#233 – Schadenfreude

28 06 2011

When the bogan first heard of schadenfreude, it was very happy. It thought it would finally have something to mix with Mother; Red Bull having already been allocated exclusively to Jägermeister. The bogan clapped excitedly; “A MILF bomb!” it screeched. Its excitement was short lived, as schadenfreude is actually only a concept, and the only concepts that truly intoxicate a bogan are political correctness gone mad, free speech and confusion.

Despite this initial setback, it turns out that the bogan still likes schadenfreude very much. While it will glass anyone that takes pleasure at any of its own gaffes, the bogan will use its phone to record anyone else’s public humiliation, and then broadcast it to Facebook as soon as possible.

While the bogan itself believes that it can never be blamed, it derives maxtreme enjoyment from viewing the misfortunes of other bogans. Other anyone, really. In particular, the bogan will embrace the failings of celebrities most passionately of all. The bogan has a curiously pathetic and symbiotic relationship with celebrities, parasitically feeding of their success to validate their stunted belief that one day people will give a shit what they do, yet, like any parasite, leaping off its host the moment things get hairy. Thus, Tiger Woods is now a tip rat, Paris Hilton a slut and Lindsay Lohan a junkie. However, the bogan, deep down, knows that this schadenfreude will not last; that it will forgive the celebrity and reattach its life-giving appendages to its trashmedia intravenous drip. Because it believes that it, too, is destined to face the rise to fame, fall into sex addiction, and rise to bogan forgiveness one day; hence its schadenfreude is brief.

That goes for people the bogan knows, like Tiger Woods. When it comes to anonymous Australians, however, the bogan’s capacity for mirth at other’s pain is limitless. While Australia’s Funniest Home Video Show has been on Australian TV screens for two decades, the bogan is yet to grow tired of unruly farm animals biting fat women, children headbutting each other on malfunctioning playground equipment, and over-confident dads coming to grief on quad bikes. All to the same four “boing” noises as they ever have. The patriotic bogan deems viewing this procession of canned laughs as “being able to laugh at itself”, and the show’s theme song (“Australia, Australia, this is you”) agrees.


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104 responses

28 06 2011
Vviv2

What becomes of the bogans who are thus humiliated on national TV or facebook?
Do they burrow in & hide until the next stunt of maxxtreme idiocy takes the spotlight from themselves?
Or, (hope springs eternal), do they admit defeat & glass themselves?

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The Bingle keeps going back for more. Does this answer your question?

28 06 2011
Vviv2

DAMN! Point taken…. :-D

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Remember, the bogan feels no shame, it knows no better.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

We’ve all made that mistake after a few too many cans of Bundy! You wake up in the morning dreaming of burrito dinner and suddenly the baby is missing.

28 06 2011
Welcome to your Bogan nightmare

The Mountain View Hotel is a Bogue epicentre. Do not go there if you have seen the movie Deliverance.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

I’m thinking it’s just one of a franchise….
Have you been to the Wesburn hotel?

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Have you been visiting Toowoomba V2?

28 06 2011
Vviv2

Nope….. They are legion Simon!
They live! They breathe
And they know how to breed
Live in fear….

28 06 2011
chris - embedded correspondent in the dirty south

Viv I used to live not 5 minutes from the Wesburn Hotel! OSB/IB (inbred bogan) capital of the known universe.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

You’re from the Valley?
SHHHHHHH!
I won’t tell anyone if you don’t! :-D

28 06 2011
chris - embedded correspondent in the dirty south

I spent a few years living among the heathen. The yokels, oops locals used to say that it took ten years to forgive you for moving there and another ten to make friends. We stuck it out for around 5 or 6.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

You were smart to leave Chris…They lied!

29 06 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Lara Bingle has now had to resort to doing a radio ad for the Keep Australia Beautiful National Association, for their Litterers Anonymous campaign, keeping fine company with a few other dickheads and has-beens celebrities like Russell Gilbert and Nick Giannopolous, in admitting that they too have littering problems in the name of trying to encourage many Australians to reconsider their means of waste disposal.

What a bunch of bogans…that is one behaviour that is common to all strains of bogan, the inability to put their rubbish in a goddamn bin. If there’s one thing I can honestly state is that I have never been a litterer, that being a pet hate of mine.

I have a another suggestion for those three if they really want to curb pollution: stop littering the media landscape with their talentless inanity right now, if they really want to Keep Australia Beautiful!

29 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Bogans go for a drive in the countryside for the sole reason of dumping rubbish. I farkin hate that. A beautiful creek with a trailer load of old mattresses and TV’s. Castration is too good for them.

29 06 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Always a stand out feature of SA was the extrordinary lack of roadside bottles and cans the instant you cross the border fron NSW or Vic. That bottle deposit realy works and It is hard to believe anything other then graft from big business stops it from being Australia wide.

30 06 2011
urbanreverie

Oh Turnips, heartily agree! I was once with a friend (now no longer a friend) on a train, we got off at a suburban station. This ex-friend was a total OSB – it was the noughties and he was still wearing flannies with trackie-daks, had a mullet with a centre part, and drank VB straight from longneck bottles (no glasses! naaah, that’s fer girls an’ shit!) in amounts and speeds copious enough to kill a rogue elephant.

We had collected a copy of mX (this free crappy Murdoch rag that’s handed out at inner-city railway stations in the three east coast capitals) in the city. We got off at the station near his place and he threw the mX onto the ground. A guy in a suit behind us told him to pick it up.

“Yeah, and who died and made you farkin’ God, you carrrrnt?”

Out came the police warrant card with a nice shiny badge!

Needless to say, my companion picked up the mX quick smart and threw it in a bin, while the plain-clothes copper on his way home from work said to me “Yeah, some people have no consideration at all, ay? I mean, it’s not hard to put stuff in the bin.” I smiled and slightly nodded, hoping that my dickwit friend wouldn’t catch me siding with the “pig”.

What a tosser. Literally. (Yes, I snatched that line from a NSW Do The Right Thing TV campaign from about ten years ago.)

28 06 2011
Pandabater

Our Bogan is a complicated fellow V2. You could draw a graph (Boganomics style) with X being the scale of embarassment & Y being the number of views of The Bogans misfortune. When the number of views rises to the sub-celebrity level embarassment turns into pride as The Bogan celebrates it’s new found fame.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

Ooh yes! I’ve seen that happen…. The ‘Jackass’ syndrome

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

And then when their stunt is so dumb Darwin steps in you get VB and Jack Daniels memorials.

28 06 2011
Pandabater

Or if your boganess reaches sufficient proportions you get one of these.

*Wonders who TBA will be*

28 06 2011
28 06 2011
Vviv2

Oh NOICE!
Real subtle loike….

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Top bloke, f*ckin top bloke!

28 06 2011
Davo

Bogans love to tell everyone that their girlfriends a slut for breaking up. Even if its just a minor argument and they get back together a few hours later.

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

A slut is a girl who roots everyone except you.

30 06 2011
ripa

Sorry, a slut roots everyone. A bitch roots everyone but you.
Sorry but I grew up in a Central Vic s’hole where it wasn’t dodgy rum on a friday but a ‘nifty fifty’.

30 06 2011
ripa

I guess today it would be a ‘niddy fiddy’

28 06 2011
Evan

What’s even more disturbing is when you see the American version (hosted by Bob Saget no less!) – song is exactly the same, just sub in “America” for “Australia”.

28 06 2011
Storbz

Was wondering when Australia’s “Funniest” Home Videos was going to rate a mention. Possibly the only show you can put on a muted TV at the pub, besides the footy, that will distract the bogan long enough for you to make a discreet unglassed exit.

28 06 2011
the beef

Damn my inner bogan.
Shelly Craft cuts to a video where the dad is preoccupied and the child – voiced a 40 year old guy in a high pitched kid voice – walks up, toy hammer in hand and whacks dad in the groin. At the point of impact either a “boing”, or an old fashioned car-horn ring out.

Now that’s funny!

28 06 2011
Ah Yep!

Should that be “off their success”?

28 06 2011
Tone

I hate to say this, but this entry comes across as a little half-baked. The concept is sound, I just dunno about the execution. TBL might have been better off reheating #146: “Our Bernard Tomic” would have been very topical right now.

28 06 2011
Snag

I’m guessing he won’t really become “Our” Bernard Tomic until he finds himself some air-headed soap opera “star” to score with.

28 06 2011
shakPower

haha he’s halfway there though, driving a flashy car these days. but living in the same street and having talked to him a few times i can vouch that he’s a nice bloke (thus far anywaz) bogan love might change that soon

28 06 2011
Snag

Nice to know. He does seem much more like-able than Hewitt, but the love and expectation of Australia’s bogans may indeed change him.

28 06 2011
simon

If fat people falling over isn’t funny, then I don’t care what is.

The winner always being some crotchfruit being “cute”, however, boils my f**king blood.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

Crotchfruit….love it!
‘Cute’ definitely depends on personal perspective. I like the animal videos, but I cannot watch it with the sound on….

28 06 2011
Davo

I like the ones with little kids fighting while mum films it, and then at the end when one starts crying you hear a “Jayden”!

28 06 2011
martin

Too true. The surest sign of a bogan is one who can give it but can’t take it.

The bogan likes to go for the underdog but when an individual becomes an underdog it likes to kick the shit out of them when they’re down in order to “build themselves up”, into the vile, cowardly scum they are.

28 06 2011
moar caek

schadenfreude is the biggest word the bogan knows, if it knows it.
I detect some vague circular hipster irony.
the whole blog is schadenfreude

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Moar, I have started Ian Banks’s Dead Air, promising so far. How are the garbage bags coming along for your spiderman suit, rain coming on the weekend.

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
4 07 2011
moar caek

ah Simon, there you are.
Yes the garbag Idea was just silly.
I had Nanna Rose knit me a full length suit out of angora – it stays warm even when it’s soaking wet!
very nice. It didn’t seem fair to deface it with a texta, so I’ve spelt out “LONE WOLF” with iron on letters and stapled them to the back.
I’ve found that wearing stockings over the angora helps the streamlining too. (I think they call that a “Protip” these days.)
Nutty isn’t all that keen on the rain though. I occy strapped a cushion to the parcel rack to stop the water spraying up her date off the back wheel, but she just doesn’t look happy. I thought of having another wee suit made for her… but lets be honest, a Bull Terrier would just look ridiculous in an angora suit.
hope you enjoy the Banks. if you do I will commend to you Tom Robbins also. I owe you some Ballard. I have heaps buts it’s all in PDF on the PC. I’m paying taxes again these days which has left me somewhat time poor. apparently.
anyway.
I saw there’s bike racing in france just now. Weren’t you going to france to cycle? did you know they have races there? are you getting enough sleep?
we worry.

5 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cheers Caek,

Angora huh, does that get itchy when you sweat? For Nuts perhaps one of those fully enclosed trailer things, dogs love them and she is protected from the elements.

Re Ballard, hope you are enjoying, thanks for the offer but I have his full ouvre, chronologically arranged of course. I am enjoying Banks and hope to find some “M” in one of local 2nd hand shops soon. Being old school I still like to hold the book. I’ve tried several Robbins, Jitterbug Perfune etc.

As for sleep with the race on I have foxtel so I tape it overnight and then get up early and watch the nights stage, no way I can stay awake to 2am. I hope you are doing the same Moar, you know getting some protips. My protip, watch the mountain stages, they are the best.

