The end of the footy season has belatedly come around, and so thus have intense amounts of bogan drinking, belated gym work (mostly focused on hammer curls,) and, of course, ‘alleged’ gang rape. Thankfully, sportal goings on continue in the form of the Commonwealth Games, providing the bogan with an opportunity to pretend it’s an expert on various sports that it is ignorant of at all other times. Being hosted in India, the Commonwealth Games also provides the bogan with an ample canvas for phrases prefaced with “I’m not a racist, but…” And now, as it is Friday, please feed the following items into your cerebral vortexes:
Bogans are furious that Commonwealth Games athlete Sally Pearson was stripped of her 100m gold medal because:
New Zealand bogans were recently left breathless with pangs of laughter because:
- They read this blog and felt a strange sense of superiority for the first time in their lives
- India beat Australia in a cricket game
- A certain Indian politician’s name happens to rhyme with dipshit
- They discovered that rape isn’t the sole prerogative of the All Blacks
Neil Mitchell’s decision to publicly name Collingwood players Dayne (yes, with a y) Beams and John McCarthy as the two players being questioned by police over allegations of sexual assault was:
- Fair. They shouldn’t receive special treatment just because they play football.
- Necessary to protect the other Collingwood players from being wrongly identified with the assault.
- Grossly unfair. The players in question have not been charged with anything and will be branded as rapists for the remainder of their careers.
- Go Pies!!!!
The bogan has determined that thousands of condoms blocking drains at the Delhi Commonwealth Games village means:
- Indian tradies should unionise, go on strike, get higher wages, and not come to Australia
- The Australian team has found some hot curries that are suitable to its palate
- The safe sex message is getting through
- Stephanie Rice is hopefully implicated in some way
- Condoms are shit
An expensive European branded watch usually indicates that its wearer is:
- Committed to punctuality
- Good at sports, like Tiger Woods
- Totally celeb, like Brad Pitt
- Highly susceptible to glossy magazine ads featuring celebrities
After last week’s shock cancellation of the Gold Coast bikini race, the bogan has been relieved to find that Political Correctness has not Gone Mad enough to prevent the running of the following prestigious event: