The bogan likes having someone else to blame. This is the default strategy for mitigating its inability to manage its own behaviour. Celebrities have also worked out some time ago that they can be excused from blame in this manner. So in an attempt to more effectively adopt the morally bankrupt ethos of Two and a Half Men, the bogan seeks to bed as many massive canned blondes as possible. A maxtreme sex life is the only sex life a bogan could want. And like Charlie Sheen himself, the bogan is pleased to be able to blame this sexual compulsivity on a credible-sounding quasi-medical phenomenon – sex addiction. While the bogan may not be sufficiently equipped to ponder the troubled epidemiology of addiction, the bogan knows that sex addiction offers a convenient justification for its seedy promiscuity. After all, the next (il)logical step from its love for spurious allergies is the love for spurious and clinically dubious compulsions. Sex addiction is definitely the bogan’s favourite fake addiction. After all, it is the faux addiction du jour in the celebrity world.
While the bogan may feign outrage at the prospect of an immensely beddable, world-famous, thirty-something-billionaire-celebrity cheating on their partner, it will proceed to forgive them and realise that it also suffers from the same crippling condition. So when it finds itself repeatedly self-administering the stranger one Friday night, it does so safe in the knowledge that it shares the same ailment that allowed Tiger Woods to cheat on his wife. The endless and mysterious quest for ‘tapping that’ is finally a medical condition, much like leprosy or gout. And the bogan is well and truly afflicted.
Successful marketers are quick to milk the potential of a bogan/celebrity crossover, and have previously seen good returns from selling elaborate ‘cures’ for the bogan’s fictional conditions. Upon learning that David Duchovny’s raging sex drive was quelled by a self-help book, the bogan will happily drop $49.99 for a copy of Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, and wishes it too could sign up for a $60,000, six-week treatment program somewhere in California, simultaneously being titillated by tales of infidelity featuring Hollywood’s hottest and horniest. Alas, this is but a dream, and the bogan is destined to continue suffering under its crippling sex addiction. It must go on sharing its parlour of boganic pleasure with as wide a range of sexual desperados as it can lure home from suitable glassing barns.
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Good to see The Stranger pulled out of the cupboard.
Yes, and in the immortal words of Andrew Dice Clay:
“..and then ya lay on da other arm, and pretend ya have a twin sister playin’ wid ya ball bag at the same time!”
Which reminds me, in a most timely manner, that post #248 is only twelve away from now! And those of us well-seanoned to TBL know what #124 is code for.
Which leads me to another sexually-related fantasy the dear bogan male would love to participate in: double penetration (DP for short). Odds on that any given one of them would have that on their “to do” list is very likely…imagine the stories they could regale if they could tell their mates at the pub about the fine spit roast or Dutch sandwich that they indulged in the previous Saturday night: bragging rights for weeks and they’ll milk it for all it’s worth, even if it was a turgid affair with some equally-dim swamp donkey they met at the local bogan beer barn, or with some paid company, blowing a week’s pay on the whole sordid episode.
Double the rancid salted pork here, so it think that’d merit as a topic on the forthcumming 248th post.
You will note that sexual addiction is only a valid excuse for the male bogan?
The femm-bogue doing the same thing remains a slut….
Women who sleep around are applauded for being “liberated” and don’t need to invent a medical condition to defend themselves.
No, that’s among libtards. Femme-bogues who sleep around are still tagged as sluts by their male and female counterparts alike.
we will rely for veracity on your closer ,more relavant experience
Too right.
It’s also a handy backup excuse for “I can now reveal my secret struggle with bipolar disease”
Nothing cures “sex addiction” like the withdrawal of income.
So true Glass ’em all. Tiger, Charlie and cohorts would not have nearly as much female company were it not for the dollars attached to their names.
Yep, they would be just like the rest of us, no chance to develop the addiction.
Yeah I wish I had the money to afford a lot of women. But then again most of the ones that Tiger and Charlie banged were pretty skanky. Not their proper wives, the ones they had their flings with.
I did find Charlie’s choices quite strange. To me, they seemed very plain and almost catatonic. Perhaps he likes them docile and submissive. Maybe they were just drug stuffed? Who knows? Tiger’s women at least had some fire about them.
Tigers women are all grounded
Oh, James Hunter, while
Tiger may well be grounded, please spare one and all any breathy reminisces of your Earthly pleasures. At least until
after the dinner gong has sounded.
Hence why it is only the athletic variety of bogan with an (insert sporting body here) contract who achieves “sexual addiction”
someone who exists in all four parts of the cycle simultaneously is called a Pete ?
If a celeb has sex and the details are not published did it really happen?
What is the sound of one hand…………
Dude! Go easy.
Simon, At least he wont get “The Clap ”
!
Kapow!
:-)
I love you guys. HAHA!
Hello Pinky!
Always a pleasure to hear from you, how you going? Holidays, I take it. Hope you’re keeping well, looking forward to your insights and views.
Baggy! Uni is indeed on semester break & I have almost caught up on all the intrawebz sites I usually stalk.
This one made me chuckle and cry a little inside. Every time the Bogan picks a new mental health issue to suffer, people with real mental health problems are scorned. Sex Addiction is a problem for some. It’s in the DSM-IV and every thing!! I wonder should I email them and ask that in the DSM-V they could add: “Sex Addiction By Proxy” :o)
Pinkster,
If its the same Proxy that I knew she sure was addicted !!
Masterbation is not a purely human trait. I have seen dogs do it and pigs and bulls. I understand that monkeys do it and we all know that birds and chicks do it. so it is almost certainly a universal thing. wonder about aliens ?
birds and chicks?
AlyssaKT, could not help myself , just a trhow away line to see who actually reads me.
LOL One of the reason’s I read your posts is to see if you drop a random word or line… Fun! Fun!
It seems the higher up the evolutionary scale we go it gets worse; have you ever seen Bonobos in action? Our closest cousins in the animal world. Come to think of it even they are more civilised than the average bogan.
Is it bogan to reference south park?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1615374/
Hope not. It was a funny episode.
South Park is certainly not Bogan, unlike The Simpsons…..
Is it fishing Friday again?
Maybe… but The Simpsons are loved by bogans.
…Albeit all for the wrong reasons.
Nothing wrong at all with the subversive humour swishing about in those shows, which is nearly heaving with. But they’d want to model themselves on Homer or Bart, with their attendant boganic traits, all the satire otherwise wasted on them and much of the Channel Ton of Rubbish viewer demographic.
Panda,
Speaking of fishing ; be afraid, be very afraid. Pete Babe has nicked his mums ipad and is on the sites as “culturalarmament”
Very apropo as I for one am arming myself against his kulture.
Oh, James Hunter, it’s an iPhone, pops! My mother – God love that saintly woman – is as technically challenged as you are language challenged.
Oh, James Hunter, it’s an iPod you mediocre mental misfit. Also you sententious sloth, regardless of your armament you’re still shooting blanks.
Pete Babe ,
I am so impressed. Two examples of consonal alliteration AND an eleven letter word all in the same posting.
Well done and a Koala stamp to show your mum.
Consonal alliteration?? It’s called assonance!
olly,
go straight to the podium !
or possibly assinince….
here.
assinmince?
as in Mince.
yes.
as in Rissole
Go on, say “You calamitous collection of buckets and bolts”. I would laugh until I stop.
Edward ,
Not bad , but even more alliteration is needed. Pete Babe is realy into Alliteration. I suspect he just learned about it and is impressing the underclasses with what he believes are his literay skills.
Banality realy goes down well with him too . It makes him feel right at home.
I like his work because I always get such a laugh from it .Rember him too if ever you are feeling down, it could be way worse.
Oh, James Hunter, ‘you suspect’ ? Don’t attempt to attribute dignity to your deluded thinking.
Surely you ment “dignity with your’
Pete Dweeb
You still haven’t come up with anything new. It’s the same bullsh!t over and over . Urgh. How Droll.
Hang on – don’t you live in Brisbane? Ah, that’d explain things…
Oh, the pain.
“The Mohmedans don’t come ’round here
wavin’ bells at us! We don’t get Buddhists playing bagpipes in our bathroom! Or Hindus harmonizing in the hall! The Shintoists don’t come here shattering sheet glass in the shithouse, shouting slogans-“
All right. all right…
don’t practice your alliteration on me.
Petey,
Which is it? iPhone or iPod? You claim both, sounds like YOU are technically challenged too if you don’;t know what device is in your hand.
Of course, we have our suspicions as to the contents of said hand….. (it’s NOT an iDevice!)
I love how you just don’t get it. You were born in Queensland; eh?
Petey,
Nope, wrong AGAIN….
How did I go Panda
You shooda brought a bigger boat.
1
Flung into a Barbed Wire Fence Simon.
you Do Not Want! that in your life.
That has got to hurt. And then he gets back on the bike and finishes! Those guys are tough. Would you get back on the Shogun Caek after hitting a barb wire fence at 45 km/h? Not me.
In the words of Lana Kane, “Nooope!”
thirty odd stitches? or was it 300?
what the hell do they get for doing this simon?
apart from the obvious reduced longevity.
You can buy those yellow shirts like, heaps of places.
I see on the Isle of Man they have found a faster way to race bicycles. Nice outfits too.
A man in brisbane says he will sell me a tiny motor for the Shogun I could go to the manx races and then tool on over and do Le Tour.
but once everyone sees I’ve got a motor, they’ll probably all get one.
and then it wouldn’t be the same.
and how about Cadel eh?
His jaw is clearly on drugs.
Got a bit of Roger Ramjet with the jaw huh. Jonnie Hogerland (the dude in the fence) got a message from Chuck Norris saying “Man you’re tough”. High praise indeed.
Did you know they x-ray the bikes coz there was a rumour these motors were being used, so you won’t get away with it Moar! Nice idea though
Simon,
Here’s a clip you & Moar should enjoy….it’s AWESOME!
TBL # 339 – Misquoting Movie Lines :-(
Tis one of my favourite quotes, we forgive you Panda.
Well colour me yellow and call me Bogan…
The Simpsons in their earlier seasons did lots of bogan things only to reposition themselves gradually. They began to observe bogan/white/trailer-trash behaviour rather than participate fully in it. For example, in earlier seasons they went to monster truck rallies etc but it didn’t take long for Cleetus the slack-jawed yokel to be introduced and for he and Nelson to take the brunt of the real trailer-trash jokes.
The Simpson family doesn’t engage in mindless consumerism, and when they have done so it’s been short-lived as part of a social commentary (think about when Bart got a credit card using his dog’s name). So the Simpsons themselves are middle-class, but not bogan.
Is quoting the Simpsons bogan? Largely that bandwagon has been jumped off (why quote the Simpsons when you can quote Charlie Sheen?)
So I say; Simpsons = not bogan, even if it was for a time.
Happy to hear to the contrary…
I found it was mostly idiots who liked it when it first became popular. It gave them something easy and regular to laugh at. Like “doh” and “mmmm beer”. In my opinion The Simpsons has a lot of smart satire but not enough to reclaim it from the domain of the bogans.
Martin,
I dont mind the Simpsons although the humour and satire are a bit USA centric for my taste.
Unhappilyt when the Poms left the USA they took their sense of humour with them.
The other thing is so much of The Simpsons (and South Park) is related to USA current affairs. As formost cultural imperialists pity they have not discovered the rest of the world is more then just munitions targets
The US has done a tonne of great comedy, and unlike the Brits they do more than a pissy 6 episodes per series.
I think it’s safe to say the Brits invented it all though.
I’d suggest the Poms only doing six episodes per series is an indicator that they know that comedy works best when you don’t try to stretch an idea past it’s use by date.
The crudly switch it on (at full volume) switch it of (instantly) canned laughter that the yanks seem adicted to realy annoys me.
Agreed James,
Plus American humour seems to consist mainly of put-downs. I much prefer my humour to be witty &/or clever.
….Good news week, (ABC days), was good value, as is a lot of Aussie comedy.
Very tongue in cheek.
There was a period when British televised comedy was customarily produced with a jarring laugh track. Those shows have been repeated ad nauseum on several Australian television networks. Fortunately the practise seems to have ceased now.
We probably associate it with American entertainment because of the continued use by situational comedies there well into the 1980’s (and probably the 1990’s too).
Oh, James Hunter, you’ve got both hands on it! The Americans make the best television you ignominious ignoramus.
PeteBabe,
Jolly well done again. Another alliteration example but with vowels for contrast. Oh and yet another eleven letter word..Take a stick on gold star to go with the koala stamp. Your mum will be so chuffed.
So sorry to challange your illusions but the USA generally make TV and Movie Shit for ednecks , Bogans and teenagers with undeveloped literary or artistis tastes.
Guess that explains why you like it ?
Oh, James Hunter, you’re not much but you’re all you ever think about. Personal taste is hardly illusory. Although the taste of others may, in the case of developmentally retarded, intellectually impaired or emotionally stunted folk, remain merely a concept. I guess that explains why you can’t grasp it.
or in the case of your taste– something to be avoided
Oh James Hunter, I suspect you’re simply (and simple!) one of those poor unfortunates whose ignorance of America is based on preconceived circuitous thinking established and developed during your hippy era. You old fashioned schmendrik! Europe and the UK are not so hot. And I travelled far and wide over the Old World before forming this opinion. You on the other hand consider a trip to Sydney (about 2 hours as the crow flies) from Lower Dogpatch something to crow about.
Oh, James Hunter, and you have not discovered any world outside that of the unusually small world of Lower Dogpatch. Where culture means asking for a knife and fork with a take-away pie.
I’ve known bogans who love The Simpsons. But they appreciate The Simpsons on a far more superficial level than others.
To the bogan Simpsons fan, The Simpsons is merely slapstick, caricature, a few signature lines and perhaps a bit of derring-do.
To other Simpsons aficionados, The Simpsons is all the above plus Horatian satire, political commentary, a sociological treatise, a morality play and an excellent example of how simplistic animation can be used to render vivid, believeable scenes (though of course, it’s seldom all these things to the one fan).
The Simpsons can be taken on however deep level you want. Even the Archbishop of Canterbury loves it for its moral ethos.
Bogans don’t like The Simpsons. Bogans need a laugh track to tell them when somethings funny.
Exactly. Just because something is popular doesn’t make it bogan.
Gea,
Interesting thought.
How many things can you list that are realy popular that are not Bogan ?
I can’t even get the list started !
Single malt whisky
Chick Corea
Vivaldi
Stephen Fry
Anime
Popular Penguins
Cooper’s Pale Ale
Tony Windsor
No they have taken up Coopers Pail Ale unfortunately. They have even come up with some silly process of “rolling” it; basically stirring up the yeast in the bottom.
Pale ale. sorry I have dyslexia and spell-check is sometimes not very friendly.
Don’t worry, it’s just a passing phase for those bogans who want to appear spohistimicated ‘n’ sh¡t; before long, they’ll retreat to the comfort of their RTDs and taste-free beers, leaving the rest of us who appreciate the finer things back to enjoying Pale Ale without being labelled as bogans.
Bogans have taken up Cooper’s Pale Ale? Excuse me, just one minute ….
(runs outside and down the street screaming)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Aaargh … boohoo … boooboooobooohooohooohooo … (bangs head against telegraph pole)
There. I’m back now. I feel better.
Now, if the bogan loves Cooper’s, how long will it take for the bogan to realise that there are some quite decent German pilseners out there – Radeberger, Bitburger, Öttinger (okay, Öttinger is not decent – but still better than the swill our major breweries insist on literally ramming down our throats) – which don’t have yeast floating at the bottom, and which are very well priced at the bottlos owned by Australia’s supermarket duopoloy?
I hope they never find out. They probably won’t. Them noble hops taste too strong an’ shit.
Urban,
No pole head banging in Coopers territory.
Stobie poles are very unforgiving,but very good for Bogan banging and chevradore remodeling
Urban, Stobie poles also very good for punishing “Lycra Lollies”
There, there, urban, don’t be crying into your beer now, it’s like I said, just a passing phase.
All the bogans will then realise at the end of the day that nothing beats a cold TED, or a massive Woody can or a Bacardi Breezer…(BO’T gives a big hug to urban, while he resumes drinking a well-chilled Coopers Green to drown his sorrows)
Smetana
ABC news 24
QI
Me
Travelling further than Bali
Really good wine
European bikes
Books not written by Dan Brown
Cardio fitness
Water
Lists
“Water”, Bogans hate plain ordinary water. Probebly the most popular thing on the planet but bogans wont touch it.
european cars
Oh, James Hunter, in the case of your car: Eastern European made.
OK ,
so pete Dweeb failed Geography. So ?
So lets all hang it on him!
:-D
At least he’s not being singled out & having slanderous abuse & personal insults hurled at him on a post for post basis…..
That would be the LOWEST of acts!
Vviv2
Yep,lower then worm poo.
Nothing wrong with Most European cars.
Many marques in fact have manufacturing facilities over in countries in the former Eastern Bloc such as the Czech republic, Poland and Hungary…in the case of the latter nation, some of the more upscale Audis are assembled there, such as the TT small sports cars and the behemoth Q7 SUV.
In fact, I’d suggest that the factories in those countries would be all-new from the ground up, benefitting from the latest tooling technology from Germany, Italy and France, coupled with a willing workforce in those transformed economies, which would ensure that they met their parent companies’ high standards…so far, very few can tell the difference in perceived quality, if there’s any variation to speak of at all.
The only offshore assembly country where the quality is degraded would be the USA, where some BMW and Mercedes-Benz SUVs are made: there are discernible sacrifices in quality compared to those made in their German facilities. Even the Volkswagens made in Mexico (i.e. Jetta, New Beetle) make a mockery of the quality of the supposedly-superior marques emanating North of the Border.
Keep on truckin’ with your French Citröen oiler, James :) And I’m sure Simon will testify to this with his Škoda too.
Word B.
Oh, James Hunter, a Citröen! The mere mention of which produces an extended hiss. Pretty impressive considering the word doesn’t have one s. I can just see you driving around Dogpatch (Lower): Black beret, some coolsie/hipster retro clobber choking your outsized frame, a mangy, malnourished and mistreated dog beside you. A more ghastly sight I can’t imagine.
You ‘suggest’ ? Well let me tell you that the production lines of all the car assembly facilities you’ve vaguely identified still suck up a shedload of coal in their output. A good comparison would be the type of hipster domicile you rubes eagerly seek out: a house full of coolsies having 30 min showers with an electric hot water service and using fan heaters to heat every room of the house whilst the doors are open.
Petey,
Are you going driving with James?
Don’t be afraid…. You may be a mangy mongrel, but I’m sure he won’t mistreat you!
#QandA
books
original content
Stephen Hawking
TBL
Frisky Dingo
Archer
Titan Maximum
The Venture Brothers
EL Super Beasto
Metalocalypse
Dressing tastefully.
Music that is good that isn’t cheesy pop or hard rock.
Being successful via hard work, talent and playing it straight.
Grace.
style
tact
decorum
Critical thinking
Belgian Beer
originality
chess
not glassin kaaannts
The untimely death of News of the World.
168 years young! Almost as youthful as Rupert himself and twice as virile. A twenty-one celebrity-erection salute to you, you beacon of truth, justice, and celebrity erections! Vale. We hardly knew ye.
The News of the Screws down, the Daily Beast to go.
Exactly – I am a terribly elitist anti-bogan snob but I still love watching Collingwood. I just pretend the bogans aren’t there,
19th,
Collingwood ARE bogans! :-D
I loathe all football, so I’m really not just picking on Collingwood….99.9% of footballers are bogan!
Correction.
All footballers are bogan. All football supporters are bogan.
nope southpark is inbetween i reckon, some bogans love it unlike flight of the concords and the peep show which are just too subtle for the average moronic bogan to find funny. simpsons however is bogan gold
#1
Bogans like it so they can laugh at “Carl’s Mum’s a bitch” and how Kenny dies at the end of every episode.
Libtard bogans like it so they can say “they took our jobs”.
Who’s Carl Martin? Ya farkin idiot.
F$ck you Simon. It’s Kyle then.
Simon and Martin
Now now dont call each other names.
We have a reciprocal arrangement with Pete Babe for that.
Oh, James Hunter, he drives a European car, wears blue eye-shadow, is seriously unfit and repulsively overweight, lacks even the most rudimentary sartorial elegance or ability for personal grooming and style… The list, pops is endless. And as for your fascination with Europe: my mother’s heritage is Italian. Her family fled Trieste during the so-called “Italianization” of that country. I actually know something about Italian culture aside from the usual (and usually quite wrong) ideas that bog standard Anglo oiks like you roll-out at any given opportunity in an effort to make yourself unique, exceptional and superior to the pack. Keep trying, tryhard. Remember, you live in Dogpatch and have severe grave emotional and mental disorders. On second thoughts, better try sitting down, hayseed.
Bhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaa.!
Oh, James Hunter, it’s BA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-etc-etc. It’s not hard – three words, by the way, that I’m sure you hear all the time…
Pete Babe,
Mega Fail
It is only two words
learn to count It is
Ba and ha .. Two , got it.
Oh Petey,
James has many redeeming qualities,among them humour & the ability to enjoy life, obviously you don’t.
If you are SO superior to everyone else, what are you doing wasting your talents here?
There must be all sorts of useful things you could be doing….Leading a small third world country perhaps? I’m sure you would impress them no end!
We certainly wouldn’t miss your nasty, sarcastic sneers.
We get the message, you wish to be him- you can’t be, so you try to drag him down.
You really are a waste of oxygen aren’t you?
Vviv2
Maybe the Government will put him out of business with the carbon tax ?
James
He certainly generates a lot of nausea!
Think they’ll ever have a tax on self-opinionated little dweebs?
On second thoughts, scratch that….They’d hardly tax themselves!
Vviv2
Dweeb, loverly word so descriptiveand evocative of all that he portrays.
Maybe I will start to calling him Pete Dweeb instead of Pete Babe ? Thanks for that.
Too true the Government are the root cause of descriptors like dweebe. Just look at the class acts some of the members put on. Urgh.
Oh, James Hunter, if the Government puts me out of business bang goes your fortnightly stipend!
Oh, James Hunter, the three words I was referring to are the same three which you all your literary groupies failed to detect: ‘it’s not hard’. I meant, originally, that creating a BA-HA-style of reply to indicate laughter wasn’t hard. Providing one knows what they’re doing. Subsequently however, I applied the words in a way that you, I suspect, hear frequently. mis en scene: The bedroom – La Casa Hunter, where James Hunter during one of his bi-yearly amorous urges fails to rise to the occasion. Cue, Mrs James Hunter. Got it, pops?
Ah Pete, you are a f*ckwit.
Simon,
I am not so sure after his latest contributions to the world of literature that he is as far up the evolutionary chain as F*ckwit
dey tirrrkk errrr JERRRBBSS!!
Durka Durrrr!
That’s the correct pronunciation, I believe.
Now c’mon Peter Thornton and James Hunter, continue that original Odd Couple-esque rivalry you’ve got going and entertain us! Sports have wound up for the weekend and I wanna see some niggle…
Let’s kick things off:
Oh, James Hunter, you clumsily clattering contraption of calamitous calcium-deficient chlamydia-ridden cock-gobbling clam-guzzling cum-wittery…
What, too lewd?
Can’t fault it for alliteration…
Kelly,
Excellent ,fare better then Pete Dweeb would cum up with, mind you any one with the KKK moniker should be on the ball as it were with alliteration ?
Clearly the Concatenations of our Celebrated Coeliac Commissar of Cruel Canine Colon Coitus and Chairman of the Cabal of Curmudgeonly Characters and Cabbage Cookers Couldn’t Come Close to Causing any Considerable Consternation for Our Coloured Chum.
So I Concur – Continue.
Collingwood.
This is odd…I’m currently reading a Stephen Fry book where every chapter starts with ‘C’.
Is moar caek really Stephen Fry?
Moer,
That was realy a 9,9,9,9,9 except the Collingswood bit ! Otherwise maybe a brace of tens !!
haha nice one, apparently charlie sheen has been kicked out and replaced by ashton kutcher in the show. i overheard some bogan gossip at work. cant believe they are still churning out eps, its all the same really. he sleeps with more ladies, lame laugh background track while his brother tries his best to look stupid and tragic. pathetic!
And, now it’s time to catch up on the latest episode of …
THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!
How will the hostage crisis at the MP’s office end? How will the police lure Bogue out? Will they even lure him out at all? You can find the answers to all this – and more – by clicking here:
http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/07/08/episode-25-the-tethers-end-part-2/
Thanks Urban. KFC had to be good for something.
I reckon Urban is Mathew Reilly.
Matthew Reilly? For the love of Dog!
urban, want me to glass him?
*slams door of panic room*
Speaking of glassing, did the rest of you nerds see this?
http://www.couriermail.com.au/entertainment/karen-gillan-who-plays-amy-pond-in-doctor-who-found-naked-and-whimpering-in-hotel-corridor/story-e6freq7f-1226083246481
Those bastards who didn’t assist our Amy need a damn good handle in the face.
I thought Ash was to blame.
Oh yeah. The whimpering? It was out of sheer ecstasy.
Yeah I noted this Mick and was pissed I was not at said hotel! I could have been very helpful.
Besides being used as firelighters?
Believe it or not, it works very well….burns for ages! :-P
I’m waiting to see if the police rugby tackled bogue before he made it to the KFC!
Not.
Today I saw the personalised plate “BOG4N”…..sob……whimper
Personalised number plates are in themselves rather boganic, albeit less so than no plates.
that’s a whole new realm of self-aware bogan.
….
Oh, James Hunter, as Barnsie said: “there ain’t no second prize”
Petey,
You listen to Barnsie?
How very bogan of you…..
You sir ARE a Phukwit!
I still love how you just don’t get it.
Petey,
You’re right, I don’t ‘get’ it!
How can I without having a warped mind like yours?
Thankfully, my life revolves around many other things & I don’t feel the need to maliciously attack someone for being that which I fear to be…..
Pinkster,
Great to see you back again.
FYI “Culturalarmament” is Pete ‘s Psudonym that he uses on his Ipad.
Oh, James Hunter. iPhone, pops!
You sure of that Petey?
It was an iPod yesterday……
Yes! I am sure it’s an iPod.
culturalarmament (16:13:09) :
Oh, James Hunter. iPhone, pops!
????????
You really don’t know do you Petey?
Vviv2,
I suspect he’s been on the M&Ms
You know:
Metho & Methodone
?
Sudden with drawal can see the flame go out.
Oh, James Hunter, both you and that cretin above named Vviv2 share the exact same method of defence. I guess it’s a style of flimsy armour you developed over the long suffering years of torment you no doubt received at the hands of right thinking people like myself. Basically, it goes like this. A witless echo spat back at your tormentors using their jokes and in most cases their exact words. Bravo, pops! Finally, it would be great if you could tell me how you felt about being, for this snapshot of history, the face of Bogan Simpleton 2011. Do you feel honoured, insulted, amused, bashful, or something else?
And so ends another chapter of the Things Bogans Like.
Not quite a cretin Petey,
I KNOW the difference between an iPhone & an iPod….the witless echo is yours alone, as was the original dual claim.
“you just don’t get it” What a sterling comeback!
Just remember you started the nitpicking, & you continue it. I’d be more than happy to see you retire from being a nuff nuff, & start using that brain of yours (yes, I DO think you have one!),for something constructive…..
Vviv2,
Look to the bright side. If it is on this site beying what ever it is then it is not out on the streets scaring old ladies and young children..
Wont go on for ever.The half life of an M&M addict is very short. A fair number enjoy self immolation from trying to consume M&M whilst smoking. Boy do they. ! end up smoldering too.maybe we will be able to se it on Utube ?
James,
Too true, but what a waste of a young life! He could be doing something useful, like picking the lint out of his navel… :-D
Oh, James Hunter, M&Ms? I only eat the finest chocolate from Belgium. And by the way, ’round here your opinion and irrelevance should be read and considered by all as an unwanted cautionary tale. Just because you’ve decided to become the arbiter of taste and you and your online pals hype and circle jerk with each other over how much you love each others hyped words because you all use shitful references to make yourself look good and relevant that doesn’t mean you are any good and no matter how much you talk each other up maybe you’ll never be any good. Maybe you’ll just continue writing horribly long run on sentences like this post and maybe you’ll continue the mistaken belief that one day you’ll command audiences from far’n’wide (or Lower Dogpatch “city” limits). Maybe, James Hunter. Oh, but I doubt it.
You are a horrible c#nt Pete, really.
He bores the living shit out of me. I’ve seen better trolls under bridges. How are you handsome?
Hi Pinky, Im not going too bad thanks managed to survive my 14th magor sinus surgery. an” overnight job” took six days to stop bleeding ! They stoped it with an inflatable splint and kept it tight enough for long enough I ended up with pressure necrosis what looked like all the way to the otherside of the moon !
Still alls good trhat ends good.
As for that boor of a boar maybe he should be bored ! (and reamed). !
I will take your advise on the underneath of bridges but I guess they should be a suitable locale for lurking trolls.
You have a good one.
love you love your work !
the old fat fella !
Oh, James Hunter, get off your backside and, instead of the highly processed, fat and sugar laden grub you gorge yourself with try eating proper food. Lay off the fizzy drinks, beer and distilled spirits and you too can be healthy. It’s not hard!
When is the next TBL entry. You’re not going to quit on something as gross as sex addiction are you?
C’mooooon!
You still haven’t done 4WDs yet. Or is that in the book?
Fckn oath Martin, whats bloody happening?
I was thinking there is a weddings style
extravaganza coming on Carbon Tax.
Or they’re all on school holidays.
Oh yeah, using OUR tax money for their middle class welfare to take holidays. That’s it I’m voting for Abbott.
Martin, Anything but the Abbott. His ears have gone to his head.
Well dudes (and girls) I’m back from my time overseas.
And I have one thing to report. Have you guys ever wondered what would happen if you left a mob of bogans to create their own community with no interference from any non-bogues?
The answer – you would get Dallas. I swear to God that city may be American but it is boganity personified.
Hey Ash welcome back!
Did no-one warn you about Texas? It’s pretty bad isn’t it? :-D
No, no one warned me.
To cap it off, the Dallas Cowboys stadium also features the biggest TV screen I’ve ever seen – 160 by 72 feet. I know everything’s meant to be bigger in Texas but that could make any bogan feel insecure.
It looks like it’d be like QLD but in the desert and with lots of guns.
That’s a pretty accurate assessment.
Assuming you didn’t have the pleasure of glassing Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban while you were there?
Considering that I like his team, I did not. They beat the two sides I hate the most to win the title this year. I should have sent him flowers.
Don’t get me wrong, got no quarrel with the Mavs whatsoever. Just their owner is a c#ck-juggling thunderc#nt, which takes a tiny bit of polish off Dirk, Terry, Kidd, Chandler, Marion, Barea, Stevenson, and to a lesser extent, Stojakovic and the mighty Custodian’s magnificent achievement.
Re: the two sides you hate the most… It’s the Lakers and Heat, isn’t it… No arguments here… or anywhere, I suspect. Apart from the twin armies of LeBron and Kobe fans…
Correctamundo. I’ve been a Kings fan since my childhood, so I’ve hated the Lakers since the 2002 refereeing debacle. And my dad has been a Cleveland fan since he went to college at Ohio State, so you see that as well.
Other reason I wanted the Mavs to win was for Peja (I still have an old Stojakovic jersey, even though Jason Williams was my true idol).
Ash and Martin, Too true but you both forgot the southern states outstanding roadside feature. Billboards for assorted hand clapping godbotherers Praise The (Deity of choice).
Generally just Praise Jesus.
…which is basically Western Qeensland..
Good to see ya Ash, hope your time with your Uncle was good.
As good as it could have been given the circumstances.
None of us wanted to face the facts the day we were leaving, so me, my dad and my uncle all went out and got pissed so we didn’t have to deal with painful goodbyes. Now he’s going on a round the world trip.
How many Bogans will be disapointed when they turn to ABC to watch “Crownies”?
It’s not Ally MacBeal with a small dose of libtardness? Damn. They could at least show some boobs. I’ve never seen a lawyer’s boobs. They’ve got to give me something to get me away from Scumderbelly.
And, in late breaking news …
I have been in Gympie for 40 minutes and I have yet to see a single “F$&@ Off We’re Full” sticker on any vehicle.
That concludes this special Bogan News Network newsflash.
Urban,
Then you are not realy looking !
I used to squire a girl from a place near Gympie that was so bogan that even the Gympie lot looked down on them.
Looking back now I realise the only reason I was there was because of TBL#236. Bogan women do enjoy a romp. It’s only when you want conversation that the dream falters.
It’s OK Mick. We all have our share of #236-related moments in our past. I consider myself lucky I haven’t contracted anything worse from them.
I was looking. Honest!
Now in Kingaroy. Christ what a dump. The poshest restaurant in town is Aussie’s Pizzeria (and by “poshest” I mean “can afford a bottle of Windex to clean the windows now and again”.)
I counted five pubs on my little walk around town. A considerable number for a town of 7000. I wouldn’t be caught dead in any of them. Just walking past and glancing in, the patrons looked like they wanted to glass me.
I haven’t worked up the courage to ask anyone about their opinions of Sir Joh.
It’s also the only place in Qld where I’ve seen the denizens where ugg boots. Normal Qld bogan winterwear is a baseball cap, a Maroons origin jersey with an unzipped tracksuit jacket, board shorts and thongs.
Kingaroy – The Colac of the North.
Urban,
I used to go there fo Gliding(soaring) in the sixties.
Does not sound like it has changed at all.
Plenty of “I shoot and I vote” ones though, I daresay.
Nup, I didn’t see those either Mick (though I have seen those and the FOWF stickers the two times I’ve visited Gympie before.)
I did, however, have the pleasure of being tailgated many times today on the Bruce, Wide Bay and Bunya Highways by Hilux rednecks.
Which just makes me slow down even more. For exactly the same reason why I ask 32 year old bogans for ID when they buy smokes – … Because it’s fun! (evil smirk)
I’m not going to risk my life, my bank balance or my employability just because some over-testosteroned loser wants to get to his favorite huntin’, shootin’ and pig rootin’ hideout four minutes quicker!
TBL#4853. Flying.
Three flights yesterday and today, three bogan encounters.
1. Hop on a flight dog-tired after two weeks of nightshift. Pull the sunnies down and straight to sleep. Bang! A bag smacks me in the chest. Trackydak attired bogan hopping in the seat in front is holding a bag, wanting me to hold it while he repacks the overhead compartment. “What the hell is this?” I ask. “A bomb, whaddya think?” bogan replies. That one deserved a glassing.
2. Next flight…about to enjoy the fine cuisine supplied by Qantas. Bogan in front decided that was a good time to slam his seat right back. Ask him to sit up until I had dined. Nasty response. A near glassing experience. It was only when he realised that I was big enough and angry enough to totally f#ck his day that he relented. Reclining bogan is a special hate of mine.
3. Flight three…little old lady sitting oppsite me was rather frail so I held the aisle up while she got herself out when we landed. The old girl wasn’t quick enough for a footy-jumper wearing uberbogan. He had to get out NOW. My elbow narrowly missed him but he sensed my displeasure. Little old lady said I was a nice young man. That made me feel better. She didn’t see the elbow.
Ughh … I sometimes wish I was physically imposing enough to put the bogan in its place like you, Mick. Reminds me of a Royal Brunei flight last year when two bogans seated next to one another had some petty argument over something like legroom or blankets which nearly came to fisticuffs. When are we gonna bring in character requirements for airline passengers!
Anyway I’m heading further west tomorrow. I’ve been told that people become nicer and more genuine the further out you go.
Of course this means there might not be a Bogue & Boguette Show tomorrow. It depends if I can find some decent wifi! Buggered if i’m going to type 1200 words and format text on an iThingie.
I flew to Port Douglas last year and narrowly avoided getting glassed – twice – and dishing out a glassing myself to some mumma bogue who thought that her kid’s bag could go under my seat rather than his cause she had to put her handbag there. I’m not the biggest guy, but I need my leg space.
Pricks who need to put their seat back on anything under a 4 hr flight need glassing. Surely you can have some consideration for those around you. Wait till they appear to drop off, then stand up and give their seat a big hip and shoulder, when they turn to look at you simply apologise about the lack of space causing you to bump their seat. Repeat procedure at will.
Simon,
For repeat offenders I suggest you get up go for a pee and ask for a glass of iced water at the galley,
Whilst struggling to get back in seat spill large amount of cold water and ice cubes over head of offender.
I have done this twice only but hell it sure lights em up.
Oh, James Hunter, your travel experience on the All Stops to Outer Dogpatch bus varies significantly from traveling as a commercial aviation passenger. But thanks for the snapshot of public transport in our more undeveloped rural areas.
Oh, James Hunter, is that where you picked-up your bizarro behaviour. It’s pretty maxtreme shit you know.
Pete Dweeb
Self delusion and self medication dont mix
Oh, James Hunter, the voice of experience strikes again! Also, “Circus Bizarre.” LOL!!
I was looking, James. Honest!
Now in Kingaroy. Christ what a dump. The poshest restaurant in town is Aussie’s Pizzeria (and by “poshest” I mean “can afford a bottle of Windex to clean the windows now and again”.)
I counted five pubs on my little walk around town. A considerable number for a town of 7000. I wouldn’t be caught dead in any of them. Just walking past and glancing in, the patrons looked like they wanted to glass me.
I haven’t worked up the courage to ask anyone about their opinions of Sir Joh.
It’s also the only place in Qld where I’ve seen the denizens where ugg boots. Normal Qld bogan winterwear is a baseball cap, a Maroons origin jersey with an unzipped tracksuit jacket, board shorts and thongs.
Kingaroy – The Colac of the North.
Oops sorry about the double post … Unlike our favorite troll, I’m still getting used to these iThingies!
Petey Boy is our favourite troll now? I wouldn’t count him close. That’s a carnt who needs a good glassing.
Please feel free.
If you look closely enough, Ash, you may pick up a slight note of sarcasm there. :)
I’ve discussed my struggles with internet sarcasm before.
JH, guess we’ll have to lure him to yr crib in Lower Dogpatch then.
Ash,
You and Urban can come as can Simon,Moer Shirl and Pinky just to name a few.
BUT there will be no EVIL non opersons allowed.
Here in Lower Dog[atch we have a long and proud tradition of Kuntry Kultur , one of the seasonal highlights is to go out in groups of 5 or 6 in utes of assorted types . Lights mounted high whip aerials whipping and gravel spewing from the of road tyres, Utes are powered with cheap petrol for their huge poorley tuned ,highly poluting V8s and the crew are running on Jim Beam and postmix coke. A carton of tinnies in the front for the occasional pick me up
In the back are one or two with pump action shottys for close and dirty work one or two with hand held 1,500,00 candel power minimum spotlights to find the game and one with a .22 with a 4 power scope for the mid field and someone with something like a .243 with a six power scope for the longer shots.
So ; all kitted out in a mix of cameos ,old denim and check flanellette shirtsis about ,heads are adorned with woolen benies in footy colours and it is time to go..
With as much enthusiasm and exhubriant gunfire as an assult on Tripoli we are off and running in the “Lower Dogpatch Troll Hunt !
Oh, James Hunter, thanks for the highly detailed description of the latest offering from Circus Bizarre, albeit with your entire troop of carnies outfitted in their soundcheck clothes. Regrettably, I still get the picture. Vividly.
go the Maroons!
er-hem…
You’re pretty close to the sunshine coast there Urbs. If you get the chance, do slip down and wallow in what surely must be the epicentre of australian Boganaity. Most specifically Kawana Waters (between Caloundra and Mooloolaba). Once the province of the housing comission set, the reclaimed Ti-Tree swamps of Kawana have blossomed into canals and Islands supporting eave to eave rows of multi storey MaxMansions. Old and new school boganity melded into a vile hive of Meh and Blah. Acquaintoids of mine just sold a three bedroom fibro home in Kawana for $460,000. Australia’s fastest growing bogan hub since 1980.
It would be a shame to go all that way and miss it.
I wish I could claim I was a sex addict. But I don’t get enough.
Ash,
You need to work Harder !!
Hugz…. Now quit your whining! :-D
Ash,
Viv’s right.
Rember:
You only get out of sex what you put in. !
LMAO!!
Yep….missed you James!
Vviv2,
Sorry, you just can’t take me anywhere.
Bugger done it again !
Is it true James? Have you really got rid of the haemorrhoid dweeb?
If so….WELL DONE!
Vviv2,
It certainly looks like it. But i am a bit shy about celebrating too soom lest i hex myself !