Things Bogans Like

#263 – Saying So Themselves

The bogan is a leading authority in many fields. If this is difficult to believe, please refer to the bogan’s job title of Executive Consultant Account Coordination Manager. See, authority. In fact by the time this article is published, the bogan will likely have floated listlessly on the currents of job title inflation to have been meaninglessly ordained Lead Executive Consultant Account Coordination Manager. More-thority!


Advanced trend modelling carried out here at TBL headquarters suggests that, should the bogan manage to avoid a repeat of last year’s office Christmas party ‘unpleasantness’ and rein in its habit of chucking sickies on days following major sporting events, another ‘promotion’/buzzword is likely by the end of the fiscal year. PHWOAR-THORITY!!!1!

Irregardless, the bogan as it currently stands has more than enough corporate-sounding words on its email signature to be able to confidently issue summary adjudications on the virtues of just about anything. And when it does so, something curious happens. The bogan appears to make a rare attempt at humility by adding the phrase: ‘if I do say so myself.’

“Your new Affliction fight-branded t-shirt really accentuates your vascularity, if I do say so myself.”

“I was at that new club, Platinum Lounge, last night. Pretty bangin’ if I do say so myself.”

“That new Nikki Minaj video is hawwwwt, if I do say so myself.”

But wait. Did the bogan design the tourniquet t-shirt? Did it have creative input into Platinum Lounge? Surely the bogan did not direct the new Nikki Minaj video!? How could there be time for any of this, what with all the leading, executing, consulting, coordinating and managing???

No, the bogan did none of this. Which means that the addition of ‘if I do say so myself’ is not humility at all. It’s, like, the opposite. By ‘saying so itself,’ the bogan is elevating its shitty opinion to seem as if it carries some sort of authority. It doesn’t.