The bogan loves doing things to itself. To the xtreme. And without any prior knowledge of how to actually do them. This ambitious incompetence runs the gamut of most bogan activities, ranging from killing things to lifting things, with it ultimately and inevitably, doing its back in. And then pulling a sickie. While the non-bogan populace is content with accepting the limitations of its vertebrae and employing ergonomically sound lifting techniques, the bogan is infallible to pain. Or logic. In the same vein as it defiantly wears thongs in winter as a display of its unerring machismo, the bogan never needs any help. Be it lifting a 150 kg fridge onto a mate’s trailer using only its lumbar muscle and not bending its knees or merrily wrestling its friend after a slab of Slate cans. Either way, its lower back will experience unprecedented pain, giving it plenty of ammunition to call in sick the following day.
Of course, the bogan’s injuries have to necessarily be acquired while doing something incredibly extreme, like having sex in a toilet cubicle or asphalting the driveway on a 40 degree day. The fact that it may have haemorrhaged a few spinal cord discs means nothing to the bogan. As long as it can loudly brag about how Tarnee went off and nearly cracked her skull against the toilet bowl or how amazing its new X-T-R-E-M-E D-I-Y decking project turned out, it is painfully happy. Suddenly, Trevor the overfed staffie, lunges at the bogan with all its overwalked canine might, thus resulting in maxxtreme displacement of its back.
Nothing satisfies the bogan’s sadistic appetite like acquiring an injury at work. And then claiming insulting amounts of money through workers compensation. Because knows its rights. Even though the bogan back came undone while proving to a co-worker that a Snickers bars may be extracted from the vending machine by simply tilting it at a slight angle. After kicking up a fuss about workplace safety and securing 3 months of paid leave, it will proceed to plan a family vacation to the closest and largest river basin. For 3 days of petrol consuming activities that require a fully functional back. However, the mercurial bogan mind failed to account for the fact that it’s running the risk of being accosted by the mavericks from Today Tonight/A Current Affair, only to be ridiculed by their bogan peers nationwide.
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At long last, mentions of that bogan grail, compo.
Thankyou, another great entry.
Yeah, ‘Compo’ could be its own entry.
But this article perfectly illustrates the bogan’s utter disregard for common sense or consideration for its weights, age or physical fitness. Especially when there are mates to impress and heavy objects to move.
Very funny entry, TBL.
I think this is a “compo” entry…
I am guilty of all of the above. (Gimme a break I spent my tender youth in the military.) except the compo of course.
Why, just yesterday I got a nasty sunburn and belted my thumb with a hammer building a shade house for Nanna Rose.
It really smarts.
Indeed, I knew a bogan who had “The Just Group” (company that owns Just Jeans, Jay Jay’s, Dotti, and various other shitty bogan clothing stores) paying him compo for about 6 months until they finally decided they would risk it and fire him. His claim was that working in Just Jeans gave him “panic attacks”, and he found some quack to confirm this even though his metal problems were glaringly obvious way before he even began working for the company, of course the Just Group didn’t know that, poor schmucks. What a douche.
That’s so shit. It makes me really pissed.
Compo is bogan, yep. :P (Particularly when the boguesters go cry to Naomi and co. on TT or ACA seeking it…)
Trevor, the overfed staffie — mm-hmm, yep. Bogues overdo everything, they sure do. And, is it just northern ‘burb bogues, or a general bogue thing, to bestow their pets with people names? I’ve always hated that, always seen it as insulting to the animal, unless, perhaps, it’s a plain old “Harry” or “Bob”. I know so many bogans in my neck of the woods with human-moniker animals. “Jasmine”, “Taylor”…(or, more likely, “Taylah”, I suppose), “Kurt”, and “Hannah” and myriad other people names are not worthy, in my honest opinion. At the risk of sounding a li’l misanthropic, even us non-bogues are compleeetely inferior to our animal friends, and, call me nit-picky, but I so despise these bogans insisting on the anthropomorphism of their pets.
Excuse the mini-rant, but I’ve dealt with bogans all frigging day long, and, as one of those animal lib nutters, have dealt with some heinous animal cruelty cases courtesy of fucking BOGUES.
Gah, they all needa be glassed. The c*nts!
Top article, TBL.
I think Trevor is an awesome name for a dog. Particularly for a staffie.
Given that Bogans no longer use real names for people then I think they are fine for dogs. My dog however is called Richo.
My (female) dog is called George. My mother in law has a budgie that she named ‘budgie’. We often look after it when she is away so I have renamed it ‘Gavin’.
I see your Gavin, and I raise you.
Friends of mine had cats named Helicopter and Dennis.
Ha! Fantastic names.
However, if I can teach Gavin to say his name that will be hilarious.
Very true.
We didn’t have much luck with Helicopter.
My friends have a cat called Maggie… short for Magnesium. Needless to say, she was adopted.
Oh, and my friends are definitely NOT Bogan.
My daughter has a goldfish called Fluffy.
I wish to call my future dog Mr Squiggle. Squiggy for all non-formal occasions. When I pat his belly I’ll say “upside-down, upside-down”
“Upside down Miss Jane!”
aaaww!
I have a kitten called Trevor. And he has as much terror as a staffie.
I once owned a cat I called Gary. WINNER
i have 4 cats motech, Custard, Rhubarb, and Oscar. :D
My late cat was Joey – because he was a brown Burmese who loved to hop around.
His formal breeding name was Chi-Lang Armani Brown (the breeder have me the choice between Armani and Samson – seemed as easy choice) but he was never given the breeding option…
A mate had a goat called Goater and a dog called Dogger.
Goater is an excellent name for a Goat. There’s a goat in our road, lives on the roadside, and I call him Goaty but I bet his name is really Goater.
Names Goats Give Themselves:
“I am Goater! the Chewer of many Things and Watcher of The Roadside.”
nod to Gary Larsen
hahaha simon!
My FemBully is called Nuts.
dogs are the best people.
no matter what anyone else thinks she is always happy to see me.
…and I can be pretty hard work.
:D
That reminds me the Slap Chop ad is back on TV with the classic line “You’re gonna love my nuts”. Done by the same bloke who does Shamwow.
His name is Vince Offer. He used the Shamwow and Slap Chop to fund what is possibly the worst movie of all time (yes, that includes Plan 9 from Outer Space and The Giant Claw)… it’s called The Underground Comedy Movie.
Is that a stage name?
I think so. The bloke’s originally from Israel, if memory serves me correctly.
His real name is Vince Schlomo. Born and bred in the states, actually raised a Scientologist until he came out and publicly “defamed” them. He was arrested a few years ago for aassaulting a prostitute in LA…
The more you know…
I love how scientologists get to “come out”.
oh that’s just,
oh,
That’s Hilarious!!!
and when they do come out I just want to give them some big Jarvis Cocker fingers!!!
Fuck Yez!
my god.
the whole vince thing.
that was beautiful! I was really on side with him for a minute and then the big let down. Heady stuff.
slap chop indeed
Animals are people too? Or would be, if people were delicious and provided handy sexual relief to lonely farmers.
Fucking funny Muzz!!!
i need a voltaren now
“Because knows its rights”
Aaah yes, the old “I have rights but no one else does” clause.
[Nods sagely]
Not quite, Sibyl. The bogan does know its rights AND knows that everyone else has rights. This is due to its belief in and/or affiliation with Unionism…and because its Dad voted Labor all his life (the NaB has voted Liberal in the recent past, only because ‘John Howard stopped the boat people gettin’ in and that’)
However the bogan has MORE rights than others. These rights extend beyond the right to a safe work place and access to work compensation under current law as pointed out in this blog. The rights extend into such areas as the right to be above the law; by exceeding the speed limit/drive like a hoon and to disobey court orders and injunctions. There is also the right under free speech to speak loudly on public transport. The right to be a general public nuisance and make everyone around them cringe and feel uncomfortable is also very bogan.
There are plenty of other rights that bogans have which are denied to other people within society. Please feel free to add!
shouldn’t there be an it in there?
Of course, for many Bogans, having done ones back in, once, justifies a lifetime of obesity thereafter.
Definitely viv.
The bogan may now feel overpowered with the need to consume constantly as it takes advantage of the Disabled parking spot, that it suddenly feel entitled to.
Which is so conveniently place at the entrance to its favourite shopping malls.
*feels
*placed
…or perhaps “insensate” to pain
or impervious
or ignorant of
throw me a fucking b*ne here.
Impervious to pain is what they were looking for, you’re right, entirely the wrong word used in original article.
thank you!
it’s been a long fucking d*y!
‘Suddenly, Trevor the overfed staffie, lunges at the bogan with all its overwalked canine might, thus resulting in maxxtreme displacement of its back.’
I don’t know why but that line has had me giggling for about half an hour.
I wonder if their bad back restricts their partaking in the ‘sport’ of glassing, especially where cunts are concerned??
of course not – you can always overcome pain at times of real need, and there’s no more real need than a glassing.
And, like so many of the bogan’s preferred activities, it’s all in the wrist.
You mean ,like darts? snigger,snigger
Oh, James. Naturally!
speaking of glassing, did people see this on the weekend?
http://www.perthnow.com.au/lifestyle/welcome-to-was-wildest-wedding-day/story-e6frg3pl-1225846341940
A glassing between family members at a bogan wedding… you couldn’t make this stuff up people wouldn’t believe you
I once knew a chap who wouldn’t warm up prior to non-extreme physical exercise on the grounds that it was “gay”.
Not as gay, as it turn out, as spending several weeks laid up in bed, utterly reliant upon a male carer (all that the home nursing agency had available) dispensing sponge baths to a patient who had herniated a couple of discs.
Oh, how we laughed…..
hahaha!
I’ve done that too!
I always feel like a mook stretching.
…aaaaaaaand we’re back to caviar.
your “‘preferred’ caviar”, D’s A
Oh so true, so true! Although there was no mention of the job on the side (paid in cash) which requires lifting or engaging in activities the bogan has been deemed unable to perform due to the injury in its main line of employment nor the fact that the disgruntled bogan next door, pissed off at having to still go to work every day, will ring up WorkCover and dob the first bogan in!
Another great post TBL!
AH yes, never underestimate the bogan’s ability to do cash in hand work. With or without a bad back a bogan will always have capacity to do cash in hand jobs as it provides the bogan with extra drinking money for that night.
yes under-the-table operations are fine when the bogan benefits from it, but outrageous when Today Tonight’s latest villain is doing it.
Oh So many potential new posts for TBL:
Workers Comp (Workcover, milking the cash cow)
Long Weekends (linking petrol use, killing things, glassings)
Pitbulls & Staffies (large dogs in general)
Andrew Bogut
Homophobia
The ‘Sickie’ (Or – Chucking a Sickie)
Smoko breaks (or the right to have one – even if it takes 25mins from each hour of work)
So much more that TBL can provide us… Here I was thinking that after 100 quality gems we’d be grasping at thin air – running out of things that bogans like…
But now – I believe that this blog could be infinite…
Indeed, loftie, it amazes me just how in tune the TBL staff are with the Bogue psyche… however, there has been a glaring omission, namely Karaoke. It’s a heady cocktail, comprised of loud commercial music, exotic plumage (OK, so it’s Ed Hardy – sue me!) and the closest proximity to actual celebrity the Bogues will ever achieve (unless they manage to snag an appearance on TT or ACA, of course).
Karaoke is a certainty.. It’s got to be!
do people still do karaoke?? I thought that died out back in the ’90s????
“people” don’t… ;)
karaoke is cool if you’re in japan.
only.
“karaoke is cool if you’re in japan”
and I’m somewhere else.
hahahaha!
I see your point, although I am a huge fan of Karaoke. And the boganity of the activity is exponential to the venue it is held in.
Brisbanians will be aware of The Jubilee who hold/held? a karaoke extravaganza on friday nights. Lots of bogans intermingled with various other sub-groups such as goths, lesbians, goth lesbians and so on. I entertained the masses with a stellar performance of ‘Money for Nothing’ and hours afterwards was treated as if I were an actual celebrity by a clot of bogan gallants.
‘Clot’. That’s a good one.
Not forgetting the Brunswick Hotel on a Thurday night….nothing like the unmedicated dancing to along to the Grease Megamix and transvestites belting out Life on Mars.
OMG
did you guys see Ru-Paul’s Drag Race?
go trannies.
Haha, Shirley, is that the one that burnt down? Oh wait, I’m thinking of The Vicco (Victory)? I’ve been happy to partake in the boganity of karaoke there (when up from the Gold Coast).
If Karaoke is to be included, it must be misspelt!
‘The Jube’ is the one near the RNA showgrounds.
Please don’t do karaoke, TBL. xxx
When surrounded by them, it’s neither here nor there!
I’ve got a few more;
The sun – mowing the lawn with no shirt on so everyone can see their mad tats and huge guns. No regard for skin cancer, sunscreen’s for faggets.
Public urination – extra points if they’re wearing footy shorts
Trivia nights – my “local” has weekly trivia nights hosted by a drag queen and all the questions are about local sporting events and farnsy. I’ve never played but I was unlucky enough to go there for a cheap steak on the wrong night.
