Ever since Lleyton Hewitt appeared on Home and Away, and then the Logies (with identically-dressed soapie-wife and child in tow), the bogan’s love affair with him has dwindled. When he was smashing foreigners at Wimbledon and Flushing Meadows, the bogan was more than willing to overlook the fact that he was, by all outward appearances, a petulant tool. When he would bring vicarious glory onto the bogan by winning five-set epics on Spanish clay to prevent us being relegated from the world group in Davis Cup, the bogan, unaware that it wasn’t the Davis Cup Final, would sit back and bask in the sheer awesomeness of being Australian when there were people like Lleyton to win stuff on the bogan’s behalf.
But then, Lleyton realised that it was more fun to have a really hot wife and spend time with his kid than run around all day chasing a fluffy yellow ball. As his winning percentage fell, his relentless acts of wank lost their faux-rebellious lustre, and the bogan decided that it only liked Lleyton when he was being good at things on the bogan’s behalf. Never mind the fact that he’s still among the best 100 tennis players on Earth. The only way Lleyton would earn the bogan’s normally easily-won forgiveness would be an Australian Open win.
Hence, the bogan looked further afield for a tennis player through who to live vicariously. The pickings were slim. While the occasional Peter Luczak would grind out a gutsy win, he wasn’t good enough for the bogan to latch onto regularly. Alicia Molik, who the bogan found attractive in an odd, fear-induced way, retired at about the same time, and Bernard Tomic, while exhibiting all of Lleyton’s arsefaced traits, remained a minor, and wasn’t beating the big boys.
Someone once mentioned Sam Stosur. The bogan looked at her, saw that she had massive guns, and decided that she was not feminine enough to like. Male bogans were scared of her in a decidedly non-Molikesque fashion, and female bogans were intimidated by the fact that she was prettier AND stronger than them. They proceeded to ignore her.
She then entered the world’s top twenty players. The bogan paid no heed. She then entered the world’s top ten. The bogan was unaware. The bogan trashmedia reported nary a word. She went to Roland Garros, beat Justine Henin. Nothing. She beat Serena Williams in an epic three-setter. Some fringe-bogues’ ears perked up. Suddenly, she was in the French Open Final, the first Australian woman in decades to do so. She was now worthy of bogan love. She was bestowed the ultimate in bogan honorifics. She became ‘Ours’. She is no longer merely ‘Stosur’, or even ‘Samantha’, but simply ‘Sam’.
Notwithstanding the fact that if an athlete in their mid-20s suddenly became good enough to make a grand slam final, had enormous muscles, yet came from China, the bogan would automatically assume that the athlete in question was doping. But Sam’s an Aussie, so it’s down to the hard work and persistence that the bogan automatically attributes to itself that Our Sam got to the top.
Samantha Stosur is now the unambiguous property of Australia’s millions of bogans. She’s ‘ours’.
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For all those bogues out there that missed the Sam bandwagon, never fear. The Socceroos bandwagon has just pulled into the station.
Ahh yes. A country that normally doesn’t give a toss about soccer is about to go nuts for it. I happened to see the story on Mark Schwarzer on channel 7s fabulous ‘Sunday Night’ show last night. I was amused by the quote (and I paraphrase) ‘Mark isn’t your average sports star. He’s an all round good bloke and family man’.
Don’t get me started about Channel 7 (or 9) and football. They do nothing but heap s*** on the game and its supporters for 3 years and 10 months, then jump on the bandwagon for some quick $$$, then back to doing everything they can to stifle it.
And yeah, how shocking that the ‘roos don’t go out raping and glassing!
Soccer is one of two sports I actually enjoy watching, and now the media bogans and civilian bogans have f*cked that up.
Pim’s f*cked it up too 😛
He’s an odd sort of dude, isn’t he?
Yeah, I think we should have got Tshirt Tom Hafey to coach them and toughen them all up a bit.
Tommy would bulldoze them and have a nice cup of tea afterward.A true gentlman and a supreme motivator who i have had the privilage of meeting on a number of occasions.
I like you, Will 😀
Interesting that Football is the most played game in Australia, we call it Soccer and suck at it and the main commercial stations give it no air time at all, yet come World Cup, everyone’s an expert and you can’t read or watch anything without World Cup garbage. At least it’s not Fev, Clarky & Bingle or Bingle & Fev or Li Lo Langilefiner…
Stu,
Bingle is out of “lying low” today she suing for half the car,apartment,ring……….oh the fruits of true love !
Agreed, Will. I’ve been hanging out for the start of this World Cup for yonks… sadly, I don’t think we’ll do quite as well a last time. I’m predicting the Socceroos go home in Group Stage, or at best play (and lose) in the Round of 16 against England. Pim is certainly no Guus, and that’s the truth. I reckon Spain will win.
Thanks the Almighty SBS has the broadcast rights.
While there is undeniably a lot of bandwagon-jumping that does go on, we should distinguish between ourselves and the europeans who have things like EPL etc. Our local competition is pretty average. The world cup every 4 years is our only real opportunity to back a decent team we have any connection with.
soccer? I think you mean ‘wogball’ as it’s known in the non world cup season
Does the bogan jump off the bandwagon, because she lost?
might depend on how she does at wimbledon. if she goes well again, they might stick with her, if she doesn’t, they’ll forget her.
Media are so predictable. I suppose when they remark ‘our’ Sam the only comfort is that she is a real Australian and not an adopted one!
As an aside i knew she had not won the final when I woke up and turned the radio on. She was about the 4th story after the usual ‘cat stuck up a tree’ kind of stories.
pominoz (09:04:04) said: Media are so predictable. I suppose when they remark ‘our’ Sam the only comfort is that she is a real Australian and not an adopted one!
I think Yvonne Cawley was a “real” Australian, if you’re going to draw that distinction. Stosur, from all available information, seems to be adopted.
Yes you are right!
I have noticed that around the time of the Olympics any sports person with a chance of winning a medal can become a Oz citizen very quickly no matter where they come from. Hope for the boat people yet!
