#76 – McMansions

2 02 2010

Bogan visionary John Landy was one of the first to tap into its brain stem and recognise the bogan’s need for sheer size. When he had the Big Banana built next to his fruit stall 1964, bogans gravitated to it like single mothers to a stockbrokers’ Christmas party. Soon, it wasn’t enough for the bogan to just visit big things, it wanted to live in one.

A couple of decades ago, the McMansion arrived, an answer to bogan prayers. It wasn’t better than the houses that came before it, but good heavens it was bigger. The average size of new homes in Australia has gone on to grow by 40.3% between 1985 and 2003, as the bogan became aware that it “deserved” a formal living area, a rumpus room, a parents’ retreat, an ensuite, a study, a formal lounge, and a large void near the stairs that allowed it to view different parts of its McMansion without moving its feet. A home that, at first glance, looked reminiscent of a celebrity home.

Of course, the ballooning size of the bogan’s domestic ambitions meant that such dwellings could not really be situated on small blocks. Unwilling to make any compromises in this respect, the avalanche of poorly serviced cut-price housing estates continued across the outskirts of cities nationwide. These estate names uniformly contain misleading words such as springs, meadows, gardens, and park. Bogan families in these estates become entirely reliant on cars for transport, and bleat angrily when the petrol price is not to their liking. They do not pause to consider that the price is high partly because bogan families are using so much of it due to their housing decisions.

Pesky laws about how close a dwelling can be to the edge of the block of land threatened to derail the bogan’s desire for crassly immense housing size. This was solved by constructing a neo-Georgian cube with no eaves, allowing the house to loom over the fence. The bogan’s noble battle against the extremes of the Australian climate is then won by the constant use of heaters and air conditioners to overcome the atrocious inefficiency of the architecture. Upon receipt of its massive energy bill, the bogan will complain that the power companies are ripping it off.

In order to put a 43 square house within reach of the financially impulsive bogan, builders take phenomenal amounts of shortcuts on the shoddily fitted out McMansion. Once the flashy silver oven breaks, and the paper thin feature wall cracks, it becomes clear that the housing estate is 10 years away from being a generic and unserviced bogan ghetto. It’s the great Australian dream come true.


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403 responses

2 02 2010
Tone

TBL: Turning low hanging fruit into smoothies that makes Boost Juice taste like cat sick in comparison since 2009!

2 02 2010
berihebi

That sitting area certainly does look grand.

2 02 2010
Tone

Probably to accommodate the oversized couches needed to accommodate the ever widening bogan backsides.

2 02 2010
Indi

We have a furniture and homwewares store locally called The Vast Interior which sell the stuff with which to fill your McMansion. You can guess what it’s known as in our household, give the immensity of its patrons. Is it a national franchise?

“With over 40 stores in Australia and New Zealand, Vast Interior boasts a fantastic array of interesting and beautiful furniture and homewares.”

The best bit is what they’ve called their customer loyalty program:
“Become a Culture Club member today to stay in the loop on Vast news and get the scoop on new product arrivals. You’ll also access exclusive VIP events, special pricing and promotions at particpating stores.”
VIP! Scoops! ‘Culture’ via consumption! Bogan catnip! TBL

2 02 2010
Tone

We have those here in Adelaide, except here it’s known as LeCornu’s.

2 02 2010
Simon

I thought it was Haggle Co!

2 02 2010
Tone

Nah, HaggleCo is for povs. LeCornu’s is overpriced, oversized, they have obnoxious TV ads, has an army of red jackets to jump on virtually every person that even dares thinking about entering their oversized maze of bedroom settings and 48 months interest free. They even have their own newspaper on Sundays. What Adelbogue WOULDN’T go to LeCornu’s?

2 02 2010
Bogue

LeCornu’s is ol’ skool dagginess I’m affraid…haven’t you noticed the 927 new Harvey Norman outlets, coming to a suburban shopping/cinema/entertainment complex near you?

2 02 2010
Indi

So it’s kinda French/Cornish – ooh la la

2 02 2010
Indi

A Boy George reference from a business which must realise its nickname is the Vast Posterior?
Tie me up and go for it with an oversized Balinese outdoor candlestick.

2 02 2010
James

So culture is measured by the things you have in your formal dining area. Forget literature, music, all that stuff. You can be cultural by buying things from a furniture store. Excuse me while I vomit for the future of Western civilisation.

2 02 2010
Indi

Come now, you’re a social scientist, culture goes all the way down to toilet bowl fresheners. I would like to see a post on all that fragranced household stuff – who decided the world needed something that gives the olfactory illusion that you’ve just shat a mango?

2 02 2010
James

Perhaps in these sorts of areas we should distinguish between “culture” and “culcha”.

2 02 2010
Indi

High and low again? I like both, but have exacting standards. Schubert lieder, blues songs great – but life’s too short for crap performances of either.

2 02 2010
Tone

Things (older) Bogans Like: Andre Rieu

2 02 2010
Indi

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

2 02 2010
Simon

Andre has to be coming up, the man is a grey bogan icon.

2 02 2010
Tone

I’m guessing because (a) the Grey Bogan is hard of hearing after listening to too much Cold Chisel at loud volumes in their youth, and (b) classical music is ‘real classy and that’.

2 02 2010
James

That is why we need to redefine it – high and low do not quite fit in this discussion. I am an absolute Bob Dylan tragic, but it would be hard to fit it within the confines of high culture. However, one thing Dylan is not, is culcha.

2 02 2010
Simon

Does culture need to be high? Whereas cultcha is absoloutly low.

2 02 2010
Indi

While cultcha is low it is a bit squeamish about real stuff. You can tap your toes to it, but it’ll never rip your heart out.

2 02 2010
Indi

But the best culture is high and low. A real performance of Mozart’s ‘Figaro’ is furious, sexy and funny and very moving. Dylan spends so much time in Old Testament prophet mode – and has armies of tragics analysing the connections- but still tries to sing like a Tennessee dirt farmer.

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

and now there’s plug in air fresheners…while the bogan feels good about making the air smell fresh, they’re blind to the fact they’re contributing to the CO2 levels in it…

2 02 2010
Bogue

And just look at the size of that garage! Three HSV capacity.

2 02 2010
Frazer

That means the pin head has three hats stating “I just got one”, anything to fuel the jealousy of other bogans.

2 02 2010
Trina

Ahh the McMansion, the true symbol that the bogan has ‘arrived’…even if it is to an outlying housing estate built on land fill and owing to mortgage payments and increasing petrol prices they cannot afford to furnish it …at least it is bigger than anything those poofta latte drinking snobs that live near the city have got!

14 02 2010
Bogan-Haetr

People who live in ”McMansions” commonly known as ‘Houses’ by people who live anywhere north of the M2, Don’t actually think that people who live in run down terraces in the crime infested inner-suburbs are “snobs”. If you live in Newtown, you might be ‘trashy’ but if you live anywhere else in the inner-west you’re an ‘abo’ or ‘wog’, so don’t worry!

2 02 2010
Collingwood Non-Bogan

About time!!! Was waiting for this one!

2 02 2010
Peter

I wonder if the theatre comes with a velvet rope?

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

And about time TBL ;)

Living in a bogan ghetto, you are spot on. My suburb was pre 1985 therfore the majority of the dwellings are single story hovels. My part of the suburb is nearing thirty years old so many of the residents have larger blocks of land (mine is approx 1000 sq mtrs) and have houses that, while large, would not be classed as McMansions (mine is architecturally designed and is orientated on our block to be heating and cooling efficient).

However a short drive down the road to Point Cook and McMansions are legion. This monstrosities are constructed cheek by jowl, with no space between them and their next door bogan. Not only do these resource black holes contribute to Global Warming, the bastards who live there drive their huge gas guzzling V8, FWD’s, and SUV’s to the newly minted Laverton station, where there are more cars than at a footy match car park, and take all the seats on my train line.

In a weaker moment years ago, when our kids were tiny, my wife and were think of building at Point Cook, we went to the “display homes”, all with low ceilings, no discerning features or character. Leaving pretty depressed that we would have to live our lives in one of these prefab boxes, we passed a woman, obviously dressed for the occassion (fake pearls and all) who wondered past saying to her husband, the box we were in “exudes elegance”.

my wife looked at me and just said – “lets go”.

2 02 2010
Indi

‘Exuding elegance’ sounds like a waterproofing problem to me: was it some sort of fluid that formed on the walls?

2 02 2010
Bec

I just exuded a bit of wee when laughing at your story. Well done.

2 02 2010
brad

methinks you need to head east of the great divide pilgram

2 02 2010
Simon of South Yarra

you should note that the deluxe area, around the greg norman designed golf course is called sanctuary lakes resort (a beautiful triple bogan estate name) – you will be murdered if you say point cook.

further, the gated communities are a good idea, it is a pity that so many escape

5 02 2010
Tim

God, that’s just too funny :-)

5 02 2010
Benny Hill

Wow, a quarter of an acre! You must be swimming in pride and luxury.

14 02 2010
13 04 2012
werribee_bogansville

Went to see my sister’s newly built McMansion at Williams Landing.
The master bedroom monstorsity is at least 3 times bigger than the apartment my wife and I used to rent in Sydney.

2 02 2010
Lis

I feel claustrophobic just looking at the pictures.

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Try driving around the cramped little curly one car access streets, with thier low rent 4WD’s and Chevvy Utes all parked on what is laughingly called a front lawn.

2 02 2010
Bogue

Don’t you mean the ‘cozy cul-de-sac’s? Known to anyone attempting to travel within them as ‘urban death mazes’, any effort to visit friends normally involves a series if text messages involving phrases like “Which feature garage is yours?”, “What hue of beige is it?” and “I can see your place from the main road, it’s only 2 meters away, but how the hell do I reach it?”

3 02 2010
Ben

Hillarious… Going to use that one when I next visit friends at Caroline Springs.

5 02 2010
Bogue

They might get a bit tetchy if you call their cul-de-sac an Urban Death Maze…maybe soften them up with a few references to The Truman Show first?

2 02 2010
Indi

Mmm – carbon footprint and aesthetic nightmare rolled in to one giant ugly burrito.

2 02 2010
shazza

This one really gets me going TBL.
It’s not just the house size. They are single brick = no thermal mass. Black roof tiles that attract heat. The lack of eaves, as you mention coupled with sliding glass doors pointing in the direction of the afternoon sun. No native trees, though a proliferation of useless fuc#$n Cocos palms. I could go on.
One day there will be laws against this kind of stupidity.

2 02 2010
Simon

But Shazza, they are so dazzling to the eye, all nestled up against one another. Surrounded by a large protective fence to keep out the invaders and a name so the bogan knows which identical estate they live in.

2 02 2010
shazza

Dazzling if you want to live in Lego land.

2 02 2010
shazza

Hang on is it Leggo? You know what I mean.

2 02 2010
Indi

That’s tomato paste (and bottled sauces).

Anyone have a link to a real ad from the seventies which used this line?

Give Your Man’s Meat a Treat and Spread your Leggoes

I have memories of much hilarity in my family.

2 02 2010
shazza

They were saucy in the 70′s.

3 02 2010
Jodie

Haha- not to forget the vulgar but hilarious implications of “wearing the Dolmio grin.”

3 02 2010
Indi

Is that, in the words of our Opposition Leader ‘a shit-eating grin’ or something a bit more bloody?

4 02 2010
Jodie

The latter. A monthly phenomenon favoured by some gents. ;) Ew.

4 02 2010
Indi

Probably didn’t get his iron, right?

4 02 2010
shazza

That’s why you’ve got to put the meat into the sauce.

2 02 2010
j-ho

Shazza, one glaring omission is the prevalence of fc sheeting infills above the windows. This eliminates the need for lintels, thus making it cheaper for the builder to construct.

14 02 2010
Bogan-Haetr

They said the same thing about terrace housing, but its all the the rage among the misguided.

Actually they said a lot worse about terrace housing… must find my first year property development lecture notes!

2 02 2010
James

Fiona is going to have a wonderful time with this one…

2 02 2010
AJ

what exactly is a ‘rumpus room’

2 02 2010
James

A room in which one can rumpus?

2 02 2010
Indi

Shouldn’t that be rumpess, for the loidy of the heouse?

2 02 2010
James

Roight.

2 02 2010
Jasper

like a games room.
One in which it is acceptable to make a rumpus. So not in the room with the china and leather lounge.

2 02 2010
pominoz

When first looking to buy a house in Oz I went to some of these showhomes intending to find a house with solar power, grey water and all those other energy saving ideas I had read about. Instead all I saw were huge mansions seemingly made out of balsa wood and a double garage the size of my present home. There did not seem to be any transport infastructure and at $600,000 for something that seemed to have been put together in a week, no thanks

2 02 2010
SammySo

I love you TBL.

How about the ads that spruik these bogan estates?

“We decided to call our home the forever house, becasue we plan to stay here for ever”

could somebody ppplease think of the children!

or this pearler i heard a while back for a carolyyn springs ad, whilst bogan mother was holding little 11 month old jacxson:

“I never hear the word bored from my kids”

uh huh wait a few years hon, you’re little jacxson will be peddling drugs and throwing rocks through windows out of pure boredom and wishing for greener pastures away from these hideous estates.

The australian urban sprawl in all major cities is truly disgusting. There are estates so far away from anything except a shopping mall with no infrastructure and nothing to do but stay indoors and watch crass commercial tv and complain about australia and the those immigrants – because thats what ACA/TT told them.

2 02 2010
berihebi

You don’t have to live on an estate to experience estate lifestyle, just move to Brisbane. My house is 5km from the Brisbane CBD and the only thing nearby is a shopping centre and there’s no useful public transport nearby.

2 02 2010
Bec

Which side of town? I’m about the same distance away and my area is tops.

2 02 2010
Indi

Boredom might leave children space in which to think, maybe even have an original thought, or evaluate your own choices. Much better for them to be a little bit agitated from unsatisfying stimuli which just keep coming.

3 02 2010
Mr Lee

In Caroline Springs they had to remove the spiked ends of the sculptural works due to kids impaling live cats onto them. Never bored in Caroline Springs I hear!

2 02 2010
AB

There is nothing funnier than those ads for McMansion Estates that show some young bogan couple questioning why anyone would want to buy “someone else’s dream” when they can build their own. And, my gosh, all those lakes and footpaths – what more does one need in life!

If you ever go to a bogan estate, the ‘Lake’ is always right at the entrance, in front of the Sales Centre, and the footpaths are put place purely to appease council planners, and generally run in a huge ring around the outside of the estate, where you get a lovely view of the surrounding freeways, and the occassional random paddock with some cows owned by some senile old farmer who refused to sell.

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

I heard a few years ago from the mother of someone who bought a block in Caroline Springs that to pay for all the upkeep of the lakes and parks in the estate there is an annual payment similar to a body corporate fee levied on all the properties. Apparently the parks and lakes are not considered council land, but are considered to be ‘private’ common land (for common people!) and therefore costs to maintain the land is paid for by the landowners in the estate. Apparently details of joint ownership of this land and the levy was hidden within the small print of the contract, so this womans daughter got the fright of her life when a bill for lake maintenance arrived in the mail.

Ahhh, Caroline Springs…Melbourne based folk would remember the ad…”It’s about toime something loike this happened in the Western suburbs!”. Thanks to that ad, the estate imediately got the bogan reputation it truly deserved and the Kath & Kims snapped up blocks very quickly. If you drive past Caroline Springs (and you have to drive there, as no public transport exists) right outside it on the Western Highway is a McDonalds and a KFC. Enough said.

I

2 02 2010
Poida

Actually, Turpentine Springs has one of Melbourne’s better bus services, but it runs down the highway, which is rather remote from the actual houses.

That bus calls in at Sunshine Station, Footscray Station, before heading into the CBD and then down past the Alfred and Prahran Markets before heading to some obscure inner south location like Elsternwick.

2 02 2010
brad

do you take a pineapple donut and choc big m with you on your bus trip poida?

3 02 2010
Valo

Ah Caroline Springs, home of the best cockfighting league in Melbourne… Stay Classy Caroline Springs.

3 02 2010
Si

And the “lake” is often full of shopping trolleys and stolen cars as well. And mosquito larve.

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

“The australian urban sprawl in all major cities is truly disgusting. There are estates so far away from anything except a shopping mall with no infrastructure and nothing to do but stay indoors and watch crass commercial tv and complain about australia and the those immigrants – because thats what ACA/TT told them.”

It is only going to get worse. We have a housing crisis, and immigration is to be ramped up.

This is a double blessing for the bogan

1) It can boast that it only lives 35klms for the heart of the city

2) More local curries to bash.

What a treat for the aspirational bogue

2 02 2010
SammySo

But hey fuck infrastructure upgrades and all that in these areas, we need to spend $20 million on making a hideous bridge look pretty on NYE with lights so we can stick it up those sydneysiders.

“Australia australia this is yooooouuuuu!”

2 02 2010
Peter of Kensington

“complain about australia and the those immigrants – because thats what ACA/TT told them.”

=

Complain about australia (sic) and the those (sic) Bogans – because thats (sic) what TBL told them.

2 02 2010
Loftie

TBL – “In order to put a 43 square house within reach of the financially impulsive bogan, builders take phenomenal amounts of shortcuts on the shoddily fitted out McMansion. Once the flashy silver oven breaks, and the paper thin feature wall cracks, it becomes clear that the housing estate is 10 years away from being a generic and unserviced bogan ghetto.”

I love this line…
So true – (i worked for a major supplier of the top ten homebuilders in VIC for a number of years, and saw some scary and terrible things happen)…

The irony is, that the builders contractors are often BOGAN tradies themselves, with their Chevodore utes, Ed hardy singlets, and once get onsite scull down a huge can of mother for a boost of energy first thing in the morning…

The reason they are busting their collective @rses and cutting corners is so they can finish more jobs in a week – why? To pay for their own McMansion!!

Its the circle of bogan life… in its purest form….

2 02 2010
James

Some friends of ours were recently building a house, and had terrible trouble getting their contractors to not cut corners in the McMansion style. The husband is a land developer and knows all the dirty tricks used to cut down costs and time, and had to be present at the site of his future home nearly all the time to make sure the contractors did the job properly with his house – and it cost him a lot of lost income. He told me that many of the younger tradies had no idea how to do things properly, only every having built McMansions in their short careers.

2 02 2010
Tone

Moral of the story: if you want to build a house from scratch, you’d better hurry up before the last of the old school Italian builders retires/dies from old age.

2 02 2010
brad

maybe the reason the contractors cut corners was
A – your friends husband was too tight to hire a builder so thought he would be an owner builder but with little supervision the contractors probaly got sick of the mess and lack of co-ordination that occurs so of course they’ll resort to short cuts too make up for the time lost working on an “abortion”
B- your friends husband hired a shonky builder that he knows through his land developing interests thinking he was clever by screwing the builder down on a price by offering the proverbial chockys and roses at completion of job(ie: lots of future contracts at good prices through his land developing interests] however the builder having been wooed many times before is happy to play the game and give a nice comfy price,however to ensure he still makes his usual profit margin he puts on cheap labour-apprentices,unqaulified labourers,i mean after all its a “cheap job”
These are just 2 common examples of situations that lead too low quality workmanship,there are many more but not all are the result of a ‘bogan tradie” cutting corners and screwing clients
As for younger tradies having no idea of how too do things properly you’re a correct in the assumption of them being like that because they have only worked on McMansions(also high rise McMansions-Eureka Tower,Docklands ect-why has no one mentioned these?) however they have to start somewhere(usually with big companies that can afford them),but unfortunatley for the building industry in general they are fast-tracked into preforming work practices they are not ready for both skills wise and on a maturity level that it requires to perform these tasks.This situation exists my friend because of huge skills shortages in this sector,but you would already know this having probaly heard the smug rants of tradies.With an ever increasing population and still no action on upping the ante on tech and trades training programs i fear very much for the next generation ever having a decent chance of living in,let alone buying a well built dwelling.However i have no worrys being both a home owner and a tradie(building) ha ha

3 02 2010
Sam

and a bogan ha ha

3 02 2010
brad

oh sammy that hurts i thought we were friends

3 02 2010
JimmyMac

Geez Brad, just *4* sentences?

3 02 2010
Sam

As with all things bogans bigger is better. The bigger (more x-treme) the sentence, the better.

2 02 2010
Loftie

TBL – “In order to put a 43 square house within reach of the financially impulsive bogan, builders take phenomenal amounts of shortcuts on the shoddily fitted out McMansion.”

I love this line…
So true – (i worked for a major supplier of the top ten homebuilders in VIC for a number of years, and saw some scary and terrible things happen)…

The irony is, that the builders contractors are often BOGAN tradies themselves, with their Chevodore utes, Ed hardy singlets, and once get onsite scull down a huge can of mother for a boost of energy first thing in the morning…

The reason they are busting their collective @rses and cutting corners is so they can finish more jobs in a week – why? To pay for their own McMansion!!

Its the circle of bogan life… in its purest form….

2 02 2010
Loftie

Sorry – posted twice (not sure why it did that… )

Technology… :) Meh!

2 02 2010
Simon

Peter, you just crack me up everytime. Brilliant satire.

2 02 2010
anonymous today

As an architect and builder I have cringed and debated this phenomenon for years and at length to with my bogan friends and have gotten nowhere.
No wonder they still don’t understand how I get paid for what I do.
There is no fix to this. Only scarcity of land/rising land prices, rising material prices and increased utility bills will eventually kill off the McMansion.
Unfortunately the only way a bogan wants to stand out in suburbia is by the size of everything, not to be too different with a house designed to be owner and site specific.
I had to fight tooth and nail to get a small house approved for a client who had a block of land in an estate. Neighbours and planners all hated it as it was totally out of character with the rest of the street………
Won on appeal.
I have so many stories on this subject. Right down to the tradies who work on my houses and their ignorant comments.
But hey, in my game I have found everyone is an expert.

2 02 2010
PrinceAlistar

please share some of these stories. I always enjoy reading the stupidity and downright scary ignorance of the bogan tradie.

How can someone go home at the end of the day and not feel like a complete ignoramus is beyond me.

2 02 2010
Indi

The reason I stay out of domestic design.

2 02 2010
anonymous today

I love designing and building houses for clients though. Nothing more intimate than getting to know your clients and how they live and interact with each other and friends on a daily basis. First house, third house or beach house, all great fun.
Tradesmen who don’t understand the intent or the fact you have designed a house for a client, not for them to live in. They just spend their time whinging. ‘That’s way too much glass to clean’ or ‘This house would get way too hot with all that glass.’
Well, actually the sunlight does come into the kitchen up until about 10am then as the sun moves there is no direct sunlight, just ambient light. Oh, and not in the heat of summer because if you actually understand how the sun and the earth interact you can design for it accordingly. That is, keep it out in summer and bring it in for winter.

Not just have 4 windows and a door and a pitched roof facing the street because that’s what you drew in kindergarten.

3 02 2010
JimmyMac

I sooo miss watching Kevin McCloud’s Grand Designs. Even the crappiest of designs on that show still had some vision. Something that’s totally lacking in Le Estate du Bogue.

2 02 2010
brad

No bogan tradies to deal with in commercial indi? only ex-ones whom can have a lot more clout and ignorance!(and i said ex not x)

3 02 2010
Indi

I can afford to be choosy, and only work with people who know what they’re doing. They get to deal with the bogan subbies. It’s not just that side of the equation – commercial clients tend to make decisions more quickly and accept advice more readily. Unless you can be very choosy with domestic clients it’s hard to make a decent margin, so you’d better be passionate about acheiving ‘your’ design.

3 02 2010
brad

good luck too you,may you always be in that position,but as you know the gravy train doesnt run on a time-table

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, to be fair, one hardly needs much “expertise” to build a house.

2 02 2010
anonymous today

Of course Fiona of Toorak.
………another ignorant comment by a bogan.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Unless you consider the ability to swing a hammer “expertise”.

2 02 2010
anonymous today

Right again Fiona of Toorak.
Of course you only need a hammer to build a house and nothing else…..
Typical bogan troll comment.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Thank you, but there is no need for you to tell me I am right.

I am, of course, well aware of it.

2 02 2010
Linda

LOL! hahah Fiona isn’t very bright is she?

2 02 2010
James

Funny though.

2 02 2010
Benjamin

Fiona is a great troll.

Don’t feed her. Or take any of it seriously.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. How dare you madam! *slap*

I merely take the trouble, out of the kindness of my overly generous heart to correct the misunderstandings of the bogans who come here to gloat – not realising that in fact, this blog is about, rather than for them…

2 02 2010
Benjamin

Don’t get me wrong – I find your comments fantastically amusing – you are on fine form in here today.

It is rare to see forum trolling done so well. Full marks. A lot of folks don’t go to the effort anymore, and it is good to see that some people still do.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I stand by my interpretation.

2 02 2010
Tone

Kudos to Steve of Sunshine for sucking so many punters in with his ‘Fiona’ persona.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Kudos to Tone for learning how to use “kudos” in a sentence that doesn’t involve talking about a car racing game.

2 02 2010
James

Second that – fine form indeed.

2 02 2010
brad

On the flip side try getting anything done too your house if you live wowser belt areas of Melbourne(Camberwell,Surry Hills,Balwyn,ect). I can understand local people wanting too keep a certain character and preservation of many historical and beautiful examples of building and architecture in their area but the objections too council from concerned residents on the issue of someones intention too build/extend-improve their place of residence(and i stress their) is but a joke and is slowly but surely putting a stranglehold on any works in these areas.The intention may be too scare get rich quick developers away who will de-beautify the area but the actual result is no much needed improvements are being passed quickly on structures in these areas,thus forcing owners( whom have huge equities in their homes) to go elsewhere if they want too live in energy efficient and comfortable homes.The result is a new form of ghetto-the asset rich,cash poor whose 80 year old,badly insulated,overgrown and down right dangerous homes are slowly but surely crumbling around them.

2 02 2010
pominoz

Read this on another article regarding the McMansion.

Kellyville resident Joe Pereira shot off a letter to the editor, telling Farrelly: “My wife and I know perfectly well how to brief an architect, but at the moment we’d rather put our resources elsewhere. In the end we must do what is best for our kids, and that’s where Kellyville shines … Sneer through the steaming haze of your decaf soyaccino if you wish, but homogeneity brings a certain comfort, security, and a sense of true community that other Sydneysiders can only dream about. Dare to be similar.”

2 02 2010
Indi

Or put another way, accept pap and tell yourself you’re happy and responsible.

2 02 2010
Peter of Kensington

How is the decaf soyaccino, Indi?

2 02 2010
Indi

Wow, substance abuse. More of a double shot espresso man myself.

The problem is not the mass market but that on so many demonstrable levels of design – not aethetic, but thermal performance, energy use, stormwater generated, required infrastucture- the houses produced are awful.

3 02 2010
cactus

I’ve never understood why bogans throw out the decaf soychino foamy latte “insult”.

It’s almost always a bogan that’s drinking one…

3 02 2010
Indi

It’s because they generally take their rhetorical lead from lazy journalists- also notable consumers of decaf soy-lattes, chardonnay, and champagne.

3 02 2010
JimmyMac

Nothing wrong with a good, true, genuine Champagne, or a Chardonnay grown by somebody with a clue. But decaf? That’s an insult to the bean!

4 02 2010
Indi

I’m with you on all those. The point is the ‘substance abuse’ tactic is lazy, rather than the particular beverages used as markers.

2 02 2010
Naktarr

Driving through that suburb in Sydney always makes me shudder, and I will mention many of the residents go down to the local Kellyville Plaza to grab their takeaway decaf soyaccino from the Gloria Jeans while doing their dog walk on the weekend.

I call those estates McMansion Plantations, built to crack in ten years, collapse in twenty then hopefully cleared and recycled for agricultural land because of rising food costs from population growth.

2 02 2010
Tone

Smellyville?

Speaking of Smellyville, it’s always hilarious watching urban decay before one’s very eyes. In Adelaide, there’s a massive 1980s-90s McMansion Farm called Golden Grove. I remember when I was young and naive, I was toying with the idea of building a house out there, but then snapped out of it and bought an inner-city townhouse instead.

Anyway, back to urban decay … 15 years ago, Golden Grove was all shiny and picture perfect, full of young families with hopes and dreams and only one Holden in the driveway. These days, the kids have grown up and have trashed the joint. It’s now one of Adelaide’s most expensive Housing Commission style ghettos.

I sure dodged a bullet there.

23 07 2010
RJZ

I know what you mean. I lived with my family in Golden Grove from 95-99 when I was growing up. I remember Delfin won some international developer award and distributed ‘world’s best address’ bumper stickers (quite a leap from their marketing team!), which everyone displayed proudly. Thank f&ck I saw the light at a young age (thanks largely to the bumper stickers and my boyfriend from the inner southern suburbs) Living in a paper mache house in legoland definitely shaped my view of my dream home (i.e. anything pre-1990 within 5-10 kms of the city with solid brick walls).

My dad still lives there and when I go to visit him it looks rather drab and rundown. Now that Delfin has sold off all the land and moved up shop, the grass isn’t so green anymore- the local council refuses to use as much water as the developer did. I remember reading a newspaper article, where the local Spring Hill residents were in uproar because their grove was indeed turning golden (aka Snob Hill as my parents’ called it – part of the estate for you cashed up bogans, during a time when McMansions were not all that common in new estates)

27 02 2010
JCP

I’m amused that a couple of paragraphs I spat out in August 2003 are still causing comment today.

Truth be told, my inspiration for the decaf soyaccino line was actually Steve Martin’s movie LA Story. The screenplay went something like this:

I’ll have a de-caf coffee.
- De-caf espresso. – Cappuccino.

Do you have de-caf coffee ice cream?
- I’ll have a de-caf double half caf.

I’ll have a twist of lemon.
- Me, too. – Me, too. – Me, too.

BTW, for the last 3 years I’ve been living on the NSW North Coast, about an hour from Nimbin. Try to avoid Sydney as best as I can. Kept the house in Kellyville though, and the agent tells me it hasn’t fallen down yet. Enjoying organic soyaccinos now, far from the social sniping that seems to have terminally affected the big cities …

2 02 2010
emma

I saw on the news this morning that people can’t afford their McMansions. Probably because they were like OOH FREE $20000… paying rent is more expensive than house payments… but had no other money saved up and didn’t take into account that they would have to pay rates.

2 02 2010
Tubesteak

On a related note has anyone else seen the article on Gail Kelly’s purchase of a $9m property at Terrey Hills?

The SMH article describes Terrey Hills to be a part of “Sydney’s affluent northern beaches”.

Must be the same people that describe Chatswood as the North Shore even though it would take you an hour to walk to the shoreline.

You can almost hear the bubbling undercurrent of rage at indignation over one of those evil execs spending money and putting up interest rates. The article even mentions this

Oh, the horror

2 02 2010
Indi

But what if property prices didn’t keep rising? Bubble hasn’t burst here yet- it’ll get ugly if it ever does

The government will bend over backwards in attempt to make this never happen. Housing asset wealth is very key to consumer sentiment, which trickles through to the wellbeing of everything else (including, importantly, bogan voter backlash). The bubble may burst, but it will only do so after every possible policy measure has been tried. TBL

2 02 2010
Indi

Well spotted, thanks for driving the point home.

2 02 2010
Tone

I would have thought that Terrey Hills would be a downgrade from St Ives.

Maybe Gail’s trying to live more like common people?

