Friday Boganomics: March 4

4 03 2011

The announcement this week by the Federal Government of a fixed carbon price to be set next year, followed by an ETS has been met with the predictable ill-informed back-and-forth that we’ve come to expect from any major policy announcement, whether or not any actual information has been imparted. No doubt, the news has sparked ‘considered’ objection by various business and consumer groups, as well as the pockets of the media that enjoy reminding the bogan how tough it is doing. It has also prompted the PM to remind bogans that while there must be a price on carbon, there is no way in hell bogans’ freedom to burn fossil fuels for transport or recreation will be impeded by anything so unsavoury as a tax.

Part of the process of developing a systematic means of implementing a price on carbon and the eventual emissions trading market, which appears inevitable, despite the bogan’s howls of protestation, is casting a nationwide net for opinions  on the shape it will take. While the official submissions process is not yet underway, we felt obligated to make our point clearly and early. In the interests of transparency, we have posted on macrobusiness.com.au an unedited copy of the submission made by the team at Boganomics.

Read it here.


Actions

Information

38 responses

4 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Scarily accurate boys. If Jetstar are not up to the job, and frequently they aren’t, then P&O can be used.

4 03 2011
James Hunter

With any luckRoney Rabbit and Joe Hickey will not be able to afford the tax and have to saty at home. I would be so distraut

4 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Tony will be on his bike so he won’t pay any tax JH. You would be upset if they were not out and about giving you ammo.

4 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I’m certain that if we had the same gun-nut culture as the good ol’ US of A, then it’d be likely that the likes of Coreless Bernardi, Sophie Mirrorball, Get Off Scott-free Morrison and Carnival Joyce would be dishing out the ammunition like a faulty vending machine, in solidarity with all those climate sceptics who think that arguments can be solved by Messrs Smith and Wesson.

4 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

If they shot a few bogans or Danni Minogue it would not be all bad Bag’O.

4 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

I haven’t heard either of the Singing Budgies announce any position supporting a carbon price strategy, nor any bogans advocating this either.

Why is it the gun-nuts who are almost unanimously sceptics? These types do no favour to their cause; do the bogans vicariously hope that these gunslingers will carry out their dirty deeds? If so, it speaks volumes of how craven these jellybacked dolts are.

You’d think that the rest of the relatively sane Wiberwals would go well out of their way to dissociate themselves from those dingbats, but all we hear is silence from them, which can be implied as tacit support by the Rightwingnut fringe…they would do well to heed the lessons of the recent assassination attempt on that Democrat Congresswoman.

The pollies that are angling for means to mitigate carbon pollution aren’t out of line in being fearful of their lives, even with the lack of a pervasive gun culture in Australia.

4 03 2011
Mick

When Dutch Disease finally kills this economy the bogan will be swapping its jetski for rifles down at the swap-meet. Someone will have to pay for the mess we’re in, and it might as well be those carnts who kept talkin’ bullshit about bullshit.

None of it will be the bogan’s fault. Not the political bogan, media bogan or garden variety jetski bogan’s fault. Oh no, It’ll be that do-gooder dingo who made a mess of things, and that fecker is gonna pay…

4 03 2011
Pandabater

I am thankful for our gun laws.
Can you imagine parking rage with guns?
Armed Mumbogues, sorting it out.

4 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

In their urban assault vehicles, the Mumma Hummer SUVs.

4 03 2011
Davo

I’d be happy to pay a tax if it meant getting a solar panel on the roof and a cheap electric car. But instead its just going back into the hands of polluters. Bogans should be happy with the deal. They still get to fuck up the enviroment.

4 03 2011
urbanreverie

It’s Friday evening, which means that it’s time for another episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

(THE SCENE: A Hog’s Breath Café fifteen minutes’ drive from BOGUE and BOGUETTE’s McMansion located outside a busy shopping centre. It is Friday evening, and the place is heaving with clientele, ninety percent of whom have their skins covered in tattoos to various degrees.

BOGUE and BOGUETTE are sitting opposite each other at a booth table, smiling and looking in each other’s eyes – BOGUE is drinking a Crown Lager, BOGUETTE is drinking a Diet Coke.)

BOGUETTE: Thanks fer takin’ me out tonight, honey. It’s so romantic here! And sophisticated too!

BOGUE: No worries! It’s our fourth wedding anniversary! You didn’t fink I would forget, would ya?

BOGUETTE: (chuckles) Hahahaha, oh no. Of course not. Just wonderin’ how we’re gonna afford it. The interview for that job at the homeless yoof outreach project today didn’t go well either.

BOGUE: Ahh, tonight’s the night we leave worries like that beside. And think about …. ahhh, me old girl, you remember the night we met?

BOGUETTE: Yeah … must be like twelve years ago or sumfint now! I remember it like it was yesterdee! There I was, standing there on Darlinghurst Road at the Cross, handin’ out them free sample cans of Red Bull …

BOGUE: Yeah, me and me mates were pub crawlin’, Adam was gettin’ hitched the next day. It was the first time I was in the city for six years, maybe longer – I fink the last time before that was a school excursion to the Maritime Museum …

BOGUETTE: Well, you was lucky you went into town that night! Cheers! (raises glass)

BOGUE: Cheers! (touches bottle to BOGUETTE’s glass) Anyway, I saw you, you took me breath away, and I told ya that you was the rose of all the world … By the way, what did you do with the kids tonight? Ship ’em over to me olds?

BOGUETTE: Naaah, just put on the Ben Ten DVD I got from K Mart today they’ve been begging for me to buy for ages now. That’ll shut ’em up! Aiden’s eleven now, he oughta be old enough to take care of the rest.

BOGUE: Yeah, good idea. As long as you remembered to give ’em that Ritalin stuff, it’s all good.

WAITRESS: (approaches table) Good evening, welcome to Hog’s Breath Café, we do great steak! What can I get for youse?

BOGUE: (inspects menu) Umm, I’ll have the El Grande Prime Rib with Macho Nachos on the side, and I’ll have another Crownie too, thanks, darl. (flexes his left arm with the “Aussie Pride” Gothic letterpress tattoo) Gotta FEED THE MAN!!!

BOGUETTE: And I’ll have the Buffalo Ranch Chicken Burger with extra dressing and nachos with extra sour cream, thanks. For a drink I’ll just have another Diet Coke, I’m watching me weight.

WAITRESS: (scribbles order down) No worries, it’ll be about a ten to fifteen minute wait! (walks back to kitchen)

BOGUETTE: So, tell me love … what was it that attracted you to me that night in the Cross?

BOGUE: Well … that skimpy little Red Bull outfit caught me eye …

(BOGUETTE giggles)

BOGUE: Yeah, you just took me breath away. Me mates were eggin’ me on to grab your phone number, and I told them sure, as long as they didn’t tell Kylie …

BOGUETTE: Kylie? Who’s Kylie?

BOGUE: Umm .. errr .. just someone else I .. umm, a friend of mine ….

BOGUETTE: C’mon, fess up, you’ve let the cat out of the bag now! So, who’s Kylie?

BOGUE: I told ya, just someone I once knew. I mean .. it wasn’t anyfint serious or stuff …

BOGUETTE: How dare you! You’ve always told me I was your first! That I’m the only one you’ve ever loved!

BOGUE: Umm … but .. I didn’t love her … I just rooted her, it was nuffint else! Honest!

BOGUETTE: I don’t care! You was always tellin’ me that I’m the only one you’ve ever loved, that there was never anyone else in your life! And now, on me wedding anniversary, you gotta spoil it! (bursts into tears) I hate you! I wish you’d never been born and come and seduce me and stuff while you’re rootin’ some other sheila behind me back!

BOGUE: Aww, come on! I broke up with her before I shacked up wiv you! Well, maybe a couple of weeks later.

BOGUETTE: You bastard!!! You cruel, heartless bastard! That’s it! I’m goin’ home, I’m packin’ me bags and I’m staying with Shevonne until I can get things sorted out!

BOGUE: C’mon! Was I your first? Of course I wasn’t! Joel on the site reckons that you were $luttin’ it up with every boy in yer year at the state high school!

BOGUETTE: That’s not the point! At least I never lied to you or anyfint! That’s it, I’m leaving, you can take care of the kids, there ain’t the space at Shevonne’s for them to eat or sleep. (picks up handbag and fetches car keys)

BOGUE: And how am I supposed to get home? I’ve never caught a bus since I went to school, I dunno where they all go and I fink they stop at six o’clock! And it’s a two hour walk back to our digs, and there ain’t no hope of gettin’ a taxi on a Fridee night!

BOGUETTE: I don’t care how you get home! I don’t care anymore!

BOGUE: And what about yer dinner we just ordered and I’m payin’ for, with MY money that I make from MY job while you’re just a dole-bludgin’ bitch?

BOGUETTE: You eat it, you fat greedy pig. Anyway, I’m out of here. (storms out of restaurant with mascara streaming down her cheeks)

BOGUE: (sighs) Man. Bloody guvment. Never puttin’ on buses when we need ’em. Waitress! Another Crownie, thanks, love! By the way, has anyone ever told you that you’re the rose of all the world?

