#190 – Movember

3 11 2010

Movember has for some years been an initiative to raise money for, and awareness of, men’s health issues via the growing of moustaches in the month of November. Several years after the event’s conception, upon seeing celebrities participating, the bogan male caught wind. Its belated arrival did nothing to hamper its enthusiasm. In fact, the excitement was such that the bogan had little time to stop and learn the rationale behind the moustache-growing phenomenon. And there was no need to. Andrew G was doing it. Everyone was doing it. Therefore the bogan would do it too.

Now comfortable enough to go bush with the protection of the herd, the bogan set about growing a moustache in November for no reason other than the irresistible portmanteau created by substituting the letter ‘M’ for ‘N’. People would be impressed, the bogan reasoned, at the wit and spontaneity required to be involved in a movement with such a clever name.

Having a moustache made the bogan feel like a seventies porn star, and this made it OK for the bogan to act like a seventies porn star: a green light for a month of seedy behaviour, innuendo and jokes about cleaning the pool. It also gave the bogan a chance to advertise that it had indeed gone through puberty, showing off its manly plumage in an effort to impress the bogan female. Invariably, the bogan will select the handlebar moustache as its style of choice, consistent with its life philosophy that more is always more. Like a herd of competing caribou, social pecking orders for the month are determined by the size and ferocity of the handlebar face-antler on the bogan.

During the course of the month, the bogan saw other Movember participants actively fundraising for men’s health, and consequently receiving the approval of others. This convinced it to announce that it was doing the same. Any actual offers of money were met with confusion, with the bogan tending to pocket any proceeds for its own use.

At Movember’s end, the bogan is confused. By now comfortable with its well-developed moustache and accompanying one-liners, it decides to continue with its new look. Moustache numbers around it drop sharply in the days that follow, and young bogan women return to their default position of decrying the lip warmer in accordance with the prevailing Hollywood fashion. That evening the bogan male shaves, and rejoins its herd.


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85 responses

3 11 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Ew, 70’s porn ‘stache.

3 11 2010
pablo

Fuck you TBL, this is for a worthy cause. I hope you die of Prostrate (that’s how bogans pronounce it) cancer.

Well that’s a lovely sentiment. Have you actually read and understood the entry? TBL

3 11 2010
Tone

^^ Exhibit A for the Prosecution, M’lud.

22 11 2010
Shane

Well played.

3 11 2010
p'bee

i think pablo saw the title and had a tanty.

3 11 2010
Tone

For those of us with comprehension skills beyond that of an 8 year old, this entry has well and truly hit the mark and proves (yet again) that TBL are still at the bleeding edge of bogan research.

The pathetic bleatings of bogans (especially self-hating bogans that are in denial of their own boganity) both here and in Facebookland along the lines of ‘the only people I know doing Movember are hipsters’ and ‘I hope you get depression and cancer, you depressed cancerous pricks!’ only serve to provide confirmation of TBL’s accuracy.

For what it’s worth, I did Movember in 2006. Raised about $60, had a few laughs. I’m still the same depressed cancerous prick I was back then, though.

8 11 2010
Your Local Dandy

It may have proved TBL were ‘still at the bleeding edge of bogan research’ if I hadn’t called Movember on this same site this time last year.

I was shouted down then, but it’s nice to see times and tastes change.

We did actually write it last year, but the entry was unfinished by the end of the month, so it stayed in the spare parts basket for 12 months until it was relevant again. TBL

8 11 2010
Your Local Dandy

Duly noted.

Thanks for the response TBL.

3 11 2010
Leroy

Go Pablo! Bogan brain explosion in it’s purest form. Try reading the whole entry, not just the title…….

3 11 2010
Antosha

I haven’t commented on TBL for ages… but this cracker from Pablo is too funny to pass up!

Good work Pablo! but I think you are wanted down at the Nuclear Physics lab! LOL

4 11 2010
pablo

Oh… sorry, I was being sarcastic. It clearly didn’t come across that way. Bad attempt. Anyway, I’d like to grow a good set of tits larger than my present m’oobs for breast cancer awareness next year. Any tips, other than genetically modified chicken?

