#91 – Reality TV

23 02 2010

The bogan has always been misunderstood. Sick of being told by scathing blogs that it is not inspired, talented, and of immense value to the nation, it simmered on its lounge suite, plotting its revenge. It sees no real difference between its clueless, indolent self, and the people that it sees on the red carpet. The bogan is of the opinion that years of hard work, skill, and sacrifice aren’t really the key things behind success… all that is really required is for the bogan to loudly announce a desire to be a celebrity.

For years, this didn’t work. The bogan’s closest approximation to fame was the time it was at the same petrol station as Red Symonds, and its television screen remained filled with people whose talent and work ethic was far in excess of its own. This changed for good in 1992, when Sylvania Waters hit Australian TV screens. The unscripted show followed a family of newly cashed up bogans, who spent and bickered their way through six months of existence. The bogan viewers were transfixed: “I love spending and arguing!”, said the uninteresting bogan. “I should be on telly too!”

The floodgates were open. TV executives realised that not only did the bogan want to watch other bogans doing nothing in particular, they also would climb over each other to be on these shows free of charge. A televisual nosedive of low cost, low value programming ensued, with advertisers realising that reality TV had herded the most easily brainwashed segment of Australia into a paddock 30 minutes wide.

By the turn of the century, the pinnacle of mediocre reality television had appeared. After passionately pitching their bogan quirks at the show’s producers, a dozen or so bogans were locked in a camera-riddled house at Dreamworld, and subjected to various pointless and temporary scenarios for the vicarious amusement of the bogans back home. It constituted irrefutable evidence to the bogan that it was worthy of celebrity status, which compelled it to behave accordingly, whether it had been on television or not. Big Brother alumni then go on to bigger and better things, like Hotdogs’ Up Late Gameshow.

Some analysts thought reality TV would be a brief fad, but they failed to understand the bogan’s bottomless need for validation and glitz. As a result, bogans now watch competitions like: fat bogans dieting, tone deaf bogans wailing, hungry bogans cooking, clumsy bogans dancing, and bogan scrags being transformed into bogan scrags in evening dresses. And because it’s bogan versus bogan, the bogan always wins.


Actions

Information

189 responses

23 02 2010
dimitry fofonov

hotdogs!

23 02 2010
Tubesteak

ahhhh crud being peddled at low-hanging fruit because lazy people want to make a quick and easy buck.

The world is doomed.

23 02 2010
Jo

what is it with you and low hanging fruit?

23 02 2010
Tubesteak

I don’t like people that take the easy option and then try to claim some sort of “ability” or “skill”

23 02 2010
Jo

but its always the low hanging fruit inallegy with you, there’s got to be more than one way to express that sentiment

23 02 2010
Brett

LOL inallegy

23 02 2010
Tubesteak

I’ve used the term twice. It’s an apt term.

Please learn to spell “analogy” and use it in the correct context.

23 02 2010
Benny Hill

It has an ‘inallergy’ to low hanging fruit by the sounds of it.

23 02 2010
Jo

I knew it was spelt wrong but google wouldn’t give me “did you mean analogy” spell check I usually use, if typo’s offend you so deeply I suggest you don’t spend time browsing internet discussion boards. As for the context, thats correct, your low hanging fruit term is an analogy, I just noticed you used it an awful lot, it was simply an observation.

27 02 2010
Cam

‘Low hanging fruit’ is a metaphor – not an analogy.

21 03 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

typo???
yeah right.

23 02 2010
Tone

“And because it’s bogan versus bogan, the bogan always wins.”

When two bogues go to war, one is all that you can score.

23 02 2010
James Hunter

bit like a horse race? a horse always wins !

23 02 2010
the trav

you forgot to add bogan product being “placed” on said bogan show, sandwiched in with ads for the same bogan product during the commercial breaks.

23 02 2010
Tone

It is just me, or is it more than mere coincidence that ‘Burgen’ sounds an awful lot like ‘Bogan’ …?

23 02 2010
Gorey

Did I stumble upon an ad for Burgen (pronounced Bergen, of course, instead of Boigen, which would be more correct) last night which appeared to list “low GI” as an ingredient? Did I just hear/read it wrong?

23 02 2010
Going bogue

No you did not – I have noticed the same thing. To all you bogans out there: low glycaemic-index is not a nutrient. It simply refers to the speed with the carbohydrates in the bread are metoblised.

23 02 2010
Tone

The Glycaemic Index is another Thing Bogans Like.

25 02 2010
Gorey

Thanks Bogue, I thought my mind had exploded.

23 02 2010
Jo

I have to resort to illegally downloading tv shows from the net to get any enjoyment out of tv viewing! because everything on tv is either reality tv or medical/law drama…and why can’t people write good sitcoms anymore?

23 02 2010
JimC

I may be wrong but I’ve always thought that the very first Big Brother-style show was Channel 10’s ‘House From Hell’. Anyone remember that?

It was en extension of a radio competition hosted by Amanda Keller, and it involved finding the most cretinous bogans they could, putting them in a dodgy share house and recording the chaos that would no doubt ensue.

I think it only ran for about 6 weeks, but lo and behold… several years later we begin hearing about this thing in the States called ‘Big Brother’.

