (“Dear, please pass the Ekkschnorp.” “Certainly, my sweet – I’ll swap it for the Graatenschnaaargle.”) And it’s a brilliant threat to hold over kids. “Once more, and we’re off to Ikea. ALL DAY.”

31 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

I have (ikea) cushions on the outdoor setting called
SITTA
which always makes me giggle.
and it’s sorta cute too. y’know?
makes me want to stroke the cushions like l’il kittens!

31 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

l’il SITTA c’mon…

31 03 2010
Tombarina

Luvverly, and aptly named.
Just like the Grundtal toilet roll holder.
http://www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/categories/departments/bathroom/10555?sorting=relevance&pageNumber=2

31 03 2010
Simon

Alyssa, I think Ikea is all bogan personally. I have a horror of the place having shopped there on a couple of occasions and now flatly refusing to ever return. Non bogans may occasionally shop there but the place itself is boganinity X-treme.

30 03 2010
reparty

One last post…..about 15 years ago the Sunday Mail in Adelaide published a photo of an old Italian man lifting a lawnmower onto a trailer, bang on the front page. The culprit? A friend of my grandfathers hahahahaha, all that time working at Holden down the drain.

30 03 2010
brad

my sister worked as a case officer in the compo and claims department at Coles Myer and i can assure you they dont call it Greek Back for nothing- a more than large proportion of claimants were of the Wogan bogan variety,both employees and customers.

30 03 2010
Chairman Miaow

Hmmm, someone had it earlier.

A Clot of Bogans… they’re thick, it’s really bad for your health, it’s creamy white (none of those bloody foreigners around here mate, apart from them Thais, don’t mind a green curry), and it’s heart-stopping when you meet them.

A Clot of Bogans, noice.

30 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Well considered Chairman Miaow.

30 03 2010
Matty

Of course, said back injury needs to be announced as “done me back in”.

30 03 2010
Antosha

Thank you TBL! I laughed out loud as soon as I saw the title!

After yesterday’s jihadists attempted to end my public transport journey to work prematurely.. I needed that laugh.

31 03 2010
Phil

This post needs to go off on a tangent and cover benefit theves or any type of welfare scounger in general. Compo is one thing but ‘Job seekers allowance’ (is that what it’s called?) is where the the humor lies. Any centrelink employees got any stories to share?

13 04 2010
Ehsen

That is hilarious.

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