#104 – Road Rage

12 03 2010

While the bogan generally engages in few critically important activities and has accrued a lifetime of missed deadlines, when on the road it is in an urgent hurry. If delayed by a stop sign, it will charge through. If delayed by a line of traffic, it will seek to drive in the emergency lane. It will reach its destination a full 90 seconds earlier than the non-bogan, and it will consume that 90 seconds, along with 300 other seconds, to stake out a parking space that is 30 steps closer to Boost Juice.

However, the notoriously poor coping skills of the bogan make it susceptible to losing its cool entirely if it finds that the traffic conditions are not to its liking. A key problem of road-based bogans is that a car makes a bogan invincible. Encased in a 1500kg glass and steel shell, the bogan transforms from an irritation to a menace. It enforces its skewed value system and desire for the x-treme by speeding, running red lights, and burning rubber, disregarding other road rules as it sees fit. If someone does not let the bogan do these things as it wishes, the trouble starts.

Just as it will do in relation to free speech, the bogan sees itself as entitled to break any road rule, but everyone else is not allowed to at all. The bogan will even reserve the right to object to other road users driving safely and correctly. If someone merges into a lane in front of a bogan, the results will depend on a number of factors:

  1. How badly it wants to go to the shopping centre or nightclub strip
  2. Whether the bogan is intoxicated
  3. The presence of tribal tattoos
  4. Any other obstacles that the bogan has encountered that day
  5. The presence of personalised number plates
  6. Degree to which the offending motorist is perceived to be Asian

If the bogan’s anger becomes moderate, it will scream from inside its car, and make obscene gestures. It is unlikely to realise that the other person cannot hear its profanities from inside their own car, but this does not deter it from pursuing this action with vigour. If the anger level becomes high, the bogan will attempt to overtake the other car without indicating, expecting surrounding cars to part like Katie Price’s legs. If it is not allowed to re-enter its original lane, it will emerge from its car in a blind fury. The alpha road warrior bogan will attempt to lure the other driver from their car with an elaborate roadside war dance, intermittently spitting and kicking door panels. If this is not successful, it will eventually return to its car, do a burnout, and rocket off into the distance, which is usually the next traffic light 100m up the road.


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326 responses

12 03 2010
Tone

Nice.

What I like are the regional variations to road rage. For example, if you’re in Adelaide and you want to change lanes where there is a gap, within 3 milliseconds of putting one’s indicator on to warn the car in the the lane you want to merge into that is 30 metres behind you and travelling at the same speed as you, the Adelbogue will speed up to 30km/h over the limit just to try and block your passage.

12 03 2010
Bogue

Quite correct, this seems to be almost perculiar to Adelaide, given the relatively sedate driving conditions. Having driven extensively in Melbourne and Sydney, I’ve not encountered the same issue, due in no small part to the fact that there seems to rarely be 30m of free space for said bogan to speed within.

12 03 2010
Andrew

it is a VERY Melbourne thing to do I’ve noticed.

12 03 2010
Will S

it also happens in newcastle, so most people indicate only for the quickest flash or not at all before changing lanes

12 03 2010
Tone

Typical … first Melbourne steal the Grand Prix, then they steal our shitty driving habits! Geez …

12 03 2010
ant

No no no, this is what Canberrans do. It’s their road and their lane and their gap. Adelaide people merely copied it.

13 03 2010
Annette

Nope, happens all over Queensland.

12 03 2010
Sten

Hahahaha… but heaven forbid the offending road user should be a cyclist, or worse, an impromptu peleton of same. “Get a car, ya fag(s)!”

12 03 2010
Simon

Sten,

I was on my bike yesterday in Adelaide. coming up to a roundabout I merged into the traffic with hand signal and the car behind me was 50m away. This caused an indignant toot on the horn from said car as I obviously got in their way. Got through the roundabout and as the car behind went past I earnt another blast on the horn. Guess what the car was, yep Hilux ute with Fox sticker.

Also why are taxi drivers the worst drivers on the road, surely if you do it all day long you should become a better driver?

12 03 2010
Sten

Huh… Fox… the wankers probably just take their chook chasers up to their mate’s paddock, but carry on as if they’re the Crusty Demons. The only way you could’ve been stuck in an even more Bogan situation, Simon, was if the Bogan in question was driving a Chevrodore.

Which gives me pause to think… the Chevrodore is very much like the “Locally-brewed foreign beer” and the remixed baby name. Honestly, whatever happened to authenticity?

12 03 2010
Simon

Actually I think it was the Fembogue engaged in the most important job in the world, taking Jaxxson and Breangelina to school. Ah yes the car in the hands of a school mum, the worlds most lethal weapon.

12 03 2010
Sten

Oh dear, yes, I do know the type. Worse are the ones who drive 4WDs (like the aptly named Nissan X-Trail). All that destructive potential, right at the head height of other motorists…

12 03 2010
Simon

Yep and sitting up that high deprives their brain of oxygen.

12 03 2010
Sten

Never thought about it like that – an astute observation to be sure.

12 03 2010
James

The 4WD mums at my daughter’s school complain about the fact that my child rides her skateboard to school.

12 03 2010
ant

Well, that’s pretty shocking, she might get some exercise doing that. And besides, all Those Pedophiles Hiding Behind The Bushes Might Get Her.

12 03 2010
west_melb_anitbogan

“the wankers probably just take their chook chasers up to their mate’s paddock”

Thought that was slang for a bit of man on man eroticia for a moment 🙂

12 03 2010
Sten

Not to my taste, but who knows, antibogan? I’m sure many of the hyper-homophobic Bogans out there are just trying to shout down the voices in their heads. Overcompensation and keeping up appearances are such Bogan passions, after all.

12 03 2010
Ghenghis

Most Canberra-based bogans (we call them “deros”) drive Holden Rodeos. They combine the deros’ love of Holdens (even though most have Chevrolet badges on them now) and the love of Asian utes (while thinking they’re made in Australia)

12 03 2010
Sten

Aren’t they called “Booners” in Canberra, Ghenghis?

14 03 2010
Sir Pompously

Bogans, Booners, Scrubs (one seemingly only heard in Canberra). Also anything in relation to a person living in Kambah, Charnwood, or in the govvie flats on Northbourne.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Simon ,if you mean the dispicable terrace roundabout then your a braver man then me.

12 03 2010
Simon

Hell no, that would be suicide. Corner Hallett Rd and Kensington Rd.

13 03 2010
me

glynburn+greenhill is worse. lane discipline appears to be a foreign concept.

29 08 2013
Roger

In fairness to the bogans, pushbike riders are a PITA

13 03 2010
Thomas L. Pennyfeather, esq.

This was perfectly illustrated in a letter to the local paper of Sydney’s Northern Beaches today; a well known CUB area:

“Lycra-clads in a
world of their own
C. BENNETT of Balgowlah’s letter “Lycra-clad cyclists’’ (Viewpoint, Mar 6) has my full agreement.
I would add that our road rules be modified to encompass all cyclists intending to use public roads must insure that their bike is equipped with a rear-view mirror.
It is the cyclist’s responsibility to observe and give passage to faster vehicles approaching from their rear.
Cyclists using am and pm clearways and bus lanes can only ride in single file, maximum two bikes, keep to the far left of the lane and exit that lane when they observe approaching, from the rear, faster vehicles, especially buses.
As a regular user of the northern beaches, am/pm, peak-hour bus services, I am astounded that 99per cent of cyclists using the bus lane cannot observe approaching buses and cannot even hear them.
Ever seen a packed L88 doing 10km/h at Long Reef in the evening with a lycra-clad in the middle of the bus lane way off in his own noddy land?
Edward Holburn, Narrabeen”

Yes, “It is the cyclist’s responsibility to observe and give passage to faster vehicles approaching from their rear. “…

13 03 2010
Thomas L. Pennyfeather, esq.

I should also note the elementary spelling mistake: “…cyclists intending to use public roads must insure that their bike is equipped with a rear-view mirror:”.
I think you mean ‘ensure’ champ.

31 03 2010
chubbybloodfart

impromtu peleton

*hoohoohoo*

oh jeesus. that just made my morning!

*tears*

12 03 2010
wigwam

traditional adelaide blocking, it truly is a sight to behold

12 03 2010
Shirley M

As a resident of Brisbane, (Brisvegas to the bogues) I can identify with this post all too well. Well done, chaps.

12 03 2010
j-ho

The term Brisvegas annoys me so much..

12 03 2010
Kelly

Things Bogans like….saying Brisvegas?

12 03 2010
Shirley M

I’ve lived in Brisbane for quite some time now, and I have no idea what it’s supposed to mean. If I recall correctly, a few years ago our esteemed Lord Mayor was toying with the idea of putting an Xtremely huge neon ‘BrisVegas!’ sign on the Storey Bridge… Jeeezus.

12 03 2010
j-ho

Say it aint so… please…

13 03 2010
Whistling Nixie

Actually, it’s perfectly fitting: outside the tourist area, Las Vegas is mostly suburban sprawl.

13 03 2010
Shirley M

Brisbane has a tourist area?

13 03 2010
Whistling Nixie

No, I was referring to Las Vegas, to point out that the nickname for Brisbane’s more apt than most people realise.

13 03 2010
Shirley M

So Brisbane is like Las Vegas in that they both have sprawling suburbs. If this is where the similarities end, I still maintain it’s a ridiculous term.

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

And that would make Brisbane more like Vas Vegas than any other city why? That’s typical of a city, no?
Sydney or Paris could easily fit that same description.

I don’t think it’s a fitting explanation whatsoever, Whistling Nixie. Back to the drawing board.

13 03 2010
brad

um yeah its called the Gold Coast

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

The Gold Coast is a separate city, smarty pants.
Just because they’re building McMansions between Coomera and Logan and idiots living at Beenleigh think they’re on the Gold Coast does not make the Gold Coast Brisbane.

14 03 2010
brad

yeh just like Geelong’s not part of the western suburbs

12 03 2010
Alister

Keep up. It’s Brisneyland now.

12 03 2010
Shirley M

Of course. Because it makes so much more sense…

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Haha Shirley, I too am bemused by the use of “Brisvegas” and have never once uttered the term. An ex “Brisbanite”, I now refer to your city as “Brishole” – from the (safety of the) Gold Coast.
As we on the “GC” can boast warmer winters, cooler summers, a lovely sea breeze year round, and a definite culture vacuum that results in a certain charming je ne sais quoi.

12 03 2010
Shirley M

I’d like to suggest replacing ‘charming’ with ‘bemusing’ in your closing statement. 😛

12 03 2010
Antosha

ALAS!!… my dear old hometown…

how I yearn for the simpler days…

12 03 2010
Struct

Best yet.

12 03 2010
Kelly

Quality Post. Well done TBL.

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. I must ask Chauffeur if we’re ever the subject of road rage.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
“Thank God Your Here”
“Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back”

13 03 2010
common man

amatuer/ pathalogical liars will always burst their balloon through lack of ignorance let alone unable to fill simple riddles

12 03 2010
X

I stopped laughing at this site long ago, it’s far too truthful.

12 03 2010
emma

Now THAT made me laugh to the power of epic extreme. HAHAHAHAHA.

12 03 2010
Tubesteak

The bogan is also unaware of the irony that voting patterns over the years have encouraged governments not to invest in road infrastructure because the bogan likes cash handouts and other things and the poor road situation is a result of poor planning from governments with little impetus to plan for the future.

The bogan is also unable to make the connection to underfunded schools and hospitals.

Mayor Quimby: “Are these people getting stupider or just louder?”
Aide: “Both sir”

12 03 2010
Benjamin

You remind me of all time favourite Simpsons bit:

Quimby: “You people are nothing but a pack of fickle mush-heads!”

Townspeople: “He’s right!” “Give us hell, Quimby!”

Strangely appropriate.

13 03 2010
Paul C

The Simpsons has been a spookily accurate window into the psyche of Western society for a very long time.

12 03 2010
Benjamin

Thankfully, living in the country, we have little traffic and generally harmless bogans of the traditional variety.

Another reason I’m happy to be out of the city…

12 03 2010
Mezz

The traditional bogan can still be a scary sub-species. Urban Bogans are definately the worst but en masse, the traditional bogan is a scary sight. A bus load pulled up beside us on their way to the AC/DC concert and once confronted with a large group of them, you’ll understand what I mean..

12 03 2010
filman

The best and easiest way to annoy a bogan; block the left lane and box them in so they can’t pass you, then just keep driving slower. Then sped up when they do try and pass you. The look on their faces is a sight to behold, especially fluro colored utes.

12 03 2010
Will S

that sounds like a pretty bogan thing to do

12 03 2010
James

*glass

12 03 2010
Tone

filman, you’re not a fellow Adelaidian by chance, are you?

12 03 2010
Simon

There does seem to be alot of Adelaide and Brisbane people here. What does that say about where we live and our need to unload on Bogans?

12 03 2010
Shirley M

Everything, Simon. It says everything.

12 03 2010
Tone

I always thought that TBL was slightly Melbournecentric.

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Quite rightly too. Melbourne is clearly the least bogan part of Australia, therefore, we are the most able to comment on them. Having said that, aside from Toorak, all others part of Melbourne are to a greater or lesser extent at least somewhat bogan.

12 03 2010
Shirley M

How does living in the least bogan part of Australia make you most able to comment on bogans?

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. We’re able to bring in a unique outsider’s perspective that others won’t have (being too close / more bogan). TBL are like anthropologists writing up their field study notes, with us commenters the reviewers.

Melbournians are the peer reviewers. Everyone else is just a social commentator.

12 03 2010
James

Peer reviews conducted in Frankston. A horrifying thought.

12 03 2010
Franga Hanga

I would argue quite strongly that anywhere in Casey is far more infested with Nouveau Bogues than Frankston. It mostly traditional Bogans, with some professional couples (like me).

12 03 2010
Shirley M

Oh my. There’s so much wrong with this statement I’m not even going to go there.

12 03 2010
Mezz

Fevola is after all a Melbournian.. Blows said theory out of the water.

12 03 2010
common man

yes toorak may be okay but sunshine outdoes yourself 3months evidence of 18-20 hrs a day online surely cant leave one looking or smelling to lady like

12 03 2010
common man

toorak may be ok but sunshine out does yourself.evidence of 18-20 a day surely cant leave one looking or smelling too lady like true?

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Common man,
think thats you,’ corse there are so many of you ?
who does not smell lady like ?
you?
tha’s my guess

12 03 2010
James Hunter

common man
you would know
by the smell you would know
yep

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Well Fi if they are Peer reviewers at least that makes them equal to us. what a come down or is it reality finally setting in ?

12 03 2010
common man

please jh remove yourself from the coffee machine before trying to to find or humiliate a common man theme that never sleeps are you that nieve you think asio works 9-5? whilst the rest of civilians enjoy their lives to the richest offline?;ie fot,s lack of experiences away from the web

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

I certainly hope ASIO have better things to do than worry about the inane ramblings of us. I also presume they employ people who can write coherently.

12 03 2010
Bogue

…and you yet you all live directly adjacent the exact point of Australian bogan origin – Geelong.

12 03 2010
Simon

YAAABLETT!!!

12 03 2010
James Hunter

was that yaa ablett

12 03 2010
Simon

Melbourne, your one industry is exporting fully flegged bogans to the Gold Coast just so the seams don’t burst!

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Seems so!!

12 03 2010
Simon

Fledged, doh friday kicking in.

13 03 2010
brad

umm umm Toorak and Croydon

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Adelaide and Brisbane drivers do have one outstanding quality:
An ability to run red lights without getting creamed.
Don’t know how but shit they be good at it.

12 03 2010
Simon

You know the story James, Orange means accelerate and red means really step on it. Green means wait because some idiot in a fluro falcon will be just winding up the V8. Having an indicator on only means it works, not that there is any intention to go in that direction.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

yep and direction arrows on the pavement are only suggestions not mandatory instructions.

15 03 2010
Phil

Im from Geelong

12 03 2010
Jax

There is also the Bogan trait of tailgating – driving centremetres behind car ahead of them. Either on the freeway in a show of aggression to force people to move over as they are going 40kms over the speed limit and need to get home to the NSW Central Coast. Or just driving down a suburban street being ridiculously close to the car in front in a 40km zone. Just bad driving or a bogan thing?

12 03 2010
Will S

A favourite of the chevrodore drivers on the M7 every day

12 03 2010
Kimba

I hear you Jax, I frequently drive on the F3 between the Central Coast and Sydney in what I call the “tradesmen’s hour” (6am – 7am mornings and 3pm – 4pm afternoons). It’s a scary sight to behold all those shiny chevrodore utes lined up, driving about 40cm from each others rear bumpers, travelling about 20-30 km’s over the speed limit trying to intimidate each other out of the right hand lane. I don’t think it even enters their pea-sized intellects that if one them loses control they all will. The funny thing is, in the mornings all they are doing is racing each other to the 1km long traffic jam at Wahroonga.

12 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Driving to the Macedon Ranges last week-end, I was on the x-treme bogan section of the Calder Freeway (the Keilor – Taylors Lakes – Calder Park Thunderdome stretch), after overtaking a car travelling under the limit, I was trying to get back into the left hand lane. However I found it impossible, as several impatient bogans behind me who had also overtaken the slow car were cutting back into the left lane before me and then acelerating and undertaking me. Being bogans, of course they want to drive x-temely fast over the 80km/h limit and therefore do not possess the patience to wait a few seconds to allow me to get a safe distance ahead of the passed car before pulling into the left lane. Nor do they care that they are a menace on the roads and breaking the law by dangerously cutting off the passed car and by undertaking me in the left lane. A P-plate femme-bogan in an unroadworthy 1980’s Corolla pulls up beside me in the left hand lane and then sits there; it probably ran out of power and couldn’t accelerate beyond 80km/h. Looking in the mirror, I see an angry bogue in a Chevrodore ute snarling and waving his hands about, gesturing to me to get out of his way. Of course I couldn’t move over immediately because of the Corolla being in the way and as I was doing the speed limit, I decided not to accelerate beyond it. It was deliberate, just to piss off a bogan even more! Bwa ha ha ha!!

12 03 2010
Loftie

Nelson Esq – Said bogans must have been on the way to the Bogan hive that is Sunbury…

In fact… It’s Ben Carbanaro’s domain I believe… and the Sunbury Leader… is a local paper in the area…

Maybe he could introduce a new section to the newspaper…
????

12 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Sunbury is indeed a hotbed of Bogans and is often referred to as Scumbury. You know, I had no idea who Ben Carbanaro was, so I Googled him. I think I prefered it when I was living in blissful ignorance of his existance…

12 03 2010
ant

Lot of those tailgaters in my rural area. Lot of little stones on the roadside, too. Stones are deployed by my left hand tyres, onto tailgating bogan’s windscreen. Bogan drops back abruptly, swearing horribly Iike to think.

and for winter, I have reflectors stuck on the back of my car at eye level. Tailgate me and get to look at your own headlights, bogan scum.

16 03 2010
euro goth bogue

good on ya mate,time 2 fite back.

the othe day i saw some yuppie-bogue tailgatin a bike on the bike lane as there was traffic congestion on the street.

and wot about those that stop rite on a pedestrian crossing blckin the ramp think 4 disabled ppl

12 03 2010
Mick

…the bogan transforms from an irritation to a menace…

I enjoyed that. It was special.

12 03 2010
Nelson Esq

Spot on with bogans being a menace on the roads, but it is not just road rage, it’s total disregard for the law and driving unroadworthy vehicles. Did anyone else catch that show on TV the other night, which is basically the Australian version of NZ’s Motorway Patrol? Basically the show is the Victorian Police busting bad bogan drivers.

It was absolutely horrifying the stupidity and total lack of regard for the law of all these people; between the 4 or 5 who were busted (all of them were bogans) they’d be lucky to have an accumulated IQ greater than 80. Among the new reality TV stars were an unlicenced 22 year old femme-bogue (licence had been cancelled due to multiple traffic infringements) in an unroadworthy Commodore who was driving around with a child who was not restrained in the baby seat. Femme-bogue called her mother, who then came and abused the police. The show was certainly an eye-opener.

13 03 2010
Albert

I saw this show also.
The week before the police in the show were near Scumbury -It seems from watching this, bogans driving their unroadworthy shitheaps right over the limit have the following progression in behaviour.

First the bogan denies any wrongdoing. This never seems to work – and the bogan gets the speeding ticket or whatever.

The bogan, realising that a ticket will be insufficent to get them on TV (and falling back to their inbred blame shifting behaviour) decide to start abusing the police, saying things like ‘ yous arseholes should be getting all the junkies not pickin on us lot!’ and the like. Not content with the non x-treme reaction by the police, the bogan now starts calling the police a bunch of names – the bogan being too stupid to realise these name won’t get shown on TV (too x-treme for television you morons!)

Now it moves to the stage where the bogan gets a canary on their car (and like true dickheads are suprised by this after the verbal barage directed at the person who CAN give them this unroadworthy sticker). This sends them to the tirade about how the cops doesn’t know what they’re fuckin lookin at.

Now the bogan, realising the hole they have dug for themselves – either starts apologising (now they’re the copper’s best mate!), or sulking in their hotted up piece of crap. This part is the best viewing – too late has the bogan realised not everyone can be bullied – that indeed, some people have the power to punish the poor behaviour the bogan is so used to getting away with. In addition, the bogan now suspects they look exactly like the moron that THEY were laughing at last week on TV getting their arse handed to them by the police!

Then realising that fame is fleeting, the bogan now looks goofily into the camera and says ‘hi mum and dad’, while simultaneously doing some moronic yet ‘cool’ hand gesture.

Finally the featured bogan drives away – as the narrator of the show now gives the viewer a rundown of the fines the bogan has received. Fame is fleeting indeed, the bogan is now forgotten by all. Only the fines and a recording of Lateline remain as the bogans souveneirs to the whole event – the bogan being to stoned or stupid to record the correct channel.

13 03 2010
brad

yeah we saw it too Albert ha ha

12 03 2010
njptower

Driving should be such a simple chore – get from A to B without hurting each other, a bit of give and take along the way and we all get there quicker.

But no, it is insecure children in overpowered cars that attempt to show who is “boss” and make life difficult for those who take it easy out there.

As my wife says as she farewells me each as I head to the station, take it easy and stay cool

12 03 2010
wigwam

you obviously dont understand that the bogan has places to be, plasmas to buy etc

12 03 2010
Benjamin

C*nts to glass

12 03 2010
Antosha

LOL Benjamin !!

18 03 2010
Mick

Ha ha gold!

12 03 2010
me

oh adelaide.
once upon a time, some absolute pap was in such a rush that he overtook me on my left hand side! as in, the actually drove onto the footpath to overtake me! and i was doing 59kph in a 60kph zone! and all of these burnouts and drag races… someone is going to lose their life, but it won’t be the one that charles darwin’s would suggest…

12 03 2010
pb

similar to an experience i’ve had on the m5 east in sydney at peak hour. a revved up bogan decided to use the very narrow emergency lane to overtake about 100 metres-worth of traffic, and decided in its infinite wisdom to do this around an almost blind curve and near a merging traffic lane.

12 03 2010
Snag

I guess everyone’s seen the burnout the guy did in the middle of the city the other day. High-powered car + bogan + intoxication could have ended up with people dead and injured and the car sitting in the middle of a shop on the street.

Merging seems to be a particular problem in Adelaide. The number of times when you’re well in front in a merge and someone flies past (often to your left) at 30km/h above the limit is amazing. Not to mention quite scary.

12 03 2010
Bogue

Merging is possibly the most complex and difficult task 99% of Adelaide residents will ever undertake. The ‘zipper merge’ contains such mind blowing algorithyms that, without Julius Sumner Miller available to sit in the passenger seat and translate, it is impossible to perform correctly.

12 03 2010
Tone

As an Adelaide Hills resident that uses the Freeway (that’s how backwards Adelaide is, we have only one Freeway .. which is known by everyone here as ‘The Freeway’), I can always spot the drivers on the Freeway that aren’t locals – they don’t believe in changing lanes to let people coming onto the Freeway merge at on-ramps. Locals always slow down or change lanes to let on-ramp traffic in.

Having said that, my usual on-ramp has an average of one pile-up (usually only 2 or 3 cars) every 2 months.

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Only yesterday I was driving on a 2 lane major Gold Coast road when a car sped up behind me in the RHL and was unhappy with my 84 (oops 😦 ) in an 80 zone, so he charged into the LHL to overtake me, nearly running 2 merging cars off the road in the process.
His swift dart over into that lane made him the only driver uncourteous enough not to move over for the merging traffic – and the reason I was in the RHL in the first place.
NSW plates, BTW.

12 03 2010
Antosha

When I see VIC or NSW plates driving on the Gold Coast (or anywhere outside of their native Mexico for that matter) I say a little prayer for my well being.

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

FACT! Worse is when they are disguised in hire cars or Qld registrations after immigrating. Then they curse each other “bloody Queensland drivers!!” whilst being completely oblivious to this fact.

13 03 2010
brad

Once had a scary drive with some pissed pommy backpackers (pogans) who had decided not too return their hired mini moke a few days before in Rockhampton.Needless too say the trip involved going one way on the one way stretch of road in Surfers-The wrong way, ah the Gold Coast.

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

What does that have to do with the Gold Coast though? You’re telling us a story about the stupid behaviour of a few blow-ins and acting like it’s the location’s fault. Oh that’s right – it happens all the time!

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

people seem to turn into fuckwits when they come up to “Queensland”
(Southerners always referring to the Gold Coast by the state name instead of the actual destination.
When we travel to Melbourne or Sydney I promise you we don’t call either by the state name.
But saying Queensland could mean the Great Barrier Reef or somewhere subtropical and ‘exotic’ perhaps, so it sounds better than actually saying the Gold Coast??? Bogans!)

14 03 2010
brad

Because the Gold Coast is a place that people visit too unwind or wind right up.thus they behave with less inhibitions same as any tourist location and shit like that does happen all the time ,its just unfortunate for you that you live there.

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

the living here I like. I choose to. I have travelled all over the world and I actually want to live here, out of anywhere.
The tourism is fine, I am not complaining at all about the bad behaviours of some visitors.
My issue was with your story about dick head poms being concluded with “ah the Gold Coast” as though that explained anything! Ha.
Irrelevent.
All you told us was that you had very poor taste in travelling companions at some point in your life. 🙂

13 03 2010
Albert

Calling Victorians Mexicans.
My God – the insecurity of some states is pathetic. There seems to be two states in particular – South Australia and Queensland who get into this my state is better than yours shit. Ridiculous.

14 03 2010
Simon

But Albert we are better.

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Haha – righto, Albert. It was New South Welshmen who started the “Mexicans” term for Victorians – as geographically one could compare the places and easily recognise the similarities. So obviously you shouldn’t leave out NSW in your list of top state haters.
Don’t you think every state might think theirs is better than the other? Why shouldn’t they?
I don’t think it has much to do with insecurity when someplace is just given a funny name.

14 03 2010
brad

work it out AlyssaKT the original line of conversation was about Brisvegas,Brissyland,ect and then it turned too bad drivers onthe Gold Coast being from out of town,thus a funny incident from many years ago popped into my head so i thought i would share it.The “ah Gold Coast” line was an attempt too illuminate the premise that there were alot of other similar silly incidents that have happened while visiting their,that make me laugh.I hope this clears things up for you.You are either very prickly or an idiot savant ha ha

12 03 2010
freud's beard

Try driving in Perth, the freeway is always clogged because no-one wants to a)drive a safe distance from another car and b) let someone else in. So every peak hour is a car park. I drove in Melbourne and was amazed at the difference.

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

wouldn’t peak hour be less painful if people just cruised along slowly instead of speeding up, hitting brakes, speeding up, hitting brakes? I’m sure we’d all get there faster – and live 5 years longer because of a more peaceful life!

14 03 2010
pinky has a brain

have you been on the M1??!! I have literally been stopped and taken my car out of gear because I was waiting so long to move ahead. Once I finally got to a point where I could see what was holding everything up, and it was some dude (suspected bogan) changing an F*****G tyer. Is that a bogan thing to go all voyeur and slow down see watch someone’s misfortune? Cause it drives me nuts!!

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

It’s worse when a minor nose-to-tail is not moved off the road, instead the morons are waiting for the police even though no one is hurt or denying blame. Stupid time-wasters on all accounts.

Causes gridlock for kms and often more accidents.

Get off the road!

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

As dangerous as that act of stupidity was, televising it was very unwise. You’d have heard in the audio the bogans’ cheers of delight and encouragement from the footpath at the time – that was then echoed across Australia as the footage was aired.

12 03 2010
Bogue

Ironically, had the car had spun out of control and eliminated the entire seated section at the front of the Austral Hotel, we’d have less people to mock today.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

AlyssaKT,
Some sections of the media have a lot to answere for.
wonder if Ben might specialise on road rage? on the way to nettball of course.

12 03 2010
Benjamin

In the UK they get this right.

At the end of overtaking sections, the *right* lane merges into the left, and not the other way around.

So the overtakers need to merge, not the folks being overtaken.

On the other hand, nobody indicates at roundabouts, which shat me to tears.

13 03 2010
Annette

I followed a Skyline (with bodykit) recently who accelerated into a school zone (they’re 40km in Queensland) to overtake on the left a car doing the speed limit. Scary.

12 03 2010
T-Mac

“expecting surrounding cars to part like Katie Price’s legs”

EPIC WIN

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. It DID say “Lara Bingle’s legs”. Perhaps the power of Max Markson forced TBL into a backdown?

12 03 2010
Tone

Maybe they’re less scared of Max Clifford than they are of Max Markson. After all, the former would have to jump on a plane from London to get here.

12 03 2010
Simon

Oi where did Lara go, has Maxx been on the phone?

12 03 2010
Shirley M

Or perhaps TBL decided to take Ben Cabonaro’s advice.

We wrote this entry prior to the Fevola and Markson ones, so we decided to change the reference to a different “friendly” celebrity for variety’s sake. And yes, we reserve the right to adjust our level of legal liability on an ongoing basis. TBL

12 03 2010
Shirley M

With so many celebrities suitable for the metaphor, LB was a little disappointing anyway.

12 03 2010
common man

not when you leave yourself vunrelable to defamation suites tbl

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

blah blah – your comments are getting increasingly boring. The dysfunctional spelling doesn’t help.

12 03 2010
Mezz

Defamation Suite? Is that the new appartment block in a bogan suburb?

12 03 2010
Mezz

*apartment* apologies..

12 03 2010
Tone

No, ‘defamation suite’ sounds more like one of those really posh furniture settings from Harvey Norman. The ones that go in the Good Room, eternally trapped in their plastic mummification.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Tone,
maybe “Plastic Chrysallis”

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Oh yes, inappropriate plastic wrapping is surely TBL!

I’ve seen several with their remote controls in plastic wrap/bags!
Although the people I’m thinking of could be further labelled either wogans or bogasians…

13 03 2010
brad

bogasians – your funny

13 03 2010
Annette

“The” Defamation Suite, part III – a torrid whirlwind of calamitous symphonic sound, ending in a triumphant crescendo of shreeking self-incriminations.

12 03 2010
common man

LOL.not as much as tbl.s work or lives

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

hmm LOL eagle rim,s verry rotatee

12 03 2010
Antosha

tbl.s zoughan devils’ horns comign home to roo,st i see

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

asio consp,iraccy el et LOL noob

12 03 2010
Mezz

Lara?? Who the bloody hell is Lara?

12 03 2010
Azza

Haha. Brisbane is full of these people, however I find regional centres to be much worse!

I also thinks it’s these bogans who cause most of the traffic disruption. Weaving in and out, using bus lanes then attempting to merge all adds to slowing people down in the morning!

My favourite is on the highway and someone is tailgating you attempting to overtake. Once they do this, they then slow down and turn off 2kms later.

12 03 2010
Mezz

Nice TBL. Very good. I would however have expected to see referencing to previous posts relating to V8 Supercars. The bogan driver tends to reach the point of delusion whereby they will think they are Craig Lowndes at Bathurst and start revving their Chevrodores in an attempt to assert their dominance. I think it’s classic stuff myself. The attempt to make ones self feel somewhat inflated resulting in the exact opposite effect.

I noticed something else that’s a prime candidate for a page of it’s own. The Footy Show… It would have to be in the bogans top 3 weekly appointments wouldn’t it. I don’t know how Peter Sterling handles the rest of them – poor chap..

Good points. We’ll amend if we get time between now and beer o’clock. TBL

12 03 2010
Sten

Sigh… I’m just disappointed Nathan Hindmarsh has joined the Terror’s NRL commentary team.

13 03 2010
brad

whos Peter Sterling?

12 03 2010
Tanka

Top post, TBL. I’m still waiting for the more generic “Poor driving habits” post. For example:
* Arm hanging out the window. Because nothing adds hilarity to a simple fender bender than a wanking arm aputation.
* Feet on the dash. Just how far do you think an airbag could propel someones knees through their head?
* Extraneous headlights. Because 2 just isn’t enough!

12 03 2010
Mezz

I would love to see a bogan driver – cigarette in mouth – fall victim to an airbag attack. Feet on the dash as described above would be great to watch however the sight of the bogan screaming whilst the airbag pushes the cigarette into its eyeball would be one to behold.

12 03 2010
Simon

Wanking arm amputation, thankyou Tanka.

12 03 2010
Bogue

“The alpha road warrior bogan will attempt to lure the other driver from their car with an elaborate roadside war dance, intermittently spitting and kicking door panels. If this is not successful, it will eventually return to its car, do a burnout, and rocket off into the distance, which is usually the next traffic light 100m up the road”.

Brilliant. I had this exact situation happen to me some years back, the look of frustration on the 5’4″ wogans face as he attempted to find a straight panel to kick on my vehicle was worth the ordeal, as too was being accosted by a greasy dwarf challenging me to “git outta the caaahh, if you got any farkin’ balls”.

12 03 2010
SM Adelaide

Once driving down Unley road (hello those who get my parochial reference) I was overtaken by a black skyline – pretty good indicator of the kind of driver likely to be found within – to my amusement I counted the number of times this car changed lanes. 16 times. Me I changed for a grand total of zero. Guess where we were at the traffic lights…….right next to each other in seperate lanes.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

me comming to city on Glen Osmond road years ago bus in rh lane me in lh lane all about 10 k over the limit.
bogan starts tailgatting me lights flashing horn blowing so close i could see headlights through rearview mirror half the time. about three sets of lights down he is beside us at treaffic lights and is waving a bottle at us through open window bottel was not empty so i guess that saved us.
further into town and he is behind again trying to get past same antics. at Green hill road he crossed from lh to rh lane through traffic so he could follow us into Hutt, follows all the way to Adelaide Police station where I parked out the front. he was out of the car with the bottle befor he realised ehere he was. police approaching , rapid exit.
What a dill
turns out he was “known to police”
surprise.
If only we had had Ben our intrepid jurno on the trail.

12 03 2010
Kate

You could’ve metioned the bouge going through road rage, screaming obscenities while Mikayla and Jaydynn are in the back seat.

12 03 2010
Mezz

Don’t forget Jezzeel who’s riding shotgun…

12 03 2010
Shirley M

I think the reason why road rage is an inherent bogan trait stems from the fact that the driving test is very possibly the only test they will ever pass in their lives. This minor achievement inflates their egos so much that the from the moment they acquire their license they consider themselves not just competent drivers, but shit-hot drivers.

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

It amuses me greatly when I witness the bogan driver who – in their cars with shiny-rimmed wheels and illegally tinted windows – accelerate to ridiculous speeds only to have to slam on the brakes due to the slower (not speeding) vehicles in their path. Over and over. The bogan’s inability to predict the future – even when it is 100m in front of them – is amazing!

12 03 2010
Loftie

‘Melbourne’s Highway Patrol’ show on Channel 7…

Examples of everything mentioned above and more…

How I make it to work and back every day is a modern day miracle…

12 03 2010
JimC

I’ve never felt the slightest bit guilty for cutting off a Pajero in traffic.

In fact I quite enjoy it, considering the amount of times my life has been out in danger by CUBs driving them.

12 03 2010
Mezz

You do know what Pajero (pronounced Pahero) means in Spanish don’t you?

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

OH! Thank you Mezz!! Hahahaha!

http://www.ojohaven.com/fun/translation.funnies.html
(other beauties on here too)

12 03 2010
JimC

No. Does it mean ‘social-climbing cocksucker’?

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

maybe even better!

12 03 2010
Mezz

Better indeed. Pajero means wanker! It’s great that they cruise the streets waring this title like a badge and have no idea. It’s a tolken gesture to help the rest of us cope with these idiots by seeing the funny side of it all.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

give you a clue
the “O” ending denotes male
an “A” ending would be female. similar to the port a geasers

12 03 2010
JimC

Yeah, I looked it up. Funny stuff.

I guess the makers of that car really knew their market when they named it, because I’m constantly encountering Pajeros in my day-to-day business and I always end up muttering “Wanker..”.

12 03 2010
r.jett

I just like the fact that pajero is a slang word in spanish for wanker.

12 03 2010
r.jett

damn it… you all beat me to the punch. 😦

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Wonder where Ben is today?
On campus bone ing up on Pajero’s?
Having a reality check?
Checking dictionaries for all the new words he came across yesterday?
out at the nett ball courts bagging a front row seat for the next event?
Hope he has not switched to engineering, Melbourne does not need another WestGate Bridge.
I suspect the cut and thrust of life as a journalist may be causing a rethink?
I suppose to a young person from a protected home environment to be thrust into the “cage fight ” that journalism can be is a somewhat rude awakening?

12 03 2010
Mezz

Leave Ben alone!!! Mwahahahahahahahahahah!

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Mezz,
you do crocadile tears so well.

12 03 2010
Mezz

At least we have the common man to put us all in our places i guess..

12 03 2010
James Hunter

very common at that

12 03 2010
common man

finally some one who understands the common man theme thanks mezz jh would never had thought that far ahead

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

sarcasm is wasted on the stupid

12 03 2010
James Hunter

AlyssaTk
Thanks
wondered what I was doing wrong.
mwah

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Hi JH, that was more directed to CM’s response to Mezz, but I’m glad you’re happy too 😀

12 03 2010
HappyFriend

This is why I avoid suburbs like Craigieburn, Caroline Springs, St Albans (a.k.a. St Albogans)
and Sunbury entirely!

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Mezz,
Well well well, whats going on here then?
Looks like you or I or both have ruffeled Common Man’s feathers?
What a pity.
Time for more Croc o dill tears !

12 03 2010
common man

no sorry jh but one day when tbl decide to find better things than undermining common decency eg their other blogs then an only then i will stop undermining a small nieve minority who believe this trollop it really is qiute simple stop whinning an start packing tbl if you enjoy this character assination of all races!!!!

12 03 2010
Simon

CM. You are a fruit loop.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Simon
Do not get carried away and Fiona do not get jelous but sometimes, like this,
I just love you !!
Common Man, If you had a heart , I’d say”eat it out”

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. No need to be concerned about me getting jealous. Getting ill, however, is a whole other matter…

12 03 2010
Simon

Thanks James, have a good weekend.

12 03 2010
Muz

There should be a whole post on Bogan cars.

I’ll start. (Excluding the driver.)

a) Bolted on spoilers.
b) Stickers of primarily this type: southern cross, fuck off we’re full, princess, ms princess, frangipanis, Unit, Pioneer (or insert other stereo brand name), rum pig, naughty lady.
3) Aerials, any more than one.
4) Spotlights, multiples thereof.
5) Truck mudflaps on cars (typically Kenworth but can be others. Mack etc.)
6) Mags on front, stock wheels on back. (For burnouts.)
7) Chev badges
8) Utes, just in general.
9) Dogs in the back of aforementioned.
10) Hotted up shitboxes. (Like a Ford escort or some other variation.)
11) Massive mufflers.
12) Loud doof doof. (Bonus points if sub woofer takes up whole of the boot space.)
13) Hood ornament. (Mack dog etc.)
I’ll think of others. Feel free to contribute.

Here’s some gold. http://www.bogan.com.au/photos/index.php?album=1

12 03 2010
James Hunter

dont you love the country bogan’s ute’s stickers ?.
Relating to B&S balls, Circle work, Longhorn steers, mack trucks,plus ;

Pig Dogs, more whip aerials then a prawn trawler, more spotlights then a police helicopter, gun racks, carsace hooks on the rear roll bar. cage for the pig dogs, beer can dispenser also known as the nights stray fuck, a rolled up swagg with beer ,chunder and pig blood stains.

If you city types have never seen one you in for a treat if you ever leave the protective confines of suburbia.

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Sounds charming. I must be sure to apply for the next “The Farmer Wants a Wife”.

12 03 2010
Simon

Fiona, did you know there is now an energy drink called “LOL”?

12 03 2010
James Hunter

Fiona,
you would be a “lay down Misere” (spell check)
If Channel 7 do that I will speak to Fremantle Media for you.
Mwah sooo miss ed you

12 03 2010
common man

LOL.in your dreams rachel maree cohan,,umm lets see how long this riddle takes you?

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. Forever, as I have no intention of “decoding” it.

12 03 2010
freud's beard

brilliant

12 03 2010
Benjamin

Please don’t feed the troll Fiona,

He makes my head hurt.

You’re better than this.

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. He makes my dictionary and thesaurus weep.

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

he makes my keyboard want to die

12 03 2010
common man

alys i see your still neglecting your hubby hmm happy marrige??

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Is this meant to make sense?
Neglecting my husband?? hahaha

12 03 2010
common man

no or unable??

12 03 2010
Shirley M

Not much of a riddler, are you?

12 03 2010
ant

That describes half the cars around here, in fact my neighbour has several, complete with pigging dogs and cage into which they don’t quite fit. and his collection of pig jawbones lined up on the fence.

13 03 2010
Annette

“Wrangler Butts Drive Me Nuts!”

13 03 2010
brad

Bundy sticker,Dargo Hotel sticker

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Further to above:
b) *”Our Family” stickers are the new frangipanis.
*Add porn star and playboy bunny stickers – espcially if partnered with matching seat covers. Best with a Hyundai Excel 97.

14) Wheels that cost more than the car. Xtremely shiny or spinny.

p.s. Was your switch between alpha and numeric on purpose for comedy?

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

especially*

12 03 2010
Muz

Just saw that. Started with letters and then the phone rang and I got distracted. Whoops!

12 03 2010
Muz

Just noticed number 8 is ‘sunglasses’. Somehow I’ve inadvertently created an emoticon?

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

you would have been safe with H!
😉
😎

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

It reminded me of many comedy skits. Not sure where this memory comes from but a guy is giving 3 reasons “A… and secondly…. and D….” ha

12 03 2010
Muz

In that case I’ll claim it was intended.

13 03 2010
common man

i read ,but like ya hubby just ignore your low level of intellect an ran for the beer to kill one self,at least with beer gogels we can swith off oh yes dear 3 bags full dear

13 03 2010
Annette

What is WRONG with you? no speaka da ingliss?

13 03 2010
common man

yes i can write quite clearly,But the dumb folk who enjoy this do not deserve any better lol!

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

why do you keep presuming I have a husband? Why couldn’t I be single or a lesbian, you ignorant fool?

14 03 2010
James Hunter

AlyssaKT,
I would be careful about feeding the animal as like the the signs in the Zoo say feeding the animal(s) can be dangerous.
He(understood) already admits to stalking and seems to have other sociopathic tendencies.
His intellect(sic) seems wanting ,so it all adds up to someone to be avoided at all costs. Esp. in darc alleys.
You take care now
Simon, Fi and I would miss you so.

12 03 2010
James Hunter

AlyssaKT
The alpha numeric switch in his case id have to say he did not even notice!!

12 03 2010
Kate

Don’t forget novelty seat covers

12 03 2010
Kate

Also saw the other day:

A Subaru W-RX with blue-purple chrome paint and a custom number plate IMPULSV

15 03 2010
James

My sister’s ex (more of a try-hard wogboy than a bogan, I thought…pseudo-wogan?) had a family sedan of very uninspiring power with a bolt-on spoiler and a Pioneer decal on the back window.

His actual sound system was Blaupunkt.

12 03 2010
nauseated

Call me melancholy but I can’t even laugh at this. The Road Rage Bogan puts so many lives at risk (sometimes including their own children’s) for the sake of arriving at it’s destination 3 minutes early than they might have otherwise.

It fills me with anger and prompts me to feel my own un-boganed version of Rage against the Road Ragers.

12 03 2010
??

and its for this reason that i have never bothered to get a drivers licence

12 03 2010
AlyssaKT

hmmm… or that’s just sad. But if you don’t feel confident then I’m sure it’s best this way.

12 03 2010
??

and its for this reason that i have never bothered to get a drivers licence. or ever will

12 03 2010
Robbie

EL OH EL! well done TBL 🙂

14 03 2010
Anonymity is king

is it considered bogan to spell out the sounds of letters in an abbreviation?
especially when it the the abbreviation of “laugh out loud”

12 03 2010
Peter

Well thank you James Hunter for describing all things alpha-rural – *yaaaaaawwwwwn*. geebus, pops, can’t you train your whiskey-soaked paw to tap out something a little more constructive? And by constructive I mean coherent.

12 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. ❤

12 03 2010
James Hunter

You Peter can not ever have seen one of these utes.
and….
You try being co her ent when you get to my age.
Humpf.

12 03 2010
ant

I quite like creative utes. The feral ones are brilliant, the B and S utes slightly sad but scenic. The ones with the farm gate stuck on front are quite impressive, they need more ways to mount those big aerials though, 6 just aren’t enough. The ones done up like little semi trailers are, well, sad really.

12 03 2010
Andrew

of course, not forgetting that should the bogan be caught by the authorities for breaking any road rules, then they will turn to Today Tonight to get the latest advice on avoiding paying speeding fines, parking fines and any other infringement notice. Because it is never their fault.

12 03 2010
Will S

Followed immediately of course by agreeing wholeheartedly on the next story about how evil all young drivers are!

12 03 2010
George

Ah yes! Facebook update has reminded me…. we need a post on magazines! Lifestyle / “sport” or whatever 🙂

12 03 2010
swalk

In my experience , the primary trigger of bogan road rage is to forget the single provision of the bogan Traffic Act, namely, the least vulnerable road user has priority at all times.

Woe betide any pedestrian or cyclist here in Perth who asserts their right of way. To do so would be tantamount to suicide. The bogan motorist is either utterly ignorant of its obligations, or it simply doesn’t care.

Worst of all are the angled entrances to shopping centres and fast food outlets that some genius obviously thought were a good idea. These allow the bogan to enter said establishments without the need to slow down, or for that matter indicate. For the hapless pedestrian, each time they have to walk across these entrances is a roll of the dice.

12 03 2010
L Ron Hoover

Despite driving excessively fast 98% of the time, Bogans are also amazingly quick to scream to a halt.
This usually occurs when they spy a ‘hawt stunna’ or to queue at a petrol station with 2c cheaper fuel.
Strangely they don’t seem mind that they’re slowing down the traffic flow when 20 seconds ago they were throwing a tantrum for being stuck behind an old couple driving 59km in a 60km zone…

12 03 2010
ant

It’s easy to lose Bogans though, curves will do it. Any bit of road that isn’t dead straight puzzles them quite a lot, and they disappear from view. If the road’s not straight, you have to put your brakes on.

12 03 2010
Tombarina

Back to the original topic, ie “road rage”…

Fellow TBL-ers, is it a fair observation that there appears to be a plethora of ‘rages’ – shopping rage, queue rage, wheelie bin rage, whatever rage?

And that these new afflictions are validated to the enthusiastic bogan practitioner by the good folk at ACA and TT, who wheel out white-coated grey-haired authoritative-looking invididuals with a diploma in psychology from Cloncurry TAFE to assure them that these afflictions are to be expected, given the increasing stress that the bogan faces every day as it works to make an honest crust, blah, blah, blah….

And that labelling this sort of feral behaviour as ‘road rage’, et al, is merely a case of attempting to dignify or trend-up what is basically pathetic, ill-disciplined, antisocial, narcissism? (Unless, of course, the enraged driver has a ‘Mad Bitch’ decal across the whole rear windscreen – then it’s classy…..)

Hear endeth the rant. Night, kids.

12 03 2010
swalk

Quite. Giving these “conditions” undue coverage undoubtedly has a normalising effect, causing the bogan to perceive them as a legitimate response to anything that doesn’t go their way.

13 03 2010
Tombarina

Swalk, you’ve eloquently expressed in three lines what it took me four huffily outraged paragraphs to achieve.
Stupid media coverage of stupid people’s stupid behaviour simply legitimises and perpetuates it.
Time to start calling ‘road rage’ what it really is – some puffed-up wanker’s inability to process the concept that they’re NOT the only pebble on the beach.

12 03 2010
filman

I think I need weapons on my car to deal with dangerous epidemic. I’m thinking of the bond movie ‘Goldfinger’ from 1967. The scene where Bond gets tailgated by the baddies and responds by unleashinhg oil on the road…

13 03 2010
Laura

Gold. 😀

Have had the misfortune of having lived in Woganville, Vic. — aka Thomastown, aka Thomo in Wogue — downright notorious for its bogan hoons, and this entry is spot on, as usual, TBL.

Only thing I can think to add, in the context of general bogan hoonery, is the obligatory “SHOW US YER TITS,” screamed by five or six alpha bogues hanging out the Monaro’s windows (darkest legal tint, naturally). If I only had a dollar for every time a bunch of Muzza’s hurled that one at me when I had to fill up at their favoured hangout, the Quix servo on Edgar’s road. *Wistful sigh*, I’d then be a CUNB (cashed up non bogue, of course).

13 03 2010
Tombarina

I hear you, Laura.

Why is it that in Bogan Kingdom, “SHOWUSYATITS” and fanging a crapmobile go together like a horse and carriage? (Or Jack Daniels and a packet of Winnie Blues.)

Has this cheekily dashing approach ever wooed the heart of a young maiden? Is there some law which requires the magic words to be uttered only while in the company of at least two other bogans, and while encased in a vehicle with a revving motor?

Personally, I’m always flattered when four Jim Beam singlet-clad halfwits in a pimped 1984 Nissan Skyline offer me words of breastly encouragement at traffic lights. I mean, if I didn’t want them commented upon, why on earth would I have grown them in the first place? I only have myself to blame….

13 03 2010
brad

showusyourtassie is the more gentleman-like bogans catch cry

13 03 2010
James Hunter

god that sounds like a Barry Humphries (Sir Les Patterson ) Line..

13 03 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
want a place in our troup?
give me a call and your in.?
check the website
http://www.circusbizarre.com.au
anytime you can be in Newy
or if we be going to Sydney or Adelaide ???
sometimes we even brave the weather and go to melbourne town. ??

28 03 2010
Tombarina

Hey James – sorry, was offline for about a week there. Love the site! But don’t get to Newy – I’m a Queensland girl. (You know, God’s own country, yada yada…)
You’ve been quiet the past few days – prithee, verily and forsooth, get thee posting!

And here’s a little something for you: http://www.news.com.au/national/billey-and-ridley-lampard-given-danger-as-middle-name/story-e6frfkvr-1225846444721

Noice….

28 03 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
You are too kind, I have been a little short of time and distracted as my better half is in the la hospitale but also the last two or three blogs have not been drawing the usual worthy comments. or is that comments worthy of response? even Lady Fi has been relatively silent

13 03 2010
Laura

Egads! Not to be a pedant, but, on the other hand, loath to be boganic in ANY way, shape or form, I feel compelled to point out that the apostrophe attached to “Muzzas” doesn’t belong there! A typo, a typo!

