#1 – Arbitrary Thievery

15 10 2009

It begins and ends with bar mats. Or street signs. Bogans have an enduring love of home decorating and re-decorating, and this love manifests itself in strange ways – particularly during young bogan nascence, when cash-poor bogans resort to theft…and find they enjoy it. Depressed by the banality of the exurban lifestyle, the newly-adult bogan heads to the local pub’s uni night (Thursdays), already well prepared by imbibing on Woodies or Cruisers, looking to fill the void.

Bar matAs such, couched in the stated desire that ‘it’ll look mad on the bar that I’m going to build when I move out’, bar mats are surreptitiously swiped from under the apathetic bartender’s nose. Conspiratorially unveiling the stash in a quiet corner of the pub, the bogans gain a taste for it, and on the walk home, decide that their future home bar would be best equipped by pasting the walls with a random variety of street signs. No sooner has the thought entered their head then they are swinging futilely from a lamppost, images of ‘Andrew St’ signs sitting above their newly installed keg and taps flashing through their foggy mind.

The illicit thrill of kleptomania lingers through adulthood. Glassware is a common target, although by the time parenthood rolls round, many, still trapped in the same urban fringe, step up to legitimate shoplifting. Like any junkie, the rush gets harder to find, and pint glasses and witches hats lose their lustre, only to be replaced by lifting a singlet from Bardot or Supre. However, it always comes back to barmats, often resulting in the arrest of a bogan while on holiday in a South East Asian location.


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46 responses

24 10 2009
n/a

I don’t know where you’ve been surveying your bogans, but you’re doing it wrong.

1. VB/Jim Beam
2. Commodores
3. Saying ‘cunt’
4. Burnouts
5. Mullets

28 05 2010
Mark

I’m a pommie bastard (UK citizen) who has lived in Stralia for six years. As amusing as your observations are I have to inform you that from my experience as an observer of Australian culture at least 90% of people in the country would qualify as bogans – poor deluded sods that yea are..

16 11 2010
True blue lover

Hmmm very similar to the 90% of chavs that reside (and are inbred) in the UK – as they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree….

16 11 2010
AlcoPopVille

Awww shame .I thought it was they stayed here because they couldnt stand the Upper Class Inbreds over there?

27 05 2014
Gary

Most of the Bogans have switched from commodores to Toyota’s years ago. Usually a crew cab Hilux. The Wife has a Kluger and the daughter has a Corolla. ( The son probably still has the Commodore – a 1990’s model.)
If you drive these cars and think you aren’t a Bogan, think again.

27 10 2009
I point and laugh at you

I think the term Nouveau Bogan is perfect, as the use of the word nouveau is exotic and to steal a phrase from one of your blogs, its use provides a new sense of cosmopolitanism and worldliness. Therefore I revel in the irony of the label- Nouveau Bogan. Fine work rusty.

27 10 2009
I point and laugh at you

Clearly n/a you have not understood the subject of ridicule in this blog. Try reading the “It Begins” blog and you will see that this is not about the harmless traditional bogan, but the far worse, modern day bogan. Once you work this out you will begin to appreciate and enjoy the daily entries.

Maybe the authors need to consider a slight name change to the site…..or….is that fact that one does not work out for themselves who this blog refers to a sign that they are in fact….a new bogan?!

We prefer the term ‘Vogan’, or ‘Nouveau Bogan’ or something else similarly and unnecessarily complicated. TBL

1 11 2009
bogus

I’m sure this particular Bogan trait (of stealing street signs) will undoubtably not continue pass this generation, while “Andrew St’ may be relatively popular today I just can’t see ‘Keylan’, Jackzen’ streets etc, making the grade in the so conservative councils. Perhaps the Bogan’s have shown the first step in the ‘de-evolution’ tree.

1 11 2009
Ptifanny

Poor bogans love to shoplift. It is not only an income supplement but a hobby.

1 11 2009
Micky

What makes the cunts who created this site so high and mighty??

2 11 2009
Non-bog

They have standards?

2 11 2009
Ainsley

They refrain from liberal use of the word “cunt”?

1 07 2010
Mole

By the use of the ‘c’ word you have given away the fact that you are indeed a bogan…….dumb prick!

