#164 – Full-body rigidity

9 08 2010

There are three main types of hardness measurements: scratch, indentation, and rebound. Within each of these classes of measurement there are individual measurement scales. For practical reasons conversion tables are used to convert between one scale and another. A fourth, less researched type of hardness is boganic hardness. The bogan will not rest until this unit of measure prevails over the other three. Due to its superior hardness.

The bogan has always liked hard things. While generally lacking formal training in architecture or construction, the bogan knows that things it doesn’t like suffer from a lack of cementitious materials such as concrete, girder or aggregate. And rock hard porn penises. Consequently, it will readily dispense its brand of home-spun advice and tell people to “drink a mug of concrete/gravel/harden the fuck up”. Not limited by context or relevance, the bogan will use this expression at any instance of perceived weakness. This refers to engaging in any non-maxtreme act of awesome incredibleness, such as say swimming the entire breadth of the Pacific Ocean and then having the gall to complain of muscle pain. The shortcomings of anyone or anything else can be solved by insisting that they become more structurally rigid. Some of the most common recipients of this punch-cry are refugees, non-English speakers, its mate Troy, the environment, and almost anyone who is not Chopper or Tony Abbott.

Armed with this brawny riposte to pretty much any situation, the bogan knows that it itself is never lacking in hardness, despite offering daily stream-of-unconsciousness Facebook status updates complaining about rising interest rates, the price of everything, or the portion sizes at sit down restaurants. Indeed, a bogan down on its luck will confidently diagnose that it is in fact too hard for the world around it, and that other people, minerals, institutions, and cheekbones need to harden up in order for the bogan to receive its well-deserved fair go. The softness of a bogan’s gut is not actually softness – it is the consequence of hardening up and devouring two quarter pounders and massive can on the way home from the velvet rope queue. To prove the hardness, it will clad the gut in the hard snarling tiger on its hard Ed Hardy t-shirt.

Indeed, the only hardness that the bogan does not embrace is the try-hard. The try-hard is defined by the bogan as anyone who, as a result of an arbitrary difference to the bogan, needs to harden the fuck up. It will then revere acts of unimaginable foolishness and stupidity, branding them as only its amoebic brain can, as hard and tough. For instance, if a particularly un-fastidious window cleaner fell twenty stories with only a shattered foot and a cut needing ten stitches, the bogan will gleefully infer that they must have a had a cup of concrete for breakfast, and that they must have testicles forged by BHP Billiton.


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219 responses

9 08 2010
pb

thankyou, tbl. i’ve been waiting for this one. all variations on the concrete milkshake phrase are so incredibly dumb. i think less of anyone i hear use them.

9 08 2010
Shirley M

I’ve never heard this concrete milkshake terminology before. I guess that says something for the company I keep. Phew.

9 08 2010
pb

i think i keep fairly good company, but i’ve heard it once or twice from friends and even my brother. sadly, shirley, you are likely to hear it from someone you know someday.

9 08 2010
Shirley M

Oh I look forward to the day.

9 08 2010
Sten

I’ve never heard it either, Shirley. How astonishingly stupid. Why can’t the Bogues go drink a mug full or razor blades?

9 08 2010
Brimstone

even in my leftie, inner-city world i still hear ‘harden the fuck up’.

it pisses me off so much and might contribute to the high rates of suicide in Australia

9 08 2010
Shirley M

Oh I’ve heard ‘harden the f*ck up’. In fact, I say it to my partner for the sole purpose of being especially irritating.

10 08 2010
Sten

Agreed. Australian society these days certainly seems very callous, and it’s easy for people to fall between the cracks. As someone who suffers from depression myself, it can be so disheartening when even those close to you, and who know why you are the way you are, tell you to “harden the fuck up” in such an offhand way.

11 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

@Sten

Agreed. This attitude of hardening is what makes people brittle: there is widespread confusion between the concepts of resilience and being firm, and that of being tough and rigid. The former confers one the ability to take life’s slings and arrows, whereas the latter looks rocksolid, but given sufficient force, will shatter into pieces.

I’m up to my eye teeth with those who push that Harden The Fück Up line, especially those in advertising, who ought really know better…in utilising that line in promoting products aimed at a certain blue-collar demographic, the smarmy (often trendy inner-city) types may titter at the lack of urbanity of their target audience by throwing back their mannerisms at the target audience. In doing so however, they are creating a rod for their own backs, via the simmering resentment these bogans harbour towards them and the fact that they are doing nothing to improve society by perpetuating those stereotypes, dragging along the social detriment that that uncouth behaviour entails.

We may here laugh, not always undeservedly, towards boganity. But if we are not prepared to offer an outreach with an alternative way forward that doesn’t condescend them, then we are not that much better.

