The bogan’s lizard brain has a powerful need for recognition in all that it does. This is why it will drive its Chevrolet down streets lined with luxury retail outlets, wear seizure-triggering quantities of jewellery, or sport a t-shirt with a tiger biting some sort of skull/love heart thing. Easier still, is to merely TALK about things that the bogan intends to do, but in reality will almost certainly never do. These include “going to see the pyramids (the moment it has enough money to get to Phuket on Jetstar, off it goes)”, or “learning how to shred on the axe! (as soon as it realises that this requires persistence and dedication over some years, it swiftly places the shiny Ibanez in the corner, and scuttles back to Guitar Hero)”.
While the bogan will rarely end up doing these things, it derives great satisfaction from the statements of surprise or admiration it receives when loudly announcing these hollow intentions to the world. It is in the interests of other bogans to express this enthusiastic surprise, because the other bogans will expect to receive the same reaction when they announce their new plans to master the stockmarket, lose 20 kilos, or finally move the family to Queensland.
Eventually though, the pattern of loud claims and no action becomes apparent, even to one with the negligible self-awareness of the bogan. The second quickest and second easiest way for the bogan to medicate this fleeting perspective on itself is to enrol in a short course. Conducted through TAFE colleges, community houses, or other organisations, these courses involve a couple of hundred dollars of the bogan’s money, and a commitment of one night a week for a month or two. While even this proves to be too much of an ask for some bogans, many manage to make it through. Often, the bogan will draw on skills it developed during high school – coercing more diligent students into granting the bogan the temporary benefits of proper work. Short courses allow the bogan to simultaneously claim the title of “educated”, while remaining staunchly anti-intellectual.
Two months later, the achievement-oriented bogan emerges like a shimmering butterfly from its shabby chrysalis, replete with the knowledge of how to create wonky ceramic bowls which it will solemnly gift to every one of its relatives that Christmas. While the bogan will certainly never make another ceramic bowl after the conclusion of the course, its sense of smugness inexplicably continues for years. If at any point the smugness begins to abate, the bogan will restore it by resorting to the quickest and easiest method – purchasing another self-help book and adding it to their entirely unread collection on the bookshelf.
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LOL Brilliant observation… but you forgot that they will then proclaim to the world that they are….
“A Ceramacist… BY TRADE”
Arghghghgghghghghghgghghghghghggh that By Trade line makes me want to puke every single time I hear it.
I presume you mean they will say ‘A Cera..err Caramama…err i make pots by trade’
LOL yeah true, that one was tricky and a bogue would struggle with the term, but I was following the Crappy Pots example in the blog.
I have no issue with real Tradespeople btw, love their work mostly, although as a group they do have a tendancity to exessive boganity it is true, and some of my own family are qualified tradespeople lol (the smart one – having discovered that there is more money and less stress in a trade than a profession haha )
However it is the psuedo tradies that get up my nose.. I once had a boguette tell me she was a “Cleaner – BY TRADE” arghgghghg FFS.. cleaning is not a TRADE!!!!
“tendacity” LOL fark knows what happened there, should have been tendancy of course.
I find they never miss an opportunity to pat each other on the back. Their is an advert being shown in WA for Steel Blue work boots, in it, an array of bogans are shown walking around a mine site and climbing on trucks. The voice over then states, ” You built this country, Legends”. Bogan modesty never ceases to amaze me.
I can see the bogans sitting smug in their la-z-boys slapping each other on the back and decrying any endeavour that’s not a trade.
I actually blame a lot of the rise of the New Bogue movement to just such asinine, moronic, Blokey/Aussie/Self Congratulatory Advertising Bullcrap.
You do a job, just like most people, doesn’t make you a legend, doesn’t make you a hero, Does make you a dumb arsed Advertising target though.
I knew I should have gone into advertising all those years ago – the absolute fun that could be had whilst similtaneously stroking the Bogan’s massive inflated ego whilst stealthily removing vast quanitites of it’s money – all the while it laps it up and grinning like a fool actively markets and advertises whatever product you want it to…
*sigh*
Wow!
All this angst from 1 advert.
People who do REAL work did build this nation.
Sounds a bit like a mate of mine who installed TV antennas as a job…and then called himself an electrician!
hehehe classic! bet he says he is an Electrician.. BY TRADE!
North Shore Milf,
hear about the one:
What is black and crisp and hangs from the cieling?
An Irish electrician !!
bom bom
OH how quaint an Irish joke, haven’t heard one of those since about the last time I saw Blackface on the telly as a kid back in the 70’s :p
Ooh yeah…I’ve heard him say it to some-one, who then aksed if he could come over and re-wire their fuse box…of course he said yes…
Along with antenna installations, he also hired himself out as a handyman for a while…which he translated into a qualified carpenter. Made himself out to have built the Taj Mahal and Pyramids by the way he bullshitted people. As a Jack-of-all-Trades Master-of-none, he found out that he could undertake the Master Builders course to qualify as a Master Builder. I soon learned that to be a Master Builder, you don’t actually have to be a builder in the first place! His idea was to get his Master Builders Certificate, set himself up as a building business and then sub-contract all his work out to actual qualified builders.
With great gusto he started the course, which was going to take him a year and then dropped out with a whimper. Apparently you have to actually study to get the certificate. I think it was the legal subjects that finally burst his bogan brain cells as he finally came to realise that what he had been doing all these years was actually illegal.
Oh sweet Jesus. There really needs to be a legally-protected name’n’shame facility on this site.
Don’t worry, he did his back in while maxtreme skiing and can no longer do physical labour. The world is now safe from his handy work. He’s recently passed a Cert IV in Training & Assessment (or rather he got his school teacher girlfriend to complete the assignments for him). He is looking at becoming some sort of “teacher”. I’m sure he’ll be calling himself a Professor soon. Lecturer in cutting corners and doing things half arsed. God help any fragile little mind that he comes into contact with.
