#218 – Mexican Beer

16 03 2011

We’ve already dealt with the fact that the bogan enjoys beers that are brewed here, but labelled as foreign to give the fictional imprimatur of international cool. The bogan, however, is entirely, blissfully unaware that the repackaged Crown Lager it is drinking is Australian made. Thus, it has no real need to be discerning when it comes to alcohol, beyond that fact that the beer must be from another country. This conveniently explains why the only genuinely foreign beer the bogan drinks tastes like cats’ piss, and requires citrus-based assistance to enter the nebulous realm of ‘drinkable’.

Mexicans cannot give their entry level beer away fast enough in their native land. Having realised some time ago that bogans are stupid, however, they began exporting their swill to Australia at premium prices. At velvet-roped leisure venues around Australia, Corona can sell for as much as $9 a bottle. Back home in Mexico, the same product will sell for $14 per case, or under $2 each at a licensed venue. Drinking a pale, watery version of beer somehow confers cultural cachet onto the bogan, purely because it is sourced from a Latin American country with many poor people.

When the bogan orders a Corona or Sol, the bartender simply assumes that it would require a slice of lime. Originally, the bogan inserted a slice of lemon into their colourless liquor, but it rapidly became clear that this only made the beer taste worse. The presence of citrus itself has been hugely successful in attracting the female bogan to beer, a task previously thought to be beyond the capacity of mortal man. By placing a tart piece of fruit on the rim of the bottle, the drink now attains the appearance, and hence the status, of a cocktail. Mexican beer is cool.

The Mexican beer the bogan is drinking also matches the t-shirt the bogan is wearing, which has a Mexican location and a date on it which strangely links the bogan to the shooting of Emiliano Zapata. The bogan is unaware of the significance of the numbers and letters on its shirt, but any shame in this is unrelated to it tearing off its shirt after 15 Mexican beers, and commencing a glassing joust on the footpath outside.


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203 responses

16 03 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ew, beer.

18 03 2011
rilla

el-O-el (fiona) same poorly written blog – same trolls – drink Fullers u cheap caaarnts!

16 03 2011
Shirley

Fruit in beer. Wrong wrong wrong. I believe our Mexican friends only do it to keep the flies out. Here in ‘straya, it just makes it easier to spot a wanker.

16 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

When I went to Mexico last year I got a bunch of requests to bring back some cheap Corona and Sol.

I wasn’t planning to until I realised how cheap the stuff was there.

16 03 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. How could you bring it back with the piddling baggage allowance you lesser people are forced to contend with?

16 03 2011
James Hunter

Fi,
as you know ,one can’t. the statement is obviously someone who has never travelled.

16 03 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I could of course, because of the baggage allowance one has in first class. In this case, however, I would not avail myself of the opportunity.

16 03 2011
Stereotypical Stereotyper

I would’ve thought you would fly on a private jet

16 03 2011
devil's advocate

She knows about the baggage allowance in first class because the only opportunity she gets to travel is when she’s the baggage.

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Easily.

16 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Fi, I had managed to obtain for myself an upgrade for my return flight so I could kick it with you rich people in First Class.

16 03 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. In that case, my next trip to Central America will be via Steamer.

16 03 2011
Pandabater

Private or Tramp? ;-)

16 03 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Personal. ;-p

16 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Will you be wanting a cabin boy for your voyage?

16 03 2011
chubbybloodfart

you drink it first.

16 03 2011
JimC

Reminds me of the line in DESPERADO where the chick says to Cheech Marin: “And your beer tastes like piss.”

And he says: “It’s cause we piss in it.”

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ah, mexican beer, the only thing that makes XXXX seem like a reasonable option, but still not really worth the feeling of being cheated that goes with drinking either.

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Have you noticed they’ve made XXXX Summer, which looks suspiciously like Corona in its clear bottle and advertising campaign? XXXX is trying to tap into Corona’s young bogan popularity.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Not being in QLD I had not noticed that. Evil genius in that marketing department. Not sure it will be cool enough for the cub’s though.

16 03 2011
barkeep @ ye olde glassing barn

Check this out. It appears they have had to deny it’s aimed at Corona.

http://www.brewsnews.com.au/2010/01/fosters-to-lose-corona-licence/

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Interesting Bar Keep, according to this article they taste the same, that is like rancid cat piss. Are XXXX pushing the citrus wedge?

“While XXXX officially denied that their summer offering was going after Corona when it launched, it looks, quacks and waddles like a duck. Many Lion Nathan affiliated pubs in Brisbane have the light lager on the high value shelf, right next to Corona, in their fridge facings and that wouldn’t happen without the brewery’s blessing. They are going head to head.

With two beers looking exactly the same and tasting almost identical to the average punter, but one selling as low as $4 a bottle compared to Corona’s $7+, there is only so far exotic goes before the choice of beer changes from “from where you’d rather be” to “I’ll holiday at home and save my money.””

17 03 2011
GoldCoaster

I suppose it’s more for your Gold Coast bogan who hangs out at the beach and drives shirtless in his commodore/small shitebox import.

16 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I’ll drink either and tap into my inner John Lydon.

Then again, I’ll drink anything with alcohol content.

16 03 2011
D

“Glassing Joust”…that is great :-)

16 03 2011
Jewel

Fruit in beer. Saved by the bouyancy of citrus.

16 03 2011
martin

Lame. Corona with a slice of lemon squished in it is great on a really hot day. F$ck you TBL. I bet pretty much everything is dirt cheap in Mexico.

