There are three main types of hardness measurements: scratch, indentation, and rebound. Within each of these classes of measurement there are individual measurement scales. For practical reasons conversion tables are used to convert between one scale and another. A fourth, less researched type of hardness is boganic hardness. The bogan will not rest until this unit of measure prevails over the other three. Due to its superior hardness.
The bogan has always liked hard things. While generally lacking formal training in architecture or construction, the bogan knows that things it doesn’t like suffer from a lack of cementitious materials such as concrete, girder or aggregate. And rock hard porn penises. Consequently, it will readily dispense its brand of home-spun advice and tell people to “drink a mug of concrete/gravel/harden the fuck up”. Not limited by context or relevance, the bogan will use this expression at any instance of perceived weakness. This refers to engaging in any non-maxtreme act of awesome incredibleness, such as say swimming the entire breadth of the Pacific Ocean and then having the gall to complain of muscle pain. The shortcomings of anyone or anything else can be solved by insisting that they become more structurally rigid. Some of the most common recipients of this punch-cry are refugees, non-English speakers, its mate Troy, the environment, and almost anyone who is not Chopper or Tony Abbott.
Armed with this brawny riposte to pretty much any situation, the bogan knows that it itself is never lacking in hardness, despite offering daily stream-of-unconsciousness Facebook status updates complaining about rising interest rates, the price of everything, or the portion sizes at sit down restaurants. Indeed, a bogan down on its luck will confidently diagnose that it is in fact too hard for the world around it, and that other people, minerals, institutions, and cheekbones need to harden up in order for the bogan to receive its well-deserved fair go. The softness of a bogan’s gut is not actually softness – it is the consequence of hardening up and devouring two quarter pounders and massive can on the way home from the velvet rope queue. To prove the hardness, it will clad the gut in the hard snarling tiger on its hard Ed Hardy t-shirt.
Indeed, the only hardness that the bogan does not embrace is the try-hard. The try-hard is defined by the bogan as anyone who, as a result of an arbitrary difference to the bogan, needs to harden the fuck up. It will then revere acts of unimaginable foolishness and stupidity, branding them as only its amoebic brain can, as hard and tough. For instance, if a particularly un-fastidious window cleaner fell twenty stories with only a shattered foot and a cut needing ten stitches, the bogan will gleefully infer that they must have a had a cup of concrete for breakfast, and that they must have testicles forged by BHP Billiton.