The bogan likes strong arms. It also likes people who win sporting contests, particularly if they possess an accompanying heroic tale of beating life’s cruel odds. For the bogan believes it too has beaten the odds, despite having enjoyed a comfortable suburban upbringing and having gone on to achieve little of note. While Lance Armstrong is indeed an exceptional athlete with lance-like pistons capable of propelling a bicycle across France, this is not why the bogan likes him. Having achieved this after battling testicular cancer in an inspiring deathbed-to-global-sporting-dominance story is also not why the bogan likes Lance Armstrong.
In fact, the bogan doesn’t even like cycling – as a sport, or a mode of transportation. The bogan believes recreational cyclers are a menace – it heard a shock jock use this phrase on the radio – and believes cyclists wearing multi-coloured lycra look like “fags,” despite the fact that its own t-shirt is considerably more garish in design, and just as tight fitting. Should the bogan see a cyclist riding legally on a road, it will lean on the horn and tailgate the cyclist before dangerously swerving out across two lanes and slowing down to point its yellow wristband-clad arm at the offending velocipede. The bogan will then scream “buy a fucking car….ya fag.”
So if the bogan doesn’t like cycling, and Lance Armstrong is first and foremost a cyclist, what is it about Lance Armstrong that the bogan actually likes? Firstly, Lance Armstrong is a celebrity. He has dated a couple of famous celebrities the bogan doesn’t like, and he once went biking with George Bush. Secondly, the bogan has form when it comes to wristbands which proclaim affiliation with a higher ideal. The bogan is also fond of wristbands which purport to have magical properties, no matter how preposterous the manufacturer’s claims may be. It is possible that the bogan believes that by simply purchasing an array of brightly coloured yellow products etched with the life affirming term “Livestrong”, it can have access to the same raw athleticism, skill and bottomless energy reserves as the hard-training and obsessively determined physiological freaks who make up the sporting elite. But like purchasing gimmicky hologram jewellery, the gullible bogan will succeed only in tapping into its money reserves, or that of its credit provider, as it maintains its position in the thick part of the peloton of life.
The bogan also believes that wearing a “Livestrong” wristband, sock or specially branded jockstrap gives it carte blanche to make gonad jokes. This is because the bogan is a moron, and lives in a state of endless adolescence where jokes about testicles, no matter how cancerous, are always funny. The bogan will tell anyone who is offended by its crude jokes that it’s not being serious, and people should get a sense of humour. Because it likes Lance Armstrong. And his freshly-shaven, pulsating thighs.
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As being told to “get a sense of humour” you have an equal chance of being told to “go to bunnings, get a bag a concrete and have a big cup of harden the fuck up..”..
Duncan.
Should it also be mentioned that the bogan likes Lance because he eats set concrete for breakfast.
I suspect the bogan may be a fan of the “Livestrong” campaign, as for them it may implied as “Livehard”, which of course is the only way they know how to live.
In Livinghard, they too can live life to the maxx, even if it’s just Pepsi Max, and be hard cünts.
Until they get testicular cancer from trying way too hard to grow a pair. Then they’ll realise what the campaign’s all about, watching TT/ACA in vain, awaiting news of a miracle cure and hearing of a breakthrough, will then proceed to call Peter Mac/Charlie’s/other cancer centres in your capital in petulant hope, only to be told it’s merely research at this stage, so they’ll…I was about to run off onto a tangent about the jealous nightmares he has about his widowed de facto getting #124ed by his best mate, but I think you get the drift.
That’s what happens if you Livehard!
I believe this is the first time TBL has blatantly called the bogan a moron.
Untrue. https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/97-anti-intellectualism/ TBL.
I’d say the reason for that is more bogans are reading this blog and are striving for more of post #178, because it’s not accustomed to this form of humour when compared to post #181…
They have been called worse, like dumb c*nts for example.
Yes. They’ve even been called lesser.
Bogans also have ways of calling each other morons and cnuts without even knowing they’re doing so. Especially when giving toasts and eulogies.
Examples:
Larrikin = Cnut. But at least he’s on our side.
Rool Austrayan Charactah = Stupid and thoroughly insignific*nt. But eats beer, drinks meat and f*cks spoken English. Often annotated by…
…Who was laajer than life = Fat
laajer than life also means never shut up.
Bah! Wrong I am. Corrected I stand.
Excellent concluding paragraph. The old ‘get a sense of humour’. Mostly uttered by those most lacking. The same can be said of the phrases ‘get a life’ and ‘grow a set’.
Actually, I was told to ‘get a life’ on Facebook the other day because I said I wouldn’t participate in the ‘I like it on the…..’ status update thing, due to it being f*cking stupid.
Surely another post for TBL…
Bandwagons…
Bogans LOVE bandwagons…
I’ll lay a bet (even at 1:1 odds) that somewhere, RIGHT NOW… there is a bogan filling in their facebook status of ‘I like it on the …..’, as well as searching youtube for the police brutality bashing video…
I bet you’re right.
I’d agree too, but am afraid that I’d be seen as getting on the bandwagon bandwagon…
Good on you Shirley, I can’t believe how inane that shit is.
It shits me to tears on so many levels.
Shirley, to help raise awareness for breast cancer, you should announce before every post today: ” I like it up the arse, with whipped cream after a cosmopolitan”
I think that would be profound, and all the guys would have no idea what you meant. You would be all the more powerful.
If my parents weren’t on my friends list, I absolutely would. In fact, the other day I wrote ‘I like it in my bum’ and reconsidered at the very last minute.
Defriend them, they should understand that its for cancer.
Is there an arse cancer awareness day/week/month? If not, there should be, and we should totally do ‘I like eggplants (etc) in it’ status updates. Not only would we be raising awareness, we would also be sexualising a disease AND promoting our book at the same time!
Good thinking – AA Week
Additional promotional/awareness games could be :
“I lost a …… in there” (e.g. fox terrier, statuette of Je$us, shower nozzle etc)
“When I ….. it tingles” (e.g. lick, deodorise, fill it with glitter etc)
“I always add ……. to make it taste better” (e.g. curry powder, ice magic, sultanas)
Simon likes this.
“shit’s me to tears”…I haven’t heard that in years 🙂
Love it Shirl
i hate that whole ‘i like it…’ thing. no-one on my friends list who put that in their status was asked what it was about and then explained the cancer awareness campaign. awareness doesn’t work if people don’t know what the hell they’re meant to be aware of.
Well it was especially confusing because the ‘game’ was kicking around 6 months ago for no reason at all – except ’empowerment’. Here’s the message I got about it in May:
ok ladies here’s another game, like the bra color game which was a total success and we had men wondering for days what was with the colors and it made it to the news. well this game has to do with your handbag, where we put our handbag the moment we get home for example “i like it on the couch”, i like it on the kitchen table or i like it on the dresser well you get the idea. Just put your answer as your status with nothing more than that and cut n paste this message and forward to all you FB female friends to their inbox. The bra game made it to the news. Lets see how powerful we woman really are!! Remember- do not put your answer as a reply to this message, simply put your answer as your status, then forward this message to your friends.
Yes a million women typing a sexually suggestive I like it on our status make us totally empowered.
I almost vomited when I read the ‘Lets see how powerful we woman[sic] really are!’ line. I immediately outed the whole thing on my status and got called a killjoy, among other things. Facebook is great! *rolls eyes*
SD, I just stole that for my status update. I loath those ‘games’. Confuse people? Hardly, just shows them to be utterly moronic. In truth, many of their other status updates, with bastardised spelling, grammar that challenges the laws of the universe, text speak and generally blatant stupidity are infinately more confusing than “I like it on the couch”
That is ludicrous ‘Lets see how powerful women really are!!’ We all know they aren’t. BTW, youtube is gospel.
When the wife is beaten, it’s never her face, and she is never cursed at. See how she is honoured?
Yes I do.
how many burqas will a mulsim force his wife to wear if a muslim can force his wife to wear burqas.
I might convert. Is glassin legal with them?
Sometimes I find it hard to believe this shit still happens around the world. Though that’s what you get when you accept the morals of a couple o’ thousand years old book written by some ancient desert nomad with a psychological disorder.
It’s time for that parasite called religion (and I mean ALL religion) to be destroyed… and the Bogans to be enslaved… MWAHAHAHAHA!
Tell me, TBL, are any of you religious?
>implying men wouldn’t find some other excuse to exert power over women if they weren’t religious
Dare I say that’s quite ironic Shirl?
oh Shirley M, we have to meet. I’m certain we wouldn’t have any farmville cowpats to swop…
The bogan likes sports people because they’ve never done any work that requires thinking, reading, patience, and character yet they get all the money in the world. The bogan thinks character is based on how many words come out of their mouth and how much they like themselves.
Yeah, because after all, busting your arse for several hours a day over the course of many years in order to get to a competitive level doesn’t require any patience or character…I would also think you will find most sportspeople do think and read a considerable amount regarding training for their chosen sport. Whilst I do not consider myself a bogan, to say that someone such as the average professional cyclist does not possess patience or character is just nonsense.
Nice work, TBL.
The only possible cause for pendantry would be the spelling of ‘f*cking’. Bogans spell it ‘f*cken’, which is exactly how they pronounce it.
f*cken “a”
They can’t love him that much. I’ve not noticed any little bogan kiddies with the name Lance or any sad derivitive. That’s usually a giveaway.
Is this something to do with national ride-to-work day? I’m listening to indignant motorists bagging the noble cyclist on talkback on the ABC right now.
How do you mis spell Lance? Not easy.
Lanse
Laans
Llaanse
Lhanse
Larnse
plhannse, silent letters for the win!
laaarhnse
I am going to call my son Tiberius, Ulysses, Robert Lee, Nero, Caligula or Methuselah.
Or is an unusual middle name.
It means “gold”
they’d have to be gold from all that cycling
My writing skills have done me proud yet again.
Laarnce – for the aspirational bogue
I thought perhaps the name was easy to pronounce…
Lance (or Lah-nce) sounds very similar to Glass…
“I’m gonna glass you – you c#nt…”
or
“My name is lance – you c#nt”
its all very similar…??
Lanz
They are probably more likely to go for ‘Armstrong’. It’s different, unusual etc. etc.
I think you meant “Armstrohng”
You’re so much better at the bogan names than me. I was trying to think of a bogan spelling and just couldn’t come up with one.
This is fraught with danger for the casual observer. Upon asking if little Armstrong was named after the moon-man one would be met with a confused glare followed by the obligatory glassing for dissing their kid’s name.
either that, or they’ll believe lance armstrong was the first man on the moon.
and giggle when you say moon.
Bogans like mooning stuff.
No no no, every bogan knows that Buzz Lightyear was the first man on the moon!
No it wasnt it was Apollo Creed!
Touche Brad, touche…
As a cyclist I can confidently state bogans friggin hate us. On an open 4 lane road with no traffic the bogan in their falcodore/cement truck/hyundi with foxy sticker will drive as close as possible to you and yell get off the road or get a car. The plus to this is having a steel bike pump in hand and putting a lovely long scratch down the side of their lowered Statesman without their knowing.
I imagine it’s not just the bogans either. Most people hate cyclists. I only hate the ones that grab onto my rearview mirror and hitch a ride.
You mean they reach into your car and grab the mirror hanging from your car ceiling? Incredibly dangerous.
You know what I mean. Side mirror.
as a recreational cyclist, i find it down right dangerous on some roads, especially in tradie country.
blasting the horn always produces much mirth among the brain bereft bogans
the use of weaponry to fight back sounds like a plan i shall adopt!
ps, am considering carrying air freshener to spray around smokers who expel smoke near me
Someone should make an airhorn in a can that blows out air freshener and an obnoxious high pitched sound – then you could honk back at bogue drivers and spray down smokers.
Portable pump-up airhorns (with a schrader valve) are totally available; I bought one of these when I lived in the US.
The air-bottle fits in your water bottle holder, and the horn bit attaches to your bars or whatever, and conveniently removes to be directed into the face of a surprised bogan. I’ve only had the pleasure of using it a couple of times, but it’s fucking brilliant.
It’s also very easy to remove side mirrors from cars while they are moving – permanently – and they’re several hundred dollars to fix, and better than keying, the car is then immediately unroadworthy. The bogan will be so surprised and late to the childcare that they won’t even be able to stop.
It is kinda sad that bogans have ruined holdens and fords. The VE and FG series are not bad cars albeit on the heavy side. Statesmans are another story, 70k for a commodore??
I love riding my pushie, been riding my dads old racing bike. Although I prefer bmx or mt bikes which results in shins like cheese graters.
Funniest abuse I copped was a bogan telling me to ‘get off the fucken road’ when I was loading my bike into my car…although I suppose technically as the car was parked on the side of the road I was on the road.
Serious question here. Do bike riders take out any form of insurance to cover accidents be they with parked cars, pedestrians etc?
To the best of my knowledge, they don’t. I think if cyclist want to use the road like any other vehicle, they should have to register their bike and be accountable like everyone else.
Did you know that Hitler never learned to ride a bike?
No armour?
Cyclists are accountable. Police can and do pull them over and fine them just like any other road user.
Perhaps, but without a registration number, other road users can’t report them for dangerous behaviour.
Yeah, and how many times have you ever reported a motorist’s number plate? The fact is, 99% of the time such a report will come down to a he says/she says situation, in which case the police can do nought.
Regardless, the fact that cars have number plates has done little to nothing to stop drivers routinely breaking the law, so to say that they are a deterrent is pretty much baseless. Also look at the comparative danger of having a couple of kilos of metal or carbon, as compared to more than a tonne of car.
There is dangerous behaviour and dangerous behaviour – and the accident statistics say that bikes aren’t really a danger to anyone but themselves.
According to TAC statistics, since 2006 in Melbourne 1 pedestrian has been killed in an incident with a cyclist. Cycling is up there with lightning strikes as a risk to the community at large. Hence you will see why there is no particular rush from governments to address the cycling ‘menace’. By the way, that rider was caught and fined for the incident.
Tom, kudos my man. Well put.
I fully agree with cyclists being accountable to road rules.
I have always found that being compliant with road rules, rather than being a nerdy Dudley-do-right thing, is the best way to stay out of hospital. Some bikers are just their own worst enemy; on a few occasions I’ve chased guys down who have run red lights and given them an earful. Makes for good interval training
Exactly, you can’t blame the car if you run red lights, sneak up the inside of left turn lanes etc. Assume the driver has not seen you and will not give you space and you will be safe.
I’m a member of Bicycle NSW, they give 3rd party insurance as a part of membership.
Anybody who is a paid member of a cycling club has third party insurance as well through Cycling Australia.
You’ve forgotten busted-arse Gemini/Hyundai etc with the P plates on the back. The “Mum’s Taxi’ sticker scraped off the back window and replaced with some oversized surf label or Metal Mulishia crap. Chock full of adolescent boys pressed up against each other… and they have the nerve to yell “fag” at me… wtf is that all about?
Bet you they don’t even know that Metal Militia is a Metallica song. Probably don’t even race in MX either…
“And his freshly-shaven, pulsating thighs”
Does this mean an entry on homophobic bogans loving the (brazilian) homoerotic is nigh?!
Shirley, I sympathise re the “I like” moronicity being forced on us. And the bra colour. And whatever is next.
we can come up with something for the next campaign. favourite tramp stamp? or maybe vajazzling decoration?
Speaking of homoerotic, who’s seen that Musashi ad that’s kicking about at the moment?
Haven’t seen it yet.
I kind of don’t like parts of the homoerotic aesthetic though, the muscles creep me out (like the pic on today’s post).
Here you go SD. Don’t thank me.
Punchline…
“If you wanna look as buff as this fag… drink Musashi”
“If you wanna look as buff as this fag… drink Musashi”
Or if you want to turn into a black man, apparently.
Yet the latest research shows that a glass of milk has a higher concentration of and more absorbable proteins for athletes and body builders. Guess it aint so tough to have a glass of milk after a workout.
That’s only for hot curries.
Which are best eaten in a very hot bath with a bottle of gin.
What, like butter chicken?
i love the meaningful glances.
By meaningful I’ll assume you mean precoital.
could there be any other meaning?
The ‘freshly-shaven, pulsating thighs’ bit had me concerned for a second.
I thought I had inadvertently stumbled into a Harold Robbins novel
Thanks Shirl, at the moment the site is blocked so will see it later.
Ah Harold Robbins- 70s soft porn for the middle classes. Talking of which I finally picked up Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus, lots of pulsating on there – but she’s French so that’s OK.
Where do bicycle couriers fit into all this non sense? Surely they are seen as maxtreme?
Benny…
They’re not Maxtreme couriers unless they’re on a dirt bike (crusty demons style) delivering the ‘fragile’ package whilst doing a heel-clicker over the top of the delivery address…
That my friend – is maXtreme!!!!
True dat Loftie, but surely they’re living on the edge and considered maxtreme enough compared to lycra wearing, brazilian, anal bleaching road riders?
Loftie – that’s nothing. Yesterday in Melbourne, I spotted myself a truly maxtreme bicycle courier… actually, I lie. I saw a truly maxtreme UNIcycle courier! It was, without a doubt, the best thing I have ever seen.
Lance is a bogan frat-boy made good. His book (which is actually a very good read) gave me cancer of the neck because I was shaking it so often over what a bogan he is. Nevertheless, he was incredibly successful in one of the hardest competitions on the planet. If you want to win in your field, you could do worse than trying to emulate this guys performance. Just leave the EPO at home.
I should note that anyone who wears Lycra which is plastered with sponsors and isn’t being paid by said sponsors is in fact quite bogan.
This is because the bogan is a moron, and lives in a state of endless adolescence where jokes about testicles, no matter how cancerous, are always funny.
Fantastic
Enslave the Bogans!
That’s what they did on the Planet of the Apes. Well, until Charlton kicked some arse. Don’t mess with Charlton.
A very interesting documentary. You should watch it some day.
You pry our Ed Hardy from my cold dead hands!
Trouble is, it would be much the same as the Spartans enslavement of the helots. We would be considerably outnumbered and as a result be in constant fear on an uprising.
I’m pretty sure if no-one in marketing told them to rise up they wouldn’t be able to think of that themselves.
I fear they would be able to use their collective knowledge of crap movies such as Braveheart to draw inspiration from.
Braveheart was a historical document for the bogan.
They only draw inspiration from Weekend At Bernies and Police Acadamy 9: Massive Cans Unit.
Pendant is a hyphen in no-one allowable?
Ooooh. I’d say that a hyphen in ‘no one’ may be acceptable these days, but anyone who has pendantry as a hobby should know better.
So, in short, the 80s was the pinnacle of Bogan thinking?
Well, that’s my knowledge of boganity…In the 80’s I was world’s best practice bogan.
Scratch that, Bogans don’t think anymore, if they did at all in the first place; they’ve got wonderful items that do all the hard thinking for them these days. I believe these include tax agents, lawyers and AM radio hosts…
I don’t think I can agree with this. By your logic, Gladiator is also an historic document, but there is at least one recorded instance of a baby Maximus, and I’d be willing to bet that little tyke isn’t unique.
Maximus wasn’t from some dodgy growth hormone product that the bogan picked up at the gym?
Prolly more than a few little Maximuses (Maximi?) squeezed out at some of the public bogan spawning grounds around 9 or 10 months after Gladiator hit the megaplex cinemas.
Maxipods?
Maxxipods. Spelling, please.
surely maximi are the sporne of maximus the son of the general publius who fought in the pubic wars
And Bear Grylls will show them how to get out!
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/01/15/bear-grylls-worst-case-scenario-discovery/
And that is why he is Chief Scout…
“Our Sally” Pearson not only has a tongue stud but she also has a tramp stamp.
I suspect she has an Olympic Ring tramp stamp? Is she just warning the punters to expect something world class?
that, or the abc logo.
Is that so if you’re a bogue – and your ploughing her from behind… you’re to be impressed???
I’d say most bogans wouldn’t know what it was – and would probably assume its a 6pack holder for VB cans that was missing a loop!!!
The sporto-jockos might actually know what the Olympic rings are.
However, that will not prevent them from attempting to paint over that tramp stamp with their own comely version, or if really adolescent or insanely kinky, revert to their childhood and perform the Olympic pissrings, which gives a new meaning to watersports.
It could be the top knuckles of a fist – perhaps she is leaving instruction drawings Ikea style.
Does it have wings?
tramp
i saw something awful at the town hall train station a few hours ago – two femmebogues decked out in zumba gear. their pants were an incredibly painful shade of fluorescent lime green.
Its to make them easier to avoid when they step out in front of your car from the kerb with their i-pods jammed in their ears!!!
Avoid? To quote Worf from Star Trek: First Contact…PREPARE FOR RAMMING SPEED!
iPod
not i-pod
or Ipod
or I Pod
iPod
Fellow TBLERS,
It’s time for “Ethical Dilemma of the Week”
A work colleague is going to Fiji this week for a friends wedding which is costing her & her partner approx. $3000.00 for the week.
Her question is, am I expected to give a present/money after laying out 3 large just to go to the wedding? Is their attendance enough?
I say, No Present (but then again there is no way I would attend in the 1st place).
No present. If people want to have their wedding in some place where every single attendee has to travel and pay for accommodation then they forfeit present rights.
Honestly i’ve never even understood this concept at all???
Why can’t you just get married somewhere closer to where you actually live your everyday life???
I mean – the bogue is only gonna cheat on his wife anyways… and have to go thru the perils of divorce within 3-5 years…
why spend the money??
You could easily go to kuta, drink some bintang, and bring home a few STDs for way less than $3,000…
and no doubt – you’ll have beads in your hair…
I’m not really the getting married type, but I have considered getting married somewhere like Thailand, taking 2 – 4 close friends, paying their way and just living it up for a week or so. Probably would cost less than the whole traditional wedding / gigantic reception deal.
Screw them, who needs presents anyway? Are they 18 years old and moving out of their parents houses to set up a life of their own? If they are, they should get married closer to home and have a BBQ receptions so they can afford to set up their own house. If not they can f#ck off.
I’m getting married (at 22-23) sometime in the next few years and can’t for the life of me figure out why people want to give us presents. My fiancée and I certainly don’t have much stuff, but nor do we want much. Apparently this blows people’s minds. I’m thinking we should elope. Dealing with the wedding culture of Australia has been a terrible experience since jump street.
As a soon-to-wed, can I also voice my displeasure at this? I’ve been to enough weddings over the last few years with grabby, gimme registry lists (some with gaming consoles and clothing requests), others with wishing wells and those tacky fucking poems… Why are people deluded into thinking weddings are cost-retrieval exercises? If you can’t finance a glitzy wedding yourself without depending on expensive gifts, don’t have one.
Anyone else catch Mediawatch on Monday? (if not go to http://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/video/ to catch up) I always knew TT and ACA were interchangeable (a point well made by TBL) but running the exact same rubbish stories on the same night seems almost conspiratorial.
I live in The Illawarra so I am lucky enough to get TT/ACA one after the other & they have the same stories more often than not. What they find difficult is having to take sides as they cannot possiby be seen to agree with each other.
And ….. in late-breaking Ed Hardy news:
The Ed Hardy shop on Edward St in Brisbane has now closed. There is a “for lease” sign in the main window. However, the shop is not empty; it is now temporarily used as a clearance outlet for upmarket/preppy and decidedly unbogan menswear. When your intrepid Mr Reverie passed the shop on his way home yesterday afternoon, the Ed Hardy under-awning sign, window decals and inlaid tattoos on the floor were all still in situ. There were also plenty of customers, mostly middle-aged stuffed suits (probably half-cut after spending a boozy afternoon in the nearby Tattersall’s Club).
Would anyone else here be able to let us know what’s happening at your nearest Ex Hardy shop?
for fear of being of being scorned by my patriotic bogan peers TBL, I suggest the ‘heroic’ efforts of Sally Pearson may make a great TBL post??
Off topic, but irresistible:
PARTS of Brisbane are set to flood tomorrow regardless of whether it rains or not, because the controlled water released from Wivenhoe Dam will combine with a peak tide.
Residents of inner city suburbs have been urged not to park their cars on at-risk streets as authorities fear parts of the city will be inundated as water released from Wivenhoe Dam combines with a high tide.
Residents are advised not to park on the following streets from tomorrow until further notice:
Albion: Bogan Street, Immarna Street, Collingwood Street, Fox Street and Elliott Street
What the hell is a car-worshipping bogan meant to do in response to a flood warning like that – there will be mass panic, as they collectively try to identify higher territory in Brisbane where they can leave their beloved vehicles. Imagine the recriminations against bloody government officials if any bogan vehicles are lost, or even if the duco is slightly damaged. They’ll blame the Bureau of Meteorology, and demand that it be privatised (at the urging of the gutter press).
The outrage is already there. I’ve been reading the comments on the news/bogan Ltd site for my morning laugh. These people vote.
Is it to early to open a bottle of red?
From today’s comments:
I think some of the SEQ water board members must live in Bogan Street, Albion!!
Bogan, Fox and Collingwood, it’s like a grand conjunction. Bravo
There was a femmbogue on our train last night who must live in the wastelands beyond Ipswich, which means that the last leg of her journey would be made by car.
She had received a text message which prompted her to huff, sigh and groan rather loudly, “FAAAAHHK”
She then rang someone and relayed the contents of the message thusly “Yeah, it’s me. Yeah, mum’s just texted me that the F*KKIN Warrego highway is closed. Yeah, it means I have to go the back way through Walloon. Nah, she didn’t say. Probly some F*CKIN truck rollover. Yeah, closed at Minden. If it’s cuz a the Wivenhoe Dam, some F*CKER should get the F*CKIN SH*T kicked out of them.”
This conversation was repeated 3 time in total – twice to friends, and one to whatever poor soul was partnered with this hambeast.
For years I have been comfortable with the fact that Lance is the only cyclist that the bogan is willingly admit to knowing they exist. However with a bit of heavy coverage of late in cycling, the World Championships in Geelong, the domination at the Grand Australian Sports Meet with invited foreign guests (Commonwealth Games) I have overheard bogans discussing aspect of say, Cameron Meyer’s win in the points race. “Man that skinny little f**ker went round those other poofs 3 times!”
This has left me feeling… uncomfortable. And dirty. Is this normal?
Prolly the same dopey pond scum who run bikers off the road the rest of the year.
The Adelaide Bogan had a kind of affinity with Our Stewie a few years back. Mostly when he made it onto the back page of The Terroriser. But they just couldn’t understand how that, if he could jag one stage of the Tour de France, why couldn’t he win the whole thing?
Contact with bogans will do that. Having to listen to them discuss something they know f*ck all about will also do it. Bogans need to keep their greasy mits off our sport huh.
“the hard-training and obsessively determined physiological freaks who make up the sporting elite’
So, so true. How do elite swimmers spend so much time following a black line and not go psycho?
I’ve always thought the thoughtless ownership and emcumberance of a car in a built up city was incredibly bogan.
-it makes them fat and lazy
-it makes them indebted
-it makes them stupid (practiced semi awareness while in jams lights etc)
-it makes them reliant (broke indebted)
-it makes them maliable (copious amounts of car adds)
-it makes them time poor (even more maliable)
-it makes them pollute destroy maim andOr kill
-it makes them guilty and angry (because they pollute destroy kill)
-it makes them a burden on all other citizens (excess tax, space, services, wars, infastructure and environments quality they monopolize)
These are some of the important ingrediants required in the expensive training known as the ‘way of the bogan’. Car ownership in congested citys provides this training in a painless hassle free way in which the car owner will master bogan techniques without even realizing what it has become.
Proper and thoughtful use of a vehcles full capabilities will undo any boganity absorbed through the improper use of a large vehcle in a congested city.
Ie putting the 5 seats, 10m2 space, and all the unreplaceable kw to some sought of use other than one or two bogans life cut short by heart disease whiplash or blunt trauma
.
Ben,
You take the piss quite well. good thing you are not serious
Look on the bright side, Ben. It’s natural selection hard at work.
James I have varying levels of seriousness. Depending on the amount of times sideswiped, engine revved, horn blasted, pollution flem’s been coughed up. Vs lifts in a car when I’m injured or trying to move some big piece of furniture or long enjoyable road trips.
Chris bogans like to take revenge on natural selection by having an ‘accident’ to randomly kill of things which arn’t it:-pedestrians, cyclists, pets and other random creatures.
In bogan terms an ‘accident’ means they were less hard than my car and therfore at fault. A ‘crash’ means a bogan hit something equally as hard as it’s car and is impressed enough to descibe it as an action sound. The hardest crasher wins which means the bogan begins to entertain desires of 4wd ownership to move it’s poor unhealthy body from a-b.