I’ve tried Fat Yak, Beez Knees and Big Helga from that Matilda Bay Company, Big Helga is the winner imo. :)

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

F*ck you Martin, Corona sucks Donkey Balls and is not worthy of being called beer!

16 03 2011
martin

F$ck you Simon, who gives a shit what it is, it’s good. It’s very refreshing when it’s 40 degrees.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

F*ck you Martin, when it’s 40 drink proper beer not cat piss.

16 03 2011
martin

F$ck you Simon, and what would that be? I’ll drink what I f$cken want. Even if it’s Corona with lemon squished in it.

On a really hot day you want something lighter, something that has less yeast and sh!t in it. Corona fits that description.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

F*cking bogan!

16 03 2011
Pistola

Come back when you have a clue. If you can’t find a quality light beer by an Australian craft brewer that doesn’t taste like cat piss, try harder.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Good call Pistola. Martins problem is he is a Libtard and wants to help out the third world.

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Has TBL ever done Swearing as a TBL? Bogans swear at everyone because they have no real vocabulary with which to express themselves, and I think it’s worth an article.

Try here. TBL

16 03 2011
Jen

^this

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Thanks TBL.

16 03 2011
martin

Ergh. TBL #219 – Being a beer wanker.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Don’t ya love a new post and reason to say f*ck you!

16 03 2011
martin

Nah I’m sick of it now. I think TBL could have done better.

Although Mexican beer does suck, I got given a random sampling of the XXXX stuff for my birthday and it was terrible.

But Coronas are ok. On a really hot day.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Whoever gave you that present really did not like you huh. That is like getting hankies.

16 03 2011
martin

It wasn’t too bad. It got me drunk. Better than the poncy wine you drink.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I had some real poncy wine last night, family gathering, no Corona but a Cascade to warm up with.

16 03 2011
Benny Hill

If it’s my first I’ll drink almost any bowl of loud mouth soup on a really hot day, preferably out of a jar.

16 03 2011
chubbybloodfart

hey f@ck you Martin! don’t start on the wine drinkers now you cerveza swilling…
neocon… tard.

12 04 2011
Yelhsa

Touchdown! That’s a relyla cool way of putting it!

16 03 2011
Pistola

Some facts about Corona. It comes in a clear bottle, which means instant death for the beer as soon as light touches it, which is basically every bottle that has come off the production line. The beer is hence ‘skunked’, giving it a terrible flavour. The irony is that Corona once tried to change this by trialling a special UV-resistant glass bottle that protected the beer, and preserved its flavour. The verdict? No thanks – we like our beer skunked. The UV glass was ditched.

16 03 2011
devil's advocate

The issue of beer getting light-struck is pretty much a non-issue when the beer is pasteurised (ie heated up to 70 deg c to kill the yeast). PRobably big temperature swings would have a stronger effect. In beers like coopers pale etc, where the yeast is still alive, it’s an issue which is why they are selling in a brown bottle.

16 03 2011
barkeep @ ye olde glassing barn

Yep exactly! It is no surprise to me that the local beer of choice for the bogan; Tooheys Extra Dry is also served in clear glass bottles.
If it’s shite and flavourless to begin with putting it into clear bottles means no difference in taste.
Amazing how the local “Dry” war has them putting their cat piss into clear bottles. As I think Hahn Super Dry does as well.
Also I’m not sure as I have not seen a bottle in a while, but I think Corona is also brewed locally by CUB or Fosters.
I remeber back in the day when it started being very popular (around 2000) not long after that seeing that CUB had the rights. The articles below seem to think that fosters brews so I can’t be certain.
Found these discussions on it.

http://forums.overclockers.com.au

/showthread.php?s=dc5144a08154c69788a5bab1cacded24&t=833574

http://www.brewsnews.com.au/2010/01/fosters-to-lose-corona-licence/

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/business/little-new-year-beer-cheer-20100107-lww4.html

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

I haven’t read it yet because I’m so excited just to see the new entry there! I now have some stimulation in my boring workplace.

16 03 2011
Rob Innes

The old saying goes, a good beer doesn’t need anything added to it. Mexican’s don’t touch Corona, just like most of us don’t touch Fosters.
Hehe ‘glassing joust’, I love the way TBL puts things.

16 03 2011
Westline

>>blissfully unaware that the repackaged Crown Lager it is drinking is Australian made<<

You meant to say 'Corona' there methinks.

Nup. TBL

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

I know normal people who like the odd Corona. I don’t like any beer cuz it tastes like tomcat urine to me, so I’ll take your word for it that Corona is even worse. I’ll keep the piece of lime though.

16 03 2011
shakPower

this is in direct contrast with the bogans usual habit of ‘buying Australian made’ (http://thingsboganslike.com/2011/02/07/212-buying-australian-made/)

boy the bogan is a confused creature…..

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

It isn’t. It just does what the advertisers and Today Tonight tell it. To us it would seem contradictory, but the bogan doesn’t think that deeply.

16 03 2011
shakPower

ah yes , that makes sense. normally people use 10 % of their brains throughout their life time. i wonder how much this figure would be for bogans!

16 03 2011
Mr Q

You know, there’s a business idea! You could invent a hat, with a patented ummm ….. hologram, yeah, hologram, that realigns the bogan’s innate brainwaves, enabling them to use more than 10% of their brains without actually having to use their brains! A BrainBoosterBeret?

As long as you charge more than 10% of the bogan’s credit limit, the limit would have to be the sky!

16 03 2011
Rob

Yer all gonna need to drink heaps more beer, or partake in mind numbing beverages or substances of any and all sorts, Mexican or not, with or without citrus slices, coz –
As this is written, the trashmedia is cranking the Japan/earthquake/tsunami/nuclear reactor meltdown/global economic disaster hysteria to the maxxtreme level required for, well, mass hysteria to take hold on the bogan populace.
And yes, a la Global Financial Crisis, they will succeed in spooking the Guvmint into a pink batts strategy for recovery from something that didn’t actually happen.

16 03 2011
shakPower

HAHA yes the trash media’s coverage has been pretty constant and mostly devoid of facts, experts who are not experts at all and shoving up mics in the Japanese people’s faces asking how they feel. never seen this sorto insensitivity before.they will stop at nothing until the whole bogan populace is panicked outto control hence ending up in myer to let out steam, its all a sponsored drive towards shopping chaos.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Sad as it all is I just can’t watch it. The media is so generally irresponsible I just can’t sit through it. Thank god for cycling on Eurosport.

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

It’s sad, the way they’re profiting from this tragedy. SBS news is pretty good, but the bogan will never watch the ‘wog news’ as my dad calls SBS World News.

16 03 2011
shakPower

HAHA would your dad be one of them?

sbs and abc news are the only ‘real news’ .Entirely about events , which is what news should be. not marketing adverts disguised as news. Has anyone else noticed in every CA / TT , every tragic report is followed by some discount store opening ‘news’ or myer redesign ‘news’

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

No, the irony is, my dad watches SBS World News for his news. He also sometimes watches TT or ACA and yells at the TV. It must be some sort of catharsis for him. He’s a unique man.

16 03 2011
shakPower

HAHA classic. thats exactly what i do. TT and ACA only sometimes to have a laugh more than anything else.

Must be a Gold Coast thing. Maybe we all goldcoasters are a sophisticated unique bunch!

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

We don’t take ourselves too seriously. I find the southerners get all up in arms about stuff and carry on in this forum, whereas we just go, “Whatever” and have a laugh!

16 03 2011
martin

The only thing I’m watching regularly, ie two weeks in a row now, is Q & A. Even sitting through a bunch of pretentious, self righteous and conceited libtards asking stupid and pointless questions is better than the MSM.

I couldn’t give a flying f#ck about the Japanese earthquake. Does that make me a racist?

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

No it just means you don’t care about these people you’ll probably never meet. I’m just glad my friends got out of there ok.

16 03 2011
p'bee

gotta say, martin, it kinda makes you an arsehole to not care about something as big as this.

16 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Nope, I don’t either. I feel sorry for those who died, but that’s all.

And the nuclear power frenzy is just starting.

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

What about all their loved ones who are in unspeakable agony at having a part of them torn away? My guess is you’ve never experienced the loss of a loved one. Anyone who has, must surely sympathise with those who’ve lost a mum, a dad, a child, a brother, a sister, a grand parent, a best friend, a husband, a wife…etc.

16 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

As a matter of fact I lost family in the Mumbai bombings and my grandfather passed away just a few weeks ago.

Like I said earlier, I feel sorry for the people affected by the quake and their loved ones. But what does that do? It sure doesn’t help the people who have lost their family, friends, livelihoods and are still at risk.

I’m just surprised that the trashmedia haven’t started comparing it to the QLD floods + Yasi.

16 03 2011
p'bee

aca had the question on their website a couple of days ago asking whether australia should give aid to japan or only help queensland. the outcome was unsurprising.

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Oh goodness, I hope they don’t!!! Nothing can compare to tsunamis and that. It’s only a matter of time though. %$#@ trashmedia
!!!!

16 03 2011
Peter of Kensington

Hey Ash,

A while ago, you mentioned that you got into a fight at your mates christening (or something like that) and I waited for the scalding you would surly receive from the enlightened TBL e-crew. It never came. They actually supported you in this act (apparently the guy hurt your feelings, so that makes it okay).

Since then, I have noticed you display a lot of the characteristics that should earn you the title of Bogan. Even today, you have shown a lack of sympathy for the Japanese and admitted that you would drink anything with alcohol content (don’t you know that some drinks are uncool?)

Despite your obvious ‘Bogan’ leanings, why do you think you are accepted here?

16 03 2011
Pandabater

Do you sell rods & reels at the shop Pete?

16 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Peter,
I believe it’s because I’m good looking. I can’t figure out why else.

Where did I say I have no sympathy for the Japanese? Of course I do. I’m just saying that my sympathy isn’t going to help them rebuild, and neither will the global trashmedia hovering around. Leave them to mourn and then to rebuild in peace, and if they want or need help they should get it.

As for my claim that I would “drink anything with alcohol in it”, I can only imagine that the rest of the crew were smart enough to realise that Iwas being facetious. As a matter of fact, I havem’t drunk anything since the New year.

I have never exactly hidden the fact that I like and do a lot of bogan things . Here’s the deal, though. I really don’t care what you think, or in Bogan verbiage, “I don’t give a fark.” I do some thing that bogans do, but I also do other things bogans don’t and would never do.

16 03 2011
spewy

I hate how on the trash media it is always ‘Aussies” never Australians that are missing.

I just noticed that the Sunrise team has left Japan, paranoid, no doubt about radiation.

