#106 – Mixed Martial Arts

16 03 2010

Boasting a decade of experience in watching reality TV, the bogan knows what’s real. This came after twenty years of watching WWF/WWE, and it caused a looming suspicion to form at the back of the bogan’s mind regarding the authenticity of what it once thought was the apex of all things x-treme. Then, like a whisper on the wind, it begun to hear rumours. It heard that, somewhere, there was a cage that was not in the back of a divvy van. This cage had fighters. These fighters were x-treme. So x-treme that intellectuals were trying to ban them. It was bogan crack.

Eventually, it emerged that it was a new sport called ‘Ultimate Fighting’. The bogan dissolved under the weight of its own surging endorphins. Upon closer inspection, the bogan realised just how amazing this new sport was. It answered the question that has been preoccupying the bogan since Bloodsport was released. Who would win if a Kung Fu dude and a Karate dude got into a massive, glass-free stoush?

Initially branded under the slogan “There Are No Rules”, UFC found itself straining under the weight of a bogan tsunami, as the bogan has lived its life espousing the idea that it was no follower of mere rules. Then, the bogan discovered something shocking. After a period of political backlash, new rules were introduced to prevent death. This was, to the bogan, unacceptable. It was no longer ultimate enough. But only for a moment. In a flash of inspiration, the bogan realised that there were now 31 different ways to break the rules. To top it off, the sport began branding itself as ‘Mixed Martial Arts’ to the masses, while remaining ‘Ultimate Fighting’ to the bogans. The bogan didn’t stand a chance.

The bogan then learned of Randy ‘The Natural’ Couture, a fighter in America’s UFC. The bogan no longer just wanted its clothes couture, but its violence as well. Then, in 2005, a reality TV show called The Ultimate Fighter, which followed WWE Raw on Pay TV, brought UFC to the bogan world in the most awesomely appropriate way possible. It taught the bogan that UFC is the ultimate in X-treme – it has cages. It has blood. It has dudes who spend a great deal of time getting huge. It then learned of dedicated MMA training programs – a veritable primordial soup of huge bogans tired of having to resort to glassware as a weapon, and that consider regular martial arts not nearly x-treme enough – held in Phuket. Perfect.

But none of this was what won the bogan over. They had the bogan at ‘Ultimate Fighting’.


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201 responses

16 03 2010
Sten

Well done, TBL, well done.

16 03 2010
j-ho

I hate this “sport”…

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Don’t you mean ‘tsport’?

16 03 2010
Tubesteak

There is nothing wrong with the sport. The participants are highly disciplined and practiced athletes that have attained a level in a discipline that very few could master. Their abilities should be admired just as much as anyone else who has reached the pinnacle of their chosen interest.

The irony is that the bogan is poorly disciplined and lazy. The abilities of these sportsmen are not just beyond those of the average person but the bogan couldn’t even muster the discipline required to undertake anything nearing this level.

The bogan instead chooses to watch and mimic in a way that suits it’s limited abilities ie consume the products and cheer

16 03 2010
Shirley M

The ‘sport’ makes a mockery of the teachings of virtually every respectable martial art.

16 03 2010
Tubesteak

Maybe it does (actually, it probably does), maybe it doesn’t. I’m not in a position to determine that. The participants are consenting adults so that’s enough fir me. I don’t watch it because I prefer my tv shows to have a script but I have nothing against it and respect the skill of the participants.

17 03 2010
mmaoracle

in what way does mixed martial arts make a mockery of respectible martial arts?

17 03 2010
Shirley M

Most martial arts teach more than simply how to beat the living shit out of someone else, for example respect, discipline and self control. These aspects of martial arts training are not reflected in mma.

6 05 2010
dangerous dave

Spoken like a true ignoramus. The traits of respect, discipline and self-control underlie the sport of MMA as much as in any other martial art, or perhaps more so as it is contested in a full-contact, competitive manner unlike many other martial arts.

11 08 2010
longshanks

c’mon people, these guys are athletes who after years of training and competition are just now starting to earn a living doing something they love. also this article hurt my feelings.

this is standup fighting (boxing, kickboxing) plus wrestling (freestyle, greco roman, judo, bjj), those who automatically dismiss this sport as a mockery or not a sport havent spent the time to understand what it actually is – the only combat sport representative of actual fighting reality. and also you cannot proclaim the (generally) useless nature of ‘traditional’ martial arts as a positive thing and then justify it by taking about discipline and self control.

but i’d have to agree that bogans like mma, but they too do not understand it and boo when it goes to the ground, also mma brand t-shirts give me the runs just like bogan squiggles as tattoos.

16 03 2010
pb

being very good at beating people up doesn’t really seem like it should qualify as a sport – whether or not people pay to go and see it.

28 09 2010
Les

ill give you a dollar if you say ‘discipline’ again.

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Points off for using the foreignism: ‘tsunami’.

16 03 2010
Shirley M

Please enlighten us to the terminology that should have been used in this instance, Sibyl?

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

‘Tidal wave’ o kudesai. Lord knows when they all became Japanese.

16 03 2010
Sam

You are a bit special.

Do you eat pasta noodles with ground beef and tomato sauce or spaghetti bolognese?

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Pardon?

28 09 2010
Les

swish.

16 03 2010
Shirley M

Tidal waves and tsunami’s are not the same thing.

This is of course irrelevant, as the term was used as a metaphor. Lord knows why creative license should be restricted by disallowing ‘foreignisms’.

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Well it’s just linguistic fuckery, really.

16 03 2010
Shirley M

Ah, no. It isn’t.

Unless you’re talking about the trend of adding ‘ism’ to virtually any word.

