#161 – The Brisbane Broncos

28 07 2010

On July 3, 2009, the male bogan was happily ensconced on its interest free couch, watching the Broncos v Warriors game on the plasma, and nursing a beer. “Baaaaaybe?”, came a voice from 6 rooms away in the kitchen of the McMansion. The bogan continued to watch the game, and barked at Israel Folau’s fumble of the ball. “BAAAAAAAYBE?”, came the voice again. At the next commercial break, the male bogan responded. “Hey?”

“We need to talk babe”, declared the female bogan, knowing full well that the game was still underway at Suncorp Stadium. While the male bogan didn’t know this, its partner had been on the same interest free couch the previous evening, watching A Current Affair. The female hadn’t slept well that night. Irritated at being pulled away from the plasma, the male trudged through the study, then through the formal dining room, then the lounge, then the library, then the meals room, eventually joining the female at the kitchen table. “What?”

“Babe, I’ve been thinking. I want to start a family. I was wa…”  The male cut her off, fear in his eyes. “WHAT?!?” The female bogan yelled back, demanding to be allowed to continue. “As I bloody said, I was watching A Current Affair last night.” “So?”, replied the male, aware that the commercial break back in the rumpus room (a four minute walk away) would be ending within the next few seconds. “Well, as of two days ago, the baby bonus is worth like a grand more than it was a while back”.

The male bogan’s face softened. In its private moments, it had often thought to itself that it might like to be a father one day. It wasn’t entirely happy with the size of its plasma screen, and it paused to consider whether it would finally be able to convince the female of the need to upgrade it to a 3D behemoth. But that conversation would have to wait. “Oh babe”, it gushed, leaning forward to embrace the female bogan. They remained in each other’s arms for what seemed like an eternity. “What do you think of Tyarnee?”, asked the female politely. “Nah, it’ll be a little bloke… “Tysenn”. Not even differences of opinion like this could come between them now.

Later that evening, the bogan male went to buy two bottles of Moet to celebrate with, and the pair of them discussed extending the McMansion to include a nursery, a kids’ rumpus, and a cubby house with an Xbox and plasma. “Oh I can’t wait to use the baby bonus to shop for Armani Junior!”, enthused the female bogan. “Do they make Broncos jerseys?”, its partner enquired.


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215 responses

28 07 2010
Stu Man Chai Latte

When did Fiona stop leaving the first post?

28 07 2010
pb

maybe she’s asleep.

28 07 2010
James Hunter

I hope Fi did not read the article and then ring for the butler !!

28 07 2010
Sten

A while ago, perhaps the novelty of being the novelty has worn off.

28 07 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse.

LOL. I had a late breakfast and then swam in the indoor pool, so was a tad late today.

28 07 2010
Sten

BANG!

28 07 2010
Sten

That was meant to say:

{Plants .44 against temple}

BANG!

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Bogans make the conscious decision to have babies? I don’t know about that, TBL.

28 07 2010
urbanreverie

“Ah thought you were aaahn the pee-yil!” (Idiocracy)

28 07 2010
miss dahl

The pill doesn’t seem to work for these people …

28 07 2010
Bec

Who do you think buys into that hokey “mums and dads of Australia” bullshit?

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I just don’t buy into the above exchange.

28 07 2010
vivisection

This is a good article from the age last week on the issue:

http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/politics/lament-from-a-childless-voter-20100723-10nz9.html

28 07 2010
martin

Mostly. It’s the closest they’ll ever get to being a mature, well-rounded adult by being a self-important, conceited parent. The 4WD and the 4WD pram is all that’s needed to exacerbate it.

28 07 2010
TheMon

The dumber they are, the younger they breed. As Shani-elle says: I am a woman, with a vagina & it must be used to breed & breed.

28 07 2010
Sten

Ha!

I’d really be laughing if it wasn’t so goddamn sad.

28 07 2010
miss dahl

Well, that bogan exchange of thoughts (!?) may be better than that witnessed by myself and another person on the North Shore Line train one morning. Sitting in the foyer area of the carriage was a male and female, she pregnant, and both sky-high …

28 07 2010
Mick

Where do they get room to extend their McMansion? It already takes up every square inch of land.

Surely they go out and buy a bigger and better one. Little Tys-enn deserves it.

28 07 2010
James Hunter

Mick,
Maybe they think(sic) they are doing their bit for the environment You Know. Maximising the use of existing infrastructure. ?

28 07 2010
Mick

The only thing the bogue appreciates about the environment is that it gives them somewhere convenient to put their empty VB cans.

28 07 2010
Mick

3D tv. In the Courier Mail a couple of weekends ago was a story about the uptake of this new technology. It would seem the bogan has embraced them going by the number of complaints about poor coverage in the Brisbane area.

Yep, they all raced out and spent a packet on a new bright, glowing thing for the corner of their home cinema room. Even though the broadcasts were temporary test transmissions the bogue felt it’s right to complain was justified yet again.

Plus the bogue gets a chance to remind everybdy it knows that it has a new bright, glowing thing.

28 07 2010
vivisection

And then they find out that the only available dvd in 3D format is “Raining with a Chance of Meatballs”(or whatever it is called) and they ring DVD stores and abuse the staff. Mr Viv is a JB Dvd buyer and has copped all manner of shit from dumb bogans who think its his fault that DVDs haven’t been released yet.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

On the topic of jerseys for newborns, let me share this with you:

28 07 2010
vivisection

Why, for the love of God, why? I hope Baby Blake grows up and becomes a tranny. It would be preferable.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I agree.

