#176 – Zumba

22 09 2010

Years of fleeting fad diets, fleeting stints on dodgy home fitness equipment, and non-fleeting consumption of celeb gossip have taken their toll on the female bogan. Its eagerly purchased shortcuts have failed to transform its body into a statuesque frame capable of parting velvet ropes at the merest of glances. Ruling out the idea of consistently undertaking strenuous exercise in order to improve itself, the female bogan gives up. Sitting on the couch late at night, the female bogan was halfway through its second tub of reduced fat ice cream when an advertisement flashed onto the plasma screen.

“Ditch the workout, join the party!”, enthused a bevy of toned and bronzed hotties, with an uptempo Latin soundtrack washing over the McMansion’s rumpus room. The female bogan, who has long been far more adept at partying than working out, was pretty much sold already. The female bogan had not been presented with an opportunity to combine weight loss with clubbing since its brief foray into pole dancing at its sister’s hens’ night the previous year, and its dabbling in amphetamines back when speed was last year’s designer drug.

Zumba originated in 1999 in Colombia, a place that the bogan knows is constructed entirely of Ricky Martin, cocaine, and Che Guevara t-shirts. A group fitness instructor conducted an aerobics class to the sounds of his favourite Latin music, and the idea spread via celebrity endorsements and infomercials. Not since Billy Blanks pitched Tae Bo to the bogan in the 1990s had something so thrilling reduced the size of the bogan’s hip pocket more than the size of its hips. By 2007, Zumba was able to claim that “the entire world is partying to the exciting rhythms of the Zumba Fitness-Party™!”

But no bogan-focussed fitness revolution is complete without a galaxy of essential fluorescent branded merchandise. In addition to either the infomercial-approved “Basic Kit” (6 DVDs, ‘toning sticks’, heart rate watch, and ‘Party Nation CD’) for $165, or the “Deluxe Kit” for $235 (9 DVDs, sticks, watch, Party Nation, towel), the bogan can purchase stupid ephemera such as the “Zumba Crazy Happy Rubber Bracelets 8 Pack”, the Zumba “Greatest Hits CD”, 55 different garments including singlets, bra tops, leggings, and cardigans, and even a Zumba Tattoo.

$600 later, the female bogan has managed to eliminate all non-Zumba products from its fitness life. It strides into its local franchised fitness centre for its first Zumba group class, looking totally celeb. The only problem is that the pressure seems higher, the music is from a different Zumba CD (likely the Zumba Fitness Tribe Vibe compilation), and some of the other attendees are fitter and better than it. The bogan is accustomed to being drunk when attempting to dance to Latino music, and this new increased awareness of its abilities is not welcome. The highly anticipated Fitness Party is going horribly wrong, and the bogan lacks the patience and resilience to locate its inner Latina rhythm goddess. “I’ll do a couple more of the DVDs at home before coming back here to blow them away”, the female bogan assures itself as it exits the fitness centre, never to utter the name Zumba again. That is, until the Zumba Fitness Xbox game is released in late 2010.


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151 responses

22 09 2010
Shirley M

‘Zumba Fitness Tribe Vibe’. As is often the case, I can’t tell if this is real or if you made it up.

Click the link, it’s max real! TBL

22 09 2010
Glass 'em all

Sounds too dumb not to be real.

22 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

It’s fücken rool, maaayte!

(Speaking of maaayte, 7maaayte is no joke: it’ll bump the 7HD channel and commence after the HD presentation of the AFL Grand Final as channel 73. BFW. As for rescanning my digital tuner to get this, forget it! Beyond the ABC, SBS and WTV (community channel 44), the other channels may as well show the test card, for actually might learn something useful , like how to tweak the best tones of picture and sound from your TV.)

22 09 2010
Pendant

This is describing more and more things in my life lately.

22 09 2010
Shirley M

What a site! Every sentence ends in and exclamation mark! Every f*cking sentence! I’m surprised every sentence doesn’t begin with OMG!

22 09 2010
Pendant

LOL. That would be really annoying.

22 09 2010
SD

I note that the Zumba Takes Over the World T has gone on sale so there is some hope.

22 09 2010
sugatits

This bogan will zumba with the ps3 move. Ps3 is so much more exclusive and extreme you have to hold glowing vibes white shaking the hips.

22 09 2010
Fiona of Toorak, bestower of largesse

LOL. “… second tub of reduced fat ice cream when an advertisement flashed onto the plasma screen” … in the theatre room no doubt.

22 09 2010
vivisection

I want, no I need, a Zumba floral , fluorescent visor to wear this summer.
God the horror. If I ever see someone wearing that crap on the streets, my mockery will be loud, offensive and totally unrestrained.

22 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

There’s a fücking Zumba outfit that is held at the civic centre main hall above the lesser hall where I jam with the community band I play bass for: at best, it’s a joyous cacophony of instruments filling the air, at worst, their racket and poncing about interferes when we’re attempting to work out subtle phrases in some of the gentler tunes we are navigating.

But hope springs eternal: one of our band guys—a fine young man, but hopelessly inept in both matters and manners pertaining to the opposite sex—has noted that there has already been a fall in attendance, an unwittingly marvellous observation on his part. This is in a suburb where the bogan quotient is primarily of the NAB stripe, where they’re usually merely the first in line when something has become trendy, forever confusing that notion with things that are hip (which is before it becomes sufficiently mainstream to become trendy).

So maybe it is a fad that will burn through very quickly, like the credit card funds of the hapless punter who signed up to Zumba and purchased all the peripheral paraphernalia and ephemera associated before realising what a load of crock it is, with this latest instalment in the bogan zeitgeist.

22 09 2010
martin

Oh well, at least it’s cheaper than a finance first membership. This is where the bogan pays $3k a year to use the gym once a month after being conned into having to follow a “program” to result in maxxtreme fitness.

22 09 2010
vivisection

I’ll stick to Richard Simmons.

22 09 2010
bec

Truly timeless. Especially in the sense that the clothing seems to be early 1990s and the music early 2000s.

24 09 2010
$hruglife
22 09 2010
bec

Not related to this topic at all, but this is an observation borne of too many weeks around bogans of late: what is their problem with cats?

We have a cat at home (a feral adopted as a kitten from the pound who has grown into being the loveliest pet imaginable) and every time the topic of pets comes up at work or when bogan friends-of arrive at typically non-bogue gatherings, I’m told that they’re “farken gay”, or that they need to be thrown into crab-pots. Apparently, for my fiance to not be “farken gay”, he needs to get some horrible staffy-cross or equivalent. (Unfortunately, being that fiance is a quietly spoken geeky immigrant with leftist politics, he acts as a lightning rod for the sparks of consanguinity and wilful ignorance across Queensland.)

Can someone tell me why I would want to get rid of my quiet, clean, affectionate, inexpensive, well-behaved indoor cat, who has never so much as sniffed a bird, in favour of the sort of overindulged, undertrained dog that they seem to think is “farken awesome”?

On that note, why is it that non-bogues, who tend to always have well-trained and well-socialised pets, are never the ones to criticise our choice of pet, yet the bogans, whose dogs are never desexed or trained, are authorities on pet ownership?

22 09 2010
devil's advocate

If it helps at all, I take a very equal-opportunity approach to pet ownership – I hate them all.

22 09 2010
vivisection

Bec, I have a dog (Schnoodle) that has his sexuality regularly questioned on the streets of Brunswick and Coburg – “Hey is your dog gay??” Oh the hilarity. I just tell them they can do what they like to him for the right price. Usually ends the conversation.

22 09 2010
Shirley M

I actually owned a gay dog once. She was a bit of a lipstick lesbian.

22 09 2010
vivisection
22 09 2010
vivisection
22 09 2010
vivisection

you will need to cut and paste the link into your interwebby to make it work proper…. I give up

22 09 2010
Shirley M

Your link is farked, Viv.

23 09 2010
vivisection

That’s because I didn’t read the instructions. Boganic of me.

22 09 2010
Mandi

We just lost our 14 year old beautiful Golden Retriever, she never hurt a fly and was intelligent if a tad eccentric (she many phobias including chequered tiles). She helped many children get over a fear of dogs and was even allowed next door to the childcare centre to play (or at least patrol for dropped biscuits). I would have loved a cat but growing up in a military family it wasn’t very practical, I would have one now if it weren’t for my landlord/body corporates (pets no, feral children, yes).
Ah yes Shirley M, I was once told that female dogs use sexual dominance over other females to move up the ranks of ‘the pack’. Ours certainly tried on occasions, but only with other Goldens, she had a thing for blondes.

22 09 2010
martin

I’m a cat person. Boy cats are awesome, they’re playful and affectionate. Girl cats are insular and bitchy and they suck. Dogs smell and they shit all over the lawn and you have to walk them a lot or else they get fat. I still like dogs but I wouldn’t ever want one. Too high maintenance.

It sucks when they kill a nice native bird like a honeyeater or something, so I understand why some people hate them.

22 09 2010
Bec

Yes, but *we’re* bitchy and insular too, so she suits us perfectly.

She is also the most judgemental animal alive. For something born in a box, she is very entertainingly up-herself.

26 03 2012
Carlos the Jackal

The ‘born in a box, up herself’ cat sounds like a few bogans…

22 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

I like both cats and dogs, but have more time for the former, as they’re not so needy like many dogs tend to be.

My cat is a truly beautiful animal: such a gentle-natured, communicative and affectionate animal with a loud purr, who despite his tripod condition (lost the leg following post-surgery complications after an accident), is still able to hobble around in a surprisingly fleet manner, still puts fear into the hearts of nearby mice and remains good-looking into his senior years (he’s 11), with his jet coat and light green eyes. He’s also completely housetrained, insomuch as that he doesn’t shred soft furnishings, knows where the toilet is and doesn’t sleep anywhere near my face.

This wonderful cat was given to me, on the assumption that I liked cats, was about to move from home and didn’t have a moggy of my own, but am I glad that I’ve got him. As much as I’ll be heartbroken come the day when he dies, I’m not so sure I myself would get another cat, given that my awareness of the ecological issues attendant to these animals (especially the feral ones) and given that I’m a vegetarian nowadays, not being overly keen on maintaining their natural carnivorous state. I suppose I will only truly know when I have to cross that junction whether I maintain that line, as I am drawn to cats as much as they are to me.

22 09 2010
Goose

Thats my main reason for cat hate. I really can’t stand cat owners who let their cats roam free. The amount of destruction they unleash on wildlife is unreal. I spent some time as volunteer at a large widlife refuge in NSW and feral cats were the worst pest we had, far worse than foxes. And I still take great pleasure in removing them from the food chain every now and then.

22 09 2010
Peter

I’ve met several versions of your type. To a man you’re all schitzophrenic. I take random pleasure in temporarily disabling their to partake in any source from the food chain. Cat hate is very bogan in that reveals the bogan attempting to correct an internal problem using an external solution. I’ll be seeing you.

24 09 2010
Goose

Because protecting native wildlife from feral animals is soooooooo bogan? And there is no t in schizophrenic.

21 01 2011
HappyFriend

Oh and dogs don’t kill wildlife?
Are you trying to be dumb? Seriously.

22 09 2010
Sten

Absolutely agree with you there, Martin. My family’s had three cats in my lifetime… a female moggy who was sullen and unfriendly, and two male Burmese. One was was poisoned by the neighbours when he was three (apparently because he hassled their dog) and the other passed two years ago at the ripe old age of fifteen. Both of them were such outgoing, frolicsome little fellas, and any guests we had around loved them to bits. I miss them terribly.

Incidentally, the latter was strictly an indoor cat, and I don’t think the former ever dragged anything native home.

22 09 2010
Sten

As for dogs, I can take ’em or leave ’em. One or two I’ve encountered have been absolute terrors, most have just been imbeciles much like their Bogan owners.

22 09 2010
Shirley M

I’ve had some bad experiences with cats, and was never their greatest fan, but last year one particularly evil feline made a formidable enemy in me, and because of his actions, I now distrust all cats and wouldn’t care if I never saw one again.

22 09 2010
Sheriff struggle

I can be a little bit bogan, but on pet ownership I can put my hand on my heart and declare “I am not a Bogan”. I have a West Highland White Terrier, the kind of dog that other blokes look at and say “nice fluffy white dog poof”. However, I am not a fan of cats. Not the kind of dislike that involves plastic bags and rivers but I don’t trust them. My sister in law had one that would always jump at my nuts with its claws out. When my wife and sister in law were out of the room it would hiss at me. They are downright evil.

22 09 2010
devil's advocate

With this entry on Zumba, it dawned on me that not only is TBL a contemporary (and comprehensive!) reference for those wishing to understand, or at least be able to identify sufficiently to avoid, bogans; but eons from now historians will be able to look back at it, much like the layers of sediment that an archeologist sifts through, to gain an understanding of our society and how it all went horribly wrong.

22 09 2010
lux

Bogans also use “Zumba” as a verb as well as a noun, ie. “Come and Zumba with me on Thursday, Tenneile!!”

22 09 2010
SD

I briefly went to a gym this year and zumba was being pushed down everyone’s throat. To be honest you can call it Lambada, Carimbo, Mambo or anything made up that sounds Latin, produce a vaguely Brazilian looking poster and ka-ching bogans will follow.

Re the stupid ephemera associated with every fad, I sometimes think its partly cultural. I get gobsmacked by yoga “accessories” here-never seen them back home.

22 09 2010
lol-plates

I frequently run past my local fitnest first and laugh at the people wlking/running on tread mills IN DOORS! Is it just me or do treatmills seem pointless?

22 09 2010
SD

They are pointless.

22 09 2010
Bec

Alas, the tendency of the male bogue to scream obscenities at me from his chevrodore, and the even scarier times of then they decide to double back or follow me if I tell them to get fucked, has sadly made treadmills necessary.

22 09 2010
Fiona

I do attend a FF which is a bit embarrassing (to be fair I am really lazy but if I’m paying for a gym membership I’m encouraged to use it!).
What I’ve always found stupid is that you have to drive to get to the gym – you can’t walk in off the street!

I can’t drive so I walk everywhere and have to navigate a maze of bloody car ramps battling the beasts and fumes. Ridiculous.

22 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

“…treat mills”?

If that wasn’t an intentional error, you’ve just stumbled upon a nugget, lol-plates!

I can see the femmebogue, waddling on the new TreatMill 2000, where you can burn off energy whilst simultaneously scoffing down the entire contents of a share-pack of TimTams in the theatre room watching the trashmedia kraken’s nightly Outrage! or Breakfast TV From Hell.

22 09 2010
lol-plates

My awesome typing skills and click happy hands have done it again.

22 09 2010
spewy

Not if you work on a ship.

22 09 2010
Shirley M

I’m a fan of the treadmill, insofar as if I’m going to run, which I’d rather not, I’d prefer to do so in air-conditioned comfort.

22 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I always think the idea of exercise is to get out and interact with nature etc. I get bored sh*tless by gyms, treadmills, exersize bikes etc. I love going for a long bike ride in the hills, seeing the cows, smelling fresh air etc as opposed to being locked in a smelly room with bogues going nowhere. Ugh.

The elements are good for you, toughen the f*ck up Shirl.

22 09 2010
Shirley M

I too hate gyms, and prefer to do something like kung fu for exercise. I have very pale skin, and thus I’m scared of the sun. And yeah, I live in Qld.

22 09 2010
martin

How come you’re not a dickhead then Shirley?

22 09 2010
Shirley M

Am I supposed to be a dickhead because I’m scared of the sun, or because I live in Qld? Or both?

22 09 2010
martin

Because you’re in QLD. I was just mucking around, you don’t have to answer.

22 09 2010
Shirley M

I thought so but you can never be sure what you can be labelled a dickhead for these days.

22 09 2010
devil's advocate

I spent a lot of time in gyms on treadmills when I was OS because there was a very real chance of getting lost or stabbed, or both, if jogging outside. Treadmills in gyms are good because while you are running there is sometimes a good view of fit females in leotards or other workout gear stretching, working out or whatever, certainly in higher concentrations than when outside running.

Other times there’s just fatties. If I knew how to tell which it would be at any given time/place I would probably frequent gyms. As it stands I don’t.

22 09 2010
Mandi

Sympathies, I am damn near translucent.

23 09 2010
pb

i’ve said on more than one occasion that my skin is so pale i could blind people with the light reflecting off my stomach.

23 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Funnily enough Shirl I always see you as a grand master of Ecky Thump.

23 09 2010
Shirley M

Oh I’m that too.

23 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good, I can’t be because I am unco.

22 09 2010
Sheriff struggle

It also helps with if you have young kids and can’t pop out for a walk. The bogans just leave them in their car as they get their exercise walking around the Rosstown Hotel.

8 10 2010
Mick

I used to point and laugh at the outdoorsy looking folk training inside, away from nature. That was until I realised that when it’s 48 degrees outside it’s the only option.

Give them a break. They’ll have their reasons.

8 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Nah,

I have lived in very hot climates (eg Derby where it is 40 for months on end) and you just need to suck it up and do it. So what if it’s hot or cold, it won’t kill you. In fact you cope better. Once you have jogged 10 km in 40 degree heat anything else seems easy.

8 10 2010
Mick

Simon, did you just tell me to harden up and grow a set?

8 10 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Yeh, sort of, cup of cement? I just won’t accept climate as an excuse.

8 10 2010
Mick

I stand before thee, head bowed in shame.

22 09 2010
daniel

I love the TBL website but all the comments are pathetic…

22 09 2010
Shirley M

Oh well, here’s a tip. Don’t read them.

22 09 2010
vivisection

Yet you read them? Sorry for the delay in replying, I was busy calling friends to let them know about your amazing contribution Daniel.

22 09 2010
antiboganite

I guess it’s a shame your’s wasn’t any better…

22 09 2010
Tone

Run along back to the TBL Facebook page, then. That’s a good boy.

22 09 2010
James Hunter

the zunma adds that i have seen spend half the time telling everyone that t”there are no fixed steps/mooves and that you can do your own thing” then the next half explaining that for conciderable amounts of money they will show you how to do it. what a con

22 09 2010
Robbie

Have you seen those f*ck*n ‘info’mercials for Zumba? They go for a f*ck*n hour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m almost moved to glass someone everytime I see it

22 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Makes you long for the days when the only decision about overnight TV was whether the clown was going to break the stalemate and win the game of naughts & crosses.

22 09 2010
daniel

why dont ya glass ya big screen tv ya c*nt 🙂

22 09 2010
22 09 2010
Trent

Great work TBL. In time, we will finally destroy the Bogans and reclaim the streets!

22 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

That’s it. I’m going to get rich, I just submitted the patent.

Fitness by Osmosisxxx

The idea is you sit on the couch, wear the patented wristband, drink the patented detox placebo and observe people actually losing weight (by the power of CGI). Cost 4 easy payments of $99.95.

I can’t go wrong, just promise maxtreme weight loss with zero effort. Lindsay Lohan will do the endorsement cheap as she needs the money for her lawyers to keep her out of gaol.

22 09 2010
pb

you also need branded workout gear. as the resident fashion police/designer, i’m happy to offer my services.

22 09 2010
urbanreverie

Be careful of Section 52 of the Trade Practices Act 1974 (Cth), Simon! You can’t just outright promise weight loss with zero effort.

Promising that you MAY lose weight loss through the Osmosisxxx method, IN CONJUNCTION with a sensible diet and a healthy lifestyle, might pass muster. Just put the “in conjunction” stuff in ultra-small print, the bogue doesn’t like reading anything smaller than a Daily Telegraph front-page headline.

22 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thanks Urban. I’m also thinking a specially designed seat insert to sell them as well. It will be designed to aid weight loss by doing nothing but having special crystals implanted at key energy points.

22 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

A bit like the evil Nestlé empire’s labelling of their chocolate bars, on their “Nutrition Compass” with the all-too-convenient rider: “LIFE’S ALL ABOUT BALANCE—Nestlé believes that good nutrition and physical activity , combined with positive lifestyle choices are important in maintaining good health”.

Unless of course you choose to eat several bars of their finest each day, which on one hand they wouldn’t mind you doing…what a load of patent tosh on their part; it merely exists upon the advice of their legal department and their voluntary codes of conduct.

22 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

It should read chocolate consumption combined with laziness leads to fatty boombahism.

22 09 2010
SD

Calling it a chocolate bar is applying the meaning of the term a tad loosely.

Quite sure it has the minimum required to qualify a glucose and lard laden solid as chocolate.

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Looks like someone watched Media Watch on Monday night…

23 09 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Actually, I didn’t.

Thank goodness for ABC iView and an ISP that doesn’t meter its use.

8 06 2011
snob

The TPA has now been replaced with the Competition and Consumer Act (Cth) 2010.
s52 TPA now redundant 😉
You might reference s18 for misleading and deceptive conduct.

8 10 2010
Lord Charos

You should then release a second Fitness Osmosisxxx. This one has several* people who all claim to have lost weight* while following* your plan. They also believe that the spiritual* crystals inserted into the chair helped them lose* so* much weight*.

*2
*50-100 grams maxxx
*and having a strict diet and active fitness regime
*not scientifically proven
*inconclusive
*amount unclear
*original data lost in fire

For just 9 easy payments of $89.99*

*Not refundable

We do* guarantee that you lose weight within the first week.

*Not

22 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Done Pb. Thanks for the offer. I’ll go 50/50 on clothing royalties.

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Don’t forget to throw in a set of steak knives…

22 09 2010
vivisection

I think a free ice=cream scoop would be more tempting than steak knives for the fattie bogue audience.

22 09 2010
pb

branch out into osmosisxxx branded superfood icecreams. that superfood may just be a sugar derivative, but as long as you describe it as a superfood they’ll lap it up.

22 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

It’ll have vitamins in it. We know that works “Functional Ice Cream”.

22 09 2010
Sten

144 months interest-free, of course…

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Don’t forget most of the Zumba ads are voiced by (who I think should narrate a doco on the Bogan ‘question’) ex-Big Brother announcer Mike Goldman…certainly not a coincidence he was roped in to lure the Bogan to this monument of fitness monstrosity.

They’ll hire anybody to plug these things; at the moment there’s this gym station they’re banding about on TV that hooks up to your door, promoted by some US Marine who graduated from West Point academy, looking all shirtless, muscular and oiled up, no thanks to the said product he endorses…

And might I add, one of my favourite testamonials from a ‘content customer’ for the abSwing; which I have retained to memory:

“My stomach is gone! I don’t even HAVE a stomach anymore…”

I’m sure the common Bogue would take that fairly literally, would they?

22 09 2010
lol-plates

@ TheBattlersPrince
Two things the Bogan will never ever achieve ‘graduated’ and becoming a comissioned officer (West Point)

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Well, at least not from a legitimate institution anyway…does TAFE count?

Being ex-Navy myself, you’d be suprised how many officers are Bogans; no suprise of them permeating throughout the sailor ranks, but I have encountered the odd token Bogan officer who managed to slip through the processing somehow…

22 09 2010
lol-plates

TAFE counts as a legit institute. Stereotypically it is bogan, but I know a Builder who claims it is impossible to get decent trades man in the ‘shire’. He says that they were either bullies or didn’t do well at school and was their only option.

A decent Tradie requires far to much dedication.

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

And that’s fair enough, I will admit I do have a Diploma from TAFE the year after I left high school when I had no idea to what to do with my life; luckily it got me enough accreditation to get into uni…

But you’re right, I have respect for tradies who actually are dedicated to their job and want to be their, rather than be it their last option because they couldn’t be bothered to do the hard yards back in high school…

22 09 2010
James Hunter

lol,
FYI our officer school is Duntroon. West Point is YANK

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

FYI our ARMY officer school is Duntroon, the rest go to ADFA (Army included too)…

I thought I made that distinction when I said US Marine…

23 09 2010
lol-plates

I knew that champ. From memory West Point is one of those places of high regard(military wise) like Oxford and the such.

23 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

My apologies, it wasn’t directed at you Mr Plates, it twas at Mr Hunter…

23 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

And the English equvialent would be Sandhurst if I remember correctly…

23 09 2010
lol-plates

Don’t worry, I get confused by the tabed commenting system sometimes.
At least it is not as bad as engadget.

23 09 2010
Benny Hill

I didn’t think Randy Couture was ex-army, learn something new every day.

22 09 2010
martin

The bogan f#cktards win again:

http://www.news.com.au/business/bhp-ceo-marius-kloppers-gets-9-per-cent-pay-rise-to-11-million/comments-e6frfm1i-1225927784646

Because the mining industry played some ads and said “the mining tax is, er, bad!” the bogan eats it up like the moron it is and now some ponce has an extra million on top of his already obscene pay packet and they’ll probably have to tax the middle and lower classes even more.

22 09 2010
urbanreverie

Off topic, but I just had this sent to me. Oh for the days when windscreens weren’t made of tempered glass!

22 09 2010
vivisection

Imagine if you were related to that..

22 09 2010
Sten

You’d have to be Tasmanian (according to popular stereotype).

23 09 2010
dean

Your stereotype is incorrect

23 09 2010
pb

he looks like he’d live somewhere like mount druitt.

23 09 2010
Sten

I think you’d be right, pb.

Or lives in Rooty Hill and makes the usual pureile jokes about it.

23 09 2010
urbanreverie

It’s an Adelbogue. Look closely enough and you can see the South Aussie plates.

31 10 2010
Tone

Judging by the 1960s Housting Trust anti-architecture of the houses shown in the video, I’m thinking it’s somewhere in Adelaide’s Northern Crime Belt. Possibly Staboren Park.

22 09 2010
Shirley M

What a talent!

22 09 2010
pb

how on earth does someone come to the decision that they want to headbutt windscreens?

I think his reflection must have been looking at him funny. TBL

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Most likely originated from a dare….double dare even…

22 09 2010
pb

physical challenge!

22 09 2010
Pandabater

Double dare, double rum,
double concussion,
double dickhead.

22 09 2010
ArtieFufkin

Laughing will just make me feel like i am encouraging this sort of behaviour and crying will just let the bogan win.

Oh god i hate bogans.

22 09 2010
Mandi

Off topic, anyone seen the ad on SBS where you can win the chance to have the TAB visit you backyard bbq? comes with a busty blond to put your bets on and pour your beers! Come on SBS, after Top Gear left and you stopped playing hard core sex on Friday nights surely there are no bogan viewers left!

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Give Top Gear more credit than that; at least they talk cars they know what they’re on about…(Clarkson, May and Hammond I mean, not Bogans)

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

*at least when

22 09 2010
Mandi

I don’t have anything against Top Gear, but I can’t think of any other SBS show that would attract the average bogan. Unless they have developed a fetish for Lee Lin Chin…

22 09 2010
Shirley M

Hello! Man vs. Wild.

22 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Or the SBS tit search past 11pm every Friday night…

23 09 2010
Mandi

I did see a return to the titty flick last week, but alas German rather than French. In other words, weird rather then sexy (although in defence of my heritage, Germans are staunch defenders of the natural breast).

23 09 2010
Mandi

I stand corrected

23 09 2010
devil's advocate

The UK top gear is not bogan for the reasons you mentioned. The Australian knock-off is worse than bogan; it deliberately attempts to be bogan. Try-hard bogan is surely the worst sub class of anything, ever.

22 12 2010
Ash - Maxxtreme To The Maxx

I stopped watching SBS when they stopped showing porn as well.

Now I just get my information from books and news from the Internet.

22 09 2010
mwt

i’m surprised you don’t have an article on Glee yet…

23 09 2010
chris

Glee? GLEE!!!!! GLLLLEEEEEEEEEE. AAAAAGHGHGHGH!!! Must… destroy… TV…
You made me use caps lock, mwt; you happy now?

22 09 2010
Weetbix

I was wondering when Zumba would make it into TBL. Everytime I hear the femme-bogues at work mention it my blood pressure rises.

23 09 2010
chris

I’m old enough to remember seeing gym windows painted up to advertise “Disco-cise” classes. Ahh the bogan… sunrise, sunset… circle of life and all that.

23 09 2010
pb

some good news to start off the morning – andre rieu has cancelled his next tour: http://www.yourgigs.com.au/news/?i=193899

23 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Am I the only one, but does anyone else think Andre Rieu closely resembles Viggo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters II?

23 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Also, Vale to the Barefoot Bushman Michael Douglas

http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/malcolm-douglas-killed-in-car-crash-20100923-15nt7.html?autostart=1

Could put any Bogan to shame, may he rest in peace…

23 09 2010
TheBattlersPrince

Oh shit, Malcolm, Malcolm…I know MICHAEL has cancer, but he’s not off the perch yet…

23 09 2010
brad

just off subject a bit here,but-GO PIES!

23 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Did ya get a ticket?

23 09 2010
brad

na no dice,i think eddie McGuire’s got mine and about 10000 others,saw the Sainters play on Sat night with brother in law(mad sainter) .He is my last hope as he scored 4 tickets last Gf eve off some dodgy friend.Otherwise it looks like The Valclause on Swan St-a favoured haunt.

24 09 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good luck Brad, Go Saints!

24 09 2010
Watcher

I wonder if there should be a section called “Things Bogans Hate”? Then you could have cats, public transport and things like these. I can’t think of other things because my coffee has worn off, but I’m sure it would make an interesting list.

24 09 2010
pb

sometimes those things are covered – the anti-intellectualism entry, for example.

24 09 2010
Dgusten

Exactly – you don’t need “Things Bogans Hate: Cyclists”, you just turn it around so it’s “Things Bogans Like: Hating Cyclists”.

There’s been discussions about whether that’s an approriate topic – I say for sure…

Anyway, aside from intellectualism (#97) as pb pointed out, you’ll find previous entries have described bogans’ hatred of political correctness (#39), gays (#149), foreigners (#6), being told that they’ve said something inappropriate (#95)…

Many of the posts could be summed up by saying that bogans also hate good taste, responsible spending of income and logic.

But you are correct Watcher, bogans hate public transport – nevermind that it is frequently quicker and cheaper to get to the city on PT. Although perhaps recent entry #175 (Car parks) covers much of this already…

25 09 2010
Dave

The she-bogues at work have moved on from Zumba fitness. They have all paid $600 for this treatment that involves being heated up whilst a machine moves your legs. The cellulite on their legs, it seems, was the result of cold circulation or some other crap.

They won’t tell me much more about it because I burst out laughing too much and asked why there’s plenty of cellulite in hot places (Florida).

26 09 2010
Matt

Female Bogans are just crass, selfish, fat and repulsive. In fact this is a good summary of Western Females in general.

8 10 2010
Mick

Yesterday at Brisbane airport.

A bottle blond, orange tanned femmebogue wearing lime green pants and an orange top with ‘Zumba Instructor’ emblazoned front and back on it. Huge rings on every finger and nails that would make an emu blush.

If the instructor is the benchmark then I think I shall give it a miss.

16 10 2010
Thomas

As they say in the commercial:

“I have to credit this body to Zumba. This is a Zumba body.”

I just wish I could actually get up and change the channel, the forklift driver goes home at 10.

14 01 2012
LadyCocoa1234

haha i must be totally bogan then 😀

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