#136 – Foreign Tattoos

3 05 2010

The bogan is an exotic tiger. One of its great grandparents was French, and it knows how to mispronounce “thank you” in Phuket language. It is also intensely desirous of being seen as mysterious. While its urgent conformity to sartorial, musical, linguistic, and social trends prevents it from cultivating any effective sense of mystique, the inventive and eclectic bogan has devised a solution. It will get a foreign language tattoo. Languages that use non-Roman alphabets are preferred, as they are more profound. And mysterious.

After an extended period of haggling, the bogan eventually locates the cheapest tattooist at Kuta Beach. It will shove a piece of paper at the tattooist, a printout from the internet café of the Chinese symbol for purity and honour. While non-bogans enthusiastically recount folkloric tales of Asian tattooists instead doing the symbol for “fuckwit”, the more common scenario is that the tattooist simply does a piss poor job of the requested piece. Not necessarily out of spite, but out of cheap materials, limited communication, and the safe knowledge that the colonial bogan will be on a plane by this time next week. Like thousands before it, the bogan jumps back on a 100cc scooter with an inky expanse of cling wrap covering its newly cryptic body part. It is now a tattooed gangster on a Harley.

For some bogans, the idea of permanently acknowledging the culture of someone who may not choose to speak English on the bogan’s body is simply too disturbing. Islamic script is elegant and flowing, but this prospect is even more mortifying. How, oh how, will the enigmatic bogan still convey its mystique? After studiously inspecting the arms and shoulders of its friends, the xenophobic bogan requests an embellished gothic font for its clumsy English language sloganeering. The over-haggled Balinese needlesmith is no better at this style at the $10 price point than it is at Japanese characters.

Not that the bogan minds. Countless other bogans have similarly shoddy foreign language tattoos, so the bar is set rather low in such circles. More important for the bogan, is the chance to puff their chest out and provide a self-indulgent explanation of the tattoo to anyone who enquires as to its meaning. Its cultural sermon complete, the bogan will then seamlessly segue into a racist comment relating to someone nearby.


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507 responses

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Should I get a tattoo, it would be some pithy and witty saying I learned whilst earning my higher degree in the Classics.

3 05 2010
Prince of Bardon

no dear Fiona

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. The lack of “?” at the end was the clue.

3 05 2010
JAcko

well you should of said ‘i should’ not ‘should i’ if it was a statment

3 05 2010
Shirley M

If she said ‘I should’ rather than ‘should I’ the statement would have a completely different meaning.

You ‘should of’ said should have.

3 05 2010
danny

Fiona’s statement is grammatically correct.
JAcko, its “should HAVE” not “should OF” and its “STATEMENT, not “STATMENT”.
That is all.

24 08 2011
Heno

No, that’s not all. It should have been ‘if it were’ not ‘if it was’.

16 05 2013
ollastuta

“it’s” not “its”

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I have a higher degree in the Classics and you try and go up against me with your TAFE “education”? So bogan.

3 05 2010
devil's advocate

Fiona of Toorak (12:50:07) said: “LOL. I have a higher degree in the Classics…”

This used to puzzle me until I figured out you were just misspelling “classies”. It makes much more sense that you would have a diploma in ascertaining the correct price for a set of jousting lances.

I looked up the alumni list from Broadmeadows TAFE and it indicates you did your honours in “tellin’ them they’re dreamin’”.

3 05 2010
Samuel

To be fair, while said referenced TAFE degrees are looked down upon as inferior to university degrees, I’d be willing to bet the vast majority of said TAFE courses completed by supposed bogans teach material orders of magnitude more useful in the real world; be it for employment or other gains.

My point being, the bogan who completed woodworking at TAFE is qualified for various construction jobs, while your “higher degree” in Classics qualifies you for “senior pancake waitress” as well as “chief of pretentious debates”.

Considering how much time you spend on TBL posting, I get the distinct impression your higher degree is going to waste, even with the little usage it likely has.

3 05 2010
Will S

You’re assuming that Fi has to “use” her degree for such things as a “job”.

3 05 2010
big_fat_floppers

Studying such a degree in prestigious Universities that have them IS a job and not just a “special interest” course.You are basically married to the pursuit of knowledge.Fiona simply doesnt come across as being intelligent enough.

4 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Exactly Will. The trolls here simply can’t understand that my higher degree in the Classics was earned for reasons of prestige, not employment.

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

earning any degree (or indeed, doing anything) for reasons of prestige entails that in the absence of said degree, you lacked prestige. Another peice of the aspirant, nouveau riche puzzle falls into place.

4 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No, there are degrees of prestige – pun intended.

Do I need to explain the pun to you?

3 05 2010
big_fat_floppers

People who go to an elite University to study the “higher classics” do not waste their time debating people they think are “twits” from one end of the net to the other.
Fiona says nothing that would indicate she studied the classics and doesnt betray even the most basic knowledge.Iv’e ran a couple of things by her now and they were clearly lost on her . Anyone who studied would’ve picked up on it straight away.

3 05 2010
chubbybloodfart

I’ve been watching your spelling, grammar, syntax and reasoning for a few weeks now, and I’m amazed you can even tie your shoes.

3 05 2010
boganic

Isn’t it plainly obvious that Fiona is trollin’ youse? The fact that yr all bitching about grammar would be really tickling her no doubt.

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Boganic, our darling Fi isn’t the troll, she’s been on this blog since it’s inception I believe, therefore it is not she who is the troll but Big fat floppers and kin. I try not to respond to these people as it only encourages them. But I wont let our darling Fi be called a troll. Whether she has the degree or not, she is funny as hell and even though she has annoyed me, I much prefer her annoying me than trolls who pretend that using “big words” makes them educated. Intelligence isn’t based on whether you know long words, but your ability to construct a reasonable argument using broad basis of knowledge.

4 05 2010
Benamin

Interesting Pinky, but there are a couple of flaws in your argument.

I mostly like Fiona, but she is definitely a troll (or at least by the definition of the dictionary on my Computer – too lazy to get up and check a real one). That is, for a large proportion of her comments at least, she is deliberately writing comments to provoke certain responses.

Then you mention this: “Intelligence isn’t based on whether you know long words, but your ability to construct a reasonable argument using broad basis of knowledge.”

I notice that Fiona doesn’t really argue. Either people agree with an initial statement, or she fobs them off. I’ve yet to see her try and sustain any kind of debate. That’s ok I guess, as it is part of the character.

4 05 2010
pb

the question isn’t so much whether fiona is a troll, but whether it matters. she isn’t disruptive – it is those who are so keen to let everyone else know we’re being ‘had’ who are disruptive. far better to just accept the persona than moan about it.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

boganic, the plural of ‘you’ is ‘you’.

3 01 2011
Steph

Youse?

Now I want to cry.

3 05 2010
James Hunter

Chubby ,
you foolish man ! Look more closly at the photograph.
See bare feet !!
Thank you for making it clear why she always has , bare feet.

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

chubbybloodfart (22:35:53) said: “I’ve been watching your spelling, grammar, syntax and reasoning for a few weeks now…”

Amazing you can find the time in between sucking up to Fiona.

4 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. How do you find the time to do anything else other than think about me? I’m clearly at the forefront of your *ahem* “mind”.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Chubby,

I’m glad you don’t comment on my poor spelling, grammar and syntax. :)

**sheepishly looks around knowing that spell check is her best friend**

4 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “Higher classics”. “Doesnt”. “Iv’e”.

If you have indeed run anything by me that I’ve not understood, it will be for the exact opposite reason that you’ve suggested.

4 05 2010
AlyssaKT

And you’re also assuming that someone who claims to have said degree actually has it. it has been my experience that people who continually boast are generally lacking and/or lying. I care neither way. I still find her amusing.

4 05 2010
Ironhalo

*slow clap, building in speed and eagerness* Samuel, spot on.

I have a BA (majoring in Attendance and Late-night cram sessions) and I admit it is about as useful as toilet paper. Gave me some great quotes from intellectuals to use on facebook status updates though, so it’s all good. I also get to sound like I know what I am talking about when I refer to Maslowe’s ‘Hierachy of Needs’ at work, and can spout effortlessly on the evils of ‘Keynesian’ economics.

Funny thing is, every normal person with a degree realises what its sole use is for; that being, an Italian leathered foot in the door to high-paying employment that requires you not to produce anything of worth. Lucky I’ve started my Masters, let the deception continue!

Anyone who ‘brags’ about their degree is just LOLworthy.

4 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. So just an undergrad then? From an Australian university too no doubt.

16 07 2010
Bilbo

Higher degree? Classics? I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean.

3 01 2011
Steph

Classics. I’d like to hope she means more than Shakespeare, but I just can’t see it….

3 05 2010
Shirley M

I wonder what LOL is in Mandarin?

3 05 2010
Sten

I would have thought Greek or Latin would be more in keeping with Fi’s background…

3 05 2010
Shirley M

True. So it would be Lambda Omicron Lambda.

3 05 2010
James

Perhaps a quote from Thucydides?

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Justice will not come to Toorak until those who are uninjured are as indignant as those who are.

Fortunately I have very long legs.

3 05 2010
James

The entire Melian dialogue, perhaps? Are they that long?

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Only if I wear heels. ;-)

3 05 2010
r.jett

yeah… hairy male ones.

3 05 2010
vivisection

I was thinking more Jane Austen, “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a Bogan in possession of a Logie will inevitably possess more”

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. ROR?

3 05 2010
Sten

Nope, ROR would only (stereotypically) apply in Japanese, Fi.

3 05 2010
vivisection

and old Get Smart episodes

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Not craw, craw!

3 05 2010
vivisection

does Scooby Doo ROR?

3 05 2010
Grass Mud Horse

哈哈

3 05 2010
pulang

4 05 2010
Sibyl Ince

“I wonder what LOL is in Mandarin”

ROR

20 05 2010
TheMon

Most bogans with Asian tattoos have no idea what they mean. For all they know they have the words: ‘fried chilli chicken & steamed rice” tattooed on their arm, but they think it says something really deep like: ‘peace & harmony to all mankind.’

3 05 2010
pominoz

Maybe “substantia of abyssus angelus” in tramp stamp style

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I’m a size 2, so I probably only have enough room for one of those words. I don’t think I’d choose “abysss”.

3 05 2010
vivisection

Country Road size 2 or vietnamese size 2?

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Country Road of course!

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

So you’re a size ten then Fi? ;)

4 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I said… size 2!

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

LOL. P!nky, there is no point buying country road if you are just going to announce your actual size. The whole point of country road (and other similarly bogan brands) is to be able to say you are 8 sizes smaller than you actually are!

4 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Just because you have to your mumus at “Tents R Us”…

5 05 2010
devil's advocate

I think there’s some words missing there. Once you figure out what those words are, perhaps you should note that a) shops with SMS-speak in the title, such as the word “R” to replace “are”, are the preserve of the westfield shopping malls and b) consequently, although you may frequent them, I have no knowledge of them.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

I don’t wear Country Road, in the past they used sweat shop labour, and being a pinko lefty I wont buy it. I always believed (my information comes from Kath and Kim FYI) that in Country Road you go down like 8 sizes…LOL Which is great if you need a confidence boost. Hence me laughing at our Dearest Fi. :D She knows I’m teasing…She probably is a size two…

3 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
abyss is definitely not the word for a lady of destinction to wear above her bum crack!

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

Perfect for Fi then.

Alternatively, just below the neck.

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

James, you crack me up dude!

3 05 2010
Shirley M

What a pleasant surprise to get a post today!

I know someone who recently got their cat’s name tattooed on their foot in Sanskrit.

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Was their cat named “southern cross”?

3 05 2010
Shirley M

No. It’s…. Puddin’ Pie. That’s the whole truth.

3 05 2010
Sten

I just read your post properly, Shirley (I’ve actually been busy at work this morning)… for a second there I thought someone had tattooed the cat’s name on it’s own foot, which would be horrifying.

Almost as horrifying as the cat’s name.

3 05 2010
Shirley M

Perhaps we’ll see matching owner / pet tattoos in the bogan future.

3 05 2010
Sten

Why not? The extent of the Bogan’s crassness no longer surprises me.

3 05 2010
pb

i have seen video footage of a dog being tattooed -or rather, i saw a very tiny part at the beginning and couldn’t bear to watch it. it’s a pretty horrible thing to do, so i won’t search out the video to link but rather leave it up to those brave enough to search for it.

3 05 2010
vivisection

what kind of deranged arsehole would do that?

3 05 2010
pb

someone who should be investigated by the rspca. as i said, i didn’t watch the actual tattooing, the thought of it was too disturbing.

3 05 2010
Nat

I can vouch for that one, small world lol :)

3 05 2010
vivisection

I always wanted to get “I’m afraid of Americans” tattoed in arabic on my wrist- after the Bowie song. I thought the other wrist could have “god is an american”. Luckily I stopped myself getting this after I noticed how popular the foreign language tatts are. Thank Allah! I was also worried about ending up in guantanamo bay

3 05 2010
Shirley M

Many years ago I toyed with the idea of having ‘Veni Vidi Vici’ tattooed upon my person. I almost went ahead with it until one day I noticed that Marlboro cigarettes use the phrase on their packets. I would have been a branded bogue for life!

3 05 2010
vivisection

That would have been classic! I nearly had a really old german eagle design (thank goodness i didn’t) , and then someone pointed out it looked like the Wolf Blass label.

3 05 2010
Shirley M

My a pack of durries, you a bottle of top shelf $8 vino. We’d have a made a clarssy pair, Viv.

3 05 2010
vivisection

My real worry , is that I have a zipper tattoo from my neck to arse – If i have a sudden weight gain, i’ll end up looking like a bean bag!

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. !

3 05 2010
Shirley M

Hahahaha. Not to mention what it would look like after sudden weight loss.

3 05 2010
vivisection

In that will get the zipper filled in black and turn my back into a game of Pong, or whatever that old computer game was – the table tennis one.

3 05 2010
vivisection

in that “CASE” should have been – i’m off form today – have a cold and the cold and flu tablets haven’t kicked in yet

3 05 2010
Operative Me

Shirley, in addition to the horrific use of that phrase in cigarette marketing, an additional reason to NOT get that tatto is far more (terrifyingly bogue-esque) sinister.

You’d get that tattoo and you’re walking along Bondi beach one day, when a clearly out of suburb bogue, let’s call her Dimmitee, calls out ‘that’s the feature on me fayvrit pokie at Rooty Hill worker’s!!’

4 05 2010
Sibyl Ince

“‘Veni Vidi Vici’ ”

Why not go for Veni Vidi Visa?

I came, I Saw, I Shopped

3 05 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Come on admit it. The real reason was when you realised how popular(un) americans are.

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

I miss the bogans of yore – all this crap went on the side of their panel vans. I’m a bit behind the times – have those new-agey “tribal” tattoos and faux-celtic designs gone out of fashion?

3 05 2010
vivisection

yes, now the bogan is getting their children’s names on the arms in a curly clarsy font

4 05 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I worked with a bogue dickhead once who got “courage” tattooed in Chinese on her inner lower arm.

… she was a dickhead!

3 05 2010
dizzy

hahaha no they’re still very popular – it’s just that now the bogan wants to be seen as having compassion and understanding for other cultures… n shit

3 05 2010
vivisection

They are moving towards getting the kids names in classic font up the inner arm these days – probably so they can remember how many they have and how to spell the names.

3 05 2010
vivisection

i know, i said it above.. Was in moderation for an age.

3 05 2010
James

My sister in law had that – she is under the impression that it looks classy for a single mum.

3 05 2010
vivisection

Quicker to fill out the centrelink forms

4 05 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

hohohohohoho

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The upside being that no matter how poorly the tattooist spells her progeny’s name, it’ll still be fairly close to the version on the birth certificate.

3 05 2010
James

Only her youngest child has a bogan name. The others are just wanker names. I do not know which is worse, either.

3 05 2010
pb

i’ve seen a bogan with his kid’s name (jayden, of course) tattooed shoulder to elbow on the outer arm. not only did it look ridiculous, it is located so that he wouldn’t be able to read it unless he could manage to read it backwards over his shoulder in a mirror, which i’m guessing would have been beyond him.

3 05 2010
Shirley M

Can we blame Angelina for this? Longitude and Latitude of places of birth being both ‘too intellectual’ and obsolete due to the fact that the entire litter were born at Logan Public Hospital, so they’ve dumbed the concept down while holding onto the ‘essence’?

3 05 2010
James

She really did that? The depths to which humanity has descended makes me long for the zombie apocalypse.

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Um, who is Angelina?

3 05 2010
James

John Voight’s daughter.

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The dentist or the actor?

3 05 2010
Shirley M

Must be the actor. The Dentist’s name is spelt Jon.

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Isn’t the actor “Jon Voight”?

Trust James to spell it wrong. He doesn’t have the benefit of a higher degree in the Classics.

3 05 2010
James

All that does Fiona is reveal what kind of literature one reads when studying that classics. Personally, I prefer my journals to not have glossy paper, and to only contain peer reviewed articles. Actors do not usually rate a mention in such reading material.

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The main problem you have with your reading material is the problematic location of the staple.

3 05 2010
James

Times have changed, Fiona. We modern academics have little need of staples, as things can now be done digitally.

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Not when the internet filter comes in you won’t.

3 05 2010
James

Only if they filter Jstor. Quickly, Google it so you can pretend you know what that is.

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. As if I don’t have a Jstor account.

3 05 2010
James

Excellent Google work. You might make a decent academic yet…

3 05 2010
boganic

Is Annaconda one of the classics?

4 05 2010
Ironhalo

Hahaha!

5 05 2010
Mezz

How about the bogue spelling – Jon Voit

3 05 2010
vivisection

The one who looks like Octomum

3 05 2010
martin

What’s “Fuck off we’re full” in Mandarin?

Yeah the celtic arm bands must have stopped with the Gen X bogan.

3 05 2010
vivisection

Thank F#ck. If i had to hear about someone’s Irish great grandmother to justify a tired old celtic knot one more time…. And didn’t they age well? All that fine line work now looks like a celtic ball of wool

3 05 2010
miss dahl

Another shortcoming of the bogan – the inability to see into the future. When the results of the crap diet, excess alcopopping and general poor physical maintenance starts to show in middle age, they haven’t the sense to understand that their arse-antlers and sleeve tatts, among others, are going to dimple and sag and look even MORE unattractive than they already do in their misspent youth.

3 05 2010
simon of south yarra

“arse-antler” – superb alternative to “tramp stamp”

3 05 2010
Grass Mud Horse

满国滚出 or “Full Country, F%# off”

4 05 2010
chubbybloodfart

awesome!
what about “Fuck On! We’re Empty.”

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Chubby, you are fucking HILARIOUS!!

3 05 2010
vivisection

I was planning to get “I’m afraid of americans” in arabic on my wrist, with “god is an american” on the other – lyrics from Bowie’s “I’m Afraid of Americans”. Luckily I didn’t or I would have probably ended up in guantanamo bay by now. I tried to post this before , but got stuck in moderation?? I did thank Al#ah that I didn’t do it.

3 05 2010
vivisection

Now its through moderation and i look like a twat- or a bogan who has no patience.

3 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Your Okay Viv, I think the intrawebnet is out to get you today :)

3 05 2010
Fiona of Balwyn

I must say if there’s one thing I hate more than tattoos in foreign language it’s tribal tattoos!

Oh they make me cringe!

3 05 2010
amr

I hate all tattoos. Used to be a day when just merchant sailors and bikies had them. Now even my 17yo bogan niece has one.

http://awfultattoos.blogspot.com/

http://ugliesttattoos.com/

Serves them all right

5 05 2010
NSM

Goodness me! I hate you now, I just spent the last 2 hours perusing the Ugliest tatts site – rarely have I been so horrified and yet so utterly enthralled by a site… it almost wasn’t a waste of time given the amount of actual LOLs I have had so far….

So much goodness to be had there,however this one really stood out in it’s Maxtreeeeme boganity.

Firstly the NAMES hahahaha, Caydance and Addisyn LOL
Secondly the possessed evil little bogette babes themselves, already dreaming of the day they get their first Tramp Stamp and well and truly looking forward to their future careers as single Mothers
and Finally, the acknowlegement of their inbreeding with the inclusion of the three fingered hands of both little kids…

Awwww

http://ugliesttattoos.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/twouglybabies_suzie-p.jpg?w=495&h=529

5 05 2010
pb

the one on the left was one of the kids in village of the damned, wasn’t she? certainly looks like them.

6 05 2010
NSM

LOL you could be right!!! I forgot to add “webbed” to the three fingered hands.

3 05 2010
Paddington

What a quandry for the bogan: How to appear mysterious and unique while appearing and sounding like one of the pack. The bogan is yet to realise that if you want to ‘appear mysterious’ you should probably be a lot more low-key. Being unobstrusive is something unachievable for all carriers of the bogan virus, regardless of which strain of boganity they happen to be infected with. This is because being low-key carries the threat of being unnoticed.

3 05 2010
Will S

“And they set themselves apart by their efforts to stand out by conforming as furiously, and conspicuously, as possible.”

says it all!

4 05 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Absolutely!

How obvious are these f&#king bogues.

NO taste, NO style and NO class!

3 05 2010
miss dahl

Mysterious and unique? How do they figure that when they ALL do it?

3 05 2010
pominoz

I saw a Bogan with a tattoo of red lips on his neck. It went well with the ciggie in his mouth the the classy trackies from Lowes.

3 05 2010
Tinnish Lij

True story last week… I was telling a nolled friend about the sons of an ex, whose main claim to bogan stupidity (and most obvious) was the tattoos in 6″ high letters of their 9-letter surname, one across the upper back, the other from armpit down to hip and commenting how my brain could not comprehend why anyone would do such a bogan thisng, when in did wander my olled friend’s son, with her surname right across the upper back in 4″ high letters.

I was next spotted hiding behind my cup of tea and unable to look over the top of it.

4 05 2010
chubbybloodfart

ugh.
Had a similar experience whereapon I was also subjected to a faintly agressive and fiercely proud (in a selective and misinformed way) potted history of the “Duggan” family. (Fighting Irish naturally, Uncle Michael Duggan was a rabble rouser for the Luddites or something. It even included a photo of Uncle Michael Duggan culled from google if memory serves.)
I personally wouldn’t care if my ancestors were the fathers of modern physics. I wouldn’t want DUGGAN written across my back in gothic script.

4 05 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

I too had a similar experience. I met a bogue in Queensland who had his family name “MILLER” done across the shoulders. About a fourth rate job at best, in massive Ye Olde script. All friends and family agreed it actually appeared to say NIGGER.
When shown I agreed.
He seemed to be a bit proud of it.

4 05 2010
Shirley M

I had no idea people did this. Isn’t a birth certificate enough, anymore?

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Me neither Shirl, I’m nervously laughing and wondering, do I dare google and confirm my fears or do I just run away? ;)

4 05 2010
Will S

As people who work for centrelink, the health department and various other places could tell you, there really are some types out there who forget how to spell their own name.

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Will S
the ones to watch are those that need two hands on the pencil ?

5 05 2010
AlyssaKT

It’s for lost and found purposes, surely?

5 05 2010
pb

i have visions of bogue parents in westfields at the information desks with the security people calling out over the loudspeaker for their kids braydern and tarneeishiaa to come and collect them.

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
Their arnt that many Duggans round.
Dont suppose your related to “Mr Tetaanus” ?

3 05 2010
Joe90

I was at a gig last night and we were all giggling at this pissed up bogan trying to rock out. Of course halfway through the show, naturally, the shirt comes off. And what did we see? The trifecta that’s what. Celtic arm band, Australian flag and the foreign tattoo. Excellent timing on this one TBL.

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

The axis of Bogan tattooed upon the bogan, should I laugh or vomit? ;)

3 05 2010
Shirley M

My brother has a tribal tattoo on his arm, a southern cross on his chest, and on his back, a drunk leprachaun and a smiling thumbs up Jesus. I suspect the next addition will be ‘yer bra’ in Thai.

3 05 2010
Alisha

thats just brilliant that is.

3 05 2010
Brimstone

dunno if anyone is nerdy enough to get this, but saw some chilled out DJ/hippie type with the Moorcock/Warhammer/Blue Oyster Cult ‘Mark of Chaos’ symbol. he said it meant ‘love in all directions’

idiot

3 05 2010
Sten

I’m going to go for it here and raise my hand… yes, I know the symbol in question (yes, I’m a bit of a geek, ex-warhammer fan and fond of BOC), but I’m sure I remember from my younger days that a fellow Anarchist told me it was also some kind of Scottish pagan symbol.

3 05 2010
James Hunter

Sten ,Ay be careful mom
It twas only the catholics thay called the Scots “Pagans”

4 05 2010
Sten

Well, the girl in question who explained the meaning of the symbol was both Scottish and a self-described Pagan.

3 05 2010
YB

It seems like someone was having a solid lend of him. (Warhammer Joke: Well at least Slaanesh is all about ‘love in all directions.”)

3 05 2010
Rudolf Belka

In the Warhammer canon, the Mark of Chaos symbolises the 8 winds of magic, which are derived from chaos.

And Chaos pretty much kills, warps, seduces, pollutes everything in its path.

3 05 2010
amr

Sheesh! Censored again.

You guys at TBL are going to get lots of work from Conroy

3 05 2010
toony

Meh, they be writing a book, so they need to censor more to get the Middle Class Dollar.

3 05 2010
pb

political correctness gone mad!

3 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

“It is now a tattooed gangster on a Harley.” When I read this all I could think of was, don’t you mean a Vesper…BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA The imagery is hilarious…Big chunky bro-bouge, his glad wrapped tatt thinking he’s ganster, on the back of a smoky Vesper…

3 05 2010
Shirley M

I often tease my mum and tell her that I am going to get a tattoo that says ‘happy 12th birthday, love mum’. I think I’ll get it done in henna before the next time I see her.

3 05 2010
vivisection

Make sure you misspell something. Or put her name with mum in brackets. “Shirley, hapy 12th birthday, love Denise (Mum) XXXX!”

3 05 2010
Shirley M

hehehe excellent advice Viv. Should I go ahead with this marvellous prank, I’ll be sure to post a photo.

3 05 2010
vivisection

Maybe try and sneak a “BFF” statement too.

3 05 2010
Shirley M

The main body of the text in a heart with a scroll at the bottom saying ‘BFF LOL’?

3 05 2010
Shirley M

Or maybe even BFFFE?

(best friends for farkin’ eva)

3 05 2010
miss dahl

Is that because Denise is so incredibly groovy and hip?

3 05 2010
vivisection

because all bogue mums are best friends with their daughters. Shirley, you could consider two tit roses one with Denise and one with Shirley written under them.

3 05 2010
Shirley M

hahahahaha! Tit roses. You crack me up Viv.

Wouldn’t my paramour love that? Having to see his MILs name every time he visits the twins.

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I wonder if there are any Spanish roses?

3 05 2010
Shirley M

Isn’t there a Van Morrison song called ‘Spanish Rose’?

It’s just taken on a whole new meaning for me.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

So Patty and Lauren NEwton are supreme Lady Bouges…NOICE!

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You can get it done in henna on your next trip to Bali or Phuket Shirley. I suggest you leave from Perth, there are 10 flights per day it seems.

3 05 2010
James

I was recently invited to a wedding in Phuket – thanks to this blog, I now know not to attend, as not only would it be a bogan-fest generally, it would most likely also involve glamour photography. Thanks TLB – you are becoming a real community service to the more sheltered among us.

3 05 2010
vivisection

You could suggest that instead of photos of the wedding party, they could get tattoos of the wedding party done on the beach!

3 05 2010
James

In henna…

4 05 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

yeah.
Something back to front on their stomachs, so every time they look in the mirror they are reminded of their maxtreme wedding and hear the squawks of their insipid, vacuous wedding party!

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Dude, you should go for the giggle. I wouldn’t be passing up on the opportunity to witness bogan’s in their natural environment. Think of it in scientific terms. Plus, the photographs…So much fun!!

3 05 2010
James Hunter

Well I have a lot of tattoos as I guess a lot of you regulars would knowso speacink from experience my comments are

For me Foreign Language ones , unless on foreigners , are crass.

Second thing that would never enter a boags mind is that getting one in a foreign country is very dangerous.. most of them do not have autoclaves and thet reuse needles and return unused ink back to their bottles. The very thought makes my skin crawl.
In Austraila,m n.z. u.k and usa and EU you mostly pretty safe but India Thailand and other palces no way
Hep C Aides and good old Septiciemia

3 05 2010
vivisection

Totally agree, even in Japan, where it is a high art form, there is no govt health regulations. As the practice is considered outside of the law, there are no laws either allowing or prohibiting tattooists doing as they see fit. And anyone who gets a tattoo done on the beach deserves the hepatitis they end up.

3 05 2010
pulang

Tattoos in Japan are associated with the Yakuza (Japanese mafia) and as such have a social stigma, e.g. you can’t bathe in hot springs with them. I don’t know 100% but I would hazard a guess that it’s unregulated at least in part due to this.
(There are Japanese bogans but they don’t get tatts)

3 05 2010
vivisection

I think you are right. My understanding is that the Japanese, even though it is associated with criminal sub-culture, have never actually made it illegal. I had friends who successfully covered their tatts with bandages to get into onsen. I have to many, it would have looked like the Mummy trying to go for a dip. No doubt there would be bath houses where they are acceptable, but not being able to read Japanese made it much hard work..

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Natural Selection taking place, one might think. I wouldn’t get a tattoo in Bali, but then I’m not a bogan, just have tendencies. ;)

3 05 2010
Mrs Palmer

Bogans round the Perth area favour the tatoo that Sam Worthington displays in avatar ie

http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/tattoo/images/celeb-worthington/large/sam-worthington_013.jpg

3 05 2010
miss dahl

Ah yes, Sam Worthington … I read somewhere he’s being considered as James Bond.

3 05 2010
pb

a bogan bond! would he then drink locally brewed, foreign label beer and fight his enemies by glassing them?

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

Geez… Sam’s gonna have to work on his diction a bit.

3 05 2010
vivisection

Rootin hot chicks, glassin caarnts, smokin rollies and killin mussie terrorisses, Could take the franchise to new depths of popularity.

3 05 2010
Sten

Sigh… I suppose he’ll be drinking Vodka Martinis, made with real Ed Hardy vodka.

3 05 2010
pb

martini sounds like a poof’s drink, sten – no bogan bond would drink one of them. might name their daughter martini though, because of course that’d be all classy n’ stuff.

3 05 2010
vivisection

Bogan Bond would have a Rum’n’Real

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Pb,
daughter would be martinus twins would be martini ?

4 05 2010
Brimstone

wasn’t there already a bogan Bond?

2 06 2010
Faux-gan

George Lazenby – born ‘n’ raised in Queanbeyan, a bogan breeding ground about a half hour outside Canberra.

He only did one film…

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

Glassed… not stirred.

4 05 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Nice one Glass ‘em all!!!

3 05 2010
Sten

Further to my last post… one of the other highlights of any James Bond flick thusfar has been the exotic, tricked-up car. Sadly, I can think of no other car than the Chevnaro (I don’t think the venerable Commodore would cut the mustard, it’d have to to a Chevy-badged Monaro) being suited to a Bogan Bond.

There’s a person who used to hang out on the Jack Marx blog who used to photoshop whatever the subject of the day was… I wish we had somone like that on TBL who could produce a movie poster for the upcoming Bogan Bond film…

3 05 2010
vivisection

We need a good name too. Maybe

“From Phuket with Love”

“Pandora is forever”

“The Man with the Massive Guns”

“For Bogue Eyes Only”

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

Moonglasser

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Glass a Member

3 05 2010
James

Glassfinger?

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Casino Crown Plaza
The Spy who Glassed Me
Tatts to a Kill
Analfinger
Bedazzelpussy

3 05 2010
vivisection

StinkFinger

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Massive cans to a Drink

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Moonface – Introducing Bert Newton as the new Bond.

3 05 2010
James

Octoanus

3 05 2010
James

From Chrisco with Love

3 05 2010
vivisection

Bert as Moonface would have to be the villain, especially in the sequel, Moonglasser

3 05 2010
vivisection

A View to a What You Lookin at Caarnt!

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The Man with the Golden Jetski

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Velvet Ropes of Frustration

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Die ya Carnt Die

4 05 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

In her Vajesty’s Secret Entrance
From Ernie Dingo With Love
Fuck Off, We’re Full
Rove Royale
From Russia with UDL’s

5 05 2010
Mezz

bedazzlepussy and spy who glassed me wins hands down.

3 05 2010
pb

you only glass twice

3 05 2010
James

The Spy Who Glassed Me

3 05 2010
vivisection

The Spy Who Vajazzled Me

3 05 2010
James

Diammond Sparkles are Forever

4 05 2010
Nelson Esq

wouldn’t that be either
“Diamontes Forever” or
“Cubit Zirconias til divorce”

4 05 2010
James

Good suggestions Nelson, but I was actually referring to this little gem:

http://www.theherald.com.au/news/local/news/general/diammond-sparckle-11th-child-for-maryland-family/1724774.aspx

4 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Holy Smokin Boganity Batman!

MEET Diammond Sparckle Zedekeyah Lilly Ann Martin.

The tiny baby may have a big name but she’s not likely to feel out of place in her family.

The eighth daughter and 11th child of Maryland couple Brinessa and Adam Martin, Diammond joins the likes of Brandi Shyla Molly Robyn, 4, and Indigo Raindrop Sapphire, 3.

After starting their family with names such as Samantha and Stephanie, the Martins said it had become increasingly tricky to find something original.

Mrs Martin said she had taken to browsing an iPhone application to find inspiration for baby names.

“Some people think I’m insane,” Mrs Martin said. “Others are in awe.”

4 05 2010
pb

browsing an iphone application to find names? why not just pull letters out of a hat?

3 05 2010
vivisection

Casino Farkin Royale

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Live and let Bogue

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

From Behind with love.

3 05 2010
vivisection

The Quantum of DonkeyPunches

4 05 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Ho Ho Ho
Fantastic guys.

Thanks for the laugh to start off my day!!
:D

3 05 2010
Benamin

Octopussy.

For some reason, I don’t think that one needs modification.

3 05 2010
James

Check above – consider it modified…

3 05 2010
Benamin

Well done. You have indeed improved it.

3 05 2010
James

To the maxxtreme.

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Wearing an Ed Hardy Tux…

5 05 2010
Mezz

with thongs..

3 05 2010
Insider Information

My friend nearly got a tattoo in Thailand that is the Chinese character for ‘peace’… luckily I was there to warn her that it also means ‘cheap’ in Japanese, seeing as she was going to have it done on her butt cheek.

3 05 2010
devil's advocate

I struggle to grasp the meaning behind a tattoo of “peace” on one’s buttcheek.

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

It’s too ward off the donkey-punch. Or worse – the donkey-glassing.

3 05 2010
devil's advocate

In the event that she is getting ploughed from behind by someone who can read Chinese. Hrm… seems unlikely, but then I do struggle to fathom the wisdom of the bogan more often than not.

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

Struggle not – logic is not the bogan way. He’d probably think it was an ad for Asahi Beer anyway…

3 05 2010
LT

Which is not brewed from Japan here (it’s brewed in Thailand)…..hey another one for TBL, foreign brewed foreign beer!

4 05 2010
Whistling Nixie

As in “Dreenk lots of peace?”

3 05 2010
pulang

haha, I knew someone who had that done and only found out after… actually, I was studying Japanese at the time and that was how I learnt the character for “cheap”… who said bogan exploits can’t be educational :)

3 05 2010
miss dahl

And that’s exactly the pitch-line to take to the producers at MGM.

3 05 2010
devil's advocate

At the end of the day, this is just an ugly boy.

http://www.cantonese.sheik.co.uk/essays/tattoos.htm

3 05 2010
vivisection

Brilliance!

3 05 2010
Shirley M

He realised she was saying clown, not crown.

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

Not da crown… da crown!

3 05 2010
devil's advocate

I guess it’s somewhat disturbing that the guy feels the need to put down all these handy hints and tips for people. He should entitle it “So, you’ve decided to get a tattoo written in a foreign language about which you have no cultural or other connection in a misguided attempt to look sophisticated or otherwise stand out from the crowd – handy hints and tips to make sure pretension represents the full extent to which you look like an assclown.”

3 05 2010
vivisection

I think you meant asscrown

3 05 2010
J

TBL – cyptic??? Please address.

Addressed as requested. TBL

3 05 2010
Nat

A mate of mine got one yesterday… looks like Latin… she translated it, I’m pretty certain that it doesn’t say what she says it does. Each to their own, but it’s definitely not inspiring within me, quiet awe at her depth and mystique.

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

This just in – not foreign, but tres bogue in so many other ways…

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1285.jpg

4 05 2010
the trav

….and she is in the kool-aid section, hmmm perhaps she is thinnking of purchasing and consuming it??

3 05 2010
Sten

Back to the Bogue Bond movie names:

* The Man with the Golden Casket
* From ‘Straya with Love

3 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I don’t know the names of many Bond movies, but surely “C*nt Galore” would have to appear in one of them?

4 05 2010
Sten

Yes, Fi, that would be “Goldfinger”… I believe one of the other luminaries has already given it the TBL treatment.

If memory serves me correctly, the character in question was a lesbian… but that was in the original novel, thus cheating the Bogue of his much-desired lesbian softcore.

4 05 2010
vivisection

I believe she operated a flying school too – MaXXterme Lezzo Mile High Action. Our film could use her , and her dyke gal pal Thunder Pussy – played respectively by perrenial Bogies favourite Georgie Parker ad often overlooked siren ,Cornelia Francis (aka Morag from Home and Away).

4 05 2010
Sten

Hahahahaha… love it.

3 05 2010
toony

Dr. Ass
From Russia With Love (and ass)
Assfinger
You Only Live Twink (it’s an ass thing)
On Her Majesty’s Secret Ass
The Man with the Golden Gun (wasn’t gonna touch that one.. too obvious)
For Your Ass Only

3 05 2010
vivisection

Brown Eye

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh Viv…Classey and Klassic.

4 05 2010
James

Indeed. So simple, and yet so effective.

3 05 2010
Jacqueline

Damn, I got my asian characters on my upper arm done 15 years ago and I am now apparently a bogan. Hardly anyone had them back when I got mine done, except for Vietnam Vets, then that stupid bitch from the Spice Girls got almost exactly the same thing that I have – THAT’S what started it, a CELEBRITY started sporting asian-character tattoos.

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

So, do you have any ancestral or cultural connection with the “asian” language from which your characters originate? Given that you used the term “asian” as if “asian” is a written language, I’m guessing not.

Tell me, can you even speak “asian”?

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Jacqueline, I am a firm believer that if you have the tattoo because you want it or it ACTUALLY means something then it’s not bogan.

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Pinky, not sure about that. Bogans really want to have tatts, bad. And they are still bogan (the tatts I mean).

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

I see where you’re coming from Simon, but if said tatt was procured BEFORE bogan homage, isn’t that something of a “get out of being a bogan’ free card? Or am I just to nice? ;)

5 05 2010
vivisection

if that were the unfortunate case, said tattoo can easily be covered! There is no excuse for waiting 15 years to do that.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

True Viv, being a non tattooing type of person I didn’t think of that…;)

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Probably too nice but I am just generally anti tatt as a guiding principle.

5 05 2010
miss dahl

Yes, well whoever said celebrities were smart?

3 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

From Fevola with Love
The Man with the Golden Sphincter
Dr Sh*t Yeah

3 05 2010
pb

dr naah
dr yeah naah
glass another day
vampires are forever

3 05 2010
James Hunter

Simon, The theme song for “The man withe the golden sphincter” could be “Golden Sphincters” sung to the music of “Moon River”
?

4 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

We can get Powderfinger to do it before they retire.

We also need an Aussie Bond Girl. Mmmmm

Perhaps Megan Gale or Magda Subanski?

4 05 2010
Sten

Who else but Lara Bingle?

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

One of the minogue sisters?

Their last name rhymes with “bogue” which is a further bonus.

4 05 2010
Sten

Hey, nice one. How’d that slip under my radar? I reckon Danni would be more suitably Bogue though.

4 05 2010
vivisection

Danni for sure, knocked up and unmarried. Ideal Bogue Bond Girl. Film could start with her in a way too tight maternity shirt with “Where’s my farkin plasma? ” written on it, while she is shopping for a maxxxtreme pram.

4 05 2010
Brimstone

Kylie was already a Dr Who Companion, which is like a classy Bond girl who doesn’t get laid…

5 05 2010
AlyssaKT

and selling her story to No Idea mag “I’m in love and happy” gush gush. Best of luck.

5 05 2010
Mezz

Yep – casting sorted – There is nobody better for the role..If Lara doesn’t play then we get that woman who portrayed Roberta Williams. She does good bogue if it is in fact an act..

4 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. James, please don’t denigrate the wonderful Mancini / Mercer collaboration like that. :-(

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
Good point, sorry

3 05 2010
LT

I find this is one of the biggest contradictions in bogan logic (if there is such thing?). On one hand they hate Asians, but on the other hand they love these tattoos?!?!? If I could I would shake the hand of any tattooist who tattoos a insult in Chinese or Japanese on the unwitting bogan fool.

3 05 2010
Will S

They hate Asians, except the ones they’ve actually met.

3 05 2010
Glass 'em all

…The ones who cook their food and do their dry-cleaning.

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

while we’re throwing around baseless stereoptypes…

…and the ones who build their railways
…and the ones who develop their econometric models

4 05 2010
Glass 'em all

I don’t think they’ve met those baseless stereotypes. Unlike their cab drivers and bakers.

4 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Glass ‘em all scores.

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Indeed, “Cause they’ve assimilated n shit.”

5 05 2010
Meh

Yeah the scarey thing is that we’re starting to see Asian bogans. I even saw a brown man with a mullet recently. A mullet is the most powerful symbol there is of hating brown people and yet he had one! How is that even possible?

Multi-racial boganism, it might be the end of racism in Australia!

5 05 2010
AlyssaKT

what colour are the people wearing mullets in the western suburbs of Sydney and other such places? They look quite “brown” to me? I see them of all colours…

26 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

I’m a brown person and I had a mullet for a while.

But it was more in tribute to James Hetfield than anything.

3 05 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, how about From Armidale With Love? More like From Armidale With Tatts – and a goon…

3 05 2010
Will S

nuthin wrong with the ol goon bag, mate

4 05 2010
Sten

Absolutely not, Will. One of my concessions to Boganity is my love of the game “Wheel of Goon”. Good times, good times.

3 05 2010
James Hunter

Peter,
If I sing and you provide the backing then I will have both music and a goon

4 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Peter seems to have a hard on for you James.

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Well I see what you mean. I suppose he will just have to live with it, as it is after all a problem of his own making. !

4 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You mean you are not to be blamed for being alluring. That is probably true.

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
I shall be ever vigilant when ever wearing my pink tutu to avoid Him,. Just to be on the safe side.

4 05 2010
chubbybloodfart

James reminds peter of his dad.

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Chubby,
You think Peter had a dad?

4 05 2010
chubbybloodfart

I have a japanese tattoo on my left forearm.
It says “Dare” (I checked)
I saw it in a gorillaz sleeve and thought it looked cool.
Had it done on hindley street.
Nanna Rose hates it.
y’know…
the war.

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

I see, Dare, like the iced coffee drink that construction workers go for.

It’s one thing to adopt a brand, another thing entirely to brand oneself in the brand. Well done, I say.

4 05 2010
Ironhalo

You do realise mate that ‘Dare’ in Japanese literally means ‘Who?’

Unless it’s actually the Japanese word for dare, being ‘aete’ you have of course.

4 05 2010
Sibyl Ince

If I had a dollar for every time an oriental has told an occidental that their tattoo doesn’t mean what they think it means, I’d be sitting pretty. It’s a favourite pasttime for Asian immigrants: pick the dipstick and and him why he has “ABBA” tattooed on his shoulder, etc.

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

HAHAHAHAHAHA Asian revenge love it!!!

4 05 2010
devil's advocate

especially funny if said occidental actually did do the research at the front end and has the meaning consistent with what they thought.

They would never be able to shake the uncertainty…

4 05 2010
Whistling Nixie

“It’s a favourite pasttime for Asian immigrants: pick the dipstick and and him why he has ‘ABBA’ tattooed on his shoulder, etc.”

Well, it could be the Aramaic for “father”…

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

There’s an aftershave called “Hummer by Hummer” WTF people! I am probably a bit behind the 8 ball on this one, but is this just a bit out of control now? I don’t remember this “fragrance” being mentioned on the “fragrances” blog.

http://www.graysonline.com/lot/0050-180831/hummer-125ml-edt-sp-by-hummer-rrp-99-for-men

To quote Ricky Bobby “Help me Tom Cruise…”

4 05 2010
Glass 'em all

It has that hint of diesel…

4 05 2010
pb

for the discerning bogue who wants to smell of car exhaust.

4 05 2010
ExtremeBoganHunter

I think TBL haven’t connected the dots here. On Boganvilla the standard tatt for the herd is the gothic looking writing that spells something or rather relevant to the bogan, perhaps “short attention span”, strangely the font used looks exactly the same as the one used on the Mother cans … initially I thought the tatts were shopping lists done in crayon … apparently not.

5 05 2010
Whistling Nixie

“On Boganvilla the standard tatt for the herd is the gothic looking writing that spells something or rather relevant to the bogan”

That would’ve come from American gang “culture”, I guess.

4 05 2010
James

Please, for the love of God, do any entry dedicated to this “Fiona of Toorak” spastic degenerate. She deserves it.

5 05 2010
devil's advocate

James (12:41:30) – between the consumption of cheap liqueur mixed with lolly water, the TAFE degree, the penchant for “size two” country road attire, the need to announce one’s suburb as part of one’s name (and the countless other admissions of aspiring-yet-failing boganity that no doubt appear in the other blogs) –

I do believe you have a point.

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. See Pinky? Wonderfully entertaining.

5 05 2010
devil's advocate

*blush*

Although I concede it is wonderfully entertaining to point out aspiration-fail, and to observe others do the same, I should note that it would not be possible without such a generous abundance of said failure. In short, we couldn’t do it without you, Fiona.

Keep reaching for that internet-persona faux-social status star!

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And you keep defining yourself in terms of me. I can accept it. Being the centre of attention is just my cross to bear.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

I Love you Dearest Fi.

4 05 2010
Marty

How about a follow up article on “tattoos celebrating sporting achievements”. The bogan recently appeared on a “news” item proudly displaying his Melbourne Storm Premiership tats. “They can take away the premierships mate, but they can’t take these!”

4 05 2010
pb

forced laser tattoo removal – could be entertaining.

4 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

**Vomits**

5 05 2010
Mezz

Goes hand in hand with the club ethos at the storm too. Their coach came out and made a public statement about how they “can’t take our dignity and integrity from us” after they were caught cheating the system for 5 yrs! What f*&king integrity? Bogan logic is widespread!

5 05 2010
pb

technically he’s right mezz, but only due to their utter lack of dignity and integrity to begin with.

4 05 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, re. your proposed Fandango: it couldn’t possibly work out. As a youngster I had piano lessons for 15 years, while you possibly learnt how to tune a ukulele by reciting with breathtaking atonality, ‘my-dog-has-fleas! Such an unbalanced pairing, perhaps you should await the return of your regular partner Tombarina, who is obviously away on a work for the dole fortnight.

Also, someone really should tell that halfwit Will S that the term ‘goon’ derives from the word flagon, in which all cheap wine, particularly the fortifieds, was once sold. I mean really, what a dunderheaded lamebrain.

4 05 2010
vivisection

I’ve always known ‘goon’ to be casked / box wine. And god knows I drank enough of the nasty shit as a student to offer an expert opinion. Never heard of it as being derived from the word Flagon? I thought the Flagon was for dry sherry and the goonbag was for fruity legopener.

4 05 2010
vivisection

Maybe all that proves is that I had to study to become a halfwit.

4 05 2010
vivisection

Does that make me a quarterwit?

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Peter,

!!

4 05 2010
Will S

We’ve got a real amateur etymologist here. Emphasis on amateur.

4 05 2010
Peter

You’ve also given the impression that your parents were brother and sister. This is now confirmed.

Squeamishly provincial is what it makes you.

4 05 2010
vivisection

Spot on, about the provincial, was raised in regional QLD, but got the f#ck out at 17 years and never looked back. Parents aren’t related though. This assumptions game you play must be fun. Now my turn.

One can assume by your vibrant personality that you were born directly from a wasps c#nt and suckled from a vinegar tit? Undoubtedly your Father tried to be emotionally connected, but like so many others in your life, decided that emotionally distant was just easier with you?

Emotionally retarded, social rejection was inevitable, leading to a sad obsession with making yourself feel better by harassing those who cant see or reach you from the safety of a computer screen.

4 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Viv, abide my friend.

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Peter

!!

4 05 2010
Peter

Ah, Californian Pop psychology. The first and last refuge the guilty.

And what’s this? You want to reach me? How is that going to erase the cruel memory of torment those brutal and licentious he-men of ‘regional QLD’ (so that’d be the whole state then) inflicted on you?

Look you twisted, angry old fart, I’m truly pleased you finally found a like-minded traveler on the great journey; one with who you can share your life. Someone to speak comfortingly to your arch vanity and overwhelming snobbery. To that self-satisfied genetic competitiveness that drove you out of the boondocks in the first place. Collectively, there is an almighty smugness to transplants like you. Sorry to inform (or perhaps remind) you, but you’re not unique or especially different. Vast, brushstroke geographical and social assumptions made by barely literate hayseeds like you are what we from the city tolerate practically every day. You see we know the sort of world you and your cronies are trying to project, and manipulate, for the (alleged) good of us all. And, naturally, I, like most reasonable folk, want to take an axe and anthrax to the lot of you.

4 05 2010
SD

“Peter, who very much enjoyed going over to Things Bogans Like to show he was quite the dab hand at writing had stayed up all night wondering how to introduce “axe and anthrax” into his comments. Luckily vivisection provided the opportunity”.

Insert approrpriate retro cartoon to accompany above.

Along with your comments and the more Fi than Fi “As a youngster I had piano lessons for 15 years”, I hereby officially (drumroll) crown you the emperor troll of this site. Soon enough someone will preface each comment with FOP! Heck, maybe I will start the movement meself.

4 05 2010
Vivisection

You assume the memories are cruel and tormenting? That convinces me that you are squeezing one off that pretentious little pin dick as I type. How many backpacks lay empty in your basement you psychotic,deluded, tedious fool?

4 05 2010
Peter

‘stayed up all night’ ? it’s, like, 7pm in a respectable city! God, are all of you rude’n’rural hicks old farts? Better climb between the sheets, pops. Don’t forget the glass of Horlicks (in your case, James Hunter, better make that Ruby port).

4 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Peters use of “like” pegs him as a 16 year old girl. SD, I am with you.

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Methinks that a 9mm plug between his atlas and his axis would lead to peace in our time ?

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Peter ,
you realy do have delusions of adequacy do you not old chap?
Pity for you that you can not deliver more then the mulings of a sick puppy.
be off with you before the more charitable of us have you taken to a vet and put down.

5 05 2010
James

Pete must have been off to imbibe some alcopops…

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

You better hurry off to bed Peter, your parents will want the computer.

4 05 2010
Peter

Simon – Glasser at Arms’ obsession with other men’s, apparent, hard-ons pegs him as a likely future partner for Vivisection.

Eww, how distasteful.

4 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You’re jealous aren’t you Peta?

4 05 2010
Will S

I know, like that’d be so… so GAY! eww!

5 05 2010
James

Homophobia is a very bogan trait.

4 05 2010
Peter

Anyway old farts. My rides here. By which I mean the peaked hatted skirt who’s driving me out tonight. Enjoy (yet another) night in front of the computer.

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Peter

!!

4 05 2010
vivisection

So Mum’s called you to dinner. Cheeky little monkey!

4 05 2010
Vivisection

“Peter, get ya farkin hand off it and help me get yet sister britknees dinner out of the microwave yer useless farkin shit”

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Your a just a little brat aren’t you Peter, nothing better to do (don’t you have year 10 exams to study for?) than troll around on here making stupid judgements on people. Only religitards, hipsters and bogans pretend to be more than they are, which one are you?

5 05 2010
vivisection

I’m not sure Jesus could return the love? Hipsters wouldn’t need to be in bed early or make up excuses like “my lift is here”. Leaves only 2 possible options – Teen-bogue, or a severely brain injured middle aged man who suffered arrested development at 14 when he crashed his stolen car and now needs to be lifted into his bed, after a busy night tapping out long winded hate missives with his head stick. I can forgive the second option, even though it isn’t as amusing as taunting a teen bogue.

4 05 2010
brad

anyone for a hit of tennis?

4 05 2010
James Hunter

Brad,
How ” fab’ ” .

5 05 2010
Peter

Well fools up early again after a night of semi-boisterous fun. I have a life you see, which is a country mile from your mere existence.

Oh, James Hunter! I mean, Oh! Really… your recent comments prove categorically that you’re the embodiment of Neanderthal bogan, pops. It’s, like, you meltdown and threaten violence as soon as your glaringly obvious smalltown mentality is pointed out. And not just once but twice. And it’s a similar sort of smouldering hostility with that oafish backwoodsman, Vivisection – who by the way, would love to get his wood back into you, Jimmy. Note his particular take on the universal cry of the cornfed yokel: “I’ve been here 17 years” (yawn). Good Lord. You rubes are worse than those ‘folks back home’ that your diseased and illusory minds convinced you to run away from.

You can take the hayseed out of the smalltown, but you can never take the smalltown out of the hayseed.

live with it. Ta-ta…

5 05 2010
Vivisection

Wet the bed?

5 05 2010
Sten

My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

5 05 2010
Sam

tight arse Tuesday?

5 05 2010
Peter

Oh Oh Oh James Hunter, I think I want a bit of man on man with you before I head off to lord it over my 247 employees you big hunk of country hick.

*searches in cupboard of bedroom where I live with me mum for a jar of…*

5 05 2010
vivisection

Wow, at least 247 other people must think he’s an arsewipe too. Do you get up on the photocopier at the xmas party? Or haven’t you reached the height or level of maturity yet?

5 05 2010
lango

Fantastic! LOL

5 05 2010
Shirley M

Hey everyone! Let’s all send Peter some love. Clearly he needs it more than most.

Peter. I love you.

5 05 2010
vivisection

oh , how awkward. Anyone? Spare a little love?

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sorry Shirl, looks like you are on your own with that one.

5 05 2010
Shirley M

That’s ok Simon. I have plenty of love to give. I’m happy to make it my personal mission to love little Petey into submission.

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You go girl! The rest of us will try denigration and abuse.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Viv
the person to whom you arte refering reminds me of an Oscar Wilde quote.
“to fall in love with oneself is often the start of a life long relationship”

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Sorry Shirl, Peter is a tool and deserves nothing than to be ignored. You’re a better person than me. I want to slap the little snot!

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Damn, my witty and slightly off colour comment to Peta got moderated.

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

It’s out of moderation and here’s me thinking censorship.

5 05 2010
Sten

Seriously, though, what’s up with this stooge? He bangs on about having a life, but it all seems to revolve around tormenting James (or rather, trying and failing to, as James doesn’t seem at all put out by Peter’s antics).

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Sten,
excellent comment, I realy do not give a fig about him and either do not engage which is to say nothing or to reply with just his name and two exclamation marke or as above sometimes I do reply just to rev him up a bit/
You see to me reving him up a bit is like reving a motor car until the engine blows up. I like to watch the veins on his face stand out like rivers in a desert. Just waiting for the things to pop . Cerebal haemorage and the jobs done.. Exterminated by his own venom. way to go.

5 05 2010
SD

Fi is at least pithy and at times witty. This tool (aka Peter) has loooong boring posts that occupy way too much space – my eyes glaze over by the time I am past the first line.

Also

Claiming to be out all night having fun
Tee hee jokes abt the gays

All signs of being 16 or at least someone stuck at 16.

5 05 2010
Sten

He reminds me somewhat of common man, only with a better command of the English language.

Oh, but unlike common man, Peter obviously loves the sound of his own voice, he’s certainly demonstrated that with his long-windedness.

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Whatever happened to dear cm? I miss him so. :-(

5 05 2010
Mezz

Be careful what you wish for Fiona..That guy (assuming it’s male) is painful. I don’t think that very much amusement can be derived from his blabber. It just is reaffirmation of the very people who irk us so my dear..

5 05 2010
Sten

I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last from him, Fi. I do confess that I too sometimes miss his incoherent babbling, which was quite funny, unlike this Peter character.

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Oh he was harmless enough – about on par with the other array of personal trolls I have following my good self here.

5 05 2010
Mezz

One does have quite a following. You’re a bit of a magnet for these types going by my observations. So many times I’ve been tempted to politely advise people of what “tools” they are (bogue terminology used with intent) but I’d end up with a following of idiots too. I’d rather spend what time I do get to myself interacting with fellow strugglers in the society of boganism. I think a bogan party would win an election in this country at the moment and the future isn’t too bright either.. Oops – What am I saying.. The bogan party won in 07! Even elevated your neighbour Julia to Deputy Leader!

5 05 2010
Sten

Mezz, the Bogan Party ALWAYS wins in Australian elections. The “Swing Vote” is comprised of the “Aspirational” (read: Bogan parvenu) segment of Australian society. Hence, elections are won simply by pandering to the Bogue.

It’s all a massive trick. The Labor and Liberal Parties are simply the “Left” and Right wings of the Bogan Party.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
CM did unscramble sometimes and made brilliant comment

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I wouldn’t go that far, but I do occasionally miss the random letters his partly-functioning brain brought to the blog.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
fare comment, I guess I was mostly thinking comparatively. CM verses peter

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. This Peter character seems to me one who can easily be ignored. Just do that.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

true, CM at least didn’t try to be something his not, like an adult. Can we please ignore Peter the Tool, he might just shut up and go back to watching porn on youtube. Isn’t that what all the kids are doing these days.

And fancy thinking that calling us old farts is an insult. I know I’m old…LOL

What a freaking moron.

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. If it bothers you Pinky, it’s winning – counter it by adopting this as your maxim: “let silence be your best reply”.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

I tried Dear Fi!!! But He just pissed me off so much I had to…I’m sorry…**returns to the cone of silence and opens a bottle Tanquraey (?sp) and tonic water…**

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And CM occasionally came out with zingers. 16 year old girls don’t often have a developed sense of humor though so Peta struggles with that.

5 05 2010
Mezz

Reminders of 2 instances that tie in here..

Firstly of the bogan who appropriately has “stupid white guy” in some asian dialect across his shoulders which I’m sure provided hours of laughter for the tattooist and his crew.

Second one was of a bogan brother of a friend who had a pet ferret and also owned a tattoo gun. Ponderred the idea of coaxing him into tattooing the ferret but decided it wouldn’t be fair on the ferret..

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Benjamin:
“Interesting Pinky, but there are a couple of flaws in your argument…”

I see your point Benjamin, but I define ‘troll’ as in a ‘non-regular contributor’ AKA Shit stirrer and a stupid one at that. As I said, Fi has annoyed me, I’m the first to admit that, but since she contributes regularly and now that I understand ‘online persona’ better, I like her, she makes me laugh.

When’s Tomberina back??

5 05 2010
Sten

I think she’s in UnZid for a couple of weeks.

5 05 2010
Kat

A woman I know got the Japenese character for love on her inner ankle (yes, she does indeed fear Asians). I have often thought that it probably says ‘Open’. And this is the other weird thing about getting foreign language tattoos … you can sit there and think “hey I have the character for courage on my arm” but other people can’t actually read it, so as far as they are concerned it says ‘wanker’.

5 05 2010
Sten

Ah, but it gives to Bogue/Boguette something to talk about when hitting on a member of the opposite sex at the Pub.

5 05 2010
Mezz

It screams wanker in almost every case whether you can read/interpret it or not!