2 02 2010
Indi

One question- how many hectares? While there are lots of stereotypes about the north-western suburbs propagated, there are also some very large properties with serious landscape works and good houses. She may have bought -gasp- a Glenn Murcutt for her retirement.

2 02 2010
Indi

A quick look and the house is probably not THAT good, but a couple of swimming pools and horse arena and an ornamental lake and landscape recently published.

2 02 2010
Sarah

I know the Terrey Hills/Duffy’s Forest area well, and there are a lot of HUGE and very high quality semi-rural properties there (10 or so min drive from the beach or Chatswood, not like Kellyville).
http://www.domain.com.au/Property/For-Sale/Rural/NSW/Terrey-Hills/?adid=2008100292
There are a few McMansions – each on 10 acres though, there’s no crowding up there. Semi-rural is the key word.

2 02 2010
Tubesteak

Two hectares with Olympic equestrian arena.

Didn’t know Gail was into horsies. Noice

2 02 2010
Indi

With room for a helipad and gun emplacement.

9 02 2010
Lee

“Terrey Hills to be a part of sydney’s affluent Northern Beaches” Ha! You are right about the pretentious Chatswood residents (the ones that aren’t asian) claiming they are on the North Shore!

2 02 2010
pinky has a brain

For those of us in Melbourne, who can forget the housing estate that had to be CLOSED because of methane emissions. i didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I laughed till I cried.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. My ex-favourite forum, the Herald Sun had a wonderful headline for that story: “Cranbourne Stinks”.

2 02 2010
Bogue

Was it closed AFTER the residents moved in, with their KFC and Domino diets?

2 02 2010
MillersEdge

My last visit to melbourne i was appalled at the amount of fast food franchises in nearly every suburb in melbourne. More of a concern were the 24 hour McDonalds and the packed out food halls in most malls.

And one walk down the main street of these suburbs the % of over weight people was sad too see. What is going on in Australian suburbia?

2 02 2010
Jaiydein
2 02 2010
2 02 2010
Indi

‘No products made from paper, cardboard or ceramic.’

reminds me of NANFIS : Not A Natural Fibre In Sight.

2 02 2010
Jaiydein

Eww, I just explored my link more & feel ill…
http://www.edhardyairfresh.com/AirFreshener/HTML/PRODUCTS/eh_home_air.html

3 02 2010
Si

Ahh! Methane Meadows. Yes, I have to admit to succumbing to rampant schadenfreude at the time. The teary outrage on ACC was prime…

3 02 2010
Indi

What’s the world comin’ to when you can’t even smoke in your own house? How was there not a bonfire of the inanities?

2 02 2010
PrinceAlistar

that’s another thing bogans like, bullshit copy made up by snotty ad agencies like clemenger and the bogans favorite ad man “Singo”

2 02 2010
Peter

When I went to high school a few classmates lived at Terrey Hills. One had a pig in his backyard. It seem somehow appropriate then, but it seems far, far more suited now. Nice Austrian style restaurant up there though.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I don’t really understand the word “McMansion”. I understand the “Mc” is a reference to McDonalds, which I believe to be a “fast food” establishment of some infamy.

However, the “mansion” part has me stumped. These “homes” are so tiny (about 1/4 of the size of my servants’ quarters) that I can’t believe the term “mansion” is used, except if there is some attempt at irony.

Am I right?

2 02 2010
Simon

It is all a matter is scale Fiona, you can not hope to understand that 300 sqm of living seems huge to certain people (actually most of us) with what you are used to. If your first home was a 60 sqm unit then indeed a large home will appear to be a mansion, even if it would not be large enough for the polo ponies from your point of view.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. 60m^2? People live in an area the size of my smallest spa? I find that hard to believe… Surely not?

2 02 2010
Simon

Tis true, students have been known to share 30sq. Barely enough room for a Poodle.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, barely enough room for it to live long. Before being eaten no doubt.

2 02 2010
Simon

Don’t you feed your servants?

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Of course. But not with my beloved dogs!

That sentence can be interpreted in two ways – I mean them both.

2 02 2010
Indi

Wow, like sometimes words have TWO meanings? Far out.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes. And as I said “sentence”, not “word” (you DO understand the difference?), your point is lost on me. And one presumes, yourself.

2 02 2010
Indi

Parse yourself silly woman, if that is indeed what you are. Ambiguity is one’s middle name, and it’s a reference to an inane line from Stairway to Heaven, thrown away.

2 02 2010
Simon

Indi, I think you pass into South yarra just got revoked.

2 02 2010
Indi

I’m crushed

2 02 2010
Simon

You mean of the” I’m not racist but” variety. Nice one.

2 02 2010
Paddington

If *only* Fiona’s home was large enough to house her ego. Alas, methinks there is not enough space in the world to accommodate this …

2 02 2010
PrinceAlistar

Are you serious?

Stop trolling idiot

and ugh

LOL

2 02 2010
PrinceAlistar

No not you simon but that wanna be unfunny troll posing as some affluent toorakite.

oh and

LOL

2 02 2010
Simon

Thats ok Prince. Fiona does send us the occasional pearl though.

2 02 2010
James

Wonderful, just wonderful. Thanks Fiona.

2 02 2010
Linda

Have you actually been to Toorak?

Unless your place is entirely built underground in which your council would outright say no to… There is no property in Toorak that would be that large? well for a house anyhow.

yes I have lived in Toorak

2 02 2010
Simon

Another one to Fionas list of suckers.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It’s because I have bought up all the surrounding properties and created one vast estate. You sound like exactly the right sort of person to LEAVE Toorak. How is life in Sunshine?

2 02 2010
Linda

I left Toorak for Elizabeth Bay in Sydney.

Touche my friend.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. How the mighty have fallen…

3 02 2010
Jodie

It’s because they were put together by MacGuyver, I’m guessing. Which means it should be “MacMansion”, but whatever. ;)

2 02 2010
Sharrelle

I love the reference to new estate names including the words “springs”, “waters”, “cove” etc. There’s Bennet Springs north of Perth, where the houses are dwarfed by multiple high-voltage power lines running through the middle of the estate. AKA Cancer Springs. Also in Rivervale a new apartment complex called Shorebrush Bay or some such bullshit name.

The ultimate winner though has to be Provence, a massive bogan development down near Busselton which has advertising directly comparing it to the south of France, ignoring the fact that it’s on an open sand plain formerly enjoyed by dairy cows and flies.

2 02 2010
Simon

I think WA does the names better than anywhere else. How about Bouvard South Florida that Rex was selling. I remember the Provence (pronounced French style) ads, how they did not get done for misleading advertising I do not know.

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Even the affluent suburbs in Perth have bogan names, I mean Peppermint Grove FFS :)

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Perth is entirely bogan. It’s basically just the REALLY outer western suburbs of Melbourne (and Sydney too I guess.)

2 02 2010
Sharrelle

You remind me of my ex-wife. She was a fuckwit.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Smart enough to leave you though.

2 02 2010
Sharrelle

Peppy Grove would be a bogan suburb name if it weren’t for the fact that it pre-dates bogans by about 150 years. It’s actually a very nice area.
Some cashed-up bogans live there though. Some WA bogans are very, very cashed up.

5 02 2010
chris

Correct on Peppy Grove, Sharelle. The name may have some small connection to the vast groves of Peppermint trees in the area? Just a guess. In any case, I’ll never have the money to live there!

I am fortunate to live in the nice part of Nedlands, and barely a bogan to be seen. I did have the good fortune to attend an Ozstraya Day barbeque in Wattleup – I’ve never seen so many Southern Cross tattoos!

5 02 2010
shazza

Yes Chris, as a South Freo resident, I find it’s best not to stray too far from the coast.

2 02 2010
shazza

My personal fave in Perth is Success. The planners were really taking the piss with that one.

2 02 2010
Indi

The first suburb named for an Iggy Pop song!

2 02 2010
Bogue

Now that’s a Neighbourhood Threat. Don’t worry, it’ll soon turn into Some Weird Sin.

3 02 2010
Indi

There are some would insist that Wodonga should be called Dog Food.

2 02 2010
Lauren

Awwww I live in Success (in a rented McMansion too!) does that make me a bogan? Better than living in Cockburn though.

2 02 2010
Toddo

My sister lived near Success, and I struggled to see the appeal. From the al-fresco out the back, there was a lovely view of a corrigated hardifence all of 2.5 metres away.
What baffled me was the metioric rise in value from when she purchased to when she sold, while the value of my old, though peaceful home on a large block in the hills, complete with many trees remained stagnant.

2 02 2010
dazz

C’mon shazza,
I know you want to blurt our all the other classy novel housing estates north and south of Perth… I will start…
Livingston estate – Canning vale
Settlers hills baldivis
Secret Harbour – ???
St Clair/Port Kennedy – Rockingham
Bletchley Park Canning Vale
Glenariff Canning Vale
Meadow Springs – Mandurah (I actually dont classify Bouvard as “that bogan”)
Forrest Lakes
Champion Lakes
Clarkson/Joondalup (take your pick) anywhere north of Craigie
Regent Waters – Wanaroo
Brighton “What a community should be” – miles from anywhere
Meve – Jandakot/Beeliar

and whats up with building townhouses 50k’s from the city ????

I feel better now…

2 02 2010
Toddo

Champion Lakes A.K.A……… Nice place to kayak, but my hair seems to stand on end there for some reason (could be the power towers).
Brighton, “great computer bonuses” (from the advert) what did that mean?? All the Poms (my own mother is one) that come here complain about the degradation of the U.K from all the immigrants that ‘came in and took over’ yet it seems, in Perth at least, the northern Joondalup suburbs are a warground for Pommy gangs of teenagers and cop-bashers, the offspring of rosy cheeked alchoholic types who live at the Pig and “(insert name of other animal)”

2 02 2010
shazza

Brighton. Balga on Sea.

2 02 2010
Indi

The distance between the aspirations of Brighton (England, Melbourne?) and the reality on the ground are tragi-comic.

2 02 2010
brad

Bayswater in melbs outer east has always been a favoured destination of the pommy variety you jest,however the reasoning for their behavior is obvious to all when it is plain to see they have been duped as there is no bay within 30 kms and the only body of water to speak of is the trikle of dandenong creek

3 02 2010
Indi

And nowhere near Hyde Park.

4 02 2010
Jodie

Hahaaaaaaa, that’s hilarious! I live in Baysie and sure, it’s a great holiday destination if you like concrete, HSVs, the ubiquitous stench of cigarette smoke and watching teenage mothers chugging Bacardi Breezers at the train station at nine in the morning. I genuinely feel sorry for tourists if that’s true.