23 02 2010
Tubesteak

BB came from the Dutch via the Yanks

23 02 2010
James

Check out a guy called Jan De Mol. He has so much to answer for.

23 02 2010
Jo

It wasn’t as successful because I believe it was on SBS, bogans don’t watch sbs unless Southpark is on

23 02 2010
Martz

No, no: they get their dose of Southpark via Foxtel. Along with endless repeats of shows such as The Simpsons or Family Guy. Funny thing is, I’ve had the pleasure of watching these shows with a number of just-post-adolescent NABs. They never laughed at the actual jokes or satirical elements, just at goofy situations, slapstick and catchphrases.

23 02 2010
Simon

Bogans don’t get South Park, they just like the kids swearing and poo jokes. Social satire is not their strong point.

23 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

Bogans will watch SBS for the tits, too. Have you forgotten that to bogans SBS stands for Sex and Bloody Soccer?

23 02 2010
Simon

I watch the cycling personally.

5 03 2010
MissT

and I always thought SBS stood for:
S: Sex
B: Boobs (&)
S: Soccer

23 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

Come to think of it, SBS is at times a gold mine of boganity – they are, after all, the station that inflicted ‘Fat Pizza’, ‘Swift & Shift Couriers’ and ‘Bogan Pride’ upon the world…

23 02 2010
Simon

Carlos, are you calling me a bogan?

23 02 2010
Jo

Back when House From Hell was on SBS, none of those bogan-friendly shows mentioned above where on SBS, this is back when there were still some places in Australia that didn’t recieve SBS

23 02 2010
Andrew

House From Hell was on Channel Ten not SBS.

23 02 2010
brad

what about Bear Grylls

8 02 2013
franz chong

And don’t forget that god awful Bogan PRIDE when that was around.That was the most disgusting thing SBS ever aired.I am not Bogan and in our home we watch SBS for the cooking shows and nothing else.

23 02 2010
amr

I remember one hosted by Andrew Denton many many years ago. Not sure if it was the same one.

23 02 2010
pinky has a brain

I remember house from hell. That was hilarious.

23 02 2010
JimC

I’m saying that it was the first.

23 02 2010
JimC

This was supposed to be a stand-alone comment. Not a reply.

23 02 2010
Olly

Ever thought of reading a book? Shock horror!

23 02 2010
Jo

its interesting how some people don’t understand that its possible to sometimes watch tv and sometimes read books…its not like you have to make a choice and spend your life doing either one or the other.
Also I’m not sure you noticed but this entry was about reality tv….if the entry was about Bryce Courtney novels (take note of that suggestion TBL) then we would be discussing books instead of television…go figure

23 02 2010
Gorey

I second the Courtney nomination.

23 02 2010
Your Local Dandy

Bogans don’t read Bryce Courtenay novels, they just buy them as Christmas presents for Aunty Sheila.

The Power of One was fine, but he was taking the piss when wrote Tandia.

23 02 2010
Gorey

Courtenay! Oops. Not that I care much.

They don’t read the novels, but they certainly watch the mini-series. There’s already been an entry about that though.

23 02 2010
Jo

Dan Brown novels then?, Bogans do have their own genre in literature somewhere…I recall the character Kath from “Kath and Kim” often trying to discuss the latest shit novel she was reading.

23 02 2010
AlyssaKT

DEFINITELY Dan Brown.
Although, he and JK Rowling did a lot of good work; People who would never read books before were loving them, basking in the strange joy that this über popular literature provided them. Having never read a novel longer than the 60-paged laminated paperbacks forced upon them in primary school, the bogue was enjoying the confidence that reading a worldwide number 1 bestseller provided.
The films were further affirmation.

If it means they’re reading, let it be Dan Brown.

23 02 2010
brad

Matthew Reilly has great literary talent though

23 02 2010
JimC

Everything he has written since TEMPLE has been shite.

I still read all of his books, though.

23 02 2010
James Hunter

Jo im on your team on this
I read books when watching tv
after tv is aimed at a 12 year olds intelect so there is a little bit left over ?

23 02 2010
Simon of South Yarra

What about The potato factory made into a tv series, the highlight of the series being a chance to check Lisa McCune’s mammaries

23 02 2010
Kathy

Do not speak of this … this … monstrosity.

23 02 2010
Olly

Thank you for pointing out the bleeding obvious Jo. You clearly have a talent for it. Yes I am aware of the subject of this blog and I am aware that it is possible to sometimes watch tv. I personally have a weakness for football of any kind (except gridiron) However, it is also bleeding obvious that there is and always has been a load of garbage on the box. My point is that if there is nothing on worth watching then do something else. ie dont watch the box for the sake of it or illegally download something else. Get a life!

23 02 2010
Jo

I don’t think I ever stated that I watch tv for the sake of it, and I’m pretty sure I already stated that I download tv shows that I prefer to watch…maybe you should read through the posts again because your response there doesn’t actually make sense…its almost as if your trying to manipulate the conversation away from the fact that you got called out on a stupid comment.

