The bogan likes to elicit reactions. Not content with its excessive preoccupation with ignoring the symptoms suggestive of a sexually transmitted infection, it effortlessly consumes its mind with its multitudinous allergies. Allergies are acquired and predictable reactions to normally innocuous substances that are unique to an individual’s immune system. Despite this inescapable medical construct, the bogan’s allergies magically mirror those of Angelina Jolie, Bec Cartwright or pretty much anyone on the cover of New Idea. With the unpredictability of a grapefruit’s squirt, in a given week the bogan may decide it’s allergic to everything from peanuts to dairy to logic. This, despite having eaten a Picnic bar earlier in the day that was washed down with a chocolate Big M whilst driving its car. This curious brand of hypochondria maybe attributed to its flawed understanding of biology, but is in fact, due to its rabid obsession with stupidity.
The bogan will also eagerly lap up any ‘scientific study’ its meandering eyes happen to cast upon and then hastily decide its allergy for the week. If drinking coffee increases hypertension on Monday, it will be assured that drinking coffee will cure diabetes by Thursday. Adding to its allergic arsenal, the bogan was once told by Today Tonight that there may be a vague connection between obesity and one’s thyroid gland. Months later when it finds itself hopelessly fat and asthmatic, it will tell its friends that this new found obesity was due to a dysfunctional thyroid gland acquired at birth. And blame its stupid parents for giving it inferior organs.
Failing to establish the link between its tinea and lack of hygiene, the bogan will infer that the fungal infection is in fact a result of a food that it does not like. It will then loudly scowl at the unsuspecting Asian waiter at La Porchetta’s because he failed to enquire about any existing food allergies. Even though it did not exist at the time of ordering. As Shazza quivers under the weight of her own delusions, she’s ready to dig into 2 kilos of Spaghetti Bolognese, her gluten allergy notwithstanding.