Nonetheless, if we have indeed made sincere and valiant efforts to do just that to no avail, then by all means sledge!

11 08 2010
Sten

Eloquent as always, Turnips. A diamond is pretty damn hard, but I’m sure it’d splinter if hit with a sledgehammer – but few actually consider this.

And I suppose it’s true that the whole hyper-macho stereotype is a massive joke played on the working class by advertising hacks.

But I don’t know what aspect of this noxious piece of language I find more offensive… the “shut and and get on with it” aspect one might reasonably expect to hear in the office, or the general “I’m strong and you’re weak” aspect one hears at the Pub/a BBQ/in sport/any other situation in which so-called alpha males try to assert their dominance over others.

Sigh… I sure wish the TBL-town was a reality. I’m sure we’d have none of that amongst ourselves.

11 08 2010
Sten

Oh, and Turnips, I always reserve the right to belittle those proud of their ignorance and bigotry. I myself came from a comparatively humble background, but that doesn’t mean I have to be a knuckle-dragging bully.

I don’t think I’ve ever once used “Harden the fuck up” in it’s intended meaning. Perhaps as clearly-intended gibe, but that’s about it.

14 03 2011
T-dawg

sten mate i think its time you hardened the fuck up

9 08 2010
Snag

Never heard the concrete drinking one either, though I certainly haven’t missed out on ‘harden the fuck up’.

9 08 2010
T-ra

“Toughen up princess” is what I used to get all the time by one particular bogan co-worker (which was said anytime I expressed distain for anything slightly bogan i.e. drinking rum, VB or wine from a cardboard box)…She had a mini-nervous breakdown anytime she received the slightest amount of criticism from the boss and ended up leaving the world of commercial law to go work in the ‘burbs. Being ‘tough’ is a very relative thing when it comes to the bogan and seems to only apply to inconsequential things and not to life in general.

9 08 2010
Mick

It should amways be followed up with ‘Princess’

9 08 2010
Mick

Amways? Always.

Damn!

9 08 2010
Bogue

Are you trying to interest us in a business proposition?

9 08 2010
James Hunter

No he not , he just wants to take a few minutes of your time so that he may leave you with some privaledged information on some exciting new investment opertunities.

9 08 2010
Mick

Hey, be gentle with me. I’m off to the Land Of The Bogue tomorrow and I’m not thinking straight.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Are you taking your Amway presentation with you Mick? Remember you are not selling anything and it is certainly not Amway if anyone asks what it is all about. You just want to help them get rich.

9 08 2010
Mick

Yes, an exciting business opportunity that has shown me the way to unfeasible wealth. I’m here to share my fortune with you lucky people.

9 08 2010
pb

remember to use fancy-sounding meaningless terms to show your authority. it isn’t a business opportunity, it is a wealth creation pathway, etc.

9 08 2010
AntiPajero

Multiple streams of passive income. Jobs are for losers. You’ll never get rich in one.

9 08 2010
Mick

Good Lord! Am I the only one here who doesn’t work in marketing?

Should I mention something along the lines of only needing to work for a couple of minutes a day?

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Mick,
I am an engineer,retired, but also spent a fair bit of time in marketing aand product development. It can be hard work and demands persistance, creativity and good researcsh skills.
Unfortunately for true marketers ( and I was a Member of the Australian Marketing Institute) most people who call themselves marketers or more likely say that they are in marketing, are realy sales people who are ashamed of the fact and think that marketing has a more professional sound to it.
Wankers.

9 08 2010
pb

don’t use the word work at all – say it will only take a couple of minutes of your day. and somehow work in that you can do it jetskiing.

9 08 2010
Mick

Right. Jetski, minimum effort, maximum returns. Got it.

Should I show up on a jetski? Or would that be over the top?

9 08 2010
pb

over the top is what you should be going for. make sure you’re wearing a flouro suit – preferably ed hardy branded with bedazzler letters – when you turn up.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Fluro shirt , check, what about the tie? would White Satin be OK ?

9 08 2010
pb

as long as it is matched with a black shirt.

9 08 2010
martin

The bogan likes to think of themselves as anti-authority. But whenever the system displays injustice or unfairness the bogan says harden the f#ck up. Rendering the bogan fully compliant, docile and acquiescent. The complete antithesisis to what it thinks it is.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

The bogan should remember though that deflection is the same regardless of hardness !!

9 08 2010
Peter

An ‘engineer’? Is that another name for a bus driver?

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Ah Pete Babe, who writes your lines ?

9 08 2010
Dgusten

Men sometimes need to be told to remove their tampon before their hardening up process is to commence.

9 08 2010
Jarrad

Highly amused at the “Immigration to Australia – find out now if you qualify for the free Visa!” google ads.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

TBL,
What’s the go on “Carbon Offsets” ? Its has come out with #164 on it but there is no link . cheers

9 08 2010
Tombarina

A little respek, TBL.

