The Announcement You’ve All Been Waiting For

12 09 2011

It’s been long coming. You’ve known about, perhaps without really knowing about it. But it’s been there, like a splinter in your mind. The knowledge that, someday, perhaps soon, the TBL team would be releasing another book. Well kids, that time is SOON!

The cast and crew at Things Bogans Like would like to introduce you to the world of:

BOGANOMICS: THE SCIENCE OF THINGS BOGANS LIKE

After spending decades in their dungeons painstakingly piecing together the almighty tome that was Things Bogans Like, a question struck the six of us. Why? After extensively cataloguing WHAT the bogan enjoys, the question of causality arose, and it was something we couldn’t answer easily. Thus, we spent hundreds of minutes hunched in front of the Underwood Five typewriters we bought with our max royalties from book one, and punched out the hastily conceived, shoddily constructed, downright HILARIOUS sequel, the cover of which you may or may not see before you.

“But where and when can I buy this almighty literary landmark?” I hear you asking.  Well, that would be on October 25th, 2011. In all good book stores. And several bad ones. We are considering a payment program based on creating a micropayment system that will charge readers on a per-word basis. This post will be $1.23, please.

In Other News…

Over the past few months, the TBL team has quite literally been scattered to the four winds, with members (whose locations we’re passingly aware of) presently in Austria, Ghana, and somewhere entertaining university students in a Parisian backpacker hostel. As for me, Chas, I’m heading off on a TBL research trip to Darwin for three weeks, the price one must pay to achieve verisimilitude.

Resultantly, there may be little to no activity on the blog for a little while, although efforts will be made to tweet the experience on Twitter with the Tweeting the kids are so fond of these days, so feel free to follow us there.

More importantly, BOGANOMICS, EVERYONE!


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244 responses

12 09 2011
James Hunter

Sink a Darwin stubbie or two while you try to both think of your readers and forget them.
“Love you love your work”

12 09 2011
Mick

‘…entertaining university students in a Parisian backpacker hostel.’

Hmmm…never do this. I tried to do it in a Mexican backpacker hostel. Uni students kept on repeating the same thing…”I hope I’m still backpacking like you are at your age”. I was 34.

Damn you to hell, Ballarat uni students, I reckon I have outlived you all!

13 09 2011
Kenny Powers

Hooker with a penis comes to mind…

13 09 2011
James Hunter

Kenny,
I’ll see you and raise you a Little Britain

13 09 2011
Kenny Powers

Too advanced for me James, I was thinking of the ‘Tool’ song about selling out…

13 09 2011
Kenny Powers

Selling out being the maxtreme bogan faux celebrity past time…

13 09 2011
martin

I’d love it if we had a big crash just as this book was presented at the front of K-Mart. You know how they have books just as you walk in. Well they do at mine. Not sure what they have in more bogan suburbs. Probably anal beads.

13 09 2011
Pandabater

Boxes of washing powder & toilet paper sit out the front of my local.
Make of that what you will.

13 09 2011
martin

That seems right, bogans would definitely use more dunny paper given their diet.

F#ck you Simon. Welcome back.

13 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

F*ck you Martin!

13 09 2011
Pandabater

That’s the announcement Martin has been waiting for.
Welcome back Simon, how was it?

13 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Panda,

It was awesome. Europe is pretty cool and largely devoid of bogans, at least where we went. And no phones, emails, tv, interweb etc for 3 weeks was great.

Their hills are very high and very steep, one climb I did, Col de Angel was 50km of up to a height of 2750m, which is a long way on a pushie, bit very cool. Italians are great and the French have lightened up alot since 10 years ago, quite welcoming now. Hows life here?

13 09 2011
Pandabater

Very quiet around TBL land, JH’s nemesis has left us alone for over a week now so things are much friendlier.
As usual the whole country is being held to ransom by petty bitch fighting in parliment. Channel Nein’s The Block was responsible for revealing the real estate ‘crisis’ (not intentionally) to Australia, every girl will get a new tennis outfit this week, bicycles are quietly rusting in garages all over Australia after a spike in interest. The Carbon Tax is destroying jobs even though it doesn’t exist. My new fishing rod caught 2 fish (Yay).

13 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

See ya Pete, ya farkin idiot!

Is your rod carbon Panda, I though you existed on cane?

13 09 2011
martin

Juliar’s attempt to please the bogans by sending them to Malaysia backfired and now everyone hates her even more, especially bogans because News Ltd told them to hate her. Even Fairfax seems to hate her too I assume to get more bogans on their website. Now they all like Rudd again even though the reasons why News Ltd told the bogan to hate Julia and Labor will all stay in place and be the same.

I think it’s because Julia isn’t attractive and bogans wouldn’t want to give her anal, unlike the ex NSW Premier.

13 09 2011
martin

Rudd has probably never given anal so the bogan feels like it’s one up on him, Abbott, being very fit, would give pretty good anal and he’s Catholic so it would be more erotic because it’s forbidden for Catholics.

13 09 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
Give Foney half a chance and he will give the whole country anal.

13 09 2011
Pandabater

Cane, bitterness & cheap scotch.

13 09 2011
Pandabater

It’s Justin Beiber’s new album.

13 09 2011
urbanreverie

Can’t wait for the Boganomics book, TBL. *writes it under 25th October in student diary*

And welcome back, Simon. You missed … umm … apart from what Panda said … about three episodes of the Bogue & Boguette Show, including one episode guest written by everyone’s favourite Cronulla Sharks fan, Ash. I reckon he did a pretty good job. Click my user name above to check it out.

You missed my exciting misadventures with bogan rellos over the weekend just gone, you can read all about it in the previous thread on Low Interest Rates.

You also missed this Marxist blog called Left Flank accuse Things Bogans Like and people who mock bogans on Twitter of being a bunch of anti-working class bigots. (Never mind that many of us here, including me, are working class or come from working-class backgrounds.) I called them out on it, and got my backside chewed out in return by the far-left politically correct fun police. That was about three weeks ago now.

And … umm … that’s about it.

13 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cheers all, I will catch up on B&B and check out left Flank.

Julia is becoming like the ginger step cousin no one wants to own up to. Even JH will be hoping for a bit of Tony action soon, could not possibly be any worse huh.

13 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Just checked out left flank. Those are the libtards Martin talks about, right? What a dull humourless mob, their jocks are all 2 sizes too small.

13 09 2011
urbanreverie

Yeah Simon, what do they do for fun? Probably sit around in a circle drinking mineral water and eating celery stalks while discussing the life and works of Leon Trotsky. And anybody who deviates from the official line is expelled from the mineral water-drinking circle and branded a “revisionist” or, even worse, a “fascist”.

Thank Christ I’m not a libtard. Well, maybe I am. I dunno, does having a social conscience and having left-wing sympathies make me a libtard? Martin – help me out here!

13 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

For fun they go out and berate any grass that is not the approved shade of green. And then give it mineral water.

13 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
The wrong shade of green is the result of giving the grass imported minerl water. Harvested at the wron time of the year for our grass so the poor weeds figure it is too dry.

13 09 2011
martin

No, blindly following anything and everything libtard makes you a libtard.

13 09 2011
James Hunter

Urban,
It is esential to have a social conscience and usually to have one you need to be left wing.
I have said on TBL before that Karl Marx said”From each according to his capacity and to each according to his need”
All of the worlds religions(Excluding the mad nutters) have the same philosophie known as” the Golden Rule” which christians say as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
So even here there is a meeting point between left wing Marxist and right wing religious fundamental.
Go in peace

13 09 2011
martin

I think it’s essential to have left wing ideals but sometimes you could say the right wing would be best suited, like with overpopulation, and sometimes less government intervention is best like with house prices. Government intervention is a left wing thing but it has had right winged results in helping with house prices being too high.

Left and right is actually too simplistic and is a two dimensional paradigm. Some of you might remember this which I think gives you a more in depth answer to where you lie politically. I am centre left. If you can be arsed answering 6 pages worth of multiple choice questions you can find out for yourself. I might do it now because it’s been a while. It has left and right on the x axis and authoritarian and libertarian on the y axis when you get your result.

http://www.politicalcompass.org/test

F#ck I’m even more left than when I did it years ago but more libertarian.

Economic Left/Right: -3.12
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -1.38

14 09 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
That is awsome mine came out
Economic Left/Right -7.38
Social Libertairian/Authoritarian -2.10
Bit close to the Dali Lama for comfort !

14 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

I usually end up with similar results.

