Here at TBL we try to focus on those things that the bogan likes now, preferring to leave the science of forecasting what bogans will like in the future to our clairvoyant llama Roger or Triple J. Occasionally, however, we or one of our hipster minions identifies something so hideously, pint glassingly maXXtreme that we can confidently predict bogans around the country will soon be fawning over it like TBL authors over the textured sleeve of the first pressing of Unknown Pleasures.
Jersey Shore is one such thing. Now in its third season in the US, Jersey Shore follows the lives of eight uber-vascular Italian American “guidos” and “guidettes,” sharing a pimped out summerhouse in the town of Seaside Heights on the coast of New Jersey. In between working shifts at a local t shirt shop, the contestants tone their abs, work on their tans, get outrageously drunk, attempt to have sex with as many people as possible, and claw, scratch and pummel each other, all the while acting like obnoxious douche bags. Popular cast members include former stripper Mike “The Situation” – so called because his abs are “so ripped up it’s called The Situation,” tanning salon advocate Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi who was recently fined $500 by a New Jersey court for acting like an arse at a local beach and Jenni “JWoww” Farley who gave herself fake boobs for her 21st birthday.
The program has obvious appeal to the bogan, with its love of getting huge, fake tan and hair product, its predilection for being as loud, garish and obtrusive as possible and its misguided belief that it is a regular Casanova. More than this though, Jersey Shore plays on the bogan’s insatiable desire to become a celebrity. Like Big Brother and countless reality shows since, the success of Jersey Shore in the US has catapulted its tight bodied contestants into faux-celebrities, with endorsements, talk show appearances, their own fragrances and action figures, lucrative playboy offers and extensive coverage of their misadventures on aeroplanes and in nightclubs. Besides offering justification for their own blustering, boorish behaviour, this provides hope to bogans who strongly believe they have a God given right to celebrity status but, like the contestants on Jersey Shore, are unremarkable human beings without the required talent or ambition to achieve this. In fact, the bogan now knows it can exhibit behaviour that should warrant a kick in the cock and get on television.
With Channel Seven’s new bogan-baiting digital channel Sevenmate about to follow MTV in screening Jersey Shore, TBL confidently predicts it won’t be long before you hear a “New Joizy” accent at that bar you used to like, or someone referring to their abdominal region as “the situation” at your local health club.