1 11 2009
stuffboganslike

What about the bogans that steal blog ideas…?

1 11 2009
Android

This is better than s- b- l at least they put in some time and effort here.
looks like you are the looser in this one, maybe you will have another idea one day, and maybe someone will improve it,welcome to the internet fool

5 11 2009
aperson

loser*

1 11 2009
R Godwin

Oh bless. Social climbing is such a nasty trait. Don’t worry kids this is just a phase you are going through. Every teenager thinks they are better than everyone else, and congratulates themselves on their own superiority. The nasty realisation will dawn when you leave university and get a proper job that really you are just like them; only more in debt. Social one upmanship is just so, well, bogan.

1 11 2009
Jenki

From what I can gather from the running experts on what is bogan you cannot even be in a private Christian school, it makes you bogan.In fact it looks like no matter what people do, someone thinks they are a bogan.I think it is just a way for some people to feel a little superior to people who are essntially the same as them…makes them feel better.

Cant wait for the word bogan to fall out of favour again…it is so friggin overused now!

1 11 2009
Lee

Yep, yerself included joel smiff

1 11 2009
Android

Is that all you can come up with? Do you like sports? Do you get pissed?
Do you like supa cheap or autobarn? Do you smell?Do you think objects are cool? Do you get angry when you realise you are nothing but a walking bag of shit? Did’nt think so.

2 11 2009
Mick

Had to admire a news story out of the eastern suburbs of Perth yesterday. Three women decided to do a car-jacking but failed miserably when they realised they couldn’t drive a manual. So they got busted. Excellent work by these Bogettes. I applaud the three of you.

2 11 2009
Alcopopville

I visit houses all over the western suburbs and have seen a temple for Hub Caps,Vehicle name badges and I dont know how to descibe a house internally decorated in some sort of temple to “The Simpsons”.Or was I in a souvenir shop at Warner Bros?
Last night on “The Force:Behind the Lines” a Bogan family had a girlfriend swap the plates of a car defected, belonging to a unsuspecting brother then drove in the wrong way through a ‘drive thru’.This gets better the driver then pays for a case of Alcopops with a really bad Counterfeit $100 note.That is a blog page of its own is it not?

2 11 2009
antipodean

Due to genetic inheritance it is likely that Anglo-Pilferers (aka Australian Nouveau-bogans) will, in fact, pilfer things.

That may be so, but the new bogan is certainly not confined to being Anglo, or even white. Boganinity is a state of mind

4 11 2009
bogankings

I love all the bogans who post comments attempting to deny that they are in fact bogans. My favorite is ones who say that they went to a private school or drive a BMW so therefore they can not be bogans. Even though their claims are mostly untrue it still makes them massive bogans to the power of ten.

4 11 2009
brad

Oh cut the shit rustybeamish this whole site is sniffling little prats and non anglo racists having pot shots at working class aussies because if they said these things in the presence of “bogans” pain and suffering would be a definate outcome

5 11 2009
M E Nelson Esq

No need to travel to a Bogan holiday destination somewhere in SE Asia to steal your bar mat, there are ‘Bar World’ and “Smokes ‘n’ stuff”” stores in shopping malls situated in every Bogan suburb. Just go to Westfield Airport West and you’ll know what I mean!

6 11 2009
Dino

Oddly spelled baby names defines bogans for me. You just know that whether the poor kid lives to be 8 or 108, they’re going to spend their whole life introducing themselves as in “Hi, my name is Haileigh, H-A-I-L-E-I-G-H” or being asked how to spell their name. I feel quite blessed with a nice simple name.

27 05 2014
Gary

Ummm the name Hayley. Is based on ancient English. High Meadow = Hay Leigh The current conventional spelling became popular after the actress Hayley Mills.
What a bogan you are not to know this.

If stupid name spelling was a sign of boganality, then most people working in Hollywood would seem to be bogans.

6 11 2009
Owning the Shadow Bogan

Ahem! Well, I can say I definitely am not bogan…except for a fondness I had for pilfering things at uni. Glasses from bars, a sundae glass, cutlery from the canteen (all returned when I left, except for the sundae glass), and even – a couple of toilet rolls 😦 Hey, I was broke. But I also got a buzz from it. Now I am a respectable member of society and would never do such things though. Sorry!

6 11 2009
brad

badass

6 01 2010
bogankings

suck shit all you bogans out there about time you got served

6 01 2010
bogankings

Lindsay Carrol from Thornbury ticks every box on this list. See her on face book its the funniest thing I have ever seen. No its not a joke she really does exist.

She is the bogan queen all hail !!!!!!!

29 05 2010
Alcopopville

On Friday the 28th of may ,my son comes home and describes a conversation he had with an American Exchange Teacher.She wanted to know what was the difference between a Bogan and a Feral.She was apparently confused by these references in essays her students were passing up.My son being the student voice,got asked his definition!He was in at the school library and wasnt even from her class.So they had some time googling various examples.I think she is better informed.

27 06 2010
V

 Feral is a common insult in AU – ferals are the equivalent to American trailer trash, I guess. They’re like bogans and derros, but more malicious – bogans may talk like they have a mouth full of kazoos and sport mullets and trackies, they may even feed their 3-month-olds M&Ms and sips of VB, but they’re generally harmless – ferals are the ones who won’t hesitate to slap their kids’ faces, take a cricket bat to your car if you flip them off at the lights, or scream “YOU’RE A FUCKING SKANKY MOLE, YA FUCKIN CUNT!” if you take the last TimTam. And, interestingly, it’s usually the ferals who call OTHERS feral. Why is that?

9 11 2010
chubbybloodfart BBo

off topic…
but how long does it take to become a fat cunt after you quit smoking?

10 12 2010
MeAgain

Not long…

28 04 2011
Roscoe

Why would you quit smoking?

12 11 2010
Mel

Just have to say I have spent hours reading this site over the last couple of days (basically, whenever I could fit it in). Have not been able to stop laughing.

I find it amusing that a lot of commenters here don’t seem to get what the site is about at all. The reason I enjoy it is that you guys (I assume you’re guys) are the only ones who have ever articulated what I’ve long felt to be the essence of “bogan”. That is: anti-intellectualism, materialism, self-centredness and wilful ignorance. It is a mistake for people to think that “bogan” is a socioeconomic thing because it just isn’t. The old saying “Money can’t buy class” is pretty much spot on for the nouveau bogan.

Great site … can’t wait to buy the book!

9 12 2010
cashed up bogan

Money don’t buy class but it buys me kegs for my bar with a stolen bar mat which over looks my VK 5.0. My mates sit around killing anything that moves while playing poker. Yeh im a bogan most people are but atleast ive got the cash. Id rather be a cashed up bogan who works on the mines than a snotty daddy’s boys with his hand out.

15 01 2011
Wayne from Boganville

CUB’s like you don’t have the smarts to know that all that coin you earn working like a pack mule aint any kind of compensation for the toll it is taking on your body. But U R tough, you can hack it…. wait ’til U turn 70… if you live that long (apparently bourbon rots your liver & kidneys) and your cripple arse is begging for more pain killers. The snotty boys (doctors) will gladly sell you some and charge you a nice call out fee for doing so!

12 12 2010
hristinho18

The term is Nouvogan. I know this because I am apparently one. Thanks for enlightening me. Cunts.

26 10 2012
Kurt

I think some people seem to take this blog too seriously.

7 11 2012
Mick

I always thought that I was not a bogan. Now after reading this site I realise that I am a bogan in many ways. So now I am going to glass some cunt. It is all a lot clearer to me now.

27 05 2014
Gary

Moccosin’s $10 at Dandy Market.
Fashionable shoes – several hundred dollars and bloody uncomfortable.

Bogans are not necessarily stupid.

I doubt if Bogan’s give their friends food poisoning trying to emulate the “slow cooked eggs” on “My Kitchen Rules. Hell the snags on the barbie are still good the next morning.
.

13 03 2015
Ozstreme

Now I have a problem. Walking around my Boganville trying to keep a straight face. Thanks alot.

14 06 2015
Fyl

This “Haha Everyone’s a Bogan” theme is so passe… Not enough self-irony to entertain, not even hardly shocking, and NOT.ENOUGH.ANYTHING.

Real bogan content would be fun. This? This is college bogan, infantile adolescent forever, welcome to the middle class.

Quite a lot of six year old things could be said to be passé. TBL

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