Economic Left/Right = 2.62
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian = -5.90

14 09 2011
urbanreverie

Economic Left/Right -7.62
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian -4.00

I’m somewhere near Nelson Mandela.

I’ve become somewhat more libertarian on social issues than the last time I took this quiz about three years ago (before, I was just below the x-axis), but my outlook on economic issues remains much the same.

I agree Martin, the left/right divide is far too simplistic to capture the true diversity in political opinions. Hell, this compass is probably too simplistic, being only two-dimensional. Perhaps what we need is a political Rubik’s cube travelling through the space/time continuum in the back of Doc Emmett’s De Lorean.

14 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Can Amy Pond be in charge of the cube? I will do the quiz and report back. I expect to be a bit more right than you mob of libtards though.

15 09 2011
Mick

Hey Simon, I watched our Amy on Graham Norton the other night.

*sigh*

Mr Norton may be a thing bogans like. Many I know watch him. Perhaps they don’t know about his gayness.

14 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Funny old game this…

Economic Left/Right: -3.00
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -4.41

Hangin’ with the Dalai. Dig.

Wait…

Didn’t Karl Stefanovic do that too?

Man, the Dalia’s Aussie tours are getting more farcical each time he visits. Watch out for him at the Melbourne Exhibition Centre for Sexpo 2012. He’ll be alongside a scantily clad Lisa McCune at the tantric sex booth, handing out casino chips, Playboy bumper stickers and vibrating Gold Logies.

14 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’d go to see that!?

14 09 2011
Pandabater

As you may or may not know there is a bloody big buhddist temple here in Wollongong so you often see the monks out and about.
It is probably only me but I smile everytime I see a monk in Woolies, a symbol of restraint in a temple of mass consumerism, oh the dichotomy.

14 09 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
The Monks shop in Wollies? Man they must be loaded.

17 09 2011
moar caek

there’s another wee Buddhist hive up near bundanoon (on the penrose road, near the tip). I used to go meditate with them.
monks are so cute.

14 09 2011
p'bee

Economic Left/Right: -7.12
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.13

in between mandela and the dalai lama.
more towards libertarian than last time i did this. not sure that that’s a good thing, really.

14 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Economic -4.12
Social -1.74

I’m Nelson Mandela, woohoo.

Weird questions though, many of them backwards, perhaps elicits a truer response?

14 09 2011
p'bee

for me there were too many questions where i wanted to put caveats on my answers because they really don’t strictly fit in any of the option.

14 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yep, I felt the questions led you a bit, you pretty much had to be Hitler or Stalin to disagree with some.

14 09 2011
clipper

Economic 6.62
Social : -5.23
But agree with you on having to be Hitler or Stalin (or Alan Jones) to disagree with some of the questions

15 09 2011
Mick

Economic Left/Right: -2.88
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -3.18

Still don’t know what it mean though.

16 09 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

Much as expected, -0.25 left/right economic axis ( though I could swing to +/- 0.0 or +0.25) ,+0.36 on the authoritarian/libertarian social axis. I shot just high of the bull’s-eye. There were some decidedly leading questions, I noted.

Capital punishment began to make sense when the area commander of Serbian forces responsible for the incursion into the U.N. enclave at Srebrenica, Bosnia/Hercegovina was sentenced to 55 years imprisonment. This amounted to two and a half days for each of the deaths for which troops under his command were responsible, in that action.

17 09 2011
moar caek

Economic Left/Right: -8.50
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.72
more libtard than the libtardiest of libtards apparently.
maybe I should stop shaving my armpits.
it needs diagonal axes for naive/cynical and romantic/bitter.
a political hypercube.
or a tesseract.

Tesseract.

17 09 2011
James Hunter

Moar,
Maybe a Tetrahedron?

13 09 2011
Shane

See ya at the tourist bogan mecca Mindil Beach markets here in Darwin.

Much glassings to be witnessed in Mitchell Street after dark. Other good bogan spotting at the Trailer Boat (Trailer Park) Club.

13 09 2011
rtanksley

Awesome! Hope we are going to get some copies here in Accra.

14 09 2011
urbanreverie

Hahaha, a letter to the editor in today’s Sydney Morning Herald. I find it difficult to disagree, though I think the tone is a little too strident …

So who runs Australia? Is it Julia Gillard? No. Tony Abbott? No, much as he thinks otherwise.

Is it Kevin Rudd, or Malcolm Turnbull, or the unions, the miners or Big Business? No, it’s none of these.

Australia is now run by the flat-earth, know-nothing, believe-everything, paranoid, redneck ignoramus, whose overblown sense of self-entitlement dictates how loudly he or she will scream over any and every issue.

This is particularly true of issues that will never directly affect them, like boat people or gay marriage.

It doesn’t matter how wrong, illogical, insane, offensive, counterproductive or disturbing what they want is, our two political parties are at their beck and call, with shock jocks and the Murdoch press to encourage them.

Let’s just change our name from ”Australia” to ”Redneckistan”, elect a King Bogan and be done with it.

Proud to be an Australian? How?

Adrian Bain St Leonards

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/national/letters/a-tale-of-two-unionists-one-rich-and-one-brave-20110913-1k7yj.html#ixzz1XshyVtpj

14 09 2011
p'bee

read that. loved the last few lines, even if they do have a strident and superior tone.

14 09 2011
James Hunter

Urban,
The true curse it the extreme right religious fundamentalist Press that give these idiots some cloke of respectability and acceptability.

Interesting to see that all those who have reported on their cube results are similar ? Says something for the Ultra High Standards of TBL readership !!!

Wonder where Tony Abbott would come in ? Off the scale maybe ?

14 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Dunno…

Reckon ol’ Tone might fancy himself as a bit of a free-market libertarian… and therein lies the conundrum. I’ll admit I’m amateur hour when it comes to this bidness so correct me if I’m wrong, but as a federal politician, wouldn’t his profession virtually be made redundant in accordance to the capitalist libertarian doctrine?

Call in Yossarian, Mr Abbott, coz you gotz yawself a mean Catch-22.

And as for the humourlessness of the folks over at Left Flank, I reckon it’s pretty safe to say that extremists/fundamentalists in every corner – left, right, political, economic, religious – are a largely humourless bunch. Malcolm X even seemed to gain a sense of humour – along with a dozen bullets to the belly – after severing ties with the Nation of Islam. Well, he seemed to smile more anyway…

This might differ from place to place, but while the leftist extremists at my uni were merely irritating nitpickers, the rightists were farken scary – jizzing their pants over such humanitarians as Milton Friedman and Ayn Rand. Then y’had the tradies – some hardcore union boys, others Howard’s Battlers who sent crap, jingoistic emails…

Still, maybe the serious folk over at Left Flank should take in some corporate-owned media – Lachlan Murdoch’s Channel Ten’s Can of Worms, with Dicko, Jason Akermanis and Meshell Laurie – to find the answer to that ever-pertinent question, “Is it offensive to call someone a Bogan?”

Oh how bloody socialist they’d be, tuning in to that booshit…

Anyhow, what was my point? Oh yeah. I need a beer.

Excuse the essay.

14 09 2011
James Hunter

2S2S
8/10 greatly improoved , still needs work on syntax. !
Oh, and another beer.

14 09 2011
Pandabater

OK I’ll ask the question, who is the market for the book?
The 1st book was bought by both sides of the Bogan
median, those laughing at the bogan &
those who thought it was laughing with the bogan,
but the 2nd looks like a textbook on Boganity.
Who does TBL think will buy it?
You need to send me a copy for research.

14 09 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
Maybe it is for Libtards who wish to become bogans because of say greed or peer pressure. A handy text. Wonder if it has pictures and a list of suggested purchases and suppliers.
Like 60″ TV ….Harvey Norman, Joyce Mayne, Bing Lee.
Faux Leather lounge….Domayne, Ikea, Freedom Furniture
Wannabee 4×4 ….. Kia, Hyundai,

14 09 2011
James Hunter

I expect most of you would have been folloeing the “Arab Spring” events.
Figures just out make me wonder when there may be an “American Spring”
15% of Americans now live below the poverty line. 46,000,000 of them
Man those guys know how to look after the rich
In a recent debate when asked if some one with out medical insurance should be left to die the audience chantes yes yes yes .

Makes us here in Oz look pretty good. Bogans or no Bogans.Abbots or no Abbots. I would even welcome Bob Katter as PM then have the “benifits” of the “American Way”

14 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts According To Market Fluctuations.

It won’t happen. Poor Americans, more than anywhere else in the Western world, listen to whatever their church may say – and almost every church of any significance is owned by the Republicans for this reason. That’s why you find even when the economy is munted and people are struggling to get by shit like abortion is still a wedge issue.

The USA – the only country where the poor gladly vote vote for the party of the rich.

14 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Praise Jeebus!

15 09 2011
moar caek

as far as I understand it, the poor don’t vote at all in the US Ash. I may be incorrect. I haven’t seen a recent poll.
things like muslims and abortion keep folks looking the other way while some golden haired all american boy raeps their super. but I don’t want to try and pre-empt the book.
just as an aside, Western Sydney is also a country where the poor gladly vote for the party of the rich.
according to a recent poll.
apparently.

15 09 2011
James Hunter

moar,
realy does make one wonder if the rich put something in the cheap booze ? Something that make em vote for the rich and feel that the working mans party is controlled by pinko commo lesbian,beret wearing chardonay drinkers .
Hmmmmmm.
Maybe it just make em deaf, so they dont hear any of Foneys rubbish.

15 09 2011
urbanreverie

You guys might like this PDF published by the Parliamentary Library (skip forward to pages 62 to 69 to find electorates ranked by incomes):

http://www.aph.gov.au/library/pubs/rp/2009-10/10rp18.pdf

Also, Caek, don’t forget rural Australia – much of which are the poorest parts of the country, yet they consistently vote for the Coalition in every single election.

When’s the last time Wide Bay or Grey or Cowper or Mallee voted Labor?

15 09 2011
James Hunter

Thanks for that . the median incomes I found realy imteresting and will study a bit more at the weekend.

16 09 2011
moar caek

oh wow.
that’s actually pretty cool.
polling worth looking at. how rare is it for genuine hard statistical data to make it (undistorted) to the Kraken?
it’s just not dumb enough I reckon.
It’s no coincidence that all the bleeding hearts and artists live in the inner city.

15 09 2011
Whistling Nixie

There is a common voter-suppression tactic in poor/black areas of the US: Voting facilities are much more sparse, with queues so long that voters take hours in them, often giving up and going home before they got to cast a ballot.

16 09 2011
moar caek

In this country the tactic is to get people bleating “aw what’s the difference, they’re all the effin’ same.” and thus the natural progression is to “what’s in it for me?” and the swinging vote. I think a lot of people will support the right because they believe the Big Lie that one day they might be rich too. People who think this way don’t comprehend what “rich” actually is (and I don’t mean “in spirit”) and end up having their super raeped by a golden haired All American corporation who does.
These are also people who don’t think they are actually a “worker” because they have little coterie of minions and an Impressive Title and a BMW (with a 60% balloon) and a metallic coloured credit card and a two year backlog of annual leave. living the dream. Suckers.
My experience of teh Rural is that it is and always has been the very model of the “two speed economy”; farmers do comprehend what Rich is, but they’re playing it close to their chest and pretending they don’t and distracting us all with an endlesss stream of thin lipped nasal bleating about the weather, the markets, the lack of subsidies, the greens, the blacks, the reds while their golden haired All Australian boy is raeping your daughter at a rugby club B&S.

14 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Cinic
Opps sorry, Realist !

14 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Jeebus has a lot to answer for JH. You should not leave big decisions to an imaginary friend.

14 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon
Not Jus him but all those cloud pilots.
More especially the humans who hijack the proceedings for personal power and the glory (sic)That is why I have such a low esteem of people who quote beliefs based on religouus instruction. More especially those who use such nonsense for furtherance of political power.

14 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The problem JH, is most people are more likely to fart diamonds than form a rational opinion of their own. They need to be told what to think, by baby jesus, Alan Jones, you name it.

16 09 2011
moar caek

ah simon,
how are your thighs?
was there a debrief? did I miss it? I’ve been very busy letting foul mouthed youngsters pretend to kill me whilst impugning my masculinity by purporting that my sexual orientation is highly labile and that my mother is an excellent fellatrix who would most likely relish the opportunity to drain their fluffy pubescent sacks on eckse bokse. it means so much to them.
I bet the Alps are waaaay bigger when you see them up close.

16 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hey Chub,

Big and steep, but I got up and down alright. Europe is cool, I shall go back.

Customs would not let me bring the Stelvio back for your Tour de Onkaparinga, shame.

Hows Baeks Caek?

17 09 2011
moar caek

nearly done.
all very accitement for the arrival of little C’uppe.

why not wait a few more years before heading back, I’m tipping you’ll be able to buy your own greek island for less than a return trip to honkers on Jetstar pretty soon.
you can pick one with lots of hills Simon. I hear it’s a lot like adelaide with shit wine and more sloth.

wekkom bakk Smiley.

15 09 2011
moar caek

Ghana is crap.
We went to Ghana.
It was crap.
We bought the last book at a bad bookshop and it was still excellent.
Sadly, bookshops are now extinct.

15 09 2011
James Hunter

moar,
second hand book shops are great places infuse. Maybe if there is some technoligical melt down, like some solar event that takes out all the satelites there will be a rush on books, for those that can research with out Google that is.

15 09 2011
urbanreverie

And, ladies and gentleman, because I won’t be able to post tomorrow, once again you get a nice, early episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

And this week …. Bogue and his brother Ryan find they have so much in common – yet so little in common too!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/09/15/episode-35-am-i-not-a-man-and-a-brother/

16 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cheers Urban, I am all caught up now. Love your work dude.

16 09 2011
martin

Yeah that was entertaining Urban.

So do council workers really clear $1400 a week or did you just make that bit up? If so I may as well go and become a lollypop man.

16 09 2011
urbanreverie

With overtime and penalty rates (e.g. night work), easily, Martin.

16 09 2011
James Hunter

Urban ,
some of the allowances that come to mind are, wet weather, dead animal ,hot weather, cold weather,ordinary weather meal, confined spaces, open spaces, evelated platform work laundering overalls,travel , accomodation,.
In reality a lot of them dont earn a lot at all but those that “work the system” can do very nicely thank you.
This list does bear some relation to reality.
Oh My doctor says I am suffering from Alzheimers Disease and something else !!

16 09 2011
urbanreverie

Hi James,

I’m sorry to hear about the diagnosis. My grandfather who I was extremely close to had it for about ten years until he died about five years ago. All I can say is … keep your chin up, try and stay positive!

As for the roadworks … my understanding (from what people I’ve known who work on the roads have told me) is that the base rate of pay is nothing to write a postcard to Grandma about, I think a traffic controller gets about $23/hour base rate – but it’s the penalty rates, allowances, overtime, etc. that push earnings up.

17 09 2011
martin

Very sorry to hear that James.

17 09 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
If I could rember what the “Something Else ” was maybe I could (stop) worry some more ?

16 09 2011
Pandabater

Fck you Martin. 😉
It’s “Traffic Controller”
And it’s a “Bat”
*dodges McDonalds Cup*

17 09 2011
martin

Don’t be mean you’ll give me a mental illness and I’ll eat big macs every day. Then I’ll sue the government for being responsible for me being a fat f#ck. 🙂

16 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Outta the way, Martin, I got my new job.

16 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

As we are going to get f*ck all from the boys for a couple of weeks I propose those willing write their own entry. I have kicked off the batting and hope others will contribute.

#3218 – Other Peoples Kilograms

We all now know the bogan is not much given to self analysis or introspection. However they love to turn their analytical skills to other people, and the boguette particularly loves to study other people’s ability to gain and lose kilograms, via the medium of the femme trashmedia kraken.

Nurtured on a steady diet of donuts, snack bars and massive cans the bogan will willingly slot into it’s shopping trolley a copy of No Idea or Women Pay as it waddles through the checkout lane. As sure as the sun rises the cover will feature celebs relationship to kilograms or simply some other bogan who is so obsessed with kilograms they gather 200 of them to their body and then inexplicably lose 20 of them, a feat lauded by the kraken as almost superhuman.

The reining queen of Kilograms is Rickee Lee Coulter whose sole function is to gather and shed kilograms for the bogans entertainment, a role she took over from former Queen Oprah after Previous challenger Magda failed to take the crown by being unable to do a swimsuit shoot.

The male bogan views all this with skepticism as we know it’s obsession with Getting Huge. Witness it’s reaction to Warnies weightloss, “looks like a farkin, skinny pOOf hey Dwayno”. Plus sized models “lose some weight ya fat bitch” cop the opposite side to the duality that is the bogan. But rest assured, which ever direction other peoples kilograms are headed just don’t question the bogans relationship to kilograms unless you want to get glassed ya carnt.

16 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

As we are going to get f*ck all from the boys for a couple of weeks I propose those willing write their own entry. I have kicked off the batting and hope others will contribute.

#3218 – Other Peoples Kilograms

We all now know the bogan is not much given to self analysis or introspection. However they love to turn their analytical skills to other people, and the boguette particularly loves to study other people’s ability to gain and lose kilograms, via the medium of the femme trashmedia kraken.

Nurtured on a steady diet of donuts, snack bars and massive cans the bogan will willingly slot into it’s shopping trolley a copy of No Idea or Women Pay as it waddles through the checkout lane. As sure as the sun rises the cover will feature celebs relationship to kilograms or simply some other bogan who is so obsessed with kilograms they gather 200 of them to their body and then inexplicably lose 20 of them, a feat lauded by the kraken as almost superhuman.

The reining queen of Kilograms is Rickee Lee Coulter whose sole function is to gather and shed kilograms for the bogans entertainment, a role she took over from former Queen Oprah after Previous challenger Magda failed to take the crown by being unable to do a swimsuit shoot.

The male bogan views all this with skepticism as we know it’s obsession with Getting Huge. Witness it’s reaction to Warnies weightloss, “looks like a farkin, skinny p00f hey Dwayno”. Plus sized models “lose some weight ya fat bitch” cop the opposite side to the duality that is the bogan. But rest assured, which ever direction other peoples kilograms are headed just don’t question the bogans relationship to kilograms unless you want to get glassed ya carnt.

16 09 2011
martin

Ha ha. Good one. I hate Rickee Lee Coulter. She’s a c#nt.

16 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Admit it Martin – you’d go there. (I would. I don’t hesitate to admit it. Her arse is ideal for #124).

17 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Just quietly, Scarlett Johansson’s arse is good for, like, just about anything. Top-shelf cuisine, dat. What a porcelain peach it is. And anyone who wants to accuse me of being a lowbrow, guttersucking misogynist, I got that ‘leaked photo’ news from those fine pro-feminist luminaries at Fairfax. Absolute train wreck, that website. In other consequential news, Brendan Fevola’s wife has given up alcohol. Strange. I’d be hittin’ the turps purty hard if I’d spawned his children.

And incidentally, if Underbelly is a half-arsed Aussie Goodfellas, then Wild Boys is a quarter-arsed Aussie Deadwood.

17 09 2011
martin

I would most women, well most physically attractive women, but no, assuming I didn’t have to put any work in. But I genuinely dislike her enough to give me a soft on. I remember seeing her on Hey Hey making some cheap shots about people in general.

As for Scarlett, yes she’s top shelf alright, although personally I’d rather eat Amanda Seyfried’s butt and her titties are as good as if not better than Scarlett. Hard to tell though because Scarlett’s booby snap was from a bad angle. Scarlett is also a bit of a dork and she doesn’t play it enough to make it endearing. So I win.

17 09 2011
Mick

Cheap shots about people in general?

Thank God nobody here ever does that.

17 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The best shot comes cheap Mick. We don’t hand out alot of bouquets though. ‘Sept to Amy…..

17 09 2011
Mick

Bogan kilograms.

Was just reading the notice board at the gym. 62% of the population is overweight. 76% of workers in the mining industry are overweight. Punching well above our weight. Sorry.

So much for stereotypes. The publicity would be that we work hard. Obviously not. Anyhow, I thought nerds were supposed to be fat. Eat harder, nerds.

17 09 2011
martin

Nerds are often very skinny. They’re too consumed with real work rather than eating heaps so they can glass bazza in order to give anal to shazza.

17 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Martin, ya crude carnt. It’s #124.

(I even call it that in my mind in real life).

17 09 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
You have reached a sad and sorry atste when words fail you ?

17 09 2011
martin

I might go to a nightclub and ask some girls if they’re up for some one two four.

18 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Farkin do it, carnt.

18 09 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
With Martins luck he might ask a Tranny and get more 124 than he expects!

18 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Sunday night is one-two-four night in the Spurious household, right after two-four, perhaps with a side of one-four-five for some four-nine.

18 09 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
dont think I will be offering to plough any paddocks at your place. I am not good enough at maths !!

18 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Ten four.

17 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Hipsters are skinny. They have to be so they can wear their sisters poo-catchers.

16 09 2011
Waterskiing in a Leather Jacket

So there is a new book coming.
Just in time.

16 09 2011
James Hunter

For a Laff go look at News.com.au
“rescuers fail to reach Wales miners.”
True.

16 09 2011
Waterskiing in a Leather Jacket

Even if they are “Wales”
they fcking still need air.
Not cool
Whoa

16 09 2011
urbanreverie

And, no doubt, England resuce personnel are using Germany drilling equipment and France sonar technology along with Switzerland potholing techniques and Bangladesh ropes.

James, a stupid error but a fairly easy one to make – it’s probably through analogy with New South Wales. Ever noticed how nobody ever says “New South Welsh”? It’s always “the New South Wales Origin squad” or “the New South Wales coast” or “the New South Wales government is completely f#$ked and can’t even make the trains run on time”.

Oh … BTW … James … WTF are you doing at news.com.au? 😉

16 09 2011
James Hunter

Urban,
I just like picking on any of the crap that news.com put up. Unfortunately to do the job thouroughly I would have no time for anything else.

As for why for wast I there. Well My home page is Chariot(TPG) and their “News box/feed is from News.co. so depending on what one maty click you end up at news.com home page.Pretty nasty I must admit.
That said however, I do check both News.com and Fox news once in the morning and again at night just for light relief and to gauge the amount of rightwing spin they are applyingto boyh articles and to selection of stories.With Fox of course one also gets the USA Paronoia and Ignorance of the rest of the world. For eg the “World” news tab on Fox is one of the last on their sub headbanner. Way after entertainment and sport. Says something ,just that .
My normal primary sources are, ABC(Aust i.e.), SBS,AlJazeraEnglish and The Scotsman

17 09 2011
martin

Has anyone tried an RSS reader? I was thinking of setting my news up so I won’t be bombarded with lies and shit. Probably futile though.

17 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

If you wrote that article as school homework the teacher would ask why you didn’t get your mum to check it first. These guys write for a living, and have editors. I’ve seen 6 year olds with a better grasp on the English language!

17 09 2011
martin

They probably became a journo so they could be a libtard at uni. Then they end up working for the least libtard news company in the world.

17 09 2011
James Hunter

The editors are out playing with their sisters poo catchers and reasuring her that anal dos’nt realy hurt.realy.

18 09 2011
moar caek

bravo Adrian.
irrespective of one’s politics, this country has never been dumber.
dumb politics
dumb media
dumb marketing
=
dumb ( flat-earth, know-nothing, believe-everything, paranoid, redneck ignoramus, whose overblown sense of self-entitlement dictates how loudly he or she will scream over any and every issue) bogans.

someone should make a blog or write a book deriding the stupification of this once (potentially) graet Nation…
…and maybe follow up with an equally acerbic and witty deconstruction of just how it got that way.

Maybe Max Lavergne would be interested.

18 09 2011
James Hunter

moar,
Yep the country is run by politicians acqiesing to the squeeky wheels.
Stupid marketing for stupid people; one in point, just watching a re run of The Guns of Navarone and time after time some brain numbing add for something the”Ab Circle Pro” or similar name. For this gadget that one kneels on trhen twists the body back and forth.
Aside from no disclaimer about people with back problems whom it would certainly put in hospital,and tyhe handles moving back and forth because of the crappy design and construction. The clincheer for me is that it relys on
“The Momentum of Gravity”
to both make the exercise easy and effective.
The Momentum of Gravity No such thing. Why do we suck up such shit? Why is it allowed to be foist on us?

Then with a couple of videos as part of the deal giving over $500.00 of value for only $19.95 for th 30 day trial .No Mention of what stupid price they expect the suckers to actually pay.
Bring on the revolution.

19 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Nice work JH, that’s why I go ride my bike instead. F*ck that sh&t.

Bogan moment, go Eagles on Saturday.

19 09 2011
Graeme

No linkage to anything/posts here; but TBL has to do ‘Buying Four Gazillion Scratchies and Holding up the Queue at Newsagents’. Thousands of ‘get rich quick’ Bogans fuelling their addiction when all you want to buy is a bloody paper. infuriating. Not one will let you through to pay cash and leave, either

20 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

No dispatches from beautiful Darwin in the past couple of days…

http://www.theage.com.au/national/nose-bitten-off-in-drunken-fight-20110920-1kj7g.html

Everything okay up there, Mr McSween? Much rather have an Irishman steal your sleeping bag than some guy in a Bintang t-shirt bite your nose off. Such incidents are “unfortunately not uncommon”…

In fact, NT Police is currently in possession of more than three dozen unclaimed noses at various stations throughout the territory…

Ah well, if nothing else it should provide NT News with a pungent front page headline tomorrow.

24 09 2011
Mick

I worked with a bloke who bit an ear off. He was walking his staffy/pitbull/penis extension. Other bloke walking his staffy/pitbull/penis extension suggested that workmate put his dog on a leash because workmate’s penis extension was being aggressive to the other penis extension.

A fight ensued where an ear was bitten off. Cost workmate a few grand. The dogs sniffed each others arse and fell asleep.

Dogs are cooler than people.

24 09 2011
Mick

Any excuse for a song.

Do bogans like the Fauves? Andy used to write stories for People magazine. I guess they wouldn’t know that. What a confused world we live in.

24 09 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
Maybe the two Pitbulls were having a chat about the times and tribulations of taking their Bogans for a walk ?
Yar and but the dill bit the ear orf this other fat mongrel.

24 09 2011
Mick

hey JH, you know how i have referred to myself as being a bogan in my past? Well, I will relate this story now only because I’m rather drunk.

Early on in my new workplace I met Earbiter. He did the wrong thing on the job and I told him so. The whole workforce disappeared. They thought it was on. He carried on so I told him again. Apparently folk were already ringing the ambulance to carry me off. Old sour bloke I was working with thought it was the most entertaining day of his life. He hated Earbiter.

Earbiter walked off and told all and sundry that Mick was mad and needed sedating. I had a lot of peaceful years because of that day.

25 09 2011
moar caek

yay Fauves.
Andy (Cox?) wrote for People when Geoff Seddon was editor. Or was that the Picture magazine? Anyway, Seddo was awesome. Very clever man,and funny too. Wonder what he does now? A pillar of the australian bogan magazine industry and genuine fan of the Cobby Motorcycle. I guess he got fat and old and bought a car like the rest of us.
and I hope Andy Cox paid off his mortgage too. what’s he up to? another finely tuned funny bone. last heard of doing funny bits on the radio in the afternoon. for some reason that makes me think of Damien Lovelock. wasn’t he doing Soccer (lol) on SBS? I last saw the Cellies with the Grinners at their first show after being unearthed. And speaking of old buggers rocking out, we see Frenzal Rhomb are still producing. Gee, I recon Damien Lovelock, Andy Cox, Phil Jameson and Jay Walley could team up. A band of four guitarists. They could call it Four Guitarists and have Janet English on bass. Genius.
but back to your original point; I sincerely doubt bogans have even heard of the fauves. and when they do hear of them, they will mispronounce the name before deriding their stylish sounds and deciding the song in question is about police informants (our bogan is hyper-hip to the criminal argot after 26 seasons of underbelly) and bellowing that he would glass the f4660t caarnt.

graet tune Mick.

20 09 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
Hmmmmm , that’s a bit on the nose.

20 09 2011
urbanreverie

Oh Simon, did you hear? I know how much you love bloodnuts (such as your, ahem, mild crush on a certain Doctor Who star), but it looks like your love isn’t shared by too many, unfortunately! 😉

http://www.news.com.au/world/worlds-biggest-sperm-bank-rejects-redheads/story-e6frfkyi-1226140548622

20 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I love bloodnut sci fi sidekicks, both of them, and I’m not really a sci fi person!?

23 09 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

Three, perhaps. Didn’t Peter Davison’s Timelord have a companion by the name of Turlough, who was decidedly red-headed. Also a traitor, if I remember.

23 09 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

Oh, four, Colin Baker’s Doctor had a companion by the name of Mel, also red-headed.

23 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Actually I was counting Scully there. I didn’t really watch the old Dr’s.

23 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Didn’t she smuggle chilli chocolate into our fair country? Bloody rednut commie and her bloody rednut commie chockies threatening our bloody way of bloody life…

I call #74 on her ass…

And I consider it my patriotic duty to thwack on the gloves and conduct comprehensive strip and body cavity searches…

Now bend over, Ms Scully. A-ha! Chocolate! Just what I thought! You’re in a lotta trouble, Missy!

Like her though. She’s rad. Hopefully she made it through the series without falling victim to Duchovny’s insatiable #236.

23 09 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
“Ah-ha! Chocolate ! ” Hmmmmmmmm
Don’t tell me you “Wouldn’t have a bar of it ”

?

23 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I thinks she did but I’m only up to series 5. No #124 so far but a few #237’s. I will let you know if Mulder pulls out the #209 as inducement or simply flicks her a #192.

23 09 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

Ah, I thought you were referring to Donna Noble and Amy Pond, playing opposite David Tennant and Matt Smith’s Doctors.

23 09 2011
Mick

23 09 2011
Mick

For Simon. Enjoy

24 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Thanks Mick.

And f#ck you Collingwood, so close to being gone. Why god, why.

Which is lower in a Collingwood crowd, IQ or tooth count?

27 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Sorry mate.

Oh, and nice jig you did in the first quarter, Mr Kennett, you clown! Y’might’ve had no trouble shutting down hospitals and public schools but you couldn’t shut down my man, D Swan. That performance “sustainable” enough for ya, y’dickhead?!

And Simon, the answer is IQ. Barely. Thought I’d watch the game at my local Old Man’s Pub in Magpie heartland. Five taps. All Carlton Draught. Dig it. But had to leave at quarter time after they’d already spouted every footy cliche in the book:

“Faarken, get me out there!! I could’ve faarken kicked that with me faarken eyes closed!!”, “Faarken, sack the lot of ’em!!”, and, of course, their customary payout on two-time All Australian, Leon Davis.

Pretty slow on the uptake too. For a bunch of crusty old buggers who looked like they’d spent the past half century watching Aussie Rules, they didn’t seem to know too much about the game…

Decided to hit the trendier pub down the street. No luck there either. Being in the same room as young Hawks fans in shorts and pastel t-shirts who clap with polite synchronicity at the TV ain’t my cup o’ tea either…

Where’s the happy medium?!

After a few more pubs I was back home, half cut, sliding around in woolen socks, swearing loudly at the TV as I took in that ball-tearing final term. Hello, happy medium.

If it makes y’feel any better, I’m purty convinced Geelong’s gonna smack the Pies in the big one. Should give you adequate schadenfreude, dat.

27 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeh, here’s hoping Sparse. They whipped my boys but we ran out of gas as a young team. Try going to a Crows game, soon as the oposition go near the pill they scream “Ball”. Sh*t’s me no end but it’s better than the alternative *whispers Port games*, unless you want to study the early primate period of evoloution, they are feral!

So yeah, go Cats. The best person to watch the game with is your dog and a beer IMHO.

21 09 2011
stumanchu

Awesome news lads. Any hope of getting a copy sent over tae Edinburgh?

22 09 2011
Mick

So , there I was in the waiting room, waiting for the healtcare professionals to sort their leeches into appropriate ailment groups and sizes. Young bogan in the corner had his music thing going. At full volume. I could hear the doof doof through the ear piece from across the room. Not in the mood today, so I politely asked him to turn it down. He stares at me. So I tell him I don’t need to hear it and thank him in advance for lowering the volume.

He couldn’t believe it. How DARE someone speak to him like that. I was waiting for a spray but to my surprise he did it. Glaring at me, he took the earpiece out and turned his music off. Not down, off. He couldn’t or wouldn’t listen at a softer level. WTF?

Is it maxXxtreme to the max or nothing for these types? I woulda preferred a glassin’. At least then I would have understood what happened.

22 09 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
Good call.I don’t suppose you were at an Ear Nose and Throath Specialist? Kid was there for a hearing check. The Idiots that sit in their cars with the Subs sending shock waves through ones car 50 meters away.
I have been known to pull up with the front of my car next to their door at the lights and just sit there with hand on horn.
Winds em up something serious.

22 09 2011
Mick

Excellent work JH.

However, I don’t know who is the bigger bogan here. Was it the doof doof dude or the other blokes in the room who gave me the “young bloke was lucky he turned the music off because I was about to give it to him”?

And what exactly is ‘giving it to him’?

22 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

The dudes bragging Mick. I guess they were suggesting a glassin was coming his way. W@nkers.

22 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon ,
Maybe they thought (hoped)it would be a #124 right there in the waiting room.?

