#63 – Formal Living Areas

13 01 2010

The bogan covets a restrained life, where conversations convey abstract meaning. A life where merchandising, bright flashing colours, and crass sexualisations are not welcome. When the time comes for a bogan family to design or purchase its dream home, it places immense value in facilitating this classy way of life, and is willing to pay accordingly.

The bogan covets a restrained life, where it may entertain its guests in a proper houseproud manner. A life where it will offer a spread of pre-dinner snacks, a meticulously prepared three course dinner, and then a satisfying post-dinner cigar or cognac in an armchair, while the important issues of the day are robustly debated.

The bogan covets a restrained life, with a formal lounge room and dining room occupying 25% of the floorplan. The dining room contains a hardwood dining table, with matching luxuriously upholstered chairs. Adjacent is a matching hardwood wall unit, which contains Waterford crystal champagne flutes, cloth napkins, and a 57 piece Royal Doulton fine bone china dining set. A life where the post-dinner discussion is conducted on chesterfield leather tub chairs, before a roaring fire. There would be no television in this room, lest the guests fear that their company was not entertainment enough.

The bogan covets a restrained life, and is therefore willing to spend the $15,000 required to furnish these two rooms of their nest in the aforementioned style. A close acquaintance of the bogan, an upstanding chap named Mister Norman, insists that he provides all of the furnishings for the rooms for free*. Flattered, the bogan blushingly accepts the generous offer.

The bogan covets a restrained life, which is why ten years later, Harvey Norman remains good friends with the bogan (despite the occasional robust disagreement over terms and conditions). The formal lounge and dining rooms in the nest also remain as they were.

This is largely because that part of the McMansion has been used a total of 4 times in the intervening decade. Two of those nights were Sundays in the first month, where the bogans fumbled over cheese knives and parfait spoons at the insistence of the adult female, who was quite enjoying the exhibitionist masquerade in front of her friends. Her enthusiasm quickly waned when she realised that the rear projection TV was not visible from the formal dining table, and she was missing Water Rats.

The second two uses came when the bogan female attempted to impress its parents at Christmas time, all fancy. These two events were spaced years apart, as it took her quite some time to forget the unmitigated disaster that her untrained family caused when an open mouthed turkey chew and a guttural yell conspired to send a crystal flute of bubbly into Grandma’s lap.

Last year, one of the family’s teenaged bogans swiped some sort of crooked cup thing to use as a disposable ashtray. Its parents will never realise that their dusty Royal Doulton set now has no gravy boat.


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232 responses

13 01 2010
Going bogue

So what makes having a formal living area so bogan? Is it the presence of said living area in the McMansion or bogan behaviour therein?

13 01 2010
Gorey

A formal living area isn’t bogan per se. It becomes bogan when you have one just for the sake of it.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. And when it’s full of bogans.

13 01 2010
berihebi

How many regular, non-bogan houses have formal living areas? Most just have a dining room and a living room don’t they, sometimes combined. They also don’t generally have study nooks or parents and childrens retreats.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Well, I have a regular, non-nogan house. I have libraries, sitting rooms, kitchens, dining rooms, studies, retreats and yes, even a few panic rooms – and that’s just in the main house. Not 100% sure what servants’ quarters have.

13 01 2010
berihebi

Is your bedroom one of those panic rooms?

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Absolutely. If the servants try and come in to wake me up, I can have them locked out permanently.

13 01 2010
Linda

Servants in Toorak? what is this…? 1925?

hehe

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I can afford them, so why not? It’s my hard-earned inheritance.

13 01 2010
ThePineapple

Can you stop starting every post with a LOL. Apart from coming across as a desperate yet unfunny troll the LOL makes you come across as a 11 year old troll as well, which you most likely are.

LOL!111

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL.

14 01 2010
lol@you

*sigh* Stop feeding the troll.

13 01 2010
Simon of South Yarra

How ignorant of you!
We have the nanny to look after the sprogs, the cleaning lady, the woman who irons, Jack who looks after the gardens and Bill the handyman, don’t you?

13 01 2010
I'm married. I'm beautiful.

Nope. Bigger is better to the bogan. When was the last time you saw an off-the-plan “dream home” at FairyMeadowWaterGardens (approximately 40 kms and at least 50 minutes drive from civilisation, place of employ or reliable public transport) that DIDN’T have a ‘games room/ media room/ formal living area’? The parents and childrens reteat? Also loved by bogans. You simply don’t have the space/permission from the council to rip down three homes of character in order to erect a McMansion with a concrete 4 car driveway in Paddington.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Perhaps the lesser people would be better of entertaining in their “al fresco” area?

13 01 2010
rockmad

This sounds like baby boomer (aka keeping up with the Jones) not bogan – bogan’s are the BBQ out back with the “golden prawn” with the “nectar of the gods” – beer! LoL

13 01 2010
Bec

The china and crystal, classy as it looks, is ironically acquired in the not-so classy practice of slipping a registry card into ones wedding invitations. Gotta make some sort of coin back from the $60k wedding extravaganza, I suppose.

13 01 2010
I'm married. I'm beautiful.

So true.

13 01 2010
Jodie

Or a wishing well. Ick.

14 01 2010
Paddington

This wishing well business will soon shoot the bogan in the foot, once their fellow bogues discover they can give anonymously (which means, not at all). I was required to attend a wedding last year where cash donations were asked for on the wedding invitations. The well that was set up for the occasion only yielded about $500 from the night, from a guest list of more than 100 people. Either everyone was cheap, or someone made a raid on the well under the bride’s nose. She was incensed, because she wanted to use the money on their honeymoon. To Thailand. How do I know this? Let’s just say we can’t, apparently, choose our relatives.

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

TBL, I’m struggling to see what is so bogue about formal living areas. What you’ve written sounds quite nice and refined and (with the exception of the Harvey Norman furniture on the nothing to pay for 3 years deal) sounds somewhat like many non-boganic people I know have in their homes.

I would also doubt that a bogue nouveax would actually sit down with a snifter of fine cognac. Perhaps a special edition Jack Daniels he bought duty free when returning from Thailand, but not cognac. A bogan would think a brandy balloon was something to keep his fighting fish in.

I would have thought that either a big theatre room resembling something like Village Cinemas Gold Class in the McMansion or huge informal entertaining areas with a large screen plasma, pool table, pictures of Peter Brock and a bar, which could be filled up with other bogans for Grand Final parties would be more in line with bogan tastes.

Or are you trying to make the point that the bogan likes the idea of a formal lounge filled with roaring fires, cognac, fine bone china and wingback leather armchairs, and if achieved, will only rarely use them?

Your last sentence is spot on. They aspire to imitate the aesthetics of fine living presented in magazines and James Bond movies, but their actual habits differ so greatly that it makes it a monumental waste of time, money, and space. These delusions are part of the reason that many bogans think they need a 40 square house. TBL

13 01 2010
Tubesteak

The only thing left to add now is the occasional penchant for leaving the plastic wrapping on the lounge suite

13 01 2010
Bec

I thought that was a big Italian family thing? At least, an in-my-italian-family thing… very useful for extending the lifespan of a couch into an age where it is no longer fashionable. On the plus side, laundering can be done with those cpnvenient anti-bac wipes in a tube…

13 01 2010
Tubesteak

TomAto/tomRto

31 05 2010
Mandi

My Mum keeps our dining table covered in some kind of plastic, padded cloth between uses (approx every two years). I tried to do homework on it once and she hit the roof. We don’t need to cover the couch because we are never allowed near it, except for coffee after sitting at the dining table.

13 01 2010
Rob

Nelson, you’re dead on about the informal entertainment areas with the bar, a plasma and a pool (or ping pong, or ice hockey) table. Usually complete with arbitrary feature walls and an oversized deck for the barbeque gatherings. Though I’ve noticed the nouveau bogan tends to at least retain a formal dining area (which it never uses).

I was wondering where this was going till it got to the bit about the bogans good mate Harvey and the lack of use. Spot on, and hilarious.

Though there’s nothing more Bogue, IMO, than a “Media Room” dedicated solely to an oversized tv screen (Radio Rentals, $200 a month) or projector, a 5.1 Suround Sound System (which they can’t work), two or three lazy boys, and a bookcase full of pirated dvds. This is accompanied by observations about how “clear” and “sharp” the picture is (though it is often blurry and out of focus, due to their inability to handle the projector properly). The bogan subsequently watches several “classic” films, and manage to completely miss the point of the film, scratching their heads at the lack of explosions, partial nudity or, in the female bogan’s case, the supposed attractiveness of the leads. (For fictional examples, see Kath and Kim’s interpretation of “Eyes Wide Shut” as “sexy; or that Sopranos episode where they watch Citizen Kane)

I’m still waiting for the McMansion post.

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Yes Rob, everything you said about having and what is contained within the media room is very bogue. As is your comment regarding the bogue nouveau also retaining a formal dining area which is almost never used.

You forgot to mention the pedestal gas heater on the ‘outdoor room’ decking, so barbeques and el fresco dining can be experienced all year round, hence why the formal dining room is never used.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. “Hence why”???? And you were doing SO well…

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Fiona, I thought we were getting along so well. You laughed at comments regarding the red and white wine glasses and now you’ve ruined the fun by mocking my last comment. Play ‘noice’, please.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Fine, fine. We don’t want to “rune” it for the “chooldren” I s’pose.

13 01 2010
Rob

To further add to the superfluosy of it all, they often have an eat-at counter in their open plan kitchen and a dining table in their living area (which the kitchen opens onto…) and the living area in turn opens onto the oversized deck. The formal dining room, tucked away in the other end of the house (so such instances where fine dining is called for can be enjoyed in relative quiet from the kids blaring Channel V in the living room) really doesn’t stand a chance.

The bogues idea of tasteful furniture is oversized, flappy, cream or green leather couches that resemble the rolls of fat on an obese person’s torso.

And they have a foul obsession with tiles.

13 01 2010
AB

Tiles are so bogan!

But, if carpet has managed to sneak its way into a bogan home, visitors are expected to take off shoes before entering said home. Unbelievable.

Another common feature in McMansion estates is thievery. I know of houses there that have had their whole front garden stolen (small, as it were) as well as a hot water system. Yep, absolutely true. The hot water got stolen the night after it was installed. There are people in those places will steal anything not nailed to the ground, and even some things that are!

13 01 2010
Annette

I don’t know if everyone else is posting from cold places, but tiles are for keeping cool, carpet for keeping warm. Tiles are also easy to clean. Hands up who has kids?

Tiles are not bogan. Ugly tiles are bogan.

14 01 2010
Benjamin

Hand raised.

With kids, you need tiles or wooden floors. Wooden floors are very noisy with heavy footed scamps pounding on them. Tiles it is then.

Even if said children are the saintliest of little angels, they are messy and accidents do happen (and when you are toilet training them, accidents are part of the process). If they spent most of their indoor time on carpet, it wouldn’t last long.

Having tiles at all is only bogan if having a couple of kids is considered bogan. I think a lot of folks here might think it is though.

14 01 2010
Rob

Tiles themselves are not a sure fire indicator of a bogan, of course. But when they’re in EVERY room, and the (practical) reason – kids – doesn’t apply (and never did), it is a sign that such an abode may belong to a nouveau bogan. ‘Tis all.

13 01 2010
Rob

Nelson, you’re dead on about the informal entertainment areas with the bar, a plasma and a pool (or ping pong, or ice hockey) table. Usually complete with arbitrary feature walls and an oversized deck for the barbeque gatherings. Though I’ve noticed the nouveau bogan tends to at least retain a formal dining area (which it never uses).

13 01 2010
Rob

Sorry, above it should be air hockey. Perhaps the most bogan thing to have inside one’s house.

13 01 2010
Indi

I think the formal area phenomenon has the ‘high style’ aspect gleaned from magazines, but also an historical resonance with the ‘parlours’ you could expect in working class and lower-middle class houses anywhere and anytime, as soon as people are living above subsistence level. It’s a matter of taste and the possiblities one’s time and income offer for its exercise. What the post describes is a second-hand lifestyle made possible by a long period of prosperity.

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

I was wondering where you were, Indi!

13 01 2010
Indi

Just off doing stuff.

Most people think once their income can give full rein to their tastes, everything will be wonderful. Our native bogues, Versace and American Architectural Digest make the case for the contrary.

13 01 2010
X.

We had a “lounge” room similar to the one described here, though it was hardly used since my mother was terrified it would get wrecked.

After finally winning the argument that it was a massive waste of space, Dad has recently converted it to the equivalent of Village Cinemas Gold Class (and yes, sharp picture and surround sound, given he knows how to work these things).

I’d never consider my family to be completely bogan in the way described here on TBL, but I’m happy to cop it for that one ;)

13 01 2010
pominoz

When first looking for a house in Oz I was rather excited about the fact the houses seemed cheap. Of course not realising that unlike the UK the land was not included. Anyway, went to look at some show houses and they were huge, full of rooms with names like ‘parents retreat and the ‘games room’. Very little garden plus a double garage which looked bigger than the house itself,and totally soulless. They also seemed to be made out of balsa wood and constructed within a few days.
I presume filling the ‘named’ rooms with tasteless furniture was one way of making the house look lived in.

13 01 2010
MissT

tsk tsk tsk TBL.
Formal dining living/dining areas are the domain of European & some Asian households in Australia. Not bogans. They wouldn’t even know what a formal area is, let alone what it would look like.

Even in those McMansions with all the extra rooms that entitle you to a “formal” space, they don’t retain the rooms for that use. Instead it is used for the largest home theatre system their GE Finance can get for them. That includes either a large projector or the biggest plasma/lcd they can get, studio seating, dolby surround, the lot. Oh and only the blokes can use it, not the sheilas.

So please TBL, in future refer to things bogans actually do. Not what other cultures do and do so well

You’re talking about the rumpus room. The plasma is out there. Harvey Norman dedicates major floorspace to formal dining and lounge furniture, and it’s because the bogan is intent on decking out this part of its house in that manner. TBL

13 01 2010
Crispin Huntington

I once knew a family of Bogans who had one of these special rooms in their McMansion and it was never used. It was considered too “noice” and they didn’t want to “rune” it, so even when they had their Bogan friends over to entertain, it remained out of bounds. It reminded me of tours you do of castles/royal abodes in Europe, where all the rooms are cordoned off with red ropes and entry is strictly forbidden – the furniture was strikingly similar as well.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. They probably wanted to keep it “noice” and not “rune” it by letting the “chooldren” run free in it.

