For the bogan, failure is not an option. Until it fails. Until then, anything the bogan applies its formidable frontal lobe to will result in maxtreme success, monetary gain and a bevy of fecund teenage nubiles waiting in the harem. The simplest, most effective, surefire means of success is winning money purely by applying its savant-like statistical skills to the art of gambling and winning heaps of cash. And the place it can do that, while nestled in the cocoon of a room full of other bogans, is the casino.
The casino represents everything the bogan likes, wants, aspires to and fails at. An enormous glitzy shortcut of a metropolis that promises instant riches, human peacocks, velvet ropes, year-long Cirque du Soleil (or other franchised entertainment), suiting up, bad nightclubs and, of course, lots and lots of shopping. Often emblazoned with a title like ‘The Entertainment Capital of the World’, it is a schmaltzy nod to the depravity that is the ectoplasm of the bogan city. Every major city has a casino, and bogans will drive for upwards of 100 kilometres to arrive at its shining temple to mediocrity.
Here, the bogan can apply its skills as an uninformed gambler to its heart’s content, on a variety of games, from cards, to spinning wheels, to computers with fixed odds. Of 87%. Poker machines, beloved of bogans and elderly folk everywhere, are an incredible example of the mind-boggling mathematical ineptitude of the bogan. For every dollar that gets put into poker machines in a given state, they will return as little as 69 cents. Yet still, the bogan knows it will ‘beat the house’. It knows this because it once saw an episode of Las Vegas, where an affable simpleton overcame insurmountable odds through simple persistence and self-belief and won a million dollars. Characteristically, however, it failed to realise the distinction between what it sees on television and how it lives its life. Life imitating crap art. The bogan doesn’t care for Oscar Wilde, so heads for the counter to get more dollar coins. This could very well be its lucky day.