16 03 2010
Olly

Bollocks! The term tsunami is in use because because ‘tidal wave’ was a misnomer. These waves have zero to do with tides. The English language has always been receptive to foreign words and is a mish mash of words from other languages.

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

would we even have an English language if not for foreign words??

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

You’re all such serious little things, aren’t you.

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

if by ‘serious’ you mean ‘we like to be correct’, then yes.
🙂

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Surely you mean ‘tserious’.

16 03 2010
Shirley M

Seriously awesome.

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Tseriously up oneself I think, tsurely, Tshirley.

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

what a bogan comeback

16 03 2010
Shirley M

Points off for for using dimwitted jokeisms

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It was your inane post that started this thread.

16 03 2010
Sam

Correct.

Correct. Correct.

16 03 2010
James Hunter

an example is the use in legal documents of “Triplets” such as “stop,cease and decist”
As english as a written language had early input from the roman then the french english/germanic words so each as added the words were duplicated and latterly triplicated to ensure no sonfusion. Must fuck up the bogans thinking though !

16 03 2010
Frazer

kudasai

16 03 2010
Shirley M

I’ve had some experience with these UF bogans. Thank you for taking the piss out of them so accurately and eloquently. They deserve it.

16 03 2010
Loftie

This one was inevitable 100%

16 03 2010
A-Bomb

If this is the same thing that is on ONE HD in the evenings sometimes then I fail to see what is X-treme about it. Two apes get in a ring, loosely flail at each other with limp wrists, attempt to kick each other in the thighs but fail miserably, then jump on the floor and roll around, and stay on the ground for about 15 minutes hugging each other.

At the risk of sounding like a bogan homophobe, OMG that is soooo GAY!!!! LOL.

16 03 2010
Andrew

No it’s not, it big tough and very hetro. Just like hugging your blokey mates at a game of footy when a goal is scored…. Wait a minute…

16 03 2010
Bogue

It has been watered down for the masses over the last 5 years. Try find some ‘vintage’ no-rules fighting (if you can be bothered), it’s quite feral. Perfect bogan fodder, kicking people when they’re down, punching people whilst they’re unconcious, all the things a true X-treme bogan street fighter would aspire to. It has become more athletic of late, as huge tribal tattooed bogans can no longer pound eachother unconscious like mobile meat tenderisers. No doubt, political correctness has gone mad!

16 03 2010
Simon

Bogue, did you see the documentary The Smashing Machine from the time before bogans latched on. Quite horrific really what these guys put themselves through.

16 03 2010
Tubesteak

I admit that my only experience of it is when they use some of these guys for those ultimate warrior docos on The History Channel (possibly an admission of boganity). Occasionally they will give the man’s qualifications which often are black belt in one discipline or another as well as other abilities.

Personally I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss them or their abilities or the fighting that you see.

6 05 2010
dangerous dave

It’s called Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Google is your friend.

16 03 2010
Robbie

yeah but so is Rugby League if you look at it in the same vein!! – HUGE guys chasing after a ball and falling all over each other…hot, sweaty…sometimes shorts fall down to expose bare arse crack lol

16 03 2010
Simon

Careful guys, I got in trouble yesterday for this casting nastursians at the gay community.

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Please don’t cast nasturtiums. They bruise easily and are no good for eating afterwards. What you do with your aspersions is another matter.

16 03 2010
Sam

how sheltered. you have a bit to learn about this place.

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Just as this place has a bit to learn about me.

16 03 2010
James

*glass

16 03 2010
Simon of South Yarra

I prefer to cast cistercians when i am monk(ey)ing around

16 03 2010
Simon

Those monks could do damage to the gay community if cast too hard.

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

Their robes do give them quite a ‘rhythmic gymnastics’ effect.

16 03 2010
James Hunter

We at “The Australian Bogans Begone Party” areundecided as to our approach to this subject.
On the one hand we deplore the gloryification of violence that this sport entails because it undoubtedly entrenches the use of violence as a normal part of dispute settlement thus putting the population at large at risk
On the other hand though we see it as a usfull way of ridding Australia of some of the wort elements of its worst sector,the bogfans. If we were to take this approach we may well when we come to power have MMA introduced in our schools , for both sexes and in all age groups from pre school.This wide spread encouragement with a national lifting of all rules in the sport should produce such a loss of bogan life as to serve the wider community well
All and any suggestions as to which approach to take may be made to any of our menbers or at any branch office.

16 03 2010
Simon

James, a very well thoughtout policy for the party. Do we introduce glass at the preschool level or start on plastics?

16 03 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Yes good points you raise. My views would be to introduce glass at the earliest age as the skin is softer and the blood volume is less so it should be realy effective.
Glass is I think better then plastic because it is sharper and more redily produces a sharp edge when broken and of course it is fully recyclable so it can be part of our Green immage. clean up Australia’s rubbish while cleaning up the rubbish??
To this end we may reintroduce the lod Glass milk bottles to make wewapons more available and reintroduce the ffree bottle of milk at play lunch for all school children.

16 03 2010
Sam

Hopefully our society is going full circle and bogans will soon be legally duelling with pistols.

16 03 2010
j-ho

Haha, imagine the innocent victims though…

16 03 2010
Annette

You’ll have to institute an all-bogan enrolment policy at selected schools, as we don’t want to endanger non bogans…

16 03 2010
Simon

Many schools already have this in place. It is called geography.

