#72 – X

27 01 2010

Etymology and lXicography are fascinating subjects, dedicated to understanding how language develops as it does, and offering some insight into the way we speak and write today. However, despite centuries of study, eminent linguists are at a loss as to X-plain one thing: why bogans will pay for anything with the letter X on it.

Like backpackers to a sperm bank, bogans began to gravitate towards any product with a large (often colourful) ‘X’ on the packaging. The trend was slow in forming. First, perhaps, was Xmas. The bogan, with its love of tXt-friendly abbreviations – well before tXting X-isted – embraced Xmas, possibly the first step in this process. A basic, secular way of taking Jesus out of Jesus’ birthday, Xmas spoke to the bogan need for simplicity, even as they spent a great deal of time decrying the political correctness gone mad of a fictional nativity scene at a fictional school being cancelled in order to avoid offending local terrorists.

Around the same time, bogan forebears fell in love with INXS, a band whose simple, personalised plate-ready moniker suggested that despite their stunning international success, they simply arrived before their time. Soon, quick-thinking marketing types were thumping every product they had with a massive X. The X was closely linked to X-tremeness, and despite the fact that these products were often X-tremely shit, X-tremely X-pensive and X-tremely unnecessary, bogans adopted them in droves.

Pepsi wanted to sell diet pepsi to bogan males, so labelled it Pepsi MAX. Porn wasn’t proper porn unless it was XXX. Simon Cowell realised that Pop Idol was shit, so made it again and called it X-Factor, and conquered the UK. Functional water absolutely had to have a variety called XXX. Hollywood X-ecutives also moved in. They created the X-Files to fan the flames of bogan conspiracy theories. They then skipped a whole bunch of steps in the creative process – including plot, character and script – and did two things; hired Vin Diesel and made a film called XXX, secure in the knowledge that bogans would flock to see a film with that many Xs. That the film contained zero faux-lesbianism (this X, being silent, is incidentally confusing to the bogan) was only ameliorated by a scene involving Diesel snowboarding faster than an avalanche, just like they would expect to see in the X-games.

Bogans soon began inserting the letter X into names that it had no place being in in the first place, pumping out Jaxon after Saxon.The bogan has yet to discover The xx, although it can’t be long now. Also, after creating so many new X-isting new generation bogans, the older bogan – some from generation X – often realises that there is one X it can’t stand. Its X-husband. Or the X-chromosome.

X


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91 responses

27 01 2010
Bogue-Ironic

X-Treme Bogan Hangover today…
I was better off calling in sick today, and not Monday…

27 01 2010
big s

xavier xellis

27 01 2010
Bogue-Ironic

No first comment for you today fiona

27 01 2010
SM

It was good until you started grasping at straws.

“They created the X-Files to fan the flames of bogan conspiracy theories.”

“x-husband” .. “x-chromosome” …. really now?

How many series of the X-Files do you have on DVD, SM? – TBL

28 01 2010
James

You need some ice for that burn, SM?

27 01 2010
Robbie

Yes Fiona..maybe a little too much Xtravagance yesterday?? LOL!!

There was also Christina Aguilera’s new name after she went through her ‘slutty stage’ – Xtina

27 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I no longer get notifications of comments or new posts! What’s up with that Rusty?

27 01 2010
Linda

Fiona – start up a new blog – I would read it!

27 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I’ll just move back to Twitter and the comments sections of Newscorp papers.

27 01 2010
Bogue

Ah, Twitter…bogan online chatter. Glad to see you’ve lowered your standards (?), pretty soon all your communication will be an indecipherable concophany of numbers and letters…you will embrace X in all it’s misused forms, no doubt. What will the servants do then?

28 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak
27 01 2010
Bogue

Sounds like you’ve been X-communicated

27 01 2010
Jasper

Video games were for nerds and fags until the X-Box came along.

27 01 2010
John Vardanega
27 01 2010
Bogue

Xellent post…could we see an article on misspelt business names (insert anything with Krazy, Kustom, Foto, etc. here) the ultimate for the aspiring self-employed bogan.

27 01 2010
AB

Spot on Bogue. Don’t forget the use of the word ‘Lite’ to describe all food and drink products that may be low in fat, but full of sugar. Only this morning I saw the ad for the ‘Lite n’ Easy’ product, and it made me think that the person behinf the naming of that product is a marketing genius. Excellent use of a misspelled word, and EASY – no effort required on the bogans’ part! They actually have some woman on the ad who professes her love for the product because it means she “doesn’t have to think”. Fuck me, what is our world coming to when thinking about what food to put in to your mouth is all too hard.

And finally, a great example of a misspelt business name, is a new ice cream shop in Rye (yes, I saw it on my way to Portsea) called Vulcano. My question is, do they even know it is misspelt?

27 01 2010
berihebi

“Fuck me, what is our world coming to when thinking about what food to put in to your mouth is all too hard.”

🙂

27 01 2010
FT

AB, if you’re talking about the same Lite and Easy ad that I have seen recently, I believe it also starts with the woman stating “I needed to lose weight and my husband wouldn’t get me a chef, so I decided to use lite and easy”…

“MY HUSBAND WOULDN’T GET ME A CHEF”????? WTF? How hard is it to cook low fat meals yourself?

27 01 2010
Bogue

Ha! It’s probably unlikely they realise it’s misspelt…a surefire way to tell is to see if they have cuppacino flavoured icecream.

27 01 2010
Indi

Or even mugacino. Where will it end? Bucketacino?

27 01 2010
Ghengis

There is a coffee shop in the Dubai airport that sells very large cups (more like bowls) of coffee. Maybe TBL should do a post on Dubai. On the plane home from Frankfurt, I sat a few seats in front of a bunch of boguannnes (neue spellyngue for the NABs), and they wouldn’t STFU!! They were clad in the most garish Ed Hardy clothes ever (one of their shirts was covered in that fake tattoo crap), and even worse, I was flying full service Emirates!! Next time, I’m taking the boat

28 01 2010
Indi

Dubai – perfect bogan territory. Nouveau X-treme space, reckless consumption, ‘exotic’ if you want it, a hint of criminality with all that Russian money, and a stopover in a bland international hotel you couldn’t normally afford.

28 01 2010
Bogue

…spit on the local culture and then complain of your un-Australian treatment when arrested!

28 01 2010
Indi

It doesn’t get much better than that- ‘coz then you can whine about how slow the consular officials were to ACA!

28 01 2010
Bogue

A favourite activity of the middle eastern bogan on holidays, intoxicated by freedom of speech and forgets where they are. Complaints to ACA about slow consular officials are normally accompanied with a watered down version of the events that lead to their unjust treatment.

28 01 2010
Indi

You’re too kind.

11 04 2010
Whistling Nixie

And Holden Commodores already badged as Chevys!

27 01 2010
Misc

Surely they’d call it “X-presso” flavour?

27 01 2010
BG

“And finally, a great example of a misspelt business name, is a new ice cream shop in Rye (yes, I saw it on my way to Portsea) called Vulcano. My question is, do they even know it is misspelt?”

Possibly not, but I bet they attract an abnormally high number Trekkies 😉

27 01 2010
Deboganator

“Vulcano” is a common Calabrian surname – it might be the owner’s name.

28 01 2010
Simon of South Yarra

I tried their ice confection on the way down to the polo and the name is correct, vulcan as in vulcanised, it indded tasted rubbery

6 08 2014
jd

If you truly go to Portsea, you know never to drive through Rye

27 01 2010
Lee

Like the bogue’s love for “Old Skool Kool”…………… complete Xcrement!

27 01 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

X-cellent entry TBL.

A word on the origin of X in popular bogan culture.

You surmised that Xmas was the beginning.

Well i remember long before Xmas got a gig, X’s would be substituted for kisses on birthday cards etc.

e,g. To TBL

Happy Birthday and Best Wishes

Love

west_melb_anitbogan

X X X X X X X X X X

27 01 2010
vivisection

X-mas has had an X since the 15th century, it comes from the ancient greek alphabet and has been used as an abbreviation since.