16 03 2011
shakPower

Yes they deserve another post , the trashmedia. even though TBL has already done around 4-5 on them.

@spewy please don’t watch sunrise if you value your sanity. they will change you man. without knowing, you will slowly but surely get the ‘boganteria’ virus.

16 03 2011
spewy

shak

Yeah I have to be careful. I try and limit my trash media forays to the length of the weather segment on ABC24.

16 03 2011
Mr Q

Boganteria? Surely that’s the term for a shopping mall food court?

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Perhaps Kochie’s head started ticking?

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Or maybe Mel’s norks of death started glowing?

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Or the short arse weather dude started shrinking more?

16 03 2011
shakPower

HAHA i just laughed loudly, thanks simon. now i cant stop laughing and everyone in the office knows i’m definitely not working.

17 03 2011
chris

… or he started growing. 50-foot short-arsed weather dude crashing around Tokyo. After the bad run of luck those poor b@rstards have had, nothing would surprise me.

16 03 2011
Vviv2

Never seen that sorta insensitivity Shak? You should have been in Vic after the black Saturday fires….”you watched your whole life burn, & lost your parents…HOW DO YOU FEEL?” This aimed at a child under 10!
I came so close to murder that day….

17 03 2011
Vviv2

Oops…wrong spot for this reply

16 03 2011
Pendant

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Pure INGSOC duckspeak. Doubleplusgood!

16 03 2011
spewy

Mexican beer is good in Mexico. Local beer is most always better where ever you go as beer doesn’t travel well. That’s why micro breweries are becoming more popular with non bouges and bouges alike.

16 03 2011
johnnydrama

Pfft! Wankers. These boys are seriously scratching for ideas now. I can think of many beers worse than Corona. It tastes nothing like that foul swill Crown Lager. Melbourne, Fosters, or anything by Toohey’s, Budweiser, yada yada…….. Eeerch! Get me a bucket! I’d rather drink filtered piss from a pub urinal.

16 03 2011
barkeep @ ye olde glassing barn

Do you pay premium import prices for those beers? (Maybe Crown Lager)
Agree that Budweiser is in that category, but it has not been as popular and never had citrus wedges in it. Never seen bottles of Bud available at hotels & pubs over the counter. only in Bottle shops (maybe that is just Perth)
I agree those beers are shit but people buying Corona and putting a citrus wedge in it are trying to hide how shit it tastes yet are paying premium beer prices for it.
I have noticed that the people who have taken to Corona are not usually beer drinkers and always say “I don’t usually like beer but find I like Corona” or something to that effect.

16 03 2011
martin

Coronas aren’t that expensive. They may have been once upon a time. They’re only about $50 a case, where as standard australian beer like vb is about $45.

16 03 2011
barkeep @ ye olde glassing barn

That gets back to my point earlier that I think Corona is now brewed in Australia.
Thats right about the pricing in cartons. But what about restaurant, bar & pub pricing? Corona is usually in the “premium” beer section. It also does not detract from the fact that is the beer you drink when you are not drinking beer.
Lemonade is refreshing on a hot day, better tasting too ;)

16 03 2011
Vacuous

Many beers are worse, but I think the point also made is that Mexican beers are particularly popular, selling mostly on its image as an exotic drink rather than any true qualities, like… well… flavour.

16 03 2011
steve

Defining people as bogans based on the beer they drink… You guys get more and more lame with every post.

16 03 2011
barkeep @ ye olde glassing barn

Yep only the beer they drink.
Not the 217 other things that they have used to en capture all of the bogan traits.

17 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Oh great, we wasted all that time reading and commenting on the other posts. If only we knew we could spot a bogan so easily as his beer! The other symptoms actually stand out better.

16 03 2011
Pendant

I couldn’t drink beer for the longest time, I thought they all tasted like piss – XXXX, VB, Tooheys, Crown, Corona etc. But I was uneducated.

Now – if you’ll allow me to gloat – thanks to Mrs Pendant’s job I get 2 free beers every weekday, and on tap my options are:
Weihenstephan hefeweizen (my favourite), Lübzer pils (tasty), Holsten pils (not so much), Guinness (ok if in the mood) and a bitter brewed for the pub which is pretty good too. There’s also Fosters and Newcastle Brown Ale but bleh. So now I’m a beer convert. I don’t think I’m at wanker stage yet, but certainly happy to look down my nose at those XXXX plebs

16 03 2011
James Hunter

Pendent,
Just ,for convenience , ask for a Coopers Pale Ale.

17 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

That’s my regular beer that I keep in my fridge at home, craps all over most mainstream Australian beers. I also keep Cascade Light if visitors want a midstrength instead.

I’m in full agreement that this post is relevant, even if it’s a subset of the “Locally Brewed Foreign Beers” post: if they’re not sucking on a Stella or imbibing a Beck’s, no surer than that they’ll be on the Sol or Corona excuses for p¡ss, which is beloved by the CUBs and NaBs.

Also popular with these types are the American dishwaters on sale here such as Miller and Budweiser, of which the latter has a current ad campaign featuring the tagline “Grab Some Buds”, which suggests that while out buying a carton of this rubbish, they should also swing by their local amateur horticulturalist for a fiddy.

Unsure how that one got past the keeper, knowing of the connotations that carries…

16 03 2011
Benny Hill

Or if they stock it, anything from Burleigh Brewing Co. Bought a tall ship of their ‘My Wife’s Bitter’ and it was very delightful.