It is the bogan’s inherent hardness which enables it to do, immediately and instinctively, things which take others years to learn or perfect. Like snowboarding. Or domestic electrical wiring.

Anything the bogan *gulp* fails to achieve immediately and instinctively is, by definition, ‘soft’ and afficionados of these practices ‘soft-cocks’. Both are beneath the bogan’s dignity.

An Australia bereft of bogan hardness would be a country without Cronulla riots, without overflowing emergency wards every Saturday night, and without a flourishing market for Crusty Demons and WWF merchandise.

So be grateful – the bogan is our only defence against an inexorable slide into soft-cockdom.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
“a slide into sofcockdom” Soooooooo very evocative. 8,9,8,7,9 . !!

9 08 2010
laurenbee

” soft-cockdom”
Im going to borrow that term.
And endeavour to use it in a sentence today.

With full credit to you of course Tombarina 🙂

9 08 2010
Tombarina

My gift to you, Laurenbee – use at will.

*bows ostentatiously*

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Tomba,

Commercial opportunity – Concrete showbags. the bogan can give these to friends who are low on the Grylls – o – meter.

My grylls comment is in moderation for the use of the p word so see below.

Bear Grylls is hard as f*ck. Perhaps he could be the empirical measure.

Eg my hardness is 3 Grylls. Or that p**fter is a 1/4 Gryll.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
good idea BUT even more maxxxxtreeeeme is to use QUICKSET cement.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

JH, the bag will contain a range of hardening agents, including viagra!

9 08 2010
Miss Dahl

Never known a bogan with Herculean proportions. Actually, all the bogans I’ve ever met have been largely of the lazy, fat and lumpen persuasion, that’s men and women. The men, as unattractive as they are, still aspire to the porn-cock greatness. Anyone possessing the wherewithall to seriously understand fitness and habitually attend a gym to this end, is in my opinion, not so much a bogan, but a person bettering their position. The distinctions are getting blurred, so I think TBL should supply a Venn diagram … 😉

9 08 2010
Shirley M

Speaking of porn-cock, a friend of mine works in a porn shop and was telling me that a ridiculous amount of men buy penis enlargement pumps. I thought it was a well-known fact that such devices WILL NOT WORK. Suckers.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Shirl,
Was that intended ? penis pumps wont work…. ? SUCKERS ?

9 08 2010
Shirley M

Yes. Yes it was.

10 08 2010
lol-plates

Do they also not know that the majority of male porn stars are gay or have do gay scenes to get a decent wage?

10 08 2010
Tone

Ah yes … ‘gay for pay’ is the terminology in the biz. As part of his Weird Weekends series of docos, Louis Theroux made a doco about porn. It’s true, porn is one of the few industries where females earn substantially more than males.

It’s a great doco, btw.

9 08 2010
AlyssaKT

“This refers to engaging in any non-maxtreme act of awesome incredibleness, such as say swimming the entire breath of the Pacific Ocean and then having the gall to complain of muscle pain.”

Breadth* TBL?

🙂

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Alyssa,
Surely it has both ? and depth ,of course.

9 08 2010
AlyssaKT

You’re welcome, TBL 😉

9 08 2010
??

been waiting for this one. excellent read, as usual

9 08 2010
Bogue

This full body rigidity seems to be in total architectural contrast to the taup coloured blueboard ‘contemporary’ portico’s of the average new estate dwelling bogan.

9 08 2010
pb

you know,i was thinking maybe all the cement rendering of bogue homes was so they had a ready supply of hardening up concrete.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bear Grylls is hard as f*ck. Perhaps he could be the empirical measure.

Eg my hardness is 3 Grylls. Or that poofter is a 1/4 Gryll.

9 08 2010
vivisection

And for the femmebogue :”She’s two Grylls short of a Schappelle” A Schappelle being the standard unit of measure for a hard arsed Indonesion prison bitch, against which all she-bogues aspire to be be as tough as.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Good Call Viv. The ultimate measure being the Roberta Williams. 10 Schappelle’s to a Roberta (to keep with the decimal system).

9 08 2010
vivisection

Shouldn’t the ultimate measure for the she-bougue be a “Judy”? Especially now Roberta’s gone all Women’s Weekly and soft and Judy Moran is still top dog in gaol. A Roberta would be a try-hard wannabe who’s only lost one member of her family to maxtreme boganity.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I thought you were going with Judge Judy there for a while. She would make Judy Moran cry like a bitch.

Also we need an aussie male measure. I am thinking a Tony Lockett?

9 08 2010
pb

barry hall

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Uncle Chop Chop!

9 08 2010
vivisection

Love Judge Judy – I bought her book “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining” – couldn’t read past page 5, due to her hard as cement attitude. – 10 Judys for Judy.

For the guys, a “Russell” would be a universally understood measure of hard boganity.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You mean Russell Coit?

9 08 2010
vivisection

Russell Crowe

9 08 2010
Sten

That’s the SI-recognised unit for Boganic stupidity, Simon.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

True, my mistake Sten. Is the Shannon Knoll the standard measure for boganic boganity?

9 08 2010
Sten

I was thinking more along the lines of mediocrity, but there’s room for debate.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Could be a measure for glassability or flamability as well.

9 08 2010
Sten

Indeed, Simon, my good man, it could be indeed.

10 08 2010
lol-plates

Would re-naming one’s self to 9 mohs be hard?

/scientists are not funny, I should stop trying

10 08 2010
James Hunter

lol-p
I see your moh,and will raise you a rockwell, c ?

10 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

How many mohs in a Chuck Norris?

10 08 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Chuck Norris definitely in Rockwell(“C”) ’cause that’s what you use for “Tool” Steel !!

10 08 2010
Sten

Hah! Well said, James!

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Nup.

In Qld, it would be the Webcke. Or the Tallis. Even the Gillmeister.

From a national perspective, possibly the Hawkie? He might have blubbed a bit, but he was a world-class pants man AND a certified champion pi$$-sinker.

But I don’t think we could go past The Gatto.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Hawke was a blubbering beanbag. Now Keating was hard.

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Mebbe – but as there’s no record of him betting on the neddies, shotgunning a yardglass and pantsing various females, PK doesn’t register on the bogan hardness radar. Plus, he wore good suits – ergo, epic fail.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Keating was a cat lover.

9 08 2010
vivisection

he had his pussy to consider…

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

I knew you would not let me down Viv.

9 08 2010
Sten

And he was into antique clocks.

9 08 2010
pb

keating used too many big words. not a good measure of bogan hardness. now latham on the other hand…

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Is a raving lunatic. The bogan admires this.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Of course the toughest politican is WA’s own Ironbar Tuckey. No contest really.

9 08 2010
pb

tuckey’s too much of a nutcase though. i hope. although he does keep getting inexplicably reelected.

9 08 2010
Sten

But he did have the Bogue-friendly features of being a ruthless arsehole, and a very aggressive, insulting one at that.

9 08 2010
Brimstone

how many grills could a Bear Gryll grill if a Bear Grylls could grill bears?

9 08 2010
Tombarina

You had me at “how”.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Send this to Grylls. I am sure he can make an episode out of catching and grilling bears.

9 08 2010
Snag

Forget an episode; a whole series!

9 08 2010
Ghengis of Coles Gungahlin

He wouldn’t, he’d eat them raw!! (Sorry, people at school like that guy)

10 08 2010
James Hunter

how many grylls could a bear gryll while bear gryll grills bears ?

9 08 2010
brad

Mike Rowe is at least a jug harder than bear

10 08 2010
Brimstone

how the fuck can you be harder than Bear?

10 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chuck Norris is harder then Bear.

10 08 2010
James Hunter

Jean Claude Van Dam is Hard

10 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Chuck would use him as a toothpick when he has eaten Bear!

12 05 2015
powerlounge

Then how hard was Bruce Lee? He actually did use Chuck as a toothpick 😀

9 08 2010
AntiPajero

Off topic, but important…
Someone please kill this with sulfuric fire: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=129322155887&index=1

9 08 2010
Tombarina

That’s the biggest conglomeration of cheap, shiny fabric since the Mardi Gras. Nasty.

9 08 2010
AntiPajero

And it’s international. INTERNATIONAL..! It’s a boganic PLAGUE!!

9 08 2010
vivisection

I’ll try and coincide my next court appearance for suit up day. Of course I’ll need to do something outstandingly bogan and tough to get a court appearance. Maybe I’ll bite a baby – help it harden the f#ck up.Kill two birds….

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Viv, after biting the baby send it for a swim in the Ceeement pond

9 08 2010
vivisection

Give it some cement booties.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Viv, Then watch it doing the breast stroke just beautiful,,,,,,, ten feet down on the bottom of the pool

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Viv, why veer away from the tried and true?

1. Get yourself a contract with an AFL or NRL club.

2. Get yourself a vapid blonde girlfriend (just work with me here…)

3. Glass her.

4. THEN front court over a period of days, wearing an array of nasty suits with the labels still stitched to the sleeve.

5. Arrange for vapid blonde girlfriend to tell court that she foolishly tripped and recklessly face-planted into glass which you were holding while trying to prevent her from harming herself AND rescuing kittens at the same time.

6. Get off. Ditch girlfriend. Appear on Footy Show in yet another horrid suit to partake in witty repartee with other mental giants.

9 08 2010
vivisection

Yes, I was lunging for her Pussy on the ledge when she fell into the glass…..

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Thanks Mrs Slocombe.

9 08 2010
Tombarina

I’ll bloody glass you if you don’t stop with the Mrs Slocombe.

I loathe that show, and that character in particular, with a passion bordering on the obsessive….

9 08 2010
vivisection

Well, my Pussy’s so scared it’s just run up the curtains. You are reaching “Schappelle” hardness levels Tombarina…

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Yes Miss Brown !

9 08 2010
vivisection

Mr Hunter, are you free?

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Viv,
Im like the Aussi $ , my value comes and goes !

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Looks like it’s curtains for the pussy jokes.

9 08 2010
Tombarina

*stockpiles clear drinking receptacles, warms up glassin’ arm…*

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Simon,
Should’nt that be “It’s Labias for the pussy joke” ?

9 08 2010
vivisection

Don’t be crass. I’m shocked.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

JH – Stepping where angels fear to tread.

9 08 2010
Whistling Nixie

Or rather, Labia (the singular is “labium”).

9 08 2010
Who is James Bogue

I think the Bogue would embrace the idea of a “High Quality Chinese Hardness Tester” (as seen in Google Ad above), especially in relation to #145.

9 08 2010
urbanreverie

Personally, I blame the whole “harden the f$%& up” phenonemon on the Ronnie Johns Half Hour.

9 08 2010
Brimstone

i think it’s gone viral, and has spread to non-Aussie parts of the web

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Off topic, and just pathetic – one of the slack-jawed flat-earthers from Family First has (no doubt after undertaking extensive research and analysis) likened gay marriage to child abuse.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/technology/technology-news/family-first-candidates-gay-twitter-slur-20100808-11q7p.html

“Children in homosexual relationships are subject to emotional abuse,” this leading thinker of our time mused. “Legitimising gay marriage is like legalising child abuse.”

Riddle me this, stupid Brady Bunch FF slurry-woman: how does being bashed or burned with cigarettes or molested or simply neglected equate with being raised in a loving, secure, stable home by two people who just happen to be of the same gender?

Who the HELL votes for these these pitchfork-waving @*^k-knuckles?

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

The residents of Toowoomba I believe.

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Sorry. Silly me.

As you were….

9 08 2010
James Hunter

and Kinaroy. HoHo deF@#$%^g Ho The land of Joh and his ilk enough to give one a severe case of hick ups. ??

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Mah pussy had a case of the hick ups so I gave it a good scare and now it seems quite relieved.

9 08 2010
Jay

And the sad fact is that there are still quite large sections (predominantly rural) of the Queensland population that believe that Joh, Flo, Russ Hinze and Co. were the best, and last, good thing to happen to Queensland.

That’s one of the many good reasons I no longer live there.

9 08 2010
Mick

Is this where I get to mention Toowoomba again? There can never be enough shame piled onto that dump.

9 08 2010
Jay

Pile away as much and as frequently as you can, Mick 😀 Being as that’s precisely where I was referring to… and is, I am ashamed to say, my hometown, I share your pain and couldn’t agree more!

9 08 2010
Mick

Yes, my hometown as well. My parents still live there but we have an agreement to meet on neutral ground. I never step foot in the dump.

Awful, awful place.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

My wife spent several years there and still weeps uncontrollably at the mention of the word Toowoomba.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

It is so much like Mineappolis only smaller. Flat as ,boring and full of farmers daughters and rusted out utes.

9 08 2010
Jay

Yep, Toowoomba and its surrounds are pure Deliverance Country. You don’t have to listen hard to hear the duelling banjoes as you drive up the Range ;-P

9 08 2010
Shirley M

Been there once and thought it was horrible, but how come so many seemingly cool people come from there? Hmmm?

9 08 2010
Jay

Anyone from there with half a brain bolted as soon as they could, Shirley, and never, ever went back.

9 08 2010
Mick

Very true. There was always an age gap between 20-40 there. As soon as school/uni/trade was finished the locals hopped on the first chevodore out of there.

The only ones moving there were retirees and couples looking for a quiet, peaceful place to raise their kiddies in safety. How misinformed they were.

9 08 2010
vivisection

I like her thoughts that gays will be to blame for any possible uncontrollable depression and suicides if they start getting married and raising children. Who’s top blame for the existing depression and suicides that we have now? 2000 Aus. suicides a year currently and approx 20% of Australians treated for depression.

9 08 2010
Tombarina

And I like that you’ve credited this fatuous nuffie with having “thoughts”.

Of course, if FF held the balance of power, no one would have to worry about suicide, depression, etc – God/Stephen Fielding would extend their internet filter to sexuality and mind control, and just strain out all the naughty or sad bits.

Cretins. I actually prefer “Are You Being Served?”.

9 08 2010
vivisection

I’d go as far as saying I prefer the AYBS? spin off series “Grace and Favour”.

9 08 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
You asked the question, you answere it ! ’cause no one else can !!!!

9 08 2010
vivisection

That’s why you have to vote below the line people. Don’t risk letting party preference deals giving your vote to people like this. That’s how Fielding got in.

9 08 2010
Dgusten

Exactly right – no one really votes for Family First (they got less than 2% of the vote in 2007), but unfortunately at the 2004 election many voters (including myself – oops) inadertantly did by voting above the line, with virtually all the major parties giving preference to the idiots, resulting in Steve Fielding getting a spot in the Senate. That was mostly Labor’s fault.
This election, note that if you vote for the LIBERALS
This election, I was thinking of voting for the Greens, although I’ve just read the Secular Party’s policies and I think most readers of this fine website would agree they’re pretty damn good – have a look:
http://www.secular.org.au/mnu-individual-freedom-and-choices/mnu-policiy-details
The Greens are a little to wacky with some of their policies, but will still be going before Labor, although I’ll be making sure that Stephen Conroy gets last on my Senate ballot paper, despite the fact that I’ll be putting the other Labor senators above the Libs, Family First and any other nutters out there. Conroy – another idiot voted in in 2004!

9 08 2010
Dgusten

Exactly.

In 2004 it was Labor and Democrat voters (probably myself included) who helped get nutter Fielding in, despite Family First only getting 0.08% of the vote!

This time, note that if you vote Liberal above the line, Family First gets your preferences. If you do vote Liberal (please don’t), at least do it BELOW THE LINE.

Meanwhile, I’ve just discovered the Secular Party, who unlike the Greens (who tend to go a bit wacky with some extreme (maxtreme?) policies), have a bunch of policies most of us TBL-lovers would agree with. Check em out:

http://www.secular.org.au/mnu-individual-freedom-and-choices/mnu-policiy-details

I’ll be voting for them, then the Greens, then Labor (except Conroy), then most of the rest, the the Libtards, then FF and One Nation etc, then Conroy dead last.

9 08 2010
Dgusten

Apologies for the Same Same. But Different postings above.
(Ha, how bogan are those Tshirts?)

10 08 2010
Tombarina

I’ve already checked out the Secular Party, and it is more representative of ‘me’ than anything else on the horizon.

So imagine my disappointment when I discovered it wasn’t running a candidate in my electorate.

Instead, I have the choice of Kruddy, a 23yo God-botherer from Family First, a bus-driving gun nut socialist, a conspiracy-fancier from the CEC, a vapid blonde from the Libs who appears devoid of policy but has great hair, a Lib Dem whose only platform appears to be “taxes are bad”, and a Greens candidate who lets herself down by describing herself as an “avid cyclist”.

It’s all rather vexing…..

10 08 2010
vivisection

I like what I see on the Secular Party website – except the Southern Cross logo. At least they didn’t go as far as SeXXcular Party. Good policies though, if that counts for anything these days.

10 08 2010
Tombarina

There was a great line in one of the weekend magazines in an interview with Craig Reucassel from the Chaser – when asked how he thought Julia Gillard, as an aetheist, could possibly appeal to Christian voters, Reucassel replied: “The same way as a Catholic PM could appeal to aetheists – with decent policies”.

Seems to be a tragic shortage of policy AND vision in this election. Unless you count “Stop the boats”…..

10 08 2010
vivisection

This is a really useful little tool for planning for the big day. Take no chances. You choose who you think you are going to vote for, it gives you a list of their preferences – if you like what you see, vote above the line, if you don’t it lets you create your own preference list and format it so it looks like the voting ballot – print it out and take it along on the day. No more wondering who the F#ck some independent is and what they stand for.

https://www.belowtheline.org.au/

10 08 2010
pb

there are some very strange parties standing in the senate. how do these one issue crazies get enough support to even get on the ballot?

9 08 2010
SD

Would not be surprised if child abuse figures somewhere in Wendy’s past.

She sounds just like the Rethuglican f..k ups who are anti gay in public and then rent a boy to “carry their luggage”.

10 08 2010
vivisection

I wouldn’t be surprised if child abuse figures somewhere in her present – no doubt she has the “spare the rod and spoil the child” attitude that is shared and prevalant amongst most good right wing Christian families.

9 08 2010
pb

off-topic again, but this needs – begs – to be posted: http://dolly.ninemsn.com.au/girltalk/realityreads/7936401/my-stalker-became-my-boyfriend

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Ummmm….right. I’m “officially” glad that I don’t have daughters.

But more to the point, PB, what were you doing checking out Dolly??? I didn’t even know it still existed!

9 08 2010
vivisection

It’s a really positive message for stalkers too – persistence pays off. Harden up, puncture a lung and you’ll get her. The good folk at Dolly are great.

9 08 2010
pb

even as a 14 year old girl i laughed at dolly and girlfriend and thought they were ridiculous. it seems they’ve only gotten worse.

9 08 2010
pb

i didn’t go looking for it, tomba, it found me. i have a hotmail email address so get to see the ninemsn homepage daily, and this story was there under the ‘today’s highlights’ heading. you know there is no way i could have given up the opportunity to read something with such a title.

9 08 2010
Bag O'Turnips

Live the HARD life!

Harden the fück up!

Harden your heart!

Harden your arteries!

Harden your faecal stools!

Harden your gallstones!

Fück yeah! HARDEN THE FÜCK UP! HUZZAH!

9 08 2010
vivisection

In Haiku please.

9 08 2010
pb

hard heart and faeces
maxxxtreme cement ingestion
toilet broken now

9 08 2010
vivisection

Very nice – telling people how you hardened up with haiku – so cultural!

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Small brain and large pecs
Stop the boats and save our jobs!
Ma$$ive haemhorroids.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

You all need hardness
Concrete milkshakes do the trick
Bogans piss me off

9 08 2010
vivisection

Mah Pussssy thinks you
Need to harden the f@ck up
Please do not slap her

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Kyle Sandilands
Head like a cement mixer
Maxxtreme small penis

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Are we counting “Kyle” as two syllables? As in “Kie-oil”?

9 08 2010
vivisection

Thats a nice way to spell Kie-oil – unusuoil

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Ky-Le San-di-lands? Ok I think.

9 08 2010
Tombarina

Teaspoon of cement
What would Mr Gatto do?
Grow yourself a set.

9 08 2010
Shirley M

I like my Aussies
like I like my massive cock.
F*cking hard as f*ck.

9 08 2010
Shirley M

If I were any
harder, I could f*ck diamonds
in their girl arses.

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

If Taieesha declines #124 does she get told to harden the f*ck up by Braydenn?

9 08 2010
vivisection

Taieesha declines Anal
Braydenn says harden up bitch
I gave you Pandora

9 08 2010
Sten

Ha! Nearly spat dinner all over my screen.

Nice one, Viv.

9 08 2010
pb

i need to stop reading these haikus before the other person in my office looks at me like i’m strange.

9 08 2010
vivisection

Are you reading them out aloud? Or worse are your lips moving?

9 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Trying hard to work
C*nts writing stupid haikus
Coffee hits desk top

9 08 2010
pb

no, vivi, i’m reading them in my head, it’s just that it is hard to keep my laughter internal.

9 08 2010
James, anti Anti-Intellectual

I will try my hand at this poetry, although I am not used to expressing myself in fewer than 5000 words.

Here in the real world
There are no princesses, son
Harden the fuck up

9 08 2010
Sten

Here we go, a haiku written from the Bogue’s Point of View:

What the fuck is this!?
Poofters wiritng Jap poems?
Harden up, Wankers!

9 08 2010
Sten

Here we go, a haiku written from the Bogue’s Point of View:

What the fuck is this!?
Poofters wriitng Jap poems?
Harden up, Wankers!

9 08 2010
urbanreverie

In my huge Hilux
I already feel so hard
No need for concrete

9 08 2010
pb

bogan cement cafe
concrete cakes, drinks, and milkshakes
maxxtremeness comes soon

10 08 2010
Benny Hill

Not only do people cop the ‘take a teaspoon of concrete’ line, nowadays around this here part of the cuntry, if someone is taking too long to do something like open a jar the bogue can be hard to spew out the line ‘stop making love to it’ in an attempt to make one look weak and insipid only to find that they can’t open the jar as well and it must be ‘fuckin welded on’.

10 08 2010
vivisection

This is cute – group of bogans/chavs take on two trannies who turnout to be professional cage fighters! Yaay!! It all happens at about 1min 20secs, followed by a minute of limping down the street, hugging each other along the way and finally into to their girlfriends caring arms.

10 08 2010
Sibyl Ince

Oooh Err… go hard or go home, sweetie.

10 08 2010
SD

2,335,577 hits. Impressive TBL!

10 08 2010
Sten

What does this indicate, SD? Perhaps that 9 in 10 Australians are, in fact, Bogans?

10 08 2010
SD

Or 1 out of 10 Australians aka TBLers are frequenting this site way too much!!

10 08 2010
Sten

Too much!? Never!

10 08 2010
Sten

I am a Bogan
I’m so hard I shit cement
You’re all soft, weak caaarnts

10 08 2010
pb

you ain’t so hard mate
me and the boys’ll smash ya’s
glass coming your way

10 08 2010
Sten

I love killin’ things
Pigs, wogs, poofs or other caaarnts
Beware my buckshot

10 08 2010
pb

you shoot like a bitch
i got me shiv in my sleeve
will cut off ya balls

10 08 2010
pb

i have to say, as an avowed pacifist and weak little girl, writing belligerent haikus is lots of fun.

10 08 2010
Sten

I know what you mean – apart from that I’m a dude. Whenever I was having a bad day at work (ie 80% of days), I’d write a haiku about it. If nothing was annoying me that day, I’d just write a nonsense one.

10 08 2010
pb

a haiku a day – that’s pretty impressive.

10 08 2010
Sten

Oh, not quite. I’d be on-again-off-again.

It’s a good way to employ a vocabulary which doesn’t generally get taxed over-much in everyday life.

10 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Bear Grylls is hard dude
Eats poo and snake venom daily
Chuck Norris thinks he’s soft

10 08 2010
Simon of South Yarra

Ed hardy australia in administration!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://topsy.com/www.pedestrian.tv/fashion/news/ed-hardy-australia-goes-into-administration/20512.htm

well done

What a good thing! TBL

10 08 2010
Tombarina

Glad tidings!

Equally awesome is this line at the top of the news feed:
“…thanks to your refusal to support a brand who only designs clothes for gay pirates circa 1986, Ed Hardy has entered into administration…”

10 08 2010
James Hunter

Tombarina,
Great opertunity, buy up any ed harvey shit you can find, bound to be a maxtreem demand for it from deprived bogans for years to come.

10 08 2010
SD

Thanks for link Simon.

Back home all the pretentious tosssers with way too much money for their own good were queuing up for “high fashion” Ed Hardy – one can only weep.

Prompt forwarding of terrific opening line to the offenders is therefore in order!

10 08 2010
Sten

That’s awesome, but realise we’ll only have a temporary respite before the sucing void of bad taste is jammed open again by something equally, if not more obnoxious.

Small victories, eh?

10 08 2010
AnonymousBosch

What’s that horrible song that all the bogan girls have been playing the last week? It sounds like Lady Gaga in an auto-tuned blender and rhymes ‘Ed Hardy’ with ‘Givenchy’, and is about Being Famous. It makes me want to stab my eardrums with a knitting needle. I’m hoping everyone has good enough taste to not enlighten me.

10 08 2010
pb

i’m not familiar with that song, but your descriptions sounds like something that trashbag hyperslut ke$ha would sing.

10 08 2010
AnonymousBosch

I asked a Bogan friend about it. It’s ‘The Girl U Wish U Were’, by Millionaires. It sounds like a ring tone. I *never* want to hear it again, but I’ve got to admit, that’s one hell of a classy album cover.

11 08 2010
Sten

Mmm, the sort of classy which wears garish purple suits, sports roxk-hard bleached-tipped spikes and drinks low-carb beer or ma$$ive cans Red Bull/V/Mother/whatever.

Every time I see this sort of thing, I weep for humanity. Are we really so crass and materialistic? Or is it that most of us see no alternative other than to be this way?

If I ever saw those tarts in the flesh, I’d spit on ’em.

11 08 2010
Tombarina

They sound like robot sluts.

I’m happy to say this is the first – and, if there’s a God, the last – time I’ve heard of these fatuous hambeasts.

10 08 2010
James Hunter

Anonymous Bosch,
You want to stab your ears with a knitting needle ? Cool !
You can join my show any time you want if you do it on stage.

11 08 2010
Marko

Being honest though, we today have a ridiculous propensity to whinge, whine and think the world is ending due to insignificant circumstances. It sickens me to see this given that in the world today there are millions upon millions going through incredible hardships, people dying from disease, famine and being ravaged by war, the likes of which we can’t even begin to fathom.

I currently have friends who are at war, my grandparents escaped from a concentration camp in Nazi Germany and your grandparents, even if not involved in the war, went through the hardships of living through a wartime era.

Given the aforementioned, it disgusts me just how many people think they have it tough when they wouldn’t have a clue what tough is.

It may be a ridiculous slogan but the moral that it stands for couldn’t be truer in many situations.

11 08 2010
bec

Primary amongst those would be people who say things like “white middle-class straight males are the most oppressed group in society”. But when you look at that Venn circle with the bogan Venn circle, there’s almost complete overlap…

11 08 2010
pb

you make good points, marko, but those who use the ‘harden up’ phrase and its variations tend to be the self same people who complain about any little thing that doesn’t go their way. they also probably wouldn’t care much about those in the rest of the world who have real struggles.

11 08 2010
Tee-Agra

Ed Hardy placed in voluntary recievership…….

11 08 2010
vivisection

Ed Hardy needs to harden up

11 08 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

Teaspoon of cement ya carnt.

18 08 2010
Benny Hill

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