28 07 2010
Benny Hill

Personally I think it’s a harmless bit of fun. Who really cares. This one takes the cake;

http://www.haaretz.com/jewish-world/news/in-pictures-danish-artist-dresses-her-baby-as-hitler-exploring-the-meaning-of-evil-1.264853

28 07 2010
vivisection

That doesn’t offend me anywhere near as much as dressing it as a footballer.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I’m with you there, Viv. He was barely out of the womb, ffs!

28 07 2010
Benny Hill

Yes, it’s really affecting him isn’t it.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

My issue with it is daddy’s attitude that he’s got himself a little footy loving pal. Let’s let the poor little blighter hold his own head up first, shall we?

28 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Shirley

HERE HERE. A lot of CUB/NaB parents are so busy “grooming” their children that it’s no wonder that these kids are emotionally retarded.

Seriously, first you name the kid Maxxxreme Maxxximus so he has to deal with being that, then before the poor kid has a chance to fart for the first time were pushing him into football, then it will be commodore/ford cars and it goes on and on.

I find this phenomenon also amongst some “older mothers” too, Flash Card Kids I call them. I feel for some of these women, they have stellar corporate careers or high end whatever, and now they have shit up their elbows. Must be very confronting.

Whatever happened to sitting on the floor with your bubba and playing blocks or trains or whatever. Why does everything have to be f@cking branded?

29 07 2010
Benny Hill

Bah, get over yourselves. Who gives a flying if he sits around in a footy t-shirt. They only chuck on them anyway.

29 07 2010
vivisection

But I like to be Outraged !!

28 07 2010
reparty

Nothing like the Forest Lake Broncos Fans with the obligatory Broncos/State of Origin stickers plastered all over the family Commodore. One can also insert Mighty Camry Crows or Gold Coast Titans. I miss the days when it was Seven News and SAFM Rocks Tea Tree Gully adorning the vehicle.

28 07 2010
Benny Hill

This entry is way too obvious. This is often joked about by bogans themselves and has been commented on socially since the baby bonus was available.

The thing is the baby bonus is paid in installments, this I know as we just dropped our own little Benjamin Button. What this means is they can still buy the TV now using 120 months interest free safe in the knowledge that by the time the baby is born and the payments start filtering their way through, they can start the repayment process. Heaven forbid they wait 9 months for the new telly. “I want it know Shaylene!!”

Oh and BTW, our baby bonus is being used on the baby, it needs a holiday.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I received the baby bonus in one lump sum. We had a choice. If you were under a certain age instalments were mandatory. That was some 3 years ago, though.

28 07 2010
miss dahl

Would any of them ever think beyond their own material wants: like investing the money for the kid’s education?

28 07 2010
vivisection

Maybe it should be offered upon completion of mandatory parenting classes.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

That wouldn’t be fair to the non bogan parents.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Surely all parents could learn something? As it is often said, children don’t come with a handbook and even the best intentioned parents have bad days. In my opinion, if you want 3 grand from my taxes, go to a few classes and learn what to expect, what is acceptable and what to do if you cant cope. Even non-bogans get Post Natal Depression and mandatory classes might help identify and help these.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

What do you suggest the lessons comprise of? There’s already antenatal classes, and from my experience of this, most of what was taught was completely useless. Of all the classes, the only one that contained information that was useful to me was the breastfeeding class.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Given that most “bad parenting behaviour” moments stem from high anxiety, perhaps information that dispels the myths of the perfect baby (eats everything, sleeps like an angel, barely shits etc) would be a start. Information on stress management strategies for parents (for when baby is screaming its lungs out for the third night in a row), information on nutrition and growth development, info on when to seek medical attention, balanced info on vaccination choices, info on birth control if more children aren’t wanted yet. And info on mental health awareness for parents and siblings. Would be a good start. Yes , to some people the info may be useless, but for others it might mean the difference of shaking their crying baby to death in the middle of Dr Phil. I think 3 classes of an hour or so each isn’t to much of an inconvenience for 3 grand.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

That’s all pretty much covered in either antenatal classes or by hospital staff before you are allowed to go home with the baby.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Then maybe it needs to be beaten into them as well.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Get me a bag of oranges.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

It wouldn’t matter if there were 100 hours of compulsory parenting classes. The information largely does not translate to the reality of having a baby. For example, at one antenatal class, they played a tape of a screaming baby, then gave the fellas a doll each and made them undress and redress the doll, while dealing with the awful screaming. Then we all sat around talking about how it made us feel.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Maybe that’s just bad training? If people willingly go to these classes, it shows a willingness to gain new information. Surely the curriculum can be changed and the programmes re-developed to make them relevant. Just because the existing fail, it doesn’t mean it can’t be changed into something worthwhile.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

As I said, some of it is useful. Perhaps the stupid dressing the doll exercise made an impact on some. Me and my partner thought it was ridiculous. But there’s plenty of information given to you on resources that you may find useful once the baby arrives. After my son was born, I visited a community infant nurse/midwife every week which I found helpful and reassuring. I really don’t think you can prepare people for how to cope with a screaming child and so on. Some people will cope, some people wont. Some people will think it’s a priority to teach their child manners and respect, others will think it’s a priority to teach them football. That’s just the way it goes.

28 07 2010
Benny Hill

They do have that, well sorta. After our first the missus used to go to weekly meetings held by nurses whereby they could ask questions, get feedback from other parents about issues they’ve had and receive general idea’s and information to help as it is difficult with the first knowing exactly what is right and what is not i.e. how much food should it take etc.

28 07 2010
vivisection

And i would expect that most rational, well intentioned parents would attend these. It’s the one’s who say” f#ck that, i’ll call it Breeiarhna and hope for the best” are the one’s who don’t attend and raise little turds who will inevitably fill our jouvie centres with delinquents and landfills with excess baby bonus plasmas.

28 07 2010
Benny Hill

There in lies the problem I guess. Maybe these courses need to be compulsory and signed off by a nurse prior to any bonus being handed out, or if attended you get free nappies or similar.

On a side note, and maybe I haven’t noticed in the past because I’m too busy trying not to drown however at swimming, parents bring their little bundles down with the most hideous of hair do’s. The Kiwi’s are the worst with little Israel or FuiFui decked out in a Titans Guernsey with Mohawks or a rat tail, most of the time with both. My little blonde haired Aryan skin head kid looks at them like WTF.

28 07 2010
vivisection

And nothing says classy like a toddler with an earring, a rats tail and a thirty year old granny with a nose ring.

28 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

Vivi

I totally agree with you. It may even reduce child abuse.

Can you run for PM please…I need someone to vote for!

28 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

When I had my first baby 10 (gulp) years ago, there was no baby bonus. For my second child I got a MASSIVE $800.

When I had my third, 2 years ago I got a lump sum paid and then invested half into an investment fund thing and the other half went on bills. I remember asking FAO if I could be back paid for my 10 year old. Apparently the answer is no. HAHAHAHA

28 07 2010
Benny Hill

With our first child we received it in one lump sum, same 3 years ago however with our newest (2 months old) we were given no choice but to receive them in installments, we are mid-30’s. The first one came in handy as the Stratco Patio’s needed to be paid for pronto.

28 07 2010
the trav

as above, fornightly installments, only if they were monthly and could coniside with my Hardley Normal payments.

28 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Benny

I don’t think you get an option any more. Moron’s ruin it for everyone.

28 07 2010
the trav

moreso today tonight/ACA ruined it for everyone by bleeting that every 15 year old in the country is trying to get pregnet to get $3000.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Yeah, because it just makes so much sense that people would do that.

28 07 2010
miss dahl

Well, not all fifteen year olds, but a reasonable number might see it as a choice / chance for a cool $3000. Then, there are the consequences of said decision, but, of course, they’re just kids and far too young to consider anything like a consequence of their actions …

29 07 2010
AntiPajero

Is there such a thing as a ‘reasonable’ number for this type of thing..? 🙂

You make a good point, though.

29 07 2010
miss dahl

Really can’t tell you what the number is. Once these people get the bonus for the baby, they will live on with their single parent pension. Before anyone jumps down my throat about my opinion, I will add that these people also do not stop at one child, they produce more and not always with the same father, hence my point being they are not in any long term relationship. It is the easy option because it doesn’t take a great stretch of skill or imagination to keep getting pregnant, then being subsidised by the government through bonuses and pensions. In other words, give’em a reason to keep paying you. It’s much easier than getting HECS and going to university where one actually has to work for a degree, or indeed to get a job where you have to put in the hard yards. Aside from people with ACTUAL disabilities or old age, where the disadvantage is not of one’s own making, I firmly believe that government handouts are just a soft option to buy votes, placate the boganic hordes and this ultimately feeds their inherent laziness and perpetual greed.

29 07 2010
Shirley M

Sounds like someone’s been watching too much TT/ACA to me.

29 07 2010
miss dahl

I do not watch those crappy shows because they are sensationalist rubbish. The “journalists” are the weather girls they couldn’t use and their success is solely dependent on the amount indignation they can stir up amongst persons of not very high IQ. No, Shirley M, my opinion stems purely from what I have witnessed first hand over the years.

29 07 2010
Shirley M

The amount of people who would think the best and easiest way to make money is to have babies would be so miniscule it hardly bears mentioning. Sure, there are people out there who are too stupid not to have babies, but to say that they do it for the money is a huge stretch and assumption at best. People such as this have existed long before baby bonuses and welfare payments. Indeed, they exist in greater numbers than they do here in countries like the US, where the welfare is nowhere near as ‘generous’ as it is here.

28 07 2010
betterthantheoriginalwally

Brisbane Broncos Baby Bonus Bogan Blather.

Was all this alliteration deliberate or necessary?

The Camry Crows and West Coast Eagles are massive Bogan sanctuaries. Massive. Even in my most Zen moments, I cant sit calmly amongst these groups anymore.

28 07 2010
martin

Looks like Gillard has nailed the femmebogue vote by appearing in a femmebogue mag. Haha.

http://www.news.com.au/features/federal-election/gillard-gets-personal-in-womens-weekly-free-kick/story-e6frfllr-1225897844728

28 07 2010
James Hunter

Martin,
If they were only a bit more known the “Australian Sex Party” could rake in bogan votes although they may make a bit too much sense. At least they had the sense to knock back a preferance deal from “Family First (Religitards) Party”

28 07 2010
martin

Haha. That guy from Family First literally believes in creationism.

There must be a lot of middle aged men walking around wearing glasses looking intelligent and respectable but are really complete f$cktards. It sh!ts me that people who have bad eyesight get to be more intelligent. They should be glassed.

28 07 2010
Jubm

The cunts should be glassed with their own glasses.

28 07 2010
martin

Lol. Conroy is another. Losers.

http://www.watoday.com.au/technology/conroy-backtracks-on-internet-censorship-policy-20090401-9j3v.html

I think I’m going to become prejudiced towards people who wear glasses. Yep. That’s it. Starting….now.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I believe Pol Pot used to have anyone wearing glasses executed. Please don’t go that far with your prejudice, Martin.

28 07 2010
martin

No. But I shall remain suspicious. Particularly of clean cut waspy middle aged glasses wearers.

Not all of them are bad such as Moss from the IT crowd.

But just look at the way Conroy is “adjusting” his glasses, it’s irritating and pretentious.

28 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ martin

😕

29 07 2010
martin

Sorry Pinky I was in a funny mood yesterday.