23 02 2010
Olly

You didn’t have to state it precious. Again. Bleeding obvious. Also, it is ‘you’re’

23 02 2010
Jo

oh haha your one of those people who find they have nothing to fall back on but pointing out grammar errors, as I’ve already suggested earlier in this post if your so irritated by typo’s that you feel compelled to take the time to point them out I suggest you don’t browse discussion boards.
Your desperation to appear intelligent by pointing out the obvious (oh shit does that make you as bad as me?) that books are on the whole better entertainment than TV is pathetic, and although it may make you feel warm and gooey, your smugness just makes you look like a douche

23 02 2010
Tubesteak

I download TV, too. There is a lot of brilliant TV out there. Much of it is not on mainstream or even Australian TV.

Much of it is better than most books, too.

23 02 2010
Olly

there speaks a true bogan

23 02 2010
Tubesteak

and I bet you’ve read all books (especially those ones designated to be of “high” culture with your dog-eared copies of Tolstoy sitting proudly on your bookshelf) out there and done a thorough comparison with all TV shows and know for a fact that books > TV

23 02 2010
AlyssaKT

Is it proof you require? Just look at the résumé/Facebook/email of almost anyone born in the last 30 years. Each generation apparently watches more TV than the one before (and reads less books than the one before)… and the spelling and other language skills are deteriorating faster than can be comprehended.
I’m from the last year of the X generation and doubt I would have the language skills I have without being an avid reader of books. Anyone who believes the only place for learning is school is a fool.
The knowledge gained through reading is priceless. No matter what it is.
So yes, even though I enjoy TV, books are better/greater than TV.
If people are happy to watch TV instead of reading books, cover their inability to write the English language by using text spelling, and are content to accept everything forced at them because of their inability to think independently, well that is very sad.

23 02 2010
Faux-Gan

Hey man, you can read trash just as you can watch trash TV. Dragonlance novels anyone?

23 02 2010
AlyssaKT

“Hey man”, thanks for that, Captain Obvious. At least they’re reading! I don’t know about these books, but unless they’re published by some underworld print house they will have common language skills within?
Googled. Meh. I’m not into Fantasy but what’s your particular issue with them?
I’m all for people picking up books – it generally leads them to another…

23 02 2010
Faux-Gan

Sorry AlyssaKT you are right. I read a lot of Dragonlance when i was a wee-one as you rightly point out it did lead to pick up a few more and start reading better stuff.

I guess my point was more that discernment in choosing your entertainment is important regardless of format. Just because something is printed on a page don’t mean it isn’t bereft of intellectual value and conversely just because it’s on the evil box don;t mean it’s shit. Unless it’s on Nine, then it is always going to be shit

23 02 2010
Simon

Hey Man, what about Top Gear? You are right about the printed word though. New Idea etc will suck out your brain cells quicker than you can say Ange and Brad. I will stick to Dostoyevsky, Camus and JG Ballard.

23 02 2010
Faux-Gan

Top-Gear is a curious case in that it is English (nothing else on 9 is english) and started it’s life on SBS. But it is about cars making it Bogue-ish. But it is about nice, classy expensive cars. But they blow things up. but they use Aphex twin on the soundtrack. but they’re pro petrol burning!

Oh god, i need to go have a lie down…

23 02 2010
AlyssaKT

I prefer to call it No Idea magazine, Simon ;)
And no, I would never consider any of those bullshit rags anything remotely similar to books…

23 02 2010
caracal1788

I believe the Twilight novels are the latest in bogan “must read” or “must have pretend to have read” to enable erudite comparisons with the movies.

It’s nice not to have to be disappointed by the film adaptation of a book for once, since I have no intention of taking in either.

23 02 2010
Martz

Or knowing the difference between ‘less’ and ‘fewer’… Sorry, cheap shot. It regularly horrifies me that various younger people I encounter (and I’m only 30) don’t even know Orwell came up with Big Brother. What DID they study at school?

21 03 2010
Chubbybloodfart

Bravo. Watching television is a sedentary activity requiring no input or involvement beyond gluing your arse to a sofa. A book at the very least requires you use some imagination.

21 03 2010
Chubbybloodfart

How the hell did that end up there? I was bravo-ing Alyssa.

oh never mind.

23 02 2010
James

You obviously haven’t seen “The Wire” or “Breaking Bad”.

21 09 2011
AB

You enjoy Football?
Now THAT is a bogan pass-time.

23 02 2010
brad

channel nine screens a hilarious,heartwarming and at times controversial sitcom many,many times over and over again

8 02 2013
franz chong

They called that Two and a Half Men.Nine should have thought about a News/Chat Show Nightly the minute Charlie Sheen suffered his meltdown and got the chop.

23 02 2010
Sam

Download “Curb your enthusiasm” if you haven’t already.

23 02 2010
James

Waits for the bogans to come on and complain that liking “The Biggest Loser” doesn’t make them a bogan.

23 02 2010
the trav

or states that “inset reality show” is shit and cant beleive anyone watches it, yet has an intimate knowledge of the ins and outs of the show and thinks ‘bogan x’ deserves to be voted off.

23 02 2010
WordNerd

Spot fucking on. All these variations on ‘So You Think You Can (whatever)’. The one where the fatties are flogged and jiggle, then tempted with creme brulees? Staggering. Torture porn for the uninitiated mass.

“Look at that one! She’s got arm cleavage!”

27 02 2010
Annette

There was a time, watching the first episode of the first Fattest Loser, when I empathised with the contestants’ struggle to be healthy and enjoy life. But then… what a bunch of whingy little bitches. What I glean from the ads is overweight bogans given weeks of free personal training and dietary advice, well beyond the means of non-whinging non-bogans, and which they can’t possibly sustain in the ‘real world’ (thus giving them an excuse to camera, 2 months after the show ends)… and they complain about being away from family, the very family who I’m sure is usually blamed by Fattest Bogans for a lack of time and motivation to lose weight. So if that’s the ad, is there any other content in the show?

If I whinge a bit more, maybe they’ll send me for a 2-week tone up?

Mind you, you can’t get more real than a fat woman forced to bare her midriff on national TV. THAT I believe.

23 02 2010
Nigel from Neverland

I am a first time poster and I am a bogan with a bogan name. There are good bogan reality shows and bad reality shows. Love my Survivor, Amazing Race but hate the crying fatties on Loser

23 02 2010
Jo

If your name is Nigel than no you don’t have a bogan name, I used to like that pussycat dolls show (can’t remember what it was called we just called it “find the next talentless pole-dancing slut) I think sometimes you find yourself watching reality tv shows because of how ridiculous they can be…as long as your not taking them seriously its all good.
The thing that shits me the most about The Biggest Loser is the way they try to make they show appear as though its about health and fitness when its really about degrading fat people.

27 02 2010
Annette

Don’t feel too sorry for the Fattest Losers – they may claim a cry for help, but they know what the show is, and what will be on display for the nation to see. And the cash! The whopping great cash prize at the end!

23 02 2010
the trav

slightly off topic but got a flyer in the mail about a “biggest loser pizza” from domino only 500 calories*, it advertised all the varieties and calories / fat detail, and no word of a lie i turned the flyer over and on the other side they were adverting their new double bacon and cheese meatball pizza.

mmmm double bacon and chees meatball pizza, only 500 calories*

*per bite

23 02 2010
Gorey

It’s actually a marriage made in Heaven though: a show about lardarses trying to lose weight being sponsored by a company that made them that way. The show can never run out of contestants!

23 02 2010
A Low Hanging Inallegy

I received the same flyer the other week, and wondered whose idiot idea it was to try and rebrand Pizza as a ‘healthy choice’, but then remembered ‘Vitamin Water’, and how stupid Bogans are in general. Where’s the Metamucil entry?

I assumed the tanned, bleached and tatted wanker in the requisite blue singlet whose previous existence I was obviously unaware of was, (based purely on his Bogantastic look), a Cricketer of some note.

23 02 2010
reparty

Hahaha, I had one of those ratings boxes on my tv back in the day. Conveniently, when Big Brother was on, the Golden Girls was on a pay tv channel. So in 2001-2, quite a large portion of bogan males (was pay-tv as bogan then?) aged 21-35 were kicking back watching Miami’s Finest.

23 02 2010
Jo

this confuses me….bogan males between 21-35 would rather watch the Golden Girls over Big Brother….the golden girls?, the show about a bunch of old ladies that live together?

23 02 2010
reparty

Nope, but I preferred to. And as I represented how many people in that male demographic…so did they hahahaha.

24 02 2010
Jo

Oh I see what your getting at, that’s amusing

23 02 2010
Storbz

Great article TBL, well worth the wait.

Because of bogans, the outcome of of these shows are always so predictable. Take for example Masterchef: the result was a foregone conclusion. The bogan mum Julie (favourite cuisine: Aussie!) was always going to triumph over the asian artist and the arrogant hipster wannabe in the hat – even though he had the dream bogan job of “beer merchant”.

PS it must have been absolutely unbearable for the bogan masses that they were unable to SMS vote on that show.

23 02 2010
the trav

Masterchef, the show that made every bogan a food critic, look out next time they go to la porchta and they let the waiter know when their pasta/spag bol, is not quite el dente / al Dentaaaa.

23 02 2010
caracal1788

At a recent dinner party I gave, one of my guests outed herself and told me I should be on Masterchef. I said I was insulted but she didn’t undestand.

23 02 2010
Going bogue

Special mention should have been made about how people on these shows always fucking cry! Why do fat bogans, dancing bogans and singing bogans believe that they are the only people in the world who have ever worked hard, suffered personal tragedy and had to put up with rejection.

23 02 2010
FT

GB, I’m not sure they believe they are the only people in the world who have suffered. Sure, they all appear to cry in the auditions etc, but that’s more a result of the producers simply loving a sob story to make possible finalists more attractive to the voting masses.

Next time one of these shows starts up, check out the percentage of finalists who teared up in the audition process as a result of being asked directly by the judges “to tell us about themselves”, “what’s up, darling”, or “you’ve had a bit of a rough trot lately, why don’t you tell us about what happened?” etc etc.

Leaving aside the ridiculous process of voting for your fave contestant, when you think about it, it’s somewhat offensive that the producers of these shows think that the only way the audience will vote for someone is because they feel sorry for them or can somehow relate to them, rather than because they think the contestant is appropriately talented for whatever the competition may be.

Then again, TBL has taught us voting for a reality show is bogue-behaviour, so I guess the producers know their audiences too well. It’s all just one big bogue-behavioural cycle.

23 02 2010
Simon

FT, your big mistake here is thinking talent has anything to do with it. As a non bogue this is an easy mistake to make.

23 02 2010
FT

ok, fair point. Could I clear it up by using the term “more worthy of the prize” instead of “appropriately talented”? hmmm, that causes some issue as well, because a bogue might consider the person with the best sob story to be the most worthy of the prize…

Either way, my initial point remains – it’s not the contestants thinking they are the worst done by people in the world, it’s the producers simply creating a competition for which contestant is the most worthy of mass sympathy (at least for the shows that require audience voting).

23 02 2010
Simon

The bogan needs to feel it identifies with or is just like the contestant in order to vote for them. It is really a vote for themselves to prove they could win too if some bastard would just give them a chance to prove their worth.

23 02 2010
FT

hahahaha, too true. And by “prove their worth” you mean cry on national tv, right? :)

23 02 2010
Simon

Yeah, pretty much. I think the feeling of acceptance and understanding leads to the crying but hey what do we know.

23 02 2010
Kathy

I’m still not sure I agree about the dancers and singers being bogan. I think they share a trait for wanting to be on tv, but I’m not sure about their true bogan status as many of them have actually worked quite hard to dance and sing and this would go against many bogan principles – though perhaps not those of the classic bogan.

21 09 2011
AB

My guess is that It is all scripted BS.

23 02 2010
berihebi

Reality shows should all be like the Mad Real World:

23 02 2010
Loftie

Wow – this one only made it to #91… I thought that it was gonna be a much earlier post… :)

Given that BigBro has had a year off, I can’t wait for the comeback season… There will be SUPERBOGUES jumping all over each other fighting to get on the small ‘big screen’… as they’ve had an extra 12 months to come up with their ‘unique’ style (ie: headbands, bum dance, bizarre haircuts, teabag ideas)…

It will make Doug Mulray’s ‘Naughtiest Home Video’s’ look as tame as Dora the Explorer….

23 02 2010
Jo

please tell me that Big Brother isn’t coming back…I thought it was finally gone for good!

23 02 2010
Gorey

Only until some other network brainstorms exactly the same idea, with the same format, but calls it something different.

23 02 2010
Olly

how will it affect you if you don’t watch it?

23 02 2010
Jo

big brother always makes the news, and I watch the news, I will also have to put up with people talking about it in my office, I will also have to put up with the long “txt 1900 etc to vote off whoever” adverts that run on tv while its on, I am also bothered by the fact that Big Brother seems to be aired more often through-out the week than other reality tv shows therefore taking over air-time that could be used for slightly more entertaining tv shows….is that enough indication of how it will affect me or shall I go on?

23 02 2010
Andy

Delicious once again. Well played.

I once entertained the idea of applying for Big Brother purely so I could peddle my wares as a sword juggling, yodelling Zoroastrian monk to a wider audience but then I realised that I wouldn’t fit in. There’s no room for ‘my kind’ of people on this show. All the ‘contestants’ are tanned and buffed. I have the shiny complexion of a slightly deformed dugong who’s been caught out by the low tide. Plus I have an education. I would have been voted out in the first week.

27 02 2010
Annette

If there was a sword juggling, yodelling Zoroastrian monk on a reality TV show I might just watch it! But I don’t have mass appeal either, not to the tv networks, at least…

27 02 2010
James Hunter

Annette,
This is the same mentallity that means people like myself with a full two hour show of way out shit a lot of which is dangerous will never be on tv
to real
too confronting
too likley to make the rugg rats try to emulate
too dificult to get a group of boags to try the same shit for the camera

and people like pink and i dont single her out its just this blogg is about her after all, and the hords of other similar, have all the success without fear of electrocution, impalement,amputation or even worse,disfigurement !!

God am I jelouse??? not realy
couldnt stand the fans !!

23 02 2010
Benny Hill

Cops has been my favourite ‘reality TV’ programme for a couple of decades now. Nothing better than seeing cops beating the fuck out of some dude at gun point for not stopping within a millionth of a second of when the sirens are turned on.

Viva La Bam used to get a look in as well.

These days The Hills gets a run as does Hell’s Kitchen, nothing better that seeing GR telling someone they’re a fucking loser because the Grey Poupon is not to be served on china.

23 02 2010
Faux-Gan

Everytime i hear a chopper doing laps of the city i think of “Cops”, chasing some poor bastard before finally cornering him and setting the dogs on him. Ahhh the memories…

23 02 2010
James Hunter

I would realy like to be on big brother with Fiona.
Arh arrrgh woops

23 02 2010
James Hunter

could we have a reality tv show for Crazies? Maybe Mel Gibson “you think thats crazy? tyhis is crazy” could be the compare? secrete cams in the rooms at night and the kitchen
close ups in the Electroconvulsive therapy(sic) room?
the vacant stares of the terminally cured ??
can i be director?

23 02 2010
Simon

Nope, inmate. LoL.

23 02 2010
James Hunter

thank you simon
at least i will be “in” it. giggle

23 02 2010
Simon

Yeah, you and Fi, I for one will be glued to the screen. Do you know how to Teabag James?

23 02 2010
Jenni

Is that the same as a Turkey slap, Simon?

23 02 2010
Simon

I think it is the same ballpark but Turkey slap may have been what I meant? Either would suit the show in question with James and Fi.

turkey slapped,
to be slapped in ones face possibly other places with a males penis.
“i got turkey slapped

tea bagging, the act of lowering one’s balls onto someones face, or into their mouth while they are laying down. Kind of resembles dipping a tea bag into a hot cup of water.