There was a weightlifter in the sydney olympics some time back, who based on appearance and name, was clearly (at some point in his ancestry) of vietnamese ethnicity.
There were all sorts of jingoistic phrases thrown around making it clear that this was a “true blue, dinky-di etc etc aussie” when it became clear he was in medal contention.
Until he was busted doping. At which point, it was all the media could do to highlight his historical migration status.
fastest about-face EVER.
Phew, Sam got good just in time to give you a new idea. Lucky! The well is running very dry.
Congratulations! You’re the 765th person to suggest that TBL is short on ideas, after the first person made that call three weeks after the blog’s inception. The critical well seems also to be running a little dry…TBL
765th? Gees. That sounds specific. Did you count up each post individually or take a sample, calculate a trend and forecast out?
DA,
Any one who would use a synonym for pyjamas as a psudonym has to be short on Ideas. Ha de Ha
I’ll say, TBL. This latest is unquestionably a thing bogans like, Jim Jams. Run along now.
Er, wouldn’t defensiveness be a bogan trait?
to live through? and
Roland Garros?
Thanks. This is what happens when we punch out a topical post on a Sunday night…TBL
It’s always good to see someone get their red pen out.
Also too many unnecessary hyphens.
“so it’s down to the hard work and persistence that the bogan automatically attributes to itself that Our Sam got to the top”
Our Sam has TT, ACA, New Idea etc. if she falls from grace.
I do hope you detected my note of sarcasm.
And you I hope mine?
Nope. Just your pedantry.
Which appears to have come up against your combativeness.
Ha! If you say so.
Roland Garros … isn’t he one of the Socceroos?
You’re thinking of Richard Garcia
TBL,
Maybe an article on Pedants? The bogans outlet fot intellectual poweress. no ideas of their own so the nit pick others more skilled. ?? Of course as a dyslecsic I “suffer” at their hands all the time. They know not nor care that i care not. !
Maybe the bogan’s love for our Sam comes down to the fact she looks just like Rob Schneider. With boobs.
Rob Schnieder is in nowhere near as good shape as our sam stosur.
And I bet Our Sam would make a much better actor too, if she tried her hand at it. Rob Schneider is the pits. Try as I might, I just cannot think of a worse actor.
Sten,
I take it you are not familiar with Madonna’s acting?
Nope. Absolutely not.
Good to see you back. Mk11 has also gone MIA.
Yeah, it’s good to be back, thanks Simon. I see a lot of new faces here, along with most of my old favourites. But yeah, I did notice there was no Sten MkII. Oh well. Has James Hunter’s would-be tormentor been around the traps?
Peter hung in for a while but JH wore him down, with a bit of help. We have some great new contributors.
Oh well, good riddance. I guess congratulations are in order for James.
Now let’s all get back to slating Bogans.
Welcome Home Sten…erm…I mean WELCOME BACK 😀
Pinky,
spearking of those returned and not, where is Fiona ? With out her we have no one to LOL us to sleep
have to agree with jim jams here, the TBL quality has dwindled as soon as somebody could say “book deal”
Au contraire. With the obvious topics out of the way, TBL is now free to examine the ones worthy of critical examination – those bogue fascinations that otherwise fly under the radar.
Now, I can’t say I always agree with TBL. But I find myself nodding in agreement far more often than typing counterarguments.
It’s the marginal ones that are always going to produce the best discussions and most revealing introspections.
I’ll begin criticising TBL just as soon as my own non-existent web site starts entertaining people for free in a better way. Until then, I’ll just show some gratitude and shut the F3ck up.
Viv,
Pyjamas and Happy Hour, must be maxtreem boags. no ideas of their own so they nit pick others .
HERE HERE VIVI.
While this *may* be self-serving, I think there needs to be a distinction drawn between pointless “gee the well must be running dry” and “youse are all a bunch of stuck-up snobs” on the one hand, and critical evaluation on the other.
Sometimes I look at TBL posts and I just don’t get it. Sometimes it sticks in my craw but I eventually build a bridge and get over it. I think some others have been in this boat.
However, other times (see the tax entry) I (or others) have posted up my misgivings and TBL has responded in a way that not only clarifies the core message they were trying to convey, but enables a more deeper and nuanced understanding of the bogue.
It is this second category of interaction which really reveals the true insights, understanding and analysis that (in the vast majority of cases) goes into a TBL post, and without people challenging, deconstructing (and where appropriate, acceding) we would not get this higher level of learning.
I should also note that if I took all of TBL’s posts, deducted the ones I vehemently disagreed with, and converted to a percentage, it would still be well into HD territory.
Fair call DA, it’s the pointless critique’s from people who contribute nothing else that get on my final nerve.
Indeed Miss Viv .. well said.
Free entertainment of this calibre is not something we should take for granted. Especially when one peers at the alternatives (read two and a half men).
“Samantha Stosur is now the unambiguous property of Australia’s millions of bogans. She’s ‘ours’” Oh, puh…lease – is that like “our Nicole”, “our Naomi”, ” etc etc … yeah, right.
Aren’t we lucky to have so many talented people… Most of them are imports… Which I really don’t about but it’s just humors me that they are ours while they are on top, as soon as they fall from grace, they are given back to their native land. Klassic bogan.
The question though, P!nky, is, why have we not tried to claim Renee Zellweger? Didn’t she used to live in Australia at some point? Would the femme-Bogue not love to claim her as her own? After all, she she was the SATC-girl before there even was SATC and horse-face!
I’m not sure Sten, I think the phenomenon is HILARIOUS, who are they to judge, most of them could play a round of golf in a buggy. I love these arm chair coaches.
I’m really over the whole ‘TBL’ is running out of ideas. If you don’t like it… 🙂
We can think up a few of our own if the TBL well runs dry …
I think so too miss d, they often lose control of the comments thread… Tee hee
Pink,
Yep if they dont like it why they bother reading it.?
Some people have nothing better to do that prove their intellectual kudos by slagging off people they fear of being inferior too. Instead of learning and becoming more educated and open minded.
The best part of this blog is how much I have learnt. But then I’m not a stupid bogan. Which is a relief.
