#225 – Massive Perambulators

3 05 2011

The bogan likes to procreate. Its desire to simultaneously possess and devour its cake has resulted in furious, ill-advised spawning. With the federal government providing replacement cake in the form of the baby bonus, bogans have brought about a malaise that has had far reaching effects across the political and social landscape of the country. A traffic jam of bogan offspring has been unleashed onto the unsuspecting world, one Mercedes and McLaren at a time. While bogan progeny are mostly harmless until the age of three, they do require assistance to be transported prior to developing fully functional walking skills. And the only way a bogan’s baby may travel is by the biggest, loudest and most maxtreme form of baby conveyance – a massive, “fuck-off we’re fertile”, pram.

Mumma Hummers, as they are affectionately known, are the armoured tanks of the baby transport world; the M1 Abrams of the toddler moving universe. These giant infant carriers ruthlessly dominate every footpath, zebra crossing and food court aisle that they happen to rumble across. Should a stray pedestrian or non-extreme pram cross their path, the victim is likely to be subjected to the bogan’s perspective on parenthood.

I’m fucking outraged. I blame this whole thing on the bloody government. First, they tell us to have more bloody kids because Peter Costello said to have one for Australia, and we’ll get five grand for free. Of course, those rip-off artists didn’t tell us how expensive kids are, or that I will put on weight and can’t bloody drink Sav Blonk for a year”.

While the bogan could have obtained a perfectly serviceable pram and other accessories for a fifth of the price, products that don’t allow for extreme child rearing are not realistic alternatives. The massive $2,450 pram allows the bogan to endow itself with ungodly levels of parental territoriality, and includes technology adapted from the space shuttle. For while the bogan mother is walking a child instead of a pit bull, it desires to intimidate all the same. Soon, a clever designer will realise the commercial possibilities of covering the side of prams with tribal tattoo designs and toothsome horned animals.


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124 responses

3 05 2011
Ingsy

Thankyou.. I have always had a f*cking severe hatred of Prams in general. This one takes that cake you describe.

Your description of running over pedestrians couldnt be more true.

I am of the strong (and I will firmly say that I am a childless female) opinion, that unless that thing actually has a V8 stuck under the hood, ( this would be innovative at least) what is the f*cking point?

3 05 2011
djm

Catherine Deveny was years ahead of you here.

And? TBL

12 05 2011
$hruglife

But it was Catherine Deveny, so it doesn’t count.

3 05 2011
Phillus

Can you please do something on Blue Riband v Blue Ribbon – it is just as bad as have/of

3 05 2011
Sarah

Giant prams are good preparation for owning giant cars – no smaller than a Ford Territory – and living 50km away from the city in Bogueville (eg Rouse Hill).
The problem is of course that when you live in Wyong, Rouse Hill, or Camden, nothing is within walking distance, so your Giant Pram is mainly used for getting from the Great Wall X240 to the Aldi doors, a distance of about 200m.

4 05 2011
laurenbee

Ahh!! Rouse Hill shopping precinct, how I love it there. As a non breeding female who is currently (temporarily!!!) residing in the Hells District, I try & avoid Castle Towers & its claustrophbia inducing crowds of wandering bogan parents.
The wide corridors & abundance of non airconditioned outdoor areas @ Rouse Hill make bogan dodging a breeze. Although whilst there on Saturday I heard this little gem from the aisle behind me.

“Regan(sp?), Emerson(sp?), Get back to mummy’s trolley before I belt youse”

So my sister & I spent the rest of the shopping trip debating on exactly how you could boganise (more) the spelling of Regan & Emerson….

4 05 2011
Vviv2

Reegan…Emasan? 😛

7 05 2011
Craps

MSN?

3 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Yeah…to be honest, TBL, not your finest work. I imagine you guys might have been a bit distracted though.

3 05 2011
urbanreverie

You’ve obviously never been to Penriff Plaza or Macarthur Square if you don’t believe that gargantuan prams are a Thing Bogans Like, Ash. I swear, I’ve seen cars with smaller tyres than some of these contraptions.

I would like to predict the next logical step in the evolution of infant transportation – motorised prams. You know, just a small electric motor like those scooters for the infirm and the elderly, so Mumma Bogue doesn’t have to suffer a hernia trying to push Montannah around while struggling with six bags of shopping from Supré and General Pants Co. and clipping the three older pramless boguespawn around the ears.