16 03 2010
FT

Don’t knock the sport, knock the bogans who love it just because it’s “X-TREME”. There is considerable skill involved in mixed martial arts, but bogans tend to watch it just in case someone gets killed, completely knocked out, or starts bleeding profusely from the head etc. The televised UFC fights in Sydney last month were evidence of that – as soon as there was a break in direct contact, the whole bogan crowd started chanting “BOR-ING, BOR-ING, BOR-ING”… Idiots.

16 03 2010
Simon

FT, it is all about the bogan rest assured.

16 03 2010
Sten

Indeed. UFC/MMA-apologists always bring the “skill” aspect to the fore. At the end of the day, it’s still two Neanderthals getting into a cage and beating each other into submission and/or unconsciousness.

Still, if it inspires impressionable Bogans to start their own “underground” UFC tournaments (a la sub-intelligent teenagers in the USA with their “Backyard Wrestling” nonsense) and thin the population out a bit, far be it from me to complain.

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

“tend to watch it just in case someone gets killed, completely knocked out, or starts bleeding profusely from the head etc. ”

Sounds like any Saturday night in west Sydney, so this could probably be filed under ‘reality TV’.

16 03 2010
Sten

The ancient Roman gladiatorial spectcles invloved a modicum of skill as well, but does that make it good, or worthwhile entertainment? Often the fate of the loser in any given bout was in the hands of the audience, who were often baying for blood. UFC is the same. You can guarantee that if such things went unpunished, deaths in the ring would be frequent.

Just because there’s skill involved, doesn’t mean something is necessarily good or worthwhile.

16 03 2010
Tubesteak

But what is good or worthwhile and what isn’t?

18 03 2010
dc

i hear bogans parroting the same ‘skill/discipline’ BS all the time.

seeing someone killed is the only reason to watch – one less human cock fighter stealing my oxygen.

16 03 2010
Troy

Might as well add in rugby league and that sport thats like a flock of seagulls chasing a chip, AFL

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Troy! I’ve never heard that before. The mental imagery that conjured for me! Brilliant. I could even hear the men squawking!
Or like the seagulls in Nemo – “mine! mine! mine!”
😀

16 03 2010
SM Adelaide

I mus say this “spectacle” is not what one would expect. I had expected to see something much like boxing only more horrific. I then flicking channels came across five minutes of two buff guys rolling around on the ground vainly trying to punch each other, missing and constantly hitting the floor.

16 03 2010
Robbie

what scares me is that these boguns, who think they’re professional fighters/athletes, take the rage and blood lust with them on a Saturday night to the local pub or night club where decent non-bogues become the victim.

16 03 2010
Shirley M

This is a major contributing factor as to why decent folk are increasingly not going to pubs and nightclubs on a Saturday night.

Perhaps the answer is ultimate fighting exclusion entertainment zones. A whole block of nightclubs encased in a giant cage.

16 03 2010
Sam

They have that in Munich.

It is called Kultfabrik. All the hardcore gurners go out to an industrial area where there are dozens of clubs and leave the beer pigs to go about their business at the bierstubes.

The separation works well.

16 03 2010
Shirley M

Brilliant.

16 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

Hear Hear. In defence of MMA, at least all who participate in the ring have agreed to be there. And furthermore have trained long and hard for it. As distasteful as it might be to some, I can’t help but admire the dedication and courage of those willing to put it on the line. (For those who understand; no explanation is neccessary, for those who do not; no explanation is possible). The saturday night bogues seem to think just >ii< UFC makes them hard. Skinny Hipsters look out when he goes and buys his Fairtex or Tap Out T-Shirt (soon to supplant Ed Hardy in the bogan fashion stakes)! Or finally masters the video game (=26% harder).

16 03 2010
Mezz

Nice one TBL – Thankyou!

16 03 2010
CM

I have to admit, i have some Bogan freinds. They like UFC. They like to talk about how great & X-treme UFC can be. I approach the subject by telling them that two semi-nude guys rolling around on the floor, grappling & hugging for fifteen minutes sounds like foreplay for a gay porn movie. They no longer talk about it’s x-treme-ness.

16 03 2010
Brimstone
16 03 2010
Andy

Surely this blog will also spawn a second blog: “Tapout Clothing”.

Bogans, not only can you enjoy UFC/MMA on your 300″ plasma in your McMansion while sipping a Boost juice, you can now wear clothing just like your favourite simian-athlete.

Tapout clothing can be seen at any suburban hotel or near any road rage incident.

16 03 2010
S

Now that we are into our first centenary of TBL, perhaps it’s time to take stock of what we’ve learned and ask what, if anything, can be done about the bogan and its relentless and mindless reconstruction of our society in its image. Morons and empty vessels like Fevola and Bingle are our ambassadors overseas, a safe and peaceful homelife is increasingly difficult to find and culture of any depth is replaced by flashing lights and loud noises. Any ideas on how this will evolve?

16 03 2010
me

maybe we should get rid of the minority aka antibogans and life in oz will be good….

16 03 2010
Mezz

Empty vessels do tend to make the most noise and always have done. Unfortunately they grossly out number any other class of people so it would appear that the only means of appeasing ourselves will be to vent on TBL for now – until some even worst category of moron takes the floor. Unfortunately it’s all downhill from here.

16 03 2010
S

I think you’re right. And to arm yourself with knowledge may be the only recourse.

16 03 2010
Anonymity is king

all down-hill from here? i feel that idiocracy was far too accurate in showing what our not-to distant future may be like. Mike Judge, writer or prophet? IDK

16 03 2010
me

You realise that with this so called full list of TBL, you are categorising typical stereotypes. I think this website is ridiculous and the majority of you need to get a life. Start living and stop whinging about what other people are into. Take a long hard look at yourselves and wake up…. I can guarantee that quite a few of you actually fall into one or more of the categories on the full list.

16 03 2010
Shirley M

Well deduced, me. This blog is stereotyping in its purest form. I can only speak for myself, but I’m not whinging about what others are into, I’m mocking them.

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

me, you’re merely reading a list and making your mind up based on the list. No one said these are things bogans exclusively like.
Try reading the actual articles.

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I don’t.

17 03 2010
S

Oh boo-hoo, so this site has poo-pooed some of the things you like. The over-arching message of TBL, I think, is that there are a lot of arseholes out there who by their loud, self-centred, over-consumptive and aggressive nature rudely affect the lives of others. If only we could ignore them.

17 03 2010
S

me: boo-hoo, so this site has poo-pooed some of the things you like. The over-arching message of TBL, I think, is that there are a lot of arseholes out there who by their loud, self-centred, over-consumptive and aggressive nature rudely affect the lives of others. If only we could ignore them.

17 03 2010
Whistling Nixie

Let’s put it this way: I don’t know why they wasted money on set construction, when they could’ve shot it on location here!

16 03 2010
Keeping Kosher Klansman

Slightly off topic, but x-treme nonetheless: Things Bogans Will Like – Man Vs Wild with Bear Grylls. Or am I late on this one? Surely it can’t be too long before Ch 9 gets hold of it.

Perhaps a touch late on that one, Kosher. We’ve been tossing that one around the TBL offices for some time now. It’s not so simple. Everyone loves Bear Grylls (Why not? He’s awesome!). The difference is that most people find him funny and entertaining. Bogans find him awesome and x-treme. TBL

16 03 2010
amr

Don’t say it isn’t so.
I’ve already stopped watching Top Gear as it is now on Channel 2.5.

16 03 2010
Mezz

Nice spotting – It was going to be my next subject to nominate – They would love it.. That and the Footy Show(s) – Fatty Vautin and Sam Newman are bogan icons.

16 03 2010
Robbie

I wonder if TT/ACA would do a “neighbours from hell” story where the warring neighbours were both UFC fighters!!….surely that would be a ratings bonanza

16 03 2010
Brimstone

Its pretty hilarious seeing Australian politicians going nuts about how violent this is. After years of mocking American football for its reliance on padding we finally export UFC here after years of popularity and you’re SHOCKED that there might be violent martial arts based sports.

I’m not a sports fan but Australia’s sheltered attitude toward violence (people beat each other up in pubs! oh no!) its great. I’m glad you’ve got strong gun laws but yeah…

16 03 2010
Robbie

Brimstone – I work security in pubs and clubs and have to clean up after these fuckwits every weekend….so it’s not so much a sheltered attitude as it is that I’m sick of seeing mindless violence just because some guy touched some chicks arse

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Robbie, as the security, if one fuckwit didn’t start a fight what would you have done, if anything, about the other fuckwit touching a girl on the arse??
Being thugs by reacting with violence is never acceptable behaviour. But neither is grabbing women inappropriately, like animals.

Years ago I was a waitress in a nightclub and was grabbed between the legs from the front when I had my hands full of glasses, crossing a very crowded room. (Instead of ‘glassing the cunt’) I told security what had happened. Then watched him have a word with the guy and leave him be. I then informed this security guard that this was unacceptable and he was to be removed.

Some people need to be forced to be civilised.

16 03 2010
Jo

I’ve also found security guards to do absolutely nothing when I’ve been sexually assaulted in pubs, but its no surprise to me, a lack of understanding of gender issues is just the tip of the ice-burg of the problems with security guards

16 03 2010
Brimstone

At a gig I was at a few weeks ago the security guards sexually harassed a girl…’course why a rock gig at the Gaelic needed 3 security guards is another question

17 03 2010
Phil

The question then becomes; What is classified as sexual assault? The boundries are rather blurred on this and even I don’t know. I’ve never touched a women inappropriately in a pub/club but I know of pleanty of men who have and women who have had it done to them and no one seems to mind. In fact, grabbing seems to be an acceptable way to ‘pick up’ amoung bogans. Maybe I should try and see if I get lucky

16 03 2010
Mezz

I think you’ll find that the touching of the arse etc is just a lame excuse for these alcohol fueled morons who are out looking for trouble from the moment they jump into the Maloo ute and head out for a big night in George St (etc) and become even more ravenous for a fight the more they load up on the drink. I think that they look to replicate their favourite UFC moment in ways that make it painful for both security and other patrons who are looking to enjoy a night out without such mindless stupidity.

16 03 2010
Simon of South Yarra

Security – what a joke you lot are – letting drunks continue to drink – then bouncing people on their heads (David Hookes)

There would be less violence if you vetted people properly at the door and then made sure they didn’t get pissed as newts

and we all know that the numbers you carry is your IQ

16 03 2010
Mezz

I guess that the less instances of this bogan related violence in pubs and clubs = less security required to stand there and keep the peace. I’m sure it’s in the security industries’ best interests to allow things to escalate to a certain point before intervening.

And also, if they intervened in a fashion that would act as a deterrant to the bogan, preventing them from coming back and doing the same thing in a weeks time, once again they would need a lot less security.

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

That blame needs to be directed at bar staff also, Simon.

16 03 2010
Tee-Agra

TBL – you didnt mention all the UFC bogans are coverered in tribal tatts, that must surely increase the credibility of the sport to our dear bogan\

Hover thy cursor over the pic in today’s entry. TBL

16 03 2010
Simon

I thought the photo spoke for itself.

16 03 2010
amr

I watched a repeat of the travelling sideshow in Australia.
Had never viewed it before but had certainly heard of it.
It seems more often than not that an student of Jujitsu eventually wins the fight as they seem to eventually end up on the floor.
As a student of a martial art, no amount of kicking or punching ability will help you once you are on the ground and still in a fight.
Hence the eventual gay foreplay look with Jujitsu, though it is very effective apparently.
It did make me laugh when the crowd started chanting ‘boring.’
I guess even X-treme ‘sports’ can’t keep up with the short length of the bogan attention span. 7 seconds is my guess.

16 03 2010
Lana

LOL…

Good to be back and i see TBL, that you are still on a roll..

Very nicely put

:))

16 03 2010
Mezz

Hey TBL – Thinking ahead, Do you think that the decline in popularity of the Stimulus Package King – K-Money, that there is scope for a future posting on his deputy Julia Gillard? The bogans adore her. Just hearing her speak grates akin to having ones ears removed with a cheese grater. Obviously timing is everything so it would probably be a good post later on in the year with an election looming. What do you think?

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Cheese grater is correct, Mezz! Eugh! WHERE is she from?!

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Google:
hmmm- Wales until 5, then Adelaide.

16 03 2010
Simon

Now Melbourne, actually resides in leafy Toorak – Fact.

16 03 2010
Mezz

That’s quite amusing!!

16 03 2010
Simon

Did you know she is married to a hairdresser? Guess who wears the pants in that relationship.

16 03 2010
Mezz

No Idea AlyssaKT. I did hear that she has a Law Degree however. I can imagine the Judges/Magistrates applying more energy to holding back laughter when she submits her closing arguments than to any other purpose they are there to serve. I know I’d be fighting off tears of laughter if I were to attempt to take her seriously. The only other person I’ve met who speaks anything like her was from the Mount Druitt area (Western Sydney boganville for anyone not in NSW) so that may be a key indicator when looking for answers to your question. My question is how in the world does she become a Deputy PM?

16 03 2010
James

She is actually a highly effective manager and motivator of people, believe it or not. All my friends in the uber-department DEEWR say that when they get a visit from the minister, everyone works much harder for weeks afterward. Admittedly, in DEEWR that is still not very hard, but she does invigorate them in a way that the plus-size Joe Hockey never could.

16 03 2010
Robbie

AlyssaKT – If a fight hadn’t started and the girl had complained about being felt up, I would have had the offending wanker removed.
I think what happened to you is pretty fucked up…being groped and then the security letting the guy stay.
…and once again, Mezz is spot on 🙂

16 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Oh, he was only allowed to stay on until I told the security to do otherwise. Not everyone has a brain.

16 03 2010
Robbie

Simon from South Yarra…you’ve been rejected from a club for intoxication recently haven’t you 😛
…it’s good to see you’re basing your view of security on what the current public consensus is and not on actually knowledge – how very bogun of you.

16 03 2010
Mezz

Don’t be too harsh on Simon. Like him, I’ve encountered a few really idiotic security personnel in my time and there are a few of them out there who derive a feeling of power from throwing their weight around. The problem can sometimes be that the patrons who are relatively trouble free end up as the targets because the problematic ones would amount to more of a challenge and more work for the egomaniacal UFC loving breed of security guard who you should be more familiar with than I..

16 03 2010
Sibyl Ince

I’ve been told that no one is rejected from a club these days. They are, apparently, ‘redirected’ ostensibly to the next one in the strip.

16 03 2010
Robbie

I agree there are security out there, much like police, who like to ‘throw their weight around’ and belittle others based on a false sense of power.
There are also others who respect human rights and try and do their job properly. At the end of the day, I work to pay bills as everyone else does but I am not interested in being a thug, homophobe, xenophobe or sexist prick.

16 03 2010
Mezz

Please hang in there then as the industry need more people like yourself.

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You’re all missing the forest for the trees: if you frequent (or work in) a place that needs security, you are a bogan.

No establishment I attend needs any form of security.

16 03 2010
Simon

Who mans the velvet rope for you?

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I would attend no such place – the “velvet rope” is for aspirational bogans.

16 03 2010
James Hunter

Fi , don’t tease them, I’v seen what you can do with a velvet rope.

16 03 2010
Anonymity is king

Fiona I am convinced you are one of those clever idiots.
Ever stop and think that the trees are where the river is?
In this day and age security is everywhere. just how far have you gone to shelter yourself from our still wonderful world?

16 03 2010
Simon

Fiona catches Flathead in the river AIK. She is very good at fishing.

16 03 2010
toony

Yep and yep. You don’t feed the troll or it returns more often. Let it twit(ter) away about Gossip Girl et al and the rest of us get a break.

17 03 2010
common man

i have a rope an a tree for foina to end her suffering from dillusions an wishes of a normal life away from a keyboard, but she could prove me wrong by exhibiting the virtue of silence at very least agreed “me” reply,s yes common man lets watch her not let the team down in true bogan style LOL.

17 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “… i have a rope an a tree for foina to end her suffering… “. You’re going to hang yourself then?

16 03 2010
Mezz

Not entirely true – You seem to have some tunnel vision happening here. You make such a point of broadcasting your elite social status that I’m getting images of a person (I’ll hold back on the description for now) sitting in some dirty Fitzroy den like bedsit sharing their delusions with all of us in a way that makes you feel better about your pathetic life. Either that or you’re one of the TBL hosts and having a bit of a laugh at everyones expense. I hope for your sake its the latter of the two.

16 03 2010
James

Also, I can not speak for Dublin or Cambridge, but on my last visit to Oxford I needed to obtain a card from the Security Office.

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Whereas I, of course, had a Student Card.

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Uh, whoops, if that is indeed where I received my M.St., aka my higher degree in the Classics.

16 03 2010
James

Yes, if indeed.

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I shan’t confirm or deny.

16 03 2010
Benjamin

Surely you didn’t get your higher degree at “the other place”?

17 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. For reasons of privacy, I simply can’t confirm or deny.

16 03 2010
Simon

James,

I am not surprised you needed security clearance given how many c**ts you glass.

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Imagine sitting in one of his lectures on International Studies (yes, Studies) and incurring his wrath for failing to identify Singapore as an entrepôt? He’d glass you!

16 03 2010
Simon

The floors at Parliament house must be awash with blood.

16 03 2010
James

I would glass a student just for having the temerity to speak during one of my lectures.

16 03 2010
Simon

What if they snore?

16 03 2010
James

That is to be expected. Only the empirical end – that is, international studies – is interesting. The theoretical end is highly snore-inducing to lesser minds.

16 03 2010
James

On International Relations.

16 03 2010
James

I can not rest while c**ts go unglassed, Simon. It is just not in my nature.

17 03 2010
Pete

I must admit whenever I see a dumbass comment around here I look forward to James glassing the c**t who posted it.

16 03 2010
Loftie

I’m confused…

Are you confessing boganinity Fiona?

You’ve stated previously that you have security onsite at your home…

“if you frequent (or work in) a place that needs security, you are a bogan”

Surely this includes your home?

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I have security OUTSIDE the ancestral manse. And without you around, I’d be able to get rid of it most likely!

16 03 2010
r.jett

hmm. In my opinion UFC and WWE were basically intended for closet gay bogans that could acceptably ogle pumped up, half naked men wresting without being labled as such.
Still, I do define UFC as sport unlike some opinions raised here. They are elite atheletes and should be respected. Just because it involves fighting some people equate that with stupidity. Where do we draw the line on intelligence in sport?

16 03 2010
Mezz

I think we draw that line somewhere that isn’t in a cage!

16 03 2010
amr

There is no line to draw. The two don’t meet.
Ability does not equal intelligence.

16 03 2010
Anonymity is king

Maybe, but Intelligence is needed when using natural ability at an elite level with some sports. That is why Tournaments and Championships are held. To find the best of the best.
Maybe they mean the most intelligent, strategic, naturally gifted individual in the event when they say best of the best

16 03 2010
amr

Intelligence to be able to punch/kick/run/throw or hit faster/further than your opponent?

16 03 2010
Robbie

great to see Madam FOT has made an appearance 😛

16 03 2010
Mezz

Yeah, she heard us sledging her bogan neighbour Julia and got concerned LOL

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ugh, that red-headed harpie. I fear the day she becomes PM, as seems inevitable.

16 03 2010
Robbie

LOL.

16 03 2010
James

I do believe it is almost time for common man…

16 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I do believe you’re right – surely the “chippies” and the “sparkies” days are all over about now?

17 03 2010
common man

Why? when every one else witness,s how stupid/nieve/sheltered a certain few are everyday.Just ask “me” but i guess “courage” are your weak points that the ufc is able to sneer/mock at about intellegently LOL.

17 03 2010
James

I was just commenting that it was your usual time to come and pour scorn on us, CM. And as always, you do not disappoint.

17 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I wouldn’t go quite that far…

16 03 2010
boganator

wow tapout clothing goes up to 8x which would fit a 450kg male bogan so they can dress like their heroes.

16 03 2010
Dusk

It is a shame that the art of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has been so thoroughly tainted with the stench of big money UFC. It really is a most effective fighting style and requires a great deal of training and discipline to master.

And cocks in Tap Out clothing really need their own TBL entry.

16 03 2010
r.jett

According that philosophy, if amr plays chess the winner is who moves the pieces quickest. lol.

16 03 2010
Stephanie

I love Cage Fighting and I didn’t even realise I was a bogan.

Who would have thunk it.

16 03 2010
Peter

I know it’s completely off topic, but surely the barista is rapidly becoming more bogan. I like coffee, love the good work of a barista who truly knows how to pour coffee (btw a South American barista friend of mine uses the term ‘pour coffee’ when describing his craft – who am I to argue) and have no truck at all with anyone engaged in the barista lark.

Although it isn’t just that every second person is a coffee know-all these days; with their similar competing claims that their barista at their cafe is the standard that all others should be judged by. No, it’s more the ever increasing queues of tattooed yobs from the construction game (the job you get – if you’re lucky – after working in the mines) I am noticing at the newest coffee hot spots proclaimed by the SMH Tuesday edition. I also am becoming slightly irritated at the frequency with which bogans choose to drop the b word into random conversation.

I mean what next? The James Hunter [soy] latte? C’mon!

16 03 2010
toony

The ‘barista’ has always been more the domain of the wanker. Someone that makes coffee, with a glorified title, that appeals to people that feel they have a higher understanding of coffee.

The wanker.

The same people that thought Evian was Gods piss.

I’d be far less concerned about the allegedly tattooed construction worker than I would the likes of you personally. You sound prissy and whiny for mine….

nb: I did my share of rubbish work through uni, but I couldn’t find a way to glorify dishwasher 😉

16 03 2010
Benjamin

“The ‘barista’ has always been more the domain of the wanker”

Have a coffee in Rome. There, being a barista is a career and it shows.

– A wanker who knows a wee bit about coffee

17 03 2010
Simon

If I get a great cup of coffee not some dishwater made by some wetbag who does not know or care then they can call themselves whatever they want, I am happy.

16 03 2010
Andrew

I don’t think MMA is something particularly associated with bogans. Its more of an angry geek/wog/crim thing, not a bogan thing.

Bogan’s are more into boxing at the local PCYC and karate… You know, things that poor people can afford.

17 03 2010
common man

PCYC andrew? surely your not mocking the volunteers that put in time to prevent bogan offspring from becoming worse?

17 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Andrew, you need to read more of these articles.
This is the New Age Bogan we’re talking about.
So long as their Xtreme TV is still on 40 months interest free they can afford the pay per view to watch UFC in the grand sitting room of their McMansion (on such a special occasion)!

16 03 2010
Laura

Loves it.

17 03 2010
Mike

See, I’d always thought that all of the different types of martial arts would consider MMA to be a bit of a mockery of their art. UFC fighters trying to box wouldn’t have the technical skills of a pure boxer, for example. I imagine it’s the same with Greco-Roman wrestling or Brazilian Ju-Jitsu as well. I don’t see how it’s necessarily a bogan sport, though. Many bouts devolve into a submission game via grappling, anyway, which bogans would no doubt consider either boring or gay.

17 03 2010
Andrew

I agree, bogans would think the grappling would be boring or gay. But on the whole technical prowess of UFC fighters, a lot of them have had professional boxing/muay thai careers then supplemented their styles with either BJJ or wrestling. Its not a mockery, its called evolution. MMA fighters are supreme athletes these days (vs the beginning of the UFC). It has a lot of respect world-wide, even George StPier (a Canadian fighter and current champ) was made Canadian sportsman of the year and asked to compete in the Olympics as a wrestler because he’s such a great athlete.

17 03 2010
the trav

So sports such as MMA, NRL, AFL V8 supercars are considered bogan, but sports suchs a union, and F1 are for the culturally debonair?

17 03 2010
the trav

….maybe its the fan rather than the sport/s itself?????

17 03 2010
Shirley M

The answer to your question can be found in the title ‘Things Bogans Like’.

17 03 2010
the trav

its was more so a question to the people commenting rather than the bloggers.

17 03 2010
Simon

Trav,

I love AFL and I am not a bogan…… I think?

17 03 2010
the trav

me took, I love AFL, but i class myself as an old school bogan, though im only 32, i cant afford to be a new-vougue bogan maybe if i save all my penny i can aspire to be one…

17 03 2010
pb

i watch afl, but i’m from sydney and don’t go for the swans, so i think both of those things discount the bogan side of afl. i’d suggest it might be a similar thing for melburnian nrl followers?

17 03 2010
Simon

Trav, be positive, one day you will have a grand sitting room.

17 03 2010
loftie

You ARE Simon…

17 03 2010
Simon

Loftie, I am gravely wounded by that.

18 03 2010
Hulk Bogan

So, pro wrestling’s fine now, right?

At last, I can enjoy my man-soap in peace.

26 03 2010
Branman

I can’t stand MMA. It is all based on the age-old gentleman’s sport that is boxing (champion, belt and title system). The only difference is that boxing involves a degree of technical skill and the bogan can’t be bothered to sit through a 12-round title match where the competitors aren’t throwing show-stopping haymakers or spear-tackling one another.

While boxing’s governing bodies have their fair share of problems, it is still the far superior sport where the athletes, rules and systems are much more finely tuned. It also has an interesting history (which typifies many past problems in society) including legendary names and stories like Ali’s, Robinson’s, Jack Johnson’s, etc.

MMA is composed of greedy corporate fat-cats and mediocre athletes with necks the size of tree-trunks that are tailor-made for angry teens and bogans alike. Nothing about this (so-called) ‘sport’ appeals to me.

26 03 2010
Jaiydein

Unfortunately I watched a few minutes of UFC late last night, what a brutal “SPORT”, I found it horrific, one HUGE man beating the absolute shit out of his not so HUGE opponent.

**sponsors were, MusclePHARM, UFCpoker, Harley Davidson, Xyience?

Ssurprised Ed Hardy was not a sponsor !

7 04 2010
Linda

I had the terrible misfortune of watching my son on grading day at his mixed martial arts club in the bogan heartland of Boronia in Victoria. All the bogan parents screaming at their children to thump the living shit out of each other. Needless to say, he doesn’t go there any more. He still does Judo, but has joined a group comprised of adults (he is 16) and they do not have grading days.

9 04 2010
James

While I dislike the bogan invasion of MMA as much as anyone, some of the criticism of MMA itself has been so ignorant and emotive that I would normally have ascribed it to..well, bogans.

The original “no rules” idea came from the Gracie Challenge and Brazilian Vale Tudo fighting, and the purpose of it was not for XTREME promotability, it was a concession to more “traditional” martial artists who claimed that they could not prove their style’s superiority without techniques such as groin attacks. Likewise, the octagonal cage was introduced primarily for safety reasons, as the grappling involved in MMA greatly increases the risk of fighters falling out of a boxing ring. The other main reason for the cage is to prevent the frequent interruption of fights when the referee must re-position fighters who are going through the ropes while grappling.

While the fighters are often bloodied up, the cuts that cause this are typically superficial and are much less serious than what the blood suggests to the untrained eye. In terms of moderate and serious injury, as well as deaths, MMA is a long way behind boxing, or Aussie rules and rugby for that matter.

As for skill, I have never heard anybody who had the slightest understanding of what is going on in an MMA fight in terms of technique claim that there is no skill involved. It is common for fighters at the UFC level to be world-class or to have achieved notably high ranking in at least one martial arts style, usually more. The whole “man hugging, rolling around on the floor” bit is a science every bit as intricate as boxing; probably more intricate, actually. It combines elements found in Greco-Roman, freestyle and catch wrestling, judo, jiu-jitsu and sambo. The fact that the fighters are wearing shorts and possibly adorned with tattoos does not suddenly remove the elements of skill in grappling. You might find it distasteful to watch someone pound his opponent’s face with fists from the mount position, but passing the guard of a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt to achieve that position in the first place is something that requries years of training, without which, you get swept over, or choked, or armbarred.

I can’t argue with anyone’s tastes, but if you’re going to cross the line from taste into judgements of quality, you might want to do so from an informed position, one which would at minimum inform you as to what each of the two fighters in the picture are trying to do and why – HINT: neither are trying to punch.

16 04 2010
Elias

@ James

You said it man, you said it all. I’d just like to add that most UFC fans are horrible.

11 05 2010
Gazza

I would have to agree with you James.

MMA itself is not the problem, it is the bogan thug who watches it, completely dismisses (if he/she even thinks of it in the first place) the discipline and skill required to master it, and instead thinks it’s a good thing to learn to kick the shit out of someone at the pub who accidentally spills his beer on him.

So as someone else said, it’s the spectator not the participant who really makes the UFC seem “bogan”.

23 05 2010
Dennis

Jeff “The Snowman” Monson vs Tim Sylvia. I can name the fighters in the pic, does that make me a bogan?

25 05 2010
James

only if you think The Snowman was ttly laying a ground and pound beatdown on That Big Tall Cunt What Usedta Be Heavyweight Champ Until He Got Shit and not trying to pass guard while pulling his arm out of the triangle/armbar Tim would likely fuck up.

31 10 2010
Andreas Weinberger

I have been studying Martial arts for 20 year and wish I could’ve Studied MMA 20 years ago

8 01 2011
Jay

Yes, bogans like MMA, yes they market it similarly to WWE and I’d say a good 90% of the fan base are morons who just want to see blood and switch it off if a skillful and tactical fight is “BORING BECAUSE THEY ARE ROLLING ON THE GROUND.”

The UFC is marketed as a violent high paced bloodsport, this is the only way the UFC in particular has seen so much growth of late, they found they’re target market (18-38 males) and started catering to them pure and simple. There are LOTS of idiots in that demographic, and also lots of smart and educated people who can appreciate the skill level and discipline it takes to be at the top of one the toughest sports out today.

Having said that, the sport of MMA isn’t entirely made up of “meat-head” idiots who like to get huge an punch each other in the face. Some of the most down to earth, ego-less and grounded individuals I know train in MMA, WAY more so than people who take their careers, problems, debt etc. too seriously.

A martial artist’s character is tested and beaten down day in and day out and when you’re constantly facing adversity in the gym during a good portion of your week, some of the typical crap that people dub as “problems” are quite comical.

Some of the MMA artists who practice disciplines such as Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Boxing, Wrestling and Muay Thai etc. dedicate their lives to honing their craft whilst bettering the lives of those around them by spreading knowledge, discipline and positive human values within their communities. But sadly to make a good living out of it, you must subject yourself to being a spectacle for mindless grunts who want to see blood spilled.

I love watching two skillful warriors put it on the line, but the way they market the UFC product can be improved. And to those people blindly badmouthing this sport, get educated before you comment on it. Flicking through the UFC on ONE HD for 10 minutes his hardly enough to understand the sport. However, 10 minutes is more than enough to know that the product is flawed in the way it is presented.

14 01 2011
Enough bogan thuggery already.

This latest global festival of base boganism will ofcourse increase the frequency and viciousness of assaults. maimings and murders committed by bogans on bogans and on those who are not bogans.

The last thing that communities need.

I hope it is banned globally.

20 01 2012
1/250th

I didn’t want the last word on MMA and boganity to be a load of alarmist, hysterical nonsense (a lot of the comments, not so much the original blog).

Yes its true, bogans are drawn to it and are hooked in by the marketing, and probably don’t understand half of what they see anyway. They’re into the idea rather than the substance.

Don’t let the bogan fans turn you off MMA. The thing is, if you’re serious about learning how to defend yourself while unarmed, the only effective option is to train a striking style such as boxing or muay thai, and a grappling style such as judo, wrestling or Brazilian Ju Jitsu. These elements combined basically form MMA, if practiced in a full contact environment. MMA has sorted the wheat from the chaff of effective fighting styles and training methods, and for that it should be respected.

With regard to the bloggers comments about fighters that spend their time “getting huge”, it is in fact the opposite, because at the professional level, fighters need to cut weight in order to fit into their weight category, unless in the event that they are going up a weight category, which is far less common.
Their everyday weight is normally higher than their competition weight, in other words.

I’ve trained in the martial arts for years, including at a kickboxing/mma/bjj place, and not once have I ever seen or experienced thuggery or aggression directed at anyone, unlike the rare occasions when I get on a sporting field, where invariably there’s going to be an occasional sense of aggression that verges on personal.

I read of an mma guy saying that he was drawn to mma because ‘you don’t have to be a jock to do it’. I feel the same way, never having identified with jocks or team sports at any time in my life. I’m about as far from a bogan as one can get, having studied philosophy at university (among other things). One of my old kickboxing instructors, an amateur fighter, also studied philosophy. I’ve had training partners that were tradesmen all the way to those pursuing higher degrees in science.

So if you want to avoid bogans, don’t think you need to avoid MMA. No need to attend live events, its viewable on television. You’ll get the odd bogan turning up to class every so often (more often, depending on the school and location), but they usually don’t last very long. To shun the fitness and fighting skills you would obtain from putting in hard work in say, kickboxing and BJJ and watching MMA for inspiration, would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

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