#4 – No Deposit, No-Interest, No-Repayments for 18 Months!

20 10 2009

Maintaining an appropriately fashionable abode, with appropriately massive TV screen and appropriately loud home-theatre system is an expensive task, particularly for the bogan whose weekly income still relies on nightfilling at Woolies. Thankfully, the proprietors of equally massive retailers like Harvey Norman saw a hole in the market, and decided to fill it. So now, bogan dreams can be fulfilled, by getting FREE STUFF!

Buy Now Pay Later

The bogan equivalent of a bug-zapper.

That’s right, these kindly salespeople will let bogans walk into their store, pick out a 320cm LCD screen and carry it back to the Holden without paying a cent! Sure, you had to sign a couple of forms before they let you leave, but so what? Time to head home and watch Border Security in high-definition surround sound!

Of course, none of this takes into account the monthly fees that are mentioned in the fine print of the contract. None of this mentions the 35% monthly interest that the account accrues immediately upon missing one of these payments, or the 60% interest once the 18 months are up. And it certainly doesn’t include burly men arriving at your door at 3pm, menacingly playing with little Shayleigh and Jaxon, with the implication of kidnap and violence should the withheld funds fail to be procured.

Access to easy credit has been blamed for a lot of things of late, and the bogan’s love of free money lies at the heart of all of our economic woes. Subprime mortgages! No job? No Assets? No worries! Here’s $400,000 to buy a house on the Californian coast! Credit card bill catching up on you? That’s cool, here, have….another credit card!

Often, when confronted with thousands of dollars of debt, or a looming home repossession, an ordinary person would suck it up and change their spending habits. However, the bogan is wiser. Cannily placing a call to the producers of Today Tonight or A Current Affair, they manage to position themselves – on national television – as the innocent, only slightly naïve victims of malicious predators. The most skilled bogans will manage to turn the entire episode into a charitable fundraiser, as caring bogans everywhere pledge their financial support. Probably because they, too, remember the sting of Harvey Norman’s terms of finance.


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31 responses

27 10 2009
Clive Palmer

So true

It gives them the illusion of being able to have something they can never actually afford.

Same reason they put upwards of 4k of toys on no-deposit layby every year

31 10 2009
Meg

so very true. i have to do interest frees at work and its always the person who looks like they cant afford correct footwear thats wants to purchase the $4000 tv & playstation for ‘free.’

1 11 2009
Ptifanny

Mate, have you seen the Radio Rentals and Wizard car loan ads? You’d have to be a bogan to apply.

1 11 2009
cme

It was almost like you had thought of and written this yourself until you made use of “sub prime” and “Californian coast”.
I do enjoy your efforts but I think you aim to low with reference to night fill as the source of income – Here in the west bogan cash is made on the mines… what would that be “fortnightly fill” or maybe you could think (for yourself) of something better to call it.

1 11 2009
rustybeamish

Ye shan’t be finding our original content anywhere else. The subprime and California references are deliberately whimsical.

1 11 2009
Truthteller

Living beyond your means??

Isn’t that the catch cry of the eastern suburbs.

4 11 2009
Frazer

Perth or Sydney?

17 05 2011
Catching up

or those on incomes over $150,000 per year.

1 11 2009
Lee

I think the people you are referring to are the houso’s, the dole bludging scum. Not dissimilar to the Paxtons from years ago, a perfect example of Melbourne’s finest.
There is a difference.

2 11 2009
djm

ooh, “dole bludging scum” is a definite bogan catchphrase. Frequently used by those who complain about their 1st homebuyers/baby bonus/[insert middleclass welfare here] not being enough to support their lifestyles.

2 11 2009
Lee

really

3 11 2009
Chris

I have used this sort of service from time to time. If the monthly ‘fee’ equates to less, as a percentage, than I can get in the bank, I’ll take it, put aside the money to pay for it ( in a high yield bank account ) and make money off these predatory practices. But what I found interesting was, I spent $1000 once, a long time ago, on some software I needed immediately for work, and I was approved for $8,000. The sales guy didn’t seem to be spieling me, he seemed genuinely shocked that I was being offered to be given $8000 to spend, and wasn’t interested in taking the offer up.

4 11 2009
ColinJ

Probably because he’s used to these slack-jawed yokels coming in with little Raleisha, Bryalana-Mae and Colby-Jai and salivating at the prospect of ‘spending’ every cent they don’t have.

And that’s only because the male of the bogan family has already spent the baby bonus on a new dirt bike to roar around the streets on.

16 12 2010
Ali

Very good comment

4 11 2009
al

applications for credit should always be done over the phone. if the applicant uses “mate” or “cobber” too much, or they “fink” things, instead of “think”, then they should be automatically declined.

13 11 2009
HighSociety

The true colours of a bogan come out when they are declined this sort of finance. I use to work for the Evil Empire of retail finance. First they would use ‘mate’ to see if they could get buy in, when they still wouldn’t get it, they would get the ‘missus’ on the phone, who was hyped up and would claim they were being ‘discriminated against’, and when this suprisingly didn’t work, ‘hubby’ would take the phone a yell a ‘faggot’ and hang up.

Little did they know I was doing them a favour. How rude they could be as I wasn’t allowing them to watch their crap reality TV on a bigger screen.

29 04 2014
Boistm8

They do the same thing when trying to scam free pizza’s.
It must be the optimal line for socially manipulating uni students in a call center?

7 11 2009
Lee

Yer I fink yer right al

11 11 2009
Jodie

Now I know the secret. I’ve been wondering why all the bogans have HD LCD/Plasma TV’s when I can’t afford one – CREDIT!

29 11 2009
Right and proud.

Haha, reading this immediately made me think of Kevin Rudd’s $900 handout. ‘Get $900 to spend now- and then pay it all back later in new taxes!’ The bogan truly loves Rudd’s ‘free’ money.

28 12 2009
Mark

Real money people don’t spend their funds on the latest tecno. who are we to judge what a real bogan is because they want the latest and the greatest.

Should we expect bogans to sit around in their newly acquired country estates in their hand knitted cardigans and drink tea out of Royal Dalton tea cups. Or should they donate their newly acquired wealth (credit) to people less fortunate than themselves, I don’t think so.

We need to be taking a close look at the corporate giants who organise these purchases through their credit agencies. Its time we all supported small and medium businesses again. Did you know that the only people who bring us out of recession are small businesses, history tells us that

31 01 2010
Emma

I have taken advantage of these ‘no deposit no interest no repayments for 12 months’ deals. But I always have it payed off before any interest kicks in, so am I a bogan then?

31 01 2010
Belinda

I don’t think so Emma, I did that once too and paid it off in time and it was truly an interest free loan. I think the ‘true’ bogan will have little understanding that if one payment is missed or it not ALL paid, it will cop stupidly high interest for the whole loan.

It also would’ve considered this item/loan ‘free’ to some extent (I’ll be better off in 18 months to pay then they may placate themselves with, but never happens). Where as a ‘normal’ person would know to have it paid off in 18 months. The bogan will fall for the No Repayments part.

The whole deal in its title is an oxymoron, and we all know they go over certain people’s heads.

Nice try though Emma hehe.

31 01 2010
Belinda

** I have been known to use Cash Converters, I have some bogan tendencies going on there that make me no better I will admit. Oh and Radio Rentals, oh yucky when you’re on those roads.

23 03 2010
SarahJane

I have never bought anything with this so called interest free….. But, I make use of layby… is that a bogan trait? I may be on a low income, but at least with layby I am not taking the produc without having paid for it, and once I HAVE paid for it, I own it outright, no contract involved… Oh how I love layby!

7 12 2010
Paul Bogan

You get a pass here SarahJane. You’re not taking the item until you’ve paid for it, which is a concept that sails over the heads of every bogan.

12 04 2010
Ashley

I work in the Credit Card Collections Department for the NAB and the amount of Bogans we call that say “Feck your interest its robbery, I ain’t paying that whatcha gonna do to make me” and the best one “Where do you get off wif all your fees and stuff I never signed up for that”. When they make statements like that i really fel like sayind next time reaad your credit card contract you giant douche!

24 11 2010
Aimee

I was bought up never to spend money on anything I couldn’t pay for outright, I still live by this rule.

My bf is the epitome of a bogan, ‘more is more’ in his eyes, even when he can’t pay for it, he goes into debt. He always has to have the latest, biggest, best everything!

And that is why him, and his family are POOR, they don’t know how to save and go without, so they will always be working class living out in the stix with their big plasma tv.

My family on the other hand are very wealthy, through hard work, they saved, they could think to the future, it wasn’t all ‘I want it, I want it NOW, Ill have it NOW’. They had patience and a very good work ethic.

But the worst thing is the VICTIM mentality of the bogan, they complain they are poor and can’t afford their own home, have nothing to pass onto their kids, and so the cycle continues, boganism and victim mentality. Now not ALL bogans are like that but a lot of them are.

5 01 2011
James Hunter

looks like Hardley Normal is copping some pay back ? Not enough but still anything would be good

19 04 2011
Phil S

And, along with the “Equity, Maate!” and now falling house prices in most of Australia (don’t worry, even the “more desireable suburbs” will catch up), the economic future of the “Nation that dodged the GFC” is not looking rosy at all. Wonder how the “Nouveau Indebted” will cope in these changing times??

26 04 2011
Mick

At first they will look towards the government for a handout. Once they realise the hand extended to them is actually austerity measures designed to take handouts back, there will be outrage. Bogan outrage. ACA and Today Tonight will follow. Lots of talk about ‘Battlers’.

Then comes the quick sales of bikes, jetskis, chevodores and boats in a last ditch attempt to keep the LCD gorged McMansion. This is when the political glassings will start, because it’s un-Australian not to be able to afford the necessities of life.

Finally, the day comes. They cannot afford the McMansion anymore. It’s all good. They’ll whack it on the market, sell it in two days, pocket the cash and Bob’s your uncle. However, 1.7 million fellow bogans have had the same idea. There is nowhere to go. Their humble abode with pool, sauna, Bali theme outdoor area, grand sitting room and four car garage is now worth roughly half of what they paid for it.

Phil, after that I don’t know what happens. Those who have done the right thing and avoided stupid amounts of debt over the last ten years are going to suffer as well as the bogan, but not as badly. We’re gonna pay for their greed and stupidity but not as much as they will.

Knowing the bogan, it will probably blame those who have done the right thing. It’ll be our fault for not spending. Saving is for losers, selfish sods we are.

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