MELBOURNE CUP CARNIVAL SPECIAL – PT II
Taken from National Geographic…
“Once a year, the Black Grouse South Victorian Crested Bogan congregates in the Azore Islands general admission area of Flemington, off Portugal‘s coast Epsom Road, for their annual rut. Many of these creatures travel several thousand kilometres for about an hour to arrive in mid-spring, for this is the only time of year that the entire Black Grouse Bogan population is in the one place, at the one time.
The Black Grouse Bogans are extremely energetic birds and they display constantly. Each male has his own little area into which he tries to entice a female. They make a wonderful turkey-like noise which reaches a crescendo when, periodically, they all display at the same time. They regularly challenge their neighbours, with a different call which sounds like an approximation of “come on then”. Many fights ensue. Some of this is done for effect when a female passes by, but some is serious and quite vicious.
There are sites where the females tend to congregate, and space near these display areas is fiercely contested. After a number of mock charges one will attempt to escalate from mere display, with the sole intention of establishing dominance over its opponents. Almost every male has a bare patch on the back of stupid hat on its head, while some retain the plumage ruffled, directionless hair of their youth. Those that do have this spend a great deal of time grooming it, particularly early in the day.
Most also have a red patch on their breast pair of white leather shoes that contrasts sharply with the black of their feathers suit, and is thought to be a secondary means of display. The weaker birds bogans who spend their time on the outer edge of the display area have often had all their tail feathers money removed. They look a sorry sight compared to their elegant peers.”
The bogan has taken to the Melbourne Cup like an aspiring actress to a terminally ill oil magnate. The combination of comfortable, familiar surrounds, ample (low quality) booze and a chance to uncover as much skin under the guise of ‘formal attire’ as possible has made the lure of racing’s biggest day impossible to resist. In 2009, the Cup is a far cry from the genteel, debonair event of yesteryear. Today, as dusk descends over the looming trash pile that Flemington has become in a matter of hours, female bogans can be seen vomiting daintily, stilettos in hand, while a male bogan hovers optimistically nearby…
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You missed the female sporting Caufield tan – the fake tan job they had that’s still oompa-loompa orange two weeks later!
I agree with this one.Some people should not be allowed into these events.Needs to be discerning again.
Well done, funny!
And at least half a dozen drunk bogans will attempt to climb up onto the bronze Phar Lap statue on the day while their peanut gallery of drunk bogan mates cheer them on.
God what a load of shit. I went for the first time when 14 yr old in 1983 and it was a piss up feast from the public stands through to the Corporate Marques in the carpark. In years that I did not go to the cup or Yarra Glenn races it was parties. Where ever you go on Melbourne cup day its nothing but i great old piss up, chicks tart up and everyone spending money on the ponys. Then go to work or school the next day with a hang over. It always has been and always will be.
You know the more I think about it the more I think this is a propaganda site for the labor party and neo socialists. Im also suspecting the site has been made by a certain print media group.
‘You know the more I think about it the more I think this is a propaganda site for the labor party and neo socialists. Im also suspecting the site has been made by a certain print media group.’
Maybe. But that doesn’t stop it all from being extremely funny.
Or completely true.
Or a propaganda front for the old school of the Liberal Party, which didn’t actually go away, and thinks themselves better than anyne else. They can still be heard in Collins Street Clubs shouting, ‘Waiter, wee wee and little boys!’
Ok, so we’ve had some debate here, and we’ve managed to narrow down the conspiracy theory to “they’re either radical right wing, or radical left wing”. At this rate, we’ll have found solutions for cancer, climate change, and world hunger by lunchtime. :)
LOL. Oh look, a bogan trying to think.
Shaun,
Why would a labor party/neo-socialist be behind this web-site? the left has always been supportive of the bogan plight. Haven’t you heard of the trade-unionist? Geez, if your going to get your knickers in a knot please blame the right people…Oh and get a sense of humor…Bogans are so sensitive these days…
PS: Who goes to school with a hang over..? Oh, silly me, bogans do
Yes Shaun, once again you appear to have hit the nail on the head. Is ‘Shaun’ an alias for Andrew Bolt?
“[T]he more I think about it…”
No. Please don’t do that. It’s better if you stop. It hasn’t worked so far.
Hahhaaaa, the bogan doesn’t like that he reads about himself
Um…. the labor party and neo-socialist movement are two very different things. How could this site possibly resemble the propaganda of both of them at once?
Which Australian media group would endorse a site that labelled such loved Aussie pursuits as bogan culture? Fairfax? News Ltd? I doubt it.
Bogans are just obsessed with trying to cast the blame on someone/thing other than themselves, and they LOVE conspiracy theories that allow them to allocate responsibility to large businesses. It’s on of the key pillars that saves them from that much loathed self-scrutiny. Additional resource: http://wik.ed.uiuc.edu/index.php/Locus_of_control TBL
oh no… wait for it….I think Shaun is going to drop the E word – the biggest insult a bogan can give anyone
LOL. Oh how the bogans dislike being so easily described.
Too true, Fiona. One of the hallmarks of the aspirational bogan is the carefully cultivated self-delusion of individuality. Hence the personalised number plates, the “creative” baby names and so on.
To the bogans- for what it’s worth, I am neither wealthy nor from Toorak. It could even be argued that my name is slightly bogan (oh, how I wish my name were Chloe or Victoria.) I do, however, know how to read something other than the Herald Scum and exercise my critical thinking skills, and I think patriotism is for people who are too lazy or unpassionate to find a cause or principle real and worthy of allegiance.
LOL. And the white fake crocodile shoes with the dark suit. I mean, the bogan who wears that will surely stand out from the herd…
Fiona of Toorak and Jodie(hot name by the way wanna hook up)
Labor party and neo socialists…YES
Old school Liberal…. No they are all dead or in nursing homes
The Labor party has long since lost its title was the workers/battlers party. The used to look out of the battlers now they are too busy trying to get a legacy in history. Battlers are so not them. Teachers, unionist and ultra leftist socialists have infested the Labor party. The over educated upper middle class have ruined the party. They dont want to be seen a snob liberals so they joined the labor party only to get the message mixed up and ened up buying into the neo left socialist message. When Labor and Unions started spending more time looking out for others such as the plight of some idiot in a country then the people they are meant to represent I changed to Liberal. It was a hard choice. I don’t like conservatives but it was made easier knowing no matter who you go for they are all Christian biggots so it was down to lesser of 2 evils. At least the Liberals still believe that everyone is responsible for their own actions and will show you how to wipe your ass, but you have to do it youself. If the Liberals were in power internet filter and the Alcopop Tax would never have got off the ground. At least they do whats in the best interest of the nation regardless of the newlimted.com a.k.a Labours nannystate propaganda unit told them they should do. Labor runs their policy’s based on whats on the front page of the Newspapers.
PS To Fiona
I’m in South Yarra and have been to some massive piss ups Toorak…
Whats the difference between a piss up in Seaford and Toorak? In Toorak the beer is Stella instead of Pure Blonde, The red wine is $25 a bottle and not out of a cask, the food is catered instead of cooked on the BQQ by Dougie who’s the short order cook at the local pub and shagging a chick just met is in a guest room not on next door neighbors front lawn. Oh yer the weed is smoked through a very expensive chamber bong while back at Seaford they made it using orange juice bottle, a garden hose and aluminum foil shaped into a cone……! Its all two sides of the same coin. You just think you just think your shit dont stink… why else would even bother to mention your from Toorak…!
PS: to Jodie. Your a sell out, but only to yourself. You dont even like your own name. I think you got bigger issues to deal with right now. Come back when you have learned how to live with yourself
This is why boganity is a state of mind, not of social position.
Just a note about Toorak. For the rest of Australia, thats a suburb in Melbourne, a nice on at that. However, during my uni days, at my poorest, and when I let my inner bogan free, I lived in a studio in Toorak with many bogans. So no matter where you come from, weather it be in Vaucluse or, Dandenong (god I hope I spent them right), you will find a bogan.
well said matty h, i was going to ask for a definitive distinction between the toorak fiona and the cranbourne fiona, it could just be mum and dads pay packets in the end. you give everyone a start with toorak ; dinner party
cranbourne; back yard barbee
and by 2 in the morning they are all doing the same thing really.
Well put Jodie in regards to the bogan ultra-patriotism that is displayed in various guises; eg: Southern Cross tattoo, Aussie Flag on the Commodore, spouting uninformed racist dribble etc etc.
Nevermind that if you asked these imbeciles as to who Edmund Barton, Sir John Monash, Albert Jacka or Peter Badcoe are you would be greeted with nothing but blank looks! Perhaps an Australian history test should be administered at every tattoo parlour before any Australiana ink can be applied?
I am a proud Australian, however, i represent this pride by actually learning the history of this country rather than getting a tacky tattoo and drunkenly ranting “We grew here you flew here” nonsense.
Yes Matty you got Vaucluse right, there is a vast array of bogans living there aswell, mixed in with the saffa’a and jews…….. and the south african jews!
excuse typo…….. saffa’s is what I meant.
great post
Today we will watch all the bogans of Victoria gather in Melbourne, to watch something they have no idea about. But its that one special time of the year where bogans young and old can put on there bests, drink, vomit, snog randoms, and trash there surroundings, while the whole time believing they are classy! Because its Melb’s, and Melb’s is classy bro. Isent it? For the life of me I dont understand why tourism victoria, and Melbourne promote this race as an elegant gentile event. When its SO clearly not.
‘For the life of me I dont understand why tourism victoria, and Melbourne promote this race as an elegant gentile event. When its SO clearly not.’
Because the moment anything civilised or decent becomes appropriated by bogans it instantly goes to utter shit.
So bogans bring all the all the spewing, punch-ups, slutiness and generally disgraceful behaviour that defines ANY bogan social event; from a backyard barbie to a multi-million-dollar celebration of the wasteful rich.
I think you mean genteel- as gentile is an adjective meaning not Jewish.
LOL. Try again dear, this time using English.
Is there anything more bogan than using LOL? I think not.
My bad Genteel, not gentile. Dident know that gentile meant not Jewish. Learn something new every day.
Hahaha, rofl, I’m not sure which is funnier, the article or the comments.
Hahaha! Fiona of Toorak, he IS speaking English…I don’t know where you’re from but im american and I understood it fine…ANYWHO, Great article, I needed to do a current events in school anddddd I chose Melbourne Cup haha, im sooo printing this article haha xD
American you may be but you are yet to understand the nuances and urbane utterances that spew forth from our Lady Fi. Why do Americans always feel the need to point out they are American? Seems a bit, well, bogan to me.
Shaun, most people here are “normals” – a dying breed of people who are happy with their correctly spelt names, no facial piercings, no tattoos, can have a good time without copious amounts of grog and/or fighting, can go 30 seconds without swearing, say please and thank you and generally respect other human beings. We don’t all follow any specific political party, we’re just a group of people who try not to laugh in the faces of the “induvidwools” who plague our society.
Wot ‘e said…
Us non-bogans generally lead quiet lives free from the bogan imperative to draw attention to ourselves in any way possible.
To me that disparity is what defines boganism; the utter lack of modesty, and the need to try and make yourself seem more significant than you are. Often by becoming an obnoxious asshole and/or giving your children ridiculously made-up names.
LOL. And wearing fake white crocodile shoes with a dark “Man to Man” er, “suit” to your special day – the Melbourne Cup.
With the vents at the back still stiched up? That’s always a good look.
from one “normal” to another…thanks for the comment, it’s good to hear somewhere out there that there is a sense of respect and decency…being surrounded by bogans I was beginning to think there was some kind of bogan creating virus spreading across Oz and that nobody had been spared…
@ Kondor Man: you’ve summed it up perfectly. Here on these boards I’ve found myself among my peers. Thank you for articulating exactly how I feel. I’ve come home at last :)
But folks, it’s time to ‘fess up. There’s a little bogan inside each one of us! The question is, how much you let the little bloke/chick off the leash.
So may we all cultivate and control our Inner Bogan — for this is the road to bliss.
careful on insulting tattoos there my friend! i agree with everything you have said but some people who are covered in tatts are far from bogans…
I think someone’s inner bogan is having a quite meltdown ;)
Shaun, my a sellout what?
Bet you $10 you don’t understand the statement I just made…
P.S. In a few years my title will be “Dr.” and you will no doubt still be in middle management…. If that makes me a sellout, so be it.
I imagine Andrew Bolt to be like Jack Donaghey in 30 Rock… making grand statements about average joes being good honest hardworking people, only to discover they are just as awful as the rest of us.
Happy horse day everyone!
Well I made my once-a-year bogan bet and decided on the quinella of “Shocking” and “Crime Scene”. Not based on form, but because it sounded cool. And I won a packet! Sometimes, it’s good to let your bogan free.
While I like your sentiments Jodie, ‘in a few years my title will be Dr.’ means nothing until, you know, you actually achieve it. And if you aren’t a Doctor of medicine, you’re one of the waste-of-space social science dribbling twats who makes EVERYONE call them ‘Doctor’; because they wrote a thesis on ‘Distopian Themes with South American Feminist Literature’ for their doctorette in Basket Weaving when they were 28 and finishing up their professional student career.
Noting wrong with middle management, the next rung up is….
I loved your ‘self delusion sense of individuality’ comment though; I got a good laugh out of it…basically because it is true!
Some of the people who carry the title ‘Dr’ and don’t practice medecine are researchers in the physical and biological sciences, to name only two disciplines that could hardly be considered a ‘waste of space’.
I will be a Doctor of veterinary medicine, for what it’s worth. I am trying hard not to agree with you on the rest of the statement. As much of a feminist as I am, I will say I have to try my utmost not to snicker when someone says they have a PhD in gender theory or film analysis or somesuch. Mind you, I’m a total hypocrite on that score- I’d rather be a student than work for a living any day. Maybe that’s why bogans sneer at uni students. We basically bludge as much as they do but we get to feel noble doing it! ;D
Aaah the ever wise all knowing uni bogans, they’re in a classification of their own.
P.S. Agree with djibarh also.
No Jodie, your PhD is a complete waste of time and space, don’t you know.
Just ask Shaun. You’re clearly an overly educated (yes, this is an insult in Bogania Waters) neo-socialist (whatever that means). And you’ll never reach the dizzying heights of middle-management. So there!
I couldn’t possibly be a socialist, I’m far too selfish. ;)
Yeah, I’m always a little baffled when bogans/conservatives use the term over-educated. Is too much education a bad thing, like too much alcohol or junk food? Guess I’m not smart enough to get it…
your brain’s going die from intellectual cholesterol jodie.
and your last words will be “damn… shouldn’t have done that 4th Phd ….. must’ve been the garlic sauce”
selfish or not you ARE a neo social whatever it was
why? because the middle manager said so dammit! how dare you question his omniscience (anybody else used to think this word was talking abotu some kind of science? or just me….) he’s worked long and hard to get where he is so of course he knows better that you GAWD joedee !
One of the worst shows of racing boganimity is the suit/dinner jacket with boxer shorts. Uuugghh. I was once in a group that included half a dozen of these morons and they all claimed that it was they thought of the idea. In fact they nearly started a fight amongst themselves over whose idea it was! I needed chiropractic treatment after all the head shaking I did that day.
“Today, as dusk descends over the looming trash pile that Flemington has become in a matter of hours, female bogans can be seen vomiting daintily, stilettos in hand, while a male bogan hovers optimistically nearby…”
CLASSIC. Sums it up perfectly
have to laugh at some of the square heads who comment on this site(ie:jodie) its so obvious that all the so called “normal people” who despise “bogans” are really neorotic,uptight soft blankets who hate people who are comfotable in themselves (which is what being an adult is) and dont have adolescent hang ups ,they are in fact jealous of this,thus in there frustration they use labels like bogan or westie to describe the people they secretly wish to be,quite pathetic,why dont you get your heads out of your ass and have a cup of harden the fuck-up you poor self deluded piss ants. p.s. you all know you wouldnt survive 1 day in bogan world soft c#$5ts
“people who are comfortable in themselves”… I think you mean people who have no dignity or respect for others, and take a kind of pride in it. Now THAT is pathetic. You think we want to be like you? I think you’re sadly deluded.
This just about sums it up….
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/racing/gallery-fn4cyin0-1225793807095
Makes ua proud, really. Proud of what, I’m not sure…
Jasper, yes it does. As a fat man once said “The Horror, The Horror”.
Lee,i agree i may have had a brain explosion,but god dammit im pissed;as for the c word i put in the characters to emphizise how pissed i am,not because im too prudish to write the c word………….dumb c!@t!
Sorry to offend you mate,just trying to lighten things up
keep on punching Lee
LOL. And white fake leather crocodile shoes.
Hey Fiona,
How you doin’?
Firstly James(i couldnt imagine you would find jimmy acceptable),itried out for the aust cricket team but Warnie told me to stick it cause i dont know how to play poker! As for Fiona of Toorak ,well what more can i say about someone who calls themselves Fiona of Toorak ha ha
Brad, have you noticed it’s only the wankers from Toorak that feel the need to let everyone know that they are from Toorak?
Wonder how long till we see a Vaucluse or Double Bay?
Brad,
No wonder Lee doesn’t like you, tool.
James
Yes he does your just jealous jimmy
ha ha i should call myself Brad of Bankstown but then again my english is to concise to be beleivable,but seems like our freind jimmy has fallen for the Toorak honey trap what a fucken goose!
Brad of Bankstown, if you are infact as anglo as your name suggests and still living in bankstown then my friend you are bogan! Well done mate, Im not too far away…… about as far south as you can follow fairford rd then left.
sorry to dissapoint you lee ijust used brad of bankstown as an example cause it sounds good,actually from outer east of melb a true aussie/bogan heartland plenty of cub’s and the kind of place the tossers on this site would fear to tread!
Ha ha, as I suspected! An anglo aussie bogan from bankstown sounded too good to be true!
you should both be banned..
Looks like the brains trust (Lee and Brad) have fallen in love, but how will their love blossom when ones from Sydney and the others from Melbourne.
I suspect it may, the both sound pretty commited to being complete benders..
Gah. How many people this site need to be told that an apostrophe is used for the possessive, not the plural?! Eesh.
LOL. Everyone. Aside from me.
Heh. Fi, it would seem we are a dying breed.
That should be “on this site”. Not directed at any particular poster. It’s a trend now. How depressing.
Jodie,
Good point, and hugely important. I would like to note, its not hard to make Fiona ‘LOL’ is it. I prefer to snigger to myself (STM). TTYL.
James
LOL. STM.
LOL – this made me laugh SO hard! a sea of fake tan, short dresses and smeared mascara… LOVE IT
ahahahhaha
bogans… ugh!
funny though
Linda,
Agreed. It made me STM.
James
Oh dear, James is upset.
The site is here for everyone to enjoy. Bogans, hipsters, yuppies, leg waxing metro types, idiots from Toorak who can’t string a sentence together, even the complete plebs, like yourself.
Relax a bit junior, you might even enjoy it.
Lee, you feeling ok ‘bro’? I think you have had too much wild turkey and cola champ. You know what STM means? It is good times. STM..
Funny, I dont drink wild turkey champ but yes I feel fine, thanks for your concern.
Nice try ‘bro’.
jimmy,how ya goin knackers,good to see you’ve turned the corner not only are implying that i’m homosexual in a degrotory way but you’re also using the word “bro” both big no no’s in the world of the NB(non bogan).Be the bogan son,embrace it,become your inner bogan’s best freind-the truth will set you free!; be careful though they may ban you
is opp swahili for blowfly?
The bogan is screaming to be let out of jimmy’s pale, shaved skin.
Let it out mate, I can almost see the big vein pulsating out of your shiny forehead.
Jodie my sister is a vet who is highly regarded with in Australia and internationally. She is yet to put DR anywhere near her name. I think most people here are lost souls and its sad. Bogans are content and happy and carefree. I can not ask for better friends then them. I feel most of the people here are lost in a PC world. Your loss
she wont answer you shaun shes gone to make more 2 minute noodles ha ha
Shaun, google “the Melbourne Model.” In Victoria, veterinary has recently gone from the BVSc to the DVM. It’s now postgraduate, just FYI. And I don’t give a rat’s about being PC. I just choose not to be ignorant.
LOL. The slightly educated bogan also attends universities other than Melbourne or Monash.
Try-hard elitist YUPPY!
I was at Oaks day yesterday and witnessed what a bogan’s bikini line looks like first hand…unwaxed, disgusting.
Nothing has changed from the ‘good old days of yesteryear’, it’s always was a bogan piss fest.
i think ill stick to my green tea…
Canberra: a teenage bogan in ‘formal’ attire and racing fascinator (no shoes) being pushed home in a trolley by her boyfriend, at 5 in the afternoon, in the middle of the city.
Shortly followed by another pair; the female attempted to jaywalk through incoming traffic and proceded to stop and swear at the car who braked for her for around a minute
AMAZING
You’ve explained all the good reasons why you NEVER go general admin at the Melb Cup, or Caulfield, or any racing event in Victoria now. and PLEASE, no more Dandenong style white shoes with black suits. haha
Hahahahahahaaaaa, love it:
story/0,27574,26339190-421,00.html
I think they’ve been reading this blog. I can see the sign now: “Anyone dressed like a footballer or marketing douchebag will be refused entry.”
Fiona needs to get over herself. There are plenty of bogans in Toorak. They may often be rich, but they bogans just the same. And where you are educated in Australia usually doesn’t make a difference either, because Australian education is vocationally oriented. What makes Australians bogans is their lack of cultural, rather than formal, education.
LOL. The University of Melbourne’s “Melbourne Model” is not vocationally oriented. Of course, no bogan could ever hope to study there so it doesn’t really matter – that’s what La Trobe, RMIT, Deakin and *giggle* Victoria are for.
Tjiros,
Fiona is a stooge, no one LOL’s that much.
My uncle was a keen owner of horse flesh who did all right in the bush gallops,but he had one freakish little grey mare who made it into the city runs melbourne and sydney,ect back in the 70’s.This good things name was Miff Ace and it one quite a bit of prize money in the big smoke.My uncle told me the thing that put the icing on the cake of it winning was listening to the toffs wives in the members section of Flemington and Randwick jumping up and down with a thousand dollar ticket in their hand screaming “come on Miff Ace come on Miff Ace” good times!
The reason I hate the Melbourne Cup is because of bogans.
They walk into work on that Tuesday morning announcing their top tips despite not giving a toss about horse racing at any other time of the year. If not in Victoria they’ll then spend the rest of the morning complaining that ‘it should be a national farkin’ holiday’. After lunch, productivity is extremely low as they wait for the race & continue to complain but this time about the quality of the audio visual equipment provided by the workplace to view it. After the race & after losing their money they’ll bang on about how they ‘knew that farkin’ horse would win’ & state that next year they’ll fly down to see it live.
And this process will be repeated by the bogan year after year…
LOL.just wondering if fiona who giggles an LOL,S AT victoria then why live here?im yet to see a legable debate from her hopeless attempts to be a comedian and am left disgusted by her master,s claim,s thus sounding like a bitter mistress to myself LOL. the day you enjoy the melbourne cup an the atmosphere is the day you maybe stop blogging here or did the herald sun ban you??
I sense there are a few people commenting here today who need to familiarise themselves with the definition of satire. That top photo by the way, brilliant!
I love the races! i take my scream mask!
Need we say more?
What about the Albert Park Grand Prix? The Bogans walk around St Kilda with their grand prix’s passes around their necks like they’re badges of honour.
I don’t call it “Spring Racing Carnival”
I prefer the correct term “Twiggly Season” (or possibly Judd Season) Usually starts about a two weeks out from the Brownlow and ends about a week after Oaks Day (along with any other enthusiasm for horse racing and/or concern from what Jockeys have to say or think)
And while I’m at it, it fucking pisses me no end having two-bit journos continually referring to women within 10km of a race track as ‘Fillies’ or having some simpleton footballers missus/soap star/d-list model posing for a photo with a horse.
Sarah Jessica Parker… what the fuck, I’m surprised Tom Waterhouse didn’t offer 50-1 that she’d win a race
Grant Hacketts post race grand piano trashing… If Mr Mono-tooth can’t hold his nose candy, don’t snort the shit and trash apartments.
Jockeys, no one wants to hear the anorexic pricks, just ride the horse and STFU
I was at David Jones in Pitt St with my girlfriend not long ago, shopping for my annual law society ball. I picked out a sharp three-piece pinstripe and as I was getting measured up I was asked, ‘the vest is a bit over the top for the races isn’t it?’ I responded with a look that was equal parts shock and disgust. Later we were searching the women’s section. My girlfriend picked out a colourful Sass & Bide dress and when she went to try it a woman said oh that’s lovely, is it for the races?