3 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I avoid all large shopping malls like the plague. I don’t think I’ve even been to Miranda Fair this year and don’t plan to go. But I see these giant prams everywhere and know how much bogans love them.

I’m just saying that I think this piece is going for the low hanging fruit. There’s only so much comedic potential with giant prams.

3 05 2011
Vviv2

Until you check out the contents of said giant prams Ash…..
Plenty of comedic potential there! 😛

4 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I don’t know about low-hanging fruit…more like perfectly ripe long ago and not picked yet, despite its obvious entreaties of “pick me!” for a long while.

Amazingly, that piece of (loin)fruit is still perfect to make a meal out of. Go hard on these obnoxious Breeder Buses, for they (in tandem with requisite SUV to transport them in) are the perfect “fück off” statement by these mindless self-replicating oiks.

Makes you kinda wanna get a vasectomy post-haste, even if, like me, you haven’t had kids yet…reminds me of a Ron Hitler-Barassi spiel, “Life Kills”, where he says, “I love children—that’s why I’m not having any”…not categorically saying I wouldn’t bring a child into the world (it’s a scary proposition if you think too much about it), but I certainly won’t be following the textbook bogan outer-suburbanite version of parenthood.

3 05 2011
lordOfDouchebags

haha yes and it leaves their hands free for a fag and cold beer. its a wonder to watch the female bogan multitask . smoke, drink and slap the kid on the back of the head while pushing the pram. amazing.

3 05 2011
jaydyn

bwahaha – “fuck off – we’re fertile” i spat my morning coffee out from laughing.

3 05 2011
daz

two words – mountain buggy.

3 05 2011
Someone's Mum

My mountain buggy blew the two back tyres. Can’t win them all I suppose…but while it was operational, it was fantastic. How do these massive prams fit through the checkout at the supermarket?

3 05 2011
Lucky Star

The simple answer: With great difficulty.

I see them all the time at my local shopping centre. The femme-bogue is an impatient creature and tries to use the express checkout, only to block up the whole area with her tank-pram and feral pramless offspring.

Either that or she uses the disabled checkout lane, which is of a wider design to be convenient for wheelchairs and the elderly in their gophers. Again, she blocks up the space with her tank-pram and the pramless offspring as she juggles the shopping out of the pram and on to the conveyor while balancing the whinging bub on her hip. All the while, the pramless children run wild and fight, while she occasionally yells at them – “Jaydyn! Braydyn! Get back here you little sh#ts!”

3 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

The new self-checkouts make that easier though – more space to park them.

5 05 2011
Lucky Star

Except other patrons then can’t get to the self service checkout around them. They block all access between the express lane and the self service at my local Coles, which has the two facing each other, with enough space for someone to still wheel a trolley down the middle.

3 05 2011
Belle

I am ashamed to confess that I have a Mountain Buggy that won’t fit through a normal check out. I shop at places with a self serve check out so I can actually leave the building.

3 05 2011
Someone's Mum

The Swift is the smallest model and definitely fits through checkouts. I got it because I felt a bit weird pushing something that I couldn’t see the end of! I can definitely see the benefits of a bigger pram; however, we borrowed a friend’s old pram that was so big, it was referred to as the Beast. It wouldn’t even fit in the car boot when folded, but I could probably fit enough stuff in the storage basket to last us for weeks.

3 05 2011
Belle

I have a single Urban which is large enough to fit a sleeping toddler, a nappy bag and two coats underneath but still fits well in the car boot of our small sedan. I bought it because it looked like the wheels would survive a trip through the park without snapping. I saw someone using my exact stroller on the snowfields last year so now I feel like I’m the pram equivalent of someone who buys a 4WD then never takes it out of the CBD.

3 05 2011
Benny Hill

Chatter chatter chatter, blog blog blog, I’ve heard better more incessant inane dribble come from my 1 year old’s gob.

Don’t know why you allow comments TBL. Whilst the write up is great the fact that people think other people give a shit about their commentary deserves a bogan write up of its own. I MUST BE HEARD!!!! or is it herd?

Fuckin idiots.

You’re right. Perhaps we SHOULD stop people commenting. TBL

3 05 2011
Pandabater

Hmm, strong is the irony in this one.
How do you throw rocks at yourself?

3 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Can I glass this one? Please? I know I wasn’t very nice earlier but I’m totally sorry…just please let me glass him.

3 05 2011
Lizzie

Then why do you read it, Benny Hill?

3 05 2011
James Hunter

Benny is skitzo ?

3 05 2011
Vviv2

Simple answer Benny-boy, It’s not rocket science….Don’t READ the comments!!
Then we will be spared your whining.

4 05 2011
Bag O'Turnips

What are you saying? Comments give the wondrous elucidations of TBL a life of their own…

Let rip with the informed invective, I say!

3 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I disagree Ash, ya farking carnt.

I can’t find Ed Hardy strollers but this will scar your eyeballs.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=180482534047&item=180482534047

3 05 2011
barkeep @ ye olde glassing barn

Excellent! That will make my son the toughest infant on the block.

I was amazed entering the parent world to go shirt shopping for my little boy to find shirts that contain skeletons, explosions, dinosaurs, flaming cars, military fatigues and my personal favorite a shirt that says “i’m a boob man”. These are shirts for up to 1 year olds. Way to start them on their way to the way of the bog.

It’s very scary.

3 05 2011
Vviv2

Agreed Barkeep….Not to mention the really tasteful infant tees that state, “All my daddy wanted was a blow job”.
It says volumes for the parents that purchase them….

3 05 2011
Whistling Nixie

And these are the same bigots who get all het up about “paedophiles lurking on every corner”…

5 05 2011
XXX

I really need to get out of Boronia…………………

5 05 2011
Vviv2

I know JUST where you’re coming from XXX….I live in the valley!!

7 05 2011
Andrea

Scary thing is that I buy most of my son’s clothes from a children’s store upstairs in the Mall, as they’re the only decent store for miles. I loathe the bogue-slogan t-shirts and either buy nice little jumpers and shirts from Cutie-Pie (which all come from France, so that’s why they’re actually tasteful) or I make him clothes myself.

Our girl is due in a month and will probably be dressed by the same store. You can find semi-decent things in the outer East regions of Boganville – scary but true 🙂

1 06 2011
Pablo

Are you serious?.. Shit, look out for smarmy-mum Andrea walking painfully through Big W (or is it Le Grande W?) and her dainty little brat wearing a designer t-shirt from Fraaarnce that says ‘petit-merde’.

3 05 2011
Pandabater

I noticed in the details that it is suitable for 0-24.
Is that months or years?

*crosses arms & adopts the pose*

3 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You want one don’t you Panda.

3 05 2011
Pandabater

Word up Dogg. Yo.

4 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Haha, I thought of the guy from Boyz in da Hood in Ice Cube’s gang who’s always got a pacifier in his mouth.

4 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

*pulls out boom box and busts a move*

4 05 2011
T-Mac

0-24 refers to IQ points

3 05 2011
Rex

As a bus driver, I can testfy to the scourge that are these horrible things. The usual drill is to have some horrid sprog running around (that’s right) at the bus stop, wait until the bus is statinary, finish the durrie, slowly strap the kid into the pram, slowly get on the bus while bitching about it being late, take up the entire accesable area so that no other prams or wheel chairs can use it, release the sugared up demon spawn to run around the bus screaming and finally (10 minutes have passed by now) take a seat so the bus can take off.

3 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Rex, do you employ the bussies revenge. Hitting the accelerator just as they let go of support to sit, thus depositing them on the floor?

9 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

Don’t forget the two bogan parents, sitting in the non folded seats to ‘protect’ their spawn and glowering angrily at any disabled and elderly that dare look at the seats that are supposed to be for them …

Also yay TBL used my suggestion…

3 05 2011
The Colonel

In the Malay jungles the Colonel always marvelled at the methods used by the natives to carry around thier infants – use a yonger and portable native. The Colonel has to wonder why the Bogan, noble species that it is, can’t do the same.

3 05 2011
Mr Q

The Bogan is, of course, training its Boaglings in the fine art of Bogan Living. One of the tenets of which is never exhaust yourself doing something where you can use a device with wheels instead. Normally this of course is a car (which the Boagling will indeed learn much about), but when the option is carry the child, the Bogan parent will always choose to instead push the child around in a substitute for a power vehicle.