CityRail – this goes hand in hand with compo and doing their backs in. It’s a cashcow for lazy bogans.
Dog ownership, with a few exceptions, is for bogans
So all dog owners are bogan, except for the dog owners who aren’t bogans?
That’s right. The exceptions primarily being the blind and others requiring canine assistance.
have at you Sir!
I will consider myself excepted.
What about Swarovski Crystal? It seems they’re shoving those things on everything. Mobile phones, laptops, and worse:
http://www.nypost.com/p/blogs/popwrap/jennifer_love_hewitt_has_sparkly_HiQIbPYCm9uPWxXgCKT5nN
Choice quote:
“After a break up, a friend of mine Swarovski crystalled my ‘precious lady’ and it shined like a disco ball. So I have a whole chapter in there about how women should va-jazzled their va-jay-jays,” she told George Lopez.
I think that meets the bar for inclusion on our list. If it isn’t popular yet, it will be soon.
if bogans did anything other than 600 biceps curls at the gym, their backs wouldn’t be as weak as jelly.
Spineless!
like a hybread lemon, tart and spinless ?
The average bogan goes to the gym for one reason and one reason only… So it’s biceps \ triceps look larger than the other cunt’s when it gets into a fight and there are no glasses around…
and “chicks dig it” and it makes their tribal tats look even more badass
Has anyone noticed that they love to build up their necks to the point where they no longer have a neck, I don’t understand it..
Shock Absorbtion!
HAHAHA,
I was going to say coz thats what NRL players look like and they want to emulate their idols.
have you seen the ones who can’t put their arms besides their bodies or even touch their own backs?!
The bogan doesn’t consider itself a blusher if the ‘injury’ occurred at work and it now receives compo.
The bogan still hates those dole bludgers and would glass them if its back wasn’t crook.
The clinic I work at doesn’t direct invoice Workcover to employers / insurers ,the patient pays upfront and then claims the rebate back themselves. You should see the uproar at that. The majority of sensible people understand why a small business can’t spend all day chasing up the payments for their “compo” claims which are often rejected and never paid. The bogans on the other hand “Know Their Rights” which apparently include a lifetime of free health-care for injuries their employers and insurers wont pay for. They then ask for the consult to be bulk billed and look affronted when I explain that taxpayers aren’t responsible for paying for their workplace injuries.
I got the same treatment when requiring people on provisional medicare cards to pay up front and claim medicare later. They were producing the cards for me to bulk bill, but had already had their permanent residency denied but this was not on the card. So I would get the claims rejected. And they would get free medical care. Hence the upfront fee. I made all compo people have their case workers fax over how many (psychological) sessions they were eligible for before they got an appt. The most I ever saw was two approved at once. Didnt stop people calling in all day requesting appointments and ‘can’t you charge workcover’ No no and NO
* bludger
All this talk about bogans showing off in front of their mates made me think. What is the collective noun for a group of bogans?
A glassing of bogans?
An X of bogans?
ooohhh good question.
I like the first one Paul.
Or A Gunt of Bogans.
Agree.
It certainly couldn’t be a “classing”. Although the bogan hordes may dissent.
I like the idea of using a term that the bogan would not typically understand. Just to piss it off. A foreign word would also be awesome.
A cataclysm of bogans?
A philandros of bogans?
Or, to make a literary reference, a confederacy of bogans.
Or we could make a geographical reference and get a rhyme out of it. A Logan of Bogans.
This is fun, innit?
a tautology
True. The same could be said of mob of bogans and a few of the other suggestions.
indeed.
surely someone was aware of the near homophonic irony when they named Logan.
A Valve of Bogans
Shirley,
In our case maybe a commonwealth of bogans ?
It would have to just be herd or flock wouldn’t it?
I think “a plague of bogans” fits rather nicely.. Has a certain ring to it.
Sold!
Being from Sydney, I like a “glenmore”.
Or, from a Qld perspective, a Caboolture/Woodridge/Thuringowa/Ipswich/Kippa-Ring of bogans?
Plague is my vote
oh, I like Gunt :P
I’m with A Gunt of Bogans.
GUNTOXEN!!!
Guntoxen!
Gold!
Anybody???
Don’t you hate that. Either no one gets it or it’s not gold? The sound of one hand clapping Edna.
Simon, don’t be evil.
Edna, I’ve got your back. It’s actually quite goldy.
If nothing else, ‘guntoxen’ is a fun word to say.
Thank you Tombarina!
