Movember has for some years been an initiative to raise money for, and awareness of, men’s health issues via the growing of moustaches in the month of November. Several years after the event’s conception, upon seeing celebrities participating, the bogan male caught wind. Its belated arrival did nothing to hamper its enthusiasm. In fact, the excitement was such that the bogan had little time to stop and learn the rationale behind the moustache-growing phenomenon. And there was no need to. Andrew G was doing it. Everyone was doing it. Therefore the bogan would do it too.
Now comfortable enough to go bush with the protection of the herd, the bogan set about growing a moustache in November for no reason other than the irresistible portmanteau created by substituting the letter ‘M’ for ‘N’. People would be impressed, the bogan reasoned, at the wit and spontaneity required to be involved in a movement with such a clever name.
Having a moustache made the bogan feel like a seventies porn star, and this made it OK for the bogan to act like a seventies porn star: a green light for a month of seedy behaviour, innuendo and jokes about cleaning the pool. It also gave the bogan a chance to advertise that it had indeed gone through puberty, showing off its manly plumage in an effort to impress the bogan female. Invariably, the bogan will select the handlebar moustache as its style of choice, consistent with its life philosophy that more is always more. Like a herd of competing caribou, social pecking orders for the month are determined by the size and ferocity of the handlebar face-antler on the bogan.
During the course of the month, the bogan saw other Movember participants actively fundraising for men’s health, and consequently receiving the approval of others. This convinced it to announce that it was doing the same. Any actual offers of money were met with confusion, with the bogan tending to pocket any proceeds for its own use.
At Movember’s end, the bogan is confused. By now comfortable with its well-developed moustache and accompanying one-liners, it decides to continue with its new look. Moustache numbers around it drop sharply in the days that follow, and young bogan women return to their default position of decrying the lip warmer in accordance with the prevailing Hollywood fashion. That evening the bogan male shaves, and rejoins its herd.