5 07 2011
moar caek

good luck finding Banks in the second hand shops. he’s a bit rare there in my exp. I do agree re: actual books. call me old fashioned too. Our lounge walls are covered in bookshelves and filled with books. perhaps you mist my point re ballard: I (apparently) have all his writings, but never get around to reading it cos it’s all trapped in the ‘puter. maybe I have to get a Kindle or whatever they are. It’s hard to imagine my bookshelves full of kindles. I think it would be expensive too.
I saw a tiny bit of the tour – A man in a spotty suit was being chased by a large gang of men in matching suits who seemed absolutely fascinated with his lycra clad powerful buttocks and followed him all the way through several quaint villes francaise. not that there’s anything wrong with that.
As far as angora and sweat goes I can’t help you. Who gets sweaty riding a bicycle???
rather defeats the purpose doesn’t it?

5 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

For Nutts.

5 07 2011
moar caek

brilliant!
why don’t we see moar of those in the Tour?
you could probly stash some sambos and a thermos in there too.
and a Kindfle for the downhill bits.

5 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Like this, and then make it an endurance event. Make them pack all they need for the 3600kms and see who finishes first. Ride the whole thing straight through and just pull up for a ziz when you need it and cook your own dinner.

5 07 2011
moar caek

awesome
like Paris Dakar for Lycra.
and just give up and let them take whatever drugs they want. Fifty massive psychotic dudes riding aimlessly around france really fast, putting up tents and attacking each other with Trangia pots.

5 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

This has got legs Moar, and judge them for the meals cooked, bonus points for roadkill.

I’m getting onto Phil Liggett now.

5 07 2011
moar caek

this has great muscly hairless legs!
MasterPsyClist!

5 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Are you shaving Caek. I don’t in winter, more insulation and I usually can’t be f*cked in summer either. This causes much consternation amoungst my cycling buddies. But some of them watch 2 1/2 men so stuff em.

28 06 2011
Pandabater

What do we watch when everybody’s on TV.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

A DVD? :-D

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Is that Freud Panda?

28 06 2011
Pandabater

No, that is Panda Simon. ;-)

Actually, isn’t it from a song?

It must be, I couldn’t come up with that on my own.

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Take credit Panda.
Is it a show if there is no audience?

28 06 2011
Pandabater

Dunno Simon, Ask Daryl Sommers.

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Do I have to? And if he ends up with a broken VB stubby inserted into his forehead is that schadenfreude?

28 06 2011
AshR- the ungest's called Melaena

Only if the ambulance turns up with Darryl Somers trying to retrieve the other half of the VB stubby from Molly Meldrums arse…

28 06 2011
p'bee

why does it always come back to arses on here?

28 06 2011
James Hunter

PB
its the type of people you see, they all have one.see there goes another.

28 06 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh James Hunter, droll. Very droll.

28 06 2011
Pandabater

For us, yes.

Wonderful wonderful schadenfreude.

28 06 2011
James Hunter

Simon ,
your not pandering to Freud ?

4 07 2011
moar caek

Prob’ly still watch ABC or SBS.

28 06 2011
devil's advocate

After examining the title photo in detail, I think there should be a new drink called schadenfreude. It should involve significant tequila content, and be really expensive (either due to tax or other reasons).

The guaranteed outcome will be that the drinker suffers misfortune and others around him/her are able to derive guilty pleasure from it.

*contacts IP Australia*

28 06 2011
James Hunter

TBL,
amazing coincidence this article following immediately on SBS ‘s numbers and letters show discussing this very word !

Any one who watches Dancing with the stars or Master chef has got to be deeply into this ?

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I don’t know JH, don’t see a cross over audience between the three myself.

28 06 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Maybe a trans sexual audience ? If that doen’t work then a try sexual one ?

28 06 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, less of your voyeurism. Immediately.

28 06 2011
James Hunter

in this case are try and tri synonymous

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

See, that is Pete’s problem, he is trying to be a trisexual.