As long as the bogan remains attracted to novel concepts that somehow don’t challenge its right to remain wilfully ignorant and has shiny new baubles to put themselves into maxxtreme indebtedness on high rotation, there’ll never be a shortage of material for TBL.
To those who think otherwise, sometimes the best part is popping the zits or scraping the toe jams in order to get beneath the skin. Mind you, not that I’d particular like to embark upon these in a literal sense with any bogan…
I am beginning to wonder if performing admirably and consistently until the grand finale choke on the international stage is an Australian athlete’s rite of passage, or some quantum effect of bogan attention reaching critical mass.
Insert ‘Semi final choke’ instead of ‘grande finale choke’ and your post would be referring to our beloved english friends…
I guess this touches on the wider Bogan phenomenon of latching on to a “suddenly” successful sports person or team and pretending like they were fans/supporters all along. And be able to quote obscure trivia, comment on their form over the years and so forth.
The Bogan is fickle, yet retroactively steadfast. An interesting combination.
This was rampant in Sydney when the Swans started reaching the AFL finals again a few years ago. The Olympics bring out plenty of this, and the socceroos will see something similar, should they reach the finals. I’m sure there are plenty other such examples.
Benji, I agree. I would like to add that they seem to know a lot about said stars personal life, like it makes them the in the know.
Trash media is funny, but so very disturbing.
Incisive and accurate commentary as always. I have nothing to add except that I’m glad to be back after my recent absence caused by losing my job (redundancy, so it’s all good, as I received plenty of money and hated my job anyway) and connectivity problems at home.
Well, welcome back! Hope you’ve found a better post.
Kinda like the big choruses in “indie-pop” songs: suddenly, they’re like the biggest fans. Must suck though, because they’re the ones who p!ss off when they can’t find anything with the same hooky chorus on their next, as well as having lost original fans who say their cred evaporate once the barbarians latched on.
I recall one of the big time tennis commentators lamenting that we have no good tennis players anymore because of the bogan’s love for property “investment”. The bogan would rather tear down their house and build a block of “luxury” apartments and import immigrants to do the work that requires brains or humility in society or build another house out the back than have a tennis court.
I think TBL’s posts have been good. Although I really would like to see the boot put into 4WD soccer mum/country road dad bogans on the internet so I can participate.
Do you mean NaB’s or CUBS Marty?? 🙂
Hmmm, probably more the CUB, as they are generally older and would have had the 5% deposit in order to participate in property “investment”. The NaB I would think would primarily be gen y and would therefore be spending their money on Ed Hardy clothes, those sports bands and trips to Bangkok and Gallipoli. 😀
Indeed and thank you for clearing the blurry line between CUB and NaB.
Just last night I had a horrible thought about 4WDs/SUVs. Now, normally I am all for import competition. I don’t have this odd obsession about maintaining an Australian manufacturing base for automobiles.
But Great Wall has just come in offering an SUV for CHEAPER than what we can currently buy small cars from “actual” car brands. Once Geely et al come in, this can only get worse.
Now that you can buy a full-sized SUV for 23k, the number of retarded bogans with no driving skills, and no driving aspirations other than blocking out the view of others and generally being a nuisance on the road, will increase exponentially.
Those things are huge too. This does not augur well for the future.
I haven’t seen one in person, but it looked huge on the ad based on the guy standing next to it. He could have been a jockey, but I’ll take you at your word that it’s maxxxtreme bogan hugeness in car form.
Speaking of wells running dry, I was going to suggest SUVs as a topic. Particularly apt as a nickname for the suburban SUV that never sees unsealed road is “Toorak Tractor”.
You mean those suburbanites driving around in unnecessarily huge vehicles and hogging city and suburban car spaces, bumping into and scratching other cars because of their inherent lack of parking skills and occasionaly backing into small children?
Yes, those are the ones.
While I acknowledge all your concerns noted above, by far my largest concern is that having a slightly-lower-than-normal car, my roofline is often lower than the window-sill on these suburban monstrosities.
So, I’ll often be cruising around at 80 and one of these assault-vehicles will attempt to merge on top of me. Jumping on the brakes isn’t always an option, because even though I have 4-piston brembos with cross-drilled rotors, and can pull up faster than the SUV and thereby avoid it, there’s no reason why the car behind me can do the same (esp if it’s also an SUV), so odds are that course of action would result in that ca/truck being in my boot.
So it’s either jump on the loud pedal or veer into the other lane if there’s a gap.
And then when I get on the horn, they look at me as if I’m the wanker.
Realistically, the people piloting these things don’t have the skills or training to understand why they’re different than normal cars. They should have to pass a driving test or something.
I think every driver should be made to re-sit their driving test every 5 years. If people are as good as they claim, it will be a breeze. If they fail, it gets them off the road until they re-skill. Too many morons who got their licenses in country towns or back in the days before traffic. Quick way of reducing pollution, the death toll and increasing public transport use.
I agree, Viv. I also think everyone should have to do a defensive driving course. So many people think they’re great drivers until something beyond their control happens. Like a city driver encountering a kangaroo on a dirt road.
Yes, it’s from Top Gear, but James May once did a segment where he was in Finland. Interesting all ’round, but one of the interesting tidbits was that learner drivers were required to spend time getting lessons at a skid pan.
That would not only appeal to bogans, but actually improve their skills as well.
Our problem here is we are taught to pass our driving test, not to actually drive.
and we give out licenses to 17 year old boys whose brains have not finished developing.
I don’t know if I would support mandatory re-testing every 5 years (unless it was free the first time or something) BUT with SUV’s it’s a different argument.
They are just not the same as normal cars. The blind spots are enormous. You actually need to be able to use your mirrors to drive, not just as a double-check for the normal head checks. The braking distances are (for the most part) greater than normal cars.
They are more like light trucks than cars, and the licensing system should treat them as such. A more draconian test is warranted, because if they fail the test they can just drive “normal” cars (which these days are massive anyway).
Bogues love SUVs because it allows them to drive like arses and intimidate other drivers (in the city). Many of the worst offenders have no offroading capability anyway (either their vehicle or themselves personally).
viv,
what bugs me is they get a licence on a 0ne tone car then go get a two and a half ton 4×4 and hitch a two ton caravan and go terrorise the roads users.
I get a HR truck licence and want to tow anything i have to get a HC licence and to do so includes a tough driving test that includes reversing.
Totally agree on different license types for bigger vehicles, but I still think everyone should be re-tested periodically – perhaps the time frame should depend upon how many speeding and other traffic infringements you have been issued. ie have tickets, re test every 5 years, no tickets, every 7 yrs – or something similar. I just think that if you get your license at 17 years old, 5 years later you have developed a lot of bad habits, by the time you are 30, god knows how many? If you want to be responsible for driving a tonne of steel that has the potential to kill other people, is it unreasonable to ask that you have your skills checked periodically? Don’t forklift drivers have to re-test periodically?
Viv,
Not sure on fork lifts as my S.A. fork licence is for life , but may well be invalid now as about 18 monts ago fork licences went national like Heavy vehicle licences. ie national data base and rules but issued locally. My HC licence is renued every 5 years and a medical every renewal. My Buss authority is Renewed every 3 years and a medical every year. My car license is renewed every 5 years and medicals??who knows? If i dont disclose ?
?devil?hsv,fpv
CM,
only boags will figure what you mean ! and who realy cares about holden special vehicles or ford performance vehicles ? They only yank crap with bolt on crome and leaky mufflers.
Me i stick with Citroen for World Rally and Renault for Formula One. Now those are real sporting events.
A few years back, someone pointed out that the majority of
vehicles parked illegally in disabled parking allocations
were 4WDs. The female secretary of a 4WD owners’ club
suggested that it was because 4WD drivers were busier than any
other drivers, and more time-poor. I was laughing too much
to notice whether those comments were a lead-in to a
demand that 4WD owners should be treated
as persons of disability and absolved of criminal selfishness.
I have an arch nemesis at my son’s daycare centre. The carpark is tiny and this bastard drive a huge black Mercedes M4-something. The drive way entry is particularly narrow and of course the centre is on a main road. The dude, upon exit, puts his useless piece of shit Merc, right it the middle, no one can get in. So traffic backs up causing further mayhem. And he doesn’t give a shit. I drive a Forester and can’t get in. A friend of mine has a echo and there’s not enough room. This Arsehole has also blocked me in for 3/4 of an hour, so I was late to pick up my other kids. I had him paged and everything and he still did nothing. I now have worked out what time this fool drops off and picks up his kid and avoid him and his shit thus making a happier Pinky.
Pinky,
treatments for merc 4×4:
1
carry a valve spanner( tiny gadget about 50mm x 50mm x 10mm so fits in palm of hand) and next time u parked in remove two valves. two flat tyres is a nrma or racq call out and will piss em of ruly good.
2
for mega fix you need a bit more time and privacy like a car park after dark but you need about 600 mm of garden hose and a can of “Instant Gap Filler FOAM” from a hardware store.
Insert hose as far as possible up exhaust. insert foam nozzel into hose and gige it about five seconds worth of foam. remove hose and decamp.
please have a garbag to put hose and foam into incase of leakage in your car and wear gloves so you dont get any on your hands.
foam expands and sets in about 10 minutes and it is a tow away job.Pluss new exhaust system for a merc will be a grand and a bit.
Nasty… Mr Hunter.. very nasty…
I love it !!!
Works on Ladas too but a another secondhand lada about same cost as the can of foam ??
Aaah yes.. Ladas.. and my favourite.. the ‘Volga’. Russian engineering at its finest.
Many a drunken taxi ride home has been had in each of these fine vehicles.
And those Porsche SUVs. You can’t even put off road tyres on them (huge brakes, so only low profile tyres).
If there is a car that says “F*ck you”, then this is it. Worse than Hummers IMO.
there’s something worse than a hummer?
Yes pb, the Porsche 4WD is the Harley-Davidson of the 4WD world.
Ostentatious and totally pointless.
Mick,
Dosent even pull birds like a Harley does.
JH, I may have to re-think this.
Own a 4WD that sees me going home to the stranger or own a bike that sees me home with a femmebogue.
Decisions, decisions.
You’re a bit spoiled for choice there Mick. 😀
No. It doesn’t. That’s just plain scary. That’s one of the reasons the bogan loves the 4WD, so if there is an accident, even if it is their fault, they walk away without a scratch and everyone else becomes a vegetable. Hence the obligatory bull bar to exarcerbate this concept.
The Chaser – Gas Guzzlin’
Don’t forget the snorkle. It’s gotta have a snorkle.
Oh how I loathe the snorkel. Not really knowing anything about SUVs (in fact, I still call them 4wds), I assume they are an optional extra. Do these people actually convince themselves that they are going to need them?
Well if it has a snorkle it probably means they actually use it for what it was intended for. Which I have no problem with.
That would be fine, if they did actually use them for their intended purpose.
Many snorkles I would guess are purchased with the intent to use them. Just like exercise equipment. Doesn’t mean they actually get used.
Priceless!
Can only hope the lack of safety features and structural integrity in a crash will weed out the stupid then……
… they will all learn to forget about driving and take the bus?
The critical point in the decision making process here is ‘Wot will me mates think?’. These urban assault vehicles have been discussed where I work and already dismissed. Yes, they have the size but are lacking the name and the price.
Put a maxXxtreme pricetag on them and in typical bogan fashion they’ll sell like plasmas. We all now it’s not about the product. It’s about telling the mates what it cost.
But bogans are aspirational – if they can’t afford the range rover (or whatever the sought-after SUV is), they’ll buy the crap version and try to convince themselves that it’s just as good only cheaper and other people have more money than brains.
See also the whole wankery re: the holden commodore being as good as the BMW. It was pretty stupid.
I mean, I hope for the sake of the motoring community that you’re right and the chinese SUVs don’t catch on, but something tells me that optimism would be misplaced.
The phrase I hear most often is ‘cheap asian crap’. Mostly spoken by blokes who drive 7l turbo-diesels imported from the US.
In saying that you may still be correct devil. I think it’s because I’m amongst the most cashed-up of the bogans that my view may be distorted.
I guess it’s a question of time. Many years ago japanese cars were regarded as jap-crap, now they are seen as being better than western cars in many ways. Then it was the koreans (Hyundai, Kia) and now they are pretty well accepted, bogan and non-bogan alike.
Agreed.
The most materialistic breed of people on the planet (ie.. the ‘New Russian’) laps up Japanese cars like an angry bogan laps up immigration data.
Moscow is full of Hondas, Mazdas, Toyotas, Lexus.. and even the odd WRX.
Used to be Russians overseas with money and contacts took home a second hand mercedes or peugeot to sell on the black. or so ive been told. they fill the boot with stainless kitchen cookware and french perfumes.
what a way to make your kids western education fees ?
Now all those things are available here.. just exhorbitantly priced !!
WRX at least makes sense in a country where it snows. The suburbanites have no excuses for their SUVs.
Funny you mention Chinese SUV’s. Look up Jiangling Landwind on Google. In 2006, that particular SUV was the first vehicle ever to score a zero on a five-star safety record test, according to German car club ADAC.
WOWZERS
Please, please, please do an SUV post.
They are my absolute pet bogan hate. Especially when the bogan decides it needs a snorkle and a bullbar in the city. You know, incase it needs to cross a stream that suddenly forms near its McMansion and fend of attacking kangaroos near coles.
Being from the country, I can’t for the life of me work out why people would want to drive a landcruiser or similar in the city. The handle like a tugboat and are heavy and slow. Stupidity. If you want the safety of all wheel drive get a Subaru or similar. If you want people carrying capacity, get a Tarago.
SUVS serve the same cultural role for bogans as the station wagon did in the 70’s.
At least the station wagons handled much the same as the sedan they were modelled off of, unlike those under-braked and top-heavy jumped-up small trucks.
The best way to peeve a bogan is to rave on about the economy, towing ability and useable room of your diesel VW Passat, Mazda 6 or Audi A4 wagon, knowing that they might start to question your sexual orientation because you didn’t buy a “proper” SUV for similar money…doncha know that station wagons are for dorks, fark eh? Youse got RIPPED ORFF! Suck’d in!
Personally, I draw the line at something like a Subaru Outback or Audi Allroad (Liberty and A6 respectively with AWD and higher ground clearances), if I had the need to often traverse unsealed roads or snow. Otherwise, I rather like the blend of perversity and practicality that a sporting diesel wagon affords. Most likely my next choice of vehicle upon completing my degree.
B O’T
I have a 2008 Cirtoen C5 Hatch (series 2, 2006 update)with the 125 Kw 375Nm 2,2 BiTurbo diesel and Get 7.8Ltr/100Km round town and 6.4 on a trip (113 ish on the cruse controll) Just love rubbing it in at the rare fuel stops.to owners ofthe 2500Kg 4×4 trucks that people use for shopping. God my brother in law has a toyota cruser stn wagon and is lucky to get 17..Of corse most 4×4 dont have stearable zenon headlights, 6spd auto trans,traction cntrl, EScntrl,ABS, EBD or 7 air bags inc one for the drivers knees seat bealt pretensioners or athermic glass or leather upholstery.Oh forgot the auto wipers, auto dim rear view mirror, see me home lights twin cliamet controll inc rear outlets and the height adjustable hydropneumatic suspension.
So keep rubbing it in, the more that get the message the more wont bother with Hybrid.
USA Today Federal study into future car propulsion methods verses fuel usage.
compared to conventional petrol engined cars.
Smaller turbo petrol with direct injection…saving 24%
Modern High pressure common rail turbo diesel 37%
Hybrid with boot space full of expensive batters 43%
Says it all ?
I have no problem with this, as I expect the Great Wall SUV to be about as safe on the roads as an eggshell. Anything that reduces our Bogue population must surely be a good thing.
That is not under dispute from me Sten. My question is, how many non-bogues are they going to take with them…
Mmm, too true… I guess I was hoping they’d crumple around everyone else’s sensible cars… still no hope for pedestrians and cyclists (read: farkin’ poofters!).
What about the innocent non-bogan’s though…
“Does anyone think of the children?”
oops sorry james already said that
*note to self, read thread, then reply…silly**
I really should get up earlier.
I think everything’s been covered…
I will concur with previous commenters re: the “well”.
here’s a tip for the critics; eff off and write your own damn blog. do let us plumb the depths of your own mighty creative powers.
Perhaps everything that need be said is in “what is a bogan today?” and everything thereafter is reiteration and extrapolation, but this commenter is infinitely enamoured of the style, wit, delicious turn of phrase, thoughtful insight, and downright vitriol the lads bring to bear. the bogan menace never sleep. TBL is a bastion of un-bogue tolerance, consideration and compassion, dwindling commodities in this early 21st century spend-a-thon we’re trapped in. a refreshing pause.
The Well is an ocean mehopes.
Yeah. There’s been about 600 posts on the “Hot Asians” thread.
I second that Chubby.
You’re awesome. I wish I could phrase things like you…
and now we’re off for some wine tasting.
in queensland.
aaah hahahahaa haha haa haa haa ah hahahahahaha! Aahhahahahaha, aha aha aha.
whew.
aha ha
oooh.
this will be good.
we don’t have our hallidays, can someone look up the Murgon sub region?
chardonnay I’m guessing.
TBL could do an entry on the wine glut.
could talk about ostriches, olive oil and alpacas while you’re at it…
Verdehlo, I believe. Enjoy! 😐
Don’t have Halliday to hand.
Anyway – a google hints that Verdelho seems to be the speciality. They also do Chardonnay and Shiraz it would seem. It’s young, too.
But hey – good wine is where you find it. You never know.
For example, around these parts there is a Bathurst winery (Winburndale) with a spectacular and highly awarded Shiraz. Unexpected, but great nonetheless.