4 11 2010
p'bee

you missed the sarcasm discussion a few weeks ago – it must be accompanied by an eyeroll.
as for the moobs, that gives me an idea – drag queens for breast cancer.

4 11 2010
pablo

*eyeroll*

Now I must make a declaration that I am actually growing a mo’ for the first time ever. But it was largely borne out of laziness and the love of not having to shave whilst on leave over the last couple of weeks and my partner said, “why don’t you participate in Movember?”, so I did.

Alas, I have broken the Movember Rules that I must start with a clean shaven face on 1 Nov. What are they going to do? Refund the people that have already donated to me?

Personally, it’s only four days in and I’d love to shave the little fucker off because it’s annoying me. A very similar feeling of regret when I foolishly participated in FebFast until I realised you could still drink without people knowing. Just like an alcoholic!

3 11 2010
Brimstone

some of my hipster friends are doing this
and the lead singer of Hell City Glamours. and a guy who sings in a sleazy punk band who’s last single is actually about wanting to be a porn star

i think i see your point

i wish i could grow a Mythbusters mustache

3 11 2010
Gorey

I thought the Glamours’ singer already had a ‘stache.

3 11 2010
Brimstone

yeah… i got confused. it’s Mo…. i think he’s the drummer or bassist

still, i the hipster ‘stache is also popular

i’d do it, but i’d look horrible

Mo plays guitars. Ferocious band. TBL

3 11 2010
Brimstone

right. i’m quite clearly an idiot. anyway, Mo is growing a Mo

4 11 2010
vivisection

So, I looked up these “Ferocious” Hell City Glamours last night. Must say, I am disappointed, these private school boy rockers don’t meet my definition of ferocious. May I suggest Glitter Trash – Jenna Talia could and probably would grow a Mo for money, and watch her go A over T at 2.18 and get back up like true punk rocker! The part where she ditches the mini is certainly ferocious.

3 11 2010
Mike

This is so brilliant and sums up one of my friends last year perfectly. Can’t wait till the book ships guyes.

It begs the question though – when will Things Bogans Like actually be a thing bogans like.

Mike.

3 11 2010
Tone

It already is. It’s just most of them don’t know it yet.

3 11 2010
Brimstone

i saw it displayed in the window of a bookstore in Newtown…

3 11 2010
missy

So did I! I plan on pestering the public libraries of Sydney to put it in thier collections. It’s essential knowledge, ok.

3 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Strictly non-fiction, soon to be added to the archives of the National Library as an essential research tool for future generations curious about the Bogan…who knows? They might expand to consume the population entirely or go the way of the Dodo; only time (and maXXXtreme interest rates) will tell…

3 11 2010
Gorey

Good Grief! That photo is terrifying.

3 11 2010
Shoulder Chip

Motastic. Spot on. Moganic pleasure

3 11 2010
common man

Lol’d at the handlbar face antler.@ Mike, that apihany only happens to a select few.A bandwagon not followed enough as this article unfortunatly!!

3 11 2010
Shirley M.

There’s much truth in this. My stupid brother grew a mo’ last year, and I informed him mid-month that the point was to raise money. He just thought it was the thing to do. Still, I salute those who do it and actively raise money, and all in all I think it’s a good awareness campaign, better than most of the others kicking around, like shutdown for autism. Just a shame that the f*cking bogans ruin it, as is their wont.

3 11 2010
Gorey

I tried doing it to raise some dollars last year, but there were so many bogans doing it that it ended up being virtually pointless. There were more mo’s being grown than there was sponsors. In the end I did make a few bucks, but I could have just donated that myself and saved me the trouble.

3 11 2010
Shirley M.

One of my friends has been doing it for the past few years, and I always donate a generous sum to him and him only. I think having a lot of men walking around with moustaches for a month does provide a visual link to awareness of men’s health issues and that’s a good thing.

3 11 2010
vivisection

What i find interesting about Movember, is the lack of information/clarity as to what it is for. Presumably it is about prostate cancer and /or men’s mental health?? Yet there is never any mention of exactly what they are raising money for. There’s no encouragement for men to get health checkups, just inane banter on crap like the 7pm project / sunrise etc. The message is totally lost in the blokeyness and testosterone competition.

3 11 2010
Shirley M.

It’s the bogans fault, Viv. I remember about 4 years ago things were different.

P.S. TBL, I don’t like to bitch and moan, but why do I still have to type my name and email every time I post?

No idea! In truth, we know quite little about the technical details of the WordPress machine. TBL

3 11 2010
common man

@shirl,agreed on both points.The scary part is my gravatar follows my to various sites!!

3 11 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Shirl, Log on at the wordpress homepage and once logged in, then type in the TBL homepage address and voila, you should be signed in!

It’ll lapse periodically if you stay logged in (by just closing down the page rather than logging out), but simply repeat this process and you’ll remain logged in, no need to fill in email details from there!

3 11 2010
shirleymullet

Thanks Turnips!

3 11 2010
p'bee

yes, it does always seem to be reported as ‘who has the most awesomest mo EVARR?!???’ rather than ‘let’s raise money for men’s health’.

3 11 2010
Tone

That’s because prostates are nowhere nearly as easy on the eye as boobs.

3 11 2010
p'bee

well when you put it that way…

3 11 2010
Andrew
3 11 2010
vivisection

Until now i hadn’t looked at the website, and if a link hadn’t been put here, I wouldn’t have made the effort to find out if they had one. I guess that’s what i’m talking about, why, after so many years, do I have to look at a website to find out what it is actually about? Strange marketing, and I wonder how many men are put off by the chest beating mo growing comp like I am, and then miss the message? Having said that, good luck to them.

9 11 2010
Andy

There are also ads on TV if you are that way inclined. I’ve also seen ads on the side of a bus. Given it is a charity they can’t really pay for billboards.

3 11 2010
Andrew

Have you ever looked at the movember site?

http://au.movemberfoundation.com/research-and-programs/

3 11 2010
Lola

I thought Movember was a razor blade promotion. Anyway, at least prostate cancer and ‘men’s health’ is a better cause than overexposed, overhyped, overfunded stuff like breast cancer research (…waits for bogans to bite…). The fact you need solid facial hair growth hits the b-spot as far as white bogan males go as asians etc. need not apply.

Movember does however present an unfortunate opportunity for internecine warfare amongst boganus australianus: those older working-class guys with their genuine handlebar moustaches they’ve had since the 70s probably get annoyed at these youngster bogabees pissing on their style.

3 11 2010
Fiona of Carlton

I do actually agree about the breast cancer thing.
And I say that having watched several close family members pass away from the horrible disease.

I think we’re all quite aware of breast cancer now and some poxy pink ribbon isn’t going to remind women to check their breasts!

I’ve also seen several pink ribbon tattoos which I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
If you lost someone to breast cancer then obviously you will be hoping for a cure and hoping no one else has to go through what your loved one did.

But surely such a tattoo means they are forever remembered hand-in-hand with cancer. Cancer is a horrible cruel disease, but someone who suffers from it is doing just that – suffering.
Surely they shouldn’t be defined by the illness just as you wouldn’t define someone by their disability?!

I do actually know the guy in the Movember poster. He’s also currently driving a bright orange Movember panel van. He’s a total Carlton hipster but also a genuinely nice guy.

3 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

An once of prevention is worth a pound of cure…

3 11 2010
TheBattlersPrince

*ounce

Whoops, should follow my own proverbs! Check twice, cut once…

4 11 2010
Lola

May I draw your attention to another minor bogan attribute: when bogan’s get cancer, they’re never ‘cancer sufferers’ or even ‘cancer patients’, they’re ‘cancer SURVIVORS’. Well at least they are until the big-C take’s em out all together. It’s at that point that they get tagged with another bogan moniker: “The most amazing person”.

5 11 2010
Benny Hill

Did a breast cancer fundraiser ride last weekend, about 200 bike’s involved. The event must have been lost on the organisers as they were smoking.

3 11 2010
Benny Hill

Does one have to grow a mo at the start of Movember and then shave it off or can one grow it back after it has been shaved off and keep it growing until the following Movember?

3 11 2010
martin

This gives the bogan an excuse to grow some nauseatingly pretentious hipster beard. Something the geek bogans don’t need. The excuse that is.

3 11 2010
martin

All the geeks bogans need is an apple computer and a job in web development or graphic design.

3 11 2010
martin

All the geek bogans need is an apple computer and a job in web development or graphic design.

22 11 2010
Shane

Actually growing a beard for movember would be a faux pa I believe.

3 11 2010
martin

How come my comments aren’t coming up.

3 11 2010
Fiona of Carlton

I think we can safely say your comments are coming up, albeit slightly delayed.

3 11 2010
brad

because you’re a geek bogan

3 11 2010
Tone

WordPress can barely contain the maxtremity of today’s entry.

3 11 2010
Sten

I think I’ll use Movember as an excuse to grow mine back. I shaved it off for the first time in some ten years when I started my new job last week.

As for the brain explosions, what is it, a full moon or something?

3 11 2010
Twisted_Colour

I ‘ve taken to shaving my mo off for movember, it’s a good chance to give the skin underneath a breather. Being something of a wit I refer to the month as NOvember.

3 11 2010
Dave

What? No reference to the Donkey Punch? You guys are slipping…

3 11 2010
Ash - Corporate Lawyer cum Lingerie Model

Don’t forget the other reason for the popularity of the handlebar mo – it makes the bogan look/feel hard. Like Chopper Read, and everyone knows how much bogans love Chopper.

3 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

I find wearing a moustache very uncomfortable.

3 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

oh…
…and what? No melbourne cup rants?
surely this is the single greatest day in the bogans calendar.
surely

3 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

…oh
and I’m sorry if I was a bit prickly the other day.
there is likely absolutely no dopamine in my brain at all. (clinically diagnosed)
and I’m probably drinking too much.
brimstone you are probably not a nazi.
and I definitely do not want to piss down your throat.
but you are still an american

3 11 2010
Sydney Fi

How much money does Fanuary raise?? ; ))

4 11 2010
AndrewB

All jokes aside, i hope people do support Movember either by taking part of sponsoring someone who is. Men’s health is a worthy cause and is often forgotten and this brings it to people’s awareness.

4 11 2010
Sybil Ince

The only people whose attention it needs to be brought to are men themselves. They are the worst offenders when it comes to ignoring early signs. It is MEN who need to take responsibility for their own health, starting with an annual prostate check from age 40. All the women in the world can care as much as they can, but until the male gets himself to a doctor and asks for the tests, everything else is just pissing in the wind.

4 11 2010
Nelson Esq

Movember 2007:
Homophobic Semi-NaB work colleague: Are you trying to grow a mo?
Nelson: Yep, it’s for Movember. Why don’t you grow one too, it’s for a good cause; prostate cancer research.
NaB: Nah, couldn’t give a f**k!
Nelson: So you like getting a finger up your bum then?
NaB: What?
Nelson: That’s how they detect prostate cancer, the doctor sticks his finger up your bum to feel if your prostate is enlarged.
NaB: Get f**ked, no he doesn’t.
Nelson: Yes he does and you’re nearly 40, they say you should get your prostate checked at 40.
NaB: Well I’m not getting it done.
Nelson: If you don’t want to get a finger up your bum, you better grow a mo and raise some money or give me $10 for my mo, so they can fund the reseach for a vacine to prevent prostate cancer.
NaB: Oh f*ck…OK…here’s 10 bucks…

4 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

chubbybloodfart live from under a giant Bouganvillea in Carnarvon WA. just as a momentary aside, the correct way to prune a bouganvillea is with a back hoe. or a bulldozer. depends on the size really. Hateful effing things. and it has “bogan” in the name so…
yeah.
that reminds me of something else. we were in a quaint and v. beautiful seaside ville called Coral Bay for melbourne cup day. even at such vast remove from the actual event, the full spectrum of drunken boganity was on display; the femmes in their little frocks with absurd ill matched stilletoes and home made fascinaors, the boys popping on a sports coat over their boardies and thongs. Ha! Genius! blazer and boardies. hilarious, if only I’d thought
nah f#ck it couldn’t be bothered.
I defy anyone to name a more important day in the bogue social calendar. except possibly australia day.
god! what if they ran the cup on australia day?
Baby Jesus would come back and nuke us all.
where was I?
bouganvillea… Melbourne Cup…
oh right! Boags Draught!
the cup was sponsored by Boags. Homophonic serendipity or cynical marketing genius?
I always thought the military could make use of that one… Free Bogues Draft. just to get them in the door.
nice
clubbing and press ganging in old royal navy style. that would bolster the numbers in the war against whatever the war is against.
probably against dwindling military industrial profits.
or something
so.
off to see the dolphins at Monkey Mia.
yep.
went snorkelling on the reef at coral bay too. that was cool. you have to pay a fortune to see the barrier reef, but ningaloo you can just swim out to it. nice. but go out from exmouth. less tourists, and the coral is healthier.
got drunk with backpackers last night. bit crook just now. oh dear gods. I drank tooheys extra dry all night. it was on special. I know the bogue likes locally brewed “imported” beer, but extra dry must run a close second. I think because people just like saying TEDs.
probably.
still feel like a bogan, but.

4 11 2010
brad

if you can get to dirk Hartog Island-shits on Monkey Mia and you can camp on the beach.Also make a u-turn and visit Karijini-worth the trip just for aspliff amongst the gorges.

4 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

i could change my handle to
chubbybloodfart BBo tl;dr

thanks for letting me use your blog for my blog again.

maybe if I put tl;dr at the front of chubby

hmmm. makes me look like a doctor.
like Doctor Gonzo.
who hated his own country so much he killed himself.

4 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

actually, one of the backpackies put forward the theory lastnight that the CIA did for ol’ Hunter.
I still think the previous is true.
pity
he could have just moved to australia and pretended he was canadian.
that’s what backpackers do.

4 11 2010
Mick

Totally off-topic but I don’t care. When a bogan has something to say he has to say it NOW.

TBL, yesterday I had a couple of hours to spend at Perth airport…another epicentre of boganity. I thought I would go grab a copy of the book to appease my innate sense of superiority. But no, not to be seen.

Is this some sort of conspiracy? High-flow bogan areas are not being exposed to your product? Surely the bright colours would draw them in like…like…well, like bogans to brightly coloured things.

Oh dear. We’re failing those who need us the most! TBL

4 11 2010
p'bee

maybe it was for your own protection? high bogan concentration, don’t want to do something that will make them (more) liable to glassing.

4 11 2010
Mick

If so I think they’re barking up the wrong tree. The bogues I work with hate bogans. They’ll flock to buy this book because they think they’re superior to all they know. They want to point and laugh at others.

They’re all like me.

4 11 2010
Kel

Clever site and very entertaining, but I hope you are giving due credit to Jane Turner and Gina Riley for all their inspiration.

I think I’ve only watched one full episode of Kath & Kim ever. So there it is, a commensurate amount of credit. TBL

4 11 2010
BCo

Has anyone read this guy’s blog: http://bnepartyboy.tumblr.com/
Ultimate piss-take or what?

It’s pretty darn awesome. TBL

4 11 2010
The Hairy Pony

Weren’t people doing this whole Movember thing before the charity people co-opted it for their good deedery? Yes they were.

Why can’t things not have a reason.

4 11 2010
The Hairy Pony

actually according to wikipedia im wrong. Again

4 11 2010
The Hairy Pony

how do bogans feel about wikipedia i wonder?

5 11 2010
daniel green

WE NEED MORE TBL UPDATES! ONE POST ALL WEEK IS NOT ENOUGH FOR A FULL BOGANOLOGY MAJOR!!!!!!!!!!

5 11 2010
RobertL

Did Movember a couple of years ago and (of course) I went for the biggest moustache possible.

I referred to it as the “dodgy PE teacher” look.

5 11 2010
nottheadelaidereview

moustaches maketh the cricket player

8 11 2010
Lord Charos

Cricket is awful…

23 11 2010
Maggie

Check out the magnificence:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/photos/2010/11/23/3074214.htm

he’s even put his shirt on back to front for verisimilitude. Or something.

10 01 2011
Fiona of Windale

LOL

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