Boganomics: Maxximising the Bogan Opportunity

19 10 2011

Marketers should never, ever view the bogan as a problem. The bogan is an amazing opportunity. Other market segments marketers deal with are likely to be more discerning, more logical, and more restrained. When faced with the chance to pitch to the bogan, the opportunity needs to be maximised to the power of max.

Bogan marketing: novice level

The basic view of marketing involves making your product stand out amongst competitors, and appealing to the target audience in a way that makes the audience more likely to plump for your product instead of something that isn’t your product. Take, for example, a hungry bogan. One who wishes to plump for its own plumpness.

As portrayed in the above diagram, a marketing strategist for KFC aspires to instruct the bogan that it should not go to the supermarket, nor should it sample fine dining, go to a competitor, or go and do something about its waistline. Instead of any of these things, the bogan is to want a delicious Zinger burger. The easiest way to do this is to apply as many of the X factors as possible from our proprietary X-factor bogan wrangling model.

Bogan marketing: intermediate level

The novice marketer to the bogan may think that he or she has done a wonderful job by convincing the bogan that it should eat a Zinger burger at KFC. In truth, the marketer’s performance has been woeful, considering the opportunity it was presented with. The bogan has little capacity to differentiate its wants from its needs, and its own opinions from those opinions which it is instructed to possess. A higher level of bogan marketer appreciates these facts, and will use them to achieve a higher level of success.

The intermediate level bogan marketing diagram demonstrates the ability to make the bogan choose KFC for its burger, and then inform the bogan that it also needs something else in order for the Zinger burger to be truly satisfying. This can be done by packaging the products together, and calling it “deluxe”, or “value”. The bogan will never evaluate whether the package of products is indeed deluxe or good value, so there is no need to discount or add quality. When packaging the products together, the bogan marketer should consult the X-factor model to ensure that the package comes in a brightly branded carry box. Another highly effective method is informing the bogan that the deluxe value meal, while comprised of three regular menu items, is available for a limited time only.

 Bogan marketing: advanced level

The bogan marketer who has achieved the intermediate level of upselling, packaging, or expanding the bogan’s perceptions of its needs has reason to feel proud of their work. A marketer at this level is likely to be promoted to middle management, and go on to forge a solid career assisting the bogan in believing that marketing and advertising is an instrument that helps the bogan, not controls it. If, however, the marketer wishes to progress to the top of the tree, they need to abandon any quaint idea that they work with the bogan, instead embracing a gloriously depraved hegemony over the bogan’s hopes and dreams.

The diagram for the advanced level of bogan marketing shows that the bogan’s hunger should not be acknowledged by the marketer. Hunger for food can generally be satiated for $15 or less, and the bogan has more bucks than that. These bucks are the rightful property of the marketer, and need to be removed from the bogan promptly. The advanced level bogan marketer interprets the bogan’s hunger not as a hunger for food, but as a hunger for consumption. For example, a bogan marketer with multiple clients should include a plug for an iPhone app in its KFC advertisement, an app which would allow the bogan to summon a Zinger burger to its couch with little more than a wave of its finger. Now that the bogan is thinking about the benefits of advanced telephony, it is ripe to be sold a poor value, multi-year phone contract with an overloaded telco. This phone advertisement needs to follow the KFC advertisement swiftly, before the bogan forgets what it has been told it wants.

Stage one complete, the elite bogan marketer will conjure up a nonsensical branding alliance between the phone retailer and the provider of dubious and extremely expensive medical suppliers who promise that they will allow the bogan to have maxtreme sex. The branding alliance does not need to make any sense at all – the bogan is still hungry, confused, and its credit card is warmed from previous swiping. An equally meaningless connection can be then made to a car manufacturer, via a method such as an “everyone wins something” raffle or lottery, where the bogan’s supplied contact details are then used to pepper it with any number of unrelated marketing schemes. The bogan’s hunger has continued to grow, and the idea of a fast car to get it to a feeding venue is likely to be of appeal.

At this point, the bogan’s bucks are likely to be exhausted, along with its various lines of credit. A $15 hunger has been completely ignored by the advanced level marketer, who merely viewed it as the soft underbelly of a cash chamber worth approximately $45,000. The chamber thus emptied, this zen level marketer can choose to retire to the Bahamas. If, however, the marketer has become so hooked on exploiting the bogan that they can derive joy from nothing else, he or she can then sell a 26% interest “Deluxe platinum” credit card to the bogan, because the bogan is still hungry, and Zinger burgers ain’t free.


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165 responses

19 10 2011
Sheriff struggle

Like taking Pepsi Maxx from a baby.

19 10 2011
Darren

For your example, I’d have gone with a Commodore over a Sportivo. As well as being a more obvious choice, the zen level marketers at Holden are now maxxxtreming the bogan car-of-choice (upsizing it if you will) with a free sunroof – for a limited time, no less…

http://www.holden.com.au/latestoffers/commodore/bonus-sunroof-on-ss,-ssv,-calais-andcalaisv-sedans?region=National

19 10 2011
HarrIson

Agreed. Holdens (or Fords) are the bogan vehicle of “choice”, or more accurately the vehicle they are told to buy via promotion of Bathurst and sponsorship of other maxtreme sports like NRL.

I have also seen the advertisement for the commodore utility, tornado. ACDC soundtrack to said utility outrunning a thunderstorm or something…
Maxxxtreme indeed.

19 10 2011
Pandabater

Marketers also watch Top Gear.
Both HSV & FPV have copied
Mercedes & now have a
“Black” edition.

19 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

It’s true the bogan loves it’s Fords and Holdens. But what truly zen marketing genius could not resist the challenge of trying to sell (giggles) Camry’s (LoL) to bogans by trying to make them cool (ROFLCOPTER).

Selling them to the over 65″s is too easy.

20 10 2011
moar caek

sunroof.
pffft.

19 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

When do you lads get a guest spot on Gruen?

It’s overdue, isn’t it? TBL

19 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yep, have you asked?

19 10 2011
p'bee

of course, given tbl’s true identities are a closely guarded secret, how do we know they haven’t been on?

20 10 2011
moar caek

they could waer the mask from the book.
that’d be a cack!

(sweat f#ckers!)

19 10 2011
James Hunter

TBL, I have done 5 shows with Paulie Fenec and I reckon he could make a show that would be of the genre of Fat Pizza or Swift and Shift but more maxtreeme bogan
Catchy title like maybe Bogan Grinner or a game show, Bogan Winner
Nice little Jingle that all the little kids can sing in the school bus, merchandise like Bogan Gum, a Maccas Promo, deep fried battered lamb chops call em Bogan Choppers. a real life show like Bogan Makeover turn an office wimp into a maxtreeme bogan in 30 minutes. The Money will roll in and the fans will be qued for autographs.get on the Footy Show fuck Gruentransfer bogans dont watch that.

19 10 2011
martin

The bogan gets to feel like it’s a sophisticated multi millionaire geek like Ashton Kutcher on Two and Half Bogans with it’s iPhone. Even though it still just uses it as a normal phone.

Have any of you libtards got an iPhone and use it for anything else? I think the best thing about the iPhone is the fart app.

Some bogans will buy the boring old Toyota because it’s trying to be sensible and Toyotas last a long time, even though the bogan only wants it’s car for 5-10 years before it turfs it away like a piece of garbage and buys a new one. These bogans then complain that we don’t make anything in Australia.

19 10 2011
Mick

Yeah, I was conned by an intermediate level marketer to obtain an android. I played with it for three months and now use it as a phone.

I was happy with the big screen because my eyesight was failing. I have glasses now so it doesn’t matter. Lots of us middle-aged types get them for the big screens. It makes up for fat fingers and old eyes. Shouldn’t have said that. It’ll end up being the next marketing campaign

19 10 2011
Sheriff struggle

yep, tram tracker, navfree gps, work email and diary, heytell, angry birds, podcasts, supercoach, twitter and TBL. It makes public transport a good option.

19 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’ve got an iphone. I use the internet to check TBL and the phone, calender, email but no apps, haven’t even got around to loading up the ipod.

20 10 2011
moar caek

my contract is up in december. I’ll prombly get an iphone cos my ancient 20g ipod is (actually) coming apart at the seams.
and because it has lots of dinky hodads!

19 10 2011
martin

All youse iphone owners are bogans. I’m gonna get an Android. I might try Blendr to see if I can get some #124 with it.

19 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Grindr might be more yer go Martin.

20 10 2011
moar caek

some bogans know Value when it sees it. “alloy” wheels are the chocolate dust on its cup of chino. it will then become fanboi and demand Toymota get a run in the V8s (coming soon) and bark at you about how vVT is better than VTi.

21 10 2011
Davo-The only tradie without a $70k ute, tatts or a missus!

My phones getting close to ten years old. It calls, it texts, i have to use a lighter at night because the screens fu(ked. But at least i dont have to worry some prick will steal it. And it makes a great weapon in the right hands.

21 10 2011
James Hunter

Davo, Sounds like your missus wouldn’t let you get a tatt and she took the Ute as part of the property settelment ?
Either that or you have a ute that earns it’s keep and are affraid of pain. That explains why no tatts and no wife !!!

19 10 2011
Mick

You know, I’ve never understood how the bogan has failed to gain any intelligence in its life. The bogan has a photographic memory.

My bogan workmates often tell me of something they need. I like to f#ck with them and ask them why. They will then recite to me word for word the tv ad they watched or the advertorial they read in the Qantas magazine. They’re phenomenal. They suck this sort of information in and retain it. How?

Put a book of learning in front of them and the only three words they will remember is “See Spot Run”.

19 10 2011
Pandabater

The Bogan will also recite advertising slogans as opinion. “What? You rent? Rent money is dead money”.

19 10 2011
p'bee

scarily reading that immediately brought up the ad in perfect technicolour in my mind.

20 10 2011
moar caek

bogans sing jingles.

20 10 2011
moar caek

they do this with politics too. asked “Why?”, they respond with headlines.

our most “popular” PM ever, apparently ditched for not bringing in a carbon tax. (according to recent polling).
a week later voters are Outraged by the faceless men interfering with their democracy. apparently.
but refuse to support his successor to do the same job (the male bogan secretly hates working for chicks?)
the bogan goes where it is told.

19 10 2011
betterthantheoriginalwally

There was never a moment that marketers viewed the bogan as a problem. In fact, the concept of marketing was devised to draw money from the easily-led money monkey. The wealthy (and usually intelligent) do not need marketing people to help them use their money and the poor dont need help either. People too silly to use their money properly are the reason that the predators exist. They are the reason half-beautiful girls get dressed up like slutty cowgirls, carry trays of watered-down Midori in pubs and strike up conversations with guys they would never, ever otherwise speak to. Bogans are the reason why Speed 2 and Freddie Vs Jason was made. Bogans are the reason why Calvin Klein advertises like they do, why burgers are called “angry” and why Lady Gaga is the most popular entertainer on the planet. Marketing = Bogan so much so that Marketing would have to be the most popular course for bogans in Universities.

19 10 2011
devil's advocate

Hold on, it’s not just bogans that can appreciate the scantily-clad half beautiful slutty cowgirls.

19 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

“They are the reason half-beautiful girls get dressed up like slutty cowgirls, carry trays of watered-down Midori in pubs and strike up conversations with guys they would never, ever otherwise speak to.”

You make that sound like a bad thing.

19 10 2011
martin

Who’d a thunk it? Channel 10 has axed 6:30 with George Negus. Covering the same bogan, brain dead, populist, smokescreen issues in an extended libtard fashion didn’t work.

Go back to the ABC or SBS and create something decent George.

19 10 2011
p'bee

saw that on the herald’s website. i like the little swipe they’re having at channel 10 in the first line of the article, saying that 10’s ‘experiment with quality current affairs’ is over.

19 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Be just like the Herald to think that 6.30 was quality. Poor old George was sold a pup by 10 I reckon. Promise something new and quality and deliver the same old cr8p!

19 10 2011
p'bee

oh no, i think the herald was having a sly dig at the supposed quality of 6:30, and at george for going the lowbrow route and joining 10 in the first place.

19 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Fair ‘nough. I’m not sure why any of us, and I was one, believed that 10 would but out anything worth watching. As The Who said “Won’t get foooled again”.

21 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

On the continued troubled life and times of George Negus at 10 (commonly known as the sh3t you cop on commercial tellly).

He will now be a panel member on an expanded 1hr 7pm Project now know as simply “The Project”.

Oh dear……………

21 10 2011
p'bee

considering the ad for tonight’s episode of 6:30 focuses on george’s interview with coldplay’s chris martin, i can’t say i feel any sympathy for him. selling himself out toa show that thinks hard hitting journalism is interviewing that whiner, he gets what he deserves.

21 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ah yes, Chris Martin, the Bono for Generation Y

Less talented, less committed but just as much of a spanker.

19 10 2011
James Hunter

The Murdoch Capitalist Banner “The Australian” Is screaming that The IMF now tells every one they should not be saving but spending to save the world of the Capitalista, not to be selfish trying to save themselves. Oh How the worm of Greed Turns.
Wonder if the next big depression will have bogans driving round in chevrodoors with the roof cut out ,the engine removed and a donkey or two goats harnessed up front ? Just like you see in Albania or similar.
Immagine going through the drive through at KentuckyChokeaLot like that.

19 10 2011
martin

The yogans are nervous and along with them the greedy over indebted bogans. I love it. This is the main thing behind the hatred for Julia.

Bogans will have to drive shitboxes and they won’t be able to associate themselves with brand names and the faux trappings of wealth in order to project an identity. They might actually have to become human beings again like OSBs were.

19 10 2011
Darren

The good news for these people is that SBS are starting a documentary series on what it’s like to be an OSB: http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/housos-is-tv-for-bogans-20111018-1lyhb.html

19 10 2011
Mick

Uncle Rupert is going to charge people to look at the Australian online. Who will read it then? The bogan only wants its opinion given to it for free.

19 10 2011
James Hunter

Reading the Australian is usefull in as much as it is usefull to know ones enemy.

22 10 2011
Mr Q

The bogan isn’t reading The Australian. Not when there’s the tabloid to be read.

The Australian is solely there to try to propagandise the Murdoch world view to the non-Bogan.

22 10 2011
James Hunter

Mr Q,
I have readThe Australian for years since it was a real newspaper and not just a propaganda sheet for Rupert and those he sees as like minded ,politicians
Pity it has become nothing but a drain on our environment.
Emma Jane ( Emma Tom) is good but I pick her up onThe Punchor The Drum. Whatever.
We still have it delivered but to be truthfull it is for the Times Crosswords that Mrs hanibal is addicted to. If I could get them any other way I would stop it in a flash.
I just get sick of it , page afdter page of tripe spouting the “liberal” cause and every story about anything has been spin doctored.
It realy is an insult to us all that the Murdochs think we are all stupid. Just like they think the Pom Police are Stupid. The Mews Limited Shareholders are stupid.
Must be amazing to believe that only yourself and your children are sane and worthy.
Sounds like Daffi in Libya and see how his attitude rewarded him.

19 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness
19 10 2011
p'bee

who?

19 10 2011
Pandabater

2

19 10 2011
Mick

Mr Moon was insane but I love his machine gun drumming.

19 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’ve always assumed Animal from The Muppets was based on Keith Moon, is this true?

19 10 2011
Mick

That’s always been the rumour Simon. If it is not true then it should be.

19 10 2011
Vviv2

I heard that Animal was Keith’s love child with a Maltese terrier….

19 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

I believe so.

19 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

*starts swinging schooners violently in the air glassing any carnt within arm’s length*

19 10 2011
Brain Fart

This is the absolute funniest website I’ve ever been too. I’ve had more laughs on this site than any other. If writing can ever have measured dulcet tones? Then the above, is it! To all the authors thank you so much for the multiple laughs.
Bit ashamed tho’, as its a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. These days I live in Hoppers Crossing Vic, and I’m not kidding it really is boganville and I love, love, love it. In the bogans favour, many of those I’ve met have hearts of gold. Our neighbours are very rough, but also very lovely. So Shout it Out….. “Go Bogans Go”, and not necessarily away.
If we didn’t have them and they didn’t have us, the world would be a sadder place. Anyone who still has most of their front teeth, a non hotted up car, a normal sized TV and no tatts, is a “Tosser” in boganville.
So fellow authors, you see? We need each other for entertainment purposes. Hooray for my bogan brothers and sisters. I love you all. And no you bastards, I’m not drunk…. just having an “attack of random kindness”.

19 10 2011
Darren

I think you’ll find it’s “I love youse all”.

19 10 2011
Brain Fart

Awww gees Dazza, I’m do’in me best to get the vocab. I’ve only been here for a short year. And it’s been one of the best experiences of my life. Oooops “me” life. Please be kind I’m trying so hard. No tatts, but the $2.00 shop sells stick on ones. Hopefully I’ll be accepted soon??? Cos I speak proper, a patient at the health center asked me what country I come from???????????????????????? Her name was Sharryn or Shazza for short. Heeheehee I Love You’se all.

19 10 2011
Darren

Ah, youse have met me Shazza have yas?

19 10 2011
Brain Fart

Which Shazza Dazza,? There appears to be close to 1,000 Shazza’s over here. The amount of Shazza’s, Tayhlers, Debbhies et al, is quite frightening. You’re scaring me Dazza, if they all belong to you???? Then you must be a serial shagger with Tatts….. Pleeeeeeze tell me it’s not true. Oh this is bringing on an attack of wind….Phhhhht… No of course it doesn’t smell…. I’m a vego woman… and we all know that vego’s wind NEVER smells. heeheehee

19 10 2011
Brain Fart

Gosh, I really love this website. Haven’t had this many laughs in such a long, long, long time. If I’m deprived and too old for indiscriminate breeding can I still receive a pension???? Laughter has made me unfit for work and age has made me unfit for breeding. I await your urgent reply with “Baited Breath”. Oooops meant breathlessness. Don’t want my pet flies to die, from a ‘Baited Breath’. Planning on getting drunk tonight so I can pull out my front teeth. Oh and for all of you who don’t know, it’s pronounced “teefff”. So you see, am really learning the local, vocab. Suffer in your jocks, I’ll think of you when I eat my slop. ” Wot do youse all need teefff for anyway”??? The bogan days of scoffing, Toffee Apples are well gone. That was back before the second world war… You bastards.

19 10 2011
Mick

The pronunciation of teeth is a funny thing. When one has them it is ‘teeth’. When one doesn’t it’s ‘teeff’.

This is how blind people realise they’re speaking to a bogan.

19 10 2011
Vviv2

It’s one of the few times their ‘heightened senses’ are not a bonus!

19 10 2011
Brain Fart

REPEAT: Oh Gosh you all really make me laugh and laugh.
Thank you so much, to all the authors out there.
Sadly, “bogans” really don’t appear to have,
“heightened senses” unless this could be perhaps drug induced???????????
Check out the bogan who burnt his wife to death in a petrol station. In today’s Age. He scared off anyone who wanted to save her.
Oh I feel sick. He needs to be “put down”.
This is beyond understanding.
Have never laughed as much, since I found this website.
The rules should be….
“No Shooting the Fish in The Barrel”.
That’s unsportsmanlike like.
But in the case of the sadistic bogan,
mentioned above.
“what is to be done”?
My heart hurts from reading this article.

19 10 2011
Vviv2

BF, I was referring to the senses of the blind.

But I agree completely, how anyone could do that to another being, animal or human defies everything that supposedly makes us the ‘superior’ life form. We have a very long way to go….

20 10 2011
Brain Fart

Oh, you make me laff and laff. Thanx guys. I really love this web site. Heeheehee. Evil Cackle.

19 10 2011
Mick

This should have been TBL#248. It’s all about giving the bogan #124.

19 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

I thought about doing graduate study in marketing. I’m already a soulless, amoral piece of shit and I love the thought of stealing bogans’ money.

20 10 2011
Brain Fart

Only Me Again, I’m still laffing over “Youse”. See I do get it. My vocab says it all.
Vvviv. I’m still in shock over the Fuck faced C**T who burnt his lady. Oh God I’m one lucky old bag. My, (me) ex-bogan F**k F**e, only ever threatened me…. Thankfully he never carried out such a ghastly thing. That poor, poor lady suffered, such a horrible death. No laffing this end. I’m so sad.

20 10 2011
moar caek

An fabulous piece boys.
thank the Dogs this is pure fantasy!
imagine if this was applied as a genuine marketing strategy – it would drive the entire western financial system into a total debt meltdown in about 30 years!
Ha!

I bet the Greeks would riot!
Greeks.

22 10 2011
Mr Q

30 years is about how long it took, yes.

20 10 2011
moar caek

also,
announcing to the UnBogan community

Nina Mollie-Rose Gympie Belleview Heights Bladerunner Blood-Focke apostrofy Caek.
future Compassionate Benevolent God Empress and Saeviour of Humanity.
at 19:43 October 18th, in Adelaide, Straya (3156g, 50cm.)
We call her “Cup”.
Baeks and Baby are home and doing well

“Nobody has ever measured (not even poets) how much love the heart can hold.”
Zelda Fitzgerald

20 10 2011
martin

Onya Chubs.

20 10 2011
Pandabater

“I love babies but I couldn’t eat a whole one” Unknown.
Well done both of you. ;-)

20 10 2011
Mick

*Firm handshakes, jolly-well-dones and air kisses for the ladies*

Excellent work chubb and edna.

20 10 2011
p'bee

congrats! and a name befitting the progeny of the both of you.

20 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Huge congrats to the Caek family. Give Baeks all my best and have a Bottle of Brownhill for me. Well done dudes.

20 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Top work, Mr Caek. I shall glass three carnts tonight in the spawn’s honour.

20 10 2011
moar caek

I love youse all.

20 10 2011
Vviv2

Congratulations Chubby & Lady Edna!!
A job well done.
Funny thing about hearts….they just keep on expanding!
Doesn’t it bring your whole world back into perspective?
I wish you all the very best of health & happiness.

20 10 2011
Chris

Remember that Brut deodorant ad that had a white robot filling up his ute with all of its Bogan crap and turning and a Barbie doll into a bikini model? It was woeful.

20 10 2011
Chris

*and turning a Barbie doll into a bikini model.

Ugh.

20 10 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Had a terrible right foot on him too, if memory serves. Kicked like a girl. That’s not very maxtreme homme-bogue of it. You gotta guide it with yer right robot-hand directly onto yer right robot-boot with some measure of robot-control, y’stupid robot. Yer not winning no Barbie doll cum bikini model with that dog’s breakfast of a kicking action. The best you could hope for is getting yer photo taken with yer robot-wang out while yer goofy RoboTeammate brandishes a chain of RoboFrangers in the foreground in a bewildering display of RoboEroticism. But that was all the fault of that St Kilda RoboSchoolgirl and her sassy cyborg ways.

Don’t know what a robot’d do with a humanoid bikini model… or a can of deodorant for that matter. But hey, worked on me.

*psssshhhhhhht*

Faaark!! It burns to the maxtreme!

20 10 2011
Mick

Jesus wept! I sat through Warnie and Liz, Ab-circle Pro or something, just caught some guff about bowing or something in front of Queenie and other assorted fluff to watch the TBL boys on the telly. Two minutes? All that for two minutes? Bugger me! TV sucks.

Not as bad as Tuesday though. Tuesday I had lunch in Port Douglas. Sat down and and noticed the ruckus. Some actor types from Neighbours were at the next table. I kinda recognised one of them and my dining partner knew none but they were soon up for pics with all the fans. Wondered why the restaurant was full. Anyhow, these people produced a ‘Ramsey Street’ street sign for the photos. Bizarre. They carry one with them? I hope it was them. If it was a fan that would be even worse.

20 10 2011
martin

TV should come with some sort of nanny state warning like they have on cigarettes. They are now making some restaurants and fast food outlets put the amount of kilojoules that the meal contains stated next to the meal on the menu in NSW.

I was wondering what happened to Neighbours, I hoped it had died but no it’s on channel 11.

20 10 2011
Brain Fart

Heeheehee they carry a SIGN????? Oh this site really makes me laff and laff. Keep it up please guys, this is how I get my daily jollies…

20 10 2011
p'bee

who wants a post lunch laugh? the herald has a story about gillard’s ‘controversial’ decision to bow rather than curtsy to the queen. in it, they quote an english ‘etiquette expert’ by the name of william hanson, who is the absolute epitome of inbred silver spoon shoved up the arse pretentiousness. i present to you his blog: http://blog.williamhanson.co.uk/

20 10 2011
Mick

Okay, I’m naive at times. Is this a serious blog? If so it is appalling. John Birmingham wrote a book called “How To Be A Man”. That was funny. I’ll take this on board as being funny too.

This is the reason Britian lost the empire though. Not my naivety. Pretentious twats. Nobody has respect for them. Except other pretentious twats. Probably be their cousins anyhow. The ones they married.

20 10 2011
p'bee

well sky news interviewed him as an etiquette expert. given that it’s sky, though, i guess it could go either way. if it’s fake, he’s done a brilliant job.

20 10 2011
p'bee

his entry on ‘pudding’ versus ‘dessert’ is hilarious.

20 10 2011
Mick

Yes, it was that one plus the one where he even recommends what iron to use when laundering shirts that had me wondering. Plus the article on Sir Bruce in the Huffington Post. Yet he seems so dreadfully sincere.

I can’t make a call either way.

20 10 2011
p'bee

if it’s an act, he deserves the internet equivalent of an oscar.

20 10 2011
Mick

I concur.

20 10 2011
moar caek

I like a nine iron or a pitching wedge for shirts.

20 10 2011
James Hunter

Mick, yesterday on News.com I left a comment on their coverage of the inportant question “Will the Prime Minister Curtsey”
I said “Does any one realy care”
and yep it went to moderation and was junked.
How anally 124 they must be, pushing their own precious shit.

20 10 2011
Mick

People seem to care according to which side of the political spectrum they stand on.

I tell you one thing though, nobody complained when Dennis Lillee asked Queenie for an autograph at Lords. That was considered to be a ‘jolly good lark’.

What would the public think of Dennis if he was PM and introduced a Carbon Tax? Wow! Hear that? That was the sound of a bogan’s head exploding.

20 10 2011
p'bee

so if julia had been wearing a baggy green and holding a bat all would have been fine?

20 10 2011
Mick

Indeed. In fact, I would entertain the thought that Julia and Queenie would be sharing a slab of VB right now if that was the case.

20 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Not even VB. You know that Joolya is a fan of the Woodies.

20 10 2011
Mick

That would explain the attempted glassings of Tony Abbott.

20 10 2011
James Hunter

Even the Queen would want to Glass Tony.
She might need a couple of helpers to hold the slippery little critter More backflips then a fish out of water.. Any volunteers ?

20 10 2011
moar caek

Keating knew the correct degree of respect due the monarch.
Is keating the anti bogan?

20 10 2011
Mick

Indeed.

There used to be a dude come on here and write some excellent missives under the name of Paul Keating. I only wish it really was our Paul.

20 10 2011
James Hunter

Mick, I think Dennis is a closet Republican so how far would he go ?

20 10 2011
moar caek

it has been apparent for some time that there’s not much Great about Britain. I like the manners, but. I could go back to a time when Gentlemen wore hats and were gentlemen and knew what all the cutlery was for.
but yeah, that cat’s a bit of a chop.

20 10 2011
martin

I don’t mind the poms. They seem to be substantially less bogan than what we are. I could live there if they didn’t have pissy old skanky houses and it wasn’t so cold.

21 10 2011
Brain Fart

Naaaaaaaaaaa they’re all dirty bastards. Bath day is once a week. There is a lot of truth in the joke, Q. “where do the poms hide their money”? A. Under the soap. Ladies, don’t ever put your head in a poms armpit unless you like onions. If fact, for a while I thought they were all cutting an onion in half each morning, to rub under their arm pits. Then I found out the truth. Bath day really is……. Once a week! Same with the Frogs.

21 10 2011
Sheriff struggle

They have chavs, which are 20 times worse than bogans.

21 10 2011
martin

Yeah true, but I’d like to know what the ratio of chavs to non-chavs is. I suspect we have more bogans than they do chavs. But I wouldn’t know.

21 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Probably, but believe me: I’d rather have 20 bogans than one chav. At least most bogans have some redeeming features. Chavs are the scum of the Earth.

21 10 2011
Brain Fart

Naaaaaa, they lost the empire cos they stunk and deserved to lose it. I love old Phil’s clangers, google it and have a laff……..

20 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

p’bee – I’m sure even yr libtard hippie self would not object to a glassing of the writer of that blog.

20 10 2011
p'bee

i can’t say i’d be all that upset by it.

20 10 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Looks like Breivik.

20 10 2011
Sir Danksalot

combining two of the bogan’s loves – feeding the family at KFC and feeling a sense of outrage and entitlement to compensation post-injury – in this news story… [Insert angry comment about ambulance-chasing lawyers here]

http://www.insideretail.com.au/IR/IRNews/Woman-sues-KFC-2810.aspx

20 10 2011
moar caek

piss weak.
I say obese maggot who lost her centre of gravity back a ways with her self respect.
what happens when you give a swag of cash to something with that powerful a lack of personal responsibility?
It comes back and sues you again for making it obese no doubt.

21 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

TBL #1526 – Complaining About Security Except When They Need Them.

21 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Liked the appearance lads, you are ready for Gruen.

When is the entry on beards coming?

21 10 2011
Edna Focke-Witte

Great News Everybody!

Gaddafi death ‘may cut’ petrol prices in Australia – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) http://bit.ly/oeA89n

21 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

If that happens there will be calls for a national holiday to celebrate.

Thank Gaddafi Day, I can see it now.

You have not left Chubby alone with the baby have you?

“The Baby, ya have to see the baby” – Seinfeld Show.

21 10 2011
Davo-The only tradie without a $70k ute, tatts or a missus!

I wish they’d stop killing the old tyrants. It would be punishment and good entertainment to force them onto reality shows like big brother or masterchef.

21 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Oh yeh, noice

Big Barstard
Tyrant wants an Oil Field
Despot Factor

Soemthing like that Davo?

21 10 2011
Mick

The Tyrant Test.

Watch as we put unsettled despots through their paces on Australia’s new reality show, The Tyrant Test.

Gaddafi, Saddam, Mubarak…we’ve even got Stalin out of state! And always a special guest. Who will it be this week…Amin, Mugabe, Gillard?

Tune in Sunday night for a fun-filled hour of killing your subjects. Only on Nein. Presented by Richard Wilkins in a way that can be only described as being as horrific as the tyrants themselves!

21 10 2011
Pandabater

Dictator Idol

21 10 2011
Mick

Oh wow! Yes, Dictators love their Karaoke.

21 10 2011
Pandabater

Judge Kyle “You killed out there tonight Saddam”

21 10 2011
Mick

Saddam. “Not yet I haven’t”. BANG!

Judge Kyle slumps to floor amongst wild applause.

21 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Kim Jong Il just has to do “I’m so Ronrey”

21 10 2011
Mick

I watched a show last night about our Kim Jong’s movie making prowess.

Very, very odd.

21 10 2011
Davo-The only tradie without a $70k ute, tatts or a missus!

They have catch him first, if he’s not already dead.
Is Putin a tyrant yet?

21 10 2011
James Hunter

Mick, I seem to recall that a lot of mad as cut snake dictators/tyrants have delved into movie making. Only way for a poor misunderstood soul to get the real truth “out there”.

21 10 2011
Mick

JH, I think you’re correct. Stalin and Hitler had their own movie/propaganda studios. Although, so did the the Allies.

Shit, I mentioned Hitler. Noone invoke Godwin’s on me. Anyhows…making movies about the magnificence of one’s rule is a thing all rulers do. The measure of democracy is allowing movies to be made criticising one’s magnificence.

21 10 2011
Mick

Davo.

I think Putin would like to be a tyrant but he’s not game. Bad image and all that. He keeps himself happy killing pigs with his black belt in ju-jitsu or whatever it is and appearing shirtless. I like him. Wouldn’t invite him around for a beer but I would let him buy me one.

21 10 2011
Davo-The only tradie without a $70k ute, tatts or a missus!

The perfect bogan brand name XXX GOFU@KYASELF. It has X’s for toughness, 3 of them to hint that he’s up for it, an angry slogan to tell everyone he’ll smash them if they look at him wrong and misspelled words to show he dont give a fu@k.

21 10 2011
Mick

Okay, I just googled it to see if it was out there.

Don’t spell yourself correctly. It will take you to a bad place.

21 10 2011
urbanreverie

And it’s Friday night … which means you get to watch another episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

And this week … Bogue turns 34! What nice little birthday surprises does he have in store?

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/episode-40-birthday-boy/

21 10 2011
Vviv2

Roll on next week!
I can’t wait to see how boguette extracts her revenge….

22 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Urban!

22 10 2011
kingbuzz0

We couldn’t get another bitch-fight? Really?

I is disappoint, Urbz.

22 10 2011
kingbuzz0

Anyway, dudes and chicks, I gotta share my tales of Thursday. I had two tickets to go see my favourite band, the Dropkick Murphys, live at the Enmore – one was for a lady friend/potential #124 partner who bailed on me at the last minute. So I asked best mate if he wanted to come along, but instead wifey invited herself cause it was his night to watch the kid. I wasn’t too happy about this – I would have to look out for a girl at the front of the floor with no potential of #124 after – but figured the mindf*ck potential would be worth it, and at least she could drive there and allow me to drink at my leisure. Let me note that she’s never been to a rock concert in her life – the closest would have been us dragging her out of the boiler room to see Tool and Iggy and the Stooges at last year’s BDO, and they stood up the back.

So a few wardrobe issues later (I had to explain that heels are an extremely bad idea, both for herself and everyone else) we finally made it to the Enmore.

I won’t go into much detail, I was genuinely stunned how few bogans there were. I don’t know how the Murphys (given their easy sing-along choruses, songs about drinking and fighting) haven’t caught on with the bogan crowd yet – probably cause they don’t get Triple M airtime or their well-documented commitment to working class and unionist causes that doesn’t sit too well with them – but long may it continue. It was a much nicer feeling than I’m used to at these things. Especially during the encore when they did the usual pull everyone on stage (well, pull the girls on stage for Kiss Me I’m Sh*tfaced and the guys quick/smart/stealthy enough to avoid security who could jump up there) and sing along.

I had planned to go up to Newcastle last night but just couldn’t make it. But I’m gonna see them once more on this tour. Maybe grab a cheap flight to Melbourne for the 26th and see if my observation of limited bogans is true there.

22 10 2011
kingbuzz0

And yes, I know about #50. I can’t afford anything better and I know what I’m paying for. Bogans, crappy service and all.

22 10 2011
James Hunter

KingBO,
You would have been disapointed with a visit to Newcastle.
We are all either retired,flatout working in coal industry so we can retyire early or aspiring to one one of the previous two.
Thankfully unlike Sydney we do not have suburbs where English is no longer spoken nor understood and you may still go to a beach without a racial purity card.
One other thing, Asside from The Civic which is a bit like The Enmore though I have not preformed at The Civic, Our main Venue is Energy Aust Stadium which is far enough out of town centre ( bit like going to The Olympic Stadium but without the trains).the worst of the trouble makers dont go cause they cant walk for quids.

22 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Oh, James Hunter…

22 10 2011
James Hunter

Ash, You trying to say something ?

22 10 2011
Ash - Glasser of Carnts, Master of #124, King Of The MFing Mountain

Damn it. That too was meant to be from WordPress. I was doing my best Petey Boy impression.

22 10 2011
James Hunter

Ash, Sorry I didnt, pick that. I try to block out bad memories !!
Besides you would need a lifetime of study to even attempt to be like Pete Babe. He was a one of a kind.

22 10 2011
martin

Newcastle people are such hard men. My dad grew up in Maitland and Kurri Kurri. It’s surprising there’s no Indians in Kurri Kurri. Herr herr.

So I don’t get it kingbuzz0, are you trying to cheat on your wife? That’s kind of bogan imo.

TBL #1243 Adultery

Nothing makes a bogan feel more adult than committing adultery. Because they sure as hell will never feel like an adult in any other way. Unless there’s a war. Probably why bogans like war.

22 10 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Martin, it’s me. Ash. That’s just my WordPress account.

22 10 2011
martin

Ok have fun then.

22 10 2011
Brain Fart

What’s wrong with a good war? ‘Ewes’ bastards. ‘Ewes’ is the new black. You’se is so passe. (Air Kiss, air kiss…..) Praise God and pass the bullets, works every time for the Yanks. Spent a couple of months in the U.S. once and there is a steak house on every corner and a barn full of Born-Again’s on the opposite corner. God, bullets and steak in that order. (Scary stuff). Yep, the septic tanks know god is on their side. Baa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa to all of, ‘ewes’.

22 10 2011
martin

It’s youse. F#ck the punctuation of you’se. Puncuation is way too non bogan. And ewes is way too 50s and 60s when we were riding on the sheep’s back. The wogs were second class citizens back then and hadn’t had time to invent a subculture.

It’s funny how the US are proud to have defended themselves against the Brits but are using one of their tools to subjugate and exploit their lower and middle classes – god.

Australians are way better all we need is “mateship” to get our young men to f#ck off to war.

22 10 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
Septics need to invent reasons to go to war, not wanting to admit it is mostly to keep people in jobs making shit that some one else will get paid to blow up.
The Aussies ahve no such need. We simply go to war whenever the Septics Invite us.
Shows how smart we are.

22 10 2011
James Hunter

BF, Be carefull there. The All Blacks will get you.

22 10 2011
Brain Fart

@ Martin, did you complement your sheep’s curls before you rode on her back? Oh Dolly, darling your hair looks nice today. Love the curls. She of course said Baa-aaa-aaa-aaa- in return, to your mullet and mo’. Oh I’m coming over all windy. True love does that to me, ewes bastards. Phfffffft
Good wars are a necesary culling process. We all know that.
Bogans love to kill people.
That’s why we have an epidemic of ‘glassing’. Glassing is the harming of others when you, can’t just shoot em. Whole thing makes sense to me. A good war means bogan males race off to kill and be killed. Cleans the genetic tree of nuff, nuffs. Baa-aaa-aaa-aaa- to you all of ‘Ewes’.

23 10 2011
Pandabater

Sunday 10.46am.
A car drives by.
Rap music,
full tribal armsleeve.

Toyota.
Camry.
Sportivo.

*air tick*

23 10 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Grays.
Sports.
Almanac.

Nice.

So the marketer should never see the bogan as a problem…

The sleazebag lawyer should never see the bogan as a problem…

The machine that spits out Sportivos should never see the bogan as a problem…

Fast food outlets should never see the bogan as a problem, unless one of the fat ones slips over in the shop or a bunch of young, private school bogans trash the shop @ 3AM after their crap nightclub closes…

The News Ltd opinion columnist should never see the bogan as a problem…

The bloated, four-headed mining sector (Rinehart, Albaneasy, Klodhoppers, Twiggy) should never see the bogan as a problem…

I’d almost be tempted to say the bogan contributes more to the Ozconomy ITTET* than it takes from it via spurious lawsuits. Fair call?

Oh wait, you’re paying by credit? Of course you are. Disregard the above. Bloody holding up the line @ 7-Eleven, condescending to the Indian student behind the counter, using yer credit card to pay fer a pack of smokes, Ed Hardy lighter, and massive can of Mother… or Monster… or whatever the fark.

Speaking of our mate Ed, isn’t it about time hipsters started wearing Ed Hardy gear ironically? Y’know, like they do with Motley Crue and Iron Maiden t-shirts and stuff? Too soon?

*In These Troubling Economic Times. Bogans like acronyms (BLA).

24 10 2011
Pandabater

How come when I renewed my photo drivers licence I had to fill out a form? How come if you want to transfer/cosolidate your super you have to prove who you are when your name, address & TFN are all the same. Why do I have to provide 100 points of ID to renew my Work Cover photo ID.
Who the fck else am I? I don’t like Mondays.

24 10 2011
martin

I’ve got some super that I’ve temporarily given up on transferring, have to go down to the f#cken cops and get proof of id. I think they do it to make it as hard as possible to remove your money.

Where the f@ck is Joolia’s mysuper thingy? I’m gonna glass her if she doesn’t make it happen.

Yeah, it’s farken 34 degrees or something here, farken bogan weather. Not happy.

24 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You wanted summer last month ya soft carnt.

24 10 2011
martin

Well now it can fark off. At least we’ll have a southerly this evening and we can go back to non bogan temperatures of around 22 degrees for the rest of the week.

24 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Have a Corona!

24 10 2011
martin

Nah I got some Rogers Beer. It passes the non bogan test I’m sure.

24 10 2011
martin

Bogan article of the day:

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/television/photos-of-stick-thin-girls-overshadow-australias-next-top-model-final/story-e6frfmyi-1226175176733

Apparently these girls are “stick-thin” and not the lithe, nubile lovelys that they are.

Get some kfc in ya.

24 10 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

That Perry dude is an uberbogan.

I’d like to swat those stoopid glasses of his head with a broken champagne bottle.

24 10 2011
Kenny Powers

Who do old people think it’s cool to not use technology? It becomes a contest between them and why do they also think they can talk to people however they want because ‘they’re too old for niceties’?

Old people (in general) are closer to copping a glassing. Ignant fucks.

24 10 2011
James Hunter

Kenny,
As a special purpose machine designer with 44 years experience I am almost
certainly old, if not in reality than at least by your standards.
I am also more then comfortable using modern technology but also believe in KISS Keep it simple stupid and if it aint broke dont fix it
So many have this stupid idea that if they are not using the very latest gizmo then their dick may fall off or some other realy importantn thing will happen..
So far as being past nicities. Well when dealing with ignorant upstarts like you it is often the only way to be understood.
Appreciation of nthe nfiner things in life often comes with maturi9ty.

4 07 2012
Maxx the AXX

I am loving Boganomics. I chuckled particularly at the reference to the Eureka Stockade and will take great delight in using the Authors thoughts on this topic when I engage with various Ballarat Bogans and 3rd rate Union Bogans, who will be stupid enough to take the bait.

Noticed two ads in a row last night on TV that came straight from advanced marketing to Bogans. First was an ad for some awesome (bogan view) heart attack promoting Burger, followed by an Ad for Ute that was all about being Maxtreme.

Have been doing a lot of work in the mining sector of late, and have been interested in the sub culture of Fly in Fly Out Bogans. We may call them FiFogans. More on FiFogans in future ramblings.

Luv to hear ya views on Boganomics

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