13 03 2010
ben

I love how Bogans have a peculiar kind of ‘pedestrian’ rage as well. While driving they’ll scream out the window ‘aryafuggincuntputsomeclotheson’, rant about how much better they are at rootin’ than you to your female companion, or, just spit in your general direction.

13 03 2010
swalk

On many an occasion I have had the experience of a bogan yelling … something at me out the window while tearing along the road at breakneck speed. Of course, you can’t hear a damn word they’re saying, so one has to wonder why they bother. In any event, words don’t concern me so much. The two occasions where I have had eggs thrown at me, on the other hand…

13 03 2010
brad

you’re a bogan magnet swalk(must admit egging was apast-time that always pulled a few cheap laughs when i was a pup)

14 03 2010
AlyssaKT

Why didn’t you have clothes on, Ben?

13 03 2010
Andrew

While I agree the Chevrodore bogue is a nuisance, it’s the femme-bogue in her frangipani-adorned Hyundai Excel that terrifies me. This dully colored, but loudly complaining example of the species can be identified in her conveyance by talking/texting on her iphone (no doubt a message of extreme importance), adjusting the rear vision mirror to an appropriate angle to apply her mascara and sipping her muzz-buzz skinny latte all at the same time. And this while weaving in and out of peak hour traffic on Melbourne’s M1 on K-mart retreads that have never been checked for correct tyre pressures since leaving the Fountain Gate Shopping Centre. When I’m riding my motorbike I give this variety of the bogue a very wide berth

13 03 2010
swalk

I saw a corking example of this species yesterday in a supermarket carpark. The femme-bogue concerned was evidently ignorant of which vehicle has right of way at an uncontrolled T-junction. She slammed on the brakes and loudly berated the motorist driving along the continuing road, as I looked on in bewilderment and disbelief that she was able to pass her driving test.

13 03 2010
common man

hey jayfox,mcsween demilo,chapleski,huntersmythe an cornier lance romance do the world a favour an follow charmaine dragun please as you kids have no humbleness or dignity hiding behind the tbl banner or originalty the common man who died for you will find your inferior web hero,s an finish this once an for all you gutless weak lesser nerds

13 03 2010
Tombarina

Umm…..what?

13 03 2010
common man

the authors ghetto names dumby?

13 03 2010
Tombarina

Oh, the names I got, CM. Thanks for the encouragement.

It’s the garbled ramblings and suggesting that they commit mass suicide which left me confused.

Although, perhaps it’s the utter absence of punctuation which is rendering your post incomprehsible. Although, a gold star for inventing the word “humbleness”! In all seriousity, bravo!

13 03 2010
Ironhalo

Not related to the post (and it’s spot on, nice work TBL) but I had the misfortune of attending the Parramatta/St George NRL game last night at Parramatta. A lot of families were there, and it was a good atmosphere with kids dressed up etc. We had friends of ours bring thir young son, who was looking forward to seeing ‘Sparky’ the Eel.

No sooner did we think that we could have a night free of incident, before a bogue family set up shop in the seat behind us. Their infectious miasma commenced when after evidently only buying three tickets at a sellout game, sat their litter of bogue kids in a row of six, which meant other people’s allocated seats were being taken. Two girls about 19 went to sit down and were accosted almost immediately by the Alpha Shaz.
Alpha Shaz: ‘Yeeea sorry but a gonna haf ta sit somewhere else! My kidz are sittin’ ere!’
Girl: ‘Yes but he is in my seat.’
Alpha Shaz: ‘Fuck ya I told ya to go somewhere else! Now fuck off.’
At this stage my mate is earmuffing his young son’s ears, while his wife (who isn’t backwards in forward) gave that look of ‘if they say one more thing in front of my son, I’m having a go at them.’
Anyway the Parra, Parra, Parra chant started, and in between the crowds chants, this family thought that the height of comedy would be to throw profanity in between.
Crowd: Parra!
Bogues: Suck!
Crowd: Parra!
Bogues: Are faggots!
Crowd: Parra!
Bogues: Suck fucking dicks! *hoots of laughter from their kids*
My friend truned around and said, ‘You can speak how you want in front of your own kids, whom I feel sorry for, but I’d like it if you didn’t swear in front of my 4 year old son.’
Alpha Shaz: ‘It’s the fuckin’ footy bitch. It’s the fuckin’ footy!’
Alpha Dwayne: ‘Yeah so sit the fuck down yer c^#ts.’
Not realising our group was actually 8 people with 4 of them being military officers, said bogues were quickly put in their place with a verbal tirade (half of which they probably couldn’t understand) before realising that they might be asked to leave by the police standing nearby.
Even afterwards I could hear the now chastised Head Shaz muttering under her breath, ‘I don’t give a shit, I’ll say what I what when I fuckin’ want…..’

I really wish I had some form of sterilisation device with me. Even something akin to those memory wand things from Men in Black would suffice. SOrry bogan, your reign of parenting terror has ended.

13 03 2010
brad

imagine this scenero times 10000-20000,any Collingwood v Richmond game

13 03 2010
James Hunter

Ironhalo,
I cannot ever claim the “pleasure” of attending such a bogan inferno as a footy match,
BUT
I have performed for buck and hens nights which are a fair introduction to the extremes of boganism, however the ” piece de resistance ” of bogan events in my minor life experiences, was a bogan “fund raiser”.

A fund raiser? well albeit for a good cause, cancer research, but the venue?
A football club with all the player’s children in tow. God my co preformers on stage being heckled with “Get Your Tits Out” by DRUNK 11, 12 13 , …..year olds.???? Yep.!!
Bloody little scrots and scrotees.
Parents egging them on.
I thought we had a hard time,,, till the headline act a locallyt famos band appeared.
All I can say is I’m glad we were on first.!!!

Enough.
used to finishing a gig ” tierd but wierd” this time it was ” Knackered and Pissed (of)” !!

14 03 2010
Simon

I took my wife to a Port Adelaide West Coast game a couple of years ago. I have been making jokes about Port supporters for years but at the game my wife discovered they were actually true stories. The language and lack of teeth, and that is just the females. Truly horrifying. I was wearing my West Coast top (probably not smart) and I think it was lucky we lost the game or I could have been killed to death by a Shazza who weights 150 kgs.

14 03 2010
Sam

Whenever I go to Perth I am sure that the number of missing teeth is increasing at a similar rate to the number of tattoos.

Are people trading teeth for tattoos?

14 03 2010
common man

but mr portland you lack of teeth makes your dads sav fit easier 1-0

14 03 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
The lack of teeth thing is a reflection of “Medicare”
The non bagans usually have private heatlth with dental / optical extras.
Maybe the bogans cant see either” might explain their tast in clothes ?

16 03 2010
euro goth bogue

how about an optipen filled with a chemical that will sterilise them?

13 03 2010
James Hunter

AnnettI
think it should sound something like
Nown Speee kah Der On glay

13 03 2010
common man

your nieve behaviour does not warrant intellect hence dumbing one,s self down to your level of blindness

13 03 2010
James Hunter

well well common man,
unfortunately for everyone you have not in any of your dribbles that I have seen have youy demonstrated any capacity to use correwct spelling, grammer, syntax , or acceptable style.
Go look at the “australian Universities” “Book of Common Style”
The names above may have changed but the book is still the same.
That and a “Macqarie Dictionary”
Come back in a year or two and show us that you are more then you seem, and not just the sum of the parts of a scrabble jumble sale.

13 03 2010
Fiona of Toorak

LOL. The irony of James Hunter giving common man grammatical advice. And having the high ground too!

13 03 2010
James Hunter

Well Fi,
I’m not exactly a Pedant, BUT ??
as you know full well, I do not often react, however we all have standards.

13 03 2010
common man

yellow belly are biting well today,yellow belly as in coward, typical nerdy net hero still thinks fi is female hahaha

13 03 2010
Ironhalo

”Common Man’ (such an apt moniker), you accuse others of having no dignity but then ask them to ‘follow Charmaine Durgun’ as in commit suicide.

I’d argue that you lack a sense of irony, but digressing with you would be as useful as booing at the Special Olympics.

13 03 2010
Tombarina

Ironhalo, a little respect, please. Earlier today, on this very site, CM invented a new word: ‘humbleness’.

And possibly ‘nieve’, unless that’s just a fresh and challenging new way to spell ‘naive’. And the tricky use of a comma in place of an apostrophe, albeit inappropriately: “…your nieve behaviour does not warrant intellect hence dumbing one,s self down…”

CM, I salute you. We’re clearly in the presence of a infintely superior, and more eloquent, intellect. (…tugs at forelock, averts eye contact, backs away slowly…)

13 03 2010
Kev

Never heard the term Bogan but interested to know that it is the equivilent of the ‘Chav’ in the UK.
They are so sad, primarly brain cell challenged excuses for human beings. Whats funny is they think they are actually clever but the minute their opinion of anything is challenged they revert to what they know best, blatant in your face confrontation or worse, violence.
On the other hand they are quite funny to watch, especially when they are trying to solve one of lifes problems, like negotiating over a purchase of dope or maybe finding a job.
Chavs are these low lifes but with a bit of money.

14 03 2010
toony

No Kev. If you’d spent anytime in the UK you’d understand that the Chav is markedly different to the Bogan. Poles apart.
The Chav is unemployed, cashless and relies on giro/theft/robbery to survive and breed.

You’ve obviously never had the chill run up your spine when confronted by a half-rat/half-human asking you…
“Haway man, need marra for tha bairns ….”

Chav vs Bogan should be dead by now?

14 03 2010
James Hunter

Toony,
excuse our antipodean ignorance but what the ( deleated) is “giro”
I suspect it is some description for “the dole”
or as the septicsAmericans) say “welfare”
??

15 03 2010
swalk

It’s broader than that – it is a (now largely obsolete) system of credit transfer operated by the post office. However, as you rightly suspect, it is commonly used to refer specifically to social security payments, as this was the primary means by which they were made.

15 03 2010
Sam

It is a bit more complicated than that.

Chavs are generally as you describe, however there are still wealthy people and celebrities who are 100% chav.

Katie Price
Lilly Allen
Amy Winehouse
Kerry Katona
Spice Girls
Most of the EPL players.
+ lots more

There are plenty of people with jobs who are definitely chav. Go to any pub on any night and you will see big horse, popped collared shirts everywhere.

The chav definition is about as loose as the bogan definition. Sure there are the hardcore, who you describe above, but there are many, many subsets…just like our bogans. They are a very similar species, the only reason we have more cashed up bogans is because of “the mines” and “the unions”.

13 03 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
Thank you, thank you, bows and blows a kiss to thye audience.

Thank you for comming on board. I know my pathetic little swipe at cm did not have the style of yours .

I can not have done too badly though because the response from Fiona was, for her, fairly muted.

Realy I find it hard to believe that someone of his intelect can or , could even concieve of, making cogent arguments, or of making the greater readership feel a connect let alone empathy.

any way, thank you

14 03 2010
common man

benjamin what happened to all those fuck off comments on ya fb sticker group??an simon please comeback so we can talk more about allah abu you stupid boy yes you i saw mr portland

14 03 2010
Peter

Ease up on the Bundy rum, James Hunter!

14 03 2010
James Hunter

Peter,
Insults to me are just feedback, BUT, infering that I drink BUNDY ??
That Sir is too much !!!
White gauntlet, for the throwing down of ,at dawn. Your choice of weapon, from dictionary or thesarus.
I will ask Fiona to be umpire and Tombarina to be my second.
Venue, Nobbys beach Newcastle.
common man, might like to simulate the mosh pit?
Maybe I could get Newcastle “Knights” supporters to provide a realistic audience ? I would prefer the ” Newcastle Jets United’ but the soccer crowd may not be bogan enough ?

14 03 2010
BogansBegone

The only solution to this is to stop bogans breeding.

14 03 2010
James Hunter

Bogans Begone,
Now that is a sensible comment.
You start a new political party I join straight away.
Use you stage name as the name.
“The Australian Bogan Begone Party ”
Centerlin k could supply a list of unemployed compulsive breaders to be sumarily sterilised.
Party supporters could dob in road hoons.
Court reporters could give us lists of compulsive home furnature and whitegoods purchassers that can not meet payments.
Just check the court lists most on the “Joyce Mayne”, Harvey Norman and Radio Rentals lists would be a good start.
Maybe spys outside,

14 03 2010
James Hunter

Bogans Begone
Now there is a sensible comment
You start a new political party.
The Australian Bogans Begone Party
I join tommorrow, Fiona can be treasurer, Simon , Publicist common man our secrete think tank(very secrete), Tombarina Media front person and Ben our sports infiltrator..
Main Plank on our Platform is
Compulsory Sterilization for all lesser bogans.
Road Hoons
Compuilsive breading by welfare recipients.
Compulsive purchasing from Harvey Norman, Joyce Mayne, Radio rentals.
Man I could just see the Headline as thousands que out side out partyy headquaters to join up.

15 03 2010
James

I am deeply disappointed you could not find a place for me in your party, JH.

15 03 2010
James Hunter

James
Too much metho I suppose.
You could be minister in charge of anti alcohol and gambling? or any suggestions

15 03 2010
James

Chief of Staff would suit me fine. Think of me as the Rahm Emmanuel of the Australian Bogans Begone Party.

15 03 2010
James Hunter

Think we have a winner here.
wonder if TBL would do a blog on the new force (farce) in Australian politics.?

14 03 2010
brad

James your star-sign must be Cancer cause your just like a dose of crabs

14 03 2010
James Hunter

Brad
And Yours is Pisces Because….(deleted)

14 03 2010
brad

you fuckin freak it was my birthday yesterday

14 03 2010
brad

been reading my facebook page?

14 03 2010
toony

Hopefully he got shitfaced and glassed his Fiona character but that cancerous part of my brain suggests not.

14 03 2010
toony

Hopefully he got shitfaced and glassed his Fiona character but that cancerous part of my brain suggests not.

Proof entirely that there is no god.

14 03 2010
toony

Can’t believe wordpress doesn’t (still) have an edit function… haha

14 03 2010
James Hunter

Tooney,
Which Bloger think you is alter ego of Fiona?

14 03 2010
Sam

Seriously James – enough with your shit.

Your comments are fine when you stick to topic but you are driving people from this blog with your attention seeking garble about Fiona that dominates every TBL entry. Simon seems to be the only person remotely interested in your crap. Not funny anymore.

14 03 2010
brad

he is a wing flapper of the highest order sam

14 03 2010
James Hunter

So sorry , Sam old chap,
I will go play with my wooden blocks.

14 03 2010
James Hunter

From AlysaaKt’s comments
It appears that Brad (blue face) is the real wing flapper. Esp. since hge usually only can complete one sentence?

14 03 2010
brad

its hard too compose lengthy dialuoge when me arthritus is playin up

15 03 2010
James Hunter

Ah, another metho fueled Grand Pop ?

15 03 2010
brad

ha ha amongst other potions

15 03 2010
Maxwell Smart

http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/road-rage-two-stabbed-after-uturn-20100315-q6b0.html

Sounds like the driver of the Pajero took offence to having their poor driving skills pointed out to them.

Must of chipped away at their feeling of invincibility in their 2 tonne mobile fortress, then decided that pulling a knife on another motorist would be a fair and equitable retribution for having their superior driving skills questioned.

15 03 2010
James Hunter

I understand people picking on “Pajero” for it’s name translation of “Wanker” but who realy would want to drive round in a “Medow” the translation of “Prado” ?? Bit two fingers down the throat.

21 03 2010
Andrew

Not really road rage, but at least car related. What happens when bogans don’t get a car race…

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/deprived-of-their-race-angry-fans-decide-to-have-a-riot-20100320-qnaq.html

29 03 2010
7 12 2010
sumguy87

omg this is so fuckin ture.me and my mate were driving home from a game of tennis and he was driving.We were going down the pacific highway in the left lane of 60 zone where there are FREQUENTLY speeding camera police.

So in the left lane a mid size truck with two bogans in fluoro vests starts literally riding up our arse so close. we speed up and i turned around from the passenger seat and mouthed fuck you vigourously and gave them the finger.I think my mate may have flipped them off too.

Ok then the bogans sped up started chasing us,we drove down a street but unfortuantely we picked a cul de sac.They sped down blocked us in the cul de sac and then the bogan tradie got out of the truck fuming.Came over and my mate wound his window down just a bit.When the bogan abused my mate, to the reply of:
“you were riding up my arse” he got told by said bogan
“to GET OFF THE FUCKING DRUGS MATE!” and then got hit in the face through the window.

As they drove off we noticed the factor of personalised number plates.true story.

7 12 2010
James Hunter

so whos the smart one ?

8 12 2010
AlyssaKT

you’re a bogan too, Buddy…

8 12 2010
sumguy87

lol,in retrospect shoudlnt have flipped them off but i dont care it was a kneejerk reaction or bogan hatred.

8 12 2010
AlyssaKT

“hmmm” is your response. And I believe it says everything.

8 12 2010
sumguy87

*of

8 12 2010
sumguy87

im really not a bogan,i just have that aussie-ness from growing up in a small bush suburb.insult me if you will but at least we had the nerve to tell them they were shit.telling someone fuck you when they are being agressive for no reason isnt bogan its called sticking up for yourself.

8 05 2013
Sunny

This is so spot on!! They really need on-road coping skills… Was just cursed at by a Bogan couple in a Holden ute after… Well actually driving properly!! These cunts are ridiculous. Cunts wish they can afford a European automobile!

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