27 01 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

X’s have been used as a sign of affection and a substitute for kisses since Roman times.

Something to do with X being ten in Roamn numerals and sounding like the Latin term “to kiss”.

Must be true, found it on Wikipedia 🙂

27 01 2010
vivisection

I saw the x-mas abbreviation information on television which would never tell a lie or be wrong.. Apparently X= C in Greek?

27 01 2010
Bogue

X = <3…bogan algorithm

28 01 2010
Claire

True, Vivisection. Just recently I came across it in 19th C. manuscripts. I didn’t realise it had been used prior to the 20thC. until I saw that.

27 01 2010
James

Academics often use Xian as shorthand for Christian. Does that mean we are bogans too?

I feel a crisis of identity coming on…

27 01 2010
Tone

Xquisite post there, TBL.

27 01 2010
SammySo

This is brilliant as per usual.

27 01 2010
Ed Esq.

no mentioning of XXXX? I am suprised (or might have overlooked it 😦 ).

27 01 2010
James

No Ed, that was a spelling error. They had meant to write “beer”, but being Queenslanders, only knew how to sign their name, and thus decided to do it four times.

27 01 2010
Loftie

I also thought that part of the appeal of the letter X was that is contained in the word SEX…

and if you only hear one sound in a complete sentance, X would stand out because you might have thought you heard the word SEX…

+1 to the Vin Diesel comment… I wonder why that guy hasn’t won an academy award…

27 01 2010
j-ho

I hope the bogan discovers the xx, that music belongs to the bogan masses.

27 01 2010
John Vardanega

Citing a band that Pitchfork Media love
+ but are yet to hit popular status (euphemistically known as “mainstream acceptance”)
= I have music cred and I wish to announce it to everyone

Get with the program, punter (and be sure and look out for more relatively obscure bandname references by TBL, they shouldn’t be too far away).

27 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

The ‘Vampire Weekend’ albums have reached the Sanity ‘What’s Hot’ bin. Given the number of fat bogan teens who diddle themselves to those ‘Twilight’ books, I say they’ll be on Video Hits before you know it. Are the ‘doof doof’ remixes far behind?

27 01 2010
Kris

good call…
the femme bogue loves a lil Xtina (aka Christina Aguilera), esp in her ‘dirrrty’ phase….

then of course there is the bogan’s love of X-box, all and any Xtreme sports and who can forget aspirations of the femme bogue to get some botoX

27 01 2010
WordNerd

The bogan will gladly pay x-tra money to see such x-tra large films as ‘XXX’ in the Xtreme screen at Hoyts, which is just the larger of their normal screens, but with a shiny xtreme logo on the front door. Village, not to be outdone, charge xtra for people to see films on their V Max screens. Same film. The screen just takes up more real estate.

That’s the only way to enjoy cinema, hey? Yeah, nah. Movies to the x-treme!

27 01 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

Oh FFS aren’t their X-travagant 200″ Plasma’s big enough for them, that when they go to the movies to see movies as deep and introspective as Avatar they need an even bigger screen???

X Rating also was very popular with the pre internet bogan. Watching X Rated movies was a sure fire way to see gratuitous sex, and fantasise of one day being as built as the males stars and having relations with a breast augmented bleach blonde.

27 01 2010
BJGP

Mind you, boutique popsters XTC had no chance of cracking the bogan market, despite Ansy Partridge and Colin Mouding being the “Working Class Man” themselves.

27 01 2010
Indi

Only indirectly, via their musical offspring. Too old to care but every second indie band these days sounds like them. Or Eno-era Roxy Music.

27 01 2010
BJGP

Mis-spelling: I meant Andy Partridge

27 01 2010
Topcrumpet

‘X-tra’ large options for drinks, chips, burgers etc? It’s made us the obese nation of winners that we are.
The X games are just an excuse for ADHD bogan adults to keep pursuing juvenile activities such as skateboarding and bmx ( oh yesss,another ‘x’ !).

