#25 – Voting

13 11 2009

Do not listen to the bogan when it says it doesn’t care about politics, for it is lying to you. Bogans are remarkably passionate about exercising their right to vote in a democratic system, and the examples are abundant. No, you won’t find the bogan handing out “how to vote” cards at the local polling booth, and you won’t find it carefully scrutinising the latest piece of political analysis in a broadsheet newspaper. That’s because it is too busy participating in the political process to have time for any of that shit.

Every vote counts...so VOTE FOR WES!!!It will spend hours per week getting informed prior to voting, and, when alone with its friends, it will engage in spirited debate on the issue of the day. If disagreed with, the bogan will explain its rationale in an animated manner, though ultimately accept those with a difference of opinion without resorting to violence. The bogan still remembers who it voted for back in 2004, and often mutters in disbelief to itself when reminiscing about how it turned out. But while it can sometimes be a nostalgic creature, it retains a keen focus on the present. The moment that the bogan casts its vote, it feels a rush of adrenaline and faith in the process. It is convinced that its vote may be the crucial one that determines the outcome. The vote that ordains the next Australian Idol.

As it presses the “send” button on its phone, two things occur. Firstly, the Legion Interactive SMS service becomes 55 cents richer. Secondly, the bogan becomes an equivalent amount poorer. Such is its fervour for the political process, the bogan will often vote dozens of times. However, the bogan’s love of voting is not confined to Australian Idol. It will vote on any number of other television programs, Today Tonight polls, or newspaper polls to determine once and for all whether Kyle Sandilands acts in poor taste or not. It will vote for the Hilltop Hoods in the hottest 100, regardless of whether they released a song that year. It even extends to the internet, where the bogan will click on any pop-up ad requesting its vote on anything whatsoever. In its more quiet moments, the bogan pauses to remember the 2004 election. It just can’t accept that Casey Donovan beat Anthony Callea.


Actions

Information

50 responses

13 11 2009
Gavin

I was wondering where this one was going, very clever indeed.. I sensed a rant about “voting labour like me folks did, and their folks before that”, “ruddys stimulus handouts” and “no way im voting for little jonny”, i didn’t stop to think the bogan would put all that effort in to politics.. you really nailed it.

13 11 2009
Jasper

Conservative is the new bogan.
Just look at the Republican Party (Palin, the goddess of Bogue). And those in the mortgage belt that vote Liberal/One Nation: “Ya gotta be tougher on boat people! They will come and steal my welfare”

13 11 2009
Dan

Well labor are the new conservatives so I guess it all makes sense…. we’re all conservatives now, so its lucky the world is set on such a sound path forward.

13 11 2009
Jasper

Very true Dan. It’s a vicious cycle.
Thank god for the Outdoor Recreation and Horse Riding Party.

5 02 2010
Johnny

Bogans are Social Conservative, Economic Liberal (although the latter is less important).

3 04 2013
Sml

I don’t think anyone with a kid named Janahe -Jaxxon, living in houso , wearing an addidas tracksuit would vote for the Libs. LOL…really. Come now. There is a difference between ‘bogan’ and ‘people I don’t see eye to eye with politically’. Hardcore bogues don’t vote for the libs. That’s for ‘snobs’.

13 11 2009
Jen

Actually, the bogan catchcry went more along the lines of “Ahhh, I don’t understand why people hate little johnny so much. He seems to be doing an alright job”…

16 11 2009
r.jett

…or the classic “he speaks for the silent majority”…

13 11 2009
shazza

Bogans, if they were organsised, may have contemplated an uprising to protest at their democratic freedoms being removed when Big Brother finally wound up. Only Australian Idol, in replacement, stopped the bogan revolution of 2008.
We all have a lot to be thankful for.

13 11 2009
Dan

I can’t believe they can vote in elections. Fuckers.

13 11 2009
Guinea pig

Many of the votes end up informal as writing “youse c*nts are all f$kt” makes their all-important votes void. On the other hand, the donkey vote is eliminated as the task of counting from 1-5 or 5-1 and writing digits in boxes is quite onerous for some.

13 11 2009
Anonymous Bosch

Well, let’s face it – it’s the only time their opinions matter.

13 11 2009
Indi

Do not kid yourselves that bogans are not a serious part of the Australian political landscape. The CUB is the Howard ‘battler’ or even the Latham ‘aspirational’, and a disturbing amount of time is spent by politicians pondering, and pandering to, what bogans want. A friend was a high up in the Victorian Education Department, and was instructed by his political masters to read the Herald-Sun because that’s the barometer of public opinion, and the driver of ministerial press releases and interviews.

16 11 2009
r.jett

somehow that doesn’t surprise me….

13 11 2009
chris of South yarra

Average blog at best

13 11 2009
shazza

You voted for Anthony didn’t you chris.

14 11 2009
TRU-BLU-OCCA

Your a Versace Bogan aren’t ya Chris. I think Living in South Yarra has corrupted your sense of humour, you might have to spend some time in the western suburbs to get it back.

17 11 2009
njp

we wooden ave him, stuck up prick

13 11 2009
berihebi

Sky news interactive ‘Are taxes too high in Australia?’ press the red button on your remote to have your say. Early results indicate that 100% of respondents say ‘yes’, but that may change as more votes come in.

13 11 2009
Jodie

“The CUB is the Howard ‘battler’ or even the Latham ‘aspirational’, and a disturbing amount of time is spent by politicians pondering, and pandering to, what bogans want.”