22 09 2011
Mick

There does seem to be an etiquette to glassin’ carnts. Perhaps we could do a guide for the ignorant.

Let it be known when glassin’ is appropriate and when it is dangerous to the glasser, not the glassee. Things like that.

22 09 2011
James Hunter

How to distract a 130Kg Maori Security fella so the glassing can proceed .

22 09 2011
Mick

Which sort of glass will shatter in a way that will blind the glassee but not cut the hand of the glasser.

22 09 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
So now you realy are “taking the gloves off”

22 09 2011
Mick

Well done JH. We should have a glossary of pre-glassin’ terminology.

22 09 2011
Pandabater

The Bogan,displaying his unquenchable courage will glass you when you are not looking.

22 09 2011
James Hunter

Panda, Excellent good thing bogans can’t get “Courage” on tap !

22 09 2011
Pandabater

These days its called
Bundy ‘n’ Coke.
And yes you are showing your age.
Tuck it back in. 😉

22 09 2011
James Hunter

Panda,
Sorry. Wondered what it was !

22 09 2011
Pandabater

A couple of drunks lived next door when I was a kid & they floundered between Courage & Flag Ale. There was a midden of cans in the back paddock for us to play in.

22 09 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
Opps, my age is showing !

22 09 2011
Mick

No, I meant at the split second before someone loses an eye.

You know, like the ‘whaddayathinkyalookinatyafuckinclown’ type warcry.

22 09 2011
Mick

Moderation?

They’re on holidays. I’ll be in moderation for weeks. Dammit!

22 09 2011
Former Darwinian - Female of the Species

Heading off to Darwin for 3 weeks…. beginnings of a new series…. Things AJ’s like???

You know you wanna TBL…

23 09 2011
Mick

TBL#14742. Drive-thrus.

Today I ventured into a part of town that I rarely dare to. The local denizens remind me of zombies. Really, really, well fed zombies. They supersize their brains and have fries as well. They now have a drive-thru coffee shop. Outstanding. The bogan just cannot suffer the indignity of leaving its capsule to walk more than 10 metres.

I used to share a house with an OSB. Fantastic bloke but the laziest man i ever met. Anyhow, we would be out and decide to grab coffee. The rest of us would walk in and order. Mate would sit in the car. We would come back and he would then tell us he wants one too and would make us go through the Maccas drive-thru for his. True. He never saw the need for walking.

23 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Ties in with #3218 Mick. On getting back into Oz you certainly notice how supersized we are, and f*cking lazy. No one walks anywhere, and for gods sake don’t ask them to use stairs, that just will not do.

23 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Speaking o’ which, #14743: Standing absent-mindedly on the farken escalator… especially if it’s a really, really long one…

Grinds my goat, that.

Yer not behind the #75 now, you daft c#nts. Move! I thought you bogues were fans of instant gratification! You’ll be standing out front of #224 looking like #184 in no time if you’d just work those thighs! Move! What’s yer plan if it breaks down?! In the spirit of the pointy end of the footy season, Do something!! Don’t think!! Don’t hope!! Do!!!

Hm…

#14744: Gratuitous use of exclamation marks.

23 09 2011
p'bee

worse are the people who stand absent-mindedly at the top or bottom of escalators so nobody can get past.

23 09 2011
James Hunter

pbee,
They then have the enfrontery to get upset when people simply have to push through .

24 09 2011
Mick

I’m fairly sure that somewhere in Canadia there were signs that suggested that if you were a non-walker on escalators you had to stand to the left.

Can anyone confirm this?

24 09 2011
James Hunter

Mick,
I just sent the question to my sister in Toronto for an opinion.

24 09 2011
Mick

JH, thank you.

I get the feeling it was in Calgary though. Memory is slipping. In Calgary winters you spend a lot of time indoors.

24 09 2011
p'bee

anywhere in canada you spend a lot of time indoors in winter. and in spring. and autumn.

24 09 2011
James Hunter

P’bee,
Sister sent us some souvenir mittens. They are thicker then oven mits !
She heads to work with a shovel and a pressure pack of deicing spray. The shovel is to reach the car and the spray to unfreeze the door lock

23 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I’ve previously ranted about the bovine mentality on ‘scalators. I like pushing past them coz they are usually standing two abreast and it really pisses them off. Bit like those moving floors at big airports. Ya just been sitting for 12 hrs and these lazy carnts then stand on the moving floor instead of walking a couple of hundred metres, astounding.

23 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Except Heathrow. Bloody miles of walking and not a single miserable travelator for those that need it. Not even in the new terminal. Must have been designed by Ryanair and Easyjet
FGS Sydney and Melbourne have had Travellators for ever and even the Domain Parking station in Sydney had one in the early sisties up to St James station.
No wonder the Poms want out.

23 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Heathrow is a shitbox JH. But make em walk!

24 09 2011
martin

I love that one in the Domain Parking Station. It feels like you’re in some 80s dystopian movie because it’s such a long tunnel. I might go and park there one time just to use it again.

I hate people that stand two abreast on footpaths, and when you’re on coming the one on their right refuses to tuck in to the left, it’s usually young couples where the guy feels as though he has to be “the man”. I think I’ll dedicated another day to running in to these people.

27 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Considered dedicating an entire day to that too, martin. But never end up going through with it. Yup. More submissive than an one of those Keiran-reading Islams when it comes to pedestrian etiquette. Tremendous blow to the manhood if yer hanging with yer lady and some just-gotten-huge dude muscles you off the footpath with that just-left-the-gym smugness…

Anyhow, these memories are all saved in the homicide bank for when I crack, Anders Breivik style…

“84 slain in Melbourne CBD… Clusters of bodies bizarrely arranged on footpaths side by side, four across… Fundamentalist footpath Nazi questioned by police.”

24 09 2011
martin

Don’t know why anyone would stand on those walkways, if you walk it feels like you’re running, which is cool.

23 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Maybe a two lane system All on UK Passports walk all others ride ?

23 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Anyone over 80kg and under 80, walk ya barstards.

23 09 2011
Mick

That should be in the constitution. Right next to the right to free speech.

23 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Of course that would mean the Americans would think they were being picked on !

23 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I hope so.

24 09 2011
urbanreverie

And, ladies and gentleman, glassers one and all, I am pleased to present to you the latest episode of …

THE BOGUE & BOGUETTE SHOW!!!

Yes, I know it is very late in the evening (12:17am) but the last two episodes have actually been early, and I’ve had 125% worth of assessment due in the last seven days – so I’m sure you’ll all forgive me. 😛

And this week – we say farewell to Uncle Ryan!

http://bogueandboguetteshow.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/episode-36-goodbye-to-all-that/

24 09 2011
Mick

Excellent urban. Been watching me, have you? A bit close to home, this one.

Because of my age, I used to date a lot of women with kids. You’re all aware of my limitations with the written word, but with numbers I am a whiz. I understand numbers. They jump out at me. With the number awareness thing I can help kids. One young bloke in particular I remember had no hope of getting anywhere until I showed him the old way of doing simple maths. He’s doing orright now. F#cking bogans. They destroy their children’s lives before it has even started. That is the worse crime of all. Kids like smart people. Kids want to learn. The kids didn’t care that I was odd. I helped them. That’s all they want. Great word that, odd.

Kids never want you to leave if they think you’re for them. Now I’m feeling sad for Boguette.

24 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Usual quality, Urban. Although I don’t think Ryan is that much of a wanker to be humming Beethoven – my imagining of him would be that he’d be humming something like Sonic Youth.

24 09 2011
martin

I don’t feel sorry for Boguette. Because Braiden, Kaiden, etc will end up leaving school and getting jobs in the moines and make just as much if not more money than Ryan and for that matter anyone else who can spell.

24 09 2011
Mick

TBL#146352. Russian Boxers.

Sorry all, this one is for young Ash. He gets in lots of fights and I feel he needs a guide. I’m giving glassin’ lessons now. Ash, watch his feet. He’s got average hand speed and a three-four punch combination at best but watch his feet.

Point at the target young fella and you will soon be the glassin’ lord.

24 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

I suspect that I have been stereotypified. I haven’t been in any fights for at least three months.

Although I do need a bogan assessment.

Last night I went with a few friends (one male, two female) to go see Nirvana: Live at the Paramount at Westfield Miranda. We arrived early and didn’t have much to do for about an hour, when the other dude (the biggest bogan of the bunch) suggested a walk to the nearby bottl-o.

