#157 – Paintball

14 07 2010

Its mother was crying that morning. The bogan son awkwardly embraced her, telling her that everything would be ok. It’d be back home safely soon enough, it said. And besides, it’d used a gun before, and could handle itself in a fight. Its mother continued to weep, unconsoled. She hoped never to see the day that her son would go off to paintball war. But she knew it was for a cause much greater than her own selfish need to see her only child be safe. It was for its best mate’s bucks party.

Paintball’s origins date back to the year that Phil Collins plagued the world with In The Air Tonight, and went on to sell a buttload of copies. There was definitely something in the air the night that shooting paint-filled capsules from a high-powered gun became a bogan rite of passage. To killing things. Embodying bogan-trusted loves of war and paint, paintball is a pseudo-deadly simulation of what will never happen on a real battlefield. Nevertheless, the bogan embraces it with the same fervour it musters up when talking about joining the army.

Pregnant with anticipation, the bogan eagerly awaits the impending skirmish with its ten best mates. What lies ahead is a day of shooting balls of paint at its mates’ balls, with a particular emphasis on assassinating the buck. True to form, the bogan lacks the discipline to stay ‘alive’ or face any real consequences of being in a ‘battlefield’. It will thus, maniacally run around; gun in one hand and massive can in the other, scanning the terrain so it can repeatedly shoot the buck for the sixteenth time and prove once for all, that it is indeed the biggest and quickest guerrilla in the jungle. This, despite the fact it was ‘killed’ about three minutes after strapping on the protective goggles. All the while, its mother sits alone in her lounge room, forlornly thumbing a tattered photo of its child while the clock ticks loudly from out in the hallway.

Some days later, when the paint has finally peeled off and the camouflage gear nicked, it will proudly display its extreme bruising to all and sundry. It will enthral its listeners with tales of gallantry and valour, and uncontrollably laugh about the time it totally “nailed Dave in the balls, lol”. Meanwhile, its life giver is relieved that her progeny is back safe and sound without getting killed or acquiring trench foot.


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257 responses

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Ew! It would ruin your outfit!!!!

14 07 2010
Shirley M

You have to wear the fatigues which are provided, Fiona. So even worse than ruining your outfit, you’d have to wear something that someone had worn before you did. A bogan, no less.

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. That’s what I meant – my outfit would be ruined by being covered up in a) fatigues and b) SECOND HAND fatigues no less!

14 07 2010
miss dahl

Fi, dear, what on earth did you wear to bowling then? You have to hire used shoes for that as well…

14 07 2010
pb

bowling alley in the ancestral manse maybe?

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. As if I’d ever go bowling! It might chip my perfectly manicured nails.

14 07 2010
pb

sorry. bocce and croquet lawns at the ancestral manse instead.

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

At least the fatigues might cover up the gunt.

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Fi another problem, Heels are not even satisfactory round a paintball course

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Marvellous! Best written entry for a while boys (not that the others were bad, of course).

14 07 2010
Paula Anson

Someone has a hard-on!

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Ooooh, who?

14 07 2010
Luther Blisset

Fiona, you probably look fat in it anyway.

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. I know! I bet I’d look at LEAST a size 4 in those baggy rags.

14 07 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Fiona, you can do better than that.

14 07 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Touché.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Did Laser Force precede paintball, or was it the other way around?

14 07 2010
Enus

The bogan child learned the ropes from Laser Force, to one day grow up to be the hardened veteran of paintball it is today.

14 07 2010
Brimstone

i like Laser Force. my friends also played a live-action Counterstrike with masking tape
i think Paintball might straddle nerd and bogan worlds. it looks like a live action videogame, William Shatner and other Star Trek actors have done it and i’ve seen it on Big Bang theory

maybe it’s less mainstream in Aus, while violence/guns are less common?

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Brimstone,
If we want violence we have Rugby League

14 07 2010
Sten

Or Saturday night at the train station/cab rank.

14 07 2010
Antosha

5 in a row Mr Hunter! 5 in a row!

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Where is everyone? Engaging in what passes for commerce I suppose?

14 07 2010
Antosha

ALAS Fifi..

I am waiting for the dust to settle a tad.. before posting my observations today.

This is another entry which is a little too close to home for young Antosha.

14 07 2010
Boards of Canada

Drycleaning, omelette’s and Latte’s provided afterwards?

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

An X-treme bogans bucks day will also include go-cart racing. I know this for a fact. “look at me I’m Brockie”

14 07 2010
Shirley M

You’re right, Simon. A friend of mine had a bucks recently and the agenda was paintball in the morning, go-carts in the afternoon, followed by a bbq, poker and cigar smoking, and finally ‘The Velvet Cigar’. I was invited, too, but I didn’t go.

When did hens/bucks nights turn into entire weekends?

14 07 2010
Brimstone

both of these things are like live action video games

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Around 2002 I believe! What is The Velvet cigar?

14 07 2010
Shirley M

A ‘classy’ strip club. It even has a velvet rope. Whoah.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I’m surprised you declined Shirl. All that seems right up your alley. You could have taken Fi as your date and educated her further in the ways of the lesser people.

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Ew, I wouldn’t go to a strip club – even a classy one. I’d be mobbed by the men wanting a lap dance.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good way to earn a few extra bucks Fi. And you are giving back to the community. Win Win.

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Unfortunately for the “community”, I don’t need a “few extra bucks” – of the dollar or soon-to-be-married kind.

14 07 2010
Paula Anson

Come on, Fiona. Don’t be a party pooper.

14 07 2010
Reign.Supreme

I often find it odd how one as educated as you Fi uses common-speak such as ‘LOL’.
Even I don’t stem that low and i’m semi-bogan.

14 07 2010
Pandabater

Victim # 273.

Simon, take care of this please.

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Pandabeater,
What form of special treatment do you suggest?

14 07 2010
Pandabater

Well they have already been caught & are flapping in the bottom of the boat so a simple despatch with the oar should suffice.

16 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

*Glass*. I think thats what you had in mind. Another notch on Fi’s keyboard.

