#47 – “Fuck Off, We’re Full” Stickers

14 12 2009

The Bogan loves its car, and the Bogan loves putting bumper stickers on its car. A sentiment that has been distilled into a few short words appeals to the Bogan’s belief that the universal order is fundamentally simple to grasp, which is convenient since its past experiences of thinking about things too hard have proven frustrating and ultimately unrewarding. Perhaps this explains why the Bogan can sustain the conviction that Australia’s landmass of 7,617,930 square kilometres cannot physically accommodate any more than its current population of just over 22 million people.

This idea is perplexing, but the Bogan appears to believe it firmly enough to plaster it on the back of its beloved car. Believing Australia is fatally overcrowded, one does wonder why the Bogan pumped out three kids in the last two and half years, and this is yet another example of the kind of fascinating contradictions constantly thrown up by the phenomenon of Boganism.

At the risk of doing TBL readers’ work for them, the sticker makes a lot more sense when you look at it this way: Australia is not ‘full’ as far as the Bogan’s own kind is concerned – the message is intended for foreign immigrants, particularly asylum seekers. The Bogan is not racist, but believes that immigrants (only the brown ones, of course,) don’t ‘assimilate’, by which it means they don’t become Bogans. Naturally, the Bogan has never actually met a refugee before, and bases this opinion solely on something Aaron was saying in between mouthfuls of beef and black bean the other night. One of the most illustrative insights into the Bogan’s confounding pathology is that the Bogan claims to like each and every brown person it has ever chanced to meet, yet continues to maintain the opinion that every single other brown person is some kind of hybrid of Osama Bin Laden and Idi Amin.

To its marginal credit, and despite the fact that the Bogan drives about with a racist statement on the back of its car, a true Bogan is unlikely to be a member of an active white supremacist hate group. That would mean straying too far outside of the warm, cradling mainstream, and besides, their meetings clash with Two And a Half Men. Also to its credit is the accurate grammar and syntax of the printed sentiment.

No, the “Fuck Off, We’re Full” sticker is racism-as-automotive-adornment, a nod and a wink to other racist Bogans – “yes, I’m a racist too, it’s OK, you belong. Now please admire my sick rims”.

*UPDATE*

There have been some expressions of doubt that these exist. Doubt no longer.





#6 – Prefacing Racist Statements With ‘I’m not racist but…’

21 10 2009

The new bogan is a beacon of tolerance. This comes from the brief association with a person from a different country/race/religion at the local Thai or Chinese take away, the ostracised work colleague, or the evening spent on the Woodies with a mate’s girlfriend’s friend’s Asian friend. Thus, in the event of a discussion relating to racism, aboriginals or Asian drivers, the bogan is all knowing.

Each statement typically begins with an honest admission such as:

I’m not racist….. but those Abos really have it too good, the bastards

Or:

‘I’m not racist…but those fucking curries should quit whining. Seriously a couple of them get bashed and you’d think it was the end of the world.’

Or the more authoritative, and ever popular:

‘One of my best mates is Asian, so I’m allowed to say they STINK. They really do, even in Bali and Bangkok. And they can’t drive. It’s like genetics or something.’

Chick Chick BoomThis form of disclaimer can be extended beyond occasional interactions with foreigners, and many bogans will actively carry, wear or enact visible or tangible evidence of their god-given right to besmirch those who differ from them. Common examples include Buddhist iconography – in the form of home furnishings, or the more portable keychain – t-shirts with foreign languages, or tattoos with bad translations of common phrases in other languages.

By proudly displaying in this fashion, the bogan carries a semi-permanent signifier that, when they ruthlessly and unnecessarily characterise an entire billion-strong ethnic group on the basis of a tired stereotype, they do it from a position of understanding and empathy.