I’ve known the bloke since Kindergarten and I love him like a brother. There is a great guy in there somewhere when you dig past all his bullshit…and that’s what I tell my wife…who is still yet to be convinced. …
Hmmmmm – I think I’m with Mrs Nelson on this one.
I’ve known “deep down inside there’s a top bloke/chick” people, but the older I get, the less I can be arsed doing the digging.
I hear you…let a few go that way myself. But there’s always one that you just quite lose…
So true.
a white ceramicist?
10/10 Will S
Oh, you’re good.
Very, VERY good.
*doffs hat, bows deeply*
True – but, oh, dear. There seems to be a little bit of self-entitlement in the responses. Surely – no – but I thought that was a bogan sentiment?
The clear best course of action is to pursue a career that can’t even be approached by a short course.
That way one can embark on short courses in one’s own time and – apparently – threaten other people’s livelihood without a similar threat to one’s own.
Anecdote time: While telling a bogan that a friend of mine needed to hire a cherry picker (at considerable cost to herself) to complete a video project for her Fine Arts Masters, said bogan decreed “You shouldn’t have to pay that sorta whack if ya doin a course. The gummint should pay”.
I tried to explain the difference between ‘course’ and ‘Masters degree’, but I don’t think I got through.
oohh.. I’ve done these… quite enjoyed Thai Cooking, but still hopeless at Home Handyman. (Outsource it brothers.)
I also love the occasional client of a new start up I come across who ‘know all that marketing and advertising stuff’ because of the Comm College course they’ve done. They tell me how to my job (advertising 20+ years), I agree and ask for money up front.
Couldn’t agree more on the out sourcing :)
You have to love the “Web designer by trade” i.e they did a half day course on MS Front Page, or heaven forbid worked out how to generate something via MS Word. Who needs that pesky CSS and Web 3 stuff when you can have all the bling, marquee scrolling, and instant music on your website via hitting a lucky number of buttons in Front Page.
You’ll probably enjoy this then:
Where’s out big fat floppy friend now?
This is soooo up her alley.
Do you mean my Toorak counterpart?
No. I mean a charming lady who goes by the name of big fat floppy jallopies.
I’m sure she’ll be here soon so you might be lucky enough to meet her.
I thought Fiona of Balwyn was just Fiona of Toorak slumming it :P
Totally up her alley – She’s always going on about completing such courses…
I believe she’s doing her cert II in ignorance…
Don’t encourage the dimwit by referencing it.
It’s far too busy at the Himmler Academy for Eugenics, putting the finishing touches on a kiln-fired ashtray shaped like Keith Windschuttle.
Let’s just leave it there.
yes miss.
She is out learning how to change a light bulb so she can call herself an electrician !
LOL. James, for the first time ever you spelled every word correctly. Well, even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Fi, thank you, i do try but like a lot of creative people i am a lexicdysl
transpositions in words go right past me and even the old p and q and d and b written in isolation are meaningless.
so now you all know my secret what you going to do about it ??
Serious note though When i went to school it did not have a name even less teachers capable of doing anything about it. They used to say” the boy has a very high IQ but he is just lazy.”
nowadays the problem is identified but the teachers generally ,so im told , still often miss it . Give the chils some Ritalin I supose.
other serious matter
the site missed you
LOL. Ah, for the good old days when dyslexia was simply called what it is – stupidity.
*glass*
Up yours, Fi.
Ah Fi,
I expected better from you and you can do better. I offer you a serious comment for a change and the shock is too much for you. Or is it you have been away from you mouse for too long ?
LOL. Perhaps. Or perhaps it’s because dyslexia is just “political correctness gone mad!” ;-)
Proof positive that a higher degree in the classics is no guard against first class Bogan-like ignorance.
Mr Hunter is right. Pull your head in Fiona.
Benji,
Thank you, obviously ,like myself ,you did not need a higher degree in the classics . You could and still can,think
LOL. Like you, he probably has an undergraduate degree in a trade, like engineering.
More evasiveness. How very bogan of you.
Didn’t they ever teach you any debating skills at that other place?
My son has dyslexia and it is difficult for him, he is a smart lad, he takes his tests orally and passes, written and he just can’t cope. Hopefully his new glasses will help more.
I am surprised at you Fi, honestly. :(
LOL. Whoops!
Fi, whoops is cute as Whoppie Goldberg is one !!
Adversity breeds creativity
Dyslexics can’t be just stupid people. I mean, Tom Cruise is one.
Yes, Shirl. He can create “new and better realities”. And can’t drive past a car accident because, “as a Scientologist, you know you’re the only one who can really help”. And he invented the word “spectatorism”.
http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tried-to-suppress
What an asshat.
LOL. You’re using Tom as an example to argue AGAINST me?
Tom’s super-clever. He’s Thetan-clever.
Sti otn sih autfl htta esh cisxedyl.
Tom Cruise’s greatest challenge is not that he’s dyslexic.
It’s that he’s a sanctimonious, self-absorbed deludenoid.
LOL. And short.
Fi,
once again a “hole in one”
ShirlyM
They are often much more intelligent.
Go to http://www.dyslexia.com and have a look.
Einstein Thomas Edison … any way its a long list.
So you were on the right track but mabe your examplar was ill chosen for this picky bunch.?
Dint know how to explain Big fat jalopy though. …
It’s ok James. I was just taking the piss.
…and I was specatorisming.
LOL. You should have told him you were taking some sips.
Fi, Chub, not nice.
(Did you hear about the dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa? Or the one who thought Kanye West was where Nairobi was located?)
ShirlM,
my error, but after living with it for 64 years unfortunately i sometimes still get annoyed by other peoples reactions to it.
I’ve got no beef with the dyslexics James.
Happy Birthday James!
I read somewhere you were 63.
LOL. Nor I. One of the many charities I support is DNA, the National Dyslexics Association.
totally guilty of laughing at dyslexic jokes.
sorry. :(
like the dyslexic agnostic?
is there a dog?
LOL. I only know of the dyslexic agnostic insomniac – he lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Fi your version of the dyslexic joke is the best I have heard. Mwah and just a tiny shudder in return ??
LOL. Of course it is. Chalk up another win for a higher degree in the Classics.
I beg to differ…..he’s a scientologist…..case closed
Dear God. It was a joke of most obvious proportions!
Busy talking to herself and vilifying those criminal Abos.
North Shore MILF
,Sorry I did notice your answere there but was realy still realing from some of the intellectual assult !
ShirlyM,
I do not think any one would want to go up her alley ??
I used to teach a short course, and yes I could always spot the bogans. They where the ones that where after the short cuts, the “secret insider knowledge”, and who basically did the bare minimum, but it would have been enough to impress their mates without looking like they had actually learnt something interlectual.
Most of the bogans would go along for weeks 1 and 2, and most would fail to show on week 3. I actually once had one get up and leave because he had been there a whole half an hour and he was annoyed he wasn’t yet an expert who could then charge himself out at $1000 per day.
PS, stupid spell checker not working…
LOL. What sort of interlectual (sic) pursuit can you learn from a short course? I’m being rhetorical by the way, the answer is none.
It’s more the perceived risk of looking like an intellectual. In my case it was web design course, back when the web wasn’t quite as popular along bogan masses.
Back then the bogan masses hadn’t really discovered the huge amount of porn on the web. So if one of them appeared to have learnt too much about it they were at risk of been beaten up with a pool cue. (I don’t think glassing was happening back then).
PS interlectual could become a new word to describing a bogan whom seeks enough knowledge to be a smartarse from time to time, without actually knowing enough warrant a glassing.
What’s up your arse today Fi? Your butler not make your skinny soy latte properly?
Short courses can be a big help to people who need to brush up skills, or need to learn how to use a computer or whatever, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do that. I know bogans are moron’s and go for the a fore mentioned reasons.
So come on play nice.
LOL. So… which short course did you do pinky? Ceramics, was it?
the only ‘ceramics’ I have ever done was in school, where I spent most of my time talking to the other girls and making fun of the teacher…I think I got an A :D
Bet there was a guy in your class that a made a bong. There always is.
LOL. And everyone else made an ashtray.
“Two months later, the achievement-oriented bogan emerges like a shimmering butterfly from its shabby chrysalis, replete with the knowledge of how to create wonky ceramic bowls which it will solemnly gift to every one of its relatives that Christmas.”
… which then go “straight to the pool room?”
displayed around the framed “Parchment”.
I love this post! I’m a jeweller, and every boguette I have ever met will insist that she is also a jeweller, due to the fact that she has managed to string a few beads together based on the instructions from a DIY kit purchased from Lincraft, or the two day short-course she did at CAE…
…and then they all go and sell their hideous creations at the local flea market thinking they are all going to make big bucks!
god, nohawk, do you point and laugh or slap them?
One word. Four syllables. And no training required:
BEDAZZLER
hehehe I had to google that as I had no idea what a BEDAZZLER was.
This site.. is so educational, TBL should issue a Certificate!!!
I bet there is a course for bedazzling, though.
Worse: http://www.ehow.com/how_5956654_vajazzle-like-jennifer-love-hewitt.html
LOL hahahahaha Vajazzling…
That’s it I am packing it all in and becoming a Vajazzlist!!!
Will go with my Brazillian Qualification beautifully!!!
Vajazzling actually predates JLH. There is a salon in Brisbane that offered a brazilian and bejewelling package – real Swarovski crystals! A friend and I were going to get it done for shits and giggles but never got around to it. Besides, the prices was outrageous.
I’m really scared to ask or google this Shril, but I have to know, where do they put the crystals..?
Pinky, as far as I can ascertain:
“Stick-on Swarovski crystals are applied to the skin after hair removal. Yep, you read that right; vajazzling is bling for your girl parts!”
And, from Lo-Hew herself: “Ater a break-up, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady and it shined (sic) like a disco ball… Women should ‘vajazzle’ their vajay-jays.”
I feel so plain.
I so knew I didn’t want to know that.
What do we here think of that then? I want to spew and move to mars.
All around the general pubic area in a design of your choice. Many opt for butterflies and love hearts.
LOL. You seem to know a lot about this Shirley. I should go and get some diamonds and have it done.
Why stop at diamonds?
What design would you go for Fiona?
LOL. Indeed!
Hmmm, I’m open to suggestions…
The important thing would be that it reflects your personality.
How about LOL?
It looks to me like people figured out how bland their bits are with no hair and decided to replace the hair with jewels. Now both bland and tacky. The only thing that could be tackier would be to tattoo something like a butterfly there and then add the vajazzle as wing ornamentation.
Ha ha. Just did a search because I suddenly realised it would have already happened.
WARNING: Link not safe for work. Or for being opened near impressionable children.
hahahahahaha OH god how bloody stupid.
I just noticed the actual name of the link….”butterfly_merkin”.
That, if nothing else, should put one off.
Yet another term I had to look up LOL some days I feel like a n00b on this site, so many bogan terms I have never heard LOL.
I would claim a sheltered life, but I don’t think it was actually *that* sheltered.
LOL. I of course knew what it was – another advantage that a higher degree in the Classics brings.
The Classics covers Pube Wigs.. wow that’s a surprise.
LOL. It covers many things – very useful higher degree for success in the modern world, of which I am proof positive.
Well, NSM, the merkin gained popularity in the Renaissance, so one would hope it was covered in a higher degree in the classics.
True indeed so it seems reading Wikipedia. I stand humbled by my lack of knowledge on the high art of pubis adornment.
And yes Chubby I agree, the male equivalent offers some very interesting opportunities, if one wants to Dazzle Shazza on that Special occassion.
it was enlightening for me.
I was never quite sure how vajazzling would work.
I thought it was sort of around the ‘bacon strip’ region…
Wonder why this isnt’t taking off with the boys?
seems to me the noon would lend itself splendidly to bedazzlrous embellishment.
Bacon strip
That smells a lot like a line from “Strangers with Candy”
LOL. *jingle jingle*
Edna,
Fis reply “jingle jingle” is close to the money.If you go to http://www.bodymod.org
you can see all the girl and boy bits you like with all the jingle jangle add ons you could immagine.
I find it a useful site for new ideas !
Fi, you may well find a whole new world !
LOL. Who says I haven’t already? ;-)
Wouldn’t have thought it possible, but you’ve actually come up with a way to make this even worse. I feel sad and ill.
**VOMIT**
allow me to push the envelope…
http://www.mynewpinkbutton.com/
“genital cosmetic colourant”
it’s not even a joke.
I’ve seen this. Insanity. I like how it comes in a range of colours.
can you get blue?
I see it in the near future taking the place of face painting for the kiddies at the fete.
jeezus
way to cross the line Edna :D
LOL the “reviews” are hysterical
http://www.mynewpinkbutton.com/My-New-Pink-Button-Bettie/M/B002P0ST1K.htm#wbaCustomersReviewsWidget
North Shore MILF,
Else whereI suggest : go to http://www.bodymod.org
for a look at what you can do with “jingle jangles” and boy/girl bits !
You will be amazed
NO thanks James, those things scare the bejebus out of me :o
I like jingly jangy bits to be of the au naturel variety.
North Shore Milf,
an honest and not unusual reply ! Lots of people cant stand to look even though the items are in someone elses dangly bits.
I was lucky enough to be offered the job of front of house ticket seller at the Adelaide Museaum for three months when the Body Art Exhibition was there. Wicked Gigg, in costume scareing Japenese tourists.
BUT the number of people who used to faint from looking at teh exhibits one in particular was an av display of a piercing of the bridge of the nose.
We used to get one or two per day go down.
I get the same reaction when I take my tee shirt off. suddenly there are all these tatts and nipple rings and some people suddenly see me as a threat.
??
little ole me !
Stop the presses!
There’s a new thingie that’s arguably tacker than vajazzling:
http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/slaves-to-fashion/2010/04/omfg-a-new-product-designed-to.html
From the same species that brought you fire, the wheel and language – it’s the BACKTACULAR! Yep, ladeeeez, we can now purchase a glitter patch to both cover and accentuate that pesky ar$e crack…because simply buying pants that actually f&#king fit is just too hard.
Oh My F#cking God!
That is absurd.
It looks like a transferable tramp stamp, for when showing your arse just isn’t xtreme enough.
*slaps forehead with palm*
Blossy, it gets worse.
The same innovators who invented this ‘gluteal cleft patch’ also came up with stick-on glittery bra straps – you know, for those embarrassing times when you’ve gone strapless and you’re caught short re having random bits of underwear peeking from under the over-shoulder area of your top?
Worry no more, girls – you can now look trashy and flash random bits of undergarment even when you’re wearing a strapless bra. Hurrah!
hohohohoho
That is seriously ridiculous.
Hubby says that is the most stupid thing he has ever heard. A strap for a strapless bra.
I can’t believe they are creating these things so that ladies can look xXtra tacky.
I feel another forehead slap coming on…
TAFE Diploma of Bedazzology.. To become a Bedazzlist.
Dip. Bed., Dip Vaj., Cert. Braz., Grad. Cert. Bogue
Oh shit viv, you need a Graduate Certificate be become a bogan these days?
Does that mean that all unqualified bogans out there are now officially underbogues?
‘underbogues’ MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
According to Wiki a commentator in Entertainment Weekly magazine described the Bedazzler as: “The cheap-ass rhinestone-studding tool favored by art teachers and over-excitable soccer moms everywhere, the biggest piece of crap sold on late-night TV since the Thighmaster, the reason women own shirts with glittery kitty-cats on them.”
Ahh I succumbed and did a short course once…belly dancing no less…run through a community college to boot! I knew I was in trouble when the morbidly obese instructor waddled into the class room and announced that she couldn’t do many of the moves she planned to teach us because she had ‘done her knee’! I stuck at it for the duration of the 12 week course. It was one of the biggest wastes of time and money (and one of the most bogan things) I have ever indulged in. The class was filled with bored housewives and elderly women desperately trying to cling to whatever bursts of ‘groove’ they could muster.
hmm that gives me an idea, perhaps TBL could investigate this growing phenomenon of women taking up burlesque and pole dancing as ‘legitimate’ forms of exercise and self expression!
Having finished the course, you would be qualified to run Belly Dancing hens parties though…
Oh of course … I can out belly dance the best of them now ;-)
We could create a new fitness craze to help diabetic hens. Belly/Pole /Lap dancing hens parties. Its expressive, healthy and potentially do-able with a Wii consoles i imagine. All we need is an exciting soundtrack and celebrity endorsement, perhaps the second contestant booted off the first series of biggest loser. We could franchise the idea and run it like a mobile party DJ business, but instead of hiring balding losers and wogans, we would hire bogan slags.
HAHAHAHAHA I absolutely love it! We could have a bright pink ‘party bus’ and bring along collapsable poles and disco balls to set the mood. Then if you host a party and a friend at the party books another party, you get a free pole to install in your bedroom! Oooo and then we could launch our own set of ‘exercise videos’…those Zumba try hards better watch out! :-D
Videos titles such as ” Pole for Tight Tits, Thighs and Anal”, “Xtreme Lap for Beginners”, “Bellies, Cankles and XTreme Chin Seduction – the Allure of the East”.
Power Bands would of course be extra, and I think we should consider a 3D release of the videos, especially the Pole dancing ones. Of course the boguette will need to finish the short course (30 minutes hens party aka “X-treme Lapole Belly Fitness Package” – $1500) before she can host her own.
or should it be “seXXtreme Lapole Belly Fitness Package” for the saucy hens?
“…transforming Chunky Chickens into smokin’ Hot Hens since 2010”.
Love it! These geese will lay our golden egg!
HAHAHAHA…and of course it would all be accompanied by its own clothing line, designed to emphasise that delightful chunky mid-drift, the tramp stamp, compulsory belly ring piercing and stretch-marks! This would go off in some of the most eXtreme southern and northern suburbs of Brisbane! :-D
HAHAHAHA…and of course it would all be accompanied by its own clothing line, designed to emphasise that delightful chunky mid-drift, the tramp stamp, compulsory belly ring piercing and stretch-marks! This would go off in some of the most eXtreme southern and northern suburbs of Brisbane! :-D
Don’t forget the kiddies line – Breeehanagh needs a Lapole Belly Fitness shirt just like Mum’s and Nanna’s.
I’m thinking the range should be varied – the traditional white leather and tassles for the country boguette, maybe a lycra / sequin effort for the deluded and a flapper / slapper style for the lass who likes a little burlesque expression.
Re the disco balls,could they contain power holograms and double as a type of swiss ball/ thigh blaster?? God the sky is the limit
HOHOHOHOHO
Funny!!!!
oh dear I nearly died laughing…So funny, so good. I reackon you need a “jewelery line” to. Can’t have the bogans expressing themselves without their Tiffany & Co inspired knock off jewels.
Sky’s the limit really…if it is pink, trashy and promises to lure bogan men (who will eventually mistreat them) with promises of instant seX appeal, then the bogan woman will come!
“This would go off in some of the most eXtreme southern and northern suburbs of Brisbane!”
In other words, anywhere south of Holland Park, or north of Clayfield.
Your mistake was that you should have signed up for pole dancing!
Hahhahaha!
I just noticed the photo caption.
“This is why it will drive its Chevrolet down streets lined with luxury retail outlets”
So can you drive a commie that isn’t hotted up and not be a bogan? Or is that a strict rule, commie == bogan? Just wondering, or do I have to get a poncy Golf?
The Commodore is an affordable, spacious, fairly durable vehicle that is well suited to some uses. The modern bogan will try to make its Commodore (or a variant of it) maxtreme. TBL
phew.
bog stock.
On this note, TBL, I heard an ad on *ahem* commercial radio *ahem* yesterday morning (forgive me, I was flicking through stations to find some news). The ad was for a reasonably well known window tinting company, and the opening line of said ad was something like:
“Turn your family sedan into an instant s3x symbol”…
I nearly vomited!!
What is the emoticon for a screwed up ‘icky’ face?
I for one think the Commodore is a fine vehicle, so long as it is not covered in stickers, or lowered, or hotted up or older than 10 years and pretending to be new.. etc
Scarily enough I’ve just signed up for a short course. However in very middle class style I’m doing… resin jewellery!!
The plan is a couple hundred up front then flog resin brooches and necklaces as far as the eye can see (Brunswick St and Sydney Rd) and retire on a fortune of ridiculously marked-up goods!! :D
Be sure to whip up lots of silhouette trees, cute animals and tattoo themes. There just aren’t enough of these brooches yet.
Are you going to venture into Resin Pandora Jewellery?
Would that include resin anal beads so the lucky recipient can be ready for when the real Pandora arrives?
It’s the photography courses that are the real scourge. The wife of a friend of mine completed one of these courses then embarked on a business, solely promoted through the medium of facebook. She relentlessly comments on photos of mine with comments such as ‘have you tried this in black and white’? etc. etc. Her collection of tacky photos of babies with photoshopped solar flares is vile. Similarly, my mother in law is about to embark on such a course. The only thing she ever takes photos of is my son.
I find this all particularly annoying because my brother is an actual, talented photographer.
Close friend is an internationally recognised Portrait Photographer and he was rather bemused by the tale of a bogan who did a 4 week* (half hour a week hence 2 hr) course on photography and decided to offer her services to some friends who were getting married and wanted to pay much less than the industry standard rates. Needless to say, after heads were cropped off bride and groom (no back up shots) and entire members of the wedding party were missing from the photos left and right edges due to the remarkable photographic finesse of their budget photographer, they are no longer friends… I could go on – It was photographic heracy! Classic bogue though. Provided me with weeks of amusement.
Oh Shirl, I’m with you.
My Beloved is a pro news shooter of 20 years’ standing. He also does commercial shoots and weddings on the side.
I can’t tell you how much he enjoys receiving loud and unsolicited advice from the bride’s cousin’s half-cut husband, who’s a rooolly good photographer cos he done a proper course over three whole weekends and he has a rooolly good camera that he bought duty-free on their last trip to Bali.
It makes my Beloved a very sad – and homicidal – panda.
Yes, they love to take an Anne Geddes style shot of the wee ones don’t they? Worse was the Anne Geddes and Celion Dion series, my sister sent me a birthday card of Celine and Child taken by Anne Geddes – thank god she was joking. Has TBL covered Glamour Shots yet? If not, I hope it gets done soon.
Weddings are for bogans. I hate weddings. Puke.
Jeez Marty, you forgot to blame the libtards! :D
No I’m on their side this time. There seems to be more people hooking up, having kids, but without the marriage thing. Suits me.
Yes it has. Number 41 or 45 I think.
What about *gulp* Pixi photo’s. My bogan friend has about a MILLION pixi photo’s of her kids, I feel sick sitting in the lounge. She asked when I was getting some done of my kids, I nearly chocked on the vomit. I lied and said I couldn’t afford it. I like random self taken to capture my kids lives and adventures.
I’m not photographer, and I love my auto digital, but I would rather pay the $1000+ to get Tombarina’s mate to do them, at least they would be interesting and original.
What? And deprive your children of the round-the-world-via-backdrop experience of being photographed variously in front of the Swiss alps, Japanese cherry trees in bloom, Mt Rushmore, the parthenon and a barn?
Shame on you! ;-)
I know call DHS Child protection…how dare I!!
similar to these tales of woe, a lot of young (18/19) girls seem to have decided they are photographers because after they’ve taken out their silver slim-line 5 mega pixel panasonic camera with auto-flash and “red-eye” reduction, taken a few mundane snaps of super-close ups of them looking sexily upwards at the camera, cleavage always in shot, they then photoshop the living daylight out of the shot (dragging the contrast and saturation sliders up really far) and publish on a social networking site of their choice. The really “serious” ones even include watermarks of their names or lame monicas.