23 02 2010
James Hunter

simon thank you for the information
i always bow to someone of greater experience !
however , who is going to pay me how much ? to do this to the great fiona?
I mean my sctotum hardly even knows the lady

23 02 2010
Simon

James, you have to do it for free, become (in)famous and then cash in on various endorsements and celebrity appearances for 2 months whilst your fame lasts. Then get ripped off by a dodgy developer and get back on ACA for round 2.

23 02 2010
James Hunter

simon, sounds like i need you as my manager but also i think i would feel much safer if you were in my corner as my second.
By the by what has happened to fiona? she has not ventured from the battlements ? Im so dissapointed no slurs nor barbs not witty cinicism .

23 02 2010
Simon

James, you do seem to scare the ladies off. Have not seen your girlfriend Indi for a while either. Maybe Fiona got poisoned by Chef after admitting to eating at Hogs Breath.

23 02 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
teabag? sorry me totally unfamiliar with the term

27 02 2010
Annette

Then Tom Cruise “jumps the couch”

23 02 2010
Simon

I love watching fat bogans cry because then I can imagine that they are realising what they are doing to the world and themselves. I only see this on the ads though because the shows themselves are horrible beyond belief.

23 02 2010
Andy

They cry gravy. True story.

23 02 2010
Simon

And sweat chip fat.

23 02 2010
Andy

Man, I’m so hungry right about now.

23 02 2010
Simon

Lunch time, dominoes low fat biggest loser pizza?

23 02 2010
Trina

Andy…fancy seeing you on a site like this! Guess who?I

Love your work!

Trina x

23 02 2010
Right and proud

Big Brother had novelty value the first year it was on (2001) but after that I went “What is the point of watching this?” I think the ultimate low was when I was at a mates’ flat and the footy had started on 9, but they didn’t want to switch over until ‘Friday Night Games’ had finished on 10. The other terrible hangover from BB is the overexposure of Krystal Forscutt. Nice arse? Attractive? Would I hit that if I met her at a party or a club and she was cracking onto me? Yes. As hot as Ralph/ Zoo make out? Real tits? Deserving a mention amongst the sexiest women in the world? FUCK NO!!!

23 02 2010
Leroi

I’m a big fan of TBL and all but i can’t believe reality tv only made it in at number 91? Should’ve been in the opening top ten methinks. There are few things bogues like more than reality tv.

24 02 2010
Sam

I am not convinced that they are being issued in order of quality.

More gold to come I am sure.

23 02 2010
Greg

Can I pitch my idea here?

In the run up to the next Olympics, about the time the country as a whole looks towards the Australian Swimming Team as the pinnacle of human achievement…

“So you think you can swim?”

Drop 12 bogans in the midlle of Bass Strait. Anyone who makes it ashore wins a breakfast cereal endorsement.

23 02 2010
James Hunter

how about dropping them off south head? the one most “undeturd”(sic) swimmer gets a hot shower and a lifetime supply of Phisohex

23 02 2010
JimmyMac

Surely you should have used ‘nadir’ rather than ‘pinnacle’.

23 02 2010
James Hunter

isnt nadir something for hair removal?

23 02 2010
Faux-Gan

X-treme hair removal! a future TBL post surely!

23 02 2010
Greg

Good point. Nadir it is.

23 02 2010
Lee

Every single piece of reality television is shit.

23 02 2010
Simon

How do you know you are a Bogan? Excerpt from the Courier mail.

A DISPUTE on Facebook has been blamed for a fight that led to a woman being stabbed south of Brisbane this morning.

About 12.30am two women who got into a dispute on the social networking website agreed to meet up and “sort it out”.

They met outside one of their homes at Loganlea, where a 26-year-old is alleged to have stabbed a 24-year-old in the back with a knife.

The alleged victim was taken to Logan Hospital for treatment.

Police said her injuries were not life-threatening.

The Logan Criminal Investigation Branch is investigating.

23 02 2010
Pete

This is from Brisbane Times. Not sure what timeframe they’re referring to but you’ll get the gist. Nice place…

Loganlea train station crime statistics January 6, 2010
Other Property Damage 6
Unlawful Use of Motor Vehicle 6
Vehicles (steal from/enter with intent) 5
Other Stealing 1
Drug Offences 7
Weapons Act Offences 4
Good Order Offences 14
Miscellaneous Offences 3

23 02 2010
Simon

You would have to assume 1 day.

23 02 2010
Kathy

Ha ha.

They came from loganlea
and were quite boganly
fighting on facebook
and umbridge was took.
They met in real life
and out came a knife
that’s so very bogan
in Brisbane, in Logan.

27 02 2010
Annette

Noice!

23 02 2010
Mezz

I reckon we need a new reality TV concept tp reinvigorate the bogue community. How does “So you think you’re a Bogan” sound? Open to suggestions people!!

23 02 2010
berihebi

Bogans Run?

23 02 2010
Simon

Facebook Off!

23 02 2010
Pete

Rather than votes I like the idea of viewer SMS participation resulting in electric shocks being delivered to the bogues in reality TV shows.