13 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

The phrase you’re looking for is “youse bloody kids!”

13 01 2010
Annette

… bedda not play innair or I’ll getcha bloody dad ta belt yas when ee gets ‘ome!

13 01 2010
Simon

Guys,

TBL is spot on with this one. I work in the housing industry and whilst all sorts of homes have formal areas only the bogan sets it up as a shrine to their aspirations to then become daunted by the room and abandon it in favor of a BBQ in the garage where it can behave unchallenged by it’s surroundings.

13 01 2010
Bazza

I’ve been to a few of these said functions. Once the formalities of dinner have been clumsily dealt with, the real night begins when the esky in the corner (yes, in the dining room) containing a dozen wine bottles (or Woodstocks) is opened and everyone spills out to the backyard to gather around the bamboo flares and whoop gleefully at each others’ crass jokes and the fire on display.

Despite the hostess trying to carry some level of class and grace over the night, the male partner will regale others of her sexual inclinations and remind her constantly of what a whore she really is. She giggles in agreeance, effectively scrubbing away the final semblance of refinement that she had tried so hard to create.

Yes… I am a boor.

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

‘Despite the hostess trying to carry some level of class and grace over the night, the male partner will regale others of her sexual inclinations and remind her constantly of what a whore she really is’

I’m still laughing…spot on Bazza!

13 01 2010
Jess

Spot on! It’s otherwise known as the “good room”, (Kath and Kim).

13 01 2010
shazza

Wow this really opened my eyes. Royal Doulton? Waterford chrystal? Really? Is nothing sacred? Surely The Rapture approaches.

It’s branding-driven. They’re the two biggest logos in the fancy area of Myer, so when it’s time for the bogan to throw money at its formal areas, the company name becomes inextricable from the product itself. A major part of the value that the bogan believes it is acquiring is the opportunity to display the brand name in its house, as opposed to the quality or function of the product in question. Refer also to Tiffany’s and Sheridan. TBL

13 01 2010
Bec

And Villeroy and ‘Botch’, as it is known in parlez-vous boguaise.

13 01 2010
I'm married. I'm beautiful.

“parlez-vous boguaise”

*Snort*. Bec, you’re funnier than TBL today.

13 01 2010
FT

And I’m sure none of the bogues acquiring the Royal Doulton china sets have any idea that the current version of Royal Doulton is a cheap impersonation of the originals, which used to be made exclusively by the Royal Doulton Company in London. The Royal Doulton sets available now are mass-produced in China and Indonesia, just like many other (and much cheaper) brands. There is none of same ‘exclusivity’ that used to be attached to the brand.

But, if Ed Hardy has taught us anything it is that, for the bogue, names matter; quality doesn’t.

13 01 2010
Martz

You are SO correct, FT. That’s why people in the know collect the old sets, or sets by amazing manufacturers who are no longer in business but who made incredible stuff. But who in their right mind would want (a) something second (possibly third!) hand; and (b) by a label no one recognises? Where are the bragging rights in that?

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

They just want to be able go on ‘Antique Roadshow’ with their tea set one day.
“It is very rare to see such a lovely complete tea set from Royal Doulton of this vintage. By the hallmark we can see that it was produced by the London factory in 1923. It’s a shame about the chip in the milk jug, but having said that I recommend that you insure it for about 3000 pounds!”
“That much! I had no idea!”

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. <>

“Thank you for coming all the way from Shaz and Daz. Your Royal Doulton collection is truly remarkable.

Remarkable in the sense that we, as purveyors and appraisers of the finest quality china so rarely come across Royal Doulton that was sold at Myer. And by Myer, I of course mean “Myers”.

As is, I recommend you insure it for $3.50. Had the gravy boat not been full of Winfield Blue ashes, it could have been worth as high as $3.80.”

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. {{..flash forward to 2040…}}

“Thank you for coming all the way from {insert any suburb other than Toorak} Shaz and Daz. Your Royal Doulton collection is truly remarkable.

Remarkable in the sense that we, as purveyors and appraisers of the finest quality china so rarely come across Royal Doulton that was sold at Myer. And by Myer, I of course mean “Myers”.

As is, I recommend you insure it for $3.50. Had the gravy boat not been full of Winfield Blue ashes, it could have been worth as high as $3.80.”

Note: edited to overcome formatting issues.

13 01 2010
shazza

I think you are onto something else there Martz. The aversion to anything 2nd/3rd hand. I quite enjoy a look through antique shops, second hand book stores, retro clothing boutiques and the like. I live in a Federation (1907) house so am partial to the old. I imagine most bogues would shudder at the concept of anything pre 2000.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or anything so gauche as knowing the year their house was built – and style.

13 01 2010
shazza

Fiona when you live in a house that is heritage listed, it is impossible to not know. There are speicifc requirements and paperwork that come with the sale making you well aware of the homes value and historical significance. Of course being a bogan I wouldn’t expect you to know these things. There you go, today you can say you learnt something.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or anything so gauche as going to the trouble of clarifying it – in ever more bogan ways…

13 01 2010
shazza

I suggest you check the dictionary before you re-use the term gauche, otherwise you’ll continue to look like a dickhead.

14 01 2010
Paddington

Shazza, I loathe the fact I am defending Fiona of “Toorak”, but I think she’s referring to gauche in the correct way. As in, crude, etc. And now that I have *gasp* done that, I feel the urge to bathe.

14 01 2010
shazza

Paddington gauche does not mean crude. It refers to being socially awkward or tactless. Either way I see no relevance to my original point about bogans being offended by ye olde things.

14 01 2010
shazza

Part 2 response to Paddington – humble apologies, I had been relying on memory alone for the definition of gauche, which at my age is foolhardy, and see that crude is in fact part of the listed definition. Still holds no relevance in the context to me however. Perhaps pretentious would have been more suitable?

14 01 2010
Paddington

That’s OK, Shazza. Fiona of “Toorak” was using it in the sense of crude and vulgar, as in uncouth. If I was taking a cheap shot, I’d say the definition sums her up completely. :)

13 01 2010
shazza

Ps. There is nothing more bogan in the current era than begging people to follow you on twitter. C’mon Fiona, just admit it. You are a bogue of the highest order.

14 01 2010
Tone

I’m guessing she calls herself ‘Fiona Of Toorak’ because ‘Fiona Of Sunshine’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

13 01 2010
Tim

Surely we are not too far away from being graced with an Ed Hardy dinner set?

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Hmmm. That could work. If the hostess failed to provide food prepared to an adequate standard of hygiene (highly likely I suspect) and her guests vomited, they could do so on the plate with no one being any the wiser.

13 01 2010
Anonymous Bosch

Are you sure the Bogues even get to Myer? Most of the Bogan women I know get no further than ‘Kitchen Antics’ or ‘House.’ (sic) for their ‘fancy’ dinnerware. This is basically anything made by Maxwell Williams, which they consider ‘classy as’ whilst being ‘modern, funky and / or sexy’.

One or two of them might have wandered over to Harris Scarfe, but would have ignored the good stuff to come out with a Gorden Ramsey branded dinnerset at 50% off.

13 01 2010
Jodie

Hehe. I like Maxwell Williams plain white stuff not because it’s especially classy but because I’m incredibly clumsy (seriously, the crockery breakage rate in my house is off the charts) and it’s cheap, decent quality and easy to replace.

13 01 2010
shazza

Agreed Jodie. I have MW for bbq’s, parties etc. Easily replaced and go well in any non formal setting.

13 01 2010
I point and laugh at you

I must say how much I am enjoying the comments here from those who are missing the point or failing to understand this post! I always enjoy the subtly of these posts and this is one of the best! Take a little time to let the post sink in and don’t take things literal all the time!

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Good advice (albeit expressed awkwardly). Ultimately, however, it’s untakeable by the denizens of the all things bogan forum – present denizen excepted of course.

13 01 2010
AJ

surely this ties into the bogans complete inability to use a knife and fork correctly let alone the ability to use the correct knif and fork. Further their table manners, or lack of, nothing infuriates me more than having to maintain a dinner conversation with someone who doesn’t know the difference between talking and chewing.

13 01 2010
Annette

Really? “Correct knife and fork”? You don’t have to be a bogan to not care about ridiculous and mostly useless formal etiquette from England.

13 01 2010
Sam

sporks at your place for all occasions…re-used for the next course?

Or if you are having 3 courses do you have 3 identical sporks, 1 for each course.

13 01 2010
Annette

Europeans generally don’t bother with excess cutlery. Pfaffing around with ever-larger and more unwieldy implements and endless plate changes is a very Edwardian, don’t you think? Definitely for someone with servants to do the washing up.

And nah, I’d go hands on myself.

14 01 2010
Sam

“Europeans generally” is a bit “general” for me. Big differences from North to South and (more so) from West to East.

14 01 2010
Paddington

Why stop at hands? Why not go feet first?

12 02 2010
r32gojirra

some of us use chopsticks.

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Their mothers obviously never told them not to speak with their mouth full.

Lack of social grace and appalling table manners are the hallmarks of a bogan. Along with having no idea how to use a knife and fork properly, not knowing which glass is for red wine and which is for white is another indicator.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Or that wine can be purchased in a bottle.

13 01 2010
I'm married. I'm beautiful.

The bogan is intimately familiar with a screw-top bottle of Lindemans.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. … or that has a cork.

14 01 2010
Benjamin

Nothing wrong with Stelvin caps on wine. Many fine wineries use these, even on their best drop.

Their use shows one of my favourite Australian qualities – practicality over (was going to say appearance, but need a better word). This quality isn’t present in the bogan, but many others have it. They exist to prevent wine going to waste due to surprisingly common cork spoilage (happens more than you would think).

This situation with Stelvin caps has reached the point where some wines may have a cork just to appeal to certain classes of clueless bogan.

The quality of wine isn’t dependent on what is used to keep it in the bottle.

14 01 2010
Bec

Practicality over perceived prestige?

13 01 2010
Simon

I have found a rare photo of Fiona with her Beau. Enjoy.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I don’t know him at all. Photoshopped!

13 01 2010
brad

she? looks hot in her snuggie

13 01 2010
Linda

No simon – Fiona is the old hairy bag from the Adriatic Furniture tv ad’s – if you haven’t seen it – youtube it ;-)

13 01 2010
Simon

I prefer to think of Fiona with fake tan, massively over inflated fun bags and dolls make up. Somehow makes things easier but each to their own.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Uh dare I ask… Easier for what?

13 01 2010
Loftie

Well Fiona, I think you’re great…

Its just a shame that you’ve got such a tall fence around that mansion, and such high-tech security….

I’d really like to perch myself in a tree and birdwatch you (think Adam Sandlers Little Nicky movie)…

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Of course you do. Not everyone who comments here is a total loser. Just mostly.

13 01 2010
shazza

I think it’s now well established that Fiona is the most bogan commenter of the bunch.

13 01 2010
Simon

You just had to ask and it is for my private time only, sorry

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. You should follow me on twitter then.

13 01 2010
Simon

I prefer a visual medium.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Yes, all that fancy readin’ and writin’ that twitter requires is SO taxing…

13 01 2010
Simon

Sorry, I meant images. I might meet Loftie in that tree. LOL.

13 01 2010
Loftie

there’s plenty of branches up here… remember Toorak is a leafy exotic part of the world….
Plenty of vantage points over those high fences….
Plenty to ‘see and do’…

*wow – I really do sound like a stalker*

**working out how to follow in twitter**

13 01 2010
Simon

Loftie,

I have never been to Toorak but I am certainly coming if people are as friendly as you and the ladies as alluring as the fair Fiona. Do you see her being chauffered around in the Bentley often? You are not a stalker.

13 01 2010
Tanka

How I dodged the family bullet I’ll never know….

My mothers house is a testament to pretty much everything on this site. Worst of all is that the house was aquired after a Lotto win. There was the formal dining room and lounge room, which were strictly out of bounds. All that was missing was the velvet rope to hold back the minions. Contained within these rooms was acres of chrome and smoked glass, and awful cheap black leather.

Then there’s my sister, Karina……she drives a Barina. No word of a lie. Frangipani stickers, acrylic nails, never ever leaves the western suburb.

18 01 2010
Indi

Ever fantasisied about being adopted?

13 01 2010
Tone

I thought this was more of a Thing Ethnics Like.

Coming from a half-European background, my European grandparents had a ‘Good Lounge’. Plastic on the couch, was only used once a year, no TV, couch that cost more than the GDP of a small Pacific Island nation … the whole shooting match. Most of the time, they lived in a poky little TV room at the back of the house which was horribly overfurnished with a massive Kriesler TV-cum-cocktail cabinet at one end of the room. And, being ethnic, it was all paid for with good old cash.

Interestingly, we ended up buying a house with a Good Lounge, but no dining room. We eat in our kitchen. However, instead of a Family Room, we have an Evil Lounge – for where the is good, there must also be evil to counterbalance. The Good Lounge has the same expensive couch from my Grandparents’ Good Lounge, only I’ve taken the plastic off, and not much else. No TV, of course. In the Evil Lounge, we just have a few disparate pieces of furniture. All of which was pre-loved.

Make of that what you will.

13 01 2010
Nicki

Lol @Bec and Tone, it’s so very true.. any good, old-fashioned Italian/Greek/Maltese etc family will have the good couches covered in some sort of protective plastic coating, generally in a special room.. Reminds me of my father’s side of the family.. the only time I ever went into the ‘good room’ with the plastic covered furniture was when my grandfather died.. I felt like I was entering an ancient tomb lol..

13 01 2010
Shabadoo

You know I didn’t like this post this morning but then I came back … and yeah, spot on.

What drives me nuts that has been touched on in this thread is the way bogans force the rest of us up the brand ladder, and pulls the quality of once-respectable marques down. Went into Tiffany & Co on Martin Place before Christmas looking for a gift for the missus, and it was bogue central, while they’ve got a whole range of <$500 tat that packs them in. All of course very conspicuously branded so everyone knows where it came from (silver Ts, etc). Likewise the news that Villeroy & Boch, which is good stuff still, is becoming Bogued is depressing.

I suppose the thing then is for the rest of us to loop back around to the functional (Maxwell Williams, which every guy who has to set up shop again after a divorce gets a set of ) is perfectly fine stuff. If you've read the brilliant Paul Fussell book "Class" (which I think everyone here would enjoy, even if the context is largely American) possibly the lesson is to embrace function over form?

13 01 2010
Jodie

To be honest, I feel that a focus on brands is definitely a hallmark of the bogue. Used to be a yuppie thing but I think it has mutated into a bogan trait. And I think the motivation is a factor. (For statistical purposes I’ll add that I’m currently a broke student and in a few years will have Dr in front of my name and be earning nicely, but although my socioeconomic status will change I can’t see it making much of a difference to my attitude toward material possessions.) Anyhoo, what I’m getting at is that there are brands that I gravitate toward because I know they are good quality and will last, but it’s never about image or status. I can’t think of anything tackier than having a bunch of expensive shit emblazoned with designer labels. Real class and quality has absolutely nothing to do with money. The bogan fails to understand this.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The bogan is, however, all too aware of the need to flash their credentials…

13 01 2010
Jodie

Oh, snap. Touche, madame, well played… ;)

19 01 2010
Bob

Don’t worry about it Jodie, you were called out on that particular gaffe by someone referring to themselves as ‘Fiona of Toorak”…

24 01 2010
Jodie

Set and match. ;)

Thank you, Bob.

13 01 2010
ThePineapple

The whole concept of paying 180 bucks for a shirt which then has brand spalshed all over the front is strange. Why pay so much and then give the brand free exposure..they should be paying you to wear their shitty brands.

13 01 2010
Shabadoo

Exactly! Like those stupid Ralph Lauren shirts with the horse that’s about 8 inches tall now!

An excellent example, Shabadoo. – TBL

Much of it bespeaks an immaturity/arrested development on the part of the bogue, who must always be assured of his/her status through physical markers and totems.

13 01 2010
Jodie

And what’s with them putting the brand stickers on their cars? I will never understand that one.

13 01 2010
Shabadoo

Has TBL ever covered the whole pimping of rides among bogues? Jesus I see some funny stuff on the roads…

13 01 2010
Loftie

Windscreens Stickers are the ‘Tattoo of the Car’ remember…

I did see one thing though, which I thought would have taken off over here in oz… Car Piercing….

http://www.car-piercing.com/

No – I’m not making this up…
You find a spot on your car, drill a HUGE hole in it, and then plug the hole with what looks like an aviation/race car fuel filler hole, with some sort of fancy symbol/emblem in it…

Its only a matter of time though… surely….

13 01 2010
Lana

*In 1896, James Mark Baldwin offered up “a new factor in evolution” through which acquired characteristics could be indirectly inherited. This “new factor” was termed phenotypic plasticity: the ability of an organism (The bogan) to adjust to its environment during the course of its lifetime. (any bogan infested suburb), An ability to learn is the most obvious example of phenotypic plasticity (anything deemed unsuitable by the society in general), though other examples are the ability to tan with exposure to the sun (the oompa loompa effect), to form a callus with exposure to abrasion (faux tribla markings), or to increase muscle strength (by taking too many roids)with exercise. Over time, this theory became known as the Baldwin (BOGAN) effect.*

so Jodie, I would not fret it i was you.. Its part of their *road to self discovery and fitting in*- or standing out in the case of the bog..

13 01 2010
Jodie

Hehe. Brilliant. Funny thing- I just studied phenotypes last semester. ‘Course, it was all Mendelian pea genetics and blowflies and such, but I would certainly be interested in bogan genetics as an area of study… Nature v nurture ‘n’ that.

13 01 2010
brad

The bogan ,however,all too aware of the need to flash their credentials

13 01 2010
Jodie

Clearly, mentioning any reading material other than Ralph or New Idea is “flashing one’s credentials”… ;)

13 01 2010
Sam

TBL, can we have a “I’m studying to be a Dr” counter on Jodie please.

It seems to just pop up in every blog. A bit like the bogan miner and the size of his pay pack.

14 01 2010
brad

oh,snap,touche,well played madame

13 01 2010
Army of birds

I saw a “real clarssy” bogan car the other day, but there weren’t even any brand stickers on it! (Although maybe I couldn’t see the Playboy seat covers from that distance.) However I was able to guess at the bogan nature of the driver not solely because of her Barbie-pink acrylic nails which were so long as to appear to be on the verge of preventing her from gripping the steering wheel at all, or her massive ski-style sunglasses with VERSACE branded along the arms in inch-high letters, but because of the massive Southern Cross sticker on the back windscreen, right above another sticker that said:
VOTE 1
SEX

13 01 2010
Kondor Man

Jodie, you ain’t seen nothing yet – tramp at my work has the Dolce & Gabbana (excuse spelling, no interest in fashion) emblem TATTOOED on her leg, WTF?!

13 01 2010
Jodie

Ouch, Sam. Duly noted. I believe I’ve mentioned it three times in about twenty posts. Who’s quibbling, though?

13 01 2010
Sam

Just take the tip with you into the real world. The “I’m going to be a ____” line on repeat has the same effect on people as when you try to sell them Amway.

13 01 2010
Jodie

Kondor Man- wtf? Has she mentioned why? That’s just bizarre.

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

I just don’t get “designer” sunglasses. Every bogue and his femme-bogue girlfriend seems to have a rediculously huge pair which look absolutely hideous, especially when worn by someone with awful peroxided and spiky hair. No matter which ‘fashion house’ the glasses came from, they all have fat arms on which the designer logo is adorned, for all and sundry to see.

You can stick your designer glasses where the sun don’t shine, because for the $200+ price tag, the glasses offer no UV protection for your eyes at all. I just spent $50 on a Anti-Cancer Council pair that not only looks good but will stop save me from getting cataracts. If they get bent, scratched or lost which seems to happen from time to time, I’m not going to freak about my ‘precious’ glasses. Looks good, and cheap and easy to replace; they’re the sunglasses equivalent to a Maxwell Williams plate!

13 01 2010
Simon

Jesus, nice random rant Nelson. With all that we have collectively learnt about the bogan they should make perfect sense. You don’t work for cancer council do you?

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Not a random rant, I was supporting Jodie’s view of the Bogan’s focus on branded goods. I believe that branded or designer sunglasses are even more of a stupid purchase than a $180 Ed Hardy shirt. At least the Ed hardy T-shirt will still do what it is meant to do. The designer sunglasses fail in their prime function, which is to shade and protect the eyes.

No I don’t work for the Anti-Cancer Council, I just like their sunglasses.

13 01 2010
Simon

Stupid is as stupid does when a bogan, logic does not come in to it, still liked the rant.

13 01 2010
ThePineapple

It used to be a thing that only the europeans in australia did in the 80s. Where else would they be able to fit all that franco cozza/Nick Scali/Brescia furniture!

But the bogue has taken it to a new level since about 10 years ago,

13 01 2010
Bec

No, I know a lot of Chinese and Philippino families who do it too.

13 01 2010
Indi

There was an extreme version of this which some Southern Europeans used to do. Outer suburban/edge two storey house with six car garage dominating the ground floor, double height entry foyer. The place is crammed to the gunwales with aforesaid barroco novecento immobili under plastic and the family lives in the garages. The ‘good house’ is only for when relatives visit and for photos. Not sure if this has disappeared as a phenomenon.

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

So you’ve been through East Keilor?

13 01 2010
Indi

How DID you guess?

13 01 2010
Annette

Members of my Italian family have done the opposite – tiled and under-floor heated a massive expanse of living space downstairs, and have an enormous upper storey with NOTHING IN IT. What does it mean???

13 01 2010
Sam

Isn’t it for generational planning? Old folks move upstairs. Son and new wife move in down stairs…

13 01 2010
Annette

I think it could be a lack of imagination. With the 5 bedrooms (all with ensuite), theatre room, kid’s TV room, formal lounge, formal dining, casual dining, bar, piano room, kitchen laundry guest toilet AND garage rumpus/ playroom downstairs, there just isn’t another room to build. You could have a massive wog wedding upstairs in that cavernous, wood-floored space. Though I don’t think they ever have… or at least they didn’t invite me…

14 01 2010
Indi

Are they from the Veneto? Chapel? Summer living area? Frescoes perhaps?

13 01 2010
Kondor Man

The hard-core old Euro’s still do it, I have friends whose parents built a kitchen in their garage – supposedly so they could cook fish without stinking out the house! needless to say they only ever used this kitchen.

13 01 2010
brad

franco cozzo-he has had people bumped for lesser insults

13 01 2010
Kat

Bwah ha ha ha ha.

13 01 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

I seriously think the media is now following this site in order to know what to write next. Truly life imitating art. From The Age today…

http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/consumption-at-all-costs-20100112-m4ng.html

It’s quite a well considered article. It’d take a very ballsy political party to carry the oversized house taxing thing as a policy though. Meddling with greedy bogan consumption aspirations would quite probably be electoral suicide on the urban fringes where these McMansions are being slapped together by the thousands.
We’re happy for journalists to either be indirectly inspired by the blog, or alternately to reference us in any article in which they directly overlap onto our topics. TBL

13 01 2010
Indi

Not the first lift – there was a story in the Herald Sun on fauxgans which was oddly off the mark, but at about the same time as a discussion in this forum. Not suggesting that newspaper writers are lazy . . .

13 01 2010
borey

You forgot to mention the liquor cabnit the bogan teenagers attack when the parents are away. That always resides in that room

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

The teenaged bogan, in an attempt to not have it’s alcohol thefts detected, will seek out the bottle which has already been cracked, contains the most liquor and is least likely to be drunk by their parents, thus least likely to be noticed. This is invariably the vermouth bottle, left over from the one and only cocktail party his bogue parents held over 3 years ago, at the femme-bogues insistance, in an attempt to be ‘real sophistication and that’ in front her friends.

The cocktails at the party were either ‘Cosmopolitans’, just like SJP has in the ‘Sex in the City’ or anything with a risque name, such as ‘Cock Sucking Cowboys’, ‘Sex on the Beach’ or ‘Slippery Nipple’. “Oh, how hilarious was it when Darren asked me if I wanted a Quick Fuck?!”

The teen-bogue has no idea what exactly vermouth is because you can’t buy it in a pre-mix can with coke. Having no idea what to mix it with and just wanting to get pissed, he drinks it straight.

13 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Hehe. <3

20 01 2011
Ash -Glasser of C*nts, Kicker of Hipsters and Massive Can Connossieur

I used to do this with friends as a young bloke. Being the smartest in our group I suggested that we steal the vodka and fill the bottle back up with water. We were never found out.

13 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

People, please don’t crucify me over the ‘it’s’. I know it’s ‘its’ in this case, I should have proof read!

13 01 2010
13 01 2010
ThePineapple

Rory has to be the pin up boy for TBL.

13 01 2010
Loftie

Rory – Corey (worthington)….
Maybe its a Name thing….

13 01 2010
Lana

Please don’t forget Brigette from BB..

Her level of stupidity was so high, it was hard to compete..

Funny thing is alot of the “la femme bogans” have the same level of idiosyncrasy, it’s shocking really that these same species *Oops i mean people* are allowed to breed

13 01 2010
Jodie

Christ, she was awful. It was like she actually took pride in being stupid.

14 01 2010
Lana

LOL I dont even think she notices that the brain cells she possessed do not work…
Oh to be young, bogan, and very dumb..

Coming to think of it..

Paris *i made a sex tape* Hilton is the poster child for all young and aspiring bogan females…

No wonder they sexify them so young.. dear bogan mom wants her M’Kaylaiah to be a adult film star.. atleast she made it on tv

13 01 2010
Jodie

Hehe- I now use “Corey” as a general label for the teenaged, peroxide brand of bogan. I only realised this the other day, when I was waiting to turn right into a street but had to wait as the oh-so-cool bleached-blonde teen wanker with white-framed Ray-Bans ambled nonchalantly across the road. I muttered, “move it, you fucking Corey” and an all-purpose insult was born.

13 01 2010
Jodie

Clearly, my “dash” key is working…. ;)

13 01 2010
Lee

Jodie that is awesome, may I use it?
I used to call people a “paxton” in the past with great effect.

13 01 2010
Jodie

But of course you may. Hehee, being a student I am currently indulging in having to do sweet F-A on a daily basis for the next six weeks. It’s freakin’ sweet, but I’m kind of being a Paxton myself- I *should* work, but don’t really have to at this point so…. Yeah. Paxton. Good one. :) I wonder what they’re doing now, by the way.

13 01 2010
Lee

I am surprised you remember the paxtons. But then I don’t know your age so that is a little presumptuous on my part!
Are you indulging in a little “Bindi-ness” then Jodie?!

13 01 2010
Jodie

I’m 31. About the same vintage as the Paxton’s, I guess.

13 01 2010
Jodie

Oops, apostrophe misuse. Tired.

13 01 2010
brad

they run a couple of hair salons-one in St Albans,the other on Daydream Island

13 01 2010
John Vardanega

Well, I’ve been using “Noeline and Laurie” for referring to suburban couples ever since Sylvania Waters aired back in the early nineties. Still fits rather well to this very day.

13 01 2010
Lee

Fail. The photo looks more to be typical wog than bogan.

13 01 2010
Going bogue

So what does a hipster have in his or her house? How often must one use one’s formal living area to not be classed as a bogan? Can one ever buy Royal Doulton without being a bogan?

One can buy Royal Doulton without being a bogan. If one is a genuine fan of the products, knows how to use them, does use them, and does not forego more important things in order to get them, then RD’s products would be non-bogan purchases. It’s not always just the “what”, but also the “why” and the “how”. TBL

13 01 2010
Simon

No one uses formal rooms (except Fiona) its the attitude to them that counts.

13 01 2010
Sam

and most importantly….the “who”.

You will no doubt be a bogan in many other areas before you walk in to “Myers” to pick some of this over priced rubbish.

What comes first – the bogan or the purchase?

When did this human cross over to become a bogan? Chicken and the egg I suppose.

14 01 2010
Paddington

I think it’s the level of exhibitionism involved that is the true indicator of bogan behaviour. This can be applied to anything: the loudness of a Tshirt design, the size of a home (and the subsequent boasting about the size of the home), the amount of crap in a “home theatre”, the noise level of a muffler, the size of the brand on your sunglasses, the volume at which you demand your order in restaurants, the number of talent quests/gifted children’s programs/kindermusik classes you book your children into, the height of your G-string over your jeans, the depth of your jeans below your underpants, the number of unread Oprah’s Book Club bestsellers in your bookcase, the garishness of your jewellery, the length of your nails, the size of the telly you can’t work properly, the amount of money you spent on your 4WD/boat/home gym …

13 01 2010
Azza

Wogs are kind of bogan. I like it how all the wogs stand around in groups in Cavill Ave at the Gold Coast. Kinda pointless.

I also think that whilst Bogans might like pointless formal living areas, they are probably not buying tickets to the Rock Wiz Tour coming up. That show makes me cringe and looks like something the TBL guys would watch!!

13 01 2010
Sam

Azza, you are confusing Bogans with Guidos:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=navclient&hl=en-GB&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4GGLL_en-GBNO354NO354&q=guidos

However, in Australia they are more or less the same.

13 01 2010
Annette

If wogs act bogan, it’s for the purpose of assimilation. Got to Mackay in Queensland. In many cases they out-bogue bogans – in accent, racism and crass, exhibitionist buying habits. It’s a sickness that’s spreading…

14 01 2010
Azza

I think some of them are heaps more bogan. I don’t think Bogan is a term that should be limited to a specific culture. I have met bogans of many different backgrounds! Australia is Multicultural, however i wonder if the new citizens of Aus are aware of Bogans and thier ignorance to other cultural beliefs?? lol.

14 01 2010
Bec

I’d say people who are migrants themselves have a lower bogan quotient (or BQ). The generations become progressively more so; like the Flynn effect, but more pathetic.

14 01 2010
Azza

I agree. Im sure it must kill some migrant parents when the children emerge from their religous cacoon and turn into a beautiful bogan butterfly. Might actually choose who they are going to marry. Probably Sharon. She was boarding behind the BP service station in Dauringa until she met Sanjeev on the internet. Sanjeev is obsessed with Sharon. She puts out whenever she wants and he doesnt have to marry her much to his parents disgust!!

14 01 2010
Indi

It’s the flipside of ‘lovely restaurant’ multiculturalism.

14 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Agree! Walk through certain areas in Melbourne and see the 1st & 2nd generation Australian born Europeans out bogan the bogans, thinking that their garish designer label bling gives them class. So what is an Australian born boganic person of European heritage called? A Wogan?

14 01 2010
Indi

No, sadly, that’s a recently retired UK TV host.

I saw a classic example of the genre in Beechworth yesterday. They were Greek – so more stylishly dressed than the surrounding bogue hordes. But the Beemer with the mags was doing all the work.

14 01 2010
Azza

The Australian born boganic person of European heritage is called a gang member!!. The only difference between the Australian born bogan and the Euro Bogan is they carry guns….

14 01 2010
Indi

Well, she could have had anything in her handbag, I guess. He didn’t really look the type.

14 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Getting very David Attenborough here, are we now making the point that the term ‘bogan’ refers to an entire species, which is made up of several sub-species; namely old school or Classic bogan, bogue-nouveau, Euro-bogan and may I add the ‘Feral bogan’ into the mix for sake of the argument.

14 01 2010
Azza

The Bogan or Homosapien, a large mammal, is a member of the Smith or Kakourakis families. Bogans live in all parts of the Qld, WA, NSW, VIC and some parts of SA. A group of bogans is called a “mob”, “gang” or “clan”. A bogan clan often contains about 20 bogans, but some superfamilies have 50 or more members. Bogans have an average life span of 60 -70 years.

Bogans are large diurnal animals, living in large aboveground networks with multiple entrances which they leave only during the day. They are very social, living in colonies averaging 20–30 members. Animals in the same group regularly groom each other to strengthen social bonds. The alpha pair often scent-mark subordinates of the group to express their authority, and this is usually followed by the subordinates grooming the alphas and licking their faces. This behavior is also usually practiced when group members are reunited after a short period apart. Most meerkats in a group are all siblings or offspring of the alpha pair.

The above paragraph I adapted from the Meerkat Wikipedia page!! The latter paragraph, I only changed the first sentence…. lol.

14 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Terry retired! Shame, that’s the end of the old joke ‘What’s the difference between Terry Wogan and the M25?’
A: You can turn off the M25.

If you were referring to the ‘surrounding bogan hordes’ as being those blokes in the green tracksuits, they’re actually prisoners from the Beechworth gaol on day release. Not kidding.

But when in Beechworth, a trip to the Bridge Road Microbrewery is highly recommended.

14 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Adds “microbreweries” to list of “Things Bogans Like”…

14 01 2010
M E Nelson Esq

Sadly, that is becoming more true. No longer content with drinking their favourite locally brewed foreign beer, they are ruining the pleasures of visiting microbreweries to enjoy a locally brewed craft ale.

On a recent day trip with the lovely wife to Healesville, we popped into the White Rabbit Brewery to sample a glass of their fine tipple. Unfortunately, wall to wall bogans.

14 01 2010
Indi

No, this was a shocking tees, beanies and gladiator sandals crowd. Could’ve been the kids up for a visit, but.

14 01 2010
Paddington

I adore Terry Wogan. I wish he was still doing the voice-over for our Eurovision broadcast – he was hilarious. Is he back, or do we still have to put up with that domestic, not-naturally-funny chap from the SBS stable? (I’ve missed the last couple of Eurovision contests …)

14 01 2010
brad

saw a wogan workmate at hospital when my wife was getting pregnancy scans,anyway he hadnt been too work for about a week,so i says “George how are ya mate?,good too see you,but hw come you hav’nt been at work? George replies “schick mate”
“Oh i” i say,”is that why ya here at the Mercy?”
“Na mate,here too visit me cousin Sammy ” he replies
“Oh okay whats wrong with him George” i asks

“Fully schick mate” “

13 01 2010
Toddo

Not sure how neauveu Bogan the formal lounge is, must be a Vicco thing. In my experience in Perth, two of my my Bogan brother in laws have home theatre rooms with classy fixtures like giant framed and autographed Ben Cousins pictures, the afore mentioned pirated DVD’s and Jack Daniels mirrors. One has a mini bar, and a Giant TV with an outdoor beer garden with pumping speakers, and he lives a dream existence in his own personal sportsbar with a ciggie in one hand, a premix in the other, and his kids either baby-sat or at daycare.

Growing up, my pommy Mother had a desire to have such a room. It had a floral loungesuit that didn’t match the carpet, the glass door liquor cabinet, the fire place, and a lovely reproduction of an oil painting of a shipwrecked boat (has anyone else seen this one)
No-one was ever allowed to go into this room, and my parents didn’t entertain very much, so it was a little dusty.
By the time My sister and I were in our teens, a conflict surfaced over the T.V in the family room. We wanted to watch ‘home and away’ and Mum & Dad wanted to watch ‘Sale’ (of the century), and didn’t want to get out of their armchairs.
Mum would reluctantly allow us entry into the forbidden lounge to watch home and away, but we had to exit the room the minute the cheesy theme-song finished.
I now live in an open plan house with no T.V.

13 01 2010
Azza

My Aunti has the new age version of the Good Room. A brand new house, a giant LCD television, probably 3 metres wide, and a leather corner lounge. Nobody is allowed to use it!! My cousin has a similar television and I think they are about 10 grand. lol.

13 01 2010
Sam

on special next week for $7k, next month for $5k and next year for 500 bucks. Funny.

13 01 2010
Lana

Very off topic..

TBL.. could you do a post on the mullet/ hairstyles (rats tail/ bad-*no really bad* extentions- flouros in the hair ect..)?? please??

The muttet is never going to die out.. thanks to the wonderful species we call nouveau bogan

*warning- your eyes way bleed or you may break out in tears at the ugliness portrayed in the following picture*

http://www.bogan.com.au/photos/index.php?album=3&image=23

13 01 2010
Lana

i hate typos, sorry its may instead of way :(

13 01 2010
Toddo

Auuughhh!! I wrote ‘Neauveu’ instead of ‘Nouveau’. Don’t ask me to write about Andre whatshisname… the euro bloke with the violin.
The Mullet is too obvious.
I’d like to see a post about the Bogan’s love of nature- ie; the need to get away from civilisation, and their need to take civilisation with them.
I feel as though there is some sort of Bogan conspiracy (there are many) to follow me around. Whenever I take my family out to a dam, beach, hill, bushland, river, wherever, there is some meathead with his car stereo on full bore, sinking a carton.

13 01 2010
Jodie

Oh my god, yes. And at risk of pissing off the smokers, WHAT is with going to the Dandenongs/beach/high plains whatever and lighting up? When I’m in nature I want to smell eucalyptus, not menthol. Fuck’s sake. It’s especially off-putting on a hot day.

13 01 2010
Shmelly

Is there going to be a post on trolls and blogs, in the same vein as bogans and festivals?

13 01 2010
shazza

Shmelly it’s only a matter of time I suspect. In the meanwhile Fiona of Toorak is our speical friend on this blog.

13 01 2010
shazza

special – apologies.

13 01 2010
Sam

Can we all please stop re-posting for typeos?

We all know you are not an idiot Shazza, everyone punches the wrong key sometimes.

17 01 2010
shazza

agreed Sam.

13 01 2010
Scooty

In Queensland the formal areas of Bogan McMansions are generally furnished “Bali” style – thats if the two words can even be used in a sentence
You should read this. – TBL

14 01 2010
Sam

TBL as a suggestion, perhaps you should consider changing your “recent posts” to track recent/live posts, I have seen this innovation on several other blogs. That way we posters can easily be aware of which threads are still alive. I think you will get posts per blog this way.

Nice work btw.

Good idea, Sam. Took about 10 minutes of incompetently searching settings menus, but I think we’ve got it now. TBL

15 01 2010
brad

i bet you always sat up the front of the class in school sam ha ha

15 01 2010
Sam

I imagine you spent a fair bit of time hanging out in the toilets…you probably still do.

14 01 2010
Paddington

This has definitely hit the mark, TBL. I loathe a massive, underused, over-decorated house that you need an orienteering kit to find your way through. The type of place the stubbornly continues to echo because you can never quite force enough homewares from House and Garden and Target into it. Also, the idea of a retreat for parents – who came up with that? The only thing parents should be retreating from is the modern-day habit of not interacting with their own children, unless it’s to watch them make their debut in Westfield shopping centre’s latest “Search for a Stage Mum” junior fashion spectacular (and by spectacular, I mean the opposite) or scream obscenities from the sidelines of a kiddies’ soccer match. Apart from those two blips on the rugrat radar, bogan parents want to intravenously feed DVDs and some outrageously priced PlayStation/XBox/whatever games to their kids while they head to the “retreat” to pop on a whale music CD, light some manky incense from the $2 shop and try out the latest tips for lurvin’, which the boganshee read in Cleo’s sealed section (thank God for the pics, the male bogan says). And yes, I am a parent. And yes, my children were horrible and everywhere, at all times. News flash: They’re all like it, and ever will be.

14 01 2010
Ash

Is this a site about bogans or a site for bogans to discuss what they don’t like about each other ?

And to Fiona of Toorak, LOL !

14 01 2010
Tone

It just occurred to me. Forgive me if someone else has already said this, but I think this is what it meant by ‘multiculturalism’.

The Europeans brought the concept of the Good Room to Australia during the Post-War period. As migrants coming in after WWII have had over 60 years to assimilate into Australian life, it appears as though this very European custom has become so pervasive in Australian society that it’s become something that bogans can take ownership of. Much like how they’ve taken ownership of the Dim Sim as one of their food groups.

The greatest source of amusement in this article is that it subtly illuminates one of the greatest traits of the bogan: hypocracy. Given that bogans tend to be quite xenophobic, it seems counter-intuitive that they have embraced something so ethnic.

14 01 2010
Indi

I think you’ll find the ‘good room’ concept came over on the First Fleet, rather than after WWII. It’s a British concept as much as anything. The multiculturalism is that most migrants have the same arc of working class, lower middle class origins in their country of origin, making it in Australia and pouring their money into the family home.

14 01 2010
14 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Shazza, you had to look it up. And of course, saw that I was right. I stand by my use of it WRT to your comment. L…O…L…

14 01 2010
Paddington

Oh, bag it, FOT. Isn’t there a crowd of angry villagers with flaming torches and pitchforks from whom you should be hiding in your basement? Rubbing it in is poor form, you old thing, you.

17 01 2010
shazza

No FoT I still don’t agree with your use of the word within the context. I still think your’e an idiot!

14 01 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. But you trolling me isn’t? You lesser people always want to have it both ways. It’s a hallmark of your inferiority.

14 01 2010
Paddington

You’re just mad because I called you “old”. ;)

14 01 2010
Indi

And an implied Frankenstein’s monster

14 01 2010
Paddington

And here I was, aiming rather for a more realistic Elizabeth Bathory, rather than Mary Shelley’s monster.

14 01 2010
Indi

Whenever anyone mentions ‘stakeholders’ I think of the angry villagers. That would be at the end of a vampire movie, of course.

14 01 2010
Paddington

*chuckle* @ Indi

14 01 2010
Jodie

Haha. “Friend? Frieeeeeend!”

14 01 2010
Paddington

Completely off topic, but with this link, I think I may have seen it all: http://www.thechronicle.com.au/story/2010/01/11/graveside-wedding/

18 01 2010
Freddo

Don’t forget ‘The Study’. Despite never going further than High School & completing University & not actually ‘studying’ (but somehow earning more $ than someone who did…) the New Bogan requires one of these rooms. Why? Well no one really seems to know, even the Bogans themselves.
My guess is that it’s just a nice place for them to put the computer so they can download porn…

18 01 2010
Beck

Actually, this is an excellent point. Why do you need a study if you don’t study/have lots of paperwork/run a home business … ?

7 03 2010
Sugatits

This had me in tears!!! So funny!

8 03 2011
arch

Maybe a bit off the mark, but I believe wooden floorboards (or at least imitation floorboards you can buy from Harvey Norman) are gaining more prominence among suburban single-story houses. I appreciate wooden floors for their characteristics and utility, but pasting them over concrete dumbfounds me…

6 12 2011
Linda of Perth

Formal living areas are not bogan, they are rather traditional. Formal living areas which contain no formal furniture but rather gym equipment and a dusty drum kit are bogan. And theatre rooms are bogan!
And I agree, hardwood floors, especially the imitation ones are very, very bogan.

9 08 2013
ao khoac tot nhat

As she grew older,Annette scoured the world
and got a taste of the globe’s eclectic sense of fashion. Because these items are bulkier than summer clothing items, the result is often over-stuffed closets and a general lack of storage space. Nine by twelve inches are good dimensions, but, you can make the pillow larger or smaller to suit your needs and your available materials.

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