Just another sad prop to their pathetic self esteem.
It’s funny, my quintessentially bogue brother (whom I still love to death though) did a small batch wine making course. Despite being wine aficionados ourselves, we wouldn’t dare proffer an opinion in front of the golden boy!
You can have “Wine Time” with him :)
hoorah
:)
I must admit we find a rich vein of comedy in his misinformed enthusiasm.
29year old pomposity is just beautiful.
I have a growing hatred of young people for that very reason… ‘misinformed ethusiasm’….brilliant phrase!
Thankyou T-ra.
:D
By the way I love the tags TBL!
Bogan, forgetting, learning
Agreed. I look forward to the tags each day. Always succinct and bang on accurate.
…and damn funny!
No short course needed……..
After spending 6 years on two degrees at uni I still get abused by the bogan tradie….Fucken wanker! I could have designed that better in 5 minutes with my fuckin’ eyes closed!
Funny though, the abuse stops when they find out I used to be a tradie.
Starts along the lines of…’Oh, I see where you are coming from mate’
designed what?
I know exactly where you are coming from…
yeah ‘cos “f#cken engineers only design sh*t they’re never going to have to f#cken bulid or use.” if I had a dollar etc…
Chubby,
mind you I have employed my share of freshly graduated engineers and they are usually as usefull as tits on a bull. Full of knowledge but no idea of how to use it.
Still he idiots doing one semester courses on anything are usually a danger to them selves and any one in their immediate vacinity
LOL. Can someone please explain to me what “TAFE” is / means?
It is a place where you obtain a higher degree in the Trades.
LOL. You can get a degree (higher even) in the TRADES????
Since when?
Since Tafe.
Some universities are known as ‘SuperTAFE’ for their grab for cash over teaching and research
LOL. Ah, so the lesser universities are just known as TAFE? That makes sense.
No, not quite. Tafe means Technical and Further Education and no books are used. Even lesser universities have books.
Simon,
Problem is you see, you did not answere Fi,s previous question.”what is Tafe.?
In Her position in life she would never come across one, only the people they produce that fix worldly posessions at the royal mansion.
Guess she doesn’t get her hair done then
Simon,
old chap,sorry to be a pain what what but Tafe colledges certainly do have books and pretty decent libraries as well in technical matters such as I am familiar with they often have better resources then the Universities.
But then they are training people to handle, something with which Fi is possibly not closely familiar, the real world?
Thats ok Jimmie, just trying to make it very simple to help understanding. When you have never been exposed to such things it can be daunting. Fi does not do “technical” from what I know of her. She operates on a different plane of understanding.
yeah, Im sure it happenes every day !
lol
I think TBL gives the bogan wayyyyy too much credit in regards to its time management skills. I mean where does it find the time to do short courses between watching Today Tonight, ACA, Hey Hey it’s Saturday, Border Security, reality TV, red carpet specials, Two and a half men & Underbelly. Not only that they also squeeze in time to get huge, play Guitar Hero, consume petrol, get tattoos, have Poker nights, glass cunts, kill things, put their children in moronic face book groups, listen to Andre Rieu, Pink, Kings of Leon, Delta Goodrem & Ministry of Sound.
Of course then there are the off days when they do Contiki tours, ruin music festivals, go to the Melbourne Cup, see cover bands, watch DVD’s of Rove, go to Post Christmas sales, go to weddings/bucks/hens, go to Sexpo, get some glamour shots taken, go to the Gold Coast to use the 3-Park Superpass, go to a 20/20 cricket match, go clubbing (velvet), new years eve, read Zoo weakly, books after movie releases & self help books, doing St Pat’s day, put Ikea furniture together and the list goes on.
I know that wearing Lynx, Nike Shoemax and Power Balance Bands allows them to manage the pain of doing their back in from having anal sex, well that and Cerapax, but come off it TBL, time to step it up a bit.
I think you forget that the Bogue is Entitled to its sick leave and feels obliged to take Sickies, whenever they want, regardless of their health, giving them 10 more days a year than the rest of us who try not to exploit our employers.
and yet they manage.
yes the Bogue is a pervasive and wily enemy.
a Taoist allegory might go along the lines of “Cows don’t think about being cows. They just are.”
The bogue merely follows it’s instinct and all is done.
‘Step up’ yourself Rimjaw and consider editing your jibberish comments. Your ability to list previous topics to make a meaningless analysis on the site’s content and humour, which you may not comprehend fully as yet, is brilliant. Just like the name ‘Tracy Rimshaw’, its full of the sharp edged subtlety and nuanced commentary we’ve come to know and love from you.
I did two short NIDA courses… got them as a gift from a rich aunt. Screenwriting and acting
they were fun… ended up in a movie with real actors, which went better then it should have
feel like a wanker
I did a short course through AFTRS on radio broadcasting. Was very entertaining, met some very interesting people and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
But alas! How I yearn to craft ceramics !!
The reification of this mentality is on display for your amusement at http://regretsy.com/
Gosh.
Aren’t ninety percent of “graphic designers” just wannabe’s who did a multimedia course at RMIT?
I hear even Swinny School of Design lets bogans in these days.
*purist sigh*
wannabe’s who can draw,
surely?
If by draw, you mean trace or make a rough incomprehensible sketch.
HMMm.. no drawing in Graphic Design AFAIK. Could be wrong?
My best mate is a pure designer, very good but his fine art sucks.
I guess as far as the bogan’s knowledge goes, the 1% law applies here: it doesn’t matter how much you know, you just need to know more than the other person. Bogans love this rule, very impressive in a pub argument/bet.
Yes a lot of people underestimate the skill needed for graphic design, it looks easy but its not.
But i got a degree so I could work in Graphic Design and from what I have seen no one hires anyone without a Degree or Advanced Diploma so the wannabe is going to have to work hard (and wannabes give up if its not easy)
I have no doubt that there are many well qualified Graphic Designers out there. Heck, my brother is especially gifted (both in Graphic Design and Fine Art), and has an industrial design degree to go along with it.