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Being a Bogan and a Wanker, is that a hybrid? Or is it essentially the same thing. Would the statement: “You can be a bogan and not a wanker and you can be a wanker but not a bogan?” Only clarifying because I seem to have different definitions to everyone else!!! ;)

5 05 2010
Benamin

Bogan and Wanker are not the same thing.

I don’t class myself as a Bogan. I’m not ostentatious, no tattoos, don’t aspire to ridiculous houses or middle management, have an education, a social conscience and can spell.

However, I like fine wine, beer, coffee and food (to the point of roasting my own coffee, brewing/drinking my own beer, and being involved in aspects of wine making). These, plus other things make me a figurative wanker.

The fact that I also mention any of this makes me a wanker, all on its own.

Oh and if you like apple and guava juice, you’re definitely a wanker (I don’t know – never tried it myself).

Does that make sense?

5 05 2010
vivisection

I would suggest that they are not binary concepts. That everyone has the capacity to have elements of boganity and wankery, levels of which will change across a lifetime, dependent on personal will and ability to learn from experience.

5 05 2010
Benamin

Good point well made.

5 05 2010
Shirley M

I think you’re right Viv. However, I’m fairly confident I’m 100% free of either at this stage in my life.

5 05 2010
vivisection

Beatles, Shirley M, Beatles ;)

Close though

5 05 2010
Shirley M

Pfft ;)

5 05 2010
Sten

Absolutely, Viv. I’m a working class bloke, but unobtrusive, largely non-violent and non-materialistic. I have certain interests which are certainly not Bogan… travel (independent travel, and not to SE Asia or the US), astronomy and history (largely Industrial Revolution to the present day, as well as an interest in the origins of Indo-European language, culture and genetics). I’m also a notorious beer snob and am fussy with cheese.

However… I’m often found at my local, hollering at the NRL game on the big plasma while dosed up on very large amounts of domestic lager. I love a good game of Wheel of Goon and I tend to swear a lot.

Overall, I’d say the average Bogue perceives me to be a wanker, and wankers would probably assume I’m a Bogue… however if said wankers were to actually engage me in conversation, they’d probably establish that I’m a fairly bright member of the working class and not really a Bogan at all.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

I’m about as middle class as you get. Both my parents are uni educated and blah blah. My brother is an engineer and I am forever a student and mum…LOL

I am probably a Wanker. Mr P!nky and I have a extensive wine collection, eat organic fair trade food (wherever possible), grow our own bio-organic veggie’s, are absolutely fanatical about our coffee (not to the same extent as you Sten) but only drink organic and fair trade (highly recommend the Timor beans…so good!). Or are we Hipsters?? GOD NO!!

Within my solid middle class upbringing, I was taught to be generous. My darling mother, is (urgh) a good christian, and a fundamental part of that was to give to those less fortunate. I am passionate about equality, human rights, and children’s issues.

I have some very strong bogan tendencies, I LOVE cars. The only thing is I love Japanese cars (Skyline, Supra etc;) I also have a good understanding of the engineering behind them and even went super bouge and bought myself a cool GTR zipper hoodie, which I LOVE!!

I am a wanker in the fact that commercial teev is banned in my house. I can’t stand it. My kids don’t even mind really. They have always preferred ABC Kids anyway.

I also wont allow my kids to drink Coke in any form and even tell my kids friends parents that under no circumstance are my children to have this gastly crap.

I am fluent in psychology, neuro-psychology, neuro-pharmacology, psychiatry and social welfare. I’m also a Palliative Nurse. I also spend my free time volunteering with social welfare groups and foster a 13 year old.

What is “Wheel of Goon”?

I’m hopeless at sport but loving watching the AFL Grand Final for the commentary :P which to me is the mecca of Bogan English.

Overall, the bogan wont talk to me because they assume that I’m a wanker, but if they got to know me, they would quickly realise that I am just a big nerd! LOL And most wankers wont talk to me because I look like a nerd. :D

I have time for everybody, but I don’t suffer fools lightly.

I’ve always enjoyed your comments Sten. :D

5 05 2010
vivisection

Wheel of Goon, is when you tie a goon bag to a clothesline and stand around it, the clothesline is spun, if it lands on you, you drink! At least that’s my recollection of it.

5 05 2010
Shirley M

We called it Goon of Fortune, back in the day.

5 05 2010
Sten

Yeah, most people seem to… but my friends and I were introduced to it as WoG (hey! Unintended casual Racism! Yeah!) and it’s just stuck.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Oh Cool…now I can back track re-read and laugh…I’m not going to tell you what I thought it was..:P

5 05 2010
Sten

Ah, cheers, Pinky. It’s nice to be appreciated. Like you, I’m probably fairly easily categorised as a nerd… just a nerd with rough edges.

Anyhoo, I’ve give you a brief explanation as to what Wheel Of Goon is…

There are only two essential ingredients one or more bag(s) (or Scrote, I’ll leave you to figure out what that is short for!) of Goon (preferably Fruity Lexia, but I’ve played it with Reisling and various other types of crap wine), and a Hills Hoist.

One then pegs the Scrote(s) (securely!) to a corner or corners of the Hills Hoist and assembles one’s opponents in a circle around the ‘Hoist. The game commences when the first player swings the ‘Hoist around. Whomever the Scrote lands in front of has to take a decent swig of the Goon, then swings the ‘Hoist around.

Typically, the spin only counts if it goes around the circle of players at least once, and it is optional to yell “Wheel… of… GOON!” before each spin. The only other rule is that when a player throws up, they’re out.

Sadly, this rarely happens in the games my friends and I play, as we have monstrously high tolerances to alcohol and usually only one Scrote of Goon, however, one of my mates with a less than rugged constitution took the game on last NYE, after half a dozen strong home brews. Suffice to say, there was vegetarian sausage all over the back yard after that gallant effort.

Tres Bogan, non?

5 05 2010
Benamin

Thanks for the education Sten..

Pity – I would have enjoyed this quite a bit back in my days of heavy drinking.

5 05 2010
Sten

No worries, Benjamin. It is a fun game, but even I, possibly the world’s first ethanol-based lifeorm, can only manage the very occasional game, as it comes with a guarantee of an eight-star hangover.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

I’m a one pot screamer…LOL So I think I will be playing this NYE ’11!! Thanks!! I’m not buying fruity lexia though, I have my pride…:P

5 05 2010
Benamin

Well done, particularly on the fostering. And on behalf of society I thank you for doing that. I hope you find it rewarding. I’m suffering through two of our own and think that difficult enough. Sure we donate to charities but it is one thing to just share good fortune, and another to actually go out and do the hard work.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

I enjoy it very much. It’s one week out of six, so it’s not like I’m a full time foster mum, we respite foster care. I should have made that clear. Our kids also realise just exactly how good they have it too, which is a nice ‘passive’ reminder. Plus, he’s a good kid and I enjoy his company. He’s smart and funny, his situation is far from his fault, he deserves a break from poverty.
Giving to charity is a great . If you can, you should buy Fair Trade food, the money real does go back to the community marked on the pack. All these things help.

**Steps off soap box**

5 05 2010
devil's advocate

To quote TISM – you’re a yob or you’re a w-nker, take your f-cking choice.

What are ya? Yob or w-nker?

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

the opposite of you.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

So a Bogan Wanker is the Mecca of Bogandom?

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Pinky,
If they are Hybrids then thank the lord they will not be able reproduce.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Indeed…oh what a relief…

6 05 2010
Kat

I use the word ‘wanker’ to denote anyone who is engaged in an activity that just screams of self-indulgent masturbatory inclinations. It’s that moment when a guitar solo suddenly seems lengthy and uninspired and you realise the guitarist is all alone, masturbating – a wanker. Similarly, it is the moment you look across and see a Japanese character tattoo on the arm of someone who is not married to a Japanese person and who definitely is not and does not speak nor study Japanese. They are all alone, fiddling with themselves in Japanese.

6 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

“They are all alone, fiddling with themselves in Japanese.”

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA – Well put…hahahaha

5 05 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

I have a discovery. V8 looks like VB and it is brewed by CUB. Were there CUB’s around 150 dd years ago or is this just a phenomenal coincidence?

5 05 2010
Sten

There certainly would have been. I imagine pastoral squatters and post Gold Rush nouveau-riche types would have been yesteryear’s equivalents of today’s CUBs.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

TBL, can we get a lexicon page. Just so we can have common terminology, please…pretty please…

5 05 2010
Peter

So without too much effort I figured out which ones of you are the middle class twats masquerading as knockabouts, which accounts for just about the entire board, but tell me this, which one of you desperados is (getting off on) masquerading as me!

I understand you’re only flesh and blood (in your case James Hunter we’ll need to add about 8 Imperial quarts of metho), but this simply couldn’t be me because it’s so obviously written by an sub human imbecile.

Peter (08:39:00) :
Oh Oh Oh James Hunter, I think I want a bit of man on man with you before I head off to lord it over my 247 employees you big hunk of country hick.

*searches in cupboard of bedroom where I live with me mum for a jar of…*

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Given the avatar, it seems likely it’s our glasser-at-arms, Simon.

5 05 2010
Sten

Of course it was! Subtle? No. Amusing? Undoubtedly.

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

obviously written by an sub human imbecile.

That would be an “a” you want there Peta.

By the way, thanks for dobbing Fi!

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I didn’t wish to see your good work go unnoticed. :-)

I knew you wouldn’t mind.

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Well I don’t think Peta was going to work it out. Not the sharpest tack in the box really.

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Hence the reason for your beloved Fi to unmask the wit behind the nom-de-blog.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
feel sorry for him, after all he just said he lives in a cupboard of bedroom with his mum !!
wonder if she is still alive.?
whatever the thick plottens.

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Mother is watching him from the spooky house on the hill, the one that’s overlooking the motel…

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
The Bates Mote; ?

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Which would make him Master Bates, of course.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Absolutely,
Asside from Frank Thring , somewhere we could have Peter Garrett in the cast?

5 05 2010
Sten

I repudiate everything you say, Peter, but I do wonder, why has it taken you this long to ascertain which among us are “middle class twats masquerading as knockabouts”?

The other question which keeps me up at night is “Why does this Peter character spend such inordinately large periods of time on this blog, sparring with people whom he obviosuly detests?” – well, this question *would* keep me awake at night if I didn’t have a life… which leads me to posit that you do not in fact have the “life” you bragged about previously. Your substitute for a life seems to be to withdraw into some kind of cosy shell between manifestations of your bizarre (and let’s face it, the only other apt word would be “absurd”) obsession with James Hunter.

Sub human imbecile, indeed…

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Sten,
Oh so sad. Oh so sad.
wipes very small tear from corner of eye.
He obviously does not realise that we choose to play tennis with him occasionally as a distraction from the important things in life.
I am not sure wheather to cry or snigger ??

5 05 2010
toony

Hey, leave the SubHumans alone. They were a great band in their time.
Oh lol…

5 05 2010
Sam

“but tell me this, which one of you desperados is (getting off on) masquerading as me!”

Quite the brain isn’t he?

5 05 2010
Peter

A#1 it hasn’t. I’ve a life remember, by which I mean that quite unlike you I don’t take myself so seriously nor do I not spend every waking moment (in your case, James Hunter, that’d be from about 11:45am until you either pass out or black out sometime during the dark night of your soul – aka ’bout 4am) on the interweb.

A#2 refer to A#1. It’s not hard…

5 05 2010
Sten

I’m sorry, Peter, but re-iterating that you “have a life” does not necessarily make it so. For centuries, the Catholic Church asserted that the Earth was flat. And looks what happened to that notion. Plainly, your life seems to revolve around this well-starboard-of-insanity man-crush (did he reject you some time in the dim past?) you have on James. What do you do when you’re not on here, subjecting him to “torment” second in it’s inneffectiveness only to flogging someone with a withered lettuce leaf?

Perhaps that is a stone best left unturned.

5 05 2010
miss dahl

Well, well, well…. I turn my back for five minutes and return to find everyone ripping shreds off one-another. What’s going on, guys?

5 05 2010
Sten

Speaking for myself, miss dahl, it’s a slow day at the office. That, and I really do find Peter amusing (sort of like the death of a clown). Every time I see him having posted “Oh James Hunter”, I can’t help but think (maybe even wish?) he’s about to deliver a sonnet in the style of a swooning, fawning Victorian schoolgirl.

5 05 2010
Shirley M

Something like ‘Oh what can ail thee little Petey, alone and palely loitering’.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

maybe a little pee pee ?

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

Looking for James Hunter, here in stealth reconnoitering…

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
“hear in stealth a loitering” rhymes better?

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes. In fact, “loitering” rhymes PERFECTLY with “loitering”, does it not? But can you see why I didn’t choose that?

5 05 2010
Shirley M

…. and no birds sing. :-(

Don’t worry little Petey. Everything is going to be alright.

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

Out of the darkness, he espies Frank Thring!

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Fi,
Fantastic, Frank Thring would be so good in a Hitchcock style Telemovie. “Peter at the Bates Motel” ‘cept not much norma(l)n going on there.

5 05 2010
vivisection

Hark, yonder, a faggot he cries,

A small teardrop in his eye,

For being a small minded twat,

He wont accept that..

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Please don’t stop Viv…

5 05 2010
Sten

Oh great. Here comes the first ever TBL-crew sonnet. What monster have I created?

5 05 2010
Shirley M

It’s more an ode than a sonnet. Little Petey will need to experience a great deal more love before he is sonnet worthy.

5 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Agreed. We’ve done limericks and even had rap battles. We’re not sonnet worthy. Well, I am of course, as I have a higher degree in the Classics, but you lot need to work up to it.

5 05 2010
Sten

I’m not having anything to do with this. Sure, baiting mental hunchbacks is terrific fun, but composing sonnets/odes to them is, well, a bit like Mr Pot calling Senor kettle a n*gger.

5 05 2010
Shirley M

I’m just trying to make him feel better about himself, Sten.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
You had me worried there for a moment. I thought you said “I,m just trying to make him feel himself better” !

5 05 2010
Sten

You’re all heart, Shirley. Me, I prefer to be all bile duct.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Me too Sten…

Peta is nothing more than a waste of our time, when we could discussing more important things like, the TBL commune, Fi’s hired help, or the bogan opinion pieces in the HS. Come on now…

5 05 2010
Benamin

Then why does he constantly gets responses?

Well played Peter. You’ve done well.

Ignore him and he will go away.

6 05 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Exactly Benamin (please correct the spelling of your name too, please). Trolls are just here to get an emotional reaction and if people just ignored them, they would indeed just go away.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Wonder if we could have “The Bates Motel” situated at Wolf Creek” ? Just for our Telemovie

5 05 2010
Peter

Sten you poor repressed catholic. Let’s roll away the stone on that particular part of your life…

5 05 2010
vivisection

Don’t you have homework to finish before playing on the computer?

5 05 2010
Sten

Is that the sound of limp lettuce on human skin I hear? You couldn’t be further from the truth with that old chestnut (if memory serves me correctly, you trotted it out for use against Tombarina some time ago), Peter. Hair shirts and self-flagellation just don’t appeal to me.

For the record, I identify as an Atheist.

5 05 2010
Peter

‘Identify’ with what or whom.

Vivisection: more like the end of the penny section.

5 05 2010
Vivisection

Oh such hilarity! You should join the debating team

5 05 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

If there are lots on the team are they massdebaters?

Oops, I think I just chanelled James Hunter. Peter will be swooning again.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

If you don’t know what Atheism is, then your not in year 10, you’re in year nine at a Catholic Boys School…

5 05 2010
Sten

Aaaargh! That’s it! I’ve had it with this 24-karat pissant! I’m going to the Pub!

See you all tomorrow (especially you, Peter), hopefully for a new post.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
If he collects enough faggots then fuel we have to “fry him at the steak” (or is it tie him to the stake to burn?) until well done

5 05 2010
Peter

‘channel James Hunter’ ? no need to go to all that trouble, Sten will see him at the pub. At this time of day it’s his early opener.

5 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

You probably think the world is only 6000 years old…BAHAHAHAHAHA I’m with Sten, the pub is better than this mediocre debate about how much of a knob you are.

5 05 2010
Benamin

To stop those monsters, one, two, three…
There’s a fresh new way that’s trouble free
It’s got Paul Anka’s gaurantee
(Guarantee void in Tennessee)

Just Don’t Look.

(Please folks – ignore this bloke!)

5 05 2010
Peter

Good Lord you’re boring!

5 05 2010
Shirley M

Shhhh little Petey. It’s ok. I love you.

5 05 2010
Peter

Well don’t, you hambeast!

5 05 2010
Shirley M

I can and I will. <3

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
very touching , but see the response from the ingrate.

5 05 2010
Shirley M

It’s to be expected James. Poor little woebegone Petey.

5 05 2010
Peter

Oh, James Hunter, put a sock in it, or at lease a cork, pops.

5 05 2010
Will S

Our resident solvent abuser doesn’t seem to know how to use the reply feature, lol.

5 05 2010
Shirley M

Sure I do!

Ohhhh you mean the other solvent abuser. Little Petey Weetey.

5 05 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Jesus just said you’re all fucking idiots.

5 05 2010
James Hunter

Tracy,
do you not feel honoured to be in such exalted company

6 05 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

I take that as rhetorical due to the lack of a question mark however I’ll answer it anyway…

6 05 2010
James

Fiona of Campbeltown and James Hunter- Two biggest shit talking dribblers I think I have ever witnessed anywhere

6 05 2010
AlyssaKT

Someone from Campbeltown wouldn’t think of Toorak. They would think Bondi was as classy as it got.

6 05 2010
Peter

Will S, my lack of knowledge re. the reply function (which incidentally, is not the case at all) has been previously documented. Not unlike your information on the derivation of the slang word ‘goon’, you are, once again, wrong. For you I suspect this happens with such regularity that, over time, it has become difficult to distinguish the increasingly rare occasions when you are actually right from the numerous times you are wrong. Bad luck, knobwrench. Epic fail.

Shirley M, ‘solvent abuse’ is, I am told by reliable folk, typical behaviour of bumpkins from isolated country towns. One imagines that living in such a stark and sterile environment is sufficient reason not to abuse solvents or, indeed, any drugs – and by abuse I mean take, but sadly such reasonable thinking appears not to be the case. You are an example of this particular type of self-absorbed indulgence and as such a product of its consequences. I suggest you return to your home town asap and do the best you can. Good luck!

6 05 2010
Shirley M

Awww even though you seem to be completely devoid of a sense of humour, I still love you. xxxx

6 05 2010
SD

God, just because you run a blog (also very pedantic I might add) called predictably “ediblesydney” doesn’t mean you are quite the city cosmopolitan. You are trolling of course to raise the stats there.

Also how typical of a Sydneysider to think itself some epitome of city sophistication we should all aspire to (I say this as one meself and of a city I love). But here’s the newsflash – it’s little more than an isolated country town when compared to many other cities on this planet.

6 05 2010
Shirley M

I just had a look at ediblesydney.

Poor little Petey lives alone :-(

6 05 2010
SD

Mum’s jar takes on a whole new meaning then.

6 05 2010
Will S

What derivation? I was using a popular culture reference which you’re obviously not aware of. Which is no surprise seeing you spend all your time chroming at redfern station.

6 05 2010
P!nky Has A Brain

Peta, please, shut up. You are endlessly boring and repetitive. So please, unless you grow a brain, a sense of humor and a personality (or at least an online personality) don’t come back.

6 05 2010
Bec

Okay then all, let’s have a rousing game of Cliff, Shag, Marry: Peter, Common Man, Fiona of Toorak?

6 05 2010
Tracy Rimjaw

Where is the ‘back to the top’ button. I hate wordpress.

7 05 2010
SD

Apart from the foreign tattoo, I am sure there must be bogans who while racist about Obama will be lining up for their own Shepard Fairey poster (Exhibit: Our Rupert’s The Sun with Camerobama aka David Cameron in his previous avatar on the cover).

21 06 2010
KT

I know a guy who got his kids names tattooed on his inner arm in Mandarin. One of the kids is called Rhys, but the tattoo actually says Rice!

26 10 2010
27 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I want to get a tattoo of some song lyrics I love in Tamil, but that’s because it’s my mother tongue (although I don’t speak it that well). I’ll be sure to get my grandma to write the script for me though.

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