The end of the footy season has belatedly come around, and so thus have intense amounts of bogan drinking, belated gym work (mostly focused on hammer curls,) and, of course, ‘alleged’ gang rape. Thankfully, sportal goings on continue in the form of the Commonwealth Games, providing the bogan with an opportunity to pretend it’s an expert on various sports that it is ignorant of at all other times. Being hosted in India, the Commonwealth Games also provides the bogan with an ample canvas for phrases prefaced with “I’m not a racist, but…” And now, as it is Friday, please feed the following items into your cerebral vortexes:
Bogans are furious that Commonwealth Games athlete Sally Pearson was stripped of her 100m gold medal because:
New Zealand bogans were recently left breathless with pangs of laughter because:
- They read this blog and felt a strange sense of superiority for the first time in their lives
- India beat Australia in a cricket game
- A certain Indian politician’s name happens to rhyme with dipshit
- They discovered that rape isn’t the sole prerogative of the All Blacks
Neil Mitchell’s decision to publicly name Collingwood players Dayne (yes, with a y) Beams and John McCarthy as the two players being questioned by police over allegations of sexual assault was:
- Fair. They shouldn’t receive special treatment just because they play football.
- Necessary to protect the other Collingwood players from being wrongly identified with the assault.
- Grossly unfair. The players in question have not been charged with anything and will be branded as rapists for the remainder of their careers.
- Go Pies!!!!
The bogan has determined that thousands of condoms blocking drains at the Delhi Commonwealth Games village means:
- Indian tradies should unionise, go on strike, get higher wages, and not come to Australia
- The Australian team has found some hot curries that are suitable to its palate
- The safe sex message is getting through
- Stephanie Rice is hopefully implicated in some way
- Condoms are shit
An expensive European branded watch usually indicates that its wearer is:
- Committed to punctuality
- Good at sports, like Tiger Woods
- Totally celeb, like Brad Pitt
- Highly susceptible to glossy magazine ads featuring celebrities
After last week’s shock cancellation of the Gold Coast bikini race, the bogan has been relieved to find that Political Correctness has not Gone Mad enough to prevent the running of the following prestigious event:
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ta!
heading west now.
I’ll save the page and read it on the road!
see youse in Broome!
Chubbs, back to my old country. You and Edna enjoy and don’t forget to stop at the Crossing Inn for a can with the brothers.
Watch out for the fun police, with Barney Bjelke-Petersen changing certain laws…
Otherwise, welcome to WA, Chubb and Edna!
My duck-face phobia needs immediate attention.
i wasn’t worried about being watched by ducks before but now…
oh my god i just realised – there are ducks here at my uni! they wander around everywhere! and i live by a river, and there are always ducks wandering my street! my god they’re out to get me!!!
then you simply can’t duck past them.
The Duck is Watching.
i’m quacking up.
Be afraid.
Of the fact there is a new phobia created every day.
Duck and Cover – quickly
you mean quackly of course.
AntiPajero – Larson was certainly far sided when it came to phobias (ducks for cover).
feathering your nest well with puns today.
🙂
Appropriately a doco called footy chicks airs today.
http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/footy-chicks–october-8-20101007-16900.html
That’s enough ducking around from you mob, quack on with it.
don’t get in a flap, simon.
do remember “Lunigs” “Direction Finding Duck” ?
I think it saved “Vasco Pyjamas” life a couple times.
The footy season might have ended but Bathurst is on this weekend !!! Fucken grouse.
Since pendant isn’t around and I have nothing else to do before ducking out into the glorious sunshine – the link on item 2 appears to be incorrect.
Thanks SD, it’s been corrected – TBL
An unrelated but pertinent hijacking.
Super Bono and Louis Vuitton forge and alliance to save Africa. Now the bogan can be haute couture and philanthropic at the same time. Brilliant!
http://www.fasterlouder.com.au/news/international/25809/Bono-saves-Africa-with-Louis-Vuitton
and the bogue can then point to its african louis vuitton bag as proof that it is not racist but…
Watching sport = bogan. So I can’t answer nor give a f#ck about any of those questions.
That was probably the biggest bogan comment I have ever heard.
Yeah right. It’s totally bogan. I declare myself non-bogan of the week for saying so.
Fail, martin. Just because you do not like watching sports and declare yourself a non-bogan, watching sports is not the sole domain of the bogan. Many non-bogans like watching sport, whether that sport is either largely embraced by bogans (such as football, cricket or V8 Supercar racing) or not largely embraced by bogans (such as rowing or hockey).
Going to the MCG to watch a game or football or cricket does not make one a bogan. It is how one conducts themselves when there that will determine boganity.
I love the irony in Collingwood coach Mick Malthouse calling Stephen Milne a rapist during a game earlier this year, and now this.
Ironically, the football community will not see the aforementioned irony.
Ditto McGuire calling Neil Mitchell a self-important windbag. Pot…kettle….
Yes, footy season has ended and the bogan can now settle in front of his 52″ plasma this week-end and watch the V8’s at Bathurst! After watching Skaifey, Lowndesy, Richo, Frosty etal doing 300km/h down Conrod Straight, the bogue will be delusional that they too have the skills drive at this speed, especially since they have a HSV Clubsport in the driveway…
I was speaking to my dad who lives in Bathurst yesterday, and given the massive amount of high patrols and RBTs in the area over the long weekend, if they do that shit in Bathurst there is a good chance they will have to walk home.
I had to laugh when I was watching the news yesterday morning, apparently there is (only) a 24 can limit per person per day within the viewing areas!
Only 24 marines a day? I’m shocked.
I think they all need to take a cupful of cement and harden the f*ck up.
Actually, and speaking of irony, my recollection is that bogan-made-good, Eddie Maguire, when host of the greatest bogan show on the planet, the Footy Show (that Sam Newman is sooo funny!), had no issue at all with naming said Milne and his partner in crime from St Kilda.
I think motorsport is the ultimate bogan pastime,my loathing of it always raises eyebrows amongst my more bogue orientated aquaintances.if it doesnt have a ball its not a sport,all motorsport equate to is a bunch of half-sawn petrol heads driving souped up compustion engines(100 year old technology) for multi corperate car manufacturers so as they can having bragging rights for their next advertising campeign.As a spectator sport it is so lame,how can you get excited about a car/bike going around and around.The winner is nearly always a fore-gone conclusion so its not even worth laying a punt on it.Makes me laugh when someone gets excited about “Skaify winning another one” Good for Skaify does nothing for you.
brad, here I was thinking you were a recovering bogan like me.
I like watching cars and bikes go vrooom. As much as you dislike it the racing industry has made your car/bike safer to operate. If these things can hit a wall doing 200 and have the occupant survive that’s good for us. This technology seeps down to the Conformadores that we drive every day. The safest cars/bikes on the road are European. Why? Racing heritage.
Embrace it man. Go to a test track one day. It’s fun power-sliding my Aprilla through a sweeping bend. I’m not going to hurt anyone but myself so let me be.
As i said i always raise eyebrows amongst my peers,i love most bogue pursuits(at a pinch) and iv been the proud owner of a stock standard XB Falcon four door with a nasty twin carby,worked 302 underneath(had a good mate do most of the work) many years ago,but i find the shop talk and bravado a bit of a toss,i prefer getting paid and doing something thats meaningful to me and others if im gonna risk life and limb.A nasty incident on a CBR pocket rocket some 10 years ago also left me a bit shaken and stirred-i guess im just bit of a wuss when it comes to cars and bikes now.I agree with your comments on the increased safety standards of vehicles over the last 20 years through brekthroughs in racing safety,but(and iv had this argument so many times) if the big car manufactures put more effort into developing non petrolium driven motors and less effort into fine tuning what i think is luddite technology i think we would all be better off-im not a greenie i just hate the fact that such a powerful instutution(motor sport) ignores this elephant in the room.
I used to enjoy driving. But then I got sick of paying fines and I got an automatic. Booooring. Feels like I’m driving a dodgem car.
I really enjoyed the first 38,000 photos of that one woman falling over during the stiletto race. The photographer must’ve gone home that day with such a feeling of satisfaction and achievement.
Im a Pie supporter,and i have no comment on this incident,but i would like to remind you all that Dwayne is a Queenslander.
Dwayne who?
Is it just me or do Indians not like it when they are criticized or used in humour? I think the news about the Kiwi news presenter just highlights that as much as well as how ridiculously bogan the person in question is.
WHERE IS THE MONDAY MORNING UPDATE?
LIFE REQUIRES TBL TO START THE DAY
BRING BACK DAILY TBL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
IM HAVING SERIOUS F*CKING WITHDRAWALS!