Having said that, there is no doubt in my mind that there are *even more* non-qualified and really useless graphic designers. I’ve previously worked in the print industry for a number of years in a technical role, and some of the stuff I saw beggared belief. Sure they can make something pretty, but not something actually usable for the intended purpose. There was a lot of money to be made cleaning up that junk, and a lot of irate customers to match.
LOL. You’re a printer. Did you have to go to a “TAFE” for that?
Incorrect. Try again.
LOL. OK. Not even qualified. L.O.L.
LOL. Wrong again!
or didn’t even do that, but think they are because they have photoshop.
Or have pirated a copy…
I like how you touch on the “Shiny Ibanez” Topic,
We all know that’s what a bogan would play :P
Yep. I thought that too.
I tried to think of a better one..
but failed.
Bogans like Matons.
Bogans like Fender Squier guitar and amp packages with bonus strap and effects pedals.
Can’t believe there was no mention of the ultimate bogan short course, the personal training course. Seems like everyone i have ever encountered who failed at uni or didn’t have a career path after high school ended up as a personal trainer. After just 2 weeks of studying you can get a job at Fitness First telling grannies how to perform deadlifts and how to lose weight by ‘cutting carbs’ while exhibiting no knowledge of exercise physiology or sport science
Moz – excellent pick up! And the total duds who can’t stick out the two weeks of PT training can hang out their shingle as yoga or pilates teachers.
Also forgot about the ones who start a fitness ‘boot camp’. 45 mins once a week in a park is meant to be somehow similar to an actual boot camp because the trainers have big tires and ropes to lift??? Or is it just because its outside? Who knows. They do seem to be becoming more popular though. Maxtreme.
i think it also has to do with the fact they get to be all shouty.
Great call Mozilla.
My personal experience with this kind was when I joined a gym and they hassled me to have one personal training session. I kept refusing until they hassled me into submission.
The trainer was the axis of bogue and was all, “hey hey hey, I’m the sh*t”. He was creepy and sleazy at the same time. The whole scene was vulgar.
I couldn’t wait to get home and wash the “creep” off me.
That gym turned into the ponciest, posing gym in the land.
I swear that guy only did the course so he could pick up chicks.
I watched the same dude with another client helping her out with an xXxtreme quad/glute stretch which had him positioned above her, almost face to face and groins inches apart. There wasn’t a dry seat in the house.
My husband and I had a huge laugh about it.
And what’s cool about that is you don’t need to go do a degree in physical education or anything thus ensuring you can trot out lines like “I learn’t everything I know from the School of Hard Knocks” or “Students don’t even know how to wipe their own bums”.
Anyone notice on trains trips that if you get two personal trainers sitting together, noticable via tees, they don’t shut up for the whole journey. That’s another bogan trait really.
Yep, got a couple of Finance First PT’s on my train who constantly yabber on. What gets me is that one of the PT’s is fat! I don’t know about anyone else, but to me a fat PT is someone with little credibility. Like I want a fat guy telling me how to get fit and lose weight!
Finance First – tee hee hee
Gods but I HATE how those people accost you and try to get you to sign up to their bogan temples!!!!
fitness first = evil f*ckers
I rang them up once and asked how much it would be just to go a couple of times a week and the slimy salesman bitch immediately started to tell me how I need to go on some full on bogan iron man program of some sort and that I should come in for an interview. I too acquiesced and agreed to come in for a meeting only to wake up to myself and cancel the meeting about ten minutes later.
I used to go to the gym casually years ago and those pt types that hover around just can’t stand that any retard can use the machines and no, you shouldn’t try and lift 150kg when you’re only as strong as the average person. Der.
I hate those fitness bogans. Just because you’ve got a good body and you look clean cut, you ain’t fooling me. Bogans!
So it’s official. The gym is for bogans.
…and libtards.
ok, so people who are’nt fat slobs are bogans too….
The worst thing is that these “skills” are perceived as valuable. If you are applying to immigrate here, the higher your professional degree the lesser your chances of getting whatever thingamajiggy sets you on the path of citizenship. Friends of mine with masters degrees in the sciences or more never qualify yet if you have a “diploma” in beauty or hairdressing or God knows maybe even bollywood dancing it counts for a lot. One has to laugh at all those “clever country” ads that were around after that.
Starying from the topic, so when does TBL get it’s book deal?!
Mrs The Trav used to work in childcare and it was the practice of the Feral Boge to enrol in a short or correspondence course in order to get full government assistance to put little Jaxxxxon or Bryaghnahaa into childcare from 7am to 5pm 5 days a week even though they never complete or attend the course, they just sit on their fat asses watching day time tv.
A girl I used to know did a Hair dressing course at Advanced Careers College (of course!) then was mortified to find out that the course was not recognised by the hairdressing industry as a legitimate qualification and TAFE wouldn’t recognise the course either to give her credits if she chose to transfer to TAFE. A little bit of research into the subject would have saved her all that trouble but that would have required her to not be a complete bogan idiot!
I am doing a short course..silence is golden 101..oops i just failed ah well the skill,s will be forgoten in months to come
It would seem you and Fiona are on the same page there. Except she sticks to the agenda and maintains her silence. More in common than either of you would care to admit one imagines..
mmm.
that has struck me too.
Censored……
I guess we can’t have posters reading other blogs can we TBL?
No.. Not the Great Firewall of TBL!! Don’t we have enough problems with Christian Conservative Clowns and their internet censorship agendas?
Try again.
For the designers out there read clients from hell
yes! more work avoiding things to do
“It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied” – John Stuart Mill 1863
“It is better to be an intellectual being dissatisfied than a bogan satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than Richard Wilkins satisfied” – Notorious 2010
nice
I shall have it tattooed across my belly at once!
With the appropriate mis-spellings I hope.
I did one of these several years ago in Perth. I learnt how to tile so I could renovate my unit prior to sale. I am now able to look at tiled surfaces and provide valid critisism of the tradies work knowing my maxstreme skills are far superior. Actually, often they are.
tiler and tradie in the same sentence ha ha what a laugh,minimal tools,minimal labour,maximum charge,there is no better vocation in “tradie” world.We hired a tiler too lay out a bathroom,ensuite and a few splash-backs in the kitchen and laundry on a house we were building.He may have been expensive,but fuck he was slow.When he finished up we were having a few bevvies and he was telling us how he made a fortune in Perth tiling mosaics in the new underground train line-something like 2000k a day,in the same sentence proceeded too tell us he owes 150k too ATO,i nearly snatched the Woodstock out of his hand right there and then.Little flog didnt even clean up his mess when he finished the job.
LOL. A higher degree in the Classics is not a short course, *ahem* of course.
…shorter than a PhD.
innit?
LOL. But more valuable.
For what?
LOL. For me.
Just curious – why do you always preface your comments with LOL? Do you suffer from excessive happiness?
Miss Dahl, please don’t ask. The response process is vexing for all of us, including Our Fiona.
So yes: Fiona is very, very happy. Deliriously so.
Amen.
‘Our Fiona’ I like it.. a worthy title.
What about ‘Aussie Fiona’ or ‘Aussie Fi’
In any case.. it’s good to have her on our side.
LOL. You may only refer to me as “our” if you also live in Toorak.
A pity the academic community disagrees.
LOL. For once we are in agreement.
noone would get a “higher degree ” in the classics that is only available in 3 very exclusive universities in the world and do it “just for me” what utter crap!
LOL. How sad and insular your little world must be for you to not understand.
You make baby Fiona cry.
How sad that you make up lies on line for a life .
boats/houses/pools/overwhelming amounts of bullshit
cry for yourself…….you’re sad
LOL. I do no such thing. It’s sad to me (well, hilarious really) that you are unaware people like me actually exist.
Im well aware that lonely, no lifers build grandiose personas online.
Whats the argument ?
LOL. Um, would these be big, fat, floppy… ones?
Maybe it was just at a higher institution. Like one in Mexico City.
I have really enjoyed reading all these comments.
I really can’t stand bogans/Westies/Shire Bogans/Bogan Mountains(Katoomba esp) and Gosford/Newy etc ones.
We need to limit their trakky-dak,mullet haircut ,flannelette wearing ways from infecting this country.
Internment camps are a good idea ,similar to the one in that ancient movie Escape From New York.
I don’t think they mean what you think they mean.
Pinky has a brain,
You to go to http://www.dyslexia.com and have a look.
the boys got brains, just he does not know how to use it but he will.
if you go to my web site my email address is therein so if you would like some experiences ,hints.clues from someone who has livewd with it for 64 years feel free to contact me.
any one says the boy is stupid, sent them to that website or tell to fuck off.
I don’t live in Toorak, but I did live in Kew for a while.
Does that count? :)
So now I have a confession.
I have been to University and TAFE and dropped out of both! I was worried that I was a true bogue but then realised that I am a chronic under achiever with a really large Hecs Debt. No Degree here. Funnily enough my husband’s ADD meds seem to help!
One thing I have learnt though, is if you lower everyone’s expectations of you they are always going to be impressed with anything that is even slightly above average.
What I am reminded of from these forgotten years was the difference in consumer. At uni I was expecting radical people left right and centre, and I must admit there were some, but the majority were just average folk or they had come straight from school with their Roxy bags in tow.
At TAFE, however, there was a ground swell of tangerine teen mothers with extreme decolletage. Most people were extremely anxious about the immigrants in the class (or the mere suggestion that they were not “from here”). I’m pretty sure there was a Lynx effect happening and a lot of “freedom of speech” being thrown around.
At the point I dropped out about ⅓ of the class had already split.
Based on past performance there is definitely photography or ceramics in my future.
Rest assured, I won’t complete either.
did you have a Peta or a Pieta or a Peeta in your class?
I swear, everytime I wind up in one of these ‘groups’ or ‘classes’ or ‘encounter therapy circles’ theres a chick called Peta who’s either facilitating or just knows everything anyway. The last one I met was at a Zen retreat! Pieta. jeepers the most enlightened unenlightened person I have ever met.
Why, yes Chubby.
In fact I did!
What an odd coincidence.
Shirly M and Chubby,
Shirly,Didnt realy think you did but that asside the site I refered you to is interesting reading for any one and esp if you know any one with a child with the symptoms, which are detailed on that site and its links.Thing is we just think differently.
Chubby I have trouble keeping track myself but I am a 1946 model and I didnt even do a short course for that (modeling) !
How cute James!
:)
You’re a classic model James.
http://www.nma.gov.au/collections/holden_prototype_car_no_1/
From the comments above, you must been to the true heart of Bogansville (Launceston).
As Tasmanians know, the name change from TAFE Tasmania to Polytechnic/ Skills Institute was a failed attempt to tell the public that the rorts, discrimination, bullying, dysfunction, and poor training education delivery had suddenly vanished. Of course the same senior management/problems reign. And a mega raft of new management have been selected, by that management, and inducted, to that same culture. Poly TAFE is $20 million in debt, but hey so what, bogan buddies keep their snout in the trough.
Surprise, surprise, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
In Bogansville the Launceston Poly TAFE has effectively expunged any staff with a passion for excellence or work ethic.
The ‘Art’ department leads into new contemporary art movements and traditional fine art skills, to Diploma qualification, with a Team Leader who spent most of his life working in small hotels, before coming to TAFE to teach waitressing and coffee making. Having friends in the right places, he was put to head up Art when his hospitality team did not like him. Everyone who enrolls, and turns up occasionally, gets an Art Diploma.
Students, and their parents, who want credible training and education, from a reputable organization, to assist their future, exit to such organizations interstate.
My wife once had a friend, who did factory-hand (I think she operated a drilling machine) and called herself an ‘Engineer.’ Nevermind that she couldnt even finish high school, and dumb as dog shit!