5 02 2010
brad

They do play the EDFL grand final at the local footy ground every year Jodie;also Baysie has one of the highest mechanic shop per head ratios in Melb(handy when the car breaks down!).And if you need some pre-fab building supplies or some steel work engineered too a specific design well take your pick!Also you have a colourful history of shady characters the envy of Carlton or Collingwood.And how could you not mention ‘The Baysie’ what a fine entertainment complex,and speaking of entertainment and relaxation i have heard(i must stress not through personal experience) that the cluster of shops that you knock-on in the area are of good value.So Jodie you see the glass is not half empty and im sure any tourist who stumbled upon Baysie may just find some hidden gems if they looked under a few rocks ha ha

2 02 2010
Toddo

Sorry Shazza, that prestigious tag has allready been claimed by Geraldton many moons ago.
Doesn’t make sense now, with the modern balga area inhabited by Africans and Maoris as well as the traditional inhabitants.

2 02 2010
shazza

I’ve also heard it applied to Rockingham Toddo. I think it’s become a generic derogatory claim for any beach side suburb that’s more than a 45 min drive, north or south, from Cottesloe.

5 02 2010
chris

No – the best is when Balga was partially renamed Westminster!

2 02 2010
Indi

Is there another way to pronounce Provence? I love ‘French Provincial’ as a category of furniture.

2 02 2010
James

Its all classy n shit eh.

2 02 2010
pinky has a brain

Fully James

2 02 2010
Robbie

“Kellyville resident Joe Pereira shot off a letter to the editor, telling Farrelly: “My wife and I know perfectly well how to brief an architect, but at the moment we’d rather put our resources elsewhere. In the end we must do what is best for our kids, and that’s where Kellyville shines ” – Kellyville is a hole and as such, a bogan and McMansion builders dream….and the fact it is in the hills area means all those cashed up bogan/Hillsong types can build the house of their dreams at Piddler Springs or some such horrid estate name.

2 02 2010
PrinceAlistar

Like most things to the bogan unless you are a pedo or an immigrant, big business can do whatever they please and they, the bogue, “couldn’t give a fuck” until they are directly affected..but hey its ok what about those boat people!

The only real ramifications for non pedo crime is a paltry $1000 fine and a segment on ACA/TT which which allow the bogan 2 minutes of rage until a real criminal, the dodgy immigrant is exposed in the next story.

2 02 2010
Paul

In WA they’ve even named one new development “Provence”.

It’s halfway between perth and Margaret River, basically built on abandoned pastoral land. Looks like a hovel.

How many of the bogan who go there speak French or have ever been to Provence? (Contiki bogan buses only stop by the Eiffel Tower for a quick photo and a spew).

Oh, and there’s also a bogan outer suburb ironically called “Success”, where the only successes in life its inhabitants ever have is picking the winner at the greyhounds or getting off assault charges by intimidating witnesses.

2 02 2010
pominoz

The irony is that you could buy a fantastic house in Provence for the price of one of those shonkly build McMansions.

2 02 2010
pinky has a brain

Paul, perfectly executed as always

2 02 2010
Paul

Exactly, Pominoz. I’m going to do just that in the next few years, or go to Emilia Romagna over in Italy – beautiful restored farmhouse on 2.5ha for EUR 400K. There are Russian chavs in Tuscany now (although many have been forced to sell by the financial crisis) but other regions are much better. And I speak the languages, unlike the chavs and the bogans who turn up on contiki buses and then complain that the French are “arrogant” and don’t want to talk to them. Once I saw an Aussie in Paris walking around, getting in people’s faces and basically yelling, “Oi, maaate, where’s the Arc of Triumph?”
When he came to me, I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “je suis desole, je ne vous comprend pas” (I’m sorry I don’t understand you”)!
I didn’t go all that way to hang out with skippy bogans.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Make sure you write a book about it. I’ll look for it in the “My Year in <>” section of .

Regale us with tales of hilarious yet sweet misunderstandings with the initially suspicious locals, with how much better the quality of provender supplied by the local grocer is and finally, don’t forget to count the number of days (perhaps months) behind the local tradesmen are when they finally get around to finishing that little job you retained their services for.

2 02 2010
pominoz

Seems somebody has been reading A Year in Provence.

Fiona I could imagine you in Paris walking your poodle down Boulevard Saint-Germain and letting it crap everywhere. Then spending a busy afternoon with the rest of your poodle owning French petit bourgeois at Café de Flore. Ummm come to think of it that cafe is known for its intellectuals so………..

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or any of its myriad copycat titles – that I’m sure you’ll be adding too forthwith.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

The above SHOULD say…

“My Year in {insert name of Italian or French region}…”

2 02 2010
James

Should, Fiona, but doesn’t.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes, alas and alack, the vagaries of the text this board accepts are unknown until posted, as no preview function exists.

2 02 2010
pominoz

Yes same here. I will be hopefully moving to France in the next year or so ( GFC hopefully easing ) purchasing a place around Burgundy and enjoying the French countryside.

2 02 2010
brad

better put a postponement on that trip pommywhatzisname the catters are sure too be up near the top for a couple of years yet

2 02 2010
Peter

It’s quite a surprise that those in charge of marketing these new estates didn’t choose Jimmy Barnes’ “[There] Ain’t No Second Prize” to soundtrack the television advertising during the saturation campaign. I’d of thought such a song would pluck the insecure heartstrings and give some much needed elevation to the average bogan.

2 02 2010
Toddo

There is a small development south of Perth that advertises on a billboard that it will give away a FREE HSV UTE with every house sold. These aren’t MC Mansions though, but more like the 2-3 bedroom villas once reserved for pensioners, now aimed at poor people.

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Well some very inventive names for Suburbs in Melbourne.

Sunshine is really the most ironic. Named after the tractor factory originally there, was a hotbed of bogue from inception to now, except it is now being gentrified and prices have gone literally through the roof (x-traordinarily bad pun and incorrect use of “literally” intended).

I love the inventiveness of the advertisers on the West melbourne bassalt plain.
Homestead Run, Caroline Springs, The Boardwalk – all built on grazing paddocks that stretch from the Maribyrnong River to the You Yangs – 50 klms away.

the best for flase advertising was a billboard on the Highway near Laverton going toward Geelong. It had two old blokes standing knee high in Port Philip Bay looking toward the Melbourne skyline, giving the impression that “the Boardwalk” was on the shores of the Bay, when in fact it was a paddock between Point Cook and Werribee and you couldn’t see the bay even if you stood on the roof of your McMansion.

Suffice to say, it sold in nano seconds and the glass cubes of bogan existence sprung up within hours. Like a virus it has spread.

Next victim is the vacant land left when the Air Force abandonded Laverton.
Landing is the name of the new ghetto (Landing because planes used to land there). At least they are building a station there.

2 02 2010
FT

Caroline Springs, also known as East Adelaide, is a disgrace. My mate moved out there recently with his mega-bogue fiance, into one of these McMansions. Then they got two little fluff-ball dogs that still aren’t house trained.

Result: Nobody visits him. He can never come out any more because he lives too far from any public transport and they are trying to ‘save money’ (forgive me for thinking that the saving should have been done before the purchase of the house…) and therefore can’t afford the cab fare. They have an abundance of Harvey Norman furniture in the house which is “interest free for 24mths” but for which they have to make sure they pay off extra each month so that if they decide to go on a holiday or buy a PS3 or something, they won’t fall behind in payments. He now spends his free time picking up dog droppings from in and around his house and being told what brand of beer he can and can’t afford to buy…

If that’s what they call the great Australian dream, I’ll eat my proverbial hat.

2 02 2010
Bogue

East Adelaide? Goodness me, don’t pin that one on poor old Adelaide, Mawson Lakes was still years away when Caroline Springs first sprung up. My band and I used to laugh (quite loudly) at the ‘Water Water Everywhere’ and ‘I do. Love Life at Caroline Springs’ when we drove in to Melbourne on tour. One visit we toured under the name of The Caroline Springs Display Band. The virus most definately spread from the East, from whence the bogan originated.

2 02 2010
FT

hahaha, Bogue, don’t be offended. We only call it East Adelaide because it feels like we’re half way to Adelaide when we drive there to visit (which has happened once so far). I was in no way suggesting that Adelaide was responsible for the atrocious levels of boganity found in Caroline Springs. :)

2 02 2010
Bogue

North North West Geelong might be more appropriate, considering the immense BQ. Aparently, the earliest signs of bogan civilisation were uncovered beneath the Barwon Club in medieval Geelong.

2 02 2010
James

Inventive suburb names, inventive names for children. Bloody bogans.

2 02 2010
j-ho

Williams Landing is it?

2 02 2010
Indi

Noble Park always seemed a bit cruel, as did Deer Park.

2 02 2010
Derek of Deer Park

That is harsh , I live in downtown Deer Park, and my daughter lives in Noble Park

3 02 2010
Indi

I’m sure things have changed since I lived in Melbourg. At the time there were no deer, and precious little noble there.

2 02 2010
brad

spent my childhood in Noble Park and though it did not make me noble it made me wise-quickly! ha ha

2 02 2010
Indi

Going back a few decades, but Chelsea Heights always amused me, quite apart from sounding like a drag queen. Approximate height above sea level? I wait for the howls.

2 02 2010
Toddo

I stayed with my Family in Chelsea Heights last year, and noticed this lack of altitude, but compared to Perth, it was rather pleasant.
I visited a large ‘cut & paste’ shopping centre out that way somewhere, and unlike the outer southern suburbs of Perth, didn’t feel threatened, didn’t have to cover my childrens eyes and didn’t feel ‘dirty’ after using the ATM. The number of chubby women waddling along in bikepants, or yobs wearing their cleanest fluro workshirt down to shops was way down on Perth.
I also found the service at the various retailers I encountered friendly and enthusiastic, unlike Perth, where you purchase a muffin from croissant express for example, and you are greeted by a mobile earing museum, that isn’t sure whether she wants to talk to her co-worker about her boyriends or serve you.

2 02 2010
Indi

By now it’s Bogue-Establishment: it was emerging from the cow paddocks in the eighties. Outer Southern Perth sounds scary. I only know Bassendean and Guilford in any detail.

I do have two friends who have arrived in Perth- admittedly fresh from Asia – and freaked out at the total lack of pedestrian lifein the suburbs.

2 02 2010
Peter

During the 70s my family relocated from French’s Forest (apparently on Sydney’s Northern Beaches) to Wheeler Heights. The house was built on the side of a hill and had a veritable goat track of a driveway which lead to the garage and then the front door. Three levels; the first being an entry (only) the second had enough room for the (oversized) stereo + 2 chairs. The top level consisted of every other room. It wasn’t exactly an imposing property, but then, it wasn’t exactly any more than about 20 feet above sea level either.

2 02 2010
Jaiydein

Settlers Run is a fabulous new development that offers the best of all worlds:

*rewarding community lifestyle

* quality architectural design
* an undulating site with great views
* plenty of room and space, and
* a Greg Norman-designed championship golf course.

All this conveniently located only 45 minutes from Melbourne’s CBD.

Settlers Run is developed by Medallist, a property development partnership between Macquarie Group Ltd and Greg Norman’s Great White Shark Enterprises. Medallist is managed by Urban Pacific Limited.

2 02 2010
Jaiydein

“You can find Settlers Run off Pearcedale Road in Botanic Ridge (formerly part of Cranbourne South) (Melways Ref 133 C11). Our land sales office is open 11am to 6pm daily, and you can call us on 9785 6788 for more information.”

http://www.settlersrun.com.au/

2 02 2010
James

That sounds heaps good. I always wanted my lifestyle to be ultimate, and had no idea that I could buy it but. Hopefully we can take thousands of photos when I have my wedding at the gold course. I wonder where the nearest Ed Hardy store is?

2 02 2010
James

They even have a spelling error in their news section – Bontanic Ridge.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. This coming from someone who wrote “gold course”. I’m unsure as to whether or not you meant “golf course” or “Gold Coast”.

Both fit.

2 02 2010
James

…from someone who uses LOL.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Correctly too.

2 02 2010
James

Correctly? Maybe, if you study something like “the” classics…

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I have a higher degree in the Classics (of course). And no, before you ask, that doesn’t mean I know a lot of “stuff about Barnesy ‘n’ that”.

2 02 2010
James

A grad dip in Andre Rieu?

2 02 2010
Simon

Where do I sign up?

2 02 2010
Indi

Is that anything like Greats?

2 02 2010
Jaiydein

“LOL”

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

You’re not the selling agent, are you Jaiydein?

2 02 2010
Jaiydein

Bit snobby for me, I prefer “The Valley” the next “BOOM”
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/01/20/2469625.htm

28 05 2010
Dean

Is that not meant to be Boganic Ridge?

2 02 2010
dazz

Ok TBL how about a post on Golf Course Estates, and how bogans have ruined (if it were possible) the “sport” of golf. Careful dont get glassed on the 19th…..

2 02 2010
Jax

One builder in Sydney actually advertises their McMansions as ‘Mansion Packages’. The irony!

2 02 2010
Bazza

Wouldn’t this naturally lead to the next Bogan trophy, Equity? Usually accompanied by “mayte” the bogan’s equity (mate) in their house can be used for the next purchase of a boat, jetski or Maloo ute.

Who needs real wealth when pretend riches work just as well?

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Doesn’t everyone just own their home and thus, have 100% equity? How else do you get one if not an outright purchase?

2 02 2010
Simon

Yeah, and then shonky wealth experts teach them to leverage their equity mayte until they aint got none left but the empty promise of a 20% return.

2 02 2010
MissT

McMasions when built on their own as a knock-down rebuild amongst other homes on a large block with eves, raised ceiling height and not overly large (ie it has to fit in with local council regulations – not McMansion village regulations) then they’re not bad.

I built one in this manner and it’s fine. Oh and it’s single storey and the frontage looks similar to existing older homes in the street.

I just get giant shudders when I’m in McMansion land – those lack of eves just really weird me out. Oh and don’t forget the lack of a backyard either. How one can build a giant house, yet not have enough of a backyard for a trampoline to even fit is beyond me.

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

The McMansion is no longer just the scurge of the suburban fringe, they are popping up in the nicer and older suburbs closer to the CBD. My street used to be predominanty pre-war art-deco weatherboard or clinker brick homes houses with character. The streetscape is now changing into either ultra-modern boxstyle McMansions or squeezing 2 McTownhouses onto a 650sq.m block, which is really out of character with the street and the suburb. Even worse, these modern monstrosities are the dwellings of several bogues nouveax.

2 02 2010
Indi

Northcote or Thornbury?

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. As Nelson has taken the honorific “Esq”, one must assume he’s a man. Ergo, it’s very unlikely he’d live in Northcote or Thornbury. Those are suburbs inhabited by women who share a love that dare not speak its name…

2 02 2010
Indi

Au contraire. That, in Patrick White’s words, is now the love that will not shut up.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I like you. You’re almost on my level.

Almost.

I’d let you live in South Yarra.

2 02 2010
Jaiydein

LOL, indeed

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Essendon…the non-bogan suburb on the frontline of the bogue nouveau invasion, coming in from Keilor and Niddrie. When the bogues finally break through the lines and colonise Strathmore, Windy Hill and Moonee Ponds, I think I might retreat back to Malvern, the suburb of my youth. Imagine that, me back in Malvern..I’d almost be your neighbour, Fiona!

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Although, p’raps not for long. Malvern seems to have developed a habit of doing away with its denizens.

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

As former native of Malvern, surely I would be considered a denzien in Essendon. Obviously you think that my time on ‘the wrong side of town’ has turned me into an Essendon local. Do you not think the Malvernites would welcome one of their own back into the fold? Surely it would be similar to one returning from a working holiday in London?

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Working holiday in Nigeria might be more apt.

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Oh yes, that working holiday…sending emails on behalf of that nice man who wants to inform people of their Nigeria lotto win…

2 02 2010
brad

i think you’ll find thats East Malvern(aka Chadstone) Fiona, however understandable as i can imagine your driver doesnt take you that far down Dandenong Rd (may-be he’s sneaked you to Chaddy for some low brow shopping before?)

3 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I confess, I have been shopping at “Chaddy” (as you so inelegantly put it) before.

2 02 2010
Poida

Re the use of the word “Springs” in new suburb or estate names…

The new trend in naming locations is to name them after whatever the developers just destroyed by putting the new houses there. Riverview Estate. Woodlands Estate. City View. Cleanwater Springs. Sanctuary Lakes. Fern Hill.

It’s quite ironic, in the bogan sense.

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

” a Greg Norman-designed championship golf course”

The Sanctuary Lakes (Lakes being man made swamps from marshy salt flats) Greg Norman golf course is the greatest white elephant in the history of golf courses.

Really it is fkn abysmal, as are all the bogans who live in the psuedo safe gated communities there, all snug in the belief that their overhocked over valued and under financed assets will be safe from the rest of humanity.

One thing worse than a McMansion, is a McMansion in a gated jail with all the other scared and fearful bogans.

2 02 2010
Indi

So, who’s up for some Margaret Atwood, children?

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Well, since they’re turning the old Pentridge Prison into a housing estate, you can live in a real gated jail!!

2 02 2010
2 02 2010
Simon

I want to live in Hasslehoff st personally.

2 02 2010
2 02 2010
Simon

Sorry Phillip Seymor just does not measure up to the Hoff. Maybe I will buy my own disused cow paddock and set up a Baywatch inspired Estate. Can you imagine driving down Pammys Lane.

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

there was an estate out in Narre warren (Corey Worthington country) about 15 yrs ago called ‘Springfield’. So there was a Simpsons inspired estate, so I can’t see why a Baywatch estate would not be successful and popular with bogans

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Not nearly as inventive or risque as Pakenham Upper

2 02 2010
Indi

Or Upper Plenty

2 02 2010
Indi

With appropriate shrubbery.

2 02 2010
berihebi

I think it might be Dustin, the names have a bit of an 80′s feel to them.

2 02 2010
S-Man

Likely to be an arterial road with the traffic it sees.

3 02 2010
SD

Speaking of which shouldn’t there be a post on bogues and The Hoff- they seem to love putting up Hoff posters, dressing as The Hoff for Xmas parties etc. in their effort to be ironical about pop culture.

2 02 2010
Jaiydein

Look at me, I live in a “celebrity inspired community”
Where’s Ed Hardy Boulevard?

2 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Off Jack Daniels Way

2 02 2010
Bogue

Is that close to Shannon Knoll?

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Across the village green from Glenn Close maybe?

2 02 2010
Indi

Or Margaret Court?

2 02 2010
Bogue

Is that Margaret Court, Cockfight Estates?

2 02 2010
Indi

It just need to be near the tennis facilities, on any estate. A box seat position.

3 02 2010
Nelson Esq

Don’t they play tennis and have concerts at Tina Arena?

3 02 2010
Indi

She deserves something named after her. Is Etihad some celebrity I don’t know about?

2 02 2010
Simon

I know this is slightly off topic but the name thing reminded me of the swedish singer Lyyke Lee. Am I the only on who thinks she should have been a male porn star. Up the Kyber Pass 5 staring Lyyke Lee!

2 02 2010
Indi

Hi my name is Simon and I’m an onomomaniac. Please stop me before I pun again.

Seriously, the punning gene runs strong in my family, so I share your pain.

2 02 2010
Simon

Thanks Indi, most people just think I’m strange but I laugh everytime they anounce her on the radio.

Are you sure about that word, the font of all knowledge does not recognise it?

WebHide optionsShow options… Results 1 – 2 of about 0 for onomomaniac. (0.29 seconds)
Search ResultsDid you mean: oniomaniac Top 2 results shown

Oniomania – Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaOniomania (from Greek onios = “for sale,” mania = insanity) is a medical term for the compulsive desire to shop. Oniomania is the technical term for the …
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oniomania – Cached – Similar
Oniomania Definition | Definition of Oniomania at Dictionary.com/ˌoʊ ni əˈmeɪ ni ə, -ˈmeɪn yə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [oh-nee-uh-mey-nee-uh, -meyn-yuh] Show IPA. Use oniomania in a Sentence · See images of oniomania …
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2 02 2010
Indi

I might have snuck an extra syllable in there. Onomaniac: It came from a fairly old dictionary source, and is a name mania.

2 02 2010
Simon

Carry on punning.

2 02 2010
Indi

Carry On Up the Innuendo?

2 02 2010
Simon

Indi, you may be incurable.

3 02 2010
cactus

Lykke Li.

3 02 2010
Simon

Spelling Bogan.

2 02 2010
Loftie

There is a Hardy Avenue in Craigieburn = BOGAN TOWN

Also – we did get AC/DC lane in Melbourne… it can be done…

There are actually 5 x Bogan St in this lovely country (4 of which are NSW)…

2 02 2010
Indi

You forgot the River, after which the streets are named (and the Bogan Shire).

2 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

One for the bogues of Adelaide is Bogan Road in Hillbank…

2 02 2010
Bogue

And a great spot for it too.

2 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ah, Crazyburn. Where does one start with that “place”?

The best I can say is that the government did the absolute right thing in building a by-pass for it. Sadly, parts of it are still visible when one is forced to drive up that way.

I really must take Chauffeur to task over this – surely one can join the Hume further north?

6 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

It’ll be in Delfin’s newest McMansion farm, Audigier Lakes

4 02 2010
Barbara Fischer

interesting detail on that map: they wrote “Speilberg” instead of “Spielberg”.

2 02 2010
Robbie

I love Margaret Atwood Indi – I recently read ‘The Door’

2 02 2010
Indi

Tried Oryx and Crake? It makes chicken nuggets seem even more sinister.

2 02 2010
Robbie

I’ve only read bit’s and pieces of Oryx & Crake but I can say that her take on chicken ‘farming’ is truely hideous…

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Please dont spoil it for me – I have Oryx and Crake on reserve at our local Library.

Am looking forward to it.

2 02 2010
Indi

Don’t worry, that’s just a minor thread of disgust. I assume someone will get around to filming it.

2 02 2010
Carlos the Jackal

You’ll notice that the word ‘Park’ will not appear in any of the names of McMansion farms in Adelaide. Apparently most bogans in the market for McMansions are still in denial about their boganity, considering how many bogan ghettos in Adelaide already have ‘Park’ in their name (Elizabeth Park, Salisbury Park, Mansfield Park, etc…).

I wouldn’t expect to see ‘Downs’ in one either…

2 02 2010
Tone

Don’t forget Davoren Park (also known as ‘Staboren Park’).

What makes me laugh is that now that developers are running out of room to build McMansion Plantations, they are now knocking over dodgy old public housing ghettos and replanting new McMansions, and the cycle begins again … which is what’s happening in the bogan/feral ghettos north of Adelaide. The most hilariously named one is ‘Playford Alive’. That would have to be the most ambitious but rubbish name for a housing estate ever.

2 02 2010
Peter

I’d suggest Downs hits even closer to the inbreeding proclivities of pioneering bogan ghettos nationwide.

4 02 2010
Jodie

Youch. You know, it might be an interesting experiment to start a baby name website, ostensibly for exotic baby names, market it to bogans and see how long it takes for the more outlandish efforts to catch on in the bogue popualtion. I’m thinking Kromozoml Anomalee is a nice name for a girl, or Jenetick Dee-Phect, perhaps… ;)

2 02 2010
Peter

This is really off topic, but yesterday I heard a middle age bogan/hippie cross mention she had completed her degree in Fine Arts at a local TAFE last year.

2 02 2010
Indi

Awesome.

2 02 2010
Simon

Bet you can study “The Classics” there too. For example The Da Vinci Code, Harry Potter, Christian Audiger.

2 02 2010
Indi

The Films of Keanu Reeves, (too far gone for a post?) The Celestine Prophecies, and anything with ‘Media’ in it.

2 02 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Was the TBL Approved “Bogan in Modern Culture” topic (invented on this very site a week or two back) part of the Fine Arts course.

Shouldn’t really be a Vet Certificate IV in Boganology?

2 02 2010
Indi

How could I forget? It could even be a short course training package. I’ll get started on the AQTF accreditation straight away . . .

2 02 2010
Bogue

Maybe it was the Lleyton Univertity of Becnology?

3 02 2010
Indi

As opposed to Clayton Kindergarten.

2 02 2010
Robbie

LOL @ Peter’s first comment…not sure about the second

2 02 2010
Lee

I make a very comfortable living off bogans and McMansions……….

2 02 2010
Tone

How’s Harvey Norman treating you these days, Lee? :P

3 02 2010
Lee

Funny you should ask that Tone. Whilst I dont work for Hardly Normal and infact I have nothing to do with the retail sector, they indirectly contribute to my income via the unsuspecting bogan.
Gerry Harvey is a very, very clever man if you ask me!

3 02 2010
Indi

You’re not in a New Order covers band called Sub Division by any chance?

3 02 2010
Lee

Haha, no sorry Indi.

2 02 2010
Ev

Not a true Bogan McMansion, as the floorplan’s missing one vital element… The Alfresco area.

‘While outdoor entertaining has always been a way of life in Australia, a revolution is underway that is changing how we live: architects, interior designers and builders are increasingly incorporating indoor-outdoor zones into house plans, making the outside an extension of the principal construction.’

2 02 2010
Tone

Those are usually built on later at great expense – but no deposit, no interest, no repayment for 18 months. Trying to get stuff like outdoor alfresco dining areas past Lenders Mortgage Insurance on a 100% home loan can be difficult.

2 02 2010
Robbie

ohhhh…the indoor/outdoor area, made famous by one Jamie Durie – post Man Power of course.
There’s an idea for a post…Jamie Durie. He accommodated for the fem bogue during his Man Power days doing the ‘Ari’ circuit and now he’s got the male bogue on side – Channel Noine puppet/back yard blitzer/all round good bloke doing it for the battler….he’s even appeared on Oprah!!

3 02 2010
Will S

Don’t forget the full range of tacky outdoor furniture at Big W!

3 02 2010
Freddo

Metricon are the Bogan’s dream project builder…
Creating an illusion with flashy catalogues & ‘Designer Plus’ display homes, Metricon has convinced Bogans everywhere that they are an ‘upmarket’ project builder. Despite the fact they could build practically the same house with another builder for $100k less, the excited Bogans quickly signs on the dotted line without reading the fine print & without finalising any building costs.
After receiving a sub standard dwelling rapidly build with cheap materials & drunken labour, the Bogan will then moan on a variety of complaint websites saying ‘but farking Metri-cants display homes looked so noice…’

3 02 2010
Derek of Deer Park

One word, Delfin

BUT

http://www.delfincorp.com/en/chanpin_class.asp?classid=57

Horizontal centrofugal pumps
These heavy-duty and rugged horizontal centrifugal and designed, engineered and constructed to handle corronsive, abrasive and other aggressive fluids, as well as those liquids which must remain free of metallic contamination. CHEM-GARD pumps are available in a wide selection of thermoplastics and in ANSI/DIN, self-priming, close-coupled and integral pump/shaft motor designs.
Fluids and bogans?

3 02 2010
Lee

A piece of equipment like that would be lost on the bogan Derek.

3 02 2010
TJ

What the hell do you know about building a house? probbaly nothing cause beeing a chippy is being a bogan, cause you have to work outside and get dirty and get sunburnt(you cant help it cause you spend 8 to 12+ hours in direct sunlight a day and the light reflects off the white concrete slab) Houses built today are stronger and better insulated if u go back to the 70′s and ealier those houses are super cold in winter and really hot in summer due to poor design and materials avaible I know cause i build them and im Studying to design them and its more then a basic floor plan that you dumbarses see

4 02 2010
Lee

TJ,
yes, chippies are bogans. I’m not sure about houses being stronger and built to last I have seen some shockers, especially brick veneer.
Studying to design, what course are you doing?
And to think that a chippy gets dirty? That is laughable!!
Mate I’ll let you in on a secret, when I was 15 my father asked me what I wanted to do after school, I said I wanted to be a chippy…….He told me to wake up to myself and get a trade!

5 02 2010
brad

thats why plumbers are always pinching chippies tools,they’re the only ones who know how too use them-just ask them

5 02 2010
Lee

*chuckles

3 02 2010
ohnobogan

pray tell .. what exactly does a bogan do in their study?

4 02 2010
mistress

They keep their extra PS2, Xbox or 5th TV in there. Also possibly the treadmill

4 02 2010
Miles

“Gravitated to it like single mothers to a stockbrokers’ Christmas party.”
Pleasant.

4 02 2010
zfk

Wow, I don’t mind having a laugh at bogans either (I’m looking at the site after all) but the level of self-righteousness and pretention here is pretty mind blowing.

5 02 2010
Indi

You mean the lack of the usual affirmation of all bogan activities found in the mainstream media unsettles you?

5 02 2010
shazza

There’s been many comments of a similar nature recently, The argument falls flat without specific examples. Please provide some zfk.

5 02 2010
Bogue

“…the level of self-righteousness and pretention here is pretty mind blowing”.

That’s true, and furthermore, I think you’ll find we’re always correct.

4 02 2010
mistress

And the worst thing is they’re smugness: they think they have it so much better than the ‘fucken yuppy wankers’ who chose to rent in the inner city rather than buy in those god-forsaken gated estates. My family are always telling me to go and get a house and land package to which I always reply ‘I’d rather impale myself on a rusty stake than live out there’

4 02 2010
mistress

oops make that ‘their’ not they’re

4 02 2010
Lee

You just displayed some pretty bogan behaviour there mistress. Intolerance is a bogan trait.

4 02 2010
Barbara Fischer

Those new suburbs did away with what could have been a saving grace, trees and backyards.
Instead there are strangled looking pebbled fronts and lonely bbq’s in tiny, bare courtyards. Bogans enjoy this, pointing out that this eliminates the need for mowing, thus hinting at their understanding of a garden which in their mind is an expanse of lawn.
These suburbs come with their own depressing landscaping, a flat lake with a pointless fountain in the middle, sparse trees in empty park areas and indifferently picked plants shoved into the odd corners of the estate.

It’s a joy- and loveless affair designed to squeeze maximum $ out of customers who don’t know any better.

4 02 2010
hel

Your posts continue to dredge up memories past! I love it! Bogan tradie, roof plumber, would come home and tell me how he and his boss “smashed out a roof”, then there was the time they realised they could see into the bathroom of the single story home next to the mcmansion they were sheeting but to their credit, actually DIDN’T stay when the woman came in to shower (I sh*t you not) and finally, as a nod to the boss. BTRF comes home one afternoon to inform me this boss “is getting on the juice to get more huge, he is gonna be f*ckin tank as”. Minions of “tank as” brain dead bogans sourcing peeping tom opportunities in outer housing estates miles from anywhere……….. In “insert effusive name” Springs, no one can hear you scream.

4 02 2010
Indi

Hmm ‘more huge’ ‘roof plumber’ and ‘steroid-induced vertigo’: bad combination. As for ‘distracted by getting your jollies at work on a roof’ . . . Wonder if there’s code for that at WorkCover?

4 02 2010
hel

I believe it is covered in the “Wanking in the port-a-loo” clause

5 02 2010
Indi

Plumber’s wrist?

4 02 2010
DP

I enjoyed the blog as usual but way too much middle-class, snobbery on display in the comments from the aspiring faux-intelligensia. C’mon, admit it – you’re suffering property envy. If you could afford it, you’d buy the inner-suburban dog-box next door, knock that building and your own over-priced inner-city slum (sorry, cute worker’s cottage/quaint terrace home) down and whack in the Metricon pre-designed home. Oh, crap! What was I thinking – you’d actually hire the architect at a 20% premium that designs a funky home that looks like a sheep shed with a stylistic half-life of 5 years using the cheapest materials and tradies that can be found with a total energy footprint exceeding the rest of the local neighbourhood. The bogan building your home is laughing at the pretentiousness and hubris and irony (not that he understands these words).
I spit on your self-righteous bourgeois gravy…

5 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Spot on DP. They come here to “gloat” (and by “gloat”, I mean “try their hardest to pretend they’re not exactly the same as the bogan they deride”).

But they don’t overly like it when their betters (i.e., me) point out their foibles.

5 02 2010
Indi

So Metricon produces energy-efficient designs – pray tell. And do go into detail.

5 02 2010
Bogue

I’m afraid you’ll find our generalisations are far more correct than your generalisations…granted, weight of numbers is on the bogan’s side, which sways this forums agrument considerably.

On the chippie-bogan argument, I wouldn’t know, as chippies were replaced by IKEA installers and Tru-Loc about 5 years ago. Dirty, sweaty work weilding an allen key all day.

PS: Where do these bogan sympathisers come from? They’re always too late to pick up the argument, which is no fun at all.

4 02 2010
Simon

You sir are a bogan.

4 02 2010
Lee

Could not have said it better myself DP. I personally would rather spend a million on some lush acreage somewhere than a million on a stinking, inner city terrace.

4 02 2010
hel

I have a stinking inner city art deco on a solid 700sqm of land and I love it! I am such a wanker! Give me good public transport, great bars, a wide choice of restaurants, my wooden floor boards and my 15 foot ceilings over more space and an hours commute to work any day! All your extra space in “……….. estate” is taken up by knocked up teenage sluts anyway! Hey at least you know they will put out if the formal lounge, three car garage and textured feature wall in the bedroom doesn’t win them over!

4 02 2010
Lee

Wow, where did that come from Hel? Oversensitive much?
And please tell me where does lush acreage fit into “…….. Estate”?
Way off the mark.

4 02 2010
hel

Not at all!

I thought lush acreage referred to all the cashed up bogan wannabe MILFS, my mistake :)

4 02 2010
Lee

All good. No my lush acreage is 640 of them in the southern tablelands with 1.4km of river frontage, and I too have 14ft cielings and polished floors! Unfortunately my income is in sydney at the moment :(

4 02 2010
Sam

#77 – Trying to oneup yourself to random people on the internet by bragging about your realestate

4 02 2010
Lee

Bragging?

5 02 2010
shazza

Don’t take it to heart Lee. Iv’e been accused, on this very blog, of the same thing for knowing the year and architectural style of my home.
Personally I enjoy being fed the odd snippet of info about other posters. It often contextualises their comments.

5 02 2010
Simon

With you Shazza, bit of context is great.

5 02 2010
shazza

Actually Simon you’re a perfect case in point. Look how much we fun we’ve had since you revealed your country boy status.

5 02 2010
Simon

Exactly, helps with minor ribbing or consoling. Not quite sure which you are doing with me bit tis all good fun. By the way what did you do to Fiona, she seems none to keen on you, is it the tatts?

5 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. She’s simply the easiest target in a rather large field.

5 02 2010
shazza

So you’ve noticed how she follows me around the blog like a neglected toddler, trying to evoke attention. Pathetic isn’t it?

5 02 2010
James

That’s unemployment for you.

5 02 2010
Sam

Yes.

Any public statement made by yourself that goes into detail about how good you are, how much you own etc etc = bragging/boasting.

This is a difficult concept for many Australians (read Bogans) to grasp as it is ingrained into our culture as an acceptable thing to do. Bogans do not consider it to be bragging if it is in fact a true statement.

In more polite society it is widely considered distasteful to laud yourself. Ever heard the phrase “self praise is no praise”?

“What? Fuck off! I wasent braggin! I was tellin the truth!”

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/brag

5 02 2010
Tone

This is a paradox, as the whole NaB One-upmanship is incongruous with a disorder that is part of the all Bogan (NaB or otherwise) DNA: Tall Poppy Syndrome. So, in other words, one NaB builds himself up so the other one can smack him down again. That’s right up there with Self-Hating Jews in terms of – for want of a better phrase – sociological WTF.

5 02 2010
Indi

Are they like Self-Basting Turkeys?

5 02 2010
Tone

That’s probably a better analogy, Indi. This rings especially true for femme bogues, as thanks to the rise of the spray tan, they look like undernourished self-basting turkeys.

5 02 2010
Lee

I would have called it a vague description Sam, rather than boasting about how good I am or how much I own but if it makes you feel better about taking a cheap shot then bragging it is buddy!
Shazza, I don’t take it to heart. I am amused however that he/she/it singled me out for it though.

8 02 2010
Sam

Yes I am sure you go into much more detail about its value when talking about it with your mates.

Nothing personal Lee. I had to deal with a couple of friends recently who love to talk about their net worth after a few drinks…very tiresome.

It is an issue that needs to be addressed on this blog.

8 02 2010
Lee

Wow Sam, you really do know me inside and out, dont you

5 02 2010
brad

Sam please stop taking yourself so seriously you are of average intelligence at best and you are only embarrassing yourself by trying too play the clever cunt role,its not for you mate.

8 02 2010
Sam

Brad, you are doing a great job of playing the stupid cunt. I don’t know how you manage to keep up the act so well for so long. With your deliberate spelling mistakes and pretend pea-brained logic you are worthy of an award.

8 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. He’s up against some stiff competion: shazza and James Hunter.

8 02 2010
brad

no pretense just trying too enlighten some people on how it is,i do have spell-check now in case you have’nt noticed,im sure someone has (Fiona you are the bench mark for stupidity,i can never hope too reach such lofty heights)

8 02 2010
brad

looks like you had a real work-out today Fiona

8 02 2010
Sam

haha – no spell check is ever going too be able too cope with your grammar errors two.

While I am not a spelling or grammar Nazi, you should tone down your deliberate mistakes a bit mate. Anyone who writes that bad normally would struggle to open the fridge.

9 02 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And brad. You and James Hunter are the epitome of failed state provided education.

9 02 2010
brad

they didnt call my school terror tech for nuthin sweet-cheeks

8 02 2010
jamie

A mate of mine lives in Taylor’s Hill which is apparently somewhere near Caroline Springs. No trees and a rabbit warren of streets that require the skills of a rally driver to negotiate. Give me the 5 minute walk from my two bedroom unit in Surrey Hills any day.

The funniest thing though was asking my mate where the ‘Hill’ was that resulted in the estates name. :)

14 02 2010
James

Taylor’s Hill? I know Taylor’s Lakes is out there…actually, that’s probably another reason bogans live there, it’s close to Calder Park.

As much as I dislike bogans, the higher density of pretentious fuckwits (and bogans perusing the “great bars”) in the inner city makes the decision of where to live far from trivial. If I had the money I’d just go a bit further out than Boganville and keep everyone away, even if it means a decent-length (but smooth) drive to the nearest train station. When Boganville expands, sell up and retire somewhere further out again.

27 03 2010
pb

was out in western sydney today, past liverpool. absolute mcmansion central. there was one of those ‘estate’ places with some stupid name that, from what i could see, had maybe a dozen trees in total – around 10 palms, 3 firs, and that was it. such a horrible and depressing site.

23 05 2010
Sarah

Don’t forget to mention all of the cars on the front lawn due to the late teens, twenty-somethings and their pregnant girlfriends still living with their parents and the house taking up most of the block therefore no room for access to the backyard.

15 06 2010
#148 – Wii Fit « Things Bogans Like

[...] journey to the McDonalds drive through without having broken a sweat or leaving the confines of the McMansion’s lounge room, the bogan can then work on increasing their Facebook IQ score by exercising their [...]

21 11 2010
Rubble

My wife and I tried to find a builder a few years ago to build a 2 bedroom home as we have no children.

Smallest we could find then in melbourne 23 squares.

21 11 2010
Rubble

We are still renting!

23 01 2011
Jason Donovan

Seriously, I don’t think its just the bogans who are building and living in these “McMansions”. Its the trend these days. Personally, I don’t like it, I firmly believe the build quality was better in the past (circa 1890-1920). Nevertheless, it seems that like DP said, a lot of people who live in the inner or middle suburbs are upset that they bought a small, old home on a tiny block of land, for a higher price than a “McMansion” in the outer suburbs. When they realise that someone who lives in the outer suburbs live only roughly 10 minutes further away from the CBD, they see the folly of their actions and rather than moving into a big new home, they mock and riddicule the new home buyers.
My point is, everyone has different needs. A young couple, just married, cares about having lots of room for their family they are about to start. They care about schools, and they care about safety for their children. You will never get that in a trendy suburb such as St. Kilda, South Yarra, or Carlton. There are far too many undesirable types in that area and land prices there are completely outrageous, meaning that a 3BR home with a decent backyard for playing in will cost over $1.5M+ I’m certain Fiona will reach into her back pocket and pull out 3 $500,000 bills to prove me wrong, but young couples simply cannot afford that sort of cash. Buying a home in the outer suburbs, large enough to accomodate 3 kids, doesn’t make them bogans…

7 03 2013
Tash

Everything you’ve just said is everything I have been thinking while reading this post.

23 03 2011
Andrew

Here’s a new Gold Coast residential development, with an ad that talks directly to the bogan demographic… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9LBQZ3nxCU

31 08 2011
magicmuntm

Nouveau riche!

31 08 2011
magicmunt

Greenvale and Rowville are rife with MCmansions.

24 07 2012
Shoots first q later

Hey , I popped into the Vast store , and they had a heap of recycled and sustainable product and quite a few antiques so probably not consumption based as I first thought..so I retract my previous comment, actually pretty funky stuff.

24 05 2013
bailey

***Breeding box McMansions purchased with deposit of baby bonus*** > Fill house with cheap furniture such as recliner lounges and Cottage furniture mixed with ikea and feature walls, baby pictures, sports pictures and bed they have had for 30 years. > Wear work boots inside and walk on cream carpets. First stop vb beer when home. >Generally decorated by the “bogan woman” with hideous taste. >No repayments for 24 month Tv’s, jet ski’s..+ ute. ( replaced every year) > Park cars on front Turf and destroy gardens. Replace with all plants with yukka’s and Rocks. The Boans Ute is parked on lawn as other bogans can admire. >Devalue property by 100,000 just by moving in. Lose house in 2 years. Divorce and leave woman to bring up Bogan children. No child payment support from father.

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