… at last
*shower of lillies*
tumbleweeds
Sorry, I go with gold personally as Edna backed my suggestion originally, sometimes I just can’t help myself.
*crickets*
*shuffles feet*
That’s better.
I hate to see you pair tearing yourselves apart.
oh simon you are so concilliatory
An ‘Ignorance’ of bogans?
That’s got my vote. Or a Stupidity of Bogans.
It could only be a Clowder, as in a “Clowder of feral cats”. They’re pests, like feral cats, they fight like feral cats and they multiply like feral cats.
Sten, Shirley, excellent suggestions!
May I suggest an Eddie of bogans? A Lara?
How about a Jaxxzyhn of bogans?
Clowder also has the added benefit of irony, as Bogans are renowned for their general contempt for felines (unless they’re the sort which appear on gaudy, overpriced t-shirts by a French designer who shall remain anonymous).
A Bingle of bogans?
Ha!
(snorts loudly at desk; colleagues look around in concerned/suspicious fashion)
HaHa!
A lleyton of bogans
A “mob” of bogans unfortunately sums them up concisely.
Yeah, it’s boring, but accurate.
a “What?!”.
y’know… a “What?!” of bogans.
all walking in little semi-circles.
going
wot wot wot wot wot.
…yeah.
maybe just a clod of bogans
A boganX
A MaXxX of Bogans
A slab of bogans.
Although I like the ‘gunt’ theme. I think ‘guntload of bogans’ would be good, as it’s more x-treme than just a gunt.
Guntoxen!!!
dammit!
A holden of bogans
A belligerence of bogans.
An obturation of Bogans.
An Ikea of Bogans.
Coz its foreign and classy an shit.
How about a ‘Clan’ of Bogans..or the Bogan Clan?
They would have their own coat of arms…a male bogue and fem bogue facing each other – he in an Ed Hardy shirt with 30 inch guns blazing, she in a D & G beddazzled top with 6 inch nails. They’re holding a poster of Eddie McGuire drapped in the Southern Cross flag……classy
Well then, why not a Klan of Bogans? After all, it combines poor spelling with racist connotations.
I agree Sten, Klan does sound better….especially with it’s XXX-treme KKK connotations
A rash of bogans.
Rash, yes I like it.
in a similar fashion ie. linked to the concept of an irritant – how about an infestation of bogans?
An (Aussie) Pride Of Bogans ?
an OiOiOi of bogans, perhaps. We don’t want to associate them with such a divine and valuable species.
Aussie Pride of Bogans is the best so far.
However I was thinking of ‘A set of bogans’. The rational for this comes through association. .. ‘set’ comes from a set of badgers, badgers live in a brock, bogans worshipped Peter Brock..therefore a Set of Bogans.
Nelson, you think to much.
I know…I really must cut down the time I spend in the shower and on the toilet…it’s where I come up with these things…
I do, however, applaud your line of reasoning.
You spend all that time in the shower and toilet and that trhe best you can come up with ? dear me what a worry
At least I can say I shower, which is probably more than what you could say…
like a ‘set’ of sick rims eh?
I like that Shirley.
A garn get f*cked ya c@nt of bogans
I think a challenge to TBL is in order. Work into the next entry your favorite(s) group description of Bogans.
They’re all missing the obvious. Should it not be a Compo of bogans? Compo being short for both composition and compensation.
a brawl of bogans, perhaps?
A commodore of bogans?
A Chevrodore of bogans.
what about an excuse of bogans? or an accusation of bogans? both things they are wont to do.
A Falcodore of Bogans?
A Murder of Bogans?
A Spleen of Bogans?
A Bellowing of Bogans?
Phil, How about a Bog of Bogans?
And if they’re cashed up, is it an HSV of CUB’s?
Or should I say a ‘Clubsport of CUBs’
How accurate. The only people in my town who have a bad back are the idiots!
(Their dogs are called Roger, Stanley and Fedor)
hahahahaha
Is Defa still popular as in “d for dog”
Yep, there are still plenty of Defas out there and every bogan thinks they invented it.
I knew a bogan with a rabbit called Arfa. I’m not sure if it was a play on the Defa thing or if he just couldn’t pronounce Arthur properly.
*good giggle*
Love it TBL.
I pissed myself just reading the title.
A “Hardy” of bogans
By no means should the collective noun of Bogans reflect something that they like.
a ballet of bogans? a symphony? a book (without pictures)?
Oooh! In that case, a Mosque’o’Bogues.
Tombarina, That is the most beautifully politically incorrect thing I’v seen for ages. Appaluse everyone
Thank you TBL.
Another cringe worthy post
This collective noun issue should be passed onto Kevin Rudd so that he can seek support for the new term across a broad spectrum of bogan and non-bogan society.
LOL. Must I do everything around here?
It’s a “compensation of bogans”, people!
Fiona, sorry but you are second in on that one.
LOL. Really? Where? I refuse to believe it!
Sybill at 11.20am.
They’re all missing the obvious. Should it not be a Compo of bogans? Compo being short for both composition and compensation
LOL. Ah, I see. Well, in that case, I vote for “compensation”. Case closed.
Careful everyone, Fi is about to shudder
Quick, someone get Loftie a towel.
Sorry to be anal, but; “The fact that it may have haemorrhaged a few spinal cord discs”, should be “The fact that it may have prolapsed (or herniated) a few intervertebral discs”. Spinal cords don’t have discs, the spinal column has intervertebral discs, which don’t haemorrhage, therefore, not fact.
Don’t be sorry Bil, desist. It is writing for effect not accuracy dude.
Accuracy adds to the effect. Especially when the word ‘prolapse’ is involved.
prolapse ,as in rectum?
Prolapse means to fall out of place. So yes, rectal prolapse is one example (A graphic example of this happening to a weightlifter can be found somewhere on the interweb). Uterine prolapse is fairly common after child birth, and spinal disc prolapse commonly occurs after being lunged at by an overfed staffie named trevor.
And that was “spinal disc”, not “spinal cord disc”. Just like its “eye lashes”, not “eye socket lashes”, “steering wheel”, not “steering dashboard wheel”, “rectal prolapse” not “rectal arse prolapse” etc.
or “wanker” not “small penis wanker”.
I’m with you, Bill. It’s a rather bogan trait to justify all errors, with “Yeah, big deal, you know what I mean”.
If one uses technical terms (in this case, medical) in preference to the colloquial terms (in this case, “slipped”) they should at least be correct. Which is why I will never write about cars or the football.
gazumped!
:)
working in a restaurant in perth about 8 years ago, this shit would fly off the shelves
http://www.brownbrothers.com.au/ourwine/product.aspx?vintageid=868
“KRAOW-CHEN RISE-LING!!”
tastes like piss mixed with sugar syrup
My mother in law drinks that stuff and regularly gifts it to me for birthdays and so on. Needless to say, I stash it away and bring it out to serve her when she comes to call.
you have my sympathy.
my mother in law drinks Laphroaig, my mum drink Baileys or JD.
LOL
The compensation is they do not drink your good stuff. My family all have good taste in wine and it is always a race to get a second glass.
I enjoy the regifting immensely.
Yep….my ex-wife had friends who loved to come over knowing I couldn’t drink bad wine….one memorable evening was Cape Mentelle, Clover Hill, and Clos Clare followed by their offering of Rosemount Traminer Riesling. At that point I felt too drunk to remain at the table and went for a nap on the couch.
all style Reparty.
not crazy for the Marg rivers myself.
(SA parochial)
saved by the nap.
“well fellows I seem to have over indulged, excuse me whilst I F*ck Right Off will you?”
I’m a red man myself, last family roast was a 2002 St Hallett Basket Press and a Leconfield. Hows that for showing off.
nice!
St Hallet is right near Rochford.
That’s a kick arse road (Krondorf?)
With Charle Melton at the end.
I spent that tax bonus thing at Charles Melton.
Chubby, no plasma and 22′ rims, you are a disgrace.
Do you mean Rockford?
Lovely sparkling red if you can get your hands on it (managed to grab a bottle a few years ago when we visited). Yum. I think it is cellar door only or some such.
oops.
*blush*
outponced!
yes basket press is a rockford.
Outwanked is a probably a more accurate term, but thanks for the accolade.
Yes Ben,
The Black Shiraz, awesome drop only available by pre order and you are only allowed 3 each I think.
Love Charles Melton wines…money well spent Chubby!
They do some spectacular single vineyard shiraz- Voices of Angels, Grains of Paradise etc. Only avail @ cellar door or prob’ly by mail order. It will be a loooong ten years waiting on those babies to peak.
And of course the Rose of Virginia. the only thing which makes me pine for hot weather.
(when I also like to enjoy a gin and moscato!)
Simon ,
do st hallets still do that Pedro Ximine Port? Marvelous drop
James, I don’t know but if you are a port man check this out
http://www.honeymoonvineyard.com.au/
Some friends of mine who make an awesome vintage port old school. Actually all their stuff is exceptional especially the Shiraz and ther Pinot.
nice one Si!
I’ll check it out.
hills pinots are waaaay under rated IMO.
check out Ashton Hills and Barrat Wines for contrast.
If you like fortifieds you MUST get up to seppeltsfield.
A new consortium (apparently involving Ms J. Holmes a Court and one of the gentlemen from Killikanoon) has bought the site along with all their old stocks of fortified wines… dating back a hundred years and more.
Historical tour and tasting is a pineapple well spent! Tip: bring a designated driver!
Hey! What’s wrong with Laphroaig?
It’s not my favourite, but it’s a fine single malt nonetheless. ’tain’t nothing wrong with it.
Perhaps I missed your point.
Perhaps Ben, perhaps.
Sorry – I just worry about these things. I’m a bit removed from many bogans these days and this site tells me what they are getting into. It would appear that there is nothing the bogans won’t sully.
And if bogans are sullying decent scotch that’s well, tragic.
There is very little they wont get their grubby mitts on and you can be sure they put coke or redbull with their fine single malt.
In Scotland, they glass folk for that.
BTW – I think the Scots may have actually invented the glassing (Stitch that Jimmy!).
I smell some research.
hahahaha
stitch that!
gold
They use razor blades, often hidden in their hats or other garments.
We like to embrace foreign culture.
Worse. It’s glass warfare.
I know someone who attended bogan wedding that had Riccadonna on every table for serving
Can’t top that. But I have heard it referred to as “Italian champagne”.
at that same wedding no doubt…
Maybe it was a table decoration…
TBL as someone who deals with this sort of thing for a living, I would have have to say that Its not always the case …..Owwwwww Ahhhhhhh Cramp! Cramp! Ahhhhhh! Ive got RSI! Ive got RSI!
The bad back thing is so very bogan. All the while they’re doing renos around the house and earning cash in hand doing odd jobs helping their tradie mates.
Another good topic would be the bogan propensity for buying things new, aka new nursery items (never have Jayden wearing another baby’s clothing or sleeping in a used cot), new car (that $14K Kia is far better value than the $15K Corolla with 40kms on the clock). They never enter second hand stores and have no idea about the true value of what they’re buying. They don’t want anything old looking (possibly valuable) and prefer to shop at places like Freedom where everything looks shiny, new and foreign made.
Looking at furniture right now, I always thought Freedom was a lower budget option to fill up a room. Fuck no.
Nup. I think Supa-A-Mart are your cheap room-stuffers, gauging by their nasty shouty ads.
Freedom are a little big for their own boots, although not in the pretension league of some of the upmarket furniture chain stores (Domayne, King).
Feel free to glass me, but I quite like Ikea for basic, everyday homewares. As they’re generally located in Bogan Central suburbs, Ikeas are often quite full of genuine lil’ Aussie (and Kiwi) battlers. However, they’re mercifully free of CUBs, who are too busy blowing their lolly on “buy now, hock a kidney in two years’ time” crap-they-don’t-need packages at Hardly Normal.
and ikea don’t do nasty shouty ads.
Could that be a future topic – retailers with shouty ads?
Tyre barns, taverns with drive-through bottle-shops, rug
warehouses, A-Mart (both furniture and sporting goods),
camping/fishing outlets, krazy-with-a-k designer selldowns
at places like the Brisbane Convention Centre – they’re all
shouty. And bogalicious.
I don’t think anyone ‘likes’ shouty ads. Those of weak minds are eventually worn down by the shouting and will do whatever the shouter tells them to.
hey look, marketing works because bogans buy.
if you follow?
so the way to bring a bogue around to your point of view is to bellow at him in short bursts accompanied by bells and flashing lights/colour and movement. repetitively.
apparently.
HEY! WE’RE ALL JUST PPL!!! HURRY LAST DAYS! ALL HUMAN! HURRY HURRY! THIS OFFER WILL NOT LAST!!!
ding ding ding
just like Pokies…
I like the ads for a particular Boating, Camping and Fishing store, not naming names (oh shi…) that works by making fun of stereotypes of other peoples’ lifestyles.
I like to make up new words to fit the acronym of the store I can only assume you are talking about.
My favourites:
Big Cock F*ckers.
Bum C*nt Faggots.
I like to swap the letters around and call it cbf.
Is it “Sword Of Justice” Josh, to whom you refer???
(Because that really is pretty funny…)
Tombarina,
? Sword of Damocles?
Will, I am fond of the those BCF ads also.
“This is Trent, Trent thinks living is sitting on an internet blog all day and making humorous jibes at those who he feels mentally superior to, all under the guise of a limp pseudonym, THAT AINT LIVIN’ TRENT! THIS IS LIVIN! (screen shows extreme outdoor pursuits)
70% loves those ads, but the other 30% remembers any previous attempt I’ve had at ‘gettin out there’ and the drunken boofheads, smashed glass, and gross use of wealth that I had to put up with, hence the vicious cycle that is my life.
hahahahahahaha!
chin up Toddo.
we love youse.
I’m sorry, but I do love Ikea. It’s definitely not Bogan. I drive to Sydney to worship at it. So does most of SE NSW! it’s so clever, so surprising, and so nice.
Bogans like Fantastic Furniture, Freedom, Harvey Norman, Frisco. Not Ikea. They just don’t get Ikea.
Oh dear! You’ve got to be havin’ a laugh?!
I – and I quote – said to my mother when I was 19 and visiting an Ikea for the first time, “Get me out of here, any longer and I’ll be pregnant with 3 kids.”
You may not believe it’s a place only bogans like but it’s definitely a place bogans like!
check out the catalogue.
smooth as a bogan babie’s bottom.
how do they make DIY flatpack MDF so “aspiratonal”
but seriously… it’s not “things only Bogans like…”
right?
oh…
It’s like walking through disneyland or something… led on and on through one glittering dream after another…
and then all the flatpack at the end. I always felt like such a man when I got it all together.
glory days
I haven’t been for years, but someone told me they had meatballs.
Yep…and nope.
I maintain that it’s the person who wants something functional and who couldn’t give a rat’s about brand names, and your ‘Aussie battler’, rather than the NAB who worships at Ikea. CUBs/NABs don’t DO flat-pack – with only an Allan key to work with, it’s insufficiently maXXXtreme. The bogan cannot manfully claim to have “done me back” building the Schnaaaargenthrop footstool.
Ikea also specialises in storage. The CUB doesn’t do storage – it would rather convert part of the 4-Hummer garage into a “study”, and then throw $hit into a cupboard in the corner. Either that, or dump it on the footpath.
Two quick thumbs-up to Ikea – the product names are pi$$-funny to say and even more amusing to use at home (“Dear, please pass the Ekkschnorp.” “Certainly, my sweet – I’ll swap it for the Graatenschnaaargle.”) And it’s a brilliant threat to hold over kids. “Once more, and we’re off to Ikea. ALL DAY.”
I have (ikea) cushions on the outdoor setting called
SITTA
which always makes me giggle.
and it’s sorta cute too. y’know?
makes me want to stroke the cushions like l’il kittens!
l’il SITTA c’mon…
Luvverly, and aptly named.
Just like the Grundtal toilet roll holder.
http://www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/categories/departments/bathroom/10555?sorting=relevance&pageNumber=2
Alyssa, I think Ikea is all bogan personally. I have a horror of the place having shopped there on a couple of occasions and now flatly refusing to ever return. Non bogans may occasionally shop there but the place itself is boganinity X-treme.
One last post…..about 15 years ago the Sunday Mail in Adelaide published a photo of an old Italian man lifting a lawnmower onto a trailer, bang on the front page. The culprit? A friend of my grandfathers hahahahaha, all that time working at Holden down the drain.
my sister worked as a case officer in the compo and claims department at Coles Myer and i can assure you they dont call it Greek Back for nothing- a more than large proportion of claimants were of the Wogan bogan variety,both employees and customers.
Hmmm, someone had it earlier.
A Clot of Bogans… they’re thick, it’s really bad for your health, it’s creamy white (none of those bloody foreigners around here mate, apart from them Thais, don’t mind a green curry), and it’s heart-stopping when you meet them.
A Clot of Bogans, noice.
Well considered Chairman Miaow.
Of course, said back injury needs to be announced as “done me back in”.
Thank you TBL! I laughed out loud as soon as I saw the title!
After yesterday’s jihadists attempted to end my public transport journey to work prematurely.. I needed that laugh.
This post needs to go off on a tangent and cover benefit theves or any type of welfare scounger in general. Compo is one thing but ‘Job seekers allowance’ (is that what it’s called?) is where the the humor lies. Any centrelink employees got any stories to share?
That is hilarious.