The networks could even cash in on the “Premium SMS” theme, eg:

“To shock Jaydyn with 6 volts text “OUCH” to 13BOGAN” ($0.50 Standard)
“To shock Jaydyn with 12 volts text “JOLT” to 13BOGAN” ($4.95 Premium)
“To shock Jaydyn with 240 volts text “FRY” to 13BOGAN” ($9.95 X-Treme)

I’d be broke in no time…

23 02 2010
Linda

It is spelt Jaiydyine I believe

23 02 2010
caracal1788

“Next Top So You Think You Can Smoke Bogan Project X-treme Mastertattoo Celebrity Deathmatch Swap Idol”

That oughta cover it.

23 02 2010
Simon

I thought the program Dance Your Ass Off was bogan gold combining weight loss with a dance contest, but it did not last because they had, deep breath now, people of colour on it.

23 02 2010
Mezz

I’m still waiting on a page dedicated to Ugg Boots! If that doesn’t appeal, how about UFC (Ultimate Fighting) It has mass Bogue appeal. They can’t get enough of this shit. It has the potential to steal the Bogue TV supreme favourite mantle from reality tv formats. Basically – 2 x bogans that want to fight get locked in a cage till one is left standing.

23 02 2010
FT

The disappointing thing about UFC becoming a bogan pursuit is that the bogans who love to watch it don’t know the slightest thing about the level of technique required, or any of the martial arts themselves. All they care about is the blood sport factor. “If it bleeds, it leads” is not only true of the journalistic world, but also of the bogan tv world. This much was obvious from the fact that the live crowd at the Sydney UFC event on Saturday (which was televised on Sunday) started chanting “BOR-ING” over and over again as soon as there was a break in full body contact or ground work. It really does nothing for the credibility of the sport.

And before you all jump on the “if you think it’s a sport, you must be a bogan” bandwagon, I might explain myself – my partner of 3yrs is a martial arts instructor and his co-instructor just won an international title for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu… appreciating martial arts as a sport is not bogan; loving to watch mixed martial arts because there is a chance someone will bleed all over the cage, on the other hand, is bogan.

23 02 2010
Lee

I have a friend who is an MMA / UFC addict. He also loves to make you sit down and watch re-run of it that he recorded with Foxtel IQ

23 02 2010
FT

Does he know anything about it himself, or does he just watch for the X-tremeness of it? This distinction is the difference between whether your friend is a bogan or not.

23 02 2010
Lee

@ FT, he actually knows quite a lot about it, it’s competitors and the rules and so on though he doesn’t actually do any sort of martial arts himself. He is a self confessed bogan though!

23 02 2010
Faux-Gan

There is actually a show that combines UFC with reality game show style contests, “UFC’s The Ultimate Fighter”. There’s no voting but the bitch fights and sniping at the communal house they all live in make up for that.

23 02 2010
Mezz

Sounds like something that would be amusing to watch once and once only..

27 02 2010
Annette

Bitch fights? With bitch slaps and face scratching? oh please oh please

23 02 2010
Frazer

You can now enjoy UFC Poker (yes, I’m serious, you just read that last sentence). Inside, I died a little.

23 02 2010
Faux-Gan

WOW! What channel, what time!? That sounds not just awesome but i believe it might even be “totally X-treme to the MAX”. Haven’t i seen a reference to chess-wrestling somewhere here on this site before?

25 02 2010
euro goth bogue
23 02 2010
Chris Taylor

There should be a blog entry for AC/DC. Like it or not there’s a crossover between old and new bogans and AC/DC is one example. Proof:

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/sydney-confidential/gallery-e6frewz0-1225831919583?page=4

23 02 2010
Mezz

Completely agree. I was driving home yesterday and pulled up at the lights and a rather large minibus full of old school bogans pulled up right next to us and all seemed to look in our direction at once. We reacted by turning away and pretending not to notice which wasn’t very convincing as we were pissing ourselves laughing. I wish I had a pic to upload to TBL. Pricxeless. It was indeed very scary seeing a group of them so large. Even the women had mullets and one of the 10 men on board wore a dark blue bonds wifebeater singlet and the other 9 were shirtless. All on their way to the AC/DC show at the stadium. I think it was the one day of the year that there were more bogans at Homebush Bay than when they held the V8 supercars.

24 02 2010
Jo

No the Big Day Out wins the most bogans in Homebush bay contest

23 02 2010
23 02 2010
23 02 2010
clairebbbear

I watch reality TV ironically – that is, while commenting knowingly and smugly about it, and laughing at all the bogans on it.

I’m not sure where that places me on the White Person/Bogan dichotomy. I suspect it may have been too early for irony and my watching of it may have just been a sign of bad taste.

I am sure than in five years’ time, items of Big Brother merchandise will be all the retro/ironic rage, so was I just a trendsetter driving the irony wagon?

Please help me!

23 02 2010
Simon

Sorry Claire, not sure Big Brother will ever be ironic cool. Stick with us and we will try to guide you.

23 02 2010
clairebbbear

Are you sure?

If Vanilla Ice and Rick Astley can achieve ironic cool, anything is possible. Remember, in order for something to achieve ironic cool it has to be excruciatingly bad, and preferably embarrassing. Just slightly mediocre doesn’t cut it.

23 02 2010
Simon

I am finding that hard to argue against but Big Brother just sucks so much I truly hope the world will leave it in the trash where it belongs. Baywatch on the other hand…….

23 02 2010
Faux-Gan

Dammit, i knew i should have stolen that life size cut-out of the hoff in the red boardies from my old work. You’d be disgusted to know how well old seasons of Baywatch sell on DVD btw

23 02 2010
Simon

Yeah, I watch it on Foxtel.

23 02 2010
FT

I have developed a particular addiction to Beverly Hills 90210 dvd sets. I’ve collected the first six seasons so far. I was also extremely excited on the 9th of Feb, when the date was 9/02/10… ironic cool, or just sad? I don’t really care either way, coz they make for great hangover entertainment.

8 02 2013
franz chong

That is a great addiction to have.If I was a parent with a teenage daughter I would sooner allow them to have things like that than watch the garbage that passes for 2013 Home and Away even if the early 90210’s are twenty years old now or more.

27 02 2010
Annette

I will let you watch Big Brother, if you don’t tell anyone I LOVE watching Ladette to Lady. Oh those ladettes! They’re so NAUGHTY.

23 02 2010
Robbie

oh clairbbbear, it’s okay…here something on ‘Sensory confusion’ that might help :-)

http://tv-addiction.blogspot.com/

24 02 2010
rob

the bogan always wins… classic line. Could be a favourite. I’m just waiting for the Australian version of Dance Your Bogan Ass Off, combining the talents of So You Think You Can Dance and The Biggest Loser, it’s like a bogan goldmine

24 02 2010
James Hunter

Have any of you concidered that all these blogs may be being collected and studied at Bogan Head Quaters and when they take over we may all be for re-education or charged with Conduct Threatening the Stability of The State
Maybe we sholud be affraid”
Maybe we all need Moats and Drawbridges? not to mention the Portcullis.
Im of to buy dark glasses and a wigg.

24 02 2010
Sam

Those glasses better have white frames or they will spot you a mile off

24 02 2010
James Hunter

white frames ? thanks, I’m on to it !

27 02 2010
Annette

Blonde mullet wig, and a tattoo sleeve from Woolies’ toy aisle

28 02 2010
BogansBegone

To all you people who think “The Biggest Loser” is a show full of overly-emotional , shallow , bogan fatties : I met and got to know some of those contestants. The opinion I formed of them ? They are overly-emotional , shallow, bogan fatties !
Isn’t it nice to have one’s prejudices confirmed ? :-)

17 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Oh my!
I just witnessed probably the most bogan thing in my history of existence.
I just saw half an episode of “Rock of Love Bus”.
With yours truly, Brett Michael’s as the “horny beast”.
Check it. Our man Brett. Still rockin’ the fashion; Poison style.
I have never seen anyone in full leather pant with half buttoned leather shirt and a bandanna to keep a “man’s” straightened hair out of his eyes.
Oh, how he went on about his diabetes (which he could not pronounce properly) as though he’s the poster child.

Wow, I thought I had seen the spectrum of fake tits, but no.
Not even close.
Ok, from what I saw on the show, this is what I gather. Twelve skanks live on a bus wearing a couple of band aids and maybe a scrunchy.
They must perform tasks that require bending over with yo silicone hangin’ and maybe a pantie ripple and not much else. (this is how they talk?)
On the episode I saw they went out in their bikinis to the ice skating centre. After they all grabbed a chance to flash some rubber and some crease, Brett made the decision on who he wanted to fuck, I mean Take out on a date that night.
The winning date is held at, Guess where?
A strip club.
I guess, so the contestants can drop off their resumé, after, of course doing their best striptease for the, ‘oh so hunkalicious Brett Michael!’
The only “contestant” who “refused” to strip for Brett’s love was taken aside for a little tete a tete with our hero,
“I’m sensing you’re not comfortable with this?”
Reminding her that she will be sent home if she doesn’t perform.
Even seeing her walk off didn’t give redemption to this dessicated, but nugget with dick sauce, crap salad and some sort of bizarre caramel wafer on the side.

17 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

My slumber was also tortured by more horrific scenes from this “Rock of Love Bus” vomit.
Here are some more:

The bus, which the skanks are living on, is painted in an Ed Hardyesque style.
One of the skanks thought she had popped an implant while they were playing ice hockey to win a night with Brett Michael’s c*ck.
The ‘medics’ arrived to see what they could do for this poor woman with the popped fakie and they, themselves, could not keep a straight face when they walked into this freak show.
All of them were washed up p*rnstars of some sort.They are all hooting and screaming most of the time.
They were all life support systems for assorted bits of plastic surgery. It was really horrifying!

At the “elimination” the women are once again wearing little more than bedazzled band aids and a scrunchy each. Brett gets furious with the oldest washed out p*rnstar because he has found out that she has a boyfriend. He’s comes over all indignant.
I mean c’mon, surely that wouldn’t bother him seeing as the show should be changed from “Rock of Love Bus” to Rock of F*ck Bus”.

21 04 2010
Edna Focke-Witte

Sorry about that. I actually meant to say:

“butt nugget with dick sauce, crap salad and some sort of bizarre caramel wafer on the side.”

17 04 2010
brad

Every Rose has its Thorn Edna

21 09 2011
AB

There seem to be so many bogans who frequent this web site.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 477 other followers

%d bloggers like this: