This is the worst show on television. The bogan, with an alarming physical dependency on it, tunes in each weeknight at 6:30 sharp for its hit of outrage, denial, and quick fixes. As the familiar tones of the program’s journalistically authoritative host reverberate from the interest-free home theatre system, it lures all occupants of the McMansion into the grand sitting room. Hunched around the television as though it’s the only heater in Antarctica, they are ready to receive their 30 minute dosage.
Without this show, the bogan would be lost. It has spent years cultivating a deep hatred of authority, immigrants, young people, non-bogans ripping off bogans, and bogans ripping off bogans. A hatred this huge would topple over under the weight of its own fundamental irrationality unless it was constantly fed and validated by moving pictures and sound. Worse still, if left to its own devices to contemplate its hates, there is a slim but unacceptable possibility that the bogan will realise that it loathes itself.
Thankfully, the bogan can turn to its television at 6:30pm to ward off any dawning self-awareness. The show’s journalists will exercise their own freedom of speech in a bogan-approved manner, cutting off or drowning out anyone featured on the show who attempts to unravel the bogan’s fragile social tapestry with an independent opinion. With the boring parts of conventional news reporting eliminated thus, the bogan can immerse itself in the x-treme journalistic elements of ambush, pursuit, hidden cameras, and selective editing.
This show is possibly the most finely honed, perfectly evolved bogan-attracting machine in existence. After years of patient trial and error, it has narrowed down the list of stories it presents to eight meta-bogan pieces. It will inform the bogan how to lose weight without fad diets or exercise, inform the bogan about the existence of con artists while chasing them down the street, inform the bogan about how generally evil young people are, inform the bogan about the dangers of foreign people entering the country, inform the bogan about what ‘crazy stunt’ the ‘Chaser boys’ have recently pulled, inform the bogan about welfare cheats robbing them of their taxes, inform the bogan about any product, service or general notion that will permit the filming of semi-exposed breasts and inform the bogan about any program on the network that might need some extra free advertising. The bogan will watch this show, then turn on Home and Away, and sleep comfortably, content that it is now an empowered and informed member of society. And that nothing is their fault.
Comments RSS
Trackback
LOL. #100 – A Current Affair?
I’ve got a feeling the magic #100 will be about UFC/MMA – that most Bogan of “sports”, with all the boring running around taken out of it.
it’s shaping up that way…and it would make sense, too, because it’s taken as gospel by nearly ALL of them. cretins.
as previously stated – UFC post should be post #110 (in reference to UFC110 that was recently held in Sydney)
and we all know how TBL likes ‘a reference’
I vote eBay for #100.
what about bad comedy?
two and a half men.
Fitness First for #100
WAGs perhaps?
The Bingle is an entry all on her own.
How about
“The Life and Times of the Intrepid Blogger, “Fiona of Toorak” “?
the Bogans would not read it but lots of Students , Intelligensia,Federal Police and just the regular superior types would.
LOL. How could that be #100? It’s about bogans, you brain-addled metho drinker!
understood , but what better way then to finish with many quotes and examples from the source of anti bogan sentiment and rhetoric.
Surely this would be an inspiration to other bloggers and aspiring bloggers to redouble efforts to contain this pervasive menace ?
LOL. Dare I suggest that “…occupants of the McMansion into the lounge room…” would read better as “…occupants of the McMansion into the Grand Sitting Area…”?
You are correct to dare. It does read better. TBL
Fi you have lost your touch during your brief absence.
you failed to mention the repetion of the adjectival phrase :outrage,denial and quick fixes.
surely this is poor style? unless this blogg is secretely written for boags??
LOL. TBL doesn’t think so.
ALAS !! You two lovebirds are picking on each other today aren’t you !!
LOL. 😐
You forgot the ‘How to buy a bra ‘ stories that are nothing more than a chance to show cleavage, giving the bogan a chance to cop an eyeful whilst eating their X-treme TV dinners featuring all the miracle superfoods needed to keep the bogue huge.
We did mention ‘any x-cuse to film semi-x-posed breasts… TBL
was hoping this would get a site of it own so it can be updated daily i.e. Stuff i learnded off’ve (sic) TT/ACA”.
Such a blog wouldn’t last long.
The woman in that picture up there ^ scares me. She looks like one of those clown heads at the fairground that has ping pong balls fed into its mouth.
Have you ever seen her up close? The face is coated with layers of orange makeup to cover up whatever’s going on underneath. She’s a short, shifty botox-faced boganic gym junkie. Rumour has it she’s bagged Sam Newman. If there isn’t one already, there’s definitely material enough for an entry dedicated just to him.
also, i think for the last 4 hosts running, NONE have held journalism qualifications or media related degrees. i think jill singer was the last one, who was like 15 years ago. ONLY the bogan would accept this. also, i loved how naomi (first name basis, thank you very much) has a million ‘scandals’, and yet when she had the muckracking journalism turned on HER, this was unacceptable. double standards for those we don’t like/don’t understand…
hindustan,
I am concerned, you sound a little too familiar with this program ??
anyone who passed year 12 in victoria (not havin’ a go, mate…), had to undertake some form of media analysis in english…picking up their ‘journalistic devices’ is like shooting fish in a barrel. seriously though, if i, as a 16 – 17 year old picked this crap out, at what age/intelligence level is tt/aca pictched at? sub-14, i would have to say…
12 years is the age group that ALL tv programs and adds are targeted at.
well more accurately:
targeted at a person with the intellect of a twelve year old.
True.
Stan Grant is now an anchor on SBS news.
There is hope for some of them
Although Stan may only be on SBS because he is a person of colour and SBS has a certain demographic to pitch to
Stan is a CNN correspondent is he not?
Tubesteak, Mike Moore aka Stan Grant ”slunk” back to Australia from Hong Kong a few years ago to take up a position with SBS.Didn’t last long though, cos he didn’t like sharing the presenters desk with another newsreader (plus ex-missus is still employed by SBS) and so he has left Australia again to live in Dubai.Employed by CNN.Never to be heard of again…..