14 07 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

Are you saying you dress like a stripper, Fiona? I always thought you has more class than that…

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Of course not! I would simply “stand out” (even more than usual) in a crowd like that.

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

Fiona of Toorak etc (10:31:49) said: “LOL. Of course not! I would simply “stand out” (even more than usual) in a crowd like that.”

Yep, a gunt does look fairly out of place in most strip clubs. Well, in society in general, but strip clubs especially.

14 07 2010
miss dahl

Yep, she dresses like a stripper. Our Mel would rant about that, you know.

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

Dressed like a stripper and packing a gunt.

Mental images I did not need today….

14 07 2010
miss dahl

Why not Fi? Think of it as charity work!

14 07 2010
Loftie

I’d go see that show!

14 07 2010
Antosha

Fifi is concerned if she went to a strip club .. some of the regulars at the front tables might yell:

‘Where the hell have you been all month Fiona????”

14 07 2010
Shirley M

You should know you can’t take dates to a buck’s party! Besides, I’d been to the The Velvet Cigar previously, and I was by far the classiest bitch there. And that’s saying something.

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. And did you, as Simon suggests, earn a few extra bucks whilst helping out the community?

14 07 2010
Shirley M

No I did not. Surprisingly, men tend to pay little attention to ladies with their clothes on in such venues. I did have some fascinating conversations with some of the staff, however.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Do tell.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Well one young lady was doing her masters in something science-y (I can’t recall exactly, I’d had several shots of tequila and was mesmerised by her bulbous fake boobies). Another lady I had actually seen topless but a couple of days previous, as she was an actress and I had gone to see Salome. We talked about how hard it is to get real paid as an actor, hence the necessity to lap dance.

14 07 2010
Tombarina

Brilliant!

I knew a girl who paid her way through uni doing phone sex.

She’d be having a cuppa while doing the ironing, and absent-mindedly be saying “ooohhh, oooohhhh tiger, you’re sooooo big….oh, yeah” to some panting tragic for about $5 a minute.

It was both hilarious and pathetic.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

I’ve considered phone sex as a viable source of income in the past. My opinion of men as a whole is already low enough, so I don’t think my psyche could stand up to the battering. It would have to turn you into a Valerie Solanas style man hater.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Present company excepted of course Shirl.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Of course, Simon. I’m quite fond of a great many individual men. There’s just a lot of them out there who give you lot a bad name.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Damn bogans.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

It’s not even just the bogans, I’m afraid.

14 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. Is it the Catholics?

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shirl is a bit old and the wrong sex for them.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Too old and the wrong sex for the priests perhaps Simon, but not the rest of the flock, surely?

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You may be right. I find phone sex bizzare. How could that work? Paying $5 a minute to here some stranger to tell you things you know are BS and getting excited about that. Suckers (or perhaps wankers). Men are strange sometimes.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

The wanker bit is a given. As is effing stupid.

14 07 2010
martin

I knew a guy who racked up $60k worth of debt on one of those phone chat things. I don’t think it was a pure sex one, not sure. He honestly thought he was in a relationship, I felt sorry for him, he was truly a good guy. Wouldn’t hurt a flea type. Those things should be banned!

14 07 2010
Sten

My mates used to work for a phone sex company (as programmers for the menus and billing systems etc)… oh, the stories I could tell…

14 07 2010
Tombarina

Based on what my friend told me, there was no shortage of sad spankers prepared to shell out to be told they were big/dirty/naughty/whatever.

She didn’t even do the explicit stuff – it was just a lot of BSing about being dressed like a French maid or naughty nurse when she was actually in trakky daks and a QUT T-shirt, going oooh-ahhh at appropriate moments and, in the case of a couple of “regulars”, sticking to the script. One insisted on being called “Mr Claus”. I’d want $5/minute to stifle the giggles…..

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
A friend of mine used to do the exotic dancing in the little room while the punters paid large lumps of cash to look through one way glass and wank themselves.
She bid very well out of it. The punters.Well I can only feel sorry for them. After all for the same money they could have gone to a brothel and had the real thing.

14 07 2010
Othello Cat

I had a student job at a state government call-centre. As often goes with the culture of low-paying process jobs, the HR chickies feebly attempted to effect an air of faux-prestige about the positions during the recruitment phase to impress and possible retain candidates.

Naturally, most of us ignored that nonsense and instead exchanged war stories from other menial student occupations.

One girl regaled us with her saucy tales of from her pervious gig as a phone sex worker. She remembers fondly a colleague who frequently toted a “jelly-cup” to shifts. Apparently, during phone calls, this girl could achieve the desired sound FX by rhythmically pumping the spoon up and down in the jelly.

Oh yes – and all callers have biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig willies.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I would never have doubted it Shirl! Lol Fi.

14 07 2010
miss dahl

Always remember, Shirl, there’s never a downside to being the classiest bitch!

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
You be more interested in the velvet cigar case i think

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

JH,

Not really, I am a rabid anti smoker. Is that what you mean?

14 07 2010
miss dahl

I never really made it to paintball, but lazer zone after ballroom dancing classes was loads of fun and you didn’t end up bruised and battered!

14 07 2010
Happy

oh wow! no one here has ever experience something so unrefined as paintball!
its so amusing that somebody like Fiona Of Toorak whose persona is intended as pure mockery, has seeped into other poster’s outlook as genuine opinions. fools!

14 07 2010
miss dahl

Well, Happy, maybe some of us saw quite early that it was a tedious exercise in faux-macho-heroics. Some of us even decided that being badly bruised wasn’t really fun at all, and even a few of us know that sitting in a pub (or ciggie break at the office) somewhere discussing at length the size and shape of bodily bruising from something as low-brow as paintball isn’t the weeks’ most edifying bit of information gathering!

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Happy, you are a f*ckwit.

14 07 2010
Sten

I have, on a number of occasions. It’s kind of fun when the red mist descends and you know you can’t really hurt anyone, but if you’ve got half a brain in your head, it certainly makes you realise how easy it is to be killed on the battlefield.

So let the Bogans escalate from macho paintball heroics to the real deal… we could do with a cull anyway.

Thouugh I suspect most of the reason Bogans would want to join the forces is so they can kill Brown People and not end up in the chokey.

14 07 2010
Antosha

Agreed Sten.

I’ve played 3 or 4 times.. and if anything it is a great workout. But I find myself sore in places I never knew possible! All the crouching and crawling… yike.

I too was amazed at how easy it is to be killed outright. One time.. within the first minute of one scenario I copped a paintball right in the facemask… and I thought I was being cautious!

It also amazes me .. that if I am completely buggered after 4 hours of running around.. imagine what soldiers go through when they are in combat for days, weeks.. or even months (Stalingrad, Somme, Ypres etc).

Frightening stuff.

15 07 2010
Sten

Absolutely, Antosha. I’m not a very fit person, and am sharply reminded of that fact after every time I’ve ever gone paintballing (also about 3 or 4 times).

I couldn’t imagine how horrific it would be to have to lug all that gear around the battlefield (especially the desert and jungle ones Australians have found themselves in over the past few decades). I know I couldn’t hack it.

15 07 2010
Antosha

I’d have to be medivaced after 3.5 minutes Sten.

Am off to Londinium this weekend and will be making another trip to the Imperial War Museum. I lose myself in there.

16 07 2010
Sten

Isn’t it awesome? My favourite things about London are, in no particular order:

1) Beer at service stations
2) The Imperial War Museum (esp. the Heinkel 162)
3) Brick Lane
4) Listening to (and heckling) the nutters while drinking beer at Speakers’ Corner

15 07 2010
common man

@happy..lol!!! a total missunderstanding of point and fi..Even i picked up what was going on over 100 posts ago sheeesh..lol!!

15 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ CM

Welcome back dude.

15 07 2010
common man

Thankyou

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

Paintball is fun. Go-karts is fun.

Is this “things bogans like” or “things just about everyone with a sense of fun likes, which can include bogans”?

14 07 2010
Brimstone

see also: Krispy Kreme. someone suggested iPhones yesterday. we’re eventually going to get entries like ‘loud music’ and ‘eating unhealthy but tasty foods’
i’m pretty sure nerds also like paintball for it’s videogame like qualities
but games are fun, so they’re also bogan I bet

what about AC/DC? they’re a paradox. everybody likes AC/DC and everybody knows AC/DC are bogan

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Brimstone, “eating unhealthy but tasty foods”
do you not mean
“eating American franchised junk food”

14 07 2010
Sten

Nope, I’m no Bogan, but if it’s fried, I’ll eat it. My diet is pretty much pre-WWII. If I die at age 58, so be it.

I’m comfortable in the knowledge that I indulge in some of the Things Bogans Like, but I am not a Bogan. As has been stressed by many of the good folks here, it’s not necessarily liking these things that makes one a Bogan, more the *reason* for liking them.

14 07 2010
Mick

Paintball can be fun on a big enough layout. And as long as your playing partners aren’t bogans with Rambo delusions just running around screaming and firing randomly. Those are the times I would dearly love a proper gun.

Go-karts are also fun. There’s a couple of tracks near me. Bogans complain about the alcohol ban.

14 07 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Hear, hear.

D.A. you will get the usual suspects that frequent this bogan site telling you that it doesn’t mean you are bogan if you like doing it, it’s just something that bogans like, or some tripe like that.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Just as you will always get the usual suspects who continuously fail to understand the difference.

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

Look, I could launch into a long-winded argument setting out in detail the reasons why I think TBL is off the mark. God knows I’ve done it before, most recently in relation to the fast and the furious, and before that hot asian chicks.

But then you get the usual slack-jawed mouth breathers claiming “you don’t understand what TBL is about” or, as already mentioned “it can still be things bogans like even if other people like it too” etc etc.

I understand what TBL is about, and I probably agree with at least 95 per cent of the posts. But I don’t know why paintball gets a run when payday lending and other goldmines are left untapped.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

I read this article to be not so much about paintball itself, but to be about choosing to play paintball for a bucks party. Because shooting at your mates and causing them pain is extreme blokey shit. It’s not about the strategy of the game, or even winning.

14 07 2010
James Hunter

DA,
its because your not as smart as TBL

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

James Hunter (13:37:29) said: “DA, its because your not as smart as TBL.”

True – being as smart as TBL would probably result in a significant paycut for me.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

I like fun. I even like go-carting. I think paintball is ridiculous. Everyone’s sense of ‘fun’ is different.

14 07 2010
Brimstone

yeah, and i get that this site is a joke… i live in Newtown. i’m not exactly a bogan. but some of the snobbery has been getting a bit thick

we’ve got a regular poster who argues for eugenics…..

14 07 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Positive or negative?

14 07 2010
pb

yes, that was a bit disturbing.

14 07 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

What was?

14 07 2010
Brimstone

Positive. i didn’t read the whole wall of text but in the last two posts the Westurbia guy started arguing for eugenics

he’s the guy who thinks liking donuts makes me culpable in all America’s crimes

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Yep Westurbia has a couple of good points Hey?

17 07 2010
The Westurbia Guy

You asked, no challenged me to respond with something serious Jimmy. And Brim? I thought you wanted an answer to what was wrong with eating donuts. I guess if I keep the posts short and gushing, and keep the sycophantic drivel moving along, all is sweet, but if I get ‘serious’, when asked, or post more than 8 words at a time I am dismissed and ridiculed…hilarious! That you consider yourself a Titan on this blog brings no end of mirth to me Jimmy! And Brim, relieved that all things are settling back to normal now?

18 07 2010
James Hunter

Westie,
Me concider myself a Titan ?
news to me.

15 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Brim
“he’s the guy who thinks liking donuts makes me culpable in all America’s crimes”

Aren’t you? I thought you were George W posing as someone with a brain. ;)

14 07 2010
Sten

Are you referring to my good self? If so, I must stress that I said I don’t mind *voluntary* eugenics. I wouldn’t want any of offspring of mine to suffer the mental afflictions which have brought hardship to generations of men in my family.

Dictating who can and can’t breed is well down the long and slippery slope towards tyranny and, inevitably, genocide – and I’m not about that, quite the opposite.

14 07 2010
James Hunter

I dont kno Sten,
The world could get of to a nice clean start if we nuked great chunks of the breed like flies basket case nations that survive on handouts. It would be better then letting them starve or kill themselves with the cheap amunitions that china sell.
Reason it wont happen is that the capitalists cant make a profit from it. Once Wall street figures out how to make a profit “Reclaiming ” countries or continents then look out .
They will buy cheap nukes from USA of Russia. then send in Blackwater Security with earth mooving teams to bulldoze everything into man made mountains. the real estate on the top with the commanding views will be worth millions. There will be money to be made from power generated from the decaying fission products in the waste and money to be made chargibng countries like Australia to process boat people in Black water Security run camps.
Wall street will have a boom period which will go into history as the Boom ,Boom.

14 07 2010
pb

lay off the turps, jh.

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Pb
No no no no
Every one knows Metho is the go
That’s the spirit !

15 07 2010
Sten

Perhaps not the future I envisage James, but global corporate control is one that gives me the willies.

18 07 2010
James Hunter

zacery

18 07 2010
The Westurbia Guy

That James Hunter posted the first of the eugenics top is should be noted here…

18 07 2010
James Hunter

westie,
I was not, but happy to take a bow for it.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

DA, go carting is great fun. Not done it for years and the last time I did was a bucks day! Never paintballed though, does not really appeal.

14 07 2010
AntiPajero

It’s less about what is liked, and more about why. And the self-concept it feeds.

Go-Karts
Normal person: “It’s fun. So’s the competitive side of it”.
Bogan: “It’s serious. The competitive side of it is paramount to your worth and competence as a man. Even for girls, if they want the honour of being ‘one of the boys’. That goes for all pissing kontests. ‘Fun’ is only acceptable when inebriated”.
Paintball –
Normal person: “It’s fun. Thank God it’s nothing like real combat”.
Bogan: “It’s serious. It proves how suited you are to real combat. Why would they bother with trees and camo if it wasn’t supposed to be realistic?”

Krispy Kreme -
Normal person: “I like, maybe even love the taste. It justifies so many other things about it. But, everything in moderation…”
Bogan: “It’s an example of the best baking ever anywhere. The queues at the counter are proof I’m really a connersewer. I could live off this stuff.”

The iPhone -
Normal person: “I find it immensley useful and many apps provide a natural extension to many facets of my work and life”.
Bogan: “They’re cool coz everyone has one. And everyone has one coz iPhones are cool, and that makes and proves me cool, even if I only use the phone bit and the camera. And Twitter. About my new iPhone Apps. Fzcked if I know what they do”.

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

Antipajero – You know what, your argument is actually more convincing than what TBL has posted up (in your named instances). I’m sure I won’t do it justice, but you seem to be saying that bogans can in some situations take something that other normal, actual people enjoy, and somehow misconstrue, misuse or abuse it to the point that it becomes part of bogan lifestyle.

Taking that approach (esp. in the examples you have cited) would be far more convincing to me than what TBL has written. TBL, you should get antipajero on the staff.

14 07 2010
AntiPajero

Yeah, pretty much that. But less abusing stuff UNTIL, and more abusing stuff with the SOLE PURPOSE of making it bogan. Like forcing fillet mignon through a meat grinder to make 100% AussieBeef® Patties that can fit innabun. You know, as a metaphor and that.

14 07 2010
Sten

“innabun”? Do I detect the influence of a certain British fantasy/satire author?

14 07 2010
AntiPajero

Onnastick

14 07 2010
Sten

And that’s cutting me own throat?

14 07 2010
Mick

Pratchett fans?

His books are my reading material on long flights. The bogans laugh at episodes of two and a half men and I giggle to myself at DiscWorld antics.

We treat each other with deep suspicion.

14 07 2010
Sten

Well, I sure am, and I suspect AntiPajero is too. Ever since I read Interesting Times in my late teens, I’ve been a fan.

I finished Thud last night. I find that despite my general contempt for authority, Vimes would have to be my favourite character. Maybe because I wish police were really like him.

14 07 2010
Mandi

Terry Pratchett is one of the worlds most underrated authors, unfortunately he has been diagnosed with dementia so who knows how long we will have him for

15 07 2010
Sten

Mandi, it’s sad, isn’t it? I wonder whether his daughter is as good a writer as he. Perhaps she could keep the whole thing going.

14 07 2010
Sten

I’m also a fan of Robert Rankin. To paraphrase the great man: “When it comes to *weird shit*, you just can’t beat the English”.

Plus, I’m damned sure if there was a real-life version of Jim Pooley, he’d be me.

14 07 2010
AntiPajero

Terry Pratchett, Jasper Fforde, Robert Rankin. The world just doesn’t stand a chance.

And once there was Douglas Adams.

15 07 2010
Sten

I’ve never read Fforde. Perhaps I shoud give him a try.

14 07 2010
YB

Great comment AntiPajero, and on the mark.

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

YB (13:06:25) said: “Great comment AntiPajero, and on the mark.”

Antipajero for President! (or nearest Australian analogue).

14 07 2010
Brimstone

especially if you’re using an iPhone for just a phone and a camera you’re better off getting a phone with decent battery life and a proper camera
maybe i should use my backup phone for that

i think Ruining Music Festivals was a good example of this kind of entry. it’s not that they go to music festivals – it’s that bogans treat music festivals as an excuse to be dickheads

14 07 2010
AntiPajero

…Or maybe even they think they’re improving the festivals? By making them less poofy. Some sort of “averages” thing.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

They definitely think they are improving the festivals by bringing sexy back to them.

14 07 2010
Brimstone

i love my dinosaur rock and loud music with guitars but neither of those things are improved by some shirtless asshole telling me to KISS THE FLAG

14 07 2010
pb

hence why i stick to going to sideshows rather than festivals. lower number of morons there just to be there – although i have seen a group of bogans standing in front of stage taking photos of themselves, to the visible distraction of the band, who did well to keep playing with the flashes in their eyes.

14 07 2010
Brimstone

i enjoy feeling ‘Australian’ for 3 times a year and i like being exposed to new bands… Soundwave is good for that

14 07 2010
Shirley M

One day when I’m disgustingly rich I plan to buy every ticket to a festival of my choice and hand them out to those I deem worthy.

14 07 2010
pb

i trust that i’ll be deemed worthy, shirley.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Shit yeah!

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Better still design your own festival and send out invites. I suggest Neil Young can headline.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Too much work involved in that, Simon. And if you continue to be a smart arse, I won’t let you come to Shirl’s Day Out.

14 07 2010
Pandabater

The headline act will be Shirley performing Peter’s fantastic offerings.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

No Shirl that was genuine. I want you to appreciate the awesomeness of The Neil. Truly. Who is your headline?

14 07 2010
Shirley M

If Neil Young was at a festival that I was at I’d go and see him, as long as he didn’t clash with someone awesome. Don’t know who my headline would be. If I picked all the bands, there wouldn’t be a headline as such, for they would all be awesome. But hypothetically, maybe Ween, or Beck… man, I don’t know. Too hard.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Cool, I saw Beck when he was touring Odelay, awesome. I would insist Sleater Kinney reform for your festival. Never seen Ween. I would not have bands clashing as the would all be essential.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

I saw the Odelay tour as well. Fabulous. I also saw him at the V Festival in 2007. I’ll continue to go see him every chance I get.

Ween is the coolest live band I have ever seen. Ever. If you’re interested, watch this:

14 07 2010
Shirley M

I saw the Odelay tour as well. Fabulous. I also saw him at the V Festival in 2007. I’ll continue to go see him every chance I get. My significant other got to see him way back in 1994, which makes me very jealous.

Ween is the coolest live band I have ever seen. Ever. If you’re interested, watch this:

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Sorry for the double up, punks. Stoopid wordpress, making me look like a knob.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I shall, and I give you this back.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Embed fail, still the link works.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Those cool bitches can definitely play at my festival Simon. I quite respect bands that do away with a bass player but suffer no detriment because of it.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thanks Shirl. Glad you liked. As Jack Black would say They have the Rock.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Yeah. I know how that feels. ;-)

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Shirl, I watched Ween and am suitably impressed. And yes you do have The Rock.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Oh I’m pleased. On both counts. ;-)

15 07 2010
Brimstone

i actually got shit for praising him in my Big Day Out review a few years back. apparently people thought he was too old

bleh. great performance

16 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Brim, I was there too. Neil kicked the arse of the younger bands (Arctic monkeys etc). Neil has The Rock.

14 07 2010
A-Bomb

Yep, I agree with the comment about music festival Brimstone. Whenever I see something on TBL and feel a bit offended I remind myself that this site should be called “Things Bogans Like (and why they like them)”

I’m partial to the occasional KK donut, I would gladly go up north and shoot pigs for environmental reasons, and I like the occasional pre-mix drink. But I don’t like any of these for the reasons Bogans do.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

It’s interesting that we all take something different out of the posts. I don’t read them as arguements neccasarily but more as a snapshot of bogan life and motivation (this one is a good example of that).

14 07 2010
pb

i found the reflections of the bogan mum particularly funny in this one.

14 07 2010
devil's advocate

In general I find TBL the funniest when their incisive commentary is unearthing the bogan thought processes that everyone is thinking and nobody says; or the ones that are so ubiquitous (I’m not racist, but… also suiting up for the races) that reading them makes you physically cringe.

14 07 2010
Brimstone

i like Twitter
using Tweetdeck now

14 07 2010
Tombarina

Antipajero, I salute you.

In one fell swoop, you’ve just defined bogan theory in terms of the linkage between actions and self-image.

Magnificent work.

*lowers eyes respectfully, doffs cap, bows deeply*

14 07 2010
Peter of Kensington

“It’s less about what is liked, and more about why. And the self-concept it feeds”

If that is true, then the Bogan is merely theoretical. You (or TBL) cannot know the intents and motivations behind peoples behaviour. You are not reflecting what you see in Australian Culture, rather defining a criteria that would potentially make someone a Bogan.

That is fine, until people start projecting the ‘why’ onto others. E.g. you assume someone plays paintball for the wrong reasons just because they have a rats-tail or wear an Ed-Hardy shirt.

The ‘why’ argument is simply a justification for existing prejudice.

14 07 2010
Brimstone

“If that is true, then the Bogan is merely theoretical. You (or TBL) cannot know the intents and motivations behind peoples behaviour.”

that’s the problem with a site written by an outsider. Stuff White People Like was written by the exact sort of person it was satirizing so it KNEW that why we liked indie rock or World Cup soccer

14 07 2010
AntiPajero

Regarding your example: Yep, Guilty.

However, Such assuptions could easily be disavowed if said bogue candidate were to say “Good shot, mate! Had no idea where you were” where it might otherwise intone “Oy! Why’re ya shootin’ from behind cover, ya big gerl!”

“The” bogan is merely theoretical..? Well, I’ll be farked. Of course we don’t know why they do what they do. We can, however run a simulation in our minds.

I just happen to enjoy populating a fantasy jungle with randomised variations of TheBogue®; deftly evading the tarnishment of their sloppy, testicle shaped ordnance to finally cleave their cerebral hemispheres in twain with a diamond edged, razor sharp… um… cutting remark.

God only knows what kind of category that would put me in, but I’m sure there’s a blog about it somewhere.

14 07 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

No one forces you to read this, Peter.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

In days of old Peter would have been one of those monks that self flagellates and derives great pleasure out of it.

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Simon ,
crazy catholics(are there any other kind) still do that in the Phillapines.

14 07 2010
Jubm

Peter, since when did TBL purport to anything other than a bunch of self-proclaimed “non-bogans” justifying their prejudice against those who they have annointed as “bogans”? You sound like you expect TBL to be conducting scientific research and that the scientific method has been abused by TBL in projecting intents and motiviations onto these alleged bogans.

Meanwhile, I’ve got to disagree with your analyisis, Brimstone. The writer(s) of Stuff White People Like can only get into their own intents and motivations, not those of all “White” people.

So I don’t really get your distinction between writing as an “insider” versus the “outsiders” of TBL. The SWPL authors still need to project “why” onto others, based only on themselves – not really any more reliant on anecdotal evidence than TBL.

Besides, is “Stuff White People Like” really the best name for that list? Does it apply to white people in Europe nearly as neatly as it does to white Americans? And even “Stuff White Americans Like” isn’t properly descriptive enough, because the list doesn’t apply to all white Americans (most notably rednecks). I’d suggest “Stuff White People Like” is really “Stuff Upper-Middle Class American Democrats (who are mostly white) Like” or suchlike.

TBL’s just lucky that there’s already a one-word name to describe the people they’re blogging about.

Finally, a comparison between SWPL and TBL provides a good demonstration of why liking something on TBL’s list doesn’t make you a bogan. White people might like sushi, but there’s a few non-whites who like it too (do I need to mention the 120 million or so Japanese people that don’t mind a bit raw fish/rice action?). And I got the impression over the last few weeks that there’s a few Asians/Africans/South Americans that like the World Cup. SWPL is “Stuff White People [have a tendency to] Like”, not “If You Like This Then You Must Be White”. Likewise, TBL is “Things Bogans [tend to] Like”, not “If You Like This Thing Then You Are Ipso Facto A Bogan”.

15 07 2010
Brimstone

“Meanwhile, I’ve got to disagree with your analyisis, Brimstone. The writer(s) of Stuff White People Like can only get into their own intents and motivations, not those of all “White” people.”

yeah but SWPL aren’t writing about all white people. that’s the name. if you read the blog they’re writing about a certain kind of urban hipster

the World Cup thing is a good example

14 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ DA

You say this every post. Please…

15 07 2010
common man

@da..HELLO..if your under 15 or a drunken bogue then yes their fun!

14 07 2010
JimC

Best display of paintball douchebaggery ever is in an episode of SPACED.

The character of ‘Dwayne Benzie’ is the Uber-Bogue who gets his comeuppance from the trigger finger of the mighty Simon Pegg.

14 07 2010
AntiPajero

Loved loved LOVED that episode..! That moment made me mentally “Kaboom Y’all” and high five all the people in my head.

14 07 2010
miss dahl

It all depends, then, on the particular group engaging in paintball/karting/anything else. It’s the “who” and “how” that defines boganity here. I mean, bogans like to eat, drink, dress, travel, party, have kids etc, it’s just “how” they do it that separates them into a class of their own. The devil’s in the details, in other words.

14 07 2010
pb

yes. i think that sort of distinction was well established in the wine tours discussion.

14 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Must we go through this every post? I say don’t respond. It annoying trolling that wastes all our time.

14 07 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Obviously your all not bogan enough, except Shirl. Zorbing is the new bucks past time. Especially on the Gold Coast as the Go-Kart track is next door and Dreamworld just a ways down the road.

Google it bitches.

14 07 2010
Chris

Zorbing was old news in the early 2000s.

14 07 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

I stand corrected. My extreme bogan-ness blinded me to the fact that research should be undertaken prior to attempting tom foolery.

Either that or you’ve been a bogan longer than me.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

So the question remains, what is hot now?

14 07 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Interesting question.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Our Favourite Bucks Night (or Day) Ideas …

4×4 Rally Car Driving
A day at the Races
Balloon Flight
Bungee Jumping
Corporate Box at a sporting event
Drive a V8
Gentlemans Club
Gladiator Duel
Go-Karting
Golf
Harbour Cruise
Jet Boat
Jelly Wrestling
Kite Surfing
Laser Skirmish
Paintball
Parasailing
Party Bus
Pub Crawl
Pub Crawl By Helicopter
Sailing
Scuba Diving
Sea Kayaking
Shark Dive
Sky Diving
Surfing
Tennis Day
Topless Bar
Water-skiing
Wind Surfing
White Water Rafting

Pub crawl by helicopter would be Max-treme I reckon

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Brimstone,
You missed out the obligatory stop at the “Knock Shop”
Also round here I often get a booking for a show before the strippers turn up

14 07 2010
Antosha

Pub crawl by helicopter !!!

How far are those pubs away from each other? Do the pubs have helipads handy?

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I was thinking Birdsville etc so you can land your chopper. Could they mean inner city? Kind of cuts down the options to the Casino really. Maybe it is a cunning plan?

14 07 2010
Pandabater

Simon, you missed the latest must do Bucks activity, Crocodile Riding.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeah, saw that one. I have been to that park and that croc is one big mofo. The bloke must have been on Bundy to think he could take that on.

14 07 2010
Pandabater

The arsehat was just on the news, 40′s, dyed red mohawk, went back to the pub after to show off his injuries, says it all i reckon.

14 07 2010
Shirley M

Paintball and go-carting.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms
14 07 2010
amr

Did paintball once many years ago and been go karting a few times over the years.
Paintballing episode was out in the bush between two franchise shops on opposing teams. There were a few ring ins from the police tactical response squad on one side (other side did not know until afterwards). Made for a pretty funny afternoon with fat loud mouth types regaling all within earshot about how great they were. Only to be taken out by the pros within seconds. The ring ins were brought in to shut the loudmouths up. It worked.

I enjoy a bit of go karting. Harmless fun really with a few friends and a great social commentary with all the little Jaxxson’s running around hyped up on sugar, sporting rat tails and piercings and swearing as much as the parents.
Always funny watching the fat bogans try to fit into the kart seat and then extract themselves out after the race when dripping with sweat. And yes, they do think they are Brockie. The only resemblance to Brokie is in the V8 supercar shirt they are wearing even though that is 17 sizes larger than Brockie might have worn. Brockie wouldn’t blame the kart for lack of speed or blame the kart’s handling for lack of passing opportunity nor would he blame the grueling intensity and total concentration required of a 10 minute race on the 4kgs of sweat said bogan just lost in the race.
Cos the fat sweaty bogan is fit. All race drivers emerge from their vehicles covered in sweat…..

14 07 2010
Simon of South Yarra

Why are the places where chicks get buck naked for bucks with bucks called gentlemen’s clubs??

they can never be classy!

14 07 2010
pb

it helps them pretent they’re classy. and helps the femmebogue pretend being a pole dancer is actually an incredibly artistic and deep job.

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Pb, having watched pole dancers the inclusion of “deep” in your description is pure class.

14 07 2010
pb

unintentional i assure you, jh.

14 07 2010
Mick

A femmebogue was trying to lure me into her web yesterday by telling me all about her pole dancing classes. Gave me the rundown on her newfound athletic and gymnastic ability.

When I asked about other types of healthy endeavours she said that was it because nothing else was as classy as pole dancing and gave such a rush.

I’m gonna have to change where I hang out.

14 07 2010
AntiPajero

Had similar happen to me. Then she told me about how she gets all the guys swarming her on the dance floor. Then she said something about empowerment.

[Insert "Full body shudder + 'Yerggh'.mp3"]

14 07 2010
Mick

‘Empowerment’

That seems to be a word the bogan has learnt lately. It seems to be a get out of jail free card to excuse trashy behavior.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I blame Sex and the City personally.

14 07 2010
Loftie

I hate Sex and the City Personally….

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Loftie, dude, missed you. Fi has been pining.

15 07 2010
Loftie

Yeah haven’t visited for a while…
Had a lot on…

Hope everyone has been keeping well…

14 07 2010
Sten

I, taking on the mantle given to me yesterday by Simon, would personally incenerate those shoe-obsessed hussies.

With an environmentally-friendly incendiary, of course.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Smack them in the head with a flaming handbag?

14 07 2010
Pandabater

Thanks to Borat, SATC will from here on be known as TPATM (Three Prostitutes And Their Mother)

14 07 2010
Pandabater

Thanks jubm, that’ll teach me to listen to hearsay.

15 07 2010
Sten

Nah… perhaps spit a gobful of vodka all over ‘em and then flick a match.

14 07 2010
Antosha

I love the smell of incendiaries in the morning.

14 07 2010
James Hunter

Antosha,
I have been saving my styrafoam for Stens napalm workshop so maybe I should start manufacturing Aluminium powder as well ?

14 07 2010
Jubm

TPATM is family guy, not borat

15 07 2010
Sten

Funny you should say that, Antosha, I watched Apocalypse Now the other night.

15 07 2010
Antosha

@ Mr Hunter

(It won’t let me reply directly alas)

YES. Great idea! Aluminium powder works wonders!

I say… how about revisiting the ancients.. and whipping up some Greek Fire and/or Quicklime while you’re at it!

Just for old times’ sakes!

Splendid!

(Will you be selling the product online? If so put me down for a few barrels!)

15 07 2010
James Hunter

Antosha,
Fine and Groovy I’ll put you down for a couple of barrells
By the by if in old london town there is a pretty decent Air Museaum in Manchester if you enjoy a short train trip.

14 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Mick & AP

Where do you kids hang out if this is the type of klassy lady your bumping into? ;)

14 07 2010
Mick

On a local hill trail that doubles as a fitness run for the hardier souls. I think she stalked me. She was checking out my bogue chariot when I pulled up.

I may appear well to do in a femmebogue’s twisted grasp of reality.

15 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Mick

You poor love!! **hugs**

Femme-bouge’s must be frightening up your way! ;)

15 07 2010
Mick

They are Pinky.

Over the course of a year I will deal with Pilbara femmebogues, Perth femmebogues and Nth Qld femmebogues.

The WA types are disturbing but the Nth Qld ones are just outright scary.

One day I’ll let loose with the stories of a screaming harpie I used to partner. She was a mixture of all three. *shudder*

15 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Mick

Do tell! I can tell you about my close encounter of the Bogan kind. We can swap war stories from the frontline ;)

My ex-bogan is your classic CUB tradie Bogan and yes a complete and utter moron. Maybe we could introduce them, start a bogan match maker web site and laugh till we cry!

15 07 2010
common man

phone number 1st please lol!

15 07 2010
Mick

You don’t want it cm.

Her self proclaimed athleticism didn’t quite match the sight I saw before me.

Although to be fair, her outfit would have looked fabulous on someone twenty years younger.

15 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Mick

ewww

14 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ PB

**Applauds**

16 07 2010
Laura

Hey. I am far from a bogan, and I happen to take pole classes. This kind of dancing IS incredibly artistic and requires XTREME strength, grace, flexibility and artfulness.

What truly is bogan is being T00 judgmental. There is such a thing.

16 07 2010
Laura

Pray tell, why are my comments not being published? :(

I don’t recall ever being pro-bogue or contentious or anything! Le sigh.

14 07 2010
Pandabater

Gentlemens Club is more appealing than Stained Underwear Perverts Club.

14 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Or Horny Drunk Bogans Collective.

14 07 2010
Mick

Great name for a sixties folk band

14 07 2010
Pandabater

Bogan fashion always amuses me, does the Bogan “cammo” up for the trip to paintballing? Just to show how much of a warrior he is?

14 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Panda

Would a CUB go out and buy the latest and most expensive paintball gear? BAHAHAHA

15 07 2010
Pandabater

Absolutely P!nky, they have to have the right gear for when they get asked to go Pro in the US. HeeHeeHeeHee.

15 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Panda

I think we’re in the wrong business shouldn’t we be stooging of the Bogan by selling this absolute crap to Bogans. We could even call the business TBL ;)

15 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

I do apologise for my inability to punctuate or even construct a sentence properly

**blush**

15 07 2010
Pandabater

It shouldn’t be to hard they will wear anything, Is it just a local thing or more widespread? I have noticed bogans wearing very small, white, what I can only describe as Ballet Slippers, f@*king hilarious.

14 07 2010
ferris

“Barefoot Bowls” is a popular option on bogan buck’s itenerary.

And a good way to get things started with the beers at Bowling club (ie pensioner) prices.

Or a round of golf that includes a skins ‘drinking’ competition. Also has someone driving a golf cart around with an esky or two of booze to keep the fluids up between holes.

15 07 2010
Valo

Man, I did a paintballing tour of duty once. One minute you’re walking along through the jungle man and then they’re everywhere. Sometimes I still have nightmares about the little paint filled pellets coming at me, seeing Dano covered in agent orange paint screaming ‘ah fuck, that’s gunna bruise like a bitch!’, Charlie coming from out of the trees (actually he prefers to be called Charles, nice guy, your usual middle management type) sending shots into the bush. Everytime I get a sniff of a complimentary bbq, the flashbacks come. Not even the Doctor could help me, I even rang him up on that shitty afternoon show he has on triple j and he said he wasn’t even a real doctor. No way man, these kids today don’t know the half of what real paintball war is like. We didn’t have big cans of Red Bull in our day to keep us alert on the paintball field. God help me, I was only 19. Plus 6.

15 07 2010
Brimstone

The Doctor is a bogan now? you mean the super-skinny punk rock vegan i see around Newtown with his goth girlfriend?

15 07 2010
Shirley M

Where did Valo say that The Doctor was a bogan?

15 07 2010
Brimstone

ah right. he was saying that bogans listen to The Doctor. which probably makes sense
i’m not his fan or friend or anything. he just seems really un-bogue

15 07 2010
Valo

Shirley got it, bogans love triple j which Mr. MacDougal appears on. He seems like a good guy and Frenzal Rhomb were/are always worth a look live. Plus they bagged the shit out of Jackie O at a gig they were both at and got her and Kyle Sandipants all upset, so extra kudos to them for that.

16 07 2010
Brimstone

I’ve never seen Frenzal Rhomb, though i have seen The Doctor’s acoustic show. pretty funny. and the irony of bogans liking a guy who’s the anti-bogan is neat

15 07 2010
HappyFriend

This is such a good post.

In my home town of Blackwood a few years ago a paintball victim ended up in town. He couldn’t say how he got there but said he walked through the ‘forest’.
Must have been a hell of a walk because the closest range is some 35 km away.

He did say he had a can of ‘Mother’ with him.

Bogans seem to not be able to live without Mother (both kinds).

15 07 2010
common man

Im surprised no one hasn’t had an employer sight this paintball fad as team building skills yet and written the costs off through training (tax) purposes.Its a junket that would see a few sickies called in i imagine

15 07 2010
Valo

Any employer who gives their employees a chance to shoot at them is a brave person.

16 07 2010
Laura

Why can’t I post under my usual email address? Have I been barred or something? 0_0

Seems like you changed something in your name/email, and got chucked in the moderation queue. All good now. TBL

16 07 2010
julie

Bogans are so weird. I can’t imagine ever paying good money to go to a forest and creep around military-style and sniper shoot at my friends. Perhaps I am missing something…

16 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Julie

Perhaps you’re not a bogan then? ;)

16 07 2010
Ironhalo

Paintball is undeniably fun, especially when you play with a good group of people not playing for sheepstations…it’s a great workout.

However, I remember raging up pretty hard when a group of about 15 military friends and I went and played. We had booked to have the nice semi-auto paintball guns, but on arrival found that the place had been ‘double booked’. Only there to have fun, we decided to have a laugh with the dodgy pump action ones. Later on during the day we saw the ‘second’ group, who was an IT firm full of neckbeards and timid looking nerds with bloodlust up. We noticed with some consternation that these guys all were toting our booked semi-autos. Anyway, their ref approached us and said ‘these guys want to know if you want to have a big match, you guys vs them’. Why not?! Sounded like fun.

We walked on over with smiles on our faces, and being a bunch of 20-21 year olds at the time, we heard one of them (a bandanna-donned corpulent nerd covered in rugby pads and elbow pads) remark ‘oh look out, school’s out!’. It was only then that one of them noticed that our cams (our uniform ones that we’d brought along with us) had name tags on them. The look on their faces was priceless.
IT guy: ‘Er why do you guys have names on your cams?’ *scoff*
Us: ‘We’re all in the military….any chance we could have half the semi-autos to be fair?’
IT guy: *suddenly vicious* ‘Yeah that’s not going to happen…MATE.’

What followed 10 minutes later was probably the funniest feat of sport/mindless exertion I have ever seen. 15 Navy/RAAF/Army officers sprinting from the bush, firing from the hip, some of our Army brethren yelling warcries as they sprinted to the IT lines. Some of the IT guys just put their hands straight into the air in defeat. It didn’t matter, they all received a pasting of paint. The nerd in his Rambo kit yelping as his tender bits were assaulted by paint pellets.

I just remember to this day being in stitches of laughter, I could barely shoot. The guy who owned the place said it was one of the funniest things he had seen since he set up the business.

As I nursed bruises later that afternoon, I gave thanks I wasn’t in the Army though. Thank god for spiffy white uniforms.

28 07 2010
chubbybloodfart

I’ve never played paintball.
as an ex infanteer I would be totally awesome at it, but.
was it in this particular salon of civic discourse we mused on the potential joys of paintball hunting bogans through a shopping centre?

28 07 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
for hunting bogans in a shopping centre a Browning .25 with silencer with hand loads hollow points

28 07 2010
brad

and caflics

28 07 2010
James Hunter

brad
caflics, are easier to identify outside their cathederal on a sunday morning ( aim for the priests chatting up prepubescent boys)

28 07 2010
brad

haaa haaa you need too aim for the collars-clear shot too neck

28 07 2010
James Hunter

Brad ,
Good point but I have to go get favourite long gun trusty 243 with 6 power scope

29 07 2010
chubbybloodfart

@jamesH
I do appreciate the way your mind works, but as a ZenTechnoPaganNeoPsychonautScienceMystic, I have sworn off lethality.

Seriously though, before I die, I swear I have to cut cut sick through a public (preferably bogan) gathering with a gang of accomplii, paramilitary uniforms with paintball guns and 20 balls each. something with no kids or wrinklies, bust in and try and tag everyone in the room (no head shots)before making good the escape. mossad style.
surely it’s why paintball was invented.
you’d do years for it. they’d call it terrorism.
Maybe they’re already on the way.
Scratch it. Some bogan underbelly fantasist would be tooled up and start lobbing brass at you.

24 02 2014
Allisa

This had me in stitches! No matter how much equipment you wear, your gonna pick up a few battle wounds here and there.

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