#182 – Lance Armstrong

13 10 2010

The bogan likes strong arms. It also likes people who win sporting contests, particularly if they possess an accompanying heroic tale of beating life’s cruel odds. For the bogan believes it too has beaten the odds, despite having enjoyed a comfortable suburban upbringing and having gone on to achieve little of note. While Lance Armstrong is indeed an exceptional athlete with lance-like pistons capable of propelling a bicycle across France, this is not why the bogan likes him. Having achieved this after battling testicular cancer in an inspiring deathbed-to-global-sporting-dominance story is also not why the bogan likes Lance Armstrong.

In fact, the bogan doesn’t even like cycling – as a sport, or a mode of transportation. The bogan believes recreational cyclers are a menace  – it heard a shock jock use this phrase on the radio – and believes cyclists wearing multi-coloured lycra look like “fags,” despite the fact that its own t-shirt is considerably more garish in design, and just as tight fitting. Should the bogan see a cyclist riding legally on a road, it will lean on the horn and tailgate the cyclist before dangerously swerving out across two lanes and slowing down to point its yellow wristband-clad arm at the offending velocipede. The bogan will then scream “buy a fucking car….ya fag.”

So if the bogan doesn’t like cycling, and Lance Armstrong is first and foremost a cyclist, what is it about Lance Armstrong that the bogan actually likes? Firstly, Lance Armstrong is a celebrity. He has dated a couple of famous celebrities the bogan doesn’t like, and he once went biking with George Bush.  Secondly, the bogan has form when it comes to wristbands which proclaim affiliation with a higher ideal. The bogan is also fond of wristbands which purport to have magical properties, no matter how preposterous the manufacturer’s claims may be.  It is possible that the bogan believes that by simply purchasing an array of brightly coloured yellow products etched with the life affirming term “Livestrong”, it can have access to the same raw athleticism, skill and bottomless energy reserves as the hard-training and obsessively determined physiological freaks who make up the sporting elite.  But like purchasing gimmicky hologram jewellery, the gullible bogan will succeed only in tapping into its money reserves, or that of its credit provider, as it maintains its position in the thick part of the peloton of life.

The bogan also believes that wearing a “Livestrong” wristband, sock or specially branded jockstrap gives it carte blanche to make gonad jokes. This is because the bogan is a moron, and lives in a state of endless adolescence where jokes about testicles, no matter how cancerous, are always funny. The bogan will tell anyone who is offended by its crude jokes that it’s not being serious, and people should get a sense of humour. Because it likes Lance Armstrong. And his freshly-shaven, pulsating thighs.


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189 responses

13 10 2010
Duncan M

As being told to “get a sense of humour” you have an equal chance of being told to “go to bunnings, get a bag a concrete and have a big cup of harden the fuck up..”..

Duncan.

13 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Should it also be mentioned that the bogan likes Lance because he eats set concrete for breakfast.

13 10 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I suspect the bogan may be a fan of the “Livestrong” campaign, as for them it may implied as “Livehard”, which of course is the only way they know how to live.

In Livinghard, they too can live life to the maxx, even if it’s just Pepsi Max, and be hard cünts.

Until they get testicular cancer from trying way too hard to grow a pair. Then they’ll realise what the campaign’s all about, watching TT/ACA in vain, awaiting news of a miracle cure and hearing of a breakthrough, will then proceed to call Peter Mac/Charlie’s/other cancer centres in your capital in petulant hope, only to be told it’s merely research at this stage, so they’ll…I was about to run off onto a tangent about the jealous nightmares he has about his widowed de facto getting #124ed by his best mate, but I think you get the drift.

That’s what happens if you Livehard!

13 10 2010
AntiPajero

I believe this is the first time TBL has blatantly called the bogan a moron.

Untrue. https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/97-anti-intellectualism/ TBL.

13 10 2010
TheBattlersPrince

I’d say the reason for that is more bogans are reading this blog and are striving for more of post #178, because it’s not accustomed to this form of humour when compared to post #181…

13 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

They have been called worse, like dumb c*nts for example.

13 10 2010
AntiPajero

Yes. They’ve even been called lesser.

Bogans also have ways of calling each other morons and cnuts without even knowing they’re doing so. Especially when giving toasts and eulogies.

Examples:
Larrikin = Cnut. But at least he’s on our side.

Rool Austrayan Charactah = Stupid and thoroughly insignific*nt. But eats beer, drinks meat and f*cks spoken English. Often annotated by…

…Who was laajer than life = Fat

13 10 2010
pb

laajer than life also means never shut up.

13 10 2010
AntiPajero

Bah! Wrong I am. Corrected I stand.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Excellent concluding paragraph. The old ‘get a sense of humour’. Mostly uttered by those most lacking. The same can be said of the phrases ‘get a life’ and ‘grow a set’.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Actually, I was told to ‘get a life’ on Facebook the other day because I said I wouldn’t participate in the ‘I like it on the…..’ status update thing, due to it being f*cking stupid.

13 10 2010
Loftie

Surely another post for TBL…

Bandwagons…

Bogans LOVE bandwagons…

I’ll lay a bet (even at 1:1 odds) that somewhere, RIGHT NOW… there is a bogan filling in their facebook status of ‘I like it on the …..’, as well as searching youtube for the police brutality bashing video…

13 10 2010
Shirley M

I bet you’re right.

13 10 2010
Nelson Esq

I’d agree too, but am afraid that I’d be seen as getting on the bandwagon bandwagon…

13 10 2010
vivisection

Good on you Shirley, I can’t believe how inane that shit is.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

It shits me to tears on so many levels.

13 10 2010
vivisection

Shirley, to help raise awareness for breast cancer, you should announce before every post today: ” I like it up the arse, with whipped cream after a cosmopolitan”
I think that would be profound, and all the guys would have no idea what you meant. You would be all the more powerful.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

If my parents weren’t on my friends list, I absolutely would. In fact, the other day I wrote ‘I like it in my bum’ and reconsidered at the very last minute.

13 10 2010
vivisection

Defriend them, they should understand that its for cancer.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Is there an arse cancer awareness day/week/month? If not, there should be, and we should totally do ‘I like eggplants (etc) in it’ status updates. Not only would we be raising awareness, we would also be sexualising a disease AND promoting our book at the same time!

13 10 2010
vivisection

Good thinking – AA Week

Additional promotional/awareness games could be :

“I lost a …… in there” (e.g. fox terrier, statuette of Je$us, shower nozzle etc)

“When I ….. it tingles” (e.g. lick, deodorise, fill it with glitter etc)

“I always add ……. to make it taste better” (e.g. curry powder, ice magic, sultanas)

13 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Simon likes this.

13 10 2010
Robbie

“shit’s me to tears”…I haven’t heard that in years 🙂
Love it Shirl

13 10 2010
pb

i hate that whole ‘i like it…’ thing. no-one on my friends list who put that in their status was asked what it was about and then explained the cancer awareness campaign. awareness doesn’t work if people don’t know what the hell they’re meant to be aware of.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Well it was especially confusing because the ‘game’ was kicking around 6 months ago for no reason at all – except ’empowerment’. Here’s the message I got about it in May:

ok ladies here’s another game, like the bra color game which was a total success and we had men wondering for days what was with the colors and it made it to the news. well this game has to do with your handbag, where we put our handbag the moment we get home for example “i like it on the couch”, i like it on the kitchen table or i like it on the dresser well you get the idea. Just put your answer as your status with nothing more than that and cut n paste this message and forward to all you FB female friends to their inbox. The bra game made it to the news. Lets see how powerful we woman really are!! Remember- do not put your answer as a reply to this message, simply put your answer as your status, then forward this message to your friends.

13 10 2010
SD

Yes a million women typing a sexually suggestive I like it on our status make us totally empowered.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

I almost vomited when I read the ‘Lets see how powerful we woman[sic] really are!’ line. I immediately outed the whole thing on my status and got called a killjoy, among other things. Facebook is great! *rolls eyes*

13 10 2010
hel

SD, I just stole that for my status update. I loath those ‘games’. Confuse people? Hardly, just shows them to be utterly moronic. In truth, many of their other status updates, with bastardised spelling, grammar that challenges the laws of the universe, text speak and generally blatant stupidity are infinately more confusing than “I like it on the couch”

13 10 2010
Benny Hill

That is ludicrous ‘Lets see how powerful women really are!!’ We all know they aren’t. BTW, youtube is gospel.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

When the wife is beaten, it’s never her face, and she is never cursed at. See how she is honoured?

13 10 2010
Benny Hill

Yes I do.

13 10 2010
Gordon Gecko

how many burqas will a mulsim force his wife to wear if a muslim can force his wife to wear burqas.

15 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I might convert. Is glassin legal with them?

13 10 2010
Lord Charos

Sometimes I find it hard to believe this shit still happens around the world. Though that’s what you get when you accept the morals of a couple o’ thousand years old book written by some ancient desert nomad with a psychological disorder.

It’s time for that parasite called religion (and I mean ALL religion) to be destroyed… and the Bogans to be enslaved… MWAHAHAHAHA!

Tell me, TBL, are any of you religious?

13 10 2010
Will S

>implying men wouldn’t find some other excuse to exert power over women if they weren’t religious

13 10 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Dare I say that’s quite ironic Shirl?

13 10 2010
stamp

oh Shirley M, we have to meet. I’m certain we wouldn’t have any farmville cowpats to swop…

13 10 2010
martin

The bogan likes sports people because they’ve never done any work that requires thinking, reading, patience, and character yet they get all the money in the world. The bogan thinks character is based on how many words come out of their mouth and how much they like themselves.

13 10 2010
Tom

Yeah, because after all, busting your arse for several hours a day over the course of many years in order to get to a competitive level doesn’t require any patience or character…I would also think you will find most sportspeople do think and read a considerable amount regarding training for their chosen sport. Whilst I do not consider myself a bogan, to say that someone such as the average professional cyclist does not possess patience or character is just nonsense.

13 10 2010
Tone

Nice work, TBL.

The only possible cause for pendantry would be the spelling of ‘f*cking’. Bogans spell it ‘f*cken’, which is exactly how they pronounce it.

13 10 2010
stamp

f*cken “a”

13 10 2010
Mick

They can’t love him that much. I’ve not noticed any little bogan kiddies with the name Lance or any sad derivitive. That’s usually a giveaway.

Is this something to do with national ride-to-work day? I’m listening to indignant motorists bagging the noble cyclist on talkback on the ABC right now.

13 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

How do you mis spell Lance? Not easy.

Lanse
Laans
Llaanse

13 10 2010
Mick

Lhanse
Larnse

13 10 2010
lol-plates

plhannse, silent letters for the win!

13 10 2010
pb

laaarhnse

13 10 2010
lol-plates

I am going to call my son Tiberius, Ulysses, Robert Lee, Nero, Caligula or Methuselah.

13 10 2010
vivisection

Or is an unusual middle name.

13 10 2010
AntiPajero

It means “gold”

13 10 2010
stamp

they’d have to be gold from all that cycling

13 10 2010
lol-plates

My writing skills have done me proud yet again.

13 10 2010
vivisection

Laarnce – for the aspirational bogue

13 10 2010
Loftie

I thought perhaps the name was easy to pronounce…
Lance (or Lah-nce) sounds very similar to Glass…

“I’m gonna glass you – you c#nt…”
or
“My name is lance – you c#nt”

its all very similar…??

13 10 2010
Pandabater

Lanz

13 10 2010
Shirley M

They are probably more likely to go for ‘Armstrong’. It’s different, unusual etc. etc.

13 10 2010
vivisection

I think you meant “Armstrohng”

13 10 2010
Shirley M

You’re so much better at the bogan names than me. I was trying to think of a bogan spelling and just couldn’t come up with one.

13 10 2010
Mick

This is fraught with danger for the casual observer. Upon asking if little Armstrong was named after the moon-man one would be met with a confused glare followed by the obligatory glassing for dissing their kid’s name.

13 10 2010
pb

either that, or they’ll believe lance armstrong was the first man on the moon.

13 10 2010
Mick

and giggle when you say moon.

Bogans like mooning stuff.

13 10 2010
TheBattlersPrince

No no no, every bogan knows that Buzz Lightyear was the first man on the moon!

13 10 2010
brad

No it wasnt it was Apollo Creed!

14 10 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Touche Brad, touche…

13 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

As a cyclist I can confidently state bogans friggin hate us. On an open 4 lane road with no traffic the bogan in their falcodore/cement truck/hyundi with foxy sticker will drive as close as possible to you and yell get off the road or get a car. The plus to this is having a steel bike pump in hand and putting a lovely long scratch down the side of their lowered Statesman without their knowing.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

I imagine it’s not just the bogans either. Most people hate cyclists. I only hate the ones that grab onto my rearview mirror and hitch a ride.

13 10 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

You mean they reach into your car and grab the mirror hanging from your car ceiling? Incredibly dangerous.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

You know what I mean. Side mirror.

13 10 2010
Simon of South Yarra

as a recreational cyclist, i find it down right dangerous on some roads, especially in tradie country.

blasting the horn always produces much mirth among the brain bereft bogans

the use of weaponry to fight back sounds like a plan i shall adopt!

ps, am considering carrying air freshener to spray around smokers who expel smoke near me

13 10 2010
vivisection

Someone should make an airhorn in a can that blows out air freshener and an obnoxious high pitched sound – then you could honk back at bogue drivers and spray down smokers.

13 10 2010
Lancet

Portable pump-up airhorns (with a schrader valve) are totally available; I bought one of these when I lived in the US.

The air-bottle fits in your water bottle holder, and the horn bit attaches to your bars or whatever, and conveniently removes to be directed into the face of a surprised bogan. I’ve only had the pleasure of using it a couple of times, but it’s fucking brilliant.

It’s also very easy to remove side mirrors from cars while they are moving – permanently – and they’re several hundred dollars to fix, and better than keying, the car is then immediately unroadworthy. The bogan will be so surprised and late to the childcare that they won’t even be able to stop.

13 10 2010
lol-plates

It is kinda sad that bogans have ruined holdens and fords. The VE and FG series are not bad cars albeit on the heavy side. Statesmans are another story, 70k for a commodore??
I love riding my pushie, been riding my dads old racing bike. Although I prefer bmx or mt bikes which results in shins like cheese graters.

13 10 2010
Tom

Funniest abuse I copped was a bogan telling me to ‘get off the fucken road’ when I was loading my bike into my car…although I suppose technically as the car was parked on the side of the road I was on the road.

13 10 2010
Benny Hill

Serious question here. Do bike riders take out any form of insurance to cover accidents be they with parked cars, pedestrians etc?

13 10 2010
Shirley M

To the best of my knowledge, they don’t. I think if cyclist want to use the road like any other vehicle, they should have to register their bike and be accountable like everyone else.

13 10 2010
Pandabater

Did you know that Hitler never learned to ride a bike?

13 10 2010
Mick

No armour?

14 10 2010
Tom

Cyclists are accountable. Police can and do pull them over and fine them just like any other road user.

14 10 2010
Shirley M

Perhaps, but without a registration number, other road users can’t report them for dangerous behaviour.

15 10 2010
Tom

Yeah, and how many times have you ever reported a motorist’s number plate? The fact is, 99% of the time such a report will come down to a he says/she says situation, in which case the police can do nought.

Regardless, the fact that cars have number plates has done little to nothing to stop drivers routinely breaking the law, so to say that they are a deterrent is pretty much baseless. Also look at the comparative danger of having a couple of kilos of metal or carbon, as compared to more than a tonne of car.

There is dangerous behaviour and dangerous behaviour – and the accident statistics say that bikes aren’t really a danger to anyone but themselves.
According to TAC statistics, since 2006 in Melbourne 1 pedestrian has been killed in an incident with a cyclist. Cycling is up there with lightning strikes as a risk to the community at large. Hence you will see why there is no particular rush from governments to address the cycling ‘menace’. By the way, that rider was caught and fined for the incident.

15 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Tom, kudos my man. Well put.

15 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I fully agree with cyclists being accountable to road rules.

15 10 2010
chris

I have always found that being compliant with road rules, rather than being a nerdy Dudley-do-right thing, is the best way to stay out of hospital. Some bikers are just their own worst enemy; on a few occasions I’ve chased guys down who have run red lights and given them an earful. Makes for good interval training

15 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Exactly, you can’t blame the car if you run red lights, sneak up the inside of left turn lanes etc. Assume the driver has not seen you and will not give you space and you will be safe.

14 10 2010
Tom

I’m a member of Bicycle NSW, they give 3rd party insurance as a part of membership.

15 05 2015
powerlounge

Anybody who is a paid member of a cycling club has third party insurance as well through Cycling Australia.

13 10 2010
chris

You’ve forgotten busted-arse Gemini/Hyundai etc with the P plates on the back. The “Mum’s Taxi’ sticker scraped off the back window and replaced with some oversized surf label or Metal Mulishia crap. Chock full of adolescent boys pressed up against each other… and they have the nerve to yell “fag” at me… wtf is that all about?

13 10 2010
lol-plates

Bet you they don’t even know that Metal Militia is a Metallica song. Probably don’t even race in MX either…

13 10 2010
SD

“And his freshly-shaven, pulsating thighs”

Does this mean an entry on homophobic bogans loving the (brazilian) homoerotic is nigh?!

Shirley, I sympathise re the “I like” moronicity being forced on us. And the bra colour. And whatever is next.

13 10 2010
pb

we can come up with something for the next campaign. favourite tramp stamp? or maybe vajazzling decoration?

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Speaking of homoerotic, who’s seen that Musashi ad that’s kicking about at the moment?

13 10 2010
SD

Haven’t seen it yet.

I kind of don’t like parts of the homoerotic aesthetic though, the muscles creep me out (like the pic on today’s post).

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Here you go SD. Don’t thank me.

13 10 2010
Loftie

Punchline…

“If you wanna look as buff as this fag… drink Musashi”

13 10 2010
Sibyl Ince

“If you wanna look as buff as this fag… drink Musashi”

Or if you want to turn into a black man, apparently.

13 10 2010
vivisection

Yet the latest research shows that a glass of milk has a higher concentration of and more absorbable proteins for athletes and body builders. Guess it aint so tough to have a glass of milk after a workout.

13 10 2010
Mick

That’s only for hot curries.

13 10 2010
vivisection

Which are best eaten in a very hot bath with a bottle of gin.

13 10 2010
chris

What, like butter chicken?

13 10 2010
pb

i love the meaningful glances.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

By meaningful I’ll assume you mean precoital.

13 10 2010
pb

could there be any other meaning?

13 10 2010
Mick

The ‘freshly-shaven, pulsating thighs’ bit had me concerned for a second.

I thought I had inadvertently stumbled into a Harold Robbins novel

13 10 2010
SD

Thanks Shirl, at the moment the site is blocked so will see it later.

Ah Harold Robbins- 70s soft porn for the middle classes. Talking of which I finally picked up Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus, lots of pulsating on there – but she’s French so that’s OK.

13 10 2010
Benny Hill

Where do bicycle couriers fit into all this non sense? Surely they are seen as maxtreme?

13 10 2010
Loftie

Benny…

They’re not Maxtreme couriers unless they’re on a dirt bike (crusty demons style) delivering the ‘fragile’ package whilst doing a heel-clicker over the top of the delivery address…

That my friend – is maXtreme!!!!

13 10 2010
Benny Hill

True dat Loftie, but surely they’re living on the edge and considered maxtreme enough compared to lycra wearing, brazilian, anal bleaching road riders?

14 10 2010
FT

Loftie – that’s nothing. Yesterday in Melbourne, I spotted myself a truly maxtreme bicycle courier… actually, I lie. I saw a truly maxtreme UNIcycle courier! It was, without a doubt, the best thing I have ever seen.

13 10 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

Lance is a bogan frat-boy made good. His book (which is actually a very good read) gave me cancer of the neck because I was shaking it so often over what a bogan he is. Nevertheless, he was incredibly successful in one of the hardest competitions on the planet. If you want to win in your field, you could do worse than trying to emulate this guys performance. Just leave the EPO at home.

13 10 2010
Pendant

I should note that anyone who wears Lycra which is plastered with sponsors and isn’t being paid by said sponsors is in fact quite bogan.

13 10 2010
hel

This is because the bogan is a moron, and lives in a state of endless adolescence where jokes about testicles, no matter how cancerous, are always funny.

Fantastic

13 10 2010
Lord Charos

Enslave the Bogans!

13 10 2010
Mick

That’s what they did on the Planet of the Apes. Well, until Charlton kicked some arse. Don’t mess with Charlton.

A very interesting documentary. You should watch it some day.

13 10 2010
Jaydyn

You pry our Ed Hardy from my cold dead hands!

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Trouble is, it would be much the same as the Spartans enslavement of the helots. We would be considerably outnumbered and as a result be in constant fear on an uprising.

13 10 2010
Pendant

I’m pretty sure if no-one in marketing told them to rise up they wouldn’t be able to think of that themselves.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

I fear they would be able to use their collective knowledge of crap movies such as Braveheart to draw inspiration from.

13 10 2010
Mick

Braveheart was a historical document for the bogan.

They only draw inspiration from Weekend At Bernies and Police Acadamy 9: Massive Cans Unit.

13 10 2010
SD

Pendant is a hyphen in no-one allowable?

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Ooooh. I’d say that a hyphen in ‘no one’ may be acceptable these days, but anyone who has pendantry as a hobby should know better.

13 10 2010
TheBattlersPrince

So, in short, the 80s was the pinnacle of Bogan thinking?

13 10 2010
Mick

Well, that’s my knowledge of boganity…In the 80’s I was world’s best practice bogan.

13 10 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Scratch that, Bogans don’t think anymore, if they did at all in the first place; they’ve got wonderful items that do all the hard thinking for them these days. I believe these include tax agents, lawyers and AM radio hosts…

13 10 2010
Shirley M

I don’t think I can agree with this. By your logic, Gladiator is also an historic document, but there is at least one recorded instance of a baby Maximus, and I’d be willing to bet that little tyke isn’t unique.

13 10 2010
Mick

Maximus wasn’t from some dodgy growth hormone product that the bogan picked up at the gym?

13 10 2010
chris

Prolly more than a few little Maximuses (Maximi?) squeezed out at some of the public bogan spawning grounds around 9 or 10 months after Gladiator hit the megaplex cinemas.

13 10 2010
Shirley M

Maxipods?

13 10 2010
chris

Maxxipods. Spelling, please.

13 10 2010
James Hunter

surely maximi are the sporne of maximus the son of the general publius who fought in the pubic wars

13 10 2010
Benny Hill
13 10 2010
TheBattlersPrince

And that is why he is Chief Scout…

13 10 2010
Mr Hands

“Our Sally” Pearson not only has a tongue stud but she also has a tramp stamp.

13 10 2010
vivisection

I suspect she has an Olympic Ring tramp stamp? Is she just warning the punters to expect something world class?

13 10 2010
pb

that, or the abc logo.

13 10 2010
Loftie

Is that so if you’re a bogue – and your ploughing her from behind… you’re to be impressed???

I’d say most bogans wouldn’t know what it was – and would probably assume its a 6pack holder for VB cans that was missing a loop!!!

13 10 2010
Bag O'Turnips

The sporto-jockos might actually know what the Olympic rings are.

However, that will not prevent them from attempting to paint over that tramp stamp with their own comely version, or if really adolescent or insanely kinky, revert to their childhood and perform the Olympic pissrings, which gives a new meaning to watersports.

13 10 2010
vivisection

It could be the top knuckles of a fist – perhaps she is leaving instruction drawings Ikea style.

13 10 2010
Pandabater

Does it have wings?

13 10 2010
stamp

tramp

13 10 2010
pb

i saw something awful at the town hall train station a few hours ago – two femmebogues decked out in zumba gear. their pants were an incredibly painful shade of fluorescent lime green.

13 10 2010
Loftie

Its to make them easier to avoid when they step out in front of your car from the kerb with their i-pods jammed in their ears!!!

13 10 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Avoid? To quote Worf from Star Trek: First Contact…PREPARE FOR RAMMING SPEED!

14 10 2010
Brimstone

iPod
not i-pod
or Ipod
or I Pod

iPod

13 10 2010
Pandabater

Fellow TBLERS,
It’s time for “Ethical Dilemma of the Week”
A work colleague is going to Fiji this week for a friends wedding which is costing her & her partner approx. $3000.00 for the week.

Her question is, am I expected to give a present/money after laying out 3 large just to go to the wedding? Is their attendance enough?

I say, No Present (but then again there is no way I would attend in the 1st place).

13 10 2010
Shirley M

No present. If people want to have their wedding in some place where every single attendee has to travel and pay for accommodation then they forfeit present rights.

13 10 2010
Loftie

Honestly i’ve never even understood this concept at all???

Why can’t you just get married somewhere closer to where you actually live your everyday life???

I mean – the bogue is only gonna cheat on his wife anyways… and have to go thru the perils of divorce within 3-5 years…

why spend the money??

You could easily go to kuta, drink some bintang, and bring home a few STDs for way less than $3,000…

and no doubt – you’ll have beads in your hair…

13 10 2010
Shirley M

I’m not really the getting married type, but I have considered getting married somewhere like Thailand, taking 2 – 4 close friends, paying their way and just living it up for a week or so. Probably would cost less than the whole traditional wedding / gigantic reception deal.

13 10 2010
vivisection

Screw them, who needs presents anyway? Are they 18 years old and moving out of their parents houses to set up a life of their own? If they are, they should get married closer to home and have a BBQ receptions so they can afford to set up their own house. If not they can f#ck off.

13 10 2010
Pendant

I’m getting married (at 22-23) sometime in the next few years and can’t for the life of me figure out why people want to give us presents. My fiancée and I certainly don’t have much stuff, but nor do we want much. Apparently this blows people’s minds. I’m thinking we should elope. Dealing with the wedding culture of Australia has been a terrible experience since jump street.

15 10 2010
Bec

As a soon-to-wed, can I also voice my displeasure at this? I’ve been to enough weddings over the last few years with grabby, gimme registry lists (some with gaming consoles and clothing requests), others with wishing wells and those tacky fucking poems… Why are people deluded into thinking weddings are cost-retrieval exercises? If you can’t finance a glitzy wedding yourself without depending on expensive gifts, don’t have one.

13 10 2010
Pendant

Anyone else catch Mediawatch on Monday? (if not go to http://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/video/ to catch up) I always knew TT and ACA were interchangeable (a point well made by TBL) but running the exact same rubbish stories on the same night seems almost conspiratorial.

13 10 2010
Pandabater

I live in The Illawarra so I am lucky enough to get TT/ACA one after the other & they have the same stories more often than not. What they find difficult is having to take sides as they cannot possiby be seen to agree with each other.

13 10 2010
urbanreverie

And ….. in late-breaking Ed Hardy news:

The Ed Hardy shop on Edward St in Brisbane has now closed. There is a “for lease” sign in the main window. However, the shop is not empty; it is now temporarily used as a clearance outlet for upmarket/preppy and decidedly unbogan menswear. When your intrepid Mr Reverie passed the shop on his way home yesterday afternoon, the Ed Hardy under-awning sign, window decals and inlaid tattoos on the floor were all still in situ. There were also plenty of customers, mostly middle-aged stuffed suits (probably half-cut after spending a boozy afternoon in the nearby Tattersall’s Club).

Would anyone else here be able to let us know what’s happening at your nearest Ex Hardy shop?

13 10 2010
Robbie

for fear of being of being scorned by my patriotic bogan peers TBL, I suggest the ‘heroic’ efforts of Sally Pearson may make a great TBL post??

13 10 2010
Phil

Off topic, but irresistible:

PARTS of Brisbane are set to flood tomorrow regardless of whether it rains or not, because the controlled water released from Wivenhoe Dam will combine with a peak tide.

Residents of inner city suburbs have been urged not to park their cars on at-risk streets as authorities fear parts of the city will be inundated as water released from Wivenhoe Dam combines with a high tide.

Residents are advised not to park on the following streets from tomorrow until further notice:

Albion: Bogan Street, Immarna Street, Collingwood Street, Fox Street and Elliott Street

13 10 2010
siredward

What the hell is a car-worshipping bogan meant to do in response to a flood warning like that – there will be mass panic, as they collectively try to identify higher territory in Brisbane where they can leave their beloved vehicles. Imagine the recriminations against bloody government officials if any bogan vehicles are lost, or even if the duco is slightly damaged. They’ll blame the Bureau of Meteorology, and demand that it be privatised (at the urging of the gutter press).

14 10 2010
Mick

The outrage is already there. I’ve been reading the comments on the news/bogan Ltd site for my morning laugh. These people vote.

Is it to early to open a bottle of red?

14 10 2010
Phil

From today’s comments:

I think some of the SEQ water board members must live in Bogan Street, Albion!!

16 10 2010
Edward

Bogan, Fox and Collingwood, it’s like a grand conjunction. Bravo

15 10 2010
Bogan In Laws

There was a femmbogue on our train last night who must live in the wastelands beyond Ipswich, which means that the last leg of her journey would be made by car.

She had received a text message which prompted her to huff, sigh and groan rather loudly, “FAAAAHHK”

She then rang someone and relayed the contents of the message thusly “Yeah, it’s me. Yeah, mum’s just texted me that the F*KKIN Warrego highway is closed. Yeah, it means I have to go the back way through Walloon. Nah, she didn’t say. Probly some F*CKIN truck rollover. Yeah, closed at Minden. If it’s cuz a the Wivenhoe Dam, some F*CKER should get the F*CKIN SH*T kicked out of them.”

This conversation was repeated 3 time in total – twice to friends, and one to whatever poor soul was partnered with this hambeast.

13 10 2010
CoffeeSnob

For years I have been comfortable with the fact that Lance is the only cyclist that the bogan is willingly admit to knowing they exist. However with a bit of heavy coverage of late in cycling, the World Championships in Geelong, the domination at the Grand Australian Sports Meet with invited foreign guests (Commonwealth Games) I have overheard bogans discussing aspect of say, Cameron Meyer’s win in the points race. “Man that skinny little f**ker went round those other poofs 3 times!”

This has left me feeling… uncomfortable. And dirty. Is this normal?

14 10 2010
chris

Prolly the same dopey pond scum who run bikers off the road the rest of the year.
The Adelaide Bogan had a kind of affinity with Our Stewie a few years back. Mostly when he made it onto the back page of The Terroriser. But they just couldn’t understand how that, if he could jag one stage of the Tour de France, why couldn’t he win the whole thing?

15 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Contact with bogans will do that. Having to listen to them discuss something they know f*ck all about will also do it. Bogans need to keep their greasy mits off our sport huh.

13 10 2010
MIck Thick

“the hard-training and obsessively determined physiological freaks who make up the sporting elite’

So, so true. How do elite swimmers spend so much time following a black line and not go psycho?

14 10 2010
Ben carr

I’ve always thought the thoughtless ownership and emcumberance of a car in a built up city was incredibly bogan.
-it makes them fat and lazy
-it makes them indebted
-it makes them stupid (practiced semi awareness while in jams lights etc)
-it makes them reliant (broke indebted)
-it makes them maliable (copious amounts of car adds)
-it makes them time poor (even more maliable)
-it makes them pollute destroy maim andOr kill
-it makes them guilty and angry (because they pollute destroy kill)
-it makes them a burden on all other citizens (excess tax, space, services, wars, infastructure and environments quality they monopolize)
These are some of the important ingrediants required in the expensive training known as the ‘way of the bogan’. Car ownership in congested citys provides this training in a painless hassle free way in which the car owner will master bogan techniques without even realizing what it has become.

Proper and thoughtful use of a vehcles full capabilities will undo any boganity absorbed through the improper use of a large vehcle in a congested city.
Ie putting the 5 seats, 10m2 space, and all the unreplaceable kw to some sought of use other than one or two bogans life cut short by heart disease whiplash or blunt trauma
.

14 10 2010
James Hunter

Ben,
You take the piss quite well. good thing you are not serious

14 10 2010
chris

Look on the bright side, Ben. It’s natural selection hard at work.

14 10 2010
Ben carr

James I have varying levels of seriousness. Depending on the amount of times sideswiped, engine revved, horn blasted, pollution flem’s been coughed up. Vs lifts in a car when I’m injured or trying to move some big piece of furniture or long enjoyable road trips.

14 10 2010
Ben carr

Chris bogans like to take revenge on natural selection by having an ‘accident’ to randomly kill of things which arn’t it:-pedestrians, cyclists, pets and other random creatures.
In bogan terms an ‘accident’ means they were less hard than my car and therfore at fault. A ‘crash’ means a bogan hit something equally as hard as it’s car and is impressed enough to descibe it as an action sound. The hardest crasher wins which means the bogan begins to entertain desires of 4wd ownership to move it’s poor unhealthy body from a-b.
Bogans also disturb natural selection with their patriotic excitement. Encouraged and driven by the bogan excitement their leaders go to war in far away countrys whilst searching for oil to sate the bogans mewling cries for it.

14 10 2010
Loftie

Wow. that was deep…

14 10 2010
pb

off topic, but important – bogue forces lara bingle and kyle sandilands uniting: http://tinyurl.com/29yjh7z

14 10 2010
SD

http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel-news/our-beauty-is-only-skin-deep-20101013-16k44.html?autostart=1

Does that confirm this report then? Or is calling Lara+Kyle attractive an oxymoron of sorts?

14 10 2010
SD

I can’t seem to post that link that found that Australia was perceived as the dumb blonde of nations.

Now I know why.

14 10 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Wasn’t that article in this morning’s Age?

Haven’t checked their website for it, though…

14 10 2010
SD

I think Mick just posted it on another thread.

14 10 2010
common man

Tbl? Great context,but the inclusion of the wristband was and thereafter snzzz

16 10 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

I’m sorry if this is redundant, but my present locale has apparently the world’s thinnest and most tenuous intertubes, so I haven’t read all the comments.
I will take issue with TBL for the first time ever.
Cyclists are Bogues.
Not because they are a road menace and not because their Lance Armstrong Fantasy Outfits are gay.
It is because they are wearing Lance Armstrong Fantasy Outfits in the first place. I do understand why competitive cyclists wear the kit they do, but I do NOT believe all the tossers I see in this kit are competitive cyclists. Wankers.
Let’s be honest, in the field of sporting endeavour cycling is possibly more lame than soccer. Children do it. Free range armpitted feral chicks do it. I did it for my high school carreer for 15 kilometres each way to maroochydore state high school. It’s not difficult. And the kiddies, the feral chicks and I all do/did it without the beneit of lycra and corporate “sponsorship” (Meet a schmuck who pays for the privelage of giving away free advertising). Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for getting a bit of exercise, but tell me what’s the difference between this get up and a spiderman suit? And let’s face it – if you’re not actually on the velodrome, or actually in the tour, wouldn’t a little extra wind resistance be a sort of bonus? Like resistance training? Boxing in heavier gloves? Running on sand?
No.
It’s a fantasy.
Sure, keep it up Tubby but get real and lose the Lycra, we can see your paunch.
Ostentation. Branding. Fantasy.
Bogan.

17 10 2010
chris

Sorry, Chub but that is BS on so many counts I don’t know where to begin. Maybe I’ll get back to you when I’m sober; maybe I won’t. In the meantime, save me the effort and just call yourself an idiot.

18 10 2010
Dougless

Amen

20 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chubby,

Bold, impassioned, wrong.

Why do cyclists inspire hate? I actually used to hold a similar attitude until buggered knees meant I needed to find a new way to cause myself physical pain via exercise, which my body seems to crave. I think the great thing is that anyone can have a go you don’t need to be a no neck behemoth or have exquisite skills. I do some competitive stuff and you see people 70 years old still competing.

As the plonkers in z grade rugby will wear a team ruby jumper to training so do cyclists wear appropriate clothing for their pursuit. The brighter the better because then occasionally cars might see you and go around instead of through you. And you need comfort. Anything slightly floppy causes chaffing, annoyance etc so the lycra, whilst not a good look, is the only thing to wear if you are doing more than going to the shop.

Ok some cyclists are wankers with $15,000 bikes that just go to the local cafe but the vast majority are great people and not bogue at all.

So Chubs my friend, that is why, on this occasion, you are wrong.

19 10 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

hey sure
I’m an idiot.
maybe I’ll buy a lycra idiot suit.
but I thought it was a reasoned argument. why do you need a special outfit just to ride your pushie to work?

15 05 2015
powerlounge

If you’re riding 20mins each way, there’s no need. Spend 3 or 4 hours at a time on your bike it’s a different story. Do that in a pair of boardshorts and you won’t be walking for a day or two.

19 10 2010
brad

i had to ride mine for 3 years-i was an idiot(loss of drivers license) i didnt need no lycra to feel like a bigger idiot,dunlop volleys and khaki shorts were just fine.

20 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Yeah….come to think of it, this entry smacks of veracity! They love Lance. But hate lycra-clad yclists.

20 10 2010
Wot, Kunt?

Um, “cyclists”.

10 12 2010
Sofa Arm

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8 01 2011
chris

And here we are: another January rolls around and the poor, long-suffering inhabitants of the rust-belt state have to endure endless press pics of our Dear Leader, Mike Rann dry-humping LA’s leg.

3 11 2012
Carlos the Jackal

After recent revelations from USADA, I’ll bet Media Mike is feeling a bit dirty about all that leg-humping…

26 08 2012
Dedicate Servers

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6 08 2013
http://cameremote.tumblr.com/

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