27 01 2010
Toddo

Topcrumpet, I take offense at your Boganising of ADHD adults who enjoy skateboarding. I still love to carve up a bowl, and I am dealing with my self control issues ha ha.
I agree that adults who still ride BMX’s look like wallys.

My phobia is engaging in conversation with Motocross heads or Rev heads that seem to talk greek with constant references to KX 1000’s or XTR 500’s or WRX NX MX XR6 Whatever X.

The X-ception would be the XY Falcon (an absolute classic if it doesn’t have too much fruit on it) or an XP Falcon wagon, sky blue, white walled tyres, and a couple of Mals on the roof.

27 01 2010
Bogue

Don’t you mean Moto-X? I hope you were clad in your finest FoX apparel?

27 01 2010
Topcrumpet

I dunno Toddo, it’s all dangerous territory.
Just like the nouveau bogan middle aged man with a baseball cap on backwards, wraparound Bolles, bucket beard covering the burgeoning double chin, Ed Hardy t shirt just that bit tooooo tight, 3/4 length cargo style shorts, and some type of white ‘casual’running shoe with ankle length white socks.
Best avoided.

27 01 2010
Toddo

Ha Ha Topcrumpet, that was pretty good.
I have been riding skaties for 25 odd years now, and can’t see the point in stopping, though my Chiro sees things differently.

27 01 2010
Loftie

It is a curious fascination with the letter ‘X’… being the 24th letter of the alphabet…

I would have though that the letter B would have been the more popular… given that it is 2nd letter (way too lazy to go thru the whole 26), given that it is also linked to such other Bogan words like BooBs, Beer, Burnouts, etc…

27 01 2010
StuManChu

I don’t think The XX are in any danger of ending up on the playlists of bogan iPods. Whilst they may be initially be intrigued by the name, once they hear that it’s just a Lo-Fi love in they’ll be bitterly disappointed and go back to listening to Muse.

27 01 2010
j-ho

If they aren’t interested in lo fi stuff, then I dearly hope the prediction TBL made about them liking Bon Iver was a mistake.

27 01 2010
StuManChu

Unfortunately, Bon Iver has already fallen into the hands of the Bogan. I recently heard it being blasted from a Frangipanni covered car whilst it’s occupants had a heated argument. I’m trying to be optimistic here…

27 01 2010
j-ho

I dearly hope it was because they were listening to triple j. I will cry when I hear the bogan spruiking the next Bon Iver album. I understand their like of acoustic music such as Mumford and Ben Harper etc. But I still feel Bon Iver is a bit too oblique and therefore not going to be co opted by the bogan. I fear I may be wrong, but I live in hope.

27 01 2010
Paige

didn’t the american ‘strait edge’ kiddies do the whole X thing too? On their hands, so they couldn’t drink at clubs, or something? Wonder if that blended into emo which has become a mainstay of younger bogues.

27 01 2010
Valo

The straight edge X’s on the hands started out with security at venues placing x’s on the back of underagers hands when they went to watch bands in the mid 80’s as a way of showing who could or could not be served alcohol. Bands such as Minor Threat picked up on this and it became part of the straight edge scene. And emo and straight edge aren’t blended in, emo started in the early 80’s with bands like Jawbreaker and Fugazi. And I would hardly say younger bogues are into emo and straight edge. They hate “farkin’ emo faggots” and as for straight edge, no drinking or drugs? A bogans idea of hell! How else would the bogue enjoy the latest opus’ from Dizzee Rascal and Calvin Harris without X-tacy?

27 01 2010
Paige

I know how it started, I just couldn’t be bothered getting into that. The strait edge kids really do resemble emos, though, and judging by the way that younger emos style themselves goths, mashing the genres together into one great big mess along with aspects of punk, I really think that the strait edge asthetic got thrown in there as well. Of course they don’t want to actually live the lifestyle. obviously missing out on all that smoking drinking sex and drugs would be any bogan’s worst nightmare. But I doubt they understant the origins of the asthetic, much as they mangle the other asthetics mentioned. If you interact with these younger ‘alterna-kiddies’, I think you’ll feel the bogan coming off of them. The males may wear makeup and jewellery, but they still deride everyone around them as ‘fags’, are yell frightfully ignorant nonsense while throwing around beer bottles at the local train station. They also seem to blend the sk8r culture in there as well, with all its Xtremeness.
I think this mashing together of various ‘alternative’ subcultures amoung the young bogans, while also mimicing various celebrities who have jumped on the alterna-bandwagon, is very similar to the theft of international cultures the older bogans demonstrate.

27 01 2010
Peter

off topic but related to an earlier post about cappuccino: back in the 80s, while working in a beachfront restaurant at Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast, a female customer once asked me for a ‘cup of cino’

27 01 2010
Bogue

Ha! I’ve heard that one a few times too, usually at roadhouse restaurants whilst travelling. My favourite is Yves St Laurent, pronounced (in bogan) Yes Saint Laurence.

27 01 2010
jay

ok, so where does hesperion xxi, previously hesperion xx, fit within this discussion?

27 01 2010
Indi

Wogans what plays viola da gamba – pffft! Though Jordi could be noice name for a little brother to Ayce.

27 01 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

I own an XT Falcon.

Did the inner bogan come out when I purchased such a vehicle.

Oh BTW what happened to the first 5 XR’s???

27 01 2010
Bogue

I think, acording to the sales literature, your inner mustang came out.

What happened to the first 5 XR’s? They were purchased by five 1960’s bogans (bodgies? Sharpies?)?

27 01 2010
Lee

I owned an XT once, wish I still had it!

27 01 2010
Nelson Esq

My Godfathers paddock basher XT ute (3.6 litre, 3 on the tree) is an awesome vehicle…I don’t think it’s seen oil in years, but you just can’t kill that all iron Ford straight six!

Favourite Falcon model is definitely the XA GT, however like Toddo, I’ve got a soft spot for XP’s. Love the coupes, expecially with the 170 c.i. Pursuit engine. (Bogometer needle goes up another notch) But wouldn’t mind one of the rare XP Squire wagons though…Mr Nelson Esquire in a Squire wagon…has a nice ring to it, I think!

28 01 2010
Lee

My XT was a standard auto with the 3.6L (221ci?) but I now enjoy the finer things in life, Valiants!

28 01 2010
Simon of South Yarra

I was lucky enough to occasionally get the XT GT to drive out to the Farm in my young student days – very fast down the Med-Engy straight heading to the Nott

27 01 2010
Loftie

XY’s for me…
I’ve got 3… 🙂

27 01 2010
Simon

Trade up Loftie, no way Fiona is riding in a Ford. Perhaps an X5?

27 01 2010
Topcrumpet

What the hell are you all talkng about? Motor things?
Far too many “X”s for my brain!

27 01 2010
Robbie

Xuck….Fux….Xhit….Xunt…has a ring to it 😛

28 01 2010
BJGP

Oh, there’s another example: CountryLink’s XPT, the trains used for long-distance services from Sydney to various locations.

28 01 2010
Tim

Nothing about the Australian band ‘X’ though, they would be too scary for most.

30 01 2010
Whistling Nixie

…Not to mention Xubuntu Linux.

29 01 2010
stephen

XXXX beer

29 01 2010
GuyLeDouche

So this x-plains why itunes creates new titles for songs such as “the new sxxt” and “too drunk to fxxk”, Marketing genius

29 01 2010
Sam

Ten Pin Bowling.

Nothing beats an X. The more X’s you get the better you are.

4 03 2010
#98 – Doing as Simon Says « Things Bogans Like

[…] quests. Tired of being a judge on someone else’s show, he created his own show, and named it X-Factor. The British version features Cowell and the mediocre and plastic Dannii Minogue (breasts), while […]

7 12 2010
Just A Little Note

just a small thing…the X in Xmas stands for Jesus’ name in Latin which is a X. Therefore this is not bogan as the bogan does not know Latin or where Latin is.

As far as we can tell, Jesus in Latin is Iesus. TBL

1 02 2011
25 05 2011
Dove

A local ex-player at our local footy club just named his son Fletcher Maxx!

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