Thus, when the Boagling grows up, the lessons it has learned by knowing it’s parents had to use a pram to cart it around ensure that it understands that you always use wheels where possible – ie, drive (though for some reason, it seems that being pushed around by someone else does not endear the Boagling to public transport, despite the fact that someone else is driving).

Also, by ensuring that the Boagling’s pram is the largest and most noticeable pram in the shopping mall (for such is the most common location of such contraptions), the Boagling is, from a young age, conditioned to understand that as a Bogan, it has an inalienable right to have the largest, most visible, and most intrusive vehicle possible, and for it to be controlled in such a way as to minimise the convenience of other users of the path on which it is used.

Essentially, the pram is the Bogan parent’s first indoctrination of their young Boaglet into one of the Bogan’s favourite pursuits as formerly outlined on TBL: #217 – Driving Like a Fucking Idiot.

3 05 2011
martin

That one is actually quite modest compared to the ones with the big tyres. That one is more like a van to me.

You gotta hand it to the bogan, how to take something as important, selfless, and honourable as parenthood and turn it into something so repulsive takes some effort.

Yes I agree with Ash going to the local shopping mall can be very traumatic. At best it leaves a sick taste in your mouth. I remember some monster bogan woman, she must have been 6 foot, 100kg. To give a tiny bit of credit she had a non offensive pram but to make up for it and to be as repulsive as possible she was practically running through the mall with it (it was empty) and cut across and walked in front of some nice young girl, then gave the girl a dirty look like it was her fault. Some people simply deserved to be glassed!

3 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I found myself thinking about it and realised that I have willingly gone to a big shopping mall five times in the past year. Four of those times were for movies, and once when my mum wanted me to pick up a new washing machine for her.

Five times too many.

4 05 2011
martin

I don’t let it prevent me from going when I want to or when I have to but everytime I come home it feels like my soul has been ripped out.

I think maybe it has something to do with the fact that malls seem a lot more flash now, there seems to be lots more pictures of models and stuff around. It’s like walking into a Cleo magazine, so it brings on a lot of inferiority complexes and affluenza.

Sif go to movies. Torrents ftw.

4 05 2011
Pandabater
4 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I just went cause I like popcorn and movie chairs are more comfortable than anything I got.

17 05 2011
Give a toss

Aaah Wyong! I go to Lake Haven mall when I want to feel young, tall, smart, rich and good looking (I’m 40 etc). It’s just near Charmhaven and Fountaindale – you can’t make this stuff up…

The real reason the mum bogues love the mall is the wide open spaces to drive the bogue buggy like a #217.

3 05 2011
Nelson Esq

My fertile wife and I went through the whole pram buying dilemma and found that there’s not much choice; it’s either a big expensive sturdy pram or a not so sturdy cheap one which falls apart. We got a big ‘fuck-off we’re fertile’ model because it could be configured different ways so it could take a baby from the always asleep new-born stage, right up to the sitting up 3 year old. It also has a dickie seat attachment, so we can actually push both our kids around in it now.

It wasn’t cheap (about $1000) but it has saved us spending more money on more prams to suit whatever age our daughters have been at. My brother has had 3 kids and has gone through 4 prams and spent 3 times as much money as us because he has either bought cheap prams which have fallen apart or they aren’t big or flexible enough to suit their needs, so needed a replacement!

Yep, I have had the sneers and been called a wanker for pushing my kid around in a big pram, but they are usually dickheads who either go through several prams option (which is definitely boganomics!) or don’t have kids. y While a big pram is definitely a TBL, it is actually the best option!

5 05 2011
Tristain

Yes, bogan or not it is more practical when you have kids to spend a little more for higher quality.

i would also like to add that people who refer to people with children as ‘breeders’ or themselves as ‘anti breeders ‘ scream bogan to me, what a vulgar term.

9 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

Bullshit! Why does you tub of lard brat need a pusher at age 3? My mum switched from a Pram to a small fold up stroller once I hit walking age. So will you be wondering why your spawn is obese in 4 years?

Its not babies in prams I object to its fucking toddlers in prams. That and the fact that Bogans also fill them with shopping (either paid for or not) and use them as bettering rams…

3 05 2011
Loftie

I’m outraged…

Of course it’s the government’s fault… I’ve got 4 kids… all under 7… and got the baby bonus on all 4…

The first one got me my big screen TV…
2nd kid paid for our obligatory trip to the Gold Coast to buy some T-shirts and shit…
3rd kid was accidental… i meant to pull out but got a bit distracted by Big Brother up late at the time…
4th kid was mainly because i don’t like odd numbers and had to balance things up…

Now I have the problem that I have to transport the kids everywhere… and how do I do it??
I’ve got a 7 seat Territory because now it’s ‘illegal’ for them to travel on our laps when we go to Aldi…
So I have a limo pram… you can actually fit 2 kids in the one pram, and then the 3rd stands on the rear between the pram and mum pushing… its great!!

The only downside is – with all that weight, and mum’s inattention… if there is any sort of slope downwards, there’s a good 100kg freewheeling out of control…

So – get out of my way indeed… i’m in a Hurry…

Now – where is that vasectomy clinic???

3 05 2011
Nelson Esq

Ha ha ha!! Loftie, you sound like my brother pushing his sprogs around, except minus the 4th kid and replace Territory with Captiva….and he can tell you where a good castration clinic is.

3 05 2011
Toe-bruised

And once a year they all converge in a maxtreme display of ‘mine’s bigger than yours’ where no one on their own two feet is safe.

Moomba.

3 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I love the story of the name Moomba.

It mocks both upper-middle class hipsters and bogans, i.e. my least favourite groups of predominantly white people in society (fully sik kuntz, Dragon Ball Z Asian wannabes and FOB Indians also on the list).

9 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

What is the story I’ve forgotten it.

Also I love your list of least favourite folks mine is about the same….

3 05 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Check out this bad boy, built for 6 kids.

3 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Pfft. You can’t scare me with Vicki Pollard. I’ve shopped at Bogonnades.
A bit off topic, but check out this bad boy: http://greenhummerproject.org/

3 05 2011
zaraaaa

Would that be Collonades by any chance, home of the bogan flotsam and jetsam?

3 05 2011
Tone

You’re thinking of Arnhole.

3 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

Yup. Where the locals make Vicki Pollard look like Audrey Hepburn by comparison.

3 05 2011
Stirling Badge

Colonnades, home of the ‘Dada Daddy’.

“Dada Daddies”- Teenage bogan dads suited up in their baggy ‘Dada’ or ‘Wu-tang’ tracksuit jumpers/jackets, complete with ‘LA caps’, pushing the mumma hummer while the missus gets a Boost Juice from the food court.

Is the ‘Dada Daddy’ just an Adelaide subspecies or is it found in other suburban shopping centres throughout australia?

4 05 2011
lolplates

We call them Wiggers…
What is it with us white boys thinking were black… are they not ment to be picking our cotton? *Takes off sheet*

Miranda is having a resurgence of lads, but they are skinny short teenagers… I have never understood bum bags and the Australian bogans fascination with ‘thug life’.

4 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

Oy vey. Every time I see a lad I have to restrain the urge to bash him.

4 05 2011
betterthantheoriginalwally

When you see six of them walking towards you – you need to restrain the urge to pee your pants?

4 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I thought involuntary urination is a sign of fear. I fear no lads.

6 05 2011
chris - live from the bogan heartland

The first thing that comes to mind when I see some of these sad little w@nkers is the TISM song about homeboys. Any involuntary voiding of the bladder can be put down to me p!ssing myself laughing at them.

5 05 2011
XXX

Down at Knox City Shopping Centre, you see them doing the handshake and pull into the body greeting that they have obviously seen the African-Americans do on TV. It just makes me laugh. They also like the branding around the top of their jocks showing over their jeans. In fact, the lower slung their jeans are, the better. Someone probably should have told them that this is actually going out of style in the U.S now!

4 05 2011
betterthantheoriginalwally

Colonnades doesnt have a food court.

5 05 2011
XXX

Love the United Nations of kids! Classic!

5 05 2011
James Hunter

Simon
love the way the upholstery and wheels match the jacket Not a single queer in sight !

3 05 2011
James Hunter

TBL,
The toothsome horned animals ride in the prams !

3 05 2011
chris - Bogan Whisperer to the Rich and Famous

…and occasionally push them.

3 05 2011
4 05 2011
Whistling Nixie

OK, what does that mean for Opel, Daewoo, Vauxhall…?

3 05 2011
Ninja

You know what REALLY annoys me? Parents-with-prams parking.
Seriously, WTF is that?!?! You’ve just spent $1000 on a pram, push the damned thing an extra 100 metres and get your money’s worth. You might even lose some weight! Having children is NOT a disability.

4 05 2011
Gold Coaster

That bugs me too. I think, my taxes pay your baby bonus, your childcare rebate, your family tax break, your parenting payments and who knows what else, so I’M NOT GIVING UP MY PARKING SPOT AS WELL!

4 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord Of Glassin' Carnts

I park in those all the time just to stick it to the breeders.

5 05 2011
AFR

buy yourself a 2nd hand child seat from somewhere, stick it on the backseat, and boo-yah, you have a good parking space everytime you go to westfields. If you can’t beat em, join em.

9 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

Totally doing this when I get my Licence…

Just needs to be a booster seat. Toddlers are pushed about in maxi prams. They also fit well in the boot, as do the booster seats…

5 05 2011
XXX

YES! Just so unnecessary! It seems to me that the shopping centres are competing for more and more creative ways to label parking spaces. The only parking spaces that should be reserved are the disabled spaces.

3 05 2011
James Hunter

The massive perambulators , perambulating with the massive perambulators, they are the real joy !!!

4 05 2011
Peter Thornton

Oh, James Hunter! Are you still an unemployed editor of TBL. With your grasp of grammar, spelling and punctuation no wonder.

4 05 2011
James Hunter

Peter,
You would understand,I’m sure; one needs to take whatever jobs are going !

3 05 2011
Simon Allen

I don’t know which part of Australia your bogans live in but in this part of the world the only pram it uses is the sort normal 6 year olds put their dolls in to practice for when the bogan is 6 years older and have their own baby bogans.

4 05 2011
barkeep @ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

Sadly I have seen this too.
It appeared to be a case of when there is not enough money for ciggies and a pram that is safe.

3 05 2011
Stirling Badge

“Dada Daddies”- Teenage bogan dads suited up in their baggy ‘Dada’ or ‘Wu-tang’ tracksuit jumpers/jackets, complete with ‘LA caps’, pushing the mumma hummer while the missus gets a Boost Juice from the food court.

Is the ‘Dada Daddy’ just an Adelaide mutation or is it found in other suburban shopping centres throughout Australia?

4 05 2011
urbanreverie

No, they’re throughout Australia. In my experience Campbelltown Mall in NSW has a lot of them. They usually have six rotten teeth, are scrawny, have a blond buzzcut (sometimes with a rat’s tail), hang out with their kids outside the Franklins while Mrs Dada buys a pack of Longbeach from the cigarette counter, and have scabs all over their arms from picking at their skin while high on ice.

4 05 2011
the beef

I think we’ve overlooked a key point: There is no way that the femme-bogue would refrain from sav blonk through procreation, gestation or lactation.

4 05 2011
Vviv2

True Beef, one only needs to glance at the offspring to know that she didn’t refrain. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome leaves it’s mark both in behavioural problems & in the (lack of) intelligence that shines in their eyes….

4 05 2011
barkeep @ the Ye Olde Glassing Barn

Thought the same thing beef.

4 05 2011
James Hunter

beef,
fornicate,gestate and lactate sounds more appros for a fembot ?

4 05 2011
Ash - Almighty Overlord of Glassin' Carnts

No, she will. Because celebrities told her that drinking while preggo is bad.

4 05 2011
Graeme

Going back to the above entry on pronunciation, or mispronunciation, of words and bad syntax/semantics; does anybody know the difference these days with the phrases ‘to spite’ and ‘in spite’? Particularly prevalent on Bogan News , ie, Today Tonight, but happens in all forms of media increasingly. They mean entirely different things…….hate it……almost as bad as the incessant use of the word ‘journey’…….rant over.

5 05 2011
angrybogan

once again way off those useless pisses of shit are only bought(usually by a relo), because it’s easier to slip stolen shit into

takes an age to fold unfold lock all the clamps in place and good fucking luck getting all the diaper bag’s and shit in the boot with that monster let alone the shopping

nope its the usual five finger discount lot who take buses everywhere and have pension cards at 28

6 05 2011
XXX

I can remember being asked if I had any “concessions or pension cards” once when I was getting a prescription filled in a chemist in Boronia. I replied sarcastically that I wasn’t “lucky” enough to have one of those because I know how many welfare recipients there are in our area (most of them bogans). The pharmacy assistant proceeded to tell me how fortunate I was that I didn’t need one, etc, etc.. I felt like laughing at her. Every day, I pass the teenage mums sitting idly outside Kmart, dragging on their ciggies. I also see people loading up their prescription baskets with multitudes of drugs when they really should be trying to get off the bloody things through diet and exercise. It just annoys me.

6 05 2011
James Hunter

xxx, It could of course just be that the girl was doing her job. You could have been on a disability support pensiom for a number of illnesses that don’t necissarily make you look like a cripple for such people to have to say “hold it wait for my pension card could be demeening.
I think you generalise far too much. Diet and exercise won’t fix everything as you will in the fullness of time find out

6 05 2011
XXX

I don’t think I am generalising in regard to the amount of prescription drugs that people are getting. Just go into any chemist on any day of the week and you will see elderly people (and even some young people ) getting multiple prescriptions. Some of these people are on 10+ drugs. This is not how we are meant to live. I have had an illness that required me to take a drug for 15 years. I even had to take it during pregnancy. Did I want to? No way! This illness could not be treated in any other way than via drugs. However, if I had a lifestyle illness, I would be using diet and exercise. Drugs should be a last resort. Unfortunately, they have become first AND ONLY resort for many people.

Then you have ADHD which is a completely bullshit illness that was made up because parents cannot take the time to discipline effectively. The solution? Medicate your child into a zombie!

No doubt, the girl was doing her job, but it annoys the hell out of me that so many people get these cards, when they don’t really need them. Australia has become a welfare economy and the recipients just expect these things now.

6 05 2011
James Hunter

XXX
what a thoughtful, compasionate and well researched comment

9 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

ADHD is real. However only about 10% to 20% of the people on drugs for it actually have it.

But don’t worry there is a new scapegoat these days, ADHD has been replaced by Aspergers as the ‘too hard basket’, ironic really as most of us Aspies were misdiagnosed with ADHD back in the 90s…

6 05 2011
XXX

And what a sarcastic twat you are! I have two older brothers who are doctors and they see this on a daily basis. One of them is in complete despair over this whole ADHD issue because he can see that the issue usually comes down to one of two things – either the father is misisng from the home or the parents simply do not adequately discipline the kids. In the meantime, they sit there asking for Ritalin because that is what they are told will “fix” the “problem”. Sometimes normal childhood behaviour is considered abnormal and the poor child is medicated as a result.

He also sees grossly overweight people (on a daily basis) who have high cholesterol and high blood pressure. His first recommendation is that they immediately try and lose weight. He will suggest organisations that may be of help, many that are free. Sometimes, medical intervention may be required (surgery). The drugs are meant to be temporary. A year down the track, most are still the same weight having found that the drug is doing the job, so why do the hard yards.

Why should we have compassion for these people? They are a massive drain on our hospital system and some of them end up being a massive drain on their spouses and children due to their selfishness.

My older brother knows of one case where a man had gastric banding surgery and still liquidised fatty foods so that he could eat them.

Well researched enough for you?

6 05 2011
James Hunter

xxx, By the same logic we should withhold treatment for problems caused by alcohol and cigarettes ? save more if we withold support for downs syndrome kids because their mothers should have aborted sounds like soylent green Hmmmm

6 05 2011
Pandabater

James, do you know when you are on AGT?

6 05 2011
James Hunter

pandabeater,
it was last wednesday. see coment to Simon, you may get it as a stream from AGT at CHn7 but a friend did copy it for utube and as soon as it is up i will let everyone know. thanks for asking

6 05 2011
Victory

What’s the name of those prams that have a circle that looks like it’s been scribbled by a two year old as it’s trademark? Apparently they are the new “must haves” in prams same as Peg Perego were 10 or so years ago.

9 05 2011
KLFH

Bugaboo. They are extremly popular where I live and sometimes I feel a bit povo with my $250 (About $1600 cheaper than the Bugaboo) Love and Care pram even though Choice magazine rated them the best.

6 05 2011
Victory

My son had a basic pram from Target. Cost $199 and it did him (and me) just fine!

6 05 2011
Jolene

You want to see furious indignation on the face of a bogan – don’t stop for them, just continue walking across their path causing them to stop their pram for you. Priceless!

9 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

Yes they scream and yell and threaten bodily harm, even when they don’t have to stop, just slow down because you were going to hit the crossing point before they were anyway….

7 05 2011
Andrea

Nice to see so much hatred for pram pushers here. I have two: a convertible pram for taking my son for walks and a small stroller if I need to go out shopping (or I’ll just put him in the trolley, which he loves).

The number of nasty, bitchy, elitist comments I get regarding “women with 4wd prams” is bordering on the ridiculous. Yes, prams are huge. No, they don’t really seem to make smaller ones, unless you have a spare $900. No, little old hag, they *weren’t* smaller in your day, they were at least half a metre taller, wider and longer, so how about you get the f**k off my case?

One woman pointed out that in her day mothers didn’t go out of the house, inconvenienting other people. I asked her if she wanted a medal, and just how much cooking sherry she drank every day to cope. Sanctimonious biddy backed away for some reason…

Now *this* is a big pram, amnd closer to what they used to have: http://www.silvercross.com.au/shop/our-range/Silver-Cross-Heritage-Collection/

Here’s what I would love to own, but even with the baby bonus it’s unaffordable: http://www.tagabikes.com/au/options.asp?lang=eng

9 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

Yes but they only pushed BABIES in them back then not fat Toddlers…

And kudos for you for having one that you can be folded. Good on you, you pass the test…

8 05 2011
Edward

Fashion does seem to be involved. People buy what is available at the price they are willing to pay. If the buyers for the department stores have deleted the older, more convenient models, and are only stocking the current style then I find this understandable.

I must confess to a fondness for the old 1960’s Steelcraft perumbulators, which didn’t really fold up at all. They had a rigid construction and were built with tubular steel. Of course they depended on a mainly pedestrian mode of transport, augmented occasionally with the provision of hooks on the back of the bus.

I suspect in the quest for children to have the best of everything, hand-me-downs are less common now. The 1980’s style pram which folded up more compactly than a picnic chair, and had an aluminium tubing frame are now looked on with disdain. This week I saw an Indian couple with a child refused carriage on a bus because there were already two prams aboard. It was distressing to see, and the stoicism of their response was admirable. With products which fold flat (not the case in any of the three conveyances in this instance) some inconvenience would have been avoided.

9 05 2011
Lord Boofhead

Exactly These beasts don’t fold up and worst of all they push their fat spawn around till they are 4 or 5…

30 05 2011
James

$2000+ prams pushed around by mothers driving Mercedes and McLarens… sooo, rich housewives from Vauclose and Double Bay are also bogans now???

It’s taken 225 entries, but I think TBL have finally redefined a ‘Bogan’ to be every single Australian who doesn’t ride a crappy fixed wheel bike with no brakes and studies an B.Arts degree.

Although more likely I suspect that you guys have gotten bored and are just taking the piss these days, which makes most of the people who comment even funnier.

9 06 2011
frostyserenity

Bogans aren’t the only species to like 4wd prams. Asians do as well. Just a few weeks ago I saw an Asian family trying to push their monster pram out of the restaurant I work in. Took about 3 people in a space of about 5 minutes to do it. One to open the door and keep it open, one to turn/steer the pram and another to move it. Those things are a frigging menace in the the hospitality business. Nothing like having to dodge 4wd prams sitting in the middle of the path while carrying a hot plate in one hand and a bowl of soup in the other.

7 10 2011
Vicki

So true!!!

26 02 2012
Taariq Hassan

I call them 4 wheel drive prams and they clog up any public space by their sheer bulk.
Fat monger bogans love them and they have become like a plague in the inner city where cashed up bogans drink de caffinated soy infused “coffee” and think little jayden, Tayla and shayla can do no wrong.

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