Bogans also disturb natural selection with their patriotic excitement. Encouraged and driven by the bogan excitement their leaders go to war in far away countrys whilst searching for oil to sate the bogans mewling cries for it.
Wow. that was deep…
off topic, but important – bogue forces lara bingle and kyle sandilands uniting: http://tinyurl.com/29yjh7z
http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel-news/our-beauty-is-only-skin-deep-20101013-16k44.html?autostart=1
Does that confirm this report then? Or is calling Lara+Kyle attractive an oxymoron of sorts?
I can’t seem to post that link that found that Australia was perceived as the dumb blonde of nations.
Now I know why.
Wasn’t that article in this morning’s Age?
Haven’t checked their website for it, though…
I think Mick just posted it on another thread.
Tbl? Great context,but the inclusion of the wristband was and thereafter snzzz
I’m sorry if this is redundant, but my present locale has apparently the world’s thinnest and most tenuous intertubes, so I haven’t read all the comments.
I will take issue with TBL for the first time ever.
Cyclists are Bogues.
Not because they are a road menace and not because their Lance Armstrong Fantasy Outfits are gay.
It is because they are wearing Lance Armstrong Fantasy Outfits in the first place. I do understand why competitive cyclists wear the kit they do, but I do NOT believe all the tossers I see in this kit are competitive cyclists. Wankers.
Let’s be honest, in the field of sporting endeavour cycling is possibly more lame than soccer. Children do it. Free range armpitted feral chicks do it. I did it for my high school carreer for 15 kilometres each way to maroochydore state high school. It’s not difficult. And the kiddies, the feral chicks and I all do/did it without the beneit of lycra and corporate “sponsorship” (Meet a schmuck who pays for the privelage of giving away free advertising). Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for getting a bit of exercise, but tell me what’s the difference between this get up and a spiderman suit? And let’s face it – if you’re not actually on the velodrome, or actually in the tour, wouldn’t a little extra wind resistance be a sort of bonus? Like resistance training? Boxing in heavier gloves? Running on sand?
No.
It’s a fantasy.
Sure, keep it up Tubby but get real and lose the Lycra, we can see your paunch.
Ostentation. Branding. Fantasy.
Bogan.
Sorry, Chub but that is BS on so many counts I don’t know where to begin. Maybe I’ll get back to you when I’m sober; maybe I won’t. In the meantime, save me the effort and just call yourself an idiot.
Amen
Chubby,
Bold, impassioned, wrong.
Why do cyclists inspire hate? I actually used to hold a similar attitude until buggered knees meant I needed to find a new way to cause myself physical pain via exercise, which my body seems to crave. I think the great thing is that anyone can have a go you don’t need to be a no neck behemoth or have exquisite skills. I do some competitive stuff and you see people 70 years old still competing.
As the plonkers in z grade rugby will wear a team ruby jumper to training so do cyclists wear appropriate clothing for their pursuit. The brighter the better because then occasionally cars might see you and go around instead of through you. And you need comfort. Anything slightly floppy causes chaffing, annoyance etc so the lycra, whilst not a good look, is the only thing to wear if you are doing more than going to the shop.
Ok some cyclists are wankers with $15,000 bikes that just go to the local cafe but the vast majority are great people and not bogue at all.
So Chubs my friend, that is why, on this occasion, you are wrong.
hey sure
I’m an idiot.
maybe I’ll buy a lycra idiot suit.
but I thought it was a reasoned argument. why do you need a special outfit just to ride your pushie to work?
If you’re riding 20mins each way, there’s no need. Spend 3 or 4 hours at a time on your bike it’s a different story. Do that in a pair of boardshorts and you won’t be walking for a day or two.
i had to ride mine for 3 years-i was an idiot(loss of drivers license) i didnt need no lycra to feel like a bigger idiot,dunlop volleys and khaki shorts were just fine.
Yeah….come to think of it, this entry smacks of veracity! They love Lance. But hate lycra-clad yclists.
Um, “cyclists”.
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And here we are: another January rolls around and the poor, long-suffering inhabitants of the rust-belt state have to endure endless press pics of our Dear Leader, Mike Rann dry-humping LA’s leg.
After recent revelations from USADA, I’ll bet Media Mike is feeling a bit dirty about all that leg-humping…
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