16 03 2011
Clairebbbear

I don’t mnd Corona and Lime, but not as a beer. For me it is a beer-flavoured cordial, same as Starbucks is coffee-flavoured hot milk.

For real beer on a hot day you can’t go past St Arnou Plisner. Or 3 Ravens White. Or Hoegaarden. Fat Yak and Big Helga are also surprisingly good considering the amount they are advertised (usually not a good sign).

16 03 2011
Storbz

Oh how timely . Due to circumstances beyond my control (a birthday party), I was unfortunate enough to be at the local bogan mecca/watering hole last Saturday night. Whilst I nursed my outrageously expensive pint of Coopers, I was confronted by a Ralph Lauren-clad bogan swaying drunkenly to the latest David Guetta remix clutching not one, but two – yes, two – Coronas avec lemon wedge, one in each spray-tanned fist. As a friend remarked at the time, this individual was the embodiment of TBL and definitely photo worthy; yet we were dissuaded from this course of action by the inevitable glassing we would receive if caught taking photos of men on the dance floor “like a pair of fuckin’ poofs”.

16 03 2011
Pandabater

There’s a lot of urine being consumed here,
you are picking up the wrong bottle.

16 03 2011
Blueballs

I often thought it would be a good idea to familiarise the Corona drinking Bogan with another Mexican export: The Pinata, naturally the Bogan can be the Pinata, and I’d have the stick, but to make it more sporting, with a twist, the bogan would be blindfolded

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

But no lollies would come out. Damn.

16 03 2011
CoffeeSnob

Corona is like sex in a canoe.

Sex in a canoe?

Yes, f@uckig close to water.

16 03 2011
Benny Hill

I was at a rockabilly soiree in Brisbane the other night and if you wanted to be part of the rock n roll crowd you had to drink Corona’s and pay $7 for them when Budweiser was on special for $4 a bottle. Yes I know Budweiser is bad but so is Corona.

What’s worse is beer snobbery at a party. I tried once and it backfired. I bought Coopers 1446 or 1646 or whatever and that was the worst tasting shit in the history of the dope game.

I however prefer a dark ale but the problem here is that Guiness is locally brewed, the upshot is when tanned who gives a flying toss.

16 03 2011
Pandabater

My beer comes from El Salvador.
Is that OK with everybody?

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Buy Aussie ya pseudo intakectl commie poof.

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

I’m ok with it. Bogans might not be though because they wouldn’t know where that is or how to pronounce it, or they’d think it’s a burrito brand.

16 03 2011
Pandabater

It passes both tests.
Tastes good & is cheap.

16 03 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Plus it’s brewed in Abbotsford.

16 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Keeping it local! Swish!

16 03 2011
Pandabater

I believe that the locals call it,
Abbotsford reino del la cervesa.
If you don’t mind.

16 03 2011
p'bee

hold on to your hats, tbl, i come bearing something life changing. behold rebecca black:
be warned, though, there are only three possible responses to this video. 1. hysterical laughter, 2. bleeding ears, 3. vomiting in terror. don’t say you weren’t warned.

16 03 2011
p'bee

actually, it’s probably good it didn’t embed properly – it is one of the worst songs ever to be unleashed on an unsuspecing public.

16 03 2011
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Saturday called. It wants its meme back.

16 03 2011
spewy

this song is trending on Tumblr at the moment http://tinyurl.com/4a9kss9

16 03 2011
barkeep @ ye olde glassing barn

I can’t say I wasn’t warned but why would you put that link up?
In all seriousness i stopped after I felt that 1. was ending so that I would not experience 2. & 3.

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

At work the sound does not work but a brief view of the video told me all I need. Glassing coming your way P’bee. I bet Martin wants to do her though.

16 03 2011
martin

Nup. Lamest song ever. Unforgivable. Ah f#ck it yeah I’d do her. Comedy sex.

Has anyone ever f#cked someone they thought was the biggest idiot in the world and couldn’t stop laughing at them? I haven’t.

16 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I feel that way about every woman I’ve ever slept with.

17 03 2011
GoldCoaster

Those hilarious blow-up dolls aren’t women.

17 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Shut up. They were, I tell you! We had a rool connection!

*runs off crying*

17 03 2011
Vviv2

When you hug them, do they say “Baaaaa”? :-D

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

LoL Martin, comedy sex. I will use that line twice tomorrow.

17 03 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

Oh yeah, for the record – she’s apparently 13.

17 03 2011
p'bee

i probably deserve the glassing. the bob dylan parody of this is actually worth listening to, though.

16 03 2011
Edward

Thank you, I was looking for how much longer it was going to continue at a minute and three seconds.

With a similar theme as an inspiration, the Easybeats wrote “Friday on my mind”. This ought to be remembered in evaluating the merits of this auto-tuned and sound engineered insipidity. If the studio jiggery-pokery were removed, what would you be left with ?

16 03 2011
p'bee

just a voice that sounds like a goose honking.

17 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Oh dear, have listened now. I think the lyrics were written by a chimp. Worst use of vocal distortion since Chers abomination. Do I take it this is popular with the kids?

17 03 2011
p'bee

no, this one is getting mocked mercilessly.

17 03 2011
Vviv2

Ugh! I made it through until she started reciting all the days of the week. Do even bogans waste money on this tripe?

16 03 2011
Will S

Well, since we have a few entries about beers bogans like, what are some beers bogans don’t like?

My favourites are Guinness (which the bogan will like tomorrow…), Kilkenny, Tooheys Old, anything James Squire and Little Creatures. Bogan or no?

16 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

All ok I reckon Will. I like Cascade light myself for it’s fresh taste. I’m not into heavy beer preferring a red for night/winter imbibing.

16 03 2011
martin

Cascade is overrated poncy shit.

I find most beers “non bogans” like are just poncy shit.

I like a more earthy taste. But I found James Squire to be as rough as guts, a bit like Crown if you ask me, in that it’s a shit beer dressed up as a premium beer.

Tooheys Old, Kilkenny and Guiness are good. Never had little creatures.

17 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Beer ratings from a Corona drinker? Thats like getting your news from Nein. Waste of f*cking time. F*ck you Martin!

16 03 2011
clipper

How about Reschs – I’ve never seen it at a bogan barn. Little Creatures is tasty.
I find it funny how loyal people are over commercial beer – most wouldn’t know the difference if they were given a different brand – I can’t, and wouldn’t care. Crown lager is a case in point – “let’s whack this batch in this stylish bottle and charge $2 more”

16 03 2011
martin

Reschs got f#cked over by CUB or whoever the big boys are a long time ago.

17 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Reschs Dinner Ale (a.k.a DA) was the OSB brew of choice in NSW until the 80s, when VB and Tooheys took over in popularity; this mirrored a change in beer tastes throughout the country when the parochial old-school wifebeater’s p¡ss in most states fell by the wayside for nationally-available versions. For instance, in WA, Swan Lager was the go, but that disappeared nearly two decades ago, Emu Export is solely for hardcore soaks and despite a surge in popularity in the 90s, Emu Bitter (EB) has too become one strictly for OSBs.

17 03 2011
Pandabater

You’re taking me back there Turnips, when I was a kid there was a “midden” of Flag Ale (Steel) cans in the paddock out the back of the neighbours.

17 03 2011
Pendant

Where does Powers fit into it? I know someone who drinks nothing else, but finds it quite difficult to get a hold of these days.

16 03 2011
MrGreen

I assigned these beers to “Alcopop” status a while ago. Beer flavoured alcopops.

16 03 2011
Sheriff Struggle

Give me a Melbourne Bitter any day.

16 03 2011
Sheriff Struggle

It’s great on a cold day because it lowers your body temperature to the outside temp, thus making it feel reasonable. On a hot day it lowers your body temperature to get rid of all of that bloody hotness. Beer, the perfect drink. Melbourne Bitter thanks. Cheers. Ahhh.

17 03 2011
Mick

Is there a direct correlation between corona drinkers and glassings? seems to me the type of moron who drinks corona is the type to assault you for talking to a girl that knocked him back 16 times.

By the way, if I am going to be glassed, the last thing I want as I’m being carted off to hospital is to have a slice of lime stuck in my ear. No, if I’m going down, I want green or brown shards of glass in my eye.

Some of us have standards.

17 03 2011
barkeep @ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

Oh I know.
Also that citrus really stings in an open wound!
Thats why they serve it up with Corona. It’s like a poison tip blade.

17 03 2011
Davo from Perth

Chopper Read likes to drink Crown Lagers as he reckons the bottle design lends itself well to smashing over some cunt’s head.

Don’t know how a Corona would fair in this situation.

17 03 2011
Tone

Corona, whilst f*cking awful, serves a purpose. It keeps bogans from ruining other beers for the rest of us. We’ve already lost Coopers to bogans (well, Pale Ale at least); I’d hate to lose other decent Aussie beers to them.

17 03 2011
GoldCoaster

My dad brews his own. Next time you stop by the Coast look me up and I’ll give you some of his prize winning selection. The bogan can taint what it will never drink.

17 03 2011
chris

Sorry, but the fact that bogues like Pale isn’t enough to deter me, although if/when they graduate to the lunatic soup it will be a cause for alarm. Everything else brewed in SA is rancid discharge from Beelzebub’s anus by comparison.

26 03 2011
The Quote Train

Vale Ale. Get on it!

17 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

No, I shall refuse to surrender just because the bogans have co-opted Pale!

Worry not, for them it is just a silly phase they’re going through and they’ll move on to whatever foreign or locally-brewed overseas labelled bilgewater is de rigueur next month.

17 03 2011
EsDee

I do give a flying f..k about the Japan earthquake and the subsequent crisis the country is facing.

I don’t give a flying f..k about beverages that contain ethanol – more precisely the snobbery – bogan or otherwise – surrounding its consumption. Or the tedious notion that what you drink says anything about you.

And who gives a flying f..k about Zapata and how many have detailed knowledge of the Mexican Revolution beyond shibboleths when they wear a tee.

I never thought I would say this but TBL is now officially boring. And strangely insubstantial.

18 03 2011
urbanreverie

I’m going to have to disagree with you there, SD.

We mercilessly mock the bogan for the cars they drive, the clothes they wear, the TV shows they watch. So what’s wrong with mocking them for the beer they drink?

And I agree with Turnips – please do keep in touch with us when you’re in the UK. I’m interested to know how chavs compare with bogans too. I mean, I watched “Shameless” when it was on SBS, but that’s fiction.

17 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant Source of Randomness

I appreciate your feeling SD and will be sad if we don’t see you here again. For me TBL is an escape, at the moment from some ordinary personal stuff I don’t care to share, and coming here to tell Martin to f*ck off or swapping double entendres with JH or reading Chubby or BOT’s wordy missives are a welcome diversion from bigger things we can do nothing about. Stay well SD.

17 03 2011
Vviv2

Couldn’t agree more Simon…. A little humour in the day helps everyone.

17 03 2011
EsDee

That’s sweet of you Simon.

Reading TBL after a long time and it sort of feels tired. It seems to have lost its bite, that bit of darkness that ran under it that made it a bit more than a diversion :-) But I do appreciate your viewpoint. And haven’t forgotten how much fun the whole thing can be – and cheers to Shirl, Viv, Tomba, you, pbee, BoT, FoT, Urban, Nelson, Mick, Panda, Brim, Will S Chubby, Edna, Martin, hel, Sten, JH, JnotH and co for making it so.

I am off to the UK (farking off cos you are farking full!!) so it seems TBL will be harder to follow.

Hope things go well with you.

PS: Confused. Is Vviv2 Viv (doesn’t seem so)? Mr Viv? Unrelated?

17 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant Source of Randomness

Cheers SD, send us some reports from time to time if you feel like it. And take a warm sari!

17 03 2011
EsDee

Ha ha, one woollen sari packed!

17 03 2011
p'bee

at least stop by sometimes to regale us with tales of chavs.

18 03 2011
EsDee

Sure – chavs, asbos, Cameron, The Middleton Marriage – lots to report on!

18 03 2011
chris

Don’t forget the neds.

18 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

The blog entries are but the tip of the iceberg, EsDee: it’s us regulars who post insightful (and sometimes downright silly) comments that make it even more interesting, often going off on tangents.

I’d be most intrigued, if you’d post for our collective benefit, your observations of chavs and how they compare to bogans.

20 03 2011
The Quote Train

Part of the reason I visit this blog is to read the insights of this guy ^

20 03 2011
Mick

I concur.

I’ve bagged Turnips before over his wordiness but he’s one of the ones I look for.

18 03 2011
urbanreverie

*blushes at being listed among such auspicious company* My pleasure, SD.

I hope you leave this country with good memories – we’re not all like the people TBL satirise so bitterly. Honest! :) Bon voyage!

20 03 2011
Mick

Say it aint so SD.

Well, if you really have to go, make sure you enjoy all your travels and laugh every day.

22 03 2011
EsDee

Mick, sadly it is so-we will laugh and travel light. Urban, we loved Australia and will miss it, heck we are supporting it at the cricket over England!

Briefly sojourning at home. And note that every other Bollywood actress says Mr. Vettori is sexy. If they say so….

While there are few glassings (and hence no jobs for Simon), the home country is one whole level of superior boganism when it comes to weddings – some idiot here is going to recreate entire cities for some obscene amount as wedding venues – a little Opera House is so perfect for tying the knot, no?!

22 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Next time I go back to the mother country, I’m thinking of teaching some poor kids to glass each other.

I am truly one of the worst people alive.

17 03 2011
Vviv2

EsDee, I’ve only ever been Vviv2 on this site, & I’m all female….You might be thinking of Vvivesex?
Best of luck in the UK, try not to freeze your bogans off. :-P

17 03 2011
Pandabater

Aaahhhh.

Thanks for clearing that up.
The avatar looks like something Viv
(the other one) would have.

SD hope to here from you soon.
Stay warm. :-) :-)

17 03 2011
EsDee

Ditto – thanks for clearing it up!

Thanks Panda!

17 03 2011
Vviv2

There you go Panda…better? :-p

17 03 2011
Pandabater

How you doin? ;-)

18 03 2011
daniel green

could have sworn there was a post on st paddies day? did I dream it or was it sensored?

18 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I think they linked last years post on St Paddys day. Warning – the post contains limmericks!

19 03 2011
Ripa

Lowenbrau or Guinness in the ‘widgie’ can. Anything Czech.
Coronas ARE shit. So is anything CUB brewed.Thats a truth.
Micro brews are nothing more than overpriced home brew. Gut rot with a fancy lable.

22 03 2011
right and proud

One of my favorite beers right now is Gage Roads Wahoo. Bitburger would be my current #1 overseas brew, and even though I think VB is the most disgusting bilge ever to be passed off as beer, I don’t mind MB at all.

Going to Jupiters’ on the Gold Coast with a mate and his girlfriend a couple of months ago, the beer selection was: VB, Crown Lager, Carlton Draught, Carlton Mid and Corona. You know it’s a shitty beer list when you pick Corona because it’s the best of the bunch.

Surprisingly I like Emu Export, even though you can’t get it outside of W.A. I ordered some the other week, nearly polished off a case so far!

22 03 2011
Mick

Emu Export. Otherwise known around the Pilbara as wife-bashing beer. Horrible stuff.

But like you, I know blokes in Queensland who are always asking me to bring a slab back for them.*shudders*

24 03 2011
right and proud

Wife-basher because it’s so easy to drink. I imagine on a hot W.A Summer you could polish off a lot of those in a short space of time.

5 04 2011
Alex

The classic is when the ‘bogan in the know’ insists that “you’ve gotta have it with a slice of lemon” somehow admitting you into their secret realm

7 05 2011
Bear10

You precious little wankers do realize that the Corona that 99% of the time you will buy over the bar or at your local bottle-o is brewed here, in Australia, and taste’s nothing like the stuff “the Mexicans can’t give away”.