Actually Hindustan, I think Anna Coren, who took over after Naomi, does actually have journalistic credibility and has currently moved on to CNN.
I actually saw her reporting in Chile or Afghanistan or somewhere similar this week on SBS, and when I’ve heard her interviewed on the ABC she is intelligent and wordly and from what I gather she took the TT job because
a) It was a high profile gig that was on offer at a time she was between jobs
b) She was doing it as some sort of “keeping it real” mainstream job before going back to doing international disaster zones and such.
She also was a master of the segue, being able to link bra shopping stories to bad neighbour stories to “evils of Centrelink” stories with the alacrity of ballet dancer. This was highlighted brilliantly by the “Chaser Boys” in their regular TT/ACA pisstakes.
yeah and we all know how much sense Jill makes(you all read HS,so dont pretend)
Ah , yes , Stan . Nobody can even say her name properly :
it’s not “NAY-OH-ME” , it’s “NAIR-UH-ME”.
Is struggling to pronounce foreign names a bogan thing , or an Australian thing ??
Whilst all that may be true.. you have unwittingly given the bogue’s 2 more names to work with..
OOO–ERRRR . I did , didn’t I ?
Thank you , Belinda – I promise not to “encourage” ’em again !
Hey – NO apostrophe before the “s” when writing a plural !
Some poor bugger on the TBL staff had to actually watch this show in order to research this piece.
Hats off to you sir/madam. You have made a great sacrifice for the greater good. I’ve never seen the show myself, but the occasional advertisement is more than enough to keep my away.
Also – from the ads it would seem that a “what such and such is doing to our kids – every parents nightmare” subcategory of stories seems to exist that has been missed here. Or is that ACA?
aca/tt are like the liberal and labour parties; no real, discernible difference…
labor(abc,woops alp)
after watching some of these shows the more i realise that “Front Line” was not a paridy by an accurate representation.
also you forgot “Sunday Night”, the same as TT but it goes for an hour and is even more “hard hitting” aka x-treme….
I thought Frontline was a documentary!
I loved the episode where they organised surgery for a kid from overseas and it all started to turn to shit and some to the crew got concerned for the kid. The host then screamed “Fuck the Kid” outraged that the focus was off him. Gold.
You don’t need to watch ACA/TT to research this topic. Frontline is all you need
This is GOLD!!!! *glass*
don’t forget that slow-motion, sepia-stained, backed-by-haunting-sound video grab when they don’t have enough actual footage of the ‘dodgy builder’ for their 8 minute, single-sided ‘report…
“And that nothing is their fault.” This is the crux of the matter. No matter how obvious the scam you fall for, even if you signed your super over to Prince Rachman in Nigeria, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Thus you can sleep safely at night knowing that your own stupidity won’t lead you into harm. It’s those future people “they tuk our jurbs”.
Dey tuk er jerb!!!
Back to the pile!
I dimly remember an episode talking about obese children. They featured Andrew Bolt as a talking head, and he laid the blame for obese children on governments, schools, the health system, the glossy magazine industry, and society. I took it to mean that every one of us was to blame, apart from the children and their (likely) bogan parents.
James,
If fat people actually took responsability for their weight then the diet industry would be defunct and we can’t have that can we? I smell a conspiracy. Quick to the ACAmobile.
I can see the story now – “Our competitor Today Tonight conspires with the government, magazines and the diet industry, to keep our kids fat. Exclusive story at seven.”
Perhaps Dominos could release a new pizza to go with the story and No Idea do a behind the scenes story on how Angelina had no idea Brad was gay to tie it all together.
Chuck in a dodgy builder who is also an illegal immigrant, and we have just described a full episode.
Preferably unable to speak english so the presenter can just rant at him and they won’t have to edit his replys out later.
don’t forget that said builder has to knock over the reporter in his rush to get away from the cameras… TT does love being able to show how “awful” these conmen are by getting into a bit of biffo with them!
True FT. That scene is always followed by another where the dodgy building immigrant gets into his car in slow motion, and drives away to a background of sinister music.
It’ll turn out that Chuck is a refugee, fully qualified of course, who is not being paid by his bogan employers. He’ll push the giant Channel 7 camera from his face spouting some ‘jibbrish’ inaudible to the bogan ear, “I’m just trying to feed my family”.
I can say one thing, and one thing only, in this show’s defence: the “Neighbours From Hell” stories are usually a bit of a chuckle.
True, especially when the neighbours from hell seem to be the people who are being defended by TT
The irony is not lost on me, I can assure you.
TT is champion of the ‘Aussie Battler’ (know to much of the outside world as ‘losers’), so it is bound to find itself presenting conflicting opinions from time to time. The Neighbour from Hell/Aussie Battler is a common one.
TT feels no shame in this regard, as it is a weekly conundrum for the shows producers, which they seemingly solve by shrugging their shoulders and running the conflicting story anyway. I’ve seen them do this with diet stories quite often, with a 3 week gap between stories.
Funny how all the ‘Neighbours From Hell’ stories appear to be filmed in outer suburban Housing Commission ghettos.
The Neighbours from Hell / Tennants from Hell / Obsessive Compulsive hoarders from Hell all seem to be old school bogans as well. I think is a deliberate act on TT’s part to help make their Nouveau-Bogue audience in their McMansions feel superior and good about themselves, because they’re ‘middle class now and got sophistication and all that. You don’t get people like that in Caroline Springs!’ Just wait 15 years…
Another day, another direct hit. TBH, I have been known to watch TT as a joke. It’s unintentionally hilarious, at least until I realise it’s not satire and some people actually believe this stuff. At that point, my mirth turns to sorrow.
On a related note, I’m not sure how true this is, but some have alleged that a former long serving host of Adelaide’s version of Today Tonight was done for drink driving a few years ago. As such, the inevitable stories about drink driving hoons were held aside until this particular host was on holidays. Not sure how true that is, but it wouldn’t surprise me if TT’s producers did manipulate output depending on the host’s own whims and foibles.
…and unless the bogan was hand-held all the way to linking ‘hoon driving’ with ‘our truth bringer’, it wouldn’t be able to make the connection itself…
Yeah, they usually work it so the “journo” has an epithany, realises the error of their ways and gets to cry on TV. *Glass*
“you have a great night, and take care…”
you ‘glassing the cunt’ Simon?
Yep, I have learned much here.
it wouldn’t be “journalism” otherwise” ha de bloody ha
this entry ties in perfectly with anti-intellectualism. the bogan is averse to thinking, but not averse to criticising (It’s the great australian way!), thus, the bogan will accept a 5 – 8 minute ‘expose’ on a conman. anything longer and the bogan’s concentration wanes. that’s why there are some many “a cat who can jump” fluff pieces. it’s like a lunchbreak for the bogan…
was that ment to be “a cat who can jump fluff” pieces ?
“…tunes in each weeknight at 6:30 sharp for its hit of outrage, denial, and quick fixes…”
“…they are ready to receive their 30 minute dosage of outrage, denial, and quick fixes…”
??
Valid “??”. Fixed. TBL
“next, a real-life story on the sex-farm with real sex-hookers!!!”
“And where are the hookers?”
And hindustan, regarding you earlier “journalism qualifications” comment, are you calling former Sports Tonight host Matt White some kind of journalistic charlatan? How dare you!
Seriously though, I can’t believe he’s lasted so long. He’s missing that pronounced smugness that permeated the very being of the show’s previous hosts. His story intros are often accompanied by a hint of embarrassment. I’m sure he’d rather be reporting the latest from the Rip Curl Pro. As Walter Sobchak might say, he’s out of his element.
And (insert obligatory “poor old”) Naomi. What a nicely managed debacle. It was so sweet of the producers to afford her the luxury that so many on the show have been denied – a defense. And perhaps more importantly, a defense budget. The shonky fridge repairman only had the $80 he fleeced off a bogan. Naomi had a gaggle of tabloid TV producers (read: good marketers) and some kind of mob boss in her corner. Can’t see the fairness there.
matt white! of course, he gets a free pass, as he used to tuck the bogan into bed all those many years ago (a trusted ‘face’), so they grant him some leniency…
yes, poor old ™ naomi…remember the beaconsfield debacle? the gecko-on-the-shoulder? the on-air swearing? the list went on. i think it’s only that all these indiscretions endeared her to the bogan (she’s only ‘uman!) that she got away with it all…
Was Robson the one who had a few issues with the Indonesian government over the whole Wah-wah affair? If so, she has no place presenting stories about “illegal immigrants”.
Memorable soundbite from a few years ago, perhaps of the Robsonian era of X-treme journal!zum, paraphrased: “Tonight on Seven News at 6, cultural diversity celebrated as new Australian citizens are sworn in, then on Today Tonight at 6.30, the foreign invasion as Asian immigrants swarm in to take Aussie jobs.”
I especially like the alliteration of the ‘sworn in, swarm in’… but I may have made that bit up…
Regardless, they tikkher jehrbs!
De der ke der.
Tuk er derb.
is that the one “in sex country” ?
One of life’s great mysteries is how anyone can actually work for such a show without hating themself too much to get up in the morning.
i guess it brings the journalist some form of fame, which of course, is a hallmark of boganity. who wouldn’t want to be known as the guy who camped out all night and went through *foreign person*’s rubbish…
Perhaps, like the writers of The Bold and The Beautiful, they treat it as comedy and try to see what they can get away with?
I wonder the same thing about the TBL writers. Do they believe the sentiments behind the satire, or are they just simply pandering to the audience to watch the OUTRAGE ensue?
#100 – The Bogans are coming to eat your children!!!!
Well, I’ve noticed there’s been a slight transition from the gentle, good-natured mockery of our average Aussie bogan in the first ~10 posts, to some outright hatred & derision in the last few 😀
For many people a six or seven figure salary is enough to quiet the inner rumblings of self-loathing.
I think they believe it themselves.
they came around with a truck full of money-im only human
Perfect. I have been waiting for this day.
It has always confused me the ‘relationship’ between ACA/TT…
If I choose to channel surf between 6:30pm & 7:00pm – I get very confused… the number in the top corner changes from 7 to 9, or 9 to 7… but the stories are often the same or similar… sometimes the same point of view… sometimes deliberately opposing…
Now – I’m sure i’ve read/heard that the two broadcasters are not communicating between each other – and that it is just sheer coincidence that the news stories are the same or similar…
I call Bullsh!t… someone is sleeping with someone – or talking to someone…
Pains me to say this – but maybe Neighbours ain’t so bad after all…
Loftie, I suspect that the bogan, new weight loss program, etc puts in calls to both shows hoping one will run with it and usually both do. Or there is only one production team to cut costs. I smell a conspiracy, quick call ACA/TT.
Simon – agreed…
but it puts me in a paradox situation…
Do I tell ACA about TT or do I tell TT about ACA??
And how would they report it… ???
The mind boggles…
PS: Thank God for the satrical humour of the Chaser boys…
A two headed beast with the same body. I reckon call George Negus and we may get some facts so we can straighten this shit out.
Perhaps its a job for the 7pm project?
Television in general went downhill once Jeannie Little departed our screens..
George-the lefties Andrew Bolt
There’s always SBS news. It’s pretty much the only news programme I watch because it doesn’t dumb itself down for Bogans.
I also watch SBS news at this time. A quality news service (as far as Australia goes)
Not sure if it is ironic that Stan Grant is now an anchor
Maybe SBS is trying to confuse the bogan by having him there. Bogan pushes wrong button, sees Stan, thinks it is watching TT, keeps watching Stan unaware that it is watching real news
Bogan learns news……….
I watch SBS news too but not home generally until late.
Hence I have a soft spot for Sandra Sully even though I should be watching Tony Jones.
Stan Grant left SBS about 3 years ago.
I agree with your sentiments on the SBS news, though I think the ABC is reasonable too.
I noticed the other week that the dodgy news (7/9/10) often don’t mention some really important stuff. SBS reported that North Korea threatened nuclear strikes if the West intervened in NK. Important news, but was there any mention of it on the others; of course not!
Sbs is good ans Aunty of course
For world news I find AlJazerra is excellent they report both sides of most news and have surprisingly good coverage of Australian news.
For instance during the Victorian bush fires Aljazerra had better coverage then our own channels’
leads me to suspect that they give similarly good coverage elsewhere and that they have independent sources.
Compared to Fox news (read Ruperts version), which by proxy permeats so much Australian media reporting, it is a hands down winner
Yeah – gotta hand it to the Aljazerra rag head suicide bomber terrorists. They probably have the most balanced news reporting on the planet.
Regards,
Rupert Murdoch and the staff of Fox News
For the record —> it is really difficult to look at that picture…
almost churns my stomach…
*chills and shudders*
Firefox + AdBlockPlus plugin = no more Naomi
Everytime someone views that picture a unicorn dies somewhere.
what is wrong with you people? mike moore and martin di stasio are gods. they stand up for the little aussie battler. without them, what hope?
actually, martie di stasio actually knew the trade well (it’s the ‘vibe’…), brooke vandenburg was a monster. i think she was the inspiration for naomi (frontline is/was on in the mid 90s, yeah?)…
it’s a vibe that lives.
There needs to be more Tiriel Mora on Australian tv. Where did he go?
great post..
.. seem to have forgotten the number nine TT standard piece: supermarket / petrol pump RIP OFF.. enough said i think.
Love your work TBH.
A few choose Naomi links:
And finally Andrew Hanson’s tribute:
*choice*
If I happen upon this show and this presenter when switching channels my first thought is that she must be either advertising the services of a plastic surgeon or posing as an example of the result of too much plastic surgery.
maybe she has a likeness too Fionze?
“Thankfully, the bogan can turn to its television at 6:30pm to ward off any dawning self-awareness.” Brilliant. This host makes me very, very afraid of botox.
if they do it about 6.30 in the morning it may work better ?(dawning !)
I love this site.
A few questions to ponder.
Will ACA/TT ever end? Will any of us actually be able to turn the TV on at 6.30 in any capital city of australia and not have these shows on?
I really want these shows eliminated asap.
While there are bogans to watch these shows in maintain their ratings, these shows aren’t going anywhere.
Dont turn on your television. It really isnt worth watching at all.
Don’t we all.How about some American Dad,How I met your mother or Family Guy to lead us into Home and Away on 7 or whatever Current Sitcoms 9 has to lead us into the Block or Big Brother Currently.Hello We aren’t in the Jana Wendt/Ray Martin and Derryn Hinch era anymore.
TT still exists in Perth and Adelaide.Just for our two markets It would be cheaper for 7 to show either old Family Matters or How I met your Mother reruns.If It was up to me I would rather they show some Family Guy.Something to stand them out from their mostly old sitcoms/other channels news service and Neighbours opposition.
Jee-yay-sus, now there’s a lizard in the photo. And what’s that thing on its shoulder?
“….the bogan can immerse itself in the x-treme journalistic elements of ambush, pursuit, hidden cameras, and selective editing.”
And, of course, my personal favourite: the Re-enactment.
Broadcast in B&W, overlaid with sinister bass-heavy synth music and typically featuring stilted, almost freeze-frame camera movement, these classic pieces of overacting are a mainstay of the bogan’s understanding of what they are being told. It has been seen and heard, ergo, it must be true.
I think it was the Chaser that pointed out that almost anyone could be made to look like a sex offender if the footage was shown in slow motion with sinister music in the background. I have a feeling they may have done that with some footage of John Howard in his tracksuit. It’s probably on YouTube somewhere.
Turn the volume down on anything and it could be about anything. A great way of making horror movies less frightening.
I can’t help feeling a bit “ripped off”, TBL, that you haven’t included ACA (even though we’re all lumping them together anyway).
You couldn’t be implying that TT trumps ACA in the bogan stakes?
Nor have you really touched on the “advertorial” aspect of both programs (as Simon and Loftie have mentioned). The old “cash for comments” type of story the bogue is apparently completely oblivious of.
TT/ACA: one-eyed journalism (*cough*) at its finest!
These shows are great.
Thank you, thank you for this wonderful public service! I’ve been trying to explain bogans to my non-Australian friends and family. I’ll just send them here! 😉
You forgot to mention the “dangers” of Facebook and Myspace. Apparently nobody knows how to use the block feature.
And chat room horrors.
LOL. I know this is a little off topic, but can I suggest a visit to the Herald Sun’s “The Other Side – Wacky News” section (about halfway down the page) and see the headline article for yourselves: “Baby Dies as Parents Raise Virtual Bub”.
I thought it was a headline from “The Onion” at first. They would struggle to come up with satire like that.
Fiona reads the Herald-Sun??? – Uber LOL.
LOL. I see you’re unfamiliar with my work. *hrmph*
Been readmitted to the News Corp online comments fold yet? If not, I recommend jumping ship to the competitor. It’s getting increasingly difficult to tell the difference. The Age online is X-treme FairfaX. Perhaps Master J Hunter will join you in a saucy elopement.
LOL. No. I did point out that the parents of the Indian boy from the lesser suburb of Lalor would prove to be the perpetrators of the heinous crime, but the HS refused to publish it. I’m still commenta-non-grata it seems.
No doubt their readers eagerly await the rerurn of the Bloogista.?
looking at todays rabble press it looks like you were right on the money?
Fi can I take book on your predictions?
Unfortunately we are at about even money on this one
What about it Fiona?
Fantastic headline and we may be allowed to write the elopment article ourselves?
Great opertunity to show those saucy twosome pics of us on sabaticle?
God the mind boggles, or is it God’s mind boggles ?
Any way don’t take notice of other Bloggers, just give me a call and we will supprise them ?
love you ,love your work
James
LOL. Allow me to handle this by addressing your final two points alone: I detest you and detest your work.
Ah, I just love women with a view on everything.
So refreshing.
As you would agree a little uninformed, but realy nicely refreshing.
I read newscorp solely for your posts
Haha…pure gold 😉
Toony,
to who”s posts are you refering ?
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/korean-baby-dies-as-parents-kim-yoo-chul-and-choi-mi-sun-raise-virtual-bub/story-e6frf7kx-1225837337526. Thanks for pointing out the article looked it up and lost 10 IQ points for reading it!!
LOL. I was highlighting the positioning of the article rather than the content per se.
LOL – I was just pointing out that droll had damaged me…lol
I know what it’s like
I’m stuck with a virtual Fi
LOL. Ugh! Yeah, I just vomited in my mouth a little…
dear woman,
please control yourself some people still read this.
Keep it up James, you’re getting to her.
She’ll crack soon and throw herself at you.
LOL. Ugh! There goes the full vomit.
Benjamin,
You know that
I know that
Most everyone else know that
It’s just Fi that seems not yet to realize that she is trying to interfear with matters that are predetermined.
We all know that she is not a slow learner , we all know that she is in fact a “model of a modern woman”,
My only conclusion is that it if the fear of finally letting herself go and becomming truly free.??
LOL. No, it’s the fear of being tortured and dismembered in your dank basement. That and having to talk to / look at you.
Fiona, he could teach you to lift things with inappropriate parts of your anatomy. What modern woman wouldn’t be up for that?
Now I am vomiting in my mouth a little too.
LOL. One with class, style, elegance, beauty, sophistication, intelligence and wit – i.e., me.
Fi,
We would welcome you into our troup as I’m sure you would lift(sic) out show to new hights and enable us to reach new demographics.
I would be so impressed.
I promise to leave the blindfold on if that will make you feel comfortable and relaxed ?
The basement is not so bad since I had the Airconditioning installed.
Oh I dont need to dismember you to eat you.
, so see; nothing at all to worry about.
Giggle wipes mouth burp. long smile, little wink. fad out on Fiona’s face tears gushing from eyes make up running and black rubber gag prominent,just before fade out ends camera drops to her hands, clenched tightly ,fingers interlocked against her breasts.
LOL. Two words are coming to mind: “restraining” and “order”.
Fiona , Im not realy all that much into restraint but if thats what make you fly thas fine.
by order is that like a “side order”??
ALAS !!!
Seems Mr Hunter has been watching too much Dexter.
Yep, there goes my lunch.
Thanks all, you’ve made my day.
I needed a good laugh.
Thank you Simon, for being on to it.
So…. I need to order lunch for how many?
Fi,you,James, myself,
something nice and settling? like .
Pizza, Chinese, maybe Fi would like a foot long ? (Sub)
Hot doge with loads of mustard and sour cream? oh and fried onions. Mm yum.
Thanks James,
Just lamb chops for me, very rare.
Simon you did not want a Dexter burger?
Aw please…enough with the “…I just vomited a little into my mouth”. That is so common and so, so bogan too!
It’s different when you hear it from a 13yo, but an alleged adult?
Speaking of vomit…….
Toony , who said any of the bloggers on this site were adults?
This is a disturbing thought. I will have to lift my comments from a 10 year intellect target to a twelve or thirteen year old target intellect.
Stretch me to the limit but I’ll give it a go.
sorry Fi you are obviously adult and I believe Simon is but now I’m not sure of anything
Thanks James, I am 38 so probably an adult although sometimes it is hard to tell.
Simon I admire a man with maturity befor his age
and for you to admit having difficulty telling is a sure sign that you truly have arrived.
Can you please try lifting your spelling and grammar from a 10 year old’s level too then? It is making my brain hurt.
LOL. ❤
Thank you sweetness
Hey all from last sequence. Physical expressions displayed:
Slight puzzlement
Wry smile
Wide grin
Chuckle
Hysterical laughter
Thanks crew! Priceless…..
Rick, if a ten year lods makes you breain hurt if we come up to a twelve year olds then surely you will need oxycodone and if we come up to fourteen year old maybe morphine patches for full on long term relief?
While I love reading this site it also often leaves me with a deep sense of unease – the fact that programs such as TT/ACA appeal to so many is very disturbing. I would like to think we humans have a chance of continued existence on this planet, but given the bogan mentality I am begining to seriously doubt that we do. Very depressing…..
TT and ACA aren’t all that bad. I used to think they were ridiculous, almost bordering on offensive, but if SBS news is doing obscure stories such Egyptian politics which I have no interest/background in, and I’m waiting for the ABC news which has better local coverage than SBS, I’ll have TT on in the background as I’m cooking dinner, mostly for a laugh.
Seriously, turn on TT/ACA, disregard all notions of journalistic integrity and the fact that there are important things going on in Canberra/Washington/wherever, and enjoy the crazy wacky stories about dodgy carpark operators, stupid council decisions and laugh at the dumb-arse bogans.
My biggest gripe with TT/ACA is that they seem very NSW/QLD centric. Maybe I’m just a parochial Melburnian though.
you may find stories on egyptian politics boring, but they aren’t for many people. and it is sbs world news, after all, so of course they cover more world events than local ones. balancing it with abc’s news gives a good coverage of what is happening both here and abroad.
To quote Brian from Frontline: “Current affairs is not about facts. Facts are a pain in the arse that get in the way of a good story. Current affairs is about feelings… you feel sorry for the sacked worker, your inspired by the crippled kiddie, you hate the paedophile, and you fear the serial killer”
Truthiness, anyone?
“You feel it. In your gut.”
Frontline is the best show to ever grace Australian television screens, hands down. I do believe I learnt more from that show than I have in my 18 yrs (and counting) of formal education.
“what such and such is doing to our kids – every parents nightmare”
Knife carrying obese disrespectful teenagers – and now they’re Lebanese.
FEAR, FEAR and mor FEAR.
you forgot to mention that they’re on the dole.
…and they’re hoons…
and their parents are parking inspectors.
pb is pb short for lead, ?
It is hard to hate for a lot of things but if their parents are parking inspectors then that would do it every time.
another group i dislike are counter staff at hospital clinics.
Grrrrrrrrrr
pb are my initials. and i know many people do dislike parking inspectors (i don’t drive so personally don’t care either way), but you have to admit, it is one of the common tt/aca storylines.
Maybe someone should send them a link to this site.
“After the break, the Internet hate group fixated on taking down the Aussie Battler…”
Comment of the day so far. TBL
How has that not already happened? It seems so obvious now that it has been mentioned.
Spot on,
I would like to point out a few stories missing from their standard playlist.
Stories centred around the unfairness of speed cameras and/or parking inspectors.
The neighbours from hell.
Politicians having luxury holidays at the tax payers expense. This is about as deep as their political coverage goes.
how about – “After the break, the online ‘lefty, greenie, do-gooder parade’ trying to rip off the Aussie battler and take his job”
haha – this one was awesome. But you forgot stories about how to save money!!! It’s ALWAYS a story about how to save 23 cents a year by turning off your appliances at the wall – or driving everywhere you go without ever using the break peddle – or only eating homebrand dog food – or making your own cleaning products from recycled bodily fluids – etc – etc.
Nick that’s a very Chevrolette comment
this week they complained that the price of a whole beef carcass had risen by $1/kg in the last 3 years. I was outraged.
and the price will rise exponentially over the next 40 years. Panic! Who’d have thunk it?
AlyssaKT,
Love you(sorry Fi)
Thunk. love it past participle of the verb “to think”
onother one i like is ‘meece’ which is the plural of ‘mouses’
and “mousse” which is the past participle of “mouses”
LOL (sorry Fi)
when you look at what farmers gwet on the hook at the abator for beef compared to what woolie and coles hit you up for it’s a crime.
Meat that the farmer gets maybe three dollars for the likes of aldi sell rump steak for 9.99$/Kg the same or lesser quality at wwoolies can be 28.99$.
this is not fair on the comsumer and not fair on the farmer.
Bloody Big Business Supermarket rip offs there is something need Blogging
I cannot aford to Window shop in Woolworths.
Yes, and that would have been an infinitely better angle to take with their report. Instead it was all about “you” (the bogan viewer) and the prices “you” will be paying over the next 40 years. There were opinions from plenty of toothless guys and old ladies who said “I won’t be able to afford to eat meat then!” (when they’re 125 years old…)
Another winner was a story about free range eggs “taking over the shelves” making eggs unaffordable for ordinary people (even though the caged eggs remained but are clearly marked as such). Nothing about battery hens or making an informed choice. Bruck bruck!
One-eyed-chook journalism (paid for by caged egg farmers?)
Where does Fiona’s servants shop for her groceries? I’ve always wondered, and where do they get her lattés from?
Ghengis,
Being so close to Fi, I feel that I can let you know what I know without unduely unsettling the good lady.
The green groceries and meet come from the city Markets because everything is fresh and there is adequate choice as well as some of the less available (otherwise) items being there. Things like Quail, Hare and Mutton Bird all well hung and carefully aged.
All the same another reason for the market shopping is that particular suppliers have been dealing with Fi for many years and are well aquainted with her requirements for absolute quality. They also often keep back especially tasty morsels for her.
For the more pedestrian items Fi has a staffer pop by Either Campbell wholesalers or Davis Holdings as they have both extended privaledges to her .This way Fi benifits from the widest possible range of goods and wholesale prices.
The Lattes well you silly man(sorry) Fi has her own personal Barrista on staff as one of the truly “must have” personal luxuries of life.
I trust this satisfies your curiosity?
Fi I hope I have been accurate and that in so being I have not divulged too much
LOL. Hmmm, that’s scarily accurate. 😦 Who are you????
Fi,
I am who I am, you see, I have never had the need nor inclination to use other than my own name. Nor any particular reason to be ashamed of it.
I appreciate that those such as your self for whom station is more then just a place to catch a train
need to be more careful. there are always those trying to cut down the tall popies.
for further information contact me directly in the usual discrete way.
James
LOL. You WERE wrong about the wholesale pricing thing though. Of course, I have no need to haggle over trifles such as money.
Fi,
I am so sorry, I never thought to impune your character, taste nor financial capacity.
I thought you triffeld over money for the sport
You really are the same person.
Post #100 – Bindi Irwin
On a serious note and with apologies perhaps too serious for this blog, I have to admit to feeling a bit of a victim of TT and would like to pass on the story. I only do so to try and illustrate that there is a very sinister side to what they do.
A few years ago a relative of mine who has suffered all their life from mental illness and schizophrenia in particular, was involved in an awful event that lead to the death of another person. It was a tragic event firstly for the innocent victim of my relative’s psychotic episode and their family but also for my relative (who with medication came to understand the full impact of what they had done) and for my own family. We grieved and felt shame and guilt and a hundred other emotions that are difficult to describe.
Unfortunately TT picked up on the story and ran with it. They stirred up a lot of fear in the community about ‘mad people on the loose’ (an incredibly rare event) and they hunted down my family as co-conspirators of what they described as a criminally insane person (there isn’t really any such thing in clinical terms). TT also hounded the public health system as being useless because they did not protect the community from this person despite their best efforts at providing medical assistance over many years. If you ever visit a psych ward at a hospital I guarantee that you’ll truly be in awe of anyone who chooses to work there for a living. The emotion of the story it seemed was supported by the police who were happy to aid TT in their sensationalism. The police never seemed to understand what mental illness was about and what the effects were which is strange given that much of their work must revolve around mentally ill people.
The TT story ran for just 5 or 6 minutes but the impact on my relative and the lives of my and the victims families lasted much longer. We had to answer to friends and work colleagues and pretty much anyone we came in contact with. My relative had to deal with a mental illness, the event that had happened plus a range of strangers making comments and singling them out for their involvement in the event. Thankfully the courts and the health system were sensible enough to let the furore die down and then deal with the issue in its full complexity (TT had long lost interest in the event). People inside those systems offered us a lot of support and told us that the sensationalism surrounding the incident was something that they dealt with on a regular basis every 2 or 3 years as TT, ACA and similar media groups decided that they needed a scary story about insane people.
I think it’s funny/stupid when TT and ACA do stories on weight-loss fads or new wonder-bras. As much as I wish they’d go away I thank god though that their story for that night doesn’t involve twisting the facts and simplifying much more serious issues at the expense of people’s lives.
Play some fucken Chisel ya Cunt.
whats up Bam
you going cold turkey of cold chisel ?
Sorry. It just seemed like the right thing to say at the time.
sorry to hear that, berihebi. i think its good to be reminded that these one-sided hysteria based stories have an impact on people, and that it can be incredibly bad. i’m glad that your family were helped by the health system and courts, and hope your relative and family can get past this.
Berihebi,
What you have describe is the serious side of what TT/AC do. As someone who works in the mental health industry, I am appalled at the treatment your relative suffered under the media. It’s hard enough for people with high end mental illness, and I am sure it didn’t aid your relatives recovery. I think, that while this site is humor based there is nothing wrong with pointing out the story, and I thank you for sharing.
I wish your family has some kind of recourse for the stress that the idiots put on you.
Just happy that the courts and mental health provides came through in the end.
sorry about my incorrect grammar, but it’s Saturday morning… so be kind too me! 😉
Thanks for your comments. The event was many years ago now so we’re kind of past it. The occasional TT/ACA advert that I hear gives me shudders in the way that cars backfiring might make war veterans jump as I realise that another person/family is in for the TT brand of hysterical attention. Unfortunately there’s not much recourse. TT and ACA are very skilled at skirting the extreme boundaries of the law and many of their victims (for example the mentally ill) don’t have the resources to fight them and frankly are just happy when the attention passes. In my experience atleast I can’t praise the public health system and courts enough. Away from the attention of the simplistic media bagging they get they do a great job.
It’s funny you say that, about 5 years ago TT reportedly wanted to interview the head pastor at my old church. He told them “That’s fine, but I will be getting one of the staff from the church media group to film the interview as well in full, and if you edit the interview to say something that it isn’t, we will sue you.” Needless to say, TT didn’t bother him again…
LOL.no #100 after long debating this an bogans for a while it has become clear that we need to adress the way some women use there heirness or whoeness to make many men fight over them when they clearly have a suitor in mind or several in the bedroom but contuine to search an seek more from both sides of the economy no names mentioned LOL.
well well comon man
My view as a man is that on behalf of all women I find that offensive.
On behalf of all men I also find it offensive.
Men and women have been cooing and billing at each other, view mating ,since there were man and women.
That is nature and that is life.
people on this and most other blogg sites exchange sharp and vigerous comments but realy sir I think you have gone beyond the limits of the intent of these sites, beyond the standards of decency that most expect and beyond the mores of our society.
Thank you
I think common man may have a crush on Fiona’s persona, but refuses to accept that (a) ‘Fiona’ is also a man, and (b) if Fiona actually existed, it would be all but impossible to bridge the social gap.
Thanks Tone, the social gap to you and I would be great enough but to Fi…. yep he has no hope.
an you think your stalking ways would??hence your new name jt not jh possibly for Just Timewasting or Jerkoff Thoughts as in many previous posts were,s your queen bee to save you on this one oh i forgot retsraing an order lol!
well after viewing most of tbls topic,s it always ends up reloving about the person you admire most an not the topic at hand hence your quick defence if you are the elite of us civilised people you just failed at lookin at my point misrebly
the two people i enjoy to read and learn from that might understand is james an shazza lol!
Berihebi: ‘It was a tragic event firstly for the innocent victim of my relative’s psychotic episode…’
Your relative’s actions contributed to the death of another human being. Sorry, but compassion will always be lacking from the wider community, and frankly, although I am not familiar with the details, someone has to take responsibility for the death of another human being.
I have no doubt TT acted like pond scum, but frankly, this is what is wrong with Western society. No one takes responsibility. Mental illness or not, life shouldn’t be a lottery whereby walking to the store to buy milk gets you involved in a murder, or an attempt on your own life due to ‘poor cousin Eddie’s frame of mind and anger at the world’.
Shoot them all, nuke the site from orbit. Only way to be sure.
Yeah I understand your view. It’s a common one and I wouldn’t expect too much sympathy from the wider community. Someone did take responsibility for the death and they continue to do so. They didn’t take responsibility in the “shoot them all, nuke the site from orbit” way that you describe and that TT was calling for but the community continues to be protected from them in a way that balances that need with a humane understanding of the diminished responsibility that comes as a result of acute mental illness. Even if you reject this as being not enough I guess my underlying point was that the rest of my family, the health system and even the victims family who were hounded interstate were not responsible for the event and TT were wrong to stir community fear at our and their expense.
sorry tone an jt but 1line wonders like fi just dont do it for me,i think my friends cockateil has better comebacks lol!
Ironhalo, we must have some compassion for all, or we too are bogans.
Pinky: If you gave at the beast long enough, you have to watch out you don’t become it…. 😛
😀 You are right Ironhalo, we best not stare into the abyss! The bogan abyss must be a horrible place!! Muhahaha
Long time reader, first time poster. And this is off-topic. I stumbled upon a rather disturbing facebook page today, full of glassing cunts and wanting all the immigrants out of this country. I thought people like that were few and far between but apparently not! Here’s the link, I trust you will know what to do with it.