28 06 2011
James Hunter

How very trying

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You should see it from the Alpacas point of view!

28 06 2011
James Hunter

enough to make you spit

28 06 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter, it’s Llama’s that spit you bubble headed booby!

28 06 2011
James Hunter

Petre Babe,
Llamas spit more then camels who spit more then Alpacas but believe someone who knows things, all three species spit you booby headed bubble.,

28 06 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh James Hunter, so because you write ‘believe someone who knows’ you win the argument? Oh, James Hunter, call me a snob, but i’m not going to trust a wino/reluctant carny to illustrate the fabric of zoology to me. Frankly, i’d rather a meth-head with bugs under their skin in patterns of animal husbandry. But hang on… the question is, are you doing your Veterinary degree on a Centrelink scholarship? Sheesh, sometimes I really wish I hadn’t read your posts because I can’t unread them. No wonder you’re unemployed, you’re living by your wits alone.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

And surviving extremely well!
Obviously you’re wits are more than good enough James….

29 06 2011
James Hunter

Vviv2
Thanks, I do still have mine !!

29 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

JH wins because he is correct. Inner city hand wringers should not comment on things they know nothing of.

29 06 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Simple Huh ?

29 06 2011
Vviv2

Quick message for Petey boy

29 06 2011
James Hunter

Vviv2′
Bhahahahahahahahahahahahaha
cough gasp Bhahahahahah !!!

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Pete, epic fail dude, epic.

28 06 2011
Vviv2

You’re right James!
There’s yet another one!

28 06 2011
James Hunter

Vviv2
Yep, pretty impressive

29 06 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh James Hunter, ease up on the postings. What? Is benefits day in Lower Dogpatch?

29 06 2011
Vviv2

Yes James, poor Pety’s having trouble keeping up with you…
Must be that quick wit of yours :-D

29 06 2011
James Hunter

Vviv2
Thanks for that, here’s me thinking that it was not me being to fast but **** being too slow ?
I realy must be losing my grip.
It can happen you know.
Losing your grip.

29 06 2011
Vviv2

Not while you can still laugh!
Just powder up & hang on tight!!

29 06 2011
Vviv2

Oh, & possibly cut your nails….just in case -

29 06 2011
James Hunter

Vviv2
Too true , laughter is so important and a great cross cultural ice breaker, also releases endorphines so you realy do feel better for a good laugh.
Mind you vviv there are a lot of rabbits and rabbits do not laugh ! Major problem with rabbits is that not all the rabbits are in China,”son”.
gotta go im laughing so much i cant type any more !!

29 06 2011
Vviv2

Know what you mean! My life is filled to overflowing with rabbits.
You always make me smile Take care, & watch out for the mixo :-D

28 06 2011
Vviv2

Well hell!
You can’t reply to people from an iPad…. You can only post new comments…
*sigh*
I had such hopes….

28 06 2011
chris - embedded correspondent in the dirty south

“Thus, Tiger Woods is now a tip rat, Paris Hilton a slut and Lindsay Lohan a junkie.”.
Not sure what this makes Pond:

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/television/karen-gillan-who-plays-amy-pond-in-doctor-who-found-naked-and-whimpering-in-hotel-corridor/story-e6frfmyi-1226083220779

28 06 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I really wish I was staying at that hotel……..

28 06 2011
Pandabater

Isn’t Ash in America this week?

29 06 2011
chris - embedded correspondent in the dirty south

Maybe Rory was up for a bit of gladiator-style action and it got out of hand….
Sigh. I don’t care what she does, she’s still my favourite ranga.
And if I hear Ash went near the woman I plan to marry then he’s going down, and not in a good way.
8’6”, 350kg angry Islander with shards of Corona bottles for fingers or no…. it’ll end badly.

4 07 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
4 07 2011
Pandabater

Simon I think TBL are sitting back & enjoying our impatience today. I feel we have all been had.

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