Good wine can be, as good as, the company you keep 😉
Chubby, Try Rimfire winery near Maclagan. Lovely setting and not bad plonk for QLD.
http://www.rimfirewinery.com.au
Concur. There’s another little winery I’m trying to recall north of Wondai – does a verdhelo that’s not remotely apologetic…ie being OK “given that it’s from Qld”.
But do be v careful, Chub and Edna. In Qld, we’re best-known for producing wines of fighting quality. Some aren’t too far removed from Fruit’o’the Bear (AKA Bundy Rum) in terms of capacity to make a gecko take on a ‘gator.
Sinking a few bottles at home is great before heading to the ‘Caxton’ for ‘Origin noight’ !!!
More proof that I am indeed a bogan.
*hangs head and sobs*
Mick, once and for all, you are NOT a bogan.
You’re not even a recovering bogan. You never were a bogan.
You could get tribal tatts, wear top-to-toe Ed Hardy, live in a McMansion filled with soon-to-be-superseded crap from Harvey Norman, drive a Chevrodore, be a bottom pirate of the first order, take ‘roids, wash them down with Crownies, glass a c*^t and STILL not qualify as a bogan.
Because you, Mick, are self-aware, and fully comprehend that there’s a world beyond your guns. And THAT is utterly incompatible with bogandom.
Go in peace, my son….
So self awareness of boganess cleanses one of being a bogan? Nah. Mick’s a bogan. So I am to a certain extent. Not as much as Mick though.
We’re good bogans though. Maybe we could call them GBs. They’re like the real old school bogans that still believe in egalatarianism, humility and meritocracy and shit.
Another bogan trait. Appending sentences with “and shit” or “and stuff” or “aye”. Or both. I went fishing and shit and caught a flathead aye.
*googles meritocracy*
Marty, I’m going to dig my toes in here, and maintain that the single most potent anti-bogan trait IS self-awareness.
It’s the exact opposite of the bogan’s gimme-gimme self-centric universal view.
Inherent in self-awareness is a degree of self-discipline, personal responsibility, and preparedness to consider, however cursorily, the views of others – traits which are the antithesis of the Great Australian Bogan, which is fundamentally incapable of seeing beyond the “me” and the “now”.
The bogue is essentially an oversized toddler with a driver’s licence and the right to vote. Insularity, selfishness and pack mentality is what defines it.
Marty and Mick, you don’t make the cut.
“The bogue is essentially an oversized toddler with a driver’s licence and the right to vote. Insularity, selfishness and pack mentality is what defines it.”
Haha. Funny. Because it’s true. Fair enough then. 🙂
I get it now! I’m the token bogan here.
Because I’m here you all get to say ” I’m not anti-bogan. I have an acquaintance who is a bogan BUT…”
But we ARE anti-bogan. And proud of it.
Tombarina,
It seems that Marty and Mick seem overly intimate with bogan traits. Make one believe that they are true bogans as that degree of familiarity could hardly come from observation.
JH,
I wouldn’t put Marty and Mick in the same group. Mick is insightful, generous and clearly distressed at being a bogan, Marty on the hand…Well he’s 1/2 pro-bouge and 1/2 anti-bouge. I can’t work him out…at all.
Well done Tombarina, as always. 😀
AKA, “the Cakko”…
Noice. Classy-loike.
never done the cakko. not at origin leastwise.
would love to, but.
I will steadfastly maintain I am the biggest bogan here btw.
proof?
GO YOU EFFING MIGHTY MAROOONS!
Quod Erat Demonstratum.
Sorry to be a pedant TBL, but its not a “grand slam” final – its a “major” final. A Grand Slam is winning all four Majors in a calendar year (there’s also the concept of a non-calendar year Grand Slam).
There have only been 7 singles players ever to have won the Grand Slam in Tennis, two of them “ours” (Rod Laver and Margaret Court)
The fact that the media use the term ubiquitously to describe a win at any of the four tournaments does not make it right.
OK that’s enough pedantry from me. Love the post though – whatever you can do to bring Lleyton down a peg or two, keep at it! 😉
Wikipedia says no. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Slam_%28tennis%29
Oh wait, the first sentence says Slam tournament, not Grand Slam tournament.
http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/stories/s2463724.htm
There have only been 5 winners of the Calender Grand Slam I’m afraid….. Budge, Laver, Court, Graf, Connolly.
Yep, never mind the fact that Sam lost the final in straight sets to an Italian who has a personal sob story in her background, like the ones the bogan media go crazy for…
Lleyton’s mistake was that he didn’t bash enough taxi drivers or urinate on enough women at nightclubs.
If he’d done that he would have the bogan’s love and acclaim forever, whether he won anything or not.
He should have attended the Julian O’Neil Finishing School for Sports Celebrities.
Antosha,
You get
8, 7, 9, 7, 8
and straight to the finals
Oh Mr Hunter… you are too kind 🙂
julian o’neil!
there’s a blast from the past.
Go the Broncos!
Regarding the World Cup. I have not seen any other team with a sponsor name in front of it. Somehow I do not see the European commentators shouting out ‘oooh and a great game from the Quantas Socceroo’s.’ Why do they use a ‘brand’ name for the national team?
You wont see Qantas (or however you spell it) on Socceroos tops during the World Cup either. Why do they use a brand name – because they can.
News from the Burbs.
Ernie Dingo has confessed to having an “open” marriage. Does this take him from something bogans like to dead set legend, and can we now call him our Ernie?
i had seen a couple of trash media stories about ernie’s naughties with other women. well, i saw the headlines. personally i don’t feel the need to read about the sex life of anybody and am at a loos as to why anyone would.
pb, It’s not the grubby details that are of interest but the bogans reaction.
Speak for yourself Simon, but I for one will be watching ACA and TT with great anticipation for the lurid filthy details of every in and out of “Our Ernie” and his liberal minded wife!
and I’ll be judging 😉
Sorry Viv, and I guess that is a yes to my Question.
Me too PB. I see the covers of the trash mags and feel my brain turning to mud. Most of my female friends think I am nuts.
Makes not a whit of difference.
As long as Ernie doesn’t open his piehole on the subject of any of that offensive blackfella nonsense, he’ll remain bogue-beloved.
Never mind a bit of crumpet on the side – he’d have to actually voice some opinions about indigenous health inequity and shag Matty Johns before the bogan hordes’ collective Radar’o’Disapproval went “ping”.
Ah Matty Johns, I saw a snippet of him yesterday whilst watching Game day. The man is a moron. He was interviewing Folau and said of he and Hunt “youse are attacking league arent ya”. On tv, can’t speach proper english, ? . Is there a league comentator with an IQ over 50?
I had the misfortune of watching some of his alleged “comedy” program last week. I am still recovering my sense of humour.
Simon,
League common potatoes usually have an I.Q. same as their hat size. … and before you say they dont wear hats … yep, you got it in one.
Please, PLEASE do an entry on Dracula’s Cabaret Restaurant! I had the unfortunate experience of “dining” there a few weeks back. Overpriced (and terrible) food and drink; a cabaret act comprised solely of covers (sung how VAMPIRES would sing them); racist, sexist humour; minimally clothed women trying to appear pleased about receiving wolf-whistles from the sea of bogan males; hens parties with the hen wearing a large inflatable penis; a photo on stage next to the quasi-celebrity act; queuing to get in past the velvet rope despite already having a ticket…bogan heaven and my personal hell.
Thank you, that was cathartic!
I’m sorry…..what? And, more importantly, where?
I ask only in order to ensure that I ne’er stumble upon it.
Dracula’s. In Melbourne (but I believe it is franchised in other states).
It was the birthday outing for a workmate of my fiance, and it was so noisy I think I hardly managed two words to her the entire evening.
There is another themed cabaret restaurant in Melbourne called Witches in Britches — I have no idea how this compares to Dracula’s, and I am not particularly anxious to investigate!
Oh, and I forgot to mention the shoddy merchandise (flashing plastic skull glasses; plastic bones with straws coming out of them) — just in case you wish to have proof of your visit to the dangerous, demonic underworld.
And the shopping tour groups. Poor things — as if they haven’t already been fleeced enough.
Is that the one on the Gold Coast? I got dragged along one night. Exactly how you described it.
I was considering sneaking out, locking the doors and burning the place down…in the end I felt sorry for the staff and let them live.
Now I think about it and realise it would have been a sacrifice for the greater good.
Melbourne, but like chain stores, I’d say if you’ve been to one, you’ve been to them all by proxy.
How about the 30 solid minutes of seeing a replay of each person in the restaurant riding a train past the exact same point?
Mick, that awesome throw-away historical reference to vlad the impaler calls into question your entire bogan status. Looks like it’s an afternoon of deep introspection for you, my once-bogan token!
@ Mick
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You’re too nice Mick! LOL
YES Raymonda, I was forced to go their TWICE…TWICE. I have never really recovered from either experience, the first time was when I was a teenager and went for my work “mid year function” and they sprang a change of venue on us last minute. The second was for a femme-CUB “Hen’s noight” Watch the silly bint with her “hen’s night veil” being felt up by a vampire. And squeeling as only femme-CUB’s can in utter delight.
The one in Melbourne is near RMIT on Victoria Street, 😀
Re Ms Stosur; Yep, like ‘Aussie’ Kim Clijsters, when she was stepping out with Lllleytonn, The Cashed-up Bogan, or, when uber-Bogan Jana Pittman was winning she was ‘our Jana’. When she lost she simply reverted in the media’s description to ‘Pittman’.
good examples. at least clijsters seems quite nice – better than our normal breed of sports star. there really does seem to be this need to however tenuously link someone as australian before some bogans can justify liking or supporting them.
I think we should keep Aussie Kim. Despite the fact that she looks like Shreks wife she is a lady of class and did well to avoid being Hewitted.
can we come up with a way to claim rafael nadal as ours? or just as mine?
You know, PB, I waver on the Rafa.
Sometimes, he’s so hot it hurts. Others, he looks like a particularly dim-witted prairie dog.
He reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s girlfriend is gorgeous in some light, and scary-heinous in others.
So I’m torn. Torn, I say….
I say Nah on Rafa, the dude spends all day picking his undies out of his arse. You would think he could afford a pair that fit huh.
i give you there are some strange obsessive habits, but i’ll forgive them whenever i see that smile.
Can we share PB? Yum Yum
i guess an arrangement can be made.
Okay you can have him, and I’ll have Astronautalis…
What about when Jana Pittman got implants, how did that affect her bogan ratings? DId the subsequent removal put her back down to where she was or someplace lower?
I’m surprised our Jessica Watson never made the cut for a TBL entry.
Me too. On the other hand, it’s nice to have somewhere NOT to talk about her.
We did have such a place, until now…
Thanks Steve and Shirley.
Will you three please stop talking about Jessica. Please.
Who? Jessica Watson? Is that who you mean, Simon?
Yes, Jessica Watson, no more discussion. Ok.
*sighs and thinks wistfully of a time before Jessica Watson.
Dude!
But she must have been lonely.
Right, thats it, all over with the Jessica Watson discussion.
Moving right along, how about those Broncos….
So I hear Matty Johns did an interesting interview…
isnt that the guy who scored the lead role for Shrek – The Musical ?
Tennis these days is the perfect sport for the Bogan to follow. He gets to wear a singlet to show off his aussie pride ink, he can get pissed & abuse people from other countries, yell out at inappropriate times demonstating his incredible humor skills, point at his own head & yell C’MON!!! And to top it off he can glass c&^nts & vomit on the train on the way home. Fun for the whole family.
Don’t forget the wedding vows. My God, the wedding vows…
Ah, you will have to explain that one to me James.
*Furrows brow*
TBL has done a far better job explaining that than I ever could, Panda.
https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/wedding-vow-generator/
I would say attending the Australian Open is very CUB, not your ‘aussie pride’ cronulla type of bogue. CUB’s sure do like to gloat about how much their tickets cost, not that they give a shit who’s playing of course.
The Australian Open comes round every January and stop everything the tennis becomes popular for 2 weeks! Then it finishes and everything goes back to normal.
First item on every news sport report; ‘oh look at ‘our’ doing Australia proud’, much like the world cup in soccer as discussed above and also the Melbourne Grand Prix for F1.
@James
Maty Johns did an interesting interview ?
What have you been taking? Can I get some?
Matty Johns / Interesting
Oxymoron Alarm !!!
btw James.. and slightly off topic.. are you missing your beloved Fi??
Just Jameson, James. In sufficient quantities, it does wonderful things…
Antosha,
Or was it Anna Toshkinova ?
But yes now yopu mention it where is our beloved Fi ? I trust she has not been visiting the Lubyanka as a guest of the state ?
Of topic again but what is the availability of a weekend Dacha out in the country side say an hour from Moscow? Is it still mostly upper Party people and those in the KGB or is it more “Russian Mafia”. I used to know people from the Russian Trade Office going back a while. Often wondered how they are travelling nowadays.
Interestingly enough, ownership of a Dacha has become much accessible to the general public. Those in professions earning respectable salaries can afford one these days.
I have been to several Dacha parties over the years.. and they have been owned by quite average working families.
I say James.. nothing quite like a good weekend Dacha party 🙂 Cognac and shashlik included..
Antosha,
Our Russian friends and us used to drink Stoly from the refrigerator followed up with Ararat brandy. Of course some nice Aussie reds with dinner the a taxi home for me. They were ok of course with Diplomatic Corps plates.!
I feel compelled to mention the greatest love poem ever written:
This morning the Daily Telegraph published the transcript of a poem Bec Cartwright read out at the reception of her wedding to tennis star Lleyton Hewitt. It is moving, funny, sweet and inspiring – a true work of genius. Long live love, we says.
I really don’t know where to start,
but I definitely know you’ve captured my heart,
An astounding beginning. Right away, Bec has thrust the reader smack bang in the middle of her deep passionate love for Lley-Lley. While she’s the first to admit she’s confused as to how she should begin giving us “the 411” on her love, she wastes no one’s time and gets straight to the crux of what she can confirm – she’s in love, motherchuckers.
It started that night you called me up,
to see if I’d play in the Starlight Cup
Ahh, the Starlight Cup. Lord knows you’ve been responsible for inspiring some coitus in your time. Note that Bec is still rhyming like an absolute trooper – start and heart? Up and cup? You just can’t “fault” her, can you Lleyton? CAN YOU, YOU POOFTER!? C’MMMMOOOOON!
http://www.ausculture.com/archives/001372.html
head on over to the wedding vow generator – the poem is there in all its horror and glory.
@ Shreiking wombat
That poem, is so shit, it’s all most funny.
I have visions of her reciting that by heart thinking that she is the modern Shakespeare…
Is it funny or really really scary?
“Hence, the bogan looked further afield for a tennis player through who to live vicariously.”
Forsooth, oh TBL, need one point out that the phrase should have been writ thus:
“Hence, the bogan looked further afield for a tennis player through whom to live vicariously.”
Or does my style guide mislead me?
Nay and verily, TL – you are un-wrong and un-misled.
Our TBL lords and masters have been having grammatical and spelling issues with the saucy minxes responsible for taking their dictation.
I belive P!inky has offered her secretarial services until this scandalous state of affairs can be permanently rectified.
I have, with no reply thus far…Oh why have you forsaken me TBL?
TL,
We realy do not need another Pedant as we have several on staff already.
Sugest you take up some useful persuit like wanking.
For style guide look to the Combined Australian Universities Style Guide.
James H! Tinnish Lij is a newbie – play nicely.
Tl, (ccTom)
Mannnnnnny appologies. I guess we do play a bit rough but as you will find when some of us get realy rough then even Tom and I would keep our heads down !
Im sure by your style you will give as good as you get !! ?
There realy are only a very small number that are a true pain and mostly we ignore them but ocassionally some one or another will make a comment designed to scratch at a raw nerve.Just for the sport, just for the sport.’
anyway welcome.
Something like “Going Fishing” isn’t that right JH or “Anyone for Tennis” But you must play nice JH. We’re getting a reputation for being a bit exclusive. Which isn’t true.
“usage and abusage” is my favrit.
but it’s prolly out of print.
and is pakt in an box until we resettle.
Oh, James Hunter, you nerves aren’t raw, they’re numb. Ease up on the booze, pops.
Peter,
Oh, you again.
Funny how Philippousis was never referred to as ‘Our’ Mark.
His accomplishments and Davis Cup Heroics far surpassed Stosur’s. Hell he even made 2 slam finals. He was unlucky to have been in the era of ‘Our’ Pat Rafter. If he were still playing well today he would surely be a massive new bogan idol, with his massive guns, penchant for fast cars and even faster women and taking things to the Maxtreme both in his lifestyle (bankrupcy) and on the court (Serve speed record).
All the controversial stuff he used to do like being photographed with strippers, crashing his ferrari and mouthing off to the Davis Cup captain made him a villain 10 years ago, but today that would make him into a Fevolla/Cousins like publicity machine.
back on our sam, if the letters in mx (sydney) are anything to go by, the bogan has already turned its back on her. there were a few letters today going on about how she’d choked when it mattered. undoubtedly written by bogues with a dozen pieces of home fitness equipment rusting in the garage.
If one is to be seen to be composing missives that purport to slag off (a vulgar bogan term but nevertheless appropriate) a defenceless class of ne’er-do-wells one must expect to be brought sharply into line for crimes against one’s own standards, particularly those pertaining to the correct use of our linguistic heritage.
That is my point, nothing more, nothing less.
With all the sporting pride going around at the moment, Waltzing matilda deserves its own entry
Great info. I’m a fan of defensive driving and car safety.
Bogan Tennis is the devil.
Only 15 months early. You guys are visionaries. All I can say now is that at least Cadel Evans will have less weight to pedal around on his bandwagon, now that 99% of ’em have jumped on Sam’s instead.
Does anyone know the brand/sponsor that she in wearing?…I don’t know if this is an old pic and it does not look like the Asics symbol.
Anyone???