Once we bought our alcohol, we realised we didn’t have anywhere to drink it – so, even though I thought it was extremely bogan, we ended up sitting in a bus stop drinking vodka. Our poison of choice was old mate’s reasoning as to why we weren’t being that bogan – we’d have to be necking Woodies or goon to be truly bogan.

What do y’all think?

24 09 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
I suppose it was $25.00 bottle cheap shit made from scraps from chinese restaurants ? Ash You poor boy you made no mention of a mixer and for that stuff you should mix it with something. Even tap water. You were on the right track though ,drink it outside and away from open flame. What is left over put in the tank of a mates Silvia and watch it scream.
When different people suggest you embrace Australian Kulture they most likelly did not have such a full embrace in mind. !

24 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

It was decent quality, JH. Russian Standard. Mate had just gotten a sweet pay rise.

I never mix vodka with anything but orange juice though.

The mate in question is a pretty big fan of the Canadian Club Dry.

24 09 2011
martin

When we were at the pub my friends used to buy their grog at the bottle shop and bring it into the pub to drink to save money. Or when we played golf they’d bring a bong to smoke some cones in between holes. Or when we’d go and get a case they literally could not wait until we got back to someone’s place before getting stuck in so they’d start drinking in the car. We never got into any fights though because we were pussies. Although me and my mate nearly got attacked by this big maori because we pissed on his house. And I had another friend who was good at getting into fights but he was always in the wrong so I, and no one else wanted to support him.

Yeah Ash drinking in public is definitely bogan, unless it was congnac in those poncy glasses.

24 09 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
Yep Getting into fights with big Maoris is something best left to AFL Players and others that don’t realy matter !

24 09 2011
martin

I fought a half Maori half Slav twice when I was a kid. I did ok, there was no clear winner. But when you get older and they weigh about 150kg and don’t really have much to live for it’s a bit unfair I think. Even if you had fighting skillz like Mick you’d need to land quite a few punches to the head before they were knocked out I reckon.

I’ve filled out a bit now in my old age, I’m 6 foot and about 100kg ( and I’m not afraid of a walk, so f#ck you Simon ), they fill out even more and I’m still a weed compared to them!

24 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Yeah, you gotta be a little fucked in the head to take on a Maori/Islander bloke. It pisses me off that I didn’t get those genes. My Fijian uncles are all built like brick shithouses – I’m 5 foot 10 (with a slouch that knocks me down a few inches) and built like a twig. I can still run like a Fijian though so I’m not too pissed.

24 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Yeah, you gotta be a little f*cked in the head to take on a Maori/Islander bloke. It pisses me off that I didn’t get those genes. My Fijian uncles are all built like brick shithouses – I’m 5 foot 10 (with a slouch that knocks me down a few inches) and built like a twig. I can still run like a Fijian though so I’m not too pissed.

24 09 2011
martin

I remember years ago I was at the Steyne at Manly and these two idiot bogans, only about 5 foot something and not built too heavily took on the bouncers there. I remember the bouncers holding their heads down and kneeing them in the head. It was kind of funny because they looked like they deserved it. The bogans just looked like your standard drink too much, smoke too much, not too bright, blonde haired skanks so it was funny that they should be so deluded that they could have tried to take on the 150kg islander types.

Well I guess you got brains instead Ash. I’d prefer that than a lifetime of working as a security guard or a brickie’s labourer.

24 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Agreed. But I could use a little more brawn. Just enough that I could have played in the NRL or college basketball in the States without picking up the injuries I did.

25 09 2011
martin

I used to be really skinny, about 70kg, then I started skulling eggs for breakfast for about 6 months. I put on about 2kg. Then i just started forcing food down my throat. Lots of steak.

26 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

I’m about 80 kg right now but that’s 10 over what I really should be. Putting on weight isn’t an issue, it’s putting on the right kind of weight. When I was still a junior footballer with potential I even did some work with the Sharks’ strength and conditioning coach before he pretty much concluded I was a lost cause in that department and would have to learn to take a pounding (which I can do).

Anyway, just got back from Hollywood Undead down at the Metro. Weird mix of bogans and scene kids. I only went cause my (bogan) mates were going but it was fun nonetheless. Not life-changing by any means but a nice party atmosphere. Something you don’t often get with a heavily bogan crowd.

26 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I don’t put on muscle really. My trip to the Alps almost gave me calves, almost. Still it has it’s advantages, I don’t pork up as easily as some either.

26 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
One thing that helps put on muscle and also helps with recovery from injury,operations or whateever is Protein with ALL the esential amino acids as we cannot metabolise quite a few of them ourselves.
If you Google “Australian Sports Nutrition” They have a range of “Whey Protein Isolates” which have the perfect ballance of all the amino acids, zero carbohydrates and come in flavours.
Personally I recoment the Muashi or the Scivation brands.
They do mail order if you cant get to a store but they are way cheaper then buying the same products from your local pharmacist,health food store or gym.

Heaps of other great products and NO I dont work for them !

26 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Cheers JH,
I know a bit about that. Discovered I am Hypoglycemic (amoungst other things) a while ago and know have a pretty high protein diet, use a whey protein recovery drink after long rides etc. No dice on the muscle though. That’s just me. I’m stronger than most, you just can’t tell from looking at me

26 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon, I am Immune Defficient, Diabetic,Polycythemic,and Thyroid deficient a nice little cluster of problems because I chose the wrong parents !
I must say that the Whey Protein Isolate makes a realy substantial differance to the way I feel on a day to day basis.
My neice who is a professional sports nutritionist/personal trainer put me on to it and now the doctors at The John Hunter are recommending it !
So There hads to be something in it.

27 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Yeh, it is certainly good for recovery and also for pre ride energy. But shoving it down my throat in the hope of looking like Arnie ain’t going to happen!! Our bodies are all good for different things and I’m more endurance, putting out power for longer than say a muscle builder or sprinter. I’m happy with that.

Your’s is an impressive list JH but if you know what’s wrong you can work with it so that’s good.

27 09 2011
James Hunter

Simon,
Yeh only thing pisses me a bit sometimes is it took doctors 55 years to figure out what was wrong ! Still they didnt know much back then either. Some of em still dont!
I am , sorry was more endurance my self. 7 days walking through the rain forest carrying 110lb of kit. Lots of that was water . Had to walk on the ridges where there was not any vegetation. all the natural water is down below. bugger.
Typically from a place called Point Lookout near Ebour NSW on the edge of the escarpment at 5250 feet and down to Telegrap Point or Bellingen.
For short weekend shit. down the gorges round Hillgrove.
, Wollomumbi
Gara, Dangersleigh.
Fantastic country.
Looking bown into the gorges these days I realy wonder at our sanity for what we did with out ropes or any saftey gear.
If you ever get a chance its something you should try.

27 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Nirvana film any good Ash?

24 09 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
There used to be a fair crew of them hang out at the hotel right beside the El Alamein Fountain at The Cross. Bad place to make Kiwi jokes.
Had a cousin built like them and I’v seen him use a full size hardwood railway sleeper like a crowbar to ram a post hole. . Two hands and thump thump as easy as. Dont fugure these fellas be any less a problem.

24 09 2011
urbanreverie

And, another great letter to the editor in today’s Sydney Morning Herald … it’s part of a discussion over the most appropriate thing the Wallabies can do in response to the All Blacks’ haka.

A pre-match performance by the Wallabies should reflect our traditions. I’m envisioning a line of Wallabies, all clutching broken beer bottles, necks straining and eyes bulging, screaming ”Are you looking at me?”

Gary Howe Rushcutters Bay

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/national/letters/feted-hero-was-seriously-flawed-in-others-eyes-20110923-1kpha.html#ixzz1Ys7i9RYC

25 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

That guy’s location says it all. Wanker.

And that pre-match performance could also be done by the Poms, the Scots, the Irish, hell even the Kiwis.

26 09 2011
p'bee

he may be a wanker, but that’s a great letter.

25 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

I like it Urban, says all we need to know about Rugby. Yeh.

25 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Those who follow AFL without being able to draw the distinction between both rugby codes and those who follow them shouldn’t open their mouths.

25 09 2011
James Hunter

Ash,
AFL, What’s that ?

25 09 2011
martin

It’s some weirdos game, it’s like it was invented out of some sort of inferiority complex, like how a lot of libtards became libtards because they just have to be different.

25 09 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
I heard they all had high voices cause their shorts are so tight

25 09 2011
martin

I heard they like to take photos of each other’s pee pees. They also seem to take a bit too much pride in their long legs, tight butts and smooth, brawny bodies.

I can see why Simon would like AFL.

25 09 2011
James Hunter

Martin,
AND they shave their legs !

25 09 2011
martin

Glad to hear the Kiwis beat Melbourne. I hate Melbourne, and I’ll probably go for the Kiwis in the Grand Final. Even though I’m a Northern Beaches boy. Hows that for character. I’m such a good bloke.

25 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Distiction, sminction. No one cares except blokes who like burrowing up each other butts, which I believe they call a scrum.

25 09 2011
moar caek

aaallllll right.
that’s enough Simon.
not all rugby folk like butt burrowing, in fact it should be ottmco that it is only second row forwards who go the burrow. one might make a case for the lock being fascinated with pushing people to the burrow, but clearly every one else is more interested in falling on people, being fallen on, rucking, gouging, bag snatching, biting, running away, lying still and moaning and kicking the ball over the sideline.
In fact, it frequently appears to this commenteer that it is most often the AFL crowd who are most prone to highlighting the homo-erotic aspects of the scrum…
but one so loathes to draw conclusions.

25 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

You forgot squirrel gripping Caek. And you can only highlight what is there, just saying.

Will you be watching the world champs tonight? An Aussie can win so a late night coming up.

25 09 2011
martin

The Wallabies should just show their bank balances and say “suck shit I inherited 10 million dollars and get to work in upper management because I’m in the old boys club and I don’t do shit and get paid heaps”. It’s such an overprivileged, snotty, private school boys game.

26 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

Except for the token Abo guy.

26 09 2011
Ash - Glassin' Carnts While Holdin' Up The Taj Mahal

At least league, for all its other issues, has a pretty good record with regards to racial discrimination.

25 09 2011
Fiona of Mount Lawley

All I can hear is the sound of nasal whining, when I consider the sound of an Australian haka. Sorry.

25 09 2011
Pandabater

Oh comedy comedy ho ho ho,
Oh comedy comedy ho ho ho.

That’s how it goes doesn’t it?

27 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Don’t know too much about Sydney… Only been a coupla times as a much younger’un… But I’ve since learned Rushcutters Bay’s where Jack Johnson beat the piss outta Tommy Burns for the world heavyweight title in, like, 1908 or something. That’s farken rad! Is there some kind of plaque or mural in the area commemorating that fight or what?

27 09 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
Think that would have been at “The Stadium” long since gone. Saw Rocky Gatelarie (Sp?) fight there and went to a “Peter Paul and Mary”Concert. wow.

26 09 2011
common man

Sorry if its already been mentioned,but crossing out the “ive” sounded like an award.bogue-anon or nom-a-bogue lol.Here’s a scary announcement for all 🙂 I left the heartland of labor thuggery alb/wod to try life im the tbl heartland seat of Andrew robb lol. How my eyes have not popped out is a sign of something,oh my!!. Inbetween chapel st and the greyhound bar I thought I might be shocked,but no ive been lapping of up.Scary or what?

26 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Are you turning libtard CM?

26 09 2011
common man

My mind is open not my cheeks Lol,like my my answer to being hit on,No!! Just liberal minded.

26 09 2011
James Hunter

“Liberal” minded is good, at least you will never get into the “Liberal Party” !

27 09 2011
common man

Lol,Kinda similar to Abbotts sex life? Never getting in? Sorry for that visual guys.Lucky for us people are actually going hey bolty isnt that crazy anymore.Did anyone see the rejuvinated kennelly trying to make a menz on q@a?

27 09 2011
James Hunter

CM,
No missed her. Pity I kinda though she was hot and far and away a smarter and more honest person then the rabbits she was trying to herd. would have been easier herding cats.

27 09 2011
martin

It always made me feel a bit weird that I wanted to bang my Premier. She was good at PR and good at acknowledging what a f#ck up her government was. Other than that she was completely inane imo.

I thought Rees was a good guy but he got assasinated by the machievellian slime behind the scenes.

27 09 2011
James Hunter

“Dirty” Di Prazak from Melbourne won her world title fight against the Canadian .
Pity Australian media have ignored her. Just found out on SBS on line.
Good on her. go Aussies.

28 09 2011
Pandabater

What do women have against footpaths?
I live near the beach so the walkers are
out every morning & at least 70% of
women do not walk on the nice footpath
but walk on the road with their back to
the traffic, 2 or 3 abreast, waiting to be
run over. Panda is confused.

28 09 2011
Simon - Glasser at Arms, Constant source of Randomness

Target practice Panda. Do you have a roo bar on your car?

*splat*

3 10 2011
uLYSSES Elias

Beachside suburbs are full of bogan-haters and bogan-baiters and everybody knows these people have an enormous sense of entitlement. They expect everyone else to give way to them.

They are the same people who double park their posh cars outside of boutique grocers while they just run in for some himalayan salt that costs $125 a kilo.

It’s not a gender thing, It’s just that there are slightly more women than men out walking and, compared to men, women are much more likely to walk with others walk (it shows up in surveys).

But if they are walking with their backs to oncoming traffic, then that can’t be put down to gender or bogan-hating, that can only be put down to low IQ.

3 10 2011
uLYSSES Elias

I really regret writing this. It is mean spirited and bigoted. There isn’t any such thing as a bogan-hater or bogan-baiter any more than there’s such thing as a bogan.

And even if there were, its bigoted to say nasty things, accusing them of a sense of entitlement and smirking about Himalayan salt.

I don’t like judging and mocking other people under an assumption that I am somehow better than them. This site seems to be dedicated to judging and mocking so-called ‘bogans’ out of a sense of superiority. But all I have ended up doing just now is to judge and mock so-called ‘bogan-haters’ and ‘bogan-baiters’ out of an equally repellent sense of superiority.

I regret I got caught up in it. I retract what I said. It’s small minded and intellectually lazy.

3 10 2011
James Hunter

UlyssesHow were the Trojan Whores ? Your article makes me wonder is you are a swinewoman or is it a swine, woman ?
Anyway back to serious shit. The Bogan thingey : A lot of Bogan behaviour could be explained by herd behaviour, some by peer pressure but whatever does not matter it is as it is. It seems that your beef is with Our collective abusement of bagans and all things bogan although thouroghly deserved is realy like the bogan collective a matter of Tribalism. Tribalism has been forever and is in our genes. Altruistic Hippy , love everyone brother is the epitome of self delusion.
So just lay back and enjoy it. We have fun and the bogan is oblivious..

28 09 2011
James Hunter

Bolt,s Guilty. Ha de ha ha.

28 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

That’s schadenfreude James. Still, batten down the hatches, y’all – comments pages on News Ltd websites are set to go batshit… Even Vogue’s…

Bloody joke… Bloody disgrace… Final bloody blow to bloody freedom of farken speech in this bloody country… PCGM and so on…

Dunno…

Though Bolta has gone on record lamenting the fact it’s “considered hip to be black”… Hmm…

Didn’t old mate Eddie Furlong’s skinhead character in American History X say the same thing? Didn’t end too well for that fella. Still can’t believe Ed Norton’s character reverse-slammed it and the team of skinheads – featuring the fat guy from My Name Is Earl – beat the team of buffed black guys in that ball game. Bloody joke. Bloody disgrace. That’s Hollywood for ya.

28 09 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
Schadenfreude, yep and ain’t it loverly.
I am all in favour of freedom of speach but somepeople are just born assholes and others study it like an art form to develope greater skills.
With him he is guilty of both.
Bit like Tony Abbott except I suspect Bolt actually believes what he says.

28 09 2011
2 Sparse 2 Spurious

Wouldn’t worry too much about poor old victimised Bolta…

Our gagged martyr will doubtless defend his freedom of speech in his double-page spread featuring baffling head-to-toe byline pic… or on his syndicated blog… or on his weekly TV show (sorry, it’s a Report, innit)… or perhaps in his frequent on-air correspondence with Ten News’ Helen Kapalos (used to like you, Helen)… or during his show on Melbourne’s MTR (granted, not too many people will hear it)… or, failing all those, maybe on that young, hip, farcical pile of shite known as the 7PM Project.

Bloody joke. Bloody disgrace. Go Pies.

Seriously though, if you’re such a dominant, opinionated figure in the national media you’re bound to end up with a hard-boiled legislative egg on yer face at some time. Have a warm drink and move on Bolta. That’d be the mature thing to do. Go on mate, have a sip. It’s a flat white…

On the other hand it is trying to claim espresso status.

28 09 2011
James Hunter

2s2s,
Yep, he’s hardly likely to be into
“long blacks”
?

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