It begins and ends with bar mats. Or street signs. Bogans have an enduring love of home decorating and re-decorating, and this love manifests itself in strange ways – particularly during young bogan nascence, when cash-poor bogans resort to theft…and find they enjoy it. Depressed by the banality of the exurban lifestyle, the newly-adult bogan heads to the local pub’s uni night (Thursdays), already well prepared by imbibing on Woodies or Cruisers, looking to fill the void.
As such, couched in the stated desire that ‘it’ll look mad on the bar that I’m going to build when I move out’, bar mats are surreptitiously swiped from under the apathetic bartender’s nose. Conspiratorially unveiling the stash in a quiet corner of the pub, the bogans gain a taste for it, and on the walk home, decide that their future home bar would be best equipped by pasting the walls with a random variety of street signs. No sooner has the thought entered their head then they are swinging futilely from a lamppost, images of ‘Andrew St’ signs sitting above their newly installed keg and taps flashing through their foggy mind.
The illicit thrill of kleptomania lingers through adulthood. Glassware is a common target, although by the time parenthood rolls round, many, still trapped in the same urban fringe, step up to legitimate shoplifting. Like any junkie, the rush gets harder to find, and pint glasses and witches hats lose their lustre, only to be replaced by lifting a singlet from Bardot or Supre. However, it always comes back to barmats, often resulting in the arrest of a bogan while on holiday in a South East Asian location.