Thanks for that Jiggly – what a horrible way to start Monday morning. A nice collection of aggressive racists on that page, aren’t there? From ideas on sterilisation of all Muslims, to telling an Asian man he had to rights to the name David, to a woman complaining that she had to queue too long at Centrelink now because of all the ethnics, to talk of the KKK.
The one thing that was reassuring about that page is that there are only 8000 members.
I’m always amazed when I hear talk of “they don’t look Australian” – who does, besides Aborigines? The rest of us all came here at some point.
*glass*
So did the Aborigines, just a bit earlier?
that page is utterly odious.
“Without this show, the bogan would be lost. It has spent years cultivating a deep hatred of authority…”
See, TBL *are* statists!
;D
And let’s not forget the favourite catchcry of the TT/ACA presenter: “Political correctness gone mad!”
Where would we be without that little gem.
“Aussie battlers not getting a ‘fair go’ “
TT and ACA are amazing shows. They, without shame, feature “they all suck” stories, and will first of all pillory a mob, and the following week pillory the mob they were championing against that mob the previous week. Then they’ll have a story about some brave battler or great bloke or whatever to make the viewer cry (do bogans cry?). Then they’ll have the obligatory Tit Story. And finally, a nice advertorial. Sometimes the latter two are the one and so it’s quite long. Almost 5 minutes.
I imagine they cut a deal with advertisers if there’s free Tit Footage.
OMG Bra stories are almost a monthly event on both shows
Now come on be honest you people do watch when there is a bra story or something to do with underwear
heard an ad on the radio for tonight’s big TT “scoop”… the Melbourne suburbs that the booze buses will be targetting… clearly zoning in on the bogan’s sensitivities…
and love how, also, the ads always manage to fit in a local “Melbourne” or “Victoria” reference when the story is clearly not a local one but the bogan hears these words and think they are watching a show about their own backyard. Do they not realise the same ad is being played in Sydney, Brisbane, etc just with the city name changed?!?
heard another TT ad tonight… apparently the cashed up Chinese are buying up “our” properties and driving up property prices. Cue bogan outrage. Next they’ll be taking “our” jobs.
apparently?,you have no idea….
Today Tonight et al. Ah, yes; Bogans live for that shit, yes indeedy. TT and ACA, though, they just strip away MY will TO live.
Sheer brilliance, this blog, incidentally..
I have to say that T/T is the worse of the two shows, although both are just terrible.
TONIGHT: AUSTRALIA’S IMMIGRATION INVASION
ffs
Did you see this yesterday, Will? Apologies to the person who posted it (or if it was you), I don’t recall…
Haha that was me
Tried to find that story on their website but no luck. There is, however, an ~internet poll~ (TBL: voting) in which 91% of true blues think “there be a total ban on refugees seeking asylum by boat”, lol
I was just told by my flatmate that he didn’t want to talk about it – after seeing that image on my Facebook and laughing and saying it was ‘a classic’ – because I said I liked to make mention of the fact that we weren’t first here whenever people say that others “don’t ‘look’ Australian or complain about immigrants”.
He said he didn’t agree with me because he wanted people who came to Australia to assimilate. I told him that he wasn’t arguing with me.
I said “but, apart from Aboriginals, we all came here at some point in the last 200 years” and he said ‘and I disagree with you” (then asked me to stop talking).
Very interesting outcome from someone born in NZ who moved here with English/New Zealander parents in 1997…
I’m sick of people thinking that now that we’re here and happy, no one else is allowed in. Yes, there should be rules and obligations, but who says anyone else shouldn’t be given the same options our families were?
And is it any wonder there are less signs of ‘assimilation’ when people are reacted to with so much ignorant hatred?
BRILLIANT! So very true
Is Lara Bingle a bogan?
Your blog made my day
Oh hey what about ACA they are as bad if not worse then Today Tonight or are you biased to channel 9 at all
If it was allowed I would rather have Seven show family guy at that time of night
I totally agree. I’d love to see Family Guy on at 630……
But it would never happen.
Hey I have to ask how in the hell is TT and ACA still on the air after so many, many years or recycling the same dribble over and over again. It’s like every 2nd day on TT there is some new weight loss gimmick, or beauty product… Aren’t they ashamed of themselves being such product whores?
It is about time 7 and 9 tried something other than Current Affairs Rubbish at that time of Night.The Sad thing now is unless you have A Fox 8 animated hour alternative on Pay TV and are not into Neighbours on 11 if you have that or the older shows on GEM OR GO the options at that time of night are pathetic now.
Franz,
at 6.30 pm you should be sitting down for SBS News Hour. Simple.
TONIGHT’S BIG “STORY” (cough cough splutter)
PEOPLE CAN STEAL YOUR HOUSE……..
They never present both sides of a story if there are one and on this one i feel iffy but apparently if you have a house with tennants they can steal your house and you can’t get rid of them and the law won’t help you……
worth a read: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/more-mob-rage-after-the-break-20111109-1n60u.html?comments=210#comments
watch Seinfeld on 7 two or is it 7 mate instead of this filth if you have standards.sometimes an old sitcom about nothing is by default the better option.
Good News.Except for Adelaide TT is being given the chop for good.
My fav was that segment wher ethis mulehead Bryan Seymour did on Asians, where he selectively edited out the correct answers, and exposed a couple of Asian girls for being so ‘unaustralians’ since they didnt know about Don Bradman, pavalova or Waltzing Matilda. Chaser boys ran a segment in response to that, which was gold.
check it out
Bogans on the East Coast will have to make do with “A Current Affair”, or otherwise no doubt be lost now that “Today/Tonight” has been axed in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/media/seven-axes-eastcoast-today-tonight-editions/story-e6frg996-1226816451491
That’s the best news I’ve heard in ages!!!
It still exists here in Adelaide at 6:30pm.Not that it matters Our Home makes do with Nine News through to 7pm then switches to Everybody Loves Raymond on 11.Had to remind Mom about the ACA time change on the 6th of January when she didn’t know it moved to 7pm(We are not a bogan home).
If you say so!