On the rare occasion I have been unlucky enough to have picked up a case of the imported stuff and have instantly noticed after the first sip.

I’m not sure of the specifics behind it all but I reckon that it may have followed the Coca Cola theory. Coke is made differently in each country to suit the taste the have found best within that particular region so quite possibly they have taken Corona, and when brewing it here, tweaked it to suit the Aussie palette.

Maybe if you guys stopped insulting everyone’s choice of anything in life you wouldn’t be so worried about “carnt’s glassin ya”, I know I never am but hey I believe in each to their own ;)

Actually, until about a year ago, ALL Corona in Australia was brewed in Mexico and imported. Then local brewers realised that there was one beer they hadn’t licensed locally, to force their swill on us. TBL

20 07 2011
Mick - Flying With Bogans Since 2008

Nah, I’ve bought Corona for two bucks a six-pack from the supermarket in Mexico. It was rubbish in its own country and is rubbish here.

However, if you ever get a chance, check out the fine array of tequilas available in the duty-free store at Mexico City airport. That brought a tear to my eyes…

3 02 2013
chuck

you see that he calls these poeple bogans,he is the bogan a piss head or f–king red neck…the dick that wrote this crap,but one thing is true forget the lemon or lime….beer beer..poeple that drink heaps of vb are drunkin f–king piss heads…..

5 04 2014
Unfoofoo - Survivor from the deepest garages of doomness

I am surprised no one has mentioned ‘low-carb’, beer used by bogans who want to (suddenly) become preachy health- gurus. Like Suntory diet water (no sh!t) and rooly healthy Boost jooce…

7 04 2014
James Hunter

Neither my wife nor my girlfriend will let me waste my “boost juice” !

7 04 2014
Unfoofoo - Survivor from the deepest garages of doomness

You sound like a busy man there, James. You have two women making you drink Boost Juice. At least you’ll burn most of those carbs.

7 04 2014
James Hunter

Ah, you misunderstood me so well !!

7 04 2014
Unfoofoo - Survivor from the deepest garages of doomness

Why thank you, James! I do try very hard.

Non-newsworthy flash:…

Boost Juice have trumped the Massive Can with the 1 Litre Fully-Sik bottle, so wives and girlfreinds don’t have to line up for a half hour at a food court Boost Juice kiosk, which could make them late for Zumba.

What a deviously good marketing strategy! I wish I worked for them.

7 04 2014
James Hunter

After 1 Litre of Boost Juice I guess “Fully -Sik” is what you be ? Not sure about the Massive Cans… They be “hard to top” !!

7 04 2014
Unfoofoo - Survivor from the deepest garages of doomness

True James, massive cans are hard to top indeed…

One cannot crush a plastic bottle on ones forehead, not Maaxxxtreme enough at all…

This reminds me of a joke ‘ad’ Triple J (Jay and the Doctor I think) had years ago for..

Pricks…pricks Prick Nite Spot (or was it Prix, can’t tell)

Anyway, on this fictitious ‘ad’ they advertised 2 liter cans of Bourbon and Coke for,… ‘Just two bucks’!…

Piss on at Pricks!…

I am sure said nite-spot would also sell 7% Thooheys Platinum as well

Gets ya sh!tfaced faaaasst carnt…
(shudder)

7 04 2014
James Hunter

Slightly of topic and not wishing to skite BUT Saturday week ago 22.03.14 at The Maitland Motor Bike and Hot Rod Show I had 14 concrete Besser Blocks smashed on my head with an axe in one minute !!! We claim it is a world record. Have not ha any challengers yet.
A local Micro Brewery at the Commercial Hotel Morphet makes some excellent chewy strong beers if you ever up this way it is worth a visit.

7 04 2014
Unfoofoo - Survivor from the deepest garages of doomness

James, I hope your head is better now… ouch. I will treat it as a World Record from this moment henceforth and if I need a Besser block smashed, I know who to call.

I’m here in Brisbane at the moment, I remember Maitland and The Hunter Valley from when I lived in Sydney. If there again I’ll look for the Chewy beer micro brewery!

I will try to convince my ex wife to challenge your record. She is Japanese and they love to torture themselves in public. And I will get to laugh.

Just making the number 15 block out of balsa wood now.

On second thought, that may break you axe,. never-mind.

8 04 2014
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

JH, is that on Youtubes?

8 04 2014
James Hunter

Hi Simon, Have you got the link ? or mane used ? I am opn there and have been on there in different places like the Milan Watermelon Chopping for Guinness but tell me where to look ? Have you checked our web site lately ? some new stuff on there too !!
Cheers Jim

8 04 2014
Vviv2

Hi James! I’d love the site too please, just to keep up with the mayhem you’re causing….. Hope all os well with you?

8 04 2014
James Hunter

Vviv2 the web site is http://www.circusbizarre.com.au have a look we have started making and selling some way out dungeon furniture and equipment !!! Just as a side line to fill in between the Blood Terror Nudity !!

8 04 2014
Vviv2

As long as it keeps you off the street, it’s all good…..

9 04 2014
Simon - Teh Interwebz Ninja

JH, you been on the metho again? Have you got footage of the brick smashing was what I was wondering?

9 04 2014
James Hunter

Hi Simon, The Metho is what makes it all possible !!
Yes the whole thing was videoed but be latter in the week or early next before I have it my self. If you like copy just email me as per the details on the website contact box.
Cheers
Jim

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