THE END

5 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Urban, the B&B is a great way to end the week. Do they have an overseas trip coming up?

5 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Urban, the B&B is a great way to end the week. Do they have an overseas trip coming up?

5 03 2011
James Hunter

Love to think of them in a french coffee shop or an Italian take away. or even a pommy fish and chippery. The thoughts of them in an international hotel dining room ,even for breakfast, would be too much.

5 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I can see them strolling the streets of Paris trying to find some carnt who serves proper food and speaks f*cking Aussie.

6 03 2011
Tombarina

Surely, if B&B did darken the door of some unfortunate foreign clime, they’d only eat at Maccas. ‘Cos you know what your gettin’n’$hit.

5 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Come on JH, be realistic. Only CUBs travel anywhere other than the Goldie/Bali/Phuket, our Bogue and Boguette can’t afford it right now.

5 03 2011
Bag O'Turnips

Maybe JH’s idea of an “innernational” holiday with it’s attendant encounters may come once Boguette lands a jerb, maybe a casual shift at the local Supré skankmart…will remind her of happier times of being young before jelly baby belly and wearing slInky skanky skirts, like when she was a promotions tart for Red Bull.

Might even open the opportunity for a bit of make-up sex, #124 style…no doubt urbanreverie’s storytelling nous will bring us, ahem, up-to-date.

5 03 2011
James Hunter

BOT, I did not actually mean to suggest that a Bougette was very likely to end up in any of those places. Just that the concept is a cause enough for an attack of the giggles.

5 03 2011
urbanreverie

Oh, there’s no doubt that B&B have aspirations to travel overseas. However, as Turnips alluded to, they probably have more pressing concerns to deal with right now – such as finding Boguette some work!

Anyway, I had an uncomfortable bogan experience today. I went to meet up with a friend in the Valley, and on the way I went through Roma Street Station. I climbed the stairs to the platform, only to find that the entire length was full of hundreds and hundreds of loud, obnoxious, restless teenbogues, most of whom looked like Corey Worthington.

Think of the scene as a Timezone multiplied by a 15-screen Greater Union cineplex raised to the power of a Westfield food court on a Thursday night.

Anyway, I asked one of the teenbogues what was going on. “We’re all going to the Futures music festival” was his very loud reply. At which point a teenboguette friend of his jumps in front of me and shouts in my face, “Yeah, didn’t you just pick a great day to come to this station, hahaha!”

“No. I didn’t,” was my deadpan riposte.

“But look at all these beautiful chicks here! You should be in heaven,” the male bogue said, while pointing to a group of giggling squawking slappers with spray tans and sunglasses the size of satellite dishes whom no self-respecting guy would touch with a ten-foot barge pole.

I just smirked and went back to texting my friend.

“What? Are you farkin’ gay, are ya?” I just shook my head and walked away while concentrating on my phone.

After I sent the text, I looked around and counted how many groups of teenboguettes were making duckfaces in front of cameras. I lost count at six.

It’s one thing to see photos of duckfaces here on TBL or on Facebook. It’s an altogether different thing to see it in real life. It’s trashy. It’s disturbing. Seriously disturbing. I don’t think I’ll sleep well tonight.

5 03 2011
James Hunter

Urban,
Come on now , where’s the photos you took ?

5 03 2011
martin

What is with the duckface anyway? Is it some sort of attempt to convey that they are having the most awesome time ever in the history of the entire world and they are the most awesome person? It seems as if it’s some sort of attempt at satire on that but the way they do it it’s not successful, there’s no conviction in the satire and you can tell that really is what they want to convey. Little retards.

5 03 2011
Mick

I was almost the victim of a glassing because of much the same situation, except it was In a bar in Quebec. And the glassin’ was gonna be done by a French-Canadian bogan. This guy kept on banging on about something but with my dodgy french all I could make out was something about the barmaid.

Apparently, according to the lovely young art student who saved my arse, when I didn’t agree with him about how lovely this barmaid was, he assumed I was gay. And deserved a hiding.

By the way urban, I need your expert advice. I went on a date last night. Stunning woman, but has some disturbing bogan traits. Not a lot, just enough to worry me. Bali partying and boost juice were major concerns. Do I make a decision to take this thing further on amount of bogan traits, intensity of bogan traits or the fact she’s stunning. I realise the last reason is rather shallow but meh, someone has to be.

5 03 2011
urbanreverie

G’day Mick,

I believe this is the first time that I’ve ever been asked for dating & relationship advice on TBL!

Anyway, my first instincts after reading your post is to tell you to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Yes, she may well be stunning physically, but Boost Juice? Partying on Bali? I can handle one bogan trait. But two? And you’ve discovered these two traits after just one date? Just think of how many other traits are probably there, waiting to be discovered!

You seem like a brainy chap, Mick. You most likely need a woman who’s got brains as well. What’s her accent and elocution like? Bogans tend to score very poorly in the vocal department – if she is well-spoken and has no problems pronouncing the “TH” phoneme in words such as “think” and “nothing”, she probably has only slight bogan tendencies which can be tolerated.

It sort of reminds me of a time about five years ago when I went out with this lady. We got on very well and I was hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with her, but we never became anything more than friends for a short while. Looking back, I thank Christ for this, because she was a massive Home & Away addict. Can you just imagine the fights that would have ensued whenever I want to watch the ABC News? And if she was hooked on Home & Away – well, what other things were lurking which I didn’t know about? Perhaps she was an Oprahphile? Bought every issue of New Weekly religiously?

In a nutshell: Go on a few more dates. Tread carefully. Be on the lookout for further bogan traits. And don’t hesitate to press the EJECT button if you find them. However, if it’s just a false alarm and she’s really quite decent – best of luck!

6 03 2011
martin

Boost I could handle. Bali, well that’s pretty much unforgivable and a sure sign of bad taste imo. But hey this is Australia I don’t think we’ve got much choice.

6 03 2011
Mick

There was also mention of last year’s designer drugs, and going to the track on Melbourne Cup day. So there’s four boxes ticked. But, she did laugh at bogans who are getting huge and tribal tattoos.

A confusing one. Thanks for the help urban. You’re right . I’m gonna have to take her out again tonight and cunningly introduce a few more traits for her to comment on and get a handle on her level of boganity.

6 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Depends on age a bit too Mick. As we mature bogue traits should drop off. If you think Contiki and getting hammered at the Melbourne Cup is still great at 40 then you are probably an irredeemable bogan. My 2 cents anyway.

6 03 2011
James Hunter

Simon, re the age thing, going back to the 60’s I domt recollect a lot of aaaaaaaaaaaaabougans, some but a lot more okkers.
Also the venues themselves have changed and the bogans have by their presence driven that change. e.g. Bali or most any where in OZ round the coast was still a decent place to holiday. Now the Gols coast is more like the back blocks of Rio than Miami with Bali comming in a close fourth
Pity This used to be a much luckier country

6 03 2011
Tombarina

Mick, that’s quite enough boxes ticked. I’m with Martin & Urb. Run – don’t walk – away.

But if it’s a decider you’re after, maybe tease out her views on abos, reffos, towelheads & how this country’s #(^$ed cos of gummint handouts and lazy bastards. And if she saw something-or-other story on (insert braindead topic here) on (insert alleged current affairs/reality show here).

Finally – and this should really clinch it – what’s her view on jetskis?

I think we already know the answer to at least some of the above….

7 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

I like jetskis.

7 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Mick, I’m going to buck the trend here – if she’s hot enough, an bogue traits are ignore-able. Trust me.

I speak as your younger, less inhibited self.

5 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Noice, noice.

Although this does bring back some memories.

5 03 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

What the #124 Ash? Or just banging skanks!

7 03 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts

Sorta. Last year, my footy teammates all thought it’d be a good idea to take me to Hog’s Breath for my 20th as a joke, cause they know I don’t eat red meat (the last Hindu rule I bother to uphold).

I spent most of my time there hitting on the waitress before I got us all kicked out. Something about being naked.

4 03 2011
James Hunter

Davo, the solar panel is the single least cost effective way to spend your green doolar. Now that the 66 cent per Kw/h is gone .. Also from an overall pionyt of view too many skew the base load arouind and the big base load generators cant keep up.
Lend money to build a BIG solar power rig in the outback that can run up to 15 hour with no sun, like they are doing in spain,It uses mirrors to heat a concentrated salt solution to store heat and to operate a heat exchanger to run conventional steam turbines. or build more dams as hydro can also be adjusted easily.

5 03 2011
Joe Btfsplk

That’s too logical.

5 03 2011
James Hunter

Joe, I know I know but unless we get smart and go neculear then we will all be rooned.

12 03 2011
Hugh

Would I be wrong in thinking that a decent portion of the people who comment on this site are themselves Bogans? I cringe when I see undiagnosed bogans take shots at others. Whilst they may not be of the worst category of Bogans they are still Bogan. They think that by following this website it makes them less of a bogan. Far from true.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: