Things Bogans Like

It’s not news that a typical bogan is impulsive, vulgar, and eager to acquire gravitas and respect through superficial means, but it’s an important part of why they have such a strong affiliation with artless tattooing. While there can sometimes be a blurred delineation between male and female bogan behaviour, nevertheless there remains some sort of desire for the female bogan to present herself with feminine elements. This is often manifested in the alarmingly liberal application of cheap cosmetics and female fragrances, along with apparel that betrays abundant information about her physique. After initial confusion as to how the female bogan could acquire tattoos while still retaining some semblance of femininity, the solution was found: tramp stamps.

The tramp stamp is a tattoo on the small of the female’s back, typically between 4cm by 4cm and 10cm by 10cm, though some tribal specimens have been observed that cover the entire rear span of the muffin top. The female bogan seeks not warrior symbols such skulls, flames, or sporting team logos, making the list of acceptable designs quite short. It includes dolphins, butterflies, and love hearts – images that deceptively suggest that the female would make a good mother. Another favourite is Asian lettering. In a notable departure from her usual discrimination against Asian people, she embraces their alphabets to convey lofty ideals such as hope, friendship, and loyalty. Tribal patterns are also permitted, though typically less angular and robust than those found on the male.

Why the lower back? Possibly as a display of plumage whilst getting ploughed from behind, but more likely as a misguided attempt to be discreet. When the female bogan observes herself in the mirror, she typically only sees the front of her body. Lacking the self-awareness to realise that anyone standing behind her is observing the other side, she forms the opinion that she has found the ideal way to augment her appearance without sacrificing her perceived likeness to classier women. Also problematic is the female bogan’s tendency to wear ill-fitting clothing, exposing large amounts of back real estate every time she bends over to belt her recalcitrant children.