28 07 2010
miss dahl

Yes, but one must always be wary of the one-issue zealots …

28 07 2010
vivisection

That’s right, I wear glasses and am all good. People with Bifocals on the other hand -short and long sighted – pick an issue people. Sneaky and indecisive b*stards

28 07 2010
Willy

http://www.news.com.au/features/federal-election/gillard-gets-personal-in-womens-weekly-free-kick/story-e6frfllr-1225897844728

Wow, photoshopped much? She is barely recognisable… and looks kinda hot, for a ranga at least, and dare I say almost rootable. Almost.

29 07 2010
the trav

i was on the H-Sun web site yesterday, for the AFL content, and on the front pages was a big banner “In-Depth Election Coverage” in big bold lettering and fancy graphics, and under it was a link to , and picture of the woman weekly article on Jooooolia. I just shook my head, and wept for the furute of humanity.

28 07 2010
vivisection

It must be said that today’s photo comment is pure gold! Thanks TBL

28 07 2010
pb

oh look! there’ll soon be a place for little breiyhanhaa and teii-sern to play while mummy and daddy are busy doing more important things: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/pokies-pub-to-build-play-area-for-children-20100728-10uur.html

28 07 2010
the trav

I had the the unfortnunate pleasure of being in one of these kids play area/ nurseries when we had a family dinner at pokie pub, and the kidlets wanted to have play on the slides etc, knowing that there immunisations were up-to-date didnt see the harm. my kids are not perfect and can be feral occationally but my kids were angels compared to some of the dirty, snotty sprogs that were in there.

28 07 2010
miss dahl

Just FYI: this new “baby bonus” as of Jan 1st, is open to everyone earning up to an income of $150k. Now, in my simple thought process (and let me know if I’m erring here) I would imagine anyone earning anything including $90k upwards, would have no problem with hiring some sort of help when and as required to assist with house / child duties. Why the handouts to them? Has welfare become the new Santa Claus?

28 07 2010
Shirley M

At the moment, absolutely everyone who has a baby is eligible for the bonus. It’s not about welfare. It’s a bonus. And no, I wouldn’t imagine anyone earning over $90k can afford a nanny etc., or would necessarily want one.

28 07 2010
brad

It is a joke the short sighted handouts of the previous goverment and this one make you wonder if the money could have been put toward a better use such as making child care/occasional care/creche public similar or even tied into our public primary/high school system,just a thought?

28 07 2010
martin

Are you serious? When a bog standard crusty old house in a middle class suburb an hour from the city in peak hour is $800k+ in Sydney $90k is barely above the poverty line.

“Rich” starts at $300k per year imo. Even then you’d probably have debt up ur arse and would want to pay it down asap.

28 07 2010
vivisection

I think Miss D’s point is that most people would feel OK about giving someone who earnt $40 K a year some money to have a child, yet if you were a single disability pensioner who worked part time and lived off $25 K a year, you’d be a little peeved to hear that your taxes were going to someone earning 90K a year while you struggled along.

28 07 2010
martin

Fair enough. The system is such a mess that I am peeved with everyone so it all sort of cancels out to me. For instance private schools getting a bazillion dollars a year and on the other hand bogans having children and paying no tax and or making money out of it.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Martin, some salt for the wounds, Optometrist bulk bill!

28 07 2010
martin

Can’t you get that laser thing done on yourself?

28 07 2010
vivisection

If i could get a baby bonus, i could afford it. I like wearing glasses, but do harbour a deep mistrust of anyone who buys the ones that go dark automatically, or have those paedophile clip on shades. Completely wrong.

28 07 2010
martin

I’d like to wear glasses too. I’m jealous.

28 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Vivi

I love my transitions, but I don’t have the ones that are approved by the anti cancer council. Eww But dark enough that I don’t have to squint.

I have been wearing glasses since I was 12. You can tell the era of many childhood photo’s by the lush goggles I’m wearing. 😉

I also wear tri-focals, but I don’t have those horrid squares. eww

I can’t have lazer surgery, so it’s sucks to be my eyes. Some days I love my glasses other days I am annoyed by them.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Pinky, you can be the exception to my rules. Just no clip on shades please! I couldn’t arsed with the surgery, it costs a fortune, and usually has to be redone within 10 years. And a lot of chain places that do it cheaply are super dodgy and leave people with bad infections etc. Not worth the effort for me. I know a woman who had a newer procedure where they buff the cornea into a new shape and she claims it was freaky getting done but worth the effort – it is a technique developed by the US military and only recently made available. Again, i’ll let other guinea pig it first.

29 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

@ Vivi

I promise that I will NEVER wear clip-ons, and if I do you have the right to punish me. 😛

I’m not letting anyone “buff” my cornea. That sounds not only incredibly scary (I’m chicken sh!t by the way) but some what wrong. LOL

My transitions are a simple black square frame. I think I have been wearing glasses to long to go for “the latest in bogan bling” Bogan’s really do ruin everything.

29 07 2010
miss dahl

OK Vivi, tell us – why are Transitions lenses and Clip-Ons wrong? I’m in the market for new specs and I wanna know!

29 07 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Realy ! I have had transitions for ever (it seams) and it sure beats having the wrong pair of glasses all the time or having to carry a second set and changing them. I do have a pair of prescription browney orange sunnies that are polarizing . Keep them in the car cause transitions do not work in the car as glass cuts out the rays that activate the transition. just putting them on and off becomes a pain sometimes if your in a hurry.

29 07 2010
vivisection

I guess its a matter of personal taste. I have been struggling to put my distaste into words, so thought i would google transition sunglasses and found this blog which perfectly sums up my felings on the matter! Uncanny..

http://rebekahrogers.blogspot.com/2009_06_01_archive.html

And clipsons are just remind me of old men in miami

29 07 2010
vivisection

And i just noticed that this persons website has Dancing with the Stars as a favourite website link… and a friend called Zoseph. errr…

29 07 2010
vivisection

and check out these clip on flip shades!

http://puzzlingworld.blogspot.com/2006/09/flip-shades.html

29 07 2010
miss dahl

OK, those guys in the pictures creep me out, too. I found this site when I was checking out new specs – they call these clikons
http://www.domanieyewear.com/index.php/complete-collection/clikons.html

29 07 2010
vivisection

Better than the flip ups, but i couldn’t do it personally. At least the frames are decent. It all just reeks a bit of German tourist though – you know – beige utility vest, cargo pants – pocketknife, key chains and ready for anything……

28 07 2010
the trav

yeah right everyone who earns over $90k has nannies and butlers.

the baby bonues was introducted as Australia was not growing fat enought not enough people were having kids and at the current growth there would be more people living on the old age pension than those working.

28 07 2010
pb

the baby bonus was introduced burely as a vote buyer.

28 07 2010
vivisection

And that’s why we must cut immigration numbers. Rather than accept skilled migrants and desperate people from war torn countries, we should reward people for continuing to overpopulate a planet already on the verge of environmental collapse.

28 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

That seems to be the Australian way Vivi.

28 07 2010
vivisection

They should offer 3 grand to every family that takes in and supports a refugee or adopts a child from an orphanage first. Then if there is money left over, give it people who choose to have children.

28 07 2010
brad

Brilliant idea Viv,even better support an asuylm seeker-put up a bond for them too stay here,and if they by some chance commit any sought of misdemeaner you lose your bond -no worrys.

28 07 2010
miss dahl

I’m with the Viv on this one…

29 07 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Countries that want international food aid should only recieve it if they implement compullsory birth controll.
Im not talking about emergencies when there is a natural disaster of some kind but i am talking of the basket cases that have survived for decades on free food from the rest of the world.

29 07 2010
martin

+1. James. I think we need to look past eugenics, if you could even call it that, as some sort of really bad nazi thing. It’s just *not* breeding like crazy. On 60 minutes the other day they had a story about the Mexicans trying to get into the US and one of the girls who got caught was whining about how she had 6 kids. She only looked to be in her early to mid 20s. I mean come on! Mindless and inappropriate breeding isn’t just the domain of the bogan.

29 07 2010
James Hunter

Martin , What I was suggesting is NOT Eugenics. The people I was refering to were not bogans either.
I am talking about the unlimeted millions in countries that for generations survive only with continual foor aid. Something has to be done to stop it and it shouldnot be to simply make it so that there untold millions more each year . their society will bever develope with that kind of drain upon it.

29 07 2010
vivisection

Yes, but many of these countries have no aged care system or welfare systems and rely on having viable children to take care of them when they get older. They don’t have a Centrelink office to visit. Given how much food we waste and the amount of viable food we use as cattle feed, I think we need to reassess how we use our resources as much as how we distribute humanitarian aid.

29 07 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
sure but they never will so does the rest of the world take on an everincreasing burden?
Problems loom.
Not only are we at or close to peak oil but we are at or past peak point for some and approaching peak quickly for other raw materials.
Metals that feed our industries particularly hi tech electronis
like gold, silver, copper, platinium the standard catalyst , phosphate for fertiliser potassium. the list is large and the news not good. the world needs to controll population not think of ways of feeding more billions. a lot of things will run out or they will only be recoverable by increasingly difficult and energy intense methods.

29 07 2010
vivisection

James H: Ok, ask yourself this, how much gold, sliver , copper, platinum etc is the average third world child consuming compared to our children who have every techno toy, phones, cameras etc? Which we throw out and replace very two or three years. We live in the consumer society that is trashing the planet, not them. They ask for some food after we have gone to places like africa and taken their resources, we install corrupt govts that let this happen and we encourage civil wars which result in their crops and livelihoods being destroyed. Western society is largely responsible for their poverty. The least we can do after destroying their indigenous cultures and traditional ways of self sufficiency is offer them some grains and a chance to rebuild.

29 07 2010
brad

sorry viv wont play out like that, as JH pointed out the shit fight over dwindling recources is around the corner and there will come a time when advanced economies will be concentrating all their efforts into secureing whats left rather than throw money too impovirished nations or investing in new technologies that can off-set or replace dwindling supplies of certain recources.Peak oil is here now and if a replacement is not found soon the slide will be long and continuous.

29 07 2010
vivisection

Oh, fair enough, sterilise the poor then. Stop trying and just think about ourselves a little more. How dare they expect to hope. Even cheekier wanting to have children. They’ll only give them stupid names.

29 07 2010
miss dahl

No vivi, just sterilise the stoopid!

29 07 2010
brad

Baton down the hatches,collect the firewood and fill the grainery Viv ,because a storm is coming.

29 07 2010
James Hunter

Brad,
Oh and Viv, Go google ,”Peak Metals”
Peak Phosphorus, Peak Potasium,Peak Nitrogen, Peak Rhodium and Peak Gallium.
You may well be surprised.
There is a good chance we could run out of the Rhodium which is the catalyst used in all automotive catalytic converters with in 30 years decades before we run out of fuel.
Phosphorus is one of the esentials in agriculture and already we are having to mine much deeper to get ore that is not so good. It is all going to run out.
Used to be we wanted it we go mine old bird shit “Guano” on the ppacific and carribean islands. they are empty now just like Nahrau.

So feeding greater and greater numbers will not be on . either the worlds population take control of their own procreation or starvation and turf wars for supplies of food or fertilizers will do if for us.

All the cliamate changer people will have a spasm when we have to go buck to non catalyst exhaust again because there is no more Rhodium.
and those that thing that solar, wind and new”technologies” will save the day. Well without the materials to make the integrated circuits and the wires and the cables to get to the homes it aint gunna happen !!

30 07 2010
vivisection

That’s all well and good James,but what do we do about our population? Why are we sterilising the third world who don’t use the resources. The rich countries also massive populations, that consume a bazillion times more. My issue is why you would want to focus on the poor instead of the wealthy who create the demand for the metals. I would suggest reducing the demand first. Also, you sterilise the poor, who are you going to send down the mines? Your kids? Who will work in the sweatshops? I understand there is a problem, but don’t believe that birth control for aid is the answer.

28 07 2010
miss dahl

That’s not what I said at all, Trav & Shirley. My point isn’t about nannies and butlers; it’s about government handouts for no reason at all. If the government want to make a real impact, they should do something that will benefit everyone, not just a certain segment. I’ve long held the belief that Medicare should cover Dental. That would make a tremendous difference in the lives and health of every citizen. If not in their youth then certainly in their older years. As it is now, being able to afford dental (periodontal, endodontal etc) care is fast approaching luxury status, and it simply should not be like that.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I agree with you re: dental. For the record, I’m neither arguing for or against the baby bonus. The fact is, there is one. I don’t believe people are out there having babies for the sake of getting it, not even 15 year old kids. I don’t like that people are opposed to it just because it doesn’t apply to them. There’s plenty of things tax dollars pay for that bears no relevance to me whatsoever. So be it.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Fair call Shirley. I’m opposed to it for a few reasons – as I mentioned earlier, I don’t think it makes sense to spend money like this to solve a potential “underpopulation problem” when there are much more humane and environmentally viable solutions available. Secondly I don’t like the fact that policies such as these tend to result in oversimplification and divide the community into breeder / non breeder categories. It’s counter productive if you want a society that raises children as a community. When close to 6 million adult people (about a third of the total population) aren’t eligible for a wide range of reasons, it doesn’t seem like a fair or rational policy. I agree with you that just because you don’t get it doesn’t mean you can whinge about it. But on the other hand, people who take the bonus have no right to whinge about other services not being fully funded. How many people say no thanks to the baby bonus?

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I wouldn’t imagine anyone would. Why would they?

28 07 2010
vivisection

Well, if you want to say that childless people have no right to complain about the baby bonus, I would suggest that you could also say that people who took the baby bonus have no right to complain about other taxes and / or (my fav word) “Special Interest” groups wanting something.

My point is that none of them ever say No to taking the baby bonus, including those that are earning hundreds of thousands of dollars and don’t need it. Yet they are up in arms if an artist gets a grant or a refugee is put up in a cheap motel.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

A lot of people who never receive a baby bonus also get all up in arms about arts grants, refugees, drug addiction clinics, etc.

I’m just speaking from my own point of view. I received the baby bonus. I understand that it’s a fair bit of money to receive. The fact that I was going to get the bonus had no impact on my decision to have a child. I have no problem with the tax that I pay going towards things that are not relevant to me. That’s what living in a society is all about.

28 07 2010
vivisection

I totally agree, I also think that if you accept arts grants, baby bonuses, welfare or other public money, you forfeit the right to complain about other people doing so as well. A point that is lost to many, given that there tends to be a class division emerging between the childless and the family – completely propagated by decisive politics and incessant banging on about the rights and needs of working families being paramount in every politicians mind.

28 07 2010
vivisection

should have been divisive , not decisive politics

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I don’t think we can say the division between families and the childless is completely propagated by politics. I think members of both the breeding and non-breeding population do a lot to increase the chasm themselves.

28 07 2010
vivisection

True, but I personally would expect more from politicians. Maybe even some leadership instead of pandering to populist notions and right wing christian groups. Maybe even set an example from time to time.

28 07 2010
pb

politicians? setting an example? as much as i’d love that, vivi, i think you’re in some dreamland where pollies have integrity.

28 07 2010
vivisection

Ok, I got carried away.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

I think in this case the onus should be on the people. If we want to see more of a community approach to raising children, we should strive for it ourselves. Perhaps then the politics will follow to become more favourable to everyone.

28 07 2010
vivisection

So should I stop telling parents with screaming children on the tram to “Use ya farkin baby bonus and get a taxi”?

28 07 2010
vivisection

Or “You got $3 grand, buy a $20 leash for that thing!”

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Yeah Viv, you probably should. 🙂

28 07 2010
vivisection

whats in it for me?

28 07 2010
Shirley M

You’d lower your chances of being bashed, stabbed, or glassed. And my taxpayer dollars would have to pay for your treatment at triage.

28 07 2010
vivisection

That’s a positive. I suppose the person treating me would be another foreign trained immigrant / terrorist too.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Of course!

28 07 2010
miss dahl

You’re right – there are zealots in every camp, and they are the ones that cause division where there need not be any. Politicians nowadays seem to be unwilling or unable to be “fair”, for want of a better word. For them, it seems to be all about “buying” votes. But then, is the bogan vote more valuable than the vote of an intellectual? Whose contribution to society is valued more? At an age where I have worked in a variety of situations and have met a great many people of every stripe, I can tell you that handouts are favoured and expected by those who fall under this board’s definition of bogan (and it is a very wide group that falls within this definition – cashed up and otherwise. Among these people is also a very real attitude of entitlement. My point is that handouts only divide people and for that the government is to blame. It creates more of the “us vs them” mentality amongst groups. The reason for the sense of entitlement, as ever, is that no-one truly appreciates the value of a buck when they don’t have to earn it!

28 07 2010
vivisection

Agreed, at the clinic where I work , the first and loudest patients to complain about a Dr being ten minutes late are the ones who get bulk billed! Every time.

28 07 2010
martin

We are living in the age of corporate totalitarianism. Both parties bought and paid for. Friggen Coles and the CBA and the like run the country.

The Sustainable Population Party of Australia wasn’t able to get it together in time to run. So three more years of soulless machievellian garbage. But look out next time I reckon. I reckon maybe about 70% of the people have it up to the eyeballs and then some.

29 07 2010
brad

I think unfortunatley JH too little too late will be done too correct this predictiment.There are boundless recources waiting too be utilized on our planets nearest neigbours,but i dont think we’ll reach the required technological level too take advantage before we slide into a stagnet dark ages of soughts.Saw an interersting show on Lithium reserves in Bolivia the other night.Is this a holy grail or just pie in the sky?

29 07 2010
Mick

Doesn’t it cost more and do more damage to the environment to mine and dispose of lithium than what it does to continue using the energy sources we use now?

Not sure how true it is but I seem to recall reading that somewhere.

28 07 2010
bondiboy66

I have seen recently baby paraphenalia in Club Colours – singlets, onesies (you know, baby all in one jumpsuits), bibs, beanies and even dummies. I can just see young Tiysenne ensconsed in the 4WD pram dressed in head to toe Broncos gear, right down the the Broncos dummy…

28 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

**spew**

28 07 2010
Jerry

Sad to say it, but I can easily imagine that. I’m just waiting for the day it becomes available for the NQ Cowboys. Daddy’s little RUMPIG!

28 07 2010
Dave

Is she giving him a hand job in that pic?

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Yep.

28 07 2010
pb

dave, i was trying not to think about the reasons for that particular placement of her hand. why’d you go and ruin it?

28 07 2010
Pandabater

I reckon that fish bowl could be in trouble.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yep, he is going to get glass in his foot and ruin his best double pluggers.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I can see why he is happy but what is she getting out of it?

28 07 2010
Shirley M

He’s probably promised her a back and foot rub in return.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I was thinking #124 but that would be wrong huh.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Yes. It’s very wrong to assume that Mr. Hawaiian shirt gets a hand job AND #124. Very wrong indeed.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

But he could be one of Viv’s 6pack types?

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Oh I see where you’re going here…. but It doesn’t explain what the missus gets out of it.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Rid of him slobbering all over her! Actually that was not where I was going. She gets the…….. oh dear, best I stop now.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

She gets the…. strap on?

28 07 2010
vivisection

She gets the …..Pandora afterwards, for keeping quiet,

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yes, yes that’s it, the strap on. Not the #124, I certainly would not suggest that.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

It puts the lotion on it’s skin……

28 07 2010
vivisection

Is it Pina Colada flavoured?

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Undoubtably.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Nah… Bloody Mary flavoured.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Oh my!

28 07 2010
vivisection

You have to apply that with a celery stick?

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chocolate Mudslide flavour

28 07 2010
Shirley M

It’s recommended, yes.

28 07 2010
Shirley M

It. Is. Happening. Again.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

This is all going in the cookbook right?

28 07 2010
Shirley M

Of course, Simon. Do you think this is all just shits and giggles?

28 07 2010
vivisection

I blame it on Masterchef withdrawal. not lack of breeding or taste..

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Sometimes it can be hard to tell.

28 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And to think it all started with an innocent fishbowl comment. I like the way your minds work.

28 07 2010
chubbybloodfart

chubby and edna reporting once again from the Atherton after a month in the ecological and technological wilderness which is Cape York. Somewhat bemused to report that what was a maxtreme adventure for chubby and chums on an R100GS twenty years ago is now just a maxtreme drive and consequently packed to the gills with boomers and bogans (not that I can really tell the difference any more. and yes I am aware we are presently pat of the phenomenon). Consequently in another twenty years Cape York will be a maxtreme caravan park.

oh…
And Go The Mighty Effing Broncos!

29 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good to see you back Chub. Shirl and Viv have developed some strange tastes while you have been away due to watching too much Masterchef. I think you need to have a quiet word with them.

29 07 2010
Shirley M

Oh and I suppose we have completely led you astray have we Simon?

29 07 2010
vivisection

Simon, you leapt right into the gutter with Shirley in a manner that can only be described as gay abandon. I was already there. Proudly.

29 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I am but a babe in the woods but learning fast. Actually gutter humor is always the funniest. Good to meet like minds.

29 07 2010
vivisection

Indeed!

29 07 2010
Pinky Has A Brain

welcome back Cubby and Edna. MWAH

28 07 2010
The Stranger

My crypto-bogan confession.

So I have finally read The Full List. To my dismay, I have partaken of and even enjoyed some of the items on the list. Of the 161 Things on the full list so far, I have to admit to still Liking 15, though I am weaning myself of two of those.

29 07 2010
Mick

Don’t worry Stranger, I tick a lot more boxes than that and the good people here haven’t had me exiled to Elba yet.

I think they support the likes of us trying to drag ourselves out of the gutter. Makes them feel like they’re doing good.

29 07 2010
pb

as long as you both use your bogan elements for good, not evil, that’s fine. you can be our moles in the bogan world.

29 07 2010
The Battlers Prince

Napoleon was a bogan?

29 07 2010
Mick

My oath he was.

He had McMansions everywhere and was always glassin’ caaarnts. Annoyed the neighbours a lot with his shennanigans as well.

29 07 2010
Laura

The latest bogue thing to get me apoplectic: b’offspring littering not merely outdoors anymore — how oldschool. Now, all the time — b’offspring littering INSIDE shopping centres. Just tossing their McRubbish on the goddamn FL00R. When a rubbish bin is, like, half a Jayden’s breadth away. And the parents seeing. And the parents N0T GIVING A T0SS.

Makes me crazy. Who the hell do they think they are?

Bogan babies are the devil.

29 07 2010
the trav

i can put up with alot of things but littering is one thing that drives me crazy, there is no need for it how hard it it to find a bin.

it might be a tad old school (perhaps OSB) but i still live by the notion of “keep australia beautiful”

29 07 2010
floppylymfburp

Co-incidence ? – Website = Word of the Day for Wednesday, July 28, 2010
behemoth \bih-HEE-muhth\, noun:
1. Any creature or thing of monstrous size or power
2. An animal, perhaps the hippopotamus, mentioned in the Book of Job.

29 07 2010
pb

another very bogan habit i was inflicted with on the way home was the loud open-mouthed chewing of gum. i was on the train here in sydney, on the seat sitting back towards the rest of the carriage, and halfway down the carriage was a woman doing her best impression of a camel. i pretty much had to keep my eyes closed the whole time to avoid having to see.

29 07 2010
pominoz

Yeah and when you can smell the gum and know its come out of their mouth ugggh. I wonder how they can chew and breath at the same time?

29 07 2010
chubbybloodfart

@shirl & viv.
simon tells me you have been watching naughty things. stop it at once!
if you rilly want to get into a cookage production, go and download Top Chef. seriously addictive and a secret shame of mine and the lovely missus Focke-Witte. Aust masterchef (which appears to myself as a thinly disguised arm of the Wesfarmers empire) is actually an amalgam of the desperately beige original UK masterchef and Top Chef out of the Bravo network in the US. top chef itself is just Project Runway in a kitchen with Padme Lakshmi as Heidi Klum. Ted from Queer Eye hosted a cool little show called The Chopping Block too. All these things aired on foxtel and have been for years. As a result the sheer derivative lameness of Aussie (gods how I hate that word) masterchef drove me off.

Also, in case anyone is still reading, It seems appropriate that we should announce under this particular post that Chubby and Edna are officially expecting our own Baby Bonus sometime in early March of 2011.
we shall call him Henry.
Henry Bloodfart.

29 07 2010
Shirley M

Congratulations! Poor Edna… I hope her condition is not treating her too badly.

By the way, Simon is so full of shit.

30 07 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Well done guys, that’s what holidays are for. I love it when people name their baby after the geographic location they are conceived in. Henry Gympie Bloodfart – Focke – Witte for eg.

Also contrary to Shirls assertion I am completely shit free!

29 07 2010
vivisection

Congrats, I hope you make Edna a maternity shirt with “where’s my farkin plasma?” on it! I thought you would have hyphenated the name : Henry Bloodfart-Focke-Witte. Sounds clarsier.

29 07 2010
pb

congrats guys. i hope you also track down the cotton on baby shirts they had a few years ago with the words ‘they shake me’ printed on the front. that, and an ‘i’m a tit man’ shirt.

29 07 2010
pb

the miss universe national costume has just been revealed. marvel at it in all its glory: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/entertainment/7936825/high-heeled-ugg-boots-represent-australia

29 07 2010
vivisection

Now I want a sheep shrug too.

29 07 2010
miss dahl

Tres boganesque! Grandma wept, but they were not tears of joy ….

30 07 2010
Darren

What the he’ll does this have to do with the Broncos?

Weirdest post yet.

30 07 2010
Shirley M

I am genuinely surprised it took so long for someone to say it.

30 07 2010
martin

Maybe it’s a double stab. NRL and baby bonus in one. If it’s meant to be something smarter than that I don’t get it.

Where the f$ck is my Bogan Bribe Watch? It’s Friday, 10:30am. Do I have to invent one myself?

31 07 2010
DonySoft

Baaaabyee… it-s…. niiiiiiice!!

2 08 2010
chubbybloodfart

pffft.
the broncos reference was just an attempt to bait me. as defender of the rugby league faithful, I choose to see this offhand reference to the winningest club in the modern history of the world’s greatest spectator sport as scenery. A guidepost to the zeitgeist in which the piece takes place. A cultural landmark. An edifice.

2 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

A post to piss on.

11 08 2010
nev il-pinto

you guys have fallen off really badly! this started as a pretty funny blog but by the time ya got to the two part wedding segment, ya lost me. i occaisionally checked back after that and found the odd entry amusing but this is the worst one yet. the topic has such potential but what the fuck does what is written have to do with the brisbane broncos? give it up now and be proud of the few funny topics you covered and forget about. ps you missed some classics, gated estates, fear of gangs/youth etc

11 08 2010
nev il-pinto

or talkback radio, how the fuck have you not covered talk back? give up now!

30 08 2010
diddly

No fucking shit, I used to have that EXACT shirt! 1998 reprazent

24 09 2010
Ash

I don’t know if this one is true. A noveau bogue (As opposed to old school bogans who will back their team to the death)’s team seems to be whoever’s doing well at the time.

When I was a kid in the late 90s/early 00s, I played junior footy for Cronulla-Caringbah – every single member of our team went for the Sharks, both because they were the local team and because they were good at the time.

Now I coach the same team I played for back then (and if loving footy and wanting to get kids playing sport instead of parking their arses in front of the TV makes me a bogan, then give me an Ed Hardy shirt and call me Jadyen) and about three of the kids go for the local team. The rest all go for the Dragons, Parramatta or whoever’s winning at the time.

24 09 2010
pb

having grown up in st george i’m very surprised anyone from the shire would dare go for the dragons.

24 09 2010
Ash

It’s a new world these days, ya carnt.

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