Bogan Bribe Watch 4/6/2010

4 06 2010

Kevin spends the bogan’s taxpayer dollars to give the bogan cancer

Three years ago, the bogan finally grew tired of John Howard’s bribes, and decided to line up for some of Kevin Rudd’s instead. Kevin seemed like a high-minded individual, yet determined to give the bogan the “fair go” that it regularly does little to deserve. Rudd seemed to hate politicians as much as the bogan hates almost any intellectual, and he vowed to crack down on the trick of using the bogan’s precious taxpayer dollars to sell it policies via advertising blitzes. But that was Kevin oh-seven, a Kevin not as familiar with the bogan’s hot buttons as Keven-Ten.

A couple of years in office taught Kevin that the bogan will buy almost anything, if that anything is advertised via mass-media in a big-budget manner. Speaking of budgets, the recently announced 2010-11 Federal Budget contained a big new tax devised to raise enough money to backfill the fiscal black hole created by the bogan-approved $900 cash handouts 12 months prior. The new mining tax would fill up the coffers, at the mining companies’ expense. Incensed, the mining companies took over the airwaves at great cost, informing the bogan that it would be no longer able to go and work in the mines if the tax came into effect.

The battle for the bogan’s mind was on.

While the earlier, morally virtuous Rudd saw government advertising sprees as “a cancer on democracy”, he now realises that having cancer is more palatable than not having the bogan vote. A $38.5 million multimedia assault on the bogan’s frontal lobe was immediately in the works, designed to convince it that it can still go and work in the mines if it wants to. KRudd is banking on the fact that without the miners’ bogan bucks, there is no way that bogans can be bribed at subsequent elections. The bogan, with no capacity to think about next week’s repayment on its no-repayment loan, let alone next election, does not care. The television is telling it that mining is the heart and soul of this country. Having no desire to learn about tax, the bogan assumes that this combination of a big tax and the heart of the nation is a bad thing. Ergo, Kevin must go. Then, the bogan learned that Kevin is going to hit the airwaves by spending its taxpayer dollars on things that aren’t the baby bonus or first homeowners’ grant.

The Ruddster had better pray that his ads are bloody good.

ALP Score: 20 taxpayer cents on the dollar

Clive Palmer Score: 7 insulin shots out of 10


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92 responses

4 06 2010
j-ho

Clive Palmer points….haha

4 06 2010
AB

Bloody hilarious!

4 06 2010
cynic

I love these ads. “BOOM! This tax will cost you your job. You. A boilermaker from Bayswater. You and your family will be on the streets, motherfucker.”

4 06 2010
Tombarina

“…the mining companies took over the airways…”

TBL, should that be ‘airwaves’? Or have Twiggy, Clive & friends shelled out for a couple of Qantas jets to be reliveried with anti-resource tax slogans?

Love
Ann Oying Pedant
xxx

Apologies. We must remember to fire our secretary. Dictation is a critical skill. TBL

4 06 2010
James Hunter

Tom,
Good to see someone carrying the pedant flag !

4 06 2010
James Hunter

TBL
You gonna “Light Her Fire”??

4 06 2010
Henrietta

Indeed. Shakespeare was definitely not a bogan.

5 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

TBL – I’ll be your secretary. 😀

4 06 2010
martin

I read somewhere that the mining companies here pay the least tax in the world and that they’re worried that if it’s increased here it will be increased elsewhere.

I think Rudd is a mere opportunist and a terrible PM but this I agree with. So there.

As if the mining companies are going to stop raping our shit.

4 06 2010
Shirley M

Same here, Martin. And I understand why Rudd thought it necessary to launch an ad campaign, but the little f*cker should drop all this misinformation bullshit and concede that he broke an election promise.

4 06 2010
James Hunter

Well I must admit I agree with Martin.
If we dont get a good share now in a few years we will be like Naru ,broke with nothing left to sell except a hole in the ground,” One thoughtless owner only”

4 06 2010
Kevin from Heaven

martin,
Ross Gittins wrote that in an article about Australians setting precedents for the world in contrast to the perception that we are a bunch of followers.
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/politics/lets-mine-bright-ideas-and-stop-being-shrinking-violets-20100525-waw1.html

Although the implementation of the tax rather than the tax has been argued here.
http://www.debtdeflation.com/blogs/2010/05/31/does-the-rspt-deserve-respect/

Other TBL fans would find his other real estate posts very interesting.

TBL team,
There is a missed link to working in the mines in the post! Complete it and win the prize for a link in all three major paragraphs.

4 06 2010
Baysie Bogan

Interesting article in the SMH. Do you think the rest of the world will follow our trend setting Fluoro shirts?

4 06 2010
Joe Towers

Come on let’s me honest without mining Australia would have nothing. Tourism is fucked other destinations took over when the world found out what a racist bogan backwater Oistralia really is. We don’t manufacture anything except sports stars, shopping centres and Government funded shit cars.

Our only real hope is digging the shit out of the country, buying Papua New Guinea. Kicking out the fuzzywuzzys and all move there once we’ve fucked Oistralia.

4 06 2010
martin

How much money does it contribute to the economy? Does the average joe see any or much of it? I’ve heard that a lot of it goes overseas to overseas share holders.

4 06 2010
Mick

They do contribute a lot martin but I don’t know if it is in a healthy manner for us all. I believe they pay about 8% of the company taxes taken in Australia.

I think they could do a lot more for local communities and infrastructure but the companies seem to believe that while they’re paying everyone outrageous wages that nobody will bother them. And it seems to be true.

4 06 2010
martin

Well. That’s 10% that isn’t doing me any good. In fact given we live in such a boomer centric society I’d say sweet bugger all of the government coffers are doing ME any good. That’s right, ME. You’re hard up just finding a bulk billing doctor these days.

So fuck the mining companies, up it to 60% I say just to spite them. Actually no, nationalise them so the country gets 100%.

11 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

works for china.

5 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Mick

Sadly the bogan only thinks of Itself and will only start bitching when they need said infrastructure. Roads, schools, hospitals etc;

4 06 2010
Chris

Shit cars? My friend, step out of your Hyundai and into something like a Ford G6e, and you will be astounded.

Also, Joe, never fear, our natural resources will outlast this generation. Our kids, and their children? Well they’ll have to fall back on the tourist dollar. And, uh, all the other stuff Australia exports – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economy_of_Australia
Um, well, what about all the things invented in Australia? Surely we can monetise our ingenuity? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Australian_inventions
Oh shit.

4 06 2010
Notorious

TBL. Is “Keven-Ten” a purposeful spelling mistake?

Yis? TBL

4 06 2010
Eliane

The Canberra Times political cartoonist (can’t remember his name, he’s normally not that great, ironically) recently equated mining companies walking away from 60% of a trough full of money with pigs flying. I thought he made a very good point.

4 06 2010
Topher

As a bogan, and in the mines, I think that this tax WILL screw the country.

Never liked KRudd, Never voted for him, but as a bogan, I want another $900

4 06 2010
miss dahl

Being in the mines, you must know more than the rest of us who aren’t. Explain why it will screw the country – give us the gory details, please.

4 06 2010
Mick

Yes, I work in the mines as well. I believe this is a good thing badly explained.

Tell me why you think it is the end of our industry as we know it. I am prepared to be swayed as I’m sick of arguing with people who get all of their information from News Ltd headlines.

4 06 2010
pb

mick, don’t you realise those poor little pets who are mining bosses are barely holding on above abject poverty and misery? sure, they might be in the brw rich list, their companies might be some of the richest in the country, but having to pay even a cent more in tax and the country’s entire economy will self-destruct.

4 06 2010
Mick

Yes pb, I do. I find it amazing that a company like BHP can write off an expense of $3b in the case of the Ravensthorpe nickel debacle and carry on regardless yet this is less than the entire mining industry will pay in extra tax in the first year of the implementation of the RSPT.

Hurrah for hypocrisy!

4 06 2010
Mick

sorry…this is more than they shall pay.

*embarrassed smile*

4 06 2010
NotAWorkingFamily

I think the point BHP/Rio etc are making is that the RSPT will bugger the AUSTRALIAN mining industry. BHP will keep going, just it’ll look to mine West Africa rather than Western australia in the future (as will everyone else due to investments elsewhere being more financially rewarding).

5 06 2010
James Hunter

read else where herein my comments. If we do not get a decent share from our resources now we never will. we will end up broke with nothing to sell but empty holes in the ground,”one owner , used once, good condition” but empty F@#$% holes in the ground nonetheless.
Remember Naru they great while Phosphate being mined , now broke and living on handouts from placces like this.
Why you ever want to take notice of greed driven capitalists like any mining company beatf the s456 out of me. Thery belong to the same cast of greed that gave us the GFC and inflicts “cheap cash” aoutets that charge 780% interest to the poor and needy.
go educate yourself.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

5 06 2010
Mick

NAWF, the West Africa mines are not going to be a major competitor against Australian mines. Other African and South American mines will be their target.

There are many different things to look at…grade and amount of commodities and the ease of extraction, cost of building infrastructure, cost of training a workforce, cost of shipping to name a few. Tie all these up together Australia is still an attractive proposition. These companies aren’t going anywhere.

4 06 2010
Frazer

Please tell us of the ‘real world’.

4 06 2010
Mick

The ‘real world’?

I have found that working in this so-called ‘real world’ is the easiest job I have had in 27 years of employment. Money for jam. We get paid way more than what we are worth.

Except the underground miners. I will not have a bad word said about them.

4 06 2010
Simon - Glasser at Arms

And how dumb was it to label it a SUPER TAX. Who would not be scared by that?

4 06 2010
urbanreverie

Perhaps Kevin is a big fan of Monopoly? 🙂

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ urban

Maybe that’s how he makes policy. Via a game of monopoly. Everytime Kfudd goes to jail he tries to implement ‘super taxes’ when he passes Go we all get 900 cool ones 😉

11 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

beautifully put!

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

I want them to change the spelling to SUPA, bogan’s might think it’s a good thing. Which it is. But I can’t comment really, tax makes my little head hurt.

If I understand this correctly, they want to tax mining companies fairly? As in, they are heaps rich so they should pay more?

4 06 2010
Chris

Not “SUPER” tax, “SUPER PROFITS” tax.

4 06 2010
Snag

This is shaping up to be a bloody terrible election. Personally, I think KRudd’s done a really poor job as PM. I’d love to get rid of him, until I see the alternative. Abbott strikes me as a politician with views at least 100 years behind the times. Reminds me of South Park; the vote between a giant douche and a turd sandwich (I’ll leave you to judge who’s who).

4 06 2010
miss dahl

@snag: I know what you’re saying. Is it too late to start our own party???

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

We have…on the bogan bribe watch I think. Our party sound pretty cool and I think we should give it ago. I mean, we’ve let these idiots try and they are doing well, poorly at best.

4 06 2010
Henrietta

Sadly, Snag, we agree. So what does it leave us with? A green bogan??

4 06 2010
Pandabater

Snag, I laughed when it was on South Park & again when I read your post, it is indeed a tough choice, do you choose 10Kev who speaks like he has been translated into swahilli & then translated back or do you choose the budgie smuggler who has told us not to believe anything that isn’t written down. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

4 06 2010
Tombarina

Bad taste, Panda? A classic after-effect of opting for intriguingly brown-fillinged sandwich, as per above.

4 06 2010
Pandabater

..

4 06 2010
Pandabater

Maybe I should refresh my palate with the giant douche.

4 06 2010
Will S

I’m telling people everywhere, the only tenable option is to vote Green. We need a non-trivial 3rd party B-)

5 06 2010
martin

Which would ultimately be a vote for Labor most of the time unless it’s a safe Greens seat. Or unless the voter fills out the preferences.

Vote for http://www.populationparty.com/ . 🙂 They have 500 members now so they might have a few people running in the election.

4 06 2010
SD

I reckon that ad should say the mining tax will go towards working families. A ratio of 1:100000 of mining tax:working families should do the trick. Its my esteemed opinion that the votes cast in the last election in favour of Labour was by wearied voters beaten into submission by the ginormous word cloud of “working families” descending on them courtesy the Rudd-Gillard double act.

Off topic I wish people would quit calling Kev Tintin. Tintin is adorable, Kev not.

PS: regardless of above I am not a John Fan. I am a Gillard Girl-not because I have any understanding of Oz politics but just the Gillardness of Gillard. “Girls for Gillard” sounds right fine to me – thus dear people is an international movement for Gillard as Empress of the Universe born!!

4 06 2010
miss dahl

SD, get off the bottle, dear … Ms Gillard is no more than a handmaiden, at best.

4 06 2010
Henrietta

As the architect of the ‘pensioner-led-recovery’ handout, Ms Gillut (to coin a parlance from Minster Fergsn, our gummint Minstr fur Tursm, sorry, ‘going to the cinema is tourism’ Ferguson), she’s definitely a handmaiden.

She has her hand on building quotes and construction project management – where she’s definitely a maiden, or was – for sure.

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

we worship at your feet SD 😀

What happened to your name change?

Also, tell me to piss off royally, but how long have and will you be in Stralia for?

And do you think most stralians are total morons? If yes, I apologise from the non-moronic sect. 😉

4 06 2010
SD

So you think Ms Dahl! But the Gillard has many a weapon up her sleeve including appearing to be a handmaiden!

P!nky now I feel like the Goddess of Small Things. South Dakota was way too long. I am lazy.

I have been here 4 + years. Regardless of the bogues, I don’t find Oztralians to be morons at all. Further it is my observation that moronicity is evenly and fairly distributed between all countries 🙂

4 06 2010
miss dahl

SD, are you suggesting that Gillard is better informed, smarter and more devious than the KRudd?

4 06 2010
SD

Miss Dahl as I said I know little of Oz politics so for all I know Mr. Rudd may be the uber devious big chief and Gillard the red haired moron. That said as an outsider whose sole knowledge on all matters is ABC TV, KRudd always seems to be posturing and is unimpressive, Gillard much less so.

I was just having fun with the concept of Gillard Girls, Empress etc. All to be taken with a wee bit of salt. But I take it you have a poor opinion of her.

4 06 2010
miss dahl

It was just a (poor) attempt at humour on my part. My opinion of her is about the same for all our politicians. I feel that they do a great job of misinforming the public generally, whether that is by accident or by design, I’m not exactly sure at this particular moment. I’ll have to think about that and do some serious research. I am sure, though, that most of the citizenry are quite ignorant, and wilfully so. To be really on top of everything the pollies tell us requires an enormous amount of time spent reading everything and anything political, thinking about it, referencing and cross referencing. Especially, since that Abbott person ‘fessed up to wilfully misleading in his already dull oratories. Without the benefit of updated statistics, I would guess that there are probably 87 people in Australia who know the actual facts. Effectively, I am a person without a party, I have no particularly loyalty to any of them. They are dullards at best and self-serving liars for the most part. Nothing they do surprises me.

4 06 2010
SD

Miss Dahl that was heartfelt….I am totally on the same page re parties & pollies.

4 06 2010
Chris

Whilst I agree whole-heartedly with the last three sentences of your post Miss Dahl, I feel I must strongly protest the sentiment expressed previously, to wit – “Without the benefit of updated statistics, I would guess that there are probably 87 people in Australia who know the actual facts.”

An assumption like that speaks to an attitude of intellectual superiority whilst lacking the cranial athleticism required to legitimise the assumed position of intellectual elitism, in much the same vein as the bogan itself.

5 06 2010
miss dahl

@chris – sounds like you are assuming you’re not one of the 87 …

5 06 2010
James Hunter

Chris,….and you intellectual athleticism is not mearly “calesthetics with words” ?
Hmmmmmmm

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ miss d

hahahah you called Abbott a person…

My sentiment exactly re choosing who to vote for. I was a democrats voter back in the early days, but they sold us out. I went begrudgingly back to labour because Howard was and is a moron and his eyebrows hypnotise me.

Now I find myself flip flopping between donkey voting for the first time or voting greens. This is really the first election I have not known what to do.

5 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinky we all used to BAHAHAHA ifn you vote donkey you have to change to HEHAWAWAWAWAW

4 06 2010
James Hunter

Except USA wherte there is an anomolous concentration in the ranks of capitalist financiers/share traders/bankers. It appears to have a flow on to their politicians and lobyists.

4 06 2010
Snag

And at least you Americans have the choice of whether you want to vote. Mind you, if voting was not compulsary in Australia, I wonder if anyone would actually show up to vote.

Also, I believe Australia needs a proportional lower house voting system. To me, it doesn’t seem entirely fair that a party like the Greens can get ~10% of the vote and win maybe a seat or two. It might give us some variety to have broad coalition governments and it also means our votes might actually count for something, rather than getting lost with 20,000 bogan votes to the majors.

4 06 2010
miss dahl

People who don’t bother to vote shouldn’t complain at all then.

5 06 2010
James Hunter

and people who dont belong to a political party cant take place in the selection of candidates so they shouldnt complain about non of em worth voting for.

5 06 2010
miss dahl

@James Hunter – not quite sure what you mean with: “… cant take place in the selection of candidates so they shouldnt complain about non of em worth voting for” ?

5 06 2010
James Hunter

MissD,
Candidates for all the parties, which accounts for almost all the House of Reps candidates and most of the senate, are selected at meetings of political parties. Labour party for Monaro , say, selects labours candidate for Monaro and so on. It is self evident then that if you belong to no party then you take no part in selecting any candidate. To my mind you have therefore given up the right to critise the quality of candidates.
I accept that it is a bit of a long bow but it is similar to the people at fault for everything in society argument. “They”are at fault. The effemeral “They”. Never you because you voted for them or you because you didnt vote at all. everyone wants to complain but not to take part in the system and make changes for the better.lazy lot of buggers arnt we.?

5 06 2010
miss dahl

@James Hunter – I’ve always voted and I’m not on any handouts – you will agree that I can call it exactly as I see it!

5 06 2010
James Hunter

Mis D,
I would never suggest otherwise. We all should only ever call things as we see them, remembering too , that we are the only person that we have to live the rest of our life with.
Point too is that i never suggested that people who dont vote have any rights to complain ,they are afterall , outside of the feedback loops that are supposed to keep our version of “democracy” working

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ SD

Still think you should let us come up with a new handle.

I was thinking “Foolish Round-Eye” but that’s just me 😉

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

“A $38.5 million multimedia assault on the bogan’s frontal lobe was immediately in the works, ”

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh so funny

4 06 2010
James Hunter

Pinky,
Think on this a moment, The reason they need so much amunition (advertising) is because the target ( bogan frontal lobe) is so small.
See … Simple !!

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

Bloody hilarious though… Assuming bogan’s have brains at all. I always imagined them sharing one. 😛

4 06 2010
Baysie Bogan

Let’s think about the cornerstones of all good super funds… Rio and BHP. We are all shareholders enjoying the benefits of super profits. I just hope I still have enough in my super when I retire to get a brand new Chevroholden V8 Ute.

4 06 2010
cynic

So, on bribes, you’d think that the gov would be doing the exact opposite to raising cigarette prices. The bogan doesn’t like paying 15 bucks for a pack of Winnie Blues. But, uhh as an educated, left wing sponge on society I also enjoy smoking. Err, GO STORM!!112

4 06 2010
miss dahl

Precisely, and because of that, the taxes have to be raised in order to fund Medicare (for a start) to take care of all the young smokers in their dotage. Taxes, theoretically, are what provides our infrastructure: roads, public service, Medicare etc. Without it, then we may as well be another third world shithole, because if the bogans have any majority say in the matter, then we are hell-bound.

4 06 2010
cynic

It’s okay. I have private health care to fund a better class of douche-bag doctor when I eventually bite the big one. That or I plan on casting myself adrift on a hollow log, stocked with Vicks chest rub and benzedrex inhalers.

4 06 2010
west_melb_antibogan

Home come bogans don’t like the RSPT?

The word Tax has an “x” in it.

Maybe the Govt should market it as a new TaxXx that is maxXxtreme.

the bogan will once again be onside.

4 06 2010
pb

the maxxx taxxx maybe?

4 06 2010
Pandabater

As usual I am confused. When the RSPT was announced, what was it 3-4 weeks ago (Seems like years) someone on ABC Radio said he couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about because the Minerals Council of Australia suggested the RSPT after a request from the govt. for ideas to change the way that the industry is taxed. It is the same system that the petroleum indstry has & we have not heard a complaint from them. Now The Minerals Council is playing ads against it. WTF is going on?

4 06 2010
Mick

The MCA is a bit cranky because the government didn’t implement exactly as their submission to the Henry Review suggested.

Some commodities were to be exempt, company tax was to be lowered to 25% not 28% and the new tax should kick in at 11% profit instead of 6%…whatever that means.

4 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

It’s an election year Pandabater, they are digging up what ever they can to try and win.

If you haven’t seen it, I strongly suggest you watch The Hollowmen. Best Aussie political satire EVER.

4 06 2010
Pandabater

P!nky, I have watched a few episodes of The Hollowmen, agree with you there.

“They are digging up what ever they can to try and win” He He, you made funny.

5 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Panda

You should watch it from beginning to end over the electoral period, its amazing how accurate the show is…Almost frightening.

I have my moments of funny…not as often as I’d like though. 😀

5 06 2010
James Hunter

Clarke nad Boyle after Kerrie Obrian aint bad or on radio Cactus

5 06 2010
Tombarina

IMHO, the second-best Australian political satire.

I’d give the gold medal to The Games (John Clark, Brian Dawe, Gina Riley, et al).

Friends and colleagues who work, or have worked, in senior political spin and policy/advisory roles, abhor both The Games and The Hollowmen. The trauma of seeing their working lives paraded verbatim on the screen is too much to bear.

5 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

@ Tombarina,

You are right. I must see that again, I only saw a couple of episodes.

Lachy Hulme and Merrick Watts are on my “Get Yer Knickers Off List” 😉

5 06 2010
P!nky Has A Bra!n

PS. I believe the same can be said for Frontline. 😉

11 06 2010
martin

Love the Hollowmen. Where is season 3 already? Hurry up Frontline/The Panel guy. 😀

11 06 2010
chubbybloodfart

I, for one, have stiff nipples at the use of words like “distribution of wealth”.
I thought the ALP had gone faaar away from that sort of language and ideology.
I’m tipping socialism to be the next big thing.
Intl Mkts going to govts for handouts,
worlds biggest economy is centrist,
banks being nationalised…

help me James
will we get little books?
what colour will they be?

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