^This. You can see this in play anytime Ruddy (or anyone) refers to “Aussie mums and dads”, “Aussie families”, “hardworking Aussies” and so on. Notice they never extend their rhetoric to include students, intellectuals, the childfree by choice, artists…. Why? Because the latter see through it. It’s only the mainstream who swallow it hook, line and sinker and then have the gall to be angry when those for whom THEY voted start lying and breaking promises. What? A mainstream politician made an empty promise? Get the fuck out of town, I’m shocked!

13 11 2009
Peter of Kensington

What about all those intelegent, hardworking parents that are studying to be artisist..they must be so conflicted.

13 11 2009
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. From your location and spelling, you are not a member of the intelligentsia. So don’t worry about it.

13 11 2009
shazza

I assumed he was being ironic with the spelling Fiona of Toorak.

14 11 2009
Sam

Yes that was obvious to even the most borderline of non-bogans. Fiona of Toorak just failed.

13 11 2009
Taz

…just can’t accept that Casey Donovan beat Anthony Callea ….

If that is the criteria for Boganhood, then let me proudly proclaim my Bogan-ity! ;-)

13 11 2009
berihebi

Casey hasn’t been beaten since she took out AVO against her father.

Oh shit, sorry, I’ve gone a bit Kyle and Jackie O

13 11 2009
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Just LOL.

13 11 2009
ColinJ

Bogans are glued to their Centrelink-provided mobiles.

I can’t go see a movie without the sudden appearance of an illuminated screen out the corner of my eye of some asshole who absolutely HAS TO contact a fellow bogan to tell them what they did in the last three minutes. And what they plan to do three minutes from now.

I move to have a law passed that the brutal beating of bogans in movie theatres be considered ‘justifiable manslaughter’.

13 11 2009
Peter of Kensington

What are you doing going to the same movies as bogans? Did you enjoy transformers 2?….you bogan.

13 11 2009
Peter of Kensington

Oh, one more thing

“I move to have a law passed that the brutal beating of bogans in movie theatres”

You would like that ColinJ, wouldn’t you:
http://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/278/

14 11 2009
Lee

Does colin go to the movies where there is a large concentration of dole bludgers?

13 11 2009
Jodie

^ Colin, I love you. ;D

13 11 2009
Goran

I have a new system of choosing government. We put all candidates in the Big Brother house for a few months, and vote off the ones we don’t like/are fat/appear too opinionated/cry too much. I call it a Boganocracy.

13 11 2009
berihebi

Penny Wong could pull a Lezzo scene in the jacuzzi and scoop the votes.

Barnaby Joyce to be ejected for turkey slapping Julia Gillard.

13 11 2009
Jasper

Christopher Pyne would “fly under the radar” and avoid eviction by hiding up Malcolm Turnbull’s arse. Would seem like a cunning plan. Truth is, he would have been up there anyway.

13 11 2009
shibby

hey what about bogan slangs and people who actually use them in context. ie MILFs. that is bogan.

14 11 2009
TRU-BLU-OCCA

You know I thought the word “slang” is infact “slang” and the correct terminology is either Jargon or Colloqualism….. not too sure, although i did study English and English Literature in High School I was stoned between 99.9 – 100 percent of the time and only took the class for a good perv on the skanks.

13 11 2009
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Don’t get the lesser people started on Rikki-Lee!

13 11 2009
Boris

Can this blog distance itself from Catherine Deveney’s vile ranting in The Age (luckily safe from the bogan’s prying eyes)?

13 11 2009
brad

I see all

14 11 2009
shazza

Sorry Boris but I like Deveney. She does what she is paid to, and does it well. Your’e dislike of her is proof of that.

14 11 2009
Kondor Man

One thing bogans love is the thought that they are in control of a given situation e.g. Aus Idol. just another to milk them

16 11 2009
is this it?

you know what bogans also love? creating a thinly veiled copy of someone else’s idea. eg the premise of your blog is modelled on the ‘stuff white people like’ blog. this blog is like boost juice – a rip off of a successful o/s idea.

what’s most disappointing is that bogans are such fertile comedic ground and your posts are so….well average. perhaps you have bogan lineage, which prevents you from cutting closer to the bone.

yawn.

Nothing thinly veiled about it. Stuff White People Like is an excellent, subtle analysis of the wankiness that is inner-urban hipster. We just make fun of bogans. – TBL

16 11 2009
berihebi

Hey Rudd, I was teased about being a bogan when I was a kid. Say sorry ya prick.

27 11 2009
M E Nelson Esq

Bogans don’t just vote; they ‘shoot and vote’. I know, as I read it on a bumper sticker, attached to some boganised 4WD.

13 12 2009
Lee

I shoot and vote, I also fish and vote. Just so you know the new age bogans are scared of firearms and being out in the bush.
Not to mention they have a criminal history of some description which prohibits them from obtaining a firearms licence.

4 03 2010
#98 – Doing as Simon Says « Things Bogans Like

[...] 4 03 2010 While reality shows like Big Brother allow the bogan to send a slew of SMS votes at moderate expense, there is a pronounced lack of merchandise and consumable products bearing its [...]

22 03 2010
Laura

Bahahaha, love it.

It really is an axiom. They love voting.

22 03 2010
Laura

*Still giggling*

25 03 2010
Sten Mk II

i am a Libertarian, and i enjoy explaining the fundamentals of Libertarianism – personal freedom, protection of property, minimal taxes and government interference – to bogans. Initially, they agree. then i say “of course, you can do anything you like, provided it doesn’t adversely affect anyone else”. thats